#just recently move it to a03
Link
Summary:
It's been awhile since Eclipse joined Team Dark and started working for GUN. His only friend being Metal Sonic. What happens when one day Eclipse and Metal go out into the plaza to look for supplies to help with Metal's newest invention, and Eclipse meets a certain green hedgehog? One that happens to be Sonic's brother?
#me being back at it again with my crackships#i have had this one on wattpad for awhile tbh#just recently move it to a03#sonic the hedgehog#eclipse the darkling#manic the hedgehog#slight au#sonic fanfiction
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
So Much to Lose PART SEVEN dark!Joel x f!Reader
story summary: Newly settled into Jackson city and forced to go on patrols with the miserable Joel Miller sets off a chain of events and encounters that have you questioning everything, including your own heart.
rating: 18+
tags: Oral sex (m receiving), allusions to female masturbation, brief description of animal violence, angst, praise, dirty talk, nickname: Good Girl, mentions of postpartum, mentions of trauma, dom/sub dynamics.
a/n: Alright y'all I got some amazing comments from a hilarious person on A03 and it put me in such a good mood that I'm releasing this chapter ASAP. The comments really do make me write faster, as do reblogs and comments here... {hint hint}
I love y'all for following me and since I have almost 850 followers (when did that happen?) I'm planning something special for (if) I hit 1,000 followers here, somethin' real good.
Without further ado, here's the chapter and we find out a bit more about our MC's past and she and Joel finally talk about what's going on between them. . . sorta.
Chapter 6 here
___________________________
Chapter 7: Spoiled
You thought that the fear on patrols had abated. Not only were you on horseback, but you were paired with Joel, arguably one of the best shots in Jackson City.
So when he leads you to a path you aren’t familiar with, the first icy tendrils of fear slipping through you. When he orders you to stop your horse alongside his at the mouth of a forest you feel the overwhelming urge to vomit.
“Where are we?”
You speak so softly he doesn’t hear you, he stops just outside the dense forest, sliding off Midnight and tying him off to a nearby tree. He glances over his shoulder to see you still sitting atop Chestnut, your gun on your back and your eyes scanning the perimeter.
“What’re you waitin’ for?”
“What are we doing here?”
"We need to check the forest for traps," Joel explains to you. "The other patrol group sets ‘em up for large game. We check ‘em every couple of weeks."
"Why can't we take the horses?"
"Too dangerous for ‘em inside," Joel explains. "We take ‘em in just enough to hide them but the roots and terrain are too much for ‘em. Too easy to twist their ankles."
"Why can't the other patrols check?"
"They do," Joel says gruffly. "We take turns every week. This is our week. Now stop complainin' and let's go."
You slide off of Chestnut at his order, but you make no move to go towards the forest. Too much is happening, too many noises and sounds and fears.
"J-Joel, I can stay with the horses." You don’t even hide the panic that’s crept into your voice.
"I said let's go," Joel huffs, gripping you by the upper arm and dragging you into the forest with him. He keeps his grip on you the entire way to the traps, almost knowing that the second he releases you, you’ll go rushing from the horrible dense of the forest.
Your feet drag but his grip is so strong that it doesn’t matter. Eventually you fall in line, marching alongside him. He doesn’t see that your eyes are closed, that he’s guiding you blindly through the forest. You simply lean into his grip, letting him lead as you follow.
When you reach the traps a short while later he finally releases your upper arm. You find you immediately miss the safety of that grip and you are sure to stand close to him as he looks over the metallic traps.
“Why do you put them here?”
“S’where we find most of the game,” he explains distractedly as he surveys them. “Bait hasn’t been touched though, so nothin’s come by recently.”
He makes a circle around the perimeter and you can’t help but follow like a lost puppy. All of a sudden Joel stills. You can see the way his back goes rigid, his body coming to a full stop so abruptly you almost walk into him.
You hear it, the gentle popping noise and you feel your body go numb with shock.
Clickers.
This is it. You're done for. You can’t even reach for your weapon, can’t even move a fraction. You’ve gone rigid, your eyes blown wide.
Joel raises his gun and you wait for the creature to come charging out of the woods. You're confused when it goes off and a large bird falls to the ground away from you, thudding to the ground.
You’re still frozen in spot, watching as Joel walks over to it, nudging it with his foot. Satisfied he takes it by the beak, carrying it back to where you still stand looking terrified. His brows quirk.
“S’wrong with you?”
"I thought it w-was one of them,” you whisper. “A clicker."
"Clickers sound different," Joel tells your blanched face. "More of a wet sound. But these birds sorta sound like em. S'why I kill em when I can."
Joel looks to see your gun still strapped to your back, not even produced and you see irritation cross his face.
"What would you do if you saw a clicker heading your way?" Joel asks you as the two of you walk through the forest back to the horses. "If you had no weapon and I wasn't here?"
Joel isn't one for casual conversation so you're immediately on guard. This is a test. But one you don't know how to pass. You glance around at your surroundings, noting the rocks and fallen branches from the trees.
"Fire maybe?"
"You're gonna hunker down and build a fire while an infected is racin' towards you?" Joel scoffs.
"Oh right," you mumble, feeling shame paint your cheeks. Your eyes scan around you again. "Get a sharp stick? Stab it?"
"You get close enough to stab one you're already dead."
"A rock-"
Joel's deadened stare thrown over his shoulder at you stops you from guessing further and humiliating yourself. The two of you continue walking in silence before he finally breaks it.
"If you see something coming towards you and you don't have a weapon, you gotta think smart," Joel explains. "You climb a tree, a good sturdy, tall one with thick branches. Infected can't climb trees."
"I've seen ‘em climb ladders," you argue. "And cars."
"Barely," Joel says patting the large tree trunk to his right. "And they'll only try to climb if they hear you up there. Once you're in the trees you stay still and quiet. Same goes for Raiders. You hide yourself in the tree and don't move. It's your only hope."
"Okay."
"Repeat it."
"If I am unarmed and in danger I need to climb up a tree," you reply flatly. "I need to remain quiet and out of sight."
“Good.”
You shakily make it back to the horses and continue on with your usual patrols. When you get inside the old building and finish your log notes you pause to look at your dual signatures. How his wide printing almost looks like its shielding your tiny script.
He’s not as sullen as usual and you know it’s because of what’s going to happen. You share your lunch in an easy silence before you’re on your knees between he and the wall, your eyes covered by the red scarf, your hands bracing your thighs. His cock fills your mouth deliciously and you feel warmth blooming behind your ribs.
“Swirl your tongue,” he orders breathlessly and you acquiesce. You love that he tells you exactly what he wants. You love how good it feels to do this right, to have the rest of the world fade away, where all you can hear and smell and taste is Joel. To feel his heavy hand on the crown of your head, holding you gently in place.
He barely talks, just let's you bob your mouth along until you feel that familiar stutter of his hips that tells you he's close. He comes quickly today, his voice gruff.
"Swallow it down."
When you pull off him minutes later he doesn't unwind the scarf right away. You hear him breathing above you as he tucks himself away. Moments pass and you sit patiently, head cocked in curiosity. You feel as if he's staring at you, and you can't understand why.
Finally he comes to unwind the scarf from around your eyes. You expect him to wordlessly walk from you, but instead he’s panting softly, his cheeks stained with red. He looks at your mouth, his tongue trailing over his lower lip.
"Show me your tongue," he demands in a low voice.
Even though this request seems unlike him you tilt your head back, opening your mouth widely and sticking out your tongue to show your clean tongue.
You feel strangely vulnerable pierced by the quiet gaze of Joel Miller. You've done much filthier things than stick out your tongue but you're never been looking at him while you do it, able to see the haunted eyes that stare back at you.
"Good girl," he rasps.
You watch him zipping and buttoning his jeans before he casts one last look at you. He blinks slowly and then strides from the room, his face back in its customary scowl.
You listen for the front door downstairs to open and shut. You can’t even make it to the bathroom before your hands are sliding under your jeans and you’re whimpering as you bring yourself off to the rumbling chorus of good girl that echoes in your mind.
///
Later that week you artfully arrange the paper flowers in an amber wine bottle you got from the Tipsy Bison. You rest it on your kitchen table smiling at the colorful arrangement. After making Maria's second bouquet you found yourself eager to make one of your own to brighten the space. You like looking at it, enjoy seeing the bright colors in your unadorned home.
You take the secondary bouquet of colorful flowers and wrap them in a strip of old cloth. The weather is drizzling and you don't want them to be ruined. You hide them in a small linen bag you use for groceries and then pull on your coat.
The walk towards the dining hall is pleasant despite the drizzle and you're surprised at how many of the children laugh and run through the falling droplets. When you were a child there were always video games and television shows to occupy your space indoors on gloomy days. These children have none of those luxuries but you can’t help but observe that they look more joyful than you ever did.
No wasting life.
Breakfast with Jennifer is a quick affair. She’s with that group of friends you met a while ago. The only one who stands out to you is tall Luke with the easy smile and soft countenance. He makes you feel at ease when you’re around him.
“Have you been practicing your shooting?” Jessica asks, looking effortlessly beautiful in her oversized sweater. Luke glances up from his breakfast, intrigued at the conversation. You pretend not to notice.
“Uh, not really. I don’t have a working gun of my own.”
Jessica is wide-eyed. “How could you not tell me? I have one that I don’t even use anymore! Come by tomorrow and I’ll show you how to use it.”
“Really?”
“Really,” Jennifer insists with a smile that makes you feel warm from the inside out.
You’re incredibly grateful for the kindness Jennifer has shown you, and despite how popular and well liked she is, she’s taken you under her wing. She has nothing to gain from it – except perhaps intel on Joel which you never seem to have. But you’ve noticed she asks about him less, she’s more interested in you.
It’s like she might be your friend. The first real friend you’ve had in a long time.
The walk over to Maria’s place is a quick one. The raindrops have stopped thankfully, but you worry that the swollen grey clouds above you might open up at any second.
The door opens on your first rap as if Tommy was waiting for you to arrive. He gives you a warm greeting, opening the door further and the aroma of fresh coffee floats out to greet you.
"Hi. Is Maria around?"
"Yeah she is, we actually have some folks over now-"
"That's fantastic," you say to him quickly before producing the flowers from inside the makeshift wrapping. "I tried some new designs out. Thought Maria would like 'em. Have a good morning."
He takes the bundle from you before you prepare to take off. You're so happy to hear that Maria is doing better; it makes your heart feel full.
"Wait, I wasn't sayin' that so you'd go," Tommy chuckles, long fingers touching your shoulder to stop you from leaving. "Come inside. We're havin' coffee. Maria’d love to see you."
You pause before you think of what awaits you at home: nothing really. An empty house, no family, no books you haven't already read over and over. What could it hurt especially when it seems like his desire to have you come in might be sincere?
"Okay."
You’re about to toe off your shoes when you notice the scuffed boots and mud splattered sneakers sat next to the door and you feel your stomach flip. You recognize those boots.
Tommy doesn’t notice your sudden reluctance, he simply ushers you into the living room where everyone sits chatting quietly before the fire. Maria and Ellie are deep in conversation next to each other on the couch. Joel sits in one of the armchairs, his ankles folded. He looks so at ease, his eyes on Ellie and a paternal look of love in his eyes.
The second you enter the room however and his dark eyes move to take you in, you see the gentle curl of his mouth disappear.
Good girl.
You feel a flutter of nerves go through you and you force your attention to the back of Maria’s head.
“Look who dropped by with more flowers,” Tommy announces before looking at you. “You want a coffee or somethin’?”
“No, I’m fine thanks.”
Maria looks up from where she sits next to Ellie on the couch and smiles at you. Joel gives you a lazy once over before turning his attention to the gently roaring fire. You don’t miss the tic in his jaw and for a moment you actually feel guilty that you’ve broken up this peaceful morning for him.
“I’m so glad you came back,” Maria enthuses, her dark eyes shining with delight. “Please come take a seat.”
You settle into the empty chair by the fireplace opposite Joel as Tommy hands the flowers to Maria. You haven't seen Ellie much since she got irritated with you about the whole Jennifer thing. You give her a tentative smile from across the room, grateful when she returns it.
"That's so cool," Ellie marvels, touching the paper petals gently.
"I wish I knew how to make these," Maria sighs happily as she gazes at them. "Seeing the other ones every day makes the place feel so cheerful. I'm gonna put these ones in the baby's room."
"I could teach you how to make them if you wanted," you offer gently. "It's not too complicated."
You hope you don’t sound pathetic and needy. There’s something about Maria’s vulnerability that calls to you. It makes you want to protect her in some way. You realize belatedly that it’s not just your Aunt she reminds you of, but your sister.
"I don't think I'd have the patience," Maria says with a gentle wave of her hand. "I just like looking at them."
"I wanna learn," Ellie pipes up, making you suppress a pleased grin. "I like flowers."
"Since when?" Joel murmurs with a smirk. You sneak a glance at him before looking back to Ellie who frowns at her father-figure.
"I've always liked flowers."
"Thought you were dead set on learnin' to bake," Tommy muses over his coffee mug. “I
"Maybe I wanna learn both," Ellie snarks back at him. "Is that a fuckin' crime?"
"Language," Joel mutters in her direction.
"I'm happy to teach you both," you say with a little laugh to yourself. "Thought I can't say I'm an expert on either."
"Really?"
"Yeah, of course," you say before your eyes sail over to the unmoving authority figure by the fireplace. "If that's okay with you?"
"Only if she's done with her chores," Joel finally supplies with a sigh, gripping his coffee mug a little tighter. "And if you don't break the damn oven."
Of course his assumption would be that you'd break something. You try to hold in the grimace that threatens to spill over your features.
Ellie makes a little hiss of victory before giggling at you. You feel the frost from your Jennifer misstep is behind you now. The sound of Douglas’ cries break into the room and both Maria and Tommy quickly move into the bedroom to console him. You look back at Ellie.
"How's school?"
"Boring," she answers honestly. "Can't wait until I'm done with it."
"I miss it," you tell her honestly as you shift in your chair. "I really loved being in class, sharing ideas, learning."
"You're weird."
"Ellie," Joel warns.
"S'fine," you say with a soft chuckle. "I am weird."
Before Joel can reply Maria and Tommy have re-entered the room with Tommy holding a drowsy Douglas in his arms with Maria trailing after the two of them.
"He heard your voice and wanted to say thank you for the flowers," she says kindly.
You smile as Douglas is placed gently into your arms by Tommy while the glossy eyed Maria looks on. You smile down at the sweet angelic face, your voice a soft murmur.
"Well, you're very welcome, Douglas."
The baby blinks, grunting a moment and wiggling. He's warm in your arms, but not heavy. You slowly rock him in your embrace inhaling the sweet scent of milk and that intoxicating baby smell.
"Hello," you coo softly at him as he stretches. Maria joins Tommy on the couch next to Ellie, curling her legs under her.
The rest of the group has begun talking about the movie playing this weekend. Trying to decide between a western and some Disney thing someone found on patrols. You're distracted by Douglas' long eyelashes over caramel skin. The pout of his pink mouth and the way he gurgles a toothless smile up in your direction.
"Adorable," you murmur, grazing his cheek with the pad of your thumb. "Aren't you just the sweetest thing, little Miller?"
You grin widely down at him, wanting to press a kiss to his downy forehead but holding back. He's not your family after all. Instead you take his tiny hand in yours, marveling at the perfection of his small fingers dwarfed by your own.
"He's so perfect," you mutter more to yourself than anyone else.
"Gets his good looks from his mama," Tommy says throwing his arm over Maria's shoulders. He presses a kiss to her cheek as she grins.
"Ain't that the truth," Joel murmurs, drawing a good natured chuckle from Tommy.
"You want kids?" Ellie asks you bluntly, forcing the attention of the room your way. You take a moment to consider the question.
"I dunno," you finally answer honestly. "Never really thought about it."
"I sure don't," she replies easily. "They're noisy, they stink, and they’re just too much work."
"Same could be said for teenagers," Joel murmurs behind his coffee cup, drawing chuckles from everyone but Ellie who gives him a playful shove.
You suppress a smirk before your finger traces down the soft cheek of Douglas''. He blinks up at you, gurgling again.
"Motherhood looks natural on you," Maria says in a voice laced with sorrow. You know what she's thinking. Tommy is glancing at her with concern in his features.
"Not as natural as on you, Maria," you assure her kindly. "I promise."
Maria nods but it's clear she doesn't believe you. You don't know that you believe you either. But she needs to hear it, needs to know that she possesses it even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
Tommy shoots you a grateful smile that you return. You can only imagine how hard it is to love someone so much and not be able to fix them. To have so few options to help now in this new world.
"So you’re interested in the kitchen still, Ellie?" Tommy teases her. "Gonna whip us up somethin’ good? Be a real Martha Stewart?"
Ellie wrinkles her nose. "A who?"
Ellie starts talking about the kitchen but you're distracted by the bundle in your arms. Douglas has fallen asleep again and his tiny snores makes your mouth curl into a bemused smirk.
You feel eyes on you and when you glance up you're surprised to see Joel's steady gaze on you holding the baby. When he catches you looking his way, his eyes snap over to his brother who is explaining all about Martha Stewart.
"We've got stuff to do," Joel says pushing himself up from the chair. "C'mon Ellie."
"I wanna stay."
"You've got chores," Joel tells her firmly. "And you've put ‘em off all week. Let's go."
His tone is stern but his face is pure patience as Ellie sighs dramatically. She comes to a stand sighing again and about to leave when she seems to remember something and steps towards you, her face suddenly animated.
"How about Sunday for baking? You can come to ours."
Go to Joel’s house? The thought has you in a panic, your eyes darting from her to Joel. "Uh, if it's okay with-."
"Joel is that okay?" Ellie claps her hands in front of her dramatically and she turns to face him. "Pleeeeeease?"
Joel moves his tongue to the corner of his cheek, looking thoughtfully at Ellie’s desperate face before sighing wearily.
"Just tell me what I need to get," Joel says to the space beside your head. "Eggs ‘n stuff like that."
"Sure. I'll give you a list on Thursday."
Joel nods, still not making eye contact with you but that's okay. You don't really want him to. Just the mention of Thursday has you slick between your legs. You may not like Joel Miller but the thought of what the two of you get up to on patrols makes it easy to get through uncomfortable interactions with him.
The door creaks shut behind them as they leave and you take a few moments to rock the baby in your arms until Maria gives a soft yawn and you worry you’ve overstayed your welcome.
"I should probably go too.”
"Don't go," Maria insists almost desperately, her eyes wide. "He looks so happy with you holding him."
You see the tears gathering in her eyes and you adjust the baby in your arms before sliding off your chair. Tommy seems to sense that you need privacy because he gathers the empty mugs and walks into the kitchen to wash them.
You stand, coming to sit next to Maria on the warm couch. She looks at Douglas warily, as if he's a stranger's child.
"Hold him, Maria."
"I can't."
"You can," you insist softly. "He's your son."
"I know he is," Maria says, tears gathering at the corner of her eyes. "I look at him and I'm so confused. I carried him; I fed him with my own body. Why don't I feel that connection like other mom's do?"
"You're not the only one," you tell her, hand on her shoulder. "My aunt went through the same thing. Gave birth to my cousin and felt nothing. She wasn't herself for months. You’re not alone, Maria. You’re not a bad mom; you’re not a bad person. This isn’t something you’re doing on purpose. It’s your brain.”
Maria shakes her head, as if the words don’t mean anything. You know she hears them, but she can’t accept them.
“You have a husband and friends to support you. I promise you that you'll get to the other side. I promise."
You know that it's a heavy gamble. But she needs to know that there's hope. She needs to know that this illness has plagued women across centuries. She looks at Douglas’ sleeping frame and after a moment of hesitation she allows you to place him in her arms. You watch as her eyes get soft, her breathing slowly decreasing.
"Some days I really feel like he's mine," Maria murmurs as she drags a gentle finger down the slope of his tiny nose. "Some days my heart feels like its overflowing. And sometimes that's worse than not caring."
You're silent, just listening to her speak.
"Love makes you weak and afraid. I've never been afraid of anything," Maria tells you, rocking Douglas gently in her arms. "But now that's all I am. Like one exposed nerve.”
Fat tears are sliding down her cheeks. You can’t help but run a soothing hand down her spine, rubbing up and down gently. She accepts your touch, even melts back into it.
"We shouldn't have done it," Maria hiccups a sob. "We were fucking idiots to have a baby in this world."
“You aren’t an idiot,” you insist. “You and Tommy loved each other so much you wanted to create life together. How is that stupid? That’s the most beautiful thing in the world.”
Maria sniffles, tears dropping onto the blanket holding Douglas.
“All I can think about is what I'd do if Raiders broke in. Or what if Douglas got bit? Or what would happen if Tommy and I got killed on patrols? I'm terrified to leave him alone. Terrified that something is gonna happen to him if me or Tommy aren't around."
You can hear the clattering of mugs being washed in the kitchen. You wonder if Tommy is listening and you hope that he is, because you worry he might be having the same fears.
“Douglas is going to grow up, just like all the other kids in Jackson City. Happy and safe and loved. He’s going to grow up to be a good person just like his parents. He’s going to be smart and kind and who knows, maybe he’ll be part of finding a cure.”
Maria blinks over at you as if just realizing this possibility.
"Maria I never had kids," you tell her, hand rubbing over her own. "But I had a younger sister and she felt like my kid sometimes. Especially when my parents got separated when we were fleeing the city.
Maria stares at you, rubbing the tears from her eyes.
"When the pandemic started my mom was visiting her Aunt in Wyoming," you explain. "My sister and my dad and I, we escaped to the nearest QZ."
“I never saw my Mom again,” you explain and you’re shocked at how deadened your voice sounds. It’s no longer a hurtful memory, more just a patchwork on the quilt of your trauma. Its life, you’ve accepted it. “The first day I got here I was sure I’d find her here. Sure that she survived somehow.”
“But she wasn’t here,” Maria finishes for you. “I would have recognized the last name.”
You shake your head slowly. “She wasn’t here.”
You think Maria might want to ask more about your history but you hear Tommy's voice filter in from the kitchen.
"Joel, what're you still doin' here?"
Your head snaps to look over your shoulder. Joel is here? Had he heard anything? The thought curdles your insides. It was hard enough sharing this much with Maria. Knowing that Joel might have overheard is much worse.
"Saw Jason out by the gates and he said that the lumber’s coming in Saturday,” Joel mutters. You can't see him in the next room but you hear the scrape of his boots on the wood flooring. "Thought you’d wanna know so you could get a group together.”
The two men mumble back and forth to each other and you hear the telltale sound of the door opening and closing behind Joel. You feel your heart hammering in your chest, suddenly anxious at the thought that Joel knows about your life.
Tommy enters back into the room, his eyes on Maria. He sees her holding Douglas and you can see the sun break into his previously cloudy eyes.
"I should get going." You stand, looking down at Maria’s tear-stained face. "Sorry for showing up unannounced."
"You're welcome anytime," Tommy assures you warmly before coming to sit next to his wife. He slings his arm around her shoulders, looking down at his son in her arms.
"Yeah," Maria agrees with a watery smile. "Please stop by again soon. I mean it."
“Okay, I will.”
///
Joel seems strange on patrols today.
It started with handing him the list of supplies you’d need for baking. Instead of a smart remark he just nodded, taking it from you and shoving it into the back of his jeans pocket. The ride to Teton Village had been in its usual silence, you noticed that the snow from last week had turned into a slushy mess which meant the horses moved a little slower.
By the time you reached the old building with its log book you were more than a little eager. You’d woken up that morning particularly slick between the legs, a Pavlovian response to patrol days.
Joel is still near silent, not even looking at you when he brings out his bag for lunch. He pushes your sandwich and thermos to you, watching you carefully as you eat. Normally Joel stares anywhere but your face during patrols, unless he’s getting angry with you. Today however he seems a bit tense, his gaze a bit heavier than usual.
It makes you uncomfortable. It makes you wonder what he’s thinking.
“I feel like Chestnut was walking a little weird the last mile or so,” you observe to break the silence. “Do you think you could take a look at his horseshoe before we go?”
“Sure.”
“Thanks.”
The quiet stretches on,
“So what was the lumber for?”
“Huh?”
“You mentioned lumber back at Tommy’s,” you say, feeling like the peanut butter is sticking to the roof of your mouth. “I was wondering what it was for.”
“S’for repairs on the window upstairs,” he tells you gruffly, taking a large bite of his sandwich.
“Oh right.”
You decide not to press things; he doesn’t seem to be in the chatting mood. Lunch passes slowly, despite your anticipation for what comes next. Your heart is actually thrumming when Joel wipes his hands on his jeans and tilts his head for you to follow him.
You go into the room with the fireplace and couch and watch him shift into a comfortable seated position. The old frame creaks under his bulk and he stares at you standing, waiting and watching him. He undoes his belt buckle, the clinking noise causing your thighs to press together tightly.
You walk towards him, eyes on his large hands.
"On your knees."
You acquiesce without thought, your jeans biting into the cold floorboards below. Joel watches you from under hooded eyes. The sight of him seated there disheveled, belt unbuckled and legs spread does something to you.
When he doesn't make a move for your scarf or anything else you feel a prickle of insecurity go through you. You blink up at him, swallowing only to have him frown down at you.
"Do you actually like this?"
You don't like the way he says it, like there's something wrong with you if you do. You stand shakily, your eyes on the floor as you give him your murmured response.
"I do, yeah."
Joel is a statue with eyes that burn like coal. You feel them even if you don't see them until you peer at him still seated insouciantly there on the couch.
"You like me orderin' you around?" His voice is grated around the edges, his eyes holding nothing but disbelief. "Tellin' you what to do?"
"I like you being in charge," you correct.
"Why the fuck would you want somethin' like that?” Joel insists, cheeks pinking. “Someone orderin' you around?"
"I think you need it the same way I do. Only you need to be giving the orders. Am I right?"
Joel swallows and you see his large eyes widen a fraction as he takes in your words. You feel strangely emboldened by his lack of response, by the fact that you’ve taken him by surprise. And perhaps since you’ve been doing this for over a month you feel that you can voice this.
"Am I right?"
He still doesn't reply, instead he crosses his thick arms over his chest and just stares you down. It doesn't intimidate you like it once did, but it does prompt you to answer him.
"Because when you make the rules and do the ordering my mind goes quiet," you explain softly. "I'm not afraid, I'm not angry, I'm just... Free. I'm not in control but I'm choosing not to be."
And you know just by the way his shoulders relax that Joel understands. He understands because it's what happens when he has you under his palm, mouth sliding on his cock, when he wraps the scarf around your eyes and tells you not to touch.
The choosing. The control.
You’d known from the very first time he'd given you the order. You'd seen in there in the dark of his eyes that he liked the dynamic.
But you sense the hesitancy in him, a guilt that he shouldn't be enjoying it so much. His eyes take on a large, wounded appearance and it’s so clear that he’s wondering if he’s done something wrong.
"You've never given me anything I didn't want, Joel.”
That seems to get through to him, because he blinks away that little lost boy gaze.
You lower yourself to a kneeling position at his feet again. But you make no move to touch him. You simply bow your head, your hands clasped demurely on your thighs. You hear him shift unconsciously in his seat.
"What're you doin'?"
"Tell me what to do, Joel."
You stare at his boots, never venturing to his face but you can feel him watching you, his large hand twitching at his side on the cushion. He looks down at you with uncertainty as you eventually tilt your face up to him.
"Tell me what to do," you urge him again in a voice barely above a whisper. "Please."
You feel a rush of relief go through you when he nods and you can see the hard length of him through his jeans. You gingerly pull the scarf from around your neck, letting it hang in your grip loosely. You wait for him to retrieve it, eyes on the floor.
"No scarf," he rasps. "I know you'll listen. Close your eyes."
You do, feeling that tingle go through your body at his order. His large hand comes to the crown of your head, fingers snaking through the strands and tugging your face up. You keep your eyes firmly shut, not even considering peering through your lashes to see his face. You have your orders.
"Take me out and suck."
And you do, just as you have every other patrol for the last month. Only now it feels so much better because there’s no confusion. He gives you take, you give he takes. Your submission driving him forward, his domination calming your overworked nervous system.
"You do like takin' orders," he observes with a groan. "Like bein' told that you're a good girl."
Your breathing elevates when you hear that term and you just know the corner of his mouth twitches.
"Yeah. S'what I thought."
His hand is still wrapped in your hair, tugging you gently. Your lips feel rubbery and wet as you take him deeper. Your hands remain clasped on your lap. When you feel Joel twitch on your tongue you give a soft sigh through your nose, a feeling of blissful satisfaction.
"Look at me," Joel murmurs.
You take a moment to consider if you heard him right, but then he repeats himself and you slowly gaze up the length of him. He's tilted over you with heavy eyes, mouth parted. A greying curl is stuck to his sweaty forehead.
"Christ," he grits through his teeth. "Look ‘atcha there, mouth stuffed with my cock."
Desire blooms in you, snaking behind your ribs, down your veins, into your very bloodstream.
"What happened to that soft thing makin' cookies?"
You happened, Joel.
When Joel's quiet rasp reaches you again you physically shiver.
"You like bein' on your knees for me?" Joel grunts as his hips jerk forward.
You nod, your cheeks hollowing as you take him deeper into your throat. He lets out a strangled noise, tossing his head back.
"Fuck!" Joel glances down to see you still staring up at him, lips swollen around his shaft. "Look away now."
It doesn't sound like a cruel order, more a plea. You close your eyes, giving a small noise of protest when Joel brings himself out of your mouth.
"Wanna come on your tits," he instructs with a rasping growl and you hear him stroking himself furiously. "Take em out for me."
Despite this being uncharted territory for you both you don't hesitate. Your hands fumble with your sweater and you pull it over your head, tossing it to the floor. Joel watches as you unclasp your bra, letting it join the sweater. Your nipples tighten in the cool air of the room.
You're still not looking up at his face as instructed; so you don't know what he thinks. All you know is that the stroking is increasing.
"Head back, eyes closed," he pants, his voice tight.
You tilt your head back, eyes firmly closed. You feel vulnerable in this position, an animal who has bared their neck to a predator. Despite this you cup your breasts, offering them to him.
"Good girl," Joel says with a grunt. "Fuckin' good… So good for me."
And the praise hits you so strongly that you whimper aloud. This is what sends Joel over the edge and he comes with a strangled groan, painting your tits with stripes of his warm spend.
Your dual panting fills the room and you wish you could see yourself covered in Joel Miller's come. You wonder what he sees when he looks down at you covered in his essence. Proud? Embarrassed? Guilty?
"Open your eyes."
You blink them open immediately, your gaze flying to your chest covered in him before glancing up at him. Joel is breathing heavily through his nose, looking at you as if he’s still not convinced you’re real.
He reaches towards you and you don’t flinch when you watch his thumb come to gently trace over your right nipple, the spend there clinging to his digit. You feel a shiver run through with the contact of his hand on you.
You watch mesmerized as his palm cups your cheek, his fingers curling gently against your jaw. His thumb hovers scant inches from your swollen lips. Your eyes can't help but dart to his face again and the sight of his eyes blown black makes you quiver.
"Open," he says barely above a whisper.
Your mouth parts, eyes still on his face. He slowly lowers his thumb into your mouth. It rests there on your tongue, heavy and damp.
"Suck."
Your lips wrap around his thumb, licking the digit clean before sucking it suddenly, nestling him into the concave of your upper palate like he belongs there. He watches this all with quiet fascination, eyes strangely sorrowful through it all, like it pains him to do it. You suck, your smooth tongue cradling his wide thumb.
His hand is still cupping your cheek, even when his thumb is removed and drags down your lower lip, his gaze watching its descent. His brows saddle when you sigh gently, eyes locked with his.
And then he yanks his hand from you so quickly that you flinch. You’re completely thrown by the behavior, covering your chest instinctively. He looks at you kneeling between his legs and he shakes his head as if to clear it.
You shuffle backwards as he stands abruptly. You sit there at his feet, covered in his cooling spend, shooting him a confused look.
"We ain't doin this anymore," he tells you brusquely as he quickly zips up his jeans before buttoning it with trembling fingers.
"Why not?"
"Cuz I said so," he mutters before he shoots an ugly sneer your way. "You said you like takin' orders so this must be your lucky day."
You can only shake your head in disappointment as he leaves the room. You don't know what happened but Joel is back to his old, asshole self. The door below slams behind him and you go to the bathroom to clean yourself up. Today there is no sliding your hands underneath your jeans and getting yourself off.
All traditions have been spoiled by Joel's selfishness.
----------------------------------------
taglist: @casssiopeia
@getitoutofmymind
@joeldjarin
@elegantduckturtle
@cosmic006533-blog
@orcasoul
@la-vie-est-une-fleur29
@valkyreally
@multiversed-daydreamer
@deninoe @ashleyfilm @missladym1981 @questionablemay
@noisynightmarepoetry
@eddiesxrings
@know-that-its-delicate
@onlyyoucan-getme
@cosmic006533-blog
@harryscum
@confusedpuffin
#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller smut#joel miller#dad joel miller#pedro pascal#fanfic#smut#joel miller fanfiction#fanfiction#joel the last of us#joel miller x f!reader#joel tlou#dark!joel miller#dark!joel x reader#dark!joel#dom/sub
215 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Daughter's Return: Chapter Two
The Strategist of the Second Division
I had a few requests for this, so voila. Should there be a part three? Still unclear, but let me know what you think :)
Characters: female reader x Portgas D. Ace
Word Count: 5.5k
CW: drunk reader
Part 1 | Part 3 | Table of Contents | Read on A03
--
“So, Ace?”
Marco’s voice broke through to you, and you realized you had been staring at the flame user again.
“Annoying,” you said, scowling.
Ace was up on a table, doing some kind of dinner show. You refused to admit that he had captured your attention. He wasn’t that big of a deal. He was just showing off.
Marco’s eyes flitted between the second division commander and you, and he smirked to himself.
“Then look away,” Marco said slyly.
You rolled your eyes, doing your best to let your eyes land anywhere else in the room. But they always kept coming back to the man on the table. They seemed to be doing that more recently. The two of you hadn’t talked since your first night back, which was fine with you most of the time. You were never the one to make the first move.
“There’s a mission briefing for the second division tomorrow,” Marco said. “Sounds like you guys will be going somewhere soon.”
“And?” you asked, irritated by the reminder that you weren’t invited.
“You’ll get him all to yourself during that,” Marco said, a cheeky grin appearing on his face. “You won’t have to share him with that posse over there.”
“I told you, Marco-”
“And you two can gaze at all the stars you want,” he continued, ignoring you.
You stared daggers at him, but he just smirked. You couldn’t intimidate Marco the way you could with everyone else on the crew.
“Fire boy over there told me all about it the other night,” Marco said, rising up from the table. Your eyes landed on Ace again as Marco bent down to whisper in your ear. “He’s quite smitten with you, you know.”
“I don’t care!” you yelled, louder than intentional. Eyes turned to look your way, and even Ace stopped what he was doing to glance over at you.
Marco had succeeded in what he wanted to be done, and as he walked away with a puffed out chest, you knew that you had fallen into his trap. You grabbed your dinner tray and booked it out of the mess hall, trying to hide your fluster with a look of irritation.
As you stormed down the hallway, you heard quickened footsteps approaching behind you.
“Are you happy, Marco?” you demanded, turning around.
You were instead met with the freckled face of Portgas D. Ace, his cheeks pinked and his breathing slightly high from running after you. His eyes were wide from shock and concern.
“Sorry,” you mumbled, turning away to hide your own blush. “Thought you were someone else.”
“Wait!” Ace yelped. “I, uh-actually have something I wanted to talk to you about.”
You turned back to him, your brows furrowing.
“What do you want?” Your voice came out harsher than you meant to, and you could see Ace’s eyes sadden for a second.
“I was hoping-” Ace stopped, looking around uncomfortably. “Well, there’s a briefing tomorrow for our upcoming mission.”
You scoffed, turning away. “Thanks for reminding me.”
You were about to storm off when he spoke.
“I was hoping you’d join me.”
You turned back to him, muddled with confusion. You could see that Ace was trying to read your expression, but you kept your face as neutral as possible.
“That’s not really protocol,” you said simply.
“I’d like to have someone in the room who knows their stuff,” he said. “I hear you're a strategist.”
Damn that meddling Marco. He was always up to something.
“Is this some kind of peace offering you’re handing to me?” you asked, suspicious of his motives.
Ace chuckled at that, but didn’t answer. “So, will you join me?”
You bit your lip, trying to decide if this was a pity offer or not.
“I’m surprised you want a hot-head being your strategist,” you answered instead.
Ace rolled his eyes, a smile dancing on his lips. “You are not a hot head,” he said.
You could feel your skin getting warm. “And how would you know what I am? You don’t even know me. We met a few days ago!”
“And every time you’ve gotten mad since then, you’ve gotten mad on behalf of someone else. Yesterday, when a couple of guys took the News Coo seagull hostage, and you went berserk on them. You blew up in the kitchen because someone intentionally messed with a recipe as a prank. When a few people were messing around with the sails and they got torn, and you got so mad you burned a piece of rope yelling at them.”
Ace paused to smirk at you. “You have righteous anger, which is why you’re a good strategist.”
You’re not sure when your mouth fell open, but you stood in front of him, mouth agape. You were stunned into silence by both his attention to detail and just how strange it all was. He knew so much about you in such a short amount of time.
“Have you been watching me, Portgas D. Ace?” you asked, still staring at him in bewilderment.
His cheeks turned red and his eyes widened. His fingers ran through his hair, a movement he did when he was nervous or realized he was about to be in trouble.
“Not in a creepy way,” he groaned, his voice full of embarrassment. “I just wanted to see if I could trust you.”
He had been watching you. Of course, you had been doing the same thing. Though you couldn’t admit that. There had been a few times over the past few days where your eyes had met his, but it always ended with you both looking away nervously. You assumed that he had just sensed your eyes on you. But no, he had been looking at you too.
“Right…” you trailed off, suddenly feeling the awkwardness in the air.
“Please. I want you there tomorrow,” Ace begged.
“Fine.” You found your heart quickening his words, and you turned away before your face could give it away. “I’ll be there.”
You took off down the hallway, leaving him standing there with a half-dazed smile watching you go.
You had trouble sleeping that night. You blamed it on the roughness of the sea, or the noise that came with staying in a bunkhouse, but your mind wouldn’t quiet. Portgas D. Ace was watching you.
When you saw the first hint of light start to appear outside, you finally got up. You had barely slept, but at least now you had a reason to be out of bed. You grabbed some of the strongest coffee they had from the dining hall and walked into the clinic, hoping to find Marco.
He was in his office, checking over some kind of medical chart, and you sat down on a stool, quietly sipping at your coffee until he was done.
“I swear, some things never change,” he mumbled, pulling his glasses off.
You hummed in agreement. You had always found your way to the clinic in the past when you needed a quiet moment, the two of you enjoying each other’s company compared to the loud scene of the ship.
He put his papers down and faced you. “What’s on your mind, kiddo?”
You looked at him, confused by his words. “What do you mean?”
He chuckled softly. “It’s Ace, isn’t it?”
You scowled. “I didn’t say anything about him,” you hissed. Why did everything always come back to that guy?
But you couldn’t help thinking about him, now that Marco had brought him up. You had noticed a few things about Portgas D. Ace over the past few days. People tended to gravitate towards him. He always managed to be the life of the party, no matter what the task was. He was overly affectionate, always slapping people on the back and thanking them when they helped him out. Sometimes he laughed so hard he’d send sparks flying out from his body unintentionally. He would randomly fall asleep; and always seemed unaware of his time spent unconscious when he woke up.
You had to admit, you understood why your father had made him a division commander. Though you’d never admit it, Ace had a sort of ability to rally people together and find a cause to fight for. It was admirable, even though a part of you still loathed him for taking your promised position.
He was strange, you had to admit. But you were intrigued.
“You’re drifting again,” Marco said. “Where’s your mind at?”
“Nowhere!” you claimed, though you both knew it wasn’t true.
“You didn’t sleep last night, I’m guessing,” Marco commented, looking at your coffee cup. “You better perk up, or it’s going to be obvious that something is affecting you.”
“Did you tell Ace that I’m a strategist?” you finally asked, caving in to your desire to know.
Marco raised an eyebrow, trying to suppress a smile.
“It’s not like that,” you said. “I just don’t want some pity offer because he feels bad about taking my title.”
“Right,” Marco said, obviously not believing you. “I didn’t tell him anything about you, though…” he paused, a devilish look in his eyes. “He has certainly tried to get me to.”
You perked up at that. “What do you mean?”
Marco laughed at your reaction, and you blushed, angry for being discovered by such a cheap trick. Marco was always teasing you with such obvious traps, and you always fell for them. You weren’t even sure how you felt about Ace, but you couldn’t deny that he caught your interest.
“Forget it,” you grumbled. You picked up your coffee and headed for the door, tired of the conversation.
“He asks about you,” Marco said. “Almost every day.”
You could feel his eyes on your back, which was the only thing that kept you from whipping your head back around and demanding more information. It was another trap, you were sure of it.
“Don’t care!” you called back as you left the room. You kept walking out the door and down the hallway. You had a meeting to prepare for anyway. You needed to focus and work on proving your worth amongst your crew.
You sat quietly on the deck, trying not to let your mind wander too much. You knew you had to prepare for the meeting shortly, but you couldn’t bring your mind to focus on that. So you stared out at the ocean, sipping on another cup of coffee.
“Need a refill?” a familiar voice called, and you jumped. You turned and found eyes as dark as the depths of the sea, and you found yourself at a loss for words.
Ace stared at you quizzically, waiting for an answer.
“No thanks,” you muttered, finally breaking your eye contact with him and looking back out at the sea.
“Care if I sit?” Ace asked, already sitting on the stool.
“Kind of,” you grumbled.
Ace shot you a surprised look that was mixed with hurt.
“Sorry.” He started to get up. “I can go.”
“No!” you said, just a little too quickly. “I’m, uh, just not in the mood for conversation.”
Ace chuckled at that, and got comfortable on the stool again. “Agreed. It’s too early for conversation.”
You smiled and nodded, staring out at the sea. You were unable to relax now, painfully aware of him being so close to you.
“I know I said I wasn’t up for chatting,” you said, and you felt Ace’s gaze move to you. “But why did you ask me to be your strategist?”
Ace opened his mouth in surprise, but no words came out at first. You wanted to look over at him, but you were afraid that you would get lost in those bottomless eyes or endless freckles. You couldn’t afford to be distracted today.
“They say you’re the best,” he finally admitted.
“Who says that?” you pressed.
“Everyone,” Ace said, looking back to the sea. “Marco and everyone in the first division fawns over you, but Jizou respects you so much-I’ve never seen him respect another crewmember as much as you. Haruta talks about you with so much admiration, I think he actually has a crush on…nevermind.” Ace tensed for a moment, before rushing on. “Izou adores you, Ramba smiles when your name is brought up, and every time your name comes around, the Clandine Incident is too. Apparently you did some admirable stuff there.”
You smirked. The Clandine Incident had been about 60% luck, but people always gave you the credit for great strategy as well. And years later, you never corrected them. It stopped being worth the hassle long ago.
“I want you as my strategist because your reputation precedes you,” he said. “Not because-”
“Ace! You’re late!” Your father’s voice boomed across the ship, and you tensed. You’d both be scolded for your tardiness.
“That’s our cue,” Ace grinned, and got up, unbothered by the public reprimand from your father.
You followed him, curious of what he was going to say if you hadn’t been interrupted.
When you entered behind Ace, your father shot you a curious look, but didn’t say anything as you took the strategist seat next to your division commander.
“Second division finally got a strategist, huh?” Thatch quipped to the table. You could tell he wanted to jest more, but your father cleared his throat, and you all turned your attention to him for the briefing.
You had sat in on briefings before. Ever since you were a kid. First you sat at the table with Marco and colored quietly, and that evolved into taking notes and making plans with the other division commanders and strategists. It had been a place you felt comfortable speaking up and giving ideas.
But now it felt different, more tense than you remembered. Perhaps it was your return to the table that put everyone on edge, and you stayed quiet during most of the meeting. Ace occasionally dozed off, and you kicked him to keep him awake. It wasn’t until the end of the meeting that you finally spoke.
Kingdew’s strategist spoke up during the deliberation point. “I think if we have two divisions take the left flank and one take the right, we should be fine.”
You were looking at the map, frowning. You didn’t know the strategist; he must’ve joined the crew after you left. His strategy would probably work, but it would take a strong single division to pull off the right flank, and it was risky.
“What do you think?” Ace’s voice rang out, calling your attention back to the room. You looked to see who he was talking to, and you realized he was looking at you.
“It’s not a bad plan,” you agreed. “We could probably make it work if we had one of the stronger divisions flanking from the right.”
Ace looked at you expectedly. “But?”
You weren’t sure why, but you felt nervous. Everyone in the room was staring at you, waiting for your input. You used to have pride in that, but now it just made you feel small.
“How updated is this map?” you asked, looking at Namur.
“My guys got the layout two days ago,” he replied.
You hummed, staring back down at the map. It was recent, but things with the Navy could always change. Still, your confidence rating in accuracy was high.
“And you can only spare three divisions?” you asked your dad, who nodded in response.
“I think our best bet is to have one division flank each side. Have the strongest division hang back, communicate with the front two, and send assistance where needed. It saves our strongest fighters for the end of the fight, lowers enemy morale, and should be able to get the job done with little to no casualties.”
“Some things never change,” someone muttered, but you couldn’t tell who. A few people chuckled around the table.
You turned back to Ace, who was giving you a stupid grin, and you ignored the heat that was rushing to your face. “That’s what I propose, at least.”
“Then let's do it,” Ace said, shrugging. “Thatch, Kingdew, if you agree?”
They both nodded.
“We can get you a list of individuals in our division, but the Second division should be the one to hang back,” Thatch said.
“I think we could take a few members from the second division and place them under your temporary command for the mission as well, if that’s alright with everyone,” you considered. “Just to make sure the playing field is even.”
“Whatever you decide, we’ll go with,” Kingdew said, and Thatch nodded in agreement.
You could feel Ace grinning while you stared at the map again, making sure you hadn’t missed any information or any holes in your plan.
“Damn, pops,” one of the commanders grumbled. “Why’d you have to put Y/N in the Second Division? We could’ve used her.”
“Too bad!” Ace said, sticking out his tongue to his comrades. “She’s mine!”
Ace wrapped his arms around you to solidify the joke, and you felt yourself tense being so close to him. He was warm, the bare skin of his chest against your body. He smelled like campfire and apples, and you bit your inner lip to keep your focus.
“Off!” you hissed. You quickly pushed him away, your face flushing with pink. You pretended to continue looking at the map even though you were too dizzy to see straight.
Ace laughed nervously, and you could feel your father’s eyes on the both of you. He wasn’t the only one; you could sense Marco’s amused gaze, Thatch’s curious look, and Haruta’s envious stare at least. But you refused to look up.
“I’d like to get a list of all the division members so we can allocate division two properly,” you said, trying to keep your voice even.
“I’ll get those to you this afternoon,” your father said, and you finally looked up at him.
You gave him a tense smile and nodded. “Thank you.”
Whitebeard nodded at you, and then turned his attention to the rest of the table. “Strategists, you’re dismissed,” he said. “I need to speak with the commanders now.”
You took your leave with the rest, and went back to your bunkhouse. Now that the adrenaline from the meeting was over, the exhaustion was catching up with you. All you wanted to do was sleep. You pulled off your nice outfit and threw on a comfortable crop top and shorts, and climbed into bed. As soon your head hit the pillow, you were out.
You awoke to the presence of someone beside your bed, and your eyes opened to find your father’s pirate flag, displayed on an open back.
“Ace?” you mumbled, grogginess thick in your voice. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes, and saw the flame user frozen where he stood.
“I didn’t mean to wake you,” he smiled nervously. “Just dropping off the names of everyone in division two, four, and eleven.”
You sat up, reaching for the papers now on your nightstand. Ace looked tense and extremely nervous, but you didn’t pay him any mind. You did a quick shuffle through the papers, scanning all of the names. You recognized most of them, and it seemed like both four and eleven were pretty evenly matched in skill.
“Do you need a quiet place to work?” Ace asked you.
“I’ve got one,” you said, slipping on your shoes and heading for the door, still scanning through the names.
“There’s a party tonight!” Ace called after you, but you hardly heard him, already absorbed in your work to create a perfect strategy.
Your body went on autopilot, directing you to the clinic. There were a lot of names you didn’t know, and you would need Marco’s opinion for them to make sure the divisions were as evenly matched as possible.
“Help,” you said, entering the clinic, and you saw Marco jump up to see you.
“Tch,” he chided. “You shouldn’t call for help when you’re entering a clinic unless you need it. You worried me.”
You shot him an annoyed look. “I do need help.”
“This is a medical clinic,” Marco grumbled, taking the sheets of paper out of your hand. “I’m not a therapist.”
“You’d be a good therapist,” you commented.
“I don’t get paid enough for that.”
“You don’t get paid at all.”
You followed him back into his office with a smirk, and the two of you went over names you were unfamiliar with. You made it about halfway through Thatch’s division when the door to the clinic slammed open.
“Marco!” Ace hollered. “I need help!”
“You two, I swear,” Marco muttered under his breath. He rose from his seat and walked out of his office. “What is it?”
“I don’t know what to do.” You couldn’t see Ace, but he sounded flustered.
Marco sighed. “About what?”
“Y/N!” Ace cried.
Your cheeks burned at the sound of your name coming from Ace’s lips. You saw Marco’s eyes slide over to you briefly, before snapping back to Ace.
“What about her, Ace?” you could hear the mischief in Marco’s voice, and your stomach knotted.
“I think she hates me,” Ace groaned. “She’s always irritated by me and ignores me! I tried to ask her about the party tonight, but she totally blew me off.”
Marco raised an eyebrow, glancing over at you again. “Did you actually ask her?”
“Well, I tried,” Ace said. “But she ran off with the papers I delivered before I could even get it out!”
“I’m sure she’ll be at the party,” Marco said, a smirk on his face. “Especially if she knows you want her there.”
Ace mumbled something too low for you to hear, and Marco busted out laughing. Your stomach churned thinking about what had been said to get such a reaction from the doctor.
“Okay man, I need you to get out. I have some work to get back to. I’ll see you tonight. And I’m sure she will be there. ”
“Thanks Marco,” Ace mumbled, and you heard the door open and shut.
Marco came back into his office and you stared at the list of names intensely. You knew if you made eye contact with him, the teasing would never end.
“So,” you said, clearing your throat. “Aita Leynolt, how do they fare in combat?”
“Really?” Marco said, disbelieving. “You don’t want to talk about what just happened?”
“I told you already,” you huffed. “I don’t care.”
Marco let out a loud, sharp laugh, indicating he clearly didn’t believe you.
“You know what they say about division leaders and their strategists, don’t you?”
“Don’t. Care.”
“The time spent together. The high stakes. The authority dynamic. They can’t help but-”
“Marco!” you shouted, holding your hands over your ears.
“Oh, Y/N,” Marco laughed.
You gathered up your papers and stormed out of his office before he could utter another word.
You found a quiet unused corner of the library and laid out your papers again, sifting through the names you were familiar with. Even if you didn’t know the newer names, you could get a pretty good sense of the division’s abilities based on the names you did know. Before you realized it, you had to light a lantern to be able to see the list.
“Still looking at names?” spoke a voice from behind you, and you jumped.
You looked behind you to find Ace peering over your shoulder at the sheets curiously.
His eyes slid over to you and they widened nervously when they met yours.
“Can I help you?” you asked, slightly irritated to have had your concentration broken.
“Do you ever take a break?” Ace asked. “You’re always so serious.”
“I have things to do. People’s lives are on the line.”
Ace’s eyes grew soft at your sentiment, and you resisted the urge to melt.
“I can help you go through the names, if you want,” he offered. “Tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” you questioned.
He nodded, reaching over you to grab the papers and shuffled them all into a stack. “Tonight you’re not responsible for any lives, okay? Just your own.”
“Just my own…” you echoed, trying not to get lost in his campfire scent.
He offered out his hand to help you up, but you stood up without accepting it. You could see he was hurt by that, and your heart felt an unwarranted pang, which you tried to ignore.
You reached out for your papers, but Ace held them away from you. “Nope!” he said. “You’re enjoying the night.”
“At least let me put them away,” you groaned.
“Nah, because I know what you’re going to do,” he teased. “You’ll stay on deck for thirty minutes and then you’ll sneak back down here to keep working.”
“I will not!” you gasped. You had planned to do exactly that, but you weren’t about to admit that he was right.
“We’ll just put them in my room for safe keeping,” he said, walking down the hallway to the division commander suites.
You groaned, but didn’t object any further. Every division commander had their own room, and they all shared a common living space and a bathroom. It was a pretty nice space, you had to admit. You had spent plenty of nights in Marco’s room throughout the years, both as a child and as a sick teenager, and your presence never seemed to cause him any inconvenience.
You walked into the common area and Ace quickly stepped into his room, threw the papers on his desk, and shut the door, locking it for good measure.
“Locking it seems a bit overdramatic,” you whined, but Ace just laughed.
“Party time!” Ace yelled, and a few commanders stepped out of their rooms to join you.
“Y/N,” Marco suppressed a smirk as he walked into the common room, but you ignored him.
“Hey!” Haruka called, bounding over to you. “It’s still weird to see you back on the ship, you know. I’m glad you’re back, though!”
“Thanks,” you laughed politely. “It’s really good to be back.”
Haruka started walking out the door, and you followed him. “You know,” he said, lowering his voice. “If you ever need to change divisions-”
“Oh, no no,” you said quickly. “I’m fine in division two. Thank you, though.”
“Offer is always open,” Haruka grinned at you, and you nodded.
The thought of switching divisions now felt weird, even if you had begged for it a few days ago. The only person you’d consider switching for was probably Marco, or maybe Izou.
“Drink for drink?” you heard Ace say to someone behind you, and Marco laughed.
“Like hell I’m agreeing to that,” Marco shot back.
Ace jumped up to you, casually looping his arm through yours. “Drink for drink?” he asked, looking at you.
You pulled away, shaking your arm out of his grasp. “No thanks. I value your life.”
Ace scoffed. “You think you can outdrink me?”
“I know I can.”
He held out his hand, eager to get you to shake on it. You grabbed his hand, forming a bet between the two of you. He was going to regret underestimating you.
Seven drinks in, and you were feeling comfortably drunk. You were chatting with a new crew member when you felt a warm hand wrap around your shoulder.
“Done with drink seven?” Ace purred in your ear, and you felt electricity jolt through your body.
“Ahead of you, as usual,” you giggled back, handing him your cup.
“Here’s eight, then,” he said, filling it and handing it off to you.
“You’re so kind,” you laced sarcasm in your words, but Ace pulled away and disappeared into the crowd without another word.
When you finished drink eight, you wandered off to find Ace, ready to make him finish the rest of whatever he had left. But you didn’t see him with his normal crew, and you searched the deck, looking for his familiar back tattoo and orange hat.
Finally, you found him, standing on the quiet part of the deck, watching the stars.
“Found you!” you called, bounding over to him.
“Hm?” Ace turned, and smiled when he saw that it was you. “Oh, hey. Sorry, I just needed a moment.”
His drink was still mostly full, and you frowned at it.
“I’m empty,” you pouted, tipping over your cup to prove it. “You have to catch up.”
“I think I’m done. You win.”
You raised an eyebrow. “You got sick already?”
He shrugged. “I want to remember this night, that’s all. I’m comfortably buzzed.”
“Lame.”
Ace chuckled and looked up at the night sky. “The stars are nice tonight.”
You joined him at the railing, your arm pressing against his warm skin.
“The moon is too bright,” you hummed. “The best time to stargaze is during new moons or when the moon is a little sliver.”
“And when will that be?” Ace asked.
“Not for another two weeks or so, probably.” You shrugged. “Guess we’ll just have to do this again.”
“Do what again?” Ace questioned, looking at you. Your droopy eyes met his, and you could see his freckles catch a hint of pink.
You pointed at the sky. “Stargaze, silly!”
“Oh,” Ace said, his eyes returning to the stars. “We can still do it tonight, if you want. The sky still looks lovely.”
“I’m too tired tonight,” you said, rubbing your eyes.
“And you just scolded me for tapping out early,” Ace smirked. “Hypocrite.”
“Hey now! I’m only tired because I stopped drinking!” You gave him a playful nudge. “So it’s your fault.”
Ace downed the ale in his cup. “One more round?” he asked.
“Only if you carry me,” you pouted.
Ace squatted down, and you scrambled onto his back, wrapping your arms around his neck to hold on. His arms grabbed your legs, and he hoisted you up into the air. You leaned into his tattooed back as he carried you back to the party.
“Ace?” you mumbled in his ear.
“Yeah?”
“I want to go to bed.” You nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck, and you felt him still for a moment.
“Okay,” he hummed, changing the course of his walk.
He started to walk past the commander's hallway, but you leaned away from him, making him wobble for a second.
“Your room?” you asked. You couldn’t believe you were being so bold. You blamed it on the eight drinks of liquid courage.
“No, not tonight,” he whispered.
You could feel his breathing was hitched and uneven. You made him nervous. You smiled into his neck at the thought.
“Then drop me off in Marco’s room,” you countered. “I don’t sleep in the bunkhouses well during party nights.”
Ace laughed dryly, and headed down the commander’s hallway. When you got to Marco’s room, he jiggled at the doorknob, but it was locked.
“My room it is,” Ace muttered. “I have to put you down to get my key.”
You let out a frustrated groan, but stood on your own two feet when he put you down. You stumbled for a moment, the room spinning slightly, but you managed to stay upright.
Ace quickly grabbed his key and unlocked his room, opening the door and ushering you inside. You found the bed in the dimly lit room, and collapsed into it. You shoved your feet under the covers, and curled into the comfortable sheets.
“Join me?” you asked, peering up at him through your lashes.
He stared at you as if he were a deer caught in headlights. His eyes briefly scanned your body before snapping up to your face, and he gave a hard swallow. You could tell he wanted to join you, but something was holding him back.
“Ace,” you whined, reaching a hand out for him to take.
“Not like this,” he whispered. He bent down and softly kissed your forehead, and you found yourself wanting more of his touch.
“I just want you to lay with me,” you reasoned. “Don’t be a pervert.”
Ace bit his lip, trying to resist, but you lunged forward and grabbed his wrist, pulling him into bed with you. You giggled as he tumbled into the bed, and he urgently shushed you to be quiet. He resigned himself to his fate, and you laid your head against his chest.
“You’re warm,” you mumbled. “But not an uncomfortable warm. Just warm.”
“Yeah, so are you,” he noted. “I’ve never had someone be warmer than me.”
“I can’t help that I’m hotter than you,” you replied.
“You could burn me.”
You giggled. “That’s the steam. The lava-”
“Would just melt my heart.”
You smiled and hummed approvingly at his joke, and nuzzled further into his chest, finally drifting off into sleep.
Maybe Portgas D. Ace wasn’t so bad after all. Maybe you could get used to having him be the second division commander.
#one piece#one piece imagine#one piece scenario#one piece x reader#one piece x you#portgas d. ace#portgas d ace#portgas ace x reader#portgas ace x you#portgas d ace x reader#portgas d ace x you#portgas d ace x y/n#cozage#the daughters return#✧˚ace✧˚
605 notes
·
View notes
Note
Do you know of any fics that are being regularly updated? Like current fics where the next chapter is being upload every tot days? I miss having a new chapter of a fic to look forward to reading 🥲🥲 please and thanks ♡♡
One way to check is to go on A03 and in work search, select the relationship you want - "Blaine anderson/Kurt Hummel" and you can select Works in Progress. Currently here are a handful updating regularly, if i don't mention your fic, please feel free to let me know. ~Jen
Undiscovered By @heartsmadeofbooks chap 1/?
All Blaine Anderson needs is a little help to put himself through school. That’s all. But he’s going to get so much more than he hoped for when he meets Kurt Hummel, the successful, sexy workaholic who in turn needs someone to make the loneliness disappear.
~~~~~
Klueless by @kurtsascot chap 4/22
It’s 1995. Kurt’s a senior at McKinley High, and he’s looking to lose his virginity and get his love life in order before he goes off to college.
Unfortunately, Blaine, the pretentious son of Burt’s ex-wife, is in Lima to intern for Burt’s congressional reelection campaign, and Kurt is stuck dealing with him until the election is over.
~~~~~
14 Stones of A curse by Anna_Timberlake @shame-is-a-wasted-emotion chap 5/15
“It's the only way to break the curse, Kurt. Believe me.”
These were the words that had driven 29-year-old Kurt Hummel to take a long break from his prestigious job at Vogue.com and travel approximately 3300 miles. He didn't know if it was true. But if it was, will he be able to break the long impending curse of his soulmate? Welcome to the journey of Kurt Hummel discoverying his past self and his soulmate.
Soulmates and fantasy- AU and reincarnation.
~~~~~
Falling for you By @bitbybitwrites chap 4/5
Doctor!blaine, florist!Kurt, Dadfic, Christmas
~~~~~
And longer fic, updating weekly/monthly:
Sonder by @gleefulpoppet chap 77/?
Kurt is one of the most respected and talked about men in the fashion industry and business world. His app Style•Revolution is the fastest-growing app in history, still rising after three years. Recently, he moved the company to Seattle to be at the heart of the newest technology epicenter in the United States. Yet, with all his success, experience keeps teaching him to be wary of people’s motives who want to be close to him, and he wonders if he’ll be alone forever. Or maybe this city has plans for him that he can’t imagine when his gaze locks with a mysterious, honey-hazel-eyed busker.
~~~~~
Out of Eden By @wowbright chap 64/75 est
As a gay Mormon, Kurt Hummel has decided to go the rest of his life without falling in love. But toward the end of his two years as a missionary in Germany, Elder Anderson moves into his apartment—and Kurt's best-laid plans fall apart.
~~~~~
Head over Feet By @spaceorphan18 chap 8/15
After Kurt and Blaine broke up the second time, they went their separate ways, living their separate lives in New York City. Fifteen years later, a retirement party brings them back together into each other's orbit, with surprising, for both of them, consequences. Are they able to fit each other into their already complicated and messy lives? And are these newfound feelings real? Or just echoes of a past relationship?
~~~~~
The Queen's Passageway By @coffeegleek Part 4 of one shots of Everybody's Naked & There's a Country to Run verse
This is an expansion upon the one-shot, Passage Ways, chapter 12 of One-Shots in the Everybody’s Naked & There’s a Country To Run verse. You don't have to know the verse to read it.
55 notes
·
View notes
Text
Two... Night Stand?
a/n: uh... i had a rush of adrenaline and I realized i haven't written for oda yet in a full fic... this is almost 4k words. for context: i was listening to "bad idea right?" by olivia rodrigo. enjoy :D
[this is on A03]
pairing: Oda Sakunosuke X Mafia Exec!GN!Reader
cw: NSFW 18+ (DNI if you are a minor. you will be blocked), possibly ooc, half-proofread, SB spoilers (just a character)
desc: (takes place after the dragon head conflict, before dark era) it's been a couple weeks since you and your boyfriend have broken up. however, ever since then, you've been texting him back and forth ever since then. he moved into a new apartment and invited you over. ;)
You were currently in the middle of a job, when your phone vibrated from your side pocket. You were near to done and so you just let your fellow subordinates and coworkers handle it. You traveled out of the makeshift war zone with a bloody metal bat over your shoulder as you picked out your phone from your side pocket. Usually, you weren’t one to answer texts, especially in the middle of a job, but recently you’ve been really antsy the past couple of weeks…
That mean reason being your ex-boyfriend.
It’d only been a couple of weeks since you’ve both broken up, and you’ve been nothing but anxious.
Most of your time during work was spent reading over a file and then every few minutes or so checking your phone.
You had wanted him to answer you… for some reason, despite you both breaking up.
Every now and then you’d text him, and he’d text back, but the last two days (in counting) you haven’t heard back from him.
To say the least, this breakup wasn’t doing you any justice and the moment you heard the vibrations from your phone, you walked out. However, being a respected executive, no one would really bat an eye, less look at your direction. Needless to say, you picked up your phone, leaning against the wall and placing your bat aside.
Odasaku: Hey, sorry I haven’t been texting, I’ve been busy. I moved into a new place.
Odasaku: [attached: 1 pin]
Odasku: Here’s my new address. You should come by tonight. I managed to clean up the place.
You blushed at his invitation, swiping a lock of hair behind your ear. You quickly texted him back.
(Y/N): Yeah! Sure, sounds good! I’m off at 5.
Odasaku: Great. I’ll leave the door unlocked. :)
“ Oi! (Y/N)!!!,” a fellow redhead let out a loud exasperated sigh,” The hell are you doing running out like that?”
“ He texted me,” you responded.
“ No way,” Chuuya’s tone turned serious as he quickly gathered next to you, peaking over your shoulder. He was silent for a second as he read the line of messages. “ Did you say ‘yes’?!,” he yelled out as he pointed at your reply back. You leaned away, as he was practically yelling in your ear.
“ Y-yeah…,” you shuttered, hiding into yourself” Listen! It’s fine! We’re just going to hang out for a bit. Nothing more…”
“ (Y/N), you know that ‘texting your ex’ means that you’re both going to hook up, right?,” Chuuya seemed rather unamused as he joined you, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms.
“ It’s… not a bad… idea…?,” you sounded unsure as you continued on,” Yeah- Nothing bad, we’re just going to talk… like old friends.”
“ I do not believe you for one bit, (Y/N),” Chuuya replied sharply,” Are you kidding? That man was everything to you! I remember you practically sprinting out the door after executive meetings just because of him.”
“ We can be friends!,” you tried to convince Chuuya, but he seemed to not be taking any of it.
“ You’ve been texting each other ever since you broke up! He only stopped because he moved into a new place! He wants you to be the first one to be there!!!,” Chuuya was waving his arms about, pacing back and forth as he tried to point out the obvious to you.
“ You don’t know that,” you frowned,” Maybe he invited Dazai to see it first…”
“ Dazai’s been in Nagasaki…! For the past three days!!!,” he yelled back, before letting out another sigh, adjusting his hat,” You really stopped paying attention in the executive meetings, haven’t you?”
“ They’re boring! You know that too!,” you yelled back at him.
“ They are, but aren’t you supposed to be around Ane-san’s level of authority?!”
“ That’s Verlaine’s job! I’m doing like half of his goddamn work!”
“ Verlaine won’t leave the fucking basement!!!”
Chuuya let out another sigh, but this time, the tension seemed to leave his shoulders,” Anyways, regardless… If your head is full of rocks, he’s trying to hook up with you, idiot.” Before you could speak back, he placed a hand on your shoulder,” Don’t act like you’re not thinking that too! I just don’t like seeing you get hurt! It doesn’t look good on you…! Just tell him you have a change of plans.”
Normally anyone would feel a little bit upset at his words, but Chuuya’s intentions and what he was saying was right. He just had an awful habit of replacing that way that he cares with anger. You sighed,” Fine… I’ll tell him.”
“ Good. I mean- I don’t care!,” Chuuya crossed his arms,” Let’s go get ramen, I’m hungry!”
…
It was past lunch now and you were typing up a report on your computer. You hadn’t actually texted Oda… if at all. If anything, according to him, your plans were still on. As you were about to hit submit on a PDF, your phone rang again, and as if planned, you picked it up.
Odasaku: Don’t worry about bringing anything. I’ll take care of all of that, so you can just show up. How does 7 sound?
Yet again, you felt your heart beat fast… What did he mean by “bringing things”? Was he really going to hook up with you? Ah, fuck it, you thought.
(Y/N): I’ll be there!
“ (Y/N),” It was Chuuya… again,” Did you get that report so I can read over it?”
You quickly slammed your phone down,” Y-yup! I was just about to send it right now!”
You were hiding behind a pick monitor, so all Chuuya could see was your head from behind the large screen. However, it was pretty obvious to him that you were on your phone.
“ Have you been texting him?,” Chuuya frowned once more, leaning on one hip and crossing his arms.
“ Nope… All good. Mori called,” you made up a quick excuse, pressing down on your mouse to hit send.
“ I just saw Mori,” he raised a brow.
“ God! Stop being so good at figuring things out, Chuuya!!!,” you slammed your hands on your desk and stood up with an angry expression.
“ Hey, I’m just saying the facts here,” Chuuya sung,” I guess I can’t really tell you what to do, so here…”
Chuuya walked up to you, digging into his pocket to pull out his wallet. His fingers slipped in between the pockets and as he pulled them out, there was a condom in between his fingers. He handed it to you. A blush crept up on your face as you almost looked at it with disgust.
“ Hey, stop looking it like you’ve never seen one before,” Chuuya commented, shoving his hand more forwards for you to take it,” Take it.”
You did so, taking it front his hands and putting it in your front pocket,” I’m just surprised you have one… in your wallet.”
“ I just have it… just in case,” a blush also seemed to creep up on his face.
“ In case for what?,” you frowned.
Chuuya seemed not to answer you, as he quickly stammered out the door.
…
God this was such a bad idea…
Such a bad idea…
You really shouldn’t be here…
You were clutching the collar of your sweater nervously. You weren’t wearing anything different, though at least a little bit more casual. You had a white button up, tucked into some slacks and a black cardigan that was buttoned on top of that. It seemed casual, but underneath you made it a point to wear underwear that looked nice… and matched. Just as you were about to knock, Oda opened his door.
“ Oh- hey!,” you smiled shyly.
“ Sorry, my ability told me that you were here… I guess I’ve just been wanting to see you,” Oda greeted, running a hand through his hair. You missed his face… the deadpan expression that he always had, yet his eyes were always telling of what he was really feeling.
“ Yeah… I’ve missed you too,” you said, feeling happy that your feelings were being reciprocated. At least you weren’t the only one who was lying alone in bed, feeling lonely.
“ Come inside,” he opened the door wider for you to walk in. You looked around, seeing the nice fairy lights that were hung on the ceiling. They seemed to be the main source of light. The apartment was well furbished: instead of tatami, there was nice wooded flooring. The kitchen looked brand new, and most is not everything looked really clean. You looked over at a couch: there were two beer bottles there, though not pre-opened. Oda always made it a point to be respectful, and so you were thankful for that. You were glad this was all he meant by “bringing things”.
“ Sorry, it’s not much,” he sighed from behind you as you took your seat on the couch. He handed you a bottle opener and you corked open the bottle with a satisfying pop. He took a seat on the couch as well, across from you, but leaving distance.
“ No, don’t worry,” you reassured him,” This was pretty much all I was hoping for.”
Oda hummed, looking over at you with a rare smile. Although it wasn’t a very big smile, he usually never showed that to just anyone. You took a swig of your beer.
“ How’s work been?,” he spoke up.
“ It’s been good. Nothing too interesting I guess. You?”
“ Same as usual.”
It got quiet again, as the two of you were just watching whatever was going on the TV. Despite not talking, you didn’t feel the slightest bit uncomfortable. Maybe he just wanted to offer a calm space for you after work… nothing mo-
“ (Y/N)… ,” Oda’s voice seemed to boom in your ears, completely interrupting your thoughts. You turned over to see that he had scooted closer and was now leaning over you with a rather desperate expression. However, you let it happen as he leaned closer to you, his hot breathe fanning over your mouth.
“ I’ve missed you…,” he groaned. His beer was out of his hands, as his fingers gently traced past your arm to place yours on the coffee table. You leaned back, letting him do what he wanted.
“ I-I’ve… I’ve missed you too,” you responded shyly. Though, you couldn’t help but want to close the gap between the two of you, placing your lips gently on his. He returned the kiss, though not before letting out a groan in return. He kissed back passionately, taking in your scent as he leaned on top of you. You let out a moan as you felt his stubble scratch you. It was a familiar feeling, one that you often found comfort in, as you body started to relax.
Oda quickly pulled back, his face going red,” S-sorry… I’ve just been desperate.”
“ I’ve been desperate for you too,” you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him in once again,” I mean… I’ve been checking my phone all the time. I can’t get you off my mind.”
“ You… have…?,” he asked, a little breathless. You nodded,” Yeah… Just kiss me already, Odasaku.”
He quickly smashed his lips into yours, a lot more rougher than before. His tongue prodded at your mouth, and you gladly let him intertwine his own with you. You couldn’t help but moan again, your hips bucking to meet his. He pulled away from the kiss, a trail of saliva coming from both of your mouths. He gently trailed kisses on your jaw to your neck. You whined, leaning your head back to give him more access to your neck.
“ F-fuck…,” you had felt overly sensitive after not being touched in a while. His kisses felt so soft… so warm as he started on your neck. He sucked in, earning a moan from you. You felt his lips curl into a soft grin as he pulled away slightly, prodding his nose to the other side of your neck,” Let me mark you up, baby.”
“ Please…!,” you whined as he sunk his teeth into the other side. His biting was harsh, yet he seemed to be please as he watched the mark bruise into your skin. He kept marking you up until you were a moaning mess. The heat between your thighs getting hotter. Oda gripped under your lower back, as he left another mark, your chest being pushed into his as he placed a leg in between yours. He’d left a couple more before sitting up.
“ Let’s move to the bedroom?,” he asked, looking at you as you nodded. “ Are you… ok with that?,” he asked, seemingly unsure. You nodded again, but he shook his head, silently asking for your spoken consent.
“ Yes, I consent to this, ‘Saku,” you smiled. He couldn’t tell if it was from the way you looked so beautiful in your disheveled state: shirt slightly unbuttoned and untucked, hair a mess and a red flush on your face, but he couldn’t help but feel himself want even more of you.
He stood up, taking your hand and guiding you to his bedroom.
…
That was about an hour now… and it seemed as though the time before had been a blur as you were drooling, face pushing into the sheets as he was ramming his cock into you. His hands were roughly pushing into your hips as he pushing you further into the mattress.
“ Fuck… I missed your body,” he leaned down, his hips rolling as he stayed inside. He was so thick… and warm. You felt yourself feeling like you were being split open.
“ So pretty…,” Oda kissed your shoulder, his stubble leaving a a lovely sting to you,” So pliable and soft.”
“ O-oda… ‘saku- Ngh..!,” you moaned out,” A-ah!”
You felt… so full, and you couldn’t help but only feel yourself get more wet at the lewd sounds of skin slapping. His dick was pounding into you at this point, and you’d started to feel your sore spot being hit. That only increased the lewd moans that you let out as he slammed his hips into yours again. You felt fingers tilt your chin upwards, you were now looking up.
“ Open your mouth,” he demanded. You did so, sticking your tongue out. He spat into it, making you instantly swallow. You couldn’t help but only feel turned on from that. Soon enough, as he continued to desperately rut into you, your heat started to build up in your stomach. You racked your brain trying to think of words to say, but all you could let out was desperate syllables. Oda groaned at how cock-drunk he’s made you, speaking was so hard, and all you could think about was being a good cock sleeve for him.
“ ‘Saku…! Mm! Gonna cum…!,” you moaned, you hips bucking into his hips more, feeling his thick cock hit your sore spot once again.
“ Cum f’me…,” he demanded, reaching his high as much as you were. You were a complete mess as you reached your orgasm, your release leading you to shake under him. You whined as you finished cumming together, as you felt him pull out. He let out a soft breathe, as he took off the condom, tied it, and threw it in the trash. He rolled over next to you, pulling you into his chest.
You blushed as you felt his fast heartbeat thud against your hear. You gently pet your hair, calming you down from your high. You did so, taking deep breathes as you curled into his chest. He was warm…
“ You ok?,” Oda gently asked, taking a hand under your chin to look at you.
“ Yes. I’m alright,” you replied. You leaned up to kiss his chin, something you did often after intimate times like these. Oda hummed gently,” Ok, tell me if you need anything… Or if you want a round two.”
You chuckled, pushing his chest away jokingly,” I’m way too sensitive right now.”
“ Joking joking,” Oda’s voiced, as he pulled you closer to him once again. You leaned your ear back on his chest, closing your eyes for a moment.
…
The next day, you showed up to work in a turtleneck, which wasn’t in your usual work attire. You thought it’d be normal: considering that most mafioso wore heavy layers with dark colors. A turtleneck was nothing to bat an eye about, so it would’ve been fine.
Well… it would’ve been fine…
If you didn’t have an executive meeting this morning… and guess who so happened to come out of the basement.
… and it just so happened to be on this day.
You actually had no real qualms with Verlaine. You’d been away from most of the crises that involved him to even join the Port Mafia in the first place. All you knew was that you were given most of his work load considering that he never left the basement. Though, one things for sure, he had a rather stern stare. One that almost made you want to hide away forever: to put short, he intimidated you.
You were trailing behind Verlaine as you were crouched down next to Chuuya, practically hiding behind his shoulder.
“ Did he hear us back-talking him from all the way at the Port,” you muttered.
“ Oooh~ someone’s in trouble~,” It was Dazai, who’d finally made his return from Nagasaki. He was creeping over you from your other shoulder.
Chuuya placed a hand on Dazai’s head, hitting him with some amount of force,” Can it, Dazai! He’s only here because we need him for something. It’s not like that.”
“ Eh…? I was talking about (Y/N) over here,” Dazai reached over to your turtleneck, pulling at the tall collar and taking a glance.
“ Hey!,” you slapped his hand away.
“ Oh…?,” Dazai’s smile seemed to turn into almost a cat-like grin,” So I see, (Y/N)’s been gettin’ around.”
“ Don’t look!,” you swiped Dazai away with an arm,” It’s none of your business anyways.”
Soon enough, the door opened, revealing Mori who’d had a long meeting table set up. Kouyou was already seated on Mori’s right side, and you and the others followed through.
“ It’s good to see you all,” Mori smiled, looking around as everyone had been seated. The doors closed behind them all and an ambient light shown above the table,” Verlaine, it’s good to see you come out to get some fresh air for once.”
“ I’m only here for information’s sake, nothing more.”
Mori nodded, about to continue, but before he did, his eyes scanned towards you.
“ Ah, (Y/N), a turtleneck? That’s new,” Mori seemed to intentionally say it as a compliment, but that didn’t stop Dazai from letting out a soft snicker under his breathe. Chuuya kicked him under the table however, the bandaged man letting out a yelp.
It’s times like this where you wish you weren’t here, being an executive… with this room of people… and these specific people…
God, maybe I’m not fit for being an executive, you thought, sinking further into your chair.
…
…
…
Well, if there was anything to make all of those stressful thoughts go up in smoke, it was Oda who was currently breathing heavily in between your legs. You were laying down into the comforter, the plush pillows supporting your back as you looked down at him. Oda’s lips gently kisses at your thighs. His warm lips continued to kiss up your thighs and eventually met at your entrance. He gently kissed there, looking up at your flustered expression.
His hot breathe pulled away before licking up your clothed entrance. You moaned,” Ngh.. Ah- ‘Saku please…” Oda seemed to grin a little bit as he licked a thick stripe once again. You shuttered under his hold, and he hummed, seemingly pleased at your reaction. Soon enough, his calloused but gently hands trailed up you legs, pulling down your underwear and leaving you naked from underneath.
“ So wet and pretty for me, already?,” he teased. You were about to respond before you let out a loud moan as he dived his tongue onto you. He licked you up and down, making you moan once more. One of your hands reached to grip onto the sheets as he proceeded to eat you out like a starved man. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes back further as you sunk into the mattress.
As he lapped at your lower half, you were slowly started to loose consistency in your breathe. Eventually he’d grown more desperate, the vibrations of his throat making you whine. His hand reached out to your empty one, and you took it as he intertwined his fingers with yours.
Your other hand that was gripping at the sheets covered your face as you moaned louder,” I-I’m gonna cum. F-fuck…!”
Oda only seemed to want more, licking up you even more desperately than before. Soon enough, you reached your orgasm. He groaned in response, taking in all of your juices as you squirted. He finished up, wiping his chin as he sat back up.
“ Already…?,” he grinned at you.
…
It was the end of another session, and you were pulled into Oda’s chest once more. The two of you were rather exhausted as you’d gone more than one round, and so you both fully relaxed into the sheets. You were now drawing patterns on his chest as he was slowly drifting in and out of sleep. He tried to keep himself up however, only wanting to shut his eyes when you were sound asleep.
“ Say ‘Saku,” you pouted, continuing to draw patterns,” What are we?”
“ What do you mean?,” he raised a brow, the sleepiness seeming to fall away from his mind.
“ Are we together… or are we just friends,” you seemed to be rather melancholy as you asked.
“ I thought we were together, already,” he answered honestly,” Didn’t I ask you?”
“ Eh…?”
“ I asked you when I was on top of you just a couple minutes ago.”
“ I wouldn’t remember that when you’re ramming me into your own bed!!!,” you sat up, frowning.
Oda sat up as well, placing his hands up in defense,” I thought we’d made up already.”
You looked at him questionably. However, after a moment, you realized it was Oda Sakunosuke you were talking to. A question was a question… and if he happened to ask it at an odd time, well… his intentions were genuine.
“ Well- we did, but- Do you love me?”
“ Of course I love you,” he answered with no hesitation.
“ Oh, whatever,” you sighed, flopping onto him with no though. He fell back down on the bed, wrapping his arms around you. Once again, he was warm… and you started to feel sleepy.
“ Sorry if I asked at a weird time.”
“ You’re always like that, Odasaku… but, that’s what I love about you.”
#bsd x reader#bungou stray dogs x reader#bungo stray dogs x reader#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#odasaku#bsd odasaku#sakunosuke oda#oda sakunosuke#oda x reader#odasaku x reader#oda sakunosuke x reader#bsd smut#bungou stray dogs smut#oda smut#odasaku smut#too many tags#mono writes#*dies cutely*
260 notes
·
View notes
Text
Matt Murdock / Daredevil Masterlist
Image Credit: kissmegoodbye.net
Welcome to the masterlist for my Matt Murdock aka Daredevil fics. My general masterlist is here.
Posted fics can also be found on A03.
Please let me know if any links are broken or if you wish to be added to the tag lists.
Long Series
Alley Cat
Image Credits: kissthemgoodbye.net / Amber Kipp / Nathan Dumlao
Overall Rating: 18+
Genre: Fluff, Romance, Comedy, Drama
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem! Reader
Secondary Pairings: Foggy Nelson x Marci Stahl
Summary: You are a paralegal (and trouble magnet) with an escape artist cat who keeps encountering Daredevil. You start falling in love.
Series Warnings: Canon-typical violence, explicit sex, police corruption
Current Status: ONGOING
Happy Little Accident
Image Credits: kissthemgoodbye.net / Taelynn Christopher (Unsplash) / Anna Kolosyuk (Unsplash)
Overall Rating: 18+
Genre: Fluff, Romance, Comedy
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem! Reader
Secondary Pairings: Foggy Nelson x Marci Stahl
Summary: You are a klutz. You are pretty used to tripping over nothing and embarrassing yourself. But this time has to be the worst. Because this time, this time, you have gotten paint all over Matt Murdock. Your handsome neighbor that you have an enormous crush on.
Series Warnings: Canon-typical violence, explicit sex
Current Status: ONGOING
Cozy Corners
Image Credits: kissthemgoodbye.net / Greta Punch (Unsplash) / Stephanie Harvey (Unsplash)
Overall Rating: 18+
Genre: Fluff, Romance, Comedy, Drama
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem! Reader
Secondary Pairings: Foggy Nelson x Marci Stahl
Summary: You have a problem. You have feelings for two men. The first man is local defense attorney Matt Murdock, a regular at your cafe Cozy Corners, whom you have been pinning over since he first walked through your door. The second man is Daredevil, the vigilante who saved your life during a mugging and has appointed himself as your guardian angel. Meanwhile Matt is wondering how he managed to get into a love triangle with himself.
Series Warnings: Canon-typical violence, explicit sex, anxiety, panic attacks
Current Status: ONGOING
The Phantom
Image Credits: kissthemgoodbye.net / Zac Ong (Unsplash) / Biswapati Acharya (Unsplash)
Overall Rating: 18+
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn Romance
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem! Reader
Secondary Pairings: Foggy Nelson x Marci Stahl
Summary: You are a ghost. Not literally but you might as well be. Your old life is dead. Because of them, you cannot make a new one. Then one day, in search of food and a shower, you enter an apartment and discover a dangerous secret - the identity of Daredevil.
Series Warnings: Canon-typical violence, explicit sex, unwilling human experimentation, physical abuse, verbal abuse, medical abuse, threats of sexual violence, death, threats of death
Current Status: UPCOMING, Part 1 - Breaking and Entering is TBA.
Arachne
Image Credits: kissthemgoodbye.net / Andre Benz (Unsplash) / Nicolas Picard (Unsplash)
Overall Rating: 18+
Genre: Friends to Lovers Romance, Comedy, Superhero Adventures
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem! Reader
Secondary Pairings: Foggy Nelson x Marci Stahl
Summary: University is hard enough without developing superpowers. Too bad nobody asked you. You were just trying to study when you were bitten by a strange spider. Then things started to get weird. Fortunately, you aren't the only odd freshmen at Columbia University.
Series Warnings: Canon-typical violence, explicit sex
Current Status: UPCOMING, Part 1 - Metamorphosis is TBA.
Love Is Blind
Rating: 18+
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem! Reader
Working Summary: You are a blind attorney who has recently moved to New York from California after a nasty break-up. It's a big change but with your trusty guide dog Luna, you figure that you can handle it. While exploring your new neighborhood, you meet local defense attorney Matt Murdock. And you hit it off right away. Unfortunately your past isn't willing to be left behind.
Series Warning (subject to change): Canon-typical violence, explicit sex, ableism, domestic violence, stalking
Current Status: UPCOMING, in the planning stages, Part 1 - New York, New York is TBA.
The Bonds of Friendship
Rating: 18+ (??)
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem! Reader
Genre: Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers Romance, High School Drama
Working Summary: You are a teenager who has recently moved to New York City from Colorado with your family. While shopping for groceries, you meet a local teen - Matt Murdock who is at the store with his adoptive mother Anna Nelson. Becoming friends happens fast but the love that grows in your heart creeps up on you. Before you know it, you are in love with one of your best friends.
Series Warnings (subject to change): Canon-typical violence, possible explicit sex, bullying, ableism
Current Status: UPCOMING, in the planning stages, Part 1 - The New Kid is TBA.
Inspired by the prompt from @importantnightwerewolf
Full of Surprises
Rating: 18+
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem! Reader
Genre: Romance, Drama
Working Summary: You had been dating Matt Murdock, a fellow summer associate at Landman & Zack. But summer has come to an end and it is time for you both to return to your respective law schools. You go back to Massachusetts to start your final year and prepare for the bar exam. Only to discover that you are pregnant.
Series Warnings (subject to change): Canon-typical violence, explicit sex, unplanned pregnancy, pregnancy symptoms, childbirth
Current Status: UPCOMING, in the planning stages, Part 1 - Our Last Night is TBA.
Sanctuary
Overall Rating: 18+
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem! Reader
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery, Slow Burn Romance
Working Summary: You are a doctor with a rather unusual patient. John Doe is blind and badly injured man being hidden in the basement in a church. You have many questions but no one seems particularly interested in answering them. Complicating matters is that John Doe is very handsome. And when he wasn’t brooding or being sullen, he is rather sweet . . .
Series Warnings (Subject To Change): Medical inaccuracies, severe depression, grief, mourning, mention of attempted suicide, disability struggles, internalized ableism, canon-typical violence, religious discussions, religious imagery, eventual explicit sex
Current Status: UPCOMING, in the planning stages, Part 1 - Untitled is TBA.
Keeping Secrets
Overall Rating: 18+
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem! Reader
Genre: Slow Burn Romance, Hurt/Comfort Angst, Murder Mystery, Legal Drama
Working Summary: Your new boss Matt Murdock is rather mysterious. He regularly shows up to work with mysterious injuries. He isn’t speaking to his oldest friend. And a thousand other little things that all say Murdock is keeping secrets. Big secrets. But that’s okay. Because you have some big secrets of your own. Not least of which is your interview wasn’t the first time you had meet each other. Or who was the father of your son Jack . . .
Series Warnings (Subject to Change): Secret child, referenced domestic violence, referenced sexual assault, referenced child abuse, canon-typical violence, murder, eventual explicit sex, legal inaccuracies
Current Status: UPCOMING, in the planning stages, Part 1 - Untitled is TBA.
Short Series
Cat Man Do
Rating: 18+
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem! Reader
Secondary Pairings: Foggy Nelson x Marci Stahl, implied Karen Page x Frank Castle
Genre: Romance, Comedy
Summary: Matt Murdock is having a bad night. He has been turned into a cat with a blizzard is coming in. Lucky for him, you came walking by. And you love cats.
Series Warnings: Animal transformation, idiots in love, unresolved sexual tension, spicy dream (voyeurism kink, office sex, fingering, dirty talk), referenced sexual acts (female receiving oral sex, , fingering, female masturbation, hand-job, PIV sex, office sex)
Status: ONGOING
Freaky Friday
Rating: 18+
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem! Reader
Genre: Drama, Romance, Comedy
Working Summary: You are a journalist. One night when you are walking home, you stumble across Daredevil fighting. The criminal shouts something while throwing a beam of light at you. Daredevil shields you but it doesn't appear to do anything to you. Until you wake up the next morning not in your own body but Daredevil's.
Series Warnings(subject to change): Canon-typical violence, possible explicit sex, mild body dysmorphia, disability struggles, sensory issues, anxiety, panic attacks
Current Status: UPCOMING, in the planning stages, Part 1 - Random Encounter is TBA.
A Romantic Cliche
Rating: 18+
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem! Reader
Genre: Romance, Drama, Comedy
Working Summary: It's a plot straight out of romance novel and you would know - you write them for a living. Your sister is getting married. Naturally, she wants you to come to New York and be her maid-of-honor. No one warned you that the best man was devastatingly handsome. But nothing could prepare you for the strength of your desire. Thankfully, this intense desire doesn't appear to be one-sided . . .
Series Warning (subject to change): Explicit sex
Current Status: UPCOMING, in the planning stages, Part 1 - Meet Cute is TBA.
The Broken Hearts Club
Overall Rating: 18+
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem! Reader
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn Romance, Superhuman Adventures
Working Summary: It’s Valentine’s Day and you’ve been feeling morose all day. Granted, you’ve been feeling morose since That Day. Then you found the ring your boyfriend had been planning to give you before that terrible day . . . You don’t know why your feet led you to Fogwell’s Gym nor why your fellow vigilante Daredevil was there. You just know that you started off sparing with each other and ended up having sex. Not for the last time. Soon the sex became a regular thing. But you weren’t worried about anything else changing between you . . . after all, it’s just sex, right?
Series Warnings (Subject To Change): Canon-typical violence, explicit sex, permanent character death, temporary character death, grief, unhealthy coping mechanisms
Current Status: UPCOMING, in the planning stages, Part 1 - Untitled is TBA.
A Fragile Thing
Overall Rating: 18+
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem! Reader
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Romance
Working Summary: You just discovered that you are pregnant. Just as you were about share this news with your husband Matt Murdock, he suddenly collapses and dissolved into dust. You do your best to raise your daughter alone and not to give up hope that you might get your husband back . . . but that gets harder as each year passes . . .
Series Warnings (Subject To Change): Temporary character death, grief, mourning, pregnancy, single parent, original child characters, flashbacks and dreams involving explicit sex
Current Status: UPCOMING, in the planning stages, Part 1 - Untitled is TBA.
One-Shots
Humor
Dicta (drabble): Matt and Foggy are studying for their law exams when juvenile humor ensues.
The Thing That Speaks For Itself (drabble): Matt names a cat.
Fluff
Will You Be Mine?: You have been nervous since Matt said he had something important to ask you.
Baking with Love: Matt and You make pumpkin bread and cookies. Matt Murdock x Reader. Written for Mandy’s Sweater Weather Challenge.
Stormy Weather: It was a dark and stormy night when Matt returns home with a surprising rescue. Matt Murdock x Reader. Written for Mandy’s Sweater Weather Challenge.
Hurt/Comfort
Flare Up: You wake up with an asthma flare up along with a cold. Matt takes care of you.
#masterlist#daredevil#matt murdock#matt murdock x reader#matt murdock x you#image description in alt#ongoing fic#upcoming fic#frequently updated
76 notes
·
View notes
Text
BREATHE - AO3
Explicit - Felix x Oliver - AU
After his first year at Oxford, Felix needed a change, wanted a break, like a gap year or something. School was mundane and boring, rarely challenging anymore when his teachers never bothered to mark him down even when his assignments just had a front page to them. After all the talk Farleigh had about how lively the US was he just wanted to try it out, have a little taste.
Over the summer his interest in the gym had really heightened. His mother took note, proud of her little boy for focusing on his health and just having something he was passionate about that wasn't going to result in baby Felix's running rampant around Saltburn. With a mother's loving push she got Felix to enroll in a PT course.
It didn't take long for Felix to become absolutely infatuated with the idea, convincing his father, with his mothers help to buy him a high end gym in California. Thankfully he didn't have to run the place, his father meeting him in the middle by hiring an accountant and manager. The marketing and his own PT schedule would all be up to him though.
It had been incredible, the initial move, getting set up in his new apartment and dragging Farleigh along to work there too. New places, new people and some freedom to express himself sexually and openly was more then he expected.
The gym was high end, focusing on the clients in the neighboring law firms, apartments and offices. A fancy juice bar even available on site.
It felt nice, comfortable to rub shoulders with all these new people, to experience the differences between the circles. He understood now what his aunt had meant about the cold hearted English.
In the beginning he'd lost a lot of client's by partying all night and forgetting their early morning appointments. Eventually though his bread and butter clientele started to emerge and he got better at scheduling clients to the type of hours he wanted to work, forcing others to take the earlier clients.
Between Grindr and the gym clientele Felix was never lonely, his bed was never cold. His charm always wining out especially if someone got a little too clingy. Like most things though, even this had recently gotten a little boring, he wanted something different, wanted a chase, wanted to have to work for something. There was no fun in it anymore, it felt empty and easy and he liked a challenge. Everyone Felix met just fell in line behind his lead and it was starting to become a little frustrating, maybe Felix didn't want to have to lead all the time.
At the gym he had to take the lead in the marketing, in his group of friends everybody looked toward him to show them a good time, to herd them all to the next bar, to start the conversations so they could continue it. It was frustrating, reminded him too much of his friendship circle in Oxford. He just wanted someone else to tell him what to do now, he didn't want to make decisions for everything, to have all these expectations placed on his shoulders. He could have fun even if he was only following, he was sure of it, dreamed of it and in every dream he loved it.
Read more - A03 Link
#saltburn#barry keoghan#oliver quick#felix catton#saltburn 2023#jacob elordi#saltburn brain rot#saltburn movie#saltburn a03#cattonquick#oliver quick x felix catton#felix catton fanfic#felix catton smut#felix x oliver#felix catton x oliver quick#ao3#just kiss already#archive of our own#epitome of aries venus#aries venus#thrill of the chase#fanfics#fanfiction#saltburn fanfiction#oliver quick a03#fanfic
51 notes
·
View notes
Text
(I found it from DeviantArt! 💕)
My Miraculous Ladybug's Felinette Fanfic Recs I love
*A03*
1) The Sad and Broken by Dull_Rainbow
Summary: They broke her. Completely destroyed her. For weeks she let them bully her, throw their snide comments, and over all let them tear her down. Well no more. Because there was nothing left the broken. She was done. Done with everything her so called 'friends" did to her, done with being in love with Adrien, she was just done. She was leaving and never coming back. Will the new people in her life and perhaps a new love interest be able to fix her broken heart? Or will she forever be trapped in her broken fairytale?
2) The Burning by FandomQueenliness
Summary: The day Adrien confessed to cheating on Marinette, their lives burned down around them, and in the ashes, their friends and family must piece together the broken shards of what they once knew.
3) Felinette. Nothing Bad Ever Happens to Me by bumblebeug (Madsmadsmads)
Summary: During a seeming break from Hawkmoth and after being moved to the back, Marinette becomes seat-mates with recent transfer from England Felix Culpa.
4) Kore Complex by SmittenVixen13
Summary: Marinette is done being beaten down and treated like she didn't matter! She was She was proud. She was confident. She was Marinette! No pathetic Liar, spineless crush, or idiotic classmates were going to get to her!
Transferring schools is new and terrifying, but with new friends and new found confidence, she will conquer anything! Love, blooming friendships, and mysterious new heroes await her!
5) New Friends by StarShine583
Summary: A Felinette story from Tumblr!
6) The Scorned by Snow_Leopard_777
Summary: In a world where Chameleon targeted Marinette first, where only Chloe and Nino stood in her defense, Madame Bustier's class turned against their everyday Ladybug. As the girl begins to shut down, her teacher holds her after class with a suggestion…
What do you think about transfers?
With her family on her side (as well as Papillon and Mayura), can she really leave François-DuPont behind, or will her time there haunt her as she tries to make new friends?
7) Don't Mess With Jagged Stones Favorite Niece by HoneyDewLove
Summary: Marinette is getting fed up with Lie-la and watching the people she thought were her best friends turn on her.
With the help of some new friends and the new student, she makes a plan to unravel all her lies.
Luckily, she's also got an Uncle willing to do anything to help take down his favorite little lady's bully and the daughter of the mayor on her side.
And it just so seems that a few little gods seem to want in on the plan.
8) Neglect Me No More by Gingergrowl
Summary: After months of neglect from her friends, Marinette decides to transfer schools. These so-called friends of hers have made her an emotionless shell of who she once was.
Marinette's days of neglect slowly begin to change when she meets a cold-hearted boy named Felix Graham de Vanily. Together, they begin to change each other for the better, making new friends and enemies along the way.
Little do they know, that this fateful meeting will impact Paris and the miraculous in ways big and small.
9) New School, New Friends by KittyNoir666
Summary: Marinette has reached her breaking point all thanks to Adrien. So she transfers to a new school and makes new friends. But with her old friends being who they were who will be able to pick up the slack of the previous heroes.
10) Begin Again by Kanzakura
Summary: Marinette's life had started to become miserable. Lila had managed to turn many of her friends against her, Chat had started to become clingy, and Marinette was slowly feeling herself crumble to stress. So when she finds out that she get's to transfer to a different school for Lycree, she's overjoyed. Only, there's a catch, and it wasn't one she was expecting.
11) Coffee Breath by dreamdarkdreams (orphan_account)
Summary: Felix's day started out normally. Then the prettiest girl he had ever seen entered the classroom.
12) Me, Just Me by rhub4rb
Summary: Marinette was tired.
Lila had held true to her promise, and Marinette had never felt more isolated from everyone. Finally, she decides that things need to change.
And she does this for herself, just herself.
13) Hey, Little Songbird by charlietheepic7
Summary: Really, Felix couldn't believe his cousin sometimes. Marinette was talented, beautiful, kind, and had a crush on Adrien bigger than the mansion, yet Adrien was blind to the treasure right in front of him. "Just a friend," indeed.
Well, if Adrien wasn't going to do anything, it wouldn't matter if Felix… snatched her up?
14) New Girl on the Block by StarShine583
Summary: Felix doesn't make it a habit to get involved with other people. They're too dramatic, too needy. He already has a small group of friends- at least that's what they call themselves -and his mother and father. He doesn't need anyone else meddling in his life, especially not some clumsy, new student who comes tripping through the front doors of Rosemary High.
15) Moving Forward by Dia_Moon
Summary: After losing a lot during and after the Miracle Queen battle, Marinette has decided to do things that can help her.
A new school can surely help her right? She'll be moving forward with a positive new beginning!
16) Pushing On by JG_Writes
Summary: Marinette's junior year at Collège Françoise Dupont has been absolute hell. With Lila Rossi spreading lies about her and turning everyone against her, she can hardly hang on. She finds a few surprising allies and decides to move on to a new school for the rest of her education where she meets a wild group of characters and a very silent and mysterious one.
17) Black Cats Revenge by Marcipan21
Summary: Marinette is crying, and Felix looks ready for murder.
*Wattpad*
1) Seeing Red by socksareforcavemen
2) The Price of Lying. by Kuroba_Kaito_1412
Summary: Marinette got used Lila's lies. Her feeling became numb, and her body refused to feel pain. Some nights she would still cry, but the tears stopped as fast as it came. She tried so many times to call Lila out, yet her voice was always silenced. One day, a new girl comes to the class, and helped Marinette shine some light on the truth. Although for the new girl, it's much more than just calling out a liar.
3) Welcome to New York miraculous team by Yuktha2004
Summary: After Marinette class trip to New York for friendship week Lila made do on her promise to turn Marinette friends against her. For three months Marinette friends bullied her and tormented her. Once hawkmoth was defeated Marinette decided to move to New York to start a new life with her real friends.
Felix has always been known as the cold hearted mean boy since his fathers death. He is known for his rude sneaky behaviour and cold ways towards people but that all changes when he meets Marinette.
Find out what will happens on the miraculous team journey to New York. Will sparks ignite and new bonds grow as old bonds strengthen or will the darkness take over consuming all the light that remains.
4) The mysteries (A Felinette Love Story) by Yuktha2004
Summary: Felix is forced to transfer to Paris for abroad studies and it just happens that he transfers to Dupount high school.
In this story Marinette mistreated by everyone even her closest friends. All because of a certain lying fox bit what everyone doesn't know is Marinette has a secret, a mystery.
Join Marinette and Felix on a journey of Mystery, camera' and studio's around Paris.
5) My Angel by Fairy4Ever
Summary: Marinette has been an outcast ever since Lila returned to their class and she's caused more havoc than ever. she kept to her promise and took away all of her friends, including Adrien who wanted her to keep silent about Lila's lies since they weren't hurting anyone.
she felt alone. she was alone. always sat in the back by herself taking the insults or mean glares that her ex-friends would send her making her feel even more upset. she felt like no one cared for her. no one would love her.
but that was all about to change when one boy would join their class and take the empty seat beside her.
6) Heal my heart (Felinette) by -Funko_Mushroom-
Summary: Ladybug and Chat noir defeat hawk moth but never reveal their identities.
Lila comes back to school and everything goes wrong, she turns all of Marinette friends against her! Marinette has gotten used to it at this point and let's what happens to her happen, that was until he came along.
Join Marinette and Felix on their adventure with each other, watch them grow their relationship and heal each other slowly in Heal my heart.
7) Her way of getting revenge by Haru_zou
Summary: Marinette Dupain Cheng. A lovely, kind, and naive girl.. has changed. ever since a pathological liar named Lila came into her life. Lying about her, stealing her friends, and threatening her. She's never been the same. She's hurt after her so called"friends"betrayed her. She's tired of her "friends" bullying her when she didn't even did anything. She's tired of being a hero protecting the ones that hurts her. That's until she met them. The ones that helped her heal. The ones that helped her uncover her dark and forgotten past. The ones that helped her recover forgotten memories. And the ones that will help her get revenge.
8) The Broken Wings of an Angel by MiraculousObsessed07
Summary: After Marinette's break up with Adrien, Marinette was heart broken. She never thought that Adrien would be that type of guy. Cheating on her, out of all people in the world he picked the dead rat. Marinette stopped talking with her friends & family, and she completely shut out the world... that was until she met him: Felix Graham de Vanily.
No Superheros but most kwamis are pets
9) Thank You by CartoonAlcaholic
Summary: Lila did it. She finally broke Marinette, their everyday Ladybug.
Marinette stopped. She stopped smiling. She stopped trying to hang out with her classmates. She stopped inviting them. She stopped playing games with them. She stopped making promises. She stopped being the happy girl everyone knew and became a doll for the fox to play with.
"I'm sorry..." was the only genuine thing she said before she became a marionette for the fox.
But, a certain transfer student had a pair of scissors behind his back and was ready to teach this broken toy how to smile again.
"I know."
#felinette#miraculous fanfic#miraculous marinette#felix culpa#miraculous ladybug pv#fanfic rec#fic recs#marinette dupen chang#marinette deserves better#marinette x felix#miraculous lb#miraculous felinette#miraculous ladybug#mlb fanfic
472 notes
·
View notes
Text
I Hate to Admit (18+)
♡ Pairing: Police Officer!Changbin x Plus Size Fem ("ex")Mafia Member!Reader
♡ Genre: angst, fluff, enemies??? to lovers kinda (it's not in the traditional sense)
♡ Word Count: 46.7k
♡ Summary: Y/N is an ex-mafia member whose specialty involved romancing targets for information. No feelings involved, she did what she had to do and then moved on promptly. That life eventually became toxic and tiring for her so she quit, and decided to live a normal life with a normal career and normal friends. However, after her older brother Chan's closest advisor is arrested in a sting operation, she's called in for one last job. Her latest target is Seo Changbin, a divorced captain of Seoul’s police force who is returning to dating for the first time in 2 years. It should be an easy job; get the info she needs and then vanish as she always did. But the job becomes anything but easy when she realizes she’s falling in love with him.
♡ Warnings: past character abuse (not described), past parental death (not described), implied past SA (because consent should be enthusiastic), blood and injury, gun violence, adjusted ages (everyone is late 20s, early 30s), specficially y/n is 28 and changbin is 30, changbin is divorced from a previous marriage
♡ Smut Warnings (contains spoilers): multiple smut scenes, changbin is extremely soft, lots of love bombs and check-ins, possibly too much exposition i am so sorry lmao, petnames (love, lovey, baby), handjob, nipple play, clit play, fingering, oral (m+f receiving), unprotected piv (reader is on birth control), overstimulation, creampie, over all very vanilla and soft, brief mentions of reader being heavy
♡ Notes: you can also read the story on my a03, where it is divided into chapters here! (i'm just putting it in one big post here cause i'm lazy lmao) and if you're interested, you can also check out my fic rec and feedback blog @stray-dreams
♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.
Can we talk?
A mundane message, but one that can sow dread within you at a rapid pace. Those three little words on your phone screen mock you, the silent trepidation seeping into your pores, and rooting in your bones. Some may look at this scenario and think you’re overdramatic; what’s so scary about your brother asking you to talk? Why would this seemingly innocent message fill you with such unease?
And the answer to that is that those people are simply ignorant, blissfully so. To not understand why this would shake you meant that the life they lived up to this point was one of relative ease. Something terrible always followed a message like this. Always . And coming from your brother? That was even more cause for alarm. He only texted you like this when he had something terrible and important to tell you, something that had the ability to shake the foundations of your existence, to send you reeling head first into a reality you don’t want to face.
You stare at your screen for what feels like an eternity, but in reality it’s as little as a minute (according to the timestamp on your phone, at least.) Chan sent a short followup message that simply said, “Come by the house.” The house . Where you haven’t been in 6 months. You swallow in apprehension as you type a response. Whatever he has to say has to be serious, and your mind races with possibilities.
I’m on my way.
Your hands tremble as you approach your childhood home, taking slow measured steps through the entrance and subsequent halls. It’d been a long time since you last lived in the house, but until recently, you had still regularly visited it. Your brother, Chan, still lived here, along with various others he’d grown close to over the years, the people he considered his most trusted confidants. You didn’t hate your brother by any means, nor any of the other people you’d become friends with over the span of your life, but to live the mafia lifestyle was exhausting to say the least. And not just physically like most people might jump to, but emotionally. To be in fear for your life and the lives of your closest loved ones and friends, the stability of your home and finances, the balancing act between the life you lead in the day and the one you lead at night– All of it was so utterly exhausting.
And you admired your brother’s perseverance, his resolve to carry on where your parents left off, but this wasn’t a life you wanted to lead anymore. Chan understood when you told him, and he didn’t fault you when you expressed how taxing this life was on your health, so you left the ‘official’ rankings of the family with his blessing. For your sake, he minimized the contact the two of you shared in the last few months, but he was never going to abandon his baby sister. He still checked in on you on important dates, made sure you were making enough money to live well, and that you had a job that made you happy with a fulfilling social life.
All in all, he was the perfect older brother. He had a responsibility, and he carried it well, while ensuring the comfort of you, the baby sister who found it too stressful and overwhelming to continue to be a part of. But just because you no longer saw it happen doesn’t mean it stopped. Sure, not regularly seeing your brother hurt, or hearing about losses and close calls, was beneficial to your mental health, but it still happened. You just entered a space of blissful ignorance, of avoidance. If you didn’t see it, if you didn’t hear it, the problem didn’t exist anymore, simple as that.
And obviously that will never be true; Terrible things will always happen regardless of who is or isn’t there to bear witness to them. But you could pretend. You could go to your monotonous office job like a regular person, chat about the mundane things like the weather and what your coworkers' children are getting up to these days. You could have dinner on the couch while you facetime your best friend, gossiping about local drama or what new project their partner started while you have some random video playing as background noise. You could take a relaxing soak in the tub, listening to your new favorite song on repeat before you slip into your comfiest pair of pajamas and go to bed.
And you could pretend. Everything was perfectly fine, your brother was running things well, there were no problems and no losses. Your past was behind you, your family and friends were well, and you could live a normal life without any repercussions or consequences coming back to haunt you. A naive dream that someday reality would cruelly remind you it couldn't happen.
“Noona, you’re here!” Felix smiles as you make your approach to your brother's office, a bright one that would cause your heart to flutter if you weren’t so riddled with anxiety. Felix was your previous bodyguard while you were still living within the walls of your childhood home. Eventually, when you moved locations for various jobs assigned to you, he’d take point close by, watching from a careful distance in case something happened and he needed to protect you. He was also the first to pick up on your desire to leave, clearly being able to see the ripple effect the danger that this life held had on you. He broached the subject carefully, and gave you a soft smile when you admitted that his observations were correct. He supported you and gave you helpful advice, encouraging you to be honest with Chan and do what makes you happy.
If you were being honest, Felix was one of the people you missed the most. You spent a lot of time with him over the years, and you could imagine what a future with him would be like if he had been willing to leave with you. It broke your heart to realize he'd never leave it all behind, but you accepted it for what it was, and thanked him for his support for you up until the day you left. You still talked sometimes, and you often wondered what he does now that he's no longer your bodyguard, but he felt it best to give you distance while you transition into your new life.
“Hi Lixie,” you do your best to return his smile despite the anxiety stuck in your chest. "I've missed you, have you been well?" he asks after giving you a brisk hug. "My job is a little boring sometimes to be honest, but I like it,” you answer, deciding to continue quickly before the conversation degrades into awkward small talk, “Do you know what Chan wants to talk to me about?”
Felix’s smile shifts to a small frown as he nods his head tentatively. “I have an idea, yes,” he answers after a pause. Before you can ask him what he knows, your brother’s door swings open. To your relief, he doesn’t look any different than he did when you last saw him. That had to mean whatever he was going to tell you couldn't be that bad, right? “Y/N, come in!” Chan ushers you towards him, beckoning you into the room. You glance at Felix, who offers you a sympathetic smile, before you fully enter the office.
You take a seat across from his desk, hands wringing the bottom of your shirt as your eyes dart to various points in the room, trying to distract your apprehensive mind by observing any potential changes. A new painting? More books? A change in desk chair? Anything, no matter how minute, is enough of a distraction at this point. “I’ll get straight to the point,” he says as he takes his seat across from you, his expression serious. “I have a job I’d like you to do.”
It was typical of Chan to cut to the chase, never one to waste time with pleasantries if there was something serious to discuss, but despite expecting this, you were wholly unprepared to hear the words that actually came out of his mouth. “Chan, you know I left this behind for a reason. I can't..” You start, searching his expression for answers. Why would he ask you to come back to this? You thought he understood from your discussion prior to leaving that you’d never put yourself through the hurt again. You just couldn’t bear it anymore.
"I know it's a lot to ask but it's important, and there's no one I trust more than you to get it done. I can't ask anyone but you to do this." Chan responds, his pleading tone conveying how desperate he is right now. You frown, knowing very well that there was only ever one job Chan assigned you to, and what he would be expecting from you. “I.. I can't do this again.” You manage to say, your balled up hands trembling in your lap and your tone pleading him to understand.
Chan sighs, a sadness overtaking his features that you haven’t seen in years. “I understand, I really do, but..” He looks away, jaw clenched and expression pained. Your mind repeats his words to you; there’s no one else I trust, no one else I can ask. Was his situation really so grave that he had no choice but to reach out for your help? And did you really have it in you to deny your brother of help when he was looking at you with such downtrodden eyes?
You sigh as you resolve yourself to hear him out at least; if this was really that important to him, you couldn’t turn him down without good reason. You loved him after all, and despite any pain you might face, you wanted to help him if you could. “Who is it?” You ask finally, ignoring the way your nerves scream in protest.
“Seo Changbin, chief of Seoul police.” Your brows furrow at his response, mouth slightly agape in disbelief. He couldn’t be serious– and yet his stern expression told you that he was. “That’s impossible, there’s no way I can do that!” you exclaim, rising to your feet quickly. Sure, you were no stranger to seducing men for your family’s advantage, but it was usually petty criminals and rivaling bosses, not a police officer . And an incredibly powerful police officer at that!
"Minho was arrested," Chan says as he rises to his feet as well, hoping the declaration is enough to stop you from leaving. You freeze, heart sinking to your stomach. “..What? How?” You ask as you slowly sink back in your seat, listening intently as Chan shared the events of the last few months with you.
3 months ago, a deal gone wrong led to the arrest of your brother’s second in command and most trusted friend. Things have been tense and strained between members since then, but tensions were at their worst with Chan, who suspected there was a rat among them who fed information to a third party. The location was well guarded and scoped out well before the meeting between your brother and another leader he was striking a deal with, so someone had to have leaked it.
The plan was to join teams, effectively ending the rivalry and expanding territory in the process. The rival leader would release their hold on southern Seoul, with the promise that Chan in turn gave him a high ranking position and integrated his boys into the appropriate ranks. Everything seemed to be going well at first, with Chan and Minho proceeding with negotiations with little conflict. However, an unanticipated raid on their meeting location caused the men to break out into chaos. Some fought, others ran while throwing shots, but Minho got caught in the crossfire while ensuring that Chan got out of the situation intact.
In the end, no deal was made, trust broken between the two groups as they blamed one another, and Chan’s most trusted ally was behind bars with nothing to show for his efforts. Your brother didn’t want to believe that someone in your group had spilled secrets and allowed officers to raid their meeting, but he couldn’t disregard the possibility. In their world, anything was possible, and he couldn’t have blind faith in his team despite how bad he wanted to trust them. So with that in mind, the last few months were dedicated to keeping a watchful eye on his lackeys, looking for any slip ups or deviations in routine.
“You need to find out what the police have on him, on us , so we can build a defense for Minho,” Chan continues, the anger and grief on his face clear, “Or at the very least, discover who our rat is. I don’t plan on letting whoever sold us out walk away. They’ll regret ever betraying us.” Chan’s expression is one of unbridled rage, and now you understand why. A betrayal of this magnitude is something your brother could never forgive, no matter how kind of a leader he is.
And he wasn’t just betrayed, but his brother in arms was gone now too. Wherever Chan was, Minho was never far behind, and you honestly couldn't remember a time in your life where you didn’t see the two of them together. Minho was just as much a brother to you as Chan, having spent years of your life with the both of them by your side. You can’t imagine the amount of grief your brother has been shouldering on his own up until now.
“How do I get close to Changbin?” You finally question with a frown. You don’t doubt that Chan has a plan; he never sent you into a situation unprepared, but you’re still perplexed by the idea. This wasn’t the usual low hanging fruit you were tasked with getting close to, and even when set to romance rivaling bosses, you knew you had Chan and Felix’s protection if things went south. But here, there was no protection. If this Changbin guy figured you out, you’d all be nailed without hesitation.
“Jeongin. I planted him on the force after Minho’s arrest, he’s your in.” Chan answers easily, though the pain in his voice at the mention of Minho doesn’t go unnoticed by you. He prepared carefully when he realized he would need your help, not allowing for any possible error in his preparations. Chan didn’t want to throw you into a situation you weren’t capable of handling. Yes, he was desperate to find out where they went wrong, but patience was key, and he couldn’t throw his sister in the line of danger over just anything. You were not only a valuable asset to him, but also his only family left, and he wouldn’t lose you too over a half baked plot made in desperation.
So with that in mind, he moved slowly and carefully, keeping a watchful eye on those around him while planting trusted members in key locations. And Jeongin was one of those trusted members, a childhood friend who was fiercely loyal and dedicated to the family as he grew up in this lifestyle. He had proved his loyalty many times over in Chan’s eyes, so he gave Jeongin his task to infiltrate the force and learn anything he could about what happened on that fateful night months ago.
Han Jisung, another trusted member of the group, easily got all the necessary documents together to allow Jeongin onto the force. Jisung’s talent for forgery and information gathering was greatly appreciated, often allowing you and others into spaces they normally would not be allowed in. Chan informs you that while Jeongin is too low rank on the force to get the details they really want, he has been able to uncover other useful information that they can use to their advantage. That information being that police chief Seo Changbin is back on the dating field for the first time since his divorce, which is where you come in.
Jeongin often joined his “colleagues” for drinks after Friday shifts in the hopes that one of them would spill something in their inebriated state. And while Changbin didn’t spill anything work related that Jeongin didn't already know, he did share some personal details, which included his love life (or lack thereof.)
“Is he really going to go on a blind date with someone his subordinate hooks him up with?” You ask, hesitancy clear in your voice. Chan understands the hesitation however and doesn’t hold the way you’re questioning him against you; he knows how far-fetched this all sounds. “He’s already agreed to it,” Chan answers and this is where it all clicks for you. Of course he already agreed to it; Chan wouldn’t be giving you this task otherwise.
You sigh as you decide to commit to the job, still uneasy but unable to tell your brother “no” when he’s placing so much faith in you. All you can do now is hope that things proceed smoothly and that Changbin isn’t as much of an asshole as some of the other men you’ve had the displeasure of beguiling into spilling their most closely held secrets. “This is all the intel Jeongin has gotten on him, along with some things Jisung got through some digging. Read it over thoroughly and prepare for Friday night,” Chan says as he hands you a rather sparse manila folder.
Normally you had much more information to work with, but you suppose it makes sense that there isn’t much to dig up about Changbin. You imagine that he’s either some self righteous do-gooder with not a single speck on his perfect record, or a corrupt officer who's incredibly good at covering up his messes. You aren’t sure which you prefer either way, but no matter the outcome, you have to see it through. So you simply step out of Chan’s office, folder in hand as you head home to prepare.
As you expected by how little the folder held, you didn’t actually learn all that much about who Changbin is as a person. On Jisung's report, there was the typical boring information, like which high school he graduated from and how long he’s been on the police force, but there wasn’t much you could put to use. A medal won here, a promotion there, but nothing that would help you woo the man. On Jeongin’s end, he reported mostly on things he heard come out of Changbin’s mouth while he was drinking or from other colleagues. You knew Changbin has been divorced for over 2 years now, and you knew that he wanted to be in a relationship again, but there wasn’t much else for Jeongin to tell you.
Changbin seemed to be well guarded on all fronts, which you thought made sense given his career. If the chief of police in a city as large and populated as Seoul was flippant with his mouth, you could only imagine what kind of trouble it would cause. You also imagined that he held his private life close to his chest. You knew from firsthand experience that knowing personal details and secrets about a person can ruin them, and someone as influential as Changbin having his private life on display would surely be a disaster. You also found it incredible that even while intoxicated, he didn’t reveal too much about himself. Nothing critical or of importance, just minor or vague passing comments that anyone could infer. Anyone could guess that a divorced man would put himself back out there eventually, it was only a matter of time, and thus not a groundbreaking confession.
So, the only things you knew about him were either insignificant drunken confessions, speculation based on rumor, or observations made by Jeongin from working under him from the past 4 months. And the things Jeongin observed didn’t necessarily aid you in any way. He noted that Changbin had a routine, that he stuck to a specific diet to maintain his health and body, and that he was very prompt and careful with everything he did. Normally, you used the information gathered on a target to plan your approach. If you could appeal to their tastes, you were much more likely to get them to like you and want to pursue you, which made your job all the more easy. But Changbin was basically a mystery to you; no social media to scour for likes and dislikes, opinions or preferences that you could play into, nor any substantial records to pour though to learn about him.
You were basically going in blind, which made you all the more nervous to be in front of him this afternoon. You didn’t have a crutch to lean on, and all you could really do was hope that whatever you did was enough to make Changbin want to keep seeing you. You had also gone over your story with Chan and Jeongin a couple times to ingrain it in your memory and make sure there were no mistakes. The story was mostly truthful, as the best lies have some truth to them, but there were obviously some things that had to be changed about the relationship you have.
Jeongin was like a little brother to you, which was true, and you had a good relationship with his mother, which was also true. What wasn’t true however, was the reason behind those facts. Your story was that your mothers were close friends, which led to you having a big part in Jeongin’s life, and as noted that was partially true. The lie came from why they were close friends. The mafia life wasn’t some new endeavor that your brother decided to pursue while you followed, he was born into it, with your father being the previous head of the family, and that was similarly true for Jeongin. His dedication to Chan, and you by proxy, was instilled in him by his father in the same way your own father instilled the values of the family into you and Chan. So yes, your families were close, but not because of some high school friendship like your cover story would lead Changbin to believe. Your fathers worked together, which meant your mothers became close, and when Jeongin turned 18 he took over where his father had left off without hesitation.
It was a bittersweet feeling when Jeongin joined your ranks officially. He wasn't obligated to continue his father’s path like you and Chan, which gave him the chance to leave this all behind if he wanted to. You truly did view the boy like your own little brother, and you knew this life meant putting himself in harm's way, but you also understood that he was old enough to make his own choices. And it would be a lie to say his dedication and loyalty was unappreciated by you or your brother. You firmly believed that if Minho hadn’t turned 18 first, Jeongin would be second in command instead. It had really only come down to the fact that Minho was older with more real world experience that led to him being Chan’s direct subordinate.
You play your story over and over again in your head as you prepare for your date. A slip up here could prove devastating, so you were putting extra care into making sure you would execute everything flawlessly. The location of your date was a fairly nice restaurant (at least, you assumed it was based on your google search), so you planned your outfit based on that. It was more on the formal side, but not so much that it called for you to pull your most expensive pieces out of the closet, so you chose a dress on the simpler side. Besides, you figured showing up in something extravagant would be jarring and not at all match the vibe of being a nice girl who works an office job for a living.
Keeping in line with that train of thought, you also chose more subtle, natural looking makeup, and kept a more relaxed hair style. It’d been a while since you went on a date with a more natural style, but it was refreshing to not have to pull out all the stops. Normally, you had to play into a persona, or be an exaggerated version of yourself, but Changbin was expecting someone average. A nice girl with a modest job, nothing crazy and nothing for you to play into. You were definitely still anxious about not having something tangible to latch on to, but hopefully being more on the truthful, down to earth side would appeal to him. After all, no matter what caricature you made up in your mind to put on him, he was most likely the most normal guy you’d ever been assigned to.
The drive to your destination was as uneventful as it could be, spent mostly with you going over everything one last time and occasionally checking how you looked at red lights. You arrived a bit early, which you hoped would reflect positively on you given that Jeongin said that Changbin was a prompt person (and it was really one of the only things you had to go on.) You were probably standing in front of the building for a minute or so, before you heard a voice from the left.
“Are you Y/N?” the voice asks, and you turn quickly to look at the man for the first time. His voice is gruff but not harshly so; you’d consider it more on the warm side, and uniquely inviting. He was also much more broad than you’d anticipated, clearly the result of years of dedicated training and diligence. You can immediately understand why his subordinates and those unlucky enough to be arrested by him would find him intimidating, but his gaze is surprisingly jovial. The contrast between his stature and his face isn’t by any means unpleasant, but it is foreign to you. You don’t think you’ve ever seen someone so outwardly rough-looking have such a cheery disposition.
“You’re Changbin then?” you smile, his own brightness helping to put you more at ease, “It’s nice to meet you.” “You too! You havent been waiting long have you?” He asks and you quickly shake your head, assuring him you’ve only been here for a few minutes at most. He ushers you to follow him and you walk inside together. You’re guided to your seats promptly, courtesy of his reservation, and he pulls your chair out for you. You sit with a smile; when was the last time you went on a date with someone chivalrous? You honestly couldn’t remember; most men in your life having been far from gentlemanly.
Contrary to what you would expect, small talk flowed naturally, though you would give the credit for that to Changbin. He was very.. natural . He had an air of ease and confidence, but not in the sort of arrogant way you would find distasteful. If he was at all nervous it didn’t show, he wasn’t hesitant or awkward with any of his words. He had the kind of confidence that comes with age and life experience, sure of himself but not overly serious and able to poke fun at himself if the moment called for it. He was also much more open than you had anticipated, freely sharing details of himself, even if the story was something someone would consider embarrassing.
An old mess up? Something stupid he did at his 21st birthday party? A silly mistake when he was still in the officer's academy? All of it was divulged freely, giggling at himself as he shared his stories with you. It surprised you how himself he was. You expected someone secretive and closed off, or someone serious to a fault with no fun to be found. Neither extreme you made up in your head fit him, and maybe he was just private and stern in work settings, while his real self was mirthful and easy going.
You shared things about yourself as well, trying to maintain the carefree vibe he has created for your dinner together. Simple things mostly, majority of which are completely true minus the tweaking of some details to not give away anything you shouldn’t. Memories of your childhood, what working in an office is like, and giving him embarrassing stories of Jeongin to keep in his back pocket until he can bring them up at an opportune time. Time passes much quicker than you thought it would, with Changbin already taking out his card to pay the bill. “I could pay for myself,” you say with a slight pout, though you truthfully like that he even intended to pay for you in the first place.
“I can’t let a pretty girl pay for her meal on a first date! It just isn’t right!” Changbin exclaims, and you can’t help but smile at his reaction. Whether or not his gentlemanly behavior is an act or not remains to be seen, but the romantic lying deep within you can’t help but enjoy it. “How about I pay next time then? To keep it fair,” you say with a smile that Changbin returns without hesitation. “So there’s a next time?”
“Of course, as long as that’s okay with you,” you say and he nods eagerly, not at all hiding his excitement. He’s a bit of an open book you think, but you like it. It makes you wonder how Jeongin would feel if he could see his superior right now, all smiles and laughter, no hint of the intimidating and private man he normally sees at the station.
You find the duality appealing. Of course, there’s always the chance that he’s doing the same thing you usually do; playing up his personality or exaggerating to make you like him more, and if that is the case he definitely succeeded. You don’t think you’ve ever been so genuinely entranced by someone since high school, and it’ll certainly make your task more pleasant if you don’t hate the person you’re dealing with.
You exchange numbers before he walks you out of the building, keeping a respectful distance appropriate for a first date while he continues to chat with you about what your “next time” can entail. You like that he’s forward, but not overbearingly so. He says clearly what he wants and hopes for, and you get the impression that if you for some reason did turn him down that he wouldn’t be bitter or resentful like other men you’ve dealt with. He’s simply honest. “Shall I walk you to your car?” Changbin asks as you step outside together. The sun has set during your time spent in the restaurant, but it’s not terribly dark out given the illumination offered by the street lamps and other businesses.
“No, that’s okay. I parked nearby so it won’t take me long to get to it,” you answer. You didn’t sense any ulterior motives from Changbin, but felt it best to err on the side of caution and not let a man you just met see the car you drive. He nods understandingly, offering one last smile and telling you to be safe before he bids his goodbye to you.
You find yourself smiling the entire drive back to your apartment, and it remains even as you undress and clean yourself up. You look at your phone when you leave the shower, and the smile grows when you realize you have a text from Changbin already, telling you he got home safe and that he had a great time with you. You flop on your bed with your phone in hand, giddy as you type your own reply.
What you feel now is a kind of feeling you don’t recognize at first; the kind you’d feel when you have your first crush in elementary school, you think. The kind that makes you want to kick your feet as you lie under the blankets, or bury your head in the pillow and squeal. And that’s when realization hits you; do you actually like him? Genuinely, truly like him?
You frown as you stare up at the ceiling. It has to just be puppy love. There’s no way you genuinely like him after just meeting him once, right? On one hand, if you do like Changbin, that makes your task easier. You’d enjoy being around him, wouldn’t dread your future interactions, and would likely have a lot of fun most days. But on the other hand, wouldn’t it make things more complicated in the long run?
Well, there’s no use worrying about it right now– at least, that’s what you tell yourself. Nothing has even seriously happened yet to confirm that the two of you will be a couple, and stressing yourself out over all the possibilities is something you recognize will only do more harm than good at the moment. It’d be better to make a plan when you’re more sure of where things are going instead of trying to plan for every outcome now.
You sigh, tossing your phone on the nightstand as you make a conscious choice to just go to sleep. Whatever your feelings are, you’ll have plenty of time to figure things out later. For now, all you can really do is keep on the task at hand. And currently, that task is going on a 2nd date with Seo Changbin.
“What’s got you smiling so hard?” your coworkers voice to your left making you nearly jump out of your skin. “Seungmin!” you exclaim, hand clutching your chest as you swivel in your seat to face him. “You scared the life out of me!” Seungmin laughs in response, clearly not at all concerned over the fact that he almost sent you to an early grave.
“I’m sorry! I didn’t think you were that focused on your phone,” he says with an amused smile. Your face flushes as you realize, yes, you were incredibly focused on your phone, and yes, you were smiling very hard. And Seungmin, being the menace of a friend that he is, couldn’t let it go unannounced. “Let me guess,” he says as rolls his chair to your desk, crossing his legs and folding his hands together in a dramatic fashion as he leans forward, “you’re texting Mr. Blind Date?”
“I’ve told you a million times, his name is Changbin,” you say as you push his chair away from your desk. He laughs again, rolling his way back over to you. It’s evident that he is unphased by your push, and instead finds it extremely funny. “What’s got you so hostile? All I did was ask a simple question!” He puts his hands up in a faux surrender gesture, though the amused smirk doesn’t leave his face.
You wouldn’t say you were embarrassed per se, but… Well , maybe you were. It’d been a long time since you were genuinely infatuated by someone like this, and being caught with hearts in your eyes in a work environment wasn’t the greatest feeling. Apart from that, this was someone you were supposed to pretend to like, not actually like. But, at least if anyone was going to catch you in this state, it was your perfectly oblivious friend.
“Yeah, well.. I really like him, I guess,” you say, trying to sound nonchalant despite the fact that Seungmin clearly saw the depth of your infatuation. “I guess,” he mocks, laughing when you shoot him an ‘I’ll kill you’ look. “You have your next date planned yet?” he asks, putting his joking aside to ask sincerely.
Seungmin had quickly become a great friend to you when you were accepted to the office, and while you definitely didn’t confess every detail of what your life was like before being hired here, you did allude to the fact that your past relationships were less than great. And he could see the genuine pain in your eyes whenever someone else in the cubicle block brought up their perfect relationships and idyllic families.
So, despite the teasing, he did genuinely care. He wanted you to be happy, and he was silently hoping that this Changbin person you met on your blind date would be the one to bring you that happiness. Of course, he didn’t know your ulterior motives behind said blind date, or about any of the previous mafia ties that led you here. Though, technically those ties are no longer ‘previous.’
“We’re gonna meet up again tomorrow. There’s an art exhibit he wants to go to,” you answer and Seungmin lets out a little ‘oooo~’ which you roll your eyes at. “So he’s an arts guy then?” he asks and you shake your head. “Not really, but his best friend's works are gonna be on display and he wants to support him. He asked me if I wanted to be his plus one.”
“Oh, ‘plus one~’, sounds fancy,” Seungmin teases, which you scoff at. “It’s nothing extravagant, Min, don’t be dramatic.” You push his shoulder, which he then clutches with a small gasp as if you actually hurt him. The rest of your coworkers shuffle into the room not long after, signaling that break time is officially over and it’s time to get back to work.
The rest of the work day is nothing short of hectic, stress induced mess following your break time antics. You and Seungmin are practically buried in work due to multiple people calling off after catching a cold. All the catch up work to make deadlines is running you ragged, but the thought of having a fun day out after this is all over is keeping you going. That, and Changbin sending you cute texts of encouragement every time you complain to him about the workload.
You breathe a sigh of relief when the backlog is finally finished; slumping in your chair and letting yourself roll away from the desk. It’s way past the time you’d usually leave for the day, but at least you’re being well compensated for the work. It was tiring, but the fat check will make it all worth it in the end. Maybe you’ll finally be able to splurge on some new clothes like you’ve been wanting to.
Seungmin finishes his own work just moments later and throws his hands in the air with an exclamation, “Hell is over!” You laugh as you pull yourself back up to prepare yourself to go home. “I’m so ready to crash after this. I think I’m gonna collapse as soon as I step in the house.”
“Don’t crash before you have dinner at least,” you say and Seungmin groans, as if doing anything other than immediately going to sleep will ruin him. “I can eat when I wake up! Getting my beauty sleep is more important.” “Yeah, those dark circles are getting a bit egregious,” you joke and Seungmin shoots a glare at you before he stands. The pair of you continue to bicker and laugh before you say your goodbyes, and Seungmin makes sure you promise to give him all the details of your second date when you return on Monday.
It’s painfully obvious that you’re sick when you wake up the next morning. Sore throat, cough, fatigue, and all the works. It’s also painfully obvious where you got your cold from, given all the office absentees. The sickness that ran rampant through your coworkers was bound to catch up to you eventually, you suppose. But did it have to be today of all days?
Canceling on Changbin made you feel awful ; much more than you expected it to. You always felt bad when you had to cancel plans of course, it was never a happy thing to do, but the sadness you felt now was unmatched by any time before it. You tell yourself it’s because you have a lot riding on this date, because your brother needs you to see this through and you can’t let anything deter Changbin from wanting to be with you, but you know deep down that’s not the truth.
The truth is that you were actually looking forward to seeing him. That you liked him. That you wanted to hold his hand as you walked through the gallery together, to share your thoughts over a nice dinner, to maybe end the night with a kiss or two. And God, did the fact that you actually like him make you feel stupid . What kind of idiot actually starts to like the person they are supposed to dupe in the end? Did leaving for half a year revert you back to an amateur? Did you forget all of your previous bad experiences with other men you had to do this with?
When you walked away, you told yourself you wouldn’t be in a relationship again for a long time, sincere or otherwise. Being with awful men jaded you, and the rare times you did feel a genuine connection, the nature of your life and family ruined it. There was a point in your life that you started to believe you didn’t deserve anything good. Everyone you met either treated you like shit, or resented the reality of what being with you entailed.
With every subsequent forced proximity with a man you loathed, with every spark of love that faded because of who you are and what your family does, you withered. People will compare being adolescent to a bud, likening the growth and transition into adult life to that of a flower's first bloom. But you always felt like your bloom never came. Mother Nature skipped over you, deeming you unworthy, leaving you to rot before you ever had a chance for something more.
While other people were vibrant and colorful, you were dull and withered. The garden that was your life was barren and devoid of nutrients, and always would be. At least, that’s how you felt until fairly recently. It took time for you to realize you were deserving of good things, and that a change of environment would help you turn your life into the kind that you would be happy to live.
Even when you started to feel good about life, and about yourself again, you figured it would still be a while before you ever began to crave the presence of a significant other again. You’d been hurt too many times, seen the worst in countless people, saw the depths of cruelty and hatred that someone could have. And good people existed, of course they did, but your world view was tainted by the ceaseless callousness you were confronted with.
How could you believe that kind people were out there when you often saw the opposite? The depravity, selfishness, and heartless disregard for anyone but themselves? The fact that you had good people in your life began to feel like a fluke. You and your handful of close family members like small faint glimmers of light in a sea of black.
But even when you were blind to it, even when your vision was clouded by the suffering you experienced, good people existed. Selfless people, who would give the last of what they had to help someone else. Kind people, who helped someone in need without asking for anything in return. Happy people, whose only goal was to make the world a bit brighter than it was yesterday with one small kindness at a time.
And Changbin was one of those people. And maybe it was naive to believe that so soon, to have faith that he was different from the other men you’ve known, but you couldn’t help it. He just radiated sincerity, exuded warmth, emanated positivity. Talking with him brought you back to the feeling of having a grade school crush; it was like he woke up a part of you that had been sleeping for years. A part of you that wanted a love like in romance movies, where everything is filled with cheesy quotes of adoration and over dramatic declarations of love. Flourishes of passion, moments where all you can think about is seeing him again, where the smallest of gestures makes your heart burst with excitement.
You’ve only known him a short time, but you felt so utterly infatuated. Every time you spoke to each other, it felt like being on a cloud. It was soft and inviting, warm and bright. His warmth like a blanket fresh out of the dryer, an unmatched comfort and peace. The weeks leading up to this 2nd date where you spent hours texting, talking on the phone or facetiming, it was almost euphoric.
And you suppose that’s another reason missing out on today is that much more devastating to you. Changbin became swamped with work shortly following your first date, promising that the first free weekend he’d got he’d take you on that date he promised. Then, when things were finally calming down for him, you ended up being buried under the workload of your sick coworkers. And finally, finally , your patience would be rewarded with today’s date.
Would it be overdramatic to kick and scream? Maybe, but it’s all you wanted to do. And maybe tell God, or whatever higher power exists, to please let Changbin not hate you for canceling today. Of course, he was very understanding, even offering to drive over to you and pick up anything you might need. You turned him down, telling him to go to the exhibit and that you’d just get some more sleep after you took some medicine.
It was late in the afternoon when you woke up from your cough medicine induced coma, the sun just barely still in the horizon. You knew you really should get some food in you, but the prospect of walking around your kitchen and cooking something sounded extremely daunting. You wondered if it was too late to take Changbin up on his offer? Having someone bring you some more medicine and something to eat would be a godsend. And besides that, you just want to see him.
You unlock your phone and immediately smile upon seeing your texts; Changbin knew you were getting your rest of course, but he still sent updates, including pictures of the art pieces and how he tried his best to interpret their meaning despite not really understanding what he was looking at most times. His friends works were the most praised by Changbin of course, and his enthused “This one is by Hyunjin!! My best friend is so talented!!” was endearing.
You decide to send a simple text, saying you just woke up and were hoping his offer to come by still stands if it’s not any trouble. To your surprise, a facetime request comes through, and you scramble to settle into a presentable position (not that it really matters given how sick you are.) “Y/N~” he coos when you finally answer, a small pout forming on his features when he sees your tired eyes and red nose.
Changbin is sitting in his car, phone propped up on the dash as he sits in what you assumed to be the driveway of his home. His hair is damp and his clothes loose and comfortable, giving away that he just recently took a shower and was going to start settling in for the night before you texted him. And you’re not sure if it’s the damp look or the way the light of the setting sun illuminates his skin that makes your heart feel like it’s going to burst, but he’s handsome. So devastatingly handsome that you almost want to hide your sick face away.
Changbin asks all sorts of questions during your call, like what medicines you took, what you need restocked, what you want to eat and from where. Every time you offer to pay him back, he shuts you down, always reminding you that he wants to do this for you. He hangs up when he starts to drive so he won't be distracted, and you decide to relocate to your living room. You bring your favorite blanket and an extra pillow with you, settling in on the sofa while turning the tv to some random show you don’t intend on paying much attention to.
It’s around an hour later when Changbin calls again to let you know he’s at your apartment. You were surprised he took so long, and when you open the door for him it’s easy to see why. His hands are full of bags, all from the same store apart from your food order. “Changbin, you- what is all this?” you ask, nearly stunned. He shuffles his way inside, placing everything carefully down your kitchen counters as your front door closes behind him.
“Well, I know you only needed a couple things but..” he says as he starts to separate the bags, placing your food off to the side as he digs through them, showing you the contents one by one. “This is the medicine you asked for. And I also got this anti-drowsy version for the daytime. Oh, and this is vitamin c, your immune system will need it! This is tea for your throat, and this is-”
You nod along to what he’s saying, but your brain has long since stopped processing the information. You're stuck on the fact that he even bought all of this for you, that he seemed to care so much that he went above and beyond what you asked for. When he looks up and sees your bewildered expression, he pauses, brows furrowing in concern. “What’s wrong? Do you need to lay back down?”
“Oh, no, I..” you start to answer but well.. What do you even say? It’s hard to explain why such a simple kindness would render you so incapacitated. “If you’re worried about how much I spent, it’s fine! Nothing I can’t make up with another day at the office,” he says with a smile. “Oh, but you shouldn’t still be standing! Here, let’s sit you down.” Changbin guides you to your sofa, hurrying back to your kitchen to grab the food and bring it to you. He places it carefully in your hands before he sits down next to you.
You stare at the food in your hands, blinking as you try to process. He really did all this for you because he cares? He doesn’t expect anything in return? He isn’t going to complain about the costs or the effort, or make you feel like a burden? No, you know that he won’t, and that’s the part that sends waves of an indescribable emotion through you. “Is it wrong? Did you lose your appetite?” he asks when he notices you just looking at it, leaning closer to inspect the meal in your hands, then back up to your face.
“Oh, sorry, I guess I did for a second. I’m good to eat now though,” you fib, but smile afterwards to ease any worries he has. “No need to say sorry for that, just eat before it happens again, okay?” Changbin watches for a few moments, making sure that the food isn’t going to make you more ill. As much as he wants you to eat to get better, he knows how hard it can be to force yourself and how that can make it worse.
When he is assured that your appetite is in fact back and that you’re eating well, he turns back to his own meal. You share a comfortable silence for a time as you focus on getting food in your system, though Changbin finishes much faster than you due to the cold slowing your pace. He doesn’t spend the time waiting for you to finish idly thought– instead, he prepares more medicine for you and cleaning up any messes he left in his wake.
“So, what show is this?” he asks when he’s finished cleaning up the trash from your meals. You told him he didn’t have to and that you’d clean it up later of course, but he insisted upon it. “I don’t know actually. I just put anything on,” you answer. Changbin frowns a little, cutely you might add, before he speaks. “That’s no good, you should watch your favorite things when you don’t feel good. Like.. a comfort movie! What's your favorite? We’ll watch that!”
He quickly reaches for the remote before looking at you expectantly. “Oh, uhm..” You hesitate, hoping that you appear to just be thinking about it instead of taken aback like you truly were. You couldn’t remember the last time you had a boyfriend (genuine or otherwise) that valued any of your opinions, that wanted to give the things you liked a try or indulge in any interests you had. Something as small as letting you choose what to watch on tv meant more to you than he could possibly realize.
It doesn’t take much actual thought to make your suggestion and tell him where he can find it, and he beams as he follows your instructions to get the movie playing. The only problem now, you soon realize, is that you have no space to lay back down. Given that you live alone and don’t often have company, you chose to buy a smaller sofa and save the extra money. That decision seemed smart at the time, but now you wondered if you should’ve just gone for the bigger furniture.
Changbin watches you fumble with your pillow for a few moments, trying to find different ways to prop it up and make it comfortable to lay against, before he gets the courage to speak up. “Do you want to lay on me?” “Huh?” you say, not because you didn’t hear him, but because you’re surprised he asked. “We can cuddle..? If you want?”
Oh, you’re fucked. There’s no reason the prospect of cuddling should make butterflies erupt in your stomach like this. You nod, tentatively passing your pillow over to him. Changbin places it carefully against the arm rest before he props himself against it, motioning for you to lay against him once he’s settled. Your head rests on his chest, and Changbin wraps his arm around you carefully, ensuring that his touch is comforting and not inappropriate. You unwittingly let out a sigh as your body relaxes, and Changbin has to suppress a smile in response.
Before you know it, your eyes are closing. Changbin is just so warm and comfortable, you can’t fight it. He smells good and his gentle touch is soothing, the slow circles he draws on your skin with his thumb lulling you to sleep. The sound of your comfort movie playing becomes almost silent in your ears, being replaced instead by the sound of Changbin’s breathing and the steady beating of his heart.
The movement of Changbin’s leg eventually stirs you awake, and you sit up with a yawn, rubbing your tired eyes. “Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” he apologizes before he stretches out his legs. You guess they must’ve fallen asleep after being in the same position for so long. “How long was I asleep?” you ask as you turn your attention to the tv. The movie you picked was no longer playing, and it seemed to be half way through a different one.
“I’m not sure, a few hours maybe?” “What? Really?!” You scramble for your phone to check the time and see that Changbin was right– you have been asleep on him for at least 2 hours. “You could’ve woken me up,” you frown, but Changbin shakes his head vigorously, as if that was never an option. “No, you’re sick, you needed the rest!”
He had a point of course, but you still felt bad that he was probably bored out of his mind letting you sleep on him like that for so long. Changbin notes your pout, and how cute you are to him even when you’re sick and puffy and tired. “Why don’t you go to bed for the night? Your body needs it,” he suggests after you let out yet another yawn.
“Yeah, okay,” you nod, and Changbin quickly rises to his feet to help you stand (though you would argue you are stable enough to walk on your own.) He carries your pillow for you, and would’ve carried your blanket as well if not for the fact that you currently had it wrapped around your body like a cocoon.
Your room is a bit messy, but thankfully there’s nothing lying around that you would be embarrassed for him to see. Changbin sets your pillow down before ensuring that you get in the bed. He turns to walk away, promising he’ll lock the door on his way out and text you tomorrow, when you, in a move that surprises even yourself, call out to him. He faces you quickly, head tilted as asks what’s wrong.
“Do you want to stay?” your voice comes out smaller than intended, but Changbin hears you clearly. And it’s his turn for his heart to feel like it’s going to burst, hoping that the faint blush rising to his cheeks is masked by the darkness in the room. “I mean, it’s late so..” you continue when he doesn’t answer right away, hoping you haven’t overstepped a boundary by asking.
“Of course, I’d like that,” he says to your relief. He’s nervous as he makes the short trek back to your bed, both of your hearts pounding in your chests as he moves the blanket to lie down next to you. It feels like you’re a teenager again rather than an adult pushing thirty when he settles in and looks at you, face just a few mere inches away from yours. It's almost embarrassing how easily he gives you butterflies.
“I want to kiss you so bad,” he admits suddenly, his voice almost a whisper as his eyes search for yours in the darkness. “What if you get sick?” you ask, laughing when he exclaims in response. “I wouldn’t be here right now if I cared about getting sick!”
“Fair point,” you smile as you inch your way a bit closer to him. He reaches out for you, arm wrapping around your waist as he moves in, close enough for you to feel his breath against your skin. The first kiss you share is light, almost careful, and soft, but it’s enough to make your stomach flip. Changbin has a small smile when he pulls away, which makes you smile as well.
“Thank you for tonight,” you say and he shakes his head, his own smile growing. “It’s the least I can do for my girlfriend. I mean.. I hope you will be, anyways.” “Of course I will be,” you giggle, “I’ve been waiting for you to ask.” “In that case!” Changbin rises suddenly, surprising you as he clasps your hands in his. “Y/N. In case it’s not obvious, I really like you. Will you be my girlfriend?”
You giggle as you accept, and his smile is beaming as he lies back down and pulls you into another kiss. “Get some rest now, okay? I’ll be here when you wake up,” Changbin speaks softly as his arms wrap around you in a hug. You close your eyes as you nuzzle your head into the crook of his neck, feeling nothing but happiness and comfort as you once again fall asleep against him.
The weeks following making your relationship with Changbin official are simultaneously the most elating and the most fraught you’d ever lived. Both of which due to the fact that Changbin seems to be literally perfect. He’s attentive, funny, and incredibly caring, all while being devastatingly handsome. He’s also the most selfless and encouraging person you’ve ever been with, that it riddles you with guilt every time you remember what you ultimately have to do.
Can you bring yourself to betray him after all this? Your allegiance is supposed to align with your brother, but the more time you spend with Changbin, the more you question if it’s something you can really do. He was just so different, almost painfully so, that the mere thought of breaking his trust fills you with a dread you’ve never experienced before now.
Apart from that, as you expected, Changbin keeps his work life and home life separate. He might tell you he’s stressed, or in vague terms talk about why a case is hard for him currently, but he never shares details. And you never press him, though technically you should. That’s what you were supposed to be doing here– getting information, passing it along, giving Chan the upper hand he needs to help Minho.
And the fact that you don’t press for details, the fact that you don’t want to, also fills you with guilt. You should want to help your brother, to help Minho out of his situation, but you don’t. Plus, you’re only here because Chan asked you to be, because he set everything up for you, he put his trust in you. Yet here you are, 3 months later with nothing to show for it. Chan is patient, he isn’t expecting any huge revelation right away as he knew building trust with someone isn’t something that happens over night, but it won’t be that way forever.
You don’t know when, but a time will come when your brother asks you what you have. What you’ve learned, how your progress with Changbin is, and what steps you’ve been taking to gather information. But what will you even say in response? Can you be honest in that situation, and admit that you like Changbin too much to hurt him? You’re torn between the obligation you have with your brother, and the feelings you have for Changbin. What will you do when you inevitably have to choose between them, and decide which bond is the more important one to uphold?
“You okay, lovey?” Changbin’s voice snaps you from your thoughts. “Oh, sorry, just nervous I guess,” you answer with a smile that you hope he can’t tell is forced. “Don’t worry, Hyunjin’s nice, I promise! And he’ll love you, I’m sure of it,” he smiles as he gives you a peck on the head. You smile and thank him, feeling a bit guilty that he’s trying to comfort you over a white lie, but telling the truth certainly isn’t something you’re ready to do yet.
Well, maybe it isn’t entirely a lie– you are nervous to meet Hyunjin for the first time too. That’s what brought you to Changbin’s place today; his best friend, who you were originally supposed to meet the night of your 2nd date, is coming over for dinner today. He finally has free time in his schedule following the exhibit and family responsibilities, and Changbin excitedly planned for, in his words, his best friend and his favorite girl to finally meet.
Changbin, despite considering himself to not be much of a cook, did a lot of work to make the dinner nice. Not so much for Hyunjin of course, but for you. He’s secretly hoping you’ll be impressed by his efforts and compliment him (he lives for your praise, unbeknownst to you.) It doesn’t take much longer for Hyunjin to arrive, with Changbin being full of smiles as he introduces the two of you to each other.
You try your best to not be awkward as you make small talk, though thankfully (and as usual) Changbin easily steers the conversations and makes them lively. He encourages you to talk about yourself as well, as opposed to just listening to them catch up, and you appreciate that he wants you to be an active participant of the conversation instead of just existing there. “Did Changbin tell you how we became friends?” Hyunjin asks towards the end of the meal, which makes Changbin audibly groan in response. “Do you have to bring that up every time? It’s embarrassing!”
You chuckle as you listen to your boyfriend complain. He’s brought up embarrassing memories to you before so you are a bit surprised by his outburst, but maybe it’s because he wanted to tell you on his own time. “But it’s my favorite story! And it’s not even embarrassing, you’re just dramatic,” Hyunjin says and Changbin pouts and crosses his arms. “Shouldn’t I be the one to decide which of my memories are embarrassing or not?”
“Well it’s my memory too, and I say it’s not.” Hyunjin says matter-of-factly. Changbin’s pout grows as he looks over at you and notices your eager expression. You definitely want to hear the story now; you’re so curious! “Fine,” he sighs in defeat as he lets his head fall to the table. “But you better not laugh!”
“I won’t, I promise,” you say with a sweet smile. You can tell he’s not genuinely upset; if he was it would be obvious. Maybe he’s just a little nervous about what your reaction will be? But you’ll give him all the reassurance he needs that you won’t find this funny if it’s not something he’s able to laugh at too. You give him a small kiss for being a good sport, which causes him to turn his head away to hide the smile that starts to grow when you do.
You turn your attention back to Hyunjin as he begins telling the story. “So, we’re in middle school right? And I didn’t have any friends. I was the kind of kid that preferred to stay indoors and read or draw than be outside, so I didn’t get along much with the other kids who loved to play around roughly in the yard. I wouldn’t say I was bullied, but the other boys certainly weren’t quiet about the fact that I was weird.”
“And then Changbin transfers in later in the year, and not even a few days into his first week there, he’s already fighting kids for being mean to me! Just a boy in his class he’s never even spoken to before, and he wanted to defend me anyways.” It’s easy to see why this is Hyunjin’s favorite story, and he smiles warmly as he tells it. “And it might be hard to imagine, but he was small back then, so he was fighting kids like, twice his size.”
“Yah! You didn’t have to bring that part up!” Changbin lifts his head to exclaim, making you giggle. “What’s wrong with that? It shows how kind and brave you were,” you say. The pout practically melts off his face, easily turning into a small smile at your compliment. “Yeah, well.. I still am, you know.”
“Of course I know, that’s why I like you so much,” you say before giving him another peck. His bashful smile is so sweet and cute, you have to resist the urge to attack him with more kisses in front of Hyunjin. “See, I did you a favor by telling her! You loved the story, right Y/N?” Hyunjin wears a victorious, almost I-told-you-so, smile as you nod. It just makes you like him more, to be honest, knowing that he’s been this way since he was young. Chivalrous and sweet above all else.
“We became good friends after that. And eventually Changbin told me he wanted to help everyone someday, like a superhero.” Changbin groans again as you giggle at Hyunjin’s words. That must be another reason he’s embarrassed– wanting to be a superhero when you grow up isn’t the most realistic thing to aspire to. “I knew you’d laugh,” he grumbles as he pouts.
“I’m not laughing at you Binnie, I just think you’re cute.” His face turns a light shade of pink, both from the compliment and from you calling him his nickname in front of his friend (which before now he only ever heard in a private setting.) “I feel like I’m being bullied right now,” Changbin says as he points between the two of you. “You’re banding together to embarrass me.” “Here, I’ll make it up to you by cleaning up,” you say as you rise to your feet. “Wait, no, I’ll do it!” Changbin protests, grabbing your used plate from your hands. “You’re my guest, I’ll take care of it.”
You want to argue and help, but you know there’s no point; Changbin is stubborn about things like this. So you concede easily and sit back down. “Changbin seems happy. I’m glad he has you,” Hyunjin says after Changbin steps away to put the dishes in his sink, apparently not wanting to fluster the man further by saying it in front of him. “It might be hard to tell now, but he was depressed for a long time.”
Your heart squeezes in your chest at the words. You loved that you were able to make Changbin happier, but it was equally painful. You know what your reality is, and what you’re supposed to be doing here. You know, but you don’t want to. “He’s a good man,” you reply, “he deserves to be happy.” Hyunjin smiles, and Changbin walks back in, equally as smiley and oblivious to the small conversation you just had.
Fuck, you felt terrible. You knew quite a bit about Changbin’s past with his ex, and what led to his divorce. He felt like it was important to bring up when you were starting to get serious, so that the problems he experienced back then wouldn’t repeat themselves in his relationship with you. He worked really hard to get where he is today, to become chief of police. He had a strong sense of justice, and an equally strong urge to help people. But eventually, that passion started to cause a rift in his relationship.
His ex felt neglected and alone most nights while Changbin was spending all his free time putting in extra hours, working harder than he had to. But he wanted to, he loved doing it, he had so much pride in his career. And that pride and passion led him to his dream position, and effectively made him the youngest person to get so far in such a short amount of time. He was proud of himself, of the life he built, and it devastated him when he realized his partner didn’t feel the same way.
Changbin’s ex didn’t want someone who spent all their free time buried in work, they wanted him to be more present. They wanted someone to spend quality time with, who would make time for them and the family they planned to one day build, who would prioritize them above all else. Even on his time off he thought about work, he talked about cases, but his partner didn’t want to talk about those things all the time. He explained that he was confused at first; he didn’t understand how his dedication to his career could cause this to happen. In his mind, everything was perfect– his dream career, a beautiful house, and a loving partner.
It took time for him to understand their perspective and see what he could have done differently, but it was too late by then for him to make it work. His career was important to him and he wasn’t wrong for that, but they also weren’t wrong for wanting to be with someone more attentive and less busy, and he understood that now. And that’s why he wanted to make sure you understood that about him, and would accept him if he ever spent long hours in his office or a case required his urgent attention. And in return, he’d make sure he’d do what he should to be a good boyfriend on his time off, to make adequate time for you and shower you with affection.
Those 2 years were hard for him, but he learned a lot from it. About how to find the balance between your work and home life. It’s also part of the reason he doesn’t tell you about things in detail, afraid that you might begin to resent him in the same way his ex had. That if he spends too much time absorbed in his work that you’ll just decide you’ve had enough and walk away from him.
It was hard for Changbin to admit that to you, but he knew he had to bring it up early so you knew. But truthfully, you only ever admired him. You loved when he was passionate or excited, and you couldn’t imagine ever shutting him down or making him feel bad for it. You loved seeing his beaming smile every time he said a case was solved or there was a successful interrogation at the office. You couldn’t imagine ever seeing that unbridled joy and not smiling along with him. And so, because his ex didn’t, you told him you were proud of him. You told him good job, you shared in his happiness, you met his enthusiasm with love.
Love? Were you in love? Is that why your heart ached so much? But it’s natural to feel bad right? Changbin is a good person and you don’t want to do something cruel to him. It’s normal to be upset about that. It’s normal for your heart to hurt over this. It’s normal for dread to course through your veins, to not want to imagine how much pain he would be in if you betrayed his trust. That’s all normal, so surely you’re not in love with him already? Right?
You swallow apprehensively as you look at Changbin. He’s talking animatedly with Hyunjin, his smile as bright as ever, his loud voice full of joy. Normally seeing him like that made you happy too; you’d smile right along with him, giggling at all his cute expressions and declarations. But now there’s a lump in your throat, hands shaking as the anxiety starts to consume you. You don’t want to hurt him. You don’t want to do this anymore.
Changbin is an observant man, so you excuse yourself to the bathroom before he can read your expression and see that something is bothering you. You take deep breaths, hands trembling as you try to calm yourself. You’re just anxious, that’s all it is, it’ll pass, you’ll be fine, you tell yourself. You give yourself a moment longer, before washing your hands and stepping out to rejoin the men.
Thankfully, you successfully managed to calm yourself for now, and rejoin their conversation organically. It was a relief honestly that Changbin didn’t seem to be aware of the internal battle you were having with yourself. You mentally thanked Hyunjin for keeping him distracted enough, as you knew Changbin’s care for you would make all those emotions you’re trying to hold back erupt. And if you were being honest with yourself, you weren’t ready to face those feelings just yet.
It didn’t take much longer for the day to transition into night, with Hyunjin needing to bid his goodbyes to return to his family. Changbin made him promise to bring them next time of course, and Hyunjin happily agreed to bring them if they were able. The moment his friend leaves, Changbin turns to you with an almost hopeful look. “You don’t work tomorrow right?” he asks, and you can tell by the small pout on his lips that he intends to ask something of you.
“No, I don’t,” you assure with a soft smile, wondering what he was about to segway into. “Stay the night with me,” he continues his pout, looking at you with his puppy eyes that you’ve grown fond of. “But none of my things are here,” you say with a small frown, which only makes his pouting even more blatant. “You can just wear something of mine! Please..?”
It wasn’t really the clothes you were worried about; you had makeup on and your skin would surely suffer if you left it on all night and you weren’t sure if Changbin had anything in his cabinet that would be sufficient enough to remove it. But God, his cute begging always made you so weak. How were you supposed to say no when he hit you with the puppy dog look? So you supposed you would have to make do with whatever he may or may not have, and apologize to your skin tomorrow by giving it some extra care.
“I’ll stay,” you say with a faux exasperated sigh but Changbin is unphased by it, immediately beaming at you with pure happiness. “I’ll grab something for you, wait here,” he smiles as he turns quickly to his bedroom to search for suitable pajamas for you. You can't help but smile as well by his cute behavior; Changbin may look intimidating but he truly is a softie underneath it all. He was easily the most clingy man you’d ever met, and he had no shame in pouting or pulling a cute face to get a kiss or a smile from you. But you liked it, and after years of dating hard men who showed no affection or genuine kindness, you loved that he seemed to have it in droves and offered it freely.
“Here you go baby,” he says in his cheery tone, placing his selection carefully in your hands when he returns. “You go ahead and get changed, I’m gonna clean up in here first.” He said after giving you a quick peck on the lips, turning his attention to the dishes that mounted in the sink from your dinner with Hyunjin. You walk to his bathroom, and set his clothes down on the sink as you try to make a plan on how you can remove your makeup while doing minimal damage to your skin.
You feel like you’ve done a decent enough job with what you had at your disposal, and now that you feel content with your makeup removal, you decide it's time to change into the shirt that Changbin provided you. While you haven’t seen Changbin without a shirt before, anyone can tell just from a look that his muscles are big, so you hope that the shirt he provided you with will be loose enough to keep you comfortable tonight. Once it’s pulled over your head, you feel happy enough with the way it fits on you.
It wasn’t long enough to conceal your underwear by any means, and your curves are still obvious, but it’s not tight or restrictive at all, and you find yourself hoping that Changbin will like the way you look in it. Scooping up the dress you wore for dinner in your arms, you stepped out of the bathroom and walked to the living room where your bag was still resting on the couch. The light in the kitchen was off, the only illumination between the spaces being the night light plugged in next to his couch. Deciding that must mean Changbin was finished cleaning up and already in his bedroom, you swiftly shove your dress into your bag before picking it up to take with you into his room. The door to his bedroom was ajar, allowing light to filter into the hallway and confirming to you that's where he is. You knock carefully, deciding you shouldn’t just barge into his room if he is changing.
“You can come in!” You heard his voice call out, and so you pushed the door open further to step inside. As expected, Changbin had changed into his own selection of pajamas (a simple shirt and sweatpants) and was sitting at the foot of the bed with his tv remote in hand, shuffling through his selection of streaming services. Stepping in fully, you close his door behind you as you had learned from your nights together that was his preference when sleeping. You noticed him swallow after he turned his gaze to you, but didn’t allow his eyes to travel down to your legs. “Is the shirt comfortable enough? Do you need anything else? I have shorts and-”
“No, I’m comfortable, thank you Binnie,” you smile as you step towards the bed, placing your bag down next to the nightstand. You were sure that he wanted to look, but you strangely liked that he hadn’t. Changbin was always careful and respectful, and you were sure that as soon as he realized the shirt didn’t cover you fully, he made a conscious effort to keep his eyes on your face. Plus, he asked if you were comfortable without hesitation, which you appreciated and once again testified his chivalrous nature to you. His posture relaxed at your answer; his intention was for your body to be completely covered but as long as you were comfortable that was all that mattered to him.
“I can’t remember whose turn it is to pick tonight so I started looking just in case,” he explains, quickly moving on now that your comfort is assured to him. You and Changbin had made a habit of going back and forth picking things to watch on the nights you stayed together, a ritual that you had come to really look forward to. And you were fairly sure it was your turn to pick tonight, but since Changbin was so sweet and kind to you, you wanted to let him put on whatever might have caught his eye.
“It’s your turn,” you say as you settle onto his bed. “In that case, let's watch this!” he says with a smile as he quickly shuffles through a selection of animated movies and lands on Howl’s Moving Castle. “Hyunjin was obsessed with this movie when we were kids, we’d watch it all the time,” he says with a fond smile. You’ve seen it as well, but Changbin’s earnest joy to share a childhood film with you was incredibly sweet, so you feigned ignorance as he excitedly shared his memories with you. He continues talking even as he stands to turn off the light, and crawls his way into bed next to you.
You find his nostalgia trip heartwarming, and you listen to his tales with a soft smile, interjecting only if you have to. After getting under the blanket, he settles in against his headboard and opens his arm out for you to curl up against him as you always did. Keeping in line with your routine, you don't hesitate to get close and lay your head against his shoulder, letting his arm wrap around you comfortably. “Comfy, baby?” he asks after you’ve finished shuffling into your usual position, and you nod, assuring him that you’re ready for him to play the movie.
Time passes in comfortable silence, with the occasional small laugh coming from Changbin at Calcifer’s attitude. You, on the other hand, wanted to pay attention to the movie and enjoy it with him, but instead became lost in thought, not focusing at all on the scenes playing in front of you. Your mind had wandered back to what a future with Changbin would be like. Would this routine continue even years in the future? Would you cook dinner for each other after late nights, cuddle under blankets as you watched tv, talk about the mundane things in life over morning coffee? Would you still share soft kisses, hold each other's hand at every opportunity, text each other during work just to check in and say you missed each other?
You stopped hoping for a love like this a long time ago; the domesticity that comes with sharing your life with someone you love always feeling like a hopeless dream. Was it Changbin that awoke something deep inside you, or were your feelings always there but just pushed so deep you couldn't find them anymore, forgotten and left to rot? You’d never met someone so gentle and considerate until Changbin, and his care was laced in every interaction you had with him. Every word, every gesture, every look was so full of affection and tenderness that it left you reeling. How could someone like him exist?
Noticing you’ve been quieter than usual, Changbin turns his head to look at you, checking if you’ve already fallen asleep. “Are you still awake, love?” he whispers softly, moving his hand from your waist to rub careful circles on your arm. “Mm, sorry, I spaced out,” you answer, not sure if you're ready to tell him how badly you want to spend forever with him. You knew you loved him, it was obvious that love is what this unfamiliar feeling you were failing to push away was, but wasn't it too soon to say? You didn't want to scare him off by confessing something so deep after only having dated for a few months.
"Are you okay?" he asked with a frown, concern clearly showing in his eyes. He was pretty sure he hadn't said or done anything wrong, at least not on purpose, so he couldn't guess what could possibly be bothering you. You swallowed as you looked up at him. What were you supposed to say? 'I'm in love with you, I want to spend all my days with you, you're everything I've ever wanted.' There was absolutely no way you could say all that right now. It was too much and left you too vulnerable.
And then there was the matter of how this relationship even started. You were supposed to make Changbin trust you so could start leaking information to Chan; the entire foundation was built with the intent of deceiving him. You didn't think you could handle the heartbreak you'd feel if you lost him; your days with him were the safest and happiest you'd ever felt, and you were scared of losing it. And you were terrified of that truth being revealed to Changbin, dread settling in your gut when you thought about what kind of expression he'd have. Anger, resentment, disgust.. All possibilities you didn't want to see on him.
But it's not like you could simply open up about this. Sure, Chan was your brother and he wanted you to be happy, but could he really accept you being with the very officer that oversaw the arrest of Minho? Wouldn't that feel like a betrayal to him? Would he offer his blessing for you to be with someone who threatened the very existence of his life? You couldn't imagine a scenario where he'd ever be okay with such a thing. Even if he understood you couldn't help it, you knew he'd still be upset and want you to end your relationship with Changbin regardless of your feelings.
Everything was so complicated and there was no easy solution. No matter what choice was made, someone would be hurt, but you couldn't bear for that person to be Changbin. He didn't deserve it, he'd already been through so much pain, his healing process long and difficult. The thought of you making it worse when you were supposed to be the person helping him feel secure made your heart ache unbearably.
Before you could even realize it was happening, tears had welled in your eyes and began falling. Changbin's heart sank when he saw your tears, panic settling in as he carefully turned to cup your face in his hands. "Why are you crying baby? What's wrong?" He asked, voice soft as he wiped the tears away with his thumbs. What were you supposed to say? 'Our relationship is built on lies. My brother is the man you've been searching for for so long. I'm scared that you'll hate me for lying to you. I'm scared to be alone after knowing what real love feels like.' Your lip quivers as the thoughts cycle in your mind.
Anxiety is welling within Changbin, but he's trying to keep a calm exterior for your sake. He doesn't want to agitate whatever might be bothering you and make it worse, but he can't help the way his mind races through the possibilities. He'd never seen you like this before, and it felt so sudden that he didn't know what to do for you. Everything was fine before now, but maybe you were just good at disguising when something was wrong. Maybe he had upset you and you just pushed it aside until you couldn't any longer.
"I.." you start, trying your best to get anything out at this point. Changbin was being so gentle and patient with you, which only spurred on your intense emotions. His gaze was fixed on you, thumbs rubbing soothing circles on your skin and wiping away tears when they fell. Even with anxiety growing in him, he didn't push you. He waited for you to answer on your own time, whispering soothing words to you. "It's okay, everything's okay, I've got you," he'd say, doing his best to console you despite not knowing the cause for your tears.
"I love you," you say quietly, voice trembling as you wait for rejection. There's no way he'd return your feelings after such a short amount of time. Wasn’t 3 months too soon to fall in love with someone so entirely? There's no way he'd look at you right now and think this was normal. His rejection wouldn't be harsh, he was much too considerate to hurt you, but knowing he didn't feel the same would be enough to shatter you into pieces.
Changbin was completely stunned, brows furrowing in concern. "You're.. crying because you love me?" he asks, trying to wrap his head around your answer and understand why that would cause you to cry like this. He certainly didn't expect this to be the way he first hears that admission from your lips. He watches your expression carefully, trying to be patient and hear your thoughts without jumping to any conclusions or putting words in your mouth. "I.. I've never been with someone as good as you. You're so sweet to me and I'm scared you'll leave me," you say between shaky inhales and his heart aches in response. What had you been through before now to make you feel this?
"I'm not going to leave you, I begged you to be here, remember?" he said, hoping the memory of him cutely begging for you to stay with him tonight would help you feel better. He continues after you nod, moving his hands to your own to hold them. "I'm not ever going to leave you, okay? I promise." He squeezes your hands gently as your lip quivers again, eyes threatening to spill more tears as you look down at his hands grasping yours. It was so… bittersweet. You were comforted by his words, hearing them made you happy, but at the same time you knew it couldn't be true. If he learned the truth he'd hate you, he'd leave you, you were sure of it.
But you wanted to believe he wouldn't, wanted to believe in this promise. You wanted to believe you could have a future together, where every day was full of joy and love. Even if the rational part of your brain knew how impossible it was, you wanted nothing more than for that to be your reality. "Can you look at me?" he asks softly, and you take a deep breath before obliging, hands trembling as you once again meet his eyes. "I love you," he says and you suck in your breath, trying your best not to cry even harder than you already have been. "I love you," he repeats, keeping one hand wrapped around your own while the other returns to your face.
He kisses you as if you're made of glass, so careful that you almost don't register it. Was it possible for a heart to break and mend at the same time? To feel euphoric and devastated all at once? Rational and coherent thought leaves you now, being overtaken by your yearning for the man in front of you. He changes his hold on your hand, intertwining your fingers as he pulls away to read your expression.
"I don't know what you've been through before to make you cry like this, but I'm here for you now," he says softly, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on your skin. "I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner and made you worry, but I'll repeat it as many times as you need to hear it. I love you." You look into his eyes, seeing for yourself the true depth of his words. You knew Changbin was careful and considerate toward you, but he also upheld truth above all else. He didn't say things he didn't mean; he was honest even to a fault. He always said the things he truly thought, regardless of what any consequence may be. You believed he wouldn't say something like this just to make you feel better.
So, to hear him say "I love you," it can only be true. You were both scarred from your pasts, you with abusive exes and relationships built on false pretenses with no genuine love to be had, and Changbin the sufferer of a devestating divorce, left alone by the only person he'd loved before now. Maybe fate brought you together because you were both desperately in need of something that wasn't obtainable before. Love, connection, understanding, belonging.. Foreign feelings that had rooted in you faster than you could even fathom.
"Kiss me again please," you say so quietly it's almost a whisper. You want the feeling of Changbin to consume you completely, this feeling of love and acceptance to encompass you in your entirety, to quell the torrential downpour of thoughts raging in your mind until he is all that is left. Changbin hears your request despite how softly you speak, and quickly moves to oblige you, squeezing the fingers intertwined with his as a gesture of comfort.
His lips against yours tune out the world around you, the movie playing in the background long since forgotten. His kisses are one after another, soft and gentle but still enough to leave you breathless. "I love you," he reminds you again between breaths and you don't hesitate to say it back each time, even with the way the air has dissipated from your lungs with each moment of his lips on yours.
When he finally stopped kissing you to allow you both to breathe, he rested his forehead against yours, looking straight at you once again. You thankfully had stopped crying, the crashing waves of anxiety you had felt moments ago receding with each of Changbin’s sweet touches and words. You knew they'd return, there was no escaping from your problems, but at least for some small amount of time you could lose yourself in this moment and forget about it all.
"You have no idea how much I adore you," Changbin tells you as he separates one of his hands from yours, reaching up to instead rub his thumb against your cheek. "Thank you, Binnie… I'm sorry for crying, I must've startled you.." you frown as you look at him, feeling embarrassed and vulnerable from your outpouring of emotions. "Don't be sorry lovey, it's okay.. All that matters to me is that you feel better," he says, still using his soft and gentle tone.
Separating your hand from his, you move to pull him into a tight hug, wrapping your arms around him as you bury your head into his shoulder. "You feeling okay now?" he asks as he wraps his own arm around your waist, and you nod against his neck, telling him that you just want to be close to him. He smiles, finding the sudden clinginess endearing. It's usually him being the overly touchy and clingy one of the two of you. "Let's get more comfy then," he says as he uses the strength of his arms to pull you into his lap before he shifts to let his back rest against the headboard of the bed, your legs on either side of him.
One arm stays firmly wrapped around you, while the other travels up and down your back, ensuring that you feel comfortable and relaxed. The movie is nearing its conclusion now, but neither of you are focused on it. You are locked in your feelings of serene comfort, of a love that you'd felt was not meant for you, the way Changbin so carefully put you back together when you were falling apart. It meant everything to you, in ways you felt no words could express. Changbin meanwhile was observing you carefully for any changes in your demeanor or breathing, just wanting to ensure he was there for you for any and every thing.
"Binnie.." you breathe out as you sit up to look at him once more. "Yes, love?" he implores, eyes full of curiosity but also patience. He won't rush you to get anything out, giving you the time to prepare yourself to say the things that are in your head, ensuring things are always at your own pace. "I want you," you say after a breath, face heating up a bit at the admission, hoping he understands the implication of your statement.
While you are certainly no stranger to sex, you are a stranger to intimacy. The vulnerability of offering yourself up to someone, showing them all that you are and all that you have. You've never exposed yourself to someone in such a raw way, poured out feelings so intensely and honestly. You loved him, and you wanted him in any and every way he would have you. You wanted that feeling of making love that always eluded you, the feeling of trust and care that comes with being in the hands of someone who loves you, truly loves you, and wants you as much as you want them.
"You have me," he says, bringing his face closer to you, "I'm yours." Your face burns further at his confession, shivers running down your spine as your lips meet once again. Your heart pounds in your chest as you leaned into the kiss, arms wrapping around his neck. You lost track of the amount of time you spent with your lips on his, the intensity building as each kiss became more heated than the last.
Butterflies erupted in your stomach when you felt his tongue against your lips for the first time, as if you had never experienced such a thing before now. You part your lips for him, allowing his tongue to slip inside your mouth. His tongue moves in languid circles around your own, relishing in the taste and feeling of you.
You're the first to pull away to breathe properly, looking at Changbin with a flushed face, and God, is he pretty like this. He's nearly as breathless as you, dark curly hair disheveled from your fingers absentmindedly running through it, looking at you with a look you've never seen on him before. Yearning? Desire? "You're so beautiful, you know that?" he says as he moves one of his arms to touch your face again, cupping it in his hand. "My pretty girl."
It had to be impossible for your face to get any hotter than this, you thought. Sure, you could put together that Changbin was attracted to you, but to hear him say it like this was.. different. You weren't used to this side of him yet– the side that would shower you in love and praise while looking at you with such a lust filled gaze. "I…" you swallow, trying to squash down the shyness bubbling within you. Was it normal to feel like this the first time with someone you love? You wouldn't really know.
"I want to.. Can you touch me..?" you finally manage to get out, despite the nervousness settling over you. "As long as you’re sure," he says, hands moving to rest on your hips as he observes your face carefully. You've had your fair share of make out sessions as your relationship progressed further, but the two of you never took it any further than that. Truthfully, he wants nothing more than to feel you under his palms, but he hadn't yet because he wanted to take things slow and treat you right, and now it was apparent that you were going through so much internally.. The last thing Changbin wanted to do was take advantage while you were emotionally vulnerable.
"I'm sure," you nod without hesitation. You were attracted to him from the day you met him, and the more you learned about him, the more you grew to fall in love with him, little by little. You loved him. You trusted him. And yes, this foreign experience did leave you shyer and more vulnerable than you ever felt, but you wanted him more than you ever wanted anyone. Changbin can see the certainty clear in your eyes, and he smiles slightly, gripping your hips a little firmer than before. "Just.. tell me if you change your mind, okay?"
"I will," you promise him, though you were certain you wouldn't be changing your mind. Changbin's care and consideration for you only made him more desirable in your eyes, and assured you that trusting him would never be something you'd regret. Changbin leans up to meet you, pressing his lips to yours once more, squeezing the meat of your hips in his hands. You part your lips when you feel his tongue against you again, allowing it to lick against your own until his hands reach the hem of the borrowed t-shirt.
"Is it okay to take it off?" he asks, and you quickly give your approval, lifting your arms so he can pull it over your head effectively. He stares at your topless form shamelessly, his adam's apple bobbing as he swallows. "Fuck, you're so beautiful," he says lowly, but you barely have time to react before his lips are on yours again, needy and eager. Changbin's thumbs rub over your nipples, causing you to shudder and mewl into his mouth.
Your body is sensitive from lack of touch and you feel as if you're becoming dizzy from the way his fingers rub and gently pinch your nipples as his tongue stays in your mouth, never separating from your own for more than a second. You're both breathing heavily by the time he pulls away from you, the longing in his eyes clear as he looks at you, giving you butterflies.
Changbin takes your hands suddenly, placing them on his own chest. "You can touch me too. Anywhere you want," he says, watching as your face heats up in response, "I'm all yours." You swallow as you nod, the thought of touching him intimately making your heart accelerate. He had never seen you blush like this before, and he found this new shy side to you incredibly endearing, especially knowing it was all for him. Your hands tremble slightly in anticipation as you reach for the hem of his own shirt. Changbin raises his arms without you even having to say anything, and it is quickly discarded to the floor.
It's Changbin's turn to feel a newfound shyness as your eyes roam the expanse of his torso. While his body is definitely good, he doesn't make a habit of showing it to just anyone; it's something reserved only for moments like this, to be viewed only by someone he's comfortable with and trusts. As you expected, he had an incredible amount of muscle built up, and you let your hands travel up his stomach, over his chest, down the length of his arms, taking it all in. Some areas of his skin held scars, from wounds you assumed he got from his time on the force, and you glided over them gently, treating them with care. "You're amazing," you tell him when you look back up to his face, and he smiles, the cute kind you've grown to love so much.
"Not any more so than you," he responds, turning your compliment back to you. You smile back at him, pink dusting both your faces as you pull him into another kiss. You keep it brief this time, instead opting to move down to his neck. You feel Changbin tense underneath you as your lips touch his skin, leaving sweet kisses before latching to a spot and sucking. The soft groan that leaves his mouth goes straight to your core, and you can immediately tell it's something you'll become addicted to hearing.
His hands are on your hips again, squeezing every time you get another groan out of him. Feeling his cock hard against you, you grind down on it experimentally, and Changbin sucks in a breath, fingers digging into your plush skin at the contact. "Fuck," he mutters under his breath, head lolling back as you continue to rub yourself against him. You separate from his neck, looking at his face as you grind down against him.
His eyes are closed, brows furrowed in pleasure and lips parted, sharp breaths leaving him with each roll of your hips. "Binnie," you call to him, and he quickly moves his head up right, opening his eyes to look at you. You stop your movements, instead dipping your hand in his waistband to feel his cock with your own hand as you capture his lips with another kiss. It’s thick in your hand, so much so that you almost can't wrap the entirety of your hand around it.
He hisses at the contact, body shuddering as you run your thumb over the tip and smear the pre-cum gathering there. Just as he had done to you, you lick at his lips, swallowing his groans as your hand runs up and down his length. Your free hand rests on his chest, helping to keep you stable as you enclose your fist around his cock, pumping it at a steady pace. Changbin makes no effort to quiet himself or hold back, and you love it. He's vocal, letting you hear for yourself how good you're making him feel, arousal building more and more within you for every new noise you earn from him.
He breaks away from the kiss, looking down to watch your hand work him. “God-” he groans, unconsciously bucking his hips up to meet your fist. He forgot what the feeling of having someone else’s hand on him was like, and you were good; way too good. He would undoubtedly cum if he let you keep going, and he didn’t want that to happen before he got the chance to please you.
"W-Wait," he manages to say, chest heaving as he tries to steady his heavy breaths. You quickly retract your hand, worry clear on your face as you look at him. Did you do something wrong? Move faster than he was ready for? Changbin can easily spot the worry growing on your expression and he quickly moves a hand to your face, rubbing gently as he had done earlier to comfort you. "Don't worry baby, it felt really good. But I'm supposed to be the one taking care of you."
You flush at his words, stomach flipping in anticipation as you await his next move. "Is it still okay to touch you?" he asks, hands remaining in place until you give him your okay. "Yes.. please," you say and Changbin smiles before he gives you another quick kiss. He reaches a hand between your legs, rubbing over your underwear and feeling the way the arousal that built up soaks through it. "Oh God," he groans at the proof of your excitement, and heat flashes over you in response. You bury your head into his shoulder, whining as embarrassment overtakes you. Changbin chuckles softly at your reaction, finding you incredibly cute like this.
"Tell me to stop at any time if it's too much," he whispers to you softly; no matter how turned on he is or how much he enjoys this new side of you, it doesn't matter if you're uncomfortable and not enjoying it with him. "I'm going to put my hand in now," he tells you, pausing for a moment in case you want to tell him to wait. Getting no protests, he slips his hand into your underwear, rubbing between your folds carefully to start with.
"Tell me what you like,” Changbin says, his first touch of your clit being feather light and almost cautious, “What makes you feel good?" He looks at you attentively as he waits for your answer, trying his best not to smile from the bashful expression on your face. Of course he would ask you that, it’s Changbin. He’s earnest, considerate, and thoughtful; everyone is different and he knows that, so he wants to hear what you like straight from you instead of risking fumbling around until he finds what you like through chance. Besides all of that, he has to admit that hearing you tell him what you like yourself makes the moment all the more erotic for him. How can he skip over the opportunity to make his normally confident girlfriend a shy, blushing puddle?
You want to answer him right away, but between his gaze at your face and the way his finger rubs easily over your clit, your brain feels muddled. The way your mouth slightly opens and closes in an attempt to get something out as your face heats up for the umpteenth time doesn’t go unnoticed, so Changbin smiles softly as he whispers encouragement to you. "You can do it, love. Tell me what you like."
“A-A bit harder,” you manage to mutter, and Changbin wastes no time to do as you ask. “Like this?” he inquires as he applies more pressure, watching you closely to gauge your reaction as he does. The way your hands grip at his shoulders tighter as your head slumps forward with a soft moan emitting from you tells him that he’s on the right track at the very least. “Is that good?” he asks, gently brushing the hair that fell in front of your face behind your ear so he can see you clearly.
You nod, teeth sinking into your bottom lip as a whimper escapes you. Changbin smiles, and if you were looking at his face you would clearly see the expression of soft satisfaction on him. Not smug by any means, just simply happy to see you enjoying this as much as he is. “Can you lean back for me?” Your brows furrow, a little confused by his request, but you oblige him, leaning back and resting your palms behind you and against his legs for support.
Changbin thanks you before leaning himself forward, making the intention of his request clear by attaching his lips to your neck in the same way you had done to him. He wanted to mirror the attention you gave him, to make you feel as good as you made him feel in any way he could. His free hand travels to your breast, giving a few gentle squeezes before he begins to rub your nipple between his thumb and finger. The pleasure is almost overwhelming, your body not used to this kind of attention being given to it, that it leaves you a whining and shuddering mess on top of him.
His teeth sink gently into the skin connecting your neck with your shoulder, not enough to leave a mark just yet, but enough for you to feel it. The contrast between his sharp teeth and gentle licks and kisses lights a fire in you, the desire that was once a small kindling becoming a much larger, fiercer blaze. You want more, you want him, you want, want, want. He leaves a trail of red on your skin, licking the spots his teeth sink in, peppering them with kisses, and repeating on each new patch of skin he reaches.
Changbin figures he should probably stop before he marks your neck; you do work an office job after all. So he pulls away, instead opting to sink his head lower. He plants soft kisses on the nipple that wasn't receiving attention from his fingers, before letting his tongue run over it. You gasp at the feeling of his tongue on you, and cast your gaze down to look at him. His eyes are locked on yours as you watch his tongue draw circles on your nipple before enclosing his mouth around it. The view alone felt like enough to drive you crazy; it was just so.. hot, for lack of a better word.
Your hands reach to tangle into his hair, and he groans at each soft tug, encouraging him to keep building the pace and pressure of his fingers on your clit. You're not sure how much time the both of you spent like this; all you can really comprehend is how good it feels, and that you're nearly breathless when he pulls away from your body. "Do you want more?" he asks you, trying not to give away how eager he actually is in case you don't want that. "Yes, yes, please," you answer quickly, too far gone to be embarrassed by your eagerness, and Changbin smiles as he pulls his hand out of your underwear. "Lay down for me please?"
You comply with his request, carefully moving yourself off his lap and laying your head against his pillows. Your body trembles in anticipation as he moves himself between your legs, his expression as lust filled as it is soft. His fingers hook into the hem of your underwear, but rather than pulling them down right away, he glances at you once more. "I want to take them off you now, is that okay?"
"Yes," you assure him, voice soft but sure, and you lift your legs up to make it easier for him. Changbin beams at you once more before he carefully moves your underwear down your legs, tossing them to the side afterwards. He leans down to kiss you, his hand running down the soft expanse of body to reach your core. He rubs between your folds for a few moments, allowing his fingers to get wet before he slips one inside slowly. You whine into his mouth at the insertion, and Changbin begins to pump shallowly, prepping you to take another finger.
A whimper escapes you as his second finger enters you and he pulls away from your mouth to look down at you. "You're so beautiful," Changbin whispers to you as he takes in everything with his eyes. Everything about you is perfect to him, top to bottom, ethereal in every single way. And the fact that you love him, that you want him, that he gets to do this with you… He wants to show you much you mean to him with every word and every action. He'll never leave you questioning ever again, never make you doubt your worth or his love. He's so insanely infatuated by you, and he'd never forgive himself if he made you feel unloved and unappreciated.
He took things slow at first because he needed to. Losing someone he loved because of his own mistakes was something he never wanted to feel again. He didn't want to be heartbroken and he didn't want to lose you; he wanted to show you he could treat you right if you gave him that chance. So with that in mind he made a conscious effort to be a gentleman, to move at your pace and to respect anything you may or may not want. He gave you his undivided love and attention, he made sure to always express earnestly how much he liked you. And when he realized he was falling in love with you, he knew he had to be better than the person he once was, now more than ever.
If he wanted just sex or a shallow connection he could get that anywhere. What he wanted was love, real love. A person who'd cherish him as much as he did them, who would listen to him, indulge him in his needs, who'd care for him on his bad days, and he'd give it all back to that person in return. After many failed first dates, or time spent getting to know someone only to realize they weren't compatible, he'd nearly given up hope. So when Jeongin suggested a blind date with you, he thought there was nothing to lose by giving it a shot. He didn't expect for it to go so well, to become addicted to your smile and your voice, to crave your presence any time he was home, to want to shower you with affection and be showered with it in return.
The way you're looking up at him now, entrusting yourself to him, wanting him.. It makes him happier than words can even express. "You're perfect.. so perfect," Changbin continues, watching as your face heats up from his doting. He's always complimented you, but he understands how different it must feel for you right now. To be showered with affection and love while exposed, while vulnerable, while portraying your authentic self both emotionally and physically.. The way you opened up to him, the way you cried for him, the way you expressed your love for him.. He knew he could never hurt you the way others have. He wanted to take your heart in his hands and cradle it, protect it. To have you was a gift he'd cherish, and he wanted to make sure you knew how much you meant to him. "I love you."
You barely have time to respond before he kisses you, beginning to move his fingers inside you in earnest. Changbin starts slow, making sure you're well adjusted and comfortable before he picks up his pace. Your breathing goes uneven when he starts to pump his fingers fast, his fingers inside up to the knuckles. You let out a loud gasp when he curls his fingers, hitting your spot expertly. "Does it feel good baby?" He asks as he hits your spot over and over again, making you feel dizzy with pleasure. You nod your head quickly at Changbin's question, feeling like trying to conjure words right now is beyond your capabilities.
"You look so beautiful, feeling so good for me, so perfect," he continues, chuckling softly as you whine in response, trying to resist the urge to look away from him or cover your face in embarrassment. He realizes he's just repeating himself at this point, but your reactions to his praise make it too enjoyable to resist doing.
"You're so cute," he continues, placing soft kisses against your skin as he moves himself to rest between your legs. Changbin pauses the movement of his fingers as he gets comfortable, waiting for you to lift your head to look at him before he continues. You almost feel like you could pass out; his dark eyes boring into yours, his curly disheveled hair sticking to his skin as sweat forms on his brow, a slight smile evident and complimenting his features.. It's overwhelming in the best way possible.
"I want to do more for you, wanna taste you. Can I?" He asks, the contrast between the soft smile and the lewd request leaving you reeling. "O-Oh, please," you answer eagerly, practically begging for Changbin to do anything and everything he wants to you. The heat on your face is still apparent but your shyness has become increasingly overridden by need and desperation. You know he'll put all he has into pleasing you, and you want it, crave it.
You almost miss the way his eyes glint in excitement before he lowers his head, not wasting any time at using his tongue against your clit. "Oh my god-" you let out a shaky moan, head falling back against the pillows and body shuddering. His tongue moves in expertly practiced circles, lips enclosing around it as he resumes the thrusting of his fingers. His pace is fast but accurate, hitting your spot over and over as his tongue laps at you.
You're almost embarrassed by how close you're getting so quickly, whining and moaning repeatedly as your body trembles beneath him. The noises emitting from you are everything to Changbin, soft and sweet just like you, addicting and laced with honey. Your hips are rolling against him, fingers tangled in his hair, each tug eliciting a groan from him that makes the stimulation on your clit even more intense. "S-So clo-close," you manage to gasp out, toes curling as you quickly approach your high.
As much as Changbin would love to whisper praises and encouragement as you cum, he doesn't want you to lose the built up momentum by pulling away from you to talk. Instead, he hums in acknowledgement, keeping his rhythm steady as he awaits your release. Your climax hits you hard, back arching as the intense feeling of relief overtakes you. Your entire body is tingling, mind being numbed by pleasure as your thighs enclose around his head.
Even as you clench tightly around his fingers, he keeps the pace the same, helping you ride out your high until he feels you start to squirm away in overstimulation. He sits up when your thighs relax and fall back against the bed, looking at you with a mix of endearment and satisfaction. You're completely breathless, chest heaving and face flushed, sweat clinging to you and leaving a sheen he can only describe as ethereal. Your beauty is beyond any tangible words he can conjure, but he'll try his best to express it to you, to make you understand how perfect you are to him.
"You did so well for me, baby," he tells you as he slides his fingers out of you, watching you intently as he brings them to his mouth. You swallow as you watch Changbin lick them clean, butterflies erupting in your stomach at the way he maintains eye contact with you through it. "My pretty girl tastes so good too," he says as he crawls back up your body, "So perfect for me."
"Changbin," you whine with a small pout, and he chuckles as he looks at you fondly, gently brushing the hair clinging to your forehead away. "It's true, you're so perfect. My perfect girl," he smiles as he places a kiss on your temple, then your cheeks, and finally your lips. "You know that, right? You're so pretty," Changbin whispers to you, running his fingers through your hair passively as he looks down at you.
"Are you trying to make me shy on purpose?" you ask and he laughs, shaking his head. It must be payback for how he felt over dinner. "I'm just speaking my mind! How cute your reactions are is just a bonus." He kisses you again, pulling you closer to his body as he does. He wraps his arms around you in a hug, pressing your bodies together, and you can feel his erection pressing against your thighs.
"Do you.. want to keep going..?" you pull away from his kisses to ask. "Mm, I'd love that, but do you want to?" Changbin would be overjoyed to continue, but he didn't want to assume. If you decided this was enough excitement for you for one night, then he'd accept that, no questions asked. He had all the time in the world with you, and there was no need to rush, nor did he want you to feel pressured.
"Yes, I want to," you assure him. You knew you wanted to from the start, to feel him wholly and be consumed by the love and trust you have for him. Your mind was full of him, and you wanted your body to be the same.
“Would you like me to use a condom?” Changbin asks, motioning towards the bedside drawer where he keeps them. He knows from your time together that you’re on birth control and that you’d be safe if he didn’t use one, but he wouldn't make any assumptions about what you’d be comfortable with. To be with someone without protection required so much trust and love; it was intimate and not something to be taken lightly.
There is a small moment of hesitation, not because you have to think about it– no, you know for a fact you want him inside you raw, but how do you say that to his face without feeling like you’re going to combust on the spot? The romantic inside you reasons that you want to feel him with no barriers because you love him, you want to be close to him and give yourself completely to him, while the desperately horny part is full to the brim with the thought of Changbin’s cum shooting inside you.
Changbin watches you patiently despite the way his body is screaming in desperation to feel you. He wants you so badly, almost carnally, but he’ll hold back as long as you need him to, be composed and accommodating for as long as necessary. His heart nearly skips when you finally speak, the anticipation being held by the thinnest of strings, but he’ll be happy no matter what your answer is. Changbin just wants you, that’s all he knows and all that matters.
“Don’t use one, don’t want you to,” your voice is soft and timid, almost a whisper, but Changbin hears it loud and clear. He’s so focused on you, attuned to you, that he can’t miss it. His heart quickens as he nods, rendered speechless in what was likely the only time he ever would be. He leans down to kiss you once more, so overtaken by love and excitement that he really can’t help himself.
His heart races once he's lined himself up at your entrance, but he pauses when he looks at your face, painted with a nervous expression that he can't ignore. "What's wrong? Did you change your mind?" Changbin's expression shifts to concern as he looks down at you, but you quickly shake your head, trying to dispel any worry from him.
"N-No, I still want to! I just.. I've never… with someone I love, I mean." You tell him, voice slightly trembling from your admission. There was a time in your past, your first time, where you thought you knew what love was, what it meant and what it felt like. But you were so young then, and anything you felt then paled in comparison to what you felt now with Changbin.
"Y/N.." Changbin breathes, using your name for the first time all evening. His expression is one of genuine care for you, his eyes soft and full of affection as he gently moves his hand to intertwine his fingers with yours. "I'll take care of you, I promise."
Those men before you who were cruel to you, who didn't treat you with the love and reverence you deserved, who didn't appreciate your beauty and kindness.. They were so fucking stupid. He would never make that mistake. He'd do anything for you, love you with all he has and all he is, care for you until the end of his days. That's his promise to you.
"I know, Binnie. I trust you." You bring a hand up to his face, making sure his eyes are locked on yours as you continue. "Make love to me, please." Changbin’s heart erupts in his chest, the sound of those words falling from your lips strengthening his resolve to be the best he possibly can be for you. He kisses you softly, squeezing your hand in comfort as his length slowly pushes into you. The stretch stings, but the choked groan Changbin makes is more than enough to make you ignore the discomfort. Changbin stills when his hips are flush with yours, letting you get used to the stretch while continuing to squeeze your hand and pepper your face with gentle kisses.
“Feeling okay, love?” he asks as he pulls away to check in with you. Tears poke the corners of your eyes, though from pain or emotion he cannot tell. You look up at him, feeling breathless at the sight of him. The way he looks at you, so full of love and compassion, is unlike anything you’ve experienced with anyone else. “More than okay,” you answer with a soft smile that helps to ease his concern for you, “want you to move.”
Changbin starts slow, making sure you’re well adjusted before he thrusts in earnest. It doesn’t take him long to figure out the pace and angle that’ll make you see stars, his earlier doting on you with his fingers having prepared him for this moment. It’s almost too much, your body feeling like a live wire. His free hand travels down to your leg, moving it up and hooking it into his arm to allow himself to sink deeper inside you.
“Fuck, so good, feels so good,” Changbin babbles against your skin, fingers sinking into the flesh of your thigh, letting his nails mark your skin with small crescent moons. He wants to be attentive, wants to care for you properly and make sure he’s pleasing you, but he’s losing composure much faster than he thought he would.
Changbin’s overwhelming lust for you was held in check by a cracked dam, and the more he felt you squeezing around him, the larger the cracks grew. The break is imminent, a tsunami threatening to overtake him at any moment. But he’ll do his best for you until then, make you feel good and loved and happy until restraint leaves him and his high consumes him.
“Love you so much, want you to cum for me again,” he breathes out before he captures your lips in another kiss. Your kisses are much less romantic than before, having devolved into a mess of tongue and teeth, moans and whines being devoured in the shared breath between you. “You’ll cum for me again, right pretty? Want you to so bad, please, want it,” Changbin all but begs, and fuck, does that do something to you.
He starts to separate his hand from yours with the intent to give more attention to your clit, but you squeeze it firmly, not wanting to let him away from you. Instead, you let your opposite hand sink down to give yourself the stimulation you need, making Changbin groan as his eyes follow your movements. There was something about the way you needed more but weren’t willing to let go of his hand for it that made his heart, and cock, swell.
He stutters out all the praises he can, telling you how good you are, how beautiful, how soft and warm and perfect. “Kiss, please, want a kiss,” you whine out as your high looms closer, and he obliges in an instant, greedily swallowing the loud salacious moans coming from you. Your entire body tenses, like a pulled string on the verge of snapping, and Changbin’s hips stutter in response, sloppily chasing his orgasm with you.
Is it supposed to be this euphoric? To be all encompassing, to consume you completely until there was nothing left but this feeling? The love and pleasure you feel is overwhelming, eyes rolling to the back of your head as you feel the taut string finally snap. You squeeze his hand once more, grounding yourself as your orgasm washes over you like a tidal wave. Changbin follows you almost instantly, fucking you through your shared highs and whining into your mouth until overstimulation takes hold of him.
His arm unhooks your leg, letting it fall limp to the bed as he lies on top of you, breathless and spent. Despite the exhaustion slowly creeping in, he does his best not to let his body weight crush you underneath him. You’re equally as breathless, mind and body buzzing in a post orgasm haze. His head rests against your shoulder, eyes closing as he collects himself. Your arms wrap around him, keeping him in a close embrace that Changbin finds both endearing and soothing. A content sigh escapes him as he listens to your breathing soften, a gentle calm that beckons him to fall asleep.
But despite how his body screams at him for rest, he wants to take care of you first. So, he lifts his head, giving you a small kiss as he lets his softening length slip out of you. “Let’s clean you up,” Changbin says as he wraps his arms around you, picking you up from the bed effortlessly. You can't help but squeak in surprise, wrapping your arms around his neck for support as he walks to the bathroom. You always thought you weighed too much to be princess carried by anyone, but if anyone was going to prove you wrong, it would be Changbin. He sets you down on the counter carefully before he reaches behind you to wet a cloth. He wipes between your legs carefully, making sure there is no discomfort or sting as he does.
“I’m sorry if I hurt you,” he says softly as his hand travels over the nail indentations left behind on your thigh. “I didn’t even feel it,” you admit as your eyes follow the path his hand travels. You were so lost in everything else Changbin was making you feel that the usual tinge of pain you’d feel from nails digging in your skin didn’t even register. Besides that, part of you had to admit that you kind of liked it; it was proof of your time together, and having his mark etched on your skin was both comforting and exciting.
You look up at his face to still see a subtle expression of concern, so you reach your hand out to his face, beckoning him to look at you. “You can mark me more if you’d like. I want to be reminded of where you touched me.” Changbin blinks for a moment, dick unceremoniously twitching before a smile spreads across his features. “Yeah? Want everyone to know you’re mine?”
You nod with a smile of your own, and God, if his body wasn’t screaming at him to sleep he’d make you fall apart under him again, right here and now. “I’ll make sure I mark you up good next time then, lovey.” He takes a step back, tossing the soiled wash rag into the laundry bin and letting you use the bathroom as he washes his hands.
When you’re done, he scoops you back up in his arms, a small protest leaving your lips. You insisted that you were fine, could walk on your own, but the slightest wobble of your legs was all Changbin needed to see to decide you needed to be escorted back to bed. He sets you down carefully before crawling in next to you, his arms wasting no time to wrap around you and keep you close.
You sigh softly, head burrowing into the crook of his neck as you relax in his embrace. It’s a serenity you’ve never experienced before, being in his arms like this after sharing such an intimate moment together. For the first time in years, you had someone that made you feel safe, loved, and protected. It doesn’t take long for Changbin to fall asleep, and you watch him for a few moments, listening to the soft sound of his measured breathing. You don't know what you'll do in the future, what will happen when you have to make a confession to your brother about what Changbin means to you, but there is one thing you do know, and that is that Changbin will never be the person you turn away from.
To say Changbin is exhausted when he returns to work on Monday would be an understatement. But it was a good kind of exhausted; the kind you’d feel after completing a marathon or climbing a mountain, he imagines. He’s never been so happy to be tired in his entire life, he thinks. Even as the caffeine from his copious amounts of coffee leaves his system, his joy carries him through the work day.
The Saturday night he spent with you after having dinner with Hyunjin made him elated beyond words. The closeness and sensuality of your evening was something he’d be craving for so long. He missed the feeling of mutual love, of intimacy and closeness with someone else. And you were so perfect, so lovely and stunning in both mind and body, that he felt lucky to be loved by you.
He took you once more the following Sunday, whispering sweet nothings to you as his hands touched and squeezed any part of your body they could reach. You showered together, spent the afternoon cuddling on the sofa while watching movies until he ordered dinner. He (begrudgingly) let you leave back to your apartment as the sun began to sink further in the horizon, though he made you promise you’d be back later in the week.
When he went to bed a little while later, all he could think about was how it felt having you next to him, wrapped in his arms with a loving and serene expression. He missed you, of course he missed you, and somehow it made a smile stretch across his face. How long had it been since he felt like this? Giddy with love, always thinking about the other person, craving their presence for just a few moments longer every moment until eventually you can’t imagine your life without them always near you.
Changbin wanted that with you, wanted a future where you are always with him. To wake up to you next to him every morning and cuddle in bed with you every night. He thought about taking you on surprise dates, spoiling you with delicious meals and nights out in the city. He imagined you waiting at home for him after a draining work day and how your presence would allow it to all melt away. You’d plant soothing kisses against his skin as you help him into the warm bath, letting him unwind while you took care of him, and he’d do the same for you gladly. You’d take care of him, be sweet and loving to him, and he’d do the same for you without question. Anything you wanted, anything you needed that he could offer, he would. Because he loves you, and you love him, and that’s all he needs to be happy.
And it didn’t take long for that inward joy to spread to his outside features; Changbin is a bit of an open book when it comes to love and affection after all. Jeongin had texted you that same morning, asking what on earth you did to make Changbin appear so elated, and it made you giggle as you imagined how his coworkers must’ve felt seeing their normally stoic and serious Chief being so delighted that he couldn’t hide it.
It was no secret to Jeongin that whatever you were doing with Changbin was real on your end. He’s watched you suffer through enough pretending and agony to know what genuine happiness looks like on your features. On the days you come to pick up Jeongin to spend time with after work, your face always lights up when Changbin waves to you. The small giggle you let out when Changbin checks around himself to make sure no one is looking before he blows you a kiss is one Jeongin has rarely ever heard.
The both of you are so obviously in love that Jeongin would almost be sick if he wasn’t so relieved to see you smiling like that again. As far as he remembers, the last time he saw such a genuine and bashful smile on you was when you were still kids, untainted by the ugliness of the world and its harsh realities. He was aware of the tumultuous life you led and the mental toll it took on you, so to see you happier these days was priceless to him. But he also knew what you led you here, what you would eventually have to do, and that made him scared for you. He didn't want to see you lose the happiness you attained after so long.
“When are you going to talk to Chan-hyung?” Jeongin asked during one of his visits to your apartment, weeks later. You freeze, and he almost feels bad for asking as he watches the way your expression changes into one of dread. But it's not something he can avoid asking; he needs to hear your answer. He needs to know if you have a plan and what it entails. He wants to help you. "I.. don't know," you answer honestly after a moment. You spent a lot of time agonizing over it, what you should do and what you should say, but nothing ever seemed right.
The outcome you hoped for, where your brother didn't hate you and your life with Changbin is untainted and perfect, seemed so impossible. You forget for a while, when Changbin sweetly holds you in his arms and reminds you how much he loves you, but the dread always returns. You sit in your apartment, alone and afraid for the future every single day. You don't want to lose what you have, don't want to feel the absence of those you love, but maybe that's what is meant for you.
Maybe that's what you deserve after spending your adulthood the way you have. Do the people who lie and hurt others willingly deserve happiness? Even though it's never what you wanted, even though you felt like you had no choice, did it taint you irrevocably? Did the universe care that you were trying to change your life, did your apologies even matter? Maybe your mistakes doomed you to a miserable fate long before you could even understand the implications of them.
"I'd help you, you know," Jeongin reminds you, and you try your best to thank him with a smile. Chan may be like his brother, but you're his sister just as much, and he'd always help you if he could. He didn't want you to sacrifice your happiness for the sake of someone else, you deserved to have something good after all this time. You usually try to hide your feelings, not wanting to burden the boy you consider your little brother with your troubles. But you're not kids anymore, and Jeongin isn't blind- he can easily tell when you're distressed, and he can help you if you let him. At least, that's how he feels.
"I know Innie, and I appreciate it, I just.. I'm scared, I guess," you say after some time. "Chan-hyung won't hate you. He might be upset, but he won't ever hate you," he responds, and you let out a shaky breath. He won't, right? You're his sister, he loves you, he's supported you before in your choices so it won't change now, right?
"I don't know what to say to him.. Every time I try to find the words, I feel like I'm stuck. Like everything is lodged in my throat and I can't speak no matter how much I want to," your lip quivers as you try to hold back the tears while you speak. You've thought about this so many times, over and over again, and it hurts . And you don't want to cry, you do enough of that on your own in the privacy of your bedroom, but the tears still threaten to pour out of you despite it.
"You don't.. have to admit you love Changbin necessarily? Just remind him you left for a reason and that coming back to it has been bad for you. Tell him that you tried your best for him but you can't do it anymore. I think he'll understand." You swallow and nod as you listen to his advice. "And you know I support you, right? And I like Changbin, I think he's an amazing guy. I want you to stay with him."
"Really, you do? You're not mad at him over.. you know, family stuff?" you ask, suddenly perking up a bit. "Yeah, well, I.." Jeongin hesitates for a moment. He has his own feelings he's been trying to work out, but if you're going to share with him then he should share with you too. If you're going to be brave and face what is hard for you, then so should he. "I have my doubts about.. staying in the family lately." He finally admits for the first time. He still remembers the day he was officially initiated in, how you congratulated him earnestly even though you were concerned for him.
Before that day, you always told him he had a choice. He didn't have to join you, he didn't have to be involved in any of the terrible things that this life often entails. Jeongin could always tell you cared about him and wanted him safe above all else, but you still accepted his decision even when it saddened you. You only ever looked out for him, wanted better for him, but he joined anyway because he thought it was the best way to stay with the people he loved most. You and Chan were his real family in his eyes, he didn't care about blood relation or who his parents were, he just wanted to go hand in hand with his siblings. Wherever the two of you went, he would follow- that's what he decided back then.
But he saw what it did to you. You always wore a brave face of course, but he wasn't oblivious to your pain. And he met good people over the years, especially in his new environment on the force with Changbin. Similarly to you, he met people he didn't want to hurt or betray. It made him question what he knew and what he felt until now, and if he had really made the right decision those years ago when he turned 18. Maybe it was naive, but there was a part of him that hoped he could one day become a genuine member of the police. His current credentials were falsified of course, but maybe when he left the family he could make them real. Move out of the city, settle somewhere small and attend the academy there, rise his way up earnestly until one day he could meet the friends he made in Seoul as a true version of himself.
He never seriously considered it before now because he felt like that's not what his father wanted for him. His father was unyieldingly loyal to your own, he always emphasized the importance of dedicating his all to the prosperity of the family. Jeongin always felt like he should follow that example, and for the majority of his life he was glad to. But as time went on and he got older and more experienced in life, he realized more and more how his view of things were warped. The teenage version of himself who idolized this life was understandably naive- there was no way for him to truly grasp or understand what he was getting into back then.
There was a part of Jeongin that felt guilty whenever he thought about leaving. Until his death, his father raised him to uphold the values of the mafia, and he trusted that Jeongin would make him proud. He changed a lot over the years though, and for a lot of different reasons. The difficult reality was part of it, but so were you and Changbin. Even before you met the Chief, your life was already improved so much by leaving. You loved your new life, your apartment and your job. Your new normal was peaceful, you were healing, and Jeongin was so happy for you.
He didn't realize he wanted the same thing right away. It happened in steps; a hard loss here, an exhausting day there, that began to leave him weary. At first he thought it was just the exhaustion anyone would feel- after all, no one enjoys being stressed out or hurting others. It was normal to want a break, or to spend some time away. There was nothing unusual about that, so he took it in stride, trusting that it would pass once things began to look up (if they ever did.)
But whenever he saw your vibrant smile that was so different from the forced one you used to wear, the way your eyes sparkled and your voice lifted whenever you saw or talked with Changbin, and how the real you, the one he knew as a kid that was so bubbly and full of life, returned- that's when he knew he wanted the same thing. A peaceful, happy life.
"I took more after you than Chan-hyung, I guess," Jeongin jokes to make it more lighthearted. He's pleasantly surprised to see it worked, a genuine smile finally cracking on your face. "We're real winners of loyal younger siblings, huh?" you chuckle. It's probably not appropriate to laugh but well.. What else can you do, really? "You should leave, if you really want to. It took a long time for me to realize it, but there's nothing wrong with wanting better for yourself, and wanting to be happier." You say and Jeongin easily agrees with a smile. "Exactly! Which is why I hope you'll talk to him soon. Get yourself out, and live a happy life with Changbin. You deserve it."
"Well, what about you? What will you do?" you ask and Jeongin pauses while he thinks about it. "I'm not sure.. I mean, I'm sure I want to leave, I just don't know when I should. He's my brother and I love him, and I don't want him to be upset by us both leaving at the same time.. Maybe I'll bring it up after some time passes?" It certainly wasn't a bad idea. It'd be good for your brother to heal a bit, and not suffer too much loss at once. "Just make sure you take care of yourself too, okay? Don't push down your needs to make someone else happy," you remind him. "Of course," he assures you with a smile. "Maybe I can talk to Felix-hyung too. He helped you when you were struggling with this, so I'm sure he'll help me too."
"You should!" you enthusiastically agree. And that might not be a bad idea for you right now too. Felix has always been nothing but kind and supportive, and he offers such good advice. You've always trusted him deeply, and he's honest without being harsh, which is something you really value in him. "I think I will too. It might help me feel better about my talk with Chan if I talk to Felix about it first."
Content with your discussion and your future plans, the rest of Jeongin's visit to your apartment is lighthearted. And honestly, you feel a weight lifted off your chest knowing Jeongin is on your side. He's always understood you, but you still had this irrational fear that this time would be the exception. You were worried that maybe he hated Changbin for his role in the arrest of Minho, and when he realized your feelings for him, that he would turn his back on you. And you still have that fear when it comes to other members of the family, but you feel much more reassured now. It's encouraging to know that you won't be alone in this, and that you'll have support from someone who loves you. You can only hope that all your future talks will go as well as they have today.
It's another few weeks later when Felix finally has a free moment to stop by your apartment for a talk. You told him after the night Jeongin visited, mostly in vague terms, that you wanted to talk about Changbin and your job, and Felix promised to come as soon as he was able. He assumed that you were dealing with something serious, and were seeking help vaguely because that's what you typically needed to do. You often dealt with dangerous men, or sensitive information, and going in full detail over text wasn't the wisest decision. Particularly because if anyone got arrested, texts are among the first things looked at to find evidence. It was important in this line of work to keep your secrets and information close, and only talk about them aloud in a private space.
He's looking around your apartment attentively after he steps through the door. He knew where you lived, as did Chan, but this was his first time actually being here. Felix and your brother were respectful of the space you needed when you initially left, giving you your distance and never intruding in your space. They drove by on occasion, looking around the area and making sure you were safe when you first moved in, but never anything more than that.
"It's a nice place," he comments idly, hoping a bit of small talk will ease you into the conversation you want to have. Felix knew from personal experience that you have a hard time having serious conversations due to your anxiety, so he likes to try to ease the tension any way he can.
Truthfully, you are nervous, but you feel almost equally assured. You have no reason to doubt that Felix will understand and help you as he always has. You move to sit on the sofa, and Felix follows, sitting in a chair across from you. "I've decided I want to tell Chan I'm done with this job. I'm sorry to him and Minho, but I don't want to do it anymore."
Felix can tell you've changed a lot from the person you once were from the way you speak. You sound confident in your choice, and it was only a year ago that wanting to make a decision like this would leave you an anxious mess. He could remember the way your voice trembled then, and how you needed to be told your feelings were valid. You sought out his advice, spent a long time going back and forth as you agonized over your sense of responsibility and wanting to live your own life. He can't sense any of that now though; you've clearly grown a lot, and you don't need his assurance anymore.
"It seems like you've thought about this a lot already," Felix says, though he isn't surprised. You never wanted to be brought back to do this kind of work in the first place, so as it became clear that getting information out of Changbin would be difficult, Felix knew this would be the inevitable outcome. After all, what's the point of staying in a fake relationship if it's not necessary? It's better to get out early, than stick it out for longer than necessary and deal with the complications that would come with "breaking up" after a prolonged time together. And besides that, he was sure it must be hard for you to keep trying when this was something you wanted to leave behind, so none of it was a surprise in the slightest.
"I'm not sure what Chan will do after you leave Changbin since this was his last idea though.. Not that it will be your concern, of course! Just do what you have to and don't worry about what we will do," Felix continues.
"I'm not leaving Changbin," you interject, and Felix pauses, his brows furrowing in confusion. "But you said you were done? What are you..?" his voice trails off as the realization sets in. But that can't be true, surely you're not.. right? "Noona, do you.. love him?" "Yes," you answer easily; so easily that Felix almost can't process it. You said it so assuredly, like there was no need for you to think about it. "I love him, and I'm not leaving him."
Felix has known you for many years now, seen you through your best and worst moments, nearly all your ups and downs. But this is a first for him; you sound so sure . He's seen you suffer through countless fake relationships, or extremely toxic real ones, so he's never seen you have such a determination to be with someone.
"Noona, I support you, you know I do, but.." Felix trails off, his expression one of deep concern. There's nothing he wants more than for you to live the serene life you aspire towards, with someone who makes you happy and cares for you. He never wanted you to be dragged back into this to begin with, having expressed to Chan more than once his doubts and concerns. But Chan was- no, is , desperate for something to come of your help. And Felix is prepared to deal with what Chan might feel from you quitting without obtaining anything, to help him create a new plan, but he's worried about what this revelation will do to your brother.
Chan is a good man but there are times that Felix is concerned for him following a dark path he can't come back from. He's not sure whether it's the suspected betrayal, the loss of his second in command, or the years of piled on hardship as leader that has led to Chan changing recently, but he doesn't have the same tenderness he once had. Felix does his best to lessen the burden, to ease his worries and take the place of Minho in all the ways that he can, but the strain is still there, and it only grows more as time continues to pass. But maybe it's selfish of Felix to not want you to do something purely because it will mean he has to deal with something difficult.
How many years have you been selfless for their sake? How many times did you set your feelings aside for the sake of someone else? How many times did you willingly keep yourself in harm's way just to give Chan what he wanted or needed? Would it be right or fair for them to ask you to give up this happiness you've finally obtained just to further their own agenda? Felix knew the answer to that is easily no. You should be allowed to have your happiness after all this time, to love who you want without worry and not be dragged back in the moment someone else deems it a necessary sacrifice for some "greater purpose."
But none of that is up to him, and he's fearful that your brother's mental state will cloud his judgment. Pain changes a person, oftentimes irrevocably. It can make the choices you'd often never consider seem like the only path forward, and he fears that he can't stop Chan from continuing down the dark road he’s walking on.
"I know that Chan won't be happy. There might even be a chance he never forgives me for this, but I'm willing to accept that. I need to live my life how I want to be lived. I'm done accommodating for everyone but myself. I hope he will understand, but even if he doesn't this is the decision I've made. And I hope you will support me too," you say, resolve clear in your voice. Felix still remembers the you of over a year ago vividly, who was so scared to make a decision for herself that it agonized her to try. It's amazing, truly, how much you seem to have changed since that day. You're here, standing on your own two feet, fighting for what you want unapologetically.
"I'm with you, without a doubt. I've always wanted you to be happy, and I'll talk to Chan too if I need to," Felix responds, offering you a reassuring smile as he does. "That means a lot to me Lixie, thank you." He offers you a hug which you gladly accept. It pains you to think that your brother might not understand your feelings, but you realize more and more how much support you have. You don't have to go through this on your own; you have your friends and your found family by your side through everything. No matter the outcome of your talk with Chan, you feel like you'll be able to walk away with your head held the highest it's ever been.
The rest of your afternoon following your conversation with Felix was spent with you planning your approach with Chan. What you should say and how you should say it, how to go about asking him to put any feelings of distaste for Changbin aside, and to request him to only talk to you as a brother catching up with and caring for his sister from that moment on, and never again for the purpose of a job or about his mafia life and dealings. It used to be extremely difficult for you to put together what you wanted to say, but talking with Jeongin and Felix has helped greatly.
And there's a stress that comes with planning all this out, but at the same time there's a solace. Putting yourself first has never been something that came easy to you, but underneath the bittersweet emotions is an immense pride for yourself. You hope more than anything that things will go well for you, but you can take pride in the fact that you did all you could for yourself if it doesn't.
A text from Changbin pulls you from your thoughts, and you smile upon seeing that he's home and asking if you still want to come over for the weekend (which you obviously do.) You confirm your plans, telling him to go ahead and eat because you already had dinner yourself, and that you'd be on your way soon. It doesn't take you long to get your things together and in a bag, as you basically have it down to a science with how often you do it. You let him know you're on your way as soon as you're done putting your things in the car, smiling softly to yourself as you make the modest drive to his house.
Changbin pulls you in his arms the moment he opens his door for you, making you squeak in surprise before you settle into his touch. "Are you okay Binnie?" you ask as you wrap your own arms around him. "Hard day," he mumbles into your hair, keeping you wrapped in a tight hug. You let him stay like that for a few moments, figuring he needs it, before you pull away to look at him. "Why don't you let me put my things down, and then we can talk about it if you want, okay?" He nods as he lets you go, and you quickly move to set your things down in his room.
He follows you over, waiting patiently for you to join him after he flops down onto his bed. He falls practically limp in your arms after you settle, head resting on your chest as you run a hand up and down his back. "What's bothering you?" you ask softly, listening attentively as he lets out an exhale before starting. "This case, it's just.. difficult. I've been working on it for so long but it always feels like we don't get anywhere with it. Like for every step forward, we go another two back. I don't know what else I should do, I feel like I've tried everything."
You run your fingers through his hair gently as he pours his feelings out to you, offering kind reassurances and reminding him of your support. He's always been open about his feelings to some degree, but it was like you unlocked another part of his heart since the day the two of you confessed your love for each other. Due to what he'd been through before, there was still a part of him that was scared to share too much about work, positive or otherwise. Even when he was assured that you were the one for him, that he wanted to share the entirety of the rest of his life with you, it wasn't easy to break the shackles that were holding him back. But since that day, slowly but surely he's been able to heal even more.
Changbin always makes sure he does his best to keep a proper balance, to make time for the two of you to spend together and take necessary breaks to unwind and recharge, but it feels good to know he doesn't have to keep silent about a big part of his life anymore. He trusts you, he believes in your words and your care, and he knows that you're understanding and supportive of his ambitions. He loves that he can come home after a day at the station and share his thoughts with you. You celebrate with him on the good days and treat him gently on the bad. You never make him feel like he needs to lock his life away, and in turn he makes sure you never feel forgotten or unloved. His career is important to him, and always will be, but so are you, and he'll make sure you never question that.
He looks up at you as you continue to hold and caress him, feeling a rush of emotion wash over him. He loves you so much . He's thought it a million times, but he never stops feeling lucky to have you. You never judge him, think he's too clingy or too silly, never make him feel shunned or like he needs to hide away. You accept him for all that he is, unconditionally. After the devastation he felt in the past, Changbin began to feel like he'd never find the kind of love he hoped for. That maybe it was only destined for those that God favored, and somewhere along the way he made a mistake that debarred him of that chance at happiness.
But then he met you, and it was like everything fell into place. So sweet and beautiful, so accepting and with so much love to give. Your smile easily eclipsed the other beauties of the world in his eyes. No scenic nature view or star-filled sky would ever compare, not in a million years. Would it be cliche to compare you to an angel? That's truly what you were to him though- an angel that saved him from the depths of his loneliness. An angel that helped him heal the wounds he couldn't care for alone. An angel that allowed him to trust unconditionally again. He trusted you from the bottom of his heart, loved you from the deepest recesses of his soul.
It doesn't take long for you to notice the way Changbin is staring at you, his eyes reflecting a love that words couldn't hope to describe. He looks at you like you hold the entire world in your hands, like you're the sun and he's a planet destined to forever be in your orbit and in your reach. No matter how many times you see it, the look he holds never fails to make your heart race. He leans forward suddenly, capturing your lips in a kiss that is simultaneously romantic as it is incredibly needy. There's so much passion behind it that it leaves you breathless in a matter of seconds.
It's almost relentless how much he kisses you, leaving you only the briefest of moments to catch a breath before he's back on you. His hands feel equally as desperate in their touch, squeezing and caressing every inch of you as they roam the expanse of your body. "Binnie..?" you let you when he finally parts long enough for you to catch your breath effectively. "Just love you so much," he responds as he begins to kiss his way down your neck, "want to show you." Your stomach flips at his words, and part of you wants to let him, but instead you reach your hand down to his face, urging him to look back up at you. "You had a hard day, let me take care of you instead."
Changbin blinks for a moment as the words process, a slight flush settling over him as it settles in him. He wasn't expecting it, but he's certainly not against it. He easily allows your positions to swap, with Changbin propped up against the pillows and you straddling him. He is usually the one taking the lead in your intimate moments, but he also loves times like this, where you are on top of him showering him with affection. You kiss him with the same fervor he had towards you, the only difference being the addition of your tongue.
He lets out a soft groan of approval when your tongue first enters his mouth, indulging in the feeling of your hands and tongue exploring him. You reach for the hem of his shirt, urging him to help you remove it from his body. He immediately reaches for yours as well, tugging it off you in a rush he normally doesn't have, but that you don't mind in the slightest. Changbin is always eager to touch you normally, but he feels almost carnal in his craving for you now. He wouldn't say he ever gets enough of you in the first place, but it feels amplified now; like no touch will be anywhere near enough to momentarily satiate him.
All he knows, all he has, is want. A want that is fueled by love above all else, almost saccharine in nature. He craves you this badly because he loves you, it's as simple as that. As long as you are against him, touching his skin and hearing your voice in his ears, he'll be the happiest he's ever been. You kiss every inch of him as you make your way down his body, every curve and every dip, not with the intent to tease but to show how much you love and care for him. Changbin can't help but giggle when you kiss his soft stomach, nose scrunching in the adorable way you love so much.
He watches you with bated breath and eager eyes as you continue lower and reach the waistband of his pants. You don't waste any time pulling them down in one go, along with his underwear, and letting his cock free of its confines. You recognize the look in his eyes, the near desperation, and you know how bad he needs you, so you won't make him wait. He always took such good care of you, being attentive to every want and fulfilling every need, so you'll do the same for him gladly.
You spend a few moments planting kisses on the sensitive flesh of his thighs, watching as his cock twitches in response. Changbin's eyes are locked on you, hands tightening their grip on the bed sheets as he awaits what he wants most. No matter how intense the fire in him blazes, he'll be as patient as you need him to be, wait as long as you want him to.
If this were another day, you'd spend more time appreciating his body and watch his resolve to hold out crack under each added kiss and touch, but you don't want to deny him what he's craving any longer than you already have. He swallows when he sees your tongue stick out, licking up the pre-cum that has dribbled down his length before you wrap your lips around him. Changbin lets out a breathy moan as you sink lower on him, mouth open wide to accommodate his thickness.
He reaches his hands out to you, one tangling into your hair while the other searches for your hand. You bring your hand to him, letting him intertwine his fingers with yours. He's always loved the intimacy of your hands being locked together; it gives him an unmatched feeling of tenderness and love, it's a constant reminder of your warm presence.
Your pace is slow at first, allowing your jaw to relax before you attempt to take him completely in your mouth. It takes all your power to suppress your gag reflex when his cock first hits the back of your throat, but the loud groan he lets out when you swallow around him encourages you to keep doing your best for him.
He curses when your pace quickens, tongue caressing the underside of cock as your head bobs up and down. The strain on your jaw becomes painful, and your eyes are watering from all the effort, but you're determined to give him your all. His hold tightens, causing a slight sting to your scalp, but you'd be lying if you said you didn't like it. Everytime your normally gentle lover becomes so lost in the pleasure that he can't help himself but to hold you roughly, it ignites a fire in your belly.
You can tell he's getting close from the way his breath quickens and cock twitches against your tongue. "Fuck, God, fuck-" he groans as his head falls back. He squeezes your hand in an attempt to ground himself, and it takes all his self control not to thrust into your mouth. You decide to double your efforts, taking him fast and swallowing over, over, and over again. Saliva drips from your lips, creating a messy puddle in his lap and salacious, wet sounds to ring in Changbin's ears. "Gonna cum, fuck, so good, I'm gonna cum, " he pants out his warning, body hot and chest heaving.
His cum shoots down your throat in bursts that nearly makes you choke. Your tongue coaxes him through his orgasm as you swallow every drop of his release. You don't separate until you're sure he's finished, mouth releasing him with a small pop. You look up at him, your beautiful and perfect boyfriend in his post orgasm haze, feeling yourself clench at the sight. No matter how many times you see Changbin breathless and flushed with sweat lingering on his brow, it never fails to make your stomach do cartwheels.
You crawl up his body, moving in to slot your lips against his. Changbin lets out a sound of approval, wrapping his arms around you tightly and pulling your body flush against his. "Love you so much," he mumbles against your lips between kisses. One arm keeps you close while he lets the other move, hand snaking its way between your thighs to feel your drenched heat. "Baby.. all this just from helping me feel good?" he smiles as he asks, looking at you with sparkling eyes. He could never hope to hide how excited and elated he gets from the feeling of you being soaked for him.
"Always Binnie, love making you feel good," you say with a soft smile before you capture him in another kiss. You know very well what he wants to do next- he's going to ask if he can make you feel good too. And with Changbin, that means pouring all his love and care into you, until you are weak in the knees and too exhausted to move an inch. But you can't let him do that tonight; you have other plans in mind. "Wanna do more for you Binnie," you say between breaths, "wanna ride your cock."
"Fuck, please, it's all yours," he groans in response, your words having an instant effect on his body. You stand to remove the rest of your clothes, and Changbin doesn't take his eyes away for even a second. He takes his cock in his hand, lazily rubbing it back to full stiffness as he watches you undress. You shoot him a smile as you crawl back onto his lap, one that he reciprocates easily while the eager glint in his eye grows ever stronger. He separates his hand from his cock, allowing your own hand to take its place and align it with your entrance.
There's a sharp gasp from you as you start to lower yourself on his cock, the lack of preparation instantly causing tears to prick the corners of your eyes. You'd hoped being completely soaked would be enough to ease the process of Changbin entering you, but you should've known it wouldn't be enough to make it painless.
"You're so good baby, doing so well, keep going lovey, you can do it, I've got you," he can't help but praise and encourage you despite the fact that the focus is supposed to be on him. He knows the stretch can be a lot for you even with prep, so watching you do your best to take him without it makes him want to shower you with all the praise he has to offer.
Each inch taken as you sink down causes another whimper from you and a low moan from Changbin. You're clenching so tight it'd be enough to send him into delirium if he wasn't so focused on making sure you're okay. "Good baby, you're so good," he tells you when you are finally sat completely down on him, your hips flush with his own. He places soft kisses to your skin, letting you adjust and steady your breathing. He runs his hands up and down your plush thighs, giving gentle squeezes while admiring the way you look. You're always so pretty when you're flushed and breathless like this, always feel so good in his hands and sound so sweet. He's addicted to you he's well aware, but how could he not be? Soft and sexy you, every curve and bend perfect, an Aphrodite all his own.
"Take your time, there's no rush love," Changbin plants comforting kisses against your face and neck as he speaks. You can feel him throbbing and twitching inside you, silently pleading for friction, but he encourages you to take your time despite it. Slowly but surely however, the stinging subsides and you can feel the tension in your body begin to recede. Your first grind is slow and experimental, but it still causes a sudden sharp inhale to leave Changbin. Your hands grip his broad shoulders tightly, using them for stability as you try to find what the both of you will like the best.
A string of expletives leave his lips when you find what you like and begin to move in earnest. You've just started but it already feels so impossibly good, he can't manage to stay quiet even if he wanted to (and besides that, he knows you prefer him vocal.) Changbin pushes your hair out of your face, wanting to see your expressions with no obstruction. He watches you, mesmerized and full of adoration. Everything, from the roll of your hips to the bounce of your breasts and the lustful glaze over your eyes, he commits it all to his memory. He never wants to forget how devotedly you took care of him, and how breathtakingly beautiful you looked doing it.
You move to hold his face in your hands, kissing him with messy fervor as you bounce on his cock with more urgency, fueled by your desire to make him cum again. He holds your hips, helping you keep your rhythm steady while he squeezes the meat of it. He can't help the way his eyes roll back, the way your walls clench tightly around him with your tongue in his mouth making him feel almost lightheaded. Each noise emitted from one of you is swallowed by the other, desperate moans and whines muffled and drowned out by the sound of your skin slapping against his.
You eventually pull away, chest heaving as you finally allow more air to pass through your lungs. Your thighs burn with exertion, pace faltering as your legs begin to go weak, but you refuse to relent. Changbin can see the exhaustion settling over you though, and while he appreciates your determination to push through it, he's more than happy to take over for you.
"Hold onto me baby, gonna help you," Changbin says, and you comply quickly, once again holding onto his shoulders for support. He takes complete control, using the strength in his arms to bounce you on his cock while he thrusts up into you. You gasp and moan loudly, stars bursting in your vision. You can barely form a coherent thought with the way he's pistoning into your sweet spot from below, the angle and speed making you dizzy with pleasure. "B-Binnie, please-" you whine loudly, nails digging into his shoulders as your head slumps forward, "feels so good, so good , wanna cum, please- "
"Cum on my cock pretty, you can do that for me, can't you? Wanna make your Binnie happy and cum all over him?" His words send electricity through you, jolting you with a force you've never felt before now. You cum with a loud cry, eyes rolling back as you shake and quiver on top of him. You're gasping and crying through your high, his quick and precise thrusts dragging it on for what feels like an eternity. "Good girl, that's a good girl," he praises you through it, pace only slowing for the smallest of moments as he speaks to you.
"Don't let go baby, gonna flip you over now,” He warns, and you're on your back in a second, Changbin wasting no time to slip back inside your warmth and continue his fast pace. You're breathless, body on fire, and impossibly overstimulated, but it feels so good. You claw at him desperately as he pounds into you, the insurmountable pleasure building back up just as fast as it faded.
Your teeth sink into your bottom lip, trying in vain to contain the myriad of noises erupting from you. Changbin's hips begin to stutter, his low moans quickly turning into breathy whines in your ear. You let out a shuddering moan when his fingers find your clit, moving in desperate circles to get you to cum with him.
"One more love, give me one more, cum with me," Changbin's pleading tone accompanying all else that you are feeling sends you down a spiral; your body jolts and tenses, your orgasm washing over you in fervent waves. The way you look writhing and squirming underneath him, lewd noises uncontrollably tumbling from your lips while you squeeze tightly around him sends him careening into his own peak. You reach for the nape of his neck, pulling him in closer for another messy kiss as you both ride the tail end of your combined highs together.
Changbin collapses next to you shortly after, both of you doing your best to steady your breathing and calm your pounding hearts. You turn your head after a moment to look at him, and see his gaze already turned to you. His look is one of pure, unadulterated love and joy. You always flush red when he looks at you like that, and he laughs softly when you shyly turn away. You could look him in the eyes no problem when his dick was down your throat and he was fucking you into oblivion, but now you're like this over a little affectionate look? Embarrassing . But he loves that about you, and he never stops finding it cute and endearing.
"Come here love," Changbin says as he pulls you to him. He smiles at you, a smile that is as warm as it is bright, as he wraps you in his arms. "Thank you for tonight baby, you make me feel so much better, my sweet girl," he beams as he praises you. Part of you feels like you should be used to it by now, but you don't think you ever will be. "I love you Binnie, you don't have to thank me for anything," you reply, a bit more timidly than you'd prefer. He shakes his head, giving you a quick kiss on the forehead before he continues speaking. "Of course I have to thank you! How else will you know how much I appreciate you?"
It's your turn to smile at him this time, an adoring twinkle painting your expression. He always warms you with his words, his sweetness unparalleled by any confection. You settle into his touch, resting your head against the crook of his neck and shoulder, nuzzling in close. You stay like that for a few moments, just wrapped in each other's comforting embrace, before you hear Changbin let out a small exhale. "Y/N.. there's something I've been wanting to ask you about."
"Is something still bothering you?" you ask as you glance up at him. There's a slight flush to his cheeks, paired with a nervous expression. He shakes his head quickly, taking a small moment to gather himself before he continues. "We are together most days, you know.. And whenever you're gone all I can think about is how much I miss you being next to me. And I always think about what it'll be like to come home from work and have you already here, greeting me every night with that cute smile of yours I love so much, and-" Changbin realizes he's rambling and getting ahead of himself, so he cuts himself off, swallowing pensively as he tries to calm his nerves. "A-Anyways, maybe it's too soon and you don't want to yet, but what I'm asking is.. Do you want to move in with me?"
There's a silence that shortly follows, simply because you can't believe he's even asking. "Y-You.. want me to live here? ..With you?" Changbin nods without hesitation, the certainty clear in his eyes, "Yes, I want you here with me. I always, always , want you here with me."
You blink at him, your mind racing as his worlds settle in. He's always said sweet things to you, about how he misses you when you have to leave and how he can't wait to see you again every time you leave, but despite that, you're still astounded. "You don't have to say yes if you're not ready though! I won't hold it against you." He replies quickly, seemingly trying not to make you feel pressured to say yes if you're not sure about it.
But you love him so much, there's no doubt in your mind that you want to spend forever with him. Every moment, good or bad, you want to have Changbin at your side. You still need to talk to Chan, to make him understand that you're leaving your past behind you for good, but you feel nothing but optimism and hope. If he doesn't understand your love for Changbin you'll make him understand, you'll put your all into making your dream life with Changbin a reality. And knowing how much he loves you, that he truly means it when he says he wants you with him every moment of every day, is enough to fuel you through any hardship you might face. He'll always be here for you, with open arms and a cute, goofy smile to cheer you through anything.
"I want to! Really, I want to," you give him a smile so bright it immediately melts all his worries away. He hugs you tightly, his happiness manifesting in a series of elated giggles. You share in the feeling, giggling along with him and kissing his cutely scrunched nose. "I love you so much, Y/N," he says as he plants a series of kisses on your face. He meant it before when he said he'll always be there for you, that he'd never leave you, and now it's a promise that runs even deeper. Always with you, weathering any storm, hand in hand- that’s what he wants to have with you.
"I love you too Binnie, so much," you giggle out between his kisses that are beginning to tickle. And that's how you spend your night, laying in each other's arms, excitedly talking and giggling about your future together, knowing that no past happiness could ever compare to the joy you feel now.
The time that passes since the night that Changbin asked you to move into his house has felt like a blur of planning and sorting. Thankfully, there's not much to decide when it comes to what to do about your job; moving in with Changbin only adds an extra few minutes to your commute, which you don't mind making every day. Having to wake up earlier in the mornings from now on was a sacrifice you were more than willing to make if it meant always seeing him when you woke up.
So, in recent days, you spent most of your free time sorting your things. You started small, combing every inch of your apartment for things you no longer wanted and putting them in a donation box to be given away. Next came packing things you wanted to keep, but wouldn't need in the immediate future, such as clothes that don't fit for the season and childhood memorabilia.
The progress is a bit slower than you'd like given everyone's busy schedules, but you are still happy with the progress. You're happy to have help from Changbin or Jeongin when they're free, but you aren't upset when they can't make the time. According to them, everyone has been dealing with an extra workload at the station lately, with some officers often needing to stay behind long past their usual hours to get things moving on an important (and stressful) case.
He's told you about it before- a difficult, long running case that he hopes he can finally bring to a close. Apparently there has been a new breakthrough, but there's a high chance of their progress stagnating again if things don't proceed the way they want them to. Changbin, as Chief, has a lot of responsibility to oversee the process and make sure every operation runs as smoothly as possible. It takes up a lot of his time, but you know how important it is for him to see an important case like this through, so you don't at all fault him at all.
Jeongin, as a low ranking officer, doesn't have the same responsibilities as Changbin, but he still doesn't have much spare time due to the mafia family responsibilities he has after his time at the station. Your brother has apparently been preparing for a large-scale operation that requires everyone to chip in as much as possible. According to Jeongin and Felix, Chan has been planning for months to raid the base of the enemy mafia he was supposed to make an alliance with, and everything he needed to conduct said raid is finally coming together.
They said there was no rat on their side of course, but Chan can't just take their words at face value. It's more important to him to obtain that truth with his own hands, and if necessary he'll make his amends later. In his mind, it's better to be wrong and ask for forgiveness when the fire he set quells, rather than to play into whatever plans they may have to ruin him by being trusting and complacent. No one he has planted in key places has made progress on discovering who betrayed him or how he can get Minho out of prison, and it seems that this is his final gambit.
There are a fair amount of people within the family who don't agree with the decision, as it's dangerous and will only invite even more hostility between the two families, while others revel in the anticipated chaos and can't wait to get their hands dirty. Personally, you are among the people who don't agree with this course of action, but all you can really do is try to convince Chan to change his course of action before you leave, and it's up to him whether he wants to listen or not. Though at this point, you're not sure if you'll be able to talk to him before it happens in the first place.
He initially thought up this plan months ago, but he recognized the risks and he did his best to explore the safer avenues first. He knew they would take longer, and that it could possibly leave him no further than when this began, but he wasn’t the type to needlessly put those he loves in danger. But now that so much time has passed, and it’s become clearer to him that this raid will likely be his last chance to get what he wants, he needs to put his all into making sure it goes flawlessly. The final preparations are the most crucial of all, which hasn't left him with much time to spare to talk to you.
You kept texting and calling, asking him when he'll have a spare moment so you can talk, but it often went unseen, sometimes for days at a time. "If you have information to deliver, give it to Felix and he'll get it back to me," he replied once, making it very clear that he wouldn't make time for anything that would distract him from his planning. It saddened you more than anything, as you were hoping to have everything put behind you before you moved in with Changbin, but if Chan couldn't make time for you then there was nothing else you could do.
You opted for texting him your resignation a few days ago, which you hated doing as you wanted to express it in person, but you didn't want to live with Changbin while having your "job" still being an expectation held over your head. His response was a clear cut, "I understand. I'm sorry I brought you back into it due to my own desperation, that was wrong of me. I hope you'll be happier from now on."
You were worried at first that he was just saying those things to make you feel better and was actually upset with you, so Felix offered to ask him about it in your stead since he is around Chan for most of his days. He asked about it between scheduled organization sessions, and relayed that Chan did genuinely seem to be okay with you leaving again, even if it meant you quitting the job. He had always felt bad for asking knowing that you wouldn’t enjoy it, but he did anyway because it was the last idea he had before having to resort to his more extreme options.
He knew Changbin would be a tough target, and he knew there was a chance it wouldn’t work the way he’d hoped for, but it was the final barrier before making an extreme decision. And it’s unfortunate the near-miracle he was hoping for didn’t happen, but that’s what his other preparations were for. He was ready for this outcome, always, as he learned a long time ago that it pays to be prepared.
And as things stand now, Chan had a lot of hope in his raid and the execution of his plans going well for him. So as more and more time passed, he always intended to both thank you and apologize sincerely, for once again doing something selfless for his sake, and that you would be free to leave whenever you’d want to. It was regrettable that he couldn’t give you his best wishes sooner, but he hoped you would realize their sincerity.
It was a bit odd to have to play telephone with others to hear those words from your brother, but it eased your mind nonetheless. And he promised that the two of you would have a sibling get together as soon as he was able to, with no expectations about you rejoining or doing favors for the family; just simply enjoying one another's time as a normal brother and sister would. The thought made you happy, and you hoped it was a sign of good things to come. You're not sure if there will ever be a time where your brother and your lover can ever meet and happily exist in the same space, but you could at least be happy if Chan cheers for your happiness from afar.
So with all that in mind, you've begun to pack more eagerly in the last few days. You have all of your out of season clothes packed now, boxes safely nestled in various corners of your apartment and ready to be taken to Changbin's place at any moment. You even smile to yourself as you pack away your childhood objects, giddy as you think about where each object would look having its own spot in Changbin's house. Everything, from imagining where you'll display your favorite old teddy bear to what your clothes will look like tucked away next to his, is enough to make you beam with delight.
And thankfully, Jeongin is finally free to help you tonight, arriving with some desperately needed coffees in hand. "Drink up Noona, you must be exhausted from all this work," he smiles as he passes one of the coffees to you, which you graciously accept. "Yeah, working all day and then having to pack my stuff alone in the evenings sucks ," you complain after taking several big sips of your drink. Honestly, you really appreciate the help. There's no doubt in your mind that Jeongin must be tired too, but he's still deciding to help you anyways. And besides that, it'll be nice to have someone to talk to while you do the mindless task of putting things in boxes.
"So, Chan doesn't have you working tonight?" you ask after the pair of you begin packing away your various kitchen items. "I already did my work, technically. He just wanted me to go to the station as usual today and observe everyone. I was supposed to let him know if anyone seemed more on edge than usual."
"Oh. I'm guessing he wants to get an idea about if the police are clued in on his plans again?" you ask, and Jeongin nods. "Yeah. He said that if I discovered that they knew anything, he would change tactics. Trip them up by swapping the days around, changing what time of day to strike, and things like that. But everyone seemed normal."
That makes sense, you think; while high standing officers are supposed to keep their cool at all times, not everyone has a good poker face, and if someone seemed exceptionally nervous, that could be a good indicator that something big was on the horizon. "So everything is good at the station? Are things going well with that big case Changbin has been worried about lately?"
"I think so," Jeongin answers, as he finishes putting the last of a plate set gently into a box. "I'm a low standing officer there, so I actually don't know much about the cases Changbin oversees personally, or what goes on in the other departments. But it looks like things are going well, as far as I can tell. I won't know more than that unless I get assigned to the case."
You nod in understanding as he speaks, taping a box shut as you finish filling it up with various dishware. It's a stressful time for everyone it seems, but you hope things go well. You'll be happier when Changbin finally closes his case and has more free time to spend with you, and you'll be happy when you talk to Chan as siblings and put your past fully behind you. You'll also be happier when Jeongin doesn't have to lead a double life anymore like you've had to for so many years before now, and you hope that following this, everyone you love can stay out of harm's way for as long as possible.
The two of you make idle small talk as you finish packing the kitchen, leaving only enough dishes out for you to use while still finishing the rest of your packing. You leave the lugging of the boxes around the house to Jeongin, as he's much stronger than you, and you'd rather him be the one to carry around all that heavy glass and porcelain. You both jump when his phone suddenly rings and he nearly drops the box he's carrying, but thankfully he doesn't- disposing of all that broken glass and having to replace them with new sets would be a nightmare.
"Help me put this down if you can, so I can answer my phone faster," he says and you hold the opposite end of the box, helping him ease the box to the floor as swiftly but safely as possible. He pulls his phone out of pocket as quickly as he's able, answering the phone in his usual mannerism. "Hey, Felix-hyung, what's up?" Your ears perk up at hearing him say a familiar name, and look at him with a questioning gaze, while Jeongin just shrugs in your direction.
You wait patiently for him to finish his phone call, deciding to use this time as a small break from all the work you've been putting in. You sit down, settling into your sofa before absentmindedly watching Jeongin talk on the phone. However, dread settles in your gut as you watch his expression change. “What? What is it?” You ask, body going stiff as your mind races through the possibilities and you prepare to hear the worst. “Chan started the raid, and it hasn’t been going well for either side. The police were there, and... Changbin is pursuing Chan.”
No. You don't want to believe it. Your blood runs cold in your veins as you start to put the pieces together; the case that Changbin has been struggling with because the culprit was so elusive, the case that he was so happy to finally have a lead on after months of stagnation, the operation he's been carefully planning for weeks to finally bring the person he's been looking for to justice.. It was about Chan, this entire time he's had your brother in his sights.
You weren't oblivious to the fact that your brother was a wanted man, you've always known that the police were looking for him and that this outcome was a possibility, but you foolishly hoped that everything would reach a peaceful conclusion. And now they are going to be in each other's sights, with Changbin having no idea of your relation to the man he's been hunting and Chan not knowing how you feel about Changbin, while backed in a corner and prepared to do anything to get out of it.
You’re on your feet in an instant, rushing to grab your keys to leave. “Noona! You can’t go, it’s too dangerous for you!” Jeongin rises to his feet after you, bolting to beat you to your front door. “I have to go, I can’t just sit here!” You exclaim as you try to desperately push your way past him. “Don’t be reckless, let’s make a plan with Felix first,” Jeongin pleads, trying to appeal to your rational side. Rationality has left you however, being replaced solely by panic and urgency. “We don’t have time for that, Felix already has his hands full with everything else, we’re lucky he even had a chance to call! I have to go before it’s too late to stop something bad from happening, they’ll listen to me!”
God dammit. He doesn't want to let you walk into a situation like this, but the way you're looking at him, so full of trepidation and urgency with eyes desperately pleading to let you pass, it makes him feel like a knife is twisting in his gut. And there's truth in your words; maybe, if you can reach them in time, you can prevent the worst case scenario from unfolding. He hates it, but maybe it is the only way to make sure everyone gets out of this unharmed. Neither Chan or Changbin want you to be hurt, so they would stop the altercation they were having if you showed up, they’d have to. “Okay, but I’m going with you. You can’t go alone.” Jeongin concedes, stepping aside to let you out and following swiftly behind you.
You immediately start to make a beeline for the front seat of your car, but Jeongin reaches out to stop you, grabbing your arm firmly. "Let me, you shouldn't drive in this state," he reasons with you, holding out his opposite hand to accept your keys from you. You're really in no place to argue, and he's probably right; how can you possibly worry about driving safely in this situation? So you concede easily, to Jeongin's relief, placing your keys in his hand and trusting him to get you where you need to be as quickly as he safely can.
Jeongin gets the location from Felix, and while truthfully the drive is only several minutes at most, it feels like an eternity to you. Every attempt to calm yourself ends in vain, no amount of breathing techniques or affirmative talk being enough to calm the barrage of dread. You're scared, you realize. So fucking scared. Scared of your brother's fate, of Changbin's, what you'll do if you arrive in time and what you'll do if you don't . Fuck, you really don't want to think about that scenario. You'll get there in time, you have to. There's no other option.
Jeongin curses as you approach the surrounding area of the building that everyone is supposedly inside of- it’s completely walled off by a police barricade, with officers redirecting civilians and forcing them out of the area. “What do we do? We need in there,” he muses pessimistically, more to himself than to you. Still driving, though more slowly so as to not approach the barricade closely, he reaches out for his phone, hoping to call Felix and find a way for you to get inside.
But you don’t have any time to spare. You can’t wait for Felix, and you don’t have the luxury of using your limited time to make a plan of action. All you can do is go, and hope your feet carry you quickly to where you need to be. You rush out of the car before Jeongin even has a chance to bring it to stop, your feet carrying you as fast as they can, desperate to prevent the worst from happening. You hear Jeongin’s voice ring out behind you, but whatever he’s yelling out is lost on you. The adrenaline pumping in your veins blocks out everything that isn’t in your immediate view. You have to get to them in time, you have to, you have to.
Your eyes quickly scan the perimeter, searching for a point of contention between the police, your family, and the rival family. If things go your way, you could slip past the police in charge of maintaining the barricade through the chaos. And if you’re even more lucky, you could run past all the fighting and stray bullets unscathed. You don’t feel good about how much of this relies on luck, as you’ve never had it on your side, but there’s no other options. You have to just let your feet carry you forward, and pray with all your might that things don’t turn out for the worst.
There are shouts all around you as you dart past everyone as quickly as you can manage, officers and mafia members alike. You ignore the voices as you run, eyes combing everything around you in hopes of finding something or someone familiar to lead you down the right path. You’d been in your fair share of dangerous situations, but this is easily the most dire of them all. Everything is against you, but you have to carry on regardless, even if it all ends in vain.
“Noona!” A familiar voice calls out and you stop, frantically searching for the owner of the voice that called out to you. You eventually see Jisung standing in the distance, and the pair of you run to each other, dodging past as much of the unfolding chaos as you can. “What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be involved in this,” he talks with alarm and bewilderment.
When he first saw you, he thought his eyes were playing tricks on him. He hadn’t seen you in over a year, so he must’ve mistaken someone else for you. But the closer you came, the more he realized it was you he was seeing, and that his eyes weren’t deceiving him. “I need to find Chan, do you know where he is?” you ask between quick inhales. “Noona, you should take a minute, you’re clearly out of breath and-”
If this were another time, you would’ve appreciated and thanked him for his concern, but you can’t afford to waste time right now. “I need to see Chan, right now, it’s important! Do you know where he is?” you repeat, hoping to reflect the urgency of your situation. Jisung is possibly the most confused and concerned he’s ever been in his life, but your desperation is palpable and it’s obvious to him that whatever this is, he doesn’t have the luxury to ask for any elaboration right now.
“He had an escape route prepared in case this happened, that way,” Jisung points to the north, away from most of the surrounding fighting and police presence, before he continues, “but you really should be careful, it might not be safe-” You begin running again before he can continue, yelling out an apology and a thanks as you go. He’s stunned in place for a moment, cursing as he decides on whether or not he should follow you. Jisung decides, however, it’d be best to stay and keep people off your path. He’ll do his best to make sure that no one that would harm you, or Chan, makes it past him.
You aren’t sure how long you’ve been running for, as images blur and merge in your peripheral. This is the most you’ve ever run in your entire life, your lungs burn and your legs are becoming heavier and heavier from exhaustion with each step, but you have to keep going, no matter what. But finally, the silhouettes of people appear in the distance. The flame of urgency burning within you that was being snuffed by exhaustion is reignited in an instant, body now reinvigorated to carry you further.
Your heart sinks as you begin to more closely approach the scene in front of you. Changbin is injured, hand gripping his bloodied arm as the harsh gravel digs into his knees on the ground while the handgun he was granted for this operation lies yards away from him in the dirt. Chan has his aim set on Changbin, gun cocked and ready to fire another shot if Changbin makes a move. He can’t hope to reach his own gun before Chan takes another shot at him, and he won’t be able to disarm and cuff him with his arm in the state it’s in. He’s stuck in place, doomed to whatever fate Chan has in store for him unless he can come up with a plan in the next minute.
“Chan! Don’t shoot!” Your voice calls out desperately as you run forward, rushing to stand in front of Changbin and block him with your body before your brother can act. “Y/N? What are you doing?” Chan is clearly surprised by the intrusion but he doesn’t lower the gun yet, evidently waiting for you to move out of the way so he can take the shot he had lined up. “Don’t shoot him,” you repeat, tears pricking the corners of your eyes.
Changbin is frozen in place, mind reeling as he stares at your backside. How are you here? What is your relation to Chan? Did you know he would be here or was this coincidence? What is happening? Is this even real? Was he already dead, and now in his final moments he is projecting your image in front of him to bring himself comfort? No, if you were a projection of his mind then surely things would be different. You’d hug him warmly, make his final moments peaceful by reminding him of your love and planting kisses to his cheeks. This is reality. A dreadful reality.
“Are you serious?” Chan says incredulously, baring an expression you’d seen many times pointed at enemies, but never at yourself. He’s angry , teeth gritting as he stares you down. “You’re going to protect him? What about Minho, huh? You’re gonna side with the man that put him in?” His gun remains firmly pointed forward, though his hand is no longer as steady. There’s a tremble as various emotions course through him; anger, hurt, sadness, confusion. None of it makes sense to him. Why would you do this?
“He’s just doing his job! He’s not a bad man just because you don’t like that!” You argue, hands trembling as you raise your voice to your brother. You’d never argued with him before, normally having always been on the same side. But he doesn’t see the way you’ve changed, doesn’t know the pain you harbored all these years and how it ate away at you. He doesn't know the depth of your feelings for Changbin, and how you'd willingly put yourself in danger a million times over before you'd let something bad happen to him. “You’re the one in the wrong, not Changbin.”
Some people resort to crime because they have no choice; it’s all they know or the only way they can survive. They do it because they must, even if they hate it and even if it pains them. And you used to feel that way too- like you didn't have a choice. You felt like your life was decided for you the moment you were born, and that you’d never be free of hardship. But you did have a choice, you always did, and Chan does too, even if he doesn’t realize it at this moment.
Chan can choose to step away, he can choose to not let the expectations of your deceased parents determine his course, he can choose to be a better person than he was yesterday. It’s not yours or Chan’s fault that this was the life you were born into, but you realized it didn’t have to stay that way. You had the power to change your own life, and Chan does too. Whether or not he shoots is a choice; he doesn’t have to do this, and you’ll make him understand that at any cost.
Your brother scoffs in disbelief as he lowers the gun, his expression the most cold and distant you’d ever seen pointed at you. “You love him, don’t you? Is that what this is?” There’s no other explanation. You’d never done this before, so why now all of the sudden unless it’s love? You’ve always had strong morals, you’ve always hated the terrible things he had to do, but despite that you still never stopped him like this. So why else would you now, after all this time?
“I do.” you answer firmly, trying your best to convey how serious you are. He scans your face, looking for any sign that this might all somehow be an elaborate joke despite knowing inside that there’s no way that it is. His eyes move behind you next, taking in the utter shock and confusion painted on Changbin’s face. “He doesn’t know, does he?” Chan states more than asks. It’s obvious you didn’t reveal the truth of your life to him, otherwise he wouldn’t have such a bewildered expression.
“Know what..?” Changbin manages to finally find his voice, though he’s not sure he even wants to hear the answer. Chan shifts his gaze back to you, taking in your expression next. There’s trepidation there, sure, but underneath is a determination he’s never seen in you before you. A resolve that is both unflinching and resolute. Are you that determined to protect this man? You’d choose him over your own brother, your family? He means so much to you that you’d throw everything else away? That's what makes him the most hurt of all.
“I’m her brother,” Chan says almost nonchalantly, though you know your brother well enough to hear the emotion underneath. The faux calm, almost indifferent expression masking the true depth of what he feels. It would fool you if you were a stranger, but the years of growing up together gives him away easily. It was something you used to admire in him- his ability to remain calm despite being anything but was something you were sure required a lot of self control and restraint. But now that his vindication is pointed at you, a chill runs down your spine.
You know what Chan is capable of, and you know how easy it is for him to remove threats, and while you hope your bond as siblings is enough to prevent him from doing the worst, there is truly no guarantee. He would go to great lengths to protect the life he has, even if it meant committing to a task that agonized him; you’ve seen it done multiple times. You’re his last blood relative left, and he loves you dearly, but is that enough? Can you say for certain that he’d never, under any circumstance, harm you?
If it were the Chan of the past, you would be assured in your safety. He’d never jeopardize you, never put you in harm's way, never be the cause for any suffering you might feel. But somewhere along the way, he lost himself, and the Chan you see in front of you now isn't the same brother you knew years ago. Years of hardship have worn on him, months of anger and betrayal warping him into someone you don’t recognize anymore.
“Y/N..? Is that true..?” You hear Changbin’s voice from behind you, hollow and hesitant. He knows the answer is the one he hates, and he dreads having to hear it, but he has to, in your own words with your own voice. Even if the truth plagues him, even if the grief kills him, he just has to hear it from you.
You want to turn around and face him, to explain this situation from your perspective, but you can’t yet. There is a part of you that fears what will ensue if you turn your back to your brother right now. “Please, walk away,” you plead with Chan, desperation clear in your tone. Changbin is trembling behind you, he realizes; not from fear, but from an overwhelming and all encompassing sorrow overtaking him.
The tension in Chan’s body loosens, but his gaze is still harsh as he looks at you. “Fine. I’ll walk away, not because I give a shit about what happens to him though. I’m doing it for you.” He turns to Changbin next, stare as cold as ice. “My sister bought you a favor today. I can’t promise what will happen if you come after me again. Remember that, yeah?” He looks at you one last time, making sure you remember that as well. That if there is a next time, he won’t be holding back, and he expects you to accept that.
You spend a few moments watching Chan walk away, not turning to look at Changbin until he is just a dark silhouette against the nearly set sun. Changbin rises to his feet with some difficulty, but he doesn’t accept it when you reach your arms out to help him. You swallow, biting back tears as you lower your arms. You understand why he didn’t accept your help, but God, does it hurt.
“Your estranged brother I never met, that you said you weren’t in contact with for a long time.. This is why?” The anguish in his voice is evident and it makes your heart squeeze in your chest. You nod slowly, your hesitancy not due to any lack of desire to tell the truth, but because you loathe the inevitable outcome. He’s leaving you today. He doesn’t trust you anymore. He doesn’t love you anymore.
“And Jeongin? Does he know what your brother does too?” “Yes,” you answer, trying not to let the agony you feel make your voice tremble, “I can explain everything but you need to go to the hospital, your arm-” You watch Changbin take a shuddering breath as he takes in your words. Maybe it’s the shock, the adrenaline, or both, but he doesn’t feel the pain anymore. In fact, he couldn’t care less about getting medical attention right now. He needs answers from you, right now, more than anything else.
“So, what was the point of all this then? You were supposed to use me and throw me away afterwards, is that it?” His tone is as accusatory as it is despondent. Tears begin to fall from your eyes, no longer able to be stopped from willpower alone. “Were you playing me for a fool this entire time?” You close your eyes, trying to steady your breathing. You have to be honest, lying to him even after all this will make it worse.
“I met you because my brother asked me to, but I was never going to hurt you! Jeongin and I, we.. We don’t want to do things like that anymore. We are trying to put our pasts behind us.” You plead with him to understand you, to not believe that you would ever purposely hurt him. The last thing you ever wanted was to see this expression on his face. Broken. Dejected. Miserable.
"How can I believe that now? How am I supposed to trust that you're not telling me another lie?" Changbin bites back, a tidal wave of emotion behind each word. He loved you so genuinely, but what does he do now? How can he look at all the interactions you had and not question the motive behind each one? He didn’t want to doubt you like this. He wanted to believe that you meant it when you said you loved him all this time. “That day.. When you told me you loved me for the first time.. You said you were afraid I’d leave you someday. Is this why?”
“I love you, and that’s the truth. I understand if you don’t believe me but I’ve never lied about that.” Tears are streaming down your cheeks, your entire world feeling like it’s on the verge of collapse. Changbin’s heart aches unbearably. He trusted someone after all this time, only for it to turn out like this?
"You lied to me, you knew how much I trusted you and you lied to me ," his voice breaks now, and he turns his face away, refusing to look at you any longer. "And did you ever think about the fact that I could lose my job because of this? You know how much my career means to me, did that ever really matter to you? If anyone finds out that I’ve been dating someone with a criminal connection, I’ll look corrupt. It won’t matter that it’s not true, I’ll be forced to resign."
“I..” you want to reply, but you don’t have the words. He’s right, of course. The public won’t care that you’ve tried to change, they won’t care that you have a clean record or live a quiet, modest life. They’ll see a scandal. They’ll see you as someone unworthy of society. And they’ll turn on Changbin, the man who has done nothing but dedicate his life to protecting them. They’ll accuse him, misunderstand him, drag his reputation through the mud.
A scandal will ruin the public perception of police, it’ll taint his spotless career in a matter of seconds. And it’ll be all your fault, always. You’ve always lived your life selflessly, put others before yourself, did the things you hated to make someone else’s life easier. You were selfish, just this once. Just this once, you did something for your own happiness. Just this once, you hoped that the world would do you a favor, and allow you to keep the joy you obtained.
But, as always, that joy wasn’t meant for you. As always, the life you were born into ruined any chance at happiness you ever had. You clung, desperately, to the idea that your life with Changbin would always be happy. You clung to the hope that the sorrow you’ve lived with for so long will never make its return. You clung to the love Changbin offered you, to the peace he brought you, and to the future you dreamed of building with him.
That future crumbled before your eyes in an instant. You wish you could cry, kick, and scream, beg Changbin to believe you and not turn away, but you can’t. Because you can’t blame him for not being able to see you the same way anymore. It’s not his fault, nothing is. If he can never trust you again, or see you the same way as he did yesterday, there’s nothing you can do but accept it.
You look at him, heartbroken and tears falling down in his face, the grief palpable. You try to find your voice, but even if you do, what more can you say? Will it even make a difference? But you should try at least. You can’t leave things like this. You can’t watch him hurt like this and do nothing in response. “Changbin, I.. I understand if you can’t trust me anymore. But I do genuinely, with all my heart, love you. I wouldn’t have stopped my brother if I didn’t. Even if you never want to look at me again, I hope you’ll believe that, at least.” You sob out the words, trying not to stutter with each one that passes your lips.
Changbin looks at you, lips trembling. His mouth opens and closes, as if he was about to speak but decided against it or couldn’t find the words. Everything hurts, he doesn’t know what to say anymore. He loves you so much, but should he accept what you say so easily? Even if he wants everything to go back to the way things were before, is it even possible anymore?
But in the entire time he’s known you, you’ve always seemed so genuine. Your pretty smiles, your loving embraces, your sweet words. The way you cried over him, supported him, loved him.. How could any of that be fake? And, if he thinks about it, he could understand why you wouldn’t want to share your shameful past with someone. You never went into detail about why you didn’t keep in contact much with your brother, but if your explanation is true, it makes sense.
It’s hard to talk about the things you aren’t proud of, the things you hate about yourself or the life you led. He knows from his own experience how challenging it is to be emotionally vulnerable with someone, but it always seemed like you were trying your best with him. He can remember all the times you opened up to him well, because of how happy it made him feel to know you loved and relied on him.
Was it wrong of you to leave out the truth of your brother? Of course it was. A lie by omission is still a lie, after all. And maybe you were just a good actor all this time, but he couldn’t help but believe in his memories. His memories of you telling him about your life, about the things you love and the things you feel. You shared so much with him.. surely, after this long, you would've slipped up if your feelings weren't true.
The average person can't hide feelings of contempt easily, subtle changes in their facial expressions and body language often betray them, and they drop their guard when they feel like they are no longer being observed. And he's watched you a lot, looking at you with eyes full of love and joy whenever you thought he was no longer looking. He would see the bashful smiles, your pink tinted cheeks, the soft giggles to yourself. All so cute, all so endearing, all so real .
No one could possibly fake that, right? Even the best of actors would eventually grow weary of their act, wouldn't they? He doesn't know what to think anymore, nor what to do. All he knows is that he loves you, and he doesn't want this to be the end. Even if it's what he should do, he doesn't want to turn away from you. Regardless of your past, or what you may have hidden about your life, it's an undeniable truth that you helped him overcome his troubles. You made his life better simply by existing in the same space. You always greeted him with a smile full of warmth and care. He loves you.
"I.. need to think," Changbin finally says after some time, "I don't-" "Chief!" You hear a voice call out, and the both of you turn in its direction, seeing a small unit of officers running towards you. His body immediately stiffens, face changing in an instant. He can’t look vulnerable in front of his men. He can’t let them see the feelings underneath the surface of his expression. Their weapons are drawn as they approach, pointed at you cautiously, prepared to make a move if it seems like you will take a step out of line. Changbin instinctively stands in front of you, speaking to his subordinates in a clear voice, "Stand down, she's a civilian."
"Apologies ma'am," the one leading the unit says before they all bow an apology to you. Changbin looks at you, swallowing as he decides, for the first time in his career, that he will lie for someone. "The target evaded capture by using her as a hostage. He opened fire after I secured her." Changbin, stout, honest, and resolute, who never went against his morals and always upheld the law, just lied on your behalf. "Were you hurt?" one asks, while another calls for assistance on his walkie. "N-No, I'm fine, I.." you hesitate for a moment, taking a breath that you hope just makes you appear like you're recovering from the shock of being a hostage. "He protected me."
"Our on site medics have their hands full, but an additional ambulance is on the way, Chief," the officer with the walkie speaks up, turning to you next. "We'll need to interview you ma'am. Can you answer some questions for us?" You open your mouth to speak, but Changbin places his hand on your shoulder, stopping you in your tracks. "Let her be evaluated before you question her. Even without physical injury, she's been through a lot. She's not in a state to answer questions," Changbin says to them. He uses a commanding tone, but one that is somehow still full of care.
"Of course, sir." The officer bows to him respectfully. Changbin looks at you, his expression unreadable. You suppose this must be the stern poker face that you've heard so much about, but never seen with your own eyes. "We'll be in contact." He says, and though you know that's something he has to tell you as an officer to a witness, you can't help the way it gives you hope. You hope there will be a day that Changbin forgives you. You hope that he will still love you as he did when this day began. You can wait, no matter how long it takes, because it'll be worth it for him.
Changbin walks away from you now, evidently to talk with his team about matters a civilian like you isn’t supposed to hear. You fall to your knees when he’s out of immediate view, with the pair of officers that stayed behind to watch over you trying to catch you. Now that all the adrenaline has faded from your system, and you no longer have strong emotions making you ignore the ache in your body, your legs have practically turned to jello, no longer strong enough to hold you up.
Your body is the weakest it’s ever felt, sore and frail from all the exertion. The officers around you make a small commotion, trying to help you to your feet and assuring you that help will be here soon. But despite that, you still look on in the direction Changbin went. You wish you could know if he’ll be okay. You wish you could know if he still cares about you. Or, at the very least, you wish you could know that he doesn’t hate you. You hope his arm doesn’t hurt too terribly, you hope it heals well, and you hope that he forgives you for the pain you and your brother have caused him.
That’s all you want, you think. For Changbin to be happy and healthy. You hope he’ll still love you, but you’ll be okay if he doesn’t, as long as he doesn’t hate you for what you’ve done. You’ll be content with never having him in your life again, as long as he forgives you. You’ll wish him well, with the best smile you can muster, even if all he ever does is accept your apologies. Because you love him, and you want the best for him. It’ll hurt, but if he decides the best for him isn’t you, it’ll be okay- it’ll have to be.
You won’t be selfish, or at least you’ll try your very best not to be. You won’t expect anything from him that you shouldn’t. You won’t beg, or plead, or force. But you’ll hope, because that’s all you have now. It’s all you’ve ever had, really. Hope for a better future, a better life, a happier existence. And all you can do is hope- that your better future will include Changbin.
Changbin, who forgives you, who still loves you, and who still wants you in his life. Changbin, who has shown you how happy life can be when you let the right person in. Changbin, who melted the ice that filled the cracks in your heart, and replaced it with warmth. Changbin, who took the broken parts of you and pieced them back together, who treated you like porcelain worthy of the utmost care.
If you’re an angel to him, then he is a seraph to you. His light shines brightly, as brilliant as the sun, his warmth beyond comparison, his smile incandescent. You’ll always love him, no matter how much time passes. Even if he no longer feels the same, and even if he never sees you again, you won’t be able to love anyone else the way you’ve loved him. That’s just how important he is to you; no one else could take his place in your heart.
He taught you how to trust again. He reminded you how it felt to smile with sincerity, to love genuinely, to laugh unapologetically. It’s something you will always cherish, with all that you are and all that you have. Seo Changbin is irreplaceable, and always will be. You love him, and always will. And you hope, hope, hope, that he’ll always love you too.
It's been months since the last time Changbin has spoken to you. Long, emotionally draining months. He missed you, so terribly, but he couldn't bring himself to talk to you- at least, not yet anyways. There was just so much to think about after he learned the truth about your family, and about the lies that surrounded you as a result of it. He could understand why you didn't tell him about your brother, but it still hurt to find out the way he did. And it also left him conflicted and confused about how he should move forward if the two of you stayed together.
He's not just a police officer, he's the Chief. Everyone looks up to him, he's the one that has to be turned to in crucial moments, the one who has to make hard decisions. He has a lot of power, he's in charge of multiple units and operations. With all that comes responsibility, not just to his subordinates, but to the public. He has a duty to protect them, a duty to adhere to the law, and a duty to uphold the truth. And while at first, his immediate concern when he found out about your brother was what it could possibly do to his career, there was more to it than just that.
Changbin can't ignore the fact that your brother is a criminal, even if he wanted to. And it's his sworn duty, as an officer, to arrest criminals. Would you be able to, in all honesty, never harbor resentment or hatred for him if he had to arrest or harm your brother? If the situation was swapped, and it was Changbin pointing the barrel of his gun at Chan, would you be able to accept that? If he had to shoot your brother, could you say for certain that you wouldn't despise him for it? If cutting off your brother for good was necessary for the two of you to be happy together, would you honestly never be angry or resentful about it?
You might say yes, and you might wholeheartedly believe that when you say it, but the human heart is complex and uncertain in nature. There may come a day in the future where you realize how much you miss your family, and come to blame Changbin for the distance between you. The ties people have to their loved ones are immense, and oftentimes inseverable by will alone.
And maybe none of that will ever come to be. Maybe his concerns are unfounded, and you would be resolute in your choice to be with him no matter what happened to your brother, but he can't help but think about it. A spur of the moment decision could change his life forever, and he has to consider every outcome, no matter how unlikely and how much he trusts in your feelings. His future with you is uncertain, and that scares him.
There were many days where he stared at your contact in his phone, trying to find the words to send to you, but not being able to. He'd never known himself to hesitate like this before, never been scared of uncertainties and rejection. He always lived his life confidently, with the mindset that if things didn't go his way he would eventually recover. Some losses hit him worse than others, but he always turned out okay in the end. For possibly the first time in his life, he was living with the fear of inevitably losing something.
Changbin always strived to live his life with optimism. Even in his worst, most depressed moments, he dragged himself out of the muck, and worked earnestly towards getting the things he wanted. Whenever he faltered he picked himself back up, when he was lost in darkness he would persevere until the light returned to him. But now, here he was, crippled with the fear of losing something, someone, he wants dearly. And that fear turned to hesitance, which eventually turned to inaction.
He sighs heavily, head hitting his desk as he falls against it. What does he do now? If he reaches out to you, will you respond? What if he wasted so much time in his fear, that now you've moved on, and he's wasted whatever chance at happiness with you he had? He stares at nothing for a long while, his head simultaneously feeling full to the brim with thoughts and like a vast nothingness, almost numb. A knock on his office door suddenly breaks his trance, and he lifts his head, beckoning whoever is on the other side to enter.
"Sir, Yang Jeongin is requesting to speak with you," the person who enters says, and Changbin's eyebrows raise in surprise. The Yang Jeongin that was working here until the incident a few months ago? Your little brother? That Yang Jeongin? "What is he doing here?" he asks after a moment, but the officer shrugs in response. "Don't know. Said it was something only the Chief should hear. Maybe it's a lead on one of your cases?" they suggest and Changbin frowns. There is only one reason Jeongin would want to speak to him after all this time- It's you. Whatever he has to say, it's about you.
"Tell him I'll be right out," Changbin says as he stands, and the officer nods, bowing politely as they close the door behind themself. Changbin takes a moment to steady his racing heart, taking a deep breath before he leaves his office. He strides coolly past the many desks where other officers are sitting, hoping to maintain a calm exterior and not give away the trepidation he feels. Jeongin is sitting on a bench in the front hall of the station, and he offers a small wave when he spots Changbin opposite of him. "Chief," Jeongin starts, but immediately corrects himself, "Well, I guess I shouldn't call you that anymore, huh?"
"Jeongin.. Should we talk somewhere privately?" Changbin asks and the younger man nods, standing to follow wherever the older leads. They leave the building together, walking quietly until stopping in front of a cafe that Changbin frequents. "This place good with you?" he asks, and Jeongin nods, having no reason to object to the location. They sit, making simple coffee orders, before Jeongin lets out a small sigh. "Well, I should get straight to the point.. Y/N-noona is leaving."
Changbin's frame stiffens, looking at Jeongin with a firm expression. "Leaving as in.. she won't be in Seoul anymore?" he asks and Jeongin nods. "I don't know if it's my place to tell you, but.. she's always hated being involved in.. let's say "bad" things. When she left before, she just got dragged back in and.. She thinks leaving will be the thing that will finally put her past behind her for good." He explains, choosing his language carefully given the public setting.
So.. this isn’t the first time you’ve tried to leave, that's what he's saying? Before you ever even met Changbin, you already wanted out? You were prepared to stay away from your brother, even before you knew him? Maybe he should feel stupid with the realization that his worries were unfounded, but instead he feels relief. It's proof you'd never hate him or blame him if you had to keep distance from your brother, proof of your morals, and proof of the truth you were trying to convey to him that day- that you would've never betrayed him. That you loved him, truthfully and wholeheartedly.
"Can I ask you.. If she wants to leave, and put everything behind her.. Why are you telling me she's going?" Changbin asks carefully, and Jeongin doesn't hesitate to answer. "Because she loves you. Even now, all she hopes for is that you still love her too. She misses you." Changbin's heart picks back up in speed upon his words. Is that what you've told him? If he called you right now, would you be happy? Did you still want to be with him? Were you waiting for him, all this time?
"I'm not saying you should convince her to stay here, or that you should abandon your life here to follow her, but.. I still thought you should know." Jeongin continues, "And she would be happy to hear from you before she goes. Even if you have no intention of continuing your relationship, and it's just for closure's sake, it'd be good for her. She could move on with a smile, I think."
"I want to talk to her," Changbin says with a certainty that makes Jeongin's tense body finally relax. He was hoping, more than anything, that Changbin would talk with you before you go. All he wants is for you to be happy, or have the closure needed to move on if nothing else. "I'm supposed to be meeting up with her again later tonight to help her carry boxes, but.. I think she'd like it better if you showed up instead."
“Are you sure that would be okay?” Changbin asks, and Jeongin smiles and nods without hesitation. “Of course. I wouldn’t put her in a situation that would upset her. I know she wants to see you.” Changbin returns that smile, feeling elated for the first time since that day he walked away from you. He didn’t know what he wanted then, he was hopelessly lost and confused. He’s spent enough time thinking about it, but now he knows, and he’s determined to show you- all he wants is you.
You sigh as you stare at the boxes littering your apartment, flopping onto your sofa and wiping the sweat from your brow. You were beyond exhausted, days filled with nothing but work and then packing when you got home. You were also exhausted thinking about how you would just have to unpack everything when you arrived at your new home. You’d surely have some grueling months ahead of you.
But leaving this city was long overdue when you think about it- you really should have left it a long time ago. It has been 2 years now since the day you first left the family, and around a year and a half since you were subsequently dragged back in and met Changbin. Your heart ached whenever you thought about him, but you could never stop yourself. Everything reminded you of him, it seemed.
He changed your life for the better when he was in it, after all. It was hard not to see him in even the little things. When you’d watch tv to relax, you’d think about how it felt when Changbin was there with you, arms wrapped around you snuggly while you followed your little routine of choosing what to watch back and forth. When you ate dinner, you’d think about how Changbin knew all your favorite things, and would playfully tease you about how you could eat the same things over and over again without getting tired of it.
When you layed in bed at night, you thought about how it felt to have Changbin next to you, his soft breathing in your ears and warm body lulling you to sleep. You’d be reminded of his gentle touches, his loving stare, and his cute pouts. The way he’d keep you close to him, beg you to stay with him as long as possible, and smile brighter than the sun itself. Everything about him was endearing, everything worth committing to your memory, everything worth loving even after he was gone from your life.
Maybe that’s another reason you finally decided to leave for good. It was hard to look at your surroundings and not be reminded of all you once had and lost. Seoul carries a lot of memories for you, often times more bad than good. You lost a lot of things here- your innocence, your family, and your love. What good you managed to hold in your hands always seemed to crumble and slip through your fingers, with you unable to do a thing to prevent it.
You needed a change of scenery, and to leave the painful memories behind you. It’d help, you think, if you were able to look at the world around you and not be bombarded with the feelings of loss and sadness. Maybe you could stand on your own two feet more effectively, be the kind of happy person Changbin showed you that you could be. And maybe, if you were lucky, he would meet you again while you were a new version of yourself.
A stronger you, a happier you. Someone who didn’t falter and live in anxiety any longer, who lived the new life she was given with hope and joy. You’d be happy if you could show Changbin how much you’ve grown, how you’ve changed for the better thanks to his earnest love for you. And not just for Changbin- living a better life is how you would pay back everyone who has helped you up until now. It’s how you would thank Felix and Jeongin for all their support until now.
Living a better, happier life was the best way to show your appreciation for all the people you love, and love you in return. You’d move on with your head held high, and someday in the future you would return here as the best version of yourself you could be. Even if they weren’t here with you right at this moment, it was enough to make you want to do your best.
“You know, you could still come with me Innie,” you told him when he was here earlier today, helping you move various heavy objects to the front room of your apartment. “I know, but I still have things I want to take care of here,” he responded with a soft smile. Unlike you, he still had a mother to watch after here. He also expressed his desire to leave Chan and the others behind on positive terms, and to pursue training at the officer’s academy earnestly, so he could come back to his colleagues an honest man.
You were proud of him, truly, for making the choices he made. You had nothing but faith that he would see his goals through, and be a little brother you could be proud of. He promised that he, with the help of Felix and Jisung, would help set Chan on the right path before he leaves his life there behind for good. And when that day came, he would find you again, maybe even with everyone you love hand in hand with him. Maybe there would be a day where you could hug both of your brothers again, reunite with your old friends, and return to Seoul happily.
Speaking of old friends, Seungmin was devastated when you announced to the office you were leaving (though you were sure some of his reaction was just him being overdramatic.) He made you promise that you would still keep in touch, and that you’d come back to visit sometimes. Of course, you reminded him that he could always come visit you as well but he insisted it would be more fun if you came to Seoul than if he went to some obscure small town.
You were still worried about Minho as well. It had been a long time since you, or anyone for that matter, had been able to see him in person. But he often wrote letters, expressing that he accepts where he is because it’s the natural result of the choices he made. He wishes everyone well, and hopes that everyone can live their lives happily until the day he is released. He doesn’t want anyone to risk their lives or safety for him, because he is okay.
You’re not sure if it gave Chan closure the way it did for you, but you hope it has. All you’ve ever wanted for your brother was for him to be safe and happy after all. And there’s still a part of you that hopes one day he’ll renounce his leadership and walk away from the life he’s led up until today. You’d like it if you could return the relationship you had with him as children, where the two of you were free from worries, and the bond you had as siblings made you stronger together.
You close your eyes, another small sigh leaving your lips. You’re tired, so tired, but strangely optimistic. Your life will be better from here on out, you’ll make sure of it. It would be a lie to say you didn’t spend a lot of time crying at first, but when it was all over you realized how lucky you were. Lucky to have been loved by Changbin. Lucky to have friends who care about you. Lucky that you still have the opportunity to change your life.
Life has never been easy for you, but you’re grateful for what you’ve been given. Moments of happiness, no matter how fleeting, shaped you into who you are now. Memories, shared with those you’ve come to love, giving you the morals and sense of purpose you have now. You’ll keep those memories close to your heart, and let them lead you forward. They will shape the road ahead, and keep you going when the road is tough. That’s what you’ve decided.
It’s never too late to change, never too late to be happy. You can take your life in your own two hands and shape it into what you desire. Life is what you make of it, and you’ve decided you’ll make it into the best it could possibly be. And hopefully, in the future you create with your own hard work, Changbin will be there waiting for you. You’ll see his adoring smile and star-filled eyes, and know that it was all worth it.
A knock on the door breaks you from the thoughts, and you rise to your feet to answer it. It’s a little strange, as Jeongin would normally just call you if he was here, but he also knows you are expecting him so maybe he didn’t feel the need. “Hey Innie, there you-” you start as you unlock and open the door, but the words immediately seize in your throat.
You blink once, twice, assuming your eyes must be playing tricks on you. There’s no way Changbin is standing in front of you right now, right? Why would he be? “Y/N..” he says softly, a bit hesitant. He was feeling good when he first made the trek to your front door, but now that he’s here in front of you he feels.. Strange, almost.
It’s surreal to be standing in front of you after all this time. He’s thought about it a lot; how you would look when you were finally in front of him again, what expression you might have and how you might have changed. And now, you are understandably looking at him like a deer in headlights. To say you are stunned would probably be an understatement.
“Can I.. come in?” Changbin asks after another small moment. You want to speak, but you feel so astounded your voice won’t come out. So instead you nod, stepping to the side to allow him to enter your now barren apartment. He looks around, taking in the sight of all your belongings being tucked away into stacked boxes, with only your large furniture pieces being out. This is what it would’ve looked like all those months ago too, if nothing had gone wrong and you moved in as planned.
It strikes a pang in his chest, one that he attempts to choke down. He can’t let all his emotions bubble to the surface just yet. There are things he needs to tell you clearly, things he wants you to hear. You guide him past boxes, motioning for him to take a seat on your sofa. “What, uhm.. What are you doing here?” you ask cautiously, not entirely sure how you should feel now that you are finally looking at him again.
He hasn’t changed much; his dark, curly hair has grown a bit longer, but overall he looks the same as he did months ago. Just as handsome too, you can’t help but notice. But really, how could you even hope to ignore that fact? You don’t think you’ll ever meet someone else as stunning as him.
“Jeongin told me you’re leaving,” he answers, watching your expression change carefully. “H-He did?” Your shocked expression changes to sadness, gaze moving down to your hands, which you are wringing nervously. “I.. wanted to tell you myself, but.. I didn’t know how, or if I should..” “I’m glad he told me,” Changbin replies, and you look back at him, uncertainty clear on your face.
“I would’ve been sad if.. You left before I could tell you how I feel,” he continues. “How you feel..?” you question, and he nods, a tentative, almost shy expression spreading across his features. “I’m sorry we haven’t spoken, I really am. I spent that entire time thinking about.. Us, and what I should do. What I want..” Changbin’s tone is relaxed as he can possibly make it despite the rapid beating in his chest.
He takes a shaky inhale, palms sweating despite all his efforts to speak to you calmly. “I know what I want, and it’s you. It’s always been you. I just.. Took too long to sort that out, I think.” He confesses, watching you with bated breath as his words process within you. “I love you, and.. I hope I haven’t told you that too late.”
Your breath hitches in your throat, eyes watering in an instant upon hearing those words you hoped so badly to hear again. “What about your job? And my family..?” you ask, and Changbin shakes his head, as if it’s not a concern in the slightest. “I know there are things we still have to figure out, but I wouldn’t forgive myself if I let you go without trying. I love you too much to let it go so easily.”
The tears openly fall now, not being able to stop yourself from doing anything else. He opens his arms to you, offering his embrace if you want it, and you easily wrap yourself around him. He holds you close, your head pressing into his chest as sobs wrack your body. “We’ll figure it out together,” he speaks to you softly, hands rubbing the soothing circles you missed so much into your skin. “I broke my promise to you before.. But I’m not going to leave you again.”
He holds you like that until your breathing calms, the sobs slowing into gentle sniffles. You look up at Changbin, noticing that a few stray tear stains line his cheeks as well. He’s always hated seeing you cry, after all. The fact that it was because of him made it even harder for him to not become emotional himself. “Binnie,” you breathe, leaning up to capture his lips in a soft kiss. He lets out a relieved sigh when your lips touch, his own flood of feelings washing over him.
It feels so good to hold you in his arms again, to feel his lips against yours, to inhale the familiar scent of your shampoo. Now that he has you again, he never wants to let you go. Whatever he has to do to keep you with him, he’ll do it, without a doubt. He realized that everything else in his life is replaceable. His career can be rebuilt from the ground up if necessary, and his home can be relocated. But not you. Nothing can replace you.
You are his home. You are his life. He knows his connection with you is deep and real. In the entire time he knew you, he never had to change a single thing about himself to please you. You always loved him for who he is, right from the start. That’s what he needed then, and what he still needs now- someone who loves him unconditionally. Who accepts him in all his silly, eccentric idiosyncrasies.
He kisses you over and over again, like you are the source of the oxygen he needs in his lungs. He holds you tightly, keeping your body glued to his, as if you’ll vanish if he lets go. “I’ve missed you so much. You have no idea how badly,” Changbin whispers against your skin, an action that makes butterflies erupt in your stomach. It also makes you giggle a little in response, because wow, did you miss that feeling.
He always made you shy and giddy so effortlessly. All it ever took was the slightest bit of affection from him to make you feel bubbly inside. Changbin smiles when he hears your soft laugh, a warmth he hasn’t felt in months spreading over him. He hopes from now on he can hear you laugh every day, see your shy smiles and cute, sparkling eyes. He doesn’t know what his future with you holds, but as long as he has that, he would be happy.
“I’ve missed you more,” you tell him with a sweet smile. There’s part of you that still feels like this is all a vivid dream, and that you’ll wake up any minute in your new apartment by yourself. But even if it is a dream, you’ll enjoy it until the end. You’ll feel him under your palms for as long as you can, you’ll take in the sight of his beautiful face and the sound of his sweet yet gruff voice.
You rest a hand on the nape of his neck, keeping him pulled close to you as you press kisses against his lips. The soft, gentle kisses that you shared at the start become deeper, more passionate, as they continue. There’s a desperation bubbling within you, one that becomes increasingly more difficult to contain. You missed more than just the soothing, gentle touches to your skin- you also missed the way his hands could light a fire in you.
He always made you feel alive, for lack of a better term. In all your life, through the various men who knew you and touched you, none of them ever made you feel the way Changbin does. You’re not sure if he realizes entirely the effect he has on you, but you belong to him. Body, heart, mind, soul, everything.. It’s Changbin’s. His hold on you is warm, protective, and loving. You’ll never regret trusting him, loving him, or giving yourself to him.
Changbin can tell where you are leading him, can see the way your eyes have changed when you pull away to breathe. It excites him as much as it worries him; once again, he’s afraid that touching you now will be taking advantage while you’re vulnerable. You were just crying, dealing with and processing countless emotions, and the last thing he’d ever want is to be with you while your judgment is clouded. The last thing he’d ever want is to touch you in a moment of passion and learn you regretted it.
“We don’t have to do this right now,” he tells you carefully. He wants you to be sure you still want him, that you still love him enough to do this with him. He can always wait, build back up to this slowly if that’s what you’d need. As long as he has forever with you, there’s no rush. But you shake your head, meeting his gaze seriously. “I want to,” you assure him softly, “I never stopped loving you. I still trust you.”
You lean back in, lips brushing against his as you speak, “I still want you.” A soft groan leaves Changbin's lips, your words having more of an effect on him than you'll ever know. Your next kiss is impassioned, mouth open and licking at his tongue. You coax him to pursue you, to swallow your heated breaths, explore you completely, consume you entirely.
You let yourself fall backwards against the sofa, dragging Changbin down with you. It's not the most elegant display, nor is it seamless, but you don't really care about that. You've missed Changbin so much- his every look, every hold, and every sound. It's all you crave, all that matters in this moment.
Not wanting to crush you or leave you in an uncomfortable contortion, Changbin spreads your legs and moves himself to rest between them. He attaches his lips to your neck, deciding you’ve gone long enough without his mark on your skin. You relish in the feeling of having his teeth sink into you again, excitement bubbling in your gut when you imagine the way you’ll look with his love bites all over you.
His hands reach the bottom of your shirt, and you lift your back off the sofa to allow it to be pulled up and over your head. Your bra follows shortly after, being discarded to the floor and forgotten as your focuses are solely on eachother. Changbin takes a moment to look you over, refamiliarizing himself with the appearance of your body and the intoxicating image of his teeth marks on your otherwise pure skin.
He doesn’t get much more time to admire you however, as you begin to reach out for him. You paw at the hem of his shirt, not so subtly requesting that he pull it off himself. He stifles the amused smile that threatens to peak out, pulling his shirt off in one swift movement. You look at him with equal parts adoration and desire, and he can’t deny he loves it when you look at him this way.
Changbin watches your expression change however, when your gaze meets his arm. There was a fresh scar where your brother shot him, a now constant reminder of what the pair of you had gone through that day. A permanent representation of the way you failed the person you love most.. "Bin, I- '' you choke on your words, eyes tearing up as you stare at the spot.
"Hey, look at me," Changbin says as he cups your face, directing your gaze back up to his face. "That's not your fault. You know that, right? It's not. Nothing is." You struggle to hold back your sniffles, but he won't accept that; he needs you to know. You were in such a hard position, one that no one should have to be in. And he recognizes that now. He understands how hard it must have been to try to balance your life and protect the things you love.
He kisses you again, thumbs carefully rubbing away stray tears. “I love you,” he reminds you with his soft tone that always brought you comfort, “nothing changed that, okay?” You nod, believing his words entirely. You really had no reason not to; he’s always been so forthright and honest about everything he thinks and feels.
“I love you,” you tell him, and he smiles, kissing you once more for good measure. “Do you want to continue?” he asks, once again needing to suppress the amusement that threatens to show when you eagerly confirm that you do. As much as Changbin loves seeing you being bashful and shy, he also loves when your enthusiasm overrides it.
The messy kisses to your skin resume, as if nothing interrupted them in the first place. The only difference now being that your upper body is completely exposed to him. Changbin’s hands trail lazily up and down your body, savoring the feeling of every soft dip and curve without any rush. Your gasp when his hands finally reach your breasts quickly turn into titillating mewls, nipples being tweaked and rolled between his fingers.
The sounds you make alone make Changbin want to groan, a salacious symphony in his ears, a siren’s song he can’t hope to ignore. He pulls back to look at you, watching the way your body twists and squirms, legs unable to close together due to his place between them. “Binnie,” you whine, looking at him with glossy eyes and flushed cheeks, lips turned into a small pout. “What is it, lovey? What do you need?” he asks, head tilting slightly as he grins at you.
Your stomach flips, heart skipping a beat at both his tone, and from hearing the nickname for the first time in so long. You swallow, trying your best to conjure the words despite the way he looks at you making you want to combust on the spot. “B-Bed?” you ask softly, and Changbin smiles with a nod, lifting you in his arms effortlessly. You lock your legs around his waist, arms snuggly wrapped around his neck as he carries you through the apartment.
You really should let him focus on getting through the minefield of boxes that is your apartment currently, but instead you kiss him with a fervor he matches equally. Even when he threatens to stumble, neither of you break away, completely committed to keeping your mouths on each other.
Luckily, you left your bedroom door open earlier, and Changbin has no problem carrying you through the doorway. You let yourself fall back onto the bed when he lets you go, and he positions himself between your legs once again, mirroring the position you were in moments ago on the sofa.
Rather than wait for Changbin to take the lead on this like you normally would, you reach for shorts, pulling them down as far as you can before needing him to take care of the rest. He really can’t blame you for feeling needy and eager; he’s just as hungry for you as you are for him, his own desire and ache for you being contained solely by his (dwindling) self-restraint.
You look at him, gaze possibly the most desperate he’s ever seen it be. Your body trembles with anticipation, begging for him to touch you. And while normally he’d love to prolong this moment, watch you get shy as he makes you say what you want him to do to you and then impatient as you yearn for his touch, he really can’t wait either.
More accurately, he doesn’t want to wait. He knows he can hold back, he knows he can restrain himself if he needs to, he knows he can do things slowly, but if neither of you can wait, if you’re both desperately reaching out for one another, then why draw it out? He knows what you want, and he wants to give it to you.
"I want to watch you cum," Changbin tells you, voice nearly a whisper in your ears. "Over.. and over," he continues, your body shivering in response as you watch him trail downward. “You want that, right? To cum for me?” he asks rhetorically. He already knows the answer, but he wants you to say it anyway.
“Y-Yes, please,” you all but whine, and he smiles, licking his lips and wasting no further time talking. He pushes your thighs further apart, hooking his arms underneath to hold them in place. You let out a loud moan when his mouth finds your clit, his grip on your thighs stopping you from squirming or closing your legs around his head.
He’s barely even begun but you already feel like the air has been knocked from your lungs, the pleasure making you feel dizzy. Your hands reach for his hair, the groan that leaves his mouth when you pull making you shiver. Various obscenities leave your mouth as he alternates between licking and sucking, your legs already shaking as your high approaches dangerously fast.
It’s been months since you felt his tongue on you, and with his skill it was obvious you’d cum fast. You couldn’t hope to delay it even if you wanted to. His pace is perfect, remembering just how you like it as if there was never a break between you to begin with. You bite your lip, trying in vain to quiet the whimpers and moans that leave you as your high overtakes your body.
Even as your high recedes, Changbin doesn’t relent, keeping his pace on your clit as if nothing happened. You whine loudly, overstimulation setting fire to your skin. His strong hold on you prevents you from moving even an inch, all you can do is lie there and continue to take the onslaught of overwhelming, almost painful, pleasure.
Not wanting to hurt his scalp with your harsh tugging, you move your hands to the bedsheets, clawing at them desperately. He squeezes your thighs in his hands, as if to ground you while he unrelentingly showers your clit with his affection. Your second orgasm comes even faster than the first somehow, back arching and eyes rolling back as your body tenses and releases in an instant.
As before, he continues through it, drawing it out and making you whine loudly when it quickly becomes too much to bear. Your arousal is practically gushing out of you, and you finally get a small moment of reprieve when Changbin moves to lick the cum from your entrance. Your breathing is ragged, chest heaving and body buzzing.
Changbin removes one of his hands from your thigh, moving it to easily slide two of his fingers into your heat. You let out another choked gasp, his fingers wasting no time to locate your sweet spot and rub against it. “B-Binnie,” you stutter out between gasps, “I-I cant.” It’s almost too good, your brain reeling when he starts to thrust his fingers into you quickly.
He looks up at you, an almost playful glint behind the lust-filled look in his eyes. “Yes you can,” he encourages sweetly, letting go of your other leg to come closer to your face. He’s looking at you intently now, smiling as he watches you succumb to the pleasure you’re feeling. Your head is thrown back, nails digging into the bedsheet and bottom lip trapped between your teeth.
“Look at me,” he says, and he feels you clench tightly around his fingers when you do. His lustful expression makes you weak, his smile making your gut want to erupt into butterflies. You try to keep his gaze, to not close your eyes or look away, but it’s so hot you can barely stand it. You don’t think you’ll be able to handle much more of it without devolving into insanity.
You cum again, legs closing around his fingers and head falling back as you do. “Good girl, my good girl,” he praises you through it, slowing to a stop once he feels your body begin to relax. He gives you some time to catch your breath after he slides his fingers out of you, licking them clean before he stands from the bed. You watch as he finally removes his pants and boxers, and then returns to his position between your legs.
“I'm going to fuck you now,” he tells you, smiling when you let out a shy whine in response. Changbin lines himself up with your entrance, leaning down to kiss you as he slides in. The multiple orgasms make it easier for your body to accept him, the stretch still stinging but not at all bad. He always loved to kiss you while you got used to the feeling, loved making you taste yourself on his tongue as you acclimated to his size.
It didn’t take long for you to roll your hips against his, seeking blissful friction. “Greedy girl can’t wait?” Changbin asks teasingly, though he has to admit he loves it. If you weren’t so dazed from pleasure, you’d see he’s just as desperate as you, if not more so. He loves when you are as equally needy as him, when you become lost in him and how he makes you feel.
“You want to cum again, is that it?” he asks when he begins to finally thrust into you. “Y-Yes, want to cum,” you nod almost frantically, “want you to come too.” Changbin groans, your words always having an incredible effect on him. “Don’t worry baby, I’ll cum for you,” he promises as he picks up his pace, finding his rhythm with relative ease.
One hand holds yours while the other moves to your clit, rubbing it in circles. He whispers praises to you, each one making you clench around him. “Good girl, my perfect baby, doing so well, feels so good around me, love you,” he begins to babble as he chases his orgasm. He expected not to last long, but he’ll make sure it’s good for you until the end.
If your neighbors weren’t concerned before, they definitely are now given how loud your voice is carrying through the apartment. You can’t hold them back anymore, not that Changbin would let you in the first place, but you’re too far gone to care. His once steady pace quickly grows sloppy, his low groans turning into breathy whimpers.
You reach your high first, mouth hanging open in a silent moan as your body quivers beneath his. Changbin follows closely behind, his hips stuttering as his cum shoots into you in hot spurts. You reach up, pulling him into one more kiss as he comes down from his high. His body relaxes, falling against you, though still careful not to crush you under his weight.
His head rests just under yours, and you kiss his temple, hand running through his hair lazily. “I love you,” you mumble, exhaustion clear in your voice. Your eyes are closed, your movements slow, and Changbin finds it so endearing that even in this state you want to show your love. “I love you too baby, so much,” he kisses your cheek, as it’s the only place he can reach without moving from his spot.
He’ll take care of you soon, get the both of you cleaned up so you can sleep in his arms peacefully as you always have before, but for now, even if it’s just for a few moments, he wants to lay next to you. To hold your hand as the two of you catch your breath, to stare at your beautiful face, to feel the euphoria of having you as his.
He doesn't know what the future holds, but he’s decided that it's okay. He doesn’t need to hold every answer in his hands, or worry about could be’s and what if’s. He doesn’t know if this happiness will continue, if you’ll always be together without anything getting in your way, but how can he be satisfied with his life if he didn’t try? How can he be happy if he lives his life complacently?
Maybe the smart decision would have been to let you go, to never see you again and let yourselves go separate ways, but would he be content with that decision? Could he say he would never lie awake at night wondering if that was the right thing to do, or if he should’ve chosen differently? And if two things make him happy, does he really have to choose between them? Would it really be so bad to have both?
Nothing will be perfect, ever. No one is promised eternal joy, or a blessed life. No one can spend every moment happy, no one can have everything always go the way they want. The only guarantee in life is that you will suffer. But it is what you do with that suffering that shapes what your life will become from that point onward.
Maybe what he has now with you is fleeting. Maybe years from now it’ll crumble in front of him all over again. But isn’t it worth fighting for? If he has a chance to have everything he’s ever wanted, shouldn’t he do his best to take it? Shouldn’t he keep it in his hands, and protect it with all his might?
Even if it’s in vain, even if he’ll only suffer again in the future, this moment of happiness with you is worth it. Listening to your slowed breathing, feeling your skin against his, knowing that you love him and he loves you- it’s worth it. When he wakes up to your sweet voice, hears your elated laugh, sees your adorable expressions and beautiful body, it’s worth it.
Maybe you’ll live together in the future, and maybe you won't. Maybe you’ll have a family, and maybe you won’t. Maybe his career will remain unaffected, or maybe it won’t. Regardless of what could or couldn’t be, he won’t live with doubt. He can be happy knowing he fought to keep you until the very end, if the end ever comes. He can live a laugh full of laughter and love, even if it’s only for a finite amount of time. And nothing will be perfect, ever, but as long as Changbin has you with him, it’s the closest he’ll ever have.
#skz x reader#changbin x reader#skz smut#changbin smut#skz imagines#skz scenarios#skz fluff#skz angst#mdni + divider graphic credit: @cafekitsune
187 notes
·
View notes
Text
20 Questions for Fic Writers
I was tagged by @7-percent, @totallysilvergirl and @gaylilsherlock. Thank you!
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
147. I’ve been here nearly 6 years, some years more prolific than others.
2. What's your total A03 word count?
Right now, just shy of 2M: 1,937,496, to be exact
3. What fandoms do you write for?
BBC Sherlock and ACD Sherlock
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
Synchronicity
Date Night
A Chronic Condition
The Wedding Gift
Blank Slate
Wooing Sherlock Holmes has recently moved up and is close enough to nudge its way to number 5.
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
Always, even if it’s just to say thank you. I appreciate comments, often feel humbled by the compliments people give. It just feels right to respond. (Maybe if I were getting hundreds of comments a day, I would have to rethink that.)
6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Either Below Zero or The New Gardener. Both have MCD, but sort of a soft landing. Also Learning the Heart and The Real You, but those also have endings that mitigate the angst, a bit.
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
I write a lot of happy endings; it’s my preferred resolution.
My choice: The Short Tragic Death of John Watson. John does NOT die, but there’s a very cheesy happy ending that made many readers scream.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
No. A couple rude comments, but no intentional hatred.
9. Do you write smut?
Not much. I don’t write PWP, but include a sex scene where the plot seems to need it. I'm not opposed; it's just not my usual.
10. Do you write crossovers?
I’ve written two GO/Sherlock stories: Limbo and Hell and Back.
I’ve written stories that borrow from other fandoms, but are not exactly crossovers. The closest to a crossover would be Serendipity, which borrows plot from the movie.
I’ve borrowed from movie and book universes to make an original story (Eye of the Storm, A Chamber to be Haunted, Do No Harm), and I’ve borrowed premises (The Real You)
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not to my knowledge.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
About 60 of my fics have been translated, most of them into Russian, a couple into Chinese, on into Spanish.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
No.
14. What's your all-time favourite ship?
Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
The Secret of Agra: a post-Reichenbach fic that I started in 2020. It has been through several transformations. I rarely give up permanently on a story, though. A few have grown into something new that I ended up posting. I expect I'll finish this when inspiration strikes me.
16. What are your writing strengths?
The things readers most often compliment me on:
Character voice and emotions.
World building.
Versatility: historical fiction, case fics, science fiction, fantasy, rom-coms, etc.
Making readers cry.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Action scenes. In Greek tragedy you simply have a character enter and describe the murder that’s just occurred offstage. In fanfiction, that’s a nope. And you have to think out every move, make the scene visual. I admire writers who make this seem effortless. (That's you, @discordantwords !!!)
Description: finding non-cliche ways to describe things/people without making it weird and overly fussy.
Being too minimal: I am not a wordy writer; minimalism was how I was taught, but sometimes I need to be wordier.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
I’ve done bits of this, but only in languages I’ve studied. I have a degree in Latin, and have used that in couple stories: A Demon's Tale, Accidental Magic.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
The first and only fandom I’ve posted in is Sherlock Holmes (ACD and BBC). I don’t have any plans to move. I used to write original fiction, but have found fanfiction so much more rewarding.
20. Favourite fic you've ever written?
This is hard to answer. Last Envoy is the story I’m most proud of.
I write the stories I want to read, and I do re-read a number of them, some more than others. My favorite fic written in 2023 is The Traveller.
Has everybody been tagged? How about @mydogwatson @lisbeth-kk @discordantwords @copperplatebeech @keirgreeneyes @meetinginsamarra @bertytravelsfar @jrow @thegildedbee @helloliriels @gregorovitchworld ???
53 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hey!! 💕 for the fandom ask game, 5, 9 and 20? 🤩
hi!!! thank you for sending me this ask!! once again apologizing if the format for this is all janky, assume I have no clue what I'm doing 80-90% of the time!! also I found out so many of these writer's have tumblrs that I wasn't following so that was exciting!!
please note: this is all about the harry potter fandom so if you don't follow me for that, please look at my pinned post!! tldr is fuck jk and fuck terfs, I won't let her steal our joy!!
5. something I see a lot in fics and love
hmmmm... this is hard to narrow down!! so here's a few things I've been enjoying in hp fics I've read lately!
harry potter who is just so fucking earnestly in love. like, he's tripping over his feet so he can hold the door open for draco and looking at him with big heart eyes from across the pub. harry's got draco's order memorized from that takeout place he loves and he's been pining for draco for years in such an embarrassing way and all his friends are rolling their eyes and placing bets on when harry will finally make a fucking move.
adult ron weasley taking after his mother!! he makes delicious food and makes people scarves and shows his love through his actions!!
draco being absolutely rocked when he finds out that harry is queer! especially when harry is confident and completely unashamed of his sexuality. also throat goat harry
magic being tangible in some way!! like, a strong spell giving off the smell of ozone, being able to feel it in someone's hands, everyone's magic having a unique vibe.
harry as the ultimate dad. like, that dude 100% has so many complicated feelings about family and his kid(s) would be everything to him.
9. a ship that isn't your OTP but that you enjoy
I've been dipping into alllll kinds of ships lately. I love to just go look at individual ship tags on a03 and read the stuff with the highest kudos and then some of the most recent fics. I think you gotta do both to understand the ship!! here's some I've been vibing with lately (also realizing how many of these are drarry+someone else hahaha)
harry/draco is my otp BUT harry/ron and harry/ron/hermione are tied for second. that's harry's family!! they were his first friends and the first people to show him love and they literally went through war together. they know each other!! two favorite harry/ron fics of mine are Sun Kissed by @static-abyss and A tangled mess by @orange-peony! two harry/ron/hermione favorites are nineteen years later by wendydarlings and try to fix you by @maesterchill!
snarry - I was sooooo not into this in my early fandom days because so much of the ship stuff I saw was underage teacher/student stuff and that's very much not my thing. the first dip into this ship was actually through @writcraft's harry/draco/severus fic, A Life Worth Remembering, which is almost a complete subversion: Severus gets de-aged to 25 through a potions accident and has to stay with draco and harry, who are middle-aged and in an established relationship. its a gigantic change for everyone involved and the way their all find their way to each other is sooooooo good. from there I read all their snarry stuff. one of their other snarry fics I love is How We Were Warriors. I've actually been back into this ship the past few weeks and have loved On the Deficiencies of Translation Spells and old fires and phantom limbs by @liladiurne, as well as A Turn of the Page and Severus’s Story (or, A Hero’s Tale) by avioleta!
neville/harry and harry/draco/neville - I think about @kittycargo's Love to Give soooooo often. also absolutely love When it Returns by @academicdisasterfic and Touch Your Lips Just So I Know by @saxamophone!!
harry/draco/charlie - everyone go read Licurici by @lou-isfake and tell me you aren't a changed man!!!
ron/draco/harry. I can't even begin to talk about this one because we'd be here for a million years!!
20. your very first fandom!
I started doing irl fandom things for harry potter with my mom and sister when I was a little baby (I learned to read with the harry potter books!!) but my first solo (and almost exclusively online) fandom was the the teen titans!! I was obsessed with the marv wolfman and george perez comics from the 80s and completely lost my shit when they announced the teen titans animated series. that show cancellation still hurts 😭
#hi everyone sorry if tagging you all isn't the right etiquette or whatever!!#I'm new to actually posting things instead of just reblogging them!!#also is this readable at all? is there a better format for all these links and stuff?#fandom asks#ask games#fic recs#hp#drarry
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's Showtime Darlin'
Arthur Morgan x fem!reader
A/N-
I could not for the life of me figure out what to write for the summary so I just put a little blurb in from the story. I hope you find this to your liking. Smut is after the ********, the first part of this is just good ol' outlaw fun. As always, likes and comments are always appreciated. Also feel free to send me any ideas for more fics.
Cross posted on A03 @jellybeam1meup
Warnings/ tags: Fluff, smut, slight dom/sub elements, spanking, train robbing, Outlaw shenanigans, PiV sex, rough(ish) sex, reader is married to Arthur Morgan
------------------------------------
“What’s going on?” “Why have we stopped?”
Questions of confused passengers ring out as you look out the window, straining your neck to see if you can spot anything. A hush descends upon the train car when the sound of the door to the car can be heard opening. You don’t have to wait long for their questions to be answered.
“We can do this the easy way or the hard way.”
You watch as three masked men brandishing guns enter the train car. Gasps sound out from various passengers. The outlaws work their way down the aisle of the train demanding peoples’ valuables. Your heart begins to pound faster as the men draw closer to you.
It won’t be long now.
Before long you are looking up at a tall, blonde outlaw clad in a faded blue shirt. A black bandana hides most of his face except for his ocean blue eyes. Those eyes almost look as if they could see into your very soul. He sets down the bag he is carrying and it is obvious he is about to do something. The man reaches down and grabs you by the sleeve, tearing it a little as he lifts you up. Something is whispered in your ear as he grabs your waist and pulls you closer to him.
“it’s showtime darlin’.”
———————————-
“You want me to do what?” You exclaim to Hosea as he tells you and Arthur the plan.
“I want you to pose as one of the passengers on the train,” Hosea explains,” then Arthur here will take you as a hostage as a way to escape.”
You throw a glance over to your husband who looks just as unconvinced as you are. After looking at each other for a brief moment Arthur finally asks the question that is on both of your minds.
“Do you think it’ll actually work?”
“Of course it will work,” Dutch booms as he throws open the tent flap before entering.
“I came up with the plan myself,” he continues.
“That’s what I was afraid of,” Arthur mutters under his breath.
“You say somethin’?” Dutch asks Arthur with his iconic scowl. Arthur ignores Dutch’s question and proceeds to ask one of his own.
“How do we know this is safe? What happens if somethin’ goes wrong and I can’t get her out of there?” Arthur scowls.
Every time you and he work a job together he insists that you are beside him the entire time, but more so now. Recently, on a job, the two of you had a close call. Dutch’s plans were based on bad information, and, when it went south, Micha all but abandoned you which almost led to you being caught. Ever since then Arthur has had a hard time trusting Dutch’s plans and Micha in general. While he knows that you are more than capable of handling yourself, there's just something about letting you out of his sight that makes him uneasy.
“Arthur, my boy,” Dutch grins as he swigs an arm around Arthur’s shoulder,” I have all the faith in the world that you’ll be able to pull this off.”
Arthur just lets out a huff in reply as he brushes Dutch’s arm off him.
“I’ll do it,” you sigh. You’d much rather be in on the action with the boys than be posing as some old biddy, but you know the gang needs the money.
“You sure?” Arthur questions as he moves to your side. The concern in his eyes melts your heart. Although he insists he isn’t a good man deep down Arthur has a heart of gold.
“Yeh, I’ll be fine, but I’d much rather be with you boys though,” you give a little pout to emphasize your disappointment. Arthur pulls you in close beside him before giving you a small hug.
“Don’t worry darlin’. I’ll try to make it exciting for ya,” Arthur replies with a smile.
“Try to make it convincing,” Hosea sighs as he watches the two of you embrace.
—————————————
So that’s how you ended up here in this ridiculously puffy dress Susan had stuck you in. You squirm a little to try and make it seem like you are uncomfortable in his grasp, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. You try to keep a straight face as an idea creeps into your head. Hosea did say to make it convincing, you think to yourself as you clutch your bag a little tighter.
“Unhand me you big galoot!” You cry out as you wack Arthur across the face with the handbag. Arthur’s eyes widen in surprise as the unexpected force of the bag causes him to stumble back a few steps. In all honesty you didn’t mean to hit him that hard, you got a little too caught up in your performance.
Arthur blinks a couple of times to reorientate himself before wrapping an arm around your chest, pulling you next to him so that your back is flush with his chest. The strength of his arms is almost crushing. His calloused fingers grip your jaw as he forces you to look forward at the passengers. With his pistol and presses the barrel to your head, he begins to speak. You shutter a little at the act. You’re not scared at all, actually quite the opposite you love how rough he is being with you.
“Like I said before, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. Kindly hand over y’all’s valuables to these other gentlemen or I might just have to start getting rough. You don’t want me to have to hurt this sweet little thing right here.”
You hear the horrified gasps of the other passengers as they watch him gesture with the weapon. The people get the message and begin handing things over quicker. Once the others have made it all the way through the train car, they continue on to find where the luggage is being kept. By this point, the passengers have settled down some but their fear and nervousness is still palpable.
Arthur decides to stay true to his word about making it exciting for you when he sees an elderly passenger staring daggers at him, almost challenging him to make a move. Arthur releases your jaw from his grip and moves his hand down so that it gropes one of your breasts. The woman lets out a gasp and clutches her handkerchief tighter, quickly averts her eyes from the sight of this outlaw seemingly manhandling a lady. You hear Arthur let out a breathy chuckle and you have to admit that it is a little funny.
The two of you stay there in the passenger car until you hear Charles call out,” time to go, the law will be here soon.” You give Arthur a slight nod letting him know that you are ready to get the hell out of dodge.
“Thank ya folks for your kind hospitality,” Arthur announces as he reaches down and retrieves the bag of stolen items he set there earlier. He shoves the bag into your hands and quickly returns the gun to your temple. The last thing he wants is for everyone to know whose side you're on. He begins backing up, pulling you with him to the exit at the back of the car.
One of the men seated near the front of the car stands and calls out, “ What about the lady? You said you’d let her go if you got what you wanted!”
Arthur stops and looks at the man. A glint of mischief flashes in his eyes.
“Did I now?”
You can almost hear the smirk in his words. Arthur lowers his gun from your temple and holsters it.
“I think I’ve changed my mind. I’ve decided that this one here is mine,” Arthur replies as he lifts you up into his arms. The train car once again fills with horrified gasps as the passengers watch Arthur carry you out of the car.
————————-
“That was quite the performance sweetheart. But I coulda done without that handbag hitting me in the face,” Arthur chuckles as he helps you fight against your skirt to get onto the back of Boadicea. He jostles you around as your skirt makes the task much more difficult. Once he has you settled as best he can, Arthur mounts the horse.
“What else would you expect me to do when a big bad outlaw has his hands on me?” you giggle as you wrap your arms around his waist. Arthur can feel arousal pooling in his gut at the sound of your words, but shows no outward signs.
Arthur just huffs in reply as he spurs the Boadicea onward, however you know him better than that. You know he is smiling.
The two of you decide to stop at a hotel for the night to enjoy some of the fruits of your labor before riding on to the camp in the morning. As Arthur is helping you off his horse he whispers some wicked plans in your ear.
“Let me get you out of that dress and then I’ll really show you what an outlaw can really do with his hands.”
Arthur’s raspy voice sends a shiver down your spine; However you decide to tease the man a little more.
“Oh isn’t the big bad outlaw gonna treat a girl to dinner first? Let’s get something to eat,” you purr, you want to see how far you can push him. You want him to be rough with you just like he was on the train. It’s not that you don’t like the way Arthur fucks you, you love his gently touches and praises, but sometimes you crave something different. Something more carnal.
Arthur has to be in a certain mood for him to really get into being rough with you. You can count on one hand the number of times Arthur has taken you like that. All of them after a job.
In hindsight you probably would have gotten what you wanted if you had gone up to the hotel room at the moment since Arthur was already riled up and riding the highs of adrenaline. A quick flash of confusion flickers over Arthur’s face before he realizes what you are doing.
Arthur just grunts at your proposal and drags you to the nearest restaurant as he hopes the meal will be quick.
Dinner ends up being a silent affair, with Arthur being too horny to hold much of a conversation. All he wants to do is rip off your clothes and take you right here. Intentionally eating slowly, you just play it up even more. Arthur grits his teeth as he feels a bulge starting to form in his pants as the sight of you sitting there.
“That’s it,” Arthur growls as he slams money down on the table before dragging you out of the bar. This is it. This is the place you wanted Arthur to get to. You can hardly contain yourself as you watch him check in and get a room for the night. You feel a little devastated when Arthur tells you to go on up to the room to wait for him there while he gets another drink. He is making you pay for your sins.
You follow his instructions and go on to the room. It is small, containing only a bed, small dresser, and two bedside tables, but its location far away from the lobby of the hotel offers you the seclusion you had hoped for. After flopping your upper half down on the bed, you realize what a hassle your skirt is going to be. The crinoline in it prevents you from being able to lay down fully. Your core aches with the thought of your husband. What is he doing? When will he be back? You would have already taken your skirt off to be ready for Arthur’s return but you were definitely going to need his help for that.
You sit up when you hear a key turning to unlock the door. Arthur went ahead and just decided to follow you upstairs. Even though he wanted to punish you, he didn’t have it in him to wait. Arthur strides into the room before closing the door. He barely has the chance to finish locking the door before you are on him. Your hands desperately roam his chest as you try to unbutton his top.
You are only able to make it a quarter of the way down before Arthur stops you.
“Wooh there darlin’. I think we need to focus on getting you out of that monstrosity that Ms. Grimshaw calls a dress.”
You chuckle at his description of your outfit. That’s your Arthur, always the gentleman even when he does want to nail your ass to the bedsheets.
“Get that top off,” Arthur growls as he drops down to one knee to begin undoing the ties of your skirt. You obey and work as fast as you can to rid yourself of the clothes.
“This damned skirt!” Arthur huffs out as the two of you attempt to beat the fabric into submission. Arthur reaches into his pocket, pulling out a knife. As he goes to cut you out of the skirt you stop him.
“I’ve got to wear this back to camp tomorrow. Unless you want me looking like Lady Gadiva.”
Arthur grunts as he sets the knife to the side and goes back into battle with the intricate lacing.
**********************************************
“If it weren’t for all this damn fabric, you’d of felt how hard I was for ya back there on the train,” Arthur growls as he finally begins to succeed in getting the skirt off your body.
“Oh really?” You hum back as you run your fingers through his hair and you decide to see if you can take this further.
“You like being the big bad outlaw?” You question. Your words cause a low groan to escape from his lips. He likes this and you know it.
“I had half the mind to bend you over in front of all those people and fuck you,” Arthur purrs as he finally manages to get the skirt loose. He pulls both your skirt and bloomers down to your ankles in one fell swoop. He offers you a hand as you step out of the pool of fabric before taking a moment to admire your nude form.
Arthur presses his lips against yours as he backs you up until your knees hit the bed causing you to sit down.
Arthur pulls back from the kiss before standing up to begin removing his trousers. Another bolt of arousal shoots down your spine when you hear the sound of his gun belt hitting the floor. Arthur watches as your eyes flick over to his bandana laying on the dresser and an idea pops into his head. He strolls over to the furniture and grabs the fabric.
You watch, wide eyed, as Arthur ties the bandana around his face, just like it was on the train. the sight made you drool. Arthur walks back over to the bed and grabs your jaw roughly.
“Alright, here’s what yer gonna do. Yer gonna just sit there, lookin’ all pretty like, and let me do whatever I want to ya. Got it?” Arthur growls as he lets up the pressure on your jaw just enough for you to respond. You give a little nod.
“Good girl,” Arthur praises before letting go of your face in favor of removing his trousers. He watches as a beaming smile spreads across your face at the praise. Arthur pulls his trousers down just enough so that his hard cock springs out. You reach out to take him in your hand, only to be stopped by Arthur grabbing your wrist.
“Just your mouth, no hands,” Arthur growls from above you. You just nod and shuffle your body closer to him. A low groan escapes him when he feels your lips close around him. Arthur places a hand in your hair to position you where he wants. He doesn’t thrust into your mouth, but instead uses the hand threaded in your hair to bob you up and down on him, letting your mouth do all the work.
He throws his head back and lets out a groan at the feeling. The sounds coming from his mouth only cause you to become more desperate. You reach a hand down and allow two of your fingers to slip inside your dripping core. You moan around Arthur as you do so. When you moan Arthur looks back down at you to figure out the cause. When he sees where your fingers are he smiles to himself. Arthur pulls your mouth off of his cock and quickly takes the hand once holding your hair and places it firmly on your jaw. His other hand reaches down to pull your fingers out of your core.
“Didn’t say you could do that, did I?” Arthur asks as he kneels down to eye level with you. A wicked grin is plaster on his face as you sheepishly shake your head ‘no’.
“Looks like I’ll just have to punish ya for it then,” Arthur coos in a sickly sweet voice. Arthur lets go of your jaw and wrist in favor of undressing. You feel your core clench around nothing as you watch him remove the rest of his clothes.
The sight of his broad chest never fails to make you ache. Your eyes trace over the various scars spattered on his torso. You never understood why Arthur would always call them ugly. You loved his scars. You love everything about this man.
Your eyes continue to roam over his body and you take in the sight of his toned chest, arms and thighs. How could this man degrade himself so much? Arthur jolts you out of your thoughts by sitting down beside you on the bed. The mattress sags under his weight. You sit up on your heels and wait for your next instructions.
“Come ‘ere,” Arthur chuckles at your eagerness. You quickly obey and move closer to the man.
“Lay down over my lap.”
Okay this is new. You had only brought up the idea of him spanking you once. And that idea was quickly shot down by Arthur. Arthur was terrified of accidentally hurting you or taking things too far. He knew the life the both of you led brought along with it pain. He didn’t want to add anymore to your life.
But now Arthur was in just the right mood to try it out. In all honesty, he didn’t truly want this to hurt you, just to sting a little so that you would listen to him. Butterflies filled your insides as you lay your bare stomach across his thighs. The way his cock twitches against your side indicates that he is just as eager as you are.
“Alright, tell me if it gets to be too much for ya darlin’,” Arthur instructs as he rubs gentle open palmed circles on your exposed rear.
“Okay,” you whisper as another shiver of arousal runs down your spine. His hand lands on you with a smack. The sound of flesh hitting flesh echoes in the room as you let out a whimper. The force was much greater than you were expecting but it felt oh so good. Arthur gives your rear a little soothing rub before landing another blow to the other cheek. With each spank you let out little pants and whimpers at the sting. You can feel yourself dripping onto his thigh as the punishment continues. You know your rear must be red at this point but that doesn’t matter now.
Arthur lands one particularly hard slap on the skin just below your cheek. This causes you to cry out at the unexpected pain.
“Too much? You want me to stop,” Arthur questions upon hearing your cry. There is obvious concern in his voice.
“Keep going,” you sob, your nails digging into the sheets. Arthur just nods and continues with a couple more swats before he decides to move on. You gasp as you feel a calloused finger prod your entrance.
“Arthur,” you whine out as you attempt to move back so that his finger enters you. However, Arthur pulls his hand farther away, causing you to huff in protest.
“Beg.”
“What?” You ask as you turn your head to look up at him.
“I said beg. Beg for my fingers,” Arthur replies with a straight face. By this time all of your dignity has all but flown out the window. You want him to touch you so bad and you are willing to do just about anything.
“Arthur please give me more,” you beg, wiggling your hips a little. A harsh slap lands on your sore rear in response.
“Gonna have to do better than that,” Arthur laughs. The frustration is so great that you feel as if you will pass out if he doesn’t touch you soon. Arousal has clouded your brain. It is almost as if the whole world has stopped spinning, making it seem as if it was just the two of you here in this moment in time.
“Arthur please! Please fuck me with your fingers! Do anything you want to me. I’ll be a good girl! I promise,” you plead out as a couple of frustrated tears roll down your face. In the back of your mind you know the other guests probably hear your pleas to your husband but you don’t care. Arthur smiles at your words and quickly pushes two fingers deep into your wet cunt.
His fingers are much bigger than yours and cause a delicious stretch. You gasp at the feeling of his fingers pumping in and out of you. One hand remains fisted in the sheets while the other is clamped down over your mouth to keep you from screaming out. Arthur begins to scissor you open in preparation for him. A low rumble settles in his chest as he watches you squirm and writhe around in his lap, a feeling of pride swelling in his chest at the knowledge that he is the only one who gets to see you like this.
Another finger is shoved into you as Arthur stretches you even further. Arthur has stopped the quick paced pumping in and out of you in favor of searching for that spot that has your legs shaking. It only takes the man a couple of seconds to find it, and he knows he has found it when you let out a little sob of pleasure and clench around him. In a matter of mere minutes you can already feel the tell tale signs of your orgasm approaching. Arthur moves his thumb so that it is resting directly over your clit. Your breath quickens as you feel the knot inside you coil tighter. When he starts rubbing circles onto your clit, that wave of pleasure reaches its peak. You cum with Arthur’s name freely flowing from your lips. Your legs shake violently as the high continues to take over your body.
You expect Arthur to slow his movements but instead he just continues. You let out a whine when Arthur begins moving his fingers in a ‘come hither’ motion in an attempt to make you orgasm a second time. The pleasure is borderline painful at this point. You know what he wants but you’re not sure you can give it to him.
You reach back in an attempt to grab his wrist to stop him, but his other hand just pins you down against the sheets.
“Too much! Too much,” you cry as you feel a strange sensation building in the pit of your stomach. Arthur slows down a little as he responds to your plea.
“Come on darlin’. Will ya just try for me? Please?,” Arthur questions, he fully intends on stopping if you want him to but he really hopes that’s not the case.
“I’ll try,” you whimper before you feel his fingers begin to speed up again.
“Good girl,” he coos. Arthur presses his thumb down against your clit once more. This is all it takes to have you gushing onto his fingers. You moan out as you feel your second orgasm grab hold of you. Arthur keeps a firm grasp on you as your body twitches and spasms in his lap. You hiss at the sensitivity as Arthur pulls his fingers out of you.
“You took your punishment so well,” Arthur coos as he flips you over onto the bed. He has you on your side with your back to him. Arthur positions himself up close to you with his chest against your back. You can feel his erection pressing against the small of your back. The way his large body covers you makes you feel so small.
Arthur takes your leg and pulls it back so that you can halfway wrap it around his thigh. Arthur keeps his hand on your thigh to help you remain in the position. You feel his cock nudge at your entrance. You shudder as you feel a drop of precum land on your inner thigh. Arthur then snakes an arm under your body so that he can place a hand on your neck. His grip is loose as he doesn’t want to actually choke you. He wants to let you know he’s there.
“You ready,” Arthur huffs in your ear.
“Yes,” you mumble as you relax into his touch. Arthur groans as he sinks into your tight heat. Even after taking him so many times, your husband always manages to stretch you out. Arthur starts off with a slow pace, allowing you to get used to the sensation. His blunt nails dig into the meat of your thigh as he increases the pace.
“Yer so fucking good to me,” Arthur pants in your ear. You only manage a pitiful whimper in response.
The room echoes with moans as Arthur thrusts into you. You can feel another orgasm approaching at an alarming speed.
“Arthur! I’m going to-“
“Let go for me darlin’,” Arthur purrs as he increases his pressure on your throat. The feeling triggers your third orgasm of the evening. He grits his teeth as a low growl escapes him when he feels you clench. Arthur slows his thrusts to long steady ones as he works you through your orgasm. You can tell he is getting close by the way his rhythm falters.
You give him one more clench to help him along before his cock is kicking inside of you. Your toes curl as you feel Arthur coat your insides with hot ropes of cum. Arthur continues to fuck his cum into you until he is totally spent.
“I love you,” Arthur pants into your ear before reaching up to pull the bandana down off of his face to place a soft kiss on the top of your head.
“I love you too,” you respond and you pull his arm around your chest, snuggling closer to him. The two of you lay together panting for a while before he pulls out of you.
His cum leaks out onto your thighs as you feel the mattress spring back into place as he gets up. You watch as the man you love walks around to your side of the bed, undoing the bandana from around his neck as he moves. He kneels down in front of you with a smile.
“You did great,” Arthur praises in a soothing voice as he takes the bandana and cleans up the mess between your thighs. You jolt a little at the feeling of it rubbing against your sore pussy.
“No you did,” you reply with a sleepy grin. Arthur just chuckles as he finishes cleaning you up before doing the same to himself. You let your eyes slip closed and you hear him make his way back around to the other side of the bed once more. The mattress dips back down as he joins you on the bed. He pulls you close and spoons you in his arms.
“Was that rough enough for ya?” Arthur questions as he places little kisses on your neck.
“Uh huh,” you hum back,” you know I always like to see your big bad outlaw side.”
Arthur lets out a quiet chuckle closing his eyes as well.
“I guess you whacking me with that handbag really got me goin’.” Arthur grins as he feels you relax into him.
“Hmm I guess I’ll just have to work jobs like this more often then.”
That’s the last thing you mutter before you drift off to sleep.
#rdr2 arthur#arthur morgan#arthur morgan x reader#rdr2 fanfic#rdr2 dutch#rdr2 x reader#red dead redemption 2#I am a hoe for Arthur Morgan#fanfic#rdr2 smut#rdr2 fluff#arthur morgan smut
822 notes
·
View notes
Text
Kiss Me, Kill Me, Calm Me Down (Its all the same) - 831 words
Ya know when Grian asked Scar to kill me so he wouldn't start a resistance. Yeah they're kissing instead.
A03 Link
It had been a fairly normal day up until that point, suspiciously normal in fact. He was making great progress on Scarland, his Hotguy career was better than ever, and no one had stopped by to prank or kill him yet! So you could blame Scar for being so frazzled when Grian literally crashed into him from behind? His friend had nearly brought him to the ground, and it seemed to be flying full force when he found the other. Scar let out a loud yelp of surprise, fumbling to turn around to face his visitor, assuming Grian was just here for his usual mischief.
The little avian was clearly in a panic, a bad one, which made any cheeky remarks Scar had been forming die on his tongue. He'd seen Grian panicked before, but never this bad. Grian looked more like an avian than he ever had, blue eyes widened and filled with a primal kind of panic. His feathers were a mess, and his wings wouldn’t stop twitching with something Scar couldn’t discern. “G?” He asked, worried and gentle. “G? What’s wrong?’
Scar startled slightly as Grian shrugged closer. Sharp talons were now beginning to grip the front of his Hotguy costume, and they were gripping tight, too. Scar instinctively reached out to grab Grian’s lower arm, hoping the touch would steady him a bit.
"Scar!" Grian exclaimed, a little too fast, and the former was a bit surprised he wasn't babbling. "You have to kill me!"
"What!?" Scar hissed in surprise, grip on the other tightening. They killed each other for fun all the time. Sure, death wasn’t a problem here, but it was a little unnerving for your friend to ask you to murder them .
"Please!" Grian’s voice was becoming louder, more frazzled with every word. "If you don't kill me I'm going to start a resistance again. Scar please! " The brunette blinked in surprise, now understanding why his friend was practically begging to be killed. Grian had been avoiding his usual troublemaker instincts for a while now, clearly not fond of starting another war. And apparently the King’s recent actions hadn’t been helping in the slightest (Hell, Scar had even been tempted to turn traitor was hotguy his boss a few times!)
He considered Grian’s offer for a moment. He was tasked with gaining the heads of his fellow Hermits, and the avian was still on the list ...but no, it wouldn’t feel right obtaining it this way. The beheading had to be a surprise to each Hermit! Where was the fun if it wasn’t?
Scar did something different to killing Grian, in fact he did something one could argue is the exact opposite. He leaned downwards and kissed him.
The avian made a yelp of surprise, his talons still gripping the front Scar's shirt tightly. He was understandably caught off guard by the kiss, but didn’t seem opposed to it, especially after Scar gently bit his bottom lip. Grian kissed back a moment after that with a low groan, instantly trying to deepen the kiss. Scar's hand moved to frame his jaw, and knew his idea was working when the blonde melted into him further.
He slipped his tongue into Grian’s mouth slowly, able to explore it for a moment before the avian did the same to him. Scar stifled a whine, feeling Grian smirk against his lips and hearing the fabric of his shirt start to rip, little talons gripping impossibly tighter. They pulled away after a minute, and Scar couldn’t help but smile at the muffled, disappointed sound that escaped the blonde.
"Thanks," Grian said, a little breathless, apologetically unhooking his talons from Scar’s costume. "You're really good at that," He wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be kissing him or calming Grian down, but he'd take any compliments that were handed to him.
"Anytime!" Scar smirked. The brunette hesitated a bit, then leaned down to place a small peck on Grian’s forehead. It was probably far too fond than it should've been, but Grian flushed bright red, so it didn't matter. The little avian looked very cute when flustered in Scar's opinion, and he was very happy to have caused that.
“I’ll uh, see you later,” Grian muttered a bit sheepishly. Scar opened his mouth to respond, but was stopped with a sweet, chaste peck on the lips. He blinked in surprise, flushed red as he watched his avian friend took off back towards his base.
Scar could have followed him, they were neighbors after all, but instead he was content to stand there dumbfounded for a few moments, at least until the surprise wore off and everything processed in his brain properly.
“Yeah, see you later, G.” He muttered to nobody, then turned to resume…well whatever he’d been doing before. Maybe he’d get to kiss Grian again next time they did meet, Scar knew he wouldn’t exactly be complaining about that. Maybe he’d like that, just a little bit.
#ron.writing#ron.fic#desert duo#scarian#hermitcraft#hermitblr#hermitcraft grian#hermitshipping#goodtimeswithscar#grian#hermitcraft fanfic
88 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Drone Ranger's Be Kind Rewind ⏪ mygyn Edition!
A rec reblog series dedicated to the fics that we love so much, we've re-read them!
The next Rewind has landed: @mygyn! Look, mygyn did the most in the best way. They did a deep dive to share some of their hidden gems.
While we continue to churn out amazing new content, let's be kind and rewind to look at some of the OG content we love. And don't forget to reblog when you re-read! Continue to show your comfort fics and favorite creators some love. It helps keep the fresh content coming :)
We want to keep this going throughout the summer, so I'll continue to invite friends—other creators and readers—to share their lists. Stay tuned!
If you're interested in participating in the Be Kind Rewind, message me. The more, the merrier—let's keep this going as long as we can!
If you want to know when a new Rewind drops, join the tag list, and check out previous Rewinds!
fics below the cut (listed in alphabetical order by title)
‘86 Flyboy Matchmaker, '86 Top Gun pilots, @semperhuggs
This is a piece of art! I 100% am a fiend for a good IceMav story! So often, I fall into the trap of reading X Reader and inserting myself into the story, but if you want a classic story that goes through the pain that Ice and Mav would have felt during DADT, this 100% is a story for you to check out (There are several offshoots that are a chef's kiss as well).
Angel by the Wings , Jake Seresin + Bradley Bradshaw, @makethatelevenrings
Okay, can I say that love this. 10/10 for great representation. Jake and Roo and you. I’m a huge, huge sucker for threesomes so seeing an ethical one where all parties are equal and consensual is a huge win.
Great Balls of Fire, Bradley Bradshaw, @bratshaws
As a plus-sized reader myself, the story of Bee and Roo has had me smiling laughing and crying, along with the insecurities that come along with being so fabulous! If you want a story that tackles the real and vulnerabilities of a relationship, I 100% suggest this one. Also, fun fact: This was the first story that I fell in love with on Tumblr.
Golden Barn Light, Jake Seresin, @siempre-bucky
This blog hasn’t posted any stories recently, but this was the first story that made me fall in love with Hangman. It explored his softer side, his love for his family and, quite frankly, was an adorable read.
I had to let go of you to find myself, Jake Seresin, @gennyanydots
Speaking of Hangman, if you want to read an angst story with redemption, love and, in my opinion, one of the most accurate descriptions of Hangman, and how he would deal with trauma, this is a winner.
Sleepy Baby, Jake Seresin, @discount-shades
Soft Jake what is this… I think I’m just an angst lover! But Jake meets a girl and ends up tracking her down to help her overcome her tragic backstory and moves forward into a life of love and relationship!
Starting Over, Bradley Bradshaw + Jake Seresin x Natasha Trace, @bellaireland1981
What’s this? Jake has a sister who married an asshole? Do we get to see soft Jake and Phoenix? Yes. Do we get to see Bradley and Jake's sister? Yes. Do we get to see Daddy Roo? 100. This story fills each and every one of my boxes.
Stepping to You Toe to Toe, Jake Seresin, @dingochef
I first fell in love with this story on A03, but the amazing and wonderful author has brought it over to Tumblr. If you want a story with plenty of smexy time plot, and to see several beautiful relationships grow and bloom, this is the one for you.
The Same Mistakes, Bradley Bradshaw, @ofstoriesandstardust
This list wouldn’t be complete without Rebel. This is a story where Rebel Mav’s daughter is a pilot and goes through the trauma of having a Father who is notorious in the Navy and she has to overcome his reputation and find her own wings to fly.
you said you would grow old with me, Bradley Bradshaw, @blue-aconite If you need to cry, this is the one for you. I’m a sucker for angst apparently. This is an amazing piece that covers loss, love, and it shows a great example of putting the one you love before yourself.
Bonus!
Since I don’t write but am an avid reader and reblogger, here are some amazing authors that I know will be featured at some point <3
@roosterforme
@ereardon
@callsign-magnolia
@cherrycola27
I literally would recommend anything that they have written. If you want angst, smut, great story lines, these four are my go-to’s.
Tag list and friends: @petcr3 @desert-fern @Sagittarius-Lovewitch @mygyn @sweetwhispersofchaos @horseshoegirl @the-annoying-fan @dingochef @moon42flight @thecitysgraveyard @galaxy-of-stories @taytaylala12@malindacath @violyn20 @awildewit @potato-girl99981 @shanimallina87 @blue-aconite @djs8891 @linkpk88 @furiousladyking @daggerspare-standingby @princess76179 @jstarr86 @hecate-steps-on-me @darkheartcherry @soulmates8 @roosters-girl @dempy @roosterisdaddy36 @hangmanscoming @s-u-t @mavrellover91 @chicomonks @averyhotchner
A kind reminder, this is a 18+ blog. While not all stories in the recommendation list are 18+, please respect boundaries and do not interact unless you are 18 years of age or older.
#tgm be kind rewind#bradley rooster bradshaw#jake hangman seresin#jake seresin#rooster bradshaw#bradley bradshaw#top gun maverick#tgm#top gun#mygyn
56 notes
·
View notes
Text
Return To Me - Chapter 4
A/N: It was requested I post this here, as well, so here ya go! (Sorry if I double tagged anyone.) I'd love to hear your thoughts! Thank you endlessly to anyone still following this story. You have all my love.
Summary: Emma Swan is dying. Her last remaining hope is a heart-transplant, and those aren't easy to come by. But, as luck would have it, fate finds her worthy, and on a stormy autumn night, Emma is given a second chance at life.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the Boston hospital, Killian Jones has been devastated by the sudden loss of his wife.
Inspired by the 2000 film of the same title with Minnie Driver and David Duchovny.
Find on A03 here
++++++
Chapter Four - Don't Get Around Much Anymore
Three Weeks Post-Op
Emma had been called a cynic plenty of times in her life. As it turned out, being pushed through the foster system for a decade and a half hadn’t exactly turned her into a beaming optimist. Like most cynics, she claimed she was actually a realist. She planned for the worst, because things tended to not work out that great for her, and hoped for the best. Sometimes she was pleasantly surprised.
But in the litany of potential outcomes Emma had been preparing herself for, a new heart had never actually made the list. It was akin to winning the lottery, in her mind. Life had not been particularly kind to her. Yet, she had always taken her blows in stride, and she never took handouts. And the prospect of finally making it to the top of the transplant list at the age of twenty-six, after almost a decade of waiting, felt like a handout from life.
Emma Swan had never been one to sit around waiting for handouts.
There were other things she had prepared herself for. Increasing the handful of pills she took each day to keep her body from failing on her any faster. Moving from her full time job and supporting herself completely on her own to working part time, then very part time, to not at all. Getting on a government disability program. Each new punch to the gut from life she took in stride, as best she could.
And through it all, righting her each and every time she stumbled, were David and Mary Margaret. They were some of the best, most genuine and caring people ever to be placed on planet earth. She didn't deserve them—there was a small, cruel voice in the back of her head that affirmed this for her every day. But they just kept showing up for her, and they wouldn’t leave, and they wouldn’t let her quit.
As it turned out, after the first week, getting a whole new vital organ sewn into her chest wasn’t as bad as she had thought it would be. By the third week, the pain was starting to subside, transitioning into a residual soreness, and her biggest struggle currently was not clawing at her incision every time it itched. When the skin itself didn’t feel like an odd mixture of both tight and numb, it felt ablaze with itchiness. It was all she could do not to scratch at it. (Every time she did, Mary Margaret would bark at her to stop it, or David would throw a random item in her direction. Most recently, it had been a box of tissues that had narrowly missed her head, and he threatened to get an extendable fly swatter to swat her with, as needed.)
For the first time in her life, Emma was well and truly doted upon. She had family members who inarguably refused to leave her side. That is, of course, until Mary Margaret was forcibly removed by way of her impending school year start.
She’d had almost a month left of her summer break when Emma had had her operation, and she had been able to push almost all of her classroom prep off until the very last minute. David helped her ready her room when he could, but Emma knew her friend was fraying at the seams from trying to do so much in such a short span of time. Mary Margaret had a handful of vacation days, but she hoarded them like a dragon for true emergencies, and worried constantly that if her students started off the school year with a substitute teacher, they would just end up watching movies all day instead of actually learning something.
This was their last weekend before the new school year started and Mary Margaret went back to working full days. Emma was lounging on the couch, dozing, lidded eyes half focused on the episode of Friends quietly playing on the living room TV. She and Mary Margaret had just finished putting together twenty-five “Welcome back!” folders for her incoming students, as well as a second set for their parents.
“Why couldn't they have been ready for you to have the surgery during the start of summer?” Mary Margaret lamented, as she plopped her last folder down on the pile. “I would have had three months off to be here with you!”
David glanced over at them from the pile of pans he was washing at the kitchen sink and gave his wife an odd look. “You do realize you're wishing the woman whose heart Emma has now had died earlier in the year instead of later, right?”
Mary Margaret looked aghast. “No! Of course I don’t wish that. I didn't... I just meant...”
David raised his eyebrows at her, but by now he was smiling gently at his wife. Mary Margaret huffed. A slightly awkward silence settled between the three of them. The fact that another person was dead and Emma was still alive because of it was something they all knew but typically left unsaid. David had said it out loud, and now the strangeness of that fact settled over them all heavily.
“I wonder what she was like,” Emma murmured from her spot on the couch, puncturing the silence. “They couldn't tell me much. Well, couldn't or wouldn't, not sure which. All they said was that she was older than me, but not by too much, and in great health. Obviously we had to have the same blood type. But they couldn't tell me how she died, just that it didn't affect her heart.”
“Probably head trauma,” David said sagely. Emma winced at the thought, but he was likely right. He had seen enough as an officer to know. Especially working night shifts, when the majority of car accidents took place in the area.
“That sounds awful,” Mary Margaret said quietly.
“I'd never say I was glad someone else died,” David said after a while. “But I'm glad Emma's still with us.” The fact that these things were one in the same went unsaid. Mary Margaret reached over and squeezed Emma’s arm in gentle agreement with her husband. Emma glanced over at her and offered her sister-in-law a small smile, trying to convey to her without having to say it aloud that it was okay.
But in truth, Emma was uncomfortable. It just made her feel so strange, knowing that for every happy moment she now got to have here with her family, someone out there was living new moments, making new memories, without their own loved one to share them with. Someone out there was grieving a tremendous loss—had lost a daughter, a sister, a mother, a wife. The woman whose heart Emma now had could have been any one of those things, or all of them at once. She was presumably loved, adored, missed dearly. And Emma just didn’t know what to do with that information, how to carry these feelings with grace and proper gratitude. Often they \manifested in the form of guilt. David and Mary Margaret were quick to talk her out of that whenever it came up. That woman’s death meant something, they assured her. Part of her lives on, and part of her saved a life. That has to mean something to her family, right?
They were right, Emma knew. David saw so much meaningless death in his line of work that she inherently believed him when he told her that it was a gift, her being able to use someone else’s heart. (She didn’t have the courage to ask him how he would feel about any of Mary Margaret’s vital organs going to someone else, if she died.) It was a guilt she carried nonetheless, and she carried it poorly. It was an awkward shape, this guilt, and heavy, and she didn’t know how to carry it well. It all too often made her fumble.
“I’m gonna take a shower,” she said Mary Margaret looked over at her sharply, instantly suspicious that Emma was still feeling off from the previous conversation, but Emma was quick to wave away her worry. “I’m fine,” she assured her. “Really. I just feel grimy, and I don’t want to taint the epicness of Last Dinner with my stink.” This was their last evening—Last Dinner—before Mary Margaret returned to work full time, and they were marking the occasion with David’s mother’s famous lasagna recipe, a favorite from David and Emma’s semi-shared childhood (and coincidentally the only meal David really knew how to make, but that was beside the point).
“I second the vote for a shower,” David said, raising his hand in mock vote.
“You would,” Emma said with a roll of her eyes that David didn’t even need to see to know was there. Mary Margaret started to rise with her, as if about to help her to her feet. “Relax, woman,” Emma said, putting her hand on her friend’s shoulder gently to stop her. “I’ve got it. I’m not a complete invalid.”
“Jury’s still out,” came David’s response.
Emma looked at Mary Margaret, half expecting her to admonish her husband, but Mary Margaret just stared up at her with poorly veiled anxiety. “I’m not!” Emma said. “Guys, it’s been almost a month.”
“Three weeks,” Mary Margaret corrected. “Since you got a new heart. Not since you got your tonsils removed.”
“Okay,” Emma said, stretching out her back a bit as she stood there, chasing a kink out between her shoulder blades. “Sure, it was a big surgery.” David scoffed from his place by the sink, and Emma shot him a warning look. “But the doctors even said I have to try to do more on my own. I think it’s safe to say that includes showering.” There was no argument from David on that one. Mary Margaret, on the other hand, looked unconvinced.
“What if you slip and fall?”
“I’ll be sure to have my Life Alert button handy,” Emma retorted wryly. “Seriously, guys, it’s okay. I can handle showering.” Before they could argue any further, Emma slipped away, locking herself in the bathroom.
“Let me know if you need any help, okay?” Mary Margaret called through the door in a singsong voice only a few moments later. Emma swore she heard the doorknob jiggle, like her friend was testing to see if it was locked or not. It was, thankfully. Emma was already halfway undressed, and the last thing she needed was for her brother to get an accidental peep show because his wife thought Emma had already gotten stuck behind the toilet and died or something. “Emma?”
Oh, my God, Emma mouthed to herself. “Thanks,” she called out. “I will!” That seemed to appease Mary Margaret. But the faint squeak of the bar stool at the kitchen island assured Emma she hadn't gone far. It was endearing, how much they worried about her. At least, that's what she told herself in the moments like this, when it was almost impossible to find even just two seconds of privacy. Sometimes, she really did feel like she was a little kid again. Only now, she was re-living a much different version of her childhood. A sweeter, kinder version wherein people actually wanted to take care of her and didn't think of her as a monumental burden.
The tub's faucet squeaked shrilly as she turned on the water. When she’d first gotten home a week ago, just that motion, gripping the handle and giving the antique metal a yank, had left her arm feeling like a limp noodle. She was doing much better now, but she still felt pathetically weak and exceptionally out of shape. At one point, long ago, she had been fairly strong. A thin child, but always scrappy. Now she was a pale waif, muscles atrophied over the years as she'd gotten sicker. She vowed to herself that was going to change. Despite how frail she was, at the same time, she legitimately felt like she could take on the world now, with this new heart. She could finally breathe, take a breath fully in and out, without feeling lightheaded. That alone was a miracle.
Gingerly, she lifted her tank top up over her head. Her scar, where a surgeon had cut into muscle and bone and forcibly ripped open her sternum, stood out, an angry red slash against alabaster skin. For the first few weeks, it had been concealed by gauze. By this point, it was still tender, but her doctor encouraged her to air it out often. She even had some skin mobility exercises she was supposed to be doing daily, to help the layers of tissue beneath the scar not permanently adhere to one another. The scar itself stretched from the top of her chest, dropping down in between her breasts, all the way past her sternum bone. It was a thick, gnarled thing, aesthetically ugly; but she found herself overwhelmingly grateful for it the longer she looked at it. As ugly as it was, this scar meant she was going to live to see her next birthday.
Washing herself was still a slow, cautious process, but much easier than it had been when she’d first gotten out of the hospital. She took the time now to do her full, luxury, self care princess shower routine, something she hadn’t had the strength to do in months.
The venting system in the loft's tiny bathroom was terrible, and by the time she stepped out of the shower, steam cloaked the room like a fog. The sheer dampness of the air made her cough when she inhaled. Emma didn't care; she felt amazing. It was easy to underestimate how much better a good shower could make a person feel. She felt human again, instead of the fresh-from-the-hospital, invalid goblin she’d been feeling like for the past few weeks. Humming to herself, she dried off, turbaned her wet hair, and started to dress.
David had the water running at the sink, and the apartment’s ancient radiator had kicked on next to the bathroom; when Emma finally opened the bathroom door, her brother and sister-in-law didn’t hear the faint creak of the old wood on its hinge as it started to open.
“But you love your classroom.” David was saying in a low voice. It was clear he was trying to be fairly quiet, but this felt like intruding in on a conversation that had been going on for several minutes. Possibly the whole time she’d been in the shower.
Emma didn't hear Mary Margaret sigh, but she could tell by the tone of her voice that her words had come on the end of one. “Of course I do,” she said, “And I really do miss my kids. But Emma needs me here. I can't just leave her! She just got a new heart, David. A heart. It's not like she had her wisdom teeth removed and just needs a day or two to get back on her feet.”
The aforementioned heart skipped a beat in Emma's chest. A familiar, sinking feeling of guilt settled low and heavy in Emma's stomach.
“But she will get back on her feet,” David said gently. “You know she will. She just needs time.”
“Exactly! And she needs me here to help her until she does.”
“No, she doesn't.”
“David—”
“Mary Margaret,” David interrupted lovingly. “She's going to be okay. Better than okay. This is the day we've all been waiting for, don't forget. She's getting a second chance at life here.” Unexpected tears welled in Emma's eyes at that. “And Emma knows that,” David continued. “You and I both know she's going to be chomping at the bit to get back out there. It's going to be hard enough keeping her here the six weeks it'll take for her to heal. She's not going to need our help half as much as you think she will.”
Mary Margaret started to respond, but Emma couldn't take it anymore. She took the bathroom's old doorknob in her hand and gave it a good rattle, like she had just started to open it, and the door creaked loudly as she pushed it fully open. David and Mary Margaret grew hush until Mary Margaret piped up with, "Oh, hi Emma!" a little too brightly. David noticeably busied himself with cutting the garlic bread he’d pulled out of the oven moments before. The guilt at having eavesdropped coiled in Emma's chest like a snake ready to spring, and she swallowed around the lump that had grown in her throat. “Hey,” she said, trying her best to sound normal.
“Everything go okay?” Mary Margaret asked. “No dizziness?”
“I didn’t hear the Life Alert alarm go off,” David said dryly, shooting his sister a wink.
“I feel amazing,” Emma said earnestly. “Seriously.” She sidled up to her brother and successfully bumped him out of the way, taking over the cutting of the garlic bread despite his weak protestations.
“Oh, good,” Mary Margaret breathed, and the relief was evident in her voice. She shared a glance with David, which Emma pointedly ignored, and moved to grab the stack of dishes waiting on the island so she could start setting the table.
“I was thinking,” Emma went on, “Maybe I could come help you set up your classroom later today. If you think you need the help. Or I could just come keep you company, get a change of scenery.”
“That sounds like a great idea,” David said, as he watched his wife’s expression.
“That would be great, honestly,” Mary Margaret said, but was quick to add, “As long as you’re feeling up to it.”
“I mean, as long as you don’t have me lugging around twenty-pound carts of Crayons or something,” Emma laughed, “I think I’ll be okay.”
“Do fourth graders still use crayons?” David asked, as he popped open the oven one final time and withdrew the lasagna. The cheese on top was browning and bubbling and a minute away from burnt, just the way his mother had always cooked it, and the whole thing looked wonderful.
“Not really,” Mary Margaret said with a shrug. “But it doesn’t matter. I have a big, handsome deputy to do all my heavy lifting for me.” She batted her eyes at her husband a few times, who grinned back at her.
“All right, lovebirds,” Emma said, as she clicked the salad tongs at them a few times in playful warning. “Let’s eat. I’ve got my appetite back and I’m actually starving.”
“Jeez,” David said, “You’d think she’d gotten a new stomach with the heart. She’s gonna eat us out of house and home now.”
Table set, food out, they took their respective seats. David uncorked a bottle of red wine he’d been saving for a special occasion, which Emma was definitely not allowed to have, but she told Mary Margaret to enjoy it for her.
As Mary Margaret spooned squares of lasagna onto everyone’s plate, Emma took a moment to try to find the right words to say to convey how she was feeling to these people who would seemingly do anything in the world for her. But what she wanted most is for them to get back to living their lives, too. They had put off so much for her sake, and she was more grateful than she knew how to say. But it was time to move on now, to heal, for all of them.
“I know it can suck, having such a huge surgery,” Emma started, pausing to clear her throat. “But this is different.” She glanced up at Mary Margaret, who was watching her closely. “I mean, a month ago, I was dying. I never told you guys this, but it just felt like the end. I was working on drafting a will.”
“Oh, Emma,” Mary Margaret said quietly.
“That’s so morbid,” David said.
“I know it’s stupid.” Emma toyed with the end of her napkin as she stared down at her plate. “I don’t really have anything to will to anyone. I was just going to leave anything I had to you guys.” She cleared her traitorous throat again and took a moment to blink back some tears. She needn’t have bothered; when she glanced up at her family, they were both openly tearing up as they looked at her. “Okay, stop,” she said, pointing her fork at them, “Or I’m going to lose it. Absolutely no crying in baseball.”
“Got it,” Mary Margaret said, her voice watery and absolutely unconvincing.
“Just… Thank you,” Emma said, when she finally got her voice back under control. “I don’t want to think about where I’d be without you both. From the bottom of both my hearts,” she said, with a wry little smile she couldn’t keep at bay, “Thank you.”
David chuckled, wiping at his eyes, and Mary Margaret continued to stare at her, smiling and barely holding back the floodgates. “We love you, sis,” David said, and a moment later he raised his wineglass. “To Emma’s new lease on life.” Mary Margaret’s wine glass followed, and Emma clinked her water glass with theirs.
“And Mary Margaret’s new school year,” Emma added.
“Hear, hear,” Mary Margaret agreed. “I’ll take prayers, good vibes, anything you’ve got.”
“You’re going to do great,” David assured her, as he put his arm around her shoulders and tugged her closer to kiss her cheek. “Those kids are lucky to have you.”
Dinner was splendid, and the company even better. It was the first full meal Emma was able to enjoy without feeling nauseated, which was a win in her book. She literally couldn’t think of the last time that had happened. Mary Margaret did indeed have Emma’s wine, and was perhaps a little tipsy when they later ventured out to put some finishing touches on her classroom, which just made it all the more enjoyable for Emma and David.
And as Emma settled into bed that night, for the first time in a long time, she felt well and truly good. She felt full, warm, strong, and loved. And she knew, felt sure in her bones, that this was the start of one of the best years of her life.
+++++
The funeral went as well as a funeral could--especially considering there was no actual body to bury. Milah had set it up long beforehand that all salvageable organs were to be donated to the nearest hospital at the time of her death, then the rest of her body donated to science. This made planning her funeral and memorial service a unique affair, as there was no body for a wake, no urn of ashes received. That he would receive later, whenever the hospital saw fit. So Killian honored his wife's memory the best way he could.
Everyone who had ever known her in the past few years since she and Killian had moved Stateside was crammed into a small funeral home to celebrate her life and speak well of her. Her parents were long dead, but he had managed to get his hands on some childhood photos from her aunt who still lived across the pond; a small smattering of her extended relatives had sent cards to pay their respects. But the room was filled primarily with her coworkers and friends she’d made in the few years they’d lived in Boston.
Milah had been a truly gifted photographer, both in her work and personal life, evidence of which sat neatly framed and displayed on nearly every available inch of table space in the room. All the best photos Milah had ever taken through her work had been printed and framed and displayed, tucked neatly between bouquets of flowers. One table was so long, it took up the entire back wall.
Killian had almost, almost, completely lost the last tenuous grip he had on his sanity when the wrong flowers had come in that morning. He had distinctly ordered stargazer lilies, his wife’s favorite flower, for the table arrangements. Instead, what had been delivered to him were a rainbow assortment of Gerber daisies, of all things, which he viewed on this particular day as nothing short of an abomination. As it turned out, there had been a mistake with the delivery trucks, and his order had been sent to a birthday party instead. It probably should have embarrassed him, how angry a simple mix up of flowers had made him. But as he had very little pride left, he was literally seeing red, until Robin showed up beside him, placed a hand on his shoulder, and gently steered him out the side door and outside for some fresh air. Will took over, his general belligerence a helpful and actually useful tool that day, and tried to get the flowers sorted out with minimal shouting.
As Killian stood now, gazing down at the myriad of perfect photos his wife had taken over the course of her career, he belatedly realized he had been the star of many of them, unbeknownst to him. His wife had apparently been a ninja behind her viewfinder when he wasn’t paying attention. It should have made him feel awkward, being the focal point of so many of her photographs; the last thing he wanted now was attention. And yet, he couldn’t help but smile at most of them. One of him leaning over the railing of a dock, for instance, staring pensively out at sea, squinting slightly in the light of the sun. Another of him from behind, a shadowed figure standing on the beach with his toes buried in the sand and his hands in the pockets of his shorts, staring out at the red slashed sky of an oncoming storm. He was the blurred, black clad figure in the background or at the helm in several photographs of the ships he and his brother had helped restore.
It was visible, tangible proof of how much she had loved him, how often her camera found itself pointed in his direction, focused on him. And God, if that didn’t make him miss her all the more. His heart was an open wound, and he was never going to be able to staunch the flow from it. Day by day, he felt like he was bleeding out, until soon there would be nothing left of him.
One photo, his favorite, and one that was already framed in his home, stood out prominently. His and his brother, Liam, in front of their first real score for the ship restoration foundation, a beautiful, towering piece of history in the form of a stunning antique merchant vessel. Liam’s arm was thrown over Killian’s shoulders, his face alight with absolute joy (and possibly the buzz from the beers they’d had over lunch). They were both squinting, laughing like fools at having finally pulled it off. Towering behind them, not to be overshadowed, was the ship, herself: the Jewel of the Realm. Milah had been sent by a local paper to get photos of the ship, and her new owners, as a focal point for a story on local maritime history.
Killian felt fortunate he remembered that day so well. It had felt like the best day of his entire life, at the time. Seeing his brother so elated, after everything they had endured together, had been enough to send Killian to the moon. It felt like things were finally, finally going their way. He had taken to Milah instantly, and spent the hour regaling her with the history of the ship. A merchant ship, originally, but thought to have been used for piracy at one point. He leaned heavily into the implications of the latter fact, as he felt—rightly so—that it added intrigue, and Milah had been enamored with the Jewel. He'd joked that day about renaming it the Jolly Roger, much to his brother's chagrin. She’d had other work to get to that day, so she hadn’t stayed long, but she’d given him her business card, which he still carried in his wallet. Liam had been killed shortly after, on one of his last missions with the Royal Navy before his scheduled retirement. Everything had changed, then. But Killian had always felt especially lucky that it had been Milah that day who had come to take their photo. For one short hour, she had been able to meet his brother, before Killian had lost him forever. The stars had aligned, and for one short span of time, the man who had meant the most to him and the woman who would come to mean everything to him had met, briefly. It wasn’t much, in the grand scheme of things, but to Killian, it had to be enough.
And then there were the glorious photos of the rest of the ships he had brought on through the years. He had always marveled at Milah’s skill behind a camera, her ability to find just the right angle, at just the precise time of day, to truly capture the essence of the ships he restored. Through her eyes, even the in-progress pictures never made them look like pieces of floating shit, which some of them very much were at the start of the process. She managed to make them look like hidden treasure, just waiting to be uncovered. Pieces of history waiting to be lovingly restored to their former glory. That’s what he’d felt like, with her. She’d been the one to see past his flaws after the death of his brother, to see something worth loving in him, something worth restoring.
And now what was he, without her?
The frequent looks of sympathy that came his way over the course of the memorial service were one of the worst parts of the day. Each and every concerned glance that flit in Killian's direction was threaded not only with heavy condolences, but something much worse: pity. And he knew he was a pitiable sight, indeed. He was dressed well enough, in a deep black suit Milah had bought for him after his business had another big break. But, his arm with the broken collarbone was still in a sling and had no hand at the end of it. Dark circles cradled his eyes, which seemed to be permanently bloodshot these days. He had given up almost entirely on sleep.
Sleeping felt impossible, an insurmountable task despite its simplicity; the bed was too big, too cold, and too empty when he was the only one in it. He tried—really tried. Each night, he made a valiant attempt to sleep in his own bed. He'd toss, turn, and generally do a lot of staring up at his ceiling. Eventually, he resorted to Netflix. But his “recently watched” list was full of her favorite shows, episodes half finished, series just begun. It was a terrible distraction.
The first week after he arrived home from the hospital, his recliner chair in the living room had been the only place he could comfortably fall asleep with his arm in a sling. It was a lumpy, unsightly thing he had inherited from his brother (it was this reason and this reason alone his wife had allowed him to keep it.) Milah had called it his old man chair. These days, he’d often fall asleep in the chair, wake up with a start an hour later, and make his way to the couch, where he’d try to fall back asleep, but would mostly lie awake, staring into the dark, letting his mind off its leash and letting it wander to dangerous places.
Often these thoughts centered on what he would do if he could track down the driver who had hit them head on, then fled the scene. What he would do when he found him or her varied. Sometimes, he pictured lighting him on fire. The next moment, he'd revel in the thought of running him through with a knife, watching him slowly bleed out on the floor. Or he’d take his hand from him, too. Such thoughts kept him company and carried him through until morning.
Now, with the lack of sleep and the general dissociation he felt, he often didn’t feel cemented in reality. When he looked around the room, taking in the funeral parlor, it felt like this was happening to someone else, and he was merely observing. It didn’t help that he was surrounded by a sea of people who didn't know what to say to him. The moment never came that he was spared the awkward indignity of a conversation with someone who had little else to say other than I'm sorry.
She was a lovely person.
(Each time, he bristled at the use of the past tense.)
She'll be missed.
Pity had overtaken the room, lingering like a dense fog. Everywhere he turned, his friends, her friends, co-workers, even a handful of people he had never seen before in his life, were all wearing the same expression on their faces. It transcended simple pity. It was next-level pity, flashing from their eyes and those slight down-turned corners of their mouths like a brightly-lit billboard in the night that read "YOUR LIFE DEPRESSES ME."
He couldn't blame them. He pitied himself, too, when he wasn't numb, pulled down so deep into his own despair he could no longer think straight.
At least the food was decent—or so he had been overhearing. One quick glance over at Will Scarlet in the back of the room, face stuffed with h'orderves, told him the funeral parlor's appetizers couldn't have been terrible. If there had ever been a time he appreciated his friends more, he couldn't think of it. Of all the people who had shown up to the service, Locks and Scarlet were the only two who didn't make him want to scream. Or run. Or throw a punch. All of it, all at once.
Will and Robin sat apart from the rest, in a pair of wingback armchairs in the corner of the room. Killian hadn't had a chance to speak to either of them, apart from initial hellos and quick hugs when they'd first arrived, and of course the ordeal with the flowers, but somehow, he knew without even asking they intended to stay for the entire affair, likely planning to take him out for a drink when this was all over.
What else do you do for your best friend after his wife's funeral?
All in all, it wasn’t a very hopeful affair, and too often bordered on bleak. Killian had no words in honor of Milah he wanted to share with a roomful of people who didn’t know her very well, and he didn’t trust himself to speak without breaking down. So, people ate, drank, and made a reserved and somber form of merry. They swapped stories back and forth, each offering up little pieces of the woman they had known.
Milah's parents had died years ago, and she had no siblings, so the room was occupied primarily by people she had thought of as friends. That was a nice thought, and in the coming weeks, Killian would be touched by the food, flowers, and cards that continued to arrive on his doorstep in memory of his wife.
But here, in this moment, he couldn't bring himself to find hope in anything.
+++++++
One Year Later
Was a house truly haunted if you didn’t mind the ghost?
It felt like a haunting for months after Milah’s funeral, this limbo state he found himself in, where he couldn’t bring his heart or his brain to fully comprehend that she was gone. They traded shifts in misunderstanding, his heart and brain. There were days where, logically, he understood his wife was dead. And yet, his heart still leaped at the sound of a car door shutting outside, or an imagined creak in the floorboards that sounded like her coming around the corner in the hall. Other days, his heartache was so profound, he could barely muster the strength to get out of bed. All too often, he’d forget, and for a few blissful minutes, reach for his phone to call her and ask her a question. Those were beautiful moments, the forgetting. But the remembering that followed took his breath away.
Then there were the things around the home he couldn’t bring himself to toss. Notes she’d left on the fridge, a grocery list on the table. Leftovers from her favorite meal at their favorite restaurant he couldn’t bring himself to throw away until they were fouling up the whole kitchen. Her phone was recovered from the accident and eventually made its way to him, via the detectives working the hit and run case. He went through her email drafts, texts, anything he could get his hands on that held pieces of Milah. He'd saved every voicemail she'd ever left him, had them memorized, and he'd play them when he missed her most, poking the bruise in his heart over and over until it numbed and didn't hurt so much. It all felt relatively harmless, like doing this to himself couldn’t possibly be a bad thing.
Until he found himself practically sobbing the floor of the shower one morning over a soggy clump of her hair he’d pulled from the drain.
He just couldn’t seem to pull himself together.
How do you bring yourself to purposefully excavate traces of someone from your life, after they’re gone, until it was like they weren’t even there at all, the life you shared existing only in snapshots and memories? How exactly does one get to that place, force yourself to loosen your grip on all you have left of the person you love, the person you’d give anything to see one last time? Killian couldn’t fathom it. He couldn’t picture himself ever ridding himself completely of Milah’s memory.
But he could stop leaving land mines for himself.
He’d always run a tight ship at home, in terms of cleanliness. He had never had much, by way of possessions, and wasn’t sentimental about keeping things. Now he found himself debating whether or not he should keep a note in the bathroom his wife had scrawled out for herself to remind herself to order new contacts. These were the silly, useless things he stared at for minutes on end, debating what to do with. This little scrap of her pretty handwriting he recognized and loved. The thought of it winding up in a landfill somewhere made him ill.
Eventually, he gathered these random scraps and pieces of her he’d found (except the clump of hair from the drain—that one did make it into the waste bin, thankfully) and gently shepherded them into a large Ziploc bag, which he kept in a box on her side of the closet.
Robin and Will called often, texted even more often, and even dropped by now and again. They offered their help constantly, gladly would have helped with menial tasks like this (like throwing away scraps of paper Milah might have touched, God, he was a mess), but he turned them away each time. He just wanted to shut the world out, encase himself in a tomb of his own grief.
He hadn’t even been able to see her, to say goodbye to her, because he hadn’t been bloody conscious for it. He had no memory of Robin telling him of her death; in the week following the accident, he left a slew of traumatized nurses in his wake as people had to tell him again and again for what felt like the first time that his wife was gone.
Milah, bless her ever-loving soul, had signed herself up to be an organ donor. Of course she had. On some level, he knew this. It was marked on her driver’s license, and it was surely something they had talked about at one point. But now he resented it, resented the whole idea of it. He resented anything that didn’t allow him to see his wife one last time. One doctor had had the absolute audacity to tell Killian that he didn’t want to see his wife, anyway; the damage from the accident had been too great, the brunt of which had gone to her head, and that it was a miracle her heart was still beating enough to allow for any organ transplants. Killian, for his part, had an entirely different definition of the word “miracle”.
So he waited to receive her ashes, held a funeral without her body. But he certainly didn’t wait patiently.
He wonders sometimes what she would think of what he's become. No doubt there would be times she'd laugh at how ridiculous he was being, debating on keeping an old, wet clump of her hair like some kind of serial killer, and the subsequent guilt he felt at throwing it away, this gross little piece of her DNA.
And yet, he reminds himself that there is, oddly, more of her DNA out there somewhere. Somewhere, out in the world, a select few of her vital organs are in new bodies, presumably thriving and keeping their hosts alive and well. Presumably, there are people out there who will be forever grateful for these pieces of his wife. Actual, living pieces of her. Killian has no idea how to feel about that, truly. There will come a day, when he is able to pull himself out of this darkness that perpetually feels more crushingly inescapable by the day, that he is able to see the true and abundant beauty in it. Milah, gone, but literal parts of her living on, providing life-giving support to someone else’s body and soul. That's the true miracle, really, and something he’d know she would be proud of.
For now, in the depths of his despair, he feels annoyed, indifferent at best. Her benevolent medical and scientific donation was, for many long months, the thing standing between him and a proper burial for his wife, the thing that stood in the way of closure and him being able to say goodbye to her properly. This is the thing his mind latched onto, chooses as a target for his blame.
Closure arrives on his doorstep one afternoon, boxed and bubble wrapped, in the form of an unassuming black urn. When he finally received her ashes, half a year after her death, he knew what he would do with them, knew immediately what she would want him to do with them. But he can’t yet bring himself to say goodbye, and the urn sat above their fireplace for months. This is the moment it hits him, truly, that she is gone. This is what it takes for it to finally sink in. He spends a long time building up the courage, brick by brick, to do what he needs to do. And as what would be her 37th birthday approaches on a warm July day, he finally gathered the strength to lay his wife to rest and honor her the way she deserved.
What he doesn’t appreciate about the day, however, is the weather, which turns out to be an absolutely perfect New England summer day, which Killian very much resented.
It was almost like it was mocking him. Jabbing a bright, sunshiny finger right into his face and laughing at his grief, which still, even almost a year after the death of his wife, was still a wound that had left him hollowed. When his brother had died, suddenly and with too much life left unlived, he'd felt like the ground itself had been pulled out from under him, and he'd been left in free fall. Now, with Milah gone, it felt as if his heart had been ripped right out of his chest and crushed in front of him.
How did people live like this?
If he were truly honest with himself, Killian wasn't certain what he was doing each day could actually be called living. He was alive, sure. Most days, the only thing that kept that from being true was the unknown lurking behind the veil of death. He had his own theories, his own hopes, for what awaited in a possible afterlife, but of course, no one really knows for sure until their time comes. He couldn't be sure what would happen to him, whether or not he'd see Milah, if he died tomorrow. Hell would be dying and not being reunited with her. And that was a hell whose existence he was not quite ready to test.
The closest thing he had to his wife now was resting in his lap, ashes encased in ceramic. He had taken a small, private sailboat out to sea, sailed until there was no one else in sight, trying to find a good spot to release her ashes to the ocean she had loved so much. It had been close to two hours, now; he knew he was putting off the inevitable. If he didn’t do it now, he feared, with good reason, that he never would.
The best part about giving someone’s ashes to the sea was that there wouldn’t be one particular spot where her body would be laid to rest. The waves would take the dust of her and spread it for him, from shore to shore, just like they had taken his brother’s ashes. There would be no headstone, but the ocean itself would remind him of her, and he could visit her anytime he liked on a sea that had always brought him a sense of serenity.
Killian Jones had never believed in soul mates until he’d met Milah.
And he still didn't quite believe in them, in the traditional sense. He didn't believe in a ready-made mate just waiting for him to find her. No, in his experience, life was far from ever that easy or that simple. But things had changed for him when he'd met his wife. Then, with her love, the broken pieces in him, irrevocably shattered the day his brother had died, shifted together into something that could almost be held together again. With her, he’d felt more whole than he could ever remember feeling in his life.
She had been married at the time, when they’d met. Daydreaming of leaving her terrible husband, dreams which grew in intensity with each passing day. And while she hadn't exactly left him for Killian, she may has well have. Everything had changed for her that day, too.
For while Milah had been his partner, they hadn't met each other and been perfectly content. But they had made each other stronger, in all the ways that counted.
Now he believed wholeheartedly that soul mates existed. But they weren't found, ready made and prepackaged. They were made, forged through love and hard work working hand in hand.
These were the things he thought, as the gentle salted breeze ruffled his hair and brought stinging tears to his eyes. As he looked down at the urn that held the last physical piece of the woman he’d loved, would always love, was lost and adrift without.
“I love you, Milah,” he whispered to the wind. The tightness in his throat and jaw wouldn’t let him say more, but he knew he didn’t need to. She’d known how much and how fiercely he’d loved her, and he had to think that wherever she was, she still knew the hold she had on him.
He held the urn against his chest with his prosthetic hand, working to unscrew the top. The breeze calmed at just the right moment, and as he leaned over the side of the ship to release Milah to the sea she'd loved, the dust of her settled gently down into the water.
=========
gonna tag a few folks who I think might care this is up (again, sorry if I already tagged you!)
@spartanguard @sunbeamsandmoonrays @caprelloidea @kmomof4 @queen-mabs-revenge @ahsagitarius @galadriel26 @t-tamm-
@lavendersoapsuds @its-imperator-furiosa @midnightswans @cigarettes-and-scotch-whisky @withheartfulloflove @captainswan-middlemist @sarahreadsff @princesseslikepirates @winterbaby89 @pirateherokillian @wordslovedreams
@hannah-mic @thecraftyartist @blackwidownat2814 @once-uponacaptain @kylalovesbabeme @swiftmicheles @emmaswanstlk @captainswanslay
@the-tones-of-wallflowers @kday426 @krystalsficpage
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
Recently I have landed on a lovely Auspex series by Lithuva on A03 and now, rent free, in my head a Desmond who runs an Assassin Bureau lives. Except he did not set out to create one. Or realizes he is running one
To spice things a bit, I’m sending Desmond to AC1 era
Let’s assume Desmond shall not, immediately, realize where he is, nor shall he go to search for any big city. And when he does, he is just… Too tired after everything that went on in the last few months to even actively want to. Instead, he just wanders. Tries to get a lay of the land. Indulges the desire to get up as high as he can to learn the map of the location
And then, when he is more or less satisfied that he knows the immediate area he is in (because I’m going to just go and assume that the “Syncronization makes you avare of points of interest” is a valid, Isu-derived offshoot of Isu Knowledge), Desmond heads for the nearest settlement where he sees flecks of gold
Now, apparently 1100s have been a bad time for the region when it came to earthquakes. As in, they were so bad there have been entire cities destroyed in landslides, and entire fortresses collapsed. We are talking 7+ on Magnitude scale ~ every decade from 1138 to 1170. How is it relevant? Rebuilding takes time, and bigger cities would obviously get more attention first
So when Desmond reaches that golden speck? It’s a small settlement that is partially abandoned, and the only remaining people are those who could not afford to move away. So… Desmond sticks around. Hunts for his food. Helps to clear everything up, relying on whatever memories he has from his ancestors that dealt with architecture. There isn’t much, and most of it is surface-level (none of them got involved in more than approval / supply review / labor review/ costs), but even that helps. He can eyball the damages and estimate how much it may cost to repair, and that alone is a good starting point of for the settlement
But till someone can be called in, he helps
Helps moving rubble. Helps taking apart the houses that look beyond saving. Helps do what fixes can be done without outside help. Desmond’s climbing skills and Eagle vision help here. Slowly, he becomes just one of the people of the settlement. When he’s not helping on fixes, he somehow ends up entertaining kids with stories. Then it shifts to teaching, because some stories require further explanations of concepts Desmond did not realize were common in 21st century, but not in 12th.
It’s not conventional by any means, but for this time? It works just fine. He pulls on Altaїr’s memories of lessons at Masyaf. He pulls on Ezio’s memories of being tutored as a child. And it’s all applicable so even if some of the adults grumbled at the start, they eventually stopped. Some even joined in on the lessons
At some point, Desmond gets a house of his own. It wasn’t really meant to be his. It was an old inn building that was one of the more damaged ones, and the owner left it almost a generation ago, now. So Desmond slowly worked on it till everyone just… Accepted it as his and there was that. They all are a tight knit bunch at this point
But then, the Crusades reignite. And suddenly the out-of-the way settlement is no longer out-of-the-way, because trading routes shift to avoid the fighting
The settlement becomes busy. Desmond’s barely finished inn becomes busy. And security becomes an issue
…It wasn’t an unknown that Desmond has been trained. But it has been a backburner knowledge that the settlement now had to face because suddenly, they had to pick up more self-defense skills - after the overall higher level of literacy came to bite them in the butt. When the traders discovered most of the settlers could read/write (and in several languages at that!), the settlement became a hub from which messages would be sent. And then some of the younger people that weren’t interested in tending to their parents’ land (and anyway, they had siblings to do that) became couriers or scribes
Somehow, that became Desmond’s problem
He had all of a year, less even, to enjoy being an inn owner before he had to delegate that – because he got dragged into coordinating the mail, arranging protection for the settlement, dealing with obstinate merchants… There was no time to actually, you know, run the inn
It all came to a peak when a harried young man arrived to the settlement, and Desmond pegged on him as one of the Brotherhood novices. One that had clearly run into some amount of trouble – the kind that was likely to follow him. So he just… Shoos him in with his messengers and makes sure that, when the trouble comes, finding the novice among them is night impossible. He does not acknowledge it. He does not present himself as an Assassin
That doesn’t mean his action aren’t noted. By the novice or the settlement.
#Assassin's Creed#Desmond runs an Assassin Bureau#Which is not technically part of any branch#Nor is officially an Bureau at all#But it functions like one#Desmond Miles#It was a sleepy dying settlement before Desmond came and ruined it
199 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
teylaemmagan
@parkjihyo
apdo703
ART PHOTO / DIGITAL ON-LINE Spring 2017
menuonline
Menu Online VN
autistic-evil-xisuma
evil moony
vintagemilwaukeenews
Milwaukee Vintage News