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#keep the dream alive darkles
feckyeslife · 1 year
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Sorrynotsorry
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luna-writes-stuff · 6 months
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If I Knew, Nikolai Lantsov
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Fanfic, gn! reader
Hurt/comfort, some angst
Word count: 3405
Tw: I used Y/N like three times (I know, I deserve to go to hell). Mention/descriptions of injuries, losing consciousness, battle and blood. You go into very light shock (fanfic authors aren’t medical professionals!! At least, this one isn’t). Nikolai worries, cries, then worries some more. Naked Nikolai but doN’T GET ANY IDEAS. This is hurt/comfort only.
Summary: A sudden attack on the Volkvolny renders you unconscious, and Nikolai and his group rush to a safe place, doing their best to keep the survivors alive. You wake up in one of your and Nikolai’s shared quarters, and come face to face with Nikolai’s worried state. He’s there to gently help you wake up.
Requested by @notoakay
Buy me a coffee/force me to write more
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“Loneliness seems like an evil dream. Reality is life and life is here.”
Mere seconds ago you had on the deck of the Volkvolny, getting your drinks as you talked with the crew members. Only seconds ago you were comfortable and at ease. And then suddenly, you were clutching the balustrades for dear life.
The attack had come out of nowhere. You knew the risk that came with offering the sun summoner transport, but you hadn’t expected the darkling to find her as quickly as he did. The shadows came before you could even see the sky darken. Innocent men and women who you had talked to only minutes prior had fallen torn in parts upon the floor, their dead eyes staring straight into yours.
“Mal!” You heard Alina’s voice carry over the darkness, trying to summon just a little bit of light. Over her voice, you heard Nikolai’s, calling out your name. You remained frozen in place, unable to speak, sheer shock coursing through you. You wanted to shout back at him. Assure him you were fine and that he should stay put. But you couldn’t.
“Once my heart was ruled by emptiness. Harmed because of being too sincere.”
“Y/N!” A second shout bore through the darkness, now closer. A rough jolt rocked through the ship as your back harshly collided with the balustrade you were holding onto. A ragged breath tore through you upon impact, your arm now clinging in an uncomfortable manner.
A gentle hand was laid upon your shoulder, followed by a second one that reached up to your cheek. Turning it slightly, you were faced with Nikolai, concern laced within his eyes. Looking at your hands, he grasped them slowly, untangling them from the balustrade as you let out a hiss.
“I know, darling,” he tried to shush. For a second time, the ship shook heavily, sending Nikolai against the balustrade as well. His arms wound around your waist, clutching to you tightly. One of the darkling’s nichevo’ya swung out to hit the pair of you, only narrowingly avoiding you when a burst of light seared through the air. A loud explosion was heard as the ship suddenly began to turn on its side in the air. Shouts and yells were heard all around you as your hands refused to let go of the fence behind you.
Now dangling above utter darkness, you could hear Nikolai shout commands. More light emanated from the ship as it was turned back, now descending rapidly. You didn’t know if the darkling’s army was still there, or if there even was any other threat lurking around the corner. You were focused on the floor below you, coming closer with every incoming second.
“But now that you've crossed my way. Could it be we found it again?”
Nikolai shifted slightly beside you, still holding onto you as the commands kept flowing from his mouth. The muscles in your arms had nearly atrophied from the amount of pressure you were putting them under. They felt red hot, your hands shaking wildly, almost losing its grip.
Before you could spare a second look to the panicked crew, a final explosion was heard, blowing the ship in half, violently falling to the floor. You braced upon impact, your muscles hardened as you failed to resist the scream tearing from your throat.
A loud ringing was heard in your eyes before you felt your body jolt against the floor. The tension in your muscles snapped suddenly, your arms falling down limply as you let out another shout. The back of your head harshly collided with the balustrade, a dull ache settling in before white spots danced around your vision. A bitter taste filled your mouth as your head fell against Nikolai’s chest. It was only then that you realised he had fallen onto the floor as well.
The last things you recalled was your call for aid, the pain in your limbs and the rough pounding on your head. Then, you collapsed beside him.
“If I knew that I'm your only one I could live and make it through time.”
He had been awake during the entire endeavour. Having had his fair share of accidents, he managed to relax during the fall, limiting his injuries to a handful of bruises, a terrible headache and two potential broken bones.
He had heard your call for aid, and the panic laced within your words. He had tried to assure you, his hands still tightly on your waist, but your full body weight had already fallen on top of him. Initially, it had torn a slight chuckle out of him - a sign of relief. But when you failed to respond to it, he was quickly silenced.
“Darling?” His voice was filled with concern as he slowly lifted his head. “You okay, there?” When you failed to respond yet again, he immediately sat up straight, taking care in handling you accordingly. “Hey, Y/N?”
It was then when he saw you hadn’t been awake to begin with. Your entire body hung limply around him as your head felt heavy against his shoulder. A deep, unnerving feeling entered the pit of his stomach, an inexplicable emptiness suddenly filling him. He felt his heartbeat speed up tremendously as he copied your earlier cries for help. Arms clung to you in a desperate attempt to keep you close, words of reassurance muttered through his pleas, his eyes running from the left over crew to your unconscious figure in his arms.
“But if one day you just be gone I wouldn't know how to ever get by.”
Nikolai considered himself patient most of the time, but the wait for help had felt too long in his eyes. In truth, he had sat there for a handful of seconds, no longer than a minute, but it felt as if he had been waiting for at least half an hour. He didn’t dare move any more than he already had, still unaware of the extent of your injuries.
When a heartrender managed to steady your heartbeat, he should have felt relief. Instead, he just felt dread. Yes, you were alive, but the state of your well-being would remain a question until you woke up. There were people out there who needed him more than ever, but all he could do was stare at you as two healers leaned over you, exchanging hushed whispers and silent gazes. You were stabilised, but how far would that even get you? He had no way of knowing. And the not knowing was what scared him the most.
He was always on top of everything. What could go wrong and what could be done to avoid that? These were questions he offered solutions to daily. Of course he had thought of a possible attack of the darkling, but he hadn’t truly anticipated it. He had tried to run his crew through the whole emergency landing protocol, but through panic, most abandoned logical solutions and resolved to fighting that which could barely be fought.
“How can I make you feel secure? We're both the same, I'm king and you are queen.”
When the army found him and the remainder of his group a couple minutes later, his full attention had been on you. You had to be safe, that was his priority now - sun summoner be damned. The whole trip to safety couldn’t be short enough for him.
When the group had finally found a safe haven, you were transported to your room immediately, the guards followed by four healers, which had already been waiting at the entrance. Anticipation grew heavy in his features as he followed them swiftly.
“Sir, we will need a complete-“ “Not now.” He muttered over his shoulder, not halting his footsteps as Tolya and the captain of the guards ran after him. “Nikolai, do you want me to-“ “Not now.” The prince repeated, stopping quickly to turn around and face the others. “Get everyone cleaned and bandaged up,” he spoke to the captain, then turned to Tolya: “And take over until I’m back. No one leaves or gets out until they have gotten proper permission.” The man nodded back at him, before turning around, his hand on the back of the guard as he forced him to leave with him.
As soon as the two had affirmed their order, Nikolai continued to follow the group of Corporalki, opening the doors to your room for them as they placed you on top of the bed. As they worked on the full extent of your wounds, he paced the floor, his mind racing a thousand miles an hour. His entire childhood he had learned to remain calm under any situation: put on a smile and a wave. No one needs to know the struggles of a prince. But at this exact moment, all of that knowledge had flown out of the window.
“Understand you make me breathe again Tell me all your thoughts and I will see.”
It wasn’t until one of the healers finally rose, wiping a bead of sweat off of her face, when Nikolai stopped. “She will be fine,” The woman spoke, trying to reassure Nikolai. “Her arms need rest and she will have one hell of a headache, but all major injuries have been sustained.” With those words, the other three rose as well, bowing their heads in respect to their prince before walking out of the room.
When he was finally alone, he collapsed onto the empty space in the bed next to you, a heavy sigh escaping him as a shaking hand ran through his hair. “Thank the Saints.” He muttered quietly, leaning forward as his elbows rested on his knees, his head falling in the palm of his hands.
Trying to calm his breathing, his leg bounced, getting rid of all excess energy. A choked sob left him as his head fell deeper. Only now, when all adrenaline had faded, the urgency of the situation had begun to dawn on him. He could have easily lost you had he not found you prior to the fall. Had he not been next to you, your landing would not have been as soft as it had been. He had been prepared, but you hadn’t. You always travelled with him. Why had he not prepared you?
His eyes trailed to your sleeping figure, tears welling up in his eyes as he finally realised the close call. Nearly falling off of the bed, he fell to his knees, his hands finding yours as he rested his head against it, a second sob escaping him.
“Darling, I’m so sorry,” he mumbled against the bruised skin. “I’m so sorry.”
“Take my hands and we'll be there. Together someday somehow.”
He stayed like that until he couldn’t cry anymore. Until all apologies had left him and all he had was exhaustion. Even prior to the fall, it had been a busy day. He remembered standing atop the Volkvolny and awaiting the moment until he could return to his bed and just rest for a while. And now with the adrenaline being gone and the tiring travel he had just gone through, all he really needed was some rest. He could recognize that easily. But he wouldn’t give into it.
If you would wake up and he would be asleep, he wouldn’t forgive himself for that. He had fallen unconscious many times, just to wake up alone in an empty room. It was terrifying: no one to tell you what happened or to comfort you. And he refused to let that happen to you.
So, he sat on the chair beside you, forcing himself to sit upright to make the desire to sleep less appealing. He had tried to read, but his mind wouldn’t allow him. He simply sat there, peeling at the scabs of wounds that had dried blood all around it. He should probably get cleaned. Might be a fresher sight. The bathtub was only a short call away. He could easily hear you if you woke up. It was in the same room to be completely fair. There were two guards outside who would be there if anything were to arise.
He really did not want to leave your sight, but it had become difficult to fight the fatigue in his body. Being submerged in water might be a good method to stay awake. And all the dirt and blood had begun to feel uncomfortable on his skin, almost begging to be removed.
A short moment wouldn’t hurt.
“If I knew that I'm your only one I could live and make it through time.”
Your skin had been cleaned by the healers, thankfully. They had even taken the liberty to change you into fresher clothes, before gently tucking you in. Besides the dull pull on your arms, you had been extremely comfortable. A familiar scent washed over you as you felt the weight of a warm blanket over your figure. You could faintly hear the exchange of people outside your room and the splashing of water. Opposed to your latest memory, this was a pleasant place.
You turned under the blankets, carefully testing your surroundings. A shot of pain soared through you as you tried to use your arms to shift. An involuntary hiss was let out upon the feeling as you peeled your eyes open carefully. Faint light luminated the room, giving you a view of your personal room. The curtains had been drawn shut - the light came from inside.
The more you found yourself waking up, the more you were able to recognize and identify. The splashing hadn’t come from the gardens, it came from the tub. As was the painful groaning of a familiar voice. As you took your time to observe all of it, a harsh pounding was felt against your head, the feeling forcing you to close your eyes again, forgetting everything you had seen seconds prior. Dizziness filled you as brief ringing was heard in your ears.
Blindly trying to reach for your nightstand, where you would usually keep a glass of water and painkillers, the strength in your arm failed, forcing it down as you knocked the empty glass off of the cabinet. You could hear it shatter on the floor, causing you to groan in annoyance and pain, the sounds only amplified.
“But if one day you just be gone I wouldn't know how to ever get by.”
You forced your other arm to cover your eyes, attempting to shield you from even more sensories. You could hear the splashing stop from the other room, before quick, wet footsteps made its way over the floor. A sigh of relief was heard as the bed dipped beside you
“Good morning, darling,” He tried to cheer, gently laying a hand on top of your arm. You let out another groan, this time in recognition. There was silence for a short minute, assumingly to observe the mess on the floor. Then, he spoke up again. “How are you?”
“Head.” You just mumbled, hoping it was enough for him to understand. Having known each other for as long as you had, he thankfully did, rubbing your arm in assurance. “I’m going to get you some water.”
The footsteps faded slightly, water falling apparent from the other side of the room before Nikolai returned. The bed dipped beside you, his leg now resting against yours. “You need to sit up,” He encouraged, placing the new glass on the headboard. His hands carefully slid under your body, lifting your upper half up. You tried to help him, but your arms crumbled underneath your weight. “It’s okay,” Nikolai soothed, noting your struggle. “I got you.”
“I wouldn't know how to ever get by. If I knew that I'm your only one I could live and make it through time.”
Placing himself behind you, he allowed you to rest your back against his chest, his arms underneath your armpits as he held you upright. He reached out to grab the glass from his side of the bed, placing it in yours. Clumsily, he reached over to your side of the bed, grabbing the pain killers. Again, he placed them in your hand.
You recognized the tablets in your hand and was able to lift it just enough to properly take them. The water glass, however, still appeared too heavy, and almost tipped out of your hold. Nikolai’s hand fell under your elbow, keeping it upright as you finally swallowed the pills down. You let out a heavy sigh once they were all gone, handing the cup back to him. As he set it back, you reopened your eyes, scanning the room again. Nikolai’s hands connected with each other around your waist, allowing you to take everything in individually.
“When did we get here?” You finally whispered, turning your head to the side, now able to hear the steady beating off his heart. His chest heaved slightly at the question, a sigh escaping him simultaneously.
“Just today,” He answered. “You were out for a couple of hours.”
You hummed at that, silently grateful that you hadn’t been out for a couple of days. You knew Nikolai worried. You didn’t need him absent from his position for a week. Be that as it may, you were thankful to find traces in the room that pointed to his presence: the three empty cups that had likely contained tea, the pile of books with Nikolai’s bookmarks between them, the dirtied clothes of him haphazardly strewn over the desk chair, the half eaten plate of food. All traces of silent worrying.
“But if one day you just be gone I wouldn't know how to ever get by.”
“You smell nice,” you whispered, not fully comfortable in the quiet ambiance that had begun to grow. A low chuckle reverberated through his chest as he placed a kiss in the crook of your neck. “Well, I was cleaning until someone smashed an expensive glass to the floor.” “‘m sorry,” You apologised half-heartedly, forcing the pounding in your head down. It was only then that you realised Nikolai’s chest had still been damp with the water he had been in previously. He must have left immediately after hearing the glass shatter. The thought of it made heat rise to your cheeks, regardless of the amount of times you had seen him without anything on.
“You should get dressed,” You offered, your voice sluggish as the active part of your brain decided to slow down. “You’re trying to get me to put clothes on?” He put emphasis on ‘on’, the innuendo not going unnoticed by you. You dismissed it.
“I interrupted your bath,” You stated, your eyelids falling shut again. “Yes,” he agreed. “But I was already clean. It was a simple distraction.” “Distraction?” You repeated tiredly.
He was quiet for a while, a lone hum coming from him. You didn’t think you would get much out of him now. Judging by the state of the room, you figure he hadn’t slept either. He must have been exhausted as well.
“I wouldn't know how to ever get by. I wouldn't know how to ever get by.”
“They were working on you for hours,” He then spoke. "I needed to find some distraction or I would combust out of worry.” Though he tried to laugh it off, you recognized the sincerity in his voice.
“‘m sorry,” you apologised again, but - once more - it was dismissed: “Don’t be,” He muttered against the skin on your shoulder. “I’m just glad you’re okay now.” A silent ‘me too’ escaped you as you nuzzled closer to him, relishing under his touch. His arms left your figure briefly, fiddling with the ends of the blanket as he pulled them to cover him as well. “Would be quite a sight for the guards.” He tried to joke, before returning his hold on you, getting comfortable as well.
“Get some rest,” he urged through a whisper. “You’ll find sleep does wonders.” You didn’t respond to that. Instead, you slowly, painfully turned in his hold, making sure you would wake up without any muscle aches besides those you already held.
“‘Night, Kolya.” You mumbled, your hand lazily finding his as he entwined them together. He held them up to his face as he kissed our knuckles lovingly.
“Goodnight, darling.”
“I would simply break down and cry.”
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dearmantis · 1 year
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Heart to Heart
Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/The Darkling x sick!Reader
Summary: Your weak heart has kept you up all night once more and Aleksander is forced to face the fact that the person he loves is still mortal.
Warnings: sick and insecure (and slightly self-sacrificing) reader, conversations about death, the rest is just fluff, I think
Word Count: 1.5k
Authors note: I'm still alive. I'm sorry for taking such a long break without explaining why. I didn't really go online at all for a month because some things came up at the end of december that didn't really leave me alone until very recently. I'll try my best to not repeat this and start working my way through my missed notifications soon.
I'm not a native English speaker, and this isn't really edited at all. The title is from Heart to Heart by Mac DeMarco
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When Aleksander wakes in the morning the first thing he notices, before he even fully realizes that he is awake and has to get up, is that he is alone.
Your side of the bed is cold and he curses quietly, fully aware of what this means. He can feel his heart rate shoot up, adrenaline rushing through his body as his thoughts take the worst turn. Quickly standing up he gets dressed for the day, trying his hardest to calm his mind. You're alright. Someone would've notified him if something bad had happened while he was asleep. One of his guards would've woken him up.
He knows this like the back of his hand, yet he pauses as soon as his hand wraps around the cold metal knob of the door that leads into the living room of your shared quarters. His mind is trying to prepare him for the worst. Prepare him to find your dead body curled in on itself on the sofa in front of a cold fireplace, all alone.
He has always hated this habit of yours. This obsession with keeping his day as peaceful as possible, of never bothering him with anything, has led to you refusing to tell him when something is wrong. You've been sick for almost your whole life, your heart a bit weaker than it should be, and every time you have issues with it during the night you leave your shared bed to hide away in a different room to make sure you won't disturb his sleep.
Many times has he asked you to stop, to wake him up so he can help make you more comfortable or call a heartrender to help you in case something is seriously wrong, but you just won't listen. You're trying to protect him from the pain of seeing you suffer, he understands that, but it makes no sense to him. Why are you, a mortal little otkazat'sya, so obsessed with protecting him, an ancient being who most people would argue has lost his humanity centuries ago if they truly knew him as a person?
Most... except you. You have found out about his true nature, about the darkness sleeping in his chest in the place where his soul should sit, and decided that he was worth loving. You saw and embraced all of him, the beautiful and kind, but also the cruel and ugly.
You. A small, mortal otkazat'sya with a sick heart.
The closest thing to a soulmate he thinks he will ever get.
With a last deep breath he finally opens the door and lets his eyes glide through the room, and he can feel his heart jump when he finds you carefully sipping on a cup of tea while sitting in front of a warm, burning fire, gaze focused on the snow silently falling outside.
Your head turns when you hear the door open, eyes lighting up when you see your husband.
"Oh, I'm glad to see you're awake. I sorted your folder for the meeting with the king and his advisors today. I hope I didn't mess up one of your weird sorting system though. I know you have your own way of doing things, but I thought this could-"
Your voice cuts off as soon as he reaches you on the sofa, quickly kneeling down in front of you before pressing his head against your chest. He knows your heart is beating, but he has to hear it right now. Has to hear the soft, familiar rhythm to calm his own heart and reassure him that this is all real, that he isn't dreaming.
You don't continue speaking after the surprise of his sudden movement dies down, instead mowing your hands up to run softly over his head while he listens to your heart pump blood through your body.
It still speeds up when he's close. You're glad it does.
You sit like this for a while, your fingers carefully moving to comb through his thick, ink black hair and loosening any knots that may have formed while he slept alone.
"I told you to stop disappearing." You finally hear him whisper after a few quiet minutes, arms still wrapped tightly around your middle while his head stays pressed against your chest.
"I know, Sasha... but it just wouldn't stop. I wanted to stay with you, but the pain wouldn't go away. I couldn't breathe right because of my own fear, so I kept coughing and it was so loud. I didn't want to wake you in the night before your meeting. I promise, if I felt like things were going to end last night, I would've woken you up."
You can feel the way his arms clench around you. You know how much he hates thinking about your death, how helpless and weak the simple fact that you will die makes him feel.
"Stop talking about it. It won't happen."
"Sasha, please, I know you don't want to think about losing me, but we have to make plans for-"
"No. I've created the fold, milaya. I will not let you die. I won't let it happen, even if I have to break the laws of nature once more. I will not let you leave this world without me. I refuse to lose another person. I can't be alone again, can't lose you too. I will not watch as the universe takes another person from me and leaves me alone to pick up the pieces of my broken heart. Not again. I can't do it again. You can't ask me to. You can't."
"I don't care about the king and I don't care about my rest." He hisses before finally lifting his ear from your chest, dark eyes looking up at you. "And I'm starting to hate your heart for keeping you up at night, for hurting you like this."
A soft smile finds its way onto your lips as you map out every freckle on his skin, every small wrinkle and every pore on his eternally beautiful face.
He never says it out loud but it's clear that it frustrates him more than anything that he can't fight the thing that is harming you. There is no enemy to slay, to throat to slit, no king to overthrow. He can't rip your heart out of your body and give you a painless, happy life that way. All he can do is hope that the medicine prescribed to you by the best doctors he can pay for will help and that the corporalki order will keep an eye on you.
This is entirely out of his control, and it's probably the worst feeling in the world for him.
"Hey, this heart is filled to the brim with love for you, don't be mean." You chastise playfully, grinning when you see Aleksander roll his eyes before moving to sit next to you on the couch. Leaning your head against his shoulder, you breathe in his familiar smell and let it soothe your soul. He still smells a bit like the soap the servants use to clean your bedsheets, with an underlying sweetness that comforts you like nothing else ever could. He smells like home, like belonging.
"I need you to swear that you will get me no matter what is wrong. Even if it's just a weird feeling in your chest, you need to wake me or come to me, please. That's all I ask of you, my love. All I want. I can't do my job as your husband and make you feel better if I don't know that something is wrong."
You think about it for a few seconds, mind replaying every other time you've had this conversation with him. This time is different though. He's not mad or upset, there are no tears in his eyes, he isn't even shaking. He just sounds calm, with a hint of pain in his voice, as if an old wound is giving him issues again.
Slowly you nod, arms wrapping around him as you snuggle closer to him.
"I promise I'll wake you Aleksander. I swear it. No matter what it is. I will wake you up or go find you."
Looking up at him you see the way his eyes shine at your words before he leans down and presses a soft kiss on your lips, movements careful as if he thinks you might break if he kisses you too forcefully. The only thought you have is how much you don't want to lose this. How much you want to stay with your husband.
You've accepted that you will die early years ago. Born into a simple family, you had no chance to truly survive long. You've already made it further than you should've. But being with Aleksander has made you greedy, his own ambition leading you to play with your own what-if scenarios. He convinced you to start dreaming again.
And the only dream you have is one of a world where you will never have to leave him behind, even if that means breaking the laws of nature.
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Taglist: @snowkestrel
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moonlightgrisha · 11 months
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New moon
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Ch. 8 At the frontline, you discover what being Grisha really means. Jut when you convinced yourself that you don't have what it takes to help anyone out, things take an unexpected turn. [Masterlist] Warnings: this chapter is slightly dark. We are at the battlefront. There's mention of pain, violence and death. Some angst, too. As I said, we are at the front, so that's expected, but only for this chapter. Previous - Next
You travel to the border by carriage, with the Black General himself. When you stop to stretch your legs, somewhere halfway to the front, he asks you if you are really sure about it. You are going to see some things you won't easily forget, that's what he says.
You answer that you never turn back, once you make a choice.
You keep your promise, even if your stomach turns in knots when you reach the camp and smell gunpowder, ash and blood. The view is heartbreaking beautiful, snow covered woods and not so distant mountains peeks. The icy air chills you to the bone, but soon you won't even notice it.
You are in incognito, an envoy from the Grand Palace come to oversee the operations. In fact, you could leave anytime you wish, once you see what there is to see.
But you just can't leave.
There's Grisha refugees everywhere. Man, women, elders, children, all equally terrified, some of them wearing scars and marks. They are running from Fjerda, and they have seen more than they are able to tell. There's no hope in their eyes, not even now that they are safe. Are they, really? You ask yourself.
So you start descending the hell you never knew about. You spend each and every day among other Grisha, learning their stories, listening to their suffering. They talk about ghosts so much it seems you know them too. Parents, friends, brothers, lovers.
Every day you fight the urge to tell them you are one of their own.
You don't dare to. Because you are not one of them, not really.
You indeed are a little, pampered royal nobody. You have no right to place your pain next to these people's, so all you can do is listen, respectfully, and thank the Saints nobody tried to burn you for being different. You were forced to hide your power, but at least you were alive.
It's been a month and a half. You have not asked to leave yet.
The Darkling looks at you with deep, fixed eyes, when he passes you by. You have the feeling he's the only one who could offer you comfort, but you are not going to ask, ever.
You dive deeper in the hell you found, each day making you more exhausted.
Until it's too much.
Tonight you look at death in the eye, and it's the eyes of a little girl. You are alone with her as she slips away. You feel so useless, you do the only thing you can do. It is a night of new moon, but you sense it all the same. You flicker your fingers and little sparkles of light float above your hand like weightless diamonds.
Her eyes open wide, filled with wonder, and for a moment the shadow of death seems to disappear.
But you know you have not that power.
You don't leave her side until she is no more, while your moonlight dances in the little tent. It will be forgotten, with her. But you won't forget.
Outside it is cold and dark. You go straight to the General's tent, ask Ivan to let you in. He checks inside, then comes back and lets your through.
General Kirigan is right there, working, surrounded by papers and reports, but he offers you a tight smile. He's ready to listen, just like you listened to all that suffering, day after day.
Suddenly, you envision yourself slipping into his embrace just like the dream you once had. Kiss him, sink your fingers in his hair. Have this dangerous man at last, and feel alive. Forget you ever sat side by side with death.
You could do it: he's right there, in front of you. Instead you raise your trembling hands, like a surrender, and abruptly say: "I am not your savior"
"What is this all about?" he asks, calmly.
"You know what this is about" you furiously reply. "I've seen what the stakes are. Oh, I did. And I better go back where I came, because I am no Sun Summoner. I can't give you exploding balls of light or burning rays to defeat entire armies. All I can do is pretty sparkles". You flick your fingers and show him, as you already did once.
He shakes his head. "You don't know the extent of your power yet".
"I know I'm not a killer", you say. "I have no power over death. I cannot save, nor condemn. This moonshine you see, it is a charming display, the useless gift of all times".
"Would you tell me what happened?"
He tries to come closer, but you gesture him to stop. You regret coming to him, now. You are too upset, and you hate to be seen like this.
"I am sorry", you continue. "I have been terribly naive. I hope one day you find the one person you need, because Grisha must be defended. And freed. Yes, freedom. This is what the stakes are. I know that, now".
He insists, like he didn't hear you. "I wish you'd tell me what happened. You know you can trust me."
"Do I? I barely know you".
"I think we know each other better than you are willing to admit", he replies, sharply.
"Did you mistake us for friends, General?"
"Why are you here, then?"
You hesitate. And in that moment, something breaks inside you. You look down, struggle to breath, and tears fill your eyes.
"I wish I could save them all", you whisper, just to let some of that pain out. "Every day, that's all I wished for".
You stand there, struggling to hold yourself together. Just then, he reaches you and wraps his arms around your shoulders, taking you into his embrace.
Your heart skips a beat, but then you close your eyes and breathe.
It is jus as you imagined. It is just as you wished. You let your head lean on his chest, just for a moment. Just a little peace...
"I wish the same", he says. "Day and night. That's all I think about. All I have always thought about".
His words are sincere. This is all real. You see him, he sees you. Suddenly, you realize what you are doing.
You pull away and words escape your mouth. "I'm not like you". You mean you are not a Grisha leader, you are powerless as a new moon. But he gets something else. You see in the glimpse of his eyes, almost offended. Mostly, you see It in his shadows, luring in the corners of the tent. The lantern light flickers.
Part of you wishes for him to follow, when you turn and leave, but you know you must be alone, now, and sort It all out by yourself. It is a dark night indeed, but snow has started to fall. You walk, lost in thought. You have reached the western side of the camp, alongside the woods. Suddenly, you realize you are indeed alone. Completely alone.
It is odd. Someone Is always around. Soldiers, guards. Where is everybody?
A drop of blood falls on the fresh snow. Such a perfect, round drop, looks like a flower blossoming in winter, a miracle. You realize it is your blood only when you start feeling the pain.
There is someone in the woods and they are shooting at you. They have also been quite successful, as another drop falls on the snow, and another, and another. You press a hand on the wound and look around, as they come out from the woods to finish you.
Why is nobody around?
This is an ambush, and you are going to die.
But before any Grisha sees what's happening, before the Darkling comes to your aid with his legendary powers, you scream as loud as you can, and moonshine bursts from you.
It comes from inside, like the new moon hiding in the night sky tonight. It flows above and around you, weightless, and it is excruciating beautiful, glistening, so, so pretty. It fills the eyes of your charmed attackers like a thousand gemstones, as they open them wide, with their mouths hanging.
And while moonshine gently lifts you up the ground, the attackers fall on their knees. It's like they are praying their new Saint, how prophetic, won't you reckon? But you see none of it. Your eyes are shining bright and merciless.
Next thing you know, you are lying on the frozen ground. There are hands supporting you, the same that embraced you just a few minutes ago. You hope the Black General doesn't pick you up in his arms, that would be quite embarassing. You manage to part your lips to ask: "What did I do?".
He replies: "You destroyed them".
You turn you head. There they are, those who tried to take your life, mumbling and muttering and crying in the snow, searching for the light they lost.
"I have made them mad" you mumble, while you begin to loose consciousness again. "But I have not killed them".
The Darkling caresses your hair, sending shivers down your spine. "That much I can do".
You do not see the Cut: you are already lost in your own darkness.
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happyhauntt · 2 months
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haunted — alina starkov
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writing masterlist | askbox
─── summary: alina starkov is dead, except she isn't, and the memory of her haunts you constantly.
─── pairing: alina starkov x reader.
─── warnings: angst, hurt/no comfort, references to mourning. reader is gender neutral. honestly i just wanted to write something about falling in love with alina but letting her go after ruin & rising because making her stay would be unfair when she's earned her peace, but that doesn't make it fair to you, either. i take requests though so please feel free to send stuff in!
─── word count: 1.1k.
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It is a very odd feeling, you think. To long for a place that doesn't exist anymore. To dream of a life spent with someone you'll never see again. To wish for home, and a girl whose arms were the last place you felt safe, and know that it is hopeless.
It feels like a knife between your ribs. Something sharp and jagged, something that tears on its way in, the way it saws through your flesh like the teeth on a hunting dagger. Every breath hurts. You used to fear you'd never get used to feeling this way.
You used to fear that you would.
A year has passed since you last saw her. Fingers curled into the rough wool of her travelling cloak, tight enough that you swear you can still feel the stitches against your skin. She'd held you so tightly. As if she could press you into the cavity between her lungs and keep you there forever, right next to her heart. With your face between her hands, she had kissed you in the kind of way that makes poets weep and stars fall from the heavens, and you can still taste the salt of your tears in your mouth, but it hadn't been enough to make her stay.
It wasn't a choice. You know that if it was, she would have chosen you.
Alina, Alina, Alina...
The scratch of the quill against parchment sends a shiver down your spine, but you cannot bring yourself to stop. How many times have you tried to write this letter? The bottom drawer of your desk holds all the secrets of your past, kept locked away from prying eyes. There must be a hundred unfinished letters hidden there. A thousand things left unsaid. A love that you've had to bury, a future that will never come to pass.
Alina, Alina, Alina...
You set the quill down for a moment, flexing your hand as a cramp knots in your palm. Her name stares back at you. The black ink is stark against the paper, vicious and mocking. Her name is all you're able to write today. The sharp scratch of your handwriting is wrong, so wrong. Her name shouldn't look like that. Your Alina was looping script and curling edges, nothing like the jagged way you've scribbled her name onto the page.
She isn't dead, but it feels that way. There is a ghost haunting the edges of your life, in the shape of the girl you love, and though it never says a word, you can feel the gaze of it burning into you. Her absence is a brand upon your soul. There is not a corner of you that does not ache when you see a flash of blue in the training yard, or a familiar laugh rattles across the table at dinner.
Sometimes, the very worst part of you wishes she had died. You wonder if it would be easier than this.
With the quill back between your fingers, you try to write something. Anything. Her name in your mind and on your tongue and in every letter you've written this past year. This is what it’s like to be haunted, you think, except your ghost is still alive and breathing, and still as unreachable as the dead.
Alina, I hope you are happy.
I need you to be happy.
You don't doubt that, really. With all that she sacrificed, of course Alina Starkov had to die. The Sun Summoner perished in the Shadow Fold destroying the Darkling, and a white-haired girl walked into obscurity with a peace that was hard-won. A peace she deserved. A quiet life and an orphanage she rebuilt, and a heart full of love to give.
I need one of us to be happy.
She had to leave, and you had to stay. It wasn't a choice, but you think it might have hurt less if it had been. But Alina could not live, and the girl she became could not stay in Os Alta, and there are some things that love cannot change.
Genya writes to her sometimes. Keeps her up-to-date on life in the Grand Palace. She never mentions anything about politics — Alina has earned her peace — but there are anecdotes about Nikolai's newest invention, and bets on how long it will take Zoya to murder him in his sleep, and whether the performance troupe at this year's Winter Fête were any good. You don't know if she mentions you in those letters. You've never asked.
Zoya has plans to visit Alina in the spring. She has a list of gifts she wants to bring with her, certain that life out in the countryside must be dreadfully dull and uncivilised, and you'd wanted to laugh when she told you. The comforts of the Little Palace are nothing in comparison to the greatest gift of all; Alina's freedom. But you know Zoya understands, really. That she misses Alina, too, in her own way.
A hundred letters gathering dust in your desk drawer, but you've never sent one. You keep trying to write something that doesn't hurt, but none of that feels true or right or real. If you could open your veins and let the words spill out of you, then you would. They might tell a better story. There has to be somewhere else for all this hurt to go.
Are you happy?
Scratch scratch scratch. The tip of your quill rips through parchment, stains the desk below with ink. Your hand is trembling. If you close your eyes, the ghost of her drifts forward. You can still smell her perfume.
With shaking fingers, you discard the quill and fold the letter along uneven edges. You hide that in the drawer, too. It rests in a pile with all your other heartbreak. It disappears from sight as you lock the drawer again.
A deep breath in, out, and your heartbeat begins to settle again. The ghost of her retreats to the corner again, settled on the edges of your vision like a battle wound that won't quite heal. Genya's voice carries down the corridor, calling your name.
There are things to do, a country to run. You push that feeling down, that old ache of longing, until it sits back between your ribs. All pain starts to dull when you live with it long enough. That jagged edge keeps digging, digging, cutting at your heart one breath at a time, but you'll live. You will.
You put the quill back in its box and stand up. You'll try again tomorrow.
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darklinaforever · 1 year
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Ideas for my fanfiction of Grisha / Shadow and Bone :
- Use an external point of view, rather than Alina's internal point of view.
- Keep Alina half Shu, and that this aspect is exploited. (Idea of discussions with Botkins, Tolya & Tamar in particular)
- That we have clear information on the countries of Shu Han and Fjerda.
- The characters are all in their twenties.
- Use good Russian language.
- Zlatan still exists for part 1. (Novokribirsk still covered by the Fold therefore)
- Assuming Baghra is a toxic teacher and mother. Draw a parallel between her and Ana Kuya for the Darkling and Alina characters and their relationship.
- Maybe keep Baghra's eyes gouged out ? (Give me your opinion)
- That the story with Mal and Alina is a secondary element. Assuming that she is toxic, and that subsequently Alina succeeds in detaching herself from it to take her independence and be herself without anything holding her back. They can still remain friends in the end.
- Highlight Mal's grief and trauma at the death of his friends near the borders of Fjerda. (No because in the book it goes over the top)
- Keep (and improve) the Genya and Alina friendship.
- Make Darkling and Alina the main relationship of the trilogy. Highlight their Yin and Yang dynamics. Particularly supporting the fact that Alina could possibly become like the Darkling, and that the Darkling was like Alina, was a time. Show their ideologies come into explicit conflict, that there is a real moral debate. Showing Alina actually trying to find more peaceful methods than the Darkling's far more radical way of trying to help the Grisha.
- Reflection on the blow of the war.
- Explain why and how the Darkling created the Fold. (Keep it like an accident, an act born out of desperation)
- Develop the psychic connection between the Darkling and Alina. Let them have talks instead of the Darkling just appearing to follow Alina around silently.
- That Alina discovers in part the childhood and the past of the Darkling, in particular through dreams, thanks to their connection.
- Show that Alina cares about the grisha, and to stop the wars.
- That the Darkling has a "redemption" arc.
- Darklina ending together, Tsar and Tsarina of Ravka at the end.
- Darklina happy with many children (girls) in the epilogue, and are powerful rulers, tough but fair.
- That the situation of the Grisha (in the world) and the people of Ravka has changed for the better in the end.
- That the study of the Grisha at the small palace (and purely the study aspect, and no longer the military apprenticeship aspect) is revealed to have become mandatory in the epilogue.
- Give it to Alina from the agency. That she seeks / wants the amplifiers herself.
- May Alina grow politically and personally. (She understands that for the greater good, sacrifices must be made. She gains self-confidence, becomes more active and independent)
- Give Alina a corruption arc. That she develops a dark side, and a kind of greed for power in Part 2.
- Support the fact that Alina's destiny is not to destroy the Fold, because this is before a propaganda idea.
- No love ambiguity between Nikolai and Alina, just a strong friendship.
- To show Alina actually / seriously considering Nikolai's marriage proposal, in order to contribute to helping/improving the country.
- Show the duality / resemblance between the Darkling and Nikolai.
– In the end, Nikolai agrees to abdicate /refuse the crown, in favor of Alina and the Darkling, agreeing to work for them and be part of the council.
- That other characters are aware of Ravka's other overriding issues, without blaming the Darkling, and sincerely wish to address them in the future.
- May Genya never get scars.
- Keep Ivan alive. (Seriously, it promised to be so interesting)
- That Ivan and Fedyor are, as in the series, gay and in a relationship. (Because they were cute)
- Developing the idea of ​​creating Morozova amplifiers from Merzost. (Because it's not developed at all in the trilogy, and it's a point that makes me particularly curious)
- Support the fact that Morozova's amplifiers are intended for Alina, and that the Darkling offers them to her, because he perceives her as his soul mate, and that she is therefore an integral part of the Morozova family.
- Further develop secondary characters, such as : Genya, David, Ivan, Fedyor, Zoya, Tolya and Tamar.
- Develop a little more the couple Tamar and Nadia.
- David and Genya end up happy.
- Romance Zoyalaï suggested along part 2 and 3, then confirmed at the end. See what becomes of them in the epilogue.
- Let the pageantry be doomed at the end of part 3.
- Mal remains the firebird, but with better explanations.
- Scenes between Mal and the Darkling.
- That Ulla is named in the story / that her existence is recognized, without her being included in the story itself.
- The Fold is not destroyed (or at least not immediately ?), but used as a weapon to protect Ravka ? (I'm absolutely not sure about this point. If people have any suggestions, I'm all ears !)
- Mal snaps his farm at the end, or else opens an orphanage himself ? (Give me your opinion)
- Insinuation that Mal got close (romanticly) to Ruby in the end.
A quote idea :
« He did not give up his name. You took it from him. » - Alina Starkova, to Bagrah Morozova.
The (maybe) proglogue :
The girl was not afraid of the dark.
Darkness was a refuge. Especially when she was hiding to escape Ana Kuya's admonitions.
In those moments, she chose dark corners. Behind a curtain. In the attic. A closet.
She stayed hidden until Ana Kuya forgot about her and her anger.
When night fell, the girl could escape the meanness of the other children in the orphanage.
But his nights were short and restless.
So, when she woke up, she looked at the sky through a window. She observed the stars, and especially the moon. Sometimes there was just darkness, and she would watch it too, until she fell asleep again, or not.
The girl had always been weak. She was pale and thin.
Not pretty.
That was what Ana Kuya was saying.
Her Shu eyes betrayed her origins, and she was rejected for it.
The face of the enemy.
This is what the children kept saying. She had no friends.
Until the day the boy arrived.
He was nice to her. He was defending her. And over time, they got close.
Friends.
He was like the brother she never had. The only person in this world who seemed to really care about her.
A family.
But it was not enough. She didn't know why, nothing was enough.
The girl had always felt incomplete. As if she was missing a part of herself, there, in her heart.
She felt alone.
But the boy was helping her to make her feel less alone.
He was there for her, and she was there for him.
It was their promise.
So... The day when the woman and the man dressed in Kefta arrived at the orphanage to test the children, they hid in the meadow.
The girl didn't want to know if she was Grisha. It didn't matter to her. She didn't want to lose what she had with the boy.
But Ana Kuya ends up finding them.
When it was her turn to be tested, the girl felt something stir inside her. Something that begged to come out. But the boy called out his name. Again and again, from the other side of the door.
The girl hesitated. Her heart sank.
Unconsciously or consciously, she did not know, the girl held back. She prevented this thing that was pulsing against her skin from coming out. Refusing to answer the call.
The answer then fell. She was not Grisha.
Suddenly, the girl felt her heart lighten. But not so much for her as for the boy. The girl, in truth, wasn't sure how she felt.
The girl and the boy continued to grow up together, and she was happy about it.
Time passed, and she finally forgot the strange feeling that had assailed her at the time of the test. Years went by, and she still felt incomplete.
A tiny void in her, asking to be filled.
Sometimes, despite the boy's presence, the girl felt devoured by loneliness.
By the lack.
By this inexplicable void.
In those moments, to lighten her heart, she played with the rays of the sun with her fingertips.
As if she could grab them...
But it was not enough.
So, from time to time, despite the sun that lit the meadow...
The girl locked herself in the dark.
Extracts :
N°1 :
Her bony, charcoal-covered hands stopped maneuvering on the wind-crumpled paper, her eyes moving to a specific spot straight ahead.
Towards the Shadow Fold.
This immense black mass… This scourge which some were convinced would never be overcome. This black scar which had split the country in two and deprived the kingdom of Ravka of its only coasts, transforming it into an enclave. This non-sea that frightens so many… Filled with man-eating monsters.
A place that had stolen so much life. Rendered so many children, like her once, orphans…
Orphan.
This word sounded like a wound to her.
From an early age, he had been taught to fear the Fold. Easy with the Volcras inside. The little representation she had seen of it in the books of Keramzin's library was still enough to give her nightmares. Huge creatures, with sharp wings and fangs, capable of lacerating you with their claws with a simple movement.
The Fold ate your parents.
Ana Kuya's words echoed in her head as if it were yesterday… As she discovered the Fold for the first time through one of the many maps she was drawing herself today.
The Fold is an abomination, she had heard countless times. A mistake of nature. A scar on the map…
Literally.
But since she had joined the first army and seen with her own eyes what had haunted Ravka for centuries… Fear had given way to a completely different feeling.
Fascination.
When she approached the Fold, or even just looked at it, as now, the cartographer experienced this stinging sensation of being crushed by an unknown weight.
She seemed feel a multitude of emotions.
Anger.
Sadness.
Anguish.
And especially… Despair.
A despair that seemed to her deep, unshakable and endless.
Her heart sank every time these emotions raced through her. And she didn't know why. Sometimes tears welled up in her and she had to hold herself back to keep them from running down her cheeks, wiping them away with the back of her hand.
It made no sense… Yet it was there.
She must be crazy ! But maybe she felt this because the Fold had brought many misfortunes ? Upset so much life ?
The Fold was born out of madness and caused suffering. Not the opposite. Or maybe if… ? She shook her head. Maybe she was just too emotional ?
When she looked at the Fold, his heart hurting her. Terribly hurt.
And sometimes… Sometimes it was just like she was listening to someone's laments…
Those times were the worst.
N°2 :
« So cartographers, listen to me ! » Sergeant Yure Teplov shouted from the front of the boat. « Until we get there, stay at your posts. Under no circumstances leave the Skiff during the crossing ! »
Alina silently listened to the safety instructions, her gaze fixed straight ahead in the direction of the Fold. Black tendrils seemed to glide around him, constantly twisting and snaking as if trying to ensnare anything that approached…
Alina felt a searing, deep sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach as the Skiff slowly accelerated towards her.
This may have been the last time she stood in the sunlight…
Her heart was beating nervously in her chest as she tried to stabilize her breathing, swallowing her saliva. But she couldn't bring herself to look away from the twisting shadows before her…
She was so focused that she didn't notice the gust of wind that grabbed her scarf and pulled it away from her neck. Frantically, she turned to try to catch it, but it slipped through his fingers, the blue and gold piece of cloth already flying away from her, past the landing pad.
That's where she saw her.
A silhouette in the distance… A dark silhouette.
A man, she guessed. A man entirely dressed in black, whose cape fluttered in the wind, and who watched the Skiff move away.
Alina could not accurately describe what she felt at that moment.
It was as if his heart stopped beating for a moment before starting again, more alive than ever, on a different rhythm, unreal. There was a tug on his chest, like some sort of tether that was screaming at him to come closer. But she couldn't, and something inside her was itching.
She felt caught up, captivated by the sketch of this character that she would have liked to immortalize with pencil strokes.
Time seemed to slow down, that single moment stretching into a thousand more.
It was strange, invigorating and exhilarating.
And then, as suddenly as that feeling had washed over her, it disappeared as the world was entirely engulfed in darkness…
N°3 :
They entered the Fold.
And everything was dark. Dark and silent. It was almost like sailing through a cloud of smoke, except there was no heat or smell of fire. It was cold, and the rest of the world seemed to have disappeared, every sound from outside simply muffled by the shadows.
It was like being plunged into a cold, dangerous and eternal night…
The bow of the Skiff could no longer be seen, or even most of the passengers. Everyone held their breath, trying to master their fear. The darkness was never more frightening than when monsters inhabited it… Silence reigned, everyone on the lookout for the slightest flapping of wings.
As for Alina, she stood minutely aside, still in her position, forcing herself to stand on her trembling legs. It was too much. Too strong. Too stuffy. All these emotions that invaded her threatened to make her collapse.
She was mad at herself for having the stupid impulse to burn the Ravka-West maps. Pained for having condemned his colleagues to follow her, and anguished for what this long, very long crossing will or will not reserve for them. But worst of all, she was desperate. Desperate to get out of it, and to act as if nothing had happened. Desperate to be back in Ravka-East already and to resume the course of his usual schedule:
Laugh and have fun with Mal. Draw maps with Alexis. Put up with scathing remarks from Raisa and many more.
But something was wrong. It was all too striking. Violent. As if those emotions weren't fully his own. As if entering the Fold triggered them.
Did the others feel that too ? Or was she the only one ?
Worst of all, a burning feeling of loneliness invaded her, and she couldn't define it.
Loneliness…
She had never felt it while looking at the Fold, as if this feeling was the most buried of all. Buried in the heart of the misty monster, below the surface.
N°4 :
His position gave him an excellent view of the Skiff's slow approach towards the looming mass of shadows that formed the edge of the Fold. He took a heavy breath. This Skiff had every interest in returning intact. Its fabricators had spent months there, an opportunity to finally somewhat satisfy the king's wishes.
The Skiff was more than halfway out of the no sea, when a flutter caught his attention, snapping him out of his thoughts. A blue and gold scarf had apparently been caught in the strong winds of his Squallers and was now drifting straight in his direction. Judging the distraction unimportant, he looked back at the Skiff. And while the latter was only a few dozen meters from the Fold…
The world seemed to slow down.
There was something on his chest, and that thing, so sudden, wrapped tightly around his heart, constricting it for a moment before pulling it forward. The pull he felt was so strong he almost tripped. He put his hand to his chest, flabbergasted. He couldn't accurately describe what he felt at that moment.
He straightened his spine, his thoughts struggling to try to make sense of what he was feeling. He considered, then dismissed the idea that it was the work of a Heartrender. During his long life, he had been victim to their power several times, and what he felt was nothing like the work of a corporalki.
No. It was as if his heart had stopped beating for a moment before starting up again, more alive than ever, on a different rhythm, unreal ; bringing him both a feeling of fullness and lack he had never experienced before.
The tightness in his chest, like some sort of tie wrapped around his heart, tightened again. Stronger than before, to the point that something inside him itched. And this time, he realized exactly which way she seemed to be pulling him.
Towards Skiff.
There was something important on that ship. Although he didn't know what it could be, his subconscious begged, screamed for the Skiff to come back. But it was useless. The Skiff had already reached the edge of the Fold, that single moment stretching into a thousand more, and within seconds it was swallowed up by darkness…
He remained frozen on the quay, his gaze still fixed on the place where the Skiff had disappeared. A moment passed, then another, and he took a shaky breath, still trying to figure out what had just happened.
The sensation had vanished along with the ship, and he now felt strangely empty…
He didn't know exactly how long it was before he noticed the curious gazes lingering on him, and he realized that he had stayed much longer than usual. Obviously, he had lost track of time.
Regaining control of his limbs, he forced himself to turn away, his path on the platform crossing that of an abandoned scarf.
He stopped himself.
It was the one that had flown in his direction when the Skiff left. He didn't know why, but he bent down to take the garment in his hands, examining it carefully.
The sewing work was clumsy, the embroidery and the fabric very simple. Probably it belonged to a young soldier.
He delicately ran his fingers along the golden patterns before folding the scarf and putting it in one of his pockets, naturally resuming his way to his tent to finally cut himself off from the prying eyes of the members of the first army.
Conclusion :
So... I don't know if anyone is going to read, or has read all of this, but if so thank you ! And your opinions are welcome !
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dreamlandcreations · 2 years
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My little witch with darkling plz x
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SEND ME A MADE-UP FIC TITLE AND I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I WOULD WRITE TO GO WITH IT
Not many knew that the Black Heretic attempted dark magic not once but twice.
You would think he would know better, after what happened for the first time but he was just as desperate, if not more, and he failed to make his wish come true this time as well.
He tried to keep you alive, to heal your mortal wound and make you immortal despite being an ordinary human but that kind of power is almost impossible to control and he could do nothing as your body faded away, becoming shadows in the very thing that reminded him of his first failure.
That was centuries ago, a long time before Alina cast her light within the Fold, not knowing what she called back to life.
After Aleksander lost his sun summoner, tales of a witch started to spread in all Ravka. A witch who could command not only the monsters the Black Heretic created but could bend the Fold itself to her will.
Imagine Aleksander's surprise when he finally had the witch in front of him and it was you. Only you didn't remember anything before you emerged from the Fold, just vague memory-like dreams haunting you. Dreams of the man in front of you.
He cups your cheek, tears shining in those dark eyes as he looks at you with disbelief.
"My little witch," he whispers with a hint of a sad smile.
You gasp as memories of him calling you that flood your mind. Back then his nickname meant to tease you, now it will have another meaning too. There's still much you need to figure out about yourself and about the two of you but this time you have an eternity to do so.
SEND ME A MADE-UP FIC TITLE AND I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I WOULD WRITE TO GO WITH IT
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mcgnagallsarmy · 1 year
Text
Spuffy style Reading Challenge - #22: A new genre every month
Thriller:
What Goes Around by Ninereeds [NC-17]
The citizens of Sunnydale find themselves acting on their darkest desires, and the Scoobies' summer vacation hangs in the balance. When Spike turns out to be the only one Buffy can trust, her carefully constructed black-and-white world starts looking a lot gray-shadier. Set in the summer after season 4.
Romance:
Eucharist by Holly [NC-17]
He had it all. The prophecy and the girl, merrily ever after and all that rot. But life doesn't stop.
Fic by a female author:
Ties to the World by honeygirl51885 [NC-17]
Spike is gone, but before he went out in a blaze of glory, he slipped a letter into Buffy’s pocket. That letter takes her on a road trip across America, visiting his ties to the world.
A classic:
Strawberry Fields by Holly [NC-17]
Heartbroken and determined, Spike sets out to form a truce with his mortal enemy to take down Angelus once and for all. The last thing he expected was a couple of restless spirits interrupting his sales pitch, or to find himself in a magic-induced liplock. And one taste of Buffy Summers, he finds, is nowhere close to enough.
Fantasy:
World Enough, and Time by toooldforthis [R]
“You came back wrong,” he told her, all those years ago. He was right, but it took them a very long time to realise exactly what that meant. It meant a hundred more apocalypses, a thousand battles. It meant a journey, a prophecy, a war. They’d lose one other, and find their way back, and choose, again and again. And all the while, the earth was failing. There are a lot more people than you think who are here for the long haul – like, the really long haul. This is a story about two of them.
Dystopian story:
The Footprints Left Behind by Willow91 [NC-17]
In the wake of an unknown attack on the American Frontier and the subsequent loss of contact with the friends they still had stateside, Buffy and Xander sneak into the country and begin a long, dangerous journey to find old friends and the source of the near apocalypse before it spreads throughout the rest of the world.
Award winner:
Whispers by Abby [NC-17]
After Spike endures torture at the hands of Glory to protect the identity of the key, Buffy is forced to reconsider everything she ever thought she knew about the vampire, leading to some startling revelations. Set immediately post-Intervention.
Drama:
Ghostly by untouchable [NC-17]
Six months after Sunnydale collapses, a grieving Buffy is startled to find Spike, feral and without any idea who she is, in her backyard. Is he real? Or just another ghost?
Erotica:
A Dream Is A Wish your Heart Makes by cawthraven [NC-17]
Buffy just had a hot fight with Spike. And now, she's having a hot night with him, too.
Comedy:
Delusions of Spander by EllieRose101 [PG]
“I am not having sex with Spike, but I'm starting to think that you might be!”
A one shot in which wires become comically crossed. Starts out during Season Five, Episode 18: Intervention.
Historical:
The Darkling by OffYourBird [NC-17]
When Buffy’s quest to get Spike returned to her is fulfilled in an unexpected way, she finds herself in a complicated relationship with an intrigued master vampire who isn’t the man she loves, but who might be someday… if she can convince him to step out of the dark.
Slow-burn:
What Remains by MrsAkers [NC-17]
As the lone survivors of the final battle with Glory, Buffy and Spike run away from Sunnydale. Battling with guilt and an unfulfilled death wish, Buffy finds solace in Spike's company while the vampire just does his best to keep her alive. Goes majorly AU at The Gift.
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reyofluke-ocs · 5 months
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8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, 78, 88, and 98 for Spotify Wrapped ask game
cries Ali I love you but whyyy
Send me 1-100 and I'll tell you what Spotify wrapped song it is and what oc/ship it applies to!
8. Cosmic Love - Florence + the Machine
Really any ship that could become dark. Obviously the first to come to mind is Karina Lantsov and her relationship with Mal, Alina and Aleksander bc Aleksander would LOVE to drag all three into the darkness with him. But also some of my AUs for Eleanor Winters, especially the ones involving Lycan!Chris and alive Wesker (which totally does not turn into Eleanor x Chris x Wesker bc what am I if not predictable). For OCs themselves, likely Ashley Williams and Octavis Octavius. In TLoU P2, Ashley kinda goes off the rails at Joel's death (though I go back and forth between killing him and not). And Octavius, there's the whole anti-heroine Madame Octopus thing.
18. Meet Me in the Woods - Lord Huron
ELEANOR. In fact, I should double check if I've added this to her playlist yet. The lyrics just scream the aftermath of House of the Rising Sun/All Things End. Goes with Ethan to figure what wtf is going on with Mia, gets (unknowingly) killed and turned into a B.O.W, goes through hell, meets and eventually falls in love with Chris only to get betrayed bc of Mother Miranda bullshit... should probably change this to be her them song tbh.
28. Ain't No Grave - Crooked Still
This is on my Ashley Williams playlist and fits her perfectly, because nothing will keep her from her loved ones (Ellie and later Joel). She grew up doing all sorts of questionable things just for Ellie; she's even willing for a good chunk of the journey to throw Joel to infected or groups if it'll buy Ellie time to escape and live.
38. Setting Sun - Lord Huron
Funny, as much as I adore this song, it's hard to apply it to an OC or ship without diving into massive AU territory. The Darkling I can see being like this, but Karina is a Malarklina ship so kinda not at the same time since he considers all three his? Same thing could apply to an AU involving Eleanor x Chris x Wesker or Lyall x Diana or even Luke x Jana. Pretty much add unhinged possessive behavior in a dark au to an oc or ship and you get this song, haha.
48. Fire and the Flood - Vance Joy
Romantically, Eleanor x Chris. Platonically... a lot. Eleanor & Ethan, Ashley & Ellie & Joel, Nelda & Eragon and Nelda & Murtagh.
58. Renegades - X Ambassadors
My Star Wars OCs. And DBH OCs. And havent introduced her yet but my Hunger Games OC, Ada Steelberg. Rebels and resistance in some way? Yeah, this song is for them.
68. Pompeii- Bastille
Eleanor Winters, Sidney and Donna Riley-Weathers, Maureen Prescott, Nelda (to a lesser extent when you factor in events from Murtagh). 'Does it almost feel like nothings changed at all?' And for all of them, in some way, that's true. Eleanor gets dragged back into facing off B.O.W.s in Romania; Sidney, Donna and Maureen all deal with Ghostface and being legacies of og Woodsboro survivors (and as the child of Sidney and Billy in Maureen's case). It's heavily hinted at in Murtagh that there's shaping up to be a new big bad that might have been behind Galbatorix and whatnot in Murtagh, so Nelda is going from one war to another, basically.
78. Seven Devils - Florence + the Machine
Even though it's on my Eleanor playlist, it could also fit Ashley, because of the lengths she's willing to go for the few people she cares about.
88. Gasoline - Halsey
Too many, tbh. Obviously it's added to my Eleanor Winters and Ashley Williams playlists but it also applies to my DBH OCs Fred and Christi bc of the lyrics 'I think there's a flaw in my code' bc you know, they become deviants and all.
98. In Dreams - Ben Howard
I have no idea. Mind immediately goes to Eleanor but also not quite because she does get a happy-ish ending with Chris even though she does lose Ethan. In a way it also kinda reminds me of Ashley. 'I may be troubled but I'm gracious in defeat'; she's okay with who she becomes and what she has to do for Ellie and later Joel. Idk this was honestly hard.
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h1rezzie · 1 year
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@lordofthestrix // x.
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There  is  a  secret  in  her  family.  What  else  is  new?  But  this  one,  she  did  not  knew,  no  one  alive  to  let  them  know  the  risks  of  breaking  the  cycle  of  the  Merge.  Where  it  came  from  or  why  it  was  made.  Magic  comes  with  a  price,  specially  such  high  magic  that  is  created  to  mantain  a  prison  world.  It's  there  in  order  to  be  a  lock  for  a  great  evil.  But  the  Merge  has  never  happened  and  never  will  now  with  her  being  a  Heretic.  A  failsafe.  The  secrets  of  the  Gemini  Coven  are  uncovered  when  she  starts  to  have  dreams  of  Shadows  and  a  man  at  the  center  of  them.  An  elemental,  something  that  was  not  real  until  now.
 "The  prison  world  was  in  place  in  order  to  keep  him  safe.  They  just  know  him  as  the  Darkling.  400  years  ago,  the  Coven  locked  him  in  the  first  prison  world  and  that  type  of  magic  requires  a  sacrifice,  hence  the  Merge."  Combine  the  power  of  two  into  one,  enough  to  stable  the  nature  of  it  until  another  pair  of  twins  come  along  and  so  the  line  continues.  Perhaps  Kai  Parker  knew  about  this  and  his  desire  to  continue  the  Merge  with  Jo  was  justified.  Or  maybe  his  killing  attempt  on  the  twins  came  for  a  desire  to  free  the  man.  Either  way,  Lizzie  drops  the  book  on  the  table  before  Tristan,  as  she  speaks  of  her  findings.
 "I  thought  the  dreams  were  just  weird  but  dreams  are  barely  just  that  when  you  are  a  witch.  He  is  breaking  free,  if  not  already  out."  It  wouldn't  be  that  difficult,  there  isn't  that  many  prison  worlds  left,  they  are  there,  lingering,  crumbling.  "When  I  died,  the  lock  was  broken."
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amplifyme · 8 months
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In the Forests of the Night-- perfect name for the episode, perfect follow-up to A Time to Heal. The entire ending got me in the tear ducts. 
ROLLEY’S BACK, Vincent’s journal entry (“so much rage… where is the hope?”) Father trying to lure Vincent back to live with the community and Vincent’s cut lines of “promises to keep”, Diana’s sister?? and Alex and her birthday present (independent like Diana), Rolley’s tolerance and trying to wheedle drugs out of Vincent, Vincent’s rage and threats at Tony (no mercy, straight to threats of death), the wheelings and dealings of the drug men, GABRIEL OF COURSE, Father holding Rolley, Vincent going ham on the drug den, Gabriel smirking that Vincent is alive, Joe’s back, Rolley’s gone (of course), Father trying to talk Rolley back (like he can’t with Vincent) and failing (like he has with Vincent.), Diana’s cut script dream (fascinating implications) and piercing her finger on Cathy’s white rose, Joe’s here, Diana trying to talk Joe away from the truth but being stymied by Joe’s survivor, Diana apologizing to Cathy, Vincent didn’t harm Horner (still didn’t cross the line Paracelsus tried to force with Spirko), Vincent writing in his journal about how his actions “ruined” only him, lost children (his son, Rolley, other kids), Snow’s ring, Lewis shaking during Gabriel’s speech and knowing his death is at hand, “my enemy, my brother”, Lewis unplugging his own chord, Diana tracking Vincent (that line Vincent said of “saving him from himself”-- can’t remember exact line but he’s not wrong), Joe confronting her in her apartment, Vincent’s “nothing up there but death”-- what a change, Father’s wise speech about fatherhood and choices (and indirectly talking about himself letting Vincent make his own choices and respecting them), “this isn’t really about Rolley”, Diana hunting down Tony just as Rolley shows up, the piano music crescendoing as Rolley runs and Vincent sets out on the prowl and Diana finds him, “there are no safe places for anyone”, Diana frustrated he’d destroyed Gabriel’s place without knowing it was his, “and did it help him? Is he better now?”, Diana’s been there too, Vincent has nothing but THESE and Diana immediately saying “those can’t help you find your son”-- WHAT A PARALLEL to Cathy’s “these are my hands” (uhoh, that’s probably why he’s using them now, UHOH), “I can make Gabriel bleed night after night” (there’s that “enemy, brother” that Gabriel expects from Vincent), “by then it won’t matter who wins, Vincent”, and “what kind of father do you want your son to have?” is powerful, if he continues alone he will lose everything, “where is the hope, Diana?”, Diana tears up as he walks off, ROLLEY PLAYING THE PIANO THERE’S THE HOPE-- all who are lost can be found or can find themselves, Vincent tearing up, A LETTER TO DIANA ON HER BALCONY WITH SNOW’S RING. 
Okay, now for some questions~. I've been consuming so much new information that I've gotten fuzzy on some old bits.
I know that Oz/Kansas and Shangri-La was a specific tie to Devin as a character and Vincent's relationship with him; but when/how did it transform over into a singularly "Vincent" allegory-- or was that a creation of Nan's in A Darkling Plain?
And hope this is not too personal, but I was curious: is your Gossamer name a reference to this series or "wholly original"? ;))
Tyger, tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night...
Let's unpack this one, shall we?
First of all, a reminder. This episode, as well as the final two, were cut from the mid-season winter schedule when the show was canceled and were only aired the following summer, five months later. So we knew about them, but didn't know if we'd ever get to see them or not. Nan had already started writing the stories for AWTN 1 and had to go back and do some revisions to reflect the new information we learned about Diana (specifically) and what the show might look like going forward after the baby arc.
And ITFOTN was jam-packed with Diana info. Lovely tidbits that 4th season writers snatched up in greedy little hands. Like the fact that she had a sister, Susan, and a niece, Alex. The things she said to Susan about the impact V had on her life - obliquely, of course. The way she tried to steer Joe away from V and then apologizing to Cathy for it after Joe left. Vincent's downward spiral (again) and his utter frustration and sense of helplessness and feelings of being so alone in his hunt for his son - and his inability to help Rolley. Gabriel's "My enemy, my brother," sentiment. Oh, and what you saw as Gabe's smirk upon learning V was still alive, I saw as more of a grimace that he hadn't managed to kill him and there was more to come before he could claim victory.
I love the way Diana came in as clean-up crew after V destroyed the warehouse, digging to find out who saw what and whether Lew had been on the business end of V's claws or not. No claw marks = nothing to tie his injuries directly to V. Knowing the warehouse was Gabriel's even if she didn't know for certain how she knew it and having it confirmed by Lew's body language and avoiding her eyes. Pressing Tony for exactly where he'd encountered V because she was determined to stop V from destroying himself. And all that because of her driving need to protect him - even if it's from himself.
And her confrontation with Vincent! Pure gold. The way she strode into that alley and got right up in his face from the get-go. The look V gives her when she asks, "Did it help him? Is he better now?" The dismissive look she gives his hands, her "Until you kill him or he kills you. By then it won't matter who wins," trying to get him to see that what he's done and wants to continue doing makes him no better than Gabriel. And, of course, the gut punch she delivers with "What kind of father do you want your son to have?" Yeah, powerful is a good word to describe that. I still stand up and cheer every time I watch that scene. I think if she thought she could've gotten away with it, she'd have smacked him upside the head and told him to open his eyes and see that he doesn't have to do this on his own. But the "If you continue alone in this, you are going to lose everything," worked too. She cuts him zero slack and that is exactly the kind of person he needs in his life. No one has ever confronted him that way, with cold, hard truths. And what do you know, it works. After V discovers Rolley back Below and at the piano, he realizes there is still hope and lets her in, gives her the ring, along with his trust - a very large thing indeed. And it's obvious she knows what a huge deal that is and will do everything in her power to help him find his son. I just love her to pieces.
Okay, got that out of my system. 🤣
Everything else you said? Big thumbs up!
I would recommend that you watch The Chimes at Midnight and Invictus together, as they tie up the baby arc. A few trivial things about those two eps: Perlman directed Chimes and did a nice job of it. GRRM wrote Invictus and you can tell - it's a banger of a script. Don't know if you're light sensitive, but FYI Invictus has two scenes with pretty heavy flashing/strobing sequences. The final scene of Invictus was culled from one of the first scenes of The Reckoning and edited in before broadcast since it wasn't known at the time if CBS would ever show the 3 "lost episodes." So you get to see that same scene in full in The Reckoning. I can't say enough about both Chimes and Invictus; you'll just have to see for yourself. It's a wild ride.
As to your questions: I think the Oz/Kansas and Shangri-La thing was simply Nan picking up that thread from the show and expanding on it, as she was so good at doing with many things.
You asked about my stuff on Gossamer but did you mean AO3? Because everything I have on Gossamer is under my own name. I chose wonderland on AO3 because when I'm writing and really get lost in it, I often feel like Alice must have when she fell down the rabbit hole into Wonderland. Like it's a whole new reality. Does that make sense?
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dailyfanfix · 2 years
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Fic Rec II: Today I Bury You in Me, ch. 4
fic by: @the-darklings
Main Post
Thoughts on Chapter 4 (Spoiler Warning): Year 304-521
This chapter starts with—wait, pause, is the reason why Wanderer used to be close to Desire was because she used to desire a lot of things?? But ended up being close to Dream because she began to actually dream of things? Like, you can desire something for shallow reasons, but when you dream of things, you understand its true value. Is this a nod to Wanderer’s fantastic character development—???
*clears throat* Anyway. 
What I like about this chapter is that we get to see a little bit about Wanderer’s history, even though she doesn’t even know herself. You can also see that Wanderer does actually age, but not like humans. Her experiences, her curse—it wears her out, and you can see it. So you’re able to empathize with the character more, and her character, once again, gets deeper and more complex.
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I have nothing to say about that line. It’s just good *chef’s kiss*
Ohhhh and! Now we get to the part where Dream talks about Hob Gadling. 
And I love how Wanderer reacts to it. It hurts her, and I actually felt so freaking sad about this scene because imagine being in her position, knowing that someone else was granted immortality, but is not cursed. 
Hob Gadling loves life, and his immortality provides him more time to keep loving it. As for Wanderer, her immortality takes life away from her. She’s alive, but she’s not really allowed to live. 
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Then there’s that line. Wanderer has lived for so long, has been scarred many times, that she instinctively forgets that’s she’s human, too. 
AND THEN THIS:
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OH MY GOD HE REMEMBERED—
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Oop— that kinda hurt. Because it’s just one line, but you can really see one of Morpheus’ biggest flaws. He separates himself from humanity bc he's a being of great power, and so he can’t understand what Wanderer’s life is like. 
So he presumes that becoming “like him” is good, but to Wanderer, the fact that she’s lived so long, “becoming like him” means she lives more and more with her curse. Morpheus lives with no curse, Wanderer lives because of the curse. 
So the more she lives long enough to become sort of like him means more pain on her part. 
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AHHH DREAMFALL— I’ll let y’all read that part if you haven’t. It’s too goo to spoil, so I won’t react to how special that line feels to me. 
The next scene, though, isn’t so happy. But what I like about it is that it kind of drags you back down from the moment earlier. It reminds you what life is like for Wanderer, and that the Dreaming isn’t a place she can be in all the time. 
It reminds you that this story isn’t just about Wanderer/Dream. It’s also about Wanderer’s story as a whole and what it symbolizes in regard to the humans, the Endless, and entities like Corinthian. 
There’s a depth to her character that is just SO GOOD AKDALDHAAKJD
I love how after all she’s suffered, she appears in the Dreaming, giving her the rest she deserves.  And it’s nice to see that the Dreaming’s inhabitant really care for her.
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O U C H. 
I’ll say, though, that her saying that isn’t coming from how selfish Morpheus can be and has been. I don’t think it’s about Morpheus, I think it’s about Wanderer not being able to accept that she’s worthy of being accepted. 
All she remembers is being treated like a threat by humans, and because of her curse, she sees herself as someone who isn’t deserving of care, especially by someone like Morpheus. So I think that line is more of a result of her curse than something that was Morpheus’ doing. 
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In a future chapter, it gets explained why that word is so important, and why the Morpheus telling her to call for him is important and so meaningful.
I won’t say any more, but please do read this series if you haven’t already. The author can make just one word mean so much. 
-
(Masterlist)
Posted on October 1, 2022
Posted by Sophia
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In the book, Alina keeps her connection to the Darkling a secret, mainly because she thinks she is hallucinating and going crazy for a while. In the series... not at all. She doesn't think she's crazy at all. In fact, I even have the impression that after the first connection where they discuss she already knows that he is alive, that she is not hallucinating and is not crazy at all. Still, she keeps it to herself until Baghra arrives. While she could easily have told Mal, or even Nikolai, about it to try to take advantage of it, but she didn't. She kept it to herself, for no great reason, which I find peculiar... It was like a secret between them for more than half the season. Even Baghra hinted that Alina didn't really want to get rid of the bond between them.
I think at first Alina thought she was just dreaming about Aleks but deep down she knew he wasn't really gone. I think some part of Alina still feels drawn to Aleks and still longs to have him back as someone she could rely on and who would support her. I think she misses the connection they used to have and how he used to steady her. Just like how Alina is Aleks' peace I do think the Aleks is kind of Alina's rock, who she focuses on when she is feeling unsure or nervous and not having that anymore is making her feel a bit unstable and we see her acting more and more rash as the season goes on and as she continues to push Aleks away. It is interesting that she keeps it a secret from everyone until Baghra the only other immortal like her arrives.
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mcheang · 1 year
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Shadow and Bone S2 E2 recap
Spoiler alert
Alina and Mal convince Sturmhond to help them find the Sea Whip. Unlike book Sturmhond, this one clearly doesn’t care about getting on Mal’s good side. I just saw Mal’s book of lives of saints. Is it just me or does it look more like the one we can buy rather the one David read in Season 1? Kirigan is clearly more physically ill than book Darkling. He is coughing black blood, and his scars cannot be fully healed by Genya. He goes to Vladim the Alkemi for help but he can only promise a temporary painkiller. Unlike the other Grisha seeking Kirigan’s protection, Genya is not as delighted. She is unsure and terrified of him and his monsters. I’ll admit I’m surprised. I never imagined her like this in Siege and Storm’s first few chapters. What I find interesting is how the nichevo’ya would have attacked Genya, believing she is hurting their master. Their instinctive nature is to protect him even before he gives the order, although they do not attack immediately. We see the flashback of when Kaz and his brother first met Pekka. I’ll admit, seeing this on screen, I already could tell this was a bad idea of the brother’s. When it comes to easy money, be suspicious. The Crows plan to get back at Pekka. But he deduces where Kaz would go to get information on him and ambushes him there. He also sets traps for Jesper and Inej. Funny how Jesper only remembers Wylan when they are in an intimate position lol Lucky for Matthias, his cell mate is Fjerdan and is willing to give him tips to survive Hellgate. What was his crime, or is he innocent too? Alina doesn’t plan to kill the Seawhip, who is not hiding among floating ice bergs like in the books but apparently on a green island. For the record I do not believe she is having dreams about the sea whip and the Firebird because they are Morozova’s amplifiers and it is destiny. Because I already know that the Firebird is not the amplifier. Alina is only having these dreams based on what she knows and because she is obsessed!
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Well, the island is pretty….
A new character Fruzsi has joined the Darkling. Her appearance so makes me think of Ulla because she looks like a live action Vanessa from Little Mermaid! She is a Tidemaker who is guarding Morozova’s books and also the imprisoned Baghra, who can still see. She seems surprisingly reverent to Kirigan. I’m guessing he saved her life before the Fold. Rusalye attacks the searching party. The attack reminds of Scylla from Greek mythology only with one head and much smaller than I expected. It might be the reflection of water, but i thought it had multiple tails, making it look more like an octopus than a dragon. It’s size is so much less impressive than the books. The book sea whip gave one hell of a fight before it was captured. Alina kills the Seawhip when it attacks Mal. As she remembers the Rusalye’s last memories, she realizes he saw Mal different from everyone else. And as she absorbs the new amplifier, her light has changed from yellow to blue white. And Kirigan is also now made aware that there still exists a connection between them at this same time. When Alina loses control of her power, Mal stops and they kiss. Um…was that really the time?!!!
I like Matthias new cell mate. Tamar does not particularly strike me as reverent to saints if she address Alina with an “Oi” I was so relieved to hear Alina didn’t want to kill the stag. Everyone else? Why are they so keen on killing fairytale creatures?!!! Sturmhond even forgot Alina needs to be the one to kill it when Rusalye attacks. For how often the media and the cast try to paint Kirigan as a bad guy, except for one newspaper clipping I found that claimed him as an antihero, one can’t deny that Kirigan is better than book Aleksander for not blinding his mother. I still think Fruzsi could be Ulla and I hope she helps keep Aleksander alive. Saints know if she is Ulla, she definitely dislikes the mother who abandoned her. We finally see Tidemaker characters and their powers. The books only had the Council of Tides in Ketterdam.
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dangerously-human · 1 year
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💬💬
Decided to do two Grishaverse fics for this one, which despite apparent similarities like sharing titles taken from The Midnight lyrics, are pretty much opposites, as my Grishaverse fics go. First, you've got kinda fluffy Darklina (though the fic itself is mostly about the contentious relationship between the Darkling and Baghra), based more on show characterization, from Nobody Has to See (What's Between You and Me):
Baghra gives him one of those knowing looks that he has come to dread. “And you?” she asks shrewdly. “Will the girl be your redemption, too?” ...
“Saints, Aleksander,” she snaps, with an impatient bang of her stick scarcely to the left of his foot, “don’t tell me she’s caught your eye. An impressionable girl, naive to the machinations at play - pretty young thing, yours to shape, is that it? You think she’ll fall at your feet with a collar around her neck?”
He’d nearly managed to convince himself word had not made its way to Baghra about his renewed quest to find the stag, but he should have known better. She has ears everywhere, the old bat. He lifts his chin, feels his nostrils flare slightly as he icily retorts, “Am I no better than the scum who sits on the throne now, then?”
“Do you believe you might love her?” Baghra taunts. “Have you convinced yourself you feel anything for her purer than a lust for power?”
The accusation stings at first; only his mother can still affect him this way, make him feel small again. But he has had centuries of practice at avoiding the temptation to dwell on his mother’s opinions, so the insult is only fleeting. Aleksander’s eyes narrow, and he replies coolly, “You should understand. I am what you made me, after all. And did you not bring me into being so you would not have to be alone?”
And then you've got (If You Make It Out Alive) Hold That Bloody Head Up High, which is focused on the more toxic Darklina vibes, more closely in line with book canon, and still probably my favorite thing I've written for the fandom:
"Make me your villain," he whispers, eyes wide and fathomless and dark with something I will not acknowledge. Behind his words, I hear: Keep me alive, continue this dance, obsess. If he cannot have my heart, he will have my wrath. The flavor of the passion matters less to him than its heat. I won't give him the satisfaction.
"You weren't my villain," I return, as calmly as I can manage.
He raises an eyebrow. "No?"
Something deep within me twists. It hurts, but I won't let it win. Not today. Another time, in another variation, this dream will look different. "You were my monster."
A tired half-smile tugs at his lips. I scowl.
"You made a monster of me, too."
That wicked smile curves higher. "You don't regret it."
I've loosened my grip too much. He slides one arm free, strokes long fingers against my cheekbone. They burn in their familiarity. My hair falls in my face. It's white, and that timeline discontinuity is almost enough to rocket me back to consciousness.
"My Alina," he purrs, and it's as much declaration as supplication. "Sol Koroleva. My equal."
"I was never your equal," I snarl. "You saw to that." There's the sound of metal rending as I give a hearty stomp and shatter the chains around my feet. "And I will never be your queen."
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KING OF SCARS
Alright. Took a break from Grishaverse to read Glow and The Deal while I was house sitting. Now I’m gonna try to finish King Of Scars before I go to Jurassic Weekend. Let’s go.
SPOILERS, you’ve been warned.
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.
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Only one chapter in and already I have questions. How come Nikolai still turns into the creature? Okay I guess just one question.
Okay so 3 years have passed since the Darkling was killed, 6 months since Nikolai started changing again, and the mysterious events began. Are they linked? Is it the same magic? Is it something in Jurda Parem?
I feel like Nikolai and Zoya would make a cute couple.
Nina is with Adrik! Poor Nina hearing Matthias’ voice. This is breaking my heart 💔
Okay so Nina can hear dead people 😳😳😳 and Nikolai is slowly losing himself to the monster. This crazy guy makes it sound like the Darkling could still be alive. In spirit, and it’s making me wonder if that’s why the monster is back. Like it never left and the Darklings spirit just got strong enough to come awake again. It KNOWS Zoya, but she said the voice sounded familiar, but not Nikolai’s.
Oh and lets not forget that Genya and David got married, and I just found out that Tamar and Nadia got married too!!! I’m so happy for them!!!
Well, definitely did not finish before Jurassic weekend and got so wrapped up in finding out what was going on that I forgot to write my comments. So this is more of an afterward commentary than an as I go commentary.
Poor Isaak!! 😭😭 He played king so well, and he ended up dead 😭 I totally knew that princess couldn’t be the real princess. It was way too easy for her and Isaak to spend time together. Not to mention when they were sparring she fought well, while her guard was easily defeated by Tamar. 
You know what I didn’t see coming though? Elizaveta being a traitor. I was wondering if the Darkling was going to come back and be alive, but I didn’t think it would be because Elizaveta was a traitor.
I was really sad when Zoya lost her amplifier, and then I was super sad when her backstory was revealed. 😭 I loved Juris the dragon though ❤️❤️ Ever since Shadow and Bone I’ve been wondering if we would ever discover that the Grisha had access to more magic than they were lead to believe they could access. I thought maybe the Parem would lead them there, but nope. They just have to open themselves up and not put limits on themselves.
I really hope Nikolai doesn’t go through with this marriage idea. I really want him and Zoya to get married instead ❤️❤️
You know what else I didn’t see coming? Brum being Hanne’s father. Yep, nope, didn’t see that coming. I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined him letting his daughter do anything that was not expected of a female Fjerdan. I do find it ironic that his daughter is a Grisha though, and if I’d been thinking from that angle I may have figured out she was his daughter.
What exactly is he trying to do with pregnant Grisha and babies? Is he trying to make them addicted from the start? That seems extreme. Is he trying to find a way for them to keep the extreme powers without needing the Parem? Is he just wanting Grisha that he doesn’t have to capture so he can have a continuous supply of lab rats? I don’t even want to think about how they’re getting pregnant.
Anyway, I’m going to go hopefully get some answers now.
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