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asoulwithadream · 8 months

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ANALysis and THEORIES- OFMD EDITION #1

Objective: PROMO GIFS

Time to analyse these bad boys, because I think I may have figured out what they are. They're lines from the show. Each individual little subtext to the official gifs are something which someone will say in the new season, and I'm determined to find out what, when, where and who (I determine that 3/4 would equal success).

I) "I've never seen Blackbeard like this."

This is the same shot from the trailer, possibly either before or after the infamous "Fuck you, Stede Bonnet." However, there may be a Clue in the second shot which may be able to somehow place this on a timeline (not by myself—this has drained my powers). I can't really tell, because of the low quality and high contrasting shadows, whether or not the side of the Stede topper has been smudged with Ed's make-up yet.

It was clear in the teaser when Ed played with the toppers that he'd caressed fake-Stede against his cheek as if he were some rather exquisite cashmere because of the smudges, but we couldn't tell during the teaser if this has already happened by this point because of the angle of the toy. But if anyone manages to get a better picture or spots something I missed that may contradict or strengthen this little thought, do let me know.

I'm pretty sure though that the person who says "I've never seen Blackbeard like this," is someone who has seen Blackbeard enough to know how he was. Someone that perhaps served by his side? So I think that the speaker in this context may be Izzy. There are two options of who he's saying this too: either Stede, once they team up, or to the crew of the Queen Anne's Revenge, this being the old Revenge crew (Frenchie, Jim, and we count Fang). Maybe even Lucius in the walls.

II) "I should have just told him how I feel."

I just want to take a moment just to appreciate the fact how much this gif resonated with me personally. This was the entire basis of all stages of grief I went through after the season finale, the bottomline of all my thoughts: "why couldn't he have just told him how he felt?". Brilliant delivery and shot planning from the designers of OFMD.

Anyways, let's get on with it. This gif is similar to the first one, in it having the potential of being also shot before or after the Vanity Fair picture with the crew (minus Swede) standing under the bridge(?) in the rain. I do think it's before the scene where Stede takes Blackbeard's poster and very confidently elaborates on Ed's goodness. He has his red cravat on, and is looking so pathetic in the rain looking at a wanted poster of his ex-boyfriend, that the scene is loveably laughable in it's entirety.

It's a bit obvious as to who is the speaker for this line: our very own Stede Bonnet. He's regretting on his actions back at the sailor academy, where he chose to keep quiet about his own opinions on Ed's willingness to leave to China, fast, because of his own deep-rooted issues with speaking up about what he thinks about serious, possibly life-chaning topics. Or maybe he's thinking of why he didn't tell anyone, especially not Ed, about the happiness he felt around him, how great he felt in his company, and how much love he felt for the man.

I can imagine this pretty early on in the season (as we know they reconcile or at least get a long decently early, from the leaked promo), and for some reason I have a picture of Stede laying slumped down on some form of furniture, ragdoll-style, whining about this to someone he knows: either Oluwande (probably the most probably option) or, hear me out, Spanish Jackie. I think she's going to become better friends with the Genital Pirate this season, and be a prevelant character to the narrative.

III) "Feel's like a storm's coming."

This happens during the rapid, quick scenes which we were just able to catch from the teaser. Where Jim is half submerged in water trying their best to reach for someone which I may think might be Ed, and Frenchie working the capstan for whatever purposes needed to hoist something heavy in a storm (don't look at me, I don't sail 18th-century ships). But look, Edward has his cravat on, the cravat given to him by Stede. Why he's kept this eludes me, since this should in theory be before their reconciliation, but we all know that Ed still loves Stede, and perhaps this is his way to hang onto him close to his heart while still matching his new aesthetic.

I would like to think that Ed is the one saying this. After all, he is an expert navigator and weatherman, proving his skills during his first appearances in the previous season. (However, I don't particularly trust his date-keeping skills. He messed up the first one, and then let his other date be held at gunpoint and scared into leaving. Tut tut tut) Another reason as to why I think this is because there is no pronoun indicating that he actively feels the storm, but more passed as a backhanded quip just thrown onto the crew and/or Izzy to alert them.

This could also be interpreted as a metaphor: symbolism for something, foreshadowing to the main plot or villain of the series, which will most likely result in some form of cliffhanger at the end, I tell you that.

I wonder if they're going to have another cloud scene though, talking about how they might show signs of storm. However, instead of shape I'd assume that they'd be commenting on a rather large-scale, dark rain-cloud, and connecting it to perhaps winds stronger than usual.

I also saw someone saying that it was possible that Edward, when he falls off the ship, looses the cravat amongst the waves, and that is why he doesn't have it to what I'd assume is after this scene.

IV) I love a good pirate's tale We can see from this scene that Stede is currently fighting on the beach in the same outfit which he had during the teaser, and if one looks closely you can see that he's excellently accessorised with a beautiful looped earring. However, what we've also learn is that the shot where Ed washes up on the beach is probably in the same scene as this, and by the look on Stede's face (probably augmented by the surrounding chaos) this may be the first time that he's seen Ed in a long time.

I think, as I've said before in previous posts, that Ed has been thrown off the ship in the storm mentioned above. He's been thrown off, and has happened to wash up on this same beach where Stede is fighting, which we know to be possible because of the automatic gaydar in OFMD. (What would be funny though is that he spotted Stede off the shore and decided to make his entrance super dramatic and kraken-like, but ends up just swallowing a shit ton of sea-water and gets his leather ruined, which is why he gets new clothes.)

Why he's fighting? I don't know. But I'm still sure that it's Ocracoke that they're on, because I'm convinced that it'll make an appearance this season—it has too, or else I will send in a formal complaint with our dearest Mr Jenkins.

Now, back to the main bit. The text. Who is it that says "I love a good pirate's tale?" I think that it's either said genuinely, but by someone like Stede, eager to hear about the adventures of experienced and famous seafaring pirates, OR flirtatiously, to insinuate something directed as a romantic quip to get Stede or someone else (a pirate) to talk more about himself. By who, I can't be sure, but I have a list of possible speakers:

Edward Teach

Spanish Jackie

Anne Bonny

Anne Bonny's campy friend

Lucius Spriggs

Stede Bonnet

If there's anything I've missed that you want me to add/change, which I find suitable, do tell.

I'm not sick at all. I'm a normal functioning member of society. I have a life.

#well #those were my thoughts done and dusted #it's really late now #just 17 hours more to go #time for me to SLEEP #i procrastinated so much to get this done #i have so much work to do #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd s2 speculation #ofmd s2 trailer #ofmd s2 teaser #ofmd gifs #stede bonnet #edward teach #blackbeard #ANALysis and theories #asoulwithadream

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thefirstknife · 7 months

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The thing about the final lore tab is that, besides the fact that I'm devastated in ways I can't put into words, the way Saint was affected by this whole thing is unique.

This is obviously primarily Osiris' trauma that we can't really properly comprehend, but Osiris wasn't fully conscious for most of it. It fell to Saint to wait, and hope, that Osiris would be brought back and that he would wake up. There was no certainty for him there. And even before that, he watched "Osiris" being strange and distant and acting weird but obviously nobody could even begin to speculate that the person he interacted with wasn't Osiris at all, so the trauma went from there, from learning that he lost Sagira, then to the shock of Osiris being kidnapped and then the quest to bring him back and then him being brought back in a coma and then the 9 long months of waiting until he woke up.

The state of constant anxiety he experienced for almost 2 years total is nervewracking and gutwrenching. I don't think we can fully understand the impact of that on someone. And the best, or worst, thing is that Saint is infinitely patient. He is infinitely emotional and merciful and opts to be the better person and to wait and wait and wait. And hope that it can be fixed.

Except it can't. It can't be fixed. And not only can it not be fixed, but there will never be justice for it. It's impossible. There isn't a way to truly punish Savathun for what she's done. There is no relief or catharsis for Saint. While Osiris can mostly move on, Osiris did not really have to go through what Saint had to go through. Their traumas are different and Saint's is the type that no one can really understand and there is nothing he can do about it.

A younger Saint would've killed Immaru and then Savathun, 100%. But now he can't, because he isn't that person anymore. And yet, the grief and trauma remain and he has no outlet for them and nothing that can be done to enact any sort of justice. So he settles for pure rage, letting himself essentially vent that anger out, but still leave everyone alive. And there's really no true release here. He got a brief satisfaction of killing Savathun over and over, but at the end of the day, she will walk away and nothing will change and there will be no fix.

Which is why he comes back and just cries. As he said, this wasn't for Osiris, it was for him. It was his outlet for anger and nothing else. After that, there's nothing else left to do but cry. No one can really help him carry the burden of what he's gone through and besides: he's a Titan. He's the one carrying other people's burdens. Which just added to the trauma because for so long he's only cared for others, mostly for Osiris, and never really let himself fully grieve or talk about it. Saint never really processed the horrifying ordeal of constant concern for his loved one, then the realisation that his loved one isn't even with him, then the desperate search and then waiting for months and months for the hope that his loved one might wake up. Then Osiris is awake and we're forced to play allies with the person who traumatised both of them in an incomprehensibly terrifying way. Saint had no other way of attempting to make his peace with the situation.

Year of processing grief. I'm in shambles.

#destiny 2 #destiny 2 spoilers #season of the witch #season of the witch spoilers #saint-14 #osiris #o14 #i haven't stopped thinking about this and i never will #i genuinely cried like a little baby reading this #the whole time of this ordeal it's been told through saint's patience and devastation about the situation #so we know just how much he stretched his limits here #again. a younger saint would've gone apeshit months ago #but now he has a limit and he's more patient than ever and literally no one can help him #i'm in tears over this man he doesn't deserve any of this bullshit #i could go on for approximately 17 more hours about this #if i see savathun again she will die by my hand

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fujii-draws · 18 days

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OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.

#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter.#he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point.#and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!!#hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do!#the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into-#one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT.#but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb.#I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time.#and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances.#and doesn’t want to hear any excuse.#but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment.#NOW. CHAPTER 17.#UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN #Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC.#IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!!#BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’#WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM.#(NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.)#and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through.#despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up.#like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him.#that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying.#just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner.#IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD.#and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore.#he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had.#and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT.#<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but.#eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind.#I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags

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guinevereslancelot · 18 days

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job interview tomorrow 🙏

#working interview as an assistant prek teacher #i know kids are exhausting but its the only thing i have relevant experience in #and im tired of being rejected from every office job i apply to i need a job even if it pays 12 dollsrs an hour lol #anyway they'll pay for continuing education and the phone interview went really well #i think it seems like a nice place with nice people and she said she wouldn't start me at the bottom of the pay scale #so i might get more than i think #still probably not going to top sixteen an hour but its something #they called me in for prek even tho i didn't apply for that i applied for infant toddler teacher bc i have no relevant education #just lots of volunteer work with kids #but she said that one was taken and would i consider this one i didn't think i was qualified for so thats a good sign #and she seemed really nice #and the location is good its like a 17 minute drive and not too hard of a drive either #just one tricky turn #anyway #all job interviews fill me with impending doom and dread #even tho i interview pretty well i think i just never have the relevant experience to get the job lol #but this time it seems more likely #i have anotherdaycare job that literally pays twelve dollars an hour that wants to schedule an interview as well 😬#but hopefully i get this one #the other one is closer but doesn't seem like as nice of a place to work tbh #anyway im so stressed!!#i took a sleeping pill which i may regret #i never take one before an interview bc im afraid i'll be super sleepy and tired and not want to get up and be less sharp at the interview #but then i NEVER manage to sleep the night before which i decided is worse lol #so hopefully that doesn't backfire #goodnight ❤️

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princesscallyie · 5 months

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Me when I'm listening to the most stupidest story about my mom giving my brother $1500 for a down payment for a 2nd car while his in the shop for a deer hitting him and him losing the nonrefundable $1500 cause he drove 2 hours away to a scummy dealership and he didn't get approve for enough credit from the bank

#like... idk maybe cause I don't have a son but does anyone else have experience with a mom acting delulu for their son???#like... 1st she paid $17k for the brand new 2022 which he traded in behind her back so he can get a 'fast car'#he got in an accident in the fast car mom put the parts to repair on her credit cards #since now the fast car wasnt pretty any more with mixmatch parts he traded in that car for a lexus for payments #which is dumb cause the whole excuse on why he traded in the 2022 cause he didn't want payments #he hit a deer with the lexus and i guess he thought they was gonna total the car cause he was already looking for a new one #but they gonna fix the lexus but he still went to try to get that car...#and that lady just agreed to it...#he owes her thousands of dollars...#she keeps on saying 'oh well he got a new job making $17 an hour and plus he's working a part time he's gonna pay me back #he's been saying that since he traded the 2022 and he barely paid you anything...#like why are you enabling his impulse purchasing???#he thinks these cars are like toys or something and you just letting him use your cash and credit like that...#then she's like... 'well I would do the same for us' referring to us other daughters #but like... we're not idiots that would purposely put you in these situations...#why on earth does he need a 2nd car??? he only making $17 an hour plus a part time job??? you live at home??? why did you agree to this???#just tell him no for once????#idk I feel like I'm going crazy or am I just super stingy with my money and credit score?#callyie chat

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saeshiraw · 8 months

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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

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random0lover · 6 months

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I hate men and their need to act like any emotional reactions you have while you’re on your period is just you being “hormonal” and “not yourself”

(Rant in tags)

#like sorry I’m actually defending myself rather than just letting you talk shit about me directly infront of me??#when I’m on my period I tend to show more of my real emotions rather than what people want to see so yeah #but the conversation I was having with my brother was fine- I wasn’t talking to him in any way #he asked me about the monster that I had because like an hour or two ago he asked me not to throw it away since it’s one with the cod #qr code thing on it and he asked me if I threw it away and I said “no it’s not empty right now it’s infront of the microwave” and right #after my dad jumps in saying nobody needs to take offense to how I’m talking or how I’m being? when I didn’t say anything in any way? like #my brother didn’t even have the time to respond to me before he jumped in and started indirectly talking shit #I’m so done right now- all he’s done the last few days is nit pick at me about stupid shit like yesterday we missed the our bus stop and we #get off and this man starts yelling at me that now he doesn’t get to eat (mind you he never explicitly said he wanted to get off at that #stop I thought we were just going directly home)- he constantly says shit on purpose to get a rise out of me and now for some reason my #brother (the one that is 17) has been budding in and telling me to stfu and all this shit and my dad feeds off it and uses it as more of a #reason to justify how he’s treating me and it’s just so upsetting cause he does know I’m in a more vulnerable time right now since my period #is always really difficult anyways really sorry for the rant don’t have any friends I can talk to irl about any of this so to the internet #it goes 🙃#random0lover emotional dumps #random0lover rambling ♡

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eldrichfuck666 · 9 months

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I've slept in binder because I'm dumb and now my ribs hurts 👍🏾

#nonsims #delete later #olya's rambles #STILL WORTH IT THOUGH #sleeping on stomach >>>>>>>>#and oh I want to sleep again but it's just only almost 17 #TOO EARLY!!#it's literally still daytime #I have to go to the forest while it rains #..#which means I'm wearing a binder for even more hours.#someone pray for my fucking ribs 👍🏾👍🏾#and my spine too btw #does anyone have useful tips to minimize the pain from wearing it? I know obviously don't wear it like I do okay #I shouldn't sleep in it but fuck it honestly

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wheucto · 9 months

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the entirety of BFDI so far is 16:10:39 (hours, minutes, seconds). assuming the average sleep time is 8 hours, then that's a little more than typical waking hours

#wheucto #wheucto speaks #binging the entirety of BFDI in one sitting (from BFDI 1a to TPOT 6) is. possible. but barely #unless you like. stay up a long time_ later on this is just. going to be impossible #that is if you want to stay healthy sleep schedule-wise #and so far we only have 6 TPOT episodes. considering we have 35 (i think) contestants_ 2 contestants eliminated #if that stays true until. uhhhh. let's say an avg of 3 members per team for merge (or first merge)#3 * 6 = 18 #that's almost half of 35. so it would take 17 or 18 episodes to get there if. i'm right which is unlikely #now if 1 contestant is eliminated after 1st merge that would take 15 for final three 16 for final two #if the same stays true (until final four/two) then it'd be 7ish for final four/three or 8 for final two #17 + 7 + 1 for the smallest estimate. that's 25.#each episode is about 25 minutes (assuming trends stay the same) so it'd be 625 minutes more (or 10 hours 25 minutes)#that is_ assuming that 1. tpot doesn't get canceled 2. 1st merge will happen when teams have 3 contestants avg #we'll need to wait about... 3 to 5 years (if the show gets completed) to see how many episodes (and how long they are) there'll be #(since assuming each episode comes in a month + half times that by 25 for a little over 3 years as the lower estimate and 5 as just. a vibe #- based guess)#if 625 mins is correct then it'd be over 26 hours long also known as more than a day. so. binge-watching all of bfdi is probably impossible #- when it all gets completed (assuming there isnt ANOTHER season after tpot. and who knows?)

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oriocookie · 2 months

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i am? 80% sure that u were lovejowoy so! u were on my list back when i did my asks and i just wanted to say that i hope things are going well for you!! and ily <3

!!! yes i was lovejowoy!! dang i haven’t thought about that user in a WHILE!! hi hearty hru??

#it’s going great!! aside from the fact i just worked 17 hours #and have to be back in 5 hours to work 10 more #i love late stage capitalism

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pa-pa-plasma · 5 months

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i'm going to fucking kill someone. i got screamed at & called selfish & stupid for telling my mom to wear a mask. she gave me covid

#& you wanna know the kicker? she's going on a vacation. yeah. she's going on a plane right now while badly sick with covid #how do i communicate with people who are literally missing their brain?#it was my sister who screamed at me btw. she feels the need to play devil's advocate whenever i open my mouth #my mom did what she always does & coughed 17 times without covering her mouth & then sat down in the livingroom to doomscroll for 7 hours #what the actual fuck is it with parents & not covering their mouths when they cough or sneeze? they straight up just spray people with covi #& then laugh about it when you point it out as if spreading the fucking plague is funny #best part is that we're pretty sure her getting covid 5 times a year because she refuses to wear masks killed her husband #not joking about that btw. all she had to say oh ''ooh yeah that would explain it''#like ??????????????????????#i didn't get the chance to go grocery shopping either so now i dont have any fresh food #if i have to eat one more frozen or processed meal i'm gonna fucking kill someone. & now i cant do that because i have basic empathy #i don't even feel right ordering food cuz like. i have to interact with someone to do that (can't pay online)#i avoid covid for this long & then get it because ''people look at you weird if you wear masks. you wouldn't get it''#bitch i'm queer. i wear queer pins. i wear a queer jacket. you're telling ME i wouldn't get receiving weird looks???#god my sister wants to be oppressed so fucking bad. i'm sorry but bitch isn't a slur & you're a fucking coward for not wearing masks #i hope you cant fucking work for weeks because of this bullshit. bitch

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thedreadvampy · 6 months

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thought too hard about my adolescence made myself sad 🥲

#red said #the thing is that i was talking to mum about a time when i was 17 when i almost left my ex but didn't #partly bc i was too scared cause it was 3am and i was in another town and i was either going to have to wait 3 hours for the first bus #or call home and wake my dad up and i thought he'd be so mad at me and i wouldn't know how to explain #and like with the power of 30 year old hindsight. he would not have been angry.#like i know that NOW. NOW i know his whole family history involves a lot of domestic violence and he'd be there to protect me #but i didn't know that when i was 17 i didn't know that he'd understand i was Just Scared #so i stayed and i stayed in that relationship another year and it got a lot worse #but some of it's like. how much of nobody coming to get me was that? would people have come if I'd just asked???#and some of it's like. even if I'd known i could trust him i still couldn't have called my dad. cause i didn't trust myself.#like if I'd called anyone or left in the night at some point i would have had to explain. and he Barely Hit Me At All at that point #and i didn't have the vocabulary to frame the main stuff he was doing as abuse cause it wasn't overtly violent #even though it was. definitely. rape and emotional abuse.#so like i never left bc i couldn't construct a good enough explanation to myself of why i needed to #and i just stayed and got sadder and more withdrawn and more tired #and that sucks. like it's not even just that i didn't reach out for help it's that i COULDN'T #it took me until i was like 25 to even figure out that i COULD #and that's sad cause it's not even that i was it there alone. people would have come for me if i knew how to get off the island

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centeris2 · 11 months

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oh dear now I’m having a bit of an existential crisis over the sso character update/creator because like, do I make myself again like I did when I first started sso over 9 years ago? If I just make a current version of myself it will no longer match what Rebecca the fanfic character looks like (and not just because like, updated graphics. It’s been 9 years I look very different physically)

that’s a bit of dissonance I was not prepared for and I’m not sure how I’ll tackle that once the character update does come out

#don't mind me I'm talking #sso #that's not even getting into like #it's not like it'd be easier to make myself or my OC??#Rebecca the character in my head is basically my body from 9 years ago Plus if I did manual labor for a living #given the MC basically is doing manual labor all day every day between riding and caring for horse and stable chores and whatnot #my current appearance is absolutely NOT that hahah #but either way there isn't Muscle options #and yes I know people are freaking out over big vs small bust sizes #but I got a ten inch different between my bust and ribcage and I've had that since I was like 16 or 17 #I am a Well Endowed Lady with a back seat to match and I have been that way basically since puberty #I had some crazy body proportions for the bust waist hip ratio that hour glass figure was ROCKING #which is not even remotely an option for the sso character at the moment #my current body is kiiiind of in there? I mean if I wore some tight sports bras to really get my chest down #just bleh did not expect to have to go 'huh do I want to make my avatar look like ME #or look like my self insert character that accidentally became her own character but is college body me plus more exercise?'

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mymarifae · 2 years

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i've been a little quieter than normal just because i've really gotten into