them keeping the "oh, you're being gay. good job, carry on." in heartstopper is actually the reason i'm alive

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

Jasico but unaffectionate Jason. So much so that he makes Nico look like the clingy one.

Nico has to constantly deflect and dismiss questions like "does he actually even love you?" And "are you sure you want to date him? He's seems cold and distant." Cause if there's one thing Nico's sure of, it's that Jason loves him. He knows that.

Jason on the other hand starts to question himself. Does he love Nico? Then why doesn't he want to do all that sappy stuff with him? Does Nico want to do that stuff? Does Nico miss doing that stuff with Will? Is Jason the worse alternative?

Nico assures Jason that they're fine the way they are, that he'd never ask him to do anything he's uncomfortable with, and Jason takes that as, "oh, he didn't say he doesn't want all that stuff, he just said its fine if Jason doesn't do it. He isn't happy." And that sets him even more on edge.

So he tries to start with small things. Holding hands is fine. Sure, they can cuddle for a few minutes. That peck on the cheek he gave Nico earlier was a power move. Nico notices his small advances and once again clears up that Jason doesn't have to do this if he doesn't want to. That Nico doesn't need that to know Jason loves him.

Jason constantly says how comfortable he is spending his time with Nico. He let's Nico wipe away his tears. He let's Nico help him with his projects. He let's Nico run his hands through his hair and that's enough for Nico to know how much Jason loves and trusts him. Truly

band au rahhhhhhhhhhh

do you ever just sit there thinking about your favorite ocs while violently shaking. god. clenches fist. They're So.

Hey mate, why are you attracted to the rabbit man? The green one. What is interesting about him to you? I've been curious (and slightly afraid) for a while and thought I'd ask.

alright tldr; he is a combination of all of my favorite things in media when it comes ta a character. hes a monster, hes a dilf, hes a bunny, hes got a nice voice, hes evil, hes a robot, hes interesting ta me beyond a simp level which really sells it i think (or its the bunny thing i really like bunny characters skjdgkdjgkdf). there's so much you can talk abt with him. theres so much you can do. hes an evil fucked up scientist who loves his kids so much he tries ta reverse death itself ta bring them back. he manages ta die and then bring himself back ta life through pure spite and grit and determination ta "come back". he fucking survives a fire and then assumedly rebuilds himself which under than assumption (even though scraptrap is butt ugly) that would take an incredible level of ingenuity. literally how could i not love him. hes this twisted fucking mutilation of humanity melded with metal. he willingly gave up his humanity ta become this horrible fucking thing and relishes in it. ive seen ppl talk about the trans metaphor and yeah!! that totally applies here too (i hc spring/william afton as trans cough cough). what i really like especially is how he does all these evil fucked up things and feels no remorse about any of it like!! sometimes storylines will try ta make the villain sympathetic but fuck that!! let him be unabashedly evil!! even though i think his motive for killing kids was ta save his own, its still super evil and fucked up that he took those kids from other families in the first place!! and its so cool!! hes repeatedly inflicting the same trauma on other parents he felt himself with no remorse!!!!!! talk about irony!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the story telling with him can be so good!!!

exurb1a, from "Last Date" in Poems for the Lost Because I'm Lost Too

I'm pretty much done with TOH lol.

A braver and more energetic soul can try giving this show a constructive critique... because I will actually, wholeheartedly lose my humanity while writing out the script.

There is like... a problem this show has that permeates the whole thing: It says its going to do one thing, but then does something completely different. Like how the first two episodes of the series make you believe Luz is going to learn how her inability to separate fantasy from reality is actually inhibiting her growth as a person... only to make her a chosen one and to give her everything she ever wanted without Luz changing the way she treats people.

literally cannot believe i got my favorite song of all time in the entire world a second time last night. never in a million years did i dream that i’d be lucky enough to actually hear it again, never in a million years did i dream it would be one of the last songs of the tour but somehow i got lucky enough that it was. somehow the universe was listening and the stars aligned Just right and i got to sing ‘and in the end, i’d do it all again’ with my favorite band on the last night of the tour that healed them all like it healed me. what a time to be alive

new headcanon: tighnari occasionally purrs without realising when he completely relaxed

the first person to hear him purr was cyno

it happened during one of their meetups in Pardis Dhyai when they were still attending the academiya, after cyno pointed out that tighnari was quietly purring, nari started paying more attention to it as he felt embarrassed so after that cyno didnt hear it anymore

the next person to hear tighnari purr was collei

its happened when collei had come back from a longer trip around the forest and was giving him a report. She went off on tangents about things that had nothing to do with the report but tighnari didnt stop her as he just felt nice seeing her be this excited

and then collei stopped speaking and tighnari could hear the faint purr coming from himself and stopped it, neither of them mentioned it the next day

the first time tighnari let himself freely purr was after the lightning strike when cyno came over to see how he was recovering, wrapped in his arms he felt tired and couldnt be bothered to hide the purrs when cyno tightened his arms around him

Deductions are cool.

As someone who's learning the science of deduction, it feels like how I imagine it would be like to not know how to read. A world of signs, of letters and words forming information if you just knew how to decode it. Learning to make deductions feels like finally learning to read, finally really seeing everything around you and connecting it to things to get information.

It's like learning a new language, one that's everywhere, all the time, just ready for you to notice. There's so much to be gained from that language, I think it's beautiful, and I'm happy to have one more way to quench the thirst for knowledge.

THE 41ST THAT ZUKO SAVED AND GOT BANISHED FOR IS HIS CREW. AHHHHHH.

my love is mine all mine

a 'beginning' and 'end', a place to feel grounded, a place of bottomlessness, a place of safety and familiarity, the feelings of the living to a journey that seemed to feel as if there is no end in sight can be a burden no one can bear. a familiar feeling of floating as you fall almost endlessly, as if suspended in time, a memory that reminds you of someone from years past, a nostalgic feeling of soft gloves and pink hair, of a small smile of happiness and the faint smell of chemical and antiseptic... so close like a star. all the things you lost, all the sorrow, all the memories of cherished pain and joy shall be your guide until the end. you will reach that destination as one of the living. should you falter and feel as if time had stopped and nothing grounds you to the earth, and you feel that you have been falling endlessly without hope, may the bonds you have gained pull you up. again and again. should you fall, should your heart waver in the face of mind numbing ache to bittersweet nostalgia, everything that you keep close to your heart shall save you, one way or another. as long as there is an end to the fall, you are alive. you are alive.

what they dont tell you about being incredibly introspective is that you'll think you're done making realizations and then you'll just make more realizations always all the time forever

IM LIKE IF A BOY WAS A MANIC PIXIE DREAM GIRL WAS A SCENE FAG