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asliceoftoast · 9 months

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part 3 of playing pretend alsoooo i am currently scrounging through my tumblr to see what i've posted and publishing those fics on ao3 so i don't end up double posting. so if you see me spamming ao3... i apologize in advance (´ ∀ ` *)

Catherine looked out into the crowd, a donor rambling about something to her left. She noticed the trauma surgeon dancing with one of the many men who were eyeing her tonight, but she didn’t see her son. Scanning the room, she searched for her child on the dance floor. Then, by the food. When she didn’t see him, she turned her attention towards the darkened bar. There she saw Jackson nursing his drink, eyes trained back out to the center of the room, to April.

She tried to hide her smirk behind her glass. She had really outdone herself.

The two landed in Boston earlier this morning, after spending the night in Ohio. They would have flown out immediately after April’s reunion if the Kepner matriarch hadn’t spotted Jackson waiting for her daughter outside as she grabbed her luggage. Karen had brought the plastic surgeon into her home, sweet as ever, and killed him with a little midwestern hospitality.

Catherine had met the two on the tarmac, waiting for them in her limo. They had stumbled off the plane weary from the hectic events of the day prior, not knowing what they were about to walk into.

April smiled warmly at Catherine despite the anxious energy radiating off of her in waves. She took in the moment and absorbed her mentor and icon’s presence as Jackson kissed his mother’s cheek and mumbled something about always being trapped in her antics. By the time Jackson asked her why she wanted the two in Boston, the driver pulled up in front of the Avery estate. Jackson stepped out of the car, expecting the two women to follow, but the car sped off leaving him alone in the dust. Her phone vibrated, surely Jackson complaining over text, but Catherine trusted that her assistant could handle him.

With her phone on silent and the man in question out of the car, Catherine dragged his best friend off on a bit of retail therapy. There was no way she would let the trauma surgeon attend an Avery Foundation Gala without the proper attire. It didn’t hurt that when she pried and asked all the intrusive questions Jackson griped about, April tried her best to answer, and even when she couldn’t, Catherine could read the young doctor like an open book. The questions were just for fun. All it took was just one look for Catherine to confirm what she knew this whole time. From the way April looked at her son, she knew he had a chance.

Now, illuminated under the floor lights, the normally shy surgeon glowed brightly. Her hair flowed down to her back in loose, fiery waves. The delicate diamonds in her jewelry caught the lights and flickered back to the audience. The black dress Catherine had chosen fit April perfectly and showed a little skin. It was sleeveless and tight, something she knew would drive her son crazy.

Slowly, she approached Jackson at the bar, effortlessly ending the conversation with the man droning on about budgets as she walked. He didn’t notice her presence, too busy mentally strangling the promising surgeon who had the pleasure of dancing with April.

“Are you going to do something about that?” she asked into the lip of her champagne flute. Jackson stopped staring daggers into the man for a second to look at his mother. Realization flitted across his face.

“Wha-”

“I always know, Jackson. I’m your mother.” Jackson huffed beside her, peeved his mother was inserting herself in his love life again.

“I can’t. She’s…” he hesitated, “April.”

Catherine rolled her eyes. When has Jackson Avery not chased after a woman he liked? The two returned to watching the dance floor and back out at the redhead dancing in another man’s arms. April smiled at the blond, leaning in to say something and blushing as his hands dropped to the small of her back. Jackson clenched his fist, resisting the urge to pry the surgeon’s hands off his best friend and off the place where he had his hand last night.

“If you don’t do anything, Jackson, you’re more of an idiot than I raised you to be.” His brows pinched, a frown etched into his face as his mother patted his cheek. Catherine sauntered off, a donor quickly joining her side as the two discussed one of the foundation’s many projects.

Jackson tightened his grip around his cup, fingertips turning white with the pressure. Taking a deep breath in, he chugged the remaining amber liquid and made his way to the dance floor.

He avoided the other couples dancing to the song the live band was playing, sidestepping every couple of seconds. He heard her giggle, her tiny frame hidden away behind the blond’s broad shoulders.

Jackson cleared his throat, shaking off the jealousy that started surging its way through his veins. She caught sight of him first, feet stopping as she met his gaze.

“Jackson,” April sighed breathlessly.

It was now or never.

“Can I steal my girlfriend away for a second?” Jackson sent a poisonous smile to the other surgeon. The man April was dancing with quietly apologized to Jackson as he stepped back. Confusion flittered across the trauma surgeon’s face, hazel eyes meeting his blue ones.

Her hands slowly dropped to her sides, stepping closer to her best friend under the bright lights that illuminated the dance floor. Her voice dropped to a whisper, words exchanged for just the two to hear. “This isn’t my reunion, Jackson. You don’t have to pretend to be my boyfriend.”

“I know that.” He brought his hand to her wrist, thumb brushing against the thin metal bracelet encircling her wrist. Sliding his hand into hers, he raised it and placed the other on her waist. April resumed her position, placing her hand gently on his shoulder as she followed his lead.

April stood back, gasping as Jackson pulled her closer. Bodies pressed together, she tilted her gaze away from him, scared that the rosy blush of her skin would betray her.

He dropped his lips to the exposed crook of her neck, taking her breath away. Jackson took a deep breath in, the faint perfume she sprayed on earlier filling his lungs. Swallowing, he gathered the courage to ask.

“And what if it wasn’t pretend?”

#my fic #japril #april kepner #jackson avery #alternate au #hehe #i miss them #asliceoftoast

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aprilandjackson · 11 days

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seven sentence sunday

i was tagged by @doctorkepner ILY

and in the spirit of missy having posted a snippet from our april/jackson/alex fic that we are working on together, here’s another snippet of it from Alex’s POV which i’m working on rn 😌

Kepner's eyes feel like they’re burning into me, but there’s a sincerity there too, something that makes me want to clam up and shut down. “Fine.” Her whole face scrunches up and she shakes her head, “You don’t look fine.” She tilts her head further back, scrutinising me, “You seem sad.” I scoff, “I don’t get sad, Kepner.” “Not true.” She slurs softly, “I remember how you were when Izzie left - you feel sadness, you just express it through anger.” Her words strike the centre of my chest with such accuracy, I almost bowl over. For all of Kepner’s annoying quirks, I’ll admit she has a scary accuracy at reading people. I guess when you spend most of your time being a wallflower, it’s easy to figure people out - when no one notices you, it gives you the chance to see them with their walls down because they don’t realise there’s someone sneaking around your defences.

i’m tagging @pdslinsteadfics and @asliceoftoast

#japril fic #WIP #y'all aren't ready for this we're on FIREEEEE

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austennerdita2533 · 4 months

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Hi Ashlee!!! I hope you're doing well. I'm appealing to your brilliant mind for help with character analysis :) I want to write a japril fic but realize I'm struggling in part because imo Jackson has such an undefined and often inconsistently written personality? Like for seasons he's presented as too detached and remote and retreats whenever things get tough, but then a few seasons ago the writers tell us his problem is that he's too dependent on other people and can't be alone, which is...the exact opposite?! And he's often portrayed as laidback to the point of being not caring and trying hard enough but then suddenly like a week or two later he's all super intense and competitive? And they show him as almost TOO logical and rational to the point of detachment but then he'll be depicted like an episode later as someone who always follows his heart and his instincts?! I'm getting whiplash trying to get a handle on his core traits lol. It's funny with Grey's because their female characters are generally SO vividly, clearly defined and layered yet consistent, while the male characters tend to be either one dimensional or wildly inconsistent. Anyway, any help you can give me is much appreciated!

Hello there, nonnie! I agree with you about how the Grey's writers have written Jackson inconsistently over the course of the show.

I always resonated with his character most when he was depicted as logical/rational and somewhat emotionally detached. That made sense to me, given his background as an Avery and growing up with Catherine as his mother. I'd argue she's not the warmest person. She's focused, intense, and ambitious. A strong personality. A force to be reckoned with. She loves her son, of course, I am not doubting that, but I think it's obvious she raised him to be the sort of person to do what's right, to do what's expected of him, and I feel like that's translated into him having had to brush emotion aside. He was taught that other things were more important. So, in that regard, he would have been brought up to be intense and competitive, right? That's what was expected of him. I feel like Catherine wouldn't have had much patience for emotional-based decision making either, so Jackson would've learned to suppress a lot to survive and be successful. (Which, I'd argue, is something we see over the course of the series already.)

He's always struck me as a more introverted, introspective person, too. Someone who weighs his thoughts and actions. He may be impulsive at times, quick to act in certain scenarios, but only if, logically, he reasons that it's the best course for him in that moment. He's not expressive, either. I feel like he has a difficult time not only identifying his emotions but being able to put them into words until he reaches an epiphany. He intellectualizes long before he allows himself to feel. Ironically, this is why April is such a wonderful complement to him romantically because she ushers him into a state of feeling, into a state of sitting with his emotions. She helps him to confront parts of himself that are uncomfortable, foreign, or scary. She pushes him out of his comfort zone.

#anonymous #replies #the loveliest of lovely people #ashlee bree talks grey's anatomy #just my opinion #hope this helps some!#good look with your japril fic <3

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terrainofheartfelt · 1 year

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living in style

lizwas on ao3

2k | G

Part 1 of oh, suppose you’ll never know

Summary:

”I feel sick. You, and your lattes and cash withdrawal limit are making me nauseous.”

A Natessa fic, based of GA 10x19

#gossip girl #gossip girl fic #vanessa abrams #natessa #vanessa x nate #nate archibald #starting a new series!!!!!#inspired by grey’s anatomy #background rufly & dair #and jenny/designing #vanessa and the psychic damage she sustains dating a one percenter #(they’re japril coded here)#health care worker nate supremacy #trying a new cross posting method #bc I think with locked fics you can’t hit the share button on ao3 and keep the info #anyway! I have a new fic! look at me go!#liz's ficz

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thecountessofkilmartin · 2 years

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how do you see them getting back together in boston? obv jackson has to make the first move, but how do you thing it went?

I love this ask cause I have already thought about this way too much. Thanks for sending it ☺️

At the end of 17x14, it felt like they both had the same feeling about the next phase of their lives. They had gone through so many storms during the time they were apart, and to me, it felt like their last conversation in that ep was this bright light being cast on them, making their path very clear. In 12x11, Jackson said that a divorce felt like the light at the end of the tunnel, but neither of them were fully out of the dark until that moment when April said “new horizons”. It’s almost like they knew that they were on the same page right then, the road was clear, and that things had finally fallen into place.

I think after moving to Boston, Jackson probably decided to let April handle her divorce with Matthew before he initiated a conversation about them. They would’ve lived pretty close to each other but maintained certain boundaries. He would have tried to be friends with her again because they used to be each other's best friends before anything else. By the time they left Seattle, Jackson had a pretty good understanding of just how much he screwed up things with her. Whether they got together again or not, he had to apologize for everything before he could be her person again.

Then they would’ve slowly started to talk about their past. They were both forced to learn some tough lessons after their divorce, and I think they realize that they took each other for granted at times. And they both needed to talk about Samuel a lot because they always avoided talking about him. I also think that he was in a place where he was ready to accept April’s apologies about her leaving him. In 17x14, he said that he understood why she left but April needs to explain things to him in detail cause he deserves to hear that.

And then I think neither of them would have had to force anything. After they owned up to their mistakes and forgave each other, things would’ve happened naturally. Their daily life would’ve involved taking care of Harriet and they would’ve ended up being around each other all the time without actually realizing it. And Harriet would have inadvertently parent trapped them by asking them to spend more time with her together. They would have both realized where things were headed, and Jackson would have realized that he needed to say something before April put up her walls again.

I don't think that Jackson would’ve randomly kissed her one day and asked her to be with him. I think he would’ve asked her if she’d be open to being with him again, and they would have had a legit conversation about getting back together. By now they both know how important it is to be honest with each other. Impulse decisions are romantic but they have outgrown them. He’d have to show his intentions by being open and patient with her, and she’d have to be understanding and present. In my ideal world, they’d work on these things before deciding to be together.

#this was almost like a fic #I know it's not super exciting but there’s beauty that comes with calmness and maturity imo #japril #greys anatomy #asks

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japrilfools · 6 months

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48 + Japril?

Thank you for the request! For the purposes of this AU, Jackson finds out that April is in the ER sooner than he did in the actual S14 episode. Also, I can’t remember who made the gifset with Japril + Running Up that Hill lyrics, but this was definitely inspired by that!!! So shout out to whoever made it and I’ll try to see if I can find it and rb it again!!!

Song: Running Up that Hill (A Deal with God) by Kate Bush

“And if I could, I’d make a deal with God, and I’d get him to swap our places”

His hands shake as he reaches for her, recoiling as soon as he feels her freezing skin. Panic settles in the pit of his stomach, and he barely hears all of the frantic voices around him. Jackson doesn’t want to let her go, but he also doesn’t know how much longer he can take watching them try to save a corpse.

That’s all she is, isn’t it?

Jackson had been in the pit when they’d brought her in, and somebody had pulled him away from her unmoving body, begging him to not watch. But he couldn’t look away. He couldn’t not be there as she fought for her life.

Even if there isn’t much left of it.

Being in this room isn’t going to do anything to save April, but they’d finally acquiesced when they realized that he refused to leave. He knows that the other doctors are arguing on whether or not to keep going, but he can barely focus on anything other than her pale, ashen face. April was strong. She was good. Something like this shouldn’t be happening to her. He’d do anything for it to be him on the table instead. For it to be him slowly slipping away from the earth. She could last without him, he was pretty sure, but he knows he could never last without April.

And just as he finds himself accepting that he will beg a God he doesn’t believe in, the monitor shows that she has a heartbeat.

Sobs leave him indiscriminately as they continue to work, but all he can think is that she’s alive.

She’s alive.

Send me a number 1-100 + a ship, and I’ll make a drabble corresponding to the number on my spotify wrapped

#answered #my fics #japril #anonymous #thank you for the ask!#japril fic #japril fics

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padfootprongslet · 1 year

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no but can someone recommend a good japril fic that doesnt have them divorcing.

#japril #fic find

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lavellenchanted · 9 months

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Otp: I want the whole damn thing & 5?

5. Angry Kiss

“April, what the hell are these?”

Jackson’s voice isn’t quite angry (not yet, anyway), just flat and tight, like he wants to sounds neutral but just can’t manage it; but when April turns to look at him, there’s bewilderment written across his face more than anything else as he stares down at the iPad she has so very stupidly left on the kitchen counter open and with the screen on.

A screen that is currently showing house and apartment listings around Boston.

Slowly, Jackson’s eyes lift to meet hers and she feels a guilty blush steal across her cheeks – which is almost immediately followed by a surge of irritation, because she doesn’t have anything to feel guilty over. And she finds it incredibly galling that he would look at her like that, with his eyes soft and confused and betrayed when he’s the one who –

“I was just browsing,” she blurts out, because she doesn’t want to think about that. Except that she already has, which is probably why she sounds so snappishly defensive. “I mean, I’ve got to look at some point, right?”

“What are you talking about?” His eyebrows are drawing down into a frown, and like a mirror of herself she can see the irritation building in him as well.

They’ve always been too good at that, reflecting their worst emotions back at each other.

“This was only ever temporary.”

April waves a hand, a gesture meant to encompass not just the kitchen but the entire house. A house they had started sharing when they first moved to Boston because that was easier than trying to find two places at the same time, but which was never meant to be her and Harriet’s permanent home here. Just his.

Except that it has become her home. Worse, it’s become theirs. It feels like cutting out a part of herself to say it isn’t, but how can she stay now?

“Did I do something? I know you’ve been mad about something for a while.”

She almost wants to laugh because of course he knew. No one has ever been able to see through her quite so easily as Jackson can. It used to frighten her, the way he seemed to strip her bare and see everything, all her fears and insecurities and hopes and dreams, with just a single glance. It also thrilled her, though she tried to deny that for the longest time.

At this particular moment it’s just making her angry, because how can he know her so well and still not understand?

“No, you didn’t –” She lets out a frustrated sigh. “I’m not mad at you.”

It’s mostly the truth. Okay, maybe she’s mad at him a little bit, but really she’s just mad at herself.

Because she thought that maybe they were –

But she was wrong. Of course she was wrong. That was made very clear last week, when she saw him looking cosy with some annoyingly long-legged blonde woman at the Foundation.

Intellectually, she knows it’s not Jackson’s fault. She may not have done anything wrong but neither did he, not really. They’re still divorced, and neither of them have ever mentioned dating or getting back together or anything of the sort. A few lingering looks here and there or flirtatious remarks don’t mean anything. They aren’t promises or declarations.

Still, she feels so stupid that it makes her want to scream with an anger that’s sharp and bright and far preferable to focus on than the hurt drumming at her insides.

“Could’ve fooled me,” Jackson says drily.

April glares at him. “I just thought that it’s about time Hattie and I found somewhere else.”

Jackson’s jaw tightens. “So when were you going to tell me? Or were you going to tell me? Was I just going to come home one day and find you both gone?”

“Of course not! I was going to tell you when I found a place. Why are you so pissed about it anyway? I thought you’d be glad to have some space back. Then you could bring all the blonde friends you want back here without us getting in the way.”

The words have spilled out before she can stop them, bitter and jealous. She bites down on her lip to stop herself saying any more but it’s too late. Jackson’s staring at her, his expression growing darker, and then suddenly he’s striding across the kitchen to stand right in front of her, towering above her so she has to crane her neck to look up at him.

“Blonde friends?” he says furiously. “That’s what this is about? I don’t know what makes me more angry, April, the fact that you saw me schmoozing someone who is considering making a huge donation to the Foundation and assumed I was hitting on her, or the fact that you didn’t talk to me about it and just decided to deal with it by moving out. I thought we were past this, the not talking to each other about things.”

April blinks, thrown for a moment by this new information and desperately trying to ignore the sudden, painful burst of hope radiating in her chest, then feels her cheeks warm as her thoughts catch up to what he’s saying.

“Oh, like you talk to me? If I made assumptions, maybe it’s because we’ve been in Boston for eight months and I still don’t know what you want from me, Jackson! You asked me here but I don’t know if it’s just because you didn’t want to be that far away from Harriet, or if you actually want me around –”

She doesn’t get a chance to say any more because Jackson cuts her off, catching her face between his hands and covering her mouth with his. It’s not a gentle kiss – they’re both still too angry for that – and his lips are almost bruising, insistent, each stroke of his mouth delivered with deliberate passion, like he’s making a point and wants to be very clear about it.

Maybe he is; she curls her fingers into his shirt and pulls him closer, kissing him back with equal fierceness, running her tongue over his bottom lip and then catching it between her teeth. Her heartbeat is roaring in her ears and she can hardly breathe, but she doesn’t care. She doesn’t want to breathe right now. She only wants to keep kissing him, to feel the fire that’s burning through the veins as she presses herself against him and gives in to the hunger and the longing that she’s been trying to bury for months.

Jackson lifts his mouth briefly, tilting his head the other way and between kisses he’s saying, “I want you. I have always wanted you. I will never not want you.”

She brings her arms up to wind them around his neck and whispers back, “I want you too. I want you so much, Jackson.”

Finally, when her head is swimming and her legs feel weak and shaky and like they might collapse any moment they break apart, though she keeps her arms around his neck and he brings his hands to her waist. They’re both breathing heavily, their eyes locked on each other, and April can feel her heart pounding against her ribs.

“I guess we both still need to get better at the talking thing,” Jackson says. “But let me start with saying that I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay here with me.”

April smiles. “Then I’ll stay.”

kiss prompts

#thanks anon!!#jackson avery #april kepner #japril #otp: I want the whole damn thing #my fic #kiss prompts

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beachy--head · 5 months

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Japril AU noir movie

1950s. Hollywood is a dangerous place. Corruption, booze, gangsters: private eye Jackson Avery thinks he's seen it all. Enters April Kepner, a young actress with a magnetic presence and a troubled past. In a world where you can't trust anyone, they'll soon have to delve deeper into the dark underbelly of LA, uncovering secrets, until her true intentions become increasingly ambiguous, blurring the line between investigation, betrayal... and love?

#japril #au #april kepner #jackson avery #i'm sorry i'm just obsessed with sarah's new pictures #this is not a fic announcement lol

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softspiderling · 2 years

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speak now (or forever hold your peace) | b.r.b.

summary: it's supposed to be the happiest day of your life.

pairing: bradley “rooster” bradshaw x reader

warnings: angst??? IDK! also violence

word count: 5,5k

author’s note: this has been sitting in my drafts for SO LONG! and then i decided to write the entire fucking thing, i'm not even joking, this fic was very much different two days ago but i have been waiting for the perfect moment and i guess it’s now🤭 thank you to sol who has been expressing her excitement for this fic (and we laughed about taylor swift inspired fics, bc this is OBVIOUSLY inspired by speak now (and that one japril moment. you know which one)). I HOPE YOU LIKE IT!!!!

Fixing the collar of his suit, Bradley stared at his reflection in the mirror. He had opted against his dress-whites, knowing you preferred him in a normal suit. Now however, he severely regretted it, missing the layer of protection his dress-whites provided him. He felt stuffy in the suit, vulnerable. He wondered if there was still enough time to go home and change, when there was a knock on the door.

“Hey, you just gonna stay in here for the whole ceremony?”

Natasha was eyeing him carefully, not an ounce of shame present on her face, even though she was standing halfway in the men’s bathroom. Bradley put up a brave face, but he knew that she’d see right through it. God, he could already see the pitiful looks on his friends as soon as he’d step out the door again.

“I just- needed to fix my bowtie,” Bradley sniffed, straightening said bow-tie before turning to look at her. Natasha raised an eyebrow at him.

“You’re good, right? No regrets? No desire to ditch?”

Bradley looked back into the mirror to avoid Natasha’s gaze, resisting the urge to run his hands through his hair. He had been thinking about ditching the second he entered the venue, but that would just be taking the easy way out. You were his friend, and he should be there for arguably one of the most important days of your life. His own feelings be damned.

“No, this is her wedding. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be. It just… Sucks.”

Natasha didn’t reply, clearly waiting for him to elaborate, her arms crossed over her chest. Judging by her face, he wouldn’t get around it. She always disapproved of the reasons why you and him didn’t work out.

“I mean. I knew that this day would eventually come. She’s always been open about wanting to get married and you know, settling down and all. But I thought I had more time to get over her. I mean, I probably won’t ever get over her, but... I sound stupid, don’t I?”

“Yes.”

There was no hesitation in Natasha’s voice and Bradley shot her a pained look. With a sigh, she uncrossed her arms and fully stepped inside the bathroom, shutting the door behind her and leaning against it.

“I’m sorry you feel this way. You know how I always used to say that the two of you were kind of perfect together. Honestly, I still think that. But it’s literally the day of her wedding. You made your bed, now you have to lie in it. It’s too late now.”

Bradley’s chest tightened, and nodded quickly, dropping his gaze to the floor. “Yeah… Yeah I know.”

“I’m sorry,” Natasha said, reaching out to squeeze arm. “I wish things would’ve been different.”

So did he.

With a deep breath, Bradley glanced at the mirror one last time, before he put his hand on the door knob, straightening his shoulders. “Okay. Let’s go, before you get caught trying to sneak a peak.”

Bradley stepped out of the bathroom and was immediately thrown back into the bustling crowd, full of nicely dressed people. Even Callie, your maid of honor, had cleaned up nicely.

“Hey, wasn’t sure you’d make it,” she said, not unkind, eyeing him up and down. “She’s down the hall, if you want to say hi.”

Bradley gave her a curt nod, before leaving Natasha to her girlfriend, walking down the hall, looking over his shoulder as the two women watched him go, conversing quietly. Callie had been cold ever since you broke up with him, treating him cordially, like a colleague, but never as a friend. And he didn't blame her, really.

He knocked on the brown door, before stepping inside, where you were sitting in front of the vanity, dressed in a white fluffy robe.

“Hey. How’s the blushing bride?”

“Hi,” you said and he smiled at you, somewhat sorrowfully, taking a seat on the ottoman across from you. “I’m kind of nervous.”

“Pretty sure that’s normal wedding day jitters,” Bradley joked.

You gave him a self-deprecating smile, clearly lost in thoughts.

“You okay?”

Bradley’s brows furrowed in worry as he took in your face and the slight frown. People said that wedding jitters were especially nerve-wracking, but you had always been a champ. And you had been looking forward to your wedding day ever since you were a little girl, he knew that.

“Yeah. Just can’t believe it’s finally my wedding day, you know?”

Bradley pressed his lips together, cupping your cheek gently. “I’m happy for you. Henry is a good man and he treats you the way you deserve to be treated. I’m really glad that you found someone who can give you what you want.”

Even though I wish I could give you what you needed.

You smiled at him, your eyes glassy. Wedding jitters really were something, huh?

“Guess your life plan really is on its track, isn’t it?”

You choked out a laugh and he grinned at you warmly, squeezing your hand. He grabbed a tissue from the vanity, pressing it gently against your lower lash line so as to not ruin your make-up.

“Do you want me to give you away?”

“W-what?”

He flushed, realizing his poor choice of words.

“Do you want me to walk you down the aisle?” he rephrased and you chuckled drily, shaking your head.

“Oh, um, no. I’m good, thank you.”

Nodding, Bradley stood to leave, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek, holding onto your shoulder a bit too long than necessary before walking towards the door. He paused, just before crossing over the threshold, turning back like he wanted to say something. Bradley took a deep breath, his lips parted, the words almost tumbling out of his mouth, before he shut his mouth and just like that, he stepped out of the room, the falling shut behind him quietly.

Bradly breathed out harshly, rubbing a hand over his face, wondering if you were thinking about the same thing he was.

“Where is this going, Bradley?”

Bradley’s been ordered for a special deployment overseas. It was all hush-hush, and he didn’t know how long it was going to take and it made you face the impending doom of your relationship. Honestly, he knew it was stupid to start something with you in the first place. From the first time you talked, you had made it clear that you wanted to find a good man and settle down, have a family and a house with a white picket fence.

Something he could never give you.

He was still young when his father had died, but he grew up watching his mother juggle with the job of a parent, a job that was supposed to be filled by two parents. Bradley swore that he’d never do this to anyone he loved, that he’d never settle down and have a family himself.

You didn’t have time to date someone and “see where this is going”. Even so, Bradley had always orbited you, drawn to your carefree attitude and your fierce loyalty towards the people you loved. His stance on settling down was about the only thing that held the two of you back. Instead, you danced around each other, flirted mercilessly, were friends.

Just friends.

But after a night full of tequila shots and Bradley on the piano, he got weak. And he’d been weak ever since.

Things with you were simple, and it was almost scary how the two of you fell into a relationship that was so intense and burning, he should have known that this would blow up in his face one day.

“What do you mean? The mission isn’t going to take forever, half a year tops. You’ll still be here when I get back, yeah?”

He pulled one of his signature Hawaiian shirts out of his closet and threw it over his tank top, barely paying attention to the conversation.

“Bradley, I am serious.”

With a glance over his shoulder, Bradley took one look at your face, before he crossed the distance between you, sitting on the bed. Lifting his hand, he stroked your cheek gently, a somber look on his face.

“I want to get married.”

The words visibly cut him and Bradley immediately shut down, shaking his head as he pulled his hand away. Deep down, he’d known that this conversation was coming. He had been pushing it off, distracting you with slow kisses and wandering hands, but there was no pushing it off now. “You know I don’t want to. You’ve always known. Why are you bringing this up?”

“You’ve always known what I wanted, Bradley. What is it, what we’re doing here? Are we just gonna keep dating until we’re old?”

“Why are you turning this into an argument?” Bradley asked defensively, his cheeks turning red, like every time he got mad. “Fine, we both knew going into this that we’ve had different plans for the future, but I thought-”

“You thought what? That I’d just abandon the life I’ve always wanted?”

“This isn’t fair,” Bradley snapped. “Why can’t you respect my decision? It’s perfectly normal not to want to get married.”

“I respect your decision,” you said calmly and Bradley paused, his chest heaving as all the anger suddenly left his body.

“Then what’s all this about?”

“It’s about me respecting my decision and what I want. And-...” you swallowed thickly, words stuck in your throat. Bradley’s eyes widened when he realized what you were about to say. “I think we have to break up.”

“Now, hold on-”

“Do you want to get married? To me?”

“You know it’s not about you,” Bradley pressed, his breath quickening. “It’s- I am doing this for you!”

“It’s a simple question, Bradley.”

He opened his mouth, making a sound at the back of his throat, his eyes wide. Bradley didn’t really say anything, but it was enough for you to know. You smiled sadly, tears welling up in your eyes as you put your hands on his shoulders. “Maybe in another life… Maybe we will get our happy end then.” Pressing a soft kiss on his cheek, you left the room quietly, left him.

Bradley sat there for an hour, stupidly waiting as if you’d come back, even though he knew you weren’t.

The break up had been hard. But he knew that you made the decision with a clear head. It wasn’t fair of you to want him to change his mind on a principle he was set on and it wasn’t fair of Bradley to expect you to give up on marriage. Even though you went no contact with him, he had thought of you every single day while he was on deployment and when Bradley got back, he just begged for another one until he got shipped off to Japan.

When he got called back to Top Gun and bumped into Callie, he couldn’t help asking about you and somehow the two of you were drawn back together, like you were destined to be in his life. And when he first heard about your engagement from Callie, Bradley thought about going to your place and stealing you away, begging you to take him back.

Bradley wiped his sweaty hands as he walked between the chairs in the venue, before sitting down. He was jittery, and with Jake on the chair next to him, that probably wasn’t going to change any time soon.

“You sure you can make it through the ceremony?”

Bradley detected a hint of concern in the other man’s voice and he gave him a nervous smile, nodding. Jake clapped his leg gently, not entirely convinced, but there wasn’t any time to question him further, as the wedding march started playing. Bradley, along with the other guests, stood up. Your bridesmaids floated down the aisle where Henry was already next to the minister, looking perfectly fine in his steamed suit. The entire wedding party looked like a match-made in heaven, dressed in soft colors, but when you appeared at the end of the aisle?

You took his breath away.

As you slowly walked past all of your guests, Bradley felt the sudden urge to grab your arm and run, so he stuffed his hands into his pockets, shifting from one foot to the other. You gave him a small smile when you passed him and the one he returned was rather crummy. It should’ve been him waiting for you at the altar.

God, he was a mess.

Henry offered you his hand when you reached the bottom of the stairs, and together you ascended, stopping in front of the minister.

“Could you maybe try and sit still?” Jake hissed to Bradley’s side, but he could barely hear him. The minister was droning on and on as the happy couple stood at the front of the venue, but all Bradley could hear was the blood rushing to his ears. He thought he could do it, sit through the entirety of your wedding ceremony, congratulate you after and have a few drinks at the party, maybe even dance. But now that he was sitting here, watching you get married to another man? He thought he was going to get sick.

You and Henry turned around to look at your guests, smiles on your faces. Bradley’s mouth dropped open, and he suddenly felt so hot.

“And you, Y/N’s and Henry’s closest friends and family, are here today to bear witness to their union. Will you promise to love and support their marriage in all the days to come? If so, respond we will.”

“We will.”

The two words got stuck in his throat, even if he had wanted to, he couldn’t have uttered them. For a split-second, your eyes met Bradley’s and he shifted in his seat. You were smiling, but the smile never really reached your eyes. Taking a deep breath, Bradley shook his hands out before suddenly standing up. There was rustling between the seats as everyone turned to stare at him and Bradley started sweating when you furrowed your brows. Bradley opened his mouth, but he couldn’t find the words.

“Now’s not the time, Bradshaw,” Jake hissed, gently tugging on Bradley’s hand before he sat down again. Bradley exhaled deeply, wringing his hands and you blinked at him nervously, before turning back around, while Henry frowned at him for a second too long.

He knew that his friends were staring at him and Natasha leaned forward, subtly shaking her head at him, a horrified look on her face. But Bradley felt like he was suffocating if he didn’t speak up right now.

His hands were shaky as he got up once more, but his voice was strong, as it echoed through the room.

“Please don’t marry him.”

The minister stopped mid-sentence, and suddenly all eyes were on Bradley again. The silence was almost unbearable, his skin was prickling at the shocked and angry faces of everyone around him, but he had his eyes fixed on you. You were the only one that mattered.

“I love you,” Bradley said and the commotion he caused was nearly comical. “I made a mistake. I should’ve asked you to marry me the first time we kissed, because that was when I knew that I never wanted to spend a day without you ever again. I never should have let you leave, I should have fought for you. For us. I realize my timing is kind of shitty. I’m sorry it took me having to see you almost getting married to someone else to realize that,” Bradley swallowed thickly. “Don’t marry him. Please.”

When all of the words rushed out of his mouth, Bradley was relieved and terrified at the same time. Next to him, his friends’ reactions varied from covering their faces from embarrassment, mouth agape from the shock and just pure rage from Natasha. You were staring at him with wide eyes, your lower lip trembling. The tension was palpable and the longer it took for you to say something, anything, really at this point, Bradley started sweating, slowly processing what he had done. He was about to turn on his heel and run until he was in Canada when you bunched up the skirt of your wedding dress in your hands.

Walking down the stairs, you slowly approached him and Bradley held his breath as you stared up at him, face unreadable. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, his heart beating against his ribcage when you suddenly raised your hand and slapped him across the face.

The other guests gasped in shock and stunned, Bradley held his cheek, his mouth dropped open. With a shake of your head, you took off, running down the aisle until you disappeared around the corner. Callie quickly followed suit, giving Bradley a look of disbelief as she passed him. Bradley however was rooted in his spot, and nobody moved, nobody even dared to breathe.

When Bradley had to eject from his F18 during the mission, it was something he never wanted to experience again. His ears were ringing from the explosion and when he was ejected, all of the oxygen left his lungs. The air was splitting cold, almost burning against his warm skin and when he slowly parachuted down into the ground, pines and needles scratched up his face, before the freezing snow hit him in all the wrong places. Every single limb was screaming in pain and he was so cold.

This was worse.

Bradley exhaled deeply, trying to loosen the knot in his chest, but it only coiled in tighter, especially when Henry stalked towards him. Bradley hadn’t lied when he told you that he liked Henry, because he did. He was a good man. A good man, who was about to sock him in the face, judging by the way his hands were curled in fists.

Whatever was coming, he’d deserve it. But Bradley squeezed his eyes shut anyway, not wanting to get punched in the eye, and he braced for impact.

But it never came.

When he opened his eyes again, Jake had his hand wrapped around Henry’s wrist, his face hard.

“I know you’re angry, but this is not the solution. Walk it off,” Jake said evenly and Henry scoffed out a laugh, turning his wrist out of the other man’s grip.

“Get the fuck out of here.”

Henry came dangerously close to Bradley, his eyes furious, before he spat at his feet, storming off. Bradley was still frozen.

“We should probably go,” Javy said, gently pushing Jake so he’d move Bradley. “I know we’re a lot of people, but literally his whole family is here and I am not sure if I can fight Henry’s grandma.”

It was a scuffle to get out between the rows of chairs, and Bradley was of no help, stumbling around like he was drunk, needing his friends to steady him as he walked out, past the guests who were slowly clearing out of the venue as well, throwing dirty looks in his direction. Somehow, he got in the backseat of Javy’s jeep, Jake on the passenger seat while Natasha was to his left, watching him with narrowed eyes.

It was only then, that it slowly started sinking in what he had just done.

“Oh my god…” he moaned, horrified, leaning his head down, burying it between his knees. “What the fuck did I do?”

“What were you thinking?” Natasha , her face contorted in anger. “Do you realize what position you put her in?”

“Trace, not now,” Jake muttered and Natasha leaned back in her seat with a scoff, crossing her arms over her chest, staring out of the window. The rest of the car ride was spent in silence, and by the time the car rolled to a stop in front of Bradley’s house, he was miserable.

Without waiting, he tumbled out of the car, trudging inside the house, heading straight to the fridge to grab a beer. He’d nearly drunk the entire bottle by the time the others walked inside, almost a complete set. His squadron lined up in front of him, Jake giving Bradley a pitiful look, handing out beers to everyone, giving Bradley a chance to collect his wits, before it inevitably all came crashing down on him.

“That was fucked up, Rooster.”

Out of all the people, he had expected Bob the least, especially with the expletive. He really messed up badly.

“We’ve had her wedding invitation for ages, you had plenty of chances to tell her how you feel, why would you leave it to the last second?” Reuben asked and Bradley dropped his gaze, because he knew he was right.

Logan made a noise. “His timing was shitty, yes, but the way she reacted tells me she had second thoughts.”

“She reacted like that because Bradley put her on the spot, are you fucking joking?” Natasha snapped at him and Logan’s eyes widened, raising his hands defensively. “She’s been dreaming about this day all her life and you just went and fucked it all up, like it was easy.”

“Tash, take it down a notch,” Javy said and Natasha glared at him.

“No, I am not going to coddle him. He fucked up, big time and he needs to own up to it.”

“Jesus, I know I fucked up, okay?” Bradley suddenly burst out, his breathing heavy. “I shouldn’t have interrupted the ceremony like that and I shouldn’t have let her leave in the first place all those years ago. But it was not easy for me, Natasha, so don’t say it like I did it for shits and giggles!”

Natasha sighed with a deep breath, her shoulders relaxing a bit, though there was still a frown on her forehead. Bradley looked at his friends, who all wore expressions varying between worry and pity, when he realized that there were people missing.

“Where’s Billy and Neil?”

“I think they’re at Callie’s. Things at the venue kind of bombed after we left and she asked them to come help,” Brigham said, purposefully vague and Bradley’s eyes shoot to him immediately.

“Is-?”

Brigham shifted uneasily on his feet, shrugging with his shoulders. “I think so, yeah.”

“Um. I think I’ll go and apologize, right?” Bradley asked, shoving his empty beer bottle on the counter and Mickey made a hesitant noise.

“I don’t think that’s the best idea? Maybe the two of you need space right now?” He said and Reuben nodded, agreeing with his backseater.

“Yeah, I think you need to give her some time. And you should use that time to collect your bearings, too. Get your head sorted.”

Bradley deflated, leaning back against his fridge and Jake gave him a look, before clucking with his tongue.

“Alright, how about everyone just get changed and get some rest? And then come back, we’ll do dinner back here, that okay, Bradshaw?”

Jake glanced at him, raising an eyebrow and Bradley muttered a yes in response, knowing that he was only trying to help. And it was probably best if he didn’t stay alone right now, or else he’d do something stupid again. Everyone voiced their agreements and then started filtering out of his kitchen, not without clapping Bradley on the shoulder in consolation.

Pressing the heel of his hand in his eyes, Bradley let out a deep sigh, before looking up at the remaining aviators in his kitchen. Natasha had her arms still crossed, Javy eyeing her like he was considering putting a leash on, Jake just, uncharacteristically worried and Bob.

“I don’t have enough food in my fridge to feed 11 people,” he then said. He barely had any food in his fridge, if he was being honest, since he was supposed to be eating dinner at your wedding.

“We’ll just pick up pizza later, don’t worry,” Bob said, giving Bradley a small, comforting smile. “You should rest up.”

Bradley nodded, heading out of the kitchen and upstairs into the bedroom, not missing how the hushed conversation started as soon as he left the room.

“- him? He’s a grown man and he made a mistake.”

“You’re kicking him while he’s down, Trace, have a bit of sympathy.”

“That’s rich coming from you, Bagman, I-”

“Hey, let’s just, take a breather, okay?”

The rest of the conversation faded as Bradley climbed up the stairs and finally reached his bedroom, dropping down on the mattress, face first. He was drained, emotionally and physically. His cheek was still stinging from when you bitch-slapped him across the face. Sitting up, Bradley groaned in frustration, suddenly feeling like he was suffocating, tugging on his bow tie until it unraveled, tossing it somewhere on the floor. His suit jacket quickly followed, the dress shirt got dropped on the floor, and with a bit of resistance, his dress pants got discarded on the floor as well. Grabbing the nearest piece of clothing, he threw on a black shirt and some sweats, hoping to ease the tightness in his chest. Bradley took a deep breath, that was too shaky for his liking, his skin was itching and he was just way too warm.

He had to get out of there.

Getting to his feet, Bradley tumbled down the stairs, only stopping briefly in the door to the kitchen, his friends freezing when they saw him. Bradley was sure he looked like a lunatic.

“I need some air,” he gasped out, before disappearing out back through his backward, ignoring the calls.

“Bradley!”

Bradley walked in quick strides, hoping none of them would follow him outside as he cut through the neighborhood until he reached the beach, the salty air filling his lungs. His feet sank into the sand, seagulls crowed as they dove past him and Bradley finally felt a sense of peace in his body.

Taking in a deep breath, he shut his eyes, only to see your face staring back at him, your hand shaking as you raised it to slap him across the face. Wincing, Bradley forced his eyes open again, the tension back in his shoulders. He had to apologize. Turning his back, he stared into the direction of his house, knowing that there was no way the others would let him go, so he had no other choice but to walk to Callie’s house. It was a two hours walk, minimum, but he could use the fresh air to find the right words.

By the time he trudged up the walk-way to Callie’s house, it was dark, the sun had set about half an hour ago, right about the same time he got cold. Pressing the doorbell, Bradley rolled his shoulders back, confident that he had found the right words to apologize to you, when Callie opened the door.

Fuck.

“You got some nerve coming here,” Callie bit at him, glaring. “You know damn well I can kick your ass, and don’t think I wouldn’t just because you’re Natasha’s best friend.”

“I don’t think that she would mind,” he admitted, his voice small. “Can I please talk to her?”

“Why? So you can break her heart all over again?”

Bradley’s heart sank and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his sweats. “I’m- I just want to apologize. Please. She doesn’t even have to talk to me, I don’t even have to see her, I can talk to her through the door, just- I need her to know that I’m sorry.”

Callie stared him down for at least a minute, before she stepped to the side to let him in.

“If she doesn’t want to talk to you, you best believe I will kick your ass out of here,” she called after him as he headed inside, waving awkwardly at Billy and Neil who were sitting in the living room. Billy was unimpressed and Neil only sighed when Callie pointed him towards the first floor.

“She’s upstairs, second bedroom to the right.”

“Thanks,” Bradley said meekly, walking up the stairs until he stood in front of the closed door. There were small sounds coming from the room and he knocked on the door gently, nervously.

“I am not hungry, Callie,” you called from inside the room, your voice congested. Like you had been crying. Bradley contemplated turning on his heel to leave, not wanting to hurt you even more, but he breathed in deeply, before speaking.

“It’s me.”

He heard you inhale sharply and he leaned his forehead against the door, closing his eyes.

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done what I did in the middle of the ceremony. I just- I thought I could be happy for you, see you off with Henry and maybe even have a few drinks with you, toasting to the new chapter of your life. But when I saw you up there with him. I couldn’t take it. I am not sorry about what I said, because I meant every word. But I am sorry for ruining your wedding and putting you on the spot like that. It was unfair and you didn’t deserve that,” Bradley said softly, sighing quietly.

There was no reaction on the other side of the door and Bradley accepted that he had done all he could do.

“I’m really sorry…” he added, before taking a step back, clearing his throat.

Suddenly, the door unlocked and he had an armful of you, beating against his chest with your hands.

“Do you know how long it took for me to accept the fact that you weren’t going to marry me, Bradley? Ages, YEARS! I was completely heartbroken when we broke up and it took me so long to get back out there, telling myself that I would find someone. When Henry proposed to me, a tiny part of me thought that maybe you would come to your senses and tell me to call off the engagement. Hell, even in the bridal room, I kept thinking that maybe you were going to stop me, tell me that you loved me and that you wanted to marry me. You had so many chances, Bradley. I gave you so many opportunities to catch up with me, and when I finally closed the door on you, you chose the worst possible moment to kick it down screaming?”

The hits against his chest grew weaker and weaker, until you were just clawing at his shirt, breaking down against his body. Bradley wasn’t sure when he had started crying, but silent tears were running down his cheeks as he held you. For a while, the both of you just stood there in silence, both in tears until you pushed yourself out of his arms, wiping the tears from your face with the sleeves of your sweatshirt.

Your eyes were rimmed red, and your skin was still glistening with tears, but to Bradley you have never looked more beautiful.

“You stink,” you said and Bradley let out a water laugh, his chest rumbling.

“Yeah, I walked here.”

Your eyebrows shot up. “From your house?”

“From my house.”

You hummed, biting on your lip. Bradley reached out to comb your messy hair back, his fingers getting tangled in the knots, before stroking his thumb over your cheek gently.

“Have you talked to Henry?”

You let out a humorless laugh. “Yeah. He lost it. Said that I embarrassed him in front of his entire family and friends. I think he’s still getting drunk at the venue with his boys. My dad almost got in a fist fight with him.”

Bradley smiled at the thought of your father, barely 5’5, trying to take on Henry, who was almost six feet tall. He noticed how you left out how things were between you and Henry, though Bradley didn’t let himself get his hopes up too much.

“Is it too late?” he asked softly and your eyes found his, unshed tears on your lower lash line. “Am I too late?”

Sighing deeply, you dropped your gaze. “Do you want to get married?”

“I don’t. But I want to get married to you.”

Squawking, you gave him a shove and Bradley stumbled a few steps back, beaming at you. He knelt down in front of you and making you flush.

“Bradley, get up.”

“I am serious. I meant every word I said. If you’ll have me, I will marry the shit out of you. I will make you the best Mrs. Bradley Bradshaw,” Bradley said earnestly and you stared at him with wide eyes.

“... Okay then.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’m not getting younger and my other engagement just fell through-”

Bradley gave you a look, but he nosed along your ring finger, pressing a soft kiss on your skin before standing up, lifting you up with him. You laughed and there were still dried streaks of tears on your cheeks, there were so many obstacles he had to overcome, but he’d take it all, if it meant having you in the end.

author's note: whoop. sorry. this got angstier than I intended. anyways, you know the drill. SHARE! COMMENT! REBLOG!!

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