#kate middleton conspiracy
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The Princess of Wales AI: Retro Style, Illustration, Poster, 8K, Cubism art, Georges Braque, Geometrization, Modern art.
#Ktd#british royal family#brf#princess of wales#duchess of cambridge#kate middleton#georges braque#cubism#art#kate middleton conspiracy
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The Pleasures of The Unknown | Kate Middleton x The Unknown (Glasgow Wonka Experience 2024)
masterlist | ao3 | follow @youwouldntdownloadapizza and turn on notifications for updates
When Kate Middleton mistakenly ends up at a magical chocolate factory in Glasgow, she finds herself drawn to a mysterious cloaked figure with a penchant for dark chocolate.
pairing: Kate Middleton x The Unknown (Glasgow Wonka 2024)
rating: 18+, minors DNI
word count: 1.2k
tags: crack, crack treated seriously, crack fic, smut, mild smut, finger sucking, chocolate, sex and chocolate, light BDSM, choking, thigh riding, rpf, bald harry styles, balddry, infidelity, glasgow, willy wonka experience - freeform, glasgow willy wonka - freeform, Balmoral, british royal family, unhinged innuendo
chapter warnings: smut, infidelity
Kate Middleton stared at her bangs in the Buckingham Palace bathroom mirror.
"I can't go out like this," she complained to William. "The Sun will rip me a new one!"
"Kate, my dear," he kissed her on the cheek, turning to lean against the counter. She continued tugging at her botched fringe until he took her hand. "It's just hair. It'll grow back."
"That's rich, coming from you."
William looked down at his royal bunny slippers with a frown. Even they had more hair than he did. Perhaps he should have them fashioned into a wig. He'd have to ask his frenemy, Harry Styles, for wigmaker recommendations.
"I don't know what to do." Kate looked up at her husband with tears in her eyes. He wiped them away with his royal hanky.
"I do," he smiled. Sliding his hand into his back pocket, he produced the royal AmEx.
"Take a holiday, Kate. Go to Balmoral or Hollyrood for a few weeks. Grow them out. Maybe even get that BBL you've been talking about getting. Scotland is a great place to recover from surgery. What with all the free healthcare and all, innit?" he said Britishly.
"You're so right, William. I'll leave first thing tomorrow."
---
Kate double-checked the address her husband had given her as she stepped out of her royal Uber Black.
"This can't be the right place. Balmoral was never this colorful!"
The cabbie rolled down his window. "Don't worry, ma'am, this is Willy's place! Be quick and get inside, it's looking like rain."
With a soft 'innit', the driver pulled away, and Kate was left on Willy's doorstep.
She assumed 'Willy' was short for her husband 'William', but as she entered the foyer, she began to have her doubts. The place appeared to be some sort of magical chocolate factory.
Although sparsely decorated, the place maintained some air of whimsy. Well, less of an air, more of a spritz, but clamato, clamato.
"Soo la voo," Kate shrugged, walking beneath the sparkly, styrofoam rainbow and towards whatever fate awaited her here.
"Ahh, more guests! Welcome!" A depressed-looking woman in a green wig approached her.
"Here, compliments of Willy," she said, sliding a plastic cup containing a splash of what appeared to be sparkling lemonade into Kate's left hand. Into her right went a single jelly bean.
"What is this?" Kate asked.
"Our welcome gift to you! And only $40, such a deal."
Kate supposed $40 was a fair price for such splendor. After all, if bananas were $10, this was surely worth four times that. She popped the jelly bean and washed it down with the lemonade.
"Carry on down the hallway. Your future awaits."
Kate left her luggage and her empty cup with the so-called Oompa Loompa and proceeded down the bare linoleum hallway. That uncanny-valley candy landscape tapestry really ties the place together, she mused.
A voice greeted her at the end of the hall.
"What. Is. That?" A blonde man in a red top hat and coattails pointed towards an unassuming mirror.
Why, that's me! Kate Middleton! Kate Middleton thought to herself.
Kate nearly leaped out of her skin when the creature emerged from behind the looking glass.
"It's...THE UNKNOWN!!"
That's when Kate fainted.
When she awoke, her head was spinning. "Where am I?" She asked to the blackness that surrounded her.
A deep voice answered her. "You're in the walls. This is my home. My own dark chocolate factory."
"Your what?" Kate asked.
As her eyes adjusted, she realized she was in a small bedroom combined with a confectionary workspace, almost a studio apartment of sorts.
"My dark chocolate factory. You see, Willy Wonka seeks only to pump this world full of river-churned, high-fructose, milky delicious bullshit. What I aim to create is something far more sophisticated. Far more complex. And far, far darker."
"Oh? Might I try some?"
"Why of course," the silver-masked, black-hooded creature pulled back its sleeve to reveal long, nimble fingers.
He crossed to his chocolate worktable and dipped his index and middle fingers into a whirring chocolate fountain. The creature stalked towards her, extending the sample.
Kate leaned towards him, but froze. "Before I suck on your fingers, I should probably know your name."
The creature angled his head, as if considering her. "I have no name. I am only...The Unknown."
Kate's heart raced in her chest. That chocolate, those fingers, it all looked simply divine. And if William could be unfaithful, why couldn't she do the same? She deserved it, just this once. As a treat.
She opened her mouth, and The Unknown slid his fingers past her lips. She sucked deeply, the flavor sliding across her tongue and down her throat, the complex flavor and intensity of the delivery method sending shivers down her spine.
"Are you cold?" He asked.
"A bit," Kate admitted.
"Well then," she could hear the smirk in his voice even if she couldn't see it on his face. "Perhaps I'll have to warm you up myself."
Kate bit her lip. "Would you...put your willy? In my chocolate factory?"
His fingers closed around her throat. She drew a sharp breath.
She could feel his breath as he whispered in her ear, "Forget willies. Forget chocolate factories. Allow yourself to submit, to embrace the pleasures of The Unknown."
Kate let out a shuddering breath as she gazed up at that shiny mask. She didn't know what lurked behind it. She didn't care.
She kissed him then, the plastic of his mask hard against her soft lips. And then she was sprawled on the bed, his knee between her legs, and she was grinding against him.
"Oh, The Unknown!" She moaned.
"Please, there's no need for formality. Call me The."
So Kate did. She sounded like the gilded first word of a sponge's term paper as she wailed his name over and over again, into the dark stillness of this secret room behind the walls.
"I'm close," Kate moaned.
"Good girl."
He leaned down to kiss at her neck. The rough edges of the cheap mask scratched at her sensitive skin, but she didn't care. She was lost in the pleasures of The Unknown.
It was the hair that brought her to the edge, something her husband could never give her. The chemical scent of his cheap, black wig filled her nostrils as she rode his thigh, dangling there on the precipice.
"Ohh!" Kate screamed as she came, her thighs shaking with pleasure as she clenched around nothing.
A low, satisfied chuckle rumbled at her throat, and she swooned. After all these years of marriage, William had never rocked her world like this masked stranger just had. As they lay there together, she slipped into the chocolatey darkness of slumber, utterly content.
---
When Kate returned home, butt bigger and bangs longer, William had wanted to hear about her experience in Scotland.
"What was your favorite part?" He asked.
"I learned a lot about myself on this trip," she told him. "But the most valuable lesson was in learning to embrace the pleasures of the unknown."
"See, a little uncertainty is good sometimes!" He teased, tugging on her much-improved bangs before giving her a soft kiss.
"Mm," he smacked his lips. "Tastes like chocolate."
#ao3#fanfic#fanfiction#crack fic#glasgow#glasgow willy wonka experience#willy wonka#the unknown#glasgow willy wonka#ai wonka#balddry#kate middleton#kate middleton conspiracy#kate middleton missing#kate middleton bangs#kate middleton bbl#kate middleton x the unknown
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I wonder what Mycroft's reaction and response would be to the whole Kate Middleton saga. 😂
#mycroft holmes#kate middleton#another royal Scandal on the horizon lmfao#british royal family#brf#united kingdom#uk#great britain#britain#kategate#kate middleton conspiracy#sherlock holmes#sherlock#bbc sherlock#sherlock bbc#post season 4
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Let’s play a game: Can you spot the Photoshop?
#i don’t give a shit about the royals#but i’m intrigued#drama#uk#british royal family#kate middleton#Kate Middleton conspiracy#this is messy#i’m here for it#royal scandal#fresh tea#come get your fresh tea#uk politics#conspiracy theory#photoshop
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Lady Gabriella Windsor speak on her late husband Thomas Kingston & cousin King Charles III relationship
British Royal Family News, Lady Gabriella Windsor speak on her late husband Thomas Kingston & cousin King Charles III relationship. She gives clues on what happened to Thomas, his mental state, & their last conversation. Those British streets are wild!
youtube
#lady gabriella windsor#lady gabriella kingston#thomas kingston#prince william#tarot reading#royal family news#british royal family#King Charles III#Kate Middleton#kate middleton conspiracy#catherine middleton#princess catherine#princess of wales#prince of wales#Youtube
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Turns out Kate Middleton has cancer guys
#that’s wild#saw it coming though-#They said it in a official statement from the palace guy I’m not making shit up I promise 😭#first Charles and now this#the British are really going through it 😭#kate middleton#british royal family#britain#british royalty#king charles cancer#kate middleton conspiracy#kate middleton cancer
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I think if we press them enough for how in shambles they are the Royal Family might actually reveal some truth about Lady D
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what’s crazy about the Kate Middleton conspiracy turning out to be cancer thing is that not one of those people learned a lesson about personal accountability or responsible social media use
#truly impressive#just thinking about that and how it exemplified a constant issue online#you are responsible for gleefully spreading misinformation#kate middleton#the royal family#whom I don’t rlly care about to be fair but still!!#kate middleton conspiracy#social media#cyberbullying#conspiracy theories
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the kate middleton thing is the most fun the internet has been since a bunch of rich people decided it was a good idea to visit the bottom of the ocean in a diy submarine built it someone's backyard
#kate middleton#royal family#british royal family#princess of wales#catherine wales#I'm a full on conspiracy theorist now#meme#brf#kensington palace#oceangate#titanic
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William and Kate waking up this morning having gone to sleep way before the drama unfolded. Not giving two Fs 😎🤪
#ktd#brf#kate middleton#british royal family#prince william#princess of wales#kate middleton conspiracy
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#with all the kate middleton conspiracies and detective work with photo analysis and media etc.#it just reminds me deeper how so much that occurred during 1D and especially with BG#could’ve only happened in the timeframe it happened in#when twitter and social media as a whole wasn’t as engaging and analytical as it is now#like there’s now such a need to uncover all the lies and curtains that hollywood and the industry pulls over on the GP#and with such a trend of exposing things and people in the industry#it would be like moth to a flame#so much shit could only be pulled off because of the vacuum of the time it was set in#imagine so many things that occurred during that era and the consistent weirdness of BG (especially with photos and videos)#it would’ve been torn to pieces by twitter internet sleuths in 2.5 seconds which would bring so much of the twitter GP obsessed with pop#culture to start threads and jump down rabbit holes etc.#it’s just always fascinating to see#especially when the buzzfeed article that occurred during BG that tried and failed to highlight all the inconsistencies#was like. the peak of coverage about it#on the other hand i’m sorta glad it did happen the way it did because imagine how much would be said about louis over that entire thing#and people would be ruthless#idk just some rambles
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Katespiracy is the funniest fucking thing. I hope they never find that coloniser
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girly i must tell you the Kensington palace themselves just said the photo is fake... there might be something here👀
#asks#kate middleton#waist deep in twitter conspiracies to stop any thoughts from occurring. if i think about kategate the thoughts wont get me#riveting stuff
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Dear ol’ Elizabeth 2 must be rolling in her grave so much these days, you could slap some magnets on her and turn her into a renewable energy source
#I have no idea if that’s how electricity actually works#I barely passed Intro to Circuits ok???#queen elizabeth ii#prince william#kate middleton#british royal family#royal conspiracy#kategate
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Thomas Kingston & King Charles III Risky Business- Prince William, Kate Middleton Queen Camilla
In British Royal Family News, Thomas Kingston & King Charles III risky business relationship exposed. Could a business deal turn dark? Prince William dark history, Kate Middleton disappearance & Queen Camilla sneaky ways shown. Tarot exposed the hot tea!
youtube
#thomas kingston#king charles iii#katemiddleton#kate middleton cancer#kate middleton conspiracy#british royal family#princewilliam#youtube#tarot reading#breaking news#Youtube
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