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catsconflictscopicsandchamomile · 1 month

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@kimberleyjean ok, you asked for this, its cursed and I'm sorry.

So first off I'm NOT going to try to explain what Supernatural is. Its a garbage fire, and I am unfortunate enough to be one of the feral, touch-starved gays to live in said garbage fire. Its the best show ever but all of its accidental, its the worst show ever in terms of anything that was done on purpose, etc etc. You're on tumblr you know the drill

Anyway, before GOs2's "Final Fifteen", the ONLY connections between GO and SPN were:

A demon in spn is named Crowley, in an homage to GO Crowley. They are alike, but they are NOT the same character and I don't think it can be argued that they're the same person in different forms (bc with demons that would be possible). They are however both Scottish, greasy and have a deep disrespect for authority. I do HAVE a theory/hc connecting the two Crowleys but that's another post for another day. Weirdly, SPN!Crowley (who I'm going to call Fergus from here on out, bc even though nobody in spn or the fandom calls him that, it is his canonical first name) has very little to do with anything I'm about to say. Just fyi, he exists.

Secondly, The Hillywood show did a Supernatural parody back in 2014-ish. I will link it below if you're curious, but again not much in this video is ACTUALLY RELEVANT to what I'm about to say (however, Fergus is there. He's the Scottish guy)

youtube

However, the specific arcs of Supernatural that SURROUND the season/topic this parody is centered on (Mark of Cain arc, ~s9-10) are where the coincidences get weird, and ok now I do have to talk about Supernatural a bit.

mmmfffff. Okay so the Metatron is a greasy, annoying, manipulative, power-hungry bastard who lies every time he speaks, wants full rule over Heaven and will control anyone and wreck anything he can to get there....

...and I'm talking about the version of the Metatron from Supernatural. LONG tldr, Dean (buzz cut, older brother, guy who's in love with an angel, the guy who says the news headlines in the Destiel meme) takes this thing/curse/whole other mess called the "Mark of Cain" to kill this kinda super-powerful arch-demon called Abaddon (more on her later), and blah blah blah Supernatural Happens For A Bit, and due to the Mark's curse making Dean act like a total psycho (and also, its implied, slowly turning him into a demon) they try to get help from the Metatron, who had been locked up after... well.

-when God was no longer contacting heaven, Metatron ran away from Heaven and hid on earth because he thought that the angels would use the Word of God (which the Metatron holds) "wrong" or something

-later, took advantage of strife & power vacuums in Heaven to manipulate Cas (angel, deeply autistic, the guy who says "I love you" in the destiel meme, in love with Dean) into doing a spell that CAUSED ALL OF THE ANGELS IN HEAVEN TO FALL, for no reason other than the Metatron is an actual pissbaby.

anyway, Metatron claims he can help Dean, that was a lie (shocking, I know), Metatron pulls some bs including basically stealing Cas' life-force (a second time. the first time was when he was ALREADY fucking w Cas as mentioned above) and runs off back to heaven... along with Gadreel, who he has manipulated/convinced to help him take power in Heaven.

who's Gadreel?

well. he's the angel who let the Serpent (or in this canon, just Lucifer) into the Garden of Eden, and he was cast into Hell to be tortured forever or something as punishment. However, after Metatron's earlier all-the-angels-falling scheme, Gadreel (for reasons I'm not too sure of tbh) took the name/identity of a VERY highly-regarded and powerful angel named Ezekiel, who died of his injuries during the fall

^this last part is a detail I try hard not to think about. this is because the names and roles are JUST similar enough to GO's Ineffable Husbands for the implications make me very, very sad.

Anyway, Gadreel had been around spn canon before, posing as Ezekiel, possessing Sam blah blah blah shit happened

Anyway this is a whole lot of words to say that the season/s of SPN that The Hillywood Show was parodying were the seasons where the Metatron was a main villain, and attempted/temporarily succeeded in taking power in Heaven BY MANIPULATING THE GUY WHO LET THE DEVIL INTO THE GARDEN OF EDEN

and then The Hillywood Show (who tbh I almost feel bad for lmao like BRUH) got signed to produce the parody/teaser/release date announcement for GOs2. Where the Metatron...

yeah.

yeahhhhhh

I would have LOVED to see the Hillywood Show team's live and immediate reaction to the Final Fifteen because I can't even imagine what must have been going through their heads.

ah yes. the FUCKING Metatron

oh also in spn, the Metatron (its complicated but basically)severely/fatally wounds Cas, and straight-up KILLS Dean, but Dean resurrects as a demon (for a few eps at least), meaning that Metatron DID technically try, and almost succeeded in, killing both members of an angel/demon gay couple, if only bc timing lined up so that Metatron was an antagonist in the arcs where Dean was turning into a demon.

so yeah

anyway I mentioned we'd get back to Abaddon so here's those major spoilers I mentioned. I'm fairly sure these are real spoilers and not theories, since my source is wikipedia

that's the whole article, there's not much else on her on wiki (though I should really do more research on Muriel). I think I heard Neil say somewhere that he created Muriel because "he wanted an angel character, from Heaven, who was 'just nice'" but idk if anything specific has ever been said about her name.

anyway that's why the Metatron gave Muriel that book "The Crow Road" in the Final 15, why he likes her so much, and why he's having her stay on earth

"The Crow Road" is a book about the nature of Death, and Metatron is, for lack of a better/less problematic word, grooming Muriel for the role of angel of Death in the apocalypse (Abaddon being a VERY prominent figure in revelations, for those who weren't aware)

...so on top of all the other Supernatural/Hillywood-Specific coincidences, sure, let's have Abaddon too.

uhhhhh

yeah

#I also found a canon-adjacent “Explanation” for the Coffee Theory if you're interested in that as well.#its not canon and its never gonna be canon but imho it explains it just believably enough to make for some VERY good fic/hc inspo #hint: its nothing to do with the almonds (afaik)#longpost #supernatural #YIKES #the metatron #gomens #good omens season 2 #GOs2 #final fifteen #hillywood show #Youtube

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ranboo5 · 3 years

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whats 'the clip' and knifetrick?

Augh. Under the cut for shipping discourse and p/dophilia ment (nothing graphic or specific). Gets long bc I discuss my thoughts on DSMP shipping in general. You are setting me up fr anon

Some quick vocab -

intimacy here is used to refer to. Well. Any kind of intimacy between characters, of any sort, as an umbrella term /r, /p, and /qp here are used as shorteners to denote "romantic," "platonic," and "queerplatonic," both as adjectives And as verbs ("to /r" = "to portray romantically") shipping here is used to refer to any focused examination of intimacy between characters

And some clarity that Should follow from the essay next but may not - """anti-antis"""" and RPF writers delete forever

The Clip is from one of if not the? most recent Discord stage(s) Mr Live has done (which I missed when it was live RIP) wherein he issues a hard ban on shipping him ("do not ship me, in any way, with anyone!") which would less influence c!beeduo (which has been portrayed/stated to be romantic AND nonromantic both conflictingly for a while until being confirmed unconfirmed several months ago, that being the last was heard) without its direct invocation if he hadn't also cited for the reason as being underage ("'Cause, one, it's straight up pedophilia") which is! a) immediately applicable to At Least his DSMP character, Partially and b) while not Strictly True (should b obvious that portraying a relationship within the bounds of what it is in canon and in a nonsexual way is not That, and /r-ing c!beeduo etc was possible to do Appropriately again by remaining w/in the bounds of canon) is Clearly Indicative of the fact that baggage-wise it IS associated with people being fucking creeps

This Really complicates things bc like okay the apparent solution is "lol just don't /r it" but it's really like. A Worse issue than that bc like.

Okay the reason shipping in terms of fictional characters is a Different Bar is bc it's an examination of Intimacy and certain lines exist in certain dynamics of intimacy that Isn't Shown (which is the whole Within The Bounds Of Canon thing) which is important in a medium like DSMP because of the smaller gap + more personal relationship b/w character and streamer. Examining intimacy beyond th bounds of the consent that has been established in that regard is Weird at best and Violating And Creepy more often and, As Mentioned In Ranb's Stage, Literally Evil at worst

Which is why writing abt like. QPR or platonically intimate Techno and Philza (characters) is smth that is fine because that's smth that has been shown and repeatedly stated onscreen; it's in the bounds of canon n thus within th bounds of what the streamers've consented 2 be done with their characters. But writing T3chza making out or whatever is fucked up because it's smth that's beyond those consent barriers

And the thing is right

Slapping a /p on T3chza makeout doesn't. Make it less violating

Like what you CALL romantic is not the measure or whether it's past those barriers yk? And if it's indistinguishable, if it's in extrapolative territory that is Past The Bounds, it Does Not Matter how much you /p it EVEN IF IT IS TECHNICALLY PLATONIC y feel? Like at the end of the day placing a moratorium on some/all forms of shipping is placing a moratorium on certain examinings of intimacy

And okay 2 go back to Mr Live and his character. What it implies taken in context w/ older portrayals of c!beeduo and said by invoking smth that both evokes Really fucked up baggage (that does unfortunately exist btw I'm sorry if you didn't know that but People Really Do B Fucked Up Abt Beeduo) AND applies to his character is a revocation of consent to examining deep intimacies:tm: with his character, which is gonna apply regardless of the nature of that intimacy (even if nonromantic)

Like I don't /r c!beeduo myself, do not, never have, but I talk to people who have and have consumed content where they r background /r; I also don't think it matters. Like I don't Actively /r it and I don't Actively Not /r it because imho w/ the intimacy regarding c!beeduo that is plot relevant and character important whether that intimacy is /p /qp or /r doesn't really matter. I don't consider myself Less of a c!beeduo shipper than someone who /rs them because that would be dumb as hell and while none of the content I've made* is Intrinsically or Intentionally /r it certainly can be read tht way as much as it can be read /qp or /p. It's be dumb and hypocritical of me to like, dunk on ppl for /r-ing c!beeduo when I'm also invested in these two and my tonetags r not gonna suddenly Delete the picking apart I've done of the dynamic @ hand

Which Has Been. Within Bounds Of Canon. It's been what's been shown (sometimes to my great distress. There is a reason that the :canon_beeduo: emote looks the way it does) Directly Onscreen and in general keeping with the tone n intensity/directions of what they've Done With The Characters

HOWEVER

As mentioned up there. Revocation of consent

It makes. Full sense 2 me that Mr Live wants to place a moratorium or fullon ban on shipping his characters perhaps where he wouldn't have before because of the Unfortunately Very Extant trends of people being Fucking Weird about shipping his characters AND of using them as a Thinly Veiled Excuse to ship HIM, which. I should not have to explain why shipping real people is fucking abhorrent

THIS creates a problem which is a. Bit of a vacuum in interacting with what is a facet of c!Ranboo's arc, decision making, and character. Like you CAN have c!Ranboo w/o cbeeduo but you Can't Really have his plotline without examining c!beeduo. And as I mentioned earlier: even if your examination of c!beeduo is fully platonic, the significance of it To the plotline means that any examination of it and its relevance to the plotline and characters IS gonna be an examination of intimacy, which. Regardless of it's platonic, Is Still Shipping

Unless some HARD retconning happens it leaves this like. Hole in an aspect of c!Ranboo's arc and decisionmaking and it's very. Uncertain? God. Fucking months ago I was already kind of :huh. Does he know what the fuck he's doing: irt c!beeduo and desperately wishing for things to be cleared up and now it's only That Much Stronger

NOW. KNIFETRICK, FINALLY

Knifetrick (or, as it’s actually listed, Bishop’s Knife Trick) is a fic about "Ran and Jackie from The Pit TFTSMP" in a "canon-typical ambiguously romantic relationship." As you can tell from the scare quotes, especially if you've seen me vague, both of these are, to put it politely, Doubtful. I've read the fic; I will not be sharing my opinions because that would be neither productive nor responsible (I will just say I can't recommend it and leave it at that) but I WILL say the following that Is relevant to the conversation:

Ran's and Jackie's characterizations respectively have very little to do with characterizations from The Pit, and bear a dollar-store-version resemblance to tropes and personality motifs found in ESPECIALLY fanon c!beeduo, especially later in the fic. I would not go so far as to say they are Intentionally Literally Ranboo and Tubbo but they are transparent expies and were clearly written at LEAST unintentionally w/ c!beeduo in mind (esp since. Ran and Jackie barely interacted in The Pit), and for a readerbase that, as far as I can tell, is HUGELY dominated by /r c!beeduo shippers. Like. Sorry. This is off-brand c!beeduo.

The dynamic between the two is pretty unambiguously romantic, also; despite what the fic's white knights claim, romantic tropes and implications/motifs/imagery from at LEAST chapter two, and is very much explicitly romantic by the most recent chapter.

FROM CH1:

"And now, with raised eyebrows and a pursed lip, the newly named General Jackie observes Ran in such a way that makes the enderman’s skin crawl. Ran reminds himself that this kid, as short and harmless as he may look, is trained to kill. [...] Jackie narrows his eyes and tilts his head a little, as if he’s trying to read in between every one of Ran’s imperfect scales."

FROM CH2:

"It makes Ran’s skin itch with discomfort. [...] 'That actually doesn’t explain much of anything at all,' complains Jackie, and he pops a few croutons into his mouth with one hand. 'Tell me what you’re thinking, pretty-boy.'

"Ran feels his face flush, no doubt mildly glowing green.

"Yes, that was the other thing. The unnecessary compliments to his physical appearance.

"They don’t happen very often, and don’t seem to have very much meaning or intention behind them— Jackie often speaks like an unthinking kid— but when they do happen… they’re embarrassing. [...] It’s annoying how the rug is pulled out from under his feet in these moments when he’s 'embarrassed'. Like the conversation see-saw has temporarily shifted weight in the general’s favor."

I am not going to include excerpts from Chapter 6 because it's just the entire chapter.

I WILL SAY, HOWEVER, STEPPING ON THIS SCORPION BEFORE IT STINGS: they are not written in an RPFy manner and I don't think there's any grounds, including Vibes, of accusing Knifetrick of being like. Closet truthing or whatever. Also, while I think there's certainly Some Weirdness ESPECIALLY around the reaction, the romance itself is Not written in any way I'd call weird or problematic pre-clip; it's nothing inappropriate or like Weirdly Fetishy or whatever. Knifetrick is not #problematic or anything and I don't have beef with like the concept of liking it intrinsically; if I thought it was like. Abhorrent I wouldn't be sharing excerpts lmao dhjfnhdsbvdnfjh. Hence: if anyone uses this post or anyth like it to send harassment or bad faith ANYTHING to anyone involved with Knifetrick I will hunt you down in the fucking night even if it WAS #problematic that'd be the LITERAL OPPOSITE of productive and as it stands it's Literally Not. Essentially: Knifetrick is a (questionably-written /mean) fic using Ran and Jackie from The Pit as a vessel for a large chunk of the dynamics and headcanons of fanon /r c!beeduo in particular

And again, I would not call it problematic in any way (aside from the disingenuity of the insistence that it's TOTALLY UNRELATED TO BEEDUO and TOOOTALLY WASN'T INTENDED TO BE ROMANTIC GUYS like own your shit please)... IF it weren't for the advent of The Clip, which is calling in2 question the Entirety of the problem of /r-ing any variant of c!beeduo or any of Ranboo's characters at all

I really do not have an answer for this tbh. I genuinely wanna hear from the streamer on this more specifically because I like,,, I got no clue where 2 go from here? Do I just consider an arc retconned? Was it an issue of speaking abt a troubling subject kneejerk wise and I'm reading too much in2 it?

I just. I dunno

Tl;dr (AT LONG LAST)

- The Clip is a clip of a Discord stage where Ranboo (streamer) loudly explicitly decried shipping in a way that implicitly applies to characters he plays - This would be all well and good but is rendered complicated by the plot relevance of c!beeduo, which does not stop being shipping if it's /p'd due to it still necessarily being an examination of a particular intimacy in a way that is in canon hard to distinguish the /p, /qp, or /r nature of - Bishop's Knife Trick is an AO3 fic centered around using TFTSMP characters as /r c!beeduo expies which is not a bad thing in and of itself unless it also is covered under this moratorium - Things remain unclear until and unless we get clearer word from streamer, but considering Mr Live seems to be allergic to clarifying anything abt c!beeduo this is doubtful

*very little if any of the content I personally have made 4 c!beeduo has been posted publicly, for related reasons. You May have seen it if you're in servers w/ me, depending on Which Ones

#dsmp fandom critical #kind of?#jic #ask to tag #I am technically defending Kn1fetrick on this post #I am not nice to it but I am defending it technically. If people start being rude abt it I am going to set myself on fire #this IS ludicrously long but I have tl;dr'd it as I do with all my ludicrously long posts. I think I have salient thoughts

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screechthemighty · 4 years

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FR Octane is 100% one of those characters where I can see all the building blocks of WHY he behaves the way he does, but also acknowledge that his behavior is...Bad, it’s not great. And guess what, I accidentally wrote an essay about it if anyone cares! (Listen, I paid a lot of money for an arts degree, if I can’t over-analyze everything then that money was wasted, humor me) ETA: also if you’re thinking of dragging me for this post, please read this first and consider not doing that.

We’re going to be looking at two big aspects of his character for this analysis. One is more subtext than actual text, but since all the evidence is there (and, if how they handled Wattson’s autism is any indication, will likely never be canon regardless of all the evidence) we’re just going to treat it as canon for the sake of argument. The other one is paracanon which, to be fair, isn’t as canon as “evidence actually in the text”, but again, for the sake of argument, we’ll treat it as such.

Fact the first: Octane, most likely, has ADHD. From the way he behaves, I’m assuming it is either undiagnosed OR he was never adequately taught how to manage his symptoms. The most relevant symptoms to this discussion are his seeming overreaction to Lifeline teasing him (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria being a common ADHD symptom), his persistent and VERY canon inability to handle boredom, and his equally persistent and canon poor impulse control (especially related to the boredom but in this case it also goes hand in hand with the previously mentioned RSD).

Fact the second: He grew up in an emotionally neglectful and dysfunctional home--his dad had multiple re-marriages (and lbr, probably was cheating on his current wife with the next wife every single time), he was raised more by an assistant who didn’t care to learn his wants and needs, so on, so forth. IMHO, this fact does explain both his larger than life personality AND manipulative behavior. If he stands out and acts out, he gets the attention he craves. If he’s manipulative, he can actually get what he wants/needs from the uncaring adults in his life. He behaves badly because of childhood trauma.

So, with all of these facts in mind, here’s the sequence of events:

Octane is relegated to a task he considers painfully boring (keeping in mind that boredom is one of the worst sensations for the ADHD brain). He is forced to stay in said task by an authority figure who doesn’t listen to his input about what he’d rather be doing or what tasks he might be better suited for.

On top of that, he is teased by someone he considers a close friend (practically family by his own admission) in a way that a) makes light of the situation he finds uncomfortable and b) compares him to an “accountant”, something that is anathema to what he wants to be. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria kicks in; the comment becomes genuinely hurtful and not just slightly unfunny but well-meaning ribbing.

His intolerance for boredom says “no, we’re not doing that task anymore, let’s go do the fun thing.” Poor impulse control and no buffer to mitigate the effects of poor impulse control say, “the first thought to pop into my head is right, let’s get that dopamine!”

His manipulative tendencies say, “If I make a big fuss, do something stupid, and let Ajay know it’s partially because she was mean to me, then she’ll understand that she hurt me and feel bad about it.” Unresolved trauma means that he doesn’t even THINK to communicate that to her, which would be the HEALTHY thing to do but likely not a method that has ever worked for him in childhood. Instead, he leaves an emotionally manipulative letter and peaces out.

As of right now, we don’t know what the ULTIMATE outcome is (my money is on him getting his ass kicked TBH). But the IMMEDIATE outcome is that Lifeline feels responsible for something that isn’t her fault and now she and Gibraltar are both going to be put at risk of getting hurt. Octane has also put himself in a position where he’ll probably be hurt. This isn’t going to end well, is what I’m getting at.

NOW. Here’s the thing. The two facts I listed up above are not his fault. Him having ADHD? Not his fault. Him not getting the right help he needed as a child? Not his fault. Him growing up in a dysfunctional environment that had a negative impact on his emotional and interpersonal development? DEFINITELY not his fault. Everything about his behavior based on those two facts makes sense, and I’m not gonna sit here and act like he’s a bad person for being a neurodivergent abuse victim.

But, to paraphrase the very smart Jessica “How to ADHD” McCabe, it may not be his fault, but it is his responsibility--in this case “it” being how he treats other people, which is very much within his control. I get WHY he did it, but he IS being an absolute ass to Lifeline for the second time (that we know of), and that IS wrong. He HAS to learn at some point to not be like this. It’s already temporarily lost him a friendship, and it COULD get him or someone else killed this time around. He’s a grown adult, and despite my/the fandom’s jokes, he does have all his brain cells. At some point he’ll have to realize he can’t treat people like this and adjust his behavior.

To be fair to Octane, I completely understand and acknowledge that getting help and admitting to the things clogging up your brainspace is incredibly hard. Trust me, I have firsthand experience with this one, and my problems are small potatoes in comparison to what’s going on with him. So he’s not necessarily a bad person for not having taken those steps, especially because I’m still not sure he REALIZES he has a problem. Now, if he knew that he was hurting people and continued doing so because “that’s just who I am, they’re the ones who are wrong, actually” against all evidence, then that IS him shirking his responsibilities to other people and himself and I could criticize him for that. But I don’t think he’s at that point yet. Right now he just seems oblivious, which, yeah, we’ve all been in that position where you’re oblivious to your problems even as they’re slowly burning your house down (I cringe looking back on childhood me exhibiting early anxiety symptoms that went unchecked until now, when I’m well past college age).

I also think it would be helpful if someone told him in a CONSTRUCTIVE manner that his behavior is worrying and was able to help him get to that place where he can realize that himself and get help (not saying they should bear the majority of the emotional weight, AM saying that he seems like he needs the extra help and that’s valid, all things considered). Unfortunately...pretty much everyone in Apex Legends is their own flavor of messed up and they ARE in the middle of a crisis, so they’re likely either unable to see it or unable to help because y’know, lot going on.

In conclusion: I say none of this to demonize Octane? I say it because a) I think his character is really neat, flaws and all, hence me referring to him as a “problematic icon”, and b) because I think it does a disservice to his character to ignore his flaws. I don’t want him to be turned from a complex character with a lot of neat stuff going on to an uwu tortured sad boy who’s never at fault. I haven’t seen anyone do that YET (everyone seems to love him for being a trash baby and that’s valid), but, y’know, doesn’t hurt to start the conversation preemptively.

(QUICK sidebar that I didn’t think of until I was tagging his: his privilege as a rich child from a rich family definitely is a contributing factor to his behavior and another stumbling block to him getting help for a lot of reasons? I won’t go into all my thoughts on this because that could be its own essay but tl;dr Rich People often don’t believe in consequences as it is and don’t like to admit to being wrong, and some of this definitely wore off on Octane and is exacerbating the rest of it.)

#apex legends #apex legends spoilers #apex spoilers #spoilers #man I have GOT to write more fic with Octane he's such a neat little bastard

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amazonpoodle · 5 years

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all right it’s my turn to express my feelings about the magicians finale

what had happened was, the week of the finale was NOT A GOOD WEEK for me to watch something that would upset me that much, so on the recommendation of multiple friends i had people spoil me for the episode, for mental health reasons. i’ve read a bunch of meta and yelled in public and in private, and finally actually watched the episode this past saturday.

in conclusion, i think the thing that plain frustrates me the most is that THERE WERE GOOD BITS! there were really interesting lovely bits! which were almost completely mangled by the egregiously bad bits!

i don’t know if i have anything to say that you haven’t already read or heard from other people who are more active in the fandom, possibly more eloquent, and probably used capital letters, but here we are!!! oh well!!!

okay first i don’t even know what the fuck to say about julia. every! single! season! so far! has involved depriving her of a REALLY MAJOR CHOICE about her life or her magic or her autonomy or her fucking BODY like! what! why!

i am not clear on why we couldn’t just WAKE HER UP and ASK HER WHAT SHE WANTED, so like -- if the show explained that they didn’t explain it well enough, and if they didn’t FUCK THEM tbh.

second, one of my most significant grievances with the show as a whole is I DON’T CARE ABOUT JOSH HOBERMAN. i don’t!!! care!!! to me he is everything i hated about dawn summers and jonathan levinson COMBINED into one boring gary stu, like. what the fuck is josh/margo? why am i HERE? sure, people of disparate hotnesses can hook up and fall in love, but i know whose fantasy josh/margo is and it’s for sure not margo’s. anyway, now i’m mainly just mad at JOSH THE FISH for sidelining margo in the previous episode. although her eye does just keep getting awesomer and awesomer.

now, the real meat of the thing. the death of q. i’m gonna say something, and you might not like it, and we’ll all just have to figure out how to handle that:

out of context, I’M NOT MAD ABOUT QUENTIN’S DEATH.

like... if the whole thing had been done right? if jason’s exit from the show hadn’t been a secret for no fucking reason? if time and consideration had been given to multiple quentin storylines in a way that made sense? i would be okay with how quentin died. (not what came after. i’ll get to that.)

i kind of have the feeling that all the people involved in writing q’s death were just. trying to recreate buffy’s death from the s5 finale but like, newer and shinier? and hey, i grew up in buffy fandom, the gift was DEVASTATING and beautiful and SHOCKING, i’m not mad that someone would want to create something like that!

and credit where it’s due -- the moment of quentin’s death was, imho, really, really lovely. like. understated, in the eerie quiet greyscale of the mirror world. q didn’t yell, he spoke, quietly, “minor mending” -- the subtle color of the seam within the mirror, the light healing the cobwebbed cracks in the glass, the shower of sparks, just. it was a lot. visually i thought it was incredibly moving and effective. it for sure made me cry. and i don’t know exactly what i was expecting, but. IGNORING THE STUFF THAT CAME AFTER, quentin’s death did not read, to me, as a(n excuse for) suicide or a waste. it seemed, to me, to be brave and sad and necessary.

storywise -- and again, for now, putting a pin in the crap that came after -- quentin’s death would have been WAY! MORE! IMPACTFUL! if we’d gotten any goddamn lead-up about his discipline. it was BAD WRITING to make us wait until mid-s4 to tell us what his discipline was. it was BAD WRITING to only let us see him mend, in that particular way, one (1) model airplane and one (1) mug. like???? HELLO???? WHAT???? in a just world, the showrunners would have been laying the groundwork for q’s discipline reveal since, like, the start of s3. they should have shown him repairing things, regularly, ALL ALONG, and everybody thinking it’s no big deal. FIFTY YEARS IN FILLORY, he never had to fix a broken window or re-hang a door or darn a sock? the revelation of “repair of small objects” should have felt like an explosion of OF FUCKING COURSE. we should have been able to spend time with quentin while he came to grips with how small that felt to him, we should have gotten to see him looking for things to repair, to practice, on purpose! we should have gotten to see him attempt to mend something that was too big for him!

and the biggest thing of all, that makes me tear the fuck up every time i think about it too hard, is that REPAIR OF SMALL OBJECTS or MINOR MENDING is honestly the most exquisite, most appropriate discipline for someone suffering from significant depression and anxiety. SPEAKING AS A PERSON WHO’S BEEN DEALING WITH DEPRESSION FOR TWENTY-FIVE YEARS, OKAY, dealing with mental illness is best done in small steps, with small gestures, with small requests for help. you can’t fix your entire life in one fell heroic swoop. trying to do all the things at once, perfectly, without getting messy, without dealing with little details, is a fucking TRAP. it can’t be done. that’s not how you live. you’re never DONE.

it makes 100% perfect sense that quentin coldwater, who has always wanted to be a hero, keeps learning, over and over again, that sometimes (usually!) his role is SUPPORT. to get someone else to the finish line. THE HARDEST THING IN THIS WORLD IS TO LIVE IN IT. minor!!! mending!!!

fuck.

okay.

now we address quentin AFTER his death. we stuck a pin in it, let’s take it out so we can really SCREAM, eh?

sigh. i’m not mad that quentin asked the question. “what did i do? did i finally find a way to kill myself?” like. you’ve been dealing with suicidal ideation all your life, you’re allowed to wonder, honey! that’s okay!

WHAT PISSES ME OFF IS THE ANSWER. or the non-answer. whatever. this whole thing was handled so goddamn hamfistedly, like. again -- why. also -- and perhaps this is nitpicky of me, but -- this is the office of secrets taken to the grave, right? this isn’t the time for quentin to ask questions or get answers himself, it’s time for him to answer them! to confess things he hasn’t told anybody! penny-40, i love you the best, but i feel like you’re not doing your job!

other people have said more about this than i will, more thoughtfully, but basically i thought quentin watching his own funeral was bullshit. the whole thing sucked. the only part that didn’t suck was eliot and alice holding hands. oh, and julia’s revelation afterward. why should it be more meaningful to watch people mourn you than to have people tell you, to your face, when you’re alive, that you are loved and important and interesting and life-changing?

let’s fucking avoid fantasizing how appreciated we’ll be when we’re gone, shall we? that’s really the main thing.

i’m running out of steam, clearly. that was mostly everything. i also agree with the people who’ve said that, in retrospect, the writers thought that escape from the happy place was a story JUST about eliot, not about eliot AND QUENTIN. the writers were wrong! they didn’t know what story they were telling! but that perspective explains a LOT.

i don’t really know what i’m going to do next season. probably i’m not going to watch? i truly didn’t realize how serious my depressed bisexual disaster self had imprinted on depressed bisexual disaster quentin coldwater until. you know. they killed him. but i am interested in the fix-its -- and imho this finale (this whole season) lends itself very easily to being fixed. so i think, despite the fuckery of canon, i’m not done with the fandom.

if you’ve read this far thanks for sticking around this long??? er. that’s all.

#the magicians #the magicians spoilers #meta #quentin coldwater #repair of small objects #minor mending #depression #mental health #i cannot believe my first original post in like three years is about the magicians #but here we are i guess

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np-c · 6 years

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Fanon as canon

(sry for bad writing, that’s gonna be some gramatic wrong shit but i NEED to say this -aahhh this is hard, sorry)

That’s not a message to antis (fuck them) but massage to pro-shippers. In our fandom we have some weird shit that we all agreed is canon? Its all because bakudeku started as enemies..? rivals? definetly not friends? Because Bakugo told Deku to go to kill himself.

That was a first episode; we didn’t know a shit except we need to protect Izuku at all costs bc he’s so adorable and just need protection. But then there is started some weird west shit where people completly ignoring what’s going on on the screen cuz no one noticed Izuku’s reaction on these words.

Well, you see, I came in fandom after wonderful villain!deku au’s and now i think its the dumbest thing fandom ever made so i was low-key shipping bakudeku. And one of the reasons why i started to watch this show was ‘cuz I wanted to see how really abusive this ship is. I wanted a proof. For my favorite kind fo AU and for my probably OTP.

...

But then I finally saw that scene, goddamn I laughed so fucking hard OMG. Pls rewatch it, PLEASE REWATCH IT WITH YOUR OPENED EYES.

Was it just me or Izuku’s first reaction was a desire to say “well fuck you too”???

Was he upset? Obviously, his notebook was thrown into window. But what else? He was angry. He wasn’t scared before Katsuki glared at him. He wasn’t crying (his usual reaction at everything). After that, he just said that Katchan was stupid to say that.

That was the moment when villain!deku died to me. But so did a big part of bakudeku fandom cuz they are so good people who can’t do anything wrong so when they do, they need to apologise и этот момент во всех фанфиках написан как по методичке And so need Bakugo BECAUSE HE BULLIED MIDORIYA FOR TEN YEARS or something like that apparently (funny thing but i figured that russian just doesn’t have an equal translation; well we have a lot of childish nouns and a lot of verbs so we can translate ‘he was bullied’ but we can’t translate ‘that guy is bully’ without it sounded stupid and childish THE FUNNIER THING: the closiest that i heard used is ‘provoker’ :D i just found that very hillarious dontmindme)

Well, the question is: was Midoriya really get bullied? I saw enough animes to think it was not the case. Or it was nothing really serious and just words. And look me in the eyes and tell me that this guy gave fuck about what people told him. Especially in middle school. He was one with his dreams against the world, even against his own mother (and i need to write another post why i hate Inko Midoriya and probably why I’ll never be accepted in your world of saints). He was quirkless and people laughed at his dreams. His mother didn’t believe in him. But Katsuki? He just wanted get rid of him.

Big bad Katsuki, right? Because you never ever in your lives met people who you thought was weird, who made you feel weird. That could be your friends sometimes or your friend’s friend or just that one classmate - you have never been in such a situation, right? I’m not saying his actions are fine - nah, he was an asshole kid, but i can understand why. Actually, if you read manga, it was said literally: Katsuki doesn’t see a problem in a bit of violence. He was raised that way, he’s angry kid, with not so family-friendly quirk (probably). But he knows when to step back, he follows rules, he’s a good student and he wouldn’t let his ‘friends’ smoke nearby bc he doesn’t want to get into trouble. His dreams (plans) are too big, he works so hard for them to happen. He might be an asshole but he’s responsible asshole за то и любим

So, some stupid kid who thinks he’s better then Katsuki (btw go rewatch their first fight but without this ‘we need to protect Deku’ bullshit in your mind and listen to their dialog - it’s a gold of comedy misunderstandings honestly) that kid thinks that he’s, being a loser (he WAS loser, smart ofc but still yeah it’s not good call him that but ffs), quirkless, can achive something for what Katsuki worked so hard. Most of you would’ve hate this kid too, don’t lie to yourselves.

But would he risk his dreams to hurt him?

Yeah, there’re moments from times when they were what? four? that frame where ‘he became bad after he got his quirk’? i honestly think it was a plothole but just imho :D Asshole violent little brat but i really would’ve love to know the whole story bc wtf. It’s probably my problem after being here too long so i automatically looking for bad things and it’s not like kids never fight. I don’t believe it was something drastically and IT IS the most drastic thing that i found in their history.

And after all... intresting point: Deku still thinks that Katsuki is amazing (even when he’s an asshole) and don’t you fucking dare call him a masochist ‘cuz he’s not. He would fight him.

He wanted to fight him when Katchan said that stupid thing (that you all so love to overthink). He fought him when they were little. He fought him in villain vs heroes lesson without that much of a second thought. Yeah, he’s nervous around him at first bc Katsuki is loud and literally explosive and yeah, from that all you can think he’s scared of him, but is he? Izuku is nervous kid in general. He always was just a nobody for his classmates and it’s not like he was naturally talanted at anything (quite opposite) and his only parental figure is Inko (she’s wonderful woman, okay? but not the greatest mother and also nervous wreck). It was his first days in UA, Class 1-A was just introduced, we didn’t know anybody, and it’s some new test already - ofc he would be nervious.

So, anyway, if Katsuki didn’t abuse him physically, he obviously did that emotionally bc... we need a scape goat and we already hate Bakugo and he told Izuku to kill himself so that’s enough. Or bc he’s the only guy from Izuku’s chilhood who’s name we know, so we can blame him - he’s important to story, right? probably bc every story need an almost-villain so we can hate him altogether. Or maybe bc it was not Bakugo, but a whole atmosphere: his classmates, teachers, his ‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry’ mother. First of all, probably genes.

Second of all, ask yourself a question: can one stupid Izuku’s words Bakugo Katsuki break Midoriya Izuku? To the point where we call that’s a trauma, where Katsuki’s usual harsh vocabulary becomes a crime, where we write suicidal fanfics and they don’t sound stupid?

Except they does because Izuku isn’t suicidal, not even fucking close. He doesn’t have a trauma. He is just a nervous kid and - actually - he isn’t fucking weak (strong in spirit or smth like that). Funny thing: when i first watch their exam right before summer camp arc, when they started talking that great speak about impassable wall, I actually thought that can be said about Izuku :D He’s not easy to break and he easily ignores people’s opinions when he needs. He’s self-destractive, not suicidal. Different things, guys. I’m pretty sure even if he did thought about that ‘way out’, he never made this an option. Yeah, you actually can seriosly consider this as your ‘way out’ and then think that nope, not for you.

So, after all this FUCKING TEXT WALL OMYGOD, let’s get back to the point that I didn’t even stated in first place.

Why Katsuki need to apologise?

I’m sure at some point Katsuki hated Deku (bc Deku looked down at him whatever it was or wasn’t thruth - for Katsuki it was) and at some point Deku couldn’t leave him alone. He called him names (name ‘Deku’ was made before Deku happened to be quirkless, some people forget about that), but so did everyone and don’t make Katsuki the most evil one - unlike most, he had reasons and he’s an angry kid and Izuku was a bad guy in Katsuki’s story who wanted to destroy him while hiding behind his innocence smile - what a fucking story with a plot-twist it could’ve been, if it was Katsuki’s POV-

Katsuki didn’t ruin Izuku’s life, not even close. You can say, he ruined his childhood, but I would risk to say that was mutual (Greetings, Inferiority Complex!). Really, can I start to say that Izuku need to apologise to Katsuki bc he didn’t even try to understant his friend?

So, Bakugo is a bully bc we never saw an angry teenager and bc Izuku is innocent and it’s just them two in the world and Izuku is the only one who was hurt no, really, no jokes here, I think Katsuki is a lot more emotionally damaged then Izuku ever was and because we have a really dumb headcanons that we forgot were just our thought ебаное слово, вечно забываю как пишется and interpretations.

So we agreed that Katsuki beat Izuku bc he was quirkless and helpless (seems like EXACTLY THE REASON WHY HE WOULD DO THIS R I G H T) and called him names (definitely not bc he felt threatened by someone who’s supposed to be just a nobody).

...

Okay, that sounds bad so I rephrase it:

Why Katsuki should apologise to someone who he saw as a threat when he for so much reasons shouldn’t?

Not so simple anymore, hah?

Can sound dumb but ambivalent feelings is a thing. And that’s the only reason I can find to explain why Katsuki was the only one of the whole class who didn’t laughed when they’ve been told Deku’s trying get into UA. Because shitty nerd had a chance? Because shitty nerd thought that he stand the same ground as Bakugo and it wasn’t funny anymore? Because stop looking down at me?

Bakugo Katsuki is the best fucking character I’ve ever met. He’s so real. So complex.

And when you picture him as a bully or just a bad guy or abusive, you’re killing him as a character. I don’t like saying that 16y.o. are just kids, but he is AND he’s trying his best. He doesn’t understand all things and he has never met a proper rivals before and he’s definitely not a social person (and nope, you can’t change a character so deal with it and learn to see through this). And let him learn.

He may or may not look back one day and see what a little piece of shit he was, but I don’t think he would say something. He’s a man of action after all.

And I definitely think that would be unnecessary and would look forced bc Izuku doesn’t need this. Izuku isn’t a victim, and when you picture him as one, you’re killing him as a character.

(it should’ve been ended right after ‘OMG TEXT WALL’ but here we fucking are; does someone read this?

i really hope this shit is readable; if not, it’s not about my shitty english that much, but my writing, ehh)

You have headcanons - good. You figured them in a way to fill a gap in the story - great. But for the love of characters, don’t fucking pretend them to be a canon.

But really, is it just me or does first chapter look weird? It’s fctually just funny how so many people seems stuck in FIRST CHAPTER when we are close to second hundred. I’m not saying ‘heeeey character development’. I’m asking: is first chapter a really good reason to make assumptions?

#bakudeku #bnha #boku no hero academia #midoriya izuku #katsuki bakugou #my shitty inglish #SEVEN HOURS OF MY LIFE TO THIS SHIT wooooow #its not even readable is it #i'm d o n e #just my disorganised thoughts tho

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franeridart · 7 years

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Hey! I wanted to ask something that has been on my mind for a while. When ever i see your arts for the bakusquad i think "oh i wish i had people like that in my life" then i start to think wait what about deku? I kinda have been wondering what do you think about baku owning up to all the things he has done to deku? He has done horrible deku over the years which are unforgiveable and have shown to have a deep affect on deku?

That was something i have been wonder for awhile! Not trying to start an argument or anything! I really adore your art and everthing you do i was just wondering about your input on the matter? I hope you a greay day! (you don’t have to answer this)

I don’t mind the question one bit, so don’t worry about that! But… well, all this answer is gonna be under the assumption that you read the manga, because honestly I can’t answer it in a believable way leaving out all the character development that went on in it? So if you don’t read the manga, I’m sorry this is gonna be a bit spoilery

Firstly, and I’m absolutely not trying to justify what Bakugou has done to Deku back in the past, I’m mostly just trying to explain the things as they are in canon, you said that what Bakugou has done to Deku has left lasting effects, but which are exactly these effects? Bakugou was a dick, sure, and he said and did things to Deku no thirteen years old should be said/have done to, but Deku actually appears to have gotten over his past with Bakugou way faster than Bakugou did. Deku cuts his ties with what Bakugou did to him when he picks Deku as his hero name, reclaims his past for himself, lets all his friends and their love for him overshadow what Bakugou did with an easiness that speaks of an incredible strength of character

Actually, Deku stops letting Bakugou get to him the moment he meets All Might and finds a way to become a hero - from that point on Deku’s story is nearly completely detached from Bakugou, aside from when Bakugou himself, being unable to just get over his complex, pushes his way back into Deku’s life. Every single time there’s a confrontation between the two Deku has the high ground gained from his lack of resentment towards Bakugou - he’s got nothing to prove to him, because he doesn’t care about what he did to him or his opinions about him, and you see that since the first fight they have (Bakugou loses specifically because all he can see is Deku, while Deku keeps his mind on the goal from start to end and ignores his one-on-one with Bakugou, in the end, to make his team win) then later in the Sports Fest (Bakugou spends it all wanting a one on one with Deku, Deku pretty much drops out of the games without even glancing at Bakugou once) then during the End of Terms Exam (Bakugou can’t bring himself to cooperate and is ready to fail, Deku actually yells at him for it, he’s not scared of him, there’s no emotional scar left there, he literally tells him that the reason why they can’t ever talk - he wants communication - is because Bakugou just keeps on yelling always) and so on

Deku keeps growing and growing and growing, the Stain Arc and his training with Gran Torino, the Camp, The License Exam, all the while taking from Bakugou to reach his own goals, letting go of his admiration for him to pick from other people, constantly learning and bettering himself, and all the while Bakugou is stuck in the past, unable to improve or take steps forward, because he’s too busy looking at Deku grow. This reaches its culmination in the fight they have after the License Exam, you read the argument they have and Bakugou’s side is all “why are you better why are you stronger why am I always behind you why did All Might choose you” while Deku’s side is all “are you kidding me you utter imbecile I spent the last sixteen years of my life admiring you and you’re still stuck on the idea that I’m looking down on you!” - about that, Deku does say it, that he admires Bakugou more than he admires All Might. That he knows Bakugou’s the worst, but he’s also got all the qualities Deku can admire in a hero

Like, what Bakugou did to Deku before UA is pretty hard to forgive, but… Deku did forgive him already. And to be completely honest the way I see it Inko, who’s someone Deku loves and trusts and builds his life around, did way more permanent, visible damage to Deku’s self-esteem telling him since he was four that there was no way he could ever become a hero than Bakugou ever did. At least Bakugou was scared enough of falling behind Deku to never dismiss the possibility of him actually making it, somehow (he used to say stuff like “if you get into UA I’ll kill you”, which, let’s be real, is incredibly horrible - what the actual shit, Bakugou - but still doesn’t dismiss the fact that there is a chance of him making it as much as “I’m so sorry Izuku” repeated over and over again does)

So yeah while I don’t think what Bakugou did in the past is something people should just forget, I feel like Deku’s moved on pretty early on in the manga and the one actually suffering from it for big part of the story is Bakugou himself (which I’m pretty sure is part of his atonement for what he did)

As far as owning up to what he did goes, I… well, I don’t think we’re ever getting an I’m sorry out of him, so if for you his owning up to it equates to him apologizing, at least for now I don’t think there’s any possibility of it happening. But the story has been forcing Bakugou to re-evaluate Deku since day one, and he’s actually admitted he was at fault before, has actually voiced the possibility of Deku having been in the right since the start (”If your aspirations were so much better than mines, does it mean I’ve been wrong my whole life?”) - he’s told Deku (in a roundabout way) that he accepts him as All Might’s successor, and has offered actual advice for him to improve his fighting. And Bakugou, while he doesn’t outright apologize, never pretends that what he did never happened, or tries to push the blame on people when he knows it’s his fault (for example Aizawa asking who threw the first punch and Bakugou without a second to spare answering “I did”, 100% ready to take all the blame, doesn’t even try to justify himself) and all of this might not be enough for you, but it obviously is for Deku.

Like, you might think that Bakugou’s getting out of it too easily (I personally don’t see it, considering how much he’s been suffering, how nothing has gone his way ever, but some people might) but when you keep in mind Deku’s actual canon reactions to what Bakugou does, when you think about him perking up when he thinks Bakugou’s complimented him, when you think about him actually smiling when Bakugou does compliment him, getting 100% hype when Bakugou offers advice, it’s pretty obvious he’s completely over what Bakugou used to do to him and he’s ready to have a civil, friendly relationship with him

And, ah, there’s that too. It’s true that Bakugou used to be horrible to Deku, but the key word here is used to - he hasn’t acted that way once ever since he entered UA, he’s changing and growing, bettering himself. The fact itself that the squad would gather around him, offer their friendships and love him, support him, laugh with him, when they’re all such sweet and loving and good kids, is proof enough that he isn’t as bad as he used to be. The fact that Bakugou used to be a bully doesn’t change that he’s becoming better, that he’s trying to be better, and I don’t think the actions of a thirteen years old with an inferiority complex surrounded by adults that used to let him get away with being a complete asshole as if it were normal should decide whether, once that kid grows up and learns and changes, he should be allowed to have friends and be happy or not

And all in all I don’t think Deku cares. Like, why would he. As I said, I do have the very distinct feeling he’s grown out of Bakugou’s actions pretty fast, but even if some things had remained with him, does Deku really seem to you like the type of person to hold a grudge against Bakugou big enough that he would wish for him to stay alone forever, even though he’s actually growing up? Deku definitely doesn’t seem to mind Kirishima, even though it’s canon he knows that Bakugou and Kirishima are best friends, that he’s known about it since before even Bakugou and Kirishima themselves realized. I mean, this is the kid that’s nearly died thrice to save Bakugou’s life, why would he be against Bakugou having friends

Anyway tl;dr I guess the original question could have been boiled down to “considering what Bakugou used to do to Deku, is it fair for him to be happy now?” and my answer is yeah! Because he’s atoning for it! Because he hasn’t kept the behaviour up! Because Deku doesn’t actually seem to suffer any permanent damage from their shared past, but seems to actually like Bakugou himself! Because as long as Bakugou isn’t actively being a shit right now, as long as he’s changing his way of interacting with Deku so that it might actually be considered positive, as long as he keeps on walking the path to become a great hero with right morals and will to do good, his efforts to become a better person shouldn’t be overshadowed by what he did in the past when he still hadn’t had any chance to grow!

Bakugou’s plot is a beautiful one. A heartwrenching, complex, right one. A starts from the lowest of lows to reach the highest of highs one. And his being allowed to be happy with people that actually turn him into a better person is integral part of it, imho

#bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #fran answers #i hope you don't mind this being public #but it's something im REALLY passionate about?#well ofc i am bakugou's one of my top two fave characters #and his relationship with deku one of my favorites #and i've seen the 'bakugou doesn't deserve happiness' argument a lot #which makes me sad #because it shows for a lack of empathy and understanding in this fandom which is... more than i thought #ANYWAY YES #im sorta biased cause it's bakugou #but i don't think i made up too much in this?#also hi yes hello cats out of the bag im fran and i don't like inko #oops #personal experiences with supportive/unsupportive parents #HAHAHAHA lets ignore that one #loki-liddell

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tfwlawyers · 7 years

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so a while ago someone asked me what my hcs on phoenix’s (lack of canon) parents/guardians was and I gave some boring answer but recently I’ve changed it !! a lot !! here’s 2.5k of hc under the cut !!

spoilers being that I don’t think he actually had parents

more spoilers, I specifically hc he was a child in foster care who was never adopted and had to leave for independent living once he became a legal adult (and if my wording on any of this is off, plEase do message me about it!! I’ve been doing some research/have a bit of personal experience with this on my own but yeh; also localization-based so)

my hc for phoenix’s parents used to be that they were just pretty okay people who supported him well enough but they were never /that close of a family, they moved somewhere else after high school and he stayed behind for college and then the rest of his life basically - they were fairly average people who just. didn’t quite care enough to keep in touch with their son and vice-versa for phoenix

and I love when people give him loving parent(s) hcs (like him having two moms being so popular on the kink meme a few years back) and it’s sweet and hell yeah for aus, but it just? doesn’t make sense to me in canon; there’s no mention of his parents anywhere aside from a passing comment about his mother (and if I remember right it’s because someone brought up I want to ssaaayy morgan? maybe? as a sort of ‘[someone’s] mother’ comment and phoenix being phoenix just went ‘my mom?’ like Babe), no one was there to help him during his disbarment/trucy’s adoption except for a handful of friends, no one showed up for him during college when he was on trial for murder, so ??

there’s just that single brief passing mention of a biological mother and he has no issues with calling yanni ‘dad’ for that bit in 1-4 / ema ‘what are you, my mom’ in 1-5 and obviously great-grandad ryuunosuke, but that’s all I can think of regarding canon mentions of any sort of family? which, wow what a lot to work with

so. yeah. maybe his biological parents died or couldn’t support him but regardless, he wound up in a home and was never adopted and just booted out once he turned 18 (or whatever the respective age for that state/district is, I do base most of my hcs off weird localization so heyo LA)

like. here’s all we know about phoenix’s childhood (and if I’m forgetting anything, hmu):

-what happened at the class trial (and a lot of homes do have their children attend public schools)

-he’s an only child

-it was raining during his elementary school graduation

-dahlia/his murder trial in college

-he fuckgh tipped cows once goddamit phoenix

like that’s…. it, that’s all we know about him/his past prior to college, so this hc does make the most amount of sense to me considering canon + just his character overall?

it explains his fear of abandonment/hatred of being alone and maybe why all the kids turned on him so easily in the class trial (if he was the ‘weird’ one without parents then imho it’d be even easier for those kids to believe someone ‘out of the norm’ could steal money, like if they were already so willing to turn on him based on the simple fact that he wasn’t in gym that day mmMMM add that in and you’ve got even more to it), why he clings so fiercely to people and will do anything to protect them (eating glass for dahlia, changing his entire career for edgeworth, running across burning bridges and kicking down doors for maya, etc), why he adopted trucy so damn quickly when he honestly had no real reason to other than being /phoenix and not wanting her to wind up lost in the same system he did

it explains his immaturity in college before mia rolled in, if he never had a lot of individual attention/guidance growing up it honestly does make sense he’d be a bit more immature than other 20-somethings (mia is 100% his mom but like. adding in this hc, mia is his mom, one of the first people who wanted to genuinely help and guide him when he never really had that before)

it explains his quiet jealousy/self deprecation of wealth/appreciation for finer things but why he still spends his money on things like taking maya and later pearl out to lunch so often (off-track but phoenix wright wants to be domestic ok he wants to be So domestic, he wants a big open home with comfortable furniture and nice dishes and a loving family and uGH HE’S GONNA HAVE IT ALL… SOMEDAY……), why he acts like such a big brother/paternal figure to maya and pearl right off the bat even at just 24-25 years old

it explains why he wants to help people so much and is willing to sometimes do it for free if they really have nothing, he’ll gripe about it later for sure but he does occasionally view his job as an attorney and helping those with no one on their side a bit more highly than a paycheck (also tangent but I never really understood the hc about phoenix hating ~charity?? it’s such a popular one and if there’s anything in canon that supports that plS message me because I genuinely just don’t get that one, in 1-4 he thinks something along the lines of ‘wonder if I can get edgeworth to pay this month’s rent, too’ after edgeworth posts bail for maya, like Yeah it’s played more of a joke than anything else but idk I? never really got that he’s too prideful to ask for help, financial or otherwise - he’s never been the greatest with money between sometimes letting clients off the hook/only taking a handful of cases per year and that’s a flaw on its own, but disliking any sort of financial assistance so vehemently I never understood for him? ANYWAY TANGENT SORRY)

it explains why he kind of just did whatever the hell he wanted with his life (I’m a third year in college right now which was the same year phoenix was when he switched his major from art to law and if I changed my major rn my parents would be sO pissed with me lmao ((another hc that the reason phoenix is so poor is that he’s still paying off fuckin 7+ years of student loans ,bye))

so. yeah. phoenix who hit the respective age limit for foster care and wound up entirely on his own, lost and clutching vague ideals like a family through theater (getting to that, hang on), then to dahlia’s love and then the desire to save/see edgeworth again (phoenix has pretty big issues with motivation too, especially when he’s alone (why he gets all mope-y whenever maya’s gone djfld) so if something more tangible shows up he’s more likely to see it through; he’s extremely single-minded and he clings a lot to people who are important to him, like he was willing to swallow poisoned glass for dahlia and change his entire goddamn life for edgeworth So these leaps make sense to me here too considering the shift from something less concrete to /more)

and I’ve fully embraced takumi’s idea about him wanting to pursue shakespearean acting in college rather than any sort of visual arts (‘I’m in the art department!!!’ college phoenix says, 'WHAT KIND OF ART’ I yell at my DS), and when I factor this new hc into his college life it makes a lot of sense there too?

his wanting to be an actor was never his Dream or anything, he dropped it in a heartbeat for law and he explicitly says he never once regretted the change in 3-5, but? I have a fair amount of theater friends and they all agree that being in a theater company is like having a family and that’s something he would have really wanted; he always liked language and the drama and tragedy and comedy and romance of shakespeare’s works too (hc the only other thing he bothered taking with him besides clothes and a bit of money when he left was a dog-eared volume of shakespeare’s best), but those being the only reasons he kinda just decided 'why not, I’ll go into acting’ - there wasn’t anything deeper beyond that, he just. didn’t have anything else /planned for his future, no matter what he chose it didn’t really matter so why not pick something he had an interest in and where he’d be guaranteed to be around other people??

my mom never went to college and she says a large part of that was because her family didn’t support her so she never felt she could amount to anything in school (she wanted to go into theater herself, interestingly enough), so kinda just? phoenix never having that attention and support from a parent/guardian/anyone (again, leading back to his lack of maturity in 3-1), he just picked something he thought he might enjoy in acting and the second he saw that newspaper article about ~demon prosecutor edgeworth he started hunting down some law books on the side too

because acting never meant /that much to him, not over saving someone (especially /this someone hahHA)

I always had the impression that miles and larry were some of phoenix’s first real friends, so if you think about miles being his first friend/first person to stand up for him in the class trial when !! kid with no parents that no one liked !! it makes it all the more aaAAAAAAAGHH and his determination to save edgeworth /back even !!! more !!!!!

plus phoenix later learning that miles only has a single father himself and finding a bit of comfort in that is really sweet to me too? miles doesn’t have the most conventional family either but he loves gregory and gregory loves him and they’re doing just fine on their own; gregory meeting phoenix a few times and being so happy that miles has friends/phoenix always being genuinely interested whenever miles brings gregory up is. pure

((another random bit soRRY LMAO I DON’T POST MY OWN META A LOT, BEAR WITH ME - my hc for miles’s biological mother is that they kind of just dropped him off with gregory as a baby and bowed out, they were never a part of his life and never really wanted to be but miles never felt he missed out on anything growing up either; gregory is like the Ultimate Single Father, he loves talking/thinking about miles in his flashback case but if I remember right he never brings up a partner or anything, so just ?? single dad gregory… ye boy….))

oK so that’s over, I’m almost done with this post I swear

takumi put a lot of himself in phoenix and I always found it interesting that we never really got any information about his childhood/guardians beyond the class trial and random bits and pieces of memories, especially considering the fact that phoenix is one of our main leads (and would have stayed our only main lead in trilogy if capcom hadn’t wanted him back for AJ); for ema and lana we got a passing comment about how their parents died in a car crash and it was never gone into further detail than that but it was still /something, for phoenix we don’t even have that

aa deals a lot with broken families (fey and edgeworth and skye and von karma and gramarye and sahdmadhi and khura'in), intentionally or not, so? having one of its main protagonists be a man who never once actually /had a blood family of his own but works to mend/help others (like… ignoring… how trucy and apollo still don’t know… and that’s something I honestly can’t fault phoenix for entirely as he waited to ask thalassa what she wanted to do as their biological mother and she asked to keep her relation to them private for a little while longer, like it still drives me up the wall that it’s gone on this long and as trucy is his /daughter he should at least be able to tell them they’re //siblings if not necessarily reveal who their mother is until thalassa is ready lmmao, but I blame the writers for that more than anything else at this point) is something I really really love, and along the way he crafts his own family and clings to them so tightly and mMM YEAH

I DON’T KNOW HOW TO END META POSTS BUT THERE U GO, THAT’S MINE

#text #hcs #still bleh about posting my own meta but w/e im doIN IT

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