hey what if i posted art again . lol . lmao

hey guys. sorry for being gone for so long. heres an update

(tw for: mention of violence / gore, general distress, mental health issues)

(tw below)

.

basically i had a huge mental health crisis. i was having 24/7 constant rolling panic attacks from may of 2023 to january of this year. my last big meltdown was in early february. been processing a lot of CSA trauma and some recent trauma that ive gone through. i think i talked about my panic attacks before leaving social media but idk i dont remember. isolated myself from absolutely everybody.

the main thing that made me leave was that while i was keeping up to date on the g3n0c1d3 (censoring bc idk how tumblr is about it), and when i was looking in the replies / related of the awareness videos, i came across 4 accounts dedicated to using gore for clicks / shock. not videos of the g3n0c1d3 (thank god bc of how they were using the vids) but of unfortunate every day situations and cam footage. like, the kind of stuff you could see on liveleak back in 2010. just out in the open on twitter. they all had usernames like "(insert number here) ways to die)". they were all content farms for click/ad revenue. it was too much it was a huge trigger and i had a full on meltdown. the bluecheck ppl on twitter were using the replies of the videos people uploaded for raising awareness to upload mindless g0re for money. the fact that peoople have 0 compassion for human life sent me into a spiral that i couldnt get out of. (i reported 3 out of the 4 accounts i was able to and 3 got taken down but 1 is still up and it odesnt seem to be uploading the hardcore g0r3 anymore. so thats good. but that was one of the reasons i left social media. ive been keeping up to date w the news but thats it. i left my socials entirely and ive only been on my phone to look up recipes or to use my computer for media research groceries and gaming and shows

that was the main thing that pushed me to leave. i just couldnt take it anymore. during the start of my crisis last year, i was planning on taking a small break, but all of that pushed me over the edge and i dropped everything. after that, my issues got worse and i dont remember most of it. thankfully. but i couldnt bring myself to talk to anybody. i isolated myself and just. laid in bed. but im doing better so i guess thats good

on another topic ive beeen nervous to post this on main but during all of this (ive talked abt tihs a little bit on my priv before i left) i found out that im a system a long while back. my dad (one of my abusers) had/has DID and it terrified me to think that i could be anything like him. i also knew cereal abuser who pretended to be a system to get away with stuff/abusing their friends (and then years later admitted that they werent a system and siad that systems are fake.) LOTS of tears. lots of crying over this. was in denial for a few weeks. cried some more. then eventually came to terms with it.

i dont want to post abt my system online too much bc i dont want to act like this is some fun trendy thing bc its not. it makes day to day living very hard (some lighter/funnier issues that make it hard are: arguing with an alter bc YOU dont know where THEY put YOUR MEDS, not being able to cook because one alter can and the other cant, your art style not being consistent because their styles are different). i dont want to really make it a massive part of my identity online bc its not a big deal! theres just Multiple Little Guys in my brain. so. im a system! im the same but....this explains why i dont remember talking to certain people SUIDHUFHX. i always felt bad. makes conversing with online friends hard especially if icons/usernames are changed. ill make a separate post about this someday thatll go into detail a bit more.

i went years thinking it was just "kinning" but it wasnt lol. it turns out that your personality completely shifting, tastes in food / music / art / media changing, the way you walk / talk dress changing, and having complete memory blackouts when you """"kin shift"""" isn't normal. /lh (dw ive had a lot of time to come to terms with this)

but basically right now ive been spending time getting to,,know myself?? iive been using simplyplural for myself for several months and im uncovering a lot of my memories / trauma ect bc alters can write down what they need to in the chat. so i can go back later and read it. its been v helpful!

i will not be coming back just yet. i have no interest in using social media rn or drawing or writing unfortunately. ive been working on my original stuff here and there but i havent been drawaing fandom stuff bc im not hyperfixating on a fandom.

also. some things have come up. im not going to say anything until the party in question is stable/safe/comfortable before i even suggest anything for context (i dont plan on talking abt anything at all unless they start talking publicly). right now i am helping someone through abuse. their wellbeing is my #1 concern. i'll think about other things after im sure theyre okay.

i dont really have any resolutions as to how things are going but i do feel better and im not having as many panic attacks. i dont really know where im going with this now sorry. just trying to brush over the basic topics before i go. idk if anybody remembers me bc ive been gone for so long so idk if im just talking into the wind but if i am thats fine honestly this is helping me reorganize my thoughts (i type these vents out a lot on docs so i probably wont remember posting this hiudhvu)

other than that. i dont draw or write anymore. i think in the past 6 months ive drawn like....5 things. its. weird. im completely disconnected from fandoms now. coming up to a full year of not having a hyperfixation at all.

my bday was on the 6th. im 27 now im very old (everybody forgot it asides from my husband (and the people he reminded) n my abuser). ive been trying to cook and bake more and ive been playing video games again. planning on getting back into drawing soon and working on my original stuff. when i come back im planning on redesigning my profiles and updating my social media bios and stuff bc theyre so old. also ill make a section on my carrd for my system. there you go theres some positivity to the update nxfjdfjh. sorry if i dont seem very enthused im very tired so typing has been a chore hfuidshuifv.

sorry that this was a lot or if it seems disjointed i was trying to put down as much into this as possible without making it too long

bye!!! see u all soon!

making a copy of this bc op disabled reblogs and i just got reminded it existed and would like to not lose it

ok so . im outing myself to the world but thats fine this is too funny to not share

so. ive run a roleplay blog for a few years. i keep it separate from my main, yknow, its just a side hobby and ive been doing it since i was like, 12. its cringe but hey yknow at least im not 30 and writing ya novels

now its pretty common for rp blogs these days to have rules. right? you dont want to just bag any weirdo on this website, and as you can imagine bnha roleplayers are batshit crazy (see: conversion therapy todoroki) so mine are pretty strict and detailed. because ive been doing it long enough to be exposed to what counts as carbon monoxide poison from a screen. one of those rules is "if youre mutuals with people who write porn of the kids even aged up im blocking you we're keeping a ten foot pole on this". because as a 20 year old man i have a healthy disinterest in seeing paragraphs of teenagers fucking

so the dash is astir with talk of a guy writing age up bakugou porn and im like ok whatever. make a post bitching about it . mutual likes those posts but then the mutual is turning around and being buddy buddy with this guy so i dm the mutual like hey whats going on here . mutual is like "well why dont you talk it out with him hes not as mean as he seems i prommy" and im like sure whatever i can have civil conversation and if it ends with One Less Person writing weirdo porn then i might be able to get into heaven

so i dm him and he loses his fucking mind. it lasted all of 10 minutes because he was sending paragraphs like this and i was too tired to give a shit

(take note of my icon thats a special tool thatll help us later)

(also he goes by the name rxgelord. WITH the x. thats also important just because its funny as fuck)

so the guys clearly bothered by the idea that people might possibly talk about him without his permission and im a little miffed after being misgendered (which hed do again later) so i just post our dms. swing first and hey batter batter lets play ball i dont give a shit this is bnha roleplay

once again: loses his damn mind. he makes a psa post about me talking about how im just some pussy infant and hes too HARD for me and shit and also they do bakudeku muffin roleplay in the comments of that post which is fucking insane

anyway. at one point while joking about the whole thing i called him a "wannabe bakugou kinnie" as a joke and apparently he felt a very serious need to address this

and im like holllllllllllllly fucking shit

you may have noticed that his posts are incredibly over-formatted. this goes for everything he does he is pouring a LOT of time and energy into typing his 9 paragraphs about how im an insane bitch or whatever. (if theres literally one thing i can give him credit on its that his graphic editing skills are kinda good. i will be honest) his rules document is also just as insane and features gems such as:

(this dude thinks hes pulling bitches on a bnha roleplay blog)

so we're just full on ragging on him at this point and hes getting MADDDDDDD MAD. he misgenders me again and when i point it out he has the following excuse:

(art by @/pcktknife. anyways)

after a certain point i get dmd an old copy of a 130+ page callout he had a year prior and im like WHAT and it included his yugioh rp blog career and various allegations like having been involved in gang violence, doxxing, etc. also a picture of the hickies he bragged about leaving on his uwu pink glitter gf which looked more like he was trying to go for the killing bite but hey. yknow. apparently im a toddler idk how that works

along in this we also find his twitch account, which was under the name rxgelord, and it featured edited graphics of his real life face with bakugou. he posts selfies a lot too i wont share them even if theyre public but he has knuckle tats and a goatee and uses the greyscale filter. if this gives you an idea. he also had 5 twitch followers and detailed his desire to be a rapper/dj and im like holllllly fucking shit this guy cant be a real person. holy fuck.

anyways. skipping a lot of unnecessary bullshit and paragraphs of text with gifs from 2013 attached hes constantly going on about how we wont just "say it to his face" which i think is hilarious bc i was, the entire time. but im like ok fine you want me so bad

so i send him this. he posts about how "he won when he got all might" (for some reason hes calling my ex mutual by the character name. i dont know) and then hasnt posted in 4 days. he deleted his twitch. im a little worried bakugou. dont say that. may have actually chased this man off the internet . to go have real life sex with his real life girlfriend so he isnt so mad

anyway we ended up turning one of his posts into an eminem uberduck

im honestly probably forgetting something this was so much and it was so fucking funny and honestly im glad to have been there

update: he has not in fact posted since last summer. god bless.

I think I'm confused. How do you know they don't like the characters if they've watched the show and recognize them? Like I get being being disappointed or annoyed if they're leaving stupid tags or not getting why you made it or the significance of the relationship or they don't want to talk about it with you I just don't get what you meant by referential obligation bc generally I would've thought if they reblogged it was bc they DID like the characters in some way, even if it wasn't the same way or to the same extent.

I'm sorry if this is a stupid ask I just don't get it.

no i think its a fair question to ask and this is why i say that

you assume they DO recognize them. some people have left tags to the effect of "i dont remember that guys name"

others have tagged every character except bido

its just kind of a thing that the more notes something has the more likely people are to reblog it. "hey this has a lot of notes and i know that anime" is a very common reason for the average casual blogger to reblog something, especially the ones who just spam reblog a hundred posts at a time at the speed of sound

i am absolutely positive that over ten thousand people do not give enough of a shit about bido fullmetalalchemist to reblog a post featuring him solely because they like him. maybe they like greed or mei but ive been in fma fan circles long enough to know that if you ask the average fma fan their thoughts about bido, the most common answer will be "who"

on the art i made telling people to imagine the premise of my fanfiction (scars team + greed and bido being friends), once it left my immediate circle, everyone(!!!) started leaving tags like "my favorite dynamic" "this is why i love fma" "arakawa was so real for this". Greed And Bido Are Very Clearly Standing There. Arakawa Did Not Do That. Apparently This Is Registering To Nobody and Nobody Mentions Their Presence

that one was reblogged by takashi 0 the conservative brony.

another conservative antivax blogger reblogged it, said "isnt this just fullmetal alchemist", and yelled at his wife (also a tumblr user) when she told him it was in fact fullmetal alchemist

please trust me .

spiderverse 2 sucked shit and was performative twitter.com fuckery. hi reddit in this rant Im going to talk about why I think the second spiderverse movie gave me a queasy uneasy feeling after I left the theater. spoiler warning and all that.

Ive been seeing a lot of praise for this movie lately and a lot of fan stuff and while that is cool I think spiderverse 2 really doesnt deserve it. to me it feels like baffling performative bullshit where they checked off certain "woke" categories and forgot about everything else. Im bad at formulating rant posts so Im just gonna randomly bring up my feelings on certain things.

ok so first of all the number one thing that pissed me off was the in-movie dialogue of people telling miles, the first black spider-man, that he was never supposed to be spider-man in the first place. that is incredibly tone deaf, especially when the first movie's message was that anyone could be a hero, regardless of who you are. you could argue that this story beat is used to reinforce that message being that miles' reaction to that line is rejection and finding his own way to become spider-man after all. but thats stupid because, again, anyone could be a hero no matter what, even if theyre not supposed to be 'canonically' a spider-man. what this tells me is that theyre going for the same fucking message, again, but this time its padded out in 2 movies rather than the one that weve already seen.

second, and this one was much more brief, there was a disabled spider-man amidst the roster of the multiverse spider-mans whose only line of dialogue was making fun of their own disability. thats some travis mcelroy bullshit, I thought we were past the point of making disabled character's only personality being their disability. to me that was also incredibly tone deaf and just completely unneeded.

third, there was an Indian spider-man by the name Pavitr Prabhakar whose only personality was that he was Indian. of course theres nothing wrong with Indian culture or just being an Indian person, but to me its like if they had a Japanese spider-man and made them only talk about katanas and sushi. theres no way that indian people act like that and constantly boost about their own nation, it just rubs me the wrong way and makes them feel less human.

fourth, that "gwen is trans" shit is utter queerbait, I cant believe anyone is fucking falling for this shit. it literally infuriates me that I see fellow queer people look at the most basic off to the side decoration in a room / police officer's uniform and jump to the conclusion that what we are seeing is trans representation. like sure she could be trans! but it can also be read as her just being an ally, same with her father. "what ally has a trans flag in there room?" are you fucking kidding me? like are you being serious? hey heres famous content creator Ludwig, who is cis and has a trans flag in his room:

fucking anyone, literally anyone could have trans iconography anywhere in their house regardless of their gender. side bonus, heres how you can have a real confirmed trans character in your art without it being bait! - have them taking transition medication in a scene - have them wear gender affirming clothing, like chest binders - have them tell another character that theyre trans - have them literally look into the camera and say "Im trans." crazy how easy it is to do all of these things and yet gwen did none of it! dont fucking search for crumbs and pretend that its a feast.

fifth, theres a character called spider-punk who goes by Hobie and his entire character is being a punk and making fun of The Establishment™ and Capitalism™. I thought he was dumb because it just reminded me that anti-capitalism is just a form of entertainment now and not a real message to start a change.

sixth, there was so much fucking nostalgia pandering and repetitive dialogue. there were many scenes showing footage of older movies, cartoons, or real life actors that were only there to be pointed at the screen by audiences. next, the dialogue was so expository that any time miles' parents were on screen they would only talk about miles and how worried they were about him. I swear to god that 70% of spider-man 2099s dialogue was about his disturbed past and wanting to capture miles. at several times throughout the movie I thought "ok I get it" and hoped that were was something new to be seen in the next 5 minutes, which wasnt the case most of the time.

seventh, evil miles was fucking stupid. you cant just reveal such an easy counterpart villain and expect me to believe that he has any bearing on the story whatsoever. that shit was so laughably bad that I can easily imagine him getting defeated in the same old hero vs villain shit in the next movie. here let me have some fun and say that miles is going to do the most predictable "Im going to fix you to become good" trope only for evil miles to deny it and fuck off forever in some weird way.

anyway this post is already too fucking long so Im just gonna add personal peeves onto it because Im on a roll. I had a hard time paying attention to several fight scenes because they were mixing with too many visual styles, like the vulture scene at the beginning of the movie was too disorienting for me. I think there shouldve been subtitles, sometimes characters were inaudible for me and the audio mixing during some scenes didnt help either, unless there was a slow moment in the film I just couldnt understand what the characters were saying.

I thought the movie sucked so bad that what they got right in certain aspects (cast diversity, parent and child struggles, etc.) felt like nothing to me after how they treated the parts that Ive listed. its like they fucking checked off a Progressive Bingo Sheet and left everything else in the dust.

I left the theater disappointed and feeling worthless because all I felt was that these movies were just trying to sell me something and didnt push for a change like the first one did. what a fucking shit show.

conclusions. if you liked the movie, awesome Im glad, and you should decide for yourself how you feel about it and what it means to you. Im simply just putting my frustrations into a little text post because that is how I feel. Im not in charge of your enjoyment and you should decide that on your own regardless of my opinions. be responsible with your enjoyment.

but I wont, if you try to argue with me on any of these topics then Im blocking you forever and if you dare type "let people enjoy things" on my post then Im killing you,

I'm not sure if you even look at this blog anymore, but I just wanted to say I MISS YOU!! I still look through your old meta posts and art every few months and while I know you prob won't come back to the fandom, a part of me still hopes it! I guess I was curious to know how you're doing, and whether you've gotten into any other fandoms and ships? You were really fun and if there's something else you're into and writing for I would love to follow you into it!! <3

god this feels like the worst anime timeskip episode. hey there, its been a while. surprised theres people still around who remember. in the past 4??? years i guess ive done some shit, yeah. cliffnotes: finally closed the long distance and moved in with my SO, became a stoner, found the perfect physical art medium for me and have been busy becoming IG famous 💅 and actually making a living off it, and most importantly i have a cat now. he's a manx cat with a little bunny tail and he is so unlike any other cat ive interacted with. he has absolutely no style, no grace. he constantly trips over nothing. cannot jump higher than 2 feet, will gently catch bugs and then lets them fly away, is literally incapable of feeling anger (the sole exception is if you blow air on his feet. this makes him so angry so fast for whatever reason and its hilarious to witness) ive only heard him hiss twice in the past 4 years. anyway things could always be better but lifes pretty good.

as for other media ive gotten into? uh, the truth is i have a VERY muted relationship with media at this point. i dont run any secret fandom blogs. to be honest, i probably will never allow myself to become even nearly as entangled with a fandom ever again as much as i did with homestuck. for all the fun i had, i was WAY too active in it to the point where it was frankly unhealthy and being candid, it played a big role in me stagnating as a human being for a good year or two. the amount of opinionated bullshit i was spewing 24/7 for years predictably made me a target for people who disagreed and wanted to bring me down a peg, warranted or not, and as thick skinned as i am it did eventually start stressing me out and making me act like a loon. thankfully most of this was in private but it still happened, if you know you know. ive alluded to the reason why i got like that, but putting that much energy and faith into a single author to the extent i did is a recipe for ruin on multiple fronts.

hs was a painful lesson in that most shit just…sucks, and even if something starts out great, the chances that the author will stop giving a shit, fuck it up for the ending or even just straight up die is decently high lol and its something you should always have in the back of your mind. (guess which dumbass started reading berserk in late 2020) this was made way worse by hussie just… being an unrepentant fucking asshole. in hindsight this wasnt a shocking reveal but the hopium that theyd make it right in the end was too strong for all of us. i could have forgiven them losing interest as an artist due to general life hardships, but in the end they ditched it after pissing on it and then setting it on fire. so much of hs's success was on the back of fan media and when your finale in return is to salt the earth to the point where no one gives a fuck about it anymore, even the people who liked the tail end petered out pretty quickly too on that. just….eugh. i have permanent media trust issues.

even in the rare instances where something good ends up canon, even if the premise and buildup is great, the fandom surrounding it will pontificate a combined million hours and 9 times out of 10 will write them better than the author ever will. its sad in a way, but its the truth.

i still think davekat is great, once in a while ill look over my folder of it and my art and smile like an old lady looking over a dusty family photo album. the dynamic is rock solid, and if you agree my advice is to steal them. just steal them. call them doug and kevin and export them into your original story. they deserved better, and you will probably do a better job anyway.

media i AM interacting with (lightly) is one piece again. NONE of you bitches that read the entirety of homestuck have any room to complain about how long it is. i have a lot of problems with it (read: sanji) but in general its pretty fun and enough to sink your teeth into. sidenote i have been shipping luffy/zoro since two thousand fucking six and its a testament to my unending great taste that it was and still is an excellent ship. though i have a curse of somehow always ending up in fandom c-tier ships in terms of popularity like that LOL i got memed into watching bnha (DONT LAUGH) and my ship of choice, todobaku? an absolutely hilarious dynamic and a total banger. but yet another c-tier. after being spoiled with davekat content domination for years this sucks haha

hi, I like you and what you post but may I ask what your view is with trans folks? I genuinely just want to know, tbh it doesn’t matter to me your views but I am just curious because you don’t seem particularly judgy but a little more traditional

oh yeah fair question. i hope u dont mind if i expand on my life a bit, bcz my views make more sense w context i think. tldr at the end

so i identified as dif flavors of nonbinary/trans/queer for nearly a decade of my life. ive been on tumblr since 2010, i called myself "trans" since age 14. ages 18~20ish i went to art school. it was a Peak Woke environment if you will and i fit right in. i dropped out when i realized the artists life wasnt for me. I had no idea what to do next with my life, so i did a lot of serious introspection and among many things, made the conscious decision to consider points of view on trans people from places other than tumblr (there is a lot wrong with me), like, i found out that people who didn’t “get” the trans thing aren’t universally stupid and considered their concerns. crazy ik. later i conclude baby steps style "hey i think 'nonbinary' as an identity might make no sense, like at all" and officially moved my worldview away from "identify as whatever you want forever uwu" 

my opinion on nonbinary genderqueer etc people is that it was made up online in the early 00s at best. “but other cultures have third genders—“ yeah you mean like when gay men aren’t considered real men? or when theres no male children in a family and a girl has to take on that role? nonbinary folx are either children or immature adults who can barely function in society. thats not a moral failing btw but it is hard to watch

from this point forward, assume im talking about binary trans people.

i dont believe gendered pronouns are a decision you get to make, theyre when someone looks at you and diagnoses your appearance as one of two things, and trans or not you dont get to decide how other people see you. trying is an easy way to drive yourself insane and get 500 plastic surgeries and do nothing but obsess over your appearance for your short time on earth. this isnt controversial right? we've all seen trashy reality stars with fucked up faces and botched boob jobs right? trans ppl look like that to me. again, not a moral failing, but def a red flag considering, for instance, the price tag and self centeredness transitioning implies. but anyway it feels ridiculous to handle random men in skirts or women with green hair with kiddie gloves in public yk so i just gender em as i see em. i dont give them any space in my brain bcz why should i. sorry if u dont pass and are going to angry tweet ab this interaction, its not my problem

i started identifying with truscum types (because i was never doing the trans thing “for fun” ive been uncomfortable in my body and had complicated feelings on being seen as female for most of my life), and committed to being a trans man full time age 21~22. started therapy soon after while weighing the risks of T on my health and safety and what exactly i wanted from it, even tho i WOULD be kicked out if i medically transitioned and i had no safety net nor any close friends to help me, so i kept putting it off. i was saving as much money as i could from my pt job (while going to community college for my ged) but mentally getting worse and worse. so i got a prescription for ssris.

in a few months, zoloft not only helped my overall mental state but also alleviated the fixation on my body parts being somehow wrong (or maybe it was all the same thing?). it took away my ability to mentally spiral about gender for hours at a time. i dont know if thats a normal effect, or i got placeboed out of wanting to transition somehow. but i experienced the hypothetical scenario "what if you woke up one day and didnt want to be trans anymore" after 10 years of trans identity and organizing my life around transition as a goal.

it was awful but mostly a huge relief. the dysphoria (or dysmorphia or whatever it was) had felt innate and had been with me my whole life and it was just gone, age 23ish. i felt genuinely neutral about myself and my body, and didnt feel like other peoples image of me being “wrong” would make me kms. could have had something to do with my brain maturing also. (as an aside: it felt like 1/3 of my brain had been dedicated to the gender musing pathways and then stopped all at once. my head genuinely hurt. it was a bizarre physical sensation, like a lobe removal, and it took a good year for that to go away)

ive since gone on and off then quit my meds for good, and the mental spiral patterns came back, but its not strictly about my body anymore. its an overthinking pattern that can latch on to anything. (my friend with ocd described a similar cycle she gets caught in. i dont have full blown ocd but i can relate)

i realize my experience isnt universal ofc. gender dysphoria could be a result of a lot of things, but i dont think its an innate hardwired thought pattern. my take is its a result of trauma / autism / mental issues / bi/homosexuality in whatever combination. this is a personal opinion subject to change given evidence, naturally.

anyway. after the dysphoria evaporated, i moved on quick. my ideas about gender were still all over the place. i tried to be more feminine for a while to "match" how i "felt inside". i forced it, didnt enjoy it, but it was fine i guess. i was still insecure about my gender presentation. i still do have body issues, but who doesnt. i wear a mix of clothing styles these days and often get theythemed on vibes alone. im beating the tradwife allegations i promise

this is the point in the average detrans 20-somethings life where she will call herself a TERF semi-ironically and be a shithead online, which is what i did for a while. you pick up new perspectives that feel freeing and suddenly youre above all that gender drama bullshit, like finally you get to look down on the people suffering and laugh because theyre too dumb to "get it." its cathartic after a decade of feeling insane and suddenly feeling capable of living without inherent suffering. i reached gender nirvana and im better than you :3

then you wake up from that and go wait, that was fucking stupid lol. truly terminally online behavior, but i dont have regrets really. the most evil terfily thing i did, if ur wondering, was co-run a blog that reblogged selfies posted in public tumblr mlm tags. i dont think we even added commentary, but we got soooo much hatemail lmaooo. rip straightgirlarchive 🙏

even at peak terf phase i had irl trans friends by the way, and male friends for that matter.

i think the best way i could describe my feelings on trans people now is like meeting someone with a face tattoo, who also treats that tat like a religious experience. they can feel like this represents to the world who they are and are very serious about the symbolism of this tattoo, and thats fine. its trendy in many circles to have face tats rn (wont be for long) but theyre built different, they always needed this face tattoo to be themselves. bro u just dont understand the inner journey like u wouldnt GET it.... and then they complain about not being employable or single or how their loved ones are struggling to get used to their new look...you see what im saying. you get it

i dont hate people like this. i dont think trans people are subhuman or anything. but i am so so SO glad im not one of yall anymore u are ANNOYINGGGGG. I WAS ANNOYING!!!!! in hindsight i sucked so much and was insufferable to be around if u werent on My Level Of Gender Understanding which was based on nothing but social media infographics, >10,000 hours of blind introspection, and Vibes

my god if i could go the rest of my life not having to hear or think about trans stuff ever again i would. ive done my time. ive gotten my trauma. i dont wanna deal with this anymore but it is inescapable online and irl.

and of course, as a lesbian, i personally dislike what T does to womens bodies, not even getting into the top surgery epidemic.... plus theres now biological men taking over or shutting down every lesbian space. i gotta say, existing as a gay woman has never been more suicide inducing than current year /lh

but the human condition generates all types and genuinely if youre an adult and are determined to transition or microdose T or whatever, its your choice. we live in a society. im not gonna berate an alcoholic for drinking or a fat person for overeating either. hating yourself isnt a crime and i can say i find transing cringe but thats subjective and no one asked me. im just chillin, truly, and we can be friends even if i disagree with your life choices. like. its on par with being friends with someone with 200k in college debt to me. you made a dumbass decision imo but maybe to you its worth it, and what are either of us gonna do about it now? im not arguing shit brother, live ur life. manage those consequences best u can. i love u

in conclusion i wasnt born destined to be trans, im a gender nonconforming lesbian with mental problems related to gender and social roles because of the lesbian thing. this is a normal experience that i overthought into body dysmorphia and identity delusions because of the culture around me... im definitely not a radical feminist. maybe call me gender crit but i dont care. i dont identify with any labels that strongly. labels are the mind killer.

TLDR: 

-nonbinary isn’t a real thing outside of hyperonline exclusively-politically-left subcultures, which i personally find annoying since ive left it behind in the process of maturing. to each his own but im allowed to roll my eyes and not play along with larping teenagers and it doesn’t make me evil

-there are no major female / male brain differences. there are no gendered souls. gender dysphoria shouldn’t be treated with transition, because extreme body modification is a mental illness problem in every case. i can’t stop anyone with my opinions obviously but if i could talk to my younger self, id say wait until you’re 25 for the brain development, and in the meantime try less invasive/understudied treatments to improve quality of life.

final disclaimer: i am in my 20s. my views on life and social issues will continue to evolve as long as i live, but the cringe i feel when seeing visibly trans people will never truly go away due to personal traumas. and my trans exes, probably. im super over the queer scene, im a normie gay now. blessings peace love and light

the thing about mikoto of milgram fame is that hes like. okay. so theres a lot that cant be said about him yet because his 2nd trial hasnt released and wont be for quite a while and his music video and interrogation only tell us so much. but what they DO tell us is um. enough to say some things if he answered his interrogation questions honestly, we know he has a younger sister he brags about, his parents are divorced and his father isnt involved in their lives. in regards to his mother, he says that “she raised me. i cant let her worry.” he downplays his own interests/hobbies a lot. he said he played baseball in high school but that he wasnt good at it; he went to an art school but did so in order to go into business (though design was related to his chosen company) and says that he likes drawing but, again, isnt good at it. he says he hates working late nights but we see him pulling an all nighter at work in ‘undercover’. when asked why hes working his current job, he says he worked incredibly hard to even get hired, so its something to be proud of. finally, when asked if he ever gets angry, he says he doesnt. he says, “i dont think ive ever gotten angry before. isnt it disgraceful to get angry?” theres also the following milgram portal conversation (src):

Yuno: Hey, Mikoto-san. Don’t you get tired being so conscious of others all the time? I mean, you’re free to do what you want though.

Mikoto: Eh…… Aha, what are you talking about? I’m not being conscious or anything. It’s normal to make sure to get along with everyone, right?

I mean, when you put it like that, aren’t you the same, Yun-chan? You’re always smiling and getting on with everyone too.

Yuno: I don’t smile unless I actually want to. But with you, when you’re talking with other people it’s more like you only smile deliberately. So I kept thinking, don’t your cheeks get tired?

Ah, is this just what happens when you become a working adult? ……you see people like that sometimes.

Mikoto: Haha, you don’t mince your words do you.

…….that was never my intention, but now that you mention it, yeah, I guess I do. This might’ve been since I started my job too…… But like, if I was rude to everyone I met, all my efforts would come to nothing, right?

all these little things add up to paint a picture of a stressed and deeply repressed guy working a job he doesnt actually like (but he has to have a successful job he can brag about or his mother will worry) he thinks little of his own interests and hobbies and socializes more out of obligation than out of genuine desire. all of this culminates to um...his present situation... basically what i want to say is that i think its fine. also i think he killed someone and immediately repressed it but that incident is entirely unrelated to his anime brand DID and his alter. who aside from trying to whale on es that one time has only ever really showed up to be like “can you shut the fuck up. and get away from me. im trying to be normal over here and you are RUINING my life” or to pace around in mikotos cell in the middle of the night like a creature. i think mikoto 2 was entirely unrelated to mikotos repression stress induced rage murder but they might have cleaned up after him idk. we will see. mikoto wants to be a normal guy having a normal time and not worrying his family at all ever and never experiencing anything like anger or frustration at all EVER EVER!! because he has to set a good example for his sister and be the perfect son for his mom so she can relax. and he doesnt think he can do the things he enjoys for the sake of doing them. so what im saying is if he killed someone who cares. whatever. also we should all mass vote him forgiven/innocent just to spite kotoko after last nights birthday timeline post. AND because it would be funny as hell and the fandom flopped HARD voting haruka guilty/unforgiven. like god forbid girls have a little fun 🙄 btw its my firm belief that the tarot set we see in his mv (and i could talk a lot about the rest of the imagery used in that video but its almost 2am and ive rambled long enough) was designed by him during college. really funny to think about it like that. he does have one of the card designs (the. hangman, actually. i think) visible on a canvas in his apartment, partially obscured behind his couch at one point. so. lol

post “Not *everything* is about racism” *goes on to do EXACTLY what fandom does to poc when we speak up about unfair shit*

hey anon! youre part of the fucking problem!! deactivate your account <3

have you ever heard of systemic racism? (but just in case)

have you EVER read ANY article about how people of color are treated in fandoms? (teen vogue) have you ACTUALLY critically read how writers write barbara???? tags from a fan

go to the avanine tag just go to it how much of those posts came from me?

ive been in fandom for a really long time and my favorite characters have always been the ones that dont receive as much love. if you REALLY wanna get into it, my all time favorite star trek ship b7 used to have CRUMBS for content when i first got into them. and you know what i did??? I FUCKING CREATED SO MUCH FOR THEM

link not that u need literally any proof but look through my trek sideblog. nowadays they get way more love and content but it want until i and a few mutuals got the ball rolling that b’elanna is finally getting the love and attention she deserves. ive created so much art for star trek ALONE that it literally takes up almost all my storage on a 64gb sd card. do u KNOW how many fucking art files u can store in 64 gb?? a fuckton

(for comparison most of my art files at that time were smaller than 6mb bc of discord)

im not saying shit just to say shit ive created so much fucking art but im not gonna keep doing it for people who are unappreciative. like i said before, we dont stick around when we r being mistreated why should we? its your role as a fucking white person to not make everything about yourself when a show is literally not made for you. its a love letter to black people and somehow yall still make that shit about yourselves. but sure go be a keyboard warrior and make more poc feel like shit amirite?

youre ignorant for thinking this way and your behavior is literally the perfect example of what happens when god forbid we speak up about unfair shit. stop being part of the fucking problem and listen for once in your life when we finally have the courage to call that shit out

i speak from experience

2022 in review

in an effort to blog about art on my art blog more i will be writing a post covering my work in 2022 and maybe some aspirations going forward into 2023

2022 was the year of learning to paint! at the beginning i was really frustrated, a lot of my pieces were very hit or miss and i couldnt tell why some sucked and some fuckd. i nibbled at some online courses for fundamentals, James Gurney’s Color & Light book and Marco Bucci’s painting videos, and was looking for a mentor at one point but i think i stopped cuz i broke my thumb briefly lol

a piece from december 2021 that is just a bit random and i think representative of my stabbing in the dark

studying...

in June i split a schoolism sub with emma and it was an amazing decision. i think if you have limited time to practice drawing or dont know where to go the best thing is to take a course, and ive taken cheap or free courses online but the tutors on schoolism are top of the industry and the quality of their teaching is stellar imo. literally felt my brain explode with knowledge they are the best of the best. i finished the painting workout course with wouter tulp and ive dipped in and out of numerous others since then. its cool bcus u can study at your own pace.

July was artfight, i did talk about it here so not gonna repeat myself heh

then i was really busy with my MA, its been so fun and so exhausting. a year is so short and i want to try all the printing techniques and ceramics and everything cry. but hey now i know indesign and can make my own zines and stuff which is amazing. i also tabled at my first market :) i did really like it and would love to do more, dont want to put pressure on myself to do that this year but at least wanna visit them and scope out the audiences and stuff.

school really is making me appreciate traditional art again, tbh it is nothing like digital. you just cant get that chaos or physical resistance from your materials in digital, everything is very deliberate and constructed and almost predictable. ive started to incorporate more traditional work into my pieces where i can, especially photobashing. i can use photos i offhandedly took years ago and it feels really nice to get to repurpose them.

a spread from my school project, a book about one of my passions (i chose the story of how i got into elden ring!!!) i made it from paper cutting, photobashing, and digital. (im going to sell pdf and physical copies in the new year)

so circling back to the start of the year, i think you can see marked progress in my illustrations that ive posted here. i think i learned a lot about techniques within a painting but i want to learn more about pictorial composition bcus my default tends to be 3:4, portrait, charas centre, and i want to break that habit and tell more effective stories :)

over the past 2 years ive been incorporating more realism into the characters i draw and trying to be really deliberate with what features, proportions etc they have.

a 2021 isa and a 2022 isa

i think i want to maintain this level of detail because its descriptive enough for my needs but i want to push it to be more dynamic and stylised. i really admire the way disney animators like jin kim do it. its because im not confident enough with structure and anatomy to really play with it.

on the other hand with life drawing i really want to do more realism and capture exactly whats in front of me because i think i rely on style as a crutch too much hahaha.

from december. proud of these!!!

thats whats on my mind really. again really dont want to put any undue pressure on myself and i am going to be really busy until october at least. i am seriously proud of my progress in 2022. and im really looking forward to playing bloodborne x

hey everyone. im not here to post art right now, i just have something on my mind that i kinda wanna ramble about, which i’ll put under a read more below bc its really long lol. i know this is kinda sudden but i promise its nothing serious. stick around if you’re somehow interested in listening to my ramblings, if not then thank you for reading this anyway, and thanks for all your continuous support :)

i cant remember the reason why anymore, but a couple minutes ago i felt like going through all the blogs ive followed on here. i only follow like 276 blogs if i remember correctly, it’s not much considering how i’ve been here since 2015. i probably felt like looking through it because i was reminded of an artist i follow here and i wanted to see if they’ve updated anything, i have no clue lol.

anyways i looked through the list, and i found a lot of artists ive followed since my early days in 2015, when i first started posting art. some i still remember fondly, some i have vague memories of, and others... i just dont recognize anymore. the only thing im sure of is that they were all artists i looked up to very much, artists who have also definitely motivated me to keep drawing just so i can be as good as them someday. im confident enough to say that ive gotten close to a lot of their levels already, and i am now very comfortable with drawing in a style that is uniquely my own. i have all these artists to thank for that.

but... another thing ive also realized is, most of them arent posting anymore. some have already stopped before i myself stopped tumblr briefly in around 2019, but a lot of them stopped at that exact same year. it makes me kinda sad, i remember looking forward to these artists’ drawings often, but a lot of them just kinda dipped out of existence 3 years ago, without other social medias that i can check to make sure theyre still around. it made me think about how hellish every year has been starting from 2019, it mightve only been 3 years but it sure felt like its been a decade. all i can do right now is hope that they’re still okay, somewhere in the world, still safe and still doing whatever they love.

and on the same note, i hope every single person who is still following me, who still constantly come up to this crumbling website, maybe even look forward to me posting my art; i hope you guys are doing well too. i know there are a lot of people who were from my old 2018 dmc days (since i came back to the fandom just half a year ago and a lot of people started checking up on me again), some of you guys were probably even from my earliest 2016 undertale days; whether you followed me 6 years ago or just today, i want to thank you guys, from the bottom of my heart, for always giving me kind support on the things i do. i am not joking when i said i wont be here right now if it werent for you guys. thank you so, so much.

Hey so u may have noticed that i havent been posting as many archived art pieces lately

This is because ive seen a few people (mainly a former art archive blog i liked, and a respected sparkledog appreciator twitter mutual) make some points about how reposting art seems like "clout chasing" or taking advantage of other ppls art. N its been making me think a lot for the past few months. Im curious about what other ppl think?

In my eyes, i liked finding old and buried artwork and reposting them so they can be appreciated once again

I will say that these sort of "nostalgia blogs" do have a habit of just blatantly reposting art with 0 credit or consideration to the artists feelings. Which is why ive made it a point to:

1. Always credit the artist and also link back to the og piece

2. Check to see if the artist has "no reposts" somewhere on their page

I also only post art from inactive accounts. Because i know many active artists just generally dont want their art posted for them, since theyre online and can post their work themselves (i personally dont allow people to repost my own art since im active as an artist online, but ive always thought that if i explode off the internet then ppl are free to share my art around without me)

The "nostalgia" blogs have always sort of had issues but i at least thought i was handling it in a more respectful way, but id still love to hear ppls thoughts, i especially would love to hear thoughts from other artists!

Hey, so can I ask about the thought process (idk words but anyway) behind why you headcanoned Hua Cheng as having OCD cuz I'm very interested? :0

KSJDNKSJDFN sorry it took so long to reply to this I promise I wasn’t ignoring you I was just overwhelmed this week and then after I actually sat down to write out my very long answer I accidentally unplugged my computer and I LOST IT ALL so sorry but this version Is going to be rather incoherent and missing stuff probably bc its pretty much just copied and pasted from one of my discord rambles/previous posts bc I don’t have the energy or memory to rewrite everything how I had it before.. but ive kept u waiting long enough so. Yeah. Sorry.

Also if I sound salty at all its not anything directed at you im just pissed at myself for writing like >3k words all in tumblr like a fool and not backing it up then accidentally yanking on my computer cord like RIGHT as I was going to post it. But I promise im actually very happy getting asks like these even if it takes me a long time to respond ;_;

So anyway basically the tldr version is that I have ocd and I love rubbing my terrible little projection paws all over my favorite characters, but also I do genuinely think that what we are shown of hua chengs personality and actions does naturally lead to the headcanon that he has ocd (and ocpd), kind of like how it seems very clear to me that wwx has adhd and lwj is autistic.

Longer version under cut bc. Well. Sorry in advance lol

So. To start off. my ocd got suuuuuper bad in my second year of college, like to the point where my parents and psychologist was considering putting me in a hospital, so i know how awful ocd can get. and because of that ive always been kinda annoyed that all the ocd """""rep""""" in media is just comedic relief kinda stereotypical clean-freak perfectionist haha look at this weirdo sort of thing. like I was barely functional I couldn’t do basic tasks the majority of the time. ironically, my room was extremely dirty and messy despite my main obsession being about contamination. so yeah not all ocd manifests as the spotless perfect room perfect closet perfect desk or whatever the fuck. sometimes its the opposite. I also got put on academic probation bc I failed all but one of my classes (the one I passed was an art class. Lowkey think that class was the only thing keeping me out of a psych ward that quarter. lol. But anyway. That’s a different conversation) BUT ANYWAY it was all around Awful. Like idk it makes me feel kind of stupid for being such a mess before my medications when everyone just sees ocd as a joke or something. like for example, i loove death the kid soul eater, and hes a good character to make fun of urself after you’ve been medicated for ocd, but i wouldnt exactly call him good rep lmao. But after that relapse episode, I kind of really really really desperately needed a character/story to relate to about it but yippee! there are approximately zero (0) canon ocd characters that aren’t comedic relief! but anyway, i know hua cheng isnt canonically ocd but i was actually able to project on him alot from what we got of his personality (and i do gotta say, sorry but despite my attachment to him i dont actually think hes written all that well, but thats another rant), and its part of the reason why i love him so much bc hes like, definitely my biggest projecttion in this regard. so anyway

i mean theres no argument that his personality and actions are very. obsessive, and rather unhealthy to a degree, especially when he was younger, not so much as he matured over literally 800 years lol but he still has some hella issues. so like, [gestures to all of him] with how he chose xie lian as. HIS PERSON, and proceeded to revolve his entire personality and life around him is obvi v obsessive, i think its very obsessive compulsive personality disorder, which is slightly different than just ocd, one difference being (besides ocd being an anxiety disorder and ocpd being a personality disorder.) in that with ocpd, you dont really think theres anything wrong with how obsessive or compulsive you are, while with ocd it causes a lot of distress. (i havent been formally diagnosed with ocpd, but i do think i definitely at the very least have tendencies in that direction too. Like with certain things i know what im doing/thinking is irrational and it upsets me, but with others im just like. why cant other people see this the way i do? why cant they just understand why this is important? like I just get so! Angry! all the time! with people or in general when things aren’t how I want them to be. I get so judgemental even when other people cant possibly know how specific my standards are like I know its bad and I know it makes me act like a bitch and im sorry) anyway……….. sorry about the tangent but back to hua cheng. he is never distressed by how much he fixates on xie lian, the only thing that distresses him is his own percieved shortcomings with how he cannot serve xie lian the way he wants to. im not sure im explaining this well but i do definitely think hua cheng has ocpd as well. his fixation on xie lian actively prevents him forming meaningful relationships with other people, and even causes a lot of antagonism between him and others (especially fxmq). he just doesnt think anyone else is worthy of his attention. which is obviously, very unhealthy and kind of sad. (i do like to think he grows out of this a bit like with yin yu and he xuan, even if he doesnt want to admit it. AND YUSHI HUANG, bc i am also a ysh/hc brotp propaganda machine as well, and well because she was the only one that was willing to help xie lian during the war too. gay lesbian solidarity mwah <3)

so this ocpd thing.. i believe it extends to things like how the temple in ghost city, or paradise manor, is set up, he'd be classic perfectionist for the layout of it all, probably gave yin yu a lot of grief over it every single time he changed his mind and decided to burn it to the ground or redecorate it because it didnt seem good enough anymore for the hypothetical day when he can bring xie lian there. i dont like to think hua cheng treated yin yu badly on purpose, i dont like thinking hes cruel to him for the sake of being cruel like ive seen some people imply or outright suggest, i mean yin yu is obviously overworked but i think part of that is just hua cheng is so perfectionist about certain things (how the temples and manors look, how theyre run, anything that can be used for or by xie lian in the future) and he just doesnt see that its become a large burden on yin yu because he thinks this kind of stuff is just the rational thing to do, and that everyone should put as much thought into these things as he does. and if he doesnt feel like he can get things to be set up the way he wants it to be it becomes. catastrophic lol

so thats more of the pure ocpd side, though there is a lot of overlap between ocpd and ocd obvi

one thing about ocd is like. its all about wanting to be in control of every tiny part of your life. like for me when certain things are out of my control it freaks me out so much that it basically disables me. Its why I hate planes so much despite cars being statistically much more dangerous. Because if something happens in a car I at least have some semblance of control over how I can escape the situation. In a plane youre just. Fucked. (sorry to all pilots its nothing personal I think youre braver than I will ever be but its basically impossible for me to trust you (and the engineers and inspectors) with my life like that) anyway, i despise ambiguity of any kind and i hate not knowing things or having concrete answers to any questions or worries i have. like. i couldnt decide on a hypothetical grad school because i was weighing the possibilities down to like, ridiculous perceived probability percentages of how likely a natural disaster were to occur in the area, and how dangerous said natural disasters could be, etc. (well. i didnt have to worry about any of that in the end bc i got rejected from literally every school i applied to LMAO RIP but anyway.) so you get the gist. its all just very irrational, and time consuming, and ridiculous to try to gain control of every single possible path your life can take. AND I HATE IT. that was kinda yet another tangent but, to apply this concept to hua cheng. one thing that i find super funny about him is how he always has his nose in everyones personal business like hes such a fucking gossip girl its hilarious. like jokes aside its obvi helpful as a ghost king to know whats going on in the 3 realms, but i think he takes his info gathering up to 11 like he definitely has these control issues about having to know about everything thats going on at all times, having to be on top of everyones business so he cant be caught off guard by anything. over those 800 years of sending his butterflies out recording things he was primarily looking for xie lian, but hes also just kind of. snooping. lmfao. Because If He Doesnt Know Whats Going On Everywhere He Will Die. (again)

and well. with his butterflies to help him, it does work, i mean. hes always on top of things hes always got a plan, hes always the one that people are going to in the book if theyre in trouble. He seems so put together but the things he cant get information on completely eat him alive sometimes. cant let others know that tho, bc hes Cool(TM), hes Chill(TM). cant let anyone know there are things that, god forbid, hes IGNORANT of. embarrassing. tch.

his hoarding im a little ? about because i dont exactly remember the details of it but i do know he has a ridiculous amount of like trinkets and weapons and magical items and stuff in paradise manor, but i also know he doesnt really care if they get destroyed or not, which is kind of strange but i do what i want and im making him a hoarder bc im somewhat of a hoarder and i love projecting. though now that i think about it. like if i have a big pile of something that i dont want to get rid of, but someone else does it for me without asking or something happens to it like yeah i get angry but sometimes i also just get kind of relieved……….. idk.

so now about intrusive thoughts, i bet he has suuper disturbing ones. Like we  know how he was debating slaughtering those humans on mt tonglu but ended up not because xie lian would have saved them. obviously that was already a stressful unusual situation but like i dont think that kind of thing gets any better even when hes just like. chilling. he gets visions of himself burning ghost city to the ground or attacking humans or destroying his own ashes or otherwise causing harm to others, like yin yu. like he pretends he doesnt care about yin yu and he xuan and stuff but i do think hes fond of them, but he tries to keep his distance because 1) hes dumb and 2) he gets really freaked out by these violent thoughts he has about them. the worst is, when he finally meets xie lian again he gets these thoughts about him too and it takes literally everything he has not to like. throw himself into a volcano, or something.

and its already been established his self image isnt. great. which is a kind way of saying it. he thinks hes worthless and ugly, esp if he does even the slightest thing wrong. I mean I definitely think hes better by the current timeline of the book, but it still reads as a kind of precarious thing to me? Like he wants to be a companion to xie lian instead of just a servant like wu ming, but even after 800 years he still feels this inferiority and disregard for himself u know? If im explaining in an okay way? and body dysmorphia is also something that can be ocd related. OH and i forgot to say this before but ocd/ocpd can also sometimes be a way that ptsd can manifest and id definitely say with all that he was said to have gone through as a child he has ptsd, leading to, well, exacerbated ocd symptoms, among other things. his body dysmorphia is obviously something he internalized (for 800 years!!!) from when he was a child, and i can imagine him absolutely agonizing for centuries over his san lang form, because it was supposed to be his most perfect form, he needed to make it perfect, and he never felt like he could

similarly, for the cleanliness side of ocd that i feel is kind of stereotypical? at least how its portrayed in most media, hua cheng has been show a couple times not wanting to get things (or xie lian) dirty. he was very poor and dirty as a child so now he has the connection of being dirty = being miserable, and this is taken to the extreme when he becomes a supreme bc now hes rich and able to be clean and any dirt or blood on him or something/someone he cares about (’cant let you down the ground is dirty’; shielding the flower, etc) is like. an attack on this power he has now ? iykwim

anyway sorry this is long and rambly. if you actually read it all… respect……. Also ignore those parts where I might get a little too personal :^) like idk if it is but I feel like I might regret some of this in the morning. honks. Anywayyyy as you can see im completely normal about hua cheng im saaaaaauuuuur normal and well adjusted and I just think hes neat oky byeee jumps out my window

Q: why is cyborg cookie your icon instead of leek A: tbh ive associated egg more with cyborg, and also because i feel like it

Q: whats the purpose of this account A: one is that i apprechiate archive accounts, two is that alot of people enjoyed their work and this is a way for them to enjoy their content again, three nostalgia? in a way

Q: *why* exactly are you looking for their videos A: i was featured in a collab, i remember how i bragged about it to some kid in 5th grade, remembered that and went "huh, i want to see that again" and spiraled

Q: have you known egg A: yeah, infact its *kinda* the reason why im looking for their videos, we havent talked in a long time though

Q: do you know where egg is A: no i dont, last i know egg was doing better since they left, and i dont think its in best taste to find them either way, leave them alone

Q: what are you using to find their stuff A: went through way back machine to find thumbnail / art, images to find some of the screenshots ive posted, thats it i think

Q: i have a video saved, how do i send it to you? A: either through the email in my about page, or putting it in google drive and sending the video over to me

Q: are you dumbegg? A: no im a 16 year old trying to survive highschool thats autistic about warrior cats, hope that helps 👍

Q: how long have you been into cookie run A: since 2019 (ironically enough cyborg menace was my first event lol), but i wasnt hyperfixed on it during 2020, basically it keeps comming back every other year (small interest though as of now)

Q: whats your main account? A: i might drop like a "hey this was me lol" but i wont really include my current usernames so most of what youll probably see are my old usernames ive used when i was 12

Q: why do you post stuff like thumbnails, art etc A: for thumbnails its so that it can be recogniseable and i try to collect descriptions and upload dates too to make it feel "complete"? i guess, as for art its the same as the videos people probably liked it and while not as important i thought itd be neat

Q: what if egg comes to talk to you A: if they tell me to take down everything ive found *i will*, its their right, they have deactivated their channel for a reason and i wont blame them if they feel that way, other then that depends on whats being said

Q: why do you add "leek cookie" to the tags sometimes A: to get more reach, listen i hate it just as much as you that theyre only recused to "haha leek simp" but thats litterly the only thing people would care about if you mention them, and algoritms and stuff ig, this only applies to some text posts though, if its like a video or something ill tag the characters that appear in it only (cyborg is sometimes added cuz its my layout and see Q 1)

Q: what the fuck are you talking about in your update videos A: im not a native english speaker and im terrible at wording, hope this also helps

Q: whats ur fave danganronpa character A: sonia nevermind 👍

hey tumblr, believe or not im not dead!!

ive been around really scarcely but still around nonetheless, been liking stuff and things, looking at tags for my ships etc.

but im debating on posting. as expected, my love for south park & tyde faded in the last 2 years. one of the main reason why was that comic that i struggled so much on, it dragged me to art block and made me hate drawing token & clyde (which im really sad about)

BUT!!! inspiration struck me on this random night to actually draw tyde for the first time in 2 years and ive fell in love with them again. im not promising any main south park content, as im interested in star wars rn, but ill be posting what ive been sketching!! it will be like my tribute to the ship atp, i have been thinking about leaving tyde forever but inspiration struck HARD. again, im not gonna be mainly about that tho

ive been seeing people follow me for my old content, hello!!! and also why do you like my old art its so bad i cant bear it, i dont want any hearts to be broken, so feel free to unfollow. :,)

expect art content for: star wars (obikin/dinluke), maybe genshin???, south park (just tyde) and i will be sharing my fanfics too!

ty for waiting, ty for the support ❤️