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musubiki · 2 months

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I forgot if you talked abt this, but does the whole "being on the same level as mochi" thing ever come up in honest conversation between them? Seems like an entire...thing that really influences lime's choices when it comes to the main conflict. I would think either some time after mochi's over her initial jealousy, or heck wayyy after they stop the witch king

oooo youre right i dont think ive talked much about it or at all.,... but YEAH a very key part of limes character is his need to be on the same level as her...partly a pride thing, partly a "i dont feel like i have the right to stand beside her unless i can compete with her" thing

(sorry for the long post rambles, apparently i have a lot more thoughts on this than i thought it did)

but actually this comes up WAY sooner, its WAY too big of an elephant in the room post-timeskip to go un-talked about. pre-timeskip lime could kind of quietly work away at trying to be better, but post-timeskip the m-34th thing is too obvious of a flag for mochi to think everything is okay with him

i think the issues really starts to be hashed out when mochi, at some point (relatively quickly after they reunite), brings up the notion of him quitting the m-34th. to an extent she understood why he joined, he gave her a bunch of reasons why he joined the regiment in the first place (jumping around a bunch of excuses like "They have good benefits" / "I was bored" / etc before finally telling her the truth that "I wanted to find you"), but what she didnt understand is why he stays in

she gave it a bit of time, they went through the whole "well you left me" vs "you joined the organization that exists to kill us" -> "call it even, water under the bridge" thing, and she thought that after a few weeks (months?) he would quit and just be part of her guild again, but he doesnt.

and when she asks him about it, he dodges the question, gives shit answers, dismisses it, a bunch of different things with the underlying message being "I'm not leaving you, but I'm not gonna quit working for them."

and she doesnt want to give him the "choose me or them" ultimatum either (even though pom seems all for it), because 1.) it feels like a shitty thing to do to him, if hes fighting this hard to stay in she doesnt want him to be unhappy, and 2.) shes afraid he might actually choose them

she starts to think a lot of things, that maybe he harbors some bitterness towards her, maybe he doesnt want to put all his eggs in one basket, maybe hes secretly feeding them information on her behind her back, ALL kinds of things.

eventually (and upsettingly) she gets the truth from clarinette. it takes fucking clarinette babbling her mouth away for mochi to get something that she hasnt gotten from lime himself. clarinette (in her delulu) wants to brag a little in the vein of "Haha he confided in me and not in you haha," and mentioned that when she asked him why he stays, he told her "The m-34th makes me stronger" or something along those lines.

and mochis first thought is "I can make him stronger too, he doesnt need to go to them."

and when she CONFRONTS him and tells him this, he gives her a flat "No, you can't." and it FEELS very cold when he says it. she can see the bitterness (bitterness???) behind his eyes when he says it. and its not a bitterness TOWARDS HER, its more of a "I spent 2 years before you left trying everything I could to make myself worthy of you this, and it did nothing. I would take 1 step forward and you would take 5. I'm not going back to that."

so this confrontation became one of those make it or break it conversations for lime, because his only two options were 1) tell mochi the actually pretty embarrassing and pathetic truth, or 2) risk losing her because shes already doubting him enough as it is

i think he probably tries route 2 first though. and whatever it is he tells her, he can see something in her eyes (mistrust? failing faith? fear?) which tells him "Oh no, oh shit, oh god, backtrack you idiot, BACKTRACK!!!" because if he lets this narrative go on for even a few minutes more, hes not going to be able to come back from it.

so he eventually actually does tell her the truth!! and he hates doing it. he really does feel pathetic. its so petty and stupid, he thinks. he shouldnt be trying to compete with the cat witch, hes supposed to be supportive. but he fucking hates being ONLY supportive. he wants to add something, contribute something meaningful, not just be a little accessory/sidekick to mochi.

and (as already mentioned) he cant do that without the m-34th. pre-timeskip he felt useless. and relative to mochi, he was. she wont say it, but she didnt need him. she would reassure him and tell him "You're amazing Lime!" but deep down she knew that after Amanita was dealt with and she was the full-fledged cat witch, she could do all of it on her own (and proves it when she leaves and takes none of them with her). she liked having him there (obviously), but anything he could do she could do better.

he felt like he just took up space, and when she left without telling him or taking him with her, it essentially proved his point. it was not even just a "I dont need you" thing anymore, it was now a "I don't need you, and I also know you don't have the means or ability to change that" and that fucking HURT.

the m-34th though....those guys really honed the shit out of his strengths. on an insane level. they gave him so many skills and tools as a black canvas to do SO MANY THINGS and SO WELL, and maybe this does bring up some resentment to the guild and magic?? that he had so much untapped potential that mochi could just not bring out in an effective way, it essentially bottlenecked him (not her fault, its hard to build the talents of an anti-magic person by using magic).

but these guys...as "bad" as they are (so the witches say), they gave him (and still give him) the power to change that which he hated about himself the most. so that "I don't need you, and I also know you don't have the means or ability to change that" thing can finally FINALLY be met with "Yeah you do, and yeah I fucking can."

so all these feelings manifest as "I won't leave the m-34th because they make me strong enough to stand by your side and not at your feet." AND THEY DO!!!!!! and he probably doesnt say those words directly but everything he DOES say communicates it enough for mochi to see it

(and he probably tells her all of this. she just listens)

so mochi, eventually, understands this. it took the whole pre-timeskip period and some of the post-timeskip period to get there, but she understands him a little more now (and a side of him she didnt know was there). i dont think theres anything she can do to change this aspect of him, but she at least understands his reasons and respects his freedom to pursue that which gives him peace, even if it conflicts with her uh.....occupation (nature?) as a witch. she also can tell him, without any lies or nice little reassurances that "You really are amazing, Lime." in a way she could never be, and he got there on his own, without her. i think shes happy just to know the truth, and know that hes not like betraying her or something. also she probably finds it kinda sweet that he works so hard to stand by her, but tries not to let it go to her head (or her heart) because at least half of it is a lime pride thing and not a mochi love thing

he also throws in a very lime-esq ending on it like "There I said it happy now??? Never make me talk about this again." while completely red-faced. he really does hate this side of himself but he cant help it.

#LONG ASS POST!!!!! sorry #good question....thats a lot of thoughts..#bpp #text #lore #he is a lot less riddled with anxiety post-timeskip #a lot more confident #and she does notice that #he gets a lot more cocky. much like when they were younger #contrasted to how uhhhh humbled he got pre-timeskip #she likes this version of him better honestly #pre-timeskip he wasnt as....happy #which sucks #you can genuinely see how the confidence boost the m-34th gave him changes his mood

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hauntingsoundtracks · 6 months

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List of titles

To make the search on the blog easier, I've compiled a list of the movies, shows, etc that have at least one music here. I'll do my best to keep it updated as I add more.

Unfortunately tumblr won't let me publish a post with so many links, so I'm unable to add a link to each corresponding tag.

See the list under the cut :

List of movies / animated movies : 12 Monkeys 28 Days Later 2001: A Space Odyssey A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night Alien Aliens American Beauty A Nightmare On Elm Street Arizona Dream A Series of Unfortunate Events Babe Baby Driver Basic Instinct Batman Returns Beetlejuice Black Swan Blade Runner Blood Simple Bram Stoker's Dracula Brazil Candyman Carrie Casper Clockwork Orange Conan The Barbarian Coraline Corpse Bride Crash Crimes Of The Future Dancer In The Dark Dark City Darkman Death Proof Devdas Die Hard Dirty Dancing Divine Intervention Donnie Darko Don't Worry I'm Fine Dune (1984) Dr. Strangelove Dune (2021) Edward Scissorhands Escaflowne Escape From New-York Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind Excalibur Eyes Without A Face Fargo Firestarter For A Few Dollars More From Dusk Till Dawn From Hell Full Metal Jacket Gattaca Get Out Ghost Ghostbusters Ghost In The Shell Gremlins Groundhog Day Halloween Hellraiser Hereditary Home Alone Howl's Moving Castle Interstellar Interview With A Vampire In The Mood For Love Jane Eyre (1996) Jane Eyre (2011) Jurassic Park La Belle et la Bête / Beauty And The Beast (1946) Legend Leon Le Père Noël est une ordure / Santa Claus is a Stinker Lisa Frankenstein Little Miss Sunshine Little Women (1994) Mad Max Fury Road Mandy Melancholia Microcosmos Midnight Express Midsommar Moonrise Kingdom Moulin Rouge! Mulholland Drive Near Dark Nikita Nope O Brother, Where Art Thou? Oldboy Once Upon A Time In The West Only Lovers Left Alive Oppenheimer Out Of Rosenheim / Bagdad Café Perfect Blue Perfume : The Story Of A Murderer Portrait Of A Lady On Fire Ravenous Re-Animator Romeo + Juliet Pan's Labyrinth Phantom Of The Paradise Phenomena Philadelphia Pi Pink Floyd The Wall Platoon Poltergeist Practical Magic Predator Pride And Prejudice Princess Mononoke Queen Of The Damned Requiem For A Dream Robocop Rosemary’s Baby Scanners Scream Sleepwalkers Sleepy Hollow Starship Troopers Star Wars Episode IV Star Wars Episode V Star Wars Episode VI Strictly Ballroom Suspiria (1977) Suspiria (2018) Tacones Lejanos / High Heels Terminator 2 : Judgement Day The Abyss The Addams Family The City Of Lost Children The Company Of Wolves The Craft The Crow The Dark Crystal The Elephant Man The Exorcist The Fifth Element The Fly The Frighteners The Hobbit : An Unexpected Journey The Hunger Games The Hunger Games : Catching Fire The Hunger Games : Mockingjay Part 1 The Hunger Games : Mockingjay Part 2 The Innocents The King And The Mockingbird The Land Before Time The Lord Of The Rings : The Fellowship Of The Ring The Lord Of The Rings : The Two Towers The Lord Of The Rings : The Return Of The King The Lost Boys The Lovely Bones The Matrix The Mission The Neverending Story The Nightmare Before Christmas The Omen The Others The Piano The Prestige The Rocky Horror Picture Show The Shining The Sixth Sense The Tale Of The Princess Kaguya The Terminator The Thing The Thin Red Line The Virgin Suicides The Witch The Witches Of Eastwick Time Of The Gypsy Titane Tommy Total Recall Tron Legacy Under The Skin Us Whiplash Willow Wings Of Desire / Der Himmel über Berlin

List of series / miniseries / animated series : Battlestar Galactica Berserk Buffy The Vampire Slayer Cowboy Bebop Dark Dragon Ball Z Elfen Lied Game Of Thrones Lost Lucifer Misfits Our Flag Means Death Over The Garden Wall Record Of Lodoss War : Chronicles Of The Heroic Knight Serial Experiments Lain Stephen King's IT Stranger Things Teen Wolf The Dark Crystal : Age Of Resistance The Haunting of Bly Manor The Haunting of Hill House The Vision Of Escaflowne True Blood Twin Peaks Westworld What We Do In The Shadows Yellowjackets

List of games : Bad Dream : Coma Final Fantasy VII Stardew Valley

List of podcasts : The Magnus Archives The Magnus Protocol

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missguomeiyun · 8 months

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Heritage Festival '23

Omg... Tumblr changed post-creating format. .. =/ not that I am opposed to change but this is annoying. IYKYK -.-"

Anyway, it has been several yrs since Ive gone to Heritage Festival. It's probably my annual favourite event even though it's outdoors AND it's during the hot summer season lol

The location of the event was at Borden Park / Expo Centre since Hawrelak Park is under renovations (until 2025?). I think parking is definitely better but the area is smaller, & I also kind of miss the all-grass situation. Part of the pavilions were on the parking lot & it got really hot.

The line ups were insane when I went so despite having 5 items on my list to eat, I only 3...... it was too hot too! >.< couldn't do it!

The satay beef skewer from Malaysia/Singapore ($7 for 3).

Sad sad saaaaaad . .. I didn't understand bcos they had a long line but they also had these pre-cooked & .. ?!?! By the time I got to the front & ordered, I knew these were already ready. But they didn't keep it warm/hot. These skewers, which is something I always get, were cold & dry =( such a let down!

Saffron & pistachio ice cream from Iran ($6).

This was recommended to me by my friend; it's her must-eat item from Heritage Festival so I decided to try it. It was. .. alright. I've never had anything saffron before so I'm not sure what it's supposed to taste like. Apparently, it was a 'subtle & floral flavour'. lol okay. .. also can't relate. This was basically just a pistachio ice cream for me. But it was tasty!

Elephant ear from Croatia ($6).

The 'CLASSIC' :P

So yeah. .. we didn't spend that much time there. Majority of the time was spent in line -.-" They gotta figure something out for next yr. I wonder if it has to do with the no-ticket system. In previous yrs, visitors buy tickets using cash/debit/credit, & you 'pay' for the food using the tickets. But this yr, every pavilion is different. Some take cash, some don't. Most have machine for debit/credit. I think this is the reason why the food lines took so long.. .

Anyway, until next time~

PS: Yes, I'm working on my monthly post >.<

#food #summer #summer festival #heritage festival #so hot

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stanharu · 3 years

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beastars episode 24 thoughts!

this post got kinda long i have Many Thoughts on this one

Overall I had fun watching this ep but I could really tell it was rushed and there was so much that got cut, which makes me super sad. our fears about the finale having pacing issues due to all the added scenes & rearranging were confirmed & it rly sucks, but i'll elaborate more on that in a bit.

this week's ep covered the end of chapter 92, chapters 93-97, and included small bits of chapters 98 & 99.

so the ep starts with the ED and the latter part of the tunnel scene with ibuki and louis. i liked the visual effect they used to show that they were in the dark. louis' voice acting was also On Point. for the most part i think this scene was done pretty well but I can tell it's being rushed also. I really wish we got more buildup and narration instead of just jumping straight to ibuki telling louis to shoot him. the way it is in the anime feels less impactful imo.

also im sad we didnt get to see this in the anime

before i move on, i wanna talk a bit about louis and his relationship w/ the shishigumi and ibuki. i feel like in the anime quite a few of the lil moments that really endear you to the shishigumi and also ibuki were either cut or kinda glossed over, which is strange to me considering how much effort and care went into the ED. it's very emotional and good but i feel like maybe anime onlies are missing out only seeing the anime and the MV. but idk.

legosi and riz's fight was quite rushed as well. there's so much narration and dialogue missing from it and that really rubs me the wrong way. It wasn't all bad but compared to the manga I just don't think it's as good. I will say tho that I really liked the sequence w legosi and the moths. I thought it looked really nice and was pretty well done.

also i liked how the backgrounds had some anti-yahya graffiti, its a nice touch imo

it says "high quality horse meat"

I was happy to see legosi do the "tell me more" pose but I'm honestly disappointed that the anime took out the whole exposition about why legosi did it. like i feel like without that it's just legosi being weird when he has a reason for it!!! This is just one example of the anime taking out crucial narration during the fight.

I also think it's kinda weird how they changed how louis shows up at the fight. im not sure how i feel about riz just charging at him like that, but i liked how legosi kicked him before they ran lol.

i dont have much to say about pina's small scene but I did wanna say that during my first watch thru of the ep i was too distracted trying to read the graffiti behind him that i didn't notice him getting his phone out of the dumpster and calling the cops lmao

it says "devour yahya"

and now... here we are... the predation scene.

overall i thought it was pretty well done but, like the rest of the ep, i could tell it was also being kinda rushed. some important beats werent given enough time to really sink in, and there's a few bits of narration taken out of this part as well that i find disappointing :^(

tho i did like how the anime called back to this scene in s1 when legosi mentions utilizing his strength.

also this part where louis is remembering ibuki had me like😭

I also really liked seeing louis cry. I was crying too sjdflskjdflsjkdf. i thought that scene was really good, its prolly my favorite part of the ep tbh. getting to hear the whole predation scene voiced made me kind of a mess lol. i really liked louis' expressions throughout this whole ep too. studio orange used their whole louis expression budget on these last 2 eps lmao.

seeing legosi instantly get all beefed up was great too. he looked a little ridiculous but i kinda loved it lol. he's so huge and poofy. i love him.

big pomeranian

anyway, im also sad they took out louis' line about being reduced to a flashback character lol. instead he tells legosi "be a hero" again which... im not sure about that change. i liked the part with riz thinking back about tem tho. tho imo the way riz realizes he's in the wrong feels pretty sudden. again adding to how rushed the whole ep feels.

before i move on again i just wanna say legosi looks so cute. even all puffed up and covered in blood. how does he do that

baby boy baby. i wanna ruffle his cheek floofs.

i think one of the things im most disappointed about from this whole ep was how the fight got wrapped up. i really like how the cops show up and totally shift the tone in the manga jslkdfjskljdf. im also really sad we didnt get this interaction

tthe anime really took out most of the sillier moments from the finale, which makes me pretty sad to think about. i know the anime and manga have different tones but pls let the boys be silly sometimes!!

the next part where legosi and louis finally establish their friendship was really cute tho ❤️ even tho it was pretty different i enjoyed it a lot.

BABIESSSS 🥺😭❤️❤️

the wrap-up for this arc and this episode gave me whiplash sdjlfkjsdf. it literally speedruns thru legosi's predation conviction, being released, louis & haru's graduation, and legosi deciding he's going to drop out of school. that is SO MUCH AT ONCE. also i was holding out hope that legosi would have his new years call with haru after the fight instead but that didnt happen!! so it just got cut!!! kinda mad about that tbh. legosi and haru having a lil scene at the very end made up for it a lil bit but that's still one of haru's few moments in this arc that's just not included.

we didnt even get the part wher legosi learns he can't marry haru bc of his conviction.

ive been really hoping for a season 3 announcement once this season ended. with all the background allusions to yahya, the added plot point of someone stealing elephant tusks, and sebun and melon's lil cameos in this season, it seemed to me that studio orange was kinda teasing a 3rd season. but now, with the dismissive way the anime ended, and paru's note from earlier today, im less sure about the possibility of a 3rd season. i'd still like to see the rest of the series animated, but i guess we'll just have to wait and see if more anime is announced in the future.

if we do get another season in the future i just hope that we swing back around and actually address the things that got completely glossed over in the last couple minutes of this episode instead of charging forward w/o touching them again.

i really think the finale for this arc should've been two episodes at least. not including the tunnel scene. i think then things wouldn't have felt so rushed. people have been saying this season really would have benefitted from at least 1 extra episode and i cant help but agree. some have even suggested a whole 24 episodes just for this arc, but i think that this arc couldve been done properly with 12 or 13 episodes if there was some better prioritizing on what to include and what to cut.

like i dont mind not getting the parts about legosi's family if they can be addressed somehow in a future season (or if theres no more future anime seasons thats a plot thread that doesnt have to be worried about). i could have lived w/o seeing sheila & peach's chapter animated if it meant more time for the focus of this arc. and was the kangaroo red herring really necessary?

adaptation wise, i dont think this season was as good as the first. i still think it did fairly well, but i know that it could have been much better. ive been excited to watch this season with my friends once the dub releases, but now im wondering if i should just tell them to read the manga instead. sighs idk. perhaps it comes thru better as a bingewatch, or perhaps im being a bit too harsh. idk. at some point ill do a rewatch and see how i feel about the season as a whole, but that wont be for a while.

if you've read this far, thanks for reading my ramblings!! it's been fun to make these posts every week and im gonna miss getting new episodes every week.

#beastars #beastext #legosi #legoshi #louis

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trylobite · 2 years

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i am fookin fewmin

ok so im going to break the post off but i want to set the scene so u guys can decide if u wanna read all of it

so this band i like, greta van fleet, announced tour dates the other day. one of the stops is literally my city, so obviously im going. but,,, as i go to speak to some old friends drama ensues........ oooohhhhh *ghost noises*

i have been to a greta concert before in november 2021. it was atlive in atlanta and they performed with cage the elephant and metallica. at the time i was on greta van fleet (GVF) twitter and had a lot of friends i was meeting up with at their concert. we were in group chats on twitter, and talked daily. this was at the peak of greta van fleet getting attention on tiktok and as someone who had been a fan of them for a while but never pursued like... their stan accounts,,, i was in for a big surprise okay like it was a lot!!!

a year or so prior i had left kpop twitter simply because i felt that the drama was too much for me, and i felt as if i was too old to be getting into these fucking high school level arguments.

but for the first few months of gvf twitter and tiktok i had a blast getting to know everyone and make friends, and i met this girl on tiktok's named maggie (fake names for privacy lol) when i posted about getting tickets to atlanta show.

and so maggie put me into an iMessage group chat with her friends sadie and kendall (again, all names r fake) and we were going over where we were staying and all of that shit. so eventually we came to the conclusion that i would be riding to atlanta with kendall and maggie and staying in their airbnb. i was at one point supposed to stay with sadie, but plans just changed, so keep that in mind for later.

so the time of the concert rolls around and by this point i was 3-4 months into a friendship with these girls, as well as the twitter group chats of 10 or so additional people we were meeting at the show. i had formed relationships with these people and had a pretty good idea of their characters. most of them were, admittedly, kinda snooty kendra scott girls. (i hope someone understands this) and i am just not.... that kind of person. like greta van fleet is a very rock n roll band, very led zeppelin sounding so its been said, so i never expected for their fans to be simply southern girls ok?? sue me.

but i never said anything about it and i was always civil, even when they were borderline stalking this poor band. they just seemed so fake nice to the point of being kinda mean? if that makes sense (all except kendall , we to this day love kendall she's an angel.)

ok ok ok so i meet up with maggie and kendall and i drive to atlanta no biggie. i am kind of uncomfortable bc im on my period, with ppl ive never met irl, in an unfamiliar city, and this was my first time going out of state without my family so i was just on edge the whole time.

the night before the concert we go out to eat with this person from the gc and their family which was so uncomfy, and eventually more people from the gc come rolling into the restaurant and i am so anxious and its so loud so me and kendall walk to the gift shop and wait for maggie to be done so we can leave. it takes over an hour for us to leave btw

so eventually we go back to the airbnb and sleep. blah blah then we go line up at fuvking 3 am... and sit there in the freezing cold on my period until 12 am the next night... no just no... i

anyways i meet the nicest bbys in line : kelly, terry, nicole, and ray (fake names r hard pls) who i basically hung out with the whole time since i had vip passes and maggie and kendall didnt. however, sadie did have vip. remember sadie? yeah she sat w me in line ,,,, allllll day.

so the concert happens blah blah it was terrible btw the metallic fans were like punching teenage girls in the face it was... a nightmare....

afterwards i watch cage the elephant perform bc theyre my favorite band on the planet (which everyone in the gcs clowned me for bc somehow no one knew who cte were ??)

and then,,, we had all decided to leave before metallica the day before, and since i was on my period and the venue didnt allow me to bring in my tampons i wanted to fucking go home like we PLANNED. but no. they wouldn't leave. so i left alone in an uber and no one ever called to see if i made it back alright which i thought was crazy, bc id never let a woman wander out into the night in a new city. but they did. and they got to see gvf walk out and met the leader singer of cage, which no one facetimed me for even though they were aware of how much i loved him. they also talked so much shit art how weird cage’s performance was but then all but sucked his dick when he came out to meet them ok lol but i have photos of me crying alone in the airbnb after i found that out lol

anyways the rest of the trip is pointless to explain so im gonna fast forward back to the current issue.

about a week or so after the concert in november, gvf twitter erupted in fucking flames with drama, and i simply could not handle it. i was on the verge of a mental breakdown, which i did eventually end up going thru, and i just could handle the extra anxieties being out on me by fucking middle school drama

so i delete twitter, i deactivate my account. i just leave.

and so now, march of 2022, greta has released new tour dates, and theyre stopping in my hometown so i AM going. the only girls i talk to regularly are kelly terry nicole and ray. theyre the only ones i still follow on instagram besides kendall. there was no other reason i unfollowed the others besides cleaning up my following list bc we didnt interact at all.

so me, kelly, terry, and ray all have tickets to the upcoming show in my city and tay told me that SADIE also had a ticket so i was like omg!!! sadie i haven't talked to her in forever lets make a gc, so i did.

and this is the outcome of that

and so being confused and worried that sadie left for no reason i messaged and her and this is what happened

so…. as u can see she FUCKING LIED TO ME and then blocked me after my final message.

i was admittedly kind of a bitch in my last messge but heres my reasoning.

you can say i was a bad friend, you can say i cut everyone off on social media… but the thing is ALL OF U HAVE MY NUMBER !!! NONE OF U ARE BLOCKED ON IG U COULD HAVE MESSAGED ME IF U FELT ANY KIND OF WAY

and ALSO U FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!! WHEN U DEACTIVATE TWITTER IT REMOVES U FROM ALL UR GCS!!! AND NONE OF U NEVER MESSAGED ME ABOUT IT!!! EVER !!!’

why is it, in her head, up to ME alone to support a friendship. all i did was delete twitter and explained it was for my own mental health and i got blocked… i just dont get it. i genuinely apologized that i made her feel that ways because im well aware i go mia for months at a time and most of my friends understand im just that way.. it’s healthiest for me to be that way…

idk if i even explained this completely or like… well??? i just need u guys to read it and tell me in not crazy and should t have just assumed anyone would be pissed at me when THEY havent reached out either like holy fuck

#🪲#extremely personal #i added pics of me crying during the trip lol #long as fuck #not proof read so if anything is dumb suck my nuts #read at ur own risk #!!!

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caffeineivore · 3 years

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For @apsaraqueen

This was written as cheerupemofic for BAMF a few weeks-ish ago, I think? Never got around to posting it but here it goes. Somewhat experimental R/J. Some angst but... it’s, uh, for BAMF? So. Yeah.

***

“Love is so short, forgetting is so long.” - Pablo Neruda

The Moon is beautiful and stately, all marble palaces and graceful domes, but leached of colour in an eerie wash of silvery white. Jikokuten takes a knee in the throne room and looks askance at the royals, for even they blend into this ghostly dream-world with their pearlescent gowns and platinum locks. The weather and grounds are flawless, not a single leaf or stone out of place. It’s almost too perfect-- ominously so-- and to one whose kingdom only dons white for mourning, it’s jarring.

And then he sees the High Queen’s court file in, the warrior princesses of legend, flanking the throne two by two, and there she is, a spot of scarlet in the sea of white. Ebony hair and auspicious red skirts, eyes like the twilight sky before it turns full dark. He blinks, and his heart stutters.

II.

The sheep are languishing in the heat, and getting leaner by the day with nothing but dry brush to eat, and Jochi coaxes some of his own water onto the littlest and weakest of the lambs. It’s foolish, and more than likely the little animal would die anyway, too malnourished to survive the drought which had blighted the steppes this summer. His father had always railed at him for being too soft-hearted, too foolish and un-Mongolian, but a part of Jochi always had perhaps too much sympathy for the foundlings and the weaker ones. There is a nebulous memory, perhaps not his own, of standing up for a boy with eyes like the open sky and a shock of black hair from-- what? He doesn’t quite know.

He hears the sound of hoofbeats-- it is a grand procession, the entourage of one of the Khans, and that is both blessing and curse, for they would surely bring much-needed supplies and victuals if returning from a successful raid, but just as surely would bring death and doom against any interlopers or opposing factions. Jochi’s yellow hair would stand out like a beacon, and so he pulls up his hood despite the summer heat and draws back into the shadows to watch the group. The warriors are fearsome indeed astride their ponies, bows and sabers at the ready. There is an iron-haired Chieftain at the forefront, proud and indomitable with eyes as fierce as a falcon’s. And then right behind him, dwarfed by the stalwarts flanking her, must be the clan’s princess, wearing a fine red dress and ornaments of silver and amber around her neck and atop her raven hair. She’s beautiful, with eyes as fearless as her Sire’s, but more so, something about her face strikes such a pang in Jochi that he forgets himself, and steps forward, right into the path of the procession. He’s knocked senseless not a moment later under the marauding hooves, but he only has eyes for the desert-mirage loveliness of the princess’ face.

III.

Jun doesn’t meet Ru-Yi until the wedding. She’s brought over to his familial estate in a lavish palanquin, amidst loud, raucous music and the rapid pops of firecrackers, and escorted to the altar by the servants to kneel next to his older brother Kai. As the heir apparent, it is imperative that Kai make a good marriage to a wife who would not shame him and brings all the right assets to the match, and Ru-Yi’s father is a very wealthy, powerful man. The newlyweds courtesy to their parents and each other, and then someone lifts the bride’s red veil away from her face, and Jun almost drops his goblet of wine. It is a stunningly elegant face, all cherry lips and willowy brows, but what’s more, though he’s certain he has never met her before, it’s somehow familiar. She, too, seems to feel it, because her eyes linger on his for a moment too long, a thin line of confusion drawing between those brows, before she turns away with a bland smile for the procession of well-wishers.

Despite the many presents of dates and lotus seeds on the wedding day, and, months and years later, the foul-smelling tonics and powders, she never bears Kai any sons, and Jun watches, heart heavy, as Kai takes on one concubine after another, carouses in the brothels night after night, as the lines between Ru-Yi’s brows grow deeper and deeper with cheated joy and thwarted wishes. He doesn’t care if she doesn’t bear any sons, but she’s not his concern-- will never be his concern. There are flowers left on her doorstep in the mornings, still wet with dew and with neither name nor note. It’s poor consolation for both of them, but she’s not his to love.

IV.

The air is arid and far too hot, almost tinged the same turmeric-yellow as the hot sun blazing down overhead. Captain Geoffrey Lindhurst with Her Majesty’s navy had been in India for all of four months, and is still getting accustomed to the local climate, so different from the ever-present London fog. The local food, too, is a far departure from the starchy Sunday roasts and meat pies and puddings of his boyhood, with its exotic spices and bountiful portions. The servants at his bungalow are politely quiet and do their tasks without complaint, but he has the sense that there is far more to their lives and customs than the scant glimpses that he sees now and then.

He’s out taking a walk on a balmy evening, and passes by one of the temples. He knows nothing of the religious beliefs of the locals, with their somewhat-fearsome-looking, animalistic gods with their fiery eyes and six hands and elephant heads, but many of the locals seem quite devout in their faith, praying several times a day and eschewing certain foods in their diets. Even at this late hour, the temple is open for worshippers, its air smoky with incense, and he sees a young woman emerge, clad in the flowing, traditional garments with a gauzy scarf over her dark hair. His gaze meets hers for only a split-second-- light blue to orchid-- but it jolts his system harder than a glass of raw gin. He has no idea who she is, and moreover, everything in his training and upbringing tells him that he has no business dallying with any of the locals. Geoffrey opens his mouth to speak, against everything that he’s known all his life, but she vanishes down one of the narrow paths and disappears into the night before he can say anything, or be quite sure that she wasn’t just an illusion, a trick of the light.

He visits the temple enough in his years stationed here that he gets to learn the local traditions and customs, and indeed become quite familiar with their rituals. But he never sees her again.

The dame walks into his dilapidated hole-in-the-wall of an office on stiletto heels the red of fresh blood. Jack knows trouble when he sees it, and she’s all but radiating it like smoke surrounding a wildfire. “Help you, ma’am?” He keeps his voice brusque and businesslike even as she shrugs off a lustrous black mink stole to reveal crimson silk and fiery diamonds, curves in all the right places. “What brings you to this side of town?”

“I need a private investigator, and they say you’re the best. My driver’s outside, and he’s bigger and meaner than you,” she adds in a snide tone to match the diamond earrings. “My name is Rowena Warrington. Henry Warrington’s daughter.”

The Governor’s daughter has as much business in the seedy part of downtown as he would rubbing shoulders with millionaires in a fancy ballroom. “Don’t you have security, or lawyers, or whatever, to deal with whatever you’re dealing with, Ms. Warrington? This is a bad neighbourhood.”

“And no one’s been able to figure out the truth behind my mother’s death, so here I am.” Presumptuously, she makes herself at home, sitting down in a battered folding metal chair like it’s a throne as she lights a cigarette. “Price is no object, of course.”

“No.”

He won’t be swayed, because this is exactly the type of trouble that he doesn’t want, even though she turns on the wheedle, and later, the tears. He lets her leave in high dudgeon, and shuts the door behind her, and tells himself that his instinct-- one that tells him in no uncertain terms that he’d narrowly escaped a terrible fate-- was spot-on. And he busies himself with the usual mundane work which flows in every day like water through a leaky pot-- fraud cases. Stolen heirlooms. Prisoners on the lam. Cheating spouses.

He reads about the huge, tragic scandal some months later in the paper-- the cover-ups, the blood money, the extortion, the beautiful young woman whose life is tragically cut short because she’d had the audacity to poke her flawless nose where it definitely didn’t belong and wouldn’t take no for an answer, and is shocked at the grief which hits him. He owed her nothing, he tells himself as he broods into his second whiskey. She said herself that her driver was bigger and meaner than him. She should’ve been safe. Should’ve been careful.

Should’ve been protected, with one’s very life.

He throws the newspaper into the fire and watches it curl up into ash as he pours himself another one.

VI.

The busful of unconscious mortals is just where he wants them, of course, and Jadeite goes about the business of collecting their energy, siphoning it for Queen Metallia’s use. It’s rote and routine, but then a flash of scarlet catches his eye, and it’s the miko from the temple at the last bus-stop. Black and white and red all over, and he pauses, kneels down to move a strand of her lustrous black hair out of her face.

“So beautiful. Ever since I’ve seen this girl, there’s something about her…” Something haunting, like a hint of incense smoke that clings to the air or a raven’s feather, black against white pavement, a memory that is-and-isn’t his. With a gentleness that he’s not had cause to employ in a very long time, he carefully shifts her into a more comfortable position, one more like natural sleep than the unconsciousness of a sinister spell, and lingers, unable to tear his eyes away from her exquisite, weirdly familiar face, until the all-too-unfortunate shouts of angry feminine voices tells him that he is not alone, and the Sailor senshi have arrived.

The miko opens her eyes and everything snaps into place a split-second before she transforms and a rage of fire heads for him, and he has but a moment to mouth the word ‘Sorry’, unheard and unacknowledged, before the flame hits in a wall of agony and heat. It’s no more or less than he deserves.

VII

The world is lustrous, glistening crystal, but unlike the Silver Millennium and the Moon Kingdom, the diamond brilliance of the towers bring colours into sharp relief, turning white sunlight into countless prismatic rainbows and reflecting the pale blue of the sky as rich sapphire. Jadeite takes a knee with his compatriots in the throne room and bows his head before the royals-- his King and Queen, united at last. Countless lives had been lived to lead to this-- an entry to a paradise hard-earned.

There she is, still, raven hair and red skirts, and after, when everyone has broken off into their groups, he seeks her out. He has no reason to expect a positive reception, but the words are long overdue, and she has a right to them.

“Lady Mars.” He makes an elaborate leg, as one might have done in a decadent court in the era of gilt and Rococo. She raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t storm away or glare, and that’s something.

“No need to stand on ceremony, Lord Jadeite. We’ve met before. More than once, I daresay.”

“And I’ve loved you every time.” The words are baldly spoken and perhaps too blunt, in poor form, but they’ve been buried for far too many years and lifetimes already. She halts, and he notices that her breath isn’t quite steady, and that gives him the courage to remain where he is instead of making a hasty escape.

Finally, a queer sort of half-smile crosses her face as she tilts it back up to his. “You’ve been terrible about showing it up to now, haven’t you?”

“Up to now,” he agrees. “It doesn’t have to remain so. Unless you wish it.”

“Hmm.” She glances away, but stays standing where she is, within reach. “I suppose we’ll have to see.”

#R/J #sailor moon #senshi/shitennou #fanfiction #fanfic #writing #apsaraqueen

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megashadowdragon · 3 years

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coldhands identity is brave danny flint

Could Coldhands be Brave Danny Flint? It sounds crackpot, and very likely is, but the more I thought about it the more it appealed to me. I've done a quick search, one or two people seem to have floated this before but it's never had much in-depth analysis. This is my first meta, so please be gentle and C&C welcome.

The Gender Agenda To start with, I'll start with the elephant in the room - Danny Flint was a girl, Coldhands is male. Or is he? Gilly, Meera, and Bran all refer to him as male, but they have no idea who he is, so would see Night's Watch clothes and assume. He wears a scarf over his face, and while they can see his eyes and that his face is pale, it took Bran's gang a decent amount of time to work out he was a walking corpse, so I'm not sure I trust them to figure out niceties like gender. Leaf's "They killed him long ago" is more of a problem - she's a colleague, she would probably know. My best defence is that maybe Children of the Forest don't do gender in the same way as humans? This feels like a reach, but we have had another magical species with sexual fluidity leading to trouble with pronouns in the series. Otherwise, Leaf tends to hang out in the cave, Coldhands can't get in, maybe they're just not that close. Finally, the main person to ask - Coldhands his or her self. The only other post I could see on reddit about this theory had someone respond with the quote "Once the heart has ceased to beat, a man's blood runs down into his extremities, where it thickens and congeals. His hands and feet swell up and turn as black as pudding. The rest of him becomes as white as milk", but I'd point out this is in third person and a generalization - "a man", not "me, Coldhands, the man".

Okay, now I've convinced everyone my theory is terrible, let's get into the meat of it.

Hands cold as stone This was what got me into this rabbit hole in the first place - House Flint's sigil is "A grey stone hand upon a white inverted pall on paly black and grey". A stone hand would be pretty cold, right? In point of fact, when we first met Coldhands, the final line of the chapter describes "fingers hard as stone." On top of that, the white and black background seems to fit the Night's Watch blacks, pale face, black hands, white snow, etc.

Who the hell else could it be? This has always been the weird thing about Coldhands for me. Honestly, there's a very good chance this is a non mystery mystery, he's a zombie Night's watch ranger riding an elk, do we really need a secret identity? However, "who is Coldhands?" is one of the most commonly asked questions in the fandom, so let's assume it's getting an answer. We know: a) night's watch member b) killed a long time ago, as reckoned by a 200 year old, c) not Benjen. There are essentially 3 historical periods where we know any specifics about the Night's Watch: 1) the long night/age of heroes, 2) Targaryen era, 3) recent history. If we work through these backwards, we can pretty much rule out the recent era for not meeting the criteria of "killed a long time ago". The Targaryen era didn't have much Night's Watch drama, a few kings sent to the wall at Aegon's conquest, Raymun Redbeard's invasion is wall related but the whole point of that story is that the Night's Watch failed to really get involved... the only strong contender from this period is a mysterious magical Targaryen bastard who went to the wall and went missing... but he's the other mysterious good zombie wandering around up north. The long night has a lot of Night's Watch focus, but it was 10,000 years ago. Allowing for this being in-universe exaggeration, it's still ~2,000 years ago, and if Coldhands were that old, I'm not sure he'd be in elk-riding mutineer-killing form, or at least not look passably human to Bran and co. This rules out specific timeline characters, which leaves more folkloric characters like Danny Flint, who isn't associated to any one point in time. There's a song, and she's treated as a well-known tale, which implies a fairly long time, but overall could be whenever. This works for any of the folkloric Night's Watch characters, but the Rat King is already otherwise occupied with a different cannibalistic pseudo immortality, leaving Mad Axe, who does have the massacring fellow brothers down pat, but doesn't feel thematically right to me. This section really grew in the writing, but TL;DR - assuming Coldhands is someone we've heard of before, no specific historical figures seem to match up chronologically, leaving figures from folk tales and songs, which there are only so many of.

Mutineer Massacre For a character we've all obsessed over so much, it's easy to forget how little we've seen of Coldhands. His role in the story has effectively been "transport Sam and Gilly to the wall, transport Bran and co to Bloodraven, massacre the Night's Watch mutineers". Hold up, one of those things is not like the others. During his quest to get Bran to Bloodraven, to awake the messiah and save the world, Coldhands takes a break and makes a detour to kill the Night's Watch Mutineers from Crasters. This is explicitly noted to be something they slow down for, when time is critical. Admittedly, it secures the party some delicious Long Pork when supplies are low, but even in aDwD it seems like there are other ways to get meat than to hunt humans, besides which he kills not one but five mutineers. He claims it is because the mutineers are following them, but Meera points out they've been circling for days - it seems Coldhands deliberately sought the mutineers out. The brutality of the kills also suggests more than utilitarian pragmatism - there are entrails slung through branches and severed heads! All of this to say, Coldhands is deliberately shown as both a member of the Night's Watch, and willing/going out of his way to punish Night's Watch brothers who break their vows and harm their fellow brothers, something Danny Flint might take personally. Basically, it's a classic exploitation movie with an elk-riding zombie as the wronged woman hunting down wrongdoers. Someone call Tarantino to direct this.

A True Night's Watch One of the big themes GRRM loves is the idea that outsiders to an institution can be the truest embodiment of that institution - Dunk and Brienne are the truest Knights, Davos is the truest lord, the Manderlys are the most loyal northerners. Coldhands already seems to tie into this - the Night's Watch are tireless defenders from the Others and their Wights, so ironically the staunchest ranger is undead as well. It would only emphasise this theme if this ultimate Night's Watch ranger was someone who was barred from entry, had to sneak in, and was murdered by their brothers for not belonging. There also seems to be a thematic tie in that Danny Flint had to essentially infiltrate the Night's Watch and keep her cover in hostile terrain, much like Coldhands in the Others controlled north.

Bonding over being murdered by your brothers Coldhands has so far been very much one of Bran's cast, but it's worth noting characters can switch storylines, and we have someone else in the North who can soon relate to being a back-from-the-dead Night's Watchman fighting the Others - I'm hardly the first to note the Coldhands/Jon parallels, but Coldhands being another character who was murdered by the Night's Watch due to their conservatism and hatred of outsiders would add another layer.

Miscellany A couple of quotes I found while researching for this: “Did Mance ever sing of Brave Danny Flint?” “Not as I recall. Who was he?” (ADWD Jon XII) - Tormund and Jon talking, Tormund mistaking Danny Flint for a man, this feels like one of those throw-away lines GRRM likes to include to make a little double meaning once the truth is out, or just seeding the idea of mistaking Danny Flint for a man. “The ranger wore the black of the Night’s Watch, but what if he was not a man at all?" (ADWD Bran I) - again, I could see GRRM giggling as he typed that if this theory were true.

Conclusion Honestly, there is every chance this is absolute nonsense, and I've just lost it waiting for TWoW. I tend to lean towards Coldhands not having a big identity reveal, he's an undead ranger co-opted by Bloodraven and that's enough. However, if Coldhands is to have an identity reveal, I think Danny Flint deserves consideration: there aren't that many viable candidates, her story is emotionally intense enough and has been referred to often enough that a casual fan could be expected to go "oh!" instead of "...let me google that", and it would fit with existing themes of the story. The angle of Jon parallels even gives an opening for the reveal to be natural and facilitate character and thematic arcs, which is what I look for in a theory.

comment on reddit

Yeah, the Flint (of Flint's Finger) sigil literally being a Cold Hand is what sold me on this when I started looking into it. There's also some other intriguing textual stuff about it...

The weird thing about Danny Flint is that she is only mentioned three times in all of ASOIAF. Three! Bran recounts her tale in Bran IV, ASOS; Theon hears Wyman Manderly demand her song in The Prince of Winterfell, ADWD; and Jon discusses her tale with Tormund in Jon XII, ADWD.

This was kind of shocking to me. Danny Flint is a pretty recognizable name to, I’d figure, the majority of attentive readers. I thought she must have been mentioned before the third book, at least, but… nope. Her tale is first introduced to us in Bran IV, ASOS, the Nightfort chapter… Oh, what’s that? Wait, isn’t that… the very same Nightfort chapter where we first hear about Coldhands? (Well, no, actually, he appears at the end of Samwell III before that, but this is the first chapter where he is identified as Coldhands.) Chronologically, Sam meets Coldhands, Bran thinks about Danny Flint, and then Sam introduces Bran to Coldhands, in fairly quick succession.

So it seems GRRM came up with Danny Flint and Coldhands around the exact same time. Interesting. Danny Flint is then not mentioned again until ADWD, when the Coldhands mystery is developed further. Double interesting.

Also, the Bran chapter directly preceding the Nightfort chapter– our first introduction to Danny Flint– is the one where Meera tells him the story of the Knight of the Laughing Tree, another tale of a northern warrior woman dressing as a man and hiding her face in service of some greater goal. Stretch? Maybe.

And why would Coldhands' face be covered at all if there WASN'T some big reveal upcoming? What utility would that have? That scarf clearly seems like a setup for SOMETHING. He doesn't need it for warmth. He's likely hiding a face that would make him recognizable to Bran/Meera/Jojen (and the readers), but died long ago... the only way that reveal could work without a ton of laborious exposition is if he took off the scarf and it was obviously a 'female' face, making it obviously Danny. It also seems likely Coldhands will interact with at least Bran and Meera again, both of whom are somewhat connected to Danny Flint’s story– Bran via his love of stories and legends, and Meera via the breaking of gender roles. So there's thematic levels to it as well.

source www . reddit . com/r/asoiaf/comments/llwm8m/coldhands_identity_spoilers_extended/

#asoiaf #A Song of Ice and Fire #asoiaf theories #asoiaf theory #asoiaf coldhands #danny flint

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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HBO Max New Releases:. July 2021

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

LeBron James might be out of the NBA playoffs, but he’s still angling to be a big part of the summer entertainment season. That’s because HBO Max’s list of new releases for July 2021 is highlighted by a very special sequel.

Space Jam: A New Legacy premieres on July 16. will find LeBron teaming up with the Looney Tunes in a Warner Bros. IP-extravaganza. Can ‘Bron and the Looney Tunes beat the Goon Squad before Warner Bros.’ server steals LeBron “Bronny” Jr.’s soul (or something)? Let’s hope so. The two other major WB releases this month, No Sudden Move and Tom and Jerry in New York, both come to HBO Max on July 1.

HBO Max is also bringing some fun TV shows to its stream this month. The long-awaited Gossip Girl revival premieres on July 8. That will be followed by Mike White’s satirical limited series The White Lotus on July 11. Ronan Farrow’s excellent book Catch and Kill gets a docuseries adaptation on July 12.

July 1 will see the arrival of library titles like Planet of the Apes, Reservoir Dogs, and Scream. Recent hit Judas and the Black Messiah comes to HBO Max on that date as well. It’s a good month for geek TV with the Doctor Who 2020 Christmas Special (July 1), Nancy Drew season 2 (July 3), and Batwoman season 2 (July 27) all coming home to their streaming residence.

HBO Max New Releases – July 2021

TBA FBOY Island, Max Original Season 1 Premiere Romeo Santos: King of Bachata, 2021 (HBO) Romeo Santos Utopia Live from MetLife Stadium, 2021 (HBO)

July 1 ¡Come! (aka Eat!), 2020 8 Mile, 2002 (HBO) All Dogs Go to Heaven 2, 1996 (HBO) All Dogs Go to Heaven, 1989 (HBO) Behind Enemy Lines, 1997 (HBO) Beneath the Planet of the Apes, 1970 (HBO) Bio-Dome, 1996 (HBO) Black Panthers, 1968 Blackhat, 2015 (HBO) Brubaker, 1980 (HBO) Cantinflas (HBO) Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, 1972 (Extended Version) (HBO) Cousins, 1989 (HBO) Dark Water, 2005 (HBO) Darkness Falls, 2003 (HBO) Demolition Man, 1993 Dirty Work, 1998 (HBO) Disturbia, 2007 (HBO) Doctor Who Holiday 2020 Special: Revolution of the Daleks, 2020 Duplex, 2003 (HBO) Escape from the Planet of the Apes, 1971 (HBO) Eve’s Bayou, 1997 Firestarter, 1984 (HBO) First, 2012 For Colored Girls, 2010 (HBO) For Greater Glory: The True Story of Cristiada, 2012 (HBO) Full Bloom, Max Original Season 2 Finale Ghost in the Machine, 1993 (HBO) The Good Lie, 2014 (HBO) Gun Crazy, 1950 House on Haunted Hill, 1999 Identity Thief, 2013 (Extended Version) (HBO) Ira & Abby, 2007 (HBO) Joe Versus the Volcano, 1990 Judas and the Black Messiah, 2021 (HBO) Laws Of Attraction, 2004 (HBO) Lucky, 2017 (HBO) Maid in Manhattan, 2002 Married to the Mob, 1988 (HBO) Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, 1997 Mississippi Burning, 1988 (HBO) Monster-In-Law, 2005 Mousehunt, 1997 (HBO) My Brother Luca (HBO) No Sudden Move Pleasantville, 1998 The Prince of Tides, 1991 Project X, 1987 (HBO) The Punisher, 2017 (HBO) Punisher: War Zone, 2008 (HBO) Rambo, 2008 (Director’s Cut) (HBO) Reds, 1981 (HBO) Reservoir Dogs, 1992 (HBO) The Return of the Living Dead, 1985 (HBO) Return of the Living Dead III, 1993 (Extended Version) (HBO) Rounders, 1998 (HBO) Saturday Night Fever, 1977 (Director’s Cut) (HBO) Scream, 1996 Scream 2, 1997 Scream 3, 2000 Semi-Tough, 1977 (HBO) The Sessions, 2012 (HBO) Set Up, 2012 (HBO) Snake Eyes, 1998 (HBO) Staying Alive, 1983 (HBO) Stuart Little, 1999 The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, 2003 Tom and Jerry in New York, Max Original Series Premiere Trick ‘R Treat, 2009 (HBO) Tyler Perry’s Daddy’s Little Girls, 2007 (HBO) Tyler Perry’s Diary of a Mad Black Woman, 2005 (HBO) Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All by Myself, 2009 (HBO) Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes To Jail, 2009 (HBO) Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Big Happy Family, 2011 (HBO) Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion, 2006 (HBO) Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married Too, 2010 (HBO) The Watcher, 2016 (HBO) The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep, 2007 (HBO) Westworld (Movie), 1973 White Chicks (Unrated & Uncut Version), 2004 The White Stadium, 1928 Won’t Back Down, 2012 (HBO) Zero Days, 2016 (HBO)

July 2 Lo Que Siento por Ti (aka What I Feel for You) (HBO)

July 3 Let Him Go, 2020 (HBO) Nancy Drew, Season 2

July 7 Dr. STONE, Seasons 1 and 2 (Subtitled) (Crunchyroll Collection) Shiva Baby, 2021 (HBO)

July 8 The Dog House: UK, Max Original Season 2 Premiere Gossip Girl, Max Original Series Premiere Human Capital, 2020 (HBO) The Hunt, 2020 (HBO) Looney Tunes Cartoons, Max Original Season 2 Premiere

July 9 Frankie Quinones: Superhomies (HBO)

July 11 The White Lotus, Limited Series Premiere (HBO)

July 12 Catch and Kill: The Podcast Tapes, Documentary Series Premiere (HBO)

July 15 Tom & Jerry, 2021 (HBO)

July 16 Betty, Season 2 Finale (HBO) Space Jam: A New Legacy, Warner Bros. Film Premiere, 2021 Un Disfraz Para Nicolas (aka A Costume for Nicolas) (HBO)

July 17 The Empty Man, 2020 (HBO)

July 18 100 Foot Wave, Documentary Series Premiere (HBO)

July 22 Through Our Eyes, Max Original Documentary Series Premiere

July 23 Corazon De Mezquite (aka Mezquite’s Heart) (HBO)

July 24 Freaky, 2020 (HBO)

July 26 Catch and Kill: The Podcast Tapes, Documentary Series Finale (HBO)

July 27 Batwoman, Season 2 Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel (HBO)

July 30 Uno Para Todos (aka One for All) (HBO)

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Leaving HBO Max – July 2021

July 3 The ABC’s Of Covid-19: A CNN/Sesame Street Town Hall for Kids and Parents Part 2, 2020

July 4 Annabelle, 2014 Annabelle Comes Home, 2019 (HBO) The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It, 2021 The Curse of La Llorona, 2019 The Nun, 2018

July 5 Lost And Delirious, 2001

July 8 Mad Max: Fury Road, 2015

July 10 It: Chapter 2, 2019 (HBO)

July 11 An Elephant’s Journey, 2018 In the Heights, 2021 Thanks for Sharing, 2013

July 15 Burlesque, 2010

July 17 The Notebook, 2004

July 26 The King’s Speech, 2010

July 31 17 Again, 2009 A Clockwork Orange, 1971 A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge, 1985 A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, 1988 A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, 1989 A Nightmare on Elm Street, 1984 A Nightmare on Elm Street, 2010 Adam’s Rib, 1949 America’s Sweethearts, 2001 Anaconda, 1997 The Apparition, 2012 (HBO) Are We There Yet?, 2005 Argo, 2012 (Alternate Version) (HBO) AVP: Alien vs. Predator, 2004 (Alternate Version) (HBO) Badlands, 1973 Beau Brummel, 1954 The Benchwarmers, 2006 Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2, 2011 (HBO) Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3: Viva La Fiesta!, 2012 (HBO) Billy Madison, 1995 (HBO) The Book Of Eli, 2010 (HBO) Bram Stoker’s Dracula, 1992 Bringing Up Baby, 1938 The City of Lost Children, 1995 The Color Purple, 1985 The Comebacks, 2007 (Alternate Version) (HBO) The Conjuring 2, 2016 The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course, 2002 (HBO) Don’t Let Go, 2019 (HBO) Downton Abbey, 2019 (HBO) El Angel (aka The Angel), 2018 (HBO) Eyes Wide Shut, 1999 Fool’s Gold, 2008 Fort Tilden, 2015 (HBO) The Four Feathers, 2002 (HBO) The Gay Divorcee, 1934 Get A Job, 2016 (HBO) The Goonies, 1985 Grand Canyon, 1991 (HBO) Hairspray, 1988 Happy Gilmore, 1996 (HBO) Hellboy Animated Collection, 2006, 2007 The Hurricane, 1999 (HBO) I Know What You Did Last Summer, 1997 Iniciales SG (aka Initials S.G.), 2019 (HBO) J. Edgar, 2011 Jackie Chan’s First Strike, 1997 Jacob’s Ladder, 1990 (HBO) Jeremiah Johnson, 1972 Keeper Of The Flame, 1943 Kill Bill: Vol. 1, 2003 (HBO) Kill Bill: Vol. 2, 2004 (HBO) Kung Fu Hustle, 2005 The Lego Ninjago Movie, 2014 Less Than Zero, 1987 (HBO) Life Stinks, 1991 (HBO) Lincoln, 2012 (HBO) Little Children, 2006 (HBO) Little Man Tate, 1991 (HBO) Lovely & Amazing, 2002 The Lucky One, 2012(HBO) The Madness of King George, 1994 (HBO) Marisol, 2019 (HBO) Me 3.769, 2019 (HBO) Michael Clayton, 2007 Mickey Blue Eyes, 1999 Monster-In-Law, 2005 Mulholland Dr., 2001 Muralla (aka Muralla, The Goalkeeper), 2018 (HBO) Murder on the Orient Express, 1974 (HBO) Music and Lyrics, 2007 My Dream Is Yours, 1949 My Girl 2, 1994 My Girl, 1991 My Sister’s Keeper, 2009 Now, Voyager, 1942 Old Dogs, 2009 (HBO) The Opposite Sex, 1956 The Pledge, 2001 (HBO) Precious, 2009 (HBO) The Producers, 1968 The Prophecy, 1995 (HBO) The Prophecy II, 1998 (HBO) The Prophecy III: The Ascent, 2000 (HBO) Prophecy IV: The Uprising, 2005 (HBO) Prophecy V: The Forsaken, 2005 (HBO) Pulp Fiction, 1994 Rachel and The Stranger, 1948 Radio Days, 1987 (HBO) The Reluctant Debutante, 1958 Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise, 1987 (HBO) Revenge of the Nerds IV: Nerds in Love, 2005 (HBO) Revenge of the Nerds, 1984 (HBO) Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, 1991 Roger & Me, 1989 Rollerball, 2002 (HBO) Romance on the High Seas, 1948 Rumble in the Bronx, 1996 Safe House, 2012 (HBO) Salvador, 1986 (HBO) Shall We Dance?, 2004 Shallow Hal, 2001 (HBO) Shocker, 1989 (HBO) Sinbad of the Seven Seas, 1989 (HBO) Sprung, 1997 (HBO) Stop-Loss, 2008 (HBO) Sunshine Cleaning, 2009 (HBO) Swing Time, 1936 Tea for Two, 1950 Thief, 1981 (HBO) This Is Spinal Tap, 1984 (HBO) Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, 2011 (HBO) Top Hat, 1935 Trapped in Paradise, 1994 (HBO) Troll 2, 1990 (HBO) Troll, 1986 (HBO) Two Minutes of Fame, 2020 (HBO) Underdog, 2007 (HBO) Untamed Heart, 1993 (HBO) Up in the Air, 2009 (HBO) The Visitor, 2008 Waiting for Guffman, 1997 The Wedding Singer, 1998 Wendy, 2020 (HBO) Wildcats, 1986 (HBO) The Wings of Eagles, 1957 Without Love, 1945 Woman of the Year, 1942 Worth Winning, 1989 (HBO) Young Man with a Horn, 1949

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lesbow · 4 years

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my thoughts on the croods 2 so far

based on literally NOTHING but the trailer so even i’m taking all this with a grain of salt

the art:

GOOD: the colors are gorgeous. TC was always a vibrantly breathtaking movie and luckily the second seems to be the same

BAD: i’m disappointed with the clothes. at the end of the first movie, the croods excluding guy got huge wardrobe changes to highlight they were not the same people they were in the beginning. but sadly the sequel seems to have??? cut that out entirely as the family are in their caveman clothes again.

GOOD: i like how the faces are more...... refined? the eyes look more natural and have neater lines. and i also like that the face shapes have been tweaked a little too. those that needed sharper features (eep’s face in the first movie was literally a circle) got them, and those that needed smoother and more rounded features (guy used to have the Anime Triangle Jaw) got them too.

BAD: this also comes with a negative though. as someone already pointed out, although their faces look neater, they also look a little too neat. all of guy’s blemishes are gone. actually, everyones blemishes are gone.

BAD: also, their hair! in the first movie, everybody’s hair is messy. it’s the wilderness! they don’t have combs. but in the trailer, guy’s hair looks like it was literally put into a straightener. and this is before he went through the betterman transformation. a side by side of what they did to guy (they butchered my boy!!) is in the post i already linked. it’s nuts

GOOD: another thing about the character designs i DID like was ugga. most of the girls/women’s faces in the first movie were round, soft, and wide eyed. ugga’s face in the trailer now has more variation to it. she has high, sharp cheekbones, her eyes are narrower, chin more pointed. the women do not just have “soft” facial features anymore. i like that theres more variety between them.

GOOD: i love the farm and domesticated animals. the wildlife has always always been one of my favorite things about the world of the croods and they deliver on it once again (black and white furry elephants!!!)

BAD: there’s a downside to this part too tho and i will direct all of that towards douglas. WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO HIM?!?!? he looks completely different in a bad way. he looks simple. i look at douglas in the trailer and see an easy-to-make toy. the colors are simple and no longer ombré, his teeth are more rounded and claws nonexistent. he doesn’t look anything like a tiny crocodile creature anymore, and more like a toy store plushie come to life. look at him in the trailer and then look at him in a pic from the first movie and then look me in my eyes and tell me they didn’t ruin my boy.

now about the actual plot:

BAD: why are the croods “searching for a perfect place to call home”? why is guy so eager to stay at the farm?? yes, guy is an inventor so new technology would interest him, but he was way more focused and concerned abt making it to Tomorrow. at the end of the first movie, they all agreed to become nomads and stay on the move, following the sun. a theme they explored was that home was not a place/“a cave”, and is actually just about being with the people you love. so why would they want to..... settle all of a sudden? eep ofc still wants to get out and grug doesn’t like strange things, but the others are like in love with the place?? i have to say with all these things so far it’s almost like they’re trying to scrap the end of the first movie entirely and just base the sequel off the beginning to middle sections. which is kinda disheartening since the end was so beautiful and made me tear up.

GOOD: i like that there’s another family, especially a mom, dad, and a daughter. i LOVE the fact that eep now has a friend her age and it looks like they develop a great relationship!! i desperately hope the same happens with ugga and the mom, and maybe grug and the other dad can bond too. all 3 of them, while having extremely different lifestyles, have very similar roles, and could confide in and relate to one another.

BAD: again, my biggest concern is the backtrack. in the trailer, grug is wary and upset with his family for growing attached to strangers. just like he was in the first movie with guy. “i don’t know if cave people belong in a modern world” they’re not cave people anymore. they’ve already developed past that in the first movie. “this place is changing everyone” grug is still afraid of change?!?? he got over this in the first movie too! so not only have they backtracked with the clothes, but also with the character arcs. this is a little worrying. how loosely connected is this sequel??

GOOD: nonetheless, i do think the croods encountering farmers is interesting. so far, they’ve only known that you can either be a caveman or a nomad. being neither is an entirely new concept to them, and it will be interesting to see how they deal with this third lifestyle.

BAD: WHAT HAPPENED TO RIDING THE SUN?!? i’m sorry, i’m just struggling to wrap my head around why the croods would be so ready to settle down. they had a plan. they were gonna follow the sun until they “caught it” and then ride it to Tomorrow. so what happened? especially with guy?!?!? that was literally his life’s most important goal. sooo.....????????

GOOD: while i was busting a lung, one of my friends suggested that the plot this time could be about “remembering one’s roots”. like how the theme for the first movie was that change and moving forward is good, so the sequel could now be about how, although progress is good, it’s also important to remember where you come from. i think this could be an interesting storyline if they do it right.

extra thoughts:

BAD: where are the other pets? the owl bear? the liyotes?? the land whale??? they didn’t go extinct bc the croods rode off into the sunrise with them. so Where Are They?????? did they get erased to?

GOOD: i definitely like the revamped betterman designs. apparently they looked completely different before and i very much prefer their looks now. i’m tired of the “blond, conventionally attractive character(s) think they’re better than others” trope. the bettermans look more like regular people and take pride in the technology they’ve created. i especially like how racially ambiguous they are, as i know this was one of the points the first movie got praised on too. (i do think goth!dawn wouldve been a cool contrast to eep’s bubbliness tho)

NEUTRAL: okay so this is based on both the trailer and fan theories. ive seen a few people wonder if the bettermans are actually guy’s long lost family since they look a lot like him, especially with their affinity for technology. while i don’t think this is a bad theory, i don’t know if i’d want it? idk it’s hard for me to explain but it feels like we’ve already covered guy and his family’s past. can you even imagine the convo lol. guy: “omg you guys are alive!!? i thought you’d been gruesomely drowned to death by tar!!!” / them: “oh no we just hopped right out of that. so anyways” like?!?!??? idk it would just feel...... idk. i think it’s unnecessary. (the theory that dawn is their adopted daughter and is actually guy’s last remaining relative/sister is interesting tho)

conclusion:

good total -> 8 points

bad total -> also 8 points

final thoughts -> so yeah. all in all i’m excited for this!! i love the croods and the themes and subtle little touches they had in the first movie, and am interested to see what they do in the second. unfortunately, it looks like a few things got retconned which is very concerning. i both like and dislike the new art/designs, and am very interested in the dynamic between the bettermans and the croods.

and reminder: i’m taking even my own first impression with a grain of salt (a very, very tiny one) since we’ve seen literally only one trailer so far. these are just my thoughts based on what we have. they might change as more things get released, or they might stay solid. who knows! anything goes until the movie actually comes out.

(also pink!belt will be the death of me)

#the croods #the croods 2 #babbles #long text post //#m: the croods

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lostnfinding · 4 years

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just breathe

idk if i already posted this, but i cant find it so im doing it again.

originally posted to my ao3

tw: hospital, sickness, references to the shit H*nry did to Bessie

word count: 2654

-------------------------------------------------------

The last thing Bessie expected was the sharp but familiar pain on her chest. She hadn’t felt it on almost 500 years but there was no way she could forget it. The shortness of breath, the urge to cough and the weight on her lungs were too strong and all she knew was that she needed to find Catalina. She felt tears on her cheeks and rushed to find the first queen, sharp breaths leaving her body, still feeling like she wasn’t getting enough oxygen. She got to Aragon’s dressing room, opening the door to be met by her eyes looking at her through her reflection on the mirror.

“What happened, cariño?” she asked, seeing her panicked look and red, puffy eyes.

“It hurts, Lina… I can’t- I can’t breathe.” She managed to choke out and Catalina opened her arms, welcoming the smaller girl, who buried her head on her neck.

“It’s okay, querida, you’re okay. I’ve got you.” The woman said, stroking her hair. “How about we skip the show today and go home?” she asked.

“Hmhm” Bessie hummed in agreement, her voice weak and whimpering.

“Okay, let’s get out of these costumes and get out of here.” Aragon said and helped her with getting ready, after telling the others that they were going home and got an alternate for each. When they got in the house, Bessie changed and laid on her bed.

“Do you thing it’s it again?” she asked quietly as Catalina tucked her in.

“No, estrellita, no. You took your shot, remember? We all did. You’re okay.” She said and kissed her head. Then she started to cough. A lot. Immediately, the queen scooped her up into her lap, rocking them side to side. “Let it all out, cariño, I’m here.” For minutes, all that was heard on the house was the girl’s loud cough and Aragon’s sweet voice whispering that she was going to be okay while holding her close and caressing her back. Ten minutes passed and Bessie finally stopped coughing.

“Lina” She whimpered, her voice was weaker than before, and now raspy.

“I’m not going anywhere, estrellita, I promise.” Aragon reassured her, kissing her hairline.

“I’m scared. I don’t wanna die.” The girl said and she shook her head.

“I’m not going to let that happen, cariño, you’re going to stay with me.” Catalina sounded so sure, but inside she was terrified. What if Bessie’s body was giving up and dying, the same way it did centuries ago? No, she couldn’t think about that, not right now. So she hugged her closer, letting the girl curl up on her lap, her small and sweaty body shaking with fear and weakness as she nuzzled her chest. “Do you think you can try to get some sleep? It might make you feel better.”

“But what if I stop breathing?” Bessie asked her, her voice filled with worry.

“You won’t. But I’ll be right here.” Catalina told her. “Do you want me to sing your lullaby?” when they came back to life, Bessie had constant nightmares and the woman had discovered that the Spanish version of Twinkle, twinkle little star calmed her down and put her back to sleep. That’s where the nickname came from.

“Please…” she said and Aragon smiled softly.

“Estrellita, ¿dónde estás?/Me pregunto quién serás/En el cielo o en el mar/Un diamante de verdad/Estrellita, ¿dónde estás?/Me pregunto quién serás/Cuando el Sol se ha ido ya/Cuando nada brilla más/Tú nos muestras tu brillar/Brillas, brillas sin parar/Estrellita, ¿dónde estás?/Me pregunto quién serás” After she finished the song, Bessie was already asleep, her breathing still shaken and weak, but calmer. She couldn’t bring herself to leave the room, or put her back down on the bed, resorting to just let her sleep on her lap, leaning on the pillows. She mumbled a few other lullabies, hoping they would calm her down and make her body go back to normal. She couldn’t lose her, she wouldn’t bare it. She couldn’t protect her on their last lives, but she wouldn’t let anything happen to her again.

A few hours passed and they stayed like that. Aragon didn’t dare to fall asleep, too scared of what would happen if she did, so she waited for the others to get home so someone could watch her. When they got there, Anne and Maggie perused her into going to eat something, changing places with Maggie, who stayed on their shared room, paying close attention to her. Still, after a few minutes, Catalina came back to the room, the unsettling feeling still with her. Something was wrong with her little girl and she didn’t know what it was, but she was going to do what she could to find out.

She slept in Bessie’s room, while Maggie went to hers. Well, she spent the night in Bessie’s room. She barely got one hour of sleep, too scared that if anything happened she wouldn’t notice if she wasn’t awake. And there she was, watching her sleep, the sharp breaths cutting her heart like shards of glasses, but it was better that the agonizing seconds when she didn’t breathe. Catalina was waiting for her to wake up, so they could go to the Emergency Room that had all of their charts, so the doctors had a bit more of insight. The thing is, waking up a tired and sick teenager isn’t an easy task, and she didn’t want to disturb her, so she waited. She waited until 7am, when Bessie’s 8th coughing fit woke her up, causing the panicked girl to come to her senses, struggling even more to breathe with the sudden way of being woken.

“It’s okay, estrellita, you’re okay.” She repeated the fraise over and over again, until Blount stopped coughing. “There we go. You’re doing great, querida.”

“It hurts, Lina.” She was crying, maybe from all the coughing, maybe from pain, or maybe even from fear, most likely all three. “Make it stop, please.” She sounded desperate.

“Do you think you can get ready? I’m taking you to the doctor’s, is that okay?” Catalina told her and watched as she nodded, before helping her get up. “Do you need any help?”

“I think I can do it…” the girl said and Aragon gave her a small smile.

“I’ll be just in my room.” She told her before going down the hallway and getting in her room, sitting on the bed.

“How is she?” Anne sat beside her, getting her hand.

“I don’t- I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on. She’s scared and in pain and there’s nothing I can do about it. I just- I can’t lose her, Anne, I can’t.” she broke down, letting Boleyn hold her as she cried.

“She’s strong, and medicine today is so much better, she’s going to be okay.” She kissed her head, stroking the back of her hand. “I heard you’re taking her to the hospital. Do you want me to go with you?”

“No, it’s okay. I don’t know how long we’ll be there. I don’t think we’re going to do the show.” Aragon said and Anne nodded.

“Of course not. I’ll call and see who can go in for you.” She smiled.

“Thank you, Anne.”

“Anything you need, babe.” She said before, her hand a squeeze and kissing her cheek before going out of the room. Catalina changed quickly, getting a few things before going back to Bessie’s room, seeing her sat down on her bed.

“Hey. Do you think you can eat anything?” she asked the girl, who shook her head as a negative, staring into nothing. She got into the room, taking the backpack she was holding. “Can I take it?”

“What? Oh, yeah. Thank you.” The teen said quietly and got up, stumbling a bit.

“Careful, mi amor. Let me help you.” Aragon guided her down stairs and into the car, putting her backpack on the back seat.

“Wait, Lina? Can you get Sky on my bag?” Bessie asked quietly and Catalina gave her the stuffed elephant and went to the driver’s seat.

They got to the hospital in a few minutes, going to the children’s E.R., passing in triage relatively fast. Bessie was rushed to see a doctor, who, as soon as she saw her, did a quick exam and took her to one of the side rooms, where she ordered a bag of saline and IV nutrition, and an oxygen tank. The girl looked a bit confused with what was going on, but let a nurse put the IV line and oxygen cannula in her without any protest. Catalina sat on the chair beside her, stoking her hair.

“Are you feeling better, estrellita?” she asked her after half an hour.

“I feel like I can breathe better, but it still hurts. A lot.” Bessie answered, and as if in cue, she started coughing profusely, quietly crying out in pain as she sat up.

“Shh, it’s okay, cariño. Get it all out, I’m here.” Aragon said, rubbing her back. With each cough, her heart got tighter, and she felt like she was going to break down. It was all too familiar, the symptoms lined up and she looked so weak. Bessie’s already small and pale body looked even more fragile, the tips of her fingers and her lips were turning a purple-ish blue and the monitors that were attached to her didn’t show numbers the queen liked. When she stopped coughing, the girl whimpered in pain and curled up on herself, holding on to her stuffed animal for dear life, and she stayed like that, not moving, the wires attached to her tangling on each other, until the doctor came in.

“How are we now?” she asked with a small smile, taking the stethoscope from its place on her pocket and putting it on her ears. “Can you sit up for me, sweetheart?” she asked and Bessie slowly got up.

“She’s been having a few coughing fits every while, says she still feels a lot of pain.” Catalina told her, and she nodded.

“Take a deep breath, please.” She asked and Bessie tried, but started coughing midway through it. “Can you do it again?” that repeated a few more times. “You can lay back down if you want to.” The girl nodded and went back to her previous position, burring her head on the pillow. “Alright. Elizabeth’s situation is a bit… unconventional, to say the least, but I talked to a few doctors who had seen a ten of you before and we concluded that she most likely has a lot of scar tissue on her lungs, which makes it harder to breathe.”

“So she has scars, but inside of her?” Catalina asked, trying to see if she was understanding.

“Yes, we think she does, we still have to do a CT scan to confirm, but is probable. But the problem with this type of scar is that it obstructs the passage of air, making it harder for her to breathe.” The doctor told her and she nodded.

“But why didn’t it show up later?” Aragon looked at the small girl on the bed, her heart filled with worry.

“Well, we still need to do a few tests to see, but I think it can be because it’s progressing. Has she had other lung problems these recent years?”

“She had a few cases of bronchitis on the first couple of years we were back.” She remembered the nights she spent awake, too scared to leave the girl’s side, fearing she might stop breathing at any second; nights just like the previous.

“Alright. We’ll see how the scans and exams come out and then see how we’ll treat it.” The doctor said and left the room.

“I’m gonna die, aren’t I?” Bessie’s weak voice was filled with emotion, though it seemed like she was trying to hide it. “I don’t wanna die. I got a second chance, I just wanna be normal.” She whispered and Catalina caressed her head.

“You’re not going to die, mi amor. I promise.” She said. “And I’ll be with you, whatever happens.”

“If I die…” Bessie started, but Aragon opened her mouth to speak. “Please listen, Lina. If I die, I have a hard drive on my wardrobe. It has a few songs I wrote, I want you to listen to it. I saved a few videos too. If anything happens, I want you to keep it.” She looked up at her and Catalina kissed her forehead.

“Alright, I’ll do that.” She said and hugged the girl. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you before, but I’m going to do everything I can now, I promise, estrellita. I love you so much, Bessie, my little girl.” She buried her head further on her chest.

“Mamá?” she tried and Catalina nodded.

“I’m here, cariño, I’m here.” She reassured her.

“I love you too. You couldn’t do anything back then, I don’t blame you.” Bessie said, and curled up further into Aragon’s chest, crying out in pain once more.

“Shh, don’t try to speak, save your breath.” She said and started mumbling to their lullaby.

They spent a while like that, until a nurse came to take the girl to CT, leaving the queen alone with her thoughts. Not being able to do anything, she texted the others, giving a small summary of what was going on. She felt so lost, not knowing what was going on or how she could help was crushing her. The minutes felt like hours and she was doing her best not to cry. Finally, Bessie came back with the nurse and scans, followed by the doctor.

“So, I saw Elizabeth’s scans, and she does have severe scaring on her lungs, and she has something called hypoxemic lung failure.” She turned to the girl. “From what you’ve told me, you’ve probably had it for a while. Basically what it means is that the scaring on your lungs obstructs the oxygen passing, causing you to feel tired and out of breath.” The doctor told them.

“But why didn’t it show symptoms before? Why did it show up so suddenly? Wouldn’t it be slow?” Aragon asked her.

“Well, that’s a good question. Have you been feeling more anxious, tired or confused? Maybe restlessness, sweating easier?” she looked at the girl.

“I- maybe? I don’t know… I thought it was just fatigue or stress, but now that you said it I’m not sure…” she answered quietly.

“Bessie! What was the agreement we made in order for you to do the show?” Catalina didn’t sound mad, she sounded worried but still firm.

“I’m sorry. I love doing it so much, and it’s going to open so many doors, I’ve already got universities that want me…” the teen started but Lina gave her a small smile and shook her head.

“I’m not mad, mija, I’m worried. But we’ll talk later, okay?” Bessie nodded and they turned back to the doctor.

“I’d like to admit you, mainly for precaution, at least a few days before we settle with your treatments.” She said.

“Alright.” Catalina’s voice was shaky, scared, but she knew it was the right thing to do. “We’ll get someone to drop off our things.” She nodded and looked at Elizabeth, caressing her forehead.

“I’ll send a nurse to take you to the room and get paperwork sorted out.” The doctor smiled and left the room, leaving the two alone.

“I’m sorry, Mamá. I didn’t know it was bad. I didn’t want to disappoint you.” Bessie curled up more to Aragon’s side, who hugged her.

“You could never do that, mija. I’m so proud of you, no matter what. What other teenager juggles school, college applications and four shows a week while getting used to the modern world and having to relearn so much?” she looked her in the eyes. “You’re going to be okay, Bessie.”

#six the musical #six fanfiction #catherine of aragon #bessie blount #catalina de aragon #theres aralyn if you squint #tw hospital #hospital tw #tw sickness #sickness tw

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slo-liveblog · 4 years

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hmm, that’s a good question! i know you probably just mean “how did you feel about that scene because normally you don’t like ashe”, which could probably be answered in a sentence or two, but im going to go into excruciating detail about this anyway.

i guess the exciting thing about the star-shaped carrots scene was how completely out of left field it was for ashe. of course, it’s not like him performing nice, cutesy acts of courtesy for the rest of the group is anything new. that’s his default- when he’s not out to murder them, of course. but for one thing, his overzealous kindness... usually only extends to claire? i could be wrong but he really only seems to go out of his way to make claire specifically happy, probably because of how he mentions that she’s gullible and could easily be strung along to his benefit if he earns her trust. he did interact with leon before, and the way they got along well was definitely interesting, but it was only for like one scene and really only extended to showing they had some chemistry as conversation partners. so suddenly, when we’re pretty safely accustomed to how ashe acts- cheery, nosy, talkative and kind (even more so with claire) when he’s manipulating someone, then erratic and violent when he shows his true colors- he completely flips the script. as ive mentioned a lot, his reactions to leon’s breakdowns are almost uncanny compared to the way im used to seeing him behave. it immediately begs the question of why? what could make him act so completely differently, as if he’s lost and no longer in control of the situation, because of leon of all people? of course, it quickly becomes apparent that it’s because leon reminds him of his sick sister, but that raises even MORE points of interest.

i think the biggest elephant in the room for me personally is, leon and claire... are very similar. like, there’s definitely a line being drawn between ashe and wilardo VS claire and leon (sirius is a whole other story but that’s for another post) in terms of their priorities and what they’re willing to do for their goals. leon and claire are both constantly chastised for being easily fooled, naïve, softhearted, small minded, etc. etc.

so we see ashe completely fall apart over leon being sick, right. the important thing about the star shaped carrots is that ashe didn’t do it intentionally, unlike most of his kind gestures that seem to be done specifically to earn people’s trust. of course, we don’t have an internal monologue for ashe during that part of the scene so we can’t know for sure, but judging by everything else going on (his expressions, his flashes of memories of lilia, he’s clearly distracted when he’s talking, how he realizes later that he didn’t even get info out of leon when he talked to him) i think it’s safe to assume he was being genuine when he said he was distracted and only did it out of habit. so a question that popped into my mind was what if CLAIRE, who’s very similar to leon, were to get sick? like, what kind of batshit reaction would he have to THAT? and would he still be able to kill someone that reminded him so strongly of his sister? but then, there’s another alarming thought right there- we ALREADY know that claire probably reminds him at least a little bit of his sister. the kaleidoscope scene... and how he is reminded very strongly of his sister, but then immediately recommends they give it to claire.... sure is something. the biggest difference between claire and lilia that we know at this point, maybe something that’s genuinely made him feel more comfortable with killing her, is her health. she’s active, fit, and fully capable of taking care of herself- probably traits that allow him to distance himself from her to some degree, but i do think there could certainly be the angle of “this is what lilia could have been like if she’d had the chance” if the game wanted to take it there. not sure if it will though. but i definitely believe her kind, innocent personality contributes to why he’s so nice to her. whether it’s conscious or not, i don’t believe anymore that it’s solely for the purposes of manipulation, for a whole host of reasons.

so now we have reason to believe that claire could resemble lilia, at least in ashe’s eyes (throwback to when i thought they were the same person lol), and the main factor separating them is that claire is incredibly tough and healthy. but then... ashe kills her. so it’s like... he can’t be completely distancing himself from this. we KNOW he has the capacity to recognize the similarities between other people and his family members, that they’re living their own lives with their own goals and aspirations, and then still decide that his family’s lives are worth more. he’s trading claires life to give lilia the things she has now. but it’s not even just passing recognition of that fact now, because ashe is having a full blown emotional reaction to leon. and the idea of that eventually rippling out to how he views claire is... a lot. like, it makes me think of wilardo- he recognizes that his wish, aspirations and life aren’t inherently more important than anyone else’s. he apologizes to claire when he kills her, because he knows he’s making a conscious choice to prioritize what he wants above someone else’s life, and thus robbing claire of her own chance to get what she wants out of life. but honestly, i still don’t think ashe is quite there yet, let alone far enough down that thought process to actually decide not to kill anyone. he’s probably very firmly rooted in the belief that whats he’s doing is worth the sacrifice of others, so im not sure if i actually expect his hesitance with leon to bleed into the actions he takes. we might have to wait for his conclusion to see that hesitation fully realized, to go beyond an inconvenience and into straight up self doubt. but the humanization is there and super fucked up to see happening to a character that’s been almost entirely unflinching in his goals so far.

so uh, i guess in short, the star shaped carrots scene caught me completely off guard and makes me super interested to see where they go with the ideas they’re setting up. it made ashe easier to connect to, definitely. and it’s also just a fucking cute and heartbreaking interaction between two characters i was really excited to see talk more

#i just have Lots of feelings about the direction theyre taking with ashe and leon okay...#witchs heart #slo talks #slo lbs bonus stage #ashe #leon #snowdrop34

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billion-heartbeats · 4 years

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We are Hindus, Muslims, Christians! When are we becoming Indians? When all citizens follow the rule of law in letter and spirit the unity is right there. The Indian state and the constitution mandates everyone to follow the rule of law and not the laws of the caste and community they belong to. Indian first, Indian next and a Hindu, a Muslim, a Christian or whoever, last! I thought we are a rainbow nation. A rainbow is beautiful not because it has different colours. It is beautiful because these different colours shine together. There is harmony. There is amalgamation- one blends into the other. They don’t go away from each other. They don’t boast of their supremacy. They don’t try to overwhelm each other. They complement each other to create beauty through the gloomy sky. That’s the power and magic of unity in diversity! And that’s what used to make India so special. That is precisely what appears to be missing these days. Hinduism! Hinduism is not a religion, but a set of common values and an emotional attachment to a particular idea of India- says the supreme court! The term “Hindu”, even today, stands for Indians in general. In foreign countries all Indians are sometimes described as “Hindus”. Acceptance of Vedas with reverence; recognition of the fact that the means to salvation are diverse. The number of gods to be worshiped is large, that indeed is the distinguishing feature of Hindu religion. This definition brings out succinctly the broad distinctive features of Hindu religion. The Supreme Court has effectively erased the otherwise celebrated heterogeneity within the Hindu religion. Ram has found his place in Ajodhya. Now its time to usher in Rama Rajya. It was in post-colonial India, when Mahatma Gandhi first projected Ram Rajya, as the ideal state. By Ram Rajya, he meant a divine state where values of justice and equality prevail, where every citizen is treated respectably. It’s one of Righteousness and integrity! When we examine the history of elections fought since 1951, we observe a very prominent slogan—used almost customarily—till the early or mid-1970s. This slogan was the promise by aspiring candidates to usher in Rama Rajya in contemporary India. After seventy years, no party in our political class have managed to usher in Ram Rajya. Now the slogan of Ram Rajya has disappeared from the electoral politics! Ram has been confined to the temples. Muslims: Muslims have a trust problem. The Indian state and the constitution expect the minority community to follow the rule of law in letter and spirit and not the laws of their community! Muslims in America obey all the rules, regulations and American laws. Muslims in UK and Australia follow National laws of UK and Australia. They follow the laws of the nation of domicile elsewhere. But in India they want to follow the laws of Saudi Arabia and oppose anything Indian. Their refusal to accept Vandemathram is glaring and adds to suspicion in the minds of fellow citizens. This does not speak well for their commitment to unity of the Indian nation. A Muslim is one who Surrenders to the will of Allah! Islam means to achieve peace – peace with God, peace within oneself, and peace with the creations of God – through wholly submitting oneself to God and accepting His guidance. Partition has dealt a deadly blow to the harmony of India. Creation of Pakistan has instilled a perpetual doubt in the majority about the commitment of the minority community to the cause of India. There are 180 million Muslims in India. The Indian Muslims must rewrite their victim mindset to be indispensable in India’s rise. The refusal of the minority community to accept and practice Family planning sowed the seeds of the community’s expansionism in the minds of majority community. There was an existential concern in the major community. They feared that one day they would be reduced to a minority in their own country. That has changed Contemporary India fundamentally. what’s the reason for their frustration: a short answer is they are not so powerful as they were in the mythical past? All the political parties were playing into the theory of vote bank politics for their political harvest. It took almost three decades for the consolidation of majority community. The entire electoral logic of minority consolidation propelled a majoritarian consolidation, as reflected in the 2014 and 2019 national elections. Muslims today have the least political representation at the national level than at any point in Indian history. Muslims should think twice before going whole hog with vote bank politics. It may be counterproductive! The Pandemic was a wrong issue to register their opposition. Tablighi Jamaat is a hard-line Islamist organisation headquartered in Delhi. Muslims have been accused of waging “corona jihad” or sometimes “corona terrorism”. Even as the government was firefighting, ordering social distancing and wearing masks, banning mass gatherings, TJ hosted a congregation of more than 3,000 people at its headquarters in Delhi. Hundreds of participants, many of them foreign nationals, then travelled to different nooks and corners of India. This event has emerged as one of the biggest vectors responsible for the spread of the novel coronavirus in the Indian Union. corona infection went out of gear and there was a palpable surge in the corona numbers as corona positive TJ members moved into all nooks and corners of India without the mask and not maintaining the distance. This heralded the community transmission of the virus with disastrous consequences. In many cases, the doctors and front-line workers who reached them were met with hostility, even violence. Videos emerged of the group’s leader Maulana Saad, telling his followers that the virus was azaab — divine punishment — and they should ignore calls for social distancing and reject ban on mosque visits. The misinformation was that they have been prevented to go mosques to break them. First and foremost, it requires strict law enforcement. People should never feel emboldened to take the law into their own hands, whether it is those assaulting Muslims or Muslim groups assaulting health workers. Well the brighter side is that, now the Indian Muslims are better off than ever before. They haven’t lost anything, neither has Islam. However, vote bank advantage has been neutralised. May be this is the reason for frustration! Indian Muslims wove a false narrative, and immured themselves into it. There could be another. The one of India’s rise. They would be indispensable to the plot if they could rewrite victim mindset and be a part of the success story of the nation. Muslims in India must embrace modern education and an Indian identity based on humanism. Triple Talaq and talaq-e-bidat - “void and illegal The Act passed by the parliament and upheld by supreme court, declares the talaq-e-bidat to be “void and illegal” and also makes the offence punishable with imprisonment. The Triple Talaq Bill, was met with vehement opposition from some leaders of the opposition parties and Muslim leaders. The Supreme Court, in 2017, had dubbed the process of triple talaq unconstitutional. This is a historic bill that gives justice to the Muslim women. Citizenship Amendment Bill Citizenship Amendment Bill- applies to migrants from Afghanistan, Bangladesh and Pakistan. CAA grants Indian citizenship to non-Muslim illegal immigrants. The Muslims of this country don't have to worry about anything. Why Should Muslims from Bangladesh and Afghanistan and the rest of the world be given citizenship? The country cannot run like this. The citizenship will be given only to persecuted religious minorities only from these three countries. The Uniform Civil Code: A case for Equality and non-discrimination This will be a historic event in the modern history of India to join the civilised world! The pandemic has delayed the process. Part IV of the Indian Constitution lists out the Directive Principles of State Policy, under which, in Article 44, the UCC is mentioned. The Article states: "The State shall endeavour to secure for the citizens a UCC throughout the territory of India." In essence, the UCC would replace personal laws which are enforced in India, based on scriptures and customs of major religious communities, with a common set of laws applying to every citizen equally. These laws would deal with issues pertaining to marriage, divorce, inheritance, adoption and maintenance. Abrogation of Article 370. Article 370 of the Indian constitution gave special status to Jammu and Kashmir, which was administered by India as a state from 1954 to 31 October 2019. Kashmiri Hindus were thrown out of Kashmir lock stock and barrel, overnight. They were subjected to inhuman treatment. Article 35A of the Indian constitution, which gave some special privileges to the people of the state, has been scrapped. The government has revoked Article 370, which 35A is part of and which has been the basis of Kashmir's complex relationship with India for some 70 years. Kashmir will no longer have a separate constitution and will have to abide by the Indian constitution much like any other state. All Indian laws will be automatically applicable to Kashmiris, and people from outside the state will be able to buy property there. The government says this will bring development to the region. The political problems that the Prime Minister has yet to deal with are every bit as serious as the economic problems. The consecration of the temple in Ajodhya happened by coincidence on the first anniversary of the abrogation of Article 370. While the community needed to address the elephant in the room and could not be absolved of its responsibility for wrongful acts by the Tablighi Jamaat — the polarised discourse that was unleashed in mainstream media impacted the psyche of the general population. The Muslim community has to find good leadership and integrate itself into the mainstream of Indian society, rather than reverting to separatist tendencies, demagogy, and conspiracy theories. Most importantly, inter-faith dialogue and communal cooperation at every level of society needs to be facilitated. Governments can do a lot but it is up to the ordinary people to work at peaceful coexistence and mutual understanding, by building trust and confidence and knowledge of each other. Without this, nations cannot progress. Unfortunately, in the past many Muslim kings have not left us with pleasant memories. Christianity in India Demographically, Christian believers comprise only a tiny portion – about 2.3 percent of India's enormous population of 1.3 billion. Christianity is India's third-largest religion after Hinduism and Islam, with approximately 28 million followers. Critics should perhaps listen to the sociologists who say the educational and social success of a community could lead to a fall in its population. The fact is, the story of Christianity in India is not a success story. Even though the overseas missionaries are gone, the image and culture of Indian Christianity retain strong elements of foreignness. Most Christians are in line with the Indian mainstream. When the iconic Catholic figure Mother Teresa died in 1997, she was awarded a full state funeral. The gun carriage that bore her body was the same as that used to carry India’s founding father, Mohandas K. Gandhi, and Jawaharlal Nehru, the country’s first prime minister, to their cremations. It’s difficult to imagine many other overwhelmingly Christian societies in which a Christian would be accorded that kind of treatment. Are we just diverse with no unity? India, the land that gave birth to four religions and enshrined both secularism and free speech in its constitution, has been having a curious debate these past few weeks about secularism and free speech. The pseudo secularism is making headlines! we must realise we have the power to say “no” to thoughts of resentment, jealousy, anger and greed. We must choose thoughts of love and accommodation and amalgamation instead. A responsible citizen abides by all the law and order of the country. Is there unity with diversity in India? We are just diverse. Where is unity? Even in COVID times we just proved that we are not united. Many of us were ready to infect others and risk their lives by our fraudulent behavior. We attacked the medical and para medical warriors who were trying their best to treat you, test you and prevent you from infection risking their own lives. India believes in” live and let live concept”. Every single person is guaranteed of his constitutional rights. The very idea of India is revolving around ‘unity in diversity’ and ‘diversity in unity’. It guarantees equality, liberty and freedom to every citizen of the country. India has emerged as a major player in the global arena. Besides being a major economic power, India is globally acknowledged as a soft superpower. Its Diaspora is the most successful ethnic group across the globe. Way Forward. Education will bring Muslims to the mainstream. Disrupt Radical Networks Foster Madrassa and Mosque Reforms Expand Economic Opportunities Support “Civil Islam” Engage Muslim Diasporas One nation. One India Law of justice for all! A country can flourish when its citizens are responsible enough to build a strong and powerful nation. We are all responsible for the protection and development of our country. Let us be Indians first, Indians next and Indians last! Dr N Prabhudev Former Director Sri Jayadeva institute of Cardiology Former VC of Bangalore university Former Chairman Karnataka state Health Commission [email protected]

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shes-soparticular · 5 years

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Slow Burn (Part V)

(Part I) (Part II) (Part III) (Part IV) (Masterlist)

A/N: Sorry this took so long! But it’s finally here and I hope you guys enjoy! As always, feedback of any kind is INCREDIBLY appreciated. Furthermore, I’m always accepting blurbs/requests. I’ve also been horrible about starting a tag list, so if you’d like to be added, please let me know!

Words: 4723

I heard there was someone but I know he don't deserve you If you were mine I'd never let anyone hurt you I wanna dry those tears, kiss those lips It's all that I've been thinking about

Instinctively, Shawn’s hand moves to graze the small of her back, brushing over the warm skin peeking out at the top of her jeans. The same skin he’d been pressed to only hours before, when his lips had brushed the back of her shoulder, just above the healing scar tissue of the tattoo he’d helped place there. But they’ve left the safety and possibility that Kraków had bestowed upon them and now? Now reality was shoving them apart again. A stark reminder that what felt so natural, so inevitable, wasn’t nearly as easy as it seemed between hotel sheets.

He doesn’t even realize that he’s squaring his shoulders, ready to step in front of Alex to protect her from the man walking towards them at a clip. However, hearing Alex’s voice acknowledging this stranger, calling him Ethan, causes his stomach to sink as low as it’s ever been. This guy isn’t a stranger at all, in fact, he arguably knows Alex better than Shawn does. Maybe better than anyone. That thought alone brings a tightness to his chest that he can’t ignore. Reluctantly, he takes a step backward, his hand leaving her body as she’s engulfed in the arms of someone else.

On first glance, Ethan is every part the tragic fuckboy that Alex had unwittingly described. Every aspect of him seems a little forced, as though he’s perpetually trying too hard. From the comb over fade to the meticulously groomed beard, or the fact that he’s dressed like an urban lumberjack complete with timberlands and jeans that were carefully ripped up and distressed before they ever left the store, everything about him screams Small Dick Energy. Shawn knows that maybe that’s just the jealousy speaking as it sears through him, but the way Ethan unabashedly grabs a handful of Alex’s ass despite being surrounded by a group of her figurative colleagues? The way he only chuckles when she uncomfortably swats his hand away? It makes Shawn clench his fist without hesitation.

“Hey Sweetness.” Even his voice has a smarmy quality to it, a frat-boy cockiness that someone several years removed from college should be embarrassed to exemplify. He can see Alex flinch at the endearment, her tension only becoming more pronounced as Ethan wraps one arm around her waist, tugging her into him a tad too roughly. Her hands brace against the front of his shirt, making it all too obvious that she isn’t ready to welcome him with open arms. Evidently, it goes unnoticed by Ethan, as he only tightens his grip around her, face nuzzling into the crook of her neck and placing a lingering kiss under her ear. Shawn knows he should walk away. At the very least, he needs to stop fucking staring. Yet, somehow, he’s frozen in place. There’s a look of possession in Ethan’s eyes as they sweep over Alex, not the adoration that Shawn can never manage to hide. “I wanted to see you.”

He can only see the back of Alex’s head as she tries to inch backwards out of Ethan’s grasp. “You know I’m only here for one night, right? We leave for Glasgow tomorrow morning…” Her voice stammers a bit, and once more, even though she’s having this exchange with her long-term boyfriend, it takes everything in Shawn’s power not to tell the guy to take a hike. At some point over those growingly fervent weeks, he’d become fluent in Alex’s body language. As much as he doesn’t want her to experience even a second of discomfort, it eases the pressure in his chest to see that she isn’t thrilled with this reunion.

Ethan doesn’t appear the least bit surprised nor phased by her uneasiness, his hands at her waist clearly not letting her back away much further. “Not a problem. Remember the summer program I did out here? I still have buddies in the city. I’m going to hang with them for a few days. But you’re sure you can’t spend a couple extra nights?” Not wanting to make it anymore obvious that he’s listening to their conversation, Shawn absent mindedly scrolls through his phone, but his attention never wavers from eavesdropping.

“No, Ethan,” Alex’s voice is hushed as she shrugs herself out of his hands, pushing him a few feet further from the rest of the group. There’s a red flush starting to creep over her cheeks and Shawn recognizes it instantly as embarrassment. It’s not the rosy glow her skin turns when she’s laughing at one of his jokes or wrestling him over the last Heineken. Nor is it the crimson she turned when Brian and Connor teased her about leaving his room that morning in Shawn’s shirt, a “wouldn’t you like to know” grin plastered on her face despite the heat spreading across her features. “I’m working, you know that. I can’t change my schedule. That’s why I told you not to come out this time.” Her final statement is a bit sharper, her eyes narrowing as she rubs at the crease in her forehead.

“Work, huh? That’s not what it’s looked like on your snapchat.” Ethan flashes her a surprisingly stern look, suddenly dropping the happy go lucky routine before picking it right back up the second his attention turns over Alex’s shoulder to Shawn. “Seen you on there a few times bro, thanks for watching out for my girl.” Ethan brushes past Alex to clasp Shawn on the arm. The way his hand connects, with muted aggression, tells Shawn everything he needs to know about the unspoken words Ethan intends to express. “My baby sister loves you by the way, I think she got tickets to your show for her fifteenth birthday this year.” A low blow. It takes all of his will power to not shoot a retort about the way his music makes Alex’s hips roll, the way she smiles with hooded eyes as she sings his words back to him from the side of the stage. This image of her wandering through his head calms him immediately. It couldn’t matter less what this guy thought of him, it mattered what Alex thought of him. Having woken up with her hand wrapped around his that very morning? He’s done questioning whether she returns his feelings. The only question that remains is what she’s going to do about it.

Shawn snaps out of his thoughts, finally addressing Ethan head on. Giving a slight nod, he barely masks the chill in his voice. “Yeah, nice to meet you. Enjoy Vienna, man.” He only allows his eyes to lock on Alex’s for a moment as he steps around them on his way to the elevator, just long enough to see the loaded apology being sent his way. He doesn’t slow his pace until he makes it to his hotel room, alone this time, knowing full well he won’t be waking up there intertwined with her. He refuses to let his thoughts drift to the fact that there will be someone else waking up with her the next morning, but the thought doesn’t leave the recesses of his mind the rest of the day.

Shortly after the Meet & Greet has wrapped up that his phone vibrates with the first sign of her. I’m so sorry, I didn’t know he was going to pull this. It’s unprofessional and I feel like an idiot. I have to go with him to meet up with his friends tonight, so I’m going to miss the show. But I really want to see you guys afterwards? Text me when you head out after the show? He rereads her text a few times, stomach sinking for the second time that day as he realizes this is the first show she won’t be at. If there was any other reason behind it, he’d be unbothered. He couldn’t imagine anyone truly wanting to watch him sing the same songs night after night the way that she did, but the knowledge that he wouldn’t be able to pick her out in the crowd because she was playing dutiful girlfriend for another guy? It ripped him apart in a way he never would have expected. He takes his time to send her a response, trying to be as measured as possible. Not your fault, don’t be sorry. I think I’m going to head back to the hotel after the show but I’ll let you know if I end up going out.

He’s resolute until Alessia’s set has reached her final song that he oh so stupidly decides to check Instagram. There haven’t been any updates from Alex since the boomerang she posted of chocolate fondue in Zürich, a hand with a telltale elephant tattoo trying to snatch her fork away. In a masochistic move, he decides to check Ethan’s account. Sure enough, there’s a photo of he and Alex, his arms wrapped around her with a defensive tightness. She’s subtly leaning away from him, the smile on her face as fake as Shawn’s ever seen. It’s a frozen, tight lipped Posh Beckham-esque non-smile that he’s never even seen on her before. Nothing like the wide, toothy grins he’d become accustomed to, the ones that reached all the way up to create crinkles in the skin beside her eyes. It’s precisely in that moment he decides he most definitely will find her that night, even if it’s a bad idea, even if he might have to watch Ethan’s grimy hands roam her body in person. The fact is they crossed a line in Kraków, into this new territory beyond denying the inevitable. So if she wanted him to be there that night? He’d be there. Furthermore, it didn’t help that there was a sneaking suspicion taking root inside him that she needed him there nearly as much as he need her to.

He rushes through the post-concert formalities and is unleashed on to the Viennese streets headed straight for the pub Alex promised to be waiting. Her texts had become increasingly hard to decipher as the night went on, but she’d shared her location which was enough to lead the way. Brian, Connor, and a few of the other younger crew members trail behind him, reveling in their last night in mainland Europe, already buzzed off of backstage vodka sodas and the cursory fireball shots. They don’t quite keep up with the pace he’s set, but even with his quick stride his long legs aren’t carrying him fast enough for his liking. All he can think about is that every second he’s not in that room could be a second that Ethan talks her into reconciling. A second where he reminds her why they’ve made it that long all while quelling her homesickness. Reminding her of the history they shared, the one thing Shawn undoubtedly can’t compete with. He ignores Brian’s call for him to slow down, only speeding up as he sees the bar’s neon light growing closer. The bar is dark and divey, a bit worn and rough around the edges compared to the newer clubs he’s accustomed to in Toronto. There’s a decent sized crowd and as he studies the sea of people, he doesn’t catch a single glimpse of Alex. In fact, it’s Ethan he notices first, bellied up to the bar, flanked by a few guys that from outer appearances mirror his fuckboy persona. Actually, Shawn hears them before he sees them, they’re easily the loudest group in the bar, carrying on and roughhousing over a growing number of empty shot glasses. Briefly, he wonders if Alex ended up leaving, she’s certainly nowhere close to Ethan’s side. That should be somewhat of a relief, but instead it leaves his stomach in knots. Amidst talking himself out of that foreboding feeling, he finally spots her head of hair leaned up next to the wall of a far booth at the back of the room. If he’d been walking fast before, he’s at a full-on sprint now, heart pounding in his chest as he makes his way to slide into the leather lined booth next to her.

“Alex? Are you alright?” He’s endlessly relieved when her eyes flutter open, though they’re glazed over in a way that doesn’t completely curb his panic. Moving his hand to her forehead to brush her hair out of her face, he’s greeted with a blitzed smile.

“Shawn, you came,” She sighs, her voice groggy under the weight of alcohol. He’s never seen her this drunk. Granted, he’s never seen her more than tipsy. Alex typically stays within her limits, at least since he’s known her. But now, her skin pale yet hot to the touch, her voice slurred under her breath, her eyes barely managing to stay open…it scares the hell out of him.

“Do you want to head back to the hotel? You’re not looking too hot, honey.” He presses his hands, still cool from the night air, onto her burning cheeks to help sooth her. A soft hum escapes her at the feeling and her eyes fall closed again.

“Will you walk me? Ethan doesn’t want to leave yet.” Just hearing those words fall from her lips makes his blood boil. Did this guy have any redeeming qualities? What had Alex ever seen in him? These questions burn holes through his mind but right now, his only concern is getting her out of there.

“Of course, let’s get you home.” Her body is so limp and pliable that it’s easy for him to extricate her from the booth, arm wrapping around her waist to pull her up to a standing position. He doesn’t see her jacket anywhere in sight, so he’s quick to shrug his off and help her into it, guiding her arms into the sleeves as if made of glass. All the while, her eyes meet his with an adoring gaze, her body melting into his the second he starts walking her towards the door. As they approach Ethan and his cohorts, Shawn can’t decide whether it’s worth it to acknowledge him at all. Would he even notice Alex was gone? Would he care? Before he can firmly decide what to say, one of the other guys notices them and points Ethan’s attention their way. Somehow, even at the sight of his unwell girlfriend tucked under the arm of another guy, there’s still a smug grin on his face.

“Whoa, where you headed, Mr. Steal Your Girl?” Ethan’s voice is slick with belligerence. Whether it’s liquor fueled or his natural state of douchery, Shawn can’t be sure. He’d bet money on the latter, though.

“Dude, she’s not having a good time, just look at her...” Protectively, he tightens his arm around Alex. As much as he wishes she had the type of boyfriend ready and willing to take her home, to care for her the way she deserved, there’s no chance in hell he’s letting Ethan leave with her even if the guy suddenly decided to step up to the plate. “I’m going to take her back to the hotel since it seems like you can’t be bothered to. Have a good one.” Of course Ethan scoffs, hostility flashing in his eyes. For a moment, it seems like a confrontation is imminent but after a tense silence, Ethan turns back towards the bar, rejoining his friends for what looks like another round of shots. “Asshole.” Is all that Shawn manages under his breath, turning his effort and attention back to Alex.

Her legs are wobbly at best and he’s already doing most of the work to hold her up, so by the time they get to the door he gives up and scoops her into his arms. Passing Brian and the rest of the group, he throws a quick nod of acknowledgement and a short explanation that he’s taking her home.

“Shit, do you want us to come too?” His best friend looks between Shawn and Alex’s face already buried into his shirt, sincere concern in his voice. Brian’s already starting to scan the bar for the rest of their friends, ready to usher everyone out, but Shawn stops him short.

“No, you guys stay, I’ve got her. I’ll text you when we get back.” The last thing he wants is for there to be a crowd around Alex in this state, but he knows he can call on any of them if need be.

“Okay, seriously, let me know if you need anything.” It’s not an exaggeration to say that they’ve all become a family, the way they’ve all bonded over the past weeks, and he knows that Brian and the others are nearly as concerned as he is. The same way Alex was the first one to pull together an icepack for Brian’s sprained ankle or how she’d stayed up all night talking with Alessia one particularly emotional day. There truly wasn’t a better feeling than knowing you were surrounded by genuine people that cared for one another, even this soon after meeting. Throwing one final nod in Brian’s direction, he makes his way back out into the night with her secure in his arms. Luckily, the hotel isn’t far, and while it’s the least of his concern, it’s best that Shawn Mendes isn’t photographed carrying a visibly drunk woman back to his hotel. He doesn’t realize he’s been holding his breath until he’s stepped into the safety of the elevator, her arms wrapping around his neck as she squints under the shock of the fluorescent lights. Considering she doesn’t have a purse with her, it means she won’t have her room key either, so he heads straight for his. “Alright honey, we’re here, you think you can stand for me for a second?” He hates to put her down, even for a second, but there’s no other way for him to get the door open. She gives him a weak nod but peels her arms from around his neck as he carefully sets her on her feet. He keeps his arm around her waist while searching his pockets for the key card with his free hand, finding it after a couple of wrong guesses. When they finally enter his room, he’s prepared to pick her up again, put her to bed, but as soon as the door comes to close behind them, she’s already making a mad dash for the bathroom. The sound of her retching fills the room before he can follow her, but he’s there, collecting her hair with one hand and rubbing her back with the other by the time she finishes. Once she has it all out, she collapses against the tile of the bathroom wall, tears threatening to spill from the corners of her eyes. At first he’s not sure whether it’s just a result of her having gotten sick or if it’s coming from a deeper place.

“Hey, you okay?” He moves to sit next to her on the bathroom floor, ready with a hotel sized bottle of complimentary mouthwash and a cup of water. Unscrewing the mouthwash, he hands that to her first, waiting until she’s done to reach up and push the sweaty hair off of her forehead. “What’s with the tears?” One has finally started a path down her cheek, but he swipes it away with his thumb just before it reaches the corner of her lips. He knows that he’s probably not supposed to act this way with her, to be this intimate, but it’s all out of reflex at this point. He can’t bear to watch this girl cry, this girl he’s falling in love with, and not do everything in his power to make it better.

“I just. God. I feel so fucking stupid right now.” It’s clear that she’s refusing to look up at him, her eyes cast on her knees instead, brought up tight to her chest. “I’m a mess.” The fact that a great deal of alcohol has left her stomach seems to be bringing her somewhat out of the fog. “You shouldn’t have to deal with me like this.” Even though her face is tilted downward, he can see how hard she’s chewing at her lip. How desperately she means what she’s saying.

“Come here.” Pulling her under his arm and bringing her head to his chest, he searches for the words to tell her that she’s so far from being a mess. That he’d walk through hell to spare her an ounce of pain. That he might just be in love with her. But the reality of the matter is he can’t say those things. Not yet. Not tonight. No matter how badly it’s all threatening to spill out of him. “Everything is okay, you’re okay.” Despite the words he can’t say, he presses his lips to her forehead, hoping that can convince her that he truly believes those things. They spend quite some time together on the bathroom floor, enveloped in silence and an indescribable comfort in one another.

He’s barely half asleep when there’s a knock at the door, the sky outside lightening as dawn approaches. It has to be after 5am but there’s no way it’s early enough to be housekeeping and he can’t think of any reason it’d be anyone else from the crew, so his first inclination is to ignore it and attempt real sleep before it’s time to leave for Glasgow. When a second knock rings out, his eyes meet Alex’s form across the room. She’s snuggled into the sheets of his bed, a soft drunken snore drifting from her and bringing him instant reassurance. He’d opted for the couch, as much as he wanted to spend a second night in a row curled up with her. When the third knock causes her to shift in her sleep, rolling on her side in the king-sized bed that looks so sprawling with only her body to fill it, he’s finally motivated to get up and get rid of whoever feels the need to give them a 5am wake-up call. His hand is on the door knob when he hears the voice behind the door.

“Come on Lexie, baby, let’s go.” Ethan. Of course. Who else would be roaming the halls that early in the morning, or most likely in his case, that late at night? Steeling his nerves, Shawn reluctantly opens the door. For two reasons, one, he knows it’s unlikely that Ethan’s going to leave. Two, from the sounds of it, he’s not angry. There’s almost a shade of pleading in the guy’s voice. Granted, that softness is directed completely at Alex who is very much asleep in another man’s bed, however innocent it may be. Purposefully, Shawn leans into the door frame as soon as he swings it open, covering Alex from view.

“Hey man, she’s sleeping it off, she’s fine.” Shawn cuts straight to the chase, there’s truly no need for small talk. When he stops there, Ethan appears to be ready to accept that answer, ready to retreat. But for some unknown reason, whether it’s a flex or a barb, Shawn feels the need to add one final comment. “I’ve got her.” So…definitely NOT the right thing to say. Not to a guy like Ethan that’s already hanging on to this girl by a thread.

“Oh, you’ve got her?” Ethan stops in his tracks, eyebrows nearly shooting off of his forehead. “You know, I’ve tried to be cool about this because I get that she essentially works for you. But you need to back off. She’s just giving you a pass because you’re some hotshot teen idol or whatever.” It’s abundantly clear that he has a growing complex about Alex being away. Not simply about her being away, but about the way her eyes are lit up in every social media post. The video of her dancing her ass off in Germany to “American Girl”, shouting at everyone that it isn’t fair to keep requesting the one song they know makes her lose her shit? It’s Shawn’s laughter in the background, his phone capturing her singing “take it easy baby, make it last all night” at the top of her lungs. The photo of her cheers-ing pastéis de nata with Connor in Lisbon with the afternoon sun blanketing her shoulders? He’d stolen a bite of hers seconds after that photo was taken, her admonishing him and his large mouth for taking more than his fair share. In nearly every memory she’d shared via social media had a backstory that included him in one way or another. The story of them falling hopelessly. Could he really blame Ethan for putting up a fight? He couldn’t imagine letting Alex slip through his fingers, to watch her fall in love with someone else.

And that’s exactly why he lies. Boldly. Quickly. “We’re just friends, you can relax.” Those words couldn’t be further from the truth. Just because they hadn’t completely crossed the line physically, just because they hadn’t named their tension out loud, didn’t mean that they weren’t already acting on these feelings. Inviting them in rather than pushing them away.

“Yeah, I’ll relax when you stop trying to fuck my girlfriend.”

“Frankly? I’m surprised you’re concerned. You show up to see her for one night and leave her wasted and practically passed out in the back of the bar?” At this point, Shawn’s done being cordial. This is truly Alex’s argument to have and in no way is it his place to step in and comment on her relationship. But after brushing those tears from her cheeks? That look of pain, of guilt, of uncertainty that was weighing down on her so heavily? He knew he was powerless when it came to the decision she would make next, how she would choose between the two of them. But that didn’t stop him from telling Ethan what he really thought. “If you lose her, you’ll only have yourself to blame. Maybe spend less time worrying about my intentions and a little more worrying about your own.” With that, he’s ready to shut the door and leave Ethan to his devices. Although, he’s not surprised that Ethan’s fragile ego needs the last word.

“Just because all of these people care who you are doesn’t mean that I do. Start minding your own business and give Alex some space, or we’re going to have a problem. Here’s her room key, make sure she gets it when she wakes up.” After shoving the key card at Shawn, Ethan starts to back off in the direction of the elevators, but stops short. “You think you know her so well? You don’t know the first thing.”

“Seems like I could say the same to you.” Alex and Ethan had history, there were experiences and memories they shared that Shawn could never replace or recreate. But if the last couple of months are any indication of where they’re headed? Of all they have yet to share? The jealousy for her history with anyone else pales in comparison to his anticipation for what’s to come.

Closing the door softly behind him and tossing the key card next to the dress Alex had discarded in favor of his clothes, he lets his eyes sweep over her once more. Everything he’s ever learned, every piece of advice he’s ever been given, has revolved around not chasing after someone that belongs to another. With everything he has to consider, his career, his reputation, his fucking heart, he knows he should walk away before he gets any deeper. Before it’s too late to turn back. But as his eyes sweep over her once more, they meet hers as she blinks away sleep. It’s clear she’s drinking him in too, his form bathed in the streetlight still illuminated outside. Her lips part into a tiny smile, not fully awake yet, just appreciating the man in front of her. As if there aren’t any risks, as if there’s nothing to lose. As if they’re the last two people in the world and nothing else matters. It’s then and there that he fully realizes – it’s already too late. It’s been too late since that first night in Amsterdam. Suddenly, there’s a line from a song she’d often played that ehoes through his head. Don’t get caught up in caution when love exists.

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes imagine #slow burn fic #shawn peter raul mendes

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