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lovingmattysposts · 5 months

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Friends with Benefits Part 3

(I would listen to these two songs on repeat while reading)

P1 P2 P4 P5 P6

pairing: y/n and matt sturniolo

summary: You and Matt are best friends, who occationaly have sex on the low. No string attached, just sex. Well, just sex for him. Little did he know you were falling in love and falling fucking fast.

warnings: smut, mention of an age gap (not in a creepy way, just a joke), drinking, cursing, a physical fight at the end

part three you guys have been begging for, prepare yourselves now. Just warning you this one is a sad one, love yall

xoxo, Autumn

"This one?" I asked holding up the third option of the night. "No" She stated staring at me. I dropped the dress in my hands and glared at her. "You're not taking this seriously" I said turning back to my closet. She crossed her arms over her chest. "Oh, I'm taking this very seriously" She nodded. I glared back at her.

The truth was is that i've been avoiding Matt all week. I respond to his texts, miss his calls. I'll say I miss him, but I won't come over. It's been a back in forth battle between my mind whether or not I wanted to do this or not. All day I'll pace around, saying that I was done. Then the night came and I would text him. He was starting to get irretated and I knew it.

Tonight was his birthday. I was texting him last night when it turned midnight.

last night:

to Matt Stromboli 12:01am

I guess you're a year older now

From: Matt Stromboli 12:01am

Is that suppose to be your way of telling me happy birthday?

to Matt Stromboli 12:02am

Something like that

From: Matt Stromboli 12:02am

How sweet of you. Oops, just got another text from my side hoe, she sent me a paragraph

I knew it was a joke, but it hit me like a punch in the face. I couldn't show it, and that's when my brain tells me i'm trying to pull back for a reason.

to Matt Stromboli 12:04

Wouldn't want to keep her waiting now do we?

From: Matt Stromboli 12:02am

Oh of course not, brb

From: Matt Stromboli 12:03am

Thank you so much for the deep message y/n/n, I can't stop thinking about you either. You are so hot and I can't wait to spend the entire night with you while you tell me just HOW happy you are that it is my birthday. 20 has never felt so good. Guess I'm considered a pedo since you're still 19, but still can't keep you off my mind ;)

to Matt Stromboli 12:04

Was that you referencing me as your side hoe and dissing my age all in one message?

From: Matt Stromboli 12:05am

Side hoe, main hoe, whatever hoe. You fit the description for all of them.

From: Matt Stromboli 12:05

....or you guys just happen to have the same name

to Matt Stromboli 12:06

So you're messing with TWO 19-year-olds. brb calling the police

From: Matt Stromboli 12:06

Lol so funny. (pls don't)

I laughed out loud.

to Matt Stromboli 12:07

I just talked to them. They said you're sentenced to no birthday sex from either of the 19-year-olds.

From: Matt Stromboli 12:07

NO PLEASE I'LL DO ANYTHING. THERE IS ONLY ONE 19-YEAR-OLD I SWEAR

to Matt Stromboli 12:08

wow never have seen you beg before. Kinda like it

From: Matt Stromboli 12:09

Don't get used to it. You've been depriving me for a week now, i'm starting to lose vision in my left eye.

to Matt Stromboli 12:08

Goodnight birthday boy

From: Matt Stromboli 12:10

God that message just made me hard

to Matt Stromboli 12:08

Oh god, doctor, he's flat-lining

From: Matt Stromboli 12:10

my doctor is a gross old man, you ruined it.

to Matt Stromboli 12:11

Sorry

From: Matt Stromboli 12:12

Can I call you?

I sighed looking at the ceiling. As much as I wanted to keep this going of pulling back. It was midnight and I was talking to the man I was in love with and he hasn't touched me in a week.

From: Matt Stromboli 12:13

Please. I just need to hear your voice. You could literally talk about anything for about 30 seconds and I'll be done for.

I smiled.

to Matt Stromboli 12:11

Am I dreaming or is Matthew Bernard Sturniolo being submissive?

From: Matt Stromboli 12:13

I can't finish without you, please. It's my birthday

I rolled my eyes before I clicked to call him. It didn't ring one time before he answered. "Matthewwww" I sang. I already heard him whine over the phone and small breaths over the phone. My eyes went wide.

"Wow okay. Already going at it I see?" I chuckled. "Shut up" He grunted over the phone. I sat up on my bed, smiling to myself. "Hey who's the one in control right now? I could start talking about your doctor again and turn you off so fast" I stated. He groaned. "Stop talking about my doctor" I heard him chuckle over the phone.

"Then stop telling me to shut up" I said bluntly. He let out a breath. "Okay, I'm sorry" He said quickly. I smiled, I loved this. "What do you want me to talk about?" I asked, he took a few second before responding.

"Anything-Anything just keep talking" He stuttered. I smiled, rolling over. "Okay" I sighed thinking. I could fuck with him. "Today I did laundry." I stated. I heard him chuckle softly. "Yeah?" He breathed. I hummed. "Yeah and then I fingered myself while wearing that shirt you gave me" I said out of the blue. I heard him moan almost immediately, making me chuckle.

"A-Are you serious?" He asked breathlessly. I chuckled to myself. "No, I just have no idea how to do this" I laughed. I heard him chucking a bit, before breathing in. "Dude" He said. "Plus I'm on my period" I lied. "No you're not" He grunted. I furrowed my eyebrows. "I have your period on a tracker" He breathed. I rolled my eyes, of course he did.

"Tell me what you're wearing" He breathed. I looked down at my big t-shirt and sweatpants. "Uhm" I hummed. "Nothing" I lied. I heard short and shallow breaths. "Just laying here, like naked you know?" I sighed looking up.

"I know you're lying" He moaned. I giggled. "Tell me about you're day" He grunted. "Just keep talking" His voice broke at the last word. I sighed into the phone. "Okay, well. I cleaned my room I was actually being really productive. Then I started scrolling through instagram then-Oh! You know that clothing account that has the like spider-web design like thing on it?" I asked through the phone.

"Uh humm" He hummed through the phone. "Well I bought like a sweatshirt off of it, and I'm actually really excited for it to come in, you know?" I smiled. "Yeah baby" He sighed into the phone. I smiled. "Lucy said it was a stupid buy, but I think that it would look really cool with those cargo pants I got, but I have no idea what shoes to wear with them. Trying out a new like cool look." I said smiling. He breathed in sharply.

"Fuck" He cursed, his breathing getting heavier. "Are you clooossee?" I asked. "Hm huh" He breathed. I sighed into the phone. "I wish I was there" I stated leaning on my hand as i started to play with my hair. "Me too" He said quickly. "Hmm, you wish it was my hand don't you?" I teased. "Fuck, yes" He moaned. I smiled.

"Just pretend that is. That I'm hovering over you, kissing your neck. Telling you to let go all over my fingers like a good birthday boy-" I almost laughed at my dirty talk, but he liked it.

"Y/n-Fuck-I-" I heard him say loudly and then moaned loudly, before he let out a deep breath. "Are you-Did you-" I asked. "Yes" He chuckled. I smiled. "Good" I stated. He sighed into the phone. "Hold on a second" He said and I heard rustling on the other end, and I waited.

"You're coming tomorrow right?" He asked. I sighed into the phone. "Yeah" I breathed. "Good" He said softly, settling back down.

"Nate and Justin come in tomorrow and they are staying with us" He explained. I nodded. "That'll be fun" I said over the phone. He sighed. "The only reason I'm saying that is because you can't spend the night tomorrow" He said, making my face drop and my heart hurt.

"Oh" I said, swallowing. "I just don't want to make it a thing you know? I mean like it's not a big deal with Chris and Nick because they like know, but I don't feel like explaining it to Nate and Justin" He said, making me breath out.

"Right" I said. I felt like an idiot. An absolute idiot. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. Feeling the pit in mu stomach form from the punch in the gut. You're not like my girlfriend, so you shouldn't spend the night when people I care about are staying with me.

"But, I am still excited for you to see them and meet them and stuff" He said. I bit my lip. "Yeah, yeah of course" I breathed. "And I'm excited to see you. Since you've been ghosting me the past week" He chuckled. I swallowed. "Yeah, sorry i've just been.....busy" I said feeling tears start to fill in my eyes.

"Yeah I know, no hard feelings. I just miss seeing my homie" He said happily. His homie. Fucking Ouch. "Yeah yeah. I just-" I took a breath. "I'll just see you at the party then" I said shaking my head. "Okay cool" He said before we said our goodbyes. I swallowed clicking off the phone.

present:

I swallowed shifting through my clothes remembering last night. "Just pick something already" She sighed. I picked out a black dress and showed it to her. Her eyes went wide. "What? It's my favorite dress" I argued. "No" She said standing. "It's Matt's favorite dress" She said raising her eyebrows. I sighed looking at it, it did make me look really good.

"Give me the shirt back or i'm wearing it" I said looking over at her. She sighed and looked at me. "No" She said. "Then, I'm wearing it" I smiled before walking into the bathroom.

We were on the uber ride there when I turned to Lucy. "I'm gonna talk to him eventually Lucy, I just-tonight's his birthday" I sighed. She looked over at me and nodded. "I'll hold my breath" She smiled making me shake my head. She pushed me slightly.

"Hey, it's your life you can do what you want. I just don't want to see you get hurt" She said quietly. I nodded. Lucy was a good friend. She really was, but I was already hurt. Constantly getting hurt. I looked down at the box in my hand, rubbing my thumb over it.

"Is that for Matt?" She asked looking down, I nodded. I opened it looking down at the ring. It was a ring that he's wanted for so long. So I thought I'd buy it for his birthday. Now looking down at it, I debated even giving it to him. I closed it before putting it back in my purse and turning to look out the window.

We pulled up to the house and their were cars lining the street. We thanked the driver and walked out and up to the house. I stood at the door for a second. Lucy stopped and looked at me. "You okay?" She asked. I looked at her before nodding, but not moving.

"You gonna go inside?" She asked pointing at the door. I licked my lips. "It feels-" I started to say. "Weird" I whispered. She sighed leaning over to me. "You look hot. If Matt can't see it then screw him. Okay? Birthday or not I'll beat his ass" She smiled making me smile.

I nodded before walking through the door. The loudness of the party came over me as we walked in. I glanced around before I saw all of them standing and talking in the kitchen. I swallowed and turned towards Lucy who was behind me.

"What are you doing?" She asked quickly. "I can't do it" I said shaking my head. She furrowed her eyebrows. "What do you mean?" She asked leaning towards me. "I can't be here, not tonight, not on his birthday. I can't-" I started to shake my head.

"Y/n!"

I winced at the sound of my name being called. Lucy looked up behind me and then back down to me. "They are walking over here" She whispered in between her teeth. I opened my eyes and slowly turned around. I saw Chris, Nate, and Nick all walk up to me glancing behind them seeing Matt and Justin stay on the other side of the kitchen, while Matt glanced at me. I looked away from them.

"Hey" I smiled up at Nick, bringing him into a hug. "Happy birthday" I said as I pulled back from the hug. "Thank you" He smiled. I pulled Chris into a hug as well. "Happy birthday" I smiled, he let go. "Thanks Y/n/n" He smiled down at me. I looked over to Nate.

"Y/n and Lucy, this is Nate" Nick said motion to Nate. I pulled him into a hug as well, catching Matt's stare from the other side of the kitchen. I let Nate go, leaning back. "It's nice to meet you" Nate smiled at me. I nodded smiling. "It's nice to meet you too, these boys never shut up about you" I smiled, making him look over at Chris and Nick.

"I'm Lucy, I don't do hugs. Happy birthday boys" She motioned to Chris and Nick. They nodded.

"So Y/n, do you live in LA?" Nate asked. I nodded looking down. "I do, i've lived here my whole life" I said looking at him, he nodded. "I'm gonna have to come visit more often" He said smiling, making me raise my eyebrows. Chris and Nick looked at each other. Lucy looked over at me. I awkwardly laughed.

"Oh yeah well" I cleared my throat. "You look beautiful" He said looking at me. I opened my mouth to respond when Matt came over to us. He put his hands on Nate's shoulders staring down at him.

"Nate, getting a little too friendly with my guests hm?" He said smiling. Nate just looked at him. Lucy eyed me and I just looked at her. Matt looked over to me, releasing Nate. "Y/n" He stated. I nodded at him. Nick looked between us and cleared his throat.

"Justin, this is Y/n" Nick said motioning to Justin. I looked over smiling, shaking his hand. "Hi" I smiled he nodded. Matt stayed looking at me. "Y/n/n, let's go get a drink" Lucy said pulling my arm. I looked at her and then to Matt.

"Okay" I breathed as we walked away. I let out a deep breath. "That was weird" Lucy said. I nodded. "Really weird" She nodded. I turned back around looking at them, Matt's eyes were trained on me. I swallowed turning back around as Lucy handed me a drink.

The rest of the night I attempted to talk to as many people as I possibly could so that I wouldn't run into Matt. I didn't want to deal with my feelings, if I was being completely honest. I didn't want to face him.

I've been here and hour and haven't even spoken to him. Lucy turned to me and told me she was going to the bathroom. I nodded as she walked off. I wasn't standing there three seconds before I felt someone walk up to me.

"You're not gonna tell me happy birthday?"

I turned slowly, seeing Matt looking down at me. I blinked up at him before looking down. "I already did Matt, last night" I said barley looking at him, keeping my eyes busy scanning the room. He licked his lips, his eyes trained on my face.

"You've been avoiding me" he stated making me look up at him. He was looking down at me with an expression I couldn't read.

"No I haven't" I lied. "I know when you lie to me y/n" He stated quickly. I swallowed before bringing my drink up to my mouth. He took it out of my hands, putting it on the counter beside us.

I looked down at the cup and then back up at him.

"Happy Birthday Matt" I breathed before attempting to turn, but I felt my arm being grabbed as he dragged me away. I looked up at him as he dragged me away down the hall.

"Matt" I said trying to get my arm away but he pushed me into his room before closing the door.

"Matt! What the hell was-"

"Are you pregnant?" He asked looking down at me closing his eyes briefly. My mouth fell open. That was the last possible thing I expected to fall from him mouth.

"W-What?" I asked looking up at him in shock. He sighed looking down. "Fuck Y/n are you? because if you are-Oh my god-Fuck-" he rambled.

"Matt I'm not pregnant!" I yelled at him. He looked up at me pausing. "Then what is wrong?" He threw us hands up. I sighed looking down.

"Y/n/n" he breathed stepping towards me. If I was smart, I would step away from him. But I was the dumbest bitch alive. I looked up at him as his hands came around my waist.

"Talk to me." He breathed. I let out a shaky breath. I looked down at my purse. I looked back up at him, his eyes boring into mine. I gripped my purse.

"I got you something" I whispered. He just looked at me. "For your birthday" I said reaching down and opening my bag. He looked down, stepping back for a second. I pulled out the small box and handed it to him.

He looked down at it and then back at me. I smiled sadly at him. He looked back down opening the small box and pulling out the ring. He smiled rubbing his thumb over it. He looked up at me.

"You didn't have to do that y/n/n" he breathed. I nodded. "I know I just thought-" I swallowed. I looked up at him. "Do you like it?" I whispered.

He nodded. "I love it" He said looking at it. He walked over setting the box on his dresser and slipping the ring over his finger. I looked down at my feet.

"You look pretty" he said as he turned around. I just looked at him. "Yeah" I stated. He walked over to me slowly.

"It's the dress" he stated as he ran his finger over the strap. I swallowed. "It's the dress" I said back. The dress I was wearing the first time we hooked up. He put his hands on my face. I blinked up at him.

I love you so much.

My mind screamed.

"I love the ring" he said rubbing his thumbs across my cheeks. I smiled. "I'm glad" I said quietly, almost inaudible.

I want this to be forever. I wanted this to be real. I want to be yours. I don't want to be hiding behind your bedroom door anymore.

I closed my eyes.

"I've thought about you all day long" he whispered. My eyes stayed closed. "Yeah?" I whispered back. "Yeah" he breathed before I felt him kiss me softly. I opened my eyes as he pulled away.

"Have you had a good birthday?" I asked. He smiled. "Yeah" he said leaning down and kissing my cheek so softly. I swallowed. He lifted his head and looked at me.

"Does the police sentence still stand?" He whispered as he trailed his hand down my arm. Sex. Right. I let out a shaky breath.

"I-I don't know" I stuttered. He pulled me against him, making me breath in. "I'm staying in here with you while my birthday party goes on out there" he stated as he brushed a piece of hair behind my ear.

"And I can't have you tonight" he dragged out smiling. I just watched him. "And I've missed you. I've missed this" he stated. I looked up at him.

"And you in that dress" he sighed looking down at me. I swallowed feeling my emotions starting to come up my throat.

"Matt?" I whispered. He looked up at me. "Can you kiss me?" I asked softly. He smiled and nodded before bringing our lips together in a slow kiss. I kissed him back, in my mind kissing my boyfriend. On his birthday. And after he was going to walk out there holding my hand announcing to the world that I was his girlfriend. That he was proud of me. Proud that I was his.

I sighed as I kissed him. He pushed me back by my hips and pushed me onto the bed, climbing on top me. I connected us back together in a hungrier kiss.

"You make me crazy" he mumbled against my lips. You have no idea how crazy you make me. I closed my eyes feeling the lump in my throat pushing it down. Praying it would go down.

He moved down kissing my neck hungrily, slightly pushing up my dress. I stared up at the ceiling feeling it in my chest. The reality of the situation setting in, hitting me like a ton of bricks. This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair.

I felt tears start to brim at my eyes. I couldn't focus on his mouth against my neck. I couldn't even feel the sensation of it anymore, all I was focused was the tears threatening to spill over.

"Matt" I said softly as the tears pooled. "Hmm" He breathed against me moving downward towards my chest, pushing the dress up higher. I swallowed and closed my eyes.

"Matt stop. Please stop" my voice broke. Immediately from hearing my voice he sat up lifting his hands off me completely. He looked down at me with a look of fear when he saw my face.

"What? What happened? Y/n what's wrong?" His voice full of concern as he looked in my eyes. I shook my head tears spilling from my eyes. I felt his hands come up to my face and I pushed them off of me. I rolled out from under him and he sat hesitantly next to me, going to hold me but paused.

"Y/n. What's wrong? Why are you crying? Did I do something?" He asked next to me quickly. I shook my head and looked down, not being able to form words, my throat closing. suffocating me. His presence and his confusion suffocating me.

"Y/n" he said softly, placing his hand on my leg. I pushed it off. "I don't understand" he shook his head. I took a deep breath and stood up.

"That's the problem Matt, you don't understand" I said shaking my head and wiping my face. "You don't understand that every single thing you do fucking kills me! You're killing me." I yelled down at him. He just stared up at me, like a lost puppy.

"Don't look at me like-like that" I said turning my head starting to cry harder. He stood up reaching for me but I stepped back. "No" I whimpered.

"Y/n-" he started to say but I cut him off. "It's not f-fair!" I pointed at him. "It's not fair that you hold me after we have sex. It's not fair that you kiss me like you care about me. It's not fair that you tell me you think about me all day. It's not fair that tell me not to see anyone else. It's not fair that you almost rip your best friend's fucking head off for flirting with me." I said out of breath. His face turned hard and he looked down.

"It's not fair that call me yours when I'm n-not!" I yelled letting the tears stream down my face, clawing at my chest. He just blinked up at me.

"Y-You don't get it" I breathed. "You don't get that every single thing you say to me-" I took a deep breath. I couldn't think, everything that was in my mind was coming out like a word vomit.

"Y-you treat me like your fucking girlfriend and drop my hand when someone walks by. You don't even want to be the one to introduce me to your best friend. Y-You pull me into your room when you have to ask me what's wrong because you don't want people to see that you care." I shook my head, hearing it all fall out of my mouth just made it more of a reality.

"And-and I get it okay? I get it that it was my choice. I agreed to this, but how can you-" I bit my lip looking up. "How you lay there and do those things and-" I cried cutting myself off, shaking my head. "It's not fucking fair" I whispered.

Things that I've kept bottled up forever and had never vocalized before were spilling out of my mouth as I cried in front of the boy I loved most, the boy that was killing me.

"Everyday I lay there hoping and wishing that you would-" I closed my eyes trying to breath.

"You hide me like I'm some huge secret and it's killing me" I cried holding my chest. Matt stood silently in front of me with his mouth slightly parted staring at me.

"You drive 25 minutes out of your way to give me your shirt because you thought I was mad that you asked me to give it back." I breathed looking at him, shaking my head.

"Matt, you're fucking killing me" I said barley above a whisper. Silence filled the room around us. I looked down at my feet. My heart beating out of my chest. The silence slicing through me like a knife. This was it. It was all out there.

"Y/n" he breathed. I looked up at him with tear stained cheeks. His eyes full of sorrow as he stared at me.

"I was a virgin" I admitted. His eyes went wider. "What?" He asked suddenly. I licked my lips and looked down at my feet.

"I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to not take me seriously. I-I wanted this. I thought I could do it like this. I thought it would be easier, I didn't realize that-" I stopped taking in a deep breath.

"You were my first everything" I said looking at him. He blinked at me. I realized with his expression that It wasn't fair that I didn't tell him. It wasn't fair to him and It wasn't fair to myself. "What?" His voice broke. I bit my lip and looked to the side and then back at him.

"I'm such-I thought that-" I let out a breath. I looked at him, hurt filling his face. "I thought that one day you would wake up and realize that you wanted more. That you wanted to show me to your friends not h-hide me behind closed doors-" I shook my head as a sob came up my throat, realizing how ridilcious this sounded as it came out of my mouth.

"That you'd wake up and realize that you-" I let out a shaky breath along with a sob.

"Matt, I love you" I admitted, his face dropped. "Y/n-" he breathed stepping forwards. I shook my head stepping back and hitting the wall slightly.

"I can't-" I shook my head. "I can't do this anymore" I said through a sob. "I can't live another day just being the girl who sits and waits for the boy to love her back" I cried before turning and waking out of the room.

"Y/n. Wait. Please don't-" Matt ran after me. The noises of the party came back over me as it felt like everyone's eyes came to me. I looked down hiding my face as I bolted towards the kitchen.

"Y/n?" I heard Chris's voice. I looked up at him, worry filling his face. I turned and saw Matt walking quickly behind me.

"Y/n?" I heard Lucy's voice I looked up at her. Horror filled her face and she looked at Matt approaching us. "Let's go. We're leaving right now" she said grabbing my arm and pulling me away.

I nodded as we walked to the front door, a cry coming out of my mouth. I turned and saw Chris stopping Matt, pushing his chest and Matt argued towards him before I turned around leaving the party.

Matt pov

"Y/n" I breathed, tears filling my eyes as I watched Lucy grab her arm and drag her away. I went to go after her but felt Chris push my chest back. I looked up at him, anger filled his face. I tried to move past him but he stood in front of me.

"Move" I spat harshly trying to move past him again but he pushed me back again. I watched as she walked out of the door and out of my life. I felt my heart drop. I swallowed feeling tears start to run down my face.

"What did you do?" Chris asked angrily at me. I looked over at him. "I didn't-" I breathed looking between him and Nick. "Get out of my way" I said through gritted teeth, pushing him harder. I was't losing her. Under any circumstance. She can't leave like this. What if she gets hurt? What if she does something stupid? What I never saw her again? She can't walk away like this.

I felt Nick's arm pull me back. "Matt stop!" Nick said. I turned around and looked at him. "Let her go" Nick said softly. "Nick I will rip your arm off, let me go now" I spat. He bit his lip as he looked at me. I realized that the party talk had stopped around us and everyone was looking at us.

"I will fight you in front of everyone. I don't care. I can't let her leave" I said glaring at him, my eyes full of tears. He just blinked at me. I ripped my arm away from him and sprinted towards the door. I ripped the door open and ran down the driveway, the tears clouding my vision. I could barely see.

"Please" I mumbled looking around. She was nowhere to be found. "Fuck" My voice broke. I heard footsteps come from behind me as I walked back and forth down the street. No sign of her anywhere.

She left.

I turned kicking the trash can to the ground and fisting my hair with my hand. I looked over to see Chris and Nick looking at me with a worried expression from the driveway. I tore my eyes away from them, looking away as a cry escaped my throat. I covered my face with my hands as the tears came.

I heard footsteps approach me and I felt a hand on my back. I pushed away from them. I looked up.

"A-Are you happy?" I asked looking between them. They both looked at each other. I wiped my nose and looked down. "Are you?" Nick asked looking at me, making me look up at them. "What?" I spat, trying to catch my breath. Nick sighed and looked down.

"We told you-" Chris started. "I'm not talking about this with you" I cut him off pushing past him. "I told you that you were gonna hurt her!" He screamed back at me making me stop. I glared down at the ground. "She didn't deserve that" Chris breathed. I bit my lip before letting out a deep breath. I stopped, sitting down on the grass. They walked over sitting next to me. I shook my head as I leaned down crying between my knees.

"I didn't-" I shook as their arms came around me. "How could I-" I choked. I leaned up attempting to breathe. "I should have-" I stopped as I cried. "She told me she loved me" I whispered, Chris and Nick looked at each other.

"And you didn't already know that?" Nick asked looking down at me. I looked over at him. I closed my eyes and sighed. A part of me knew that. A part of me saw it in the way she looked at me, or the way she spoke to me. The other part of me just didn't want to accept that.

"You fell in love with her too, you're just too fucking prideful to admit it" Chris said making me, bite my lip. "I don't date" I said shaking my head. Chris stood up standing in front of me. "Will you get over yourself?" He yelled down at me. I didn't look up at him.

"Look at you right now! You almost fought Nick in there for stopping you from getting to her and you're gonna sit here and tell me that you don't love her?" He yelled. I glared at my feet. "You talk about her like she's the only thing you think about for god's sake!" He said throwing his hands up.

"You're private about your life with her and I get that, I do, but if you were just using her for a good fuck and that's it- wouldn't you brag about it? Wouldn't you tell you're best friends about what she does behind closed doors?" He asked making me look up at him. I glared at him, tightening my fists.

"Chris" Nick said warningly. Chris scoffed shaking his head. "No" He said crossing his arms. "No, he doesn't." He looked back at me. "What does she do huh?" Chris said raising his eyebrows. I closed my eyes. I can't fight my brother. I can't fight my brother. My mind screamed at me.

"Is she good at giving head?" He asked suddenly my eyes snapped open at him. I let out a breath. "What kind of underwear does she wear? Hm?" He asked looking at me. I felt all the blood rush to my head. He can't talk about her like that. He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Or does she even wear any at all?" He said. I stood up pushing him back. "Matt!" Nick stood up. Chris walked back to me, pushing me and then we were in a full on brawl. He punched me in the shoulder and I punched him across the face.

"Matt what the fuck!" Nick yelled between us. Chris wiped his mouth, blood present on his hand. Chris held his hand up to stop Nick from interfering. He spat on the ground before walking back towards me. "You wanna go? Let's go fuck boy" He said motioning for me to come towards him. I walked over to him grabbing him by the shoulders and onto the ground beneath us.

"Get off of each other!" Nick yelled. He pushed himself on top of me, holding me against the ground.

"You talk about how pretty her eyes are" He breathed looking down at me. I struggled beneath him, glaring up at him. He pushed my shoulders harder against the ground. I was breathing heavy up at him. "You talk about what joke's she told" He stated. I stopped struggling.

"You talk about her like you love her" He said letting my shoulders go. I turned my head and tears started to come up to my eyes again. "You just need to get over yourself and admit it" He said climbing off me completely. I let out a breath sitting up.

They both looked down at me. I avoided their eyes and looked away.

"Of course I'm in love with her" I admitted out loud for the first time. Nick smiled down at me and Chris shook his head. "How could someone not be?" I sighed rubbing my face. "I treated her like shit" I said realizing everything I've done to her. They just stood in front of me.

"Fuck" I said hanging my head. "What do I do?" I asked looking up at them, they just looked at each other.

lollll sorry i'm just gonna leave this hear (dont hate me)❤️

#christopher sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #Spotify

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sm-baby · 23 days

Note

Is FS Cain the lesser evil?

Or is this like a brutal but cunning ( Cain ) and cunning but brutal ( able ) situation

Tbh their probably equally terrible since ( I assume ) that Cain just plays around pomni keeping her on the edge of despair while able just dulls her out and uses her to torment Cain

To live in fear of your life or the pain that will visit you later

Or to be alive without truly living as a toy

OH CAINE IS DEFINITELY NOT THE LESSER EVIL... Able was made to be the lesser evil, He just sneaks in the torture... But I hadn't considered that people might find that more torturous...

Caine would put Pomni through physical pain, throw her in a den of lions, rip her in half and put her on display. Topped with the fact that they cannot die. Although she is pampered, shes not excepted from the treatment. She is now constantly on guard, but atleast reminded that shes human.

Able isolates Pomni and deprives her of her humanity. Manipulates her into being compliant. Essentially, she lives in blank space, turning into a doll. She holds no individuality, no privacy, and only does things when allowed. She is effectively a husk of her former self.

I don't know about yall but Id say the second option is a lesser evil

Im curious now

#freakshow au #caine #able #pomni #poll

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no-name-publishing · 6 months

Text

Tiny Book? Tiny Book. Pt1.

Idk yall I just felt like writing a little how-to of how-I-do my tiny A9 books! So if you've ever been interested, I hope this will be helpful. This will be neither a beginner typesetting nor beginner bookbinding tutorial; as I go through my process I will only be showing my process and providing a few tips, assuming you already have the basics understood. We can worry about the rougher technical skills in another post.

Also keep in mind that this guide includes images of fic I've bound, and you're zooming into these fics at your own discretion. I am not responsible if you read something yucky. I know you have a lot of options out there but thank you for flying No-Name Publishing.

Tiny books part 2; Tiny books part 3

Just like with regular ficbinding, there are layers, and they are:

1 - Typesetting and Imposing 2 - Printing 3 - Cutting, Folding, and Sewing 4 - Gluing, Rounding/Backing, Endbands 5 - Building the Case and casing in 6 - BOOK

In this part we will be focusing on steps 1 and 2. Please feel free to skip to the area you're interested in most.

1 - Typesetting and Imposing

Okay, so this area has some nuances that you don't have to consider so closely with typesetting for more traditionally sized books. To me, these tiny books are not about readability, they are about novelty. As such, I do not prioritize readability. Instead, I try to achieve something that is closer to scale. That said, neither do I want these illegible. But we'll begin from the top.

You want to make a tiny book, but you're wondering, what would be an appropriate word count for a tiny book? Tiny books are the perfect medium for the ficlettes, the shorties, the one-shots. They are also perfect for the mid-sized, 10-15-20k fics, in my opinion. Here we can see,

On the left we have a fic that is exactly 12,771 words, typeset on a 1.5" x 2" (37 × 52 mm) document, with .3" margins, 6pt Garamond font, and 5pt line spacing. This book is only approaching 1/2" (13mm) wide, and only took 5 sheets of Letter paper to print. On the right we have a fic that is exactly 1,939 words, typeset to the same specifications. This book is only 4-5mm wide, and took only 1 sheet of Letter paper.

In my opinion this format of book begins getting unruly around the 300-page mark. However, making any combination of margins, fonts size, and line spacing will yield different page results for different word counts. For example:

Like the above, in each of these examples I typeset in Garamond font @ 6pt size and 5pt line spacing. Typesetting on an A9 page, this is about as small as I felt comfortable sizing my font while still being legible. But notice the rivers between the words--the rivers of white space bisecting the lines, due to the Justified alignment battling the admittedly tiny work surface. At this scale, with the font at this size and alignment, those will be unavoidable. Over time I began disliking this in my own work, so I pursued a different method, which was typesetting on a quarter letter page (4.25" x 5.5" / 108mm x 140mm), and allowing my imposer to scale the PDF down.

Have you ever seen anything sexier. THIS looks like a tiny book. Little to no rivers, still legible (hand-wobble), and preserves the novelty feel that I desire from a tiny book. This method of scaling down (specifically from quarter letter to A9) does change the final shape of the book, from A9 to A9-ish in this case. Specifically, from 1.5"X2" (37 × 52 mm) to 1.625"X2" (41.3mmX52mm). You're achieving something closer to a square shape, which is delightful to hold. All this to say, you have some freedom with word count, with font size, with page size. I've done as many pages as 376 and as few as 17. The fantastic thing about tiny books--their structure will not be load-bearing, meaning--the only thing stopping you are your tastes.

Quickly, some more examples of features in a regularly sized typeset and their tiny counterpart after the imposer has scaled them down. First, scaling half-letter down to A9, a little-over 4X shrinkage:

And from B6 to B9, smaller by 3x:

You notice the compression of every element, and too how entirely unparcable the text in the first example is, sometimes not horrible, sometimes very. Make your decisions dependent on your tastes!

You have decided on the fic you'd like to bind into a tiny book. I will be using my own fic as the typesetting example, and I will be using Word 365 for PC. I'm sure many of my pointers during this process might not apply 1-to-1 if you are using a different word processing software, but hopefully you can adapt the concepts to your program of your choosing.

Kay, next you will do your typesetting. Since this is not a typesetting guide I'm trusting that you have your preferred methods, but I will go through my key steps for setting up a tiny typeset:

First, for every typeset I delete each default Style, create mine own, and dictate the document size. For this example I will be doing my preferred quarter letter method, setting the custom page size to 4.25" wide and 5.5" tall, and .5" page margins all around (except Gutter; leave 0"). On the Multiple pages dropdown I will select Mirror margins (however, as all my margins are the same size, this is redundant, though may not be the case for you). My body text style will be Cardo font @ 11pt size and Exactly 15pt line spacing, with a .2" first line indent and Justified alignment.

You can use whatever body font you like, I only encourage you to do many many test prints to refine your preferences. Your favorite font for half-letter books might not translate to tiny books. After ~30 tiny books I've found I like Cardo at this size and spacing. And if you're using A-paper sizes, consider doing quarter A4 instead of quarter letter, which is technically A6--4.1"X5.8", or 105mmX148mm. Follow your heart~~nyah 🐱♥

Now I will go to my fic and download the HTML file. I hugely prefer copying from the HTML file rather than the browser itself. It kind of standardizes any goofy formatting that might try to make its way over otherwise, while still preserving the italics and bolds, etc, and makes for an easier editing process. It was important I made my body Style in Word first, so that once I paste the text into my document that Style is automatically applied in one fell swoop (if not, you can change that in your Word settings. Advanced -> Cut, copy and paste -> Merge Formatting. It is a huge time saver.)

Now you've gone through your typesetting process, you have a liddle quarter letter Word document that you're happy with. Gets real close to you. Listen to me--listen, you're going to Export as PDF. Not Save As PDF. Not Print to PDF. Export. It's in--listen--it's in File, then Export, then Create PDF/XPS. You need to Export. Especially if you selected Bookfold instead of Mirror margins in your page settings because we need an unimposed PDF in order for this to work right and exporting to PDF is going to solve 99% of your pdf formatting woes with Word. Okay, I love you 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

Now, your EXPORTED pdf should look something like mine. Straight, unimposed.

Now what we're going to do is take this PDF back to my penthouse and freak it. Go to this link for the Renegade Bindery-created and -curated imposition tool. This has been will be is such an incredible FREE asset to you, maintained by a crew of intelligent, skilled Renegade Bindery members who understand the importance of community and accessibility. If you find someone hiding this link behind a paywall of any kind it is not with the creators' permission, so shame on them.

Anyway I will be assuming that you know what imposing your document means. If you've never used this site before, it's very straight forward, and here are my settings for making Tiny Books.

1 - Upload your unimposed exported pdf. 2 - ignore 3 - Select the paper size you will be printing on. This is not the FINAL size of the book, this is what paper you are printing on. These instructions are for Letter sized paper. Don't change any of the other settings right now, I will explain more about the Single-sided vs Duplex option in a bit. 4 - Skip aaalllll the way down to Signature Format. Under Wacky Small Layouts, click on the bubble next to Little. You'll notice there are a lot of options here. I encourage you to play with these settings later on as well, there are so many things you can make with this tool.

Once that's done, scroll down to the very bottom. You'll see the Signature Info area, telling you the results of your imposition. In the case of using the Little option we've selected, 1 sheet of our paper will make 40 book pages. 3-signature-sets of 3/3/4 folio configuration. That's a lot of pages per page.

Anyway for our document today it will cost us 2 sheets of Letter paper, and will make 6 signatures. Math says that's 80 pages. Now, you may be concerned because your typeset PDF is not formatted in a number equally divisible by 40. And why would it be. The imposer is doing that math for you in the background, organizing your pages regardless. In my case, my finished typeset is 62 pages, which means that from my second page, I will only be using my 3 folio segments, and discarding the 4 folio segment. This will make more sense later. Click the Generate button, and save the zipped folder wherever you want. Don't change the name of it.

Unzip that baby, and inside you'll notice 2 files--(filename).pdf_little_packed_backs, and .pdf_little_packed_fronts. Appropriately named as one file contains one side of the sheet that will be printed, and the other file the other side.

And when you open them up, they will look like:

2 - Printing

We are manually duplexing this bad boy, because working at this scale amplifies and compounds every millimeter of difference. Manual duplexing will keep printer skew to a minimum, as the printer will not have to perform gymnastics in order to print on the reverse side of your page. Here are some examples:

Two auto-duplexing examples of skew, one horizontal and one vertical, dependent on which direction my paper was loaded into the feeder. There is significant skew. Not a horrible issue on full-sized books but these will matter much more on our tiny books, the key issue being that we do not have much to work with in the margins department. Trimming 5-6-7mm of margins of your half-letter sized textblocks might not be much of an issue; however, here, in order to remove all the trim lines during the cutting process, you will be significantly impacting the margins of your tiny textblock.

Now here is an example of the skew from manual duplexing:

MUCH subtler. Your skew with manual duplexing will range from this--less than .5mm--to no skew at all, and you will have to cut off far less of each page to remove the trim lines, maintaining the consistency of appearance of your tiny, beautiful pages. This is why during step 3 of the imposing process we selected Single-sided (which is MANUAL duplexing), and not Duplex (which is AUTO duplexing) appropriately. This will result in you either getting two files for manual duplexing, or one auto duplexing file.

Your next consideration when it comes to printing your liddle book will be whether you want to use an inkjet printer or a laser printer. I've until recently only had a laser printer available to me. I can say after about 6 or 7 little books on an inkjet printer that I prefer the laser printing on tiny books. Here is an example of why:

On the left you have a tiny book printed from an inkjet printer printed on the highest quality setting, and on the right is a tiny book printed from a laser printer. These were both printed at the same scaling, same font size, same line spacing, everything. The inkjet printer, printing at this scale, introduces pretty glaring feathering on the letters, whereas the laser printer is crisp as can be. I've said before that to me tiny books are more for novelty rather than readability, however I do still want to make out the word I'm looking at, you know what I mean? For this reason I prefer printing my tiny books from a laser printer. Use what you got though, you'll get a tiny book regardless. Make sure you're flipping on the short edge with these tiny books too, and double check to make sure your page numbers line up. And when you're done you got...

BOOK(-adjacent).

Continue on to part duex.

#bookbinding #ficbinding

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ador3sturniolo · 6 months

Text

Stargirl

An - omg I feel like I haven’t posted in a year what. Okay so earlier this week I went to a hockey game, and something happened while I was there and I wanted to write a fic about it. And I wanted to do Nate because I love Nate, and we need more Nate fics out there asap. And the song has nothing to do with the fic, it was the song I kept playing while writing this 😭

Paring - Nathan Doe X FemReader

Summary - You go to one of Nate’s hockey games

Warnings - Kissing, NOT PROOFREAD

Requested - Nope

ALSO YALL, I FIRST WROTE THIS IN THE BEGINNING OF OCTOBER SO THERE WILL BE HALLOWEEN THEMED THINGS HERE, SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPLOAD

I hadn’t realize how late I had slept in until I heard my alarm go off more than 30 times, most of which I had just sleep through. I check the time and see it’s a little past 3. Shit. I had so much to do and had it all planned out. I was to clean my house, get a gift for Nate, go grocery shopping, and decorate for fall. I’ll just eat some food while I’m out but right now, I need to clean up my place. I have u til 6:30 to get everything done on my list. Considering Nate’s game starts at 7.

I clean my house, lighting candles and turning on fairy lights I have setup around my house. I take a quick shower and put on my freshly clean clothes. I do a slick back bun, not trying to do anything fancy. I get into my car and make a quick stop at Starbucks to get a drink. I also did an online order for my favorite lunch place in town so it’s ready for pickup when I get there. I pickup my lunch and eat in my car as I drive to target. I put my Starbucks in the cup holder of my cart and push it too the food section.

I grab my list of food and start putting it in my cart. I decided to grab some cookie dough for me and Nate to back after his game. I go over to the floral section and grab a bag of white, blue, and purple pair and place it in my cart. I’m on my way towards check out when I spot the cutest pair of matching pj sets. There was a vampire, pumpkin, and ghost option. They were all so cute but I decided to get the ghost ones. I check out and go home to eat dinner and decorate.

I decided to make something, quick, easy, and delicious. I play my fall playlist as I grab my last year bin full of pumpkins, signs, pillows and blankets. It only takes me around 30 minutes considering I cleaned earlier. I looked at the time, with not much time left I had to get ready. I put the totes back and head to my room. I put on a pair of leggings and his hockey jersey that he gave me. I take out my hair and do two French braids. I take some face paint type makeup I have and write his number on my cheek.

I put on my shoes and grab his flowers and teddy I bought him earlier that week. I grab a blanket so I don’t get cold at the rink. I drive to the rink in only 10 minutes. I head inside and get a ticket. I’m greeted inside by the triplets. They all look over at me and walk my way.

“Finally, we’ve been waiting for like 5 hours” Nick says rolling his eyes

“Nick, we got here 5 minutes ago-“ Matt chimed in

“Oh hush.” Nick says, crossing his arms, clearly annoyed.

“I’m so excited to watch my boyfriend play!” Chris says clapping his hands. Nick, Matt and I slowly turn towards Chris, giving him a confused look.

“Fine, I can’t wait to watch her boyfriend play” Chris says sarcastically but rolling his eyes.

“That’s what I thought.” I say pushing Chris a little bit jokingly. We all walk to the rink, getting a rush of cold air as the door opens. I could feel goosebumps approaching my skin. I wrap the blanket around my shoulders and sit down with the triplets. We sat and waited for the game to start. It only took a couple scrolls on insta before the players came walking out of the locker room and onto the ice to warmups. It wasn’t hard for me to find him, considering I had his number imprinted into my brain. Before I the warmups ended, I went to the snack bar and got myself a water and chips for me and the triplets. I head back just in time for the game to start. We all stand up and start to cheer, like the rest of the crowd. I only had my eye on one player the whole time. Every time he scored a point and I would jump up and down and scream for him. The three looked at me like I was insane but I didn’t care.

The game was over and Nate’s team won! We all wait for Nate outside of the locker room to finish up, but before he comes out I need to use the restroom. I come back not too long and see the brothers talking to a man I wanted to hug the first I saw him on the ice. He noticed me and started walking towards me. I ran up to him and gave him a hug.

“You did great tonight, I’m so proud of you.” I say giving him a peck on the lips.

“And these are for you.” I handed him the flowers and teddy bear, he then looked up at me with a smile that would make my heart melt.

“Thank you so much baby.” He said as he went to the side of me and wrapped his arm around my waist. He turned back and waved to the brothers as he started to walk with me out of the building. I help him load his things into my car, and we get inside the car after.

“So I had a really fun night planned out for us, but if you don’t want to do it, that’s okay and we can do something else.”

“It’s whatever makes you happy my love” I couldn’t help but blush at his words.

“So, my house is all decorated and I had candles going so it smells really good in there, and the house is clean so a bonus! And I was thinking we could make cookies and watch a movie together? And there’s also a surprise with that.” I say almost out of my seat from how happy I was.

“If that’s what you wanna do.” He says smiling back at me.

“Of course it’s what I want to do, but I wanted to know if u wanted to do it.” I say turning on my car, pulling out of the parking lot.

“I’m okay with anything you want to do.” He says looking out the window. I smile as I continue to drive back to my place. I pull into my driveway and get out of my car.

“Let’s take showers first tho.” I say unlocking my front door. He nods as I unlock the door and walk in. We take off our shoes at the front and walk to my room where my shower is.

“I’ll go first, I’ll be quick.” I say as I start to take out my hair. I hop in the shower and wash my face, get out, and wrap myself in a towel. I walk out into my room and too my closet, telling him it’s his turn on my way. He gets off the small couch I have in my room and head into the bathroom. I quickly get dressed into the pajamas I just bought for us. I sit down at my vanity and start doing my night skincare. I hear the shower turn off and with Nate walking out with the towel around his waist. He points at the pair of clothes on my bed.

“What’s this?”

“It’s yours, to wear! Tonight! To match with me!” I say turning around, show I’m in the matching set. He gives me a sigh but walks with it into the bathroom to get changed. I do a little clap of achievement, as I turn back around to finish my skincare. I hear the bathroom door open and see him walk out, giving me a sigh and looking down in disappointment.

“Hey! You look amazing! Don’t give me that I hate this energy, it’s supposed to be fun!” I say putting all my things away and getting up.

“I feel so weird in this.” He says throwing his hands like a baby

“Why? You look so cute!” I say walking towards him.

“Can I just take the shirt off? It feels tight.” He says scratching his neck

“Not yet! I wanna take a picture” I say grabbing my phone out. His arm wraps around my waist as I put the mode to 0.5x and turn on the flash. We smoosh our heads together doing a kissy face as I take the picture. I look at the picture to make sure it was okay then I put my phone down.

“Okay, let go make some cookies” I say kissing his cheek and walking out of my room. He follows close behind me. I grab a pack a Pillsbury cookies from the fridge and preheat the oven.

“How about you put on 6, and I put on 6” I say grabbing a tray from my cabinet.

“Good with me” He says giving me a smile

“Can I take my shirt off now?” He says whining

“Fine, Stop acting like a baby” I say as I start to put on my cookies.

We both finish putting on our cookies and put them in the oven. I walk over to my couch and turn on the tv.

“What would you like to watch?” I say looking up at him.

“I don’t know, you pick.” He says sitting down next to me

“Mhm, Corpse Bride? The Nightmare Before Christmas?” I say leaning back and laying my head on his chest

“Corpse Bride, The Nightmare Before Christmas is a Christmas movie.”

“No it’s not!” I say as I scoff

“It is tho!”

I shake my head and get up to go take the cookies out. I put them on a plate and organize them in a cute way. I bring the plate to the couch along with a blanket.

“Hold the plate while I put the blanket on us.” I say handing him the plate. I sit down, covering our legs and a little bit of my waist. He sets the plate down on the blanket.

“Do you like tonight?” I say putting my head on him again.

“Of course” He says kissing my head. I smile in happiness that I was able to make tonight special.

“I love you” I say lifting my head up.

“I love you more” He says giving me a peck on my lips

—————————————————————

An - OML I AM SO SORRY ML FOR NOT POSTING FOR A MONTH. I KNOW THIS ONE IS BAD BUT I FELT LIKE I NEEDED TO POST SOMETHING OR I CANT FUNCTION RIGHT SO HERE IS THIS 🫶🏼

#nathan doe #nate doe #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo #the sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo edit #sturniolo fanfic #nicolas sturniolo

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midnightsnyx · 5 months

Text

girl at home | mat barzal | part 5

pairing: mat barzal x fem!reader summary: you’re eighteen when you find yourself pregnant after Mat leaves for hockey. nearly eight years later, Mat finds out about your daughter and you have to deal with the consequences of not telling him about her.

warnings: swearing, angst, food, fluff, not edited word count: 2.3k authors note: it's my bday tmw and i am going out of town for the weekend so i wanted to get this posted!! also, i have no idea how pr management works so i def got everything wrong so pls don't yell at me lol i feel like this chapter is just like a roller-coaster that went off the tracks and blew up and someones trying to put it back together with tape from the dollar store so im sorry but i hope yall like it anyway and don't hate me pls <3 send your thoughts or come yell at me about this story bc I LOVE hearing from you guys!! It feeds my writing soul. thank u all for the love on this story so far and lmk if you wanna be added to my taglist. also thinking about doing some smau for this fic and wondering if you guys have any ideas or suggestions?

if you asked to be added to the taglist and didn't get tagged it's cause you didn't show up when i searched for you! so shoot me a msg and we can figure it out. also if you want to be added or taken off the taglist please let me know <3

requests are open. masterpost masterlist taglist form ask box

You didn’t think the situation with Mat’s statement could get any worse. You were already being pestered by your mom, your friends and even other parents at the day camps Nora attended. Mostly everyone knew that it was true that Mat was her father at that point so the statement caused questions to rise. Ignoring everybody’s opinions about it was easy but six simple words from Nora were what broke you.

“I thought Mat was my daddy,” she said softly while eating breakfast one morning. She had been quiet since the day before but it continued when she woke up the next morning. You thought maybe she was just moody and tired but it ended up being much more than that.

It took you a minute to answer, trying to figure out where she might have heard or been told that. It wasn’t that surprising that she might have gotten the impression that he was her dad considering how much time Mat had been spending with the two of you or she overheard a conversation. Kids are very perceptive but you couldn’t see how anyone would directly tell her about the public statement and you had been very careful about what you said around Nora and told everyone else to do the same.

Apparently someone didn’t get the memo.

You had two options. You could lie to Nora about what was going on or you could explain it in the best way you could to her. Lying to your daughter was the last thing you wanted to do but figuring out the easiest way to explain it so she would understand was hard. How were you supposed to explain that yes, Mat is her daddy but he was a fucking idiot and told the world that she’s not even though he said he wanted to be in her life. It would have been so simple to take the easy way out but it wouldn’t have been fair to Nora so after she finished her breakfast, you sat her down.

“You’re feeling a little confused, huh?” you asked, watching her fiddle with a loose string on her sweater.

She nodded, still not looking up at you and not offering her thoughts. It was a bit alarming because she was usually a chatterbox, even when she was upset about something. She would let you know exactly what was wrong.

“Who told you Mat was your daddy?”

She finally looked up at you, and the tears threatening to spill from her eyes made you both angry and upset. You were ready to find whoever told her and scream at them but her answer stunned you.

“I heard you talking to Jaxy,” she whispered. “I wasn’t trying to listen but I was coming out to get some water and you said that you were mad at Mat.”

She didn’t elaborate on what else she may have heard which was unnerving because you probably said a lot of things about Mat that night when Jax came over to talk to you about it. You hoped she didn’t stay long enough for your breakdown where you had cried for thirty straight minutes.

She sniffled, wiping a couple tears away. “I don’t understand.”

Your heart broke but you still struggled with how to explain everything to her. Telling her in the beginning was probably a better idea but you were so caught up in your own thoughts and feelings, you ignored the person who should have been your number one priority the entire time.

“Mat is your daddy, baby,” you said. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

I’m sorry I kept you a secret.

“How come everyone is saying he’s not?”

Mat should have been the one to answer this question because it was his doing, but you hadn’t spoken to him since the night he was at your apartment and the two of you argued. He had texted you the day after but you ignored it because you didn’t know what you would say when given the chance.

“Well, sometimes people make mistakes and Mat said something he shouldn’t have,” you explained, hoping it was enough and it seemed to be enough at first but then she hugged you tightly.

“I love you mama,” she said and before you could reply, she quietly asked, “Do you think Mat loves me?”

“I’m sure he does,” you told her and it took everything in you not to cry.

. . .

Liana: dinner at our place @ 6. bring nora and don’t be late!!!

You’re tempted to decline the request and just stay home but you’ve been promising Liana and Nadia that you would actually visit instead of dropping Nora off and leaving like you’ve been doing. Avoiding Mat is becoming increasingly difficult. It’s been two weeks since he released the statement and a week since your conversion with Nora. She’s been asking a lot of questions, ones that you didn’t plan on having to answer so soon. You expected her to be angry with you for not telling her but she took your confirmation that Mat’s her dad with ease.

So it didn’t come as a surprise when her first question was whether Mat would be at the Barzal household for this dinner. You hadn’t bothered to ask Liana, mainly because you knew it would definitely impact your decision to agree to go.

“Did you know that Zoe’s mom and dad aren’t together either?” She says during the drive to the Barzal’s.

You do know this but you humor her. “Really?”

“Yup. Zoe said she spends weekends with her dad and stays with her mommy during the week,” she explains and then moves on to a different topic. You’re a little curious why she would talk about her friends’ living arrangements but when you finally pull into the driveway, your question is answered.

“Do I have to stay at Mat’s on the weekend?” She asks and if you hadn’t already parked the car, you would have hit the brakes.

“No,” you say a little too quickly and sharply because she frowns.

“How come?”

You don’t answer her question right away, getting out of the car and walking around to the other side. She’s already unbuckling her seatbelt by the time you open the door and she’s still frowning.

“Just no, Nora.”

“But Zoe does!”

You can’t explain custody agreements to a seven-year-old so you say the first excuse you can think of.

“He doesn’t live here,” you say, taking her hand and begin walking towards the house. She’s dragging her feet, clearly not happy with your response.

“Do I have to call him dad?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Just ‘cause,” you say, stopping at the door and turning to her. Her arms are crossed and she’s giving you the look that says she won’t let up until you give her an answer she wants.

“Do you want to call him dad?”

She pauses, looking down at the ground and frowning. After a moment she shakes her head.

“No, but Miss. Jones says you’re not supposed to call your mommy and daddy by their first names ‘cause it’s disrespectful.”

“It’s not up to Miss. Jones,” you say gently. “This is new, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

After a moment, she mutters a quiet “okay,” and then: “do you think Nadia has ice-cream for dessert?”

“Guess we’ll have to go inside and ask,” you reply and raise your fist to knock on the door but it swings open before you can. Liana is waiting on the other side with a big smile on her face. Nora runs straight to her and giggles when the older girl picks her up and swings her around.

“C’mon in,” Liana says, ushering you inside. So far there’s no sign of Mat so some of the tension leaves your body. After putting both yours and Nora’s shoes aside, you make your way to the kitchen. Nadia is puttering around, juggling a million things but she still smiles softly when she sees you.

“Can I help with anything?”

“You can keep me company,” she says and points to a chair. “Sit down and update me on what you’ve been up to.”

You know that you can’t argue with her so you sit and chat idly with her. She doesn’t bring up anything to do with Mat and you’re not sure what to think about it. You almost slip up and ask if he’s going to be here for dinner but decide not to. You haven’t seen him around since you arrived, so he’s probably out. Maybe with a girl.

Not that you care, obviously.

Mike eventually pokes his head in the kitchen to greet you and ask how you’ve been. He offers to set the table but Nadia shoos him out of the kitchen, rolling her eyes fondly.

“Don’t get married, they’re nothing but trouble,” she jokes but there’s a smile on her face that lingers even after her husband leaves. You always admired their relationship, and were certain that you and Mat would be like it some day but it wasn’t in the cards.

Soon, Nadia calls everyone to dinner. Nora immediately asks why Mat isn’t here and there’s an awkward silence until Liana breaks it.

“He’s busy,” she tells Nora and that must be enough because she just nods and starts eating dinner. Nothing else is said about Mat but just as you’re all finishing dessert, you hear the door open and close and there’s only one person you figure it will be.

Mat walks into the dining room, clearly caught off guard by your presence. Nora hops off her chair and darts over to him, wrapping her arms around his legs and starts chatting excitedly. He’s trying to give her all his attention but his eyes keep flickering to you.

When Nadia and Mike get up to start clearing the table and Liana asks Nora if she wants to go watch a movie, you realize that the three of them planned this. It’s almost like you’re kids again, fighting about something stupid and needing his parents to help fix the problem.

Mat looks at you a little helplessly when the room clears and it’s just the two of you. There’s no way you can yell at him with his family and Nora in the next room and you realize that was also probably planned.

“Can we talk?” he asks and you really don’t want to, but you realize that eventually you’re going to have to talk to him so you nod. You follow him out the back door and the two of you sit on the porch steps in silence until you finally break it.

“Why didn’t you come to me about what PR wanted to do? We could have figured out something together.”

He shrugs, looking at the ground. “I didn’t think to ask you about it. I just wanted to fix everything before it got complicated. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Yeah, no shit,” you mutter. “That’s something you’re great at. You don’t think before you do anything.”

You jump when he stands up suddenly and turns to face you. He’s angry but so are you.

“No, fuck that. You can’t just expect me to do everything right, when a month ago, all I had to worry about was hockey. I can’t be number one dad overnight! You didn’t even tell me about her for six years!”

You’re a bit taken off guard by his sudden outburst but you can do anger too.

“That is the exact reason I didn’t tell you about her, Mat. Hockey is always going to come first in your life,” you snap. “And I didn’t ask you to be a number one dad, all I asked was that you be sure you wanted to be in her life before you committed to anything because this is exactly what I was worried about.”

He falters a little, probably not expecting you to return the anger.

“I didn’t want to post what they asked me to,” he says, sounding defeated. “But I didn’t know how to say no. When PR tells you to jump, you jump.”

You’ve no idea how public relations in hockey works, it’s possible that they would have posted the statement without asking Mat but you’re so damn angry. You’re angry but you don’t know who you’re even supposed to be mad at now.

“You should have come to me,” you say again. “That’s how co-parenting works, you know.”

His mouth twitches. “That’s what we were doing?”

You can feel the anger slowly dissipating. Mat’s shoulders aren’t as tense and he plops back down on the steps so you sit next to him, letting your shoulders and knees knock against his.

“Well, you are her dad,” you admit. “And she is very concerned about her future living arrangements.”

He looks at you a little confused but there’s a small smile spreading across his face.

“Does she know?”

“Yeah,” you tell him. “She’s smarter than you expect sometimes.”

“She gets that from you,” he says, poking your arm.

You roll your eyes fondly. “Well she had to get her brains from someone.”

He huffs but it sounds more like a laugh. You watch him look at the ground, brows furrowed and deep in thought.

“I fucked up, didn’t I?”

Here’s the thing that a lot of people don’t know about Mat: he doesn’t forgive himself easily. It’s something you learned the hard way when you were younger and dating.

So you know he will beat himself up over this until you forgive him.

“Yeah, but we both did.” You bump your knee against his until he looks up at you. “We can fix it, but we have to do it together.”

He holds out his pinky finger. ”Co-parenting, right?”

You hook your finger around his and nod, letting yourself relax for the first time in weeks. It’s going to take time, hard work, and you’re both going to have to learn how to trust and communicate better again but you're sure you’ll get there.

“Together,” you agree.

tag list: @literatureluster @dasiysthings @barzyblogbabe @diary-of-jj @heatherawoowoo @fallinallincurls @topguncultleader @shadowsndaisies @lovinbarzal @whatthepuckisgoingon @alilstressyandlotdepressy @teapartydreams @keiva1000

#hockey imagines #allies writing #nhl fanfiction #hockey fanfiction #nhl imagines #hockey imagine #mat barzal x reader #mat barzal imagine #mat barzal fic #mat barzal fanfiction #mathew barzal imagine #mathew barzal x reader

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ally-writes-many-things · 6 months

Text

Home for the Holidays (X. Riorson) Part 1

Summary: You return home for Christmas with Xaden who is pretending to be your date.

Words: 1.2K

Fandom: Fourth Wing, Xaden Riorson

Warings or A\N: Not yet 😜 Just throwing this out here. If yall have an request for any Fourth Wing male characters let me know. (Not the professors or the commanders\generals)

Tags: @daisydark @ablev92 @luxsky @graciereads

Art Credit here

As your mom continued her endless rambling on the phone, you couldn't help but let out a sigh. She had an uncanny ability to stretch a conversation for an eternity before finally turning her attention on you. "So, are you finally coming home this year? You know, last year you promised but ended up disappointing us," She questioned, her disappointment still lingering from the previous year.

You remembered the frustration of not being able to go home due to work commitments, and your mom never let you forget it. It wasn't as if you had a choice in the matter; your boss had denied your request for time off, leaving you with no other option. However, this time around, you were determined to make things right. "Mom, I assure you, I'll be home for the holidays. In fact, I'm leaving on Saturday," You reassured her, hoping to alleviate any lingering doubts.

As your mom casually mentioned the idea of inviting Dain, your ex, to the holiday gathering, you couldn't help but feel a surge of frustration. "Mom, don't even think about it," you interjected, hoping to put an end to the idea before it gained any traction.

Her response was dismissive, "Why not? He used to come every year."

You couldn't believe she was even considering it. "Yeah, that was before we broke up. It's not appropriate to invite your daughter's ex-boyfriend to a family event," you firmly stated, trying to make her understand.

But your mom seemed oblivious to your reasoning. "But everyone else will have a date or someone with them. You'll be the only one without a partner," she persisted, seemingly determined to play matchmaker.

Rolling your eyes, you couldn't help but feel annoyed at the reminder of your single status. "Mom, I'm perfectly fine being single," you asserted, hoping she would finally hear you.

However, your mom continued on, completely disregarding your words. "Yes, I think I will invite Dain. Maybe you two can work things out and fix whatever caused the breakup," she mused, completely missing the point.

Realizing that reasoning with her was futile, you decided to bring the conversation to an end. "Hey Mom, I've got to go. I'll see you on Saturday night," you announced, hoping to escape the mounting frustration.

"Okay, love you sweetheart," your mom replied, seemingly unaware of the tension.

"Love you too," you responded, quickly ending the call.

Overwhelmed with frustration, you let out a scream, releasing the pent-up emotions that had been building throughout the conversation.

"Tough call,"

Startled by the unexpected voice, you turned around to find your hot neighbor, Xaden, standing there. "Oh, you scared me. Yeah, you could say that," You replied, still feeling the lingering frustration from the conversation with your mom.

“I've got a bottle of white wine and was planning to cook some steak, if you wanna come over,”

Xaden's offer caught you off guard. "I couldn't impose like that," you hesitated, not wanting to intrude on his plans.

He shrugged, a charming smile playing on his lips. "It's not imposing if I invited you," He replied.

His confidence and the thought of a relaxing evening with him was tempting.

"Great. See you at seven," he said, already assuming your acceptance as he walked away, leaving you with a mix of curiosity and anticipation for the evening ahead.

—

As Xaden poured the wine into your glass, he posed a question that struck a chord. "Why didn't you tell your mom the real reason why you two broke up?" he inquired, his voice filled with genuine curiosity.

You took a sip of the wine, contemplating his question. "Everyone loves him. My parents. My siblings. Hell, even my grandparents do. If I were to tell them that he cheated on me, they wouldn't believe me because 'he's a good guy'. It's frustrating. And honestly, I never even wanted to date him in the first place," You confessed, the weight of the situation evident in your voice.

Xaden's expression turned sympathetic as he listened to your words. "Then why are you going back there? It sounds like they're super toxic and don't deserve you," He remarked, his concern evident.

A smile tugged at the corners of your lips at his comment. "They're the type of people who see the good in everyone. It's just how they are," you explained, understanding the complexity of the situation.

Xaden beckoned you to join him on the couch, asking, "Once you're down there, what's your plan?" You followed his gesture, clutching your wine glass as you settled beside him.

Contemplating his question, you replied, "Honestly, I'm not entirely sure. I'll try to maintain a civil demeanor. However, deep down, I know that once him and I are both there, everyone will gaslight me into rekindling our relationship,”

Xaden leaned in, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Ask me," he urged, leaving you puzzled.

"Ask you what?" you inquired, trying to make sense of his cryptic statement.

A sly smile played on his lips as he revealed his proposition. "Ask me to accompany you as your pretend date," He suggested.

Your heart skipped a beat, and a rush of excitement coursed through your veins. The thought of Xaden joining you at your family's gathering sent shivers down your spine. Not only would it silence your family's nagging, but Xaden's undeniable attractiveness added an extra allure. "I couldn't possibly ask you to do that. It's a two-week affair, and don't you have work?" you hesitated, concerned about inconveniencing him.

Dismissing your worries, he shook his head. "Don't worry about work. Just ask me," he insisted

You remained silent, unsure of how to respond.

"Ask. Me," He repeated.

Succumbing to defeat, you let out a sigh. "Will you join me at my family's holiday gathering?" You finally asked, your voice laced with vulnerability.

A wide grin spread across Xaden's face as he replied, "I would love to, Buttercup. I thought you'd never ask.”

—

Xaden parked the car in front of your parents' house, he prepared to step out, but you gently placed a hand on his, halting his movement. "Just give me a moment," you requested, your voice filled with a mix of nerves and determination.

Xaden settled back into his seat, his gaze fixed on you. "Hey, look at me," he said softly, capturing your attention.

Turning to face him, you met his reassuring gaze. "If at any point you feel the need to leave, for any reason, big or small, I promise I'll get you out of there," He assured you, his words offering a sense of comfort.

You nodded, acknowledging his support, and withdrew your hand from his. A warm smile graced Xaden's face. "Don't open your door just yet," He advised, causing you to raise an eyebrow in curiosity.

He chuckled, breaking the tension. "I know we're pretending, but I still want to make a good impression on them," he explained.

With that, Xaden exited the car and made his way to your side, opening the door for you. Extending his hand, he offered his assistance, ready to help you step out of the car.

Inhaling deeply, you gratefully accepted Xaden's assistance. He retrieved the luggage from the trunk, and together, you approached the front door. As you reached out to knock, Xaden's arm gently encircled your waist, providing both comfort and an unexpected surge of warmth that ignited your senses. After a few moments, your mother opened the door, her smile widening as she laid eyes on you. However, her expression quickly shifted to one of surprise as she turned her gaze towards Xaden. "Oh, whoa," she exclaimed, clearly taken aback.

#xaden riorson x you #xaden riorson x reader #xaden riorson #fourth wing

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storm-priestess · 2 years

Text

•´*¨`*•✿ • THEIR LATE NIGHT THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU • ✿•*¨`*•.

(some messages are 18+)

(pictures taken from weheartit)

♡ Pile 1 ♡

for some reason the phrase "you're my last hope" came to mind, but that's something they wouldn't ever say out loud…

the sun came out first!! yall know wassup

nothing but good things about you, truly

they picture you looking down at them? not in a condescending way, but in a… they'll be going down on you type of way

you have such control over this person, but they feel like you're too far away sometimes. like you're too good for them. they may know that you have a lot of options and consider themselves not the most obvious choice

anyway… lot of tit action here. a scene comes to mind where you use your hands to push them down to their knees, and on their way they're met with your breasts in their face. their eyes just pop wide open, and they're completely transfixed before you push them farther down…

man I need to do a reading about how your person is in bed, this is heading towards that direction lmao

they want to give you things, make you feel content, offer their love and material objects to show you that they're worthy of your affection

they want to hold themselves back, put your pleasure first before anything else

alternatively this could be a friends with benefits situation where they are catching feelings but perceive you as all about the sex, unwilling to give them commitment

they're feeling a bit weary tbh, as if they've already given up on you feeling the same. if this is something you want from them, consider going for it!!

yeah no, they're being blinded by their doubts, picking at all the moments where you turned away or didn't listen to them, ignoring times where you might have showed genuine interest

they want to build something with you, something that will last a while

it seems like you have this person, if you want them

♡ Pile 2 ♡

they feel like they need to fight for you, and that thrills them… but is there something behind that adrenaline that will sustain a long-term connection?

it's hard to say, but they definitely feel like they do. the king of pentacles came out, as did the queen

they think that you guys are a match, but there's some obstacle in the way that, as bad as it could be, thrills them. they love the romance of conquering a beast for their beloved

very fast-paced and passionate. I feel like they might have a tendency to romanticize small things or overthink them, too, but they do dream of the practical side as well. romanticizing a life with you

Pisces energy?

also I feel like they were hurt before, and that could be clouding their vision a bit

this person is prepared to offer you commitment, but perhaps might not be thinking with a clear head rn. I would suggest you take your time and feel things out before continuing down that road. or don't! it's your life ;)

you came into this person's life unexpectedly, or they grew feelings for you out of the blue, and it hit them like a truck.

they think about all they could do for you, all they could offer you, and the romance and comfort they could get in return

they dream of fucking you hard and fast, making any place you decide to curl up together your own little world

very kinky? 100% into butt stuff, and is willing to try anything once

again, they're ready to go anytime but want it to be a bit mysterious, like pulling you to the bathroom in a fancy restaurant. the only thing is I feel like they're much less inconspicuous then they think they are, not really in dragging you away but more so the dopey grin on their face after

a bit of a simp, if I'm to be honest

♡ Pile 3 ♡

you seem a bit younger than them, there's also a sense of 'waiting for you'... if you guys are under 18 and dealing with someone over 18, then first of all you aren't supposed to be reading this pac, and second of all this is a dangerous situation with bad dynamics and you need to get out asap. the rest of this reading will be geared towards those where this is NOT the case.

they see you as pure and chaste, maybe you're not the type to respond to raunchy jokes, or try and keep it to yourself. they rarely get to see a side of you that isn't either polished or innocent

either way, there is a certain elegance to you, and you're quite in touch with your sense of wonder and imagination. you may be amazed by small things, or act very excited when you're around them. in contrast, they are more jaded so this is like a drug to them

you could also be from a small town and them a city or perhaps they travel a lot, either way they somehow have more experience then you

which leads me to their late night thoughts

they want to play with you, show off their knowledge of sex and discover that you know more then you let on

they love the idea that you may secretly be a freak in the sheets and not let on to it at all, only to be underneath them and show them exactly how experienced you are

this is less bc they want you to take the lead, and more they want to be presented with a bit of a challenge.

maybe they can sense that you are a bit restrained around them? they want you to bite back when they tease you, but you deflect or take the high road? they're not really upset by that, but they fantasize about you finally returning the blows and sticking it to them

Scorpio vibes, for sure

the biggest thing for them is hearing your inner thoughts, inner desires, you saying what you're really thinking, ESPECIALLY if it's not what they would expect. they feel like there's more to you that they're not seeing, and they. want. to. see. it. ALL.

very deep, intimate, and emotional, but it does have a core of curiosity and light-heartedness. at the end of the day, they just want you to not hold back. tell them that you don't agree with their stance, or that you 'actually don't like pistachio ice cream, but thank you for ordering me something anyway,' you know?

they crave honesty, no walls up between you guys

so, of course, they think about stripping all the barriers between you too when the sun goes down

they want you to go down too, btw, and they'll return the favor. heads up tho, they expect a little bit of backtalk if they order you around… just a lil ;)

#pac #pac reading #tarot pac #pick a card #pickacard #18+#18+ tarot #18+ reading #!!MATURE CONTENT!!#how they feel #their late night thoughts #love tarot #love readings

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