my thoughts are very incoherent at this point but that conversation between akk and aye in part 4 had me crying. because that conversation DID NOT ACTUALLY RESOLVE THE ISSUE!!! aye didn't take akk's feelings seriously at all, and didn't even try to put his concerns to rest, when the concern is that aye doesn't love him the way akk needs to be loved?? HELLO?? the solution to that is not "you're so cute when you're angry" it's just not 😭 please please PLEASE let them have an actual conversation about this tomorrow, please let aye actually take akk's concerns seriously 😭🙏 this is just a minefield of poor communication tbh and i don't want akk to be unhappy 😭😭😭

me: MY HAIRLINE IS RECEDING OH NO OH FUCK

also me: full time student (worth noting i wrote stupid here at first without realizing), 20-30 hours in customer service every week, teaching myself 3/4 classes, teaching myself advanced algebra with a teacher (basically just a proctor) who shuts down any/all asks for help, juggling college financial woes, navigating dying relationships/people abandoning and/or attacking me bc i don't have time for things i used to anymore, none of my hobbies are making me happy when and if i have time for them,, i have no time for myself, i'm on my second all-nighter this week, i'm perpetually exhausted in a way sleep isn't fixing, my body aches because i'm so tired, and i'm barely able to stay asleep when i do get the chance bc the anxiety wakes me up

my hairline: two hops this time!

once again thinking about how easy it would be for me to be in a relationship if i was cis

thinking about this discussion I had before FVR even came out, thinking about blends, thinking about "give me dong or give me death", about how it's both. thinking about both mac and dennis getting exactly what they want (mac's fantasy in saves the day, for mac to go away from dennis) but with a TWIST (for mac to realize there's nothing on the other side, for dennis to realize he needs mac). thinking about the pulse checking, thinking about the flatline.

thinking about my meta that I wrote before s15 even came out, about how we've been witnessing an impossible choice that's splitting dennis in two, thinking about "<3 or die" being the name of the salon in chop (and off with the head / just start over meta...), thinking about new beginnings, and meet cutes. thinking about rebirth, and baptisms.

The dragon prince is one of the best things I've ever watched I'm dying

im gonna fucking cry.

(also im on the hellsite now so here)

they should invent a version of looking at tiktok comments on videos covering what's happening in palestine that doesn't turn your thoughts into those of a fucking jigsaw apprentice

crying at school is so embarrassing what the fuck is teachers problem with direct communication

"I'm clearheaded, Billy. I see him. During that feud with Vane over the fort, I sat in that cabin and watched him turn himself inside out over the idea of anyone seeing him as the villain of that story. Well, now he's the greatest villain in the new world. We all see it, we all follow him because of it. I think it's torture for him. And I think the only way he can imagine it stopping is when there are no more of us left to witness it."

someone fucking sedate me oh my gOD

florence welch shouldn't be allowed to write songs bc what if i listen to one and it punches a hole in my chest. no for real what do i do i'm bleeding out in my kitchen.

what really breaks my heart is Max and Billy's relationship post s2, because yeah something obviously changed, but maybe good things changed too. Because why else would Max be so hopefully that the Mind Flayer wasn't possessing Billy unless she cared about him. Because if he was still as much an asshole as everyone says he is, then why would she care? Yeah, I know about truma bonds, but Max had scared the shit out of Billy and told him to stay away from her and her friends, whose the say that Billy didn't contiune to keep up that promise? So why would their truama have anything to do with this? Even then, if you find out your abuser is being possessed with something that might kill them, wouldn't you be happy? Max on the other hand is not happy about Billy potentiality being possessed, she's very worried about him. First evidence is the god damn sauna scene where Billy's bawling his eyes out for Max to believe him and Max is crying right with him and promising him that everything is going to be okay and that they're going to help him. If Max didn't care about him, why would she be crying and telling him that he's going to be okay. And fucking- I know that he's going through something really painful right now but he's so vunrable to her and willing to tell her everything about what's going on with him. And idk the way that he talks to her in this scene just feels so heartbreaking and he keeps calling her Max instead of Maxine and ughhhhh tears man tears. And then during the battle of Starcourt, when Billy is chasing down Mike, El, and Max, Max tries to reason with him and reminds him of who he is and while she's doing this she's fucking crying. LIke UKLASDJF;LKAJSDFKLJASDFJ I can't it breaks my heart. AND THEN HE USES HIS LAST DYING BREATHS TO SAY SORRY TO HER!?!?! FUCCCK

Like yes something obviously changed about their relationship after Max damn near smashed his junk in, but they got closer between seasn 2 and season 3 to the point where Max genuinely cares about her brother and ughhhhh

This post has no point other than me crying about those stupid siblings and how Billy could've had some kind of redemption arc, because it so obvious he can change ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. this is also a fuck you to the duffer brothers because why would Max say Billy didn't deserved to be saved when she literally said she hoped he wasn't possessed. I can't-

oh, and also - the people in the apartment above ours moved in a couple days ago. they have a baby. their bedroom is above mine. sooo I've been woken up by a crying baby several times a night for two days now and I...... really do not like it. there's many reasons I don't want children but crying babies are like number 2 on the list.

plus last night the woman yelled at her partner for like an hour. at 5am.

I haven't actually met these people yet but I've got to say I do not like them so far.

this is the face of a reader

Wow turns out there's a reason every lawyer I'd ever met told me "don't be a lawyer."

and when Idol said "I don't have any idea how I could love someone I can't seem to find what it signifies" and when it said "surely lying is the greatest kind of love" and when it said "I recall no one who loved me whole before and I've not been in love with anybody before. And now the lies that I'm making up I hope that one day they all become true and I keep wishing they do" and when Idol said "So sincerely what I am wishing for is to love each one of you with all my heart" AND WHEN IDOL, WHEN AI SAYS "Ah I said it at least. I know it's not a lie. These words: I love you "

GUYS I AM LOSING MY SHIT SO HARD RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THIS MAKES ME FEEL SO MUCH EMOTION EVERY TIME THAT I SHOULD BE CRYING

Omfg I love AYASE so much for this because he created a whole ass character with lyrics and Ikura helped bring it to life with emotion.

I don't know a lot about Oshi no ko but I feel like I know AI personal like holy shit

I just keep losing my crap over "Ah I said it at least. I know it's not a lie. These words: I love you." Especially in the English version like holy shit. This song is so dark but Ai fucking telling her kids she loves them and it's not a lie, while stating earlier in the song she's never loved anybody before and no one's ever truly loved her and then saying she wants to love everyone holy fucking shit

I need to cry about this so much but I can't

What did this song do to me

Me: I just found out I have to cancel the trip I was really, really, really looking forward to and lowkey clinging to while having a kind of shitty year and stressful time at work and I am upset

My sister: wow you got so lucky on getting a future flight credit, when they cancelled my flight i was just SOL

My mom: so are you going to wait till 14 days before our family trip (that we still haven't actually planned) (that wasn't supposed to be a family trip) to try to renew it???