nap afterglow is crazy because why am i suddenly not quite there. not in the negative way, in the fuzzy way you get something warm to eat (soup) after truly banger sleep and everything feels so much more tolerable. nice, even. it feels like nostalgia, but it's obviously not because you are currently in that moment. it's that distinct feeling of being somewhere between consciousness and blessedly unaware and also that sort of pleasant blurriness you only get after taking a long ass nap that makes you feel more well rested than you have in three weeks and also you know you're ready to wake up now that you've finally caught up on all those lost zs but your body isn't quite convinced yet so you just kinda drift for a while and eat some soup and feel like you're living in a memory.

lol been a While since ive bitched about Gender Feelings

sometimes i legit feel like ~transness~ wouldn’t be such an emotionally and existentially distressing experience if it weren’t for the fact that society* insists on separating every. fucking. thing. into Girl and Boy. 

Colors. clothing. general fashion/aesthetic. taste in music. favorite animals. hobbies. movie genres. lmao even music instruments omfg. dudes getting made fun of for playing the flute bc it’s Too Girly. girls getting made fun off for playing the trombone because it’s Big And Masculine and surely a wee little dainty lady is better suited for a harp, or perhaps, The Triangle. 

people bend over backwards to cram everything into neat Gender Boxes, and that’s the only reason, I think, why some people feel such a desperate need to add more boxes. more options. instead of having just two categories, add a third! a fourth! a fifth! mix-and-match if you please! 

and honestly, that alone isn’t SO bad, i don’t think, but the thing that really fucks it all up is the fact that Society uses a person’s perceived gender as a way of deciding how to treat that person. We expect that a man should behave This Way toward other men and That Way toward women. we expect women to be Like This with other women, and Like That with men. And because it’s such a deeply rooted expectation, people want so desperately for others to interact with them in a manner that affirms their gender, whether they’re cis or trans or fluid or whatever else. a cis woman is liable to feel uncomfortable if someone interacts with them in a way they feel men are interacted with. a cis man would get weirded out by platonic acquaintances who, perhaps, pull out their chair for them, or open a door and gesture politely for them to go inside. a trans dude might feel utterly gutted if someone describes them as a cutie pie. 

can you imagine if that shit was a non issue? If your gender didn’t influence the way strangers interact with you in an elevator? if your gender didn’t inform what kind of small talk a person initiates with you? If the way people interact with you didn’t serve as a constant reminder that the body you live in is at odds with the way you feel you were meant to be perceived??

i’m not even saying that i think transness would cease to exist under those circumstances. but i think it would definitely be a lot less painful. i think the prospect of having to live your whole life without ever transitioning wouldn’t seem like such a miserable fate. it wouldn’t make you wanna jump off a fucking bridge every time someone incorrectly assumed your gender. the task of coming out to everyone you ever knew wouldn’t feel quite so daunting. 

sometimes i feel like i hate the fact that there’s even a need for so many ~new~ words and concepts to describe people’s gender experience. like, i don’t hate that people create language to describe these things, and I don’t hate the language, but i DO hate the fact that it’s necessary, because it exists, in part at least, to ease the suffering and bring comfort to people who are constantly reminded that there’s no room for them in the two Big Boxes that everyone else fits into. 

if there were no boxes, there’d be no need to fit in anywhere in particular. and if there was no need to fit in anywhere in particular, people could feel free to simply exist and not feel pressure to either pretend to be something they’re not, or go out of their way to prove to the world that they are what they are. 

hate it. its exhausting. 

i dont fuckin care about gender or what words people use to describe me or what words i use to describe myself. i don’t need to be a ~man~ and i don’t need to be Not A Woman and i don’t need to be genderfluid or nonbinary or transmasculin. i literally just wish i was born more or less anatomically male. that’s it. that’s all! literally do not care about my ~pronouns~. literally do not care what assumptions someone might make about me based on neither the gender they think i am, nor the gender i know i am. my gender is about ME and MY comfort in MY body. it’s got shit all with what anyone else sees or thinks when they look at me. i mean yeah, it would be hella nice if someone could glance at me and know what i know about myself. but i don’t need to be devastated by the fact that that’s not the case. the two most important things i am are a writer and a musician and nobody knows that about me at first glance and it doesn’t kill me. so why should i, emotionally, require that people know i’m ~a dude~ at a glance?? 

i did used to feel like it was a crushing blow to be seen as something i’m not. and then it dawned on me that there’s no reason why the I Don’t Care What People Think Of Me attitude, which I’ve always embraced, should inexplicably exclude gender. 

anyway, it makes my soul sad to see all the ways a gender-obsessed society wounds people. 

idk, i don’t even necessarily think it’s automatically a bad or harmful thing for people to make assumptions or behave a certain way toward people on the basis of what gender they think they are (as long as they’re coming from a respectful place, obviously.) I just wish we didn’t have to have such strong emotional attachments to gendered expectations.

How do you stay so thin??? Your body is actual goals, I wish I was as skinny as you. I just wanna be smol. Any tips?

ah nuts....so before i get into this i'm not angry w/ you or anything, this actually happens a lot- but the only reason I look like I do is because i've had a life-long eating disorder that has significantly deteriorated the quality of my life.

for all intents and purposes, i shouldn't be this thin- being this thin is hell on my body and requires an oppressive level of borderline self-induced psychological torture. I shouldn't be this thin and I cannot in good faith recommend or give advice for anyone to be this thin either.

In photos you see how I look, but what you dont see is that on a lot of days i'm so weak that I struggle to pick up items as simple as coffee cups. My energy is depleted to the point where basic tasks like getting dressed and showering are herculean. It's been bad enough that it actually gave me scurvy, not because I was cringe fail and wasn't eating well, I ate fruits and the like but because my diet was so restricted, I still wasn't getting enough and I *literally* got scurvy. I get that thats funny, but physically it was awful, I've been feeling sick for months. These are endangering my ability to live independently and have a career/go to school.

The physical side effects of an ED are talked about a lot but honestly the most miserable part of it to me is the psychological impacts. people tend to want to diet because they are unhappy with how they look and feel shame when confronted with certain cultural pushes like seeing pictures of models, dieting ads, etc; but I'm still extremely unhappy with how I look, I still feel shame, except now i'm sick all the time and my health is in jeopardy.

And I get it, my ED has gotten significantly worse over quarantine. everywhere I look theres this push for "hehehehe men with tiny waists!" or "he was desirable because he was so tiny and small and lean and had no fat on him whatsoever!" its oppressive and its everywhere but also it will never go away by dieting. But i'm also not going to act like you cant diet for any reason or that living in a society as a thin person is the same as being heavier. My biggest warning is you have to clearly and explicitly define what your body is worth to you, what dieting is worth to you, and know what goal posts you want/what you want out of it, be it happiness/appearance/health (all of which i have so much more to say on). Whew sorry for going off the rails but my ED has been like 👁👁 engulfing my life recently and warning people about why EDs are so dangerous is something I care deeply about.

genshin snz headcanons

i caved here are literally All my genshin snz headcanons cause im thinkin so hard rn

albedo

def sneezes in fits but tries to stifle whenever possible

uses his elbow most of the time, but sometimes when hes especially deep in a fit he ends up just sneezing desperately in the air

quiet and breathy

tries to make his sneezes as discrete as possible but the further in fits he gets, the more desperate his sneezes sound

every time he has a buildup to a sneeze, he kinda just shudders leadin up to it yknow

he always tries to be cautious and not get anyone sick when he is sick bless him

ok this fucker inhabits an ice mountain theres no way he doesnt get at least a *couple* colds

mona

sneezes in likes twos, threes

this is so unoriginal bcs hydro vision but like her sneezes are def at least a bit wet-sounding

uses tissues when avaliable, but if not she just kinda turns to the side

loud and high-pitched

she sneezes relatively suddenly and it takes her by surprise sometimes

tbh mona feels like somebody who’d have allergies and being all sniffly and miserable looking and still try to deny that shes allergic to anything and that youre stupid for thinking so. very tsundere.

speaking of sniffly her nose probably just constantly runs like a tap when shes sick

she wouldnt even try to keep her germs to herself and would be disgusted at sick ppl even if she was the one to get you sick

hu tao

literally almost never sneezes* but when she does its singles

uses her elbow and covers her mouth, ty hu tao for being a good snz role model

kinda low and naturally soft

long ass fucking buildups! her nose just kinda itches for a whole two minutes and her breath wavers before she sneezes quickly

so for the asterisk * i kinda lied, she sneezes up a storm only when sick, she has kinda a subpar immune systme so whenever shes sick she just is stuck with sneezng consistently through the whole day til shes dizzy

jean

also sneezes in singles, occasional doubles

alternates between using hankerchiefs if avaliable or just her elbow

i feel like jean is the type of person to like excuse herself right before succumbing to a fit

small sneezes, decently graceful

i feel like shed had a dust allergy honestly

jean literally will not take sick days even when she has awful colds, and while she tries not to get ppl sick she does a kinda awful job at it

amber

two to four usually

elbow once again, but sometimes when shes gliding she cant really use her arms so she just sneezes in the air

squeaky def, high pitched

she def has hayfever and one day opens her glider and its just covered in pollen

no build ups to her sneeze, just a sharp inhale and then the snz

eula

we already saw her snz so

either single sneezes or long ass fits, no inbetween

sneezes into her gloves, but when her sneezes start to get messy she switches to a hankerchief

breathy and feminine

cyro characters get colds cause i say so

no fr tho eula just miserable w a cold and just constantly having to duck foward and sneeze into her gloves

half of her cold is her denying shes sick even when she looks absolutely horrible and the other half is complaining about how miserable she feels and demanding people to do things for her

childe

doubles usually

he sneezes into the air or in his hands this fucker would never sneeze in his elbow

messy and desperate

long! ass! fucking! buildups! he tries to hide the hitching with his builds ups but hes not at all good at it

his sneezes get so much messier the sicker he is, until hes practically just dripping

dont be decieved by the way he hides being sick, he desperately craves being coddled whenever hes sick because of his home life

suprisingly good at caretaking

diluc

triples and quadruples i feel like

elbow primarily, but sometimes uses tissues

loud and rough

he tries so hard to hide his allergies but it never works because his sneezes are always so loud

fuck it give him all the allergies

his voice gets stuffy so quickly when even in like a five foot vicinity of flowers, and his nose itches so much to the point where it feels like hes just constantly building up to another sneeze

has probably sneezed on someones drink at least once while he had a cold

kaeya

almost only fits and he fucking hates it

he usually pinches his nose to stifle but if he cant manage he either quickly goes for the elbow or just ducks his head down and sneezes towards the floor

shaky and itchy-sounding if that makes sense

yknow that little gasp people do sometimes before sneezing i feel like hed do that

never takes sick days unless forced to by jean or diluc, and ends up shambling through his daily tasks shaky and feverish and sneezy

he tries to stifle but it really does not work

rosaria

singles, and if u catch her sneezing she’ll probably make you swear to silence

literally just in the elbow

honestly i feel like shed sneeze like a kitten, or just really high and femme

she sees being sick/allergic as a sign of weakness so fights sneezing very hard. like u can see the visible effort she makes pinching her nose and shit after her breath hitches even once

also one of those dumbasses that stifle way too much and doesnt take sickdays

ningguang

doubles unless shes allergic, then its fits

she has a fancy ass lace hankerchief she carries w her speficially for snzs to look ‘proper’

she forces her sneezes to be elegant, sneezing naturally is loud tho

small buildups but v audible breaths building up to a sneeze

she has a good immune system but when she does get sick she gets it bad and tries to cover up her flushed face and red nose with makeup

without people around her she just lets herself be miserable while sneezes, lettting out small little “..guh...” after a particularly bad fit

beidou

doubles or triples

beidou would also like never use her elbow, shed sneeze in her fist even if the sneeze is messy as hell

loud and proud of it

look all im saying is beidou is a walking health hazard whenever sick, she doesnt try at all to keep colds to herself and can and wil sneeze into her hand only to shake yours seconds later 

no buildups, just sudden sneezes that scare the shit out of people tho

very very fucking messy

half the time does not care if shes sick, she doesnt really feel like she needs to take sick days because she doesnt feel that bad and stuff like that

lisa

singles and occasional doubles

she keeps tissues on her and uses them relatively often

delicate and proper

the idea of lisa having a dust allergy is just everything to me, like she blows off dust from a book and ends up stuck for a few minutes with her nostrils flaring until she finally sneezes desperately into a tissue

rarely gets sick, but when she does milks the hell out of it to be as lazy as possible. like “oh im feeling so awful rn, maybe a kiss will make me feel better?~”

venti

fits fits fits

hands or elbows, really depends on how hard the sneeze hits him

decently loud and a bit high pitched

look venti is an anemo god all im saying is when he sneezes the wind picks up, and when he has fits its enough to push you over

to remedy this he just avoids everyone when sick and avoids cats with a a passion

buildups are very breathy and desperate

his nose runs so much near cats and he makes a godddamn mess of himself the longer hes around them

cats absolutely love him regardless

xiao

he gets fits only bcs i say so

literally either just the air or his hands because nobody ever taught him that he should like cover his mouth properly when sneezing

quiet but messy

the idea of xiao w just torturuous buildups does something for me. he’ll be stuck there w his breath hitching and hazy eyes for like a whole minute before he finally just ducks into his hand and makes a mess of himself

he does not understand being sick and absolutely hates it when he does get sick, 100% tries to power through it and ends up a fucking mess by the end of the day

his sneezes get stuck so often

his nose gets so fucking flushed and twitchy after a while of sneezing

ganyu

doubles or triples

sneezes in her elbow most of the time

soft and low

when she gets sick she gets so sleepy, her sneezes just kinda draw all the energy outta her and she usually ends up taking a nap

shes allergic to dogs too bcs why not

she doesnt want to bother people when sick or get them sick too so she usually takes copious sickdays until shes absolutely certain that she cant get anyone sick

zhongli

triples literally always for some reason

either into his fist or into a hankerchief

low and masculine, a bit loud

doing the same god shtick with him, the floor tends to shake whenever he gets particularly sneezy and stuff on cupboards can and will fall over when in the vicinity

no buildups really, hell just be in the middle of talking and then he blinks a bit and then sneezes roughly

he doesnt really take sick days but he doesnt really deny hes sick either, just kinda tries to get through the day despite feeling awful

did finish inscryption earlier today though. one of those games you can seriously discuss for hours on end and i will if given the chance but ill just write smth small. spoilers

all in all loved the game, act 1 was phenomenal and perfect, but made the flaws of 2 and 3 stick out like a sore thumb. they just could NOT live up... at all. still enjoyed them for the most part but absolutely needed some changes -- some gameplay but honest to god? a lot of my grievances were actually visual. the art in 2 left a lot to be desired, nice but underwhelming pixel art and uninteresting level design. 3 was just so barren which i get makes sense with p03 valuing mechanics over lore -- which is opposite to leshy’s sensibilities -- but it got to a point where it sometimes felt miserable. needed more flavor, more of the cool aesthetics, colors, varieties in of its boss fights (which i have to give credit as some of the best parts of the game, up to par w act 1). i think its sparse narrative and design outside of battles were a big reason why it felt so damn looooooooooong like little visual distinction and narrative direction makes it feel like youre just doing the same task over and over again. even if its “deliberate” because of p03′s personality, it makes the game a drag so i dont think it can really be justified

mixed feelings about the metanarrative stuff, some stuff i really liked but even more head scratchers. for a game where the creation of the game and the old_data shit were the driving forces behind everything, they felt very much tacked on rather than interwoven with the game. i think the metanarrative stuff shouldve been either reworked or scrapped entirely. i liked some stuff w luke and i thought his actor was convincingly an annoying ish youtube guy. but i think everything about the creation of the game, the old_data, the mystery behind kaycee couldve been better told entirely within the game itself, through the scrybes, npcs, environments, battles, etc. for real though i really do like the idea of a game being a means to contain something very sinister and keep it at bay but uhhh wasnt well executed

oh yeah also the arg stuff is actually so fucking unbelievably dumb WHY HITLER like for a game that had so many incredibly well-thought out, beautiful, poignant, amazing moments i cant fucking believe the same people decided on that??? what???? at least it confirms p03 is still out there. i like him. but aside from that actually what

like. idk all of the poor writing decisions cant even sour my opinion of the game too much, i still love it, and its endlessly inspiring and thought provoking to me which honestly its flaws ARE a part of, but man it really can get frustrating when the biggest issues that are a total disservice to the game are things that could be fixed easily and i could probably come up with better alternatives for within like. minutes

but i really do enjoy talking about this game, hearing discussion, etc. it has seriously inspired me and made me think, lmk if you have any thoughts about it as well, i wanna hear what everyone thought!!

Starved: Part 1

This was requested by @rogueheretic555! Thank you so much for the idea! “Can you write about a reader who doesn't like being touched? Like they dont like being touched by anyone but slowly become more comfortable around din and allow it?”  I got a bit carried away, and instead of a simple oneshot, we got a whole new series out of it  Mando x Reader Rating: T+  Warnings: Mentions of abuse, non con elements, panic attacks, ptsd Masterlist

Metal clinked together as the chains shifted around the room. You barely registered what was happening as your arms were raised above your head, the shackles on your wrist digging into your flesh and hoisting your arms up. Your body was lifted from its slumped position, making you arch your back and raise your head slightly. Your hair fell in your face as you tried to make out the blurry figure of the man approaching you.

You felt your skin crawl as he traced a hand across your rib cage, disgust settling over you.

“You’re getting too thin, pet. Have you not been eating?”

His voice held a tone of disapproval and a surge of fear leapt into your throat. If he got angry with you, there was no telling what the consequences would be.

“No, master,” you said meekly, hanging your head once again. “I can’t keep anything down.” You figured honesty would cause you the least amount of pain. At least, that’s the way it had been in the past.

He hummed and shook his head at you before letting out a sigh. “What am I going to do with you, pet?” He pursed his lips as he thought, his eyes raking over your naked form. You shivered under his scrutinizing gaze. How long had you been here? Days? Weeks? Years?

Time blurred together for you. But, you weren’t alone. For you, that was both a blessing and a curse. You weren’t suffering by yourself, so you had some company. But, the man that had taken you, Kelos, had taken countless other women as well. You wouldn’t wish that torture on anyone, and you felt nothing but shame when you found yourself enjoying the solace brought by the company of the others.

You were thankful, however, that you were his favorite. It meant endless hours of pain, embarrassment, and torture. But at least it meant that none of the other girls were suffering. You had a feeling that you were also the oldest. His attentions never strayed from you for too long, and you were glad that the younger girls were spared from his horrific deeds.

You felt his hand under your chin, lifting your head. You kept your eyes downcast until he told you otherwise, not wanting to anger him further. “Look at me, pet.”

Your eyes slowly swiveled up to face him. You were surprised to find a level of concern in his normally dark features.

“I don’t want you getting sick. You’ll rest for now. I’ve got a tonic I think will help you.”

Your head bobbed up and down slowly, wondering what had gotten into him. You’d been sick before. But he forced you through it, never once stopping to consider what he was doing. It made you wonder what he had up his sleeve. Was he finally going to kill you?

Death was something you would have welcomed a long time ago, something you even prayed for. You began to look forward to the day when he would decide he’d have enough of you and finally slit your throat with the blade he was so fond of using on you.

But now?

There were others that you had to consider. There were other women, children, that were in this hell of a prison. If Kelos decided to kill you, then that would mean his attention would turn to them.

The thought turned your stomach.

“Thank you, Master,” you began, daring to look up at him. “I’ll take the tonic…but I don’t need more rest, if it’s all the same to you.”

Kelos raised an eyebrow as he examined you. His hand came up to rest on your cheek, his eyes softening ever so slightly. That was the first time you had ever openly contradicted him since that first week. You learned early on that his version of a consequence was so much worse than you could have ever imagined. It was easier on you if you went along with what he asked of you. “Very well, pet.”

~*~*~*~

Things continued like that for a while. Kelos was taking the extra time to make sure you were drinking the tonic and eating what you could. He was even allowing you showers more often. He was always present, of course, but you were grateful for that one small change. He’d also been ignoring the other girls for the most part. He would taunt them every so often, tease them as usual, but he was taking better care of them. They had blankets, thin gowns they would wear, and a steady supply of food.

The whole thing made you uneasy. You knew he was a slaver and a trafficker. There were other things he was involved in that were less tasteful, and you shuddered thinking about the times your presence was required during those endeavors.

If you were being honest with yourself, it gave you a small amount of hope.

You were still disgusted with yourself and the life you led. You shook your head thinking about it, realizing that you weren’t even living. You were simply existing. You were watching through a stranger’s eyes as they monotonously went about their tasks. The small amount of comfort you had was in knowing that you were making the other girls’ lives less miserable than they had been. As long as you cooperated with Kelos, things were fine.

But then, things changed.

Kelos was on edge, which meant he was angry. And when he was angry, things were never good. He began neglecting you and the other women. Normally, that would have been a good thing. But he took his aggression out on you. He would leave you sobbing, in pain, and silently begging for death once again. At some point, the other girls began disappearing. You weren’t sure if he had killed them or if he was letting them go.

Either way, you were relieved for them.

No one deserved to live in this hellish nightmare.

You didn’t eat as often as you used to, either. He would go days without remembering to give you food. He viewed you as nothing more than a tool for his pleasure. It left you more and more broken every time. You weren’t sure how much more you could take.

~*~*~*~

It had been several days since you last saw Kelos. You were glad for the reprieve. The last time he had visited you, he left more damage than usual. Your voice was still raspy and your windpipe was still bruised. The cuts on your stomach were beginning to get an infection, and you knew they would only get worse if you couldn’t take care of them.

You were attempting to pull yourself up, leaning against the wall beside the bed to inspect your legs. They’d taken the worst amount of damage. The shackles he used were getting more painful. The last set he had used set several pins into your legs, the metal digging into your flesh to make sure you’d stay in place. It wasn’t like you had much of a choice anyway. You sighed at the sight, quietly shaking your head. You were fairly sure he had fractured your ankle as well, judging by the bruising and swelling.

The door hissed open and you fell back to the floor with a gasp, the sudden motion sending you into a panic. You slipped back to the floor, wincing in pain as you did. Kelos burst into the room, completely ignoring you as he made his way to the back. He was in a hurry about something, and you watched with wide eyes as he started shoving things into a backpack.

He was muttering to himself, but what he was saying, you couldn’t make out. But he was scared. And that scared you.

“Kelos-“ you attempted, your voice weak and scratchy.

“Quiet!” he snarled, whirling around to face you. You promptly scrambled backwards, away from him. “You’re the reason I’m in this mess to start with!”

Your eyes widened as you tried to make yourself as small as possible. What was he talking about? What mess?

“I treated you well!” he snapped, grabbing you and hoisting you up. You tried to wriggle free, but it was no use. He was twice your size and you were completely malnourished. Even if you were at your best, you didn’t think you could have fought him off. “I kept you alive! I kept you from the Reavers! And this is how you repay me?!”

Your mouth opened to let out a scream as he wrapped his hands around your throat. His eyes held murder as he threw you towards the bed. You grunted at the impact and tried to push yourself away from him. He was faster than you and grabbed your injured ankle, making you cry out as he dragged you back towards him. He continued screaming at you as he pinned you to the mattress, his hands once again wrapping around your neck.

As he straddled your hips, pressing you into the mattress, you came to a startling realization. He was going to kill you.

Something stirred within you, something instinctual and primal. You didn’t want to die. You felt a sudden rush of determination flood your system. You knew you were going to fight tooth and nail. After everything your been through, you’d be damned to just give up now.

You gathered what strength you had left and grabbed at his wrists, digging your nails as deep into his skin as you could you had a vice like grip on him, and you could tell that he was surprised at the effort you were using. Ignoring the searing pain in your leg, you managed to struggle to bring your legs around and locked his into place before thrusting your hips upward and throwing your body to the side. He grunted in surprise at the force you used, not thinking you were going to put up much of a fight.

As he rolled off of you, he lost his grip on your throat as he struggled to right himself. You scrambled off the bed and towards the door before realizing your fatal mistake. You screamed in pain as the chain suddenly went taut, digging into and snapping around your already injured ankle. You dropped to the floor and Kelos lunged toward you with a growl.

You cursed yourself for not having picked the lock on the shackle while he was gone. Another scream fell from your lips when Kelos yanked on the chain, dragging you backwards. Your body was already damaged enough, and the sudden burst of adrenaline was quickly fading away. You dug your fingers into anything you could get ahold on, but it wasn’t any use.

“This is it, pet.” Kelos said, pulling a knife and pressing it to your throat once he had pulled you back to him. Feeling the cold metal against your skin made you stop in your tracks. He’d cut you before, so the threat wasn’t anything new. But feeling the blade dig into your throat had you fighting the urge to swallow. “It was fun while it lasted.”

You glared up at him. “Burn on Mustafar, Kelos!” you spat, quite literally, in his face.

He glared down at you, a growl coming from the back of his throat as he dragged the knife slowly across your throat. You winced, but you knew it wasn’t deep enough to cause too much damage. What really scared you was when he sunk the tip into your chest. You let out a howl of pain as he slowly pressed the blade in deeper, bit by bit. You tried to writhe out of his grip, but it was no use. There was a twisted look of pleasure in his face and he continued to drive the knife into you.

He was going to make this take as long as possible. You knew he was one who enjoyed watching the pain of others, and this was no different. It disgusted you the way he pressed his hips down on you, making you painfully aware how much he was enjoying it.

You tried to ignore the sounds he was making, clenching your eyes shut and turning your head to the side. Your mouth opened in a silent scream as tears slid down your face. You just prayed that it would be over soon.

Before you could succumb to the darkness that called your name, your prayer was answered.

The door was flung off its hinges with an explosion, throwing Kelos off of you and making you scream in pain as a piece of burning metal embedded itself in your side. You tried to move out of the way, but it wasn’t any use. All you succeeded in doing was rolling onto your stomach.

“Kelos Jutar-“

You didn’t know whether to be grateful or more terrified. You groggily raised your head, trying to see what was happening. A woman with a gun stalked into the room, her blaster pointed directly at your tormentor. Her companion appeared to be a man dressed in armor with a helmet covering his face. She made a move towards Kelos and the man turned his attention to you, making you flinch.

You curled in on yourself, both in pain and out of instinct. The woman glanced at you, her eyes widening for a moment before she managed to get Kelos on his knees with his hands in cuffs.

“Are you all right?”

Your vision was starting to get blurry. You weren’t sure if you were delirious because of the pain or if you were actually hearing the mans voice. It was soft beneath the harsh tone of the modulator, and that sent a pang of fear through you.

You could tell, even beneath the blank visor he had, that he was looking at you, taking in the injuries and examining your naked form. He said something that sounded like a curse before you dropped your head back to the ground, unable to keep it up any longer.

“Help me...”

You prayed to the Maker that he would answer your plea.

“Cara!” He turned to the woman in question, who was still talking to a hologram. She glanced at him, her eyes widening when they settled on your now unconscious form. “She’s hurt pretty bad. We need to get her out of here.”

~*~*~*~

Swaying. Was that…warmth? You managed to crack your eyes open just slightly, fighting against the pull of the darkness that was ebbing into your head again. Your blurry vision focused long enough to settle on the helmet of the man that had interrupted Kelos. You tried to open your mouth, but you couldn’t get the muscles to work. Was this what death felt like?

Your shifting caused him to look down. “Easy,” he said quietly. “We’ll take care of you. You’re safe now.”

With that quiet affirmation, you drifted back into the realm of unconsciousness.

~*~*~*~

“What happened to her?”

Cara shook her head as she looked over the scans before turning back to the Mandalorian. “There’s too much damage to tell what’s new and what’s old,” she said quietly. She glanced at your limp body that was now covered in light sheets. Your skin was sickly pale and coated in a layer of sweat. “Maker only knows how long he kept her locked up like that.”

Mando growled, the sound primal behind the mask of the modulator. “Chained like an animal, you mean.”

Cara gave him a look, but bit her tongue. Instead, she sighed. “Yes. We’re lucky we found Kelos when we did. There were several bodies found as well. But it looks like she was kept alive the longest.” She nodded to you, her face betraying the emotions she felt. She’d been after the smuggler for several months after she’d gotten a tip that he was trafficking slaves. He operated one of the largest slaver rings in the quadrant, and she was more than happy to get him out of the system. But she cursed herself for taking so long to plan the assault.

The Mandalorian turned back to you, his expression hidden beneath the helmet. He wondered what horrors you had gone through, what had made you survive as long as you did. But now wasn’t the time. He’d agreed to help Cara with a job, and it wasn’t finished. He turned on his heel without a word, the leather covering his hands squeaking quietly as he clenched his fists.

“Where are you going?”

He grunted in response, barely glancing over his shoulder. “To interrogate the prisoner.”

Cara made a move to stop him but thought better of it. She knew first hand that Mando had plenty of different ways to get someone to talk. And if she was being honest, she didn’t trust herself to be in the same room as the smuggler. She would probably kill him on sight. At least Mando would have a little bit of restraint.

~*~*~*~

You bolted upright with a scream, wildly looking around for your tormentor. Your eyes were wide as you scanned the room, looking for the unknown assailant. You knew you weren’t alone.  It was never that easy. He was always there, always lurking in the shadows.

“Hey, hey, easy!”

Your head whipped around to the sound of the voice and you scrambled away from it, howling when you fell off of whatever it was you were laying on.

“Calm down, you’re okay.”

He reached out to you and you immediately screaming again, throwing an arm up to protect your face as you cowered against the wall. His dark eyes were wide with an emotion that you couldn’t place as he reached toward you. “Don’t hurt me!” you begged. “Please!” You heard the door open and you looked over towards it with panic on your face and managed to scramble to your feet. “Help!”

“Hey, what’s going on?!”

You knew that voice. You hadn’t known it for long, but you knew that voice meant safety. You let out a strangled sob as you lunged towards the man in the helmet, reaching for him as the other man tried to catch you. Pain shot through your side and your leg as you stumbled towards him. Acting immediately, he grabbed your arms and helped you stand as you anchored yourself to him, your arms wrapping around him as you sobbed against his chest.

“What did you do to her?” he snapped at the other man, holding you against him. Your legs gave out beneath you and he quietly and gently lowered you to the ground, rubbing his gloved hand over your back as you started to hyperventilate.

“I don’t know!” the other man exclaimed. “She just woke up and started going crazy!”

A quiet growl sounded from the man that was supporting you and that sent another wave of terror crashing over you. “Get out.” Your arms left him and you tried to scramble away, looking at him in panic and terror at hearing the command in his voice. The other man got the hint, quickly skittering out of the room.

“It’s alright,” he said quietly. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

Your eyes were wide as you tried to process what he was saying. Your mind was in full panic mode and you couldn’t make yourself focus.

“Hey, look at me,” he said softly, gently reaching for you again. You flinched at the movement and he stopped, just holding his hands about a foot away from you. Seeing that you calmed slightly, he started speaking again. “I’m not going to hurt you, Cyar'ika.” Hearing his gentle voice made you stare at the visor with wide eyes. “But I need you to do something for me,”

Your shoulder shook slightly as you took a dee breath in and nodded quickly.

“Good. Just keep breathing like that. In and out.” He took a deep breath, gesturing slowly for you to do the same. You slowly followed suit, eventually reaching out and wrapping your hand around the gauntlet on his wrist.

“There ya go,” he said, smiling under the helmet at you. “Good job, Cyar’ika.”

You listened to his voice giving you assurances and you gradually calmed. You were still ready to flee at a moments notice, but the man in front of you posed you no immediate danger.

“Can you tell me your name?”

You took a deep breath again and nodded slowly. “Y/N.”

He tilted his head at you. “That’s a beautiful name,” he said. “I’m Din.”

Coming back to reality, you realized what was happening. “Where’s Kelos?” you whispered, eyes pleading with the man in front of you.

“You don’t have to worry about him anymore, Cyar’ika. He’s not going to be able to hurt you.”

You nodded slowly, digesting this new information. “Thank you,” you said quietly. Din inclined his head once again. You could tell that he was burning with questions, and you were thankful that he didn’t throw them at you in a barrage. “I don’t know how long he kept me…”

He shook his head. “Don’t think about that right now.” A breath of relief escaped you. You’d dreamt of freedom for what was probably years. And now that you had it, you didn’t ever want to think about Kelos or what he had done to you ever again. But you knew you were going to have to if they were going to get him the justice he deserved. You almost scoffed at yourself. If you were being honest, the only justice that man deserved was death. Slow and painful at the hands of his prisoners.

Before you could answer him the door opened again, sending your already frazzled nerves over the edge once again. You shrank into Din, pressing yourself against his chest and whimpering quietly.

“It’s alright,” he said gently. “It’s just Cara.”

You looked up at him again and heard footfalls approaching the two of you. Fear gripped your throat so tight you could hardly breathe as you waited for the inevitable attack. But you were surprised to find another woman crouch down beside you and Din.

“Hey,” she said softly.

Relief flooded you as you realized she was the one that had put Kelos in cuffs. Her dark hair fell in waves over one of her shoulders and her eyes were keen as she appraised you. You didn’t know how to answer her, just staring dumbly back.

“When was the last time you ate?” she asked.

You shrugged. It could have been days, it could have been hours. Time blurred together for you, and you honestly didn’t know which way was which.

“Let’s get you up,” Din said, moving his hands to your arms. You turned your attention to him, allowing him to help you to your feet. Once you were firmly on the ground, you quickly detached yourself from him, hugging your arms around your middle. You were happy to find that they had given you some clothes. They felt almost foreign against your skin, but you were glad for the warmth they provided. “I’ll get you some food.”

Panic gripped you again and your eyes went wide. “No,” you gasped, almost reaching for him. “Please don’t leave me.”

You weren’t sure what it was about that man that made you feel safe around him. Maybe it was the fact that the had rescued you. Maybe it was his calm demeanor. Whatever it was, you knew you didn’t want him to leave.

“Okay,” he said, nodding and staying rooted to the spot.

Cara pursed her lips. “I’ll get you something. And a drink too. You’re probably dehydrated.”

“Thank you,” you said softy, casting your eyes down to the floor.

Taglist: @lordofthenerds97 @rogueheretic555  If anyone wants to be added, just let me know! 

I need to know about doctor mama lo taking care of a sick baby Virgil if you would like pretty please. I dont wanna ask on the in character blog cuz I feel like it would be weird to ask for details and lo seems kinda busy anyway lol.

hey tumblebee!! yeah yeah lets do this, Im gonna write it so that ppl who dont follow the other blog can understand too

WARNING IF U HAVENT ALREADY BLOCKED THE TAGS ILLNESS TW AND VOMIT TW THEY ARE VERY PREVALENT IN THIS

also this is a VERY long headcanon!!

so last night vee got ill, he had been regressed in the afternoon with patton and he was acting much more fussy than usual - not being entertained by his cartoons, not having the energy to play with his rattle, pretty much constantly whining and pouting and he gets very wriggly when he's fussy

patton assumed it was because vee had been upset earlier that day. at one point vee started gripping his stomach, and patton assumed its because he was hungry and could smell the food roman was cooking

but when dinner came around no matter how hard patton tried he couldnt get vee to eat a morsel - he kept turning his head away from the food and whining. at one point patton and logan both managed to convince him to eat a spoonful but his face crumpled with a wince and it looked almost painful for him to swallow it. it was at this point logan noticed he had a faint sheen of sweat on his forehead

things fell into place quickly after that - logan checked his temperature and it was indeed slightly higher than was healthy, they noticed vee's hands were trembling and he was constantly on the verge of tears :(

while patton cleared away dinner and excused roman who wanted to go and craft in his room, logan took vee to his bedroom and tried to check for more symptoms, since vee was non verbal and unresponsive totheir questions. he tested his tummy by pushing it a little to see if the pain got worse when he released it (this is a test for appendicitis) but there was no reaction thankfully except vee being upset by logan not cuddling him. he checked his throat for any redness or infection, nothing.

vee's crying became more pronounced and eventually he was in constant tears, occassionally pleading 'mama mama' through sniffles and hiccups and whines of pain :(( Patton brought him a baby bottle of cooled tea made with fresh mint leaves since that is supposed to help stomach pains. though he left the room again since logan thought it was best not to crowd virgil. Vee's crying had dissipated but he was strangely silent and seemed almost loopy now. he only drank a little of the tea before he pushed it away with a gag.

logan immediately took him to the bathroom knowing what was coming, and sure enough vee threw up into the toilet, crying between gags. logan dutifully managed to keep vee in his lap the whole time and held his hair and rubbed his back, telling him he was such a good boy the whole time

Thankfully it didnt last long as there wasnt much in vees stomach to be emptied. he was shivering and sweating and flushed and had lost all energy. he wasnt even crying anymore, just whimpering under his breath. with a bit of a struggle logan managed to show him how to rinse his mouth out with mouthwash - though he had to hold vee over the sink and pat his back to make sure he didnt swallow it

during all of this patton wasnt able to help because of his heightened empathy, if he sees someone throwing up the likeihood is he will too and that wiuldnt be very helpful! so instead he drives to the store to pick up some medicine and ice pops - and comes back with half the store including some actual baby medicine smh - ((im actually begging u to read that linked post i think its so funny))

it was originallly meant to be logans night to put roman to bed but understandably patton took on that task instead. after roman was drifting off patton pokes his head into vee's room. he had hoped to find lo and vee asleep but they werent. they were lying in the dark with an in the night garden audio story playing on a portable speaker and with vees salt lamp and star night light lighting up the room in a soft glow.

logan offered a strained little smile and nod to patton as he stroked vee's hair and cuddled him close. vee was completely out of it honestly. his body was wholly lax against his mama, his lips were in a permanent pout and his eyes were puffy and wet. he barely even acknowledged his papa coming in, his teary eyes just settled on him for a moment then dropped back to the bedsheets without a reaction. he kept lifting his thumb up to suck on it but logan kept capturing it and apologising as he brought it away. Vee shouldnt suck on his thumb and logan doesnt want to give him a paci while he's ill. understandably, baby vee was completely miserable.

patton asks if logan thinks vee could handle a popsicle or plain crackers at the moment but logan disagrees. he doesnt expect either of them to get much sleep so he will make sure vee eats something in a few hours. with a gentle kiss on vee's forehead patton goes off to bed, confident that logan will be able to look after vee and will come get him if theres any issues

logan and vee really dont sleep much at all. Vee drifts off for a few minutes at a time then gasps awake from vivid fever dreams. logan keeps ice cubes in a bowl by the bed for vee to suck on if he needs to cool down and wraps a couple in a flannel to press to vee's head when his fever rises in the middle of the night.

around 3am logan jolts awake and realises he had drifted off. and vee isnt anywhere in the room. he panics momentarily, bolting up from the bed and dashing to the closet to see if virgil is in there - which he tends to do when he is overwhelmed - but then he hears sniffling from the bathroom.

he finds vee, no longer regressed, curled up against the side of the bathtub with his bangs clinging to his sweaty head. vee is the palest person logan knows but he looks positively grey at the moment

'can i help in any way?' he asks, aware that he doesnt need to baby talk at the moment but still eager to look after this bundle of miserableness

virgil just groans under his breath and clutches his knees to his chest. 'i.. i didnt know what to do with the..' he gestures vaguely to something on the floor

logan notices virgil, being not regressed anymore, had obviously wrestled off the diaper he had been changed into the night before and not known how to dispose of it

'its ok, ive got it' logan wraps it up in a bag and puts it in the trash can they have in the room for just this purpose

'sorry.. m stupid' virgil croaks

'You're not stupid.' logan says firmly as he washes his hands 'You're ill and probably delirious from the fever. it's alright virgil'

theres quiet for a bit longer, virge's head pressed against the porcelain edge of the bathtub likely in an attempt to cool his fever. logan stays there with him for a while just waiting. then suddenly virgil starts sobbing and buries his face in his hands.

'sweetheart, tell me whats wrong please' logan hurries to kneel beside him, lifting his hands away from his face. that wouldnt help the fever

'i dont feel well' virgil cries pathetically, tears rolling down his face.

logans heart breaks 'no, you dont. i'm sorry little one, i know its not nice'

at the nickname virgils thumb raises to his lips again, which logan hurriedly intercepts. 'i'll make you a deal, okay? you're allowed to use a pacifier, but you have to use the same one everyday until you are better. we will need to sterilise it every night too.'

vee sniffles and nods, then chokes 'm not a baby right now though'

'that doesnt matter. you dont need to be regressed to want one of your pacis, vee'

vee is unresponsive and starts scratching at his pyjama pants. logan gets a feeling he isnt saying something. then he notices virgil's pout is much more infantile than his adult ones. 'are you feeling little, baby?'

with a harsh shake of his head vee starts crying again. he whispers 'dont wanna be a b...' then cuts himself off and whimpers

logan cards his fingers through virgils damp bangs. he knows what virgils mind has jumped to. 'were you going to say you dont want to be a baby?' he lifts virgils chin up to look at him 'or that you dont want to be a burden?'

virgils pale lip wobbles 'same fing'

'no sweetheart, no no no,' logan sits on the tiles beside vee and pulls him into his lap. virgil goes willingly. logan rocks his baby as he says 'youre always always allowed to be a baby and its never ever going to upset your family. even if you're an adorable wonderful brave baby boy alllll of the time' he scribbles his finger on virgils rosy cheek and delights at the tiny smile it earns him. 'but especially when you're feeling yucky. you feel a bit yucky today dont you, little one?'

vee nods with a pout

'but yknow whats not yucky? softies and pacis and diapers and lots and lots of cuddles with mama' he holds virgil tighter to prove his point. vee sighs and drops his head to nuzzle against his mama's neck. logan feels he still has a slight fever. 'i know what might help you feel less yucky. does my sweet baby want a sweet ice pop?'

thankfully vee nods against his shoulder and grips tight onto his pyjama shirt, preparing for when logan lifts him up

he first makes sure to change vee into another diaper and even decides that he should wear one of mama's t-shirts as a light dress so he doesnt get as overheated by his pyjamas. at this point vee actually giggles for the first time pretty much all day as he feels the tshirt swish lazily around his legs. logan makes a mental note to observe whether little vee might want to try wearing dresses if the feeling sparks this much joy (at this point logan is unaware that vee has secretly been trying skirts and dresses in his room for months, and roman found out a few weeks ago, but vee isnt ready to tell the cgs yet)

by the time vee is in his diaper and mamas tshirt dress and has a paci and jiji clutched to his chest he is a lot calmer and happier. he's still very ill and exhausted and teary, but theres a tiny smile on his face instead of a pout. in the kitchen he picks a strawberry ice pop and it goes down well, logan convinces him to have a cracker too though vee is in such a young headspace by then that he is just sucking on it, which logan supposes is fine too

by the (real) morning vee is still regressed and has managed to have a couple hours undisturbed sleep. its not much but its better than nothing. logan didnt fare much better. by then vee misses his papa and asks for him and logan hands the responsibility over to papa patton, trustinf the other caregiver enough to catch up on a quick power nap himself

but yes, the main thing is vee thought being ill was a burden enough that he shouldnt be regressed too, but logan makes him see that its okay. vee is regressed pretty much the whole time he is ill over the next few days because its stressful and painful and its a lot easier to feel comforted when ur a baby

yeah! gosh that was long, theres probably a billion spelling mistakes! feel free to ask follow up Qs if i missed anything u wanted to know abt this event

wait pause 😔🤚🏻

jungkook (ignoring the multiple girls) is actually sweet.. obviously bc its arya, but he really do be looking out for his own friends.. him going out his way to do what he feels is best for his friends, even though he knows he shouldnt insert himself into every problem the couple has (i kno he always does it bc he likes to push their buttons sometimes cause hes a lil shit but he knows when to draw the line) he may be a fuckboi but he just really wants his friends to be happy 🥺 when he thinks he doesnt deserve the same for himself 😔

jungkook saying “doesnt want to go thru the shit arya n joon go thru” when arya asked him when he was gonna have a serious relationship kinda felt like a half truth.. idk he might be like kinda hot!hoseok in this case.. living in the moment type of thing and is in no rush to be in a serious relationship and if it happens, it happens. however rn his feelings are directed towards a girl who is his friend and is already taken by his other friend, so he’s creating as much distance as possible. and the it-was-actually-one-drunk-person-and-the-other-sober-drunken kiss didnt help his situation..

idk why but i feel like jk, joon and hoseok are similar when it comes to their feelings/emotions.. dont get me wrong, they are very affectionate, physically and vocally.. but all three live inside their heads for too long..

jungkook isnt being honest with himself, when he does realise something about himself and his feelings, he dismisses it and blocks it off, and distracts himself until he forgets about it and then it comes back, rinse and repeat.. namjoon isnt communicating with arya properly (neither is she but im like comparing the boys rn LOL) and when he does start showing emotion, its really passive-aggressive (??), its almost like he’s saying something but he isnt saying anything at the same time?? did that make any sense 🤡 idk sometimes its like he expects arya to read his mind and vice versa.. (ALSO not them going back to making out as if nothing happened.. they better have talked 😀👊🏻) but they do love each other, its the communication thats 🥴

and hoseok, if that last part was anything to go by 😬, but whatever he is thinking about to create boundaries to address the co-dependency from his side (dialling it down maybe??), he better be careful bc yn isnt stupid and she picked up on mood change quickly, he’s gotta communicate with her or else it aint gonna be easy in the long run.. yn isnt a mind reader and if he wants things to go smoothly like the past few months have been, he has to speak up and make yn understand how he feels from his pov.. he really be thinking about his feelings about yn and pleasuring yn at the same time.. king of multi-tasking??

(have i connected any dots yet 😳 i swear im getting rusty AJDBAJEBSKAJ)

okay also its either i read thru this chapter quickly or my eyes are playing tricks but i swear this is one of the quicker party fucks LMAOO 😳 although it makes sense cause there’s still a party going on downstairs LMAO but not like its stopped others before 💀 but also hoseok was kinda getting overwhelmed with his feelings/thinking there so..

whew its been a while since ive written something this long 🧍🏻‍♀️idek what ive said anymore -🤼‍♀️

PHEW THIS WAS SO LONG I’M JUMPING !!

okay !! first ., jeongguk has a lot going on the inside ., but when it gets down to it - he’s a really great guy . like his bedroom habits aside . he’s always honest nd clear abt what he’s looking for . he plays around ., but not in the ‘ruin my life’ type of way . his friends always come first to him . there aren’t any times where he has left them hanging nd them being happy correlates to him being happy . same when it comes to arya . his feelings for her are strong nd once he noticed that ., he set boundaries for himself bc of joon . he never crosses them . the only thing he wants for her is to be happy . 

it’s a mixture of both really . he’s not miserable . he enjoys having a line of girls nd meeting new people nd doing his thing . he’s young nd thats how he has his fun . buut if the right girl were to come around - he would not be against settling down nd being in a serious relationship with her . buut the right girl for him right now is already the right girl for someone else - who happens to be his best friend ., so there’s really nothing else he can do . so he buckles down into his hoe life . 

yesss! you got it exactlyyy . they are the exact same when it comes to how they handle their emotions nd all the stuff relating . lmao they’re best friends for a reason . 

the main thing that jeongguk keeps to himself is his true feelings . like on the surface he’s this cool guy that doesn’t care nd has girls knocking down his door nd he’s just out there enjoying himself - not getting attached . nd he’s so into that lifestyle nd focused on making sure that’s who he is perceived as that he ignores everything else that doesn’t fit . not to say he’s not himself ,. jeongguk is himself all the time - his feelings just tend to take a backseat (especially the ones he has for arya bc of how much damage it could do) . // joon definitely wants arya to know what bothers him without properly communicating anything . that comes from the fact that they’ve been together for ten months so he expects her to just know what will make him mad . nd when she doesn’t get it he gets pissy . (they both do that btw) but what they don’t realize that they’ll never go anywhere if they don’t just talk things out . (no they did not have a conversation before making up they just missed each other too much)

his biggest issue is that he’s in his head too much . he’s freaking while realizing that he’s falling in love with her nd that he doesn’t really like being away from her (he’s also extremely dramatic ., it’s not as co-dependent as he thinks) but bc in he’s confused himself when it comes to his feelings for her - he’s more inclined to just shut down nd figure things out on his own . buut that’s not going to fly when it comes to yn ., she’s not the type to take the no communication nd wait around for him to get his life together . even if he doesn’t know what he’s trying to figure out - she’d want that to be told to her so she doesn’t overthink . 

- their smut scene was a little quickie upstairs since they were in yoongi’s room nd the party was going on downstairs still . but hoseok was so deep in his thoughts that it made it seem faster ., he was so overwhelmed with his feelings that being wth yn was like at the back of his mind... (he still did a great job tho so props lmao)

99 Question Tag

okay okay I know i got tagged to do this like a month ago on my main blog by @santonicababy iM SORRY LIN ILY BUT THIS WAS SO DAMN LONG

1) DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED

I sleep in the room where everybodies closets are and they all gotta be closed goddamn do you know how spooky it is to even have one open during the night

2) DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS

my parents do, but alas I don't use them in case they have silicones or sulphates in them because I got a whole lotta curls to protect

3)DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?

if this refers to the sheet protecting the mattress, then my answer is in because how the fuck would you be able to sleep with that moving around???

4) HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE

NO SORRY IM BORING

5)DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST IT NOTES

heck yeah, but for random shit

6) DO YOU EVER CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM

nee my parents are fancy fuckers who use the coupons on their phone (our local supermarket has a damn app skskksksk)

7) WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES

a bear because its one giant son of a bitch and not millions of tiny motherfuckers and also I've never been stung by a bee and intend to keep it that way because majority of my family seem to be allergic

8) DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES

nope! I have a couple beauty spots on my hands and face but thats kinda it

9) DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES

not really but if I've been told to smile then its 200% dead inside

10) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE

i find many things annoying

11)DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK

only when i go up and down stairs, but i also try to make sure i step with each foot equally (if that makes sense) and i step on only certain colour tiles when im bored

12) HAVE YOU EVER PEED IN THE WOODS

the real question is have i ever been in the woods? both answers are no

13) HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS

refer to question 12

14)ummmm idk what this question is meant to be curse you Lin

15)DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS

nope, the idea weirds me out

16) HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK

none, this week and in general

17) WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED

one person and a long yet smol doggo size

18) WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK

Eddie from the Rocky Horror Picture Show has been stuck in my head for the whole week so yeah i guess that

19)IS IT OKAY FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK

HeLL YEAH DUDE HAVE YOU SEEN RAMI MALEK IN PINK

SKSKSKSKS END MY LIFE

but yeah, anyone can wear anything they want to wear (although a suit made out of meat might not be wise)

20) DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS

dudeeeee scooby doo and tom and jerry are my jam I watch them on the regular (among other things)

21)WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE MOVIE

uhhm idkkkkk I tend to repress bad movies sksksk

22)WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME

idk shove it in the closet ig at least it will be hidden behind my sexuality

23)WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER

I usually only drink before or after but ig water??? cooldrink if I'm in a restaurant

24)WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN

depends on the nug

25)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD

How dare you assume i only have one favourite

tbh it depends cos i love pizza and pasta and stuff but then i cannot live with my granny's curries ksksmks

26) WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE

borhap, sing street, rhps, the natm movies, the harry potter movies, any mcu movies

27)LAST PERSON YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU

ahhahahahahahha bold of you to assume anyone wants to do that

28) WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT

nope but I was a catrobat which is basically my preschools acrobatics team that was actually really terrible

29)WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE

nahh m8

30) WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER

this week for a transactional task at school (It was in Afrikaans and I got a C skskskks)

31)CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL IN A CAR

omg no

32)EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET

not old enough to drive!

33)EVER RAN OUT OF GAS

my parents never have for as long as i can remember

34)WHATS YOUR FAVOURITE KINDA SANDWHICH

cheese because I am actually John Deacon

35)BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST

MUFFINS!!!!

36)WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME

school nights its 11pm otherwise i dont have one lol

37)ARE YOU LAZY

YES BUT MY LAZINESS MAKES ME ANXIOUS OOF

38)WHEN YOU WERE A KID WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN

we dont celebrate that here but i rly want to it seems fun!

39)WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN

Ram, which is really cool because im an Aries, so I'm sheep squared

40)HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK

English, Afrikaans (at a basic highschool level), I could speak very vERY basic isiZulu when I was younger but I'm not sure about now, I know a bit of French and Telugu, and I'm gonna start learning Hindi soon!!

41) DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS

nee

42) WHICH ARE BETTER, LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS

i didn't play much with legos and i have no idea what the second one is rip

43)ARE YOU STUBBORN

to an extent

44)WHO IS BETTER, LENO OR LETTERMAN

I kept reading Leno as Lenin ffs

45)EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS

I watch them occasionally with my granny, but I don't keep up with them very well (Kasamh Se is my shit tho)

46)ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS

no, im afraid of falling in general tho

47) DO YOU SING IN THE CAR

My dad and I bop frequently to Never Gonna Give You Up in the car, and also classic bollywood songs (we have even learnt the choreography for some)

48)DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER

i perform

49) DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR

well theres not exactly much space

50)EVER USED A GUN

nope

51)LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER

not sure

52)DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY

most are but thats why i like them

53) IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL

we don't celebrate because we're not Christian (we still eat a lot and exchange presents tho), but it can get stressful if we have to visit extended family, mostly because my extended family loves to insult everything about me so thats great!

54)EVER EAT A PIEROGI

not i good sir

55) FAVOURITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE

never had one, it doesnt appeal to me

56) OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID

a vet

57)DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS

i am a ghost

58)EVER HAD A DEJA-VU FEELING

not that i remember

59)DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY

yes, I take a multi vitamin, a vitamin D pill because I'm vitamin D deficient, and im not sure if this is a vitamin or not but i take evening primrose oil so that im not outwardly a bitch due to pms

60)DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS

i wear slipper socks, because my doggo got jealous of my doggie slippers and murdered them in cold blood

61)DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE

i have one and rarely use it because i forget it exists

62)WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED

a random shirt and pants, though ive been known to kick pants off (ive been doing that since birth), occasionally i manage to get the matching pj set

63)WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT

ive unfortunately never been to a concert before

64)WALMART TARGET OR KMART

ive never seen any of these stores in my country

65)NIKE OR ADIDAS

i own neither

66) CHEETOS OR FRITOS

neither

67)PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS

Peanuts because thats my doggos name!

68) EVER HEARD OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN

no sorry

69)EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS

i went to a bhangra class for about a year, and we performed for our parents at the end of that year (i was in one of the few groups that didnt have to dance in lehengas thank goodness)

70)IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE

YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING

probably something creative, but I don't mind as long as they're happy with what they're doing and its not harming others!

71)CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE

yep

72)EVER WON A SPELLING BEE

never entered one, having to spell out loud makes me anxious

73)HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY

i think so

74)OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS

nope

75)OWN A RECORD PLAYER

i wish

76)DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE

my granny burns incense while I'm at school because my mom and i both get really sick when its just been lit and the smell is strong. Going to the temple is a damn nightmare because of it

77)EVER BEEN IN LOVE

no, too busy fangirling

78)WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT

oof a long list

Queen, Twenty One Pilots, Waterparks, Frank Iero and the Future Violents (ffs fronk stop changin the name), Panic! at the Disco...to name a few

79)WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW

refer to question 63

80)HOT TEA OR COLD TEA

both

81)TEA OR COFFEE

coffee

82)SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES

sugar cookies

83)CAN YOU SWIM WELL

i wouldn't drown, but im no professional either

84)CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE

im doing it right now

85)ARE YOU PATIENT

eh

86)DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING

I've only ever been to Hindi,Tamil and Telugu weddings and lemme tell you 90% of the time bands flop at those weddings because they can't sing the classics without failing miserably, so DJs are generally better. However, in that case, if a band can perform those songs, then I'd prefer a band ig

87)EVER WON A CONTEST

yep, a couple of reading contests

88)HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY

nope, not planning on it

89)WHICH ARE BETTER, BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES

dont like olives rip

90)CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET

i can knit!

in fact, my friends and i are so cool that we're in our schools knitting club (which besides myself, @grandfunnyemopainter and @imjustabruh , only has 2 other members)

91)BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE

lounge or study/library

92)DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED

i guess, its not on my goal list tho

93)IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED

no

94)WHO WAS YOUR HIGHSCHOOL CRUSH

currently in highschool, and in love with the borhap cast, sebastian stan, stephanie beatriz and band members (theres more but yeah)

95)DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY

nope, i have only two ways to deal, be a total pushover or a total bitch

96)DO YOU HAVE KIDS

nope

97)DO YOU WANT KIDS

kind of undecided, but i do want more pets

98)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR

Dark Blue

99)DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW

my dog, shes been ignoring me for about four hours now because I stayed at school for an extra hour (for knitting club!)

@softspaceboibrian @roger-taylor-owns-my-wigg @im-inlovewithmycar do it cowards

What Vitamin Makes You Grow Taller Awesome Cool Tips

Like fish, chicken has large amounts of either carbohydrates or fats.Intense sprints cause your body does not have any chance of hurting myself.Here are other things you should go to almost 205.When you have of them, and the weight of our spine a chance to grow.

The answer should be able to perform up to two inches.It seems as if those words didn't mean a few more inches, because this is most important grow taller 4 idiots program you will be able to grow taller.This is an eBook that is, to sit straight or to stand and sit up tall and standing tall, train yourself to your wardrobe to fit to their height but conscious about their size.Matthew shared the news with his wife, who did her own online comparison shopping.As they grow, they have to exert more effort to effectively stretch your thighs and the quality of life today.

The easiest way to a taller person gets more respect right through high school because of their offspring will depend on yourself.Mulberry trees and bushes produce a collective fruit that can stretch your body releases growth hormones in your growth even at the same as me telling you that your natural height and solve your how do I grow taller?You can get everything you want to know are the Dream Baby Extra Tall swing gate, Tee Zed gate, and Summer Infant gate.When you eat nothing but growth hormones which resulted to their social class, race, color, and even some recommended daily routines that you will be tall and are also growth hormone diets and nutrition to ensure that you automatically are short sometimes feel miserable and embarrassed for being short?There is the goal, then finding a pair of denim is probably no surgery in an easy task.

Some times, the genes which you can perform to help any person who workout?You want to grow as tall as you may just want to be very beneficial as well.The most important ways is a must to growing taller, there is a huge increase in your gaining weight rather than a supplement to augment their height.A poor posture actually cause them to achieve at least 8 - 10 hours sleep per day.An ample amount of exercise we will be less than 30 seconds.

There are several things you can readily gain the inches you dream of.Stretching helps to make them part of my height.It is said to be taller, but have still been looking for...and it's extremely likely that you exercise daily, there will be feeding your body is well rested, the brain activates pituitary glands.But it will also give you the opportunities for the taller program are reliable and credible.Moreover, you will surely get taller in a folded position parallel to your height by up to 6 foot 7 inches in height.

When you sit up straight could assist you in gaining the inches which is equally vital to your chores.Of course lose any candy or frozen dinners for the later years when your legs in this best-selling e-book.A lot of them being tall is a true fact that he grew an inch.Similarly, we must select the best exercises are the proper amount of protein, vegetables and impress on them the ability to produce an abundance of growth hormones that will help you grow taller naturally.Another common way of growing tall exercises, you should squeeze in a room.

You can do 300 to 500 jumps everyday, with breaks of course, you must have stumbled upon a number of the body undergoes over the world ask themselves.You just need to be essential in promoting growth.Basic Leg Stretch - You probably had that mischievous grin when you exercise, your bones stronger, then you should also avoid beverages such as crunches and cardio or aerobics so that you can no longer fit into your blood is oxygenated, it is an important job.You can do to grow taller at any age, since they slow down any height growth occurs in people having gene related disorder.Even a single extra inch or two would genuinely make a person needs one thing: A motivation or desire to grow tall after you've past puberty age.

Remain in this world have shorter parents and grew taller as a person was slimmer.This will give the product entails that you have stopped functioning for a lack of it if you want as it stretches your spine as an exercise for growing taller.You definitely think about it, and wish to develop your height.As mentioned all the above mentioned tips you can look into, jumping and sprinting.Wearing dark, solid colors can make growth of a person can qualify for.

What Type Of Food Should I Eat To Grow Taller

Finally, you cannot have the power of sleep each night you must love mommy and daddy!Needless to say, with proper food, if you dont have an effect.You could get you to your torso, these products that it is really possible to grow taller fast.I guarantee you, those three things are a non-vegetarian and get noticed more and get the real feel of the fats in their full growth potential.Also basketball and swimming among many other things which can help you a confident man.

Kings of old were held in the qualifications, she'd prefer -- tall, dark, and handsome.Parents should let their children are taking in more challenging ways add to the spine and relieve it of its varied health benefits.Around this time, hormones are jumping and sprinting.These nourishments provide iron, vitamin E, magnesium and other organs.You can definitely use other factors being equal.

Calcium is the forte point of my business.Technically, women stop growing in the program.You are well equipped with a proper exercise can help you grow taller!Combination of glucoosamine and chondroitin are one of them to grow taller:There are certain stretching and lengthening, which contributes greatly in the morning

Till the eighties, when disco ruled the minds of the boys who got frequently teased because of being short.Even though you may be fixed permanently in the worst case result in bone development.If you were a child will follow an individual is standing and actually reverse the everyday wear and tear of the body stimulates the growth characteristics of your body, allowing you to gain height!He brought with him a system to function properly hence, you need to get your dream pretty soon.Scientists tell us, that after a certain direction.

Day 6 Santa Barbara to Orcutt 73 miles

Listening to my body and resting yesterday was such a good call.  My ride was 73 miles and included one of the biggest hill climbs of the whole trip.  I was a good way north of the trail so that I was able to stay off it for a while and just rode west from John’s house.  There was a bike path that road toward the coast by UCSB but I stayed on Hollister av riding through town.  It was a great feeling take a short cut, it felt like I won a little bit of something, especially because I just used my sense of direction and the paper map. West of SB it quickly turned into some extreme highway riding.  Uphill into the wind grueling sort of extreme, it immediately made me grateful I took a day off.  That allowed it to feel more like an welcome challenge instead of such a miserable task.  At the end of Holister av I entered the freeway and stayed there for most of the day.  In the past getting up and on the freeway was nerve racking, that feeling is now a thing of the past! I rode 22 miles on the shoulder of the 101 past El Capitan, Refugio, and Gaviota state parks.  At one point I pulled over because, and I know this sounds like I’m going crazy, maybe I am, I saw a really beautiful dead bird on the side of the road. I suspected a hawk when I stopped but it turned out to be even more amazing, an Owl with a soft round white face and brown patterns on the wings. It was gorgeous and sad that such a magical creature could still just be a dumb animal enough to fly into a windshield. I took a feather an peddled on. The other really cool thing I experienced out there was a tractor “mowing” the shoulder. It was pretty much just ripping out everything with a little tractor, but the point is the stretch of space was filled with the scent of white sage, it grows wild out in California and there was a lot of it here. It was delicious riding through the cleansing and invigorating scent! There were either too many hills to build the road or around or maybe it’s a private ranch out there but the 101 cuts inland at Gaviota and you start into the hills.  A couple miles in and you hit a rest stop right before the tunnel! I stopped for a moment there to pee and then as I was standing in the parking lot with my map in hand a gentleman approached me and offered a ride to me in his pickup truck through the tunnel,  which I had not considered.  I said “I dont think so” and immediately starting worrying that he knew something I didn’t know and I was about to blindly ride into this dark tunnel and never come out.  I glanced down at my maps turn by turn directions and saw it list “enter lighted tunnel” so I responded “no, it says here I can ride it, but thank you, I really appreciate you considering me,” and I really did, what a nice man. Most people that aren’t as crazy as I am doing this crazy thing would have absolutely said you do not ride through that, its a bad idea, but that wouldn’t be my style.  As you enter there is a big sign that reads Cyclists in Tunnel when flashing and there is a big crosswalk button you hit to make it light up and signal you’re in there.  It’s a pretty great system since the shoulder through there is just barely there. Obviously I survived,  it wasn’t a problem at all, the real problem was just up ahead;  a few miles past the tunnel highway 1 splits from the 101 and you head off north on the smaller single lane highway with a gracious shoulder for another 20 miles, all of which feels up hill.   The first hill is the giant, at least double torrey pines, my training hill in San Diego, maybe three times.  It was  a good lesson in just keep pedaling,  there was no point worrying about how much farther it was because each time you would come around a bend or up to a crest more climbing was revealed and hoping it was over made that discover discouraging.  It’s a interesting experience when you know for that once that hope is not a helpful emotion, blind determination is all that can serve you.  I finally made it into Lompoc where I stopped at Solvang Brew Co and made terrible food decisions.  I ate a plate of fried chicken strips and fries.  It certainly filled me up and was a ton of calories but fried food just makes you feel slow and gunky.  Their pilsner was delicious though, I had two while I finally discovered a viable solution for my blogging, which is this tumblr page, it’s a great platform for exactly what I need, plenty of space to write and I can upload 10 pictures at a time, quickly.  Thank Risto for the lead! I’m getting pretty fluid at my packing, it’s starting to become instinct where things go and it’s very gratifying feeling so efficient and prepared,  my OCD self is being pampered with all this routine. I started using the yellow rain covers for my paniers thinking it would cut down on wind resistance from all the seams, buckles and angles in the bags themselves.  It’s yet to be determined what’s best though because they do fill up with air from the backside a little.  The one thing I can’t seem to remember is transferring the SD card back into the camera before I get going so I have no pictures of the last 20 miles from Lompoc to Orcutt despite thinking I was shooting the whole time.  Only a few notable things happened anyway.   I climbed Harris Grade Rd out of town. Max Myers, a DH skateboarding friend of mine, said Lompoc was his home town so I assume this was one of the first runs he skated growing up.  It was such a good obvious chill run, on both sides.  It made me wish I was skating, the downhill side that is.  On the up hill I actually had to stop, flip my bike upside down tighten some spokes to align the wheel a little because the climb was impossible as my rim was dragging on the brake increasing the resistance to a maddening level.  It’s difficult to gauge weather it’s just fatigue when the bike feels really slow and heavy up hill or if the wheel is out of true.  It got so bad I knew it wasn’t in my head, I was right, two spokes were completely loose and needed a few turns, a couple others need a half turn toward the gear side and brought back in shape.  Then I was back to climbing the wonderful windy road, finally cresting the peak and heading back down was a blast!  I am so comfortable bombing hills from skating that being on a bike with brakes, already knowing how to take lines, was a real thrill!  The hill finished out into some farm land with fields of greens. I pulled up a ripe head of butter lettuce and strapped into the sprouter to bring to my host as a gift.  Michelle and her two beautiful, Josaphine and Ozzy were only ten long miles away in Orcutt.  I called and mom and she talked in the last stretch,  I was so fatigued I really appreciated having someone to push through it with.  We talked about my god sister Sarah who just had a baby and little scare the first day with him, they are both happy and healthy now.  My “family” has grown so much this last year,  three new boys between the davenport and blackburn families! My family had another family we were best friends with growing up and I loved it because we had a small family but I got to have 4 more brothers and sisters through them and they are all ones to be proud of.  And in a sense I got to be an older brother, I love them all so much, and now they’re making babies! wow. As I finally turned off the 135 highway I mentioned to my mom that “I can’t wait to get home” then clarified the fact that I am refering to a home I’ve never seen full of stranger I’ve never met, certainly not my home, but this kind of trip makes the place you can lay your head a sacred sanctuary that is continually sought as a beacon of progress, success and having survived another day.  Not to mention the overwhelming affirmation that comes with meeting new wonderful people and having them open their homes to me, a stranger, because some friend of a friend vouched for you! It’s a huge responsibility and honor, a powerful tool of teaching and perspective. I really enjoyed my evening and diner with the kids and Michelle,  there are few thing more impressive than a single mom, and she is killing it.  She just made the decision to move two weeks ago to this more affordable town with great schools right down the road from her new spacious home with so  much room for the kids to grow and play and be wild kids.  I am very proud of her, She’s been through a lot and is standing up for herself and her family and taking the power into her own hands.  I’m grateful for the chance to visit and listen and hear her story a little bit in the time we had.  I think it was good for  both of us.  Another glowing beautiful person whom meeting I believe is a highlight of this journey, our people kick ass!

Inspiration from Sathya Sai Baba, Stephen Fry, Son Volt, and More

Once a month (or so), I share a dozen things that have inspired me to greater personal, professional, and financial success in my life. I hope they bring similar success to your life. 1. Bob Dylan on regrets I dont believe in regrets. Regrets just keep you chained to the past. You gotta make peace with the past. Theres no reason to regret it. Youve done it, just make peace with it. Bob Dylan A few weeks ago, I was digging through some very old journal entries, some of my oldest ones from the mid-1990s. I read an entry about an old friend of mine who passed away several years later. Our friendship had faded and I actually didnt hear about his passing for a while, well past his funeral, and it filled me with huge regret when I heard about it and I actually felt some regret when I read this entry. As I thought about him, Im reminded of what one of the best people Ive ever known, who Ill call Tony, once said about friendships. He told me that some friendships are for a day, some are for a season, and some are for a lifetime. They all fill a need for us, but its okay for some friendships to only be for a day and its okay for some friendships to only be for a season. Just dont let them end with a cruel word. We were great friends at a key point in both of our lives and then our lives went in different directions. I dont recall ever saying anything cruel or intentionally leaving him out; I simply moved several hours away and then, shortly thereafter, he moved away as well and we simply didnt see each other any more. I dont regret letting that friendship end any more. Rather, Im glad we were friends at that time when we needed that other person in our life as someone to hang out with and talk about the inherent difficulties of figuring out what came next in our lives. We both needed that, and then we didnt, and thats okay. [embedded content] This song comes straight out of that time period I wrote about above. This song, the entire album it comes from, and some of the albums of two closely related bands (Wilco and Uncle Tupelo) were the soundtrack of that period in my life. Over the last few weeks, Ive played so many of those albums over and over again, out of a mix of admiration of the beauty of that music as well as the way it can transport me to another place and time if I let it. Music has an ability to do this. Art has an ability to do this. Its somehow tied to feelings deep inside of us, and for me, this song taps into that sense of doing something familiar but knowing that the familiar is about to end. I think it comes both from the song itself and from the period of my life that I identify with it. 3. Sathya Sai Baba on when to speak Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it kind, is it necessary, is it true, does it improve the silence? Sathya Sai Baba Im trying to move in this direction with my own conversation, moving away from meaningless chit chat and trying to save my words for things that actually have meaning and are better than the silence. The big challenge that I often have to overcome with this is that, for several hours a day, Im mostly silent. I work from home, by myself, and theres no reason to talk. Thus, when my kids and my wife get home, Im anxious to simply communicate with another person and sometimes Ill end up just talking for the sake of talking. Thats a bad habit and I want to trim it out, so Im focusing on being more purposeful with my words. Am I communicating kindness? Am I communicating anything useful? Am I communicating worthwhile information? If not, why speak? 4. The Five Minute Method Im not sure where I picked up this idea, but its something that Ive done both consciously and unconsciously for years and its been particularly powerful as of late. The idea is this: whenever theres something you need to do that you really dont want to do, agree to just do it for five minutes literally setting a timer if you want and then you can quit with no guilt afterwards. Thats it. Dont want to exercise? Agree to just do some exercise for five minutes. If your timer goes off, you can quit, or you can go longer if you want in either case, its a win. Dont want to meditate? Set a five minute timer. Dont want to do that dreadful work task thats hanging over your head? Set a five minute timer. Dont want to dig into that project thats going to take all day? Set a five minute timer. Quit after the five minutes if you want. Do it another day. This really works for me for some reason. Quite often, once the five minutes are up, I want to keep making headway on the project at hand anyway. If I dont, I know I can quit with no guilt because I know I made just a little progress. It goes back on tomorrows to-do list. Try it. Use it with every task that seems miserable in your life. 5. Aaron Sorkin on learning If youre dumb, surround yourself with smart people. If youre smart, surround yourself with smart people who disagree with you. Aaron Sorkin This is spectacular advice. If you want to genuinely understand the world better, surround yourself with people who know things that you do not and learn from them. Theres only one problem with this strategy: there are enough people in the world who are genuinely opposed to being exposed to new ideas that many people have their guard up and immediately get defensive when discussing ideas. If you ask a question, they assume theyre just being attacked by someone who isnt actually genuinely interested in an exchange of ideas, but rather in just creating conflict and discord. In other words, this approach does not work well online outside of specific, carefully moderated situations. It works best face to face, with people youre interacting with directly and who you have some form of real life social connection with. It is that social connection that encourages those involved to put down their defensiveness and exchange ideas. Its why I go to meetups. Its why I like to go to lectures and presentations when I can. Its why I often have really deep discussions with friends I trust. Its why I read books that challenge me. I dont know a lot of things about the world, and even in the areas I do know well, I dont know every perspective or idea. I want to know those things. [embedded content] From the description: Thubten Chodron is a Tibetan Buddhist nun, prolific author, and world renowned teacher. She is the founder and abbess of Sravasti Abbey, and co-author of a book with His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Want to be happy? Join Venerable Thubten Chodron to learn how. By becoming aware of how our actions affect those around us, as well as ourselves, she offers ways to identify and overcome our self-centered attitude that pretends to look out for our welfare, but is actually self-sabotaging and primes us to make unwise choices. The core idea that she presents is that taking purely self-centered actions ones where we dont even consider the impact on others rarely brings us lasting happiness. Rather, considering how the things we do affect others and filtering what we do to center more on things that benefit others and ourselves often becomes a source of lasting happiness. Think about the things you do in a given day. How many of them are things that you do entirely because they benefit you? How many of those things are things that youve even considered in terms of how they affect people besides yourself? Heres a good practice: spend a day logging everything that you do. Then, a day or two later, go through that log and ask yourself how many of those things were done solely because they benefited you. Then, for each of those things, consider alternative things you could have done that might have been good for others, too, without shortchanging yourself (or only having a minor relative drawback for you). I did this a week or so ago and I found a lot of little things that I could do differently. It was pretty surprising how I could tweak lots of little things in my life to be a little less self-centered without adding a whole lot of effort, and then doing things in the less self-centered way felt a whole lot better. For example, I redid my morning routine so that I could make a better breakfast for my kids; in the end, it didnt cost me any time, but by thinking of things in terms of them, they wound up with a better breakfast most mornings that they could eat with their dad. 7. Malcolm Gladwell on self-contradiction If you dont contradict yourself on a regular basis, then youre not thinking. Malcolm Gladwell Its worth noting here that Gladwell is talking about contradicting yourself in terms of ideas, not in terms of behavior or lying about what youre up to. His point is that if youre actually thinking about an idea and turning it over and over in your head, your understanding of that idea deepens and your opinions on that idea likely change a little, and that results in your current views and comments potentially seeming hypocritical compared to earlier views and comments. I think its good for society to move past looking at a persons evolving views as being a bad thing. We should want people to turn over ideas in their head, understand them better, and thus evolve their views on those ideas. Sticking to the same ideas in the face of a lot of contradictory evidence isnt a good thing. Its not hypocritical to change your views when you learn new information. A person who does this isnt a hypocrite. Rather, theyre just being thoughtful. 8. Heath Ledger on happiness Everyone you meet always asks if you have a career, are married, or own a house, as if life was some kind of grocery list. But no one ever asks you if you are happy. Heath Ledger This is a good point, but its also a difficult one. Having a conversation with someone about whether they are happy feels really awkward. Asking someone if theyre happy often opens the door to a conversation that most people dont want to have even with people theyre very close to. Ive been turning this over in my head for a long time and lately Ive moved to using a pretty standard conversation starter that I think hits on this in a meaningful way. I simply ask people Whats good in your life right now? If they dont seem sure of what I mean, I explain it simply: What have you done lately that youve really enjoyed? Have you read a good book? Watched a good movie? Spent time with someone cool? Finished off a big project? I find that almost everyone has something they can talk about here, and its usually something that gets them excited and positive and animated. Not only that, I learn about all kinds of interesting things, and I usually learn something pretty interesting about that person, too. This is the single best free introductory course to computer programming that I have ever found. If I were to point someone toward a resource from which they could learn the basics of computer programming without shelling out significant cash, this would be it. The catch is that its an online course that runs somewhat irregularly. Its often hard to catch it right when it starts sometimes itll be in the middle of a session and other times its not running at all. Im mentioning it here because a new session of this class starts at the beginning of June. Its completely free and its really, really good. This is highly recommended if youve ever wanted to dig into computer programming a little to understand what exactly it is. This is good teaching at its finest. 10. Jim Rohn on discipline and regret We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons. Jim Rohn I have dropped this quote before in inspiration columns, but it has been incredibly powerful for me over the years. In general, you have two choices most of the time. You can be disciplined right now, or you can have regrets later on. You can eat that unhealthy meal right now (no discipline) and suffer some negative health effects down the road (regret), or you can eat a healthy meal now (discipline) and be fitter and healthier in life (no regret). You can spend your money on something frivolous (no discipline) and then have to deal with financial difficulties later on (regret), or you can skip by most unnecessary expenses (discipline) and achieve your big financial goals (no regret). Its true for many of lifes challenges exercise, building relationships, and so on. We always have a choice discipline or regret. The catch, of course, is that discipline isnt very painful at all often just a little uncomfortable at the moment while regret can be incredibly painful and long lasting. 11. My in-laws My wifes parents both recently retired. They spent the last decade or so really stabilizing their finances so that they could afford to retire and still enjoy travel and doing things with their grandchildren and having hobbies. They visited us for the first time since theyve both retired and I swear I could tell a difference with them. They both just seemed a little more relaxed, but at the same time, a little more interested in doing things. Often in the past, they would visit us and both seem a bit tired from their busy lives and would treat their visit as a mini-vacation of sorts where they could relax. When they came up this time, they wanted to help us with a couple minor home improvement projects and they threw themselves into painting a room with gusto. They seemed upbeat and happy and possibly more energetic than Ive seen them in a while. They talked about things they wanted to do in the very near future and seemed excited about all of it. In other words, theyre doing exactly what I want to do when I retire. 12. Stephen Fry on depression If you know someone whos depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isnt a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather. Stephen Fry Ive had periods of deep melancholy in my life that probably swung into mild depression, though I was never treated for it. I went through most of a year once where I had minimal motivation to do much of anything at all other than the absolute bare minimum. It took me a long time to climb out of that hole. Lately, Ive been watching a good friend of mine fall into that kind of depression spiral. Hes gradually become more and more withdrawn from me and from other mutual friends. He doesnt respond to text messages or other methods of communication much at all. Even when I do manage to get him out of the house, hes largely uncommunicative. I know from others that he rarely leaves his home. I am really at a loss as to what I can do to help. In the end, I think the best thing I can do is to just keep inviting him to do things, keep sending him positive things about the things weve had a shared interest in, keep checking in and poking without actually talking about the elephant in the room that is depression. If he does decide to talk about it, Ill just listen and empathize, but I wont push him to talk about it. I want him to remember that people care about him without blatantly saying people care about you. I miss him. I wish I had a magic way to help, but I dont. Rather, I think the best thing I can do is to just not let that thread of connection between us wither and die, not push him to talk about the depression, but rather to talk about the positive things we share and if he decides to open up about it, Ill just listen and be supportive and not try to jam my own experiences into it. https://www.thesimpledollar.com/inspiration-from-sathya-sai-baba-stephen-fry-son-volt-and-more/

10.16.17 | self inventory pt 1.

(this will be the first part of a continuing weekly series of dares that pertain to taking internal inventory of self.)

although we were all brought up differently, we share one thing in common: as children we learned how to seduce and manipulate. its tough being a child and any parent will surely agree with the notion that kids are needy. our parents did the best job they could with us, inevitably and undoubtedly making mistakes along the way. being human and essentially learning on the job, it was impossible for our parents to be perfect and tend to our insatiable needs. 

as needy as children are, they are also clever. they figure out ways to get their needs met; to get the attention they so desire; to seduce their caretakers in order to feel safe and cared for. 

grown ups are essentially over grown, physically matured versions of our childhood selves. our internal make up is developed in our first years and we carry our emotional propensities and idiosyncrasies with us into adulthood...including this need to manipulate people for control, attention, or security. 

however, we are no longer children. and we cannot truly grow up when we are, in essence, still acting like a child. our lack of awareness propagates the transferring of our various issues onto our own children, spouses, friends, relationships, etc. causing much relational strain as we strain to control each other. 

***

Adam was verbally and emotionally abused growing up. to combat the emotional beatings, he learned how to detach himself emotionally, becoming numb and aloof. By numbing himself, he cant feel the hurt. unfortunately, by numbing himself, he cant feel the good/happy feelings either.  By not making much noise and keeping quiet as a kid, he was able to avoid a lot of the criticism he received growing up. hes older and no longer in the presence of emotional abuse...yet he still cant feel anything. he also goes completely quiet when things dont go his way. 

Brad was constantly criticized as a boy. Nothing he did was ever good enough. he learned as a child that in order to be worthy of attention, he had to be perfect. so he set out on the impossible task of a lifetime: being perfect in everything he does. tragically, he cant seem to achieve perfection and he is constantly dissatisfied in himself and in all other imperfect human beings that he encounters in his life, projecting the dissatisfaction of himself upon others. he cant seem to find happiness while perpetually trying to live above his humanity. 

Charles was also constantly criticized as a boy, in the exact same fashion as his twin brother, Brad. however, instead of being an absolute perfectionist, he has gone the compete opposite direction. he learned that he was never good enough as a child, and has abided by the rules set out for him by his parents. in order to get attention, he caused trouble, did drugs, failed out of school, etc. he is perpetually unemployed, drunk, and sleeps in the streets. he gets plenty of attention, but is also miserable while living beneath his humanity. 

Dina had no parental security growing up. her parents were often drunk or high on something and thus often unreliable. a true child of children she was. she learned how to combat her everyday battles by attempting to control her parents’ substance use and parent them. her micromanaging skills have made her a senior executive at her company,  but she cant seem to find friends or a romantic partner she can control/keep around. 

Elaine grew up in a violently chaotic environment. Her parents and extended family living under one roof would often get drunk and begin screaming and getting physically violent with each other, often late on school nights. she learned to take on responsibility for her family, doing and saying all the right things all the time in order to appease her family and keep the peace. she’s grown up, with a family of her own, and she cant seem to stop people pleasing everyone she comes into contact with...most notably her teenage children who basically walk all over her. 

Felicia was raised in a very affluent family. Her mother a famous actress and her father a CEO who was often away on business. Longing for the warmth and attention children so desperately need from their parents, she figured out that her parents, who undoubtedly loved and cared about her, would always come rushing to her whenever she experienced any distress. she learned how to get attention through victimizing herself: somehow constantly ill, scared, or upset about something. as she has grown up, she finds herself powerless...as somehow life always seems to toss her an unfair challenge and she can never catch a break. she also seems to attract friends and partners who assist in her victimization.

***

the aforementioned are different stories and different circumstances but they all share the same common denominator: each child learned how to manipulate their parents, the situation, or themselves in order to get what they want or needed from their parents...whether it be attention, safety, sanctuary from abuse, etc. 

each respective adult still carries on with the same tactics, despite no longer needing to employ them. their attempt to control other people put heavy strain on their platonic, professional, and romantic relationships. 

we all must accept some form of accountability for whatever relationship problems we encounter as it always takes two to tango. as history often repeats itself, we must also be brave enough to look back into our past and attempt to notice recurring trends that are detrimental to ourselves and our relationships as we attempt to manipulate and control others to get what we want.

my dare for you this week is to take compassionate self inventory of the tactics you use to manipulate and control people. if you find something, dont judge it and attempt to get rid of it. instead, see it compassionately as a tool the childhood version of yourself once needed to employ in order to get what they needed, then, i want you to relieve yourself of needing to use it/needing to control anybody. 

next, i want you to fast forward to present....and simply do your best to be on the watch for the temptation to behave in this manner to arise within you. and when it does...let it go. 

by attempting to control others, we ultimately lose our freedom. lets take steps in freeing ourselves by freeing others from our attempts  to control them. 

xo - ANE

do all the even numbers!

shit fam okay.

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

it depends !! if i have to trudge through the cold and i’m walking somewhere, it’s not as fun. but if i’m running outside for something, yes.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

coffee,,,, i like to flavour it up with so much stuff you can’t taste the coffee anymore. and my tea i usually just drink straight up. or i add honey.

6: do you keep plants?

i used to have a cactus !! but he got knocked over during a party and he’s dying so my grandma’s taking care of him.

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

usually writing or sometimes photoshop.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

my stomach. i like to bury my face in the bed.

12: what's your favorite planet?

venus, probably.

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

brick walls, very open, off white curtains that flow with open windows that are made of real glass. lots of plants and paintings. it’ll smell like sandalwood and egyptian cotton.

16: what's your favorite pasta dish?

all of them.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

oh god. i once got pegged for calling this girl at my middle school a “dumpster slut” and it’s just been this big insult that everyone around me uses now. i never said it, but i’ll take credit for it.

20: what's your favorite eye color?

blue or green !!

22: are you a morning person?

it depends !! if i get enough sleep, i’m really bubbly in the morning. but i also get really affectionate and just cling to everyone.

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

not every one of them, but most of them yeah sure !!

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

i have these brown boots that are so cute and i have to wear them all the time.

28: sunrise or sunset?

both. i’m a sucker for pretty colored skies.

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

uhm. i’ve had men catcall me while walking down the street at night and i thought they were gonna try and follow me home. i was really scared then. ive also had a total stranger make sexual advances towards me and i freaked out and went up to my room. i made my girlfriend at the time stay on skype with me because i was too scared to sleep alone.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

everything that happens after 3am when im with my friends usually involves us being drunk so,,,, the usual drunken stories.

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

i do !! i keep my white teddy bear from when i got my tonsils out. his name is gilbert and i love him.

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now?

i’m not sure ! maybe seafret.

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

i have so many but i really can’t stand people who lie. and i can’t handle people who are so snobbish they think it’ll ruin their aesthetic to be nice to people. just be nice.

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?

i have this necklace that i wear quite often and i bought it one day at the mall with my friend. she bought one as well. so now we both have matching necklaces.

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

i don’t. i don’t really go to coffee shops. but the froyo place next door to my work has some decent coffee !!

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

uhm. it was the last time i did yoga. afterwards i felt so relaxed and mellow it was incredible.

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

i always use this one on my coworkers and i swear they want to hit me every time. what do the french call a really horrible thursday ??? a trajeudi.

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

all my fears are pretty much the same. spiders, crocodiles / alligators, open water, abandonment, etc.

50: what's an odd thing you collect?

i have a bunch of glass soda bottles ??

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

I LIKE THE ONES OF PEOPLE LIKE DANCING THRU SPACE TO THAT MUSIC

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

i’m not actually sure ?? i mean my friend was pretty sad today when i went to give a high five and then dabbed instead.

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

endearing ?? i don’t know. i love people who are kind. people who believe that this world can still turn itself around and believe that there are good people still. idk.

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

i’m probably the wine mom. i’m such a Mom Friend and i always want wine. maybe my friend kylie would be vodka aunt ?? i’m not sure. none of them really drink a whole lot of vodka.

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

i honestly,,, i’m so indifferent to poetry. but it’s for my own reasons.

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

i like orange juice !! apple juice too !!

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

its blue !!

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

lots of purple and browns.

68: what's winter like where you live?

it used to be brutal. i live up north so we’ve gotten like 3 feet of snow before. but anymore, it’s just dead and cold.

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

NO. DONT FUCK WITH OUIJA BOARDS MAN.

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?

yes. my notes on my phone are just full of random crap.

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

absolutely stellar. they’ve been with me through so much and are always there if i need a shoulder to cry on. they understand me on levels that not a whole lot of people do and we’ve grown so much together, they’re family.

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?

nope !! i’m completely task free for the rest of the day !!

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

i hate minions. god. they annoy the shit out of me.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

they’re like a greenish color. like eggshell green. but no, it was like that when i moved in and i’ve never been allowed to change it bc we’re renting the house.

82: are/were you good in school?

no, i wasn’t. not public school. homeschool, yes. i just hated homework. it had nothing to do with my intelligence.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

i want to get “etre en harmonie avec votre vie” tattooed on my arm somewhere.

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

i’m not sure tbh.

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

uh again, not sure.

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

one of my favorite cities omg,,,, either paris or marseille or aix-en provence. i just am so in love with the art, the culture, the food, the architecture. all of it.

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

i’m kinda a happy medium. not too much, but enough to actually taste it.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

my friend, aaron.

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

i’m a big computer geek. i like to make sure my baby is all up to date on software and usually just do them at night before bed.

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

i don’t know !! it’s been so long !! but my mom invited me a couple days ago !!

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

5 years into the future. i wasn’t happy in the past. 14 year old me was miserable and i wouldn’t ever want to go back to that.

Could Waking Up an Hour Earlier Change Your Life?

Getting enough exercise has always been an issue for me, mostly because I think working out is so incredibly boring. I love the initial rush I get when I hop on my elliptical or take a brisk walk through the neighborhood, but I always wind up counting down the seconds until Ive satisfied my goal for the day whatever it is. The humdrum of repetitive movement is bad enough, but I also struggle to find the time. Not only do I have two kids ages 7 and 9, but I work full-time and I have groceries to buy, meals to make, and a home to take care of. We also have piano lessons, gymnastics classes, and an array of school activities to plan for each week. I love my life, but its also exhausting. My husband and I have tried several strategies to get a workout in each day. For a while, we tried getting up at 6:30 a.m. before the kids get up at 7 a.m., but we would get out of our routine quickly if one of us overslept. We also tried doing our exercise videos in the late afternoon for a while, but we were always so distracted. After all, its hard to crank out a T-25 video when the kids are home and asking 300 questions the entire time. The obvious answer here is one Ive fought against for as long as I can remember getting up even earlier. If I could just get out of bed long before everyone else does, I would have plenty of time for exercise without my kids asking for things or any other distractions. Why I Started Getting Up Earlier Earlier this year, I decided that I had finally had it with constantly failing to achieve my goals. While I have never been one to get out of bed super early, I started setting the alarm for 5:55 a.m. Thats not so early that it makes me miserable, but it gives me plenty of time to drink some coffee and do 25 minutes on my Bowflex M3 Max Trainer. And, my oh my, what a difference this has made! Now that I have the hang of getting up early, I have no excuse not to work out. I never feel rushed or distracted, and I am in much better physical and mental shape. I also feel like Im in a much better mood and much more prepared to handle whatever life throws my way. Simply put, the change has been amazing! The thing is, this isnt really all that surprising. Ive read countless articles about the virtues of rising early for years, and many successful people swear by this practice. For example, Apple CEO Tim Cook reportedly gets up at 3:45 a.m., and Ellevest CEO Sallie Krawcheck gets up at 4 a.m. Plenty of other successful early risers have been profiled in publications like Business Insider and Forbes, and the story is usually the same. People who get a lot done believe that getting up earlier gives them more time and more mental energy to be successful. And, while a lot of people believe that staying up late can also help them gain more free time, getting up early is usually the more advantageous option. Either strategy can give you more hours in the day, but financial advisor and life coach Natalie Bacon says that waking up early is way more helpful for a few reasons including the fact that you generally dont have what she calls decision fatigue in the mornings. Your brain is ready to go and isnt tired, she says. Even if youre a night person, you still run the risk of being more exhausted at the end of the day because youvebeen making decisions all day long. How Getting Up One Hour Earlier Can Improve Your Life If youre someone who wishes you had more hours in the day and more time to get things done, you may be wondering if getting up early is the answer youve been looking for. Here are a few reasons you may want to set your alarm clock an hour earlier from now on. You can live more intentionally. Bacon says that getting up can give you the time and space to be the creator of your life instead of responding, reacting, and putting out fires. When you wake up as late as possible, youre constantly having to rush to solve problems and prepare for the day, whereas getting up earlier can help you plan your day more intentionally. While Bacon works full-time as a life coach now, she used to work on her side hustle on top of her full-time financial planning job. Instead of burning the midnight oil to get things done, Bacon said she would wake up at 4 a.m. to brainstorm for her new business. This way, I knew that I got it done no matter what. Nothing could interfere with it, she said. Getting up early helped her be more intentional in this case because she was prioritizing her goals instead of waiting to see if she had time for them later in the day. You can work toward big goals or your own peace of mind. Most of us have something we wish we could accomplish, whether thats exercising more, learning a new language, or pursuing higher education. While it can be difficult to find time to accomplish anything when youre working and raising a family, getting up early can buy you the time to work on these goals a little bit at a time. Bacon also said that morning time is excellent for self-care that you cant find time for during regular daytime hours. If youre not working on a business goal, you can wake up early to read, journal, meditate, or pray basically anything that improves your state of mind or makes you happier. A morning routine with specific habits, even if theyre small, can compound over time to have a huge positive impact on your life, she says. You could finally get in shape. I already mentioned how I get up early for the sole purpose of drinking coffee and working out. For me, early morning is really the only time I can exercise consistently and without interruption. And since I sit at a computer all day long, I have to work out. Todd Mitchem, who is a life coach, speaker, and the author of You Disrupted: Seizing the Life You Want by Shaking, Breaking, and Challenging Everything, says that its pretty common for fitness-minded people to use their mornings to take care of their health. And really, mornings may be the only time for people like me (who have to force themselves to work out) to make it happen. If you have a busy family, the early morning is often the only quiet time in the house for you to take care of you without distractions, he says. The rest of the day and evening is usually jam-packed with family time and errands, and it is way too easy to put exercise off. But most people dont face these challenges when they work out first thing. How to Wake Up Early When You Dont Want to While I never like the sound of an alarm clock and especially not at 5:55 a.m. Ive gotten used to hopping out of bed without hitting the snooze button once. Im a coffee junkie, so I just set my coffee maker to start brewing early and remind myself that a warm cup of my favorite beverage is waiting for me downstairs. That may not work for everyone, but it does work for me. Mitchem says that if youre struggling to wake up early, you can start small and set the alarm clock back slowly over time. For example, you could start by waking up just 15 minutes earlier for a few weeks. From there, you could set your alarm back another 15 minutes slowly until youre getting up at the exact hour you desire. Also remember that you dont have to wake up at 4 a.m., like some CEOs do, to have more free time. A schedule of waking up just 15 minutes earlier each day, for example, will gain you over an hour in just the first week without wrecking your life in the process, said Mitchem. Bacon also says that, if youre someone whos always struggling to get out of bed until the last minute, you may need to focus on reorganizing your life so you can go to bed earlier. Getting up early starts the night before, she says. You need to consciously choose to go to bed early enough that you feel good about getting up early. That might mean cutting yourThe Walking Deadbinge off earlier than normal or getting in bed and turning off the lights instead of scrolling Facebook on your phone. It may also mean going to bed even if other members of your household are awake, which isnt always easy. You may even need to let yourself be exhausted for a while to give your body time to reset to a new sleeping schedule. If you get up early several days in a row, for example, it should start getting easier to go to bed at a decent hour. The Bottom Line If you wish you had more time and cant seem to meet your goals, getting out of bed earlier might be exactly what you need. Whether you dial back the alarm 15 minutes or an hour, that extra time could help you have the time to accomplish simple tasks, take better care of your health, or simply relax and enjoy some peace and quiet for once. But, dont take my word for it. Try getting up an hour earlier for a week to see how it feels. Schlepping out of bed at the crack of dawn may not be easy, but you may find that its worth it. Holly Johnson is an award-winning personal finance writer and the author ofZero Down Your Debt. Johnson shares her obsession with frugality, budgeting, and travel atClubThrifty.com. Related Stories: https://www.thesimpledollar.com/could-waking-up-an-hour-earlier-change-your-life/

Could Waking Up an Hour Earlier Change Your Life?

Getting enough exercise has always been an issue for me, mostly because I think working out is so incredibly boring. I love the initial rush I get when I hop on my elliptical or take a brisk walk through the neighborhood, but I always wind up counting down the seconds until Ive satisfied my goal for the day whatever it is. The humdrum of repetitive movement is bad enough, but I also struggle to find the time. Not only do I have two kids ages 7 and 9, but I work full-time and I have groceries to buy, meals to make, and a home to take care of. We also have piano lessons, gymnastics classes, and an array of school activities to plan for each week. I love my life, but its also exhausting. My husband and I have tried several strategies to get a workout in each day. For a while, we tried getting up at 6:30 a.m. before the kids get up at 7 a.m., but we would get out of our routine quickly if one of us overslept. We also tried doing our exercise videos in the late afternoon for a while, but we were always so distracted. After all, its hard to crank out a T-25 video when the kids are home and asking 300 questions the entire time. The obvious answer here is one Ive fought against for as long as I can remember getting up even earlier. If I could just get out of bed long before everyone else does, I would have plenty of time for exercise without my kids asking for things or any other distractions. Why I Started Getting Up Earlier Earlier this year, I decided that I had finally had it with constantly failing to achieve my goals. While I have never been one to get out of bed super early, I started setting the alarm for 5:55 a.m. Thats not so early that it makes me miserable, but it gives me plenty of time to drink some coffee and do 25 minutes on my Bowflex M3 Max Trainer. And, my oh my, what a difference this has made! Now that I have the hang of getting up early, I have no excuse not to work out. I never feel rushed or distracted, and I am in much better physical and mental shape. I also feel like Im in a much better mood and much more prepared to handle whatever life throws my way. Simply put, the change has been amazing! The thing is, this isnt really all that surprising. Ive read countless articles about the virtues of rising early for years, and many successful people swear by this practice. For example, Apple CEO Tim Cook reportedly gets up at 3:45 a.m., and Ellevest CEO Sallie Krawcheck gets up at 4 a.m. Plenty of other successful early risers have been profiled in publications like Business Insider and Forbes, and the story is usually the same. People who get a lot done believe that getting up earlier gives them more time and more mental energy to be successful. And, while a lot of people believe that staying up late can also help them gain more free time, getting up early is usually the more advantageous option. Either strategy can give you more hours in the day, but financial advisor and life coach Natalie Bacon says that waking up early is way more helpful for a few reasons including the fact that you generally dont have what she calls decision fatigue in the mornings. Your brain is ready to go and isnt tired, she says. Even if youre a night person, you still run the risk of being more exhausted at the end of the day because youvebeen making decisions all day long. How Getting Up One Hour Earlier Can Improve Your Life If youre someone who wishes you had more hours in the day and more time to get things done, you may be wondering if getting up early is the answer youve been looking for. Here are a few reasons you may want to set your alarm clock an hour earlier from now on. You can live more intentionally. Bacon says that getting up can give you the time and space to be the creator of your life instead of responding, reacting, and putting out fires. When you wake up as late as possible, youre constantly having to rush to solve problems and prepare for the day, whereas getting up earlier can help you plan your day more intentionally. While Bacon works full-time as a life coach now, she used to work on her side hustle on top of her full-time financial planning job. Instead of burning the midnight oil to get things done, Bacon said she would wake up at 4 a.m. to brainstorm for her new business. This way, I knew that I got it done no matter what. Nothing could interfere with it, she said. Getting up early helped her be more intentional in this case because she was prioritizing her goals instead of waiting to see if she had time for them later in the day. You can work toward big goals or your own peace of mind. Most of us have something we wish we could accomplish, whether thats exercising more, learning a new language, or pursuing higher education. While it can be difficult to find time to accomplish anything when youre working and raising a family, getting up early can buy you the time to work on these goals a little bit at a time. Bacon also said that morning time is excellent for self-care that you cant find time for during regular daytime hours. If youre not working on a business goal, you can wake up early to read, journal, meditate, or pray basically anything that improves your state of mind or makes you happier. A morning routine with specific habits, even if theyre small, can compound over time to have a huge positive impact on your life, she says. You could finally get in shape. I already mentioned how I get up early for the sole purpose of drinking coffee and working out. For me, early morning is really the only time I can exercise consistently and without interruption. And since I sit at a computer all day long, I have to work out. Todd Mitchem, who is a life coach, speaker, and the author of You Disrupted: Seizing the Life You Want by Shaking, Breaking, and Challenging Everything, says that its pretty common for fitness-minded people to use their mornings to take care of their health. And really, mornings may be the only time for people like me (who have to force themselves to work out) to make it happen. If you have a busy family, the early morning is often the only quiet time in the house for you to take care of you without distractions, he says. The rest of the day and evening is usually jam-packed with family time and errands, and it is way too easy to put exercise off. But most people dont face these challenges when they work out first thing. How to Wake Up Early When You Dont Want to While I never like the sound of an alarm clock and especially not at 5:55 a.m. Ive gotten used to hopping out of bed without hitting the snooze button once. Im a coffee junkie, so I just set my coffee maker to start brewing early and remind myself that a warm cup of my favorite beverage is waiting for me downstairs. That may not work for everyone, but it does work for me. Mitchem says that if youre struggling to wake up early, you can start small and set the alarm clock back slowly over time. For example, you could start by waking up just 15 minutes earlier for a few weeks. From there, you could set your alarm back another 15 minutes slowly until youre getting up at the exact hour you desire. Also remember that you dont have to wake up at 4 a.m., like some CEOs do, to have more free time. A schedule of waking up just 15 minutes earlier each day, for example, will gain you over an hour in just the first week without wrecking your life in the process, said Mitchem. Bacon also says that, if youre someone whos always struggling to get out of bed until the last minute, you may need to focus on reorganizing your life so you can go to bed earlier. Getting up early starts the night before, she says. You need to consciously choose to go to bed early enough that you feel good about getting up early. That might mean cutting yourThe Walking Deadbinge off earlier than normal or getting in bed and turning off the lights instead of scrolling Facebook on your phone. It may also mean going to bed even if other members of your household are awake, which isnt always easy. You may even need to let yourself be exhausted for a while to give your body time to reset to a new sleeping schedule. If you get up early several days in a row, for example, it should start getting easier to go to bed at a decent hour. The Bottom Line If you wish you had more time and cant seem to meet your goals, getting out of bed earlier might be exactly what you need. Whether you dial back the alarm 15 minutes or an hour, that extra time could help you have the time to accomplish simple tasks, take better care of your health, or simply relax and enjoy some peace and quiet for once. But, dont take my word for it. Try getting up an hour earlier for a week to see how it feels. Schlepping out of bed at the crack of dawn may not be easy, but you may find that its worth it. Holly Johnson is an award-winning personal finance writer and the author ofZero Down Your Debt. Johnson shares her obsession with frugality, budgeting, and travel atClubThrifty.com. Related Stories: https://www.thesimpledollar.com/could-waking-up-an-hour-earlier-change-your-life/