Legit is as legit does.

bailing on volleyball tonight because I wanna have dinner with my man then go home and self loathe

This is gonna be a reaction post of mine from this point onward

mood board for today

I've just seen on your deviantart that you said there'll be an comic update!! Im just so excited I love your comic ^^ (ive seen it in the comments of the last comic update)

(Please dont take this as a demand to hurry up or sth, please take your time, I'm just so happy lol!! And felt like expressing my excitement ^^)

I hope you're still happy with your new job and that everything went well so far, I hope its not too personal but may I ask what kind of job you got? If not thats totally okay you dont need to answer if you dont wanna xx

Well I wish you much luck & success with everything and stuff, keep determined ♡

Aww, what a nice ask! Thank you for being patient and putting up with my nonsense, it makes me very happy <3 My new job started real bad, but now I've gotten the hang of it! I love getting paid, it helps me pay my bills and that's fantastic haha thanks for your concern <3 Indeed I do plan on updating soon! I am going back to sketching more pages this week. I'm sorry for my slow pace, I planned on starting sooner this year but life sadly happens. My job is also very hour-intensive so I can't draw all I would like... but I'll do my best! Hope you'll like what I have in store! ^^

my brain is on the verge of imploding, but 🥺  👉👈 what if you ignored my absence and started writing with me again?

wait did @shrimpchipsss and I both start drawing Comfort QT at the same time or

the tower of babel. it crumbled with nothing but debris and rats crawling over it.

sometimes, i wish i can tell all the things i've been too scared to tell my parents. i wish i can say: do you know why i don't believe in religion anymore? do you realize that i do take a universal approach now? do you believe that i now know why i always feel so out of place in this world? do you realize i feel so disconnected from my generation as i awkwardly stutter to one of my coworkers, "so-sorry. i haven't been taught"? do you realize i've been so scared to tell you all this time for fear of being brainwashed into fundamentalist propaganda again? what you all have done stuck into me like a leech trying to eat away at my internal organs, gnawing away my spinal chord all the way to my nervous system. i've grown up with it, and i hope i don't die still trying to fight it off. maybe i might. who knows.

but it grows. and it grows. and you have refused to look at the fact that i haven't been taught. i haven't been taught anything. i don't know how to believe in myself without remembering the constant twist to my memories you all did. you always taught me to give glory to god first. believing in yourself? a sin. a distortion of unspeakable horrors gradually spread to me. i don't know how to trust in my memory. i don't know how you all easily brushed off the symptoms that all screamed: i'm scared, shattered, and desperately starved for connection. i don't even know if i should believe i'm a victim to all of this. what if i'm making all of this up?

you know what you did in response to this? to seeing me so scared and threatened? "god has told me you need to grow up and become a young adult. you need to pay the bills to support your mom. act like an adult." and "there's only two kingdoms, one of god and one of satan's."

you chose god over me. i'm infuriated. there's a knot in my heart and a knife to my gut that wants to scream because i finally found something i wanted to do, something i wanted to believe in. something that brought me so much happiness and inspiration.  but you have cut my tongue off to tie marionette strings and say, "fine."

it fills me with so much rage that it drains me like a fucking parasite. because this is what you do and you call it holy, holy, holy. meanwhile, i take it like i've always done. so convinced and so brainwashed that i fall for it.

if that is a god i have to serve, then cast me down. his followers—you are the last thing i want to be.

from years 2019-2022, there's so much i haven't been taught because you failed. so much trauma that happened; from my little heartbreaks, my identity crises, and my religious crises, that i truly realize: aha, so i am an idiot after all!

i don't think i can entirely attribute my idiocy of not knowing to my parent's failures. but it sure as hell was a factor. one best friend had stated that: "your parents are supposed to prepare you for this stuff." another said, "you've been going through rapid changes since i last saw you without reprieve. you've truly grown up."

this is severe neglect that they had put onto me; the empty hollow of passiveness i took to everything because there was no guidance, no paternal figure to help me out. i'm alone most of the time even though you.. were just there. you blasted a box, put all the rage onto me, and then left as i stood there with shaky hands, watered eyes, and unsaid things that i couldn't say. because no one was for me. no one wanted me. so what could i do?? what could i do?? bear the cross you had imposed on me?? i chose to go here because you all failed me. now i go out into the world, sorely unprepared for everything.

people have told me i was smart growing up, but honestly. i don't know shit. i don't know anything. my thoughts are so scattered. chaotic and absolutely undefinable. i lack common sense, but i have an abundance of universal knowledge. i lack what social context means in situations involving myself in my life, but i catch on quickly to the nuances my friends say through text. blame it on my growing up through the internet the majority of the time. because christ, during my martial art practices, during my job, during the small things in life — i desperately wanted you to come through. but you couldn't even show up for that??? you've come to the bare minimum while i remained reclusive, silently hoping you'd chase after me as a child.

but you couldn't even show up for that too, i guess.

even jesus christ himself cried, "eli, eli lema sabachthani?" do you know what that meant? that his own father forsook him. he said, "father, father, why have you forsaken me?" if fatherhood means abandonment to this god, that is not a god i want to serve.

a doctor can prescribe something to fix your hemmorhoids, better than the otc stuff, it saved my life.

They probably can but I don’t have time/money/way to get to the doctor cause my job’s insurance SUUUUCKS

You ever try to have a conversation with someone and are like… yes this is why I don’t do that anymore

VERY IMPORTANT a dam in the Netherlands, the weerdsluis lock, is directly on a migratory path for spawning fish. They have a worker stationed there to open the door for the fish, but they can take a while to open it. So to keep the fish from getting preyed on by birds they installed a doorbell. Only, the fish don't have hands to ring the doorbell. If you go to their website, they have a LIVE CAMERA AND A DOORBELL that YOU RING FOR THE FISH when they're waiting, and then the dam worker opens the door for them! I can't express how obsessed I am with this. look at this shit. oh my god.

Please check on the fish doorbell once in a while :)

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

Posting this iconic piece of media that I just NEVER found online isolated except in an archived reddit thread

Zack and Cody showing up at that restaurant at 7:30pm tonight: