#just gotta manage until then
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gooooood morning :3 wishing that today is a day full of relaxation and rest for everyone ❤︎ it’s so important to make time for ourselves so do something you love today!
#☁︎ manon's mind#i woke up to a text from my boyfie#that was along the lines of:#good morning i love you and miss you#and :(((#I LOVE AND MISS HIM TEWWWW#but i’m driving home in a few days!#just gotta manage until then#sending you all hugs and kisses mwah
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Ouroboros: The first year in development (+small update!)
On this day, a year from now, I sat in the stark light from my monitors, eyes bloodshot and hands trembling; and I clicked the post button. I then choked my pc to death and ran away screaming, scrambling into the corner of the couch on all fours, hissing at every shadow (only one of those statements is a lie).
It was 4 am and I had been scrambling to get the last details of the demo correct, mumbling to myself and reasoning with my dog. I was so happy to be writing again, after years of piddling around with lackluster projects. I never thought Ouro would be welcomed as it was, and to be honest, the fact that it was scared the living shit out of me. After the hype settled, and I sat watching the continuous stream of support that poured my way, I kind of crumbled. There was a long and dirty road of clawing myself out of self-doubt, impostor syndrome and perfectionism. Some part of me knew it was coming, since its very on par with how I am shaped as a person (sopping wet pathetic meow meow), but after climbing many hills on my ongoing healing journey, I felt like I was prepared for it.
Writing Ouroboros went from fun little sidequest to get my mind off becoming a sturdy part of society again (exhausting), to another workload, to form of therapy, then torture and back again. My writing journal is amusing to scroll through:
Things went from bad to...
worse,
until the storm finally weakened. Every entry in my journal from this point gets progressively more hopeful, more resilient against the bad days.
:> This was around the point where I decided I wouldn't give up, come hell or high water. The progress was slow, like bleeding stone and pulling teeth, but it was moving. By the turn of the new year I was battered and bruised, but still hopeful.
And I know that this, these emotions that I went through, were way out of proportion for a hobby writing project, but with every ask that came through telling me about your MC's budding journey in Ouro, every gushing emotion you've shared with me, every gleaming piece of art, every kind word; every correcting one, too, this grew to something really precious to me. I wouldn't give it up for anything, even if it feels like I'm barely keeping my head above surface in this terrifying, stormy sea of a life.
I can't wait to see what comes next, even if the road is bumpy. All I know is that I will keep chipping away at this story with everything I got. And all I can say is that I'm so grateful for your continued support and patience, I barely have words for it. You are incredible. Thank you.
Now, enough of my bleeding heart. Get over here! I have some treats to share.
Mainly, it is the little update to the demo that I'd like to share; Idren/Ida's 101. I did my best to finish it today, but I only had an hour or two of effective worktime (excuse: I was outside for most of the day in bloody blizzard and it knocked me on my ass more than I'd like to admit). It is cut off at the different scene transitions, which I will add after I have some time to work on them this saturday. Id's 101 was the most complex out of all of them, so there is still plenty to explore and different outcomes to see. I hope you have fun!
To see it, go through Lena's scene and don't scream -> accept alliance -> visit archives. That will take you to the new content. CW for very emotionally charged arguments and... almost dying.
Play it here. Save often. (or wait until next week as I sadly couldn't finish everything on time for the anniversary) (I have done bare minimum playtesting, but I will fix any gamebreaking errors if there are any, immediately. There shouldn't be any, but you never know.)
A sneakpeek of the short I also will be working on on saturday:
It is sunny on the day of $!{leith}'s funeral. It is not supposed to be sunny. It is supposed to rain on bad days, and the wind is supposed to whip dry leaves into dancing columns. Thunder is supposed to rumble in the distance, and then right near so that the even the windows rattle with trepidation. But it doesn't. The sun lounges calmly on the perfectly still water of Riven's lake, glittering with winking light as the serene waves lick the edge of the populated harbor. There is chatter, too, not the moaning whispers of grieving people. Not a sob to be heard, but the flutter of a laugh and a joyous embrace of lovers right in front of you.
"People have forgotten, the sacrifice we made." Lyselin stands in full knight-hunter armor beside you, the silver gleaming in the stark light.
And some art of F!Leith that I have started:
♥ That's it. Know that I'm working as hard as I can (both on Ouro, and learning how to balance work around it, lmao.), even if I fall short sometimes, there ain't no quitting. See you soon!
#ouroboros-if#interactive fiction#And just like a year ago i'm about to throw myself on the couch and rest. maybe enjoy some video james#until next week!! I hope you enjoy stepping all over id's nerves. HEHE#dev log#writers update#wip wednesday#I gotta say that I'm really sorry for not managing to finish everything I wanted to.#one day I'll learn not to bite off more than i can chew. one day. but not today
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Oh my god you guys I got a promotion!!! From call center rep to team lead!!! It's gonna come with a decent raise, I still get to report to my awesome manager, and my job will totally change! I will also get to bridge a gap the team has been struggling with for a couple years so that's awesome too. It's gonna be a lot more work and probably more annoying hours but I talked to the team leads in other departments and they really like their responsibilities so I should be fine. I'm excited and proud of myself but also nervous! I'm really good at my current job and I'm going to be giving up all my current duties, and that includes several services and projects I've been running by myself for almost two years. Which means I have to deconstruct my process, write documentation and work instructions, and train several people to replace me. Plus I don't know if I'm going to be good at the new job, I've never done anything like it except I guess when I was a keyholder at sport clips. But this is more like an assistant manager position tbh.
#please clap#my company is in an unending state of chaos with a permanently fully remote workforce and messy management and horrible communication#between departments#the entire customer service team is barely 3 years old#do I love my job? no. does the company give a shit about me? no. they'd have to hire several people to replace me but that's because I'm#a pushover.#HOWEVER#I firmly believe that you don't have to completely love your job. just find one that's tolerable and pays just enough and live your life#and I don't hate this job. it can be stressful and annoying but I make way over the industry standard for my position#(not that it's enough. it's not. but you know what I mean)#capitalism sucks but we all gotta live until it collapses so you might as well have fun
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Noooooooo
#I'm gonna have to be pretty choosy for this'n's sketchdump#No wonder the backlog was taking forever to edit lol - Finally finished that part of it#Now to stitch things together and compile and write commentary.........#This one is gonna break so badly before it's done lol#The majority far and away are the Blank Slate concept sketches - that's like Half right there lol#And luckily I can be pretty picky on those! A lot of the panels are near-repeats and/or can be stitched three-four wide!#That's still so many lol but it's managable#And I mean there is all the rest around that still - some big impressive pieces too that need spotlight :3c#Now I've just gotta make sure I don't make any more until after Requestober since y'know - I always get tangentially inspired lol#Submit your RQTRs btw! There's only one so far! Distract me from finishing this in time! Lol#Nah I'll get it all it'll just.... Just one step at a time haha#Vargas
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I love the genre of (usually male) engineers who know they’re smart and think that makes them magically experts on everything. Homeskillet, you’re a mechanical engineer and programmer who isn’t even really good at either, and you’re attempting to tell me (the team’s electronics gal) and our EE about quadrature encoders. You’re just wrong but you won’t let me get a word in edgewise. I have been staring at our wiring diagram til my eyes bleed and I have done six other projects with similar motors. Shut the actual fuck up.
#At least it’s not misogyny? He does it to the other guy on the team too!#He also didn’t finish his sections of the system dev & design doc until six in the fucking morning#Dude your section was just to reformat a table I made a month ago#Ooooooooh and new pet peeve unlocked:#When something doesn’t work and we gotta poke it and figure out why just saying “I don’t wanna” when I tell you to check for shorts#What do you mean you don’t wanna#Yeah me either but guess fucking what?#Our fucked up power regulator doesn’t give a shit if you wanna investigate!#Anyways we’ll see if I manage not to throttle this bastard before the project is through
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when the music ur listening to’s got vibes enough for u to forget the fandom ur in rn cannot write for shit
#someone stop me before i open stranger things ao3 again i need to find a different way to ride this angst high#maybe i should write something#or continue my rewatch#or if i rlly need to read read one of the st books i have#idk none of them r as good as reading a fanfic but i cant do that until someone here develops writing skills#WAIT#i just remembered that one podficcer who both manages to find good fics to voice and is good enough at it to make it feel 10x less ooc#gonna listen to her rn hope i haven’t subconsciously raised my standards above her bcz if i have i gotta pull them down#ryan shut the fuck up
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got inspired by a fic i read the other day, but didn't quite hit the right spots for me so. time to write out a new wip idea
The concept of that fic really grabbed me - Jason and Tim having a bodyswap the same day Jason wakes up in his coffin, at a point after Tim had already visited Bruce and Alfred with his insistence that Batman needed a Robin - but for what I was thinking, by the time Jason convinces Bruce and Alfred of who he is, Tim's already started to dig himself out of the coffin. And when the three of them show up at the cemetery, the grave's empty.
Tim would be catatonic and go through much of the same stuff canon Jason went through before being found and dunked in the Pit. He'd end up enduring the whole League of Assassins shtick that canon Jason went through while at the same time Jason is dealing with Tim's regular person life. Both of them struggled a bit trying to imitate the other, but they managed- Tim with not much issue considering no one in the LoA was close to Jason, and Jason trying to manage Janet Drake's clearly growing concern every time he slips up.
Like, imagine Tim, desperately trying to imitate what he knows of Jason from watching Robin on the streets and seeing Jay in a few galas here and there. And one day, Talia tries to tell him he'd been quickly replaced to get him to finally listen and Kill Somebody/accept he was staying with the League until they deemed him fit to leave.
And Tim looks at a picture of himself, hanging around the front yard of Wayne Manor with Bruce, Alfred, and Dick. Another picture showing himself in an ill-fitting Robin uniform on a rooftop and seemingly getting lectured by Batman, who looms in front of him.
And he says "I'm not buyin' it."
Somehow convinces Talia that he's not convinced that the Tim in the photo (who is probably Jason and thank god, Tim was really worried about what happened to Jason's mind- or rather, his own body; he didn't actually consider Jason coming back to life until now) and she arranges a short trip for him to Gotham to see for himself.
Tim really struggles the next two days to keep up the Jason act, but he's pretty sure Talia and the others were just chalking it up to nerves at seeing his family again and the "newest addition".
When he finally gets to Gotham, he doesn't bother being stealthy. He doesn't have the skills- no matter how much Ra's and Talia's goons have been trying to beat it into him- and even if he did, he doubted he'd be able to sneak away from his own teachers that were stalking him from the shadows.
So he does his best to be casual. Walks straight towards Wayne Manor, and when he can actually start to hear his assassin stalkers the tiniest bit as he approaches the gate- a sign they're getting really restless- he decides now or never and bolts the rest of the way.
He thinks, if he had come sooner to Gotham, he would've tried fitting through the gaps in the bars- as if he was still 13 and small enough to fit- but as it is, Tim's spent 6 months in this body and he's not going to make that mistake.
Instead he slams a hand on the buzzer and says as fast as he can, "it's Tim! Tim Drake! There's assassins, open the gate!"
He has a heartstopping moment when nothing happens- when there's no answer and the ninjas are getting closer and closer and-
And then it opens and Tim doesn't stop with his relief, he runs.
The door is opened not by Mr. Pennyworth, but by Bruce himself, a belt clipped around his waist, but entirely in sleepwear. He has something in his other hand and as he yells, "duck!" Tim can only think it's some kind of bomb and dives for the ground.
He was sort of right. It was a smoke bomb. He heard and smelled it hissing away behind him, and saw the cloud of smoke in his peripheral vision.
Bruce wasted no time running past him and barking, "Follow Alfred to the cave!" Tim took a moment to just breathe, feeling much more safe with Batman fighting to protect him. When Bruce looked back at him through a spot in the smoke, he yelled, "Go!"
Tim scrambled to obey, trying to run and stand and awkwardly doing both to get in the home. Mr. Pennyworth was just inside the foyer, out of sight of the windows, now that Tim noticed, and holding a shotgun.
He was also wearing a fluffy blue bathrobe and fuzzy pink bunny slippers.
Tim blinked. "Uhhh,"
"Come along, Master Tim. We must be quick."
He didn't protest and followed him down to the Cave, where Jason in Tim's body sat waiting at the Batcomputer.
Man, I'm not completely sure on the timing, but imagine Tim finally getting back into his body and it's- he's taller than he used to be, bulkier too. And there are reflexes and muscle memory stuff he doesn't remember at all, but now just has.
He- he was Robin. Or, his body at least, and he felt like it. But he never was Robin. Not really. He never got a proper outing, never even received Bruce's official approval for it.
It was strange. And not totally a good strange.
He thought about the body he had. He didn't have a lot of love for it- puberty would do that to anyone- but it was his. And that saying about not knowing what you have until you lose it? Yeah.
Tim felt like crying.
#dc#bodyswap#tim drake#nemotime#didnt really focus on the jason bits here but if i ever actually write this- jay would probably get more of a comedy/humour role?#like yeah they gotta find tim and tim's parents are genuinely concerned and all#but much of it would be just funny shenanigans of Jason being saddled with two sets(?) of worried parents#and just when he manages to get things sort of under control. Dick shows up#i havent yet decided if he just becomes Very Annoying Older Sibling who has no idea how to process his emotions currently#and tries to fall back on tried and true tactics#OR if he is in Complete Denial and thinking this was just an elaborate ruse by Tim & lists the exact ways Tim would know how to imitate Jay#(he's right and each accusation/point would probably be juxtaposed with a brief switch in scenes to whatever Tim is currently up to#which also happens to prove Dick's point exactly even though no one can except the audience can see that)#Jay would knock sense into Dick eventually but the point is. I could make his life humourous suffering :3#Either way Dick would show up some time after Bruce remembers to call him & he would Not leave the manor until Tim is back safe and sound#(not for Jason obviously. pfft. Jason's just fine. Dick doesn't need to stay at the manor to make sure of it. He's just staying to find Tim#okay. realistically. this would just be a hella lot of angst. However! Having that shift from Angst with Tim to Laughing at Jason would be.#so fun.#tho i'd probably still sprinkle in some Angst with Jason bc i cant help myself lol
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i think i found a way to bring up bad buddy in my bachelor thesis, but i'm gonna have to restructure half of my plans
#originally i wanted to analyze the difficulties that come up when trying to translate thai pronouns and honorifics and polite particles#but then i was like ''shit i only got roughly 9000 words i'm gonna have to get more specific'' so i decided to focus on pronouns only#but unfortunately in bbs there isn't really something relating to pronouns only that causes difficulties in translation#there is plenty of other things that can be tricky to translate like pat's line username or the thing about pran's password#or in ep2 when pran's friends are discussing pat's note and how it's gotta be a guy from the use of ครับ (krub)#anyway if i somehow manage to restructure my thesis in a way where i actually CAN go back to my original plan#on focusing on all 3: pronouns and honorifics and polite particles#then that scene in ep2 pt3 where patpran are teasing each other about the dumplings/green tea drinks is actually perfect for my thesis!!#now i just gotta figure out how to talk about all 3 of these topics and still keep my thesis at around 9000 words....#airenyah plappert#adrm#bbs#i have until friday to figure this out bc that's when i'm gonna have to hand in my exposé#edit: i'm so stupid if i go back to my original plan then that plan included bringing bbs into it anyway#that ep2 scene where the architecture gang is discussing pat's note is the perfect example#of a tricky spot when it comes to translating thai polite particles#usually when a sentence includes a polite particle you'd try to express the translation in a polite register too#but that's a moment where they're explicitly referencing a linguistic concept that just doesn't exist in english#so how are you gonna translate that for an audience who has no idea what polite particles are#and have the translation make sense for them#although on my bbs rewatch the past two nights i found one or the other moment relating to pronouns#that i might be able to use#we'll see
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dungeons in linear loz games made you feel stupid because you’d sometimes be wandering without a clue until stumbling over a little detail you’d overlooked; dungeons in totk make you feel stupid because they hardly seem to trust that you have any more than very basic problem-solving skills
#hi hi hi im still being annoying abt this game#when i have the time im going to give all of my og totk salt posts their own dedicated tag#bitching abt totk#thats the tag ive decided#ill get murdered if i put this in a normal tag#i just. good lord this game managed to piss me off on so many levels#as an enjoyer of games as a zelda fan as a writer as someone who likes a bit of a challenge as a musician with the weird leitmotif stuff#i UNDERSTAND that some people like the totk dungeons BECAUSE theyre easier and this post is not for them#this post is for the bitches who like the experience of being in a dungeon for over an hour#and like even with dungeons its not like a skill roadblock you just gotta fuck around enough until smth clicks#skill roadblocks r kinda annoying in games thats why i typically have month breaks between elden ring play sessions#they just. literally hand you what you need in totk and it usually amounts to ‘use ultrahand’#the new abilities are good for gameplay and world exploration and shit for actual puzzles#totk salt#that would be a good salty (me) totk hate tag but thats a tag other ppl use and would not be exclusive to my shit#i would walk into a dungeon room in totk and not have to spend more than 3 minutes clearing it and then getting a 5th/4th of the objective#i dont feel good abt solving a problem when i dont actually get to think for myself abt how to solve it#and the key to the ‘puzzle’ is the only other interact-able thing in the room#salty talks
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good luck on getting your drivers license! :)
Thank you! :D Not gonna lie, it seems like it'll be rough based on the past two days, but I'm doing my best here! I am so looking forward to finally getting my driver's license in the mail, though!! The thought makes me so very happy! :D
#cherry chats#there's like 1500 questions to learn in roughly 10 days#I wish I had started studying sooner ^^; now I'm super stressed out but it's managable#I'm really gonna be focusing on nothing but studying for the next two weeks!! I wanna pass and get a good passing grade!!#I just gotta study 3 topics per day and all will be good! I just gotta retain everything until next Friday for the theoretical part!#and then I just gotta pass the practical part and all will be good!!
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Where I've been btw (arms in a fish tank swearing a lot because plants hate being in aquasoil and water at the same time)
#kerytalk#fish nonsense#fishblr#aquablr#aquascaping#planted tank#this is my first tank ever - like ever ever. be nice.#I love and hate aquasoil#people saying sand would be hard to manage? no#aquasoil is worse#gets EVERYWHERE with the slightest movement#now to test this thing every other day until I am convinced it's cycled#tanks skills - decent#photography skills - shite#idk I give up on trying to fight reflections I'm tired#(the black background is just craft cardboard I stuck there on a whim haha)#gotta say watching my Hygrophila pinnatifida go from all droopy and :( on being planted in tank to super peppy and all :D has been fun
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my dietitian office just dropped me bc my insurance wasnt going thru even tho i triple checked to see if it would
#man this physical/mental health shit is getting too much#tbf my dietitian didnt actually start making plans for me and just tried to keep my anxiety managed#even though i already have a therapist and now im wondering if my insurance is even taking that#nvm its not its just adding up my deductible until it reaches 1600#im probably just gonna go to therapy once a month until i can change my insurance plan again#i gotta start seeing a dentist again bc my teeth are quite literally rotting but#i mean im not making very much to begin with to actually be stable and also take care of myself to that extent#struggling is not fun
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Going to sleep on a bed with clean sheets in tidy room since what seems like forever i can't even belive i did it. I might cry
#im sad that i let it get to a point where it felt imposible but i did it. i just gotta keep doing laundry until#my giant pile of clothes is managable#tomorrow we are gonna start on the living room#and i already cleaned the bathroom two weeks ago#im really tired of feeling like i have no control over my living space#im trying to be gentle with myself because i know this wasnt out of laziness#but i feel like i can do it now. i should be able to do it now#i just hope tomorrows classes dont leave me completely exausted#god i just want to be able to do this small thing i just need to have a tidy living space#a clean one#it makes me so sad that its dirty#im tired of it#but i have a clean room i have a clean room i cleaned it myself
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.
#delete later#hey haven't made a vent post in a while that's gotta be a good thing right#I dunno. got an appt in like a month and hopefully that'll fix me but until then......#...sigh. tw for heavy shit for the rest of this don't read on unless you can manage with that kinda thing#is it like. nights? does my brain just shut down any level of dopamine response at night? is that it?#cuz fuck I spiral so fast. not 5 hours ago I was on cloud 9 cuddling a cute girl I may or may not have a-#anyway#now it's midnight.#and I just kind of want to carve my self awareness out of my body like a cancerous growth#and never be aware again#loneliness and jealousy and despair and self hatred and my god I can't really think of anything negative I *don't* feel#i just want it to stop#i wanna stop hurting every time I see them being so intimate with someone else I've already been rejected I need to get the fuck over mysel#ugh#I......#i usually try to keep these vague cuz I know people follow me and despite my best efforts do tend to read these#part of me wants that? that cry for help I guess? some way to reach out without having to be vulnerable#on the other hand I don't want to guilt anyone or to make anyone feel bad for being happy cuz that's toxic as fuck#I.... I don't fuckin know I'm just kind of rambling now.#....I'll be fine eventually#maybe#god I can't even say that for certain anymore huh#what do i even do why can't i see the solution anymore#all that's there is 'stop feeling x emotion' and thats just not a reasonable thing to expect myself to be capable of#you can't just turn off your emotions as much as I wish I could#.......want to be held close and touched a lot and told it'll be ok and complimented and. wanted#want to be wanted.#.....sigh#.......i am wanted. I know I am. I know so many people want my attention that it's nearly impossible to keep up#so what the fuck is my deal why do I still want it so bad? what isn't clicking? why doesn't it fucking work
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...
#theres a special kind of agony in tryinf to find an apartment in an college town with a housing shortage#everythings expensive as fuck and im sure its frustrating for everyone but i feel like its especially frustrating for me#bc it takes me so much fucking time to understand the information right in front of me and then i doubt myself so i have to check and check#and double check and triple check that im on the right website. that im inputting the right info#and its like. what if theres a better place i could b looking? like i found a management place to apply to thats expensive but less#expensive than another place but the building looks like its kinda on the edge of town like 15min drive from school#which i hate bc im an anxious freak and its gonna b worse than driving here bc itll get icey as fuck there#like proper inches of snow all winter. negative negative cold. so its like. do i take a nice apartment thats kinda far away#or a slightly more expensive apartment thats like 10min from school and more in town#and then theres the application stuff. and i cant fill anything out without having a full on like sobbing breakdown#but im that way abt everything. i do that all the time when i have to buy plane tickets#its exhausting. and i cant plan my exit until i know when i can move into a place. whatever. it doesnt help that my hormones r fucked rn#or i hope its the hormones. ive been so tired. so so tired. like sleeping 9hrs and still tired when usually im wired after only 7hrs sleep#i hate it. and super brain foggy. and this week i have to finish taking measurements for the last time#so i gotta decide if im gonna go in tomorrow or Monday to start it. its gonna suck so bad bc im gonna try to do it in 6 days. which will b#agony. but after that ill never have to do it ever again. ugh. im just so tired and i dont wanna limp my way into a new project feeling#like damaged goods. which is exactly what it feels like now. ive just done a very good job of making my job difficult#cant go into the lab without feeling physically ill. drained away all my joy. now theres only a sad distant recognition of how far ive#allowed myself to fall. i kno ill feel better once i have a place to stay and i can quit my job just getting there is taking an eternity#unrelated
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i love how flexible the concept of a roleswap can be. if i swap reigen and serizawa, am i changing which one is psychic? which one is a liar? which one is mob's mentor? which one went viral on twitter? which one used to be a shut-in? a terrorist? a water cooler salesman?
what roles do they occupy that i want to study like a bug under my magnifying glass?
but also: what is "role" and what is "character"? if i swap all of these things, what if anything is left of the original characters that makes the swap interesting? is it just aesthetics left at that point (i.e. only visually distinct) or is there still something different about the story you'd tell with them?
what is it that makes reigen essentially reigen, that you couldn't replace without making him unrecognizable? is it the same type of quality that makes serizawa essentially serizawa?
#i don't have good answers to those char vs role questions which is why i love thinking about them. ship of theseus with character traits.#as to the first qs: the roleswap I'm currently rotating in my head is a poorly-adjusted mentor/well-adjusted ex-terrorist swap#and i gotta say making serizawa More Of A Mess is fun (some men will mentor a child instead of going to therapy)#but not half as fun as reigen bullying serizawa into starting a psychic business in order to get himself hired there#'hey! incredibly powerful psychic i just met! (yw for saving ur life btw.) why tf are u a neet? w ur powers u should be raking in the cash!#oh i see... you don't have a business degree or any management experience... if only you knew a guy with both who just quit his job...'#and then he just 👀 at seri until the poor guy awkwardly provides the prompted 'uh... like you?' response.#'oh hey gr8 idea! so ill have the business incorporation documents ready for you to sign... monday?' 'what' 'AWESOME see u then boss~' '??'#GOD giving reigen the third act bad guy intro -> mob-induced 180 -> Productive Member of Society arc makes him hysterically funny to me#i guess i should tag this if only so i can find it again later#mob psycho 100#reigen arataka#serizawa katsuya#notfic
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