#its gonna be rough for him bc he's been asleep for 2 years in his core bc he was never safe enough to recover
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Soulmark AU + Sleeping Beauty ; requested by @candeartist422!
For the last few years, Duke’s been waiting for his soulmate to die.
It sounds cruel to say it that way. But the waiting is more painful, he thinks, than just mourning a lost love. It’s not like most people ever meet their soulmates anyways; his parents weren’t meant to be, but they still loved each other and had a life together. He wishes he could turn his focus away from his soulmate, but Duke is a romantic at heart and has always wanted to find the other half of his soul.
But since he was fourteen, his soulmark has dulled, fading in and out of color. What was once a vibrant blue crystal star, with eight points and a swirl of watercolor hues around it, dimmed more and more until Duke was sure he was watching his soulmate die slowly.
His soulmate didn’t die then. Whoever they are got better, his soulmark gaining color, but it never went back to the way it was. For years after, Duke would check at the beginning and end of each day, keeping track of when it faded and when it regained its color.
He thought his soulmate was sick. In and out of hospitals, fighting to stay alive.
And then it went nearly colorless.
Duke doesn’t remember much about that day. He knows he woke up, brushed his teeth, the lifted up his shirt to check his soulmark in the mirror. The blue was almost completely gone, the star on his left hipbone nearly gray with how colorless it was. He started at it for a moment, shocked, and reality slid away from him as he retreated into the safety of his mind, fully dissociating.
Bruce had found him when Duke didn’t show up for breakfast. He held him and offered quiet words of comfort that Duke couldn’t understand, but just having someone with him lessened the hurt of losing his soulmate.
Seeing the color come back the next day, faint as it was, hurt even more.
A year later, Duke still can’t break the habit of checking his soulmark twice a day. It hasn’t changed at all, still faint and dim, but carrying just enough color to show that his soulmate was still alive. At the very least, they were still breathing, but his chance of ever meeting them is basically zero. Still, he can’t help but hope, wishing that he could meet them even once before they die and leave him forever.
“Same as ever,” he murmurs to himself as he brushes his thumb against his soulmark. He’s terrified that he’s forgotten how beautiful the blue of it was when his soulmate was healthy.
Duke doesn’t let himself think on it too much anymore. Though his thoughts often turn to his soulmate during quiet moments like these, the busy nature of Gotham is usually more than enough to pull his attention back to the here and now. There’s no use in obsessing over his soulmate anyways; they’re just going to die, sooner or later, and Duke knows he’ll never get to meet them. They’ll just be another empty space in his life, right next to his parents.
“Come on, Thomas, focus,” he tells himself firmly, then gets dressed and heads down to the kitchen for breakfast.
The manor is quiet. It usually is in the mornings, with everyone from the night shift dead asleep and trying to get as much rest as they can before they have to start their day. Not that many of them stay in the manor these days; Duke and Damian are the only permanent residents at the moment, but Steph usually stays half with her mom and half in the manor during the summers when she’s home from college, and the others drop in whenever they feel like it.
Bruce lives more in the Batcave than the manor, so he doesn’t really count. It’s also why Duke is surprised to see Bruce awake and dressed like a normal person, drinking coffee in the kitchen as if this is a normal occurrence.
“Morning,” Duke offers.
“Good morning, Duke,” Bruce replies. “Sleep well?”
“Well enough. Alfred out or something?”
“He may have kicked me out of the Batcave to clean it up a bit,” Bruce answers tiredly. “Want me to make breakfast?”
Duke has heard the horror stories of Bruce’s attempts to make edible food in a kitchen. In the interest of not dealing with food poisoning, Duke shakes his head quickly and says, “Nah, it’s fine. I was kinda wanting to eat out for breakfast. Get out there as me, and not a mask, you know?”
“Mind if I join you? Alfred may forgive me for not sleeping if I willingly go outside.”
Duke laughs. “Sure man, as long as you pay.”
“I’ll drive, too.”
“What, don’t trust me behind a wheel?”
Bruce gives him a tired look, eyes dead and dull. “I have taught all my children how to drive. The day I willingly let them take the wheel when I am not actively dying is the day I’ve been replaced by a robot clone of myself who doesn’t know better yet.”
“That is… very specific. Is that a thing you usually worry about?”
“I’m Batman. I have to worry about everything.”
Yeah, that tracks. Duke wouldn’t be surprised if he has at least five contingency plans for that scenario, should it ever happen. “Well,” he says, “Right now, all you need to worry about is having your wallet and driving us down to The Foodie Nook. I’ve been craving their breakfast plates for ages.”
Bruce doesn’t object to his choice of restaurant and follows Duke down to the garage, grabbing a random set of keys and pointing it out to the many cars he owns. One near the front blinks its lights as it unlocks and Duke cheerfully tosses himself into the passenger seat as Bruce opens the garage door.
The drive into Gotham is smooth. They don’t hit traffic until they reach the bridge that leads into the city proper, taking them away from the quiet of Bristol. The morning is busy, but not enough that Duke worries about being out as the Signal to help keep the peace. It’s a normal type of busy, one borne from people going about their lives, feeling safe enough to go out.
The Foodie Nook is entirely local and very popular, so the parking lot is nearly full. But they expanded their space last year, which means he and Bruce don’t have to sit outside while they wait to grab a table. Bruce keeps conversation light and casual, well aware of the many listening ears around them, and it’s nice, feeling normal for once.
Well, as normal as life can be with Bruce Wayne™. The server who comes to lead them to a table realizes who she’s talking to after she gets a proper look at them while holding open the door and promptly stutters over her words.
“No need for any special treatment,” Bruce laughs lightly, “We’re just here for breakfast. Nothing special.”
“Of course,” she replies, cheeks red. “Um, right this way! We’ve got a table by the windows for you. Just two, yeah?”
“Yup! Just two. Thought this was a good day to spend some time with Duke. He’s a great kid, you know, I’m glad I was given the opportunity to foster him.”
The sunny, cheerful Bruce Wayne persona is so different from the usual Bruce he works with that it feels like he’s standing next to a stranger. But his words are sincere and warm his heart, filling up the gaps that his soulmate has left.
“Here you are!” their server announces, showing them to their table. “I’ll be right back with some menus.” She’s gone in a rush, and other customers glance over before quickly averting their gaze.
It’s one of the unspoken rules of Gotham: give the Waynes their privacy while they’re out in public. Questions and conversation are for public events only, but if they see a Wayne out and about during a normal day, everyone leaves them be unless spoken to first. Duke used to follow those rules as well when he was just another Gothamite. It’s strange being on the other side of that now that he’s in with the Waynes.
Duke barely has to look through the menu when it’s handed to him. The breakfast plates are his favorites and he gets one every single time he comes to The Foodie Nook; stacked full with breakfast foods from around the world. As a kid, he loved the Mexico Plate, but these days he’s craving either the Brazilian Plate or the Vietnamese Plate.
He can’t decide on which one and thinks about tossing a coin to decide, but seeing how that’s Two Face’s whole thing, he decides to hold off and settle the matter with eenie-meenie-minnie-mo.
He gets the Vietnamese Plate.
Bruce, on the other hand, reads through the entire menu like it’s a novel, then leans over and says rather loudly, “Duke, what’s a tort-illa.”
The pain he feels hearing that is only worsened by the amusement in Bruce’s eyes. He’s doing it on purpose, playing up the Brucie act for the public so he can psychologically torment Duke. A few nearby customers choke back laughter, turning away to hide their smiles.
Duke shakes his head and says, “Don’t worry about it. It’s just food. Don’t ask any more questions, I just want a peaceful breakfast.”
“Well then,” Bruce replies, “I suppose I know what to order now.”
As if she was summoned, their server reappears before them, cheeks still looking a little flushed. “Hi! Ready to order?”
She writes down their orders quickly, valiantly keeping a straight face at Bruce’s mispronunciation of tortilla, then heads off to deliver their orders to the kitchen.
Rather than draw out a conversation with Brucie Wayne, Duke settles for playing a few idle games on his phone; his current favorite is one quiet cat cafe game where he directs cats into fulfilling cafe orders.
Bruce, despite being out in his civilian identity, is working. He’s on his Batman phone, which looks the same as his other cell phones except this one has a bat symbol sticker just barely hiding a Superman sticker on the phone case. His brow is slightly furrowed as he reads whatever file he’s accessing from the Batcomputer. It’s a little worrying but it could be anything. Bruce makes the same expression when he reads one of Tim’s snarky comments getting quoted in the news.
But that’s not Duke’s problem! He’s here to enjoy his breakfast and it will take the end of the world itself to remove him from his seat before he’s done eating.
The game takes most of his attention until their food comes out, and by then Bruce has tucked away the smallest of his Batman mannerisms. They enjoy a normal, peaceful breakfast. Bruce ends it by asking their server if she has any debt that’s weighing her down, then giving her a tip that’s at least five thousand dollars above that.
She does cry and Bruce hugs her. It’s very sweet.
As soon as they get back into the car, his easy going smile drops and Duke knows some superhero nonsense is about to take over his day.
“Duke,” Bruce starts, seriously, “I received a message from Zatanna.”
“Don’t drag this out,” Duke says, “Just give it to me straight. What terrible thing is about to happen to us?”
“It’s nothing too big. They just recently defeated a magical being who had been tearing apart secret government facilities in Illinois. He had both magic and a high tech weapon, which they confiscated and are delivering to me. The government agency he was fighting was suspiciously interested in the weapon, and based on their behaviors and newly revealed work, Zatanna made the decision to turn the weapon over to us so it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands.”
Bruce smoothly merges into traffic as he speaks, getting them onto the road back to the manor. There’s a look in his eyes that means he’s keeping a lot unsaid, and Duke knows without a doubt that whatever this government agency was doing is bad if Zatanna needs Batman to act as extra security.
He’s not sure about her decision to trust the weapon to be safe in Gotham, either. Sure, Batman will keep it as safe as he can, but with their luck, it’ll end up in the hands of a Rogue and lead to a lot of death and destruction.
As soon as they cross the bridge and return to Bristol, Bruce steps on the gas and the car tears down the road. Without any other cars to worry about (or traffic laws), it takes barely two minutes to reach the manor, when the gates open for them and let them into the garage.
Alfred waits for them by the door, looking them over with a critical eye. “I see you have managed to go outside, Master Bruce. What’s the special occasion?”
“Just breakfast,” Bruce answers. “I’m heading back down to the Batcave. Zatanna will be here soon to deliver a weapon.” He’s gone before Alfred can say anything more, hurrying down the hall and turning the corner, disappearing from sight as he heads towards his office.
“I see we have yet to break that bad habit of his. Did you enjoy your morning out, Master Duke?”
“Sure did, Alfred. I’m, uh, also going down to the Batcave. He’s definitely not telling me a lot about what’s going on, so I’m just going to read about it over his shoulder. I’ll be back up for lunch, though!”
“And perhaps you’ll be able to drag Master Bruce away from that cave of his,” Alfred comments wryly as he walks with Duke towards the office. He gives Duke a nod, then splits away from him, returning to the kitchen where Duke can hear Damian speaking to someone, probably Tim by the annoyed tone of his voice, and mentally wishes Alfred luck in handling them.
Duke sets the correct time on the clock in Bruce’s office and heads down to the Batcave, taking the steps two at a time.
Bruce is already at the Batcomputer, shoulders tensed, when he arrives.
“More bad news?” he asks as he makes his way over.
Bruce doesn’t bother looking away from the screen as he says, “More details about the fight. It seems the magical being called himself a ghost and was going on a rampage due to a betrayal. He says they nearly killed his son.”
“Oh, yikes.”
“And two of the scientists working with the government agency said that he stole their son and is keeping them from saving him.”
“Yikes,” Duke says with more feeling.
He doesn’t get to hear anymore details about JLD’s fight with this ghost when he catches a flicker in the corner of his eye. Duke turns and stares at the empty space in the Batcave near the medbay and watches as colorful magic gathers and swirls in dizzing circles. The portal opens a moment later and Zatanna steps out, looking exhausted and lightly singed.
“Batman,” she greets, holding a white gun that looks like it belongs in an early sci-fi movie from the 60s. “The GIW is trying to arrest us. Constantine keeps burning their badges and documents so it shouldn’t be a problem, but they are determined to get this back. I wouldn’t be surprised if they came after you next. They’ve got some way of tracking things, but I didn’t have time to get any details before I had to leave.”
Bruce takes the gun from her hands carefully, looking it over with a sharp gaze. “Why would a ghost want to use a gun?”
“I don’t know. He had a variety of powers, too.”
“What does this do?”
“Shoots ice. He never let it go and nearly burned me alive for taking it before we subdued him.”
“We’ll keep it locked up,” Bruce promises.
Zatanna sighs. It looks as though a physical weight fell off her shoulders. “Thanks. I’m going to head back to stop Constantine from getting into a fistfight with the GIW agents.”
She opens another portal with a waved hand and a muttered spell. Bruce is already walking away to set the gun down on a work station, so Duke is the one to wave Zatanna goodbye.
By the time he reaches Bruce’s side, the gun is already dismantled, all pieces neatly set aside. Sticky notes denote which pieces go together and in what order. It looks the same as most guns, save for the aesthetic, but the heart of it is a glowing blue orb, large enough to cover the entirety of Bruce’s palm, and it brings a chill to the air.
Duke stares at it and feels his soulmark burn ice cold.
“Duke?”
It’s in his hands. He doesn’t remember reaching out to take it, but it’s in his hands. He can’t take his eyes off of it, cradling it gently and bringing it closer to his chest.
It’s the same blue his soulmark once was. Before his soulmate began to fade, before every day became a waiting game to see how long his soulmate will last before they die.
This has something to do with his soulmate. He’s sure of it.
He won’t let anyone take it from him.
“Duke. Give that to me.”
He doesn’t feel like he’s in his body. He’s detached, floating somewhere outside his body, puppeteering his limbs, making them move without feeling the motion. Shadows condense around his feet and Bruce takes a step back, wary.
“Duke,” he says again, but Duke can’t find any words, can’t draw on his voice, can’t even look away from the bright, bright blue of the orb. It pulses lightly in his hand like a heartbeat.
Bruce reaches a hand out.
He’s pulled back by shadows before he can get close, and Duke holds the orb against his chest, right against his heart, and feels the cold seep into him.
“Duke. I need you to look at me.” This time, Bruce’s voice has Batman’s growl in it, a heavy command that he can’t help but instinctively follow. He looks up and meets Bruce’s eyes, but he can’t focus. All his awareness is in his hands and the heartbeat of the glowing orb.
“I have to protect this,” Duke manages to whisper. “I… I think it’s alive.”
“Okay. Let’s get you to the medbay so you can sit down. We’ll figure this out, Duke.”
Bruce slowly, carefully, sets his hand on Duke’s shoulder. He keeps his attention away from the orb, so Duke allows it and lets Bruce guide him to the medbay and onto one of the medical cots. Bruce leaves him after a minute of quiet fussing, muttering about calling Zatanna.
Whatever. None of that matters when the heartbeat of the orb grows stronger, steadier, and Duke feels it match the beat of his own heart.
Time slips away from him. Distantly, he hears people move around the cave, speaking in low tones. A hand presses against his shoulder, warm, then moves away.
The orb in his hand moves.
Duke blinks slowly, then claws his way back to awareness, pushing past the haze that’s fallen over his mind. The orb turns over in his hand, then cracks right down the middle. The glow grows stronger, washing the medbay in blue light and a symbol appears on the orb.
It’s his soulmark.
Later, he won’t be able to say why he did it. There were no thoughts, no reasonings, no explanations. Duke simply moved on instinct and lifted the orb up to his face and pressed a soft kiss against it.
One moment, the orb was still.
The next, it had burst in a flash of light that blinded everyone in the Batcave, and then a thin, injured teenager had fallen into Duke’s lap.
Hands immediately grab him, pulling him away from Duke. The teenager puts up no fight, eyes barely open, but he reaches for Duke weakly. On his wrist is the bright blue snowflake, the color strong and vivid.
“That’s me soulmate,” Duke whispers as he watches Bruce and Tim set the boy down on another medical cot.
“What?” Tim says, turning to face Duke, concern clear on his face.
“That’s my soulmate,” he repeats, louder. Then, panicked, he pulls up his shirt enough to see his own soulmark; the color is still dull, weak, barely there, but it’s more blue that it has been in a while. He doesn’t need to say anything. Tim sees the dullness of his soulmark, looks at the boy, and puts the pieces together on his own.
“I’ll call Doc Thompkins,” he says, already moving to fix everything. Bruce remains where he is, making sure the boy is tucked in and breathing steadily before he returns to Duke.
“Are you alright?”
Duke swallows roughly, unable to tear his eyes away from the boy. He’s pale and thin, as if he’d been starved, and there’s frost beginning to spread on the bedsheet from his fingers. “He’s my soulmate,” Duke manages to say. “He’s been dying for two years.”
Bruce’s eyes a hard, a determined light in them. “We’ll save him,” he promises.
If anyone can, it’s Batman.
If anyone can, it’s them, Batman and the Signal, and their entire network of family and friends.
Duke’s been waiting for his soulmate to die all this time. Now, he’s going to save him.
#ghostlights#dc x dp#dp x dc#dcxdp#dpxdc#prompt fill#my writing#i dont really know much abt jld so they are not really in here#just duke trying to live his life and have a nice day with bruce#when his soul mate gets thrown at him in the form of an ORB#(ghost core but they dont know that yet)#dannys gonna have to answer so many questions once hes awake bc not many know abt realms beings#its gonna be rough for him bc he's been asleep for 2 years in his core bc he was never safe enough to recover#until duke gave him a boost (plus the power of soulmates really helped him) and he woke up#in a cave with his soulmate and a whole crew of superheroes#what a thing to open ur eyes to. rip danny lol#thanks for the prompt!
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Bakusquad hcs part 2 but this is nsfw
They're all aged up- 3rd year 18 years old dont come for me
Enjoy- this isnt a request, more something for comfort. I know people find comfort in groups of friends and hc's about their favs. :) I know I do
•I wouldn't say they're all together together, (YET) but they definitely casually fuck without problems. No big deal
• You were
• unaware
• You don't really join in at first, in fact you heavily avoided it. You didn't think it was wrong or anything, you just didn't feel like you should be a part of it
• Mina eventually convinces you, only after a pretty intense makeout session between the 2 of you late one night. You kind of just breathlessly nod in agreement and she goes back to kissing you.
• Mina tells the bakusquad the next day.
• They are t h a n k f u l
• Its no secret they find you attractive. You do things to each of them and they've wanted it for quite some time
• Mina says they're gonna take it slow first. Starting with just her and then eventually Jirou. You seemed most comfortable with that.
• They took what they could get and waited patiently
•You and Jirou lean towards being bottoms (you two were more service tops)
•Kaminari and Bakugou are switches
• Mina, Sero, and Kirishima are tops.
• Boy do you love when Mina tops you. She's perfect when she does- making sure you're okay, soft smiles and praises, telling you how good you are. She eases you into the idea of sex- practicing it casually for the inevitable.
• They all see how soft she is with you- they think it's cute.
• She tells them explicitly what you like and what you're comfortable with and will actually go batshit if they did ANYTHING against that. She made it VERY clear.
• Starts with mina, then Jirou with mina. Then Kirishima and Mina because he was the softest of the boys and Mina knew he'd do a good job (he did, he had you begging and crying with pleasure. He acts the same way mina does)
• Then Mina and sero, then Mina and Kami.
• Then Mina and Bakugou (She knows he's a little on the tougher side, which you didnt seem to mind but she'd made sure he was a little toned down given your hesitation.)
• Basically Mina was your anchor in all this.
• Don't think you're being forced into anything. You want this very much- jus takes some getting used too.
• You become VERY skilled w your mouth (everyone say thank you to mina)
• Its weird you literally just had a natural affiliation for oral 🤷🏼♀️
• Bakugou LOVES your blowjobs. I mean they all do but Bakuhoe will BEG for them. He doesn't beg for anyone else but Kirishima.
• As said before, Bakuhoes sex is kinda rougher than the other boys typical style. Not that you mind, once you get used to it, you thoroughly enjoy being roughed up by the blonde. The way he tugs your hair or fucks you from behind, mm it's good.
• Seros fuck style is more goofy. He'll make you laugh during sexy time, he'll make himself laugh. But he can be serious too. He likes to see your face when you fuck tho, so his go to position is usually missionary. Nuttin wrong wit dat .
• Kaminari also enjoys your bj's 👉🏻👈🏻🥺
• Will fuck into your mouth if you're okay n if you're not (usually you are) then he'll settle for the traditional head.
• He particularly likes it when you ride him- he likes seein da boobs bounce
• it iz what it iz
• Sometimes tho- you and Jirou will just make out as like the main show or whatever
• Ah- Kirishima. Kiri is daddy. No doubt has a daddy kink. He and Mina are BIG on body worship. He'll deadads have you crying from praise.
•Has a thigh kink and will grip them while he fucks into you
• Sof boy. Is constantly making sure you're okay, telling you how well you're doing, giving you soft smiles of encouragement, so on.
• When you call him daddy in front of the others- its over for them. Like you're moaning into his ear, breathy moans, gripping his shoulders and whining daddy- and damn you were a sight to see.
• They don't fuck all of eachother at once all the time.
• Kirishima has been walked in on plenty of times, balls deep in you.
• Same with Bakuhoe and Mina.
• Bakuhoe likes you watch you and Kirishima befire finally getting h i s treat. Aka fucking you while getting fucked by shitty hair
• They REALLY love leaving hickies. You tell them to refrain from places people can see, so they leave them on the inside your your thigh, or on your stomach or collarbones or sumn.
• They like kissing your neck because you're really sensitive there and you kina melt in their hands when they kiss or bite down and you listen so well after.
• Aftercare KINGS include: Kirishima, Mina, and Bakugou.
• Sero and Kaminari are decent. Kaminari getting better bc of after w Jirou.
• Aftercare for you is mostly just being held and told you did so well.
• Bakugou will have water on stand by already and he'll hold you against his chest.
• Kirishima will press kisses to your cheeks. He'll have a snack and some water and play with your hair while you eat.
• Mina has water and she'll just caress you and croon on how good you are.
• Since Kaminari and Sero are lowkey DENSE they really just give you water and let you sleep.
• AHA you had a tendency to pass the FUCK out after sex. Like RIGHT after you'd just fall asleep.
• Scared the SHIT out of everyone. Not even Mina knew what the fuck was going on.
• Eventually get it to a point where they have a limited amount if time before you're out. It's like 5 minutes.
#poly bakusquad x reader#bakusquad x reader#bakusquad#kirishima x bakugou#midoriya x bakugou#bakugou x reader#bhna kirishima#kirishima x deku#bnha eijiro kirishima#kirishima x reader#mina x sero#mina x reader#mina x kirishima#sero x mina#sero x reader#sero x kaminari#kirishima x kaminari#kaminari x reader#shinsou x kaminari#jirou x reader#todoroki × reader#todoroki x deku#deku x reader#midoryia x reader#midoryia x bakugou#tenya iida x reader#iida x uraraka#uraraka x reader#katsuki x uraraka#katsuki x deku
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✨ self-ship tag game ✨
PART 2 | IwaLee (here you go, discord)
sorry if it's corny/cheesy LMAO my brain empty i can't think of anything to make for iwa's birthday i'm such a dumbass. was also supposed to draw an nsfw-ish thing for this but ya girl is feelin’ out of it lately sjhfalhj
How we met:
okay let’s just say i’m smart enough to land myself a scholarship in socal since i’m taking physical therapy anyway
i feel like... we would meet in the library LMAO what asian nerds
maybe i’d end up bothering him with the way i’m murmuring anatomy stuff and talking to myself when studying
so he overhears me struggling to remember that one word and he’s gonna fucking answer for me like okay sorry bud i’m stupid
jk i won’t react like that i’d just be like, “yes!” and turn to look at whoever it was who answered and say thank you because i’m so immersed in my own bubble of “knowledge” and big brain
when i notice that he’s actually cute i’d be fucking red in the ears out of embarrassment when he tells me to tone my voice down lmao so i apologize for being a bother :(
actually says, “don’t mind” damnit his english do be cute. just two asian kids far from home with accents
it’s awkward, but i’d steal glances at what he’s studying. would probably get caught after a looong while, but it’s bc i’ll be blanking off, brain tired
“do you have anything you want to ask?” he’ll be dropping his pen over his notes leaning back and stretching, bending his neck, rolling his shoulders while waiting for my answer
“omg i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to stare.” then i ask what his program is just bc he could be in one of my classes and i didnt know
anyway, turns out our schedules were pretty similar, we live in the same area/dorm, so like there’s always a chance for us to meet somehow
we wouldn’t give numbers to eo on that same day; like give it about two weeks of constantly bumping into eo before that happens
watch me share my highlighters with him, exchanging notes, passing some snacks beneath the table like its weed or sumn
from lib meetings to getting lunch together to being invited to watch his games (in freshman year i’d still go because i’d be less busier)
i would definitely use the honorifics on him, from “iwaizumi-san” gradually to “iwa-kun”; he won't admit that he likes it because it's a little piece of home
would convince to practice palpation with him because his body is a perfect example–
"wh-why don't you ask someone from your class?"
"i'm not that close with—are you blushing? omg you are!"
somehow i joke around, "i won't touch your dick," then i'd laugh at his reaction.
anyway, in return for using his body as a model, i have to sit through a godzilla marathon with him
the first time he sees me breakdown from the stress he's kinda flustered at first; but he's seen similar things with oikawa so he has a faint idea what to do. damn his hugs feel so warm, so safe
i'm quicker to open up to him, once i got comfortable; and reassurance that if he needed someone to talk to i'll also be there
basically a slow burn best friends to lovers kinda thing
ngl i'd be crushing on him by the time we're entering second year maybe? but because we're friends i always throw the thought away because i don't wanna ruin what we have
but da heart wants what it wants
it would take: the teasing of his buddies back at japan after seeing him post ig pics of us together (it was me who did it, i grabbed his phone); and, my own set of friends getting annoyed at me for always being in denial—all these just for us to finally come into terms with what we feel for eo
"i have something to tell you," we'll say to eo before we enter the lib ksksksk
"oh, you go first-" "no, you-"
it's awkward but i'll be the first to confess and he's 👁👁
"you... what?" "smh don't make me say it again, iwa. does this mean we're not friends anymore?"
"yeah"
"oh..."
"because i like you too. you... wanna go out with me?"
First date x type of dates:
study dates are automatically a thing for sure; we've upgraded from lib to cafe dates
since we're like, friends before this, potential stuff for first dates are already crossed out since we've kinda done them already???
so this issue was raised and his mind said, "then let's redo everything,"
the first thing we did outside campus was go on a foodtrip. because i was craving filo food, and he was craving jap food. and then i have this kinda habit that when i get to eat something delicious, i silently squeal or hum in my seat he finds that cute
the "first date" doesn't really have to be grand because we're like... close friends with feelings. so we don't have to try hard to please each other. everything just feels natural when we're together
anyway, we try out the food we didn't have before. he still prefers sinigang over adobo. he's still kinda amazed where i put all the food after eating a bowl of ramen that's good for two
he's gonna take a pic of me in that excited face i make when the food is placed before me and make it his wallpaper (homescreen) secretly
after that, we're just walking, me telling him about something i watched or nerd talk, then he slips his hand against mine, holding it and pulling me closer that it makes me shut up–so he laughs
"that's all it takes to get you quiet, babe?"
"w-what? also... did you just call me babe? because i didn't think i'd like it,"
"i know something you'll like," he stops walking, then, with his free hand he cups my face and pulls in for a kith kith 🥺👉🏻👈🏻
i am blushing when i tell him, "that your first kiss?"
"y-yeah, why?"
"same"
we were already walking and he swoops in for a quick peck again, "then that's the second,"
he says that with a little frown on his face, cheeks also flushed and ugh soft!lee—i lean my head against his arm because i'm too short to put it above his shoulder. but anyway i tell him, "didn't think you had it in you to be this soft for me,"
"sh-shut up"
it doesn't seem romantic because ✨it doesn't have to be when we're already happy✨
While we’re dating:
he saves all the selfies i send him; whether it's the meme-ish ones or just me feelin' good about myself he's got them saved
notebooks getting interchanged kskskss it's terrible because one minute i'm reading my notes about pharma, then i flip a page and i see stuff about sports science like–???
tho what makes it cute is that he has tiny scribbles on corners in hiragana or maybe kanji and some random zigzag lines over some words–a sign that he fell asleep with a pen in his hand
i have lots of caps (that are majority of my dad's but i like them all so i brought sum) and he just... gets one from behind my door (it's the same energy as the hoodies thing)
and i 🥺 bc he actually looks good in caps like??? sir that's illegal
ok but walks in the beach at sunset
also surfer!iwa???? mhhhh yes yes living the dream honestly
ofc volleyball is involved, he's kinda pleased i can play decently. it's either the gym or vb
he would force me to go to the gym smh "you're a PT aren't you? shouldn't you be moving around too?" i'm gonna grumble but the sight of his er, toned body before during and after exercising is the best reward
actually its a win-win, he likes how my butt is outlined by my jog pants and how for him, i still look good even if i'm sweaty all over
hehe we'd end up getting horny by the time we reach the dorms–you know the rest and afterwards:
"so, you'll go to the gym more often now?"
"if it ends up like this, i wouldn't mind,"
we teach eo our mother language! but only on our spare time. omg imagine him telling me "mahal na mahal kita"??? i'm??? or when he's chatting with oikawa (especially that one time he sent a selfie of him and ushijima) he uses tagalog swear words if he just wants to mess with his best friend
vidcalls with each other's fam—i mean, for my parents they know we've been always close, and like, it will be my grandma/dad who'd ask him, "when will you court my granddaughter/daughter?"
he got so nervous, he stuttered, "i'm... i'm courting her already,"
anyway they approve of him because he is smart^TM and a good man 🥺 because they know he has ambitions in life the same way that i do have my own goals i wanna achieve
meanwhile me, i'm gonna be so nervous trying to speak to his fam, but they're all so sweet so i tell him afterwards, "so that's where you get the softies,"
anyway since this is college we're talking about, every passing year, we both become busy, especially when internships come around
but when he can, he'll fetch me from the hospital with comfort food because he knows it's been a rough day and he wants to make sure i'm taking care of myself 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 lowkey i try to do the same for him because he deserves it; but he says it's okay and that i should be preserving my energy for my studies 😭
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Ayesha Liveblogs Cardcaptor Sakura S1
For faithfulness reasons, I’ll forgo rewatching in English even though I’m Jared 19 and never learned how to read
I will say the original English dub had a BANGER of a theme song and I do miss that
"I’m a Fourth Grader at Tomoeda Elementary” I know I watched this like when I was age 7 or smth but SHE’S LIKE 10?? OH MY GOD who is letting this ten-year-old roam the streets
“I’m gonna stomp on him” [Lucille Bluth voice] good for her
I fully forgot Sakura had a dad I was ready to accept her Grade 11 brother raising her
Sakura’s roller blades give me visceral memories of my barbie skates
Lmao is Yuki’s ability to throw a piece of candy at a child from a moving bicycle backwards foreshadowing his superhero abilities
Okay having checked this scene in both English versions and Japanese, my opinion no one asked for: the Aminax version is bad voices on all counts, Japanese has a better voice for Toya and original English dub has a better voice for Sakura and Yukito (who they called Julian lmao) I am not accepting constructive criticism
Tomoyo and Sakura sound so similar I could not even tell that Tomoyo was speaking omg
“There isn’t anything cuter or more interesting than you Sakura-chan” Tomoyo is really honest with her feelings I guess ten-year-olds be like that sometimes
“Is someone there” home invasions are what happens when you don’t lock your front door
This is not a study lmao this is a personal library there is hardly a workspace just aisles of shelves
Oh shit The Clow WIND RAIN SHADOW WOOD SWORD POWER THUNDER SLEEP CARD CAPTORS OF THE CLOW EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED NOW
Wait if this is hanging out in her dad’s study was her dad the last Cardcaptor lmao
Or probs her mom, since she’s gone the way of all anime moms
Sakura is accepting this whole “tiny magical flying lion” thing p well
“I accidentally fell asleep” “For how long” “30 years” same
“Stand right over there” Kerberos does not ask permission before magical girl transforming you lmao
“Why are you acting so wimpy” bc she’s 10 and you’re asking her to fight a giant ghost bird???
Honestly I love a good quest-to-collect-important-items maybe Inuyasha and DBZ ruined my taste but it’s a great formula
“You’ll be a better adult if you have all sorts of experiences in your life” r u going to take career counselling advice from a tiny flying lion Sakura
I do kind of miss Kero’s slightly unhinged young man energy
I like that whenever Sakura’s brother is rude she steps on his foot or kicks him fkjhjgkh excellent little sister depiction
I was expecting more secrecy but it is very funny to see Tomoyo try to convince her friend to be a superhero
“Do a flashy one” kfhkjdhkj Kero supports the use of magic powers for showing off
“Trademark poses and skills are the basic parts of being a magical girl” oh my gooood
I mean if I walked into my school and there was a mountain of haphazard desks waiting there I too would be threatened
Sakura is the only one in this group who has a reasonable understanding of what ten-year-olds should be allowed to do
LMAO @ Tomoyo’s team of bodyguards dropping her off to break into the school ONLY TO DRIVE AWAY
Tomoyo and Kero’s friendship is killing me the SHENANIGANS
I’m not sure I accept this light logic bc you need light to cast a shadow
Sakura’s “heart-racing first date” ur TEN oh my god
I mean it’s nice that Sakura wants to save the penguin but why did it take that for her to get upset it was going to drown a whole adult woman
Did Toya just RIP APART a WHIRLPOOL with his BARE HANDS
I wonder how Toya feels that his little sister has a crush on his boyfriend lmao
This cell phone is really top of the line for 1999 lmao I love it
U know if I were a high school student and my friend asked my 10 year old sibling out to lunch instead of me I’d be confused
"They’re not even gonna hold hands? Kids these days” This is a VERY weird vibe for an episode
You know I guess if you never watch the second episode you never have context for all of these superhero outfits LMAO
None of these locations have security cameras I guess the 1990s was a lawless time
Will all of Yuki’s magical advice be delivered in the form of mysterious field trips
LMAO @ YUKITO ALWAYS TAKING SAKURA TO TOYA’S TEMP JOBS
Say what you will about the ominous influence of the other card, I think Wood is being fairly polite since it’s contorting around her house instead of destroying it lmao
“I was planning to film ‘Sakura Dances in the Jungle’ in the park today” I love Tomoyo
Every little girl in this show sounds so similar lmao this is not good for my distracted watching style
Wow Ms Maki is really unloading on these two fourth grade girls
Since Tomoyo clearly interacts with even the more spirit-like Clow Cards I really have to wonder why no one else in this town is seeing these giant ghost monsters loom around the city
Well I guess this episode is a direct response to my previous comment
“I can’t stand scary stories” says the girl who spends her nights going into isolated areas and fighting magical ghosts
Seeing Sakura activate her Fly card really gives me overwhelming nostalgia for the days I wanted nothing more than to be a Cardcaptor I used to wave around a toy broom like that magic key ahhhhhhhh
In the absence of the first English voice and with the added gentle Japanese intonation for his speaking, I am constantly forgetting that Yukito’s character is a 16-year-old boy
Toya is really casually bomb-dropping the fact that he used to see ghosts and Yuki’s just like ‘dope are there ghosts around now’
Omg Kero’s sad face as he dropped the flower in Sakura’s lap 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
“I want to see if she wants to tell me something” like maybe ‘don’t run around town at night chasing ghosts ur 10!!!’
UHHHH AGAIN TOYA REAL CASUAL ABOUT THE GHOST THING
Yukito Tsukishiro: Chronic Aid-er and Abet-er of Pre-teen Mischief
Also if I’m right his name means something like “Ice White Moon?” Very heavy-handed foreshadowing lmao
“After we left, I went to the museum again and borrowed one” TOMOYO U CASED THE JOINT KJDHFKJHF
WHY IS EVERY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL KID IN THIS TOWN ABLE TO BREAK INTO THIS MUSEUM SO EASILY
Tomoyo is eerily well-prepared for this mission it’s like she has been planning to burgle a museum all her life
They really made an executive choice to have both a Yuuki and a Yuki that was a decision that someone made
Oh hey it’s the other pre-teen supehero!!! That guy!!
The more I think about it, the stranger the height difference between Sakura and her brother becomes bc compared to him she’s really like 2.5 feet tall they did not pick a proportion scale
U see this what I mean by gentle intonation, Syaoran somehow sounds older than Yuki simple by roughness of voice
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH TOYA U DEFEND UR SISTER
“Here, a steamed pork bun” Yuki sure nows how to de-escalate lmao
“That is made out of an insulator as well” Tomoyo is really prepared for any and every situation
It’s not fair of Li to compare what is probably years of magical training from his family to ‘trial by fire for eight weeks with a plush toy who doesn’t explain anything important until critical moments’
I’m really not sure what’s happening with Rika and the teacher but I DON’T LIKE IT
“I just want to be with you as long as possible” [cut to floral pattern] Tomoyo is aiming to supersede Yuki as Gentle Shojo Protagonist Sakura Fixates On looool
I’m sure there’s NOTHING significant about this familiar-looking sword brooch
Kero biting Li whenever whenever he says something rude to Sakura kghkjghk direct feminist action
What IS THIS business with Li running away flustered like that are pre-teen Cardcaptors ONLY allowed to have a crush on Yukito
“I guess I’ll have to beat him up once” Toya has zero qualms about fighting a ten-year-old
Two fourth graders giving Yukito chocolate while he peacefully hangs out with his boyfriend is the funniest version of executing this weirdness that could happen
What I’m really wondering is how the hell they cut out or explained away Li’s crush in the first English anime
“You were just a fledgling teacher and you married one of your [high school] students!!” u did WHAT what the FUCK MR. KINOMOTO I’m on Sonomi’s side
“Mother got married when she was 16″ MR. KINOMOTO CANCELLED! BANNED! THE HELL IS THIS!
“It was I who was granted time with Nadeshiko from her 16th to 27th birthdays” GO 2 JAIL DO NOT PASS GO
This episode has added a lot of layers to this show none of which I like
“What kind of person was my dad” someone who should be banned from teaching
“Your father is a disgusting person” WELL
SONOMI I KNOW UR TRYING TO BE NICE BUT HE HAS AT LEAST ONE MAJOR FLAW
Lmao they’re not even giving context why Yuki is around anymore he’s just an accepted artifact of the Kinomoto household
How is that the Time card is Li’s but not Thunder since he also returned that one to its original form
“Their fastest confirmed speed is over 100km/h” Yamazaki leave Li alone he just wants to adore the sloths jhfkhgjhgkhg
Ahhhhhh Li helping Sakura get the Power card?? These motives are quite hard to read but it seems sweet
OMGGG @ TOMOYO MAKING SAKURA DEADLIFT A PLAYGROUND
“I heard a rumour that everyone who asked Kinomoto out has been denied.” Well. [x]
“It’s one of the seven strangest things at this school, that both Kinomoto and Tsukishiro don’t have girlfriends.” WELL. [x]
AWWWWW YUKI DOESN’T LEAVE THE OTHER PRE-TEEN FAN CLUB MEMBERS OUT OF HIS KIND GESTURES
[Hannibal Buress voice] I was so caught up in euphoria of festival arcs, that for like a minute I lived in a world where the rest of this anime didn’t exist
TOYA BEING THE STAR OF DRAG CINDERELLA... OP UR MIND
I have no idea what the premise of the next Clow Card is but I really hope it’s “turn u into whatever ur acting as” bc I will LOSE my mind
I have not heard Yuki once intone as passionately as he did when he thought Toya was going to fall
“You like someone else” 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
“I didn’t promise anyone else a dance” Can I just say I LOVE TOYA?
The moment of stillness before Yukito revealed who he was asking to dance lmao... the repressed teenage wlw inside me LIVES
Yuki and Toya tag-teaming as the Sakura Support Team my heart!!
Geolocating someone from a fax... the incredible 90sness of this act....
I seriously don’t understand this world in which you leave 5- and 10-year-olds unattended for hours where are your child welfare laws
I am really choosing to ignore how absolutely bananas the concept of Tomoyo having a hidden Sakura Movie Theatre is
Speaking of weird, are we just trusting that this old man is normal? Is everyone doing that? I’m still not ready to trust yet the Sakura’s dad situation really burned me
“Girls look their best when they smile” a sweet thought that would not fly if an old man I just met told me that lmao
I’m REALLY not trusting this old man dressing up this girl in his dead (missing?) granddaughter’s clothes and staring broodily when she mentions there is a parent with her
“My great-granddaughter seemed happy” YOUR WHAT NOW
Their school trips seem much more fun than ours were we never went to the beach or fishing or got disappeared briefly in a cave
It continues to be funny how Sakura and Li have 0% tension re: Clow Cards, 99% tension re: Yukito who is already in a committed Something or the Other with Sakura’s brother
“Why were you on the roof” “Because it’s nice out today” LOL YUKITO
There’s no rhyme or reason to these card types huh some are like “I will destroy an entire zoo for fun” and other ones are like “mood lighting :)”
Sakura really isn’t out here to teach us any lessons lol it’s really a ‘get others to do your homework if you can get away with it’ episode
Rounding out the triad of superpowered pre-teens with Meilin I suppose
“Syaoran is my fiance” I have had it up to HERE with this anime cousinfuckery I don’t CARE if it’s cool in Japan or Hong Kong or whatever STOP BEING WEIRD WITH YOUR COUSINS
Poor Syaoran he was doing so well with getting along with Sakura until Meilin got here
"It was done by a girl again?” Oh my god is Meilin beating up grown men in parks for street cred
“It seems our relationship chart has gotten rather complicated” Tomoyo probably means astrology chart but here’s my understanding so far:
Speaking of complex relationships I wonder how Meilin will react to Syaoran’s crush on Yuki
This rivalry between Sakura and Meilin could not be more one-sided
I really was wondering for a second if the card was going to split in half
I love the vibe of Sakura and Toya teaming up to help their creepy dad but even MORE SO I love that Yukito is In This Household
“The contents are already up here” This episode really doesn’t hit the same way now that cloud storage exists and also what were all those floppy disks for if not to save your work Mr. Kinomoto
I love that Tomoyo always pulls her weight in her superhero sidekick role like she is here to support and help whenever needed
Sakura using her powers to impress her crush with a ghost duet lmao these priorities
“Sakura’s Little Adventure” I see what u did there
Kero’s little shoulder pat with his paw to let Sakura know he’s there aw
Omg this Clow Card is so cute “Is it your fault I’m so small now?” [nods pleasantly]
It is very bold of Sakura to be doing magic so casually when her brother and Yuki are right downstairs
I like that this show recognizes the inherent intimacy of allowing someone to cut your hair
“Information about you has gotten around to the cards” well this is an ominous start to this funky tarot reading
Well the experience of seeing his little sister try to murder him has got to be traumatizing for Toya I hope he doesn’t remember this
UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM DID TOYA JUST FALL OFF OF A CLIFF
“Can you give me a break... and stop looking like Sakura” EXCUSE ME
“My mom’s up there too, so say hi to her for me” OH MY GOOOOD TOYA REALLY DOES SEE GHOSTS AHHHHHHHHHHH
WAIT SO IT WAS A CLOW CARD DOES TOYA HAVE MAGICAL POWERS TOO
Omg @ Toya feeding Yuki from his bed this really is an intimate episode
I kind of appreciate the slow build of this show like it took them 25 episodes to introduce meaningful stakes
“But it might be tougher than the earth going ‘boom!’ Depending on who you are...” Well hello threatening figure in sunglasses standing outside Sakura’s house what’s up
“I’ll look the other way” Ms Mizuki is literally this meme:
I can only assume that if Toya knows Ms. Mizuki then she must be a ghost
Personally if Mizuki gives Syaoran the heebie jeebies I trust his instincts
“Um... do you like Yukito too?” Oh my goooood they’re sincerely discussing being Not Straight in middle school in this 90s anime that I watched when I was 7 I cannot believe
“And it’s been a year since you told me you loved me here” WHY DOES EVERYONE IN THIS FAMILY WANT TO DATE SOMEONE TOO OLD FOR THEM WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING DATING SOMEONE TOYA’S AGE MIZUKI
Also I have to rethink every thought I had about Toya being gay. I mean bi is great too but my thoughts..... racing...........
“Because the next time I see you, you’ll have someone else that you’ll be in love with” Yukito BF confirmed but oh my GOD this relationship chart IS complicated good lord
If there’s anything the episode “Sakura and Her Shrine of Memories” has taught me it’s that everyone in this show is bisexual and all teachers in their neighbourhood should be in jail
I understand that Meilin is a kid but poor Syaoran he is constantly being harassed
I love Yuki’s bottomless stomach lmao
Syaoran and Sakura have such a genuinely supportive relationship but it is very funny how they try simultaneously to get Yuki’s attention with the exact same words
“I’ve been thinking for a while that Mr. Terada is a lot like my dad” oh thank you Rika for someone finally being normal in this show
“Well it’s a harmless one” You see this is what I mean the dichotomy of Clow Cards is like... “I’m going trap you in a maze until you perish” or “I’m gonna give you a sugar rush :]”
I like that Sakura and Syaoran are starting to partner up as a duo on purpose like yessss I love a 1-2 finish and friendship development
Ahhh poor Syaoran he’s realizing that Yukito’s #1 in his life is the Kinomoto fam
We’re all familiar with the eternal struggle of whether using ur superpowers for school sports is cheating
AWWW SYAORAN USING HIS POWERS FOR MAGICAL PEP TALKS AFTER HE HELPED TURN REI’S PET FOX INTO A POKEMON CARD THAT’S MY BOOOOY
“I will stomp on him” it’s been 31 episodes let Sakura stomp on her brother
Oh my GOOOD does this Big card mean that Sakura WILL FINALLY STOMP ON TOYA LMAO
Ur telling me that no one else in this ENTIRE TOWN notices this altercation of a giant preteen vs a dragon
Why does the logic for how voices travel based on size apply for the Little card (when Toya was speaking) and not for the Big card (when Sakura is speaking)
Sgskdhgkhkgjh honestly body switching as a trope will never not be funny
Syaoran blushing and running away from Sakura oh how the turn tables
Every domestic scene that Yuki and Toya have adds ten years to my life we love some gay/bi teens about to be gay/bi adults
Ffskhhfkj I absolutely cannot relate to this Southern Hemisphere nonsense of finding ten degrees celsius arctic cold like BRO that is a normal spring day here
“We’re not frozen because we have magical powers” I know that cutaway was to confirm Mizuki’s magical powers again but this would’ve been a hilarious time to reveal that like Yamazaki the Compulsively Lying Classmate had powers
Awwww he likes her now that’s cute
“I got work that day” I will bet someone ten dollars that Toya is working at that quiz rally
Update from 5 minutes later: PAYPAL ME $10
Kero keeps whispering to the moon when in fact some iteration of the moon is right around the corner (literally)
GOOOOOOOOD SYAORAN REALIZING HE HAS A CRUSH ON BOTH HALVES OF THAT TEAM KILLS ME SWEET BOY
Shared Gaze of People Who Have Dated* Toya and Have Magical Powers They Haven’t Revealed Yet
*Go to jail Mizuki
I am really going crazy wondering when they’re gonna reveal stuff about Yukito like bitchhhhhhh I know you’re a moon man when will u tellll usss
How many more times will Sakura have this same threatening dream before she realizes her math teacher is probably going to try to kill her
Update from one minute later: I guess it was exactly one more time
“That’s right, Yukito’s birthday is on Christmas day” is this coming to be a coming of age where he like suddenly sprouts wings at age 17
I’ve been thinking this for a while but this show makes it seem like Japan has a much more fun approach to athletics than my school experiences
Yukito really is unflappable about hanging out with a bunch of kids half his height huh he’s like the Fourth Grader Whisperer
I KNEW IT YUKITO NEVER GOES WITH SAKURA ANYWHERE UNLESS HER BROTHER WILL ALSO BE WORKING THERE DFHKDFHKJ every time it’s just “Hey Toya :)”
“This kid...” HAHAH TOYA HAS JUST REALIZED THAT SYAORAN HAS A CRUSH ON HIS LITTLE SISTER AND HIS BOYFRIEND THE UTTER SUSPICION IN HIS TONE
“Wind become a binding chain” Whoops Sakura foiled by 4th grade knowledge of the elements
Oh shiiiit love a world-building moment now we have two card combos in play ayyyyy
Lmao @ Kero using his returned powers immediately for fireworks mood lighting is a serious Clow Card priority
“I would like to come again this year” everything in this show feels like foreshadowing for dramatic irony
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ROCKY LYNCH, MASCULINE NB, HE/HIM & THEY/THEM. — looks like SAMHAIN SKELLINGTON is attending AURORIA UNIVERSITY in auradon. they're the TWENTY year old child of JACK & SALLY SKELLINGTON, which means they're from THE ISLE. heard they're NURTURING & GENTLEMANLY, but can also be INFLEXIBLE & SELF-PITYING ; we all have our bad days. people normally associate them with SEWING NEEDLES REPAIRING A BROKEN DOLL , A BAG FULL OF BANDAGES, TRYING SO HARD TO BE TOUGH WHEN YOU’RE SOFT , SOFT HAIR HELD BACK WITH A BAT-SHAPED PIN.
❛ when you saw that little girl , and she was in the sandbox
and she was crying , and you gave her your toy truck and
I told you we couldn’t afford to get another one. you said ,
‘ she should have it because she’s sad. she’s sad , mommy. ’ ❜
playlist. pinterest. to listen as you read.
lol u guessed it it’s me , again , by unpopular demand - i am so sorry. third muse already bc i can’t keep myself away from playing absolute CINNAMON ROLLS so that’s what u can expect from sam w/ a pumpkin spice twist. bc nightmare is my absolute favorite movie and ... halloween, motherfuckers. so as usual this will PROBABLY end up long bc i love writing sam so much so yeah , more below !
HISTORY
So as we know , Jack & Sally were sent to the Isle w/ the rest of Halloweentown for trying to steal Christmas ! And unlike Christmas , Samhain was not born in Halloweentown. In fact , he wasn’t even born - he was made.
Magic wasn’t a huge thing on the Isle - but a resource of science was Dr. Finkelstein , and despite the limited resources and technology on the Isle , the couple begged the mad scientist to create another child for them. And from Sally , it took a lot of convincing , but Jack was able to talk him into it.
It took even more of an effort to pull off , again considering the state of the Isle. But a good few months into the project and Jack & Sally were greeted with the cries of a tiny ragdoll baby boy. Keeping up with the holiday themed names , he was named Samhain - Sam for short.
He grew with multiple touch-ups from the doctor to simulate an actual boy growing up - every year , a check-up making him taller , stronger , etc. And in that process he started to look more and more like his mother , with her big eyes and stitched smile and patchwork clothes. But he grew up loved by his brother & parents - though it never quelled the fact he always wanted... more.
He was loved , he was coddled , and as sheltered as a child could be on the Isle. So , much like his mother , he took a habit of sneaking out frequently and trying to fit in with the other Isle kids , even though he knew he didn’t.
He just wanted to fit in. That was it. And it started off with him wearing large hoods and heavy clothes to hide the stitches on his body as well as masks to cover facial stitches. And while some other Isle kids found him odd and sticking out like a sore thumb , some found him cool. Some found him interesting. But nobody really knew what he was hiding - and it added mystery to someone so NICE , because Sam’s overall sweetness could rival that if sugar’s.
Curiosity only reached dangerous points though when Sam snuck out on night to camp out with friends - and when everyone else was asleep , one removed his mask , and of COURSE did Samhain immediately wake up. He didn’t stay to see the reaction of the other when revealing his stitches , too afraid that he’d be seen as scary or repulsive for what he was. And he ran. He ran back home , locking himself in his room , and those friends he routinely hung out with . . . well , he didn’t talk to them much after that. Because what if they knew , now ?? What would they think ??
Villain & Auradon kids coming together was a new chance for Sam to try and fit in - be more in his element. He was immediately acquainted with a magic-practicing individual ( could be an AK or a VK - this’ll be a wc ) who struck a deal with him to offer him glamours so he could look less scary. Of course , these glamours would have to be applied and would wear off until the next application , but it’d make him feel more comfortable - even though he WOULD technically be hiding who he is.
While Christmas , the elder sibling , would be sticking around in Auradon Prep , Samhain would prefer to move immediately to Auroria University to try and figure out who exactly he wanted to be , and how he could do that. Currently he’s majoring in Nursing , given he’s always had a rather NURTURING and charitable nature - never turning down someone else’s request to help.
CHARACTER & FACTS
So lemme get this one thing out of the way bc if I don’t I’ll be itching about it - but all my resources for ( the love of my life ) Rocky were made by me , and while they’re all from multiple eras from both R5 & TDE , I imagine Sam to resemble how Rocky looks around the post-Louder , Heart Made Up On You & Sometime Last Night eras ( basically from like 2013-2015 ). Here , here , & here for some references. I’m nOT DONE GIFFING THOUGH bc frankly I find giffing him therapeutic.
Now I don’t have a drawn reference or anything for this next part so we’re gonna have to use our imagination here but unglamoured , Sam basically looks like his mom in terms of the fact he’s a little ragdoll baby. Putting on a glamour doesn’t change his appearance much save for the fact the stitches disappear and he looks more human.
The glamour is an enchanted bat charm he wears around his neck that can also be used as a hairtie. And it has to be refreshed every so often , so he has to keep going back to whoever provided him with it so it doesn’t lose its effect.
He still has a backup mask just in case , and he’s been practicing with makeup if need be.
Personality-wise , the best one can describe Sam as is sweet and polite. I included tht Stranger Things quote at the beginning 4 a rEASON bc he’s honestly such a sweet kid and will give anything to anyone.
And also bc I imagine Sally as Joyce mom-wise so yEAH bt I digress.
He knows his manners and treats everyone with the UTMOST amount of respect , which makes it extremely easy to get along with him . He’s also maybe a tad bit too giving for his own good , since it’s incredibly easy to use that to one’s advantage and he’s so inclined to believe people have the best intentions. An optimist , even if it’s to a fault. And then when he gets hurt he just sits to the side feeling sorry for himself like “ :’’’(. ”
Now when I say he’s inflexible , I mean that Sam is a very ORGANIZED person who likes things to be done a certain way - like , he can never do anything without a plan , and if even something slightly goes out of what the plan pertains of , he panics. He’s a goody-goody and he’s afraid to break the rules , which is why he’s still hesitant to even do things with the friends who are more “ bad ” than he is.
Everything has to be done BY THE BOOK and if it isn’t then something is bound to go wrong and Sam’s too worried about that happening.
He’s also incredibly insecure about his appearance but I think I’ve hammered in that fact enOUGH ALREADY
But if he takes his glamour off in front u that’s like. A Major sign of trust. So beware.
Again as I mentioned he tries to hang out with kids with the lesser reputations because :
1.) He wants to give them a chance
2.) He wants to make sure they have a friend to look after them
and 3.) He’s so used to trying to fit in with the other Isle kids that he’s trying to be ‘bad’ himself but it never works out bc he’s so sweet and he can dress in skinny jeans and leather and shit as much as he wants but at the end of the day he’s still Sweet Lil’ Samhain.
One thing he’s always had a fascination with would be angels - he’s always believed in them , always though he’s had his own guardian angel watching over him somewhere , he’s always loved the idea of them. He has lots of angel decorations around his dorm as well as ornaments and stuff for the holidays. It’s also pure irony that he just so happens to be just as angelic in nature.
He’s also a big holiday person like the rest of his family and loves helping to decorate for events and stuff !!
One of his greatest talents is his ability to play both the piano & violin , and he’ll often do that if there’s a piano in common areas or so on. He’s also a talented singer , but he’s so used to putting that to the side , making him lack confidence in his voice.
i v much encourage u to listen to the song i linked i find his voice so....soothing.
Like his mom he’s also very good at cooking , sewing , etc. !! Often has to stitch himself back together if he gets hurt - you know , Sally style.
More basic facts are that his final height clocks in at 6′4 , he’s homoromantic homosexual , and identifies as masculine non-binary who doesn’t really care how you address him. He’s very chill. And sometimes he has to walk with a cane of sorts if his stitches are loose or if his legs are feeling especially weak.
but yeah that’s it on that end !!!
WANTED CONNECTIONS
So obviously - the person who provided him with the glamour. Only requirement is that ur character’s good at magic or something of that sort.
AND ALSO - I’d love the person who initially removed his mask !! Sam didn’t stick around to see them react to how he truly looked , so it’s all up to you on how this character feels. But he’s avoided them since that scenario.
Also , his group of friends around the time that scenario happened on the Isle. Maybe they’re a little more rough around the edges than him , but this group was always tight-knit. And then Sam lightning mcghosted bc he wasn’t sure if now they knew what he really was.
Ppl who think his whole sweet thing is fAKE bc we know it isn’t but it’s so easy to THINK it is.
Also would love some folks he routinely cares for maybe in the aspect of like. Bein their shoulder to cry on. Patching up a wound. Just being There for them.
Folks who in general just wanna know more abt him bc he is kind of a mystery !!
Would lOVE sb who his glamour wears off in front of and he begs them to keep his secret but instead they want him to try n be more comfortable w/ himself and who he is. Bc he’s a cute ragdoll let’s b honest he just. Doesn’t see himself that way.
Ppl who Sam crushed on at the Isle and deffo broke his heart bc life just b like that sometimes
Also present day folks who r just ready to break his heart bc again thats so easy to do
also once more i’m open 2 ANYTHINNNNNNG sam is my Baby(tm) and i’d lov any plots thrown his way !! will probs make another wc page for him like i’ve done w/ luke and am in the process of doing w/ trixie !!
#usoa:intro#abt tag tbd#and nOW i hop 2 do replies !#i hope u guys like this tho sam is like. one of my fav muses to write ever.#he's the perfect man bt also not a man.
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what is the rough timeline of natasha and charlie relationship? i love your fics and how its like little peeks into the development of it all and how it doesnt rely on them being together ll the time its lovely
HM HM HM okay let’s see... like i guess the thing is that ultimately is written for charlie and what i’ve done for natasha is being their own person is rly integral to them? like charlie grew up in a house where at any period of time, nine ppl were living under the same roof? like he didn’t have much time to himself that he literally upped and moved to romania lmfao. and natasha like, one day i’ll remember to post her family tree, but she’s in the same boat in a way, especially when her family moves from america full time. then she’s suddenly thrown into a household with all her extended family. they need to be their own people first, and i mean that independence does hurt communication and the needs of not just themselves but others as well and i guess that’s why i wrote the long walk for their relationship to finally find that point where they were like. yes. where their lines finally crossed over and stayed crossed over, instead of simply running parallel and sometimes moving in but barely touching?
this got long so under the cut
they do meet in first yr bc the game is LYING that such a SMALL CLASS POST-VOLDY wouldnt exist like a literal baby boom happens post voldy dying but the current kids around would honestly be rly small groups? hogwarts would be so EMPTY REAL TALK everyone also afraid to let their kids go to school
natasha asks for slytherin, should've been ravenclaw. much distress, and first yr in between running around with the vault of ice kind of finds her spending a lot of time in the towers and stuff. she likes high places.
this gonna sound bad but i dont rly remember much of the 1st yr of hphm apart from not sealing the vault properly, but anyway natasha and charlie were friends anyway that mattered and natasha wasn't a very good slytherin for befriending a gryffindor AND a weasley
second yr is kind of the time where she meets bill and like on the one hand is a little infatuated with him but they are rly good friends at the end of the day. she pulls away from charlie a bit bc of it but then again i figure around this stage charlie has started his crusade of entering the forest in some respects so like. he’s not even on the grounds half the time lbr. also, i dont remember much of this yr either a lot happened. but the ice knight was there.
third yr aka vault of fear! again, with the bs, i think natasha knew of everyone PRIOR to their intros and stuff so they’re all kind of good friends but ig this is also just my thing of like. small classes post war. even with the attempt at animosity between houses, especially post war, kids probably aren't going to do. that. and i know slytherin is all death eater kids basically but most of them are probably orphaned too by the end of the war. theyre all scared ANYWAY social circle expanding... idk this yr was a ride too i remember it a little bit more than the others ig. idk what happened here rly
OKAY SO FOURTH YEAR RIGHT that’s when it’s literally a year of dating charlie in game but whatever. so going from literally spending only classes together and maybe like the one christmas if bill and charlie stayed in the castle at the same time, natasha and charlie did talk and were friends but it was on the down low towards the end of third yr. until it wasn’t bc literally all the scheming to get into the forest and mr charlie ‘i asked my brother a million questions about you over the summer’ weasley just rolling up. and theyre in each others spaces A Lot which is kind of wild for the both of them considering they’re both from large families and personal space is A Thing™ they both really need but their friendship really deepens this year. they’re very honest with each other, and whilst bill is natasha’s best friend just because of how they click, her and charlie have this understanding between them that it’s hard to get between.
except fifth yr comes along and smacks everyone in the face. natasha finds out what puberty is over the summer, along with a prefect badge. charlie also has a bit of a growth spurt around this time, so they’re awkward and lanky around each other early on. natasha also dates myron wagtail during her fifth yr, as well as esther szohr and a couple of other ppl here and there. she’s all giggly and twirling hair and I'm so sorry charlie she just hasn’t noticed you at this stage. but it’s not rly a good year for her, mentally all around, so don’t feel too bad ig.
sixth yr she’s getting tired(er) and lightly dates other people as well. broke up with myron over the summer, and like. has started to see charlie in another light, kind of? but at the risk of ruining her friendship, madly writes to bill most of the time about ‘how do i get your brother to notice me????’ because communication is key and natasha doesn’t actually know what it is. she’s also named captain of slytherin quidditch team this yr, and well. ends up spending a ridiculous amount of time closer to charlie’s second great love. sees another side of him. swoons in the stands a lot. they kind of reignite their friendship as well, as it just politely simmered in the back. teach other spells. lots of touching with hands like no no wave like this... it’s very romantic and high strung and they’re dumb teenagers not sure what to do.
they mess it up over the summer between sixth and seventh yr tho. lots of kissing. some other stuff. natasha spends a bit of time with the weaselys before returning to hogwarts. hormones everywhere.
seventh year starts with them kind of tiptoeing around not knowing where they stand relationship wise, and they’re not!! good!! at talking!! so it’s like a big drawn out game of whispers to figure out who said what but it breaks off bad and natasha cries a lot and charlie feels awful too and they’re mopey and shit for a while. like they can’t be in each other’s spaces for a while that they kind of completely withdraw to their own houses sort of thing. eventually, with a few helpful nudges and stuff, they at least talk to each other but don’t know if the friendship is there. 99% sure penny was ready to amortentia the both of them to ‘fix things’ and also just to prove she could do it. also probably didnt help that barnaby and a few other slytherins jumped charlie and quidditch team as 1) for natasha but also 2) for quidditch and that also really prompts natasha and charlie to talk because they rly cant let ppl do it for them lol
same year still, but as things start to improve and they can somewhat pick up their old banter without getting sad, bill invites natasha over for xmas because he’s actually given it off. never mind that in between all this, natasha took to writing to myron again, which just. not nice natasha jfc. natasha and charlie enjoy an incredibly awkward trip back with some UST, kiss again in the spot where they pretty much shared their first kiss, refuse to talk about the kiss, natasha buys charlie a new wand, they try to talk about it but its mostly natasha apologising for being a brat.
theyre still not back ‘on’ though, and have some make outs in locker rooms anyway, to the both of their confusion. are they ever going to talk? no. UNTIL ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and natasha’s not good at words but she’s good at actions and yknow what? fk it. slytherin might’ve won the quidditch cup, but when she landed in the middle of the pitch, and charlie reached out to shake her hand, she grabbed the front of his uniform and pulled him in for a big damn kiss in front of literally everyone, cup in her other hand. she keeps a photo of it on her at all times after that.
i also have a fic I'm writing that was kind of before the celestial ball was announced where they organised kind of 7th yr graduation dance thing and it was going to be quiet and intimate kind of and natasha and charlie end up finishing the night together, falling asleep on a balcony and waking up with each other sort of thing lol
and that’s only ‘91. late ‘91 is when they separate for job opportunities. natasha goes to work at gringotts for a bit with bill, and charlie goes off to romania. they get a few weeks in of summer loving before, though, also post graduation celebration. but they write constantly and stuff. pursuing their own lives kind of starts to become a thing.
in ‘92, early they kind of make a vow to each other when they get a bit of time off and go to greece. its very romantic and a big step forward in commitment for them, as they don’t really see each other for the rest of the year. also, late 92 natasha starts working at durmstrang, which removes her even further from the stream of things.
early ‘93 is not a good time for charlie because of what happens to ginny and ron, so he’s not exactly in the best mindset as theres some self doubt at removing himself so much from his family, he cant be there so easily when they need him most. midway through ‘93, natasha gets attacked at durmstrang, and it takes ppl a while to actually find her. charlie spends a long ass time in st mungos beside her until she wakes up, and they reaffirm their feelings for each other when she does. natasha admits that she had called for charlie, being the last thought she had, and she creates the little runic stones for the both of them as a way of contacting each other, or just reminding them the other is there.
natasha returns to working in late ‘93, and in ‘94 they see each other again at the world cup. i know i said they took a break and ig they did but its easy for them to flirt dumbly until things go to shit with death eaters. until they punch one! and later on natasha is brought in as hired help to tutor the students brought to hogwarts, but because her ‘inside knowledge’ of the school is valuable. her and charlie hook meet up quite a bit when he’s present for the first task. also because she’s hanging around for the entire year, she is there for the yule ball and stuff. lots of writing to charlie like do you remember when we danced? so romantic.
idk what happens in ‘95. i haven't planned anything. same for ‘96. short of natasha going to romania to visit charlie a few times, and how her work ends up bringing her into the ministry a bit. its not the same kind of cooling off as hogwarts where they question the relationship, but apart from letters they dont really see each other.
in 97 however!!!!! bill and fleur’s wedding and like. they spent a bit of time apart again, so natasha puts on her best to impress her boy. and charlie wants to propose but also because he’s totally smitten by the idea of making it real between them as a proposal via ribbon only does so much lmfao. and they get interrupted! and separated for quite some time actually. natasha ultimately returns to her family, for the larger part of 97 she's working with them as they deal with the fact her grandfather made a deal with death eaters, and that her ancient family history is coming back to bite them in the ass. like i know in the books they say charlie went around recruiting foreign wizards but thats so HANDWAVEY of jkr yknow? granted she never rly sounded like she knew what to do with charlie apart from shipping him off to romania. I'm sure he went to romania like YO we cant let this happen come with me when it mattered, but you’ll have to fight me to convince me he wasn't with his family for a large part of the story, and that he wasn't doing underground work and stuff in the mean time (you can’t change my mind)
in 98 though everything goes to hell for natasha’s family and she, in a moment of panic, calls for charlie. and he literally runs to her, and they both nearly die for it, but like he finally sucks up the courage to ask her, for realsies, if she would marry him. its been like 10yrs of will they wont they for them and only so many bets can be placed.
they get married late 98, and i know i never quite decided on smth big or intimate, but i think i’m happy with a ‘they had a big damn wedding and it was ridiculously opulent and flowery for autumn where you would’ve thought it was spring sort of thing. or maybe even something blissfully wintery. they’ve moved out of their summer romance phase, where it only came around for a few weeks at a time. relationship development.
DO THEY HAVE KIDS I CANT DECIDE i guess the eldest would be born some time in 99? and then from there a general progression lmfao but YEAH
also in regards to like the celestial ball i understand why the canon characters weren’t involved, but i’m just smad. barnaby was rly cute though so... THERE YOU HAVE IT ANYWAY
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✩ watergate :3
this took too fucking long
Disagreements:
Who is more likely to raise their voice? i feel like emma cos she’s more angry dramatic and he’s more emo dramatic but i was also gonna say he probably should to accomodate for his heightWho threatens to leave but never actually does? neither of them, they’ve both left one another repeatedly. Who actually keeps their word and leaves? both of them, see above. Who trashes the house? i don’t think either of them … i can’t see him ever doing it but if he did she would kick his ass things need to be NEAT Do either of them get physical? basement gate tease ! but no … it’s soft …. that’s been erased from my memory … they’re emo not violent How often do they argue/disagree? all the time but about #dumb shit nowadays … used to be more serious but now? you like chocolate ice cream better? … idiot Who is the first to apologise? if they had a penny for every time mickey has apologised to her both of them could quit their low salary jobs and move to france
Sex:
Who is on top? bold of u to assume they aren’t both switches Who is on the bottom? ^Who has the strangest desires? Any kinks? mind ur fucking business … snuggling is a kink Who’s dominant in bed? i don’t think dominant has ever been in either of their vocabulary where’s the john mulaney gif abt soup in the lap … regaurdless … probably he has to be she’s babyIs head ever in the equation? she suck the dick for free and mickey is a good boy, he knows how to go down on a womf If so, who is better at performing it? i don’t know how sex works is it easier to eat thrussy or suck a dick … they both try the only thing that matters is that once he said she was better at sex than [ redacted ] Ever had sex in public? private public … like not dressing room public but like, romantic lookout in a car public … hope no coppers come 2 shine their flashlight Who moans the most? idk if this is my sexism or my lesbian but women should, legally, be required to moan more than menWho leaves the most marks? he better swallow his masculinity and get used to concealer but i feel like that wld not be an issue for him, king ! he can’t borrow hers though it won’t match Who screams the loudest? WHO YELLSWho is the more experienced of the two? mickey. fucking duh. Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? they make love :3Rough or soft? soft … unlike his penis How long do they usually last? haha 8 seconds joe goldberg tease? idk how long sex even lasts in general …. solidly average is my guess Is protection used? he better wrap it before he taps it my girl cannot afford plan b . so yesDoes it ever get boring? not …. boring but ….. consistent. when emma gets too drunk she asks odette for sex advice bc she doesn’t want to bore ickey Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? nowhere is strange if ur brave enough.
Family:
Do your muses plan on having children/or have children? …. yes ….If so, how many children do your muses want/have? she wants 27 children actually but literally anything from 1-30 will suffice …. they need a lot of help on his inevitable farm Who is the favorite parent? mickey is the fun parent so u already know who it is Who is the authoritative parent? REMEMBER the clip i sent u from the marky mark movie … she’s always the bad guy until he gets #fedup and he has to remind her that she’s not doing it this time AJSDKF Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school? Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around? honeslty both of them unless emma hoards all the candy … selfish Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children? both of them they make fucking SIGNS …. its a little league game u dont need to paint the football stripes on ur faceWho goes to parent teacher interviews? they both go but mickey is better at them because emma always goes into teacher mode and tries to talk about Who changes the diapers? mickey does he’s a NURSE he is not grossed out , she is . baby poop is rank Who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby? where tf is that gifset from prison break when u need it … she does but only because she hates diapers and it’s only fair to pop a tiddie out every night for ur kid in exchangeWho spends the most time with the children? ummmm FAMILY FUN NIGHT x Who packs their lunch boxes?Who gives their children ‘the talk’? mickey he is obligated as a medical professional she don’t teach sex ed …. Who cleans up after the kids? emma but only because she’s a neat freak Who worries the most? both of them try to pretend they’re VERY cool and nonchalant and this is actually very easy until one of them cracks (probably her) and they both worry together constantly . solidarity babey ! ….. moreso her tho u cannot change my mind Who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from? auntie odette change my mind we said FUCK watergate lives , emdette rise
Affection:
Who likes to cuddle? both of them …. constntly …. disgusting Who is the little spoon? [ jake peralta vc ] everyone likes to be the little spoon, it makes them feel safe ! LOOK HERE buddy …. he is and i dont take questions , even when he was 10 ft Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? can he fucking keep his hands AWF …. thats coming from me not emma she appreciates it Who struggles to keep their hands to themself? both of them …. its CONSTANT … hand on the shoulder , touching someone’s back as u walk past …. SOFT ! n then the one gif u sent from superstore where amy slaps jonah’s ass that’s emma How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? they actually fall asleep cuddling and wake up complaining abt falling asleep in a uncomfortable position… shut up abt ur back pain ur not 80 Who gives the most kisses? KISS kisses …. he. but know … she’s always kissing him on the cheek What is their favourite non-sexual activity? this is gonna sound g*y as hell but stay with me here ………. just being in the same place , even when they’re doing diff stuff . TOGETHERNESS …. vomit time Where is their favourite place to cuddle? the couch , i retract my statement about them not being 80 they actually fall asleep watching tv Who is more likely to playfully grope the other? casually ? she … to actually initiate eye emoji ? he How often do they get time to themselves? all the time , they know 2 other people
Sleeping:
Who snores? he does im hcing this for ur own character If both do, who snores the loudest? she doesn’t SNORE she’s a lady Do they share a bed or sleep separately? they’ve been in 200 different stages of relationship ……. OTHER than depending on that , she sleeps better w him there :3If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? they start far apart cos she’s a blanket hog but she always ends up next 2 him Who talks in their sleep? she mumbles sometimes ….. its nothing coherent What do they wear to bed? she owns 47 different stupid size xxxxxxxl shirts that were 2 bucks from walmart and wears only that . i bet mickey owns a bathrobe, bourgeois pig … Are either of your muses insomniacs? idk she reads a chapter of whatever dumb shit she’s reading and has tea or wine and conks out ….. idk his business Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? idk abt taking them and ik its not the point but shes anal retentive abt keeping medicine in the medicine cabinet so THERE BETTER NOT BE Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? AS I SAID … they start out on opposite sides of the beg and end up more tangled than tangled (20whatever) Who wakes up with bed hair? his hair is floofy ,,,, Who wakes up first? i feel like that depends on his shifts …. she wakes up at the same damn time every week day …. weekends though she sleeps in for 10 yrs so him Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? emma tries and he has to leave bed anyway because the fire alarm goes off What is their favourite sleeping position? she prefers it when she has all the blankets Who hogs the sheets? she does Do they set an alarm each night? they have JOBS does she look like pippa to u Can a television be found in their bedroom? yes so she can cry over dumb rom coms over somewhere other than the couch …… he’s invested in them , change my mind Who has nightmares? i already know ur about to say he does so im calling the cops on u end of story Who has ridiculous dreams? all of emma’s dreams are indistinguishable from bad acid trips Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? she sleeps in the fetal position he seems like a sprawler …..Who makes the bed? emma …. its gotta be CLEAN and if he ever says “why make it we’re just gonna sleep there again” its on SIGHT What time is bed time? whenever she passes out , always before midnight , considering they’re 72Any routines/rituals before bed? i bet they brush their teeth at the same time to see who can do it faster like they’re five year olds …. or that gifset from new girl where he’s like “ u read my walking dead fanfic ? ”Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? emma takes three cups of coffee to be able to be her CHIPPER self ….
Work:
Who is the busiest? she has like a 6 hour work day so he for sure Who rakes in the highest income? i just googled nurses versus preschool teachers and he makes twice what she does …. laughs nervously …. glad she’s going back 2 school but elementary teachers STILL make less …. mr talbot got COIN ! Are any of your muses unemployed? no , freeloading is ILLEGAL Who takes the most sick days? i feel like the two worst jobs to go into sick are a literal hospital with immunocompromised people and a preschool with toddlers who dont wash their hands …. equal maybe Who is more likely to turn up late to work? despite her original beef with odette in the apocalypse verse emma is NEVER late to work Who sucks up to their boss? she cooks dinner , a nice LASAGNA for whoever to heat up and mickey has to break it to her that making whoever her superior is eat what tastes like glue will in fact , damage their relationship What are their jobs? hes a nursey boy …. shes a teacher Who stresses the most? about life in general? her. about work? probably him. he’s dealing with LIVES she’s got the alphabet Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? they better they aren’t getting paid enough to hate it Are your muses financially stable? they’re not rich but they’re not dying and that’s what matters
Home:
Who does the washing? emma because it relaxes her Who takes out the trash? he better , she does not like to LOOK at things once they are thrown out … its smelly Who does the ironing? neither of them have ironed anything in their lives Who does the cooking? HE HAS TO IDC if he isn’t fuckign gordon ramsay she’ll kill them Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? emma Who is messier? if he leaves a single sock on the floor he is automatically messier than her Who leaves the toilet roll empty? that’s satanic neither of them Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? he does …. its just not REALISTIC that she does Who forgets to flush the toilet? that’s gross ……hopefully neither ….. DISGOSTEING.mp4Who is the prankster around the house? anything STUPID is hers and hers alone but i feel like he’d do something relatively innocent and it would go HORRIBLY wrong like , hey emma come get y’all juice ….Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? despite being organized in every other aspect of her life emma has never kept track of keys in her life its a disease Who mows the lawn? he does , he shld do it shirtless so she can objectify him Who answers the telephone? mickey, she truly stares at it hoping it’ll go away Who does the vacuuming? emmaWho does the groceries? she would make HORRIBLE decisions ,,, he shld make the list and she shld get it Who takes the longest to shower? no sexism but she’s a girl Who spends the most time in the bathroom? see above
Miscellaneous:
Is money a problem? yES like … they can afford groceries , make rent , but for literally every american except jeff bezos money is a problem in some area . this isn’t a hc just a capitalist hellscape How many cars do they own? two …. neither of them are very nice cars Do they own their home or do they rent? rent unless/until he gets the farm of his dreams Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside? countryside thats where FARMS are … but like rn , coast cos there’s the ocean in town Do they live in the city or in the country? see above bbgDo they enjoy their surroundings? the goats of the future and the noisy neighbors of the current and past eras both leave something to be desired , but in general yes What’s their song? not to go all modern au but remember when stereo hearts was on their 2011 mixtape AJSKDF …. issa bop and its arguably the most cutesy singable on the playlist What do they do when they’re away from each other? bitch idk ? exist as human beings ?Where did they first meet? idk she probably met him for coffee or sum before moving in together to make sure he wasn’t a serial killer How did they first meet? they were roommates … oh my god they were roommates …. she prolly put an ad in the paper very lucky she did not get murdered x Who spends the most money when out shopping? i feel like neither of them are big spenders but her sticker and colored pen budget is larger than it should be Who’s more likely to flash their assets? i thought this was talking about tits for a second but im assuming mone ? they keep it humble Who finds it amusing when the other trips over? they both do , bullying one another is a bonding experience Any mental issues? more than you know my guy Who’s terrified of bugs? if she sees a SPIDER she floors it , but she releases most other bugs …. he better kill anything w 8 legs tho Who kills the spiders around the house? mickey , as described above wow im psychic Their favourite place? they can make any place work together … gay but true , just like me Who pays the bills? she has a special binder just for taxes Do they have any fears for their future? all the fears actually Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? she cannot cook but she has 10/10 ordered takeout , put it on plates and been like :the happy version of the pensive emoji yk the one: i cooked it while the reciept is still on the counter Who uses up all of the hot water? thats very selfish she wld never but she also showers first bc she doesn’t trust him not to ….. Who’s the tallest? they , in american , are the SAME HEIGHT ,,, fuck centimeters Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?Who wanders around in their underwear? clothes are oppressive let them both do it coward Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? it probably turns into a competition until they’re both singing at the top of their lungs …. omg watergate you’re gonna burst a vocal cord oh my god they can’t hear us they have airpods in What do they tease each other about? literally everything …. one of them BREAHTES wrong and the other is like “ ah didnt realise the asthma express was in town “ Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? mickey literally dresses like the fresh prince so u already answered that for me Do they have mutual friends? can the real jack detler please stand up Who crushed first? she ……. did not immediately fall in love with him let me tell u , it took her some solid MONTHS to realise she was in deep for his bitch ass Any alcohol or substance related problems? i wld hope not , #stubie twWho is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? them , together , for getting kicked out of the bar for singing Who swears the most? neither ?
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Modern!Billy Hargrove Headcanons
(Ok!! So this idea came to me and idk how many of these there are on here but I it doesn’t matter because this is gonna be great!)
(EDIT 2/15/18: I’VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR LITERALLY TWO MONTHS I HOPE YOU ALL LIKE THIS!!!)
So we all know that Billy likes looking pretty for his ladies based on how long he probably took to do himself up for his date in episode 8.
So we KNOW that the modern boy would be ALL👏🏻ABOUT👏🏻SKINCARE👏🏻
He does face masks like twice a week. One for stress relief and another of random choice from his collection of free samples
When he goes into the store, he pretends to be shopping for you but really it’s for him so he can get the samples
You have ‘girls’ night in and wear your masks and you paint your nails and Billy wears fluffy socks after he puts lotion on his feet because he’s an ‘old man’.
Modern Billy would hate smoking. Hate it with a fucking passion. Lemme explain myself ok?
In the 80s, people were smoking because that was the thing to do. You just did. So everyone smoked.
But now that we know all we know about how bad it is for your skin and lungs and your general health (no shade to anyone that does smoke, it’s your choice but you have to know the dangers and you probably do)
So Billy would smoke for a couple years and then when he got together with you, he stopped because you wouldn’t kiss him if he tasted like cigarettes
To keep Billy from smoking, you replaced his cigarettes with lollipops
Like those Dum Dum lollipops. The ones you can buy in a bag of 100 or something.
You’d put them in his car in place of his cigarette cartridge, on his bedside table, on his desk, in the pockets of all of his jackets
He was never without a lollipop in his mouth
Your favourites on him were bubblegum and blue raspberry
His favourites were cherry and lemon lime
Billy is all about protection and consent in every way possible!!!!
He wants you to feel like you’re safe with him and that you can be assured that you’re not going to get pregnant
So before the two of you even get naked, you’ve talked about condoms and birth control and all that jazz
Depending on if you’re already on birth control for menstruational reasons, this part of the conversation is easy
Condoms are another thing
Billy tries to pull that ‘condoms make me uncomfortable’ shit and you’re not having it
‘Either you wear a condom or you’re not getting ass at all’
Billy wears a condom from then on
He totally buys the funny ones to make you laugh
Like he once bought a neon coloured box of them and you nearly pissed yourself laughing you couldn’t even have sex
The first time you had sex, Billy was nervous as all hell because he knew that you felt your body was a temple and if he disrespected you, he’d be out on the curb
So he went super slow, asking if everything he did was okay
‘Can I go down on you?’
‘I’m just gonna open your legs like this, is that okay?’
You’re like ‘just fuck me already’
Modern Billy still loves his cars
He works on them all the time
He’s one of those guys that finds really shitty cars on the side of the road that have been abandoned or in junk yards and is like ‘yep new baby’
You just love walking into wherever he’s set up shop to see him without a shirt, jeans still as tight as ever, grease stains in the dirtiest places
Like there’s on right in the center of his crotch and he’d bring them to you and be like ‘oh how did that get there???????’
“Baby come kiss me”
“No you’re dirty”
“That’s never stopped you before”
Billy surprising you at work all the time
He starts recording himself going to your work every couple days to bring you coffee or lunch or anything
“Excuse me?”
*gasps because he scared you*
“I brought you your lunch”
He hands you a bag of your favourite food and you immediately break for lunch because you missed your man and you want to spend time with him
You totally live together if that wasn’t obvious by now
Your apartment clashes because Billy is an alpha male who doesn’t pick up anything and just slings stuff wherever there’s an empty space
You however can’t stand when he does that
You’ve managed to get him to replace the toilet paper roll when he finishes one, put the toilet seat and lid down and take off his shoes before walking on the carpet
He still doesn’t put his jacket on the hook by the door but that doesn’t matter because if you’re both coming from somewhere, the entryway is going to be littered with clothes anyway ;)
Which brings me back to sex ofc
So
Sex happens everywhere
On the floor, on the couch, in the shower
Floor sex happens when you come back from a night out on the town and too many guys were looking at you the wrong way
Couch sex happens the day after the night out when you’re both nursing hangovers and all you want to do is spoon so you do but you also fuck
Shower sex is one of those things where it happens rarely and only if you’re both 100% in the mood like if you’re not, not happening
You have sex on the counter and it’s rough and hard and fast and sexy and you can’t get enough and you just want him more and more and more
Sex in an abandoned parking lot at two in the morning in Billy’s car where the windows fog up and you rock the car on its wheels until the sun comes up
Sex in your bed is by far the best though, of course
I mean, you’re both comfortable, you’re both completely naked, you can fall asleep together right afterwards
Bed sex is slow and sensual
Billy thrusts into you slowly and sucks on your neck
He runs his hands all over your body and through your hair
He lifts both of your legs up over his shoulders and now you’re in missionary
Billy presses you to his chest while he fucks you like this, your nails digging into his back
Not painful, but on the edge of too much pleasure
After sex time
YOU👏🏻ARE👏🏻THE👏🏻THE👏🏻BIG👏🏻SPOON👏🏻BC👏🏻MODERN👏🏻BILLY👏🏻IS👏🏻A👏🏻SOFT👏🏻BOY👏🏻
Road trips all the time!!!
You’re both so young and you’re already living together
You need some time to grow but who says that you can’t grow together?
Literally no one
So you drop everything for the weekend and go to the beach, rent a beach house but usually just camp out of the trunk of your car
(You convinced Billy that sex is better in the hatchback of your car than in the backseat of his for the trip. This is almost a daily argument that you guys have and it always ends up in test runs in both cars ;) )
You cook burgers and hot dogs on the mini grill you brought and wrap yourselves up in a giant ass blanket and look at the stars
Talk about the future with each other
Plan your lives together
Modern Billy being in love with the idea of having kids and raising them
He had a shitty childhood and being a teenager sucked ass
(In my AU, instead of projecting out onto others as much as he does, Billy also grows from his abusing father and has a solid relationship with Max after he moves away from his family)
So Billy would be in a constant wave of baby fever
He’d stop moms on the street and coo at their babies
He’d love to go to parks with you and just stare at the kids
Thinking of babies made him think of marriage
Which leads me to....
Billy is not rich by any means
He essentially ran away from home as soon as he was a legal adult and had his high school diploma
He had been secretly packing his stuff up for months and storing it at friends houses and in the backyard of his house
He met you and moved into your apartment with you when you both decided things were going to be serious
So
When he decided he wanted to marry you, he knew he loved you
He had spent his whole life in a rocky home
His father was never around and when he was, his parents fought so hard the pictures rattled off the nails and onto the floor
So if he wanted to marry you, it meant that he trusted you and believed there would be a future with you
He spent weeks hovering around ring stores, looking and looking but never finding the right one
He became frantic, sure that if he didn’t propose soon, he would lose you
He wouldn’t but he didn’t want to be right in his doubt
So after a romantic dinner and even better dessert (ifyaknowwhatimsayin’) you’re slightly disappointed because it was the perfect set up for a proposal
Like Billy splurged on you for dinner
You wore your new red dress
You rolled over and were half way asleep when Billy prodded his elbow into your back
Now you were irritated
You turned sharply to snap at him when you saw the look in his eyes
You’re left speechless
His eyes are so soft, this beautiful sky blue
His bottom lip is between his teeth and he has his arm out for you to roll into his chest
But first he says those words
“Will you marry me?”
You immediately burst into tears
Billy panicks
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Just forget it!!”
You smack him and say of course you’ll marry him, stupid!
You fall asleep after you calm down and Billy just has the biggest smile on his face
Out of everyone on the planet, he managed to find you
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We met in the summer. The summer before sophomore year. He was the boy, who always smoked us out, quiet type. Poor, like me, and had a mom just like mine, so I thought. In active addiction. June 25. The day he kissed me. We were high as hell at his grandmas. And he kissed me. And that was it. So I thought. And 2 weeks later at 16 and 17, we moved in together. Now for y’all to properly understand this story, it has to be all over the place. So for the first year things were good. It was the first real relationship I had. I did everything for him. And everything with him. I learned to do so much , to cook, to clean. Everything. That first year was nothing but love and four wheelers and adventures. He didn’t come from the best family. They were ALL addicts and very poor. Like I said before we both were poor but I was a little bit better off than him. So being together. We never planned on living that life, or being addicts. Yes we both smoked weed but we both saw what drugs did to people, hard drugs and decided than, that wasn’t gonna be us. We didn’t always make the best choices. And looking back now all we wanted was money, to do better for ourself and even tho we got a little blindsided. It didn’t start that way. So he started selling. And things were good. We had money and lots of things. We went to prom, his first and only prom, he bought his own suit and I’d never seen him happier. He was proud. It still one of my favorite memories. It was something he never would’ve got without selling. Things like this weren’t important or celebrated in his family. This same year, I bought him his first every cake. Imagine that 18 years no cake. I also made his first thanksgiving and got him his first tree. Me and him and my mom and all his family did this all together. Even tho they weren’t shit. We loved them. And they loved us. We had been so use to dysfunctional, its all we ever knew. So after the first year. Things went down hill. I still remember how. It was summer. And we stopped selling. I was working now. And things were good but we had already got a taste of the money, of the selling, and it’s hard to not go back to that. That’s what he knew and what he was good at, but it had become to risky. So to help out more, he also got a job, fencing with his brother in law. Now it was the summer before my junior year and his senior year. He was cutting the grass and had just got out of work. I was so proud of him. My dad has left years ago and left me and my mom a house. And nobody had cut the grass in years. It meant more to me than he knew. So I went to the store and bought a 24 pack of beer to surprise him and thank him. I look back and think maybe if I didn’t do that my life would be different. Because after that pack, he bought one, well at least one almost every day after. That whole summer we fought and He Drank. And turned to a drug, we didn’t do. There was days I would make him meal, after meal, after meal, and he still wouldn’t eat. I would cry thinking maybe it was my cooking or me. It was the cocaine. I was so young, I couldn’t tell. Thinking about how stupid I was. Hurts me. Physically. When school started I couldn’t get him to go, I cried every morning begging him to go and he wouldn’t. He quit his senior year. Later this year is when we broke up. He moved back home and Started selling again. It wasn’t long before he got busted. I remember finding out he was in jail. It crazy because the night before he cried to come over and I told him no and then he got raided. Imagine if I would have let him, he would’ve never got that first charge... they locked him up and he was gone for a while it was so hard for me. It was the first time we were really, really away from each other. Shorty after he was released and we got back together. I then moved into his house. After jail, it changed him. It put into perspective that he came from this shit and will prolly die in it. This is when the abuse started. I remember all the time in pieces, not in order. I try my hardest to block it out. The first time was at his house....
He beat the living shit out of me. I was confused. It was something I never experienced. After it was over I layed there feeling not so much as person but an object. He cried that day and told me he was so sorry. And I believed him. But that night when I layed my head next to his, I questioned if he really did. And even tho he said it was the last. It was the beginning to so much more. After that it was always a slap or a punch. He even kicked me off my back porch which was 5 feet off the ground. There would be nights, he would hold me at his house all night, beating me, then having sex with me, then repeating it all. He’s chipped my tooth, sprained my hand, left me black eyes, bruises. Thrown me, hit me.I think the worst was when he would choke me, one time I passed out, that day I think I even scared him. And during all this I stayed and even to this day I can say I love him still. Now if that isn’t sick and twisted idk what is. It’s not fair that you can love someone who hurts you so much. We broke up the again on my birthday September 7 2019 and later in March of 2020 he was arrrested again and did six month. We did get back together during this time, and it was rough. I did everything for him while he was in jail. But I wasn’t faithful. I hurt him: I cheated while he was in there. And lied to his face. I know this is what broke him. Completely. But after everything he did to me. I was finally free for the first time. 6 months no abuse no crazy ex. I know it was wrong. And when he got out he ghosted me. He completely ignored me until one day he invites me over. It has been so long since I had seen him and even after what I did to him and what he did to me. All I wanted to do was see him. And so I went. And for 12 hours I got the worst beating I’ve ever had in my life. I cried all night. He was drunk and hurt and found out about what I did. He didn’t let me leave. Until the morning. When he finally fell asleep I remember laying there, feeling dead inside. Like my body was there and alive but not my soul. I left. So now you’re here. And your thinking “she has to be done w him” but no. After this in the summer I keep my distance but when my birthday rolls around. He comes to see me. And I go. Now this time I had been talking to this boy. Who was just like him, but nicer, and while I’m there that boy gets arrested I’ll never be able to prove it but I know he had something to do with it. I left and cried myself to sleep that night. I was so happy but I let him back in. My weakness. And ruined everything. So I stayed away again. Until just recently he called again. I gave in and answered and started hanging out again. Now I have four felony charges bc we went on a high speed chase and he let me take everything while he ran. This to me was the last straw. I put up with so much for him to do that to me. I loved him and still love him so much. He has so much potential, we had so many plans and things we were gonna do and see. I feel like a part of me died. He’s not even the same person anymore. I’m mourning the loss of a person who still alive. He’s currently in jail looking at so much prison time. And like I said it’s so hard. Thinking about the life we wanted, and the life we are a actually living now seems UNREAL. Part of me wants to believe that the guy I met that summer is still there. But the other part of me knows he’s gone. And that maybe in another life we got it right but not this one. No amount of love or hopes or dreams can fix this. Or maybe he was never there.
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hi i feel really dumb about dating and it’s making me pretty sad but also I found someone who feels the same and we’re probs gonna drink about it this weekend so that’s nice to look forward to
so like. in middle school my logic was that I feel equally attracted to guys as to girls so obviously I’m bi, right?? bc when i thought about it at the time like I could definitely see myself being close to girls and guys were just this mystery group but like sometimes i got crushes i think so that made the most sense
and then in high school i realized that the reason i’m equally attracted to guys and girls is that i’m actually not attracted to either haha whoops and i haven’t actually wanted to date any specific guys since like early elementary school (and does that really even count???) so i guess I’m ace and homoromantic bc that makes the most sense
so then i get to college and a couple people have asked me out in the past few years but mostly I avoid people who might make a move or like... act differently until I’m positive they don’t wanna ask me out anymore. and that’s fine. I don’t have time to figure out my issues with vulnerability and why the thought of sex freaks me out like nothing else. I have friends and i’m not too lonely and things are fine
but THEN last year i met this guy at band camp. literally within the week i was determined that this kid is gonna be my friend, god dammit. He’s kinda quiet, kinda solemn, but sarcastic and funny and really nice and willing to do a lot for everyone, including strangers and people who have done him wrong. he’s into magic and dnd and overwatch and pro-gaming but he also is very aware of the issues within the communities and he’s very outspoken about all kinds of equality. basically, he’s a funny liberal nerd who has good fashion sense and cares a lot about other people. i’m going off on a tangent because i’m dumb and i don’t give myself many opportunities to gush about him
so we become friends (it’s slow-going, there’s a lot of times that i’m worried he’ll think I’m hitting on him or being creepy, a few times where i feel like i overstepped because i’m an anxious idiot who doesn’t actually know how to pursue a friendship that doesn’t come naturally and he naturally assumes that people don’t strongly want to be his friend) and by the end of the season we’re close enough that we’ve made a group of four to room together for a band trip.
last spring i realized that like... i really wouldn’t mind dating him. it’s just a small thought in the back of my head. the thought of sex still terrifies me, that’s still out of the question, but i like, want to hold his hand and be able to tell him he’s cute and i love when he dorks out and i love that he has all these random history and mechanical knowledge that makes its way into our conversations. but i’m also 1000% down to stay friends, in fact that’s preferable because I don’t know the first thing about being in a relationship, and it took so long to get to being friends that there’s no room in my mind to think that he would want to date. we also talk a lot about his dating life because he’s had some bad relationships in the past and he doesn’t think he’s good at it and it’s something that’s on his mind a lot. but he’s mentioned enough about his dating preferences that i have sincere doubts that he’d like me enough to get over his dislike of dating friends. so we’re fine, and I stop thinking about it
i sublet his apartment from him for the summer and we see each other probably two weeks total out of the summer break; sometimes he comes back to the apartment for events going on, i go to his hometown for a festival, we meet somewhere in the middle to see a dci show. but we’re texting every day, usually something near morning time and a decent conversation in the afternoon/evening and it’ll go into the night when (usually) i fall asleep in the middle of a conversation that i’ll respond to the next morning. rinse, recycle, repeat. i haven’t enjoyed texting someone so frequently, like, ever. near the end of the summer we talk on the phone a couple times, because he’s more stressed about things and he has like an hour and a half commute around the same time that i get out of lab and it’s a lot easier to call than for him to use talk-to-text. it’s nice.
band camp this year was super stressful. we’re both on staff so we spend a lot of the day separately handling things and getting to know people and doing what needs to be done, then we’d get (second) dinner after that and chat. he doesn’t feel like he can fill the previous section leader’s shoes. i’m optimistic and i believe that the staff are rough but manageable. we spend about ten days going to bed at 1 or 2, waking up at 6 or 7, and spending the rest of our time running around and playing music and getting to know 10 new members and welcoming back the other 20 members of the section. it’s tiring; we both got sick during it and tbh i don’t think either of us are 100% over it
i start spending a lot more time at the apartment, even though i have a job at my dorm. at some point i’m pretty sure i was sleeping over 3 or 4 nights a week. i would go a whole weekend without stepping foot in my dorm. we start getting more touchy. it’s small at first, but it gets to the point where we’ll do that hand touching thing that i really like, where we just put our hands together and fiddle with each other’s fingers (i don’t actually know what to call it, it’s just me fiddling and twitching but with the bonus of human contact) or he’ll give me a shoulder rub because i seem stressed. but also sometimes he’ll pull away suddenly or i’ll try to give him a shoulder rub and he’ll make a joke “you know how i feel about being touched” and he’ll move away. and i do know how he feels about being touched: it’s something that, other than some casual touches (a hand on the shoulder, that sort of thing), he only does with someone he’s dating. but also he’s initiating a lot of this, so maybe he’s branching out from that ideology? or maybe he’s interested in me? or maybe he just doesn’t know how to tell me that he’s super uncomfortable with me touching him and he really would like us to go back to not touching??? so i spend a few days stressing that i’m being a mega creep before he starts a convo about it and explains. us being touchy is nice but he feels like he’s trying to have his cake and eat it too because it’s something he’d only do with someone he’s dating and sometimes he does it and it’s like 30% unconscious and that wigs him out
so obviously the answer is that we (essentially) stop touching and that could be that but i’m dumb and i want to double check so i ask if it’s because he doesn’t want us to date and he says yeah, us dating really isn’t in his plan and sorry if that’s hurtful, and i could also leave it there but i’m like, a super masochist and i like being on the same page with people so i tell him that us dating has been a possibility on my mind and that i’d like to take a few days to like back off and firmly tell myself that we aren’t dating and we won’t be dating and to chill tf out, but i wanted to let him know that’s what i’m doing so i’m not like, backing out of being friends
and we’re both miserable for a week, bc when i try to go back to business as usual he’s acting weird and distant and my immediate assumption is that he decided that i am, in fact, a creep and he no longer wants to be friends with me but dammit, he could at least tell me that instead of looking sad and distant and not talking to me unless it’s band related
so i give him a couple days of that, and we do a campus scavenger hunt together because we had signed up for it before everything crashed on us and we were going to pretend everything is fine, god dammit, except it was awkward and he was sad the whole time and i was hurt and frustrated, but we won like 5th place or something so that was cool
and once the weekend’s over i text him something vaguely along the lines of “so are we still friends or nah” and he tells me he’s been isolating himself and he feels like everyone is better off without him and he needs to stop holding me back and nobody needs him so he should just let us all go. like he’s not suicidal but he’s depressed and bad at realizing people like him. so i go to the apartment and for the first time in like six months i knock on the door because i told him i was coming over but i also feel like he has a right to yell at me to go away through the door if that’s what he’s feeling
but he lets me in and he tells me he should just get out of my way because i don’t need him and i tell him that he’s right, i don’t need anyone. this isn’t about need. but i sure as hell enjoy having him as a friend and i’ve been miserable this past week when that was taken away from me, and he just told me he’s been miserable too, so why the fuck should we both be miserable when we could just stop being dumb and be friends again
but also now we’re both miserable (for external reasons, mostly) and i don’t want to stop hanging out so much because i feel like we both need it, but i also need to stop because it doesn’t seem to bother him but it sure as hell has me confused because i can’t stop thinking that we might as well be dating but if we were dating then i’d actually get to hug him and cuddle and tell him i love him
and i feel like he doesn’t really have other people to hang out with and i don’t really feel like i have that either and maybe that’s all the more reason for us to back off a little bit more but i don’t want to. i’m very weak and tired and i just want someone to hug me for 30 minutes and it’s not going to be him and i don’t think it’s going to be anyone rn so i’m just constantly sad and in need of a hug that will never come
i think i need to have another good sob session on someone but i’m fresh out of people that i’m comfortable doing that to, both in the sense that i don’t want to be vulnerable enough to cry on anyone and that the one person i would be willing to do that to is someone who doesn’t need to hear all about how i can’t get the fuck over him
#me#asexuality#demisexuality?#dating#any advice is v welcome#my plan rn is to get drunk with his roommate#but yknow#saying that outloud makes me realize how not-good of a plan that is#so maybe i'll just sad post in my room and cry on my homework#this is missing a lot of details obviously#especially for the current situation/atmosphere#tbh i just want to scream into the cold dark night then wrap myself up in a blanket and drink some tea and read a good book#but i! dont! have! the time!! to read for fun!!!#i shouldn't have spent 2 hours writing this post!!!
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