Can I request something with Gavi being barely even home resulting to reader feeling lonely and empty? A fluffy ending please! Gracias a todos!
You're Losing Me (Gavi)
Summary: You and Gavi's relationship is slowly falling apart - and neither of you know how to save it.
Warnings: Angst. Toxic behavior.
A/N: This request literally revived me so thank you. I’m so excited to write angst hopefully you like it! Also thank you guys for 1k notes on Surprise, here’s my gift to you. Please send requests!
Word count: 6.8k+
Masterlist
It was the fourth Tuesday in a row that you ate alone in your apartment. The fourth time Gavi had skipped out on your plans last minute, sending a quick half-hearted text about one event or the other.
The first time it was because Coach had asked Gavi to stay after practice, keen on teaching him the perfect one-touch shot. Then it was a missed dinner because Jordi Alba had invited him out with some other players, and he just couldn’t say no, because he was finally starting to feel like a part of the family - like the older players had finally started to respect him.
Of course you hadn’t minded the first few times, he had been apologetic enough, promising you that he would be there next time, but each next time took on the next week, and soon the prospect of next time didn’t hold as much meaning anymore. You were accustomed to reading those words by now, and you rarely took time to read over the dwindling text messages anymore, eyes only scanning for those two words, the ones that had become a staple in your relationship.
Next time.
Next time you would cook dinner for him and he would be there to eat it. Next time he would tell you he loved you in person, rather than getting an impassive ‘sorry cariño’. The thought of next time, which once seemed like a lifeline to you, had become a dull reminder of the boy who was just on the other side of the city, only a measly train ride separating you both. Yet the distance seemed much greater.
But now the football season was drawing to a close, and instead of being excited at the notion of having more time to spend together, you felt uneasy and on edge, almost as if you were waiting for the other shoe to drop, something to come up, making the distance between the two of you that much more tangible.
You felt your phone buzz next to you and your eyes unintentionally went to the clock.
9:45 pm.
The texts were getting later and later each time.
You already knew what awaited you, but you couldn’t help but scan the message regardless.
“Can’t come tonight, only have a few days till the season ends and the guys wanna make the most of it. Be there next time. Noche.”
There it was again, that unexplainable feeling in your chest, like your heart was always one step ahead of your brain, preparing for the loss of something that hadn’t yet left. Your mind was an incomprehensible mess, a jumble of contrasting thoughts and memories, forcing you to overthink situations and undervalue your emotions.
You lifted your head watching your roommate land with a thump on the couch beside you, “He canceled again, didn’t he?”
You opened your mouth, an excuse on the tip of your tongue.
She held up her hand, “Don’t try to defend him. He knows it isn’t fair.”
You avoided her gaze, “You don’t get it. He’s really in demand and-”
“It doesn’t matter that he’s famous or a professional athlete, that doesn’t discredit his actions, or put the blame on anyone but him.”
She continued, “Look Gavi’s a good guy, I like him,” you stared at her, “I do! But he’s stupid if he doesn’t realize that he’s losing you. I know you, and while you might make excuses for him now, I know that sooner or later you’re going to notice that he hasn’t been treating you like you deserve, and you’ll be smart enough to leave.”
You felt the impact of her words full force, like a sledgehammer beating into your body. All the signs were there, right in front of your face, and you had been turning a blind eye, not wanting to admit what your heart already knew.
You knew it. The distance you had felt hadn’t been in vain – every day you could feel the connection between the two of you chip away, so small, you wouldn’t think to notice it till you stood back and looked at the bigger picture.
As a result of both your busy schedules, you both had come up with the idea of having Tuesday night, the most boring day of the week as agreed on, reserved for just the two of you. On Tuesday you didn’t have classes that ran well past dinner time or have to pick up late-night shifts at the restaurant, and he didn’t have evening practice. It was perfect. Tuesday was yours.
Except it had been four weeks since you’d had a proper conversation with Gavi, and you couldn’t help but see the difference in your relationship when you first got together, both eager and determined to spend as much time together as possible, to now, where even if you attended his games, you two still managed to get away without speaking.
You shook your head, “I-I need to take a walk.”
She reached over placing a hand on your shoulder, “Y/n. I’m sorry-”
You shook it off, standing up, “No it’s ok, it’s not your fault. I just need to clear my head.”
You felt the cool night breeze hit you as you walked the streets of Barcelona. It was unusually quiet in this part of town, the lights from the main strip didn’t reach this far out, and for a moment the quiet reminded you of your hometown.
If you closed your eyes, it was almost like you were fifteen again, back in your childhood bedroom, before the ideas of pretty boys with big brown eyes and the weight of managing both university and a job plagued all your thoughts.
You reached a lookout point, the top of the hill dropping to show you the expansive city below. You stared out, the buildings looked so small up here, barely more than a glowing dot in the dark, the cars a blur of soft yellow. You wondered which tiny dot Gavi was in. You wondered if he had checked his phone, seeing that you hadn’t texted him back like you usually did. You wondered if he even cared.
You shook your head trying to get rid of the unwanted thoughts.
Your relationship with Gavi was good. He made you laugh like nobody else, whispering secrets in each other’s ears like schoolchildren, making forts out of old sheets in his childhood bedroom when you met his family for the first time. You remembered his sweet smile, the way his eyes would crinkle unintentionally when he couldn’t hold back his excitement or happiness. You remembered confiding in him about school, how you were so stressed because you couldn’t manage eighteen credits while simultaneously holding a job that required you to be on your feet for hours at a time. You could still feel the soft caress of his hand, as he squeezed yours, providing you comfort, cracking a badly executed joke here and there just to get you to smile while listing a hundred reasons why if anyone could do it, it would be you.
So, if he made you feel all those things, why did his absence make you feel so tiny, so insignificant?
Your finger hovered over the call button, and you hit it hesitantly.
You just wanted to hear his voice.
That would be enough.
It rang seven times before the line went dead.
It took you a moment to realize you hadn’t put your phone up to your ear, waiting with bated breath for the timer on the screen to start, indicating he had picked up, but it never did.
You stuffed your phone back into your pocket, the same unsteady feeling in your heart strumming.
Once.
Twice.
Then it was gone.
You came home to a quiet apartment and your roommate already asleep.
You shuffled into your room silently, you would give it one more week you decided. Next time would be the last.
The next week came, and while it was the first week Gavi had off from training, he had already planned to go to Ibiza to attend a music festival with his hometown friends. He had invited you, but it was more of an afterthought, and you couldn’t find it in yourself to go because of rushed ‘you can come if you want’ and a barely there apology so you left it.
You got an ‘I’ll miss you’ text from him and for a moment it made you smile, filling you with warmth. However, an ‘I miss you’ only did so much, and other than his sweet messages, there was really no intent behind his words.
Now it had been two days since Gavi had gotten back from his Ibiza trip, and you couldn’t hide the surprise on your face when you glanced over and saw a Facetime call from Gavi.
When was the last time the two of you had Facetimed? Maybe two months ago? It was much easier to send a text, the times both of you were free were few and far between.
You answered the call, pushing your textbook to the side. The dark grey interior of Gavi’s car greeted you.
“Hello?” You asked.
“Hey, Y/n long time no talk.” Gavi joked, but you felt your stomach flip at the truth behind his words.
“I can’t see you.” You said.
“Oh shit, did I accidentally Facetime? My bad I told Siri to call and she must have Facetimed instead. Let me call you.”
You went to speak but heard the three beeps indicating the call had been cut.
You heard the phone ring again and bit back a sigh. You just wanted to see his face.
You answered on the second ring.
“Hey sorry about that. I wanted to call and tell you that I’m back from Ibiza.”
“Yeah, I know.” You admitted, “I remembered.”
There was a beat of silence.
“Well, anyways I wanted to ask you to come with me to the Spanish football gala tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?”
You heard some shuffling and suddenly Gavi’s voice was much clearer and closer to the phone. You assumed he took it off speaker.
“Can you not come?”
You hesitated, “Uhm I’m not sure. It’s so last minute and I’m already scheduled at the restaurant tomorrow.”
“Can’t you just take off?” He persisted.
You felt your brow furrow, “I’m already on the schedule, I can’t just decide to take off the day before, I need to find someone to replace me.”
“Ok, tell whoever that I’ll sign a jersey for them if they do.”
You suddenly felt angry. Why did he think that you could only get a day off work if he helped you out? Were you not capable of handling your own situations? You hated feeling like this, like you weren’t even your own person, just a shadow of who you were with.
“No that’s fine. I’ll just take off like you said, simple.” You couldn’t help but let the bitterness seep into your voice.
He went to say something, probably sensing the shift in your mood, but you cut him off, “I have to go. Bye Gavi.”
You hung up before he could respond.
Finding someone to replace your shift was easier said than done, but after some back and forth, and a promise to Marcus to cover his next two shifts, you were free.
Free to prance around in a hall filled with people you barely knew, with a boy who you thought about more in your memories than you saw in real life.
The night of the gala arrived, and you were decked out, wearing the earrings Gavi had gifted you for your one-year anniversary paired with a necklace you had received after graduating high school.
Gavi had originally said he would pick you up but had sent a quick text earlier in the morning explaining that the team was getting ready together at a hotel, and to just meet him at the venue.
Your roommate had agreed to drive you and you gave her a grateful smile as you got in the car.
“Ana thank you for taking me.”
She brushed the comment off playfully, “No problem. Gotta step up when Gavi steps down.”
You let out a short laugh, “My hero.”
You got to the venue a couple of minutes before you had planned to meet Gavi and nervously walked around, staying out of the path of cameras.
You found someone to take you to a tent where some Barca staff were waiting for the players to start the program.
You walked in, a surprised look taking over your face once you noticed Pedri and a few other players in the corner.
You weren’t aware that some of the players from the hotel had arrived yet.
Pedri noticed your entrance and came over to say hello.
You gave him a quick hug, making casual small talk.
Just ask him, a voice in the back of your head urged.
Finally, you bit the bullet, attempting to sound as casual as possible, “How did you guys get here so early? I thought everyone was leaving the hotel at 6.”
“Ehh, it wasn’t that important, so I skipped it. Half the guys didn’t go anyway, and the other half just went to play FIFA. Besides I beat them every time, so it gets a little boring after a while.”
You tried to laugh at his joke, but could only manage a watery smile, mind running a mile a minute.
So Gavi hadn’t actually needed to go but chose to.
Leaving you alone.
Again.
It wasn’t a big deal by itself. But it was the fact that this was just another item you could add to your ever-growing list of things Gavi cared about more than you. You wondered briefly if you had been wrong, and if he had missed some other event to be there with you, only to remind yourself that you hadn’t seen him in a month, so no, he hadn’t.
You were still grappling with your emotions when Gavi arrived, unsure whether to confront him or just let this be another thing you swept under the rug.
Your reunion, if you could even call it that, was lackluster at best. He had walked in with some of his teammates, immediately going to greet the rest of his team, completely ignoring you standing on the right side of the room with Pedri.
It was only once he asked where Pedri was that someone pointed the two of you out.
You felt your body deflate; he hadn’t even asked for you.
Were you overthinking things again? Maybe he had just forgotten in the excitement of seeing his whole team for the first time after the season ended?
Gavi made his way over to the two of you, reaching out to Pedri first. You watched as they exchanged a hug before Gavi’s eyes floated over to yours.
“Hey.” His voice was casual, like he was greeting a mailman, or thanking the cashier.
“Hi.”
You closed the space, attempting to hug him, but he grabbed your shoulders stopping you, looking down.
You followed his gaze.
“I don’t want to wrinkle the dress.”
You felt your heart thud against your chest, and while you knew he only had good intentions, the rejection still stung.
You stepped out of his embrace, watching his hands drop to his sides, “Okay.”
The carpet went by in a blur, you posed with Gavi for a few photos before moving to the side and letting him enjoy the spotlight, he had worked hard for it. You took a couple of photos with some of the other teammate's girlfriends and wives before you headed inside.
Once inside, there was still some time left before the actual dinner portion of the gala started. The gala was held for all Spanish football clubs as a celebration of their hard work during the season. It was also a great event to network, giving players the ability to talk with different coaches and directors they otherwise might not have gotten the chance to, allowing for discussions of thinly veiled preseason transfers to commence without the fear of unwanted ears listening in.
You found Gavi in the crowd quickly, linking your arm with his. He looked over at you, a smile taking over his features once he noticed you.
“Glad you found me.”
You noticed with great relief that his eyes still crinkled in the corners when he looked at you,
“I always do.”
The next however many minutes spent till dinner service started comprised of Gavi talking with various different players and directors as you stood like a shiny accessory off his arm, too insignificant to be acknowledged in conversation.
The call for dinner provided you solace from the repetitive conversations and mundane questions. You took a seat next to Gavi and were confused to find both Joao Felix and Antoine Griezmann seated at your table.
You leaned into Gavi, “I thought the clubs sat together?”
“Me too. I think they’re doing alphabetical tonight though.” He whispered.
“Which one’s your least favorite?” You looked up shocked at Gavi’s question, watching a boyish grin take over his features as he tried to hide his laugh, interlacing your fingers on your lap.
You shoved into him lightly, “They’re sitting right there!”
He leaned in closer, nose softly grazing your ear as he spoke, “Yeah but between me and you, I think Joao could have had a better season in Chelsea.”
You shook your head in disbelief, fighting back the smile that was threatening to spill out. Your eyes caught his and for a second it seemed like you had been transported back in time, back to when these types of moments were the standard not the exception, back when it felt like you were on each other sides, back when laughter was the antidote instead of tense silences filled with awkward hello’s.
His eyebrow lifted ask if to ask if you agreed with him, and a small murmur of agreement from you was all he needed before he opened his mouth, ready to hammer his point home, but his attention switched last second.
It was like you could visibly see the shift in his demeanor. First, it was his eyes glancing past yours, seeing the midfielder approaching. Then it was the subtle grip on your hand loosening, his fingers slipping through the gaps. Next, it was the complete shift in body, his posture straightening as he leaned his body away from yours, position shifting to face Pedri who had sat in the spot next to him.
To his credit, Pedri acknowledged the both of you but it was clear Gavi paid no mind to you, not evening sparing you a glance as he became immersed in a conversation with Pedri.
You tried to pretend it didn’t affect you and while you could lie to everyone else, you couldn’t lie to yourself. You had built up this evening up so much in your head, telling yourself that tonight would be the shifting point in your relationship and that everything would go back to the way it once was, but it was shaping up to be another Tuesday you had become all too familiar with.
Why did it feel like you were always competing for his attention?
Your mind was reeling, all the small actions Gavi did that you kept pushing aside, were floating back to the surface, each little remark or dismissal a little tug on your heartstrings till you were sure that if you stayed at the table a for a moment longer you wouldn’t be able to stop the onslaught of tears quickly approaching.
You stood from the table abruptly, catching a few people’s attention, but you gave them a polite smile, or at least you hoped it had been polite, you couldn’t focus on anything but the stinging in your eyes and the sinking feeling in your stomach.
You swiftly walked towards the restroom, glancing over your shoulder to see if anyone had noticed but your eyes fell on Gavi’s form. He hadn’t even bothered turning around.
Of course, he hadn’t.
Somehow that hurt more than anything else.
You were immensely grateful for the single-use restroom as you locked yourself in, shaky hands coming to steady yourself on the sink.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
You were internally screaming at yourself, begging yourself to keep yourself together but the feeling was too overwhelming and before you could stop you felt the first tears slip down. Your shoulders shook as you forced yourself to be silent, embarrassed about someone walking by and overhearing you pitying yourself.
One hand covered your mouth as you muffled your sobs, while the other dug into the stupid marble sink until the skin was pink and indented. The pain acted as a distraction from the unbearable pressure in your chest, and you instinctively pushed your hand harder into the sink.
Your fingers felt numb as you slowly removed them, closing your eyes to steady yourself. It was obvious that you weren’t in the best mental state, but you couldn’t exactly sit in the bathroom for the next hour to sort it out. You had to clean yourself up and go back to pretending.
Yes, pretending, you realized, was exactly what you had been doing. This whole night you had been pretending, pretending everything was okay, pretending that your relationship was fine when in truth you couldn’t even remember what Gavi’s laugh sounded like.
When had it become all pretend?
Was there anything left here? Were your best years behind you both?
These unanswered questions haunted you as you calmed yourself down, wrapping around you like a blanket, one that provided you no comfort but rather a feeling of suffocation.
Finally, your eyes had dried, and the redness had faded significantly. You had gotten your breathing under control, and you felt a little lighter having stopped denying what had been plaguing your mind for weeks now.
You took one final glance in the mirror, smoothing out your dress as you exited the restroom.
You walked slowly back to the table. You had decided that if you could just get through tonight, go home, and cry and think some more, then by tomorrow morning you would be able to talk to Gavi and decide what to do.
But that plan had flown out the window when you arrived back at the table to a confused Gavi.
It seemed he had finally noticed your absence.
“Where did you go? They served dinner 15 minutes ago.”
“I had to use the restroom.”
“For 15 minutes?”
“There was a queue.” You lied.
He seemed to accept your answer and you chose to focus on your food rather than him.
You were halfway through your meal when you noticed Gavi giving you a double take from the corner of your eye.
“Your eyes are red.” He spoke in a hushed voice.
“I don’t know why.”
“Are you sure?” His attention was beginning to slip again, eyes darting back between you and Pedri.
“Yes, I’m fine.” You heard your voice waver on the last syllable, a tick you had when you were lying, and Gavi immediately picked up on it, facing you fully.
“What’s wrong?”
You shook your head not wanting to get into everything here.
“I’m ok.”
“You’re not.”
“Gavi.” You warned.
“What happened? Did someone say something?”
“No. Just drop it please.” Your voice had gone soft, tired of defending yourself.
“Y/n just tell me, I’ll help.” He urged.
You stayed quiet.
“What’s wrong?” He asked again, adamant to get an answer.
You felt yourself grow annoyed, why couldn’t he just let it go? Why was he suddenly interested in how you felt? You were just trying to protect what little left the two of you had and he seemed intent on destroying it.
“It’s you.”
He looked taken aback, eyes pooling with hurt and confusion, his body slightly deflating, “W-what?”
The moment was interrupted when the announcer took over the stage, beginning the presentation for the night, highlighting a few key players and matches.
You looked away first, turning to face the stage, clapping along, acting as though you couldn’t feel Gavi’s gaze burning into your back as he desperately tried to get your attention.
Once the presentation was over you were quick to excuse yourself, using the pretense of going to get a drink as a getaway.
You held your breath as you walked, praying Gavi wouldn’t follow you, and while he got up immediately once he noticed, he was quickly interrupted by another player coming to congratulate him, allowing you to slip away while he watched helplessly.
You let out a huff, leaning against the bar trying to slow your heartbeat.
“Long day?”
You looked over to see Joao standing next to you, watching as the bartender poured his drink.
“Something like that.”
He nodded, “Me too. Been a long couple of days actually.”
You smiled, “Actually, it’s been a long couple of weeks.”
He turned his head to look at you, “I take it back. It’s actually been a long couple of months.”
You raised your hand in mock surrender, “Ok I can’t beat that.”
He grinned, “Yeah not many people can.”
Your expression matched his own, and you gave your order to the bartender before turning to face him again, “So how’s the season been?”
“Shit. Honestly, I’m not even sure why I’m here I played for Chelsea this season not Athletico.”
You couldn’t help but laugh at his abruptness.
“Yeah, I saw your first game. A red card first match is pretty brutal.”
His grin only widened, “Oh keeping tabs are we?”
You gave him a playful glare, “Of course gotta know how Barca’s competition is doing.”
“Oh, so you’re a Barca girl?”
“Since the day I was born.” You revealed proudly.
And it was true, even before you had met Gavi, you had loved Barcelona. Growing up in a family of football lovers, your family had declared FC Barcelona as their home club, and you had witnessed so many legends play for Barcelona and so many underdogs find their true passion at the club.
“Can I tell you a secret?” he asked, and you gave him a nod of encouragement, pretending to zip your lips shut making him smile, “Ok well it’s always been my dream to play for Barcelona. Messi was always an idol to me.” He confessed.
Your mouth dropped open in shock before you abruptly shut it, your eyes almost widening comically as you spoke excitedly, “What oh my gosh. I’m in shock. Messi? But you play with Ronaldo!” You gasped.
He laughed at your facial expression, as he whispered, “I know! That’s why it’s a secret.”
You nodded along with his words, sending him a duh expression, “Of course, I won’t say anything I promise.”
“Promise what?”
Gavi had appeared by your side, a firm hand set on your waist, as he gently tugged you back into his body.
You peeked up at Gavi to see he was already looking down at you, jaw set. You gulped.
“Nothing much, just talking about the season.” You replied.
You saw Gavi’s eyes flicker between the two of you before he brought you closer, “Can we please talk?”
You bit your lip unsure but nodded.
He slipped his hand into yours as he led you to a quieter area. You waved goodbye to Joao as Gavi pulled you through the crowd, and he held his drink up in response.
He was a nice guy. You hoped next season would be better for him than the last.
He guided you to a standing table and propped your hands on the table as he played with the ring on your index finger.
“This a really pretty ring, is it new?” He asked eyes focused on your fingers.
“No, I got it last month.”
“I haven’t seen you wear it.”
“I’ve worn it every day since I got it.”
“Oh.”
You gently removed your hand from his, knowing that talking circles about something so small was going to get you nowhere.
“What do you want Gavi?” You asked quietly.
His voice came out gravelly, “I want to know how I let it get to the point where you feel more comfortable calling me Gavi rather than Pablo.”
His words when straight to your heart, and you could feel his pain almost as much as you could feel your own.
“I-I don’t know.”
You heard his breath falter, “I miss you calling me Pablo. Hell – I even miss you calling me Pablito. I’d take anything over whatever this is.” He gestured pointing between the two of you.
“Ok then let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about where it went wrong.”
His eyes lifted at your words, “Why are you speaking in the past tense?”
You remained silent.
“Amor please, why are you speaking in past tense?” You could hear the panic building in his voice.
“I think we don’t spend enough time together.”
“Ok we can fix that. No problem.” He agreed, desperate to save what was slowly unraveling.
“But do you want to? Fix it I mean?”
“Of course, I do. Please just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” His voice was almost near begging, and you knew without a doubt that you were in a similar state.
You couldn’t believe that this was happening here, in front of all these people, but it wasn’t fair to either of you to hold it any longer. You had to have this conversation sooner or later and it seemed like tonight was the time for it.
“Sometimes I feel like you don’t have time for me.” You finally admitted what you had been feeling for the last month.
He shook his head rapidly, “I do! But I mean we both have such busy schedules, you have even less time than I do with school.” he argued, “You also have work so that cuts down on the time we have too, but I’m not complaining.”
You were trembling with anger as you spoke, but you kept your voice low, “Yes, because I have to work a job to be able to afford college. I hate the hours probably more than you do, but I do it because I have to. I don’t have an option. I want to go to school? I have to fund it. But you? You didn’t have to go out with the guys after practice or stay around Ansu’s to play FIFA, but you did. That was a choice you made.”
He opened his mouth to retaliate but you weren’t done, “And I’m not even mad about that. I’m mad that for the last month, you’ve put me below every other person in your life, treated me like I’m dispensable, someone who you only consider when you need something. I feel cheap. Like something you only want when it’s convenient to you.”
“That’s not true. You’re my girlfriend!” His voice shook as he spoke, and you realized he was probably just as scared as you were.
“Then why do I feel like I’m not?” Your voice came out soft, barely above a whisper, but it felt like delivering the final blow to an already sinking battleship.
You felt his eyes on you, eyes glazing over as hundreds of unushered words filled the space between you, but the moment was cut short, and you had to remind yourself that you were in public as Xavi approached the two of you.
You gave Xavi a quick hug before he congratulated Gavi on a great season.
Gavi only nodded, murmuring short responses, eyes glancing at you every few seconds like he was scared you would disappear from his life if he wasn’t watching.
He left after a moment, and then the two of you were alone again.
“I’m sorry Y/n, I had no idea that’s why you were working. I would’ve given you the money if you just said something-“
“I don’t want your money Gavi! It’s yours, not mine.” You said exasperated.
“C’mon Y/n you know I have enough to provide for the both of us. You don’t have to work-“
“I don’t want that! In fact, right now I don’t even want to be in this relationship!”
The boy physically shrunk back at your words, your admission sending him into silence as he processed your words.
Finally, he spoke, head shaking in denial, not wanting to admit what was right in front of him, “I-I don’t understand.”
You wanted to yell at him to notice all the signs you’d been sending him, beg him to understand the things you couldn’t say but had always been lurking in the shadows, easy enough to make out if you just paid attention. You wanted to scream that it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair that Gavi got to pursue his passion while you were being told to give up yours. Your head was filled with millions of things you wanted to say to him, thousands of little moments you wanted to share with him, you wanted to confide in him about how scared you were, how you had never felt like this in your life, how the thought of him slowly falling out of love with you was ripping your insides apart, making you sick to your stomach. There were so many things but not one left your mouth.
“I know you don’t.” Your voice sounded tired, even to your own ears, and you wondered if this was it. If this is where the two of you parted ways.
“I-I’m just going to go home.”
“I’ll grab our coats.”
You placed your hand gently on his, giving him a sad smile, “It’s ok. I think I’ll go alone.”
Neither of you could deny what it meant.
He ducked his head so you couldn’t see his red eyes. There was a moment of silence, and you could tell he was fighting with himself, trying to figure out what to do to stop the inevitable, until he slowly nodded,
“Ok.”
He had just sealed your relationship closed, something you were grateful for because you knew you couldn’t have done it yourself.
He didn’t lift his head as you walked away, and you didn’t blame him.
You grabbed your coat quickly, bidding goodbye to a few people as you made your way out of the hall.
As you walked down the hallway towards the main doors you realized you didn’t have a ride back. Your roommate had dropped you off and you assumed Gavi would drop you back. Well, that wasn’t happening now. Train it was. One glance out the window told you it was raining, downpouring to be exact.
How fitting. At least the weather matched your mood.
You stepped outside, immediately becoming drenched, but somehow you found comfort in it, at least this way no one could see you cry.
You were about halfway down the steps when you heard the door slam open, yelling coming from behind you.
You spun around, surprised to see Gavi stepping into the rain, “Please stay. Please.”
You stood frozen, unsure of what to say.
You were sure he wouldn’t follow you. But he had.
He kept taking steps closer to you, closing the distance, till you were only two steps apart, “Stay.”
His eyes searched your own, looking for something, maybe a sign that there was hope, something you weren’t sure you could provide.
“Just let me go. We can talk about this tomorrow.”
He shook his head, breath unsteady, “No I can’t. I can’t. I feel like if I let you go now, I’ll never see you again.”
You bit your cheek looking away, he was right. After tonight you had no intention of talking to him again.
His shoulders drooped at your silence, and he sat down on the steps of the building, harsh rain pounding down on him, matting his hair and drenching his extremely expensive suit, but he didn’t seem to care, “I hate fighting with you.”
You glanced down at his figure, watching him sit in the rain with his head in his hands, utterly defenseless.
“But I hate even more that it’s my fault, and that I couldn’t see what I was doing until I felt what you did, just for a second, and it hurt like hell.”
“I should have been there for you. I should have made time for you. I knew what I was doing wasn’t right but then I kept thinking it’s fine I’ll make it up to her next time, but next time never happened because I never showed up. I guess I was just so focused on making sure my teammates all liked me, and they had just stopped treating me like a kid, finally inviting me places - and I’m not using that as an excuse because I know it’s a shit one, it’s on me. Nobody forced me to do anything, I just wanted to feel included, and I put everyone else’s feelings above yours when yours was the one that was the most important to me.”
He finally lifted his head, and he was close enough that you could see the tears streaming down his face as he looked intently at you, almost like he was trying to memorize you, “If you want to walk away you can, you should - I’ll understand. I just wanted to apologize, really apologize, and own up to everything I did. I love you, and I promise you I won’t take anyone for granted the way I did with you.”
Your expression mirrored his own, and the tears were falling freely at his confession now that it was just the two of you. All the things you had wanted him to realize he had. All the things you wished he had said, he finally did.
But was it too late?
“Thank you, Pablo.”
He let out a short laugh through his tears, “No, thank you.”
You gave him a soft smile before you put distance between the two of you, letting the rain mask the sound of you leaving.
The lights from the venue grew dimmer as you continued walking, and you spared one last glance over your shoulder before it disappeared from view, seeing Gavi’s tiny figure rooted in place, watching you leave.
Your steps faltered.
How could you leave this relationship, this boy, when every single warning sign was going off in your brain, telling you to turn around and fight, to not give up? He had understood, he had understood exactly what you had felt, and had owned up to his mistakes, what else could he have done? He couldn’t go back and make it better, but he could change the way he treated you, but how would you acknowledge the change if you didn’t stick around?
It didn’t feel right walking away.
You thought you would feel content, feel like the pressure was lifting from your shoulders, but the dropping feeling in your stomach was multiplying, and your heart was constricting painfully at the thought of never seeing him, never laughing with him, never kissing him again, at the idea of falling in love with someone that wasn’t him.
You never ran faster in your life.
Let him be there. Please let him be there.
You didn’t know how you could explain yourself if you had to walk back into the event sopping wet, eyes puffy, and nose runny.
You couldn’t stop the wide smile that stretched across your face as he realized he was right where you left him.
You sat next to him and he didn’t notice until you spoke.
“Pablo.”
His head shot upon hearing your voice, and his face lifted for a second before falling again, “Di-Did you forget something?”
You nodded.
“Ok I can get it for you, what is it?” He cleared his throat, trying to make his voice clear.
You shifted closer to him, bodies pressed against each other, “I forgot that I love you. I love you and I want to work this out. I’m happy that you took responsibility and I believe you. I believe that you won’t do it again. But I should apologize too – I also wasn’t fair to you, and I did things that I shouldn’t have just to get back at you for making me feel so small.”
“I’m sorr-”
You cut him off, “Let’s stop apologizing.”
He nodded, eyes looking at you with nothing but love and admiration,
“Ok but we’ll have to work on our communication.” He said, and you hummed in agreement.
You touched your forehead with his, staring at each other with baited breaths until he finally closed the distance and kissed you. After a month of not seeing each other, you were finally kissing, pouring all your emotions, all your love, all your pain into the kiss, making a promise to be there for each other, and it felt like coming home.
alternate ending
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