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#ive been listening to this song and couldn't stop thinking about this

max13l · 2 months

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Max Verstappen & Daniel Ricciardo - Baku GP 2018 // A Car Crash For Two - Gia Ford

#ive been listening to this song and couldn't stop thinking about this #it's not great but i had to do it #web weaving #maxiel #max verstappen #daniel ricciardo #baku 2018 #my post #long post

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taintedcigs · 3 months

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it is always so interesting to me the colors taylor associates with love, it’s red. at first. she believes its what love should be like; tumultuous, exciting, never-ending passion. but as she enters into new relationships, phases of her life, she realizes love isn’t burning red, there is never going to be that endless passion, there are going to be times where its just calm and you feel fine. and that’s what she desperately seeks, a love that is not going to be a full upwards experience, nor a downwards one. it’s going to be stable, and then not stable, then boring, then possibly fun, and then repeat: love is unpredictable and doesn’t stay in just the confinements of one thing or another.

she realizes this during the red era as the prologue states: ‘real love shines golden like starlight, maybe I’ll write a whole album about that kind of love if I ever find it’. after this, we can slowly start to see how taylor shifts from the idea of love being red, into the idea of love being golden; we first see this gold association clearly in the reputation album, in dress; 'made your mark on me a golden tattoo' and in dancing with our hands tied; ‘deep blue but you painted me golden’

then she explores this idea of love being associated with gold much further with the muse in lover, the love she saw as starlight during the red era has fully shifted into daylight, she now views starlight as something that ‘combusts’ and 'fades’ while she sees daylight as getting out of that darkness, and seeing the bright side. ‘i once believed love would be burning red, but it’s golden.’

we see this theme in a LOT of the songs in reputation and lover. HOWEVER, i feel like this idea of love as gold fades when we get to evermore.

im one of the ppl who will argue to death that folkmore for sure isn’t entirely fictional, especially evermore. i don’t think taylor fully realized how much her personal feelings & experiences were integrated into it when she wrote evermore, but it’s clear as day with everything that transpired after midnights was released and with 2023. and i think she realized it later on too, during 2022-2023, which was the time she started writing ttpd.

‘gold rush’ BREAKS her idea of love being gold, ‘i don’t like a gold rush’ is a direct reference to the muse in reputation and lover era. later on in the midnights album, i feel like she realizes this further, how the idea of a 'golden love' is also a mistaken belief, like the red love was.

‘question…?’ reflects this further, ‘'cause I don't remember who I was before you painted my nights, a color i’ve searched for since.’ yet, i feel like, she is still in denial here, believing that golden is the color she's been searching, therefore, refusing to stop believing in this color association.

now, moving onto the tortured poets department, which i know, is a an album that isn't out and we haven’t heard the song, but let's talk about the alchemy!!! the word alchemy is by definition about the chemical science and speculative philosophy with the aim of transforming base metals into gold. i think this song is about her fully realizing that the ‘golden love’ is just a fallacy like, ‘red love’ was. and depending on how the song will play out, i feel like it could be about whether her realizing that associating colors with love is just another way to romanticize and create this impossible, inachievable goal in her head, like she did with red, or she still associates love with golden, which could be the case, since i think taylor has seen "golden love" as the most precious, safe and happy; e.g. the best day (gold associated with her mom), and her muse in previous albums wasn't the golden love she believed to be, thus, she couldn't transform it into one! 👀

all that blabbing about a song ive never, listened, yes. but i love desperately analyzing taylor songs, it is very annoying, i cannot stop myself. I AM SORRY.

#em talks #taylor swift #the tortured poets department #this isnt very coherent #probably repetitive at times but i hope i worded it well???

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holocene-sims · 2 months

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next // previous

august 26, 2021 4:00 a.m. a balcony, somewhere

time somehow seems to simultaneously slow to a crawl and race beyond the speed of light. grant doesn’t remember when they’d ended up perched like lovebirds at the pinnacle of a staircase, peering out over the night-drenched landscape, but it must have been a while ago. customers have long since stopped streaming in and out of the restaurant on the street below.

he remembers in better detail the stream of their conversation–they’d shifted from food and a strangely peaceful, humorous discussion of kicking the bucket to movies, and at some point, paranormal stories came up along the way.

it’d be hard to forget talking to yunha.

there’s something curiously enrapturing about her, something that had drawn him to her when he first made eye-contact with her.

the look in her eyes, maybe. it’s piercing, like she’s baring right through your skin and into your soul, but not malicious or judgmental. it’s friendly, it’s curious, it’s playful.

the way she speaks, maybe. she’s the most engaged conversationalist he’s ever encountered. everything you say, whether she agrees or disagrees, is met with affirmations and a lot of nodding. yes, yes, of course. i see, i see. i understand. ohhh, wow! really?

she’s unraveling every shard of the puzzle that is his personality and piecing it back together in one whole picture, analyzing it. figuring it out. appreciating it.

or maybe it’s the sweetness that radiates off her. she appears unafraid to smile, instead all too happy to flash those pretty, crooked bunny teeth for the world to see.

“so, i'm going to guess you’re not accidentally good at singing.”

she seems not to mind revealing her own puzzle pieces either, and the more she says about herself, the more fascinated he is with her. with who she is. with what makes her tick.

“i hope it’s not an accident,” yunha replies, laughing, “because shit, then years worth of practice was a waste.”

“time enjoyed is never time wasted.”

the unabashed cringe of the line garners an immediate eye roll, but she still seems to find it funny.

they’ve definitely been sitting here a while. grant straightens his back, fixing his gradually slouching posture, and is is met with an immediate flash of pain, distinct from the chronic dull ache underlying every day of his life, that radiates down every vertebra.

“what got you into music, though?”

yunha’s rosy pink lips purse in thought as she dwells on the question.

“a lot of things. my parents like music. i listened to a lot of different kinds of songs my whole life, first with them, and then later with my friends. i had some time between classes and studying to spend having fun, but i couldn't spend any money, so my friends and i would go to this music store. we walked around and picked random albums to listen to on the headphones. we never bought anything.”

grant nods supportively. “what’s, like, the first album you remember really liking? or albums. you don’t have to pick one.”

“ah! i treasure so many albums. seo taiji and boys IV. i think that’s still my favorite nostalgic album ever. i also remember fondly, um, this girl’s in love with you by aretha franklin. i heard that at the music store, and i was so impressed by her talent. i still am.”

“i'm not a music expert. surprise! i know, i know, i'm sorry to tell you, i did not practice for centuries for that wonderful spice girls performance earlier. no, but seriously, i most often just listen to the same old emo stuff i liked when i was 13. so, unfortunately i don’t know the first album at all, at least not yet, but i do know the second one. you have fantastic taste, that’s a classic.”

despite his ignorance, yunha still smiles from ear to ear. “you should look up the first one! look up, like, seo taiji ‘come back home.’ that’s the most popular song on the album. i don’t wanna bias you, so listen on your own and make your own opinions.”

“wilco. and if you don’t mind me asking, how’d you turn the interest in music into a skill? you are talented, but i know it's very much a skill. it does take a lot of practice to become tangibly good at music.”

“to express myself,” yunha says plainly, “it’s easier to tell your story in art than talking about it, and singing is free. you don’t need supplies to learn it. but yes, i needed that kind of outlet, you know? i always liked singing, always did it, but i needed more than only entertainment from it over time.”

“oh yeah, art is helpful. i really should have gotten on that train earlier. i got on board about a year ago. it's much better for you than intellectualizing everything. or at least that's what i tend to do. do you perform, by the way? outside of karaoke, that is."

"sometimes. but also, not in a long time."

there falls a brief, but peaceful lull in the conversation. grant’s eyes draw to black night sky as he recalls the last haphazard art he’d created–the mushy-gushy attempt at processing the universe. seeing it hanging above him now, his thoughts are no less conflicting. light pollution washes out the shining sea of stars, but the sky still retains its beauty, its bewilderment. visible or not, an infinite chain of dimensions and celestial bodies exist in the vacuum of space, orbiting independent of him, yet factoring in the tiny fraction of his mass on the mass of the earth in their delicate ballerina dance across the fabric of spacetime.

the universe must have created me for some reason, for something other than anguish.

his own words. again. ever-present.

“i miss seeing the stars.” yunha’s buttery soft voice breaks his concentration. “you can’t see anything here.”

“polaris.” grant raises his left arm and draws his index finger across the sky until it hovers above the only star he’s seen thus far. “technically, that means we should be able to see sirius, too, but we don’t need to get all science-y and talk about magnitude and that polaris isn’t–”

“i would like it if you did.”

she was thinking of the stars, too.

synchronicity.

“aw shucks! well. i’ll say this, polaris isn’t the brightest star. we just talk about it way more frequently because it has the most cultural significance in the northern hemisphere for, you know, navigation reasons. but hey, give it about 12,000 more years, and it even won’t be the north star anymore. thank you, wobbly earth axis. but also boo, woobly earth axis, because it's a little sad to think about.”

yunha’s eyes glitter with fascination. “it’ll be something else?”

“yep! the next north star will be vega,” he explains, “come on down, you’re the next contestant!”

“maybe we’ll see it happen.”

“if my consciousness is still floating around as little dust particles, that’d be pretty sick. you know? forget fly me to the moon, fly me to vega. why not?”

“i don’t think i'll be dust,” yunha says, not missing a beat at all, even as her focus remains fixed on the faintest twinkle emanating from polaris, “it’s kind of troubling. you don’t want to be, like, stuck in the whole cycle of the universe, but if you’re still here, you can see some really beautiful things.”

“ah. reincarnation?”

“if you’re asking me, you’re not going to be dust. either you escape the suffering or you come back in some kind of physical form, human or not, and you try again.”

grant thinks about it for a moment. and then the feelings, like usual, spill out at once.

“i'm not going to lie, that idea has always given me the heebie-jeebies. i think it’s very cool as a concept, but i'm, like, man, i don’t want to do this shit again. also, look, we're doing the thing again. oh, and shit, that sounded judgmental. i just run my mouth too much."

"most people don't know they lived before. you can't really remember your other lives without a lot of study," she answers, "and no, you don't. i prefer to hear your real opinion. it's actually stupid when people tell you what they think you want to hear."

"do you ever wonder what you were up to last go-around?"

"not too much, but i always heard strange birthmarks and scars are signs from your last death. fears, too. things you avoid. so, i guess, like, a clown stabbed me in the neck with needles."

"are you afraid of storm drains, by any chance? if so, i think pennywise had it out for you."

"hahaha." yunha shakes her head. "wait, i have to ask. is it not worse thinking you can only live once? that's not uncomfortable? feeling like you have to make everything perfect in your one lifetime?"

"oh no, it's terrifying. dying and just being done with everything is eerie, too, because there are nice things to do and see here in the real world. you’re right about that. and yeah, there is a lot of pressure to get it all right. also, that's not even mentioning that there are people i love that i don’t want to be gone forever. i'd like to think they remain somehow. conscious or not. i kind of think they do, but i don’t know. am i contradicting myself? capital-P probably."

“you don’t know what to think.”

grant immediately bursts out laughing. “yeah, no, absolutely not. i do not know. i just kinda waffle around and hope some scientist throws out some numbers and whatnot that proves some explanation of everything correct. but that’s impossible. it’s literally impossible. we can’t even simulate or predict the wacky physics that were going on at the exact moment the big bang happened.”

“not to be, like, all quirky, but...” yunha reaches over, patting him on the shoulder. “maybe don’t think about it? you’re gonna go crazy. you can just not know? and it's fine. this doesn’t mean anything anyway. the answer to anything is already in you, it’s not out there.”

and then she, too, starts giggling all over again and her cheeks blush deep red from sheepish cringe.

another stereotypical line, but he doesn't mind. they sound better coming from her than him anyhow.

a second later and she checks the time on her phone. her cheesy smile erodes into a slight frown.

“ahh, i really need to leave soon. i have a schedule in the morning.”

grant checks the time as well, drawing the sleeve of his hoodie up just enough to read the minuscule roman numerals on his watch.

on the watch an ex-girlfriend gifted him. not päivi, but...

4:00 a.m.

fuck.

right.

you’re leaving the country in two hours.

#ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #sims 4 storytelling #simblr #hlcn: everything the stars promised #GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS #*screams into the void*#i have too many thoughts and i need to WATCH IT in my tags gushing because i will reveal too much either way #all i'm gonna say for now is ermmmmm i've been thinking about these scenes for literal years and i am pretty happy with how they came out #also i needed to advance the plot a bit for [REDACTED] story elements hence the unusual conversations #but nonetheless i love people getting to be a little funky and weird with each other and idk i've had similar encounters with random people #classmates and whatnot and you just find yourself talking about topics that are hard to get into but somehow you did #holocene.docx #holocene.png #hlcn: grant #hlcn: yunha

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saltwaterburns · 4 months

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VERY EXPLICIT DETAILS AND DESCRIPTIONS OF MY FEELINGS AFTER FINISHING "THE EMPTY GRAVE"

I tabbed 5 pages: blue for 347, red for 354, green for 385, orange for 415 and yellow for the very last one

i. Lockwood tells Lucy about the blue sapphire necklace his dad got for his mum as a "symbol of his undying devotion".

I was listening to Radiohead for most of the book, and this scene in particular was very dear to me because "Weird Fishes/ Arpeggi" is almost most definitely Lockwood's song. Like. Everybody leaves when they get the chance to, but Lucy won't. Lucy is back here and he's with him and they're standing side by side and he nearly can't get the words out of his mouth that's gone incredibly dry but somehow he's telling her about the necklace in his palm and his mind is racing while thinking about how pretty it'd look against her supple skin. He's almost about to give it to her, his mouth is open but the words die in his throat because Kipps is leaning over the doorway and telling them that Winkman is here and now he might die and she might never really know about his feelings for her but it's okay, because she'll live. He'll make sure she'll live.

ii. "But, if anything, I had my eye on someone else."

"Good God, you don't mean George?"

"You must know there are other possibilities in this world."

Sweet, darling girl Holly and her unrecruited wlw crush. Sweet, darling Holly who was squealing on the inside whenever she caught a glance of Lucy, her glowing skin and twinkling eyes and bright hair. Sweet, darling girl Holly who couldn't help the mean words that sometimes spilled from her lips because God forbid anyone realised what actually might hide under those longing glances.

iii. Lucy and her pet Skully but Skully is being TAKEN AWAY and they're having an angsty goodbye.

I'm pretty sure I actually cried during this scene. As much as she hates to admit it, she's so fond of Skull and his company and she's so used to his vile, unannounced jokes and comments that when he's being taken away from her, her heart literally stops, even though she isn't in the living world anymore. We only realise what we have until we've lost it, and this quote fits here perfectly. Sure, she hates him and his comments are unneeded and he never helps her, but they can't just take him away, can they?

iv. "Marissa came by?" Lockwood asked. "Was she alone?"

"Hey, Lucy asks the questions around here," the youth said. "You can't just barge in and take over like you're the leader or something? Where's your respect?"

Bonus - Skull telling the Clapham Butcher Boy to "find his own human"

I GIGGLED SO LOUD. He's so emotionally dependent on her. Find your own goddamn human, fish face!! That's right!! He's my favourite character. Nothing intellectual to talk about here, it just made me smile really big.

v. She hung the symbol of Lockwood's father's undying devotion to his mother around. Her. Neck. Cause. Locky. Gave. It. To. Her.

CAN YOU HEAR MY SCREAMS AND SOBS? Oh my God, where do I even start? During the entirety of those 5 books, they've always ran and someone's been hunting them down and Penelope was always breathing over their shoulder but not anymore. They'll still take on dangerous jobs and get into little quarrels with Barnes but now Kipps and Flo are also part of their little 35 Portland Row agency. They'll still be in danger every day because that's just what their job requires but it's different because Lucy's got that little gemstone around her neck and it might not mean anything to simple onlookers but all the love and light that's ever been gathered in it is now shining upon her. It's casting a little golden halo around her head and it's all okay because even when death is looking them in the eye, they'll look at each other and nod and everything will be okay.

This is it! Thank you for reading my little rambles. I don't know how I'll ever recover, because 35 Portland Row will eternally be etched to my heart. As my favourite singer once sung, there'll always be a chamber in my heart dedicated to those three and all their little hooligan friends and the shenanigans they got into.

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wifey-ohara · 8 months

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I'll fill the silence for you

Sick hobie& younger sibling! Reader

So in my hobie hcs i said that we took care of him after the spider bite soo i just wanted to write it out, because nothing else was moving along, hope you enjoy this little drabble

Notes: platonic, Siblings love, comforting hobie, painful spider bite, reader can sing, lyrics and verses from don't speak by no doubt because ive been listening to it none stop, proof read by my friend angel(thx love), probably gonna add to it

@randomaddict1 asked if i have more hobie and sib reader and the answer is, always

"and if it's real i don't want to know~"

And you sang along what songs you remember..

It was 5 am in the morning, and the sun started to shine in you and your older brother's little speace you called your home, unfortunately, you haven't had a blink of sleep that night.

Not that the timing was unfamiliar to you, you two were all too happy with staying up late and even skipping a whole night sleep before going to living your lives, doing your jobs as if you rested the night before, spending those sleepless nights partying, hosting concerts, singing and having fun, or just on some roof you two climbed, staring at the stars, talking about life, the future, your plans, or running in the rain, playing as if you were children again.

But tonight,your voice echoing around the quiet place, arms creating random shapes in his arm, the other on his back, repeating a mindless tapping motion on it, you were doing everything in your power to keep yourself awake.

You haven't dared to stop holding him and singing ever since you almost fell asleep after him and he started whispering in pain and kicking slightly two hours ago.

You don't think you'll ever forget the image of him on the floor, back arched forward, chin to his chest, jaw so tight you're suprised his teeth are still intact, eyes sealed shut yet cheeks wet from sweat and tears, loud grunts of pain escaping him.

You ran to his side, looking for any gunshot wounds, stab openings, any proof of the intruder that your dagger was drawn out for, yet none were apparent, actually, he seemed perfectly fine.

"it was a spider!" he yelled, gasping before he drew his lips shut again.

You're still confused about it, but you held him through it all, whispered in his ear comforting words, rocked him back and forth, let him squeeze your hand, encouraged him to scream it out, until he tired of it and began to take deeper breaths, eyelids fluttering shut, snuggling to your shoulder.

"sing f'me... Please" he sobbed "of course" you replied.

And thats how you two ended up like this, his head on your shoulder, both arms around you, finding safety in your touch and yet protecting you at the same time

He woke up to your humming, feeling your hands hanging by his shoulders, as your head was dropped back on the couch.

It was soothing, never failing to ground him and put him at ease, and now, it makes the needles running under his skin somewhat softer, and the heaveiness of his head lighter.

"don't tell me because it hurts" he said matching your humming, lifting his head off your shoulder to take a look at you.

And any soothing feelings he had when he woke up disappeared into thin air.

You lifted your head as well, smiling at him, Your eyes were red and puffed out, covered in sweat and tears.

"don't speak, i know just what you're sayin' " you replied, voice raspy and it sounded like it hurts you to talk.

"trouble what the hell is this, why you lokin' like that?" he asked still tired and sick but he has other matters to take care of, like knowing why his sibling looks like they walked through hell and back.

And then he remembered.

"little one, did you sleep?" he asked, voice softer this time.

"i couldn't.." you said, and he frowned at you.

"Comeon then" he was still sick and every not fit to change positions with you in his arms but he did anyway, ignoring the sharp soreness the consumed him whole,and the wave of dizziness that came with it ,turning to the side so he could put you on top of him, feeling that urge to throw up fading a bit to the back of his throat.

He reached up and started playing with your hair, messaging your scalp gently, already scolding himself for letting stay up watch over him all night and halfway through the day, planning on calling whoever you had scheduled a job with today and tomorrow and tell them that you won't be there.

It took him awhile to go back to sleep but he did, eventually.

#hobie brown x reader #atsv hobie #hobie spiderverse #hobie x reader #Hobie x reader platonic #platonic #spider man: across the spider verse #atsv #spiderman atsv

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ltsmoving · 7 months

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Voretober 14: Fans

not able to draw rn but this prompt is making me think of a certain freak of mine giggles. seren is a character ive never mentioned here before, but if im feeling brave, he might return.

"Aren't you excited?" Seren couldn't keep still in his seat as he spoke, hands tight on the wheel, keeping him braced as much as possible. "This is our biggest show yet! We're actually getting somewhere now- we'll be taking the top hits soon, Max, just you wait."

Max nodded along, trying his best to listen past the anxieties screaming in his ears, and past the discomfort of being packed into the backseat of a car half his height. Seren was right, this would be their largest crowd they had ever performed for- with at least a hundred people at the venue, they were guaranteed to stick in someone's head. But one hundred people is a lot, and he held his breath picturing his voice cracking or forgetting lines on stage.

"Hey, it's okay if you're worried, you know. You'll be great out there." His striking blue eyes flicked between the road and the rear mirror, looking at Max with a sugary sympathy. It calmed his nerves, but he couldn't help the gnawing fears that always overcame him before he first got on stage.

Before he really knew it, they were at the venue: a club near their old university campus, a few people they recognised from their time there in the crowd.

They made their way to the backstage area, Seren and Max hanging up their denim jacket and hoodie respectively, revealing their black button-downs and neck ties in blue and red. The pair practiced the parts of their songs they were going to struggle with the most, whether for Seren having to play a difficult melody, or Max singing a particularly quick and eclectic line. Getting up to wait in the wings, they listened in to the guy before them and prepared to go up themselves.

When it was finally their turn, Max was at least happy to find out that most people were milling about the bar, or talking over a drink than staring into his eyes, awaiting a perfect performance. By the time they were done, they weren't being booed off stage, so they must have done something right, even if they were off key at points or encountered some mic issues before hand.

Most surprising was that when they had come to the end of their set, a lone crowd member had wandered up to the stage as Seren was packing his guitar back into its case.

"You guys were great!" she said, speaking with bright eyes and excitement. "Substandard, was it?"

"That's us," Seren responded, holding back his joy that someone had been so enthralled by their music to come up and talk to them personally.

She nodded and smiled, turning to Max. "Can I make a request?"

"Sorry, our set is over, we've gotta let the next band up." Max gave the woman a polite smile, but she simply persisted, waving her hand and ushering the singer to kneel down so she could whisper into his ear.

At first, a coy smile adorned his face, before it morphed into a confused shocked expression. His first instinct was to look at Seren, as if asking for some silent permission for an unheard request. Despite this, he quietly responded, face slightly pink. Seren felt a twinge of jealousy, having this conversation kept private from him.

He had assumed the woman had asked for something like an autograph or a photo, the last thing he expected was to see his best friend with a mouthful of fangirl.

The crowd of conversations slowed to a dead stop as people took notice of the scene taking place on the stage. Everyone's eyes following the movements of the girl's torso being pulled into his gullet before her legs slipped down his throat- a voyeuristic spectacle of morbid fascination as her form disappeared, and Max's fuzzy gut was exposed.

Once she was down, Max panted, trying to heave himself and his newfound weight off of the stage before he noticed the ocean of eyes drinking in such a curious moment, Seren included. Some people turned to muttering, others cringed in disgust, others were whistling, whooping, even cheering at the display, and Max couldn't tell if he wanted to bathe in the response for a while longer or disappear into the earth and wallow in embarrassment.

Seren decided for him, dragging him by the arm off the stage as the band after them cautiously stepped up, clearly shaky to follow up the killer finish Substandard had brought. Out the back of the building, Seren left Max to struggle with the weight of another person as he fetched their car, and Max was alone with his thoughts and hundreds of pounds of human meat wriggling inside of him.

A stray hand palmed the surface, and he nearly fell over as his prey resisted the touch- must have been her face, then? He tried again to apply some pressure to his distended skin, and when he was met by no fight, he felt great, but he felt disgusted by himself to admit that. He was painfully full, and about to commit a homicide! Even still, he couldn't keep his hands off the mound of flesh on flesh.

The headlights of the car pulled him back to reality, and he hobbled his way to the backseat once again, this time having to lie down over the whole thing- there was no way he was fitting himself upright in that tiny space while sharing it with his meal.

The drive was accompanied by scared, angry, and confused rambling from Seren, but Max still couldn't find himself comprehending a single word, lost in the ecstasy of his wriggling meal, and thoughts screaming in his ears about how many more future fans might also want to be eaten. He definitely had a new diet to get used to.

#i feel cringe but i am free #v.ore #v ore #soft vore #digestion #male pred #fatal vore #female prey #willing prey #voretober #voretober 2023 #oc seren #oc max #eddie wrote this

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ikoarts · 3 months

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October 2023 Art

for some reason i wrote a novel under the cut, for those of u actually reading, thank u for being so patient x

vvv dates + info under the cut vvv

1 - 03/10/2023 : another of my faves of last year, was trying to get better at drawing trainz, so just Edward and Toby hanging out, displaying the duality of old men x

2 - 04/10/2023 : got a new puter! one of the first things i set to doing after getting set up was to draw a Ru, of course, it was also just me trying to get used to the new MS paint..... it feels very odd

3, 4, 5 - 06/10/2023 : part 1 of redrawing random pics i have of Edward on my phone with my human version of him, this was really fun tbh, and the third here is one of my fave drawings of the year probs.. like sir.. those look heavy... what big uhh.. Glasses.. you have

6, 7, 8 - 07/10/2023 : part 2! i think i just like drawing his face... dare i say this train is cunty or will that get me exiled

9 - 08/10/2023 : something stupid i thought of and couldn't get out of my head for days so had to draw it..... little johnny from oingo boingo's only a lad, doing what he does best, fantasising about radios he wants oh so bad and running people down with a boyish craving for blood.. based on that 1 meme of the guy driving and thinking of a thing then making that insane face

10 - 09/10/2023 : based on that 1 silly vargskelethor song (that could not be less specific), had Shed 17 on the brain and was reminded of the milk song where the skeleton comes out.. thomarse dank 2 much milk and died..

11, 12 - 10/10/2023 : chooshada again :333 first a little doodle on my phone bc i was wondering about her livery, i do think she'd have originally been NER apple green but then painted NWR colours, butttt with a twist... coz i can do whatever i like... the twist is just that she's painted dark blue rather than a sky blue, coz its more her colour x

ALSO MS paint shada, wanted to draw her more uh, idk, detailed ig, idk i love this one, it also served as more train practice

13 - 13/10/2023 : previous one, but with COLOUR!! not much 2 say other than that shes very cute

14 - 18/10/2023 : saw a tweet abt old photos of engine crews posing with their crashed locos and how the NWR crews would do that, made me think of how, if Toni was (choo)shada's driver, she'd do that.. probably x .. very like her to slay in the midst of a terrible accident

15 - 22/10/2023 : predictably, i have some playlists for the ttte engines, one for Diesel which is notable here, so uhh, i have the scrapped song from the lorax "biggering" in there, bc i see it as like a Duck vs Diesel song, ik im surpassing several layers of cringe here but hear me out ok... i drew this at 2am coz i couldn't stop thinking of Duck lecturing Diesel

16, 17, 18 - 25/10/2023 : speaking of playlists, think i was listening to my Robin one here, and felt like drawing him, i have "the land of make believe" in there, which ive always found to be an oddly haunting song, so this is semi based on that, though that wouldn't be apparent if i hadn't just told u x .. this looks like vent art but tis not i was just having fun

also tiny chooshada, i was in the middle of writing something which i have literally Just remembered now and i was writing a scene where Ru is stuck between some characters who shes not looking forward to working with bc they're about to bicker the whole fuckin time and one of them thinks shes a dick, so i drew her being sad that shes forced to work with morons..... and speak of the devil, 3rd drawing is here with 2 of the aforementioned morons :D i think D+D take a liking to her, they're just a little obnoxious (love them for that)

19 - 27/10/2023 : a quick(ish) digital thing of Chooshada again that i did on the side of another project, more engine drawing practice he he, she'll be out of proportion and lacking detail but really it was just to not be too hard on myself about that, it did help i think to understand how to draw her more, plus just look at her lil face... also she has a number here, doesn't mean much other than 8 being her lucky number, other than 11, like those are just her numbers, suppose i could have it be 1188 to ref her bday, idfk x

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mati-river · 1 year

Note

i wld love 2 hear ur theroy abt ginasfs being abt pete falling out of love with patrick and in love with mikey pls do explain cus this is wht ive been thinking of recently when i listen to it

Well, let's start (sorry in advance for my english 'cause it's not my native language)

I am hardcore Petekey truther and I believe that Pete had a crush on Patrick but Patrick is too straight for all of this. (I had a crush on my best friend before we became best friends and I can feel what Pete feels, you know) This is an initial point of my theory.

Pete Wentz was totally obsessed with Mikey Way in 2005-2007 while also was crippled by hard depression at 27. Mikey wasn't in love with him back, I think they had "friends with benefits" kind of thing as Mikey thought about it, but Pete was totally in love. "monster fall in love with a boy with no heart? actually i’m pretty sure you have a heart, but i’m just as certain it’ll never be mine." Oh I hate Pete's posts so hard I can't stop crying about those over and over again.

But before Summer of Like, Pete was obsessed with Patrick. It was a love at first sight, all of that "socks, shorts and an argyle sweater" thing. They hadn't any sexual relationship 'cause Patrick didn't want any relationship except friendship with Pete but Pete wanted everything. "It’s Not a Side Effect of the Cocaine, I Think It Must Be Love" is about it. "I’ve Got a Dark Alley and a Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth" is partly about it. Pete wanted to come out (as bi I suppose) but it was 2005 and he couldn't afford to. And Patrick didn't want him. He loved him as a friend already but nothing more, but he was too shy and supportive to totally reject Pete's love. It isn't healthy thing at all but sometimes friends who really love you back but only as a friend do this for your mentally unstable ass. It's not the same thing as some "friend zone" stuff 'cause this person actually loves you back but not romantically and just don't want to break your heart. This isn't healthy but sometimes it's the only right choice to make.

Pete Wentz was smoldered over Patrick Stump for years and then Summer of Like happened so Pete flared up for Mikey Way.

So when we figured out all the things about this situation in general, let's finally talk about G.I.N.A.S.F.S.

As a person who ships both Petekey and Peterick I've been thinking about this song a lot. I love Pete's poetry and love to overanalyze it again and again, so in my desire to understand this song I decided to start from most obvious line "Trade baby blues for wide eyed browns" 'cause, you know:

So I started to think about this song in the prism of this line. Like all other Pete's songs, this one is about his mental state. This is the most loved thing about Pete's poetry to me - this man cannot write "just a song", all of them are so personal. So, Pete wasn't mentally stable at all, the second verse and a bridge clearly said about an attempts and since all about Pete's attempts is really unclear, I still think that logically you in "you saved my life" was Patrick just 'cause he was around at this time in contrast to Mikey. So I can only speculate about "Photo-proofed kisses" line, I can, but I don't really want to, at least here and now.

Well, okay, let's figure out the chorus. In the prism of all future lyrics about Mikey Way, "It's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you" isn't about him 'cause Pete still loved him really hard for this point. So if we come back to "Trade baby blues for wide eyed browns" we can imagine Pete thinks about how easily for him was to fall out of love with Patrick and it's bothering him. I mean, it really kinda devastating when you realize that you actually didn't love someone as hard as you thought you was after you fall into someone else so much harder. Also, I think that Pete was really obsessed with desire to come out in 2004-2005 and it reinforced his love to Patrick. What I'm trying to say - on this point (2004-2005) if Pete would crush on any other guy he would think that it's a love of his life just 'cause this is what happens when you really want to come out. You need an excuse. But it was Patrick, he had a long-term crush on his best friend Patrick, and then when he realised that he wasn't the love of his life (at least, you know, romantically) it was devastating. Also, I think that the second half of the second verse is about that too in a way of "I loved a concept of our relationship more than I actually romantically loved you". You know that feeling when you think about people that you formerly non-reciprocally loved as about your exes even if you actually never were in a romantic relationship? I mean this kind of feeling.

So to sum up, I think that G.I.N.A.S.F.S. is about Patrick but in the prism of Pete's full-time falling into Mikey. That's it, that's my theory. If I confused you even more with it - I'm sorry, you can keep asking leading questions and I'll try to answer. It's not really easy for me to formulate thoughts about all of it even in my native language actually.

#petekey #peterick #g.i.n.a.s.f.s.

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dre6ming · 2 years

Text

The delicate beginning rush

Chapter V ~ Torn

Masterlist

Chapter IV ~ decode

Chapter VI ~ my darling

Instagram photo dump masterlist

To be added to the tag click here

Pairing: Austin Butler x singer/actress fem reader

Warning: age gap, fluff, cursing, angst … that’s all

Word count: ~7030

Plot: after a perfect day with Austin that arises many questions not only within the public, but within yourself, you feel torn. Torn between two people, as your heart seems to be more malleable than expected

Disclaimer: everything I write is fake and should be read as such. <except for the songs I reference>

"(Y/n)..." I groan in my sleep cuddling my face further into the pillow. "Wake up, we fell asleep." A hand smooths down my back, shaking me awake. As my brain finally catches up to what's happening, my eyes fly open and I jerk up. We fell asleep, we, me and Austin. Austin and me. Alone. "Easy." He's voice is soft, calm. The room is dark, meaning we've been sleeping for a few hours now, since it was daylight when we got here. I can see the sparkle of his blue eyes in the moonlight coming through the huge windows, barley being able to make out his features in the dim light. "I'm sorry" Austin smiles shaking his head, causing my body to relax a bit, but I'm still on high alert.

Looking around for my phone , I get it out of my purse, that was laying on the ground. Quickly opening the home app and turning on the lights, causing the both of us to squint our eyes in an attempt to get used to the bright room. Austin looks heavenly, with his eyes still a bit sleepy and hair disheveled. "I'm sorry." I say again, looking at my lap and fiddling with my fingers, picking at the skin there, a bad habit of mine.

He takes my hands in his, stopping my assault on my poor fingers and forcing me to look at him. "Hey, it's ok, as long as you feel better, all's good" I nod sighing at the memory of what brought us here. "I should've just taken the stupid picture with him." I say, thinking I could've easily done that and spared myself a lot of trouble. "No, you shouldn't have, people need to understand boundaries, you were nice and offered to sign something instead, he was the dick. Excuse my language." I giggle at the fact that he just excused himself for cursing. "It's ok. Yeah I guess you're right, but still." Shrugging my shoulders, I move my eyes from his face to my lap, where our hands are intertwined.

"No, stop that, it wasn't your fault and he should've been more respectful. What a perv, that's not the way you talk to a girl, to anyone for that matter." Austin is visibly still annoyed by the dude's behavior and that somehow gets my heart to pick up, beating faster in my chest. I don't know why, but seeing him care like this, just make me feel a certain type of way. Cared for? Protected? Maybe, I guess. Ugh I try to keep my mind straight and find parallels between him and Timmy, forcing myself to draw a line between friends and something more, because I know it's all in my head. I know he couldn't possibly find me attractive and even if he did, there's still so many reasons why this is wrong.

"He wasn't lying tho. About the pictures. They were for the movie. Um ... in the book, Amelia is challenged by this group of girls to take pictures of herself in lingerie and post them online. I agreed to them back then, but I'm starting to regret it now. People are sick in the head." He listens to me talk as his warm callused fingers draw circles over my hands. "Doesn't matter the context of the photos. Dude was way out of line." Austin assures me. I know that, I do. When I first took the pictures, that was the first time I saw myself a sensual person, the pictures looked good, nothing too exposing and I was beautiful in them. It's awful that the dirty mind of others had to tint that for me. The photos never bothered me, it was other people seeing them, that got me stressing out.

I look over at the clock on the wall, seeing it's 8:40 pm, late, but not too late. "Um do you want dinner or something? Or if you want to go I can call my driver to come take you back to your hotel." Was asking him to stay for dinner again, too much? Am I being inappropriate? Ugh I wish this was easier, but it's not. I don't even want to think about all the gossip that's probably going around. I'm sure if I opened my instagram right now, I'd be bombarded with pictures and comments. "Sure, if it's ok with you, I can stay for dinner." Austin answers, leaving me completely clueless about what this thing between us is supposed to be and when too much is too much.

"Ok, we can order something, what do you want?" I ask as I take my hands out of his and fight the urge to wince at the cold air hitting my skin once out of his flaming hot hands. "I'm fine with whatever, maybe we can do pizza? Or if you don't feel like ordering what would you say to some grilled cheese sandwiches?" He suggests.

"Damn I think I'd kill for one right now, Timmy makes the best" Austin giggles at me, brushing his hair back with his hands. As I move around on the couch, I notice his jacket still hanging over me like a blanket. "Well then I'll take that as a challenge. Can I?" He asks pointing in the direction of the kitchen and I nod biting my lip to stop the cheeky smile making it's way onto my face. I swear I'm acting so strange around him, almost like all the filters I usually put up in order to seem a bit more tame are just crumbling with him. And don't take this like I'm usually faking how I act or shit, but usually when I meet new people I'm more reserved and anxious, shy even, but there has almost been none of that with him. It's like we've known each other for a life time now, old friends.

Austin gets up from the couch and I do the same, taking my phone and following him into the kitchen, where he starts looking through the fridge, taking out everything he needs. I go over to the cabinet where I keep the cat food and fill their bowls, the two little angles coming to feast. "Good boys" I praise them petting their soft fur, feeling the vibrations of their purring.

Sitting down at the kitchen island, I watch as Austin moves gracefully around the place, preparing the food. He looks so in his element, it's clear that his passionate about cooking. Opening my phone I can't fight the urge to go on instagram, immediately seeing the thousands of posts about me and Austin. Pictures of me and him walking, laughing and eating. We look so good together. 'Oh my god, stop that' I scold myself, rolling my eyes at how delusional I can be. I also make the mistake to look at the comments. 90% of them are calling him a cheater and me shameless, for going after another girls boyfriend. That's actually the first time in a long while that I think of Kaia. My hands start sweating profusely and I swallow trying to make the sudden tightness in my throat go away.

"Everything ok?" Austin asks taking me out of my thoughts. I clear my throat and lick my lips, avoiding the way his eyes linger over them. "Austin does Kaia know that you're here?" I don't know how her knowing would change much, I guess in the end it would ease my mind a bit. And all that matters is that us three know the truth, that nothing is going on, the rest, can and will be ignored. He looks at me with a puzzled look, like he doesn't see my question relevant. "Yeah she does, I guess, I don't know, we don't tell each other everything."

What am I supposed to gather from that? Like what am I to make of him saying things like that? Pointing to his relationship being fake or at most not serious. It's not new or unheard of, PR stunts like this, but still. "Why?" He follows, curious to see why I'd bring that up now. "Because we were photographed together, alone, for a second time. I know it's nothing, but I don't want Kaia to get the wrong impression." He's cutting up some cheese to put in the sandwich as I speak.

"We're just friends, she knows and we don't keep tabs on each other." I nod, just friends, but the way his tone sounds - defensive, almost worries me and I can't stop the words before they come out of my mouth. "Are you two PR?" He whips his head up, looking at me and I avert my eyes. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to assume, but it's just the way you talk about the whole thing-" he sighs, stopping me mid rambling. I look at him. "We are, but I want you to know I was against it. I believe relationships are sacred and this is just..." he pauses a second. "Just not that."

Ok I don't know what to say, what am I supposed to say? I can't say I'm sorry. He works on the food as silence fills the kitchen, tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. I look at my phone, trying to occupy myself with something and I see the texts from Timmy, he must of seen the pictures as well.

Timmy💝:

Hey, today went great, I'm pretty tired so I'll probably be out cold for the rest of the day, call me tomorrow when you wake.

I smile happy to hear that his work was going great and relieved that he hasn't seen the photos yet. "Please say something!" I look up at Austin, who's eyes watch me back pleading. My mouth opens and closes, not sure what to say. Looking down he turns around to face the stove and puts the sandwiches in the pan, to cook. "I don't think less of you Austin, it's not even my business to know the insides of your relationship. I talked before thinking." He turns back at me, prompting himself on his hands, that are balled into tight fists against the black marble of the counter. "I'm not used to being the talk of everything. I knew when I got the role, it'll be like this, I almost wished I didn't get it, because of how afraid I was of all this. Then my team goes completely nuts and they have me do all these things, to arouse interest. I ruined my 10 year old relationship because of this." He stops to flip the sandwiches, quickly turning to face me.

"She, Vanessa, she tried to tell me, that it'll all get too much, that I should be cautious, but I got angry with her and we started bickering and then I was in Australia filming and we decided maybe a break would help. The next thing I know it's been months since talking and then they come to me with this." I get up and move over to him, hugging him, as he rests his head on top of mine. Austin relaxes, moving his arms to hug me back.

We hug for a while, but he takes one of his arms away at one point to turn off the stove, so the food doesn't burn. From where I'm sitting with my cheek against the soft fabric of his denim shirt, I can hear his strong heart beating and I can feel each breath he takes. "I understand how overwhelming it all can be, I'm lucky to be working with a team that understands my boundaries, but still I'm young and still at the beginning, so in the future who knows, what prepositions they might make. You are an incredible person, I can tell. I'm sure if you would take the time to apologize to her she'll understand."

"You have no idea how good it feels to have someone know about this, I haven't told anyone, I don't know why I told you, but I trust you. Feels like I've known you a lifetime." Austin's voice is low and it sends shivers down my spine as his words seep into my heart, warming it. My insides feel light and my mind cloudy, the proximity of him, suddenly being too much. The way he smells, like oranges and cloves, the way his muscles flex around me, the way his breath fans over the hair on top of my head, the way his chin rests on my head. Everything, everything is all too much. My brain can barely form coherent thoughts, in order to force me to keep my feet on the ground. I wish I could explain everything to myself, so that maybe I could find a way to deal with all these emotions. There's a magnetic field around Austin, something so enticing and scary at the same time, but the electric current cursing through my body when I'm close to him is addicting. Dangerously addicting. "Would it be weird if I said that I feel the same?" I ask cautious.

Austin's arms tighten around me, in a silent way of saying 'No, it's not'. "I don't think she wants my forgiveness and I don't know what that would do for us, she's with someone else and I no longer think of her like that. I still love her, I do, but not the same way I used to." I pull away an inch so I can look up at him, sparkling blue eyes, staring into mine.

"But wouldn't you feel better knowing that you did right by her?" He seems to think over what I just said. "I guess you're right, I owe her that and myself a bit." We break apart and I go to take out two plates for us to eat on. He places the sandwiches on each pate and we grab them, moving over to the living room. As I sit down on the couch I notice his eyes looking somewhere behind me and following his gaze my eyes land on my guitar. "I've had it since I was 8, I saved up money for it and bought it second hand. A few years ago I had it taken into a shop to be reconditioned, but I specifically asked for my Hannah Montana stickers to stay on, so they put something over them to preserve them."

Austin chuckles lightly at me talking about my old guitar. I put the plate down on the coffee table and get up to pick up the guitar. "Play something, can I hear an original?" He asks. I'm a bit reluctant about sharing any of my songs before the album is completely done, but I guess I could make an exception for him. "Ok, but you haven't heard anything, got it? Otherwise..." I motion slicing my throat and he laughs, at my silliness.

I touch the cords with the pads of my fingers and play an easy progression, trying to buy time to about which song I want to play him. "There was a time, when I was alone, with nowhere to go and no place to call home..." my voice sings as I close my eyes, getting lost in the meaning of the song. "Lost boy" is a sweet song I wrote drawing inspiration form the story of Peter Pan and how when I was young I used to dream of going to Neverland, thinking there I wouldn't feel so alone. "...I am a lost boy, from Neverland, usually hanging out with Peter Pan." I keep going.

The feeling of loneliness is one I've grown to know to be a good friend, always my companion. No matter how many people I surround myself with, there are few times I don't feel alone. So far not much has been able to push that feeling away, not Timmy, not Roxanne, not my cats, not my therapist, who I'm definitely overpaying. "...And lost boys, like me are free" sighing I finish the song and put the guitar next to me on the couch.

"You wrote that?" I nod my head, taking a small bite of the sandwich, enjoying the savory taste of it, it has the perfect amount of cheese. "It's beautiful, but it seems so sad." I can read the pity in Austin's voice, but I push that away, trying not to get caught up. "Yeah, I guess... but just, I don't know." I don't know how to explain myself, because no matter how close I feel to him, he's still just a stranger to me. "You don't need to explain, I get it, kind of." A weak smile makes it's way onto my lips, as he gestures assuring me, there's no need to explain myself.

We sit in silence, eating and when we're done, he takes the plates to the kitchen, to put them in the dishwasher. By now 10pm is rolling around and I know he has to leave soon, but I kind of wish this day would never end. As Austin comes back, I move over to my huge record collection to place my latest acquisitions. "Are you busy tomorrow?" Austin asks, making me whip my head around quickly. "Yeah, I'm sorry, I don't think we'll get to see each other before you leave New York, I have lots to do." He nods sitting down.

"Well I guess I should go, it was nice spending time with you. Let's keep in touch?" Austin proposes. I know I should probably say 'sure, why not' just so I could ghost him and move on, but my tongue moves before my brain gets a chance to fight it. "Yeah, of course. Um come on, I'll walk you out." He smiles brightly at me and we walk over to the door.

I wait for him to put his shoes back on and then his jacket. One of his long fingers pushes the call button for the elevator. As we wait, he looks me over, from head to toe and just before the ding of the elevator is heard, he opens his mouth to say something, but he never does. Instead he comes closer and kisses my cheek. Austin's plush pink lips, warm and wet against my skin. I'm frozen, moving a hand to his chest to prompt myself. "Goodnight (y/n)!" Has my name ever sounded so obscene? No. Has my heart ever skipped the way it just did? No.

Austin gets into the elevator and before the doors close, I mumble I quick 'goodnight', the last thing that I see being his bright smile as he chuckles shaking his head. When the door close and all that's left of him is the smell of his cologne, I touch my cheek, a ghost of his kiss still lingering there.

After forever sat in the entryway, eyes glued to those goddamn doors, like if I looked for long enough or hard enough, they would open to reveal him again. My shoulders slump as I realize how stupid I am being right now, so instead of shaming myself further I go to my room to get ready for sleep.

The getting ready part was easy, falling asleep? Different story. I'm tossing and turning, throwing fists at my innocent covers. Sighing I turn on my bed side lamp, taking my journal and pen. Putting the date down:

Feb 27th 2022

I can't seem to quiet my mind and it feels like my skin is burning for something, if I were to be honest right now I might know what it is I'm longing for. It's him... it just feels too real for it to be just in my head, he must of felt it too. Right? He's just so handsome, but there's more than surface beauty to him, there's a warmth within his soul. I know it, because I've met beautiful men and women before, but neither of them ever left me like this. I can't even find a word to describe myself right now - a mixture of too many feelings, good and bad. Should I just bite my heart and do what I do best? Put it in a song? But how would that sound? A love song for him? About him?

Tapping the pen against my chin, I take a moment to think. It needs to be a song that's not to obvious, something that could be about anyone. I just have to be vague, no mentioning his blue eyes, or honey blonde hair, or those god forsaken plump lips. Think about what I like that could be anyone else's, not just his. I really love the way he says my name, the way he wears himself, the way he looks at me. Putting pen to paper again, I start scribbling.

Maybe it's the way you say my name

Maybe it's the way you move around play your game

But it's so good

I've never felt like this before known anybody like you

Ok this sounds like it could be going somewhere, but I need to be at the piano. Jumping out of bed I rush to get the song playing through the room. Sitting down at my piano, looking over the shiny New York, I play a melody, singing my lyrics over it. "I'm in a field of dandelions, wishing on everyone that you were mine." I sing, getting lost in the music. This is my first ever love song. Love... is this really what I'm doing? Falling in love? I blink at the piano keys, my fingers stuck. Picking the pen up, I go to write down the lyrics, scratching over some of the words and replacing them with others.

Taking a deep breath I keep on playing, singing, then writing down the lyrics. By the time the song feels done, I glance at the clock, it's 3:50 am. Cursing at myself, I close my eyes, rubbing harshly at them. I need to be in the studio at 8am, so if I fall asleep now I might get 3 good hours of sleep, so I carry my heavy feet over to my bedroom, falling on the soft bed. By some miracle I do fall asleep, thankfully a dreamless sleep, so 3 hours later when my alarm wakes me up, as angry as I am at it, I'm actually excited to be in the studio and show Jack the new song.

Taking a quick shower, dressing casually in a pair of black jeans, with a simple cotton long sleeve shirt, in a cream color and a dark green teddy bear jacket on top, cause today feels colder than yesterday. Gathering my things, I feed Simba and William and after a small session of sharing kisses with them, I leave. "Morning, miss!" Matthew, my diver, smiles at me, holding the car door open. "Morning Matt, did you have a good weekend?" I like to make sure that the people who work around me are happy and know they can trust me to understand their needs as well as they understand mine. We make small talk on the way to the studio, but I can't help fidgeting in my seat, so when we get to the studio I almost burst through the door.

"Jack I just wrote a song, you need to hear" he giggles at my enthusiasm as I pull my notebook out, sitting down at the piano without even taking my jacket off. After I play him the song I turn to him expectedly. "Wow, a love song? That's new, anyone in particular?" Jack winks at me, sitting down at the computer, working around to start on the record. "N-no n-no one." He chuckles slightly at my stammering. I choose to ignore it and finally taking off my jacket, I start working with him.

Four hours later, the song is almost done, but I have to run for a photo shoot I need to do with Prada, for some of their new collection. Saying my goodbyes to Jack, I put my glasses on and add a beanie, hoping to not be recognized, but it's useless, a sea of paparazzi already waiting out for me. "(Y/n) are you with Butler?" "Is he cheating on Kaia?" "Don't you think he's too old for you?" "What were you recording?" "Should we expect an album?"

I avoid all questions and get into my car, telling Matt to drive away so we can get there in time, I still need to make it to that 3pm lunch with Joshua, which speaking of I should check if he send me the place where he'd like to meet. Opening my dms I find myself smiling the notification next to his name.

joshuatbassett:

Morning, what do you think of this place: location. It's my favorite in NY!

y/n4real.2002

Never been, but it works for me. See you at 3?

joshuatbassett:

Sure thing, can't wait 💟

y/n4real.2002:

Me neither, c u ❣️

I can't fight the blush in my cheeks and I swing my feel around like a school girl, squirming in my seat. "Good news?" Matt asks looking over at me in the rear view mirror. "Yeah" I say, pushing some hair behind my ear and looking out the window, already running in my head the different scenarios of how this could work. Since his first dm, I've been looking into him a bit and I do have to say I'm extremely smitten by him. Also I can't get his song out of my head and I've been slowly writing a song opposite to his, a different way of loving, or better yet not loving.

that.gossip.blog

Liked by fan23, hate2 and 503.382others

that.gossip.blog: y/n4real.2002 leaving the studio early this morning, after a session with jackantonoff. Now that could mean one or two things, she's either working on more original songs or she's working on something for taylorswift again. People who were there report, that she avoided all paparazzi questions and when asked about the relationship with Butler, she had no reaction, so that topic also remains a mystery.

View all comments

fan34: omg omg I'm telling you, it's an album, she must be working on an album.

↳fan2: for sure, she has to be.

↳tsfan13: an album from her would be a dream, she's Taylor's kid

hater2: ofc she would avoid questions about him 🙄

↳fan3: I don't see why she owes any expectations

↳kaiafan4: um maybe cause he's taken?

↳fan039: they were just on a walk, can we chill?

ts13fan26: I choose to clown, for Speak Now (TV) 🤡

↳caTs.fan: right there with you 🤡🤝🤡

abfan2: can we just drop this narrative that makes them both look like horrible people? We know them for gods sake

↳hater45: do we? Cause we know what the choose to tell.

↳abfan021: I choose the benefit of the doubt

After some very long hours of taking photos in tight clothes, contorting myself in all strange positions, I'm done. The make up team is working on taking off the glam as I shoot Timmy a quick text.

Me:

Can I call you in 20? I forgot this morning sry😬😬

Timmy💝:

Yeah sure, no worries, I know you're busy.

Changing my green jacket for a black blazer, as it's much warmer now, then it was in the morning, I hop in the car and tell Matt to drive to the small restaurant where Joshua said he'd meet me. I take my phone out and call Timmy, his voice coming through the other end only after the first ring. "Hi there Tim!" I smile, happy to be talking to him. "Listen you know I love you and I trust you, I choose to not get into detail about those pictures, I just need to know, are you ok?" He asks and I swallow thickly. "Yeah I am, we are just friends, he asked me to show him around a bit, I took him to Frank's store." Timmy chuckles lightly, making me calm down a bit. "I trust you honey and in a way I think I trust him too. Happy to hear you're ok, you sound it even." I'm surprised by his statement. "I do?"

"Yeah, I can't tell you, but your voice has that jovial tone I haven't herd in a minute." My eyes gloss over with tears and I giggle. "Thanks! I'm on my way to meet Joshua, I'm nervous! How was work? Is it scary?" I shoot question after question, making him laugh. "Slow down, glad to hear you're nervous about your date, calm down it'll be fine. Yes, work has been great, it's definitely darker then I expected, but I think I've got this." I listen to him talk as he gets more into detail about filming. "That's sounds amazing, but I still miss you lots, gotta go now, I'm almost at the restaurant." Timmy shuffles around, causing some static to come through. "Ok, good luck, be safe and be yourself. Love you!"

"Love you too" I end the call and get out of the car, smiling at the fact that Joshua is already here, bouncing one leg up and down, reading a newspaper. "Hello, nice to meet you, hope I'm not late!" I say apologetic, as his eyes shoot up at me, a smile spreading on his face. Joshua gets up, sitting only a few inches taller then me. "N-no you're right on time, please!" He shows me the empty seat in front of him.

I sit down and he hands me a blue cap. Shooting him a quizzing look, he laughs nervously, placing a matching one on his head. "Thought we could try and pull a Steve Rogers, cap to not be recognized?" I put the cap on and laugh at his marvel reference. "Well that's a good idea. I take it you like marvel?" I ask looking over the menu. "Yeah, I do, but I'm not really over Endgame yet." We share a laugh. "Neither am I" I say scrunching my nose up.

A sweet girl comes over to take our order and we seem to be straight on the same page as we order the same thing, without even knowing. "So what's new in the papers? I don't think I've seen one in a minute." He chuckles, brushing back some of his chocolate curls, handing me the newspaper. "Nothing much, the news is pretty boring, too much politics and all, but it gives me so to do without looking at my phone." I read one of the titles, dropping the paper, the latest football scandal not being my cup of tea.

"So do you like New York?" I ask, sipping some coffee the waiters just brought over. "Yes I do, I'm actually looking for a place to buy here, lately California has been too much, LA just doesn't do it for me anymore" his brown eyes glimmer and I can't help but get lost in the depth of them. "If you ask me New York is the best, something new to do at all times and people rarely care to look around, so it's easy to get lost in the crowd." He smiles at me, thanking the waitress for the food without taking his eyes off of me. "You'll have to show me, cause I do agree with you, but I haven't spent much time in New York. Any place you love, that's like a secret?"

I giggle, eating some of the pasta I ordered. "Well if I told you it wouldn't be a secret anymore, would it?" Joshua shakes his head adjusting the hat on his head, eating a bit as well. "Could be our secret." He says looking at me. I blush like crazy and look down, his stare too much for me. I can't ignore the way my heart skips a beat, or the way my breath get caught in the back of my throat. "Could be." I mumble, looking at him through my lashes. A blush appears on his round cheeks, as he wiggles around in his seat.

"You look beautiful today by the way, not that you don't look beautiful every day, but-" "Thank you" I giggle at his sweet demeanor, a blush creeping up on both of our cheeks now. He let's out a little laugh as well and we both break into hysterics over how we're both acting, like two little kids. "So I think I should tell you the concept for the video" Joshua adds and I nod. "Well this song was inspired by my parents, they were highschool sweethearts, so I was thinking we could play them in the video." I watch as he goes on to tell me about how the whole thing would play out, starting with me walking down the aisle at our wedding and then cutting into a montage of memories from the past, how we met, our prom, graduation, every little thing that led up to us ending at the altar.

"That's so beautiful, I'd be honored to do it. I'm happy you thought of me for this." Licking his lips, they stretch out into a bright smile. "I know it might of seemed a bit out of the blue, but I've been a fan for a while and this song means a lot to me, so I thought: it's now or never Josh" he scratches the back of his head, snickering at himself. "This pasta is really good, I've never been here before." I say looking around the small restaurant. The place is almost too small to be called a restaurant, a hew tables inside and a few outside where we're sat. The early spring is starting to make it's away in New York, the shy sunshine giving everything a beautiful glow. "I found it a year ago I think, I had a few gigs to play here in New York and one of my band mates told me about this place." I wipe my lips with a tissue before speaking. "It's nice, not very common for the upper east side, I'll be for sure coming back"

We eat together, talking about little nothings, making small conversation, laughing here and there. Soon enough an hour has past but it barely feels like I've been here a minute. I haven't felt this good in a minute, like there's no worry in the world and no pressure. It doesn't matter if we get photographed together, doesn't matter if we waste too much time, nothing matters, just us. "Hang on" he leans over the table and brushes some of my hair out of my face, lifting the cap off of my head, surprising me with a small kiss, on the top of my forehead. He sits back down, blushing profusely as I'm still a bit starstruck. "That was-" "lovely" we talk over each other and our eyes meet, getting stuck.

I can feel myself leaning closer to him, still staring into his eyes, mesmerized by the dark chocolate color of them. I never knew I'd find brown eyes to be beautiful, but right now I do. Being so close to him I can smell the faint perfume of his cologne, young and bold, a bit minty with some flower undertones, very different from Austin's, dark musky scent. Before I can get any closer, my phone rings, pulling us out of the trance we've been stuck into. "Sorry" I mumble before answering Levis, my assistant.

"Hi I'm at your place, are you on your way? I want to give you the scripts I have and go over some more scheduling for the upcoming month." I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose, I completely forgot about him coming over. Looking at my watch, I'm only 30 minutes late. "I'll be there in 30, please excuse me!" Levis assures me that's all fine and I put my phone in my bag, after texting Matt to bring the car around. "I have to go, have your assistant email mine. I loved having lunch with you, Josh" I say pushing him, the card for my assistant.

"I had a good time as well." We both get up and share a tight hug. I allow myself to breathe in his scent, and I can't help but notice he does the same. As we pull apart, our hands linger over each other. "Give me your phone." I say and he complies. I quickly put my number in, naming the contact (Y/n)💟. Giving him the phone back, he sucks in a breath, noticing the emoji I used. "I guess it's our thing now, the Purple Heart?" Joshua asks tilting his head. "I guess so."

"Well I'm happy, cause I didn't know if this would be too much" he says, before searching in the pockets of his coat, pulling out a small velvet bag. "Give me your hand" he says and I put my hand forward, his fingers working on opening the little bag and then turning it upside down he shakes it softly. Something small and silver lands in my hand and he put the velvet bag away, taking the thing, that I now see it's a bracelet, out of the palm of my hand. "Allow me, please" he says.

I lift the sleeve of my blazer slightly and he puts the bracelet on. It's a dainty silver chain with a Purple Heart. The jewelry sits nicely on my wrist and I can't help the way my heart stops in it's tracks. I look up at him wide eyed and throw my arms around his neck, holding him tight. "Thank you, I love it." I say and give his cheek a small kiss. Joshua's hands go to my waist holding me tight to him. "You're very welcome, honey" the pet name, makes my knees buckle, as I snuggle my face further into his neck. "I have to go, I'm sorry."

He shakes his head, bringing his hands up to my face. "Don't be, I'll call you tomorrow, would that be ok?" Joshua asks. "Yes it would" I smile and pull away from him, when Matt stops the car next to us. I give him one more look and blow him a kiss, getting in the car. He fakes catching the kiss against his heart, making me laugh.

Matt drives away and I look at Joshua through the tinted windows. I'm smiling like crazy and I feel butterflies in my stomach. It's so strange, what's going on with me, getting so easily swept away by these men. Am I going insane? Probably, although there's this small voice in the back of my head, saying I'm just growing up and allowing myself to feel these things for once. "Did you have a good time, miss?" Matt asks me, being the nice person he's always been. "Yeah I did actually, he seems nice doesn't he?" I fiddle with the bracelet around my wrist, the slight cold of the metal being a comforting sensation. "He does miss, did he get that for you?" He says noticing the bracelet and I nod, lifting my arm up, to show him better. "It suits you, he's got taste." Here I can agree with Matt, once more, he does have nice taste, the jewelry really fits my personality and the fact that he thought about it, from our dms, it leaves me flabbergasted.

When we get back to my place, Matt and I ride the elevator together, meeting Levis in my entryway, talking on the phone. "You could've made yourself at home, Levis, you know that" I say going over to the fridge to get the water pitcher, picking two glasses as well. "Come on!" I move my head in the direction of the study as Matt, goes to his office that he has here. "Ok what have you got for me!" I say excited.

He sits down in front of me at the desk. "So these are some scripts I thought you'd like, a movie called "The in between" for Netflix, a small part on stranger things, and some more movies. I'm waiting on something exciting though, but it's still in the 'maybe' trails so there's no script." I listen closely taking the papers he hands down to me. "Next I have here your schedule for the month and I'm waiting on Joshua's assistant to email me about when the music video will shoot and where. I also have people calling me nonstop from different publications, that want you to give statements about new music and relationships" he winces at the last part as I sigh, taking off my blazer and sinking further into the chair. "Sorry, I know, don't worry I've refused them all for now, but-"

"But at one point I'll have to speak with them, I know, but let's get them after the Oscars so I can work some more on music for the next two weeks, everything after the awards will be hectic, no matter the outcome" he nods, taking down notes. "Ok tomorrow you have the first fitting, Chanel will dress you right?" Levis asks, to make sure he's got everything down. "Yeah, I want something classic and comfy." He puts that down in his planer as well. And we go like that for the next few hours and then I go to change and get ready to start on some of those audition tapes.

When my tired body finally melts into the marshmallow mattress, I'm left torn in between all these feelings. When I close my eyes I see Austin's blue eyes, piercing into mine, I still feel the ghost of his kiss on my cheek. And then when everything becomes too much, too real, I turn around in bed and I get a whiff of Joshua's scent, the ridiculous imaginary weight of the dainty bracelet, holding my right hand down. My heart beats too fast and I barely catch my breath, it feels like I'm running, when I'm just in bed, dreaming about two people, two very different people, because one could be my calm and ease and the other could be my adrenaline and euphoria. One of them is allowed and the other is well....forbidden

Tags: @kittenlittle24 @amorx @cryingabtab @lexicox044 @lrissa @feral4austinbutler @sageskywalker @jesssssicaa @rainydayz101 @flwersgarden @bobthefishiesworld @captured-memory @homebodybirkin2003 @galaxygirl453 @butlerslut @chrisevansgirl34 @myradiaz @pennyroyalcreep @macey234 @im-lame-irl @lordandmistress @the-girl-wh0-cries-w0lf @poppet05 @gabbywontlose @4shbug @0-thegoodwitch-0 @hauntedarchivesx @chewiethecatus @sunnyx07 @francesbloomer @jessaroni19 @finelineskies @stargirlbytheweeknd @cerenaydins-blog @girlblogger2002 @gigisworldsstuff @my-baexht-Is @xmusselisims @denised916 @bluepeacheslandia @kibumslatina @samaraannhan20 @goldobsessionworld @silliypapercreatorangle @cmrxac @donnamarie23 @justarandomfamdomblog @marlowmode @natsnosehair @xxgggooomm @banksmars @namoreno @areuirish @choppedlamphandscowboy @yeetfack-blog

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selfdiagnosedeyemotif · 6 months

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this is beyond late but if you are willing to bite. for the character ask, maya & franziska?

my dear fellow it is NEVER too late to take me up on ask games.

Maya

Favourite Thing: i simply ADORE the burden of responsibility as a trope and maya pulls it off in SPECTACULAR fashion. you can feel the fear and uncertainty she feels about her role as the master of kurain through the screen when she finally opens up about it in bridge to the turnabout (and the little crumbs we get about it in reunion and turnabout) (and it's only augmented by the fact that it was suddenly thrust upon her by mia's departure)

Least Favourite Thing: a bit of a nitpick but there are some aspects of the mechanics of maya's channelling that give me a bit of an ick (channelling mia. go figure), but i do like the way the technique plays into the mystery during reunion and bridge

Favourite Line: either her little speech to nick before she leaves for kurain at the end of goodbyes or her so desperately trying to protect diego during the dying light of bridge, can't decide between the two

brOTP: PHOENIX!!!! they're such best friends. they mean so much to me. its like. everything that apollo and trucy did in aa4 (which i notoriously also love), only with way more time to develop and simmer, so it's like. perfect. i love maya and phoenix

OTP: i have two ships that completely consume my mind. one of them is not for this fandom. the other is franmaya. they're such unexplored narrative foils...

nOTP: i mean. phoenix. 'nough said

Random Headcanon: i think that, for all of her hyperactivity (at times), she embroiders in her free time, and got pearl into it as well during the seven-year gap. pearl quickly surpassed her.

Unpopular Opinion: STOP SHELVING HER IN YOUR FICS, PEOPLE. SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH LOVE. PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU IS THIS THING ON

Song: Soulgazing by Gregory and the Hawk (vibes alone, im bad at assigning songs to characters)

Favourite Picture: this redraw of her unused objection sprite by @/u3pxx, i love it so very much

Franziska

Favourite Thing: the sheer hurt and terror that sits at the corners of her character but never gets touched on outside of the airport scene because good GOD there's so much guilt and shame for her imperfection and terror about turning out like her father and CAN I TALK ABOUT THE BULLET. THAT DAMNED BULLET.

Least Favourite Thing: not enough screentime. i need more franziska content like i need air

Favourite Line: "You, you're running away from Von Karma… from me!?" "So… you're leaving me behind again!? I'll never… Never forgive you for this!" from The Forgotten Turnabout in aai2 because HELLO??? this is one of the most important pieces of franziska characterization we get EVER because a), she's still clearly still holding onto her father's memory, or at least the pedestal she had him on, b), it showcases how quickly she turns to wrath as soon as the chips are down, and c), MOST IMPORTANTLY. LISTEN TO HOW SCARED SHE IS. or dont listen i guess but like. still. she sounds TERRIFIED of losing her brother all over again.

brOTP: torn between either edgeworth because i love the vk sibs or kay because their friendship is adorably sweet and pretty underrated part of aai

OTP: once again franmaya cuz. god. theres so many emotions.

nOTP: cant think of any that i genuinely dislike besides the Nigh-Universally Hated One (her and edgeworth) so im gonna say that

Random Headcanon: she doesn't give phoenix the calling card during the hazakura temple investigation. she wants to. she has it on her and everything, but she couldn't work up the courage to do it. way down the line, deep into the 7yg, she shows up to the wright residence, has a long chat with phoenix, and finally gives it to him

Unpopular Opinion: i know its been said a lot that she probably does have some normal teenager aspects to her (the example ive seen the most is "owns a hello kitty tshirt and reads yuri fics"), but i think she's a little too repressed to have that until at least after aa3. maybe she gets a little more normal during the 7yg but im not sure yet

Song: Top of My School by Katherine Lynn-Rose because come ON. you've seen the animatic with the clip of that song over franziska stuff. if you haven't then you will soon cuz its linked here (full song first, then the animatic)

youtube

Favourite Picture: this wonderful number by the incredible and talented @/ind1c0lite because uh. i like fran angst.

#the thing is you tossed my a ball right in my court with this one #i LOVE maya and fran #they're such well-written characters #veneer of flame and veneer of frost y'know #oh yeah i also love characters who lie and uh. oh boy do these two lie #the main lie is ''im alright'' but hey that can be a compelling lie #and the void screameth back #loki-liddell

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khodorkovskaya · 8 months

Text

05.09.23

okay so... deep breath...

im barely hanging on you guys. like. i am under so much stress.

so basically i had two exams to retake: probability and functional analysis. and it's the only ones i have left to complete my degree. but, here's the fun little twist! if i don't pass im out! i only have one chance to pass them. and if i don't, thats 4 years of studying down the drain. fun fun fun!!!!!

so the first exam was on the 28th and it was really hard. i studied a lot, made flashcards and everything. and it was like impossibly hard. the thing is, this was a yearly class, so the overall grade is the average of two semesters. i got a 4.5 for the 2nd semester, so i only need 3.25 to pass the year. but the exam was so hard idek if i got 3.25... the prof said that if we only fill out the theory questions, that's a 4. the theory questions counted up to 8 points, so like if i get 8 points overall, that's a pass. but guys... im so scared...

so ive been freaking out a lot. and taking anxiety meds. and when i think about this exam i feel this FEAR in all caps. like. it's so bad. i can't sleep, i can't do anything, my skin is breaking out, it's hell.

then the second exam was on the 4th, so yesterday. and i was this close to losing it like the pressure was too much to handle. i burst out crying right before the exam but i managed to calm down. and tbh i think i'll pass this one. it was also quite difficult but i think i did okay. but still. the FEAR...

like i can't even describe it to you guys. i don't know if i'll even be able to have the courage to open my grades when they arrive. like i went on the university portal yesterday and my hands started shaking and i like had to crouch down bc my whole body became so weak i couldn't stand. it was terrifying.

so yeah... im really not having a good time right now.

in other news, okay, so i wanted to find a video in my whatsapp messages. so i went to "media" and started scrolling and i stumbled upon some things B and i had sent to each other back in the day. and i saw his new profile picture and.... he's in budva.

and okay first of all call me fucking geoguesser. bc the picture is just a selfie of him standing in front of a mountain. and i knew it was budva just from the shape of the mountain alone. and his head in blocking most of the mountain too but i still knew that it was budva right away.

then out of curiosity i checked his telegram profile picture and it's him in the old town sitting on a boulder like the thinker. again, i knew it was budva right away lol. and it's funny bc i saw that he deleted all of our telegram messages. all of them! i wonder when he did it. and why.

and also it hurt bc budva is MINE. like when lucien went to budva i was super jealous. but like whatever, it's a touristy destination, it doesn't matter. but it's strange that B went there. i mean we have so many memories there together. it's like if i went to sarajevo all of a sudden. and i wonder who he went with. his friend from belgrade? his new gonzesse lol? anyway, yeah.

another weird thing is that okay my zurich friend was in town and he asked to hang out and i had to decline bc i was studying for the exam. and then i saw on instagram that he posted this one song to his story. and the story itself was weird, my oxford bestie sent it to me like "what is this? why is he so weird?". it was basically like a blurry photo of a dimly lit street but like whatever artsy.

but yeah, it gave me whiplash because i had posted this exact song to my story exactly a year ago. day for day. like isn't that a weird coincidence.

and usually you know how im very obsessive especially when it comes to music. like if i like a song i listed to it on repeat non stop for days. and because of that a lot of the music i listen to is linked to a certain period of my life. so the song my zurich friend posted is the song of me breaking up with B. that's why it stood out to me so much. it's so strange...

#september

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smoosnoom · 1 year

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my dear moon smoosnoom,

u r a poet, u r an artist of the word, u’ll become unstoppable if u stop doubting urself.

i love the way u build tension. in ur works i can feel this thick electrified air. i can't even believe u were never in love bc u can write stuff like that. u r pure talent.

“It doesn’t make him a terrible person. Probably. Hopefully.” it doesn’t my sweet child 🫂

“Will, however, isn’t about to ruin this for himself, even if he feels on fire, for – unrelated reasons.” unrelated. sure.

“this is great, it really is, but breathing is also pretty nice, on occasion.” not when u r kis- [GUNSHOT]

“It’s a little Not Platonic” i cuddled with my friends a lot when i was 16. but i also kissed my friends a lot, so it probably doesn't count.

“He barely resists a shiver.” he's stronger than me because i couldn't resist

“lips brushing against Will’s skin” okay This is definitely not platonic

“Will thinks all the time” can’t relate 😔🙏🏻 my head is empty like 70% of time. it’s just the word love and elevator music out there

“so he’s not – dead, or something” it’s so funny 😭😭😭

“he strokes a thumb into Will’s side, shirt rumpling under the circular motion” and will still haven't shivered?? hes a soldier

it’s started with “Will could – do a lot of things, actually, but he’s sensible and respectable and he’s not thinking about doing anything at all” and when “yeah, I have thought about us kissing several times” and it’s ended with “A lot. I’ve thought about kissing you a lot»

“and it’s now that the bashfulness seems to hit him, when he’s met with Will’s bewildered stare.” it's just such a beautiful phrase im mesmerized

“smarter than he’s given credit for” mike has rocks in his brain, but all the answers r written on those rocks.

“like they often are, but it’s harder to deny it, because there’s nowhere to escape” will is oblivious one 🙏🏻

““I didn’t say that,” he mumbles, face on fire.” - u didn’t have 2 🫡

“Mike’s hand grips onto his arm just a little tighter” okay i didn't say anything the first time, but now i can't be silent. who doesn't want to touch those arms? im not even into buff guys but still

“Will thinks he might die if he never gets to have this again” now me too

““You should kiss me again,” […] “Now, preferably. Immediately.”” - i swear it’s me every time after i read ur fics

u r slowly making tame impala one of my favorite bands. i add every single one of their songs to my playlist.

and “shut up my mums calling” such a great song. ur music taste is as good as ur writing skills.

hmmm midnights. okay. i already mentioned “snow on the beach” but u r also “sweet nothing”. i listened to it a lot when i was writing u a poem :)

atp i don't even know if i should mention that i daily anon. i feel like im ready to reveal my identity just so i don't have to repeat it every time.

i hope u r having a great day whenever you read this (i hope all of ur days r great 🤍)

my lovely daily anon,

u are the sole reason for half my brain melting away in the mornings because How dare u drop this entire thing in my askbox and render me useless . what the Helll

at this point in my life ive stopped questioning how u Know things about me . im assuming i just . mentioned it somewhere sometime ago and u have the memory of an elephant Yes ive never been in love and it is crazy how u know that !!!!

will my insecure stringbean soup 🫶

definitely irrelevant reasons !!!!

HEEJLG9 😭

oh my god 😭 granted ive also cuddled and kisses my friends (On The Cheek btw .) but i also don't have the best sense for what is platonic or not so Um .

actually this is a great time to mention . how do ppl resists shivers bc i just can't help it It is out of my control yk . how do people have the willpower like that

the word love and elevator music 😭 mine is the jeapordy theme and an empty google doc </3

HELGLRP thank u so much . i wasn't trying to be funny i think . idont remember writing it if we are being 100% real rn

"he still hasn't shivered" 😭😭 i fully laughed oh my god

yeyeys the progression of him admitting his feelings !!! u are the Ideal reader actually im putting u in a glass case and onto my bookshelf . where U belong

imjust imagining a big boulder with the word HOMOSEXUALITY written on it in paint

"u didn't have 2" OHHHMY YOD u get it u get it

HETNTLFF UR SO REA LLL like . im not into Anyone like that but he would make a good stress ball i personally think .

mailing u a smooch rn 😚 using express mail it'll be there in a day ok don't worry

YAYYYYA I CHEERED im so happy u liked the music !!!!! that means the worlddd to me actually it rly rly does !!!!! thank u for even listening to it 🫶🫶

also m3ans the world 2 me bc u also have splendid music taste 🫡 ive liked everything u have shown me so far

sweet nothing ☹️ ill sob ohh my god thank u

my eyes and ears R so wide open it's crazy . what if u revealed ur super duper secret confidential hidden identity that would be ssoooo crazy and wild and im definitely not begging even a little 🙂

also i thinki have a pretty good handle on being able to tell if its u or not . u talk a certain way i think

it's always a good day when i hear from U !!!! i hope the non-university days are treating u well 🤍

#ohhhhhhd and u used a white heart . u arent Fooling me i see what ur doing .#unless it wasnt intentional in which case can u please look away fr #/ask #daily alya #love u 🫶🫶🫶

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xolborsaysstuff · 2 years

Text

The first time it happened... | Medical!Papyrus Undertale/deltarune AU. | In which skipping meals and worrying too much might actually be the death of you. | Part 1: Sans.

Sans. 16.

----

The first time it happened was when he was 16, six years after being diagnosed.

He was bone tired, working his tail bone off trying to help Papyrus, keep up appearances in front I everyone including said brother, and make sure he doesn't collapse in exhaustion during all this.

He failed the last one but in at least this was his soul's fault, it wasn't because he was lazy this time.

Sans had just finished his shift and was going to pick up Papyrus at the dreemur family's house (Papyrus usually went over there when sans couldn't pick him up in time). he had skipped breakfast and lunch for the 3rd or 4th day in a row now, but that was fine. He had been tasked with more difficult chores, but at least people seemed to be taking him more seriously despite his condition.

Every step felt more and more tiring, and he was losing the will to hurry. He sat down by the sidewalk, his breathing felt off and his vision looked blurry. He felt oddly numb. He was able to feel but it felt... Different. something felt missing.

He continued to sit there, unable to motivate himself to move...He was so, so tired, and Papyrus was probably having fun without him...so....

He jolted upright. What was he thinking, falling asleep next to the road when Papyrus was probably waiting for him? (Did papyrus even notice what time it was??) He stood up, and stumbled slightly as he continued to make his way over, doing his best to not fall asleep when it would be so, so easy. Now was not the time.

Monsters around him asked him if he was alright, if he needed help. He declined, monsters always asked if he needed help for every little thing after his diagnosis. It was getting annoying. (Maybe this time he should have listened though)

He was halfway there when he felt it. It felt like his soul had just... Stopped.

He dropped to his knees. The first time it happened, he hadn't noticed until it was almost too late. Thank kindness he had been close enough for Papyrus to see him while he was outside playing with Asriel. A bit unfortunate papyrus had to witness that though.

He woke up in the hospital with several IV drips attached to his soul. He patted Papyrus on the head as the younger skeleton sobbed. He cracked a few purposefully bad puns, and Papyrus laughed while still crying, hating the puns and responding with ones he thought were better.

Sans was okay for now, but it had been a close call. He was lucky it hadn't technically been a complete collapse. Thankfully, collapses were almost as slow as he was, he had told his little brother with a genuine smile that would have still been there had it not been permanent.

Three days later he had gotten out of the hospital.

And that was when it was the first time it happened for Papyrus.

----

End.

Hope you guys liked this, this is a short story talking about how I suspect the scenario of the first collapse for Sans and the first outburst for Pop went!! Also I like to think a song I'd out in Pop's playlist if I got to making one would be 'American Healthcare ' By Penelope Scott (sorry if I got the song name wrong it's been a while) I ken Sans ain't technically dead but that scene where Pop saw him technically works cause pop thought he was dying and he technically was.

Anyways next one up; Pop!!!

Toodles, men woman and members of the jury! As always have a good one! (Guess that's my catchphrase, I kinda like saying it!)

#papyrus #undertale #sans undertale #deltarune #Deltarune au #I swear I will eventually choose a tag to tag this AUMedical!pap #Medical!pap

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xoxobellebelle · 2 years

Text

Because this is Tumblr and nobody will ever fucking see this I can post this here. I'm going through shit. When I was a teenager, I used to cut really fucking bad and I was in and out of the children's psychiatric hospital. I found a song I used to listen to when it was about 10:30 at night, and I had slashed my arm up and my plan to kill myself had been found out. Paranoia was setting in. It was pain I knew how to feel and I miss it. This song sent me back to the pain and it feels so good if that makes sense. It reminds me of being a kid. It reminds me of going to the hospital. I miss that hospital. I miss going to sleep after getting my meds there and taking a shower and picking open the cuts on my arm to get the lint out from my clothes and feeling hope because all the medication was new and all the diagnosis were fresh. All the treatment plans weren't tired. I hadn't attempted suicide in any big serious way yet. Things hurt, but like it was pain I had ways I cope with and it was pain I could understand and I hadn't yet confronted the biggest stuff in my head and the worst stuff hadn't happened yet. I was less scared and my life felt like a movie. It wasn't fun???? But it was???? Idk. Drama lmao I liked the dramatic shit that came out of all the pain I had to endure. My shit still made people reach out to me and think I needed love and their care instead of shutting me out for being sick. I was more in the moment. I miss those fucking cuts on my arms and I can only say that here. I have cuts on my legs but there isn't many and it's not the same. When I was a teenager people didn't understand as much how dangerous I was to myself. I was a kid. They couldn't grasp it. My roommate keeps all sharps and pills in a literal safe from my dad. When I was a kid I had pencil sharpener blades and broken shaving razors. I know this is all fucked but I miss that kind of pain. It made sense and I could grasp it and it felt less permanent and I was in denial that it was forever. I felt like if I kept cutting and kept screaming and kept getting myself admitted people would take me out of all the pain I was in so I wasn't as scared. That pain wasn't so bad. I'm listening to one of the songs I'd listen to on the way to the hospital feeling fucking hopeless. I've kinda stopped fighting and screaming and crying and trying to get people to hear me. I don't have hope that it'll get better. I'm not waiting to be taken out of it. I'm not a kid anymore. I'm in the real world. Now I smoke and I drink and Ive cut family out of my life because I've given up on them Ive seriously attempted and landed myself in the hospital. That's something I would've been so fucking scared to do as a kid. I handle things on my own. I do what I have to do but I just go through the emotions. Hearing this music feels good tho. That old pain feels good. This seems depressing but I don't mean it to be. I feel good hearing this music. I'm taking a break from what I feel and the pain I'm currently in. I'm back in the pain I was in. I know that sounds bad but it feels good. It feels like home. I wish I could go back to that hospital and take a shower there and stack those two stupid mattresses that are in the rooms and make my bed with my blankets and pillows that my dad brought me and my grey dog stuffed animal Webkinz and get back from the nurse giving me my night meds and snack with wet clean hair at a decent time feeling sleepy and call my dad for twenty minutes to say goodnight and talk about the cool new friends I've made and harry potter or something and then have the best most relaxed sleep ever. I'd kill to go back

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marc-spectorr · 2 years

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okay okay I knowww we're here to worship our daddy Óscar Isaac Hernández Estrada 🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️ and we'll always keep on doing that, cause that man has me in a chokehold

but i saw you mentioning Music for a Sushi Restaurant in one of your asks and i died, for real. if, on top off all, you're also a Harry fan then i don't make the rules, you have my whole heart and are now my favourite person ever♡♡

sooo can we just take a minute to talk about Harry's new album? cause I'M NOT FEELING FABULOUS😭

this man had the AUDACITY to shatter my POOR LITTLE HEART and just pretend nothing happened to it. no seriously while listening to it i went through all the emotions possible, it's been a week and i can't stop listening to it

it starts off with such cool, catchy and full of nice vibes songs (i'm not sure what kind of cocaine or similar drugs he has put in those tracks but they sure are addicting)

and THEN BAM, just like that Little Freak and Matilda make their entrance

dear i- i don't think i can fully express how much i SOB every single time i hear those songs. seriously they just reach the right strings of my soul and hit a little bit too close to home yk. physically i'm fine, emotionally i'm BRUISED, like reeeally bad😫

and then the good vibes keep going, till the very end, with Love of My Life

i'm pretty sure i fell in love with the ending piano melody in that song. is that possible? is it normal? idk it happened and i'm not mad about it

overall i just am truly, madly, crazy, deeply in love with you this album, that's it, thanks for coming to my TED talk👩🏻‍💼

also I woke up to see you posted a shit ton of 👀yk, very nice late night ✨thirsty✨ asks and I couldn't have started my day in a better way, thank youuu <3

-🧸

pLS i’ve been listening to HH on r e p e a t ever since it came out 😭 IN FACT IM LISTENING TO IT RIGHT NOW AS I TYPE HAHAH

but like you’re sooo right !!! the first couple of tracks have me dancing to myself. they’re such a big vibe and they make me feel so happy & upbeat & just ashfjfkkdks

we get to little freak and it shifts my mood to sad and longing (but in a good way ofc!!)

AND OH MY HOD MATILDA. IVE NEVER RELATED TO A SONG SO MUCH I WAS CRYING WHEN I HEARD IT FOR THE FORST TIME.

“you don't have to be sorry for doing it on your own”

the way i violently sobbed at that line like nOPe i can already feEL THE TEARS COMINGG

and then the fact that cinema is right after a fuckifn heartbreaker makes me laugh lmao. i haven’t gotten over my emotions after matilda but here i am boppinnn to the rest of the album in tears 🥲

🧸 anon you just made my whole day and it barely has started :’)))

hehe yus those thirsty asks last night. i shouldn’t be allowed on tumblr after a certain hour bc the filter on my mouth and thots is basically gone at that point hHjahHH

#asks #🧸 anon

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