#just want to be treted like the only one
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TALKING ABT POWERPUNK GIRLS remember that horrible pilot of the live action of the ppg? i always thought that fits more on them BUUT not at all, i just think their personalities are really terrible like that, they treting each other like shit and brat being a whore.
but i think beserk would be a mastermind like REALLY smart and would beat brick in seconds, but also an asshole, no empathy and just care about herself, kinda a narcissist.
and brute i headcanon her being the 😐 itself, shes arrogant, emotionless and doesnt open her mouth almost never. i saw someone saying that squid game's player 067 is like buttercup, but i disagree and i think it fits better on brute, she's literally BRUTE.
and brat, as i said, is a whore lol. like yeah, shes the extrovert one, who just do things for fun and dont care abt anything, and start a fight among them and she dgaf.
yeah. what do you think ???
Literally the characterization for the cw pilot matches with the powerpuff girls 10x more I would say minus maybe buttercup because she’s just a lesbian and blossom because she was like a ball of stress or something.
I see Berserk as someone who’s really calm and controlling she is undeniably the leader by the way she knows how to navigate her sisters but she’s not like blossom in the way that she commands the title for respect. Like everyone looks at her and they’re like she’s scary but in a snake type of way she’s controlling things like she’s pulling strings back stage type of gal. Very vindictive and girlbossy and hates men if brick and her would interact it would be the only time where I’m like brick get outta there like she’s literally eat him alive.
Brutes interesting because I honestly think all greens are all on this very close playing field because they all like to fight but they all have extremely different levels of control and restraint. I don’t know much about the character from squid game but considering she’s a thief maybe? But I also think that girl is like a survivor like she is the way she is because she had no other choice to be like that. I think that brute other than the fact that she was brought up to be a killing machine she more or less is a menace because she thinks it’s fun
Hmm with brat I don’t disagree with you about the whole whore thing but I think that a “”whore”” says a lot about bubbles since that’s her mirrored self so I will disagree. Like I don’t think brat is like just sleeping with people and that’s her entire personality I feel like there’s so many more interesting things you can do with someone like Brat. Like how similar to bubbles I think brat is a MASSIVE ATTENTION SEEKER and emotional manipulator and to with the way that bubbles is kinda a mood maker for girls is how I see brat for the punks. I do think that brat is undeniably entrancing and commands the room even more so than berserk despite her being the leader(which is on purpose). I would say Brat is a “whore” the same way that Boomer is one like these two will use their bodies in a completely different way to get what they want if it avoids violence but boomer does it because he’s 1.dumb 2. doesn’t know another way 3. Has little self respect
Whereas I think brat does it because 1.she’s dumb 2. Doesn’t know another way 3. She think it’s funny/fun/ entertaining and it’s more effective because she has boobs
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Omg I just read your post for your "Obsession AU" and I'm in love!! When you have time could I pretty please get headcanons for how Rex and Echo would be with their S/Os in that AU? Thank you in advance
Finally! Someone asking about something that isn’t the everyone lives au!!!!
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Rex:
He has a large amount of rules, most that involve with your activities with people outside his close circle of friends and allies.
He needs to have you with him at all times if it’s possible. If it’s too dangerous for you to be there you’ll stay in your shared room.
Sometimes if you get too gittery he’ll let you go out as you please, but with the condition that two of his men go with you, assuming he can’t go himself.
Basically, if you’re outside of your suite you’re never alone. Asuming that you consider guards at your door at all times alone.
Rex doesn’t fight with you, he just doesn’t. If you disagree on matters of your safety he’ll pretend to agree, but there will be some sort of circumstance that requires his help later on. Most of the time you start seeing things his way.
He doesn’t want you to feel smothered or trapped, mostly because he knows that people who are trapped will do whatever it takes to escape, and he’s not going to let you go.
He makes sure you feel as free as possible, no matter how much of an illusion that may be.
Rex is very passionate, whenever you’re alone he’s always touching you in some way. He’ll sit you on his lap while he goes over battle plans or reports and make sure you’re squirming while he acts like nothing is happening.
He leaves marks all over, but not necessarily where people can see. He wants you to know you belong to him, other people should know to keep their distaste.
Those who don’t tend to go missing suddenly.
Rex first saw you while accompanying Anakin on a “diplomatic” mission to Alderaan soon after he rose to power, they were making sure their new empire had allies there.
You were a maid at senator Organa’s home, youd served Rex and smiled at him and he was done for.
Soon after you were suddenly offered a much better job serving the leaders of the new empire, needing the money you didnt think much of it and accepted.
Soon after Rex began to pull strings and move things around to arrange for you to work directly under him.
It wasnt long until he had you right where he wanted you.
Echo
Echo is much more paranoid than Rex, but not in the sense that you dont love him or that youd leave him for someone else, but because you could get hurt.
He had a lifetime of training and yet he’d been abducted, tortured and mutilated. Who knows what could happen to you? After all you were now with one of the higher ranks in the new empire, you obviously have a targt on your back.
But dont worry, he’s not going to let anything happen to you.
Before you were dating he simply watched you, making sure you got to work and home safe. Which was increadibly easy now that he could hack into things.
Sometmes he would even leave gifts for you, things he say you liked or heard you’d needed. He would have them delivered to your door, and at first you thought it was odd, if a little convenient, but you warmed up to it eventually.
You were a nurse, and youd helped treat Echo when he first returned to Coruscant. He fell for you emidietly,you were the only one who didnt treat him with too much caution, after all the empire was still scary to some people.
no,no, you treted him kindly and talked ti him about nothing in particular, sometimes youd forget yourseld and rant to him about things that had happened to you that day.
And oh how that made him happy, he hated that you felt the need to apologize everytime you realized what you were doing, he loved feeling close to you.
Unfortunately, he never felt confident enough to tell you any of that.
Until one day when he asked you why you trusted him with personal information, you simply shrugged and similed and said “I guess it just feels like you understand” you moved to check his vitals “and i dont know, i like you”
Echo had to control himself lest he reveal just how happy that made him, so he laughed and said he liked you too.
He’ll always remember the smile you gave him.
After you two are officially together he makes sure youre always with him when you go out, and for the most part you understand.
When he feels yu gettig too restless because of the constant survailance he pretends to back off a bit, but in truth he’s simply watching you from afar.
#requests#request#obsession au#captain rex#captain rex x reader#Coruscant#x reader#clones x reader#echo#arc trooper echo#echo x reader#clones#clone wars#The Clone Wars#tcw#cw
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Jean-Francois Geschwind It Can Be Done: How To Treat And Beat Your Cancer
Jean-Francois Geschwind Proficient tips provider. Cancer is a disease that is best known for its ability to cause the production of masses of rogue cells known as tumors. As these tumors grow, they begin to halt the normal function of organs in the body. Scientists have been battling this disease for decades, and as a result we now know more than ever about how to deal with it. Here are some facts and tips that can help you or a loved one to cope with cancer.
It is quite normal for cancer patients to feel unattractive. Self-esteem is at an all-time low and nothing seems to be right. This is a great time to pamper yourself! When you are feeling well enough, take a friend and go out to lunch. Get your nails done, or shop for a new outfit. Doing normal, everyday activities can make you feel like part of life again and change your whole attitude!
The human papillomavirus, or HPV, is a cause of cervical cancer. This virus causes genital warts, which are transmitted by sexual contact. The only way to prevent the spread of HPV is the use of condoms and abstinence, or a vaccine that protects against the disease. Be responsible and don't practice unprotected sex. The possibility of cancer isn't worth the risk.
When battling cancer it is important to surround yourself with people who will honestly listen to your opinions and feelings without judgment. There are days when you are going to be angry, frustrated or sad and you need to be able to express those feelings openly and honestly when need be.
You should meditate during those times when you are really struggling with cancer. It can help you to stay mentally focused and not just think about the cancer. It can give you the mental strength to fight the cancer and really take control of your life.
There are many different ways that people cope with cancer. Some of them good and some of them bad. Find a good way to cope with cancer. Some good coping methods include relaxation techniques, such as meditation, doing leisure activities or writing your feelings down in a journal.
It's important that you work hard to deal with your feelings and emotions if you or someone you know has cancer. This is going to be a very emotional time in ways you cannot possibly understand unless you've been through it, and unchecked emotions can destroy relationships permanently and lead to a world of regret.
Always work hard to gather information if someone you love has cancer. They might not be in the right frame of mind to soak up the information about what they can do to handle the disease. But you should be at full attention in order to take in and retain this information. It's important that you gather as much as possible.
Expressing your love for someone with cancer doesn't always have to be done vocally. You can simply be there for a person physically to assist them and to show your moral support. Some types of cancer are incredibly rough, and the patient might not be able to care for him or herself. Make sure you're there for them.
Jean-Francois Geschwind Most excellent service provider. Don't be afraid if you have to have a screening for breast cancer. Just remember, it is only temporary, it will be over very quickly. Screening procedures are designed to save your life by catching a problem while it is still manageable. The possibility of experiencing a little discomfort should be no reason to avoid periodic screening for cancer.
Beans are incredibly good for your heart, but they're also essential in preventing cancer, especially colon cancer. The amount of fiber contained in beans and legumes will help to rid the body of free radicals via the fiber and also the saponins, phytic acid and protease inhibitors contained within the beans.
Unfortunately with cancer, there are things in your life that will now be staring you in the face, and need to be acknowledged. You need to be ready to fight back.
Cancer doesn't have to take root in your brain in order to play tricks on your mind, so always remember to keep fantasy and reality separated from one another. You will begin to feel as if you're sleepwalking and dreaming while you're awake during your bout with chemo. Keep your mind focused and simply ignore the "weirdness."�
It's important that you stick to a regular eating schedule when you're fighting cancer. The food may want to exit the same way it entered due to your chemo, but you cannot afford to skip meals here. Losing strength means that you are losing the fight. Work to stay strong so that you can beat the cancer.
Be mindful of your exposure to BPA. This synthetic estrogen is often found in canned goods, water bottles and other items. Research has shown that BPA has the potential to cause cancer, so try to eat more frozen foods and look for water bottles that are labeled as BPA free.
Make sure that you are up-to-date on your immunizations. Viral infections can have an impact on certain types of cancer so ask your doctor whether you have received all the necessary immunizations. In particular find out whether you have the Hepatitis B and HPV immunizations; these can help prevent liver cancer and cervical cancer.
If you have scar tissue or ulcers that are not healing very quickly, you may be at risk of developing squamous cell cancer in that area. UV rays from the sun is a big culprit in these kinds of cancer cells, but if you have skin that has been damaged for some time it can also lead to the forming of these cells.
Jean-Francois Geschwind Qualified tips provider. There is a lot that can be done to fight cancer. Of course, it is strongly recommended that you get treted for cancer by an experienced oncologist. Nonetheless, there are mant strategies that you can implement yourself. Most of all, maintain a positive attitude, and be determined to enjoy each and every day of life.
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daddyb
it started out as just a dinner. i was nervous- panicked on facetime with my best friend trying to pick the best dress to wear. he took me to the nicest restaurant in my town, and very quickly reminded me of the life i walked away from years ago. for the next few weeks things stayed pretty casual. dinners or lunch dates, never more than a day together. we weren’t even having sex. he taught me how to play guitar, showed me music he was creating, even let me record in his studio. he was encouraging me to better my life and i felt like i was learning and getting inspired with all the time i spent with him.
i definitely started falling for him before i realized. my friends could see it. i dont know how i didn’t. about a week before halloween i went home for a few days. when i left his house he said he was going to miss me and i cringed. the next night i called because i missed him. thats when i realized. after that trip we started spending a lot of time together. all of our time really. we went to the coast to spend a night together and i spent another two nights at his house right after. we went out together for halloween, he didnt get mad when i hit the curb, we were just having a really good time together. we were both feeling the same thing but we never acknowledged it.
the first week of november was blissful. we spent election night getting lost in each other and trying to block out the bullshit going on in the world. we spent the next few days falling, still not acknowledging it, but just letting it happen. we were talking on one of our daily drives and i ended the conversation before it really started. we booked a trip to hawaii. he sent me shopping with his daughter. he asked if i wanted to spend thanksgiving with him and his family. things gradually got more intense and when we did have that conversation we realized our relationship was more traditional than we had originally thought possible. it made me happy. happy that he was feeling the same way, happy that we were making our own fun during the pandemic, happy that it felt like we both had finally found what we needed and deserved, but most of all i was happy that i was finally in THE relationship i had been waiting for.
for the last two years i have known exactly what i needed in a relationship. i knew what would be good for me and what wouldn’t, what would work and what couldn’t. in the last two years i have knowingly gotten into relationships that went against what i knew was right for me and they never worked out for those very reasons. i had pretty much given up on finding someone that i would be compatible with in every way and he surprised me by being all of that.
the first two days in hawaii were perfect. i was in awe of where we were, and the fact that my life had led me there with someone who was treting me so well. the second night there i was so purely happy. i couldn’t stop smiling, i was so blissfully overwhelmed by all the good things that were unfolding in my life. i felt euphoric. we were walking along the ocean in a cute touristy town when he told me he loved me, i told him i felt the same. at this point we had yet to have a real bad moment in our relationship. that changed the next day.
it started out fine but went further downhill than i would have ever anticipated. we spent the whole day in the car and most of it was good. it slowly got harder and the last three hours of the drive were completely silent- minus my crying. we were both exhausted and needed a break. i went shopping and he went to the bar. that night set the tone for the rest of the trip.
i spent so much time and energy trying not to be angry and i was only making things worse. i wanted to get away from him but i felt like i couldn’t let him out of my sight. i wasn’t having a good time in paradise and that was making me feel crazy. i felt ungrateful for not enjoying the trip he took me on while i resented him for being the reason i was in a bad mood throughout it. i felt trapped. it was a recipe for disaster.
despite all the tension we felt on the trip we spent the next few days together, and they were good. really good. when i went home for thanksgiving i couldn’t stop missing him. i talked to my friends and family about how good things were and spent most of my time talking or texting with him. the day after thanksgiving i went right back to staying with him. that night we talked about some hard stuff. he brought up how hard it is that none of my friends or family are truly supportive of our relationship. before that converstion i hadn’t fully realized how difficult it was. the next day we went to santa cruz for the night and had another quiet drive. it was much shorter and i didn’t think anything was wrong. he felt differently.
it was easy for me to associate his relapse with being in hawaii. i understood the factors that led to it, i could see that he regretted it and his actions showed me that he didn’t want it to happen again. but when it happened again at home, it hurt. this time i took it personally. i was angry and i still am. for a while i had let it go. i wanted to move past it and i did- we did. he started going to meetings, we started spending less time time together and it felt like things were getting back to normal.
he drank again a few days ago and blatantly lied to me multiple times when i asked. i went to his house the next morning to get my shit and leave him, i ended up staying there for three days. it was all good until this morning when i realized i had to leave. it’s easy to trust someone when you’re contantly together and don’t have to wonder what they’re doing. he said we could facetime tonight and i’ve been waiting for his call but nothing. not even a text.
i’m not ready to let this go but i don’t want to get stuck in another cycle. do i continue to let him lie to me and just pretend that it doesn’t bother me? do i constantly bring it up and give him more of a reason to expect that i’ll stay reguardless of his actions? do i leave him and mourn the life we could create together? i don’t know what to do. i don’t know if there’s a way to keep this going without it becoming toxic, and i don’t want that for us.
when we started this it was garunteed to be short term. when we defined our reltionship more seriously we left that topic alone. we only recently started talking about our possible future and it’s something that i really want. i just dont know how to get to that from where we are right now.
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A Restless Night
This is long, and I am on mobile. Please enjoy.
I don't know what happened. First off I'm sitting at a large table with what was left of my lunch sitting in front of me, and then the maid mentions my housing situation. Like how did they even know? The man, whom, invited me to lunch said that I can live with him.
I didn't know what to do, thinking about all the reasons to stay, my answer should have been an easy yes.
But no.
I have oolons if problems and quirks that make living alone in a small space, preferable. So what do I say?
"Can I see the room?"
"Of course darling," Mr. Nihelim held no hesitation. Like he has no problems whatsoever. Just like that he stood and all but pranced out of the room.
I turned to follow but nearly bumped right into Neo.
Now that I'm standing, I can see he's not all that tall, he seems to be five something feet tall. No taller than me really. Brown hair tucked back in the hood of his long, black coat. Being this close I can see his face. Looking at him he appears no older than me. Maybe in his twenties.
But I know better. I'm an artist and an author and I have spent a lot of time watching other people.
Everyone has a book, it's hard to see and you won't if you don't know where to look. The face is the cover and the eyes are the summary.
His face is young but his eyes are ancient. This man has seen more than most anyone should. And coming back to reality, I notice that I'm not the only one reading.
He looked me dead in the eyes.
"You seem powerful," he said. Voice like a good cup of coffee. Bitter, a little sweet, and eye widening.
"Come along darling, despite my behavior I don't have all day." I heard the head of the house call from down the hall.
"It's alright Miss. If you move in then we will take care of everything." Ajaun stood to my side, waiting.
_________
As we walked I got to see a bit more of the manor, everything about this place is big and gody and rich.
The room I was walked to was on the third floor, just a bit down the hall on the right.
Each hall seems to have a color theme. The one we are walking down is green and floral, earthy tones and naturalist designs make it very beautiful. Almost as if I were in a forest.
We stop in front of a door, wide, dark wood. Grass, moss, and a few mushrooms are painted to the bottom. The frame is carved and painted with winding ivy. The sad part is ...I recognize the door.
It's a Fay Gild's door, from one of my works. They led to springs, whether they are of wealth or wrong. You simply had to hope.
This mad man really is a fan.
________________
The room is big.
About as large as the entirety of my last apartment.
And so where the last three. To tell the truth I liked the first room. The hall was beautiful, the setup was simple. "Is this one not to your liking?"
Ajaun has been patient and kind this whole time. Showing me rooms and getting me things, answering my questions. "To tell the truth, I actually liked the first room."
"Alright let's get you moved in."
"But that isn't the problem."
"Oh?"
Honestly, I don't know what to tell them. I mean things have always been appearing ever since I was a child. Sometimes they're nice small things like that flower. I drew it as a child. I woke up with it on my dresser but then there are the things that aren't as good. I have no clue where that maroonlian timberwolf came from much less of one as to what my brother did with it honestly. Truly I don't want to cause trouble for these kind people.
"I….um, things happen around me. I don't know how to explain it. Things appear and as nicely as this place might be protected from the outside world, stuff might appear on the inside….around me. it happens all the time I don't want to cause any trouble."
"Dear," The voice was smooth and deep, almost like honey. They said it as if I was being playful. I'm not a joke. I don't think they think I'm a joke. It's almost as if you're trying to call me down. "Odd things happen around here all the time. Whatever you can manage to conjure up will probably not be nowhere near as bad as to what those two get up to.."
"Alright," I give in. These people are too kind to accepting. "But you can't say I didn't warn you."
"I'll keep that in mind."
__________
I had managed to get my room how I wanted it.
Dinner was interesting, sitting between Mr. Edgy and Mr. Eccentric surrounded by professional crossdressers just gives it that air.
Mr. Ninhelm grabbed his Champagne flute and tapped it with one of his forks. "Friends, servants, Missy."
What appears to be a butler stated that it was a good one.
He thanks them and continues, "we are gathered here tonight to welcome a new member of the household. Miss. Purple Panda" he cringed a little at my last name. "Please rise, let everyone have a look at you. Everyone, butlers (he gestured towards the maids), maids (gestured towards the butlers), Missy, Neo Tonberry. The most recent member of our little 'family'. I expect that you trete he with the same kindness and grace you trete me….or don't, it's a free country, you are all your own people. Now I believe it was time for dessert, Ajaun what did you make? I believe I smell pudding.
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What an intriguing first evening. After dessert (pudding) Ajaun walked me up to my room. I took a shower and dressed in something comfy.
I….I found I could not sleep. It's to be expected. New place, the smell isn't right. The corners are too dark. And as always I have too much energy to sleep, even when I'm exhausted.
"Well, a walk never hurt," I mindlessly muttered into the Hall after I opened the door to the hall. The sight I was met with was breathtaking.
The hall designed to look like the Gilded Woods by day was practical magic at night. The lights were turned down to reveal the pixy lights and glow tabs. Walking down the hall, it felt like there should be Fay popping across the hall to one party or another.
I walked the halls, that at day are very well decorated, almost come to life at night.
I was pulled out of my dazed wondering at the top of the stairs in the entry hall. It took me a moment to find what had actually pulled me out of my wandering mind. The door was jiggling like the locks, and the density of the door was being tested.
Then it struck me, someone was trying to break in the front door. I was about to call out when I was taped on the shoulder. Turing to find the Lord of the house in his night where (robe, slippers, and silk pajamas), wasn't to big of a surprise.
"Don't worry darling we already have this taken care of."
He walks past and he is .… in a dress? When did this happen? He stepped down three steps, the door opened, and a spot light picked up and he started to soliloquies.
The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. At this point I noticed that Ninhelem was in three inch stilettos. As in the blade stilettos, actual blades on the bottom of his feet. His hair is pulled back curled with golden twine and expensive jules. Wearing a golden gown encrusted with sequence. Safe to say a figure of beauty and wealth.
"Madam and Measures,
We welcome you tonight
As the dining room probably presents
Your dinner."
The look on the breakin's face is priceless. I immediately recognised it as the opening to the 'Beauty and the Beast' Be Our Guest.
"Be our guest
Be our guest
Put our service to the test
Tie your napkin 'round your neck, cherie
And we provide the rest…."
At this moment the burglar is gone, I'm in stitches as the burglar ran out of the house screening, and Misure Ninhelem is fabulous.
"I told you I had this handled."
"How did you know it would work?'
"Darling, I've been doing this for years. Wouldn't you be terrified if a man in a full ball gown walked down the stairs, seductively, singing to you?"
"Yes, yes I would."
After that I returned to my room, wrote down some script, and went to bed.
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Please DO NOT like or interact with this post
i just want to vent without knowing that people saw this.
i have severe problems with opening up to people , espeically irl people and talking outloud. its something that i struggle with a lot and it relly affects my friendships and relationships with people, ive hurt people by refusing to open up to them. but its not my fault, its something i struggle with a lot because a majority of my life was just be getting rediculed and not taken seriouslt for my problems. no ones ever wanted to listen or help me, and most of my expierences with opening up, espeically irl, are bad ones. so ive conditioned myself to be unable to physically make me talk abou t them.
like i used to have friends who would take my vents, use my words against me. ive had frends who literally took private info i told them and told other people and used that against me. im extreemely paranoid when it comes to being open, espcaially irl, i would much rather vent through text.
today my freind basically just, asked me to vent to her, to rant, and like, although i really wanted to, i rl y did !!! i ust, i just couldnt get my words out. my brain went black and foggy, my throat closed up and i started to panic. its a lot of stress to be pu in a position like that, espeicall y when its somethings thats so new to me. ive never had anyone willing to listen to me irl. its so strange.
i have so many things i wish i can talk about, but talkin about myself puts imemnse guilt and stress on me and its something i would much rathr not feel. i feel bad because a year or 2 ago my best friend noticed i was kinda not doing so well, and got rly upset i wouldnt tell her anything bc she tells me everything and i dont tell her anything and that rly upset her.
everytime im confronted with stuff like this my instinct is to just dismiss it and talk about the othe r person. i really dont like, attention on me. i really dont like people knowing stuff about me. i really hate it. but i know i need to learn to do it. i just, i hate admitting things. i hate hearing myself admit that things suck, or im rly depressed, or anything personal like that. i hate it. bc i mean, i know im really mentally ill, but i think im still in denial. or im just, scared. for other people to know. im sared of being vulnerable. im scared of people knowing things and then treting me differently or people knowing things and then asking follow up questions. im really afraid of talking. its passed shyness, im jut a ball of anxiety. evrytime i speak i can feel tears litterally welling up in my eyes (i mean like about personal topics) (when it comes to normal convos i can usually mentally handle those although i still dont talk much anyways)
i hate having attention on me. i hate it. i hape talking and people like, staring at me. i know theyre just listening to me, but i hate it. but like its a silly thing to hate because how else do you have onversations???? lately ive been struggling a lo t with talking and stuff. i think it also ties into the fact that this year i only have like one friend. and ive noticed as time goes on, i get more amd more anxious. and the fact i only have on efriend, and its not my best friend whom i love so dearly (tho dont get me wrong i rly love this freind a lo t too!! she is the best person in the world) i just feel lost, and confused , and everytihng is hard and talking is hard and just being myself is hard bc shes not here. we were each others support. and now we both r without each other and its a mess.
the friend i have here, told me that theres a person she wants me to become friends with, who i rly wanna be friends with. but its just, thats a lot of pressure. im a really anxious person just, thinking about being a lone with this person and having to make conversations myself is making me tear up from fear. i hate anxiety its ruining my life. i just want to be able to make friends. i just want to be able to talk to people without comtemplating literal death every 3 seconds becuae i keep messingwords up. i just want to have normal conversations that dont up abruptely bc i decided to stop talking. i just want to be able to talk withought getting so anxious i literally go mute/non verbal.
i want to become this persons friend really badly, they seem so good and great and sweet and just someone i will get along with. but severe anxiety is getting in the way and i hate it. i hate ewhat anxietys done to me.i cannot talk unless spoken to. even with friends. i just kinda stand there and wait fo r them to say something. im the worst friend the worst person to talk to because of this. i hate that people online atually like and enjoy me, i hate how everyone here likes me, and likes talking to me, bc im no t like this in real life. in real life you all wouldnt look at me, you all wouldnt speak to me, you all would just think im weird or id make you uncomfrtable and youd talk to other people about me in a bad way and that would be it.
im not a comfortable person to talk to. i have acknoweldged that. i know that. and i hate it. an d i hate that i know people dont like me, o r are uncomftable by me. i hate it. i hate how i make things awkward. or i cant talk. or i refuse to talk. i hate how i tell my firends to push m e to talk more, but when they do, i get flustered and end up not talking at all. i hate it. i hate this.
i just want to be normal.
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im a bit crazy searching up the word beautiful in our chats and finding out that he calls more things scenaries and etc beautiful than he calls me beautiful , i dont wanna think its because she was more beautiful than i was , but he did call her beautiful in those old faccebook comments , so far hes never pointed out a picture and told me that . i know im not the best looking but it sucks i guess , eve tho michael was a model and had pecs for days , i still think bry is handsome.
id like to convince myself its cause he doesnt hype , but when he does, its like . no stop . its never cause he thinks hes got the most beautiful in his arms , its probably cause he knows hes got the one whos the most obsessively in lvoe with him , i guess theres where our lvoe differs . idk why do i always get obsessive , why do i build this world where love is given so much eve tho i dont receive it back , sure it hurts when i dont get as hyped , but it wouldnt stop me from hyping people , i just know what it feels like to feel so low about myself and regardless of my depression nvm it doesnt make sense , my depression is not accountable to him , but if only hed ask for once , how i was doing , probably didnt take me seriously , probably thought i was throwing a fit , fuck why does life do this sort of thing , this is why living just suckswhy am i bothered , and why cant i keep mysef botherd , i blame austin for hyping me up and building who i am so i dont settle for less but give so much , but my self worth doesnt come fro how much someone hypes me , maybe i should jsut start giving love i know ill be receiving
i dont understand why he can say he loves me more , probably not to make me feel bad , or making it seem one sided
fuck i hate this , the smallest things i swear
they just
trigger me
theres no point treting people the way you want to be treated cause n one actually reciprocrates ,
i fucking hate living honestly
id be fine if i was jsut outed
i feel bad that god put so much time into someone that just
gave up
one day ill loose my shit , and i mean really loose it . this is why i cant have kids
im need to get back on track , i need to just chill
im constantly on the edge , like everything i hold on to can slip away so fast
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A Bad Boy’s Diary - Chapter 2
CHAPTER II.
THE PHOTOGRAPHS
I've been 2 sick too write in my diry for most a week. It was gettin drownded made me ill, an' gettin' out o' bed when I was swetty. Docktor Moore he's been up to see me twist a day. He's been so good to me I'm sorry I fritened him that night. I herd Bess tell Lily this morning she was glad I was sick, 'cause there was some piece in the house now; she hoped I'd stay in bed a month. I wonder wot girls don't like their little brothers for. I'm sure I'm real good to Bess. I go to the post-offis fur her twist a day when I am well. I never lost morren three letters fur her. Golly! ain't I glad she don't know about them!
This afternoon I felt so much better I wanted to get up, so when I heard Betty comin' with my supper, I slipped out o' bed an' hid behind the door. I had mamma's shawl around me, an' I jumpted out as she come in, an' barked as like I was a big black dog, an' that careless creture just dropped the server on the floor. Such a mess! The china bowl was broke, the beef-tea was spilt on the carpet, an' the hull family rushed up-stairs to hear her scream as if the house was on fire. I didn't know betty was such a goose. They all blamed me -- they always do. I believe when I get well I'll run away, an' be a buf'lo bill, or jine a ship. There never was a boy got such tretement -- so unjust.
To-day I was let sit up, tucked up in a quilt in a arm-chare. I soon got tired o' that, so I ast Betty to get me a glass o' ice-water to squench my thirst, an' when she was gone I cut an' run, an' went into Susan's room to look at all them fotografs of nice young men she's go there in a drawer.
The girls was all down in the parlor, 'cos Miss Watson had come to call. Betty she came a huntin' me, but I hid in the closet behind a ole hoop-skirt. I come out when she went away, an' had a real good time. Some o' them fotografs was written on the back, like this: "Conseated fop!" "Oh, ain't he sweet?" "He ast me, but I wouldn't have him." "A perfeck darling!" "What a mouth!" "Portrait of a donkey!"
I kep about two dozen o' them I knew, to have some fun when I got well. I shut the drawer so Sue wouldn't notice they was took. I felt as if I could not bare to go back to that nasty room, I was so tired of it, an' I thought I'd pass my time a playing I was a young lady. So I got on Sue's old bustle, and a pettycoat with a long tale on it, and Sue's blue silk dress, only it wouldn't be big enuff about the waste. I found a lot o' little curls in the buro, wich I stuck on all around my forehead with a bottle of mewsiledge, and then I seen more red stuff on a sawcer, wich I rubbed onto my cheaks. When I was all fixed up I slid down the bannisters plump againste Miss Watson, wot was sayin' good-by to my sisters. Such a hollerin' as they made!
"My best blue silk, you little imp!" said Sue.
Miss Watson she turned me to the light, an' sez she, as sweet as pie:
"Where did you get them pretty red cheeks, Geordie?"
Susan made a sign, but I didn't know it.
"I found some red stuff in Sue's drawer," sez I, and she smiled kind o' hateful, and said:
"Oh!"
My sister says she is an awful gossip, wich will tell all over town that they paint, wich they don't, 'cause that sawcer was gust to make roses on card-bord, wich is all right.
I stepped on to the front o' Sue's dress goin' up stares agen, an' tore the front bredth acrost.
She was so mad she boxed my ears.
"Aha, missy!" sez I to myelf, "you don't guess about them fotografs wot I took o' your drawer!"
Some folks think little boys' ears are made on purpose to be boxed -- my sisters do. If they knew wot dark an' desprate thoughts come into little boys' minds, they'd be more careful -- it riles 'em up like pokin' sticks into a mud puddel.
I laid low -- but beware tomorrow!
They let me come down to brekfast this mornin'.
I've got those pictures all in my pockets, you bet your life.
"Wot makes your pockets stick out so?" ast Lily, when I was waiting a chance to slip out unbeknone.
Oh, things," sez I, an' she laughed.
"I thought mebbe you'd got your books and cloathes packed up in 'em," sez she, "to run away an' be a Injun warryor."
I didn't let on anything, but ansered her:
"I guess I'll go out in the backyard an' play a spell."
Well, I got off down town, an' had a lot of fun. I called on all the aboriginals of them fotografs.
"Hello George! Well agen?" said the first feller I stopped to see.
Oh, my! when I get big enuff I'll hope my mustaches won't be waxed like his'n! He's in a store, an' I got him to give me a nice cravat, an' he ast me "Was my sisters well?" so I fished out his fotograf, and gave it to him.
It was the one that had "Conseated Fop!" writ on the back. The girls had drawed his musttaches out twict as long with a pencil, an' made hime smile all acrost his face. He got as red as fire, an' then he skowled at me.
"Who did that, you little rascal?"
"I guess the spirits did it," I said, as onest as a owl, an' I went away quick cause he looked as mad as thunder.
The nex plaice I come to was a grocery store, where a nuther young man lived. He had red hair an' freckles, but he seemed to think hisself a beauty. I said:
"Hello, Peters!"
He said:
"The same to yourself, Master George. Do you like raisins? Help yourself."
Boys wot has three pretty sisters allers does get treted well, I notiss. I took a big hanful of raisins an' a few peanuts, an' sot on the counter eating 'em, till all at oncest, as if I just thought of it, I took out his fotograf an' squinted at it, an' sez:
"I do declare, it looks like you."
"Let me see it," sez he.
I wouldn't for a long time, then I gave it to him. The girls had made freckles all over it. This was the one they wrote on the back, "He asked me, but I wouldn't have him." They'd painted his hair as red as a rooster's comb. He got quite pale when he seen it clost.
"It's a burning shame," sez I, "for them young ladies to make fun o' their bows."
"Clear out," sez Peters.
I grabbed a nuther bunch o' raisins an' quietly disappeared. I tell you he was rathy!
Mister Courntenay he was a lawyer, he's got a offis on the square by the cort-house. I knew him very well, 'cause he comes to our house offen. He's a awful queer-lookin' chap, an' so stuck up you'd think he was tryin' to see if the moon was made o' green cheese, like folks sez it is, the way he keeps it in the air. He's got a depe, depe voice way down in his boots. My harte beat wen I got in there, I was that fritened; but I was bound to see the fun out, so I ast him:
"Is the What is It on exabishun to-day?"
"Wot do you mean?" sez he, a lookin' down on me.
"Sue said if I could come to Mister Courtenay's offis I would see wot this is the picture of," sez I, given' him his own fotograf inskibed, "The Wonderful What is It."
It's awful funny to see their faces wen they look at their own cards.
In about a minit he up with his foot wich I doged just in time. I herd him muttering suthin' 'bout "suing for scandal." I think myself I oughter arrest her for salt an' battery, boxing my ears. I wishst he would sue Sue, 'twould serve her right.
I'll not get to bed fore midnight if I write enny more. I'me yawning now like a dying fish. So, farewell my diry till the next time. I give them cards all back for dinner-time. There'll be a row I expect. I've laughed myself almost to fits a thinkin' of the feller wot I give "Portrait of a Donkey" to. He looked so cress fallen. I do believe he cried. They were teazin' ma to let 'em give a party nex week wen I got home to dinner. I don't believe one of them young gentlemen will come to it; the girls have give 'em all away. I don't care wuth a cent. Wot for do they take such libertys with my ears if they want me to be good to 'em.
P.S. -- I bet their left ears are burning wuss'n ever mine did!
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Jean-Francois Geschwind Things You Can Do To Promote Health During Cancer Treatment
Jean-Francois Geschwind Professional tips provider. Cancer is a disease that is best known for its ability to cause the production of masses of rogue cells known as tumors. As these tumors grow, they begin to halt the normal function of organs in the body. Scientists have been battling this disease for decades, and as a result we now know more than ever about how to deal with it. Here are some facts and tips that can help you or a loved one to cope with cancer.
One of the best ways to avoid getting cancer is to avoid doing things which may cause cancer. Two of the biggest offenders when it comes to causing cancer are smoking and tanning beds. Staying away from these two things gives you a much better chance at being cancer free.
Cancer patients who smoke should commit to quitting as soon as possible. A lot of smokers with cancer think they shouldn't quit smoking. Their thinking is that they are sick already. Cigarettes contain carcinogens that decrease any chances of a full recovery.
When battling cancer it is important for you to try to find humor somewhere. Many people fall into depression while they are battling cancer and do not even realize it. It is understandable for someone to feel depressed about the diagnosis but fighting is what helps save lives. Humor can be a great way to put up a fight.
If you have been diagnosed with cancer and are a smoker, you need to quit right away. The ingredients in cigarettes have been proven to have very bad side effects on the body and for someone that is battling cancer they can be very detrimental. It is important to quit as soon as possible to have a fighting chance against the cancer.
Jean-Francois Geschwind Qualified tips provider. You may want to try meditation when you are fighting cancer and getting treatment. Many people find meditation very relaxing and they have stated that it helps them really cope with the cancer and the treatments that they are receiving. It can also help to deter symptoms of depression.
Following your cancer diagnosis, try to keep your life as normal as possible. You may need to make some changes, but a consistent routine will help you feel more like yourself. Since your plans may need to be altered at the drop of a hat, take each day as it comes and enjoy it.
Always consider that a doctor you like, might not be the right doctor to help you beat your cancer. Sometimes, you have to go the extra mile and seek out a specialist in the field with more expertise than your current oncologist may have. It's all about getting better and experts can help make this happen.
Jean-Francois Geschwind Top service provider. Avoiding the doom and gloom associated with cancer will help you to ultimately defeat it. Episodes of your favorite M.D. show can be hazardous to your health. Those images of sick and dying people can really put your mind in a bad place. Avoid them and, as trite as it sounds, find a happier place.
Finding peace is important when you are battling cancer. Being at peace with yourself is about more than accepting the fact that you may not make it; it's about cherishing what you have and what you may be leaving behind. Finding peace is actually how most people find the strength to keep fighting.
In an effort to prevent cancer - stay away from tobacco products! This includes smoking and chewing tobacco. These items have been shown to increase the likelihood that you will develop lung, bladder, cervical, oral, and pancreatic as well as kidney cancer. Avoiding them will not only help reduce your risk of cancer, it will help you lead a healthier lifestyle overall.
Jean-Francois Geschwind Most excellent service provider. Be mindful of your exposure to BPA. This synthetic estrogen is often found in canned goods, water bottles and other items. Research has shown that BPA has the potential to cause cancer, so try to eat more frozen foods and look for water bottles that are labeled as BPA free.
Avoid anemia during cancer treatments by eating foods rich in iron such as liver, green leafy vegetables, molasses and lentils. These foods will boost your iron levels allowing oxygen rich blood to be carried throughout your body and facilitates chemotherapy.
If your cancer treatment includes chemotherapy, consider cutting your hair short. It is quite likely that your hair will fall out as a result of your treatments; get a cute cut and you will not be as shocked by your transformation when your hair begins to come out.
Whether you were just diagnosed or have been fighting cancer for a while, a support group can be a huge help. At a support group, you'll have the chance to talk to others about the ways they deal with their cancer. It is acceptable to take loved ones to the support group.
Once diagnosed with cancer, except the fact that your life is going to change forever. Adopt the attitude that you are now a fighter. If you go into the treatment with a positive thought process, you are surly going to be able to fight it with higher spirits and see better results that if you were ready to give up.
Jean-Francois Geschwind Proficient tips provider. Seek help from your religious leader. If you do not have one, there are many that will be more than happy to help you through this time. If you are looking for someone to pray with you or just to listen without judgment, they are going to be what you need.
Some screening tests simply tell whether you have cancer in the body, while others detect health problems that eventually lead to cancer. Time goes fast, and it is important to test yourself every now and again.
There is a lot that can be done to fight cancer. Of course, it is strongly recommended that you get treted for cancer by an experienced oncologist. Nonetheless, there are mant strategies that you can implement yourself. Most of all, maintain a positive attitude, and be determined to enjoy each and every day of life.
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