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clavis-baby · 3 years

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Songs that You would listen to After a Breakup with The Brothers

(Lucifer,Mammon,Satan,Asmo)

I’m so sorry I was listening to reckless and it made me feel something (also I’ve never dated anyone sooo shhh)

Also I tried to add at least 3/4 to every brother but I realized they all had a Olivia Rodrigo song so sorry about that also I tried not cross over the same songs 😅

Also Spotify Playlist!!!

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Lucifer

enough for you - Olivia Rodrigo

Okay so first Olivia track honestly I know we all cried to her whole album don’t deny it but essentially I felt that with the lyrics I wore makeup when we dated“'Cause I thought you'd like me more If I looked like the other prom queens” and “Tried so hard to be everything that you liked” I feel like Lucifer would expect that his lover to be perfect honestly this song really would work well with both of Satan and Lucifer so deciding between them was pretty hard but the pushing point for me to put this with Lucifer was the lyric “But I don't think anything could ever be enough”

Without me - Halsey

(Ugh I love Halsey so much and her baby soon!!!) Anyway!! For Lucifer I really think that his pride would’ve gotten in the way of all of his relationships he’s ever had but “Feeling so high but too far away to hold me You know I'm the one who put you up there Name in the sky Does it ever get lonely?” Just screams Lucifer and how the chorus keeps on saying “I said I'd catch you if you fall” ahh perfect (could also work for Asmo)

I knew you were trouble - Taylor Swift

Won’t lie but embarrassed that I choose this song but it works for Lucifer sooo whatever but the chorus really is a fairly good start I feel like anyone who has a brain (even tho MC really doesn’t) dating Lucifer wouldn’t be particularly 100% safe but whatever he’s most people’s favorites again I used to love this song but don’t anymore so when I looked up songs about break ups (yes I did that) and Trouble came up I relistened and with these lyrics I had to include it No apologies “He'll never see you cry Pretends he doesn't know That he's the reason why”

Let Me down Slowly - Alec Benjamin

Now if this was a cheating thing and he did cheat this would be like the absolute BEST SONG!! But tbh this is a pretty good song for any breakup I feel like…OH WELL! :) the first lyric FIRST LYRIC “This night is cold in the kingdom” I felt represented his pride idk how to explain but idk T-T I can explain the rest tho >~< “I once was a man with dignity and grace Now I'm slippin' through the cracks of your cold embrace” once again pride but with “Could you find a way to let me down slowly? A little sympathy, I hope you can show me” I really hc that almost with all the boys but especially with Lucifer they just would not care about cheating after they maybe got a rush would leave you instantly once that “rush” is/was gone

Mammon

(I’m a sucker for him im sorry I put all the most emotional songs with him)

Reckless - Madison Beer

This was the song that inspired this whole post!! (Sadly, it made me feel things) But this song really could be used for Belphie and maybe a hint of Asmo but Mammon was the first person I thought about when listening to this song so it’s mammon. Mammon I just feel like behind all the tunsdere act he really promises us so much like obviously the protection but Reckless just show us within the lyrics “I still have the letter you wrote When you told me that I was the only girl You'd ever want in your life” and even this lyric with his whole first man thing and even him asking us to come to him for protection “You might love her now, but you loved me first Said you'd never hurt me, but here we are” it just is so good 😭

Love me or leave me - little mix

So if you even skim through these Mammon songs and know about my posts I love him so much so even though what I said in Lucifers part about them not caring about cheating and stuff I feel like Mammon might care just because of how much he promises things also I read a lot of fanfics with what I just said “And you're turning away like you hate me Do you hate me? Do you hate me? Oh” tbh because of this lyric I did think for a moment to use this song for Satan but Uhhh this is really emotional song and I love my bby “Do you remember when you loved me once What happened? What happened? And you'd hold me here just because” LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME HERE!!!

Be Alright - Dean Lewis

This song I feel like was a bit more for me sooo yeah also remember what I said about how I hc that almost with all the boys that they just would not care about cheating after they maybe got a rush with you they would leave you instantly once that “rush” is/was gone wel I sort of want to believe mammon wouldn’t and his greed gets in the way (who am I kidding I’m just making excuses for my baby) but I’m going to continue on what I just said because Umm well I can do uh “You start to tremble and your voice begins to break You say the cigarettes on the counter weren't your friend's They were my mate's”

(I couldn’t find anymore songs that I felt that would fit him 😭)

Asmo

Ex best friend - Machine gun Kelly

When I was writing this originally there was going to be like 4 parts of all the characters but then once I realized how many songs and I couldn’t think of any for others and how I wanted to add an explanation I gave up on that but originally it was going to also be cheating songs, fall outs, then just aftermaths of breakup songs which to be honest this song really could fit with the after math and cheating songs I feel like Asmo and his SO are more likely a not able to quit each other sort of thing “We're both drunk on the elevator When I kissed you for the first time in New York City, uh” and even near the end of the first season the only little part we sort of get from character development from Asmo when we was drunk explains what he was sort of saying “I swear to God, I never fall in love Then you showed up, and I can't get enough of it I swear to God, I never fall in love I never fall in love, but I can't get enough of it First off, I'm not sorry I won't apologize to nobody You play like I'm invisible Girl, don't act like you ain't saw me” personally I do think that inside Asmo might be insecure and a bit sensitive on the inside but I could be wrong

When the party’s over - Billie Eilish

Wow I have the lyrics up and I just realized this 3 minute song has barley lyrics but the song still fits Asmo so.

traitor - Olivia Rodrio

Even tho that all these songs were on cheating I tend to hc that Asmo isn’t a huge fan of solo partnership because of the title avatar of lust so I feel like in maybe the beginning of a relationship he would promise to you that he would be there for you but would maybe end up not staying true to his words I forgot who but someone else explained why they don’t believe that Asmo wouldn’t be able to go with out having a Polly relationship

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I’ve had this in my drafts for so long and wanted to post this but at this point I’ve just can’t add anymore so this is my lazy part

Boys like you - Anna Clendening

Satan

Again I’m lazy rn but I wanted Satans part to show just pure madness and anger but also as time progress just sadness for Satans pure side also anything that had to do with books or a story I added for u know Satan loving books

I’m not mad - Halsey

Moral of the story - Ashe

Blue - Madison Beer

#obey me #obey me shitpost #shall we date #shall we date lucifer #leviathan #obey me shall we date #lucifer #obey me beelzebub #shall we date mammon #obey me asmo #shall we date asmodeus #shall we date satan #Spotify

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rinusagitora · 3 years

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You’re in all my dreams.

Fandom: Bleach

Characters: Karin Kurosaki, Toushirou Hitsugaya, Momo Hinamori, OC- Mae Izumi

Pairings: HitsuKarin

Words: 2.2k

Summary: Shinigami!Karin AU. For HitsuKarin Week 2021. WARNINGS- mentions of suicide, dysfunctional families; Karin graduates Shin'ou and shares her dreams with Toushirou.

AO3

For the last six years, Karin dreamed of the day she’d graduating from cadet to officer and don the shihakusho like everyone she ever admired.

It was an anxious future filled with wonder and promise she never knew back in the World of the Living. Going from cadet to captain of a small force was going to be quite the culture shock, perhaps even more than the cold water of the river where she drowned. But she made it, and it made her much more confident in her ability. Officers were chosen from a pool of graduates and turnover was infrequent since few officers passed away in peacetime. It made competition fierce and even rarer that a graduate obtained a seated position out of the gate.

She was equal parts nervous and excited. For the time being, all Karin wanted to do was enjoy the graduation bonfire.

Mae toppled onto the log, sloshing rice wine onto Karin’s lap. She laughed. “I’m sorry! I’m sooo hammered.”

“No worries. I think I’ve puked on you more times than you’ve spilled on me.”

“Indeed, we swapped roles tonight.” Mae tapped Karin’s nose. “Tonight, of all nights, you choose to be reserved. Why?”

Karin hummed and swirled beer. “I’m nervous, I think.”

“It’s a big change.” Mae looked over the crowd. “Where are Hinamori-fukutaichou and Hitsugaya-taichou? I expected them, of all people, to be here.”

Karin’s reikaku grazed the crowd. Momo was there, just chaperoning. Keeping firelight between bodies like a puritan. Perhaps rightfully so. They were the new faces of the Seireitei. It was better not to romp in the woods right over poison ivy before recruitment day. Pussy itch was a different kind of awful. The kind of awful where Karin, who was once impaled, ended up curling up on the floor crying while Izuru healed her crotch and Shuuhei and Renji laughed in the next room.

The crowd parted for Momo like river water around stones. She stopped before Karin, and Karin smiled at her mentor. “Hi, Momo-senpai.”

Mae nodded. "Hinamori-sama."

"Izumi-chan, I hope you're enjoying the festivities."

"Oddly enough. It's strange letting loose… but I see where Karin-chan's alcoholism comes from. Dancing while intoxicated is liberating."

"Indeed." Nonetheless, Momo cocked her head and curiously looked over Karin. Karin knew the jig was up from there. She and Ryuuji were normally in the center of the action, and Karin hadn't so much as howled or toasted once that evening.

“Leave us, Izumi-chan.”

Mae managed to right herself and bowed to excuse herself. Gracefully, Momo took a seat beside Karin as she cursed internally. She didn't want to talk about it, but Momo always dragged out her bad feelings and laid them in the open.

“It’s odd you’re not out enjoying the festivities. This is your… thing.”

“It’s just really hitting me that I’m going to be a shinigami,” Karin told Momo. “I’ve been working toward this goal for six years. What do I do from here?”

Momo laughed. “Six years is a blink of an eye for the majority of us.” She held Karin’s shoulders. “There will be plenty to do, Karin-chan.”

“I can’t believe we’re all in a squad just after graduation, though.”

“Who? Izumi and Kawashima?” Karin hummed affirmatively in response to Momo, who then grinned. “Believe it or not, Iba-taichou wanted Watanabe. I think Watanabe is in for a reality check.”

“You are far too happy over that.” Karin couldn’t help but share Momo’s thrill, however. Chousuke Watanabe was a thorn in her side for six years, being her friend Ryuuji’s tormentor. Tetsuzaemon would straighten him out. The very picture of manhood and chivalry according to Momo. It was far too rewarding imagining Chousuke getting reamed by a six-foot wall of meat and battle scars.

"Bias is something I never shied away from. It's been a driving force in my life, for better or worse." Momo kissed Karin's forehead. "For best, in your case. You've been family since the moment I laid eyes on you, Karin-chan. My own in many ways. Every obstacle you've faced, you've overcome, and are better for it. I am so proud of how far you've come, and I'm so glad to have played a part in it."

Karin smiled bashfully. At least she had Momo.

Momo lovingly jostled Karin. There it was. Momo buttered up Karin just enough and was about to get her to bust open a can of worms. "What's on your mind?"

"I just… I thought Toushirou would be here. I haven't seen him all day today."

"I'm not supposed to tell you, but," Momo whispered, grinning, "he's preparing something special. Be patient."

Her heart pattered. "Oh." Of course he was. She was a little ashamed that hadn't occurred to her earlier as if they hadn't developed years of trust and affection, or at least a solid friendship. Nonetheless, Momo stroked Karin's hair, reminding her she was only human, that something so little wouldn't ruin everything.

Speaking of… Karin picked up on a familiar, icy reiatsu approaching. It was Toushirou, still in uniform. She smiled and Momo tapped her on her nose.

"See?"

"Not yet, but he's coming." Momo only rolled her eyes in response to Karin's lame joke.

"I'll leave you now. Enjoy your night, Karin-chan."

"Thanks, Senpai. I love you."

"And I love you."

Toushirou was still in uniform with his hands tucked into his sleeves. As he passed, Karin's fellow cadets parted and bowed to him. He ignored the attention, however, instead sporting a smile as he found Karin on her log.

He'd undergone hormone therapy in recent years to trigger a growth spurt. And he'd grown up to be a handsome young man, with looks rivaling stars in the World of the Living with access to renowned surgeons.

"I hope you've been enjoying yourself," he said. He took a seat next to her. He smelled like flowers. "I never attended these things, truthfully."

"Did you want to try dancing?" Karin asked.

"Well… I don't know," he said. Toushirou pulled a modest bouquet of daffodils from his sleeve, tied off with a turquoise ribbon. "It's not a big gift, I know, but I hope it reminds you that you're always welcome in juubantai."

Gingerly, Karin took his bouquet and smelled them. They smelled like spring. "I love them," she said. "Thank you."

She pressed a kiss against Toushirou's cheek, and he happily hummed. "I'm glad you like them. It's hard buying gifts for you."

"As if."

"It's true," he replied. "All Matsumoto wants is a day off, Hinamori loves spices and tobacco, and the boys are happy with some sake. You, on the other hand, easily get your hands on sake and tobacco, and hate downtime." Toushirou crossed his legs. "I should've consulted my sister."

Karin frowned. "But I like them…"

"The flowers? But they're such a lazy gift," he scoffed.

"I like everything you give me." She smiled. "Really, thank you. I love them."

He laughed bashfully. "Well, I'm glad."

Together they sat amid drums and singing and firelight, swaying with it, until Toushirou asked, "I don't want to take you from your friends, but I’m not enjoying myself here. Do you mind going elsewhere?"

"We can leave," Karin said. "Where do you want to go?"

"Someplace quiet where we can see the stars."

Her cheeks were warm at the idea. How romantic.

Karin bashfully followed behind Toushirou, holding his hand as he guided her away from the bonfire. When it was dark, he illuminated the way with kidou, assured in every step. A gorgeous man. He'd grown into his looks. His cheekbones were high, his shoulders broad. She could swoon until early morning over his handsome shape.

Up a hill, through a grove, and up a steep path, until they reached the peak of a sheer cliff. The stars above looked like a river of life. They didn't twinkle but were a steady pathway carved in the sky. Karin fell onto the grass and marveled. "Wow. When did you find this, Toushirou?"

"Not long ago. I wouldn't keep this from you without a good reason." He smiled at her. Sitting, he said, "Do you like it?"

"Yes!" Karin nigh tackled Toushirou and kissed his cheek. "It's beautiful."

"I should've brought wine."

"This is perfect." Karin laid her head on Toushirou's shoulder. Together they stared into the stars. She searched for constellations but found none she recognized. "Do you think the World of the Living and the Soul Society have different stars?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. No one spends time looking up in the Soul Society. Those who do, don't seem to have the technology contributing to significant findings," Toushirou replied. "I'm not much of an astronomer either."

"You're a man of the law."

He laughed bashfully. "Aye."

Karin drew pictures in the stars herself. Birds, men, kitchenware, like she remembered from her human life not so long ago. Six years was nothing compared to how long her peers lived, was it? Not Momo, who was approaching a century and a half. Not even Toushirou, well into his seventies by that point. But Karin couldn’t remember the names of the stars or where to find them in the sky. How much longer did she have until she overwrote their patterns with other things? How much longer until her sad mortal history was forgotten in a sea of everything else?

There weren’t immediate answers to her questions, but Karin was fine with that. She said, "I remember hoping a rope would drop from the sky and drag me by the neck. Put me out of my misery."

"Understandable," Toushirou replied.

"I'm so much happier here. It's not always easy, but..."

"Slow and steady?"

"Yeah. Slow and steady wins the race. And I'm glad to be with you for it."

"So," Toushirou said, "no more sky-ropes to hang you until you're dead?"

She giggled. "Not anymore. I don't fancy myself a pirate, anyway."

He hummed. "I had a dream some time ago. Similar to yours... although I remember it being less grizzly," Toushirou confessed. She pulled her gaze from the starlight and saw him cloaked in darkness. Still, his eyes shined with wonder. Adoration. "A dream that assured me you're the love of my life."

"Go on," she said.

"I was being puppeteered by the sky. Dragged around day in and day out. And I saw the strings on you, into the sky as far as my eyes could see. And yet despite time, and fate, and all the horridness that plagued life for some time, we fought to be together." He clasped her hand. "Our strings became tangled and pink like cherry blossoms in spring. Like sunset. And... and I never want those strings freed." His blue-green eyes met hers. They made her melt like her body was hot wax in a leather bag. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Karin."

It felt like forever before she caught her breath. She asked, "Are you proposing?"

"If that's all it takes to spend the rest of my life by your side, and you at my side, I'll fetch a ring now. Propose properly in front of as many people as you like.”

Karin giggled. Picturing Toushirou hopping onto a bar counter, sake raised high, and screaming how deeply he was in love with Karin to their loved ones and peers, was quite a sight to behold! Yet, as anxious as he was to do so, she replied with, "Not at all. But let's make plans down the road. When I'm settled in."

"Of course." Toushirou sighed happily. They kissed. "I'm so in love with you, Karin."

"And I love you."

"I could stay here forever."

Karin hummed. “We have forever to do that…”

He turned to meet her gaze. “But?”

“I want to do more.” She sat up. “We work because we’re more than just lovers. We’re friends, confidants, partners. Warriors and artists and scholars.”

“Of course,” he agreed, propping himself on his palm.

“I want to be married, and I want forever with you, as much as I want-”

Toushirou said, completing Karin’s statement, “More.” He held her hand then. “It’s one of the reasons I love you. My recruitment was necessary. Yours is nothing but-”

“Desire.” She gazed into the stars, searching for divination in the blanket covering a slowly rotating plane.

“Then what more do you want?”

“To give justice and safety to those who have been and yet to be hurt. No one should suffer as I, and we have. I want to tear down the caste system here. Hold nobility responsible for their actions and give power back to the people, and eradicate the symbols of fascism and cruelty. I want to reconnect families. To make the Rukongai safe, so no one’s starving or resorting to crime to survive. And…” Karin turned to Toushirou, her breath stilling as she saw his eyes swimming with adoration. “And I want to mold the next generation to dream as I now dream, and to better the world. And I want to do all of it with you beside me, Toushirou. As equals.”

Toushirou cupped her cheek. He kissed her, and she held his sleeve. “Let’s do it. Together,” he said. Their foreheads touched. “Together always.”

#bleach #shinigami karin au #hitsukarin #hitsukarinweek2021 #karin kurosaki #toshiro hitsugaya #momo hinamori #oc: mae izumi

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ficsnships · 3 years

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Hello y’all! It’s time for another unrequested review of the lastest episode of American Housewife, their 100th episode “Getting Frank with the Ottos”. Sorry that it took me so long to post, I had a lot on my mind and I was trying to put my thoughts in order, still I think I didn’t do a great job, lol.

Before I start, I’d like to say that I freaking loved this episode, it felt like the show went back to what it was before they had to make so many changes due to Covid restrictions and safety measures. What I’ve always loved about the series is, besides Cooliver obviously, the family dynamics between the Ottos. There were always so many great scenes with all the Ottos in the same room, or the Otto kids misbehaving. I think that not being able to have all the actors together at the same time, was what really affected the show. It felt weird Anna-Kat not having any scene with her siblings, or the three of them listening to Katie going off about whatever she was pissed at the moment. Obviously two actresses leaving the show, Doris always on video call, new characters added and old ones not appearing anymore (I need freaking Chloe Brown Muller, Suzanne and Tara Summers back! They were part of Katie’s plot) hit them hard too. So, last episode having all the Ottos plus Cooper, Franklin and Kathryn together was exactly what they and we needed.

There was too much going on this episode, I totally get Daniel finding it hard to live tweet. 😂

Will Greg win city council elections? I think it would be good for him to have a win this season. He’s the best dad and he deserves the best. I thought Principal Ablin’s add was so funny. His family being in Westport for 2000 years? LOL. And Cooper actually believing this. Franklin didn’t hold back with Greg. “Why do you completely lack any sort of backbone?” DAMN! I don’t think Greg let’s people walk over him. He just have a zero conflictive personality. But when he needs to defend himself or his family, he sure does. I liked that he brought Lonnie back, I enjoy his character a lot. And they shootin paintballs at Cooper and Oliver was hilarious.

Anna-Kat had a lot of fun moments. She is super supportive and proud of her boyfriend. And she trying to join the cheerleaders was a huge development for her. I love that Giselle portrays a more mature version of Anna-Kat. I am glad that she and Franklin confronted Katie and Kathryn about their quitter attitude. Of course she was going to be super defensive of Trip, he’s been great with her, I love all their scenes together. She was really mad when she saw Taylor obviously flirting with her TA. Her lines this episode were really funny. “That’s all you’re gonna say to this cheating harlot?’ “What I am trying to say is, you a ho’! Was that modern enough for you?’ LOL she was super angry at Taylor.

I am glad that Katie had the chance to talk about old issues with Kathryin. I understand she was trying to protect Anna-Kat from the dissapointment of not getting in the cheer squad, but still not reason to discourage her. I loved that Kathryn is back, she’s one of my favorite characters always given the best most inappropriate advice to the kids. And her step mother was hilarious “get the fuck over it!” LOL. It was great that they had Katie’s inner monologue back.

While I agree that maybe Taylor and Trip need time to reevaluate their relationship and Taylor feeling like she might have outgrown him, I don’t like the fact that one of the biggest reasons she is feeling like this is because of her feelings for Andre, or any other dude. I think since last season she began questioning her future with Trip, when she wanted to go to Carnegie Mellon (what happened to that plot, though? Why hasn’t it been brought up again?). So she’d find herself at this crossroad eventually. I don’t want them to break up though, Trip is an amazing guy, he is sweet and cares a lot about Taylor and her whole family. He has been an amazing friend to Anna-Kat. Maybe they’ll break up and get back together in the future. He needs to be in that family photo in ten years! Kathryn’s adviced was sooo funny lol, one of the best lines of the episode. “Honey you never quit a job until you’re sure you’ve got another one. Unless you’re willing to hold down to jobs at once” lol 😂😅. Franklin was clearly biased when interviewing her lol.

Franklin was a savage with the Ottos. I am pretty sure Westport Fire Department got a few calls from their neighbors for all the smoke that was coming out of their house after he roasted them. It was so funny how after Cooper and Oliver left Greg’s office upset, Katie and Taylor were a little bit scared of going in.

And what all y’all really want: COOLIVER. Bear with me because I have A LOT to say.

This episode was huge for them, and for us. Starting with Cooper cooking breakfast for Katie, and she being super appreciative. Huevos Ottos lol. Oliver was so excited telling Katie about the app and their plans for Harvard and she barely paid him any attention, Katie don’t be mean. Franklin had no business being that rude to Cooper. I loved how Oliver and Cooper were really happy at the beginning of their interview, finishing each other’s sandwiches sentences and being extra boyfriendish. “You two have what’s called a boy and his dog relationship” “This one follows you around like a lost puppy” “Oliver, you go first. Cooper will follow” he completely roasted poor Cooper 😢. Franklin saying that he follows Anna-Kat because she’s his girlfriend was like, and what do you think it’s happening between these two idiots, Franklin? They missed a huge chance here. 🙄 And of course the HIGHLIGHT of the entire series. Oliver calling Cooper and himself “Cooliver” OMFG! What a time to be alive! 🥰. And was Trevor actually being his own version of nice to Cooper? Glad that Cooper stood for himself this time. And damn, Oliver smiling so proud and in love when Cooper was being praised for his food. And it was pretty lazy writing that Gifty suggested for Cooper exactly the same gift than it did to Oliver. Like, even I am pretty sure Cooper doesn’t follow, like or shares the same content Oliver does. 🤔 It only made them fight and kinda put Oliver in a bad light. Which he didn’t deserve. For someone who doesn’t care at all about other people’s feelings, the fact that Trevor thought Oliver and Cooper were dating, says a lot about their relationship and how other people perceive them. And the biggest character development we got so far this season is Oliver not getting triggered by someone saying that Cooper and him are boyfriends 🤣🤣🤣. Oliver looked so worried after their fight. 😢. It was very sweet and extremely boyfriendish that Oliver got Cooper a gift, and it was obviously custom made. “King of La Cocina”. Cooper looked so happy! 🥰 Oliver called himself Cooper’s boy again. He has done it twice already! And Cooper has called him “my guy”. They both know who Oliver belongs to. Can they be more in love and at the same time so oblivious? And of course Oliver would be supportive of Cooper’s dream, he loves him that much. Cooper looked for culinary schools near Harvard so they can still live together. They are going to spend their live together. If they are just “best friends” why can’t they bear the thought of being apart? These boys are dense. 🙄. I was really hoping that Kathryn would say something to Oliver, in her usual style, about Cooper. I love how Cooper is now cooking for his in laws, I mean the Ottos... 😜 I really loved this episode Cooliver’s scenes. However, I still have some issues with how the writers handled some of the situations.

Where do I start?

Will they ever give Oliver a dream that’s not shallow? I mean, being rich or becoming rich, going to Harvard and then opening a whatever the hell is a boutique hedge fund (I do know now what it is, I had to google it, lol), it seems so insignificant, I don’t know if that’s the right word for what I am trying to say, but is his only goal in life just that? I know that when the series started, Oliver wanted nothing more than becoming so rich he could buy whatever the hell he wanted. But he has grown so much since then. He has a rich not-boyfriend, who always reminds him that being rich is not the same as being happy, who reminds him that he has a family that loves him, that supports him, that cares for him. He has seen first hand what money does to people, Spencer was a lonely man at the end of his days. He has find joy and fulfillment if you will, in helping people. How can his dream still be the dream of a 12 year old child? Oliver deserves better than that. I am not saying they should suddenly make him want to be an astronaut or a doctor or a teacher. He can still be rich, but do something good or meaningful along the way. This kid has a good heart, the writers need to realize that and make something good with him.

I hated how they made Cooper and Oliver fight, and kinda blame Oliver for something that he wasn’t really to blame for. He never forced Cooper to do anything he didn’t want to. He never manipulated him or dismissed him. Maybe I am reading to much into it. But it felt like that was what they were implying. Cooper choosing to follow Oliver wherever, is something that he’s been doing or willing to do since season 3. He told Oliver he’d go with him to that dance boarding school just because he wanted to be with him. He wanted to go to Harvard to be with Oliver. He didn’t care or worried about his future career, because he believed he didn’t need to. He was already rich, and whatever their parents company or business is, it would still be there providing for him. His only constant dream, want, desire or whatever you want to call it, was being with Oliver. He took a fucking plane just to reconcile with Oliver after their stupid fight. Oliver never told him to go with him, but he was happy having him by his side. In a way, I think Oliver’s only crime was being so happy with Cooper’s company and the promise of sharing a future together, that he never stopped and asked himself and Cooper, if Cooper actually wanted that. Cooper saying that he had enough doing only what Oliver wanted was so uncalled for. Because we’ve seen multiple times that Cooper does what he wants. He gets what he wants. He doesn’t just blindly follow Oliver. Frequently, he’s the one making decisions for the both of them. Or the one who comes up with a plan.

What really changed this season, and I actually loved this, is that Cooper stepped out of his comfortable, full of distractions life, that for once he began to feel that he was lacking something. Living with the Ottos, away from his many staff members, his fancy toys and cars, his exotic pets (he once said he had a zebra), from all those things in his mansion that kept him busy and distracted, he had time to do some introspection. When Cooper was feeling that Oliver wasn’t spending enough time with him, and being jealous of Trevor, and most of the fandom quickly blame Oliver and said that he was taking Cooper for granted (something that I don’t really agree with) we were missing the bigger picture here. It wasn’t that Oliver was being a bad friend. If you think about it, Oliver was just living his life and doing the same stuff he usually did. If he had been doing ballet instead of working with Trevor, Cooper would’ve still felt left out. Because it was Cooper who no longer had something to fill his days with. I am not saying that Oliver couldn’t have been more understanding or attentive to Cooper’s feelings. But it goes both ways, I think. They missed a huge oportunity this episode, not only to make them canon, or at least, becoming aware of their feelings. But to explore their relationship. Instead of fighting after Franklin brutal but eye opening assesment, lol. They should’ve had a heart to heart conversation, Oliver could’ve asked Cooper if he actually wanted to go to Harvard. And Cooper should’ve started asking himself why is he so willing to go whetever Oliver goes? Why are they planning on building a future together to the extent they do? Why are they picturing a life together if they are just friends? C’mon! We saw how worried Oliver was when Cooper was feeling like he didn’t have a purpose, how supportive he was when Cooper was exploring stuff to find out what he was good at or passionate about. After their fight, Oliver was so preoccupied, he got Cooper a present that he’d love, to show him that he understands him, that he supports him, that he encourages him to follow his dreams, and that he loves him. So how can you tell me that he didn’t care about Cooper enough to ask him what he wanted to do with his life after what Franklin told them. At least they showed us that Oliver realized that he was so focused on getting into Harvard that he simply assumed Cooper wanted the same, which it seemed he did. Because he never said otherwise. These boys are dumb, really 🙄 (I might’ve lost my point here, lol 😂)

And they keep teasing us! They really need to stop with the gay jokes if they won’t make Cooliver canon. Like I’ve said before, is not cool. And being lgbtq+ is not a joke... I love a good slow-burn romance, I do. But they need to give us something more than just a joke. Or stop already.

Anyway, I think this post is already long enough, lol. And I rambled a lot, sorry again. I did enjoyed this episode, despite what my complaining might suggest. And I love American Housewife, even if I only started watching a few months ago, it came into my life when I was feeling kinda down, and maybe that’s why I hold it close to my heart and love the Ottos so much. I am hoping they get a new season, and as many more as they can get. Let’s hope they do!

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thoughtfulpaperback · 3 years

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CHARMED 03X01 REVIEW SPOILERS!!!!!!!

First of all, I am sooo excited that Charmed is back for season 3. I am honestly so conflicted about this first episode. Entertainment value-wise the episode was a solid 8/10 for me maybe even a 9/10, but it was filled with so many little tropes that bother me that by the end of watching I was left half smiling and half confused and dissatisfied.

But, there was some nice OG Charmed references that I thought were clever so maybe I should go 9/10.

Anyways, I think I'll stick to form. Dislikes first, likes, and then memorable moments.

DISLIKES

1) Jimmy and the memory manipulation/wipe troupe.

I am probably biased because I've hated this move since OG Charmed and especially since Supernatural and its "solution" to Lisa and Ben.

My biggest issue with this sort of thing is that there is no guarantee that changing someone's memories or even how they see themselves/interact with others will PROTECT them.

Granted the girls may not be thinking of protecting Jimmy, but they seem to he continually forgetting that his and Harry's lives are connected. Also that the Faction is everywhere. People believing Jimmy is a good man won't stop people from hurting him or from finding out he has powers. Heck! The guy could get hit by a bus and that's the end of Harry.

I love the sentiment and idea of Jimmy getting a chance to live a life where he isn't carrying the weight of the trauma from being in darkness and believing he is nothing but the bad/irredeemable parts of James (the "whole" person).

I assume because of the fact the potion probably cannot do those things (protect jimmy or strip powers) that we may seem him back if not for the next two episodes, which were supposed to be the end of season 2, then later this season.

2) Mel's Meltdown

So...I have no problem with Mel freaking out about the situation. But I thought they all had collectively done this and moved forward last season. Wasn't that what the whole episode of them getting back thier powers was about? Also, did they really make Mel's freak out about a woman/relationship. Mel who has navigated similar issues seasons past? Mel who gave Maggie a hard time about it last season (technically earlier om the same season since this episode was written to be a part of last season). Growth isn't a straight line to walk and I am okay with similar insecurities and patterns arising in characters behaviors/storyline, but this feels lazy. I want more for and from Mel at this point especially when last season they gave her sloppy and quick "growth and acceptance" storylines (really just a few minutes on the whole of season 2).

3) No explanation of Maggie's power mismanagement

I will say that because her powers are a new development I dont have issue with her not being able to handle them perfectly. If only we could all be automatically perfect at any new skill we want. I take issue with not having a real explanation or solution

Was it an issue of her own repressed emotions making her powers too strong? Was it that these were new emotions she had to try to push onto Mel (chill versus calm in wording). And then the solution was just that the emotions would fade away.

I mean they didn't need a big thing. And the fading away isn't really a big issue with me, but is it unclear because it may happen again? If they don't plan on similar misshaps then I would have preferred to have some understanding of why this was happening to her. But if we something similar later on I can forgive it.

LIKES

1) Hacy

I like that they get right to Macy knowing about what Harry asked Maggie to do. I still felt they hadn't resolved the issue fully at the end of this episode, but I like that everything was laid on the table. I especially love the clarity of thier feelings "I dont want anyone else"/"Neither do I" because some shows take these situations in the direction of having playing up insecurities and jealousy. Aka they spend so much time fighting about how the person wants to be with someone else or being jealous of other relationships the character has *cough* CAOS *cough*. And honestly that was so 2020. I am glad we left that in last year. I crave open and honest communication even if the solution isn't quick and easy.

2) Jordan and Abby's side quest.

I loved Jordan and Harry's day out last season. I think I loved this more.

Not just the possible hints that maybe Abby could be part of a dark trio of sisters, but I love the references to og charmed and the times the girls had to release people from art or got trapped in art. "It happens more often than you think".

I also loved Jordan's sassy-ness with Abby and that reference to Abby and Harry's "deal" last season. Lol to the horrified "Not that!".

The actors did a really good job together and the storyline was strong and entertaining.

3) Viv confirmed mastermind/Julian confirmed dope and more info on black amber.

I mean we knew and it doesn't absolve Julian of blame, but confirming that Vivian's plans have nothing to do with helping or healing and everything to do with amassing power for herself is nice to finally have especially when it gives us more insight into black amber.

Seriously, last season was actually really bad at world building as far as setting up deeper lore. I mean the extent of what black amber can do was still largely a mystery. It can be used to raise the dead, but can't heal human illness????? It can give Maggie and Mel new powers, but couldn't do the same for Macy??? Also how did the girls reach that conclusion given what little we all know of black amber???

Anyways, those plotholes aside, they at least gave us that information. Hopefully it is true and not just misunderstanding.

Moving on....

Episode Highlights

Jimmy riling up Mel: "come on"

Lol

"I just want us"

Jordan to Abby; *grossed out* "Not that."

Viv and Juliana looking at glowing box and talking about magic.

#hacy #harry greenwood #harry x macy #macy vaughn #macy x harry #charmed reboot #charmed spoilers #charmed 2018 spoilers #charmed 2018 #cw charmed #charmed #charmed remake #jordan chase #abigael caine

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rialynne · 4 years

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Little Women Review

I’m feeling incredibly motivated to do this so here we go. To set it up, yes I read little women as a kid and I saw the 1994 version years ago prior to my first viewing. I watched the 1933 and 1949 versions and the 1994 version again before the second viewing.

TLDR: Go watch this Movie I love it, imma buy this blu ray. To me despite structural changes this is the definitive movie adaptation of Little Women.

So initial personal reasons why I’ve always enjoyed this story is that it takes place in Mass; my cousins live in Concord, I grew up in New England and they definitely filmed in New England cause certain scenes. We still have old style buildings around like they have in the film and the landscape, especially for scenes in the fall were absolutely beautiful. Marmee even name drops my home state at one point so shout out there.

Greta Gerwig did an absolutely fantastic job with the adapted screenplay of this movie and I am quite the fan of her decision to split up the structure of the novel and create more flash back sequences to emphasize different events that took place and how that impacted characters. I think the decision to film with a yellow warm tone in the past compared with a blue, cool tone in the adulthood scenes was a smart move as a visual way to explicitly indicate which timeline we are in. The fashion of the ladies and the hairstyles definitely did help with the timeline as well. I also love how they designed the girls hair style and clothing when they were younger to have a piece of Marmee’s style with them to signify a piece of Marmee is in each of her daughters. I also really loved the way that scenes played out, how they were shot, how when a bunch of them where showing conversations that could happen in real life. The dynamics of the march sisters remind me of my own family and there are a few scenes where there was like multiple conversations going on at once and I loved that. Also I love the sound track its on par with the 2005 Pride & Prejudice soundtrack.

For the more minor roles:

Meryl Streep did her thing as Aunt March and was quite hilarious, I loved how she was like no kisses plz and her whole you need to marry wealthy and I didn’t get married cause I’m rich bit. Mr. Lawrence has a beautiful character arc especially with Beth. He did so well with that small role and he really made you feel for the loss of his daughter. John Brook was the sweet respectful man for his wife. Friedrich Bhaer was good as well. Not as many scenes of him as I was previously expecting but I bought the connection he and Jo had and he definitely proved to be an intellectual match for him.

Laura Dern was an excellent Marmee. She really brought the presence that she was the giving, calming presence for all her daughters, especially for Jo. I absolutely love the conversations she had with Jo about her always being angry and for talking to Jo about her not really being in love with Laurie. I felt like that conversation is a really important lesson for everyone to determine if they want to marry someone, to make sure they do marry some one cause they do truly love them and not cause they want to be loved. Mr. Dashwood, the new york city publisher was also a great addition to this story in terms of representing the way publishers were back in the day.

I loved how connected they made all the March sisters feel. They really did make them all feel like one unit in their younger years, that it hurt much more when they are older when their apart. I really Loved watching Jo especially interact with all her sisters and seeing how the dynamics changed over the years. With Meg she relates to her being the oldest siblings and the scene where they talk about their different goals in life right before Meg gets married. Its a lovely scene indicating not one’s goals in life are better than another persons goals. I Love how she cares so much for Beth and looks out for her. The dynamics of Jo and Amy’s relationship was fascinating to watch cause it reminded me a lot of me and my sister and how we bickered a lot, but still deeply care for one another, and eventually were able to respect one another.

I knew going into this movie that Saoirse Ronan was going to kill it as Jo, and she flipping delivered. I love her portrayal as Jo where she is not as too much as the 1933 and 1949 portrayals and yet was very ambitious and likable, very similar to the 1994 portrayal from Winona Ryder. I loved her speech with Marmee about how great women are and how she doesn’t have a life goal to get married but how she is very lonely. That hit hard. Her negotiating for her royalties to her book was a great addition to the end of the story. I feel as if she plays a certain type of character in her movies, but she does it sooo well and in a way that no one else can do justice for it. The relationship between Jo and Amy and Jo and Laurie were great to watch. Amy and Jo are so similar besides a few key differences, and those differences help make their tension believable and turns them into remarkable characters.

I love the take on Beth in this adaptation. They still play her as a sweet and caring individual, one that ultimately leads to her getting sick and dying, but they give her a little more quirky traits and have her say some funny one liners. She has a lot of subtle moments with Jo and Amy especially that makes their reactions to her death feel so real. Emma Watson did a much better job than i expected and gave a surprising amount of depth to Meg. I did really enjoy the sub plot of her buying that fabric for a dress. $50 back then was like close to $1000, and really does show her struggle with wanting to have nice things once in a while. Her speech to Jo about her desires to be a wife and a mother is beautiful. Meg I feel is a difficult role to play due to her calm presence and lack of a super extroverted like personality and Emma made it her own.

Timothee Chalamet is a fantastic Laurie. He did well in balancing Laurie’s immature and lazy side to him while making him endearing. Seeing his love for the March family grow over time was beautiful. His relationship with Jo and Amy were awesome. With Jo, they are a great example of a platonic friendship, especially from when this book was published. I really loved the rejected proposal on the hill. You can see Jo still resisting adulthood still from her sister’s wedding, even when Laurie proposes I think she sees that as the end of childhood for her. Along with that she never had an interest to get married and expresses that she doesn’t love him like that and why they wouldn’t make a good match. The argument doesn’t feel like unrequited love but more like two best friends having a disagreement. His scenes with Amy also highlight his path to adulthood and him learning about love in the process.

AMY MARCH FINALLY GOT HER DUE! About damn time she did. Amy is my favorite character from this adaptation and is the one that surprised me the most. Lord FLORENCE PUGH needs to get a damn nomination because she was fucking amazing. For me she was able to convincingly play a young and adult Amy so well. Amy is a woman who knows what she wants in life and is very determined to get them and work within the current societal circumstances she is in. She is able to push her ego aside to get what she wants. She is so cheeky and energetic when she is younger but becomes more refined and tactful when older. Her burning Jo’s book did indicate her jealousy of her sister and the immaturity of her emotions that over time she has a grip on more as an adult. Her relationship with Aunt March indicates the idea and pressure she has to take care of the rest of her family. When she has her economic proposition speech, you really see how this is adding so much pressure on her, pressure that does influence her choices and behavior later on.

But, my absolute favorite part about Amy’s development over the movie was her relationship with Laurie. I’m so happy Greta really took the time to flush out this relationship. I really love these two together. They are both a really great example of love that evolves over time. The little tid bits in the past with the small moments of Amy and her small crush over Laurie: THE FOOT MOLD, the way young Amy looks at Laurie, her drawing of him at the beach while flirting with Fred Vaughn, talking about how hot he is as a half Italian. All of that was perfection. Everything in Paris with these too was also sooo fantastic. I love it that prim and proper 20 year old lady Amy turns into a kid again when she sees Laurie and just jumping and hugging him, and then Laurie is all like you’re beautiful. when she invites him to the ball and he kisses Aunt March. Her being all like “its Laurie!” and looking back at him with that damn smile, the things that make my heart melt. With Amy and Laurie knowing each other for so long, Amy is able to be real with him and call him out throughout their time in Paris, mainly at the ball when his drunken fuckboi ass waltz in. Also The PAINTING ROOM, lawrd. Amy still shitting on Laurie for his behavior, their conversation about love, Amy’s speech on economic proposition, THE UNBUTTONING OF THE PAINTING SMOCK (that absolutely rivals the Pride & Prejudice 2005 hand touch in terms of sexual tension), Amy being able to be her true self around Laurie, Laurie telling Amy “You look beautiful...you are beautiful” (SWOOON). Then when they at the park: Amy scolding him for being lazy and not taking charge and being responsible, Amy drawing him again and showing him the older picture, Laurie telling Amy not to marry Fred “don’t marry him. Why? you know why.”, Amy realizing what hes implying and being all like Naw don’t you dare fam I’ve always been second to Jo “I won’t do it. Not when I have spent my entire life loving you.”. Laurie finally grew a pair and went off to London to make something of himself and Amy turning down Fred’s proposal realizing she wants to marry for love. Them reuniting in Paris after Beth dies, and being alike i wont let you travel alone even if you despise me, which Amy says she doesn’t despise him. And she states she aint marrying Fred and then rambles on and LAURIE KISSES HER GOD BLESS HE DO LOVE HER. and wow. Their love story is one of the most satisfying love story arcs I’ve seen in a long time.

Any ways that’s my long ass Review of Little Women 2019. GO watch it in theaters if you can. I will buy it and stream it when it comes out of theaters. This is the definitive adaptation for me and I think it will hold up well as an amazing period drama for years to come.

#little women #little women 2019 #jo march #amy x laurie #amy march #laurie #theodore lawrence #beth march #marmee #meg march #movie review

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a-deadly-serenade · 3 years

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i am CONVINCED that the writers and staff of robin hood thought that they’d be green-lit for a fourth season which is why there’s such a huge dissonance b/w the first and last last half of s3.

i think it really becomes prominent at the end of s3ep7, after robin and isabella escape the well and robin urges that they need to rescue kate before they leave. the sudden shift in isabella’s character is so sudden and i havent stopped thinking about it since i rewatched the whole season. it’s so... out of place? we spend two episodes dedicated to developing her as an almost antithesis to her brother, almost akin to the chivalry of marian with how she uses her wits to seduce the men in power in order to further her own goals. but then this all gets thrown out the window for... no reason?? i think this is when bbc was like, “hey look this show isn’t getting as many viewers as it once did so we can’t justify how expensive it is to produce so we’re going to be cutting it off our schedule to make room for other shows we want to make” and then made isabella go a-wall and shoddily throw together a story to make HER the villain, along with all the other cazy shit they add.

it’s like... ah yes, this woman who was sold into an abusive marriage in her tender teens, who was shown to still be relentlessly belittled and abused, is definitely who you want to make the villain guys :) they make her turn against robin and for what?? because he wants to save kate?? a member of his GANG??

like she gets so UNCHARACTERISTICALLY upset when he confesses he can’t envision the future she described realistically happening because of who he is and the kind of life she lives. if the writers had been smart and handled this with actual finesse, Robin could have easily realized that the two of them were so drawn to each other based on the current circumstances. he fell in love with her charisma, her cunning tactics, her sense of independence and constant defiance towards those around her that reminded him so much of Marian. and i’m sure Isabella was drawn to Robin for his kindness, his own charm, how he fights so valiantly to ensure the safety and prosperity of those we often forget about, maybe even silently wishing that she had met someone like him during her many years as Thornton’s wife. they’ve both suffered betrayal and heartache, so, yeah, it doesn’t surprise me that they hit it off so quickly. but for some reason they want to keep peddling the terrible sub-plot of kate and robin becoming an item, which i could write a WHOLE other post about, so i guess the best option is??? this???

make her defy the prince!! with Guy basically placing a death sentence on himself by attacking John in the dungeons, she has no one to rely on anymore!! he was the one that provided her protection but now that’s gone. it’s so DUMB that they made her immediately cling to John, when one of the themes they constantly hammer in, esp in s3ep9, is that she HATES men!! hates them!! they’re liars!! manipulators!! she knows the prince is crazy, why would she ally with him?? AGH

here, sweetie, i know writing is hard but let me help you out:

picture the three of them, Robin, Isabella, and Kate escaping Nottingham and they decide that it is no longer safer for Isabella so Robin will hook her up with some money, supplies and send her off to some acquaintances in a far off county. she can start anew, find her place in the world and live her life without having to be tied down. Lord Sheridan could stick around as the actual sheriff and that would make more sense to the eventual tie-in of Vasey showing up for the finale. in fact, that would be even MORE reason for Vasey to want Nottingham back, there’s someone in his seat!! Blamire man could turn on Sheridan, paralleling the loyalty Vasey wished Guy kept for him till the end.

have ‘a dangerous deal’ take place earlier, giving more time for Guy to develop his relationship with the outlaws and come to terms with more of the things he’s buried inside himself for so long. when it comes time for Robin and Guy to look for Archer (yes u can keep your dumb plot-twist bbc) Isabella could have found herself in York, maybe she works at the bar they go to?? mayyybe she knows who Archer is and is shocked when these two dummies show up and say that it’s their half-brother. ONE of the strongest themes in the show is found family!!!! these two families, who have suffered so much tragedy, can finally become one again and work together to ensure the prosperity of england. Like… was that really so hard?

s3 has just so much wasted potential but Isabella really got the brunt of the stick on this one. she was so engaging and fun in the first two episodes she’s in but really becomes unbearable the further along she’s in the series. like there’s nooo wayy y’all spend sooo much time trying to shove this love triangle of isabella/robin/kate down our throats only to throw it away because ‘ooooh she’s craaazyy see?’ lazy!!! LAZY and i HATE IT!!! isabella deserved soo much better

#bbc robin hood #this is.... word vomit #but a mutual was reblogging about isabella #and i had to add my 2 cents

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bow-woahh · 5 years

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Spop Fic recs (Catradora)

(finally)

Hello Catradora trash can's today I finally give you what I've been promising for MONTHS - a fanfic rec list. Because, if you didn't already know, I read A LOT of Catradora fanfic, probably too much and although I'm definitely not the best judge of...anything, I really wanted to make this post, so here it is, weeks late.

(it's a long one though)

I’ve written my full opinions n shit on like the first 10 multi chapters and one shots because there’s a lot lol, and some I remember better than others (tbf I've re read all of them at this point), but yeahhh. For the others, I’ll describe it in less detail and a bit more jokily lol.

I'm sorry I haven't just linked all the fics bit I just want this to be out of my drafts loll, and I can assure you most of these are pretty easy to find, I apologise for the laziness though haha

Also I’ve tried to find the all the authors tumblr or other social media, but I couldn’t for all of them which sucks, so if you happen to be the author and I left you out, please comment :)

Anyway, Y'ALL NEED TO GET ON MY LEVEL SOOO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO HERE YOU GO:

(here's a key first)

Key:

(o) = ongoing

(f) = finished

[G]=General

[T] =Teen and up Audiences

[M]=Mature

[E]=Explicit

Multi-chapters:

1. Upper West Side by ceruleanstorm (o) 100,000+ words

@princessofgayskull

[Modern AU] [T]

This fic is so amazing!! It goes so deep into their psychology and past and damn is it hilarious at time. Also, I love the premise of it - Catra is a Uber driver and Adora ends up as her passenger. It's a fairly slowburn as it goes deep into the two girls' lives and really gives time for the relationship to develop naturally and that is honestly really appreciated because it makes the good moments between the two even better and more rewarding if I'm honest. A lot of angst though. All the other characters we know and love are also written amazingly in it too, and are made equally important. All in all, I love this fic and everything about it!

As of writing it has fairly infrequent updates, but each chapter is 10-20k+ words and has 9/12 chapters so...there’s a lot.

2. For my Sake by doublepasse (f) 100,000+ words

@doublepasse-writes

[Canon Compliant][E]

The story and world building is just - WOAH. This one is quite the slowburn but boy is it worth it. It's set a couple months to a year after season one, where Catra finally captures Adora but the tables turn very quickly when capturing her nearly results in her death, which Catra (unsurprisingly) didn’t want. The story has some BIG plot twists and is definitely one of the best canon universe Catradora fics I’ve ever read and the ending was very satisfying, but also open ended, BECAUSE there’s a part 2 coming and I couldn’t be more excited!

(Also, there is one chapter with nsfw content in it, but it has a sfw version)

3. Skinny Love by Maychup (o) 89,000+ words

@maychup

[Canon Compliant][M]

Another amazing fic that takes place in the canon universe that has such great world building, and is very plot heavy. It takes place days after the S1 finale and goes from there basically. The premise of it is similar to many fics and one shots you’ve probably read - sleeping with the enemy. From the first chapter it seemed like it could have easily been a five chapter easy redemption fic but nooooooo, it goes a lot LOT deeper. I feel like this fic did such a great job on character development, Catra’s specifically, she grows so much throughout the fic. She is also such a mother to all her Horde pals in this and I love that haha.

At the time of writing, it’s still ongoing, and boy am I excited to see where it goes. It’s also super angsty and has a fair-ish amount of smut so be warned!

4. The Heiress and The thief by Fuhadeza (f) 58,000+ words

@fuhadeza

[Regency AU][M]

As it says in the fic summary, it is literally the She-Ra regency AU I never knew I wanted likeeee, it’s so good! Premise - Adora is taken by Lady Brightmoon, leaving her boarding school, and her best friend behind, Catra, and everything is fine until her old friend face resurfaces. This one had me screaming at times (most of them did, but this especially). It was a really enjoyable read and I honestly loved the way the author dealt with love and the way Adora dealt with her feelings and just ahhh- read it.

5. Faded with feelings by yesimgay (f) 24,000+ words

[Roomates AU][T]

This fic. I read this a WHILEEE ago but to this day this is one of my favourite fan-fics ever like it’s hilarious, and fluffy and unproblematic and sometimes you need that tbh. Everything you need to know is established in the first chapter but the way it is done feels so natural, as if it’s just Adora‘s or Catra’s thoughts and I love it. Also the premise is GREAT - Catra has ADHD and smokes weed to help with it, and Adora accidentally takes an edible, which is when shenanigans start to ensue.

6. Dream of Me by DBsean (f) 18,000+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

Although it is on the shorter side with only five chapters, this was another fic that was so so good in quality and premise. For whatever reason, Catra and Adora start sharing dreams, enabling them to share moments together that they (unfortunately) can't have in real life, due to them being on opposite sides of the war, and in turn - enemies. The angst in this fic literally KILLED ME, and the characters dialogue is so good as well! I also recommend you check out some of the authors other fics, they're all great!

7. we've been making shades of purple out of red and blue by darklady21(o) 19,000+ words

[Roomates AU][M]

Another Roomates AU, bUT instead of being best friends, the two barely know each other, or interact at all...GREAT RIGHT?!? Honestly though, I think the author did a great job in making it not seem too rushed, especially in the setup and establishing how although they know each other, they DONT know each other, so the first couple chapters are basically that stage where they are learning more about each other and leaving stupid post it notes around the house, and it just feels so natural and great! Updates aren’t super regular, but there’s already nine chapters (as of writing) so definitely check it out, as well as their other works too!

8. Razorback by Starr_Reborn(o) 22,000+ words

[Canon Divergence AU][M]

Apparently, the author wrote this with the intent of it being fluffy. From the title you can tell that is NOT the case. At all. This one HURTS. This is very very angsty, and also has some themes of rape in it, so if that kinda thing triggers you I might wanna skip out on this one. It is a really good fic though and stands out from a lot of the others because of the way it is written. Chapters aren’t usually longer that 1000 words and the writing style is quite disjointed at times, and it a lot of the time a stream of consciousness. At times it can even be a little confusing or hard to follow, but I find it makes it even more interesting, and also means it will probably be a fic I come back to once completed. It is genuinely so unpredictable, I have no clue where it’s going, but I really love it for that!

9. Sunflower by TechnoSkittles (f) 6000+ words

@technoskittles

[High School AU][G]

Oh, BOY. Oh boyyy. This fic - it's 8 chapters and only 6000 words yet the story is just- Ahhh READ IT. It's so good! And like the author in general is so amazing at writing like check out all their works (especially their latest one shot omg I loved it). Anyway, read this, it's not too long, it's cute and also genuinely surprising, the ending was not something I saw coming AT ALL, so YEAH!

10. I like me better when I'm with you by lesbians_harold(f) 22,000+ words

@lesbians-harold

[High School AU][T]

Just a nice, fun, fluffy high school, friends to lovers AU. Catra moves to Adora’s school senior year and the twos friendship is quickly rekindled, after a rocky start albeit. Adora is a big ol’ jock and Catra draws which is a headcanon I LOVE. It’s written so well, and the characters are also written well too! It is a lil angsty at times, but not to worry - but it does pay off, I assure you.

11. I thought we were best friends by vanilla107 (o) 45,000+ words

@vanilla107

[University AU][T]

Breakups. Lots of breakups, and angst. This one will mend your heart then hurt you. BE SCARED. But go read it. I mean it. It's good!

12. Dirty Dancing by LilLegalLoli94 (o) 9000+ words

@lillegalloli94

[Dancing AU][M]

Basically lots of (sexual) tension after years of not seeing each other because Adora moved to Brightmoon Dance Academy. It's good. Real good.

13. Back to Black by eveynull (f) 6000+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

(Post War) Gays go and visit their past, staring angst, and featuring your favourite co-star - fluff!

14. how things are supposed to be by maggiesbombshell (o) 11,000+ words

@yeunslegacy

[High School AU][M]

A jolly slowburn that will hurt your soul because (internalised) homophobia and gay.

15. Some things you don't see coming by Trashibesensei (o) 20,000+ words

[High School AU][T]

Adora being a big ol' jock, and Catra being a big ol' gay. I’m not even gonna explain it, you have to find that out yourself.

16. A quarter after three by Maychup (o) 11,000+ words

@maychup

[Youtuber AU][M]

Adora's gay panic settles in when she bumps into her childhood bestie, Catra, live streaming in the streets of LA. My favourite part of this fic has to be the YouTube comments she gets. This one will make you laugh. And go AWWW CUTE.

17. A Song to My Heart by DemiRebel (f) 8000+ words

[Neighbors AU][G]

The cute girl next door keeps singing loud, and it sounds BELLE, so what else would you do other than creepily listen?? 10/10 for premise.

18. Occupied by Nny11 4000+ words

@nny11writes

[Modern AU][T]

The most hilarious soulmate AU I've read tbh. One word - bathrooms.

19. Whispering Dreams by dragonesdepapel (f) 7400+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

Adora finds a wounded and sick gay so obviously, she helps her out, much to her protesting. This fic will honestly make you go through the five stages of grief. Big ol' oof.

20. Why you SHOULD bring in your untrained cat to the rebellion by locuas (f) 6800+ words

[Canon Divergence AU][G]

This fic is a literal joke. But it will probably be the best crack you will ever read, so. READ IT.

ALSO HERES A LIL SELF PWOMO OF MY MULTI CHAP:

What drove her insane, 13,000+ words (f)

One shots:

1. hang tight (all you) by TechnoSkittles 9000+ words

@technoskittles

[High School AU][T]

This is a fic that will break your heart and mend it. It's about Adora coming to terms with her sexuality throughout high school in a pretty unsupportive environment, added onto the fact she has a crush on her best friend. It's paced so well, nothing feels rushed and although it's only 9000 words, it manages to flesh out characters that aren't even in the show, and it obviously does a great job with the topic at hand - sexuality and homophobia. Like it honestly touched my heart, reading it I genuinely wanted to cry. I loved everything about it, from the moment it started to the last line. It's just written in a way that is probably relatable to so many people who are or have struggled with coming to terms with themselves, and shows how for some it's really not an easy thing. It's also written beautifully, and I PROMISE you won't regret reading this! Definitely check out some more of their works too, they're all great reads!

2. you're my favorite song (and it's stuck in my head) by artemiswords 16,000+ words

@artemisbye

[High School AU][T]

A belle valentine's day fan fic which I just,, ahhhhh this is some of the best 16k words I've ever read, it's so nice and fluffy! Premise - Catra has to take the bus to school, and ends up sitting next to this cute girl on the bus, Adora, and listening to TayTay (Swift), sharing earphones with this complete stranger. Obviously, Catra develops a crush, but she is sure Adora is straight. It's written so well, and is such an enjoyable read, with so many great moments and dialogue. Music is a very prevalent theme (which you can tell from the name tbh) in it, and the amount of song references in it also make it feel so fleshed out in a way, like their both just teenagers with somewhat questionable music taste. Just all the exchanges they have are great, especially the ones over text and social media, there were so many funny moments too. DEFO, recommend if you wanna read something nice and lighthearted!

3. The Interlude That Never Ends by FMLClexa 2000+ words

Twitter: catrxs

[Historical AU] [M]

Angst. Quite angsty. But also fairly fluffy, it has a good balance. And the writing style is just so - it gets your heart wrenching despite being fairly short, and is also very poetic, and I don't know about you, but I love things like that! The fic is a historical/soulmates AU where they are bound to fall in love, no matter the period they're reincarnated in. It's one of the most creative fic ideas I've ever read, and the concept is executed so well, which makes it even better. And it's, so so damn sweet ahh, read it read it READ IT!

4. is there a knife in your bed or are you just happy to see me? by ceruleanstorm 6000+ words

@princessofgayskull

[Canon Universe][T]

This fic was everythinggg, it is so cute, like it’s basically 6k words of fluff! Also, if you didn’t already notice, the title (and the fic) heavily references the fact Adora keeps a knife under her bed (I DIED when that happened in s2). Set post war, Catra sneaks away from her post to visit an overworked and stressed Adora in Bright Moon and cuteness ensues. I honestly just love everything about this fic, we need more fluffy and funny fics like this! The dynamic the two have in this is perfect and the dialogue and general writing style of it is great! And Adora’s internal dialogue in this honest to god had me dead. Needless to say this is one of my fav Canon Universe one shots.

5.Girl’s Become Lovers (Who Turn Into Mothers) by A_Zap 2000+ words

@azapofinspiration

[Canon Universe][G]

This has to be one of the cutest, well written, fic I’ve read! Catra brings home the only survivors from a tragedy her and Scorpia stumbled upon, but one thing Adora doesn’t expect is for them to be children. The,, emotions in this are so raw and powerful. Even though they obviously have these new little people in their life though, their problems don’t just go away, they still have their own issues, and have to deal with them while looking after these kids. In general they handle mental health so well, and Shadow Weavers lasting effect on Catra SHOWS and it shows hard. Honestly, it made me want to cry at some parts and the ending was EVERYTHING, so reAd IT.

6. baby, i'm a house on fire (and i wanna keep burning) by wittchers 7000+

@huremsultan

[Medival AU]

A really fun fic to read, with a very original premise: after the Horde defeats the kingdom Bright Moon, Hordak is crowned, Queen Angella was killed, and Princess Glimmer is missing, which leaves Lady Adora forced into an arranged marriage with Lord Catra, to keep her people happy. Obviously, being an arranged marriage, with her enemy, she ain’t too happy about it, nor is Catra. But they have to put up with it, and each other. Honestly, like the development of their relationships is sooo good, and there is the perfect balance e of angst and fluff (if you can call it that?) so don’t worry it won’t kill you! Like ahh, the emotions in this - so well described with so little words. And the ending is great, in general it’s great!

7. Adora Casts: Zone of Truth by Hemogobbler 2000+ words

@hemogobbler69

[Canon Universe][T]

Literally just 2000 words of utter cuteness and hilarious dialogue haha. Premise - Catra has just defected recently, and is still warming up to Adora, is still slightly shut off from her. So, to try remedy this, she gets a truth serum from Madame Razz, and slips it into their food, leading to them talking honestly about their feelings for the first time in a while. I just love it so much because I feel like this is genuinely something Adora would do, and also something I’d probably do in her situation - Catra opening up is a rare occurrence! Also, as I said, their are some really funny, laugh out loud moments, which out of context are so weird, yet somehow manage to make a lot of sense. Anyway, if you just had a bad day, I think this fic would definitely lift your spirits.

8. bloom by kimah 4000+ words

Twitter: whitehotmoons

[Modern AU][G]

A post break up fan fic where Catra's therapist suggests Catra write down her feelings, which leads her to write the things she hates about Adora, and their interactions they've had since their break up. The way it's written is so... angsty but like, not? I'm bad at this. Literally, reading this I really felt Catra's pain, and I just wanted to give her a hug at times. Adora too. The small details the author outs into the characters makes the characters all that more realisitic too, and I love it! Seriously though, the angst, will, get, you.

9. I do adore by thankskelley 6000+ words

Twitter: cosmicsporks

[Modern AU][G]

A Catradora fake dating AU. Is there anything more you need in life? Catra and Adora are are roomates, and one day, Adora bursts in, saying she finally came out to her parents, and also that her parent had assumed they are dating... leading her to ask if Catra could pretend to be her girlfriend for while. What could possibly go wrong? Hmm?? I've always loved the whole fake dating premise (to all the boyss) and with characters like Adora and Catra, (especially Catra like she is a TEASE) I always thought it'd be great. Who doesn't love oblivious gays? Their dynamic in this is also great, especially all the flirting and teasing. BUT, of course, it also a bit angsty too. I can promise you you'll love it!

10. Chocolate and Roses vs. Heartache by Trashibesensei 9000+ words

[High School AU][T]

Another high school AU...I know I have a problem leave me alone. This time, if you couldn’t tell by the title, there’s some heartache involved, because: this Valentines Day, Adora doesn’t spend it with her best friend (now ex bestie) Catra. Even despite her popularity that she now has due to being the star player of Bright Moon’s soccer team, she can’t shake of how much she yearns for her old friend. Somehow, even with all the angst, it is still sO fucking FUNNY, the way Mermista was written was great, and she had some of THE best lines. But yeah, it’s so pure and just - Catra needs a hug, Adora needs a hug, they need to hug EACH other tbh! It had a very nice and hopeful message, and also kinda surprised me with the end.

11. someone you like by caela 5000+ words

[High School AU][T]

As a gen z, or x, or whatever the fuck I am, I always appreciate a fic where the characters say stupid shit over Instagram to their crushes which results it getting a date to prom. Although I can assure you that would never happen to me. But this So FUCKING cute and funny so READ.

12. this is what it's like when we collide (this is how you bring me back to life) by azul (7daysoftorture) 5000+ words

@bluelipgloss

[Canon Universe][G]

This galaxy brain fic is amazing and that’s ThE TEA. Catra gets a wish stone from Hordak and we all knowww, WHO she (subconsciously) craves - Adora, which obviously leads to hell breaking loose, because, disaster gays. Anyway read this it’s great and made me feel forget about the cruel world we live in.

13. Five Times Catra was a Cat and One Time the Cat was Catra by sunscreams 2400+ words

@catradoramma

[Canon Universe][T]

A BELLE, well written 5 + 1 which is just pure fluff (some hurt/comfort too) and Catra being Catra (so a loveable pain in the ass) after joining Adora in Bright Moon.

14. Vital Signs by SereneKarma 2000+ words

@serene-karma

[Modern AU][G]

Like a dumbass Catra breaks her leg and gets put in hospital, but hey - it’s okay as long as she’s got a cute nurse to look after her! It’s pretty funny just based on the concept alone so read ThIs BiSh.

15. You put the cracks into my moral code by Littleamethystc 3000+ words

@littleamethystc

[Gang AU][T]

Catra is a hotshot mafia member, Glimmer and Bow are the PoPo, and Adora is underestimated as HELL. It’s also pretty funny, like the whole concept is just perfect, so check it out!

16. The Best Gift I Could Ever Ask For by blueninjasharpshooter 1500+ words

[Modern AU][G]

Just a short n sweet fic of Adora celebrating her birthday which she forgot, and also Adora has a pocket knife in her boot, which is so accurate lmaooo. As well as having the most accurate character portrayals, AWWWWwwwww, was my reaction to the end of this fic, so read it to find out wHY.

17. but i still don’t wish death on ‘em (i just reflect on ‘em) by ayushi_writes 1500+ words

@ayushipop

[Canon Universe][G]

(Post S1) A year after the battle of Bright Moon, Adora and Catra are standing on a cliff, and Catra finally has a chance to end it all. But WilL she?!?! Let’s just say, Catradora are the queens of promises.

18. Whiskey and Eggnog by briony8969 3500+ words

@briony8969

[Modern Christmas AU][G]

A cute Christmas fic where a nervous Adora goes home for the first time in months with her new friends from college, scared of what they’ll think but more scared of a certain SOMEONE she hasn’t spoken to in months. So basically: sexual tension gAlore.

19. She's a Regular by BaronVonChop 1500+ words

@baronvonchop

[Coffee Shop AU][G]

Adora is gay. Catra is gay. Catra works at a coffee shop (badly), and Adora goes to said coffee shop soo much, that it gets on her friends nerves, coz she very obviously likes to flirt with a Catra. It’s funny too. That’s it. That’s the fic and I love it.

20. Hand in Hand, We Make Our Way to The End by thethirdphiladelphiavireo 6500+ words

[Canon Universe - Soulmate AU][T]

Catra and Adora figure out they are soulmates after years of not knowing what it meant, but OBVIOUSLY, cannot communicate like mature humans, because - same.

21. How Do You Tell A Girl You Really Like Her Eyes? by Gay_Panic 1000+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

(Pre Canon)Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, a very gay, very wholesome, very nice first kiss fic. They are very gay for each other in this one, they don’t even care if KYLE catches them kissing.

22. Tender Moments by yesimgay 1500+ words

[Canon Universe][G]

(Post-war) Catra still feels guilty about everything she did to Adora in the past, so instead of sleeping at the foot of the bed as usual , she decides to sleep next to Adora...So there’s fluff, lots of fluff, and it is very tender.

23. Perfectly intertwined by dragonesdepapel 2000+ words

[Canon Universe][G]

On Catra’s first official day in Bright Moon, Adora drags her to a festival and they do cute things and it’s cute, and you should defo read it.

24. a girl without freckles is like a sky without stars by dear_universe 900+ words

@catralovesgirls

[Canon Universe][G]

More bed sharing because I CANNOT help myself, I love fics like these! Catra can’t sleep without Adora on her first night at the rebellion, so, she knocks on Adora’s door and things go from there.

25. Something to remember you by by DBsean 3000+ words

[Canon Universe][G]

Adora sneaks back into the fright zone in attempt to retrieve something, when Catra catches her. It’s cute af. Despite the circumstances.

26. Skiffs & Ships by mysteryinc 900+ words

[Canon Universe][G]

(Pre-show) Just two gals being pals who missed each other a fuck ton while on separate missions. It’s pretty cute.

27. Starstruck by InvisiblePinkToast 2500+ words

@invisible-pink-toast

[Canon Universe][G]

(Pre-show) A lil bit of angst, and nightmares, and a little bit of fluff, Stargazing and bed sharing - what more could you need?

28. a truth so loud you can't ignore by adverbialstarlight 2500+ words

@adverbialstarlight

[High School AU][T]

Catra ignores the growing feelings she has for her best friend, until the truth is so loud she can’t ignore it (see what I did there?) But for real tho this fic really gave me angst that hurt my soul then fluff that healed it, so we StAN.

29. Horde kids are just Like That by gerti 1500+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

(Canon Divergence) What would happen if when Adora defected the Horde, her and Catra where still girlfriends? Read this to find out because it’s FUCKING hilarious lmaoooo, like it’s so absurd but somehow still makes perfect sense.

30. The First Step by oldmountainsoul 2900+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

(Post S1) Apologies which end in getting shoved out off trees are now exclusively for the Catradora fandom only.

31. (You’re My) Haven by giraffewrites 400+ words

@giraffewrites

[Canon Universe - Pre Canon][G]

(Pre-Canon) Adora only kisses Catra when she thinks she’s asleep, but my girl Catra ain’t playing no more so one night she just goes in for the KILL, Aka, cute dorks just being cute dorks.

32. Beyond the Screen by SereneKarma 5000+ words

@serene-karma

[Youtuber AU][G]

If you can't tell I really like YouTuber AU's. Catra being the angsty gal she is starts a YouTube channel to rant about her old best friend who practically vanished when she was 15, and her viewers (who definitely have no life) end up finding her.

33. come on, sugar, don't you leave early by thesqian 1500+ words

Twitter: @crnkgmeplys

[Modern AU][G]

Two gays at a gay wedding, who clearly have some shit going on, but it’s okay because gay weddings always bring gays together. I said gay a lot in that sentence. Read the fic, it’s short n sweet and cute, so you can’t go wrong!

34. but we could never stay away (from each other) by adorassword 1500+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

Catra and Adora have a nice, not so nice chit chat on Adora’s balcony late at night, - these two need LOVE, and I needed a hug after reading this coz damn. Damn.

35. bad ideas by ranpoandpoe 1000+ words

[University AU][T]

How we all wish thinking about your crush at 2am would go. That’s the only context I’m giving, so READ IT.

Also, here are some of my fav one shots I’ve written:

Two Sides Of The Same Coin 1000+ words

[Gang AU][T]

If I was perfect 2500+ words

[Modern AU][T]

And check out my Catradora week series, however my fav is:

damn you, unrequited love 7000+ words

[Modern/Sixth Form AU][T]

Here are some more series packed with fics that I’ve really enjoyed too!

Catradora Oneshots by clicheusername5678 @hey-adora

Catradora Tumblr Prompts BY sunscreams @catradoramma

if I grind my teeth at night, would you hear it? By poetroe

in the bottom of a coffee cup + pieces by inkwelled (their stuff is great)

Twitter: adorascatrq

Anyway, I hope you guys appreciate this, it took quite a while lol. I had a lot of fun making it, and I hope you check out some of the fics on the list (maybe all if you're a crazy mf)

Until next time (:

#micah n spop #spop #she-ra #she ra and the princesses of power #catradora #fic recs #micahs fic recs #micahs recs #adora #catra #spop catra #spop adora #fan fics #she ra netflix #i ship

431 notes · View notes

battlestar-royco · 5 years

Note

Personally don’t have problem with white heterosexual characters because it is what the author wants but I hate it when authors like sjm takes aspects of other cultures i.e henna and uses it as bargaining tool for characters. What is your stance on that?

I think it depends on how they’re written. I’ve long accepted the fact that most of the media that dominates pop culture is and will be centered around white and straight characters. It’s not that white cishet characters innately bother me; it’s more that they’re in extreme abundance and it’s unfair to everyone else whose representation gets shoved under the rug or completely wrecked with unethical results (ie only casting white women in “feminist” films, leading people to conceptualize women/women’s issues as white, thin, cishet etc; only showing violence against marginalized people in period dramas, leading people to believe we either literally didn’t exist before the 20th century, that Africa is a war-torn wasteland, or that there’s no justification for our existence throughout time unless we’re suffering, etc). Sure, if I start watching 9/10 of Netflix’s (or any major network, really) biggest shows right now, am I going to be tired by the fact that the cast is majority white and cishet except for one minor (probably male) character? Yeah. But I start getting upset when that one token character goes through targeted violence and/or is killed, which, once you start noticing it, happens sooo disproportionately often. We’re at a point where it would be revolutionary to see more than one lead POC on a popular show like Stranger Things or GOT. That’s just pathetic and untrue to real life, and I’d love to see more accurately diverse communities represented.

When it comes to what the author wants to represent, I think that also depends on their track record. With authors like SJ/M, I didn’t really start faulting her for her shit until about H0F/AC0MAF because that was when the books started getting overwhelmingly white and cishet. Like, N/ehemia dying? Very very bad. But every author makes mistakes, and SJ/M’s ~diversity~ at the time was unfortunately pretty average for most YA authors. But S0rscha being beheaded, literally in the next book of the series? Disgusting. Then she dropped AC0MAF and its an entirely white main cast (we’re not gonna get into the I/llyrians today, I don’t have the strength), which had me so shook. The I/nner Circle? Five missed opportunities for POC and/or LGBTQ+ characters. Five missed opportunities to provide us with the new S0rscha or N/ehemia. Her consolation prizes along the way, like T0D, M0r, the Summer Court, etc, are all too little too late. They enter the scene 2/3 into the series, they have been demoted to side characters, and you can feel the gun pointing at Mess’s head as she writes about them. THAT is what I hate: when privileged writers act like it’s such a burden to write about marginalized people and the representation ends up lazy and unsatisfying, when privileged writers don’t even consider our existence until we demand it, when privileged writers have been given loads of chances to fix themselves but they don’t. I don’t expect perfection from any writer, but I do expect people like me to be treated like a human being instead of like a C or D plot they were forced to add to appease a “niche” audience. I expect people to take feedback from critics who know better about diversity.

As for cultural appropriation, that also falls under the umbrella of problematic representation. SJ/M in particular, along with a lot of white authors, wants the aesthetics of POC in her books, but without the POC. She's essentially whitewashing cultures and making them accessible to herself and her majority white (and probably American) audience. That is abhorrent to me. First of all, she has absolutely no claim to anyone’s culture other than her own, and secondly, if she can’t even bother to put us in her books, she doesn’t deserve to inaccurately cherry-pick from our cultures to make her world a cutesy sexy little fantasy. I think in this case I’d literally rather she just write about white people doing their white things than steal names, clothing, cosmetics, customs, and more from marginalized cultures. I don’t know if that answers your question, but TL;DR, I think it’s often hard to separate issues of cultural appropriation from lack of (racial) diversity because they often go hand in hand. Every writer will fuck up a few times, but I also want to see them improve as they write new things. No one is forcing writers to write diversely, despite many white people’s sudden insistence that they are (in fact, it’s way more likely that a marginalized author will be forced to whiten their story for it to be published or that they do so through cultural pressures and internalized oppression). If a white writer provides an ensemble cast of majority white people, I will be irritated and I will treat it as a reflection of their internalized biases, but I’d rather they continue doing that than ignorantly add in stereotypical side characters who get no development and/or die, and I’d rather marginalized authors be given the same platform and fan response as privileged writers to write their own representation. Not that privileged writers should just not bother with writing diversely (because they can and should!), but they should do so when they’ve done research on stereotypical tropes and consulted sensitivity readers.

#anti sjm #writing advice: poc

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nenastrology · 5 years

Note

Please talk about johnny joestar he is my favorite jojo character and your brain is huge

anon you are the only one i respect i swear to god im constantly thinking about him.. ok this is going under a cut out of respect for everyone who follows me who doesnt give a shit about jojo or part 7 and its gotten horrifically long im sorry

see this is where me actually liking part 1 and having rewatched the non hamon battle parts like 4 times finally pays off because i can mentally go into constant excruciating detail about like the ways part 1 is reimagined and like how they are both essentially the disfavored son in comparison to a brother but like jonathan is given a conflict that can directly contend with his family issues like he can punch dio and work that out hes given a perfectly laid out heroic quest to solve his turmoil and also confront if dio really is like better than him johnny is given no like easily narrative closure to those similar fears he could never like prove if he is better than his like very human extremely normal brother like he couldnt beat him in a race and like be like tee hee im the better horse racer or something and like side note jolynes definitely given the best version of the narrative conflict tying into familial and emotional issues that she like is both coming to terms with her relationship with her father while also like fighting a villain with ties to dio and like understanding what he went through and like she also like becoming her own self and reconciling with him all that shit ok back to johnny..

genuinely hes like the only jojo with a real arc… like id say jolyne and hermes are definitely like prototypes for characters experiencing um development and their past issues with their family and whatever like being part of how they grow and like become closer and trust each other but like johnny and gyro are the finally realized conclusion of araki being dragged into learning what character development is idk i really love johnnys entire journey that like he finally has somebody who gives a shit about him and he has like something he actually cares about that like ends up pulling him out of his aimlessness and he discovers how ruthless and driven he can be it drives me absolutely insane how nobody seems to um get his character that hes like some soft uwu boy when hes like absolutely one of the most ruthless and definitely the biggest asshole of all the jojos like god its sooo funny how like jonathan and dio its like dio has all the asshole energy and also they grew up together so theres reason for the animosity but johnny and diego have the same level of asshole energy and johnnys first reaction to seeing a dude who beat him at horse racing a few years ago like probably mortally wounded is just like hm he can die i really hate that guy but they barely know each other nobody gets it man…

but back to other things god im sorry i mean you know how disorganized i am you signed up for this sending me this ask jsd;dks; idk like god the fact that the fights actually became vehicles for character development forcing johnny and gyro to each face their own fears and like come to terms with what they truly value really gets me like johnny finally able to like go from idk needing to just be selfish out of survival instinct because everyone who had cared about him rejected him and like being forced to pick between the like thing he thought was giving his life meaning (the corpse parts) and gyro who was actually what was making the journey worthwhile and like he really for a moment thought he couldnt do it like didnt know if he had it in him at like his lowest point there and like he realizes hes far stronger than he thought he was and that he ultimately will do whatever he has to for the people he loves which like all really comes full circle with the lil flashback in part 8 showing johnnys death like that sugar mountain saying those who lose everything will ultimately gain everything well he does finally get the corpse back and in his possession and when he finally has it like its purely to use it to save his wife and son and like his sacrifice both tying back to jonathan and erina and like everything he learned in the course of sbr like ugh ;w; its sooo sad but ultimately like the perfect ending even if im gonna go like weep now..

im really saying things and going nowhere i havent even gotten back to his father oh my god i really love that like after hearing his father be proud of him like he literally just rides away and ultimately doesnt finish the race that like its this weird odd melancholy way of ending the whole thing like he idk stops when he needs to stop and has like found his own self worth apart from his fathers approval also hm its very weird i think later on how his disability is written that like literally some of the first things johnny says in the entire story is that him saying its the story of him learning to walk again is not in the literal sense but in the metaphorical sense but then by i guess convention that araki got too lazy to figure out how to make some of the later fights work and i guess because he hates metaphors that arent pounded into ur skull cuz i guess if u are making the stupid choice to read jojo u are stupid enough to need everything spelled out for u he decided he needed some other way to signify johnnys growth and its just very awkward and weird when like the whole story is him becoming more at peace with his past and everything that has happened to him its lazy and stupid and whatever ok i literally am like forcing myself to stop typing because im feeling the deep shame kick in because i dont think ive written this much about any character other than like yusuke or sasuke probably and i feel like the little spray bottle in the back of my mind that activates when i think too hard about jojo but like ok ive said my piece you may ask me more specific questions if u want me to elaborate.. whatever stan johnny joestar… this whole text wall was me coming to terms with him probably being my favorite jojo..

#jj lb

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uzyplus · 5 years

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15. September 2019 Mysterious Girlfriend X Hello, it's been a while, hasn't it? The reason for that is basically that I haven’t finished a single anime in these past months, well I have read quite a lot of manga and manhua which I don’t really like writing about, just too lazy to do that. I finished about 21 of em or am currently reading + like 40 on webcomics I think?

Another thing I’d like to mention is that youjo senki movie falls under it’s anime, so no post for that.

Now to anime: I watched all 13 episodes of it and read manga from ch36 as it was the exact point where anime left out. Watching school romance after such a long time sure felt refreshing, I really enjoyed like the first 5 or so episodes of anime, had quite a good laugh at it. It was just so cute and satisfying to watch, well I went to sleep and picked it up again the next day. Well I have to say that the whole saliva thing was getting quite overplayed at this point and maybe a bit disgusting at times (me without knowing that I’ll have manga worth 1 day to read still ahead). Well I got to enjoy it in the end ~for some reason I get happier watching things at late hours~ the ending for anime was kinda disappointing ~not to mention it didn’t make any sense in contrast with what we know from manga~ But well it did good, coz it was interesting enough for me to pick up manga after all. Well I forgot to mention at the beginning that I didn’t like Mikoto’s voice at first, it just seemed so off when she screamed or laughed ~well screamed~ but otherwise it was really lovely, I mean she did that psycho laugh like twice during the whole show and it just happened to be during first episode. First episode seemed sooooo~ long (might be coz I just didn’t bother speeding playback speed up...) but well I think that most of the development happened there anyway. I really liked the speed their relationship was developing at, nice and slow, there’s no need to rush things up, just take your time, you’re just 17 after all. Actually I figured out their age on ep13, oh boy I need to pay more attention to some details~ Well I was thinking they were like 14-15 coz of the whole: first kiss, first xxx deal, kids usually pay attention to it during that age or a bit sooner, I mean I haven’t given myself these questions since like 15yo, so yea, their age quite surprised me. Another thing to mention is that the saliva was just too thick the whole time, I mean what is it a honey? ~Well it surely tasted sweet so maybe?~ So now I should write something about manga, hmmmm~ that’ll be pretty hard considering I pretty much skip some text pretty often and then again I read it around 10pm-1am so my brain was pretty much dead at that time already. Well I will try, but first imma go post this thing so that for some reason I won’t lose it and do a quick manga recap. It’s sure a good idea to start writing this at 10pm when it’s Monday and I had 9 lessons with 0 one, uff~

Alright, I just remembered there was that Aika girl. At first I thought she would appear just once or twice during the story, for the last time when he bought that Imai Monoka album and would talk him out of it or something. After a while she started to annoy me, coz of her way too intimate and often contacts with Akira and after a while I pretty much started to hate her for trying to bewitch him all the time. In the end she didn't turn out to be a bad character at all, she just wanted to find someone that would love her, even if she didn't love him and not leave her as all the guys she loved.

Then there's Ryouko who harassed Akira pretty much without stating a reason. I assume she had a slight crush for mc, considering she proposed to be his secondary girl I g? Out of all the romances happening throughout the story I found her the best.

It's a big letdown that Akira never told Ueno who's his girlfriend, I mean some other characters knew it, but he never told it to his best friend, ah.

I don't really have anything to write about the movie part, about the Valentine's part: I thought Youko's gotta see the black chocolate package and realize their relationship or something, but in the end it wasn't a box, but just a foil wrapping or whatever, there goes my fantasies~I don't even know why I thought it was a box~

Akira was also quite smart, I mean I would never realize if I didn't see them or he said them, like the naked apron for example. It was really enjoyable watching their newlyweds-like scenes, also really looked forward to their kiss, which I assumed their daily routine would eventually turn into and that's where I was totally bamboozled. I mean why would you do that? It totally disappointed me, Youjo kissed her boyfriend, Oka and Ryouko as well and you tell me that you'd rather continue having her finger in your mouth than actually kiss her? Now I wonder who was the actual reason for such a slow and long relationship development. That would be an epic way how to end the story, I mean seriously, you were looking forward that kiss for some chapters now and you just let it all go. Alright alright, nevermind, it's your story, live it however you want, imma just curl up in the corner of my room and fantasize about how nice it would have been... humph~

Well overall I think it's somewhere around +2,5 and +3, imma decide that tomorrow ~morning is wiser than evening~ (actually this phase sounds rather plain in English, it sounds a bit better in my language to me) Also imma pick a pic for this tomorrow coz it's nearing 11:30pm now and I want to sleep ~there's also this one fly annoying me rn~

Wow, this actually turned out to be the longest post I've ever written and I'm pretty confident that I'll write more to it tomorrow coz I haven't talked about main characters that much yet

Hello, how have you been? This lazy ass pleb just totally left this post alone incomplete for like 3 days... and now doesn’t really remember what he wanted to write, well just perfect...

Alright, I guess I ended up somewhere around mc and mh I g? Eh, all that pops into my head is Real girl, which I started reading yesterday.

Another reread later~ wait let me actually reread this whole thing so I’d get a general idea what it was about, coz I have 0 clue whatsoever.

Okay, sooo~ Mc was a fairly decent guy, he knew when he was hurting Mikoto and stopped in time, one thing that I wasn’t so ok with was that any girl could sway his mind, any girl wearing bikini, any pantsu, anything really ~which even irl I cannot understand when all the guys immediately apply fgo target focus skill, while I’m like: Protection from Arrows A~ (if you understood that you should play fgo a bit less)

Mh, well what can I say about her? She was all cute, blushing occasionally, sometimes Akira did the blushing for her... I cannot really say whether she was jealous at times, it seemed she was quite confident in their bond to be jealous, and well every time Akira’s mind was swinging towards other girls she just gave him lewds to rewrite his mind, quite a powerful strategy I’ll have to say. She called Akira pervert few times... who was it that got totally naked like 3 times when giving Akira saliva? I really liked her scissors’ techniques, although mc didn’t seem to share my passion. She reminds me of these stray cats, that you have to approach really slowly in order to feed, coz otherwise they run ~well minecraft ocelots basically~ Every time she was about do some sports I thought for myself that she cannot do it ~coz she seems too much like the chuunibyou type~ then realized she was actually really athletic... it happened like 3 times or more, it was annoying, brain just doesn’t learn. I think I covered pretty much every thing I planned on covering and forgot what I wasn’t supposed to, so I cannot really continue writing anything now that I have no clue whether I already wrote it or not... ~splitting post and writing it with 3 day gap seems like pretty stupid thing to do~ +2,5

finally my soul’s in peace

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ebonyeagle · 6 years

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DETROIT DIARY

Did this with Mankind Divided and thought it could be fun to do again! I’ve gone through this game twice already with friends (Both Pacifist runs) so I’m quite familiar with that part of the story. What I do want to explore now is all the bad choices which I’m an expert in (at least in real life) so let’s see where this adventure will go! Have fun guessing what scenarios I’m playing

NO NONSENSE, SAVE THE FISH

Aquarium must be a Heavy Rain throw back

“My name is Connor, I’m the android send by Cyberlife”

Connor, you know I love you but I’ll throw you off this building for fun, no hard feelings

Weee Todd time, I can’t wait to punch him. Or shoot. Or whatever it is you can

Hmmm this reminds me of something but I can’t put my finger on it

Wow, littering asshole! Pick that one up right now you lazy fuck

Let’s try and avoid that angry mop this time

Wow, getting mad at the Roomba now as well? Poor Roomba, it did nothing wrong 8C

Fuck this shit

Y ARE THERE DRUGS IN THE WASHING POWDER THAT NASTY LEARN TO HIDE STUFF PROPERLY

Gun and anti-depressants, we all know what a good combo that is

I hope this means what I think it does

STOP! But can we all just take a moment to appreciate how beautiful the soundtrack is for this game?! <3

ANDROID BIRDS ANDROID BIRDS

Speed chess, is that an actual thing??

Okay, but how fun could it be if you could fuck up the painting quick time event and paint like, a blob or a stick figure!?

COOKIECUT

Alright, I like Hank and Connors relationship and it’s gonna be weird to knock it down in hostile territory

Oh, that’s a valid point. Not only are you a good boi, you are an expensive AF boi as well. Good luck paying the bill, Hank

ATMOSPHERE! RAIN! LIGHTNING!

Stormy night! Been looking forward to replay this; what other outcomes are there!?

Gonna move, bitch

As a good American, let’s grab the gun first

GODDAMMIT KARA Y DIDN’T U JUST SHOOT!? U HAD ONE FUCKING JOB

….Well, that was anti-climatic….

Seen both outcomes for this but for the sake fucking up the relationship with Carl - PUSH!

MOVE, I GOT THE DADDY PANTS ON

STRESS, SHOOTING, DEATH

Would have loved to try the Motel but for the sake of Connor and Ralph, CREEPY HOUSE

Mud intensifies

Jayden did that much better, Markus

OMG HE’S SO CUTE I CAN’T EVEN!

Only thing here is trying to be douchebag towards Gavin? -Did not go as planned, I am disappointed ;C

Sorry Connor but I am doing this for the lols

Ralph just needs a hug :C

THIS OST IS NICE

Run Kara run, I have much more fun stuff planned for you guys! I think. Actually, I don’t know what to do with you yet.

FUCK THIS PART

Wow, this scene is so much shorter now lol

Hmmm had hoped for some variation in the interactions here :/

Birds birds birds

Do we save or do we not? Let’s do none of it

This is just sad

Always trust a shady dude named Zlatko

is it actually possible to escape the reset? It is but gotta be quick!

Wow, so much shit is stored here - is that a cyborg polar bear???

I just ripped a dude’s heart out :D

Does that make me a murderer? Oh wait already killed Todd! I’m a good mother! Be proud of me Alice

What do I want? Saving my child from a psychopathic mad man as time is running out! When do I want to do it? Just after I’ve read these magazines and watched TV

I wanna get Alice and Kara killed here, science you know

When you wanna kill your character but you are SAVED BY A GODDAMN POLAR BEAR

I find the doorbell hilarious - my humor is beyond salvation

The slap as well… I need help

Whatever, just kill the guy

Shooting people in the back since 2k38, true hero

No differences really but whatever, that merry-go-round scene is beautiful

This scenery is beautiful as well T_T I live for the snow in this game. And headshots

Markus, this is Adam calling, he wants his coat and fashion style back

TRUMP

That was sarcasm, Connor. Know where to stick it?

Not much new stuff here really but for the sake of the graveyard, let’s do this

I feel this would have worked much better in the previous run

this is just sad

HELLO POLICEMAN

Hide evidence? Nah fuck it, let’s see what happens!

Oh, I got Luther murdered SORRY ALICE

I’m gonna burn this place to the ground

VIOLENCE

I guess the true way to go is pacifist but damn, violence just suits Markus so much better

Okay this relationship thing is getting painful :C

Hmmmmmm

VIOLENCE! I like this Markus much better!

I think North is pissed

Fuck u North

I’m going South

No, wait Hank D:

OH MY GOD HE ACTUALLY SAID BROMANCE AND THAT FUCKING SMILE

Okay this is so messed up but badass as well

Oh, well fuck you too!!

….Oh….

Oh, so Lucy is Luther’s stand in! Hmmm liked Luther better here, sounds weird with her

Okay I lowkey hope MB will make a Detroit collection as they did with Deus Ex! Who am I kidding, I’ll never be able to afford anything… RIP Hengsha-dream still crying for you

Lol, I don’t even have the deviant option

This is like an episode of Game of Thrones

But at least my bromance with Simon is evolving… I think?

Hmmmmm

I’m a horrible human being but my Markus is anger Markus

Bye Carl

:CCCCCCCCC

T_T T_T T_T

WHY!?

Okay, revolution Markus is sooo much cooler than pacifist Markus!

DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING?

I don’t remember your name but killing you + your henchmen was awesome!

This is so messed up

PRESS X TO ALICE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I SHOULD FEEL BAD FOR LAUGHING

Oh hi Ralph, fancy meeting you here!

Taking control of ma boi because fuck you guys!

So I know successfully hitting all the buttons will result in headshotting Markus but I accidentally missed some and that was extra fun!!! I got to rip off his arm and break his neck :DDD And of course shoot him in the head for a good measure :DD I’m enjoying this way too much….. halp

Hmmm picking you Ralph because character development!

What a sad sad scenery…. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to be tossed out like garbage

Wow wow something is wrong with your face!! And what’s up with that high collar thing!? This looks weird, please go away you are not my Connor!!

Okay so to sum it up:

I made Markus die hated and cursed by basically everyone including teammates and Jericho. Deliberately killed Carl, Josh, North, Simon and half of Jericho because I’m an angry ball of vengeance.

Kara tried her best to be a good mum but kinda fucked it up and got Luther killed. Left alone with Alice as the sole survivors in a massgrave knowing she had to let friend die in order to escape.

Connor was cold AF, made Hank commit suicide and killed everything in the name of Cyberlife only to be tossed out like garbage in the end.

All in all, I would say I got a pretty good ending, 10/10 :DDDD

#dbh #what am i doing with my life #noone asked for this #detroit become human

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somedaypast-thesunset · 6 years

Text

this mentally ill person causes an extreme amount of chaos in my life which is completely not needed because although i lack certain things - i could probably get by without them. like im going to be sad and whatever but im not going to die and ill find a way to live.

but their illness absolutely causes many of my issues to be triggered which does not in anyway allow me clarity in the moment because i am still working on my issues. and heres what i can give to myself: i never ran away. ive been knocked down and shit on and dragged through the mud and as much as ive even wanted to - ive never run away and i never gave up. this is my strength. this is the resilience.

i have alot of complex feelings about this and i want to not entangle all of them into this giant lump of grief and sadness but to address each part of it and work through each part on its own to complete the big picture. and i feel im doing this in my own life like ive gone from complete mental break downs to just being really sad. my immediate thought is not ‘i want to fucking die’. like maybe i feel this way and its one of the thoughts but its not the first one. its not the overwhelming one anymore. and i cant even express how this has made things better for me. i am able to cope so much moe when im not in an anxiety attack like death could truly be imminent just by my own hands.

like heres an overwhelming fact: no one will ever give a fuck. no one will ever really want to help.

one day im sure ill be romantically surprised by the prince charming that changes everything for me but until that day comes - ive spent a decade involved in other peoples lives because i have no life of my own. i have no family, no traditions, no holidays. no one can join me for a thing - i join them.

and heres another overwhelming fact: this is not remotely fair. i was dealt a really shitty hand and its not fair but nothing changes this. nothing changes that its not fair. i will not get my parents back. i will not have a family i grew up with. its not fair. this is just a fact, not whining - it’s not fair that this happened. and of course “life is not fair” but its truly not fair to have your parents die at an early age. its not fair to have a child die young. theres many not fairs. its just .. not fair.

what do i do with this information? this is like .. a real turning point to make.

i guess to start, how do i feel? and i feel... sad. and frustrated. and lke.. i wish the world was a better place. im angry that like.. people really take for granted what they were just handed and i dont know how to stop being super bitter about it. im not even pissed i didnt live a glamorous life but the older i get the more i realize that my parents were completely and totally unfit parents to their core. and like this is so hard to admit because i loved my father soo much and this person did so much for me and my ungrateful mother but he did so little as well.

and i repeat this cycle. i was given such little attention as a child that i am absolutely grateful for something i should have gotten purely out of love. like why do i walk around with “i never asked for this” tattooed on me? since i was a small child i just felt like - wow i never asked to be here you know. like im not TRYING to be here. i was just popped out of the womb and now im like this giant burden to your life and like my mother didnt care at all and she held sooo much resentment towards me. and this is what i knew. this is all i have ever known in my whole life. mentally ill people who are completely incapable of caring for anoter human being making me an intregal part of their lives.

and what really has confounded me for years is whether or not i am mentally ill. like is everyone around me crazy or am i the crazy one? and its like -- no one knows the isolation ive had except me. and they take this as like being lazy or unsociable but ive been terrified to go out and interact with people because am i the crazy one or are they?

but as i get older i realize i honestly may not be the mentally ill person. how could one ever tell this when ive been under duress since i was 3? its not that i am mentally ill its that im reacting to my surroundings like any normal human being. i am not psychotic or paranoid, i dont have delusions or an ego. im actually, i believe, a pretty fine and sane person who appears mentally ill under these scenarios. i thought i had a mood disorder - no, i just live an extremely stressful life. and have for like two decades. of COuRSE i feel different things quickly and without regard. of COURSE. thats a REACTION to the scenario, usually of which is completely abnormal.

and there is not a single person in my life to pat my back and be like hey, its okay to feel this way you know. its okay that youre angry. its okay that youre sad. ive begun developing the voice in my head that will be this person. i realized its the only way i will be able to survive. when ram dass said you are not your depression, i realized i am not any of my emotions. i am just feeling these things. and there is a reason why i am feeling them. im not just waking up rying to feel this way. thre is a root problem.

but when you are surrounded by mentally ill people, they suck you into their illness and you react to this. so not only do i have my own issues im dealing with seperately on my own but now i have these issues coming up begging to trigger certain emotions and thoughts in me which really are not issues im capable of dealing with because IM not a therapist or a trained professional and i can barely navigate my own life right now. but i work especially hard not to have this fall on other people. i understand that i was handed this deck. no one else was handed it. this is for me to do what im going to do with it. so i blame no one for me not having parents. it is no ones responsibility to fill their roles. or even be a family member to me.

for example; hearing constantly about how this political system doesnt work or poor people are disadvantaged or the city is corrupt etc. -- all facts im well aware of which linger in my mind on a daily basis which i have to fight with everything i have to get out of bed and keep doing something. but now i have it being reiterated to me as well on a regular basis and my desire to do anything has dwindled to nothing.

i have become trapped in this non relationship because it was easy for him to get what he wanted by giving me just a bit of what i wanted. he has been very very very selfish from the beginning because he knows he will not be monogamous or fulfill my emotional needs but continues to maintain this non relationship. he believes i am responsible because he “told me this” and i continued to be involved with a mentally ill person who spent all of his time with me, usually by his own choice because again, it was “easy for him”. he reiterated ENOUGH times that he believes i need to be cared for and that he has done everything he is currently possibly able to do within his own means to care for me.

but its kind of like .. this stray dog. like you know this dog needs care despite its survival on its own and you feed it every once in awhile maybe give it a bath, hang out with it for awhile but you never give the dog what it needs.

and also, you’re treating me like a dog. as if i have no emotional brain to feel what it’s like for someone to treat me like this. as if i dont know that you have a home. and you have all the things you need. and youre just feeding me scraps because you feel bad.

ive lost respect for him because hes running. its not even a jealousy issue becuse i know if i went away for three months and returned, all of my problems would still be there. my parents dont come back in thre months. he never tried to improve his situation and instead ran away from it and ive just lost alot of respect for him for doing that.

and if i cant respect him i dont know if i can even be his friend.

and he has not shown appropriate respect for my own issues either so what i am feeling right now is just an overall lack of respect for this person. like i still love them but i feel like i cant hold my own head high or like sleep at night knowing i dont respect this person but im still supporting them. its like nikki sixx. i dont respect him anymore and i probably will never support his projects again. but i had such a deep love and adoration and like i still have that first love kind of feeling like this person really influenced my life and i owe their character alot for my character but omg do i not respect him at all. could i never look at nikki sixx again?

no.

and thats the confliction. like it does not matter what he does at all. it matters what i do and what i decide upon this and how important he is to my life. i lost all respect for my ex when he cheated and lied. u know its the lieing. its not even the cheating. im not even mad about the cheating, its the lies for months on end. like what a mar on your character. thats who you are now. youre a person who lied. do i still look at him?

yes. do i still talk to him? no. did i talk to him? yes. because being so young i didnt know how i would feel in this scenario like this was anther nikki sixx. five years out of the gate - i would not watch video games to this day if i didnt have this relationship and this is like the most comforting thing in all of my life. like even beyond weed, the most comforting thing is just some guy playing video games. and thats only from my ex. i wouldve never developed this comfort in watching games had i not ha this experience. now thats apart of who i am. and i think about him atleast 10 - 20 times a month. easily. i think about the time we spent together, i think about how much i loved him, how much i loved his guitar playing - i felt really lucky at the time and that this would be the man i would marry and spend the rest of my life with. i wanted to do this.

and i talked to him because i wanted this sooooo bad i hoped that he could say or do something that would regain my respect and nothing he did or said made it any better. i never regained respect for him. and its because the action was already done. i dont think i could forgive an abuser, you know? like i dont think i could get punched in the fucking face and be like oh it was just one time they changed. they did not change at all they just learned to not do that again because the consequences are dire. the action is already done. you were a working brain of a person before you cocked your fist and then you completed the action and NOW you’re sorry? NOW you learned?

i think he is not a person right now you can currently admire or respect. and like nikki sixx, he gave me alot. like alot of negative experiences whch couldve been much worse that allowed me the opportunity to learn about myself. life is not fair and life couldve been some fucking piece of shit jamming a dick down my throat. and like for the position im in thats actually alot more likely to happen to someone like me so its lucky that i encountered some mentally ill jerk off living with his mother.

to be fair, i guess hes right - he hasnt BEEN someone to respect or admire. he has sat on his high horse while crying and then running away. and i cannot at any point n the future see myself saying “wow good job you abandoned all your responsibilities to work on yourself.” because again - you abandoned them; they werent taken from you. you took for granted what youve been given and then took advantage of your priviledge to “take a break from it” and that’s just not respectable in the least bit. no matter if you come out of this as jesus fucking christ - if jesus murdered a dude before he was crucified - fuck jesus.

i feel as the mostly not mentally ill person n ths situation as i look down upon it i see this person running away and realizing how much they took for granted and how poorly they treated me and the love that i actually provided to them. this of course will take weeks, if not months to realize as lonliness sets in and no one is really interested in being friends with someone mentally ill or he encounters similar situations.

what i feel like right now is that i have a choice. i could gamble upon my gut feeling whch could very well lead to repeating a cycle again; hes “not monogamous”. so even if he were to realize anything at all, it remains tht hes “not monogamous” and i would have to gamble two years worth of hearing that against it suddenly changing (it wont.)

or i could walk away and commit myself to the knowledge this person is mentally ill, unlikely to get better an caused a large amount of pain in my life so i should not maintain any communication with them because mentally i will always be thinking like.. i dont care. go fuck yourself. and in turn never provide them with anything they are looking for from me.

because i would also not detriment any future relationships with maintaing contact with him. not because i would be some cheater but because he has proven to make inappropriate and disrespectful comments to other peoples spouses when he has a failed relationship with the person. and i want to respect my future partner enough that they wont have to endure that kind of treatment from someone who thinks they know me on an intimate level.

i made a comment some weeks ago like i’m not going to walk away, i know you’re ill and unlike other people i’m not going to blame you for it. and he said that that had made him feel good and like he could lessen the anxiety of going away to work on his illness and then tonight he commented that i would probably “fuck off” within a few days of him leaving.

and then i think about asia o’hara. and how this is my only reference to anyone without parents in any circumstance that is moderately close to my age. and like all these things she does and says - i get it. i know where its coming from. and one of the last few thngs she said on the runway was that she was put on this earth to serve. and you will feel that way when you lose parents or they become ill before they die. you are here to serve an make other peoples lives better. and feel that. ive felt that. i felt that standing in my fathers living room realizing no one would ever know what this was. if i did not exist my fathers life wouldve been worse. so my existences purpose was to make his better. not to like go out and succeed and be amillionaire and put him in a house. but to serve, to make it my life to make another persons life better and i could expect absolutely nothing at all for it. like my life mightve gotten worse for it. but to this day i am not regretful at all. i couldve went to school and had luxurious jobs and did all the things. i couldve. but instead i stayed home and cared for this stubborn sick man who got up every day for 35 years at 4am to drive a transport truck on winter canadian highways for 14 hours a day. my existence was to see that. i was supposed to see that. i was put on this earth to see my fathers life and to honor that he existed and he worked and he lived and he breathed and people should know this.

she said, “ive learned that friendships have become extremely important and i treat them like family to me” and thats not wrong. thats another person just like me who is saying because i have no family, the people in my life are going to take a bigger step because i do not have the responsibilites or obligations to distract me from helping the greater good.

and m so sad. i could scream from teh top of my building how sad i am and cauterwall like a cat in heat. and im hurt. and im so many things.

but this sick man, who is leaving for months, took the time to ave this conversation because i began the threat that what we currently had was going to be over on his return. and we cannot define what this is. but if you believe you will return and i will be adoring and in love and fascinated and interested by all your tales - probably not. and he is saying, “i may never see you again”, “i cant make any commitments to you.” “i cant tell you whats going to happen” and the ease of the relationship has ended, and he is saying “we are broken up, this is not a relationship anymore” but the conversation continues. no.

no.

its not a conversation as i sit silently tears streaming down my face as he rants on and on about things, contradicting himself at every turn. and hes “angry” but hes not angry, and hes upset that he’s worried about me like he’s never been in love before. he’s upset he doesnt want to leave because hes worried about me like hes never been in love before. and it all sounds so .. psychotic. and he hangs up, and i call back and he answers and he doesnt want to do this and he cant do this and hes done everything he possibly can for me.

i could choose to put myself aside and serve the “greater good” of this person “becoming better”. and by doing this i take full acknowledgement that i could receive absolutely nothing in return. i could be shit on again. i coul watch this person fall in love with someone else (they will) and i have to have the strength to be happy for them because theyve reached “better”. i guess im like.. disappointed in myself that im not better than i thought i was because of my history. like i should be able to accept this opportunity to fulfill my fucking existence but im really ... begrudging my exstence because im still resentful for not getting anthing for my father.

like not like money or anythng but like you get literally nothing. no praise. people literally question whether you should even be applauded for it like it was your job anyways. and thats such a dark side to humanity that you have to remain positive and loyal and “happy” while witnessing all of this and carrying like the burdens this had all created for you.

and i guess i kind of lost respect but i dont think ram dass would say thats okay because i lost respect for the fact he became worn out by being a caregiver. but only a few people in the world are legitimately care givers. you have to truly have something in your soul in order to endure the care of others. and not everyone has this. this is why we have to like super respect nurses and people like that because they are care givers. we respect mothers because they are primary (usually) care givers. they are always obligated. mom has to be there, period. many women upon giving birth learn the trait of being a care giver. and like many women will live until they give birth being selfish ungiving pieces of shit and then spend the rest of their lives caring for someone else.

my care giving is an extremely respectable part of my character. if not the most respectable part. but i have lost alot of this trait over the past three years - i never asked my dad for anything in return. like yeah he already ~ gave me things but i never was like hey ill do ths an this for you if you give me 10$. like hes not paying me to do his groceries. hes not paying me to change his bandages. im not asking him to do that either. nor am i trading any service with him - i dont change hs bandage for him to make me lunch. i am just serving him as a care giver and you will not get anything in return and a good and true care giver expects nothing. i am no longer this person. i went kind of backwards in life and i worry now that maybe ive become sooo jaded that maybe i will never truly be a care giver again.

and of course. of course i dont need to at all give this care to a capable grown ass priviledged man. i absolutely do not. is this even the most deserving person?

i dont necessarily have to jump to a decision right now because the next three months will dictate it for me but i would love to break the cycle by making a commitment to myself on a decision/action i will take and living with the responsibility of that action because if you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.

and my gut says no. my depression says yes. my depression is very desperate and i think holds on to things that arent there. my gut says no, dont support ths person. our call ended with, “ill call you in a few days”. to which i feel like - why bother? i cant actually speak about how i feel about anything and ill just have to sit and listen to his stories about whatever the fuck he did. and i dont care. and i cant pretend to care and i cant pretend to be happy for his decision i barely respect.

i dont wan tto spend my summer looking forward to his calls, you know? i just want to let it go and have my mourning period and move on.

and maybe its shitty of me but i hope he feels guilty and i hope its hard for him. i do. because thats the result of a decision that cant be respected. and thats how you should feel when you go through with it. because honestly? none of this is real and its a projection of the fear of losing me. if it doesnt matter we wouldnt have had the conversation.

and yes, the moment he sleeps with someone else this will all be over for me. and thats the result of being involved with someone who is monogamous. thats a choice he made and will probably make and when youre a hundred miles away, i never have to care about you or choose to see you again. like even with my oshawa ex i fet like i hope he feels like shit. not because i want to be with him but beause he deserves to feel that way. it doesnt even benefit me. you just deserve it.

i do not regret not spending another night with a mentally ill person. i wish i couldve spent the last night with a person i loved but it wasnt able to happen.

he told me i should “take this as a wake up call” to have “more than him” in my life nd i dont believe at all thats what it is. its a wake up call to learn how to take care of myself - n all ways. like no one else can or will or should fulfill anything in my life, i should fulfill everything that i need. so that i make a choice as to who to be around. i will have to live more frugally and learn how to moderate my pleasures.

i am disappointed that again i feel like if i do talk to him that i will begin to lie because i want to be left alone. i do not want to be told what to do or that what im doing isnt enough. i jsut want to tell him what he wants to hear. like i want to tell him that ive gotten a job but the job is on a farm. i want to say that like im already doing what he said he wanted to do. and like i want to be fulfilled with myself so that when i lie and say that this farm is owned by some family who treated me kindly and i felt ths and this its just a personification of my self improvement. llike im half way into it anyways - i lie about a therapist to justify things i already fucking know but no one listens to me so i hve to make up ths story to make it sound like it didnt come from me and now its respectable.

so fine. ill ‘see a therapist’ and ‘go to work’. but again, i’m not really going to talk in detail about these things. and if he asks i would just tell him that its just something im doing and im not interested in talking about it. that it doesnt define me or anything in my life at all. it gives me an ongoing excuse to turn down phone calls or texts when im not prepared to answer them at that time as well. remaining silent is just not good enough.

ive been a very honest person in my life and i think its time for me to be selfish in order to et myself to the next step and it sounds really stupid to be dishonest to better myself and attempt to regain my care giving traits nd maybe itll all blow up in my face and ill learn a new lesson but for now this is how im going to sleep. i will tell him its my therapists advice not to talk to him about these things until weve established a mutually respectful way of communicating and if we dont it doesnt matter what i did or did not tell him because it literally doesnt matter. if he is capable of maintaining his own interest in my life then maybe ill open up more - he can either work towards that to be a mature, respectful human begin or disregard it and any sort of relationship between us. of course, the position is just a summer job, giving me an out if ths somehow lasts the summer.

tomorrow i have to go through excruciating pain - again for my fucking cyst and i have contract testing at some point and i really want to do these things on my own and grab my last weed for like a week and just exist. not for a week. id like to wake up and do shit on friday too. and i know so hard that depression will be the firs tthing i feel when i wake up. and as the days go on its going be even harder and sadder but i just have to figure it out an get myself through it.

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diplomaticdiplodocus · 7 years

Text

The Hero and the Crown

I read this while (mostly) bussing to Toronto yesterday. It was a fun read, very much in the style of high fantasy.

~ SPOILERS ~

Aerin is out of place at her father’s castle, because Mysterious Backstory of Her Mother. She’s fairly isolated and listles. Of the people who are characters, there’s Galanna who hates her guts and is vain and petty; Perlith who is her husband and quite well matched (though somewhat too minor a character to matter); Tor who is a Proper Prince except when he sometimes caves to teach her swordfighting, and is also kind of pathetically in love with her in that trademarked fantasy way, Aerlith (sp?) who is her father the king, and busy king-ing, and whose only moments we get to see are him being not so dumb as everyone believes; Talat, her Improbably Competent Horse; Teka, her nursemaid/servant/minor character who sometimes gets in the way as a small obstacle to be thwarted and the rest of the time is just a doting presence at various sickbeds. I guess you can tell that I don’t particularly like the characters. (That statement extends to Mysteriously Wise Yet for Plot Reasons Conveniently Useless Mage Dude later on, as well.)

However, I do like the story. It’s a classic arc of small problems to bigger problems to cosmic problems, and it’s fairly well set up. Certainly her training to fight dragons, based on This One Old Book She Read, ramps up very well. Her struggles (making kenet, learning to fight, rehabilitating Talat, getting out of the castle so she can go fight stuff) are shown convincingly and engagingly; it’s the sort of story whose predictability in no way detracts from the enjoyment. I found the later escalation of tension against the Big Bad to be fairly abrupt and unclear, since we had neither much sense of how the magic worked or any particular intelligence on the part of the villain. This all made her victory somewhat unconvincing. However, the tension in setting up the family relation to the Big Bad (no, not Anikin Skywalker), along with its resolution of these nebulous features of her destiny, made it somewhat more satisfying. As for the romantic arcs, I found them similarly tired – shy secluded girl suddenly gets, in a short span of time, two excellent attractive guys who are both in love with her. In this case, she even manages to be with both of them, due to the whole immortality thing.

This book is considerably older than I thought. I’m not sure where precisely fantasy was as a genre in the 1980s, but I’m sure that many of the tropes I am tired of were new and exciting then. I worry that my response to this is, in fact, insufficiently new and exciting based on all that has come since. However. Let’s proceed to the beef.

To be clear, this is my beef with a lot of fantasy of this type, not just this book. And it’s not to say it’s not enjoyable. Think of it more as a blueprint for the kind of fantasy I’d like to see, and create, more of.

1. There was only one real female character, and in fact very few developed characters at all.

a. Having few characters is a pretty consistent trend in quest-type fantasy novels. That’s fine. Having few female characters – well, I think this comes from a trend at the time, which is to talk more about the frustrations and ambitions of a particular woman, in charge of her own destiny; in doing so, it largely avoids talking about the role of women in a systematic way.

b. It’s unfair to lob this criticism at the book, since it was written 30 years later and partly in response. Nonetheless:

This wasn’t even the original post I saw that expressed this sentiment. (Also, yes, I ‘reblogged’ by copying the image, like a pleb. Fight me. Or challenge me to an embroidery battle, whatever.) But: this. There are so many interesting subtle things that can be done via the power of female-coded work, and it’s a pity to pass them all up.

2. Magic can be a charming and interesting part of the setting, but I’d really like to avoid the whole arc of “secret destiny makes you a level 100 magic user with superpowered artefacts, after only a brief training montage”. I’m not alone in this. Let’s have the characters do amazing and awesome things by being clever and daring and having good friends, not because of who they are.

3. All the characters are royalty. More broadly, in this type of fantasy, the characters are all powerful royalty, high-ranking nobles who have a shot at becoming powerful royalty, mages, or very occasionally common soldiers (who also, by virtue of destiny and/or fighting really well, tend to have a shot at becoming powerful royalty). But this is sooo unrealistic – 99% of people, or more, have no such chance. That doesn’t mean they can’t be badasses with interesting stories. Let’s tell them.

4. The plot revolves mainly around fighting things. It may be hard to entirely avoid fight scenes, but I’d like to see more drivers of tension. What options are there? Political intrigue, magical or scientific discovery, natural calamities, financial thrillers, fraud, theft, really any crime.

5. Of the core D&D classes (which may seem an odd starting point – but it is closely entwined with so much fantasy, it’s at least an interesting framework to talk about), the vast majority of characters are fighters and wizards. Sometimes fighter-wizards. There are a number of stories about thieves, and they tend to be excellent (ticking many of the boxes described above, for example). There are almost no stories about clerics/priests/healers. It’s easy to think of reasons for this – they’re typically a support role, other characters are the main ones ‘doing stuff’, people who read fantasy may not want a lot of fictional theology, which is pretty densely entangled with what a cleric does. Nonetheless, I’m fairly sure this lack of writing about healers is one reason players are reluctant to play them. And based on all of the above, what do you think I have to say about “unglamorous” main characters?

6. Morality – The Hero and the Crown, like so many fantasies, has a very simplistic good vs evil morality. But what makes the good guys good? And more interestingly, what makes the bad guys bad? Do they have an understandable motivation? Are there moral dilemmas? In this case, the answers are no and no. As I’ve said, that’s fine for a style of fantasy. But I’d prefer a different one. Why do we need to have bad guys anyway? How far can you push the good guys’ flaws?

7. Uncritical use of tropes. Sometimes this is fun, and gives the reader an enjoyable sense of predictability & the sense of a good story. Sometimes it’s lazy, and more to the point a reason for other weaknesses to go unexamined. I’m a fan of mixing it up – having some tropes played straight, and some subverted, especially by complex villains.

If pressed, I’m sure I could add more to this list. However, that’s it for now, since I should go to school.

My broader point is I’m a fan of complex fantasy that makes you think, and that has enough creativity to make the ‘unglamorous’ into a really good story.

Some books do this fairly well. Game of Thrones achieves many of these points, and was pretty revolutionary fantasy as a result. The Traitor Baru Cormorant does so much, much better, at the expense of all your hopes and dreams. #worthit

#fabulous fantasy #beautiful books

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