self - para 01: logged night terror #14, 3:30 A.M.

you’re choking. on something that tastes akin to hatred. it sprawls to the base of your mouth. cracks the lining of your jaw. limps through the dips of your ribcage. and rots. 

because she’s there. and then she isn’t. and it all happens so infuriatingly fast, it leaves you dizzy. aching. searching for the warmth of a palm against the very center of decaying flesh. a carcass.

and you believe, “this is how it ends. this is how it always ends.”   

so you reach out again. she’s not there. you turn on your side. you heave against the pavement. into your hands.

a shrapnel wail. a plea. a palm against dirt.

there is no god. no one can hear you.

“umma?” it brims off the cheek of your tongue. almost like a sermon. one that rots the inside of crystallized veins, along with your mouth. your teeth. 

decaying, fragmented nothingness. a ghost. wandering and slaughtered to pieces.

a crooked laugh. then more. and more. and more. empty palms. the corroded sting of a touch. 

you will not survive this. 

you gape down. into the abyss. into the whites of an apparition. you thrash. and yell. at nothing. at yourself. at the distorted brick walls closing in around you. 

a tear in your infrastructure.  

you drag yourself against the pavement, your back splayed against the wall like an insect that doesn’t belong. your hands are covered in self - loathing. you can hear your mother’s hum.

you should have paid close attention. i cannot help you if you cannot help yourself.

so you sit there, half - slacked, in all your devastating glory. until a hollowed void washes over you. until your pleas come to an end. until your mother disintegrates. 

you’re not entirely sure where she starts or where you end. but she understands. your fate. your fate. 

this is how it ends.  

and then you awaken. under what you believe is the trunk of a camphor tree. under the whims of a feathered bird that knows entirely too much. your skin swathed in sweat, mirroring the dew against the grass — completely and unapologetically enveloped in darkness.

so you turn on your side,

and heave.

[2021]

Godspeed to the one time where I decided that I needed to draw my main OC, Bakuhae, in a maid outfit.

Go white boy go!!!!!!!!

Top 5 unpopular opinions? 😏

in this fandom Every opinion feels both extremely popular and extremely unpopular 😭 lemme try!

sq wasn't qbaiting idk what y'all saw between them but i just don't think it was there. also i think the step grandma thing should make it weirder for others but 🤷‍♀️

I HATED EMMA'S WEDDING DRESS,,, i think within canon i could see cs both having a nice wedding AND eloping depending on context but the one thing i can't reconcile. is her wedding dress im so sorry :'^)

neal should've lived. BUT. still exited the show. i think the combination of both of these is what makes it unpopular?? idk how to word this rn besides "i found his death cringe" 😭

i can't watch. the musical episode. i like the songs but it's so hard for me to watch the ep and it's very much a Me thing but i can't watch musical eps for non-musical series FKJSDFSD. am trying to get over this though. for ouat and ouat only <3 maybe someday i'll watch it in full without crying

s1 was just as silly and insane as the other seasons. and that's a reason why it's good. i feel like i see a lot of ppl talk abt s1 as if it was more serious?? no it wasn't. if bo peep was introduced in s1 she Still would've been a mob boss! also s4 + s5 are good!

after a piercing is just gently saying to my body, I know. I know you were made to heal wounds, and you're really damn good at it. and I know I've given you so many over the years, asked so much of you. but this one? this one I want to keep. we've done this a couple times before. this one helps you feel more like home, remember? look, I decorated it. can you heal this one differently, leave a hole? I promise I want it. you're not shirking your duty. I'm gonna complain about how long it takes you, but I don't mean it. take your time. don't read too much into how much I enjoy the hurting. this time it's okay. I think.

Last line tag

@the-stray-storyteller tagged me and in a day when I respond to my other tag, I will tag her back. get wrecked

I accidentally made myself a bit sad with my own writing so now I'm pushing my "dylan probably met elliot pre canon" agenda (which is apparently becoming the dylan gets adopted au) anyways implied child abandonment because it is dylan

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She came to find out that even after a year, Dylan was still under the impression that their parents had to come for them at some point, and she had to be the one to tell them that it wasn't going to happen, and Elliot had to be the one to bribe them out of their locked room with a cookie and a box of apple juice.

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Tags, no pressure, open tag, you know the drill

@kaiusvnoir

@briannaswords

@litbylightning

standing at the bus stop with the winter sun, listening to northbound by grace petrie, was a moment from today that was so <3

The rookie for the ask thing 🙂

Thanks for the ask! I never yell about this show enough <3

favorite male character: Tim Bradford

favorite female character: Lucy Chen

least favorite character: Bailey (I’m sorry she just feels like a joke to me now, like no one has that many skills or that much time for that matter… also, how does she work the exact same shifts as Nolan and her fire department/truck is always deployed to his location???)

prettiest character: Lucy Chen, Angela Lopez

funniest character: Wade Grey

favorite season: season two

favorite episode: 2x11 Day of Death (cause of all fandoms I love angst in this the most <3)

favorite romantic ship: Chenford all the way

favorite family ship: Lucy &Tamara & Tim & Kojo

favorite friend ship: Lucy & Jackson & John, Angela & Tim & Talia

worst ship: Lucy/John like still can’t believe it was canon 🤢

send me a tv show <3

@boyblundrrising

Another night, another bad guy, another fucking bloody nose. She didn’t think her nose was broken, just gushing like a goddamn mall fountain. The split in her lip was more annoying than anything, and otherwise she wasn’t all that worse for wear - she’d taken more than a few hits (a lot more than a few) and she was absolutely going to be sore in a number of places in the morning, but she’d still consider it a success. Well, she had anyway, until it turned out thugs 1 and 2 had some friends that were rolling in for back-up and she might be in a little over her head. Not unusual. Disappointing, but definitely not unusual. Fuck. "Batgirl can definitely use a little back-up to the pinged location.” Her voice was definitely a little thicker than usual, muffled as she used her sleeve to try to stem the flow of blood from her nose. “Definitely more of a party than I anticipated. Turning out to be more of a rager, ya feel?” She’d opted for the open line utilized for the Gotham-based heroes rather than going for Oracle directly - Oracle was more likely to yell and she really didn’t need that sort of energy right now. “There's at least....four armed assholes that I can see down below.” No clean exit she could see, definitely looking messy, which was a problem when she’d already been at the wrong end of some fists and an elbow and yeah her ribs were starting to ache just a little bit. "Not seeing a free-and-clear exit on my own. Any takers? C’mon, it’ll be fun.”

if you’re wondering what i HAVE been up to. the answer is doing redraws of jen.nifer con.nelly gifs for @banisheddie and @firstsacrifice​

closeups under the cut <3

"We don't need to do anything. We can just be."

Happy bi/pan visibility day (it's everyday for me). Also a sprinkle of ace and a dash of survivor and to top it all off- other expressions of intimacy, affection & connection taken seriously. I'm doing an Astarion origin playthrough and I ship him with Karlach like FedEx, your honor.

unveils these like a mad scientist's pet project

The feeling that weighed down her chest since she received intel that morning seemed to only get heavier as the day went on. Nin really shouldn't have let this go on so long in the first place, but for the first time in her life, she didn't know what to do. No, that wouldn't be right. She knew exactly what she had to do, but that didn't mean she was happy with it—or that she wanted to do it at all. Nonetheless, it would have to be done because this couldn't go on. Still, she thought they both deserved a good and final dinner at least. So, she popped by their favorite restaurant, picked up their favorite meal, and considered buying an expensive wine to share. Nin changed her mind at the last moment and showed up at Wren's apartment with only the meal, worried she would raise suspicions if anything about her changed. After all, she'd always hated spending money on anything ridiculously expensive. Her finger hovered inches away from the doorbell, dreading what she would have to do, but also knowing that she was the only one who could do this, quickly and painlessly (at least for Wren, not for Nin). She pressed the doorbell and tried not to wince at the sound it made inside her soon-to-be dead girlfriend's apartment. / @villxinera

Silence in the library

A speedpaint video of this will be available at my Patreon on february 1st!

TW// Abuse implication

Thinking about possible Vox and Angel's interactions and how they'd go down. Theres such a unique mix of hatred to each other and common ground with their different experiences with Valentino, has me thinking.

Also just want to clarify I love Vox's character a LOT but ofc obv don't sympathise with him or think he is any way shape or form a decent individual, cant with stupid toxic dumbass x

AND IF YOU SEE ANY MISTAKES OR TYPOS NO YOU DONT- (i was so tired when drawing it forgive me TwT)

plunged into the deep end

Please please tell me that Tara just loves baby dekarios

oh she’s invested from day ZERO

top 10 pictures taken right before a specimen jar ‘accidentally’ falls off a shelf ^^^