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deadmomjokes · 2 years

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PSA: tomatoes are not spicy. Tomatoes and tomato products should not be spicy. Pizza sauce isn't inherently spicy. Tomato-based pasta sauce is not spicy. Ketchup is NOT spicy.

If tomatoes are spicy, you have an allergy to tomatoes.

This announcement brought to you by my almost 29-year-old husband learning for the first time in his 2.8 decades of putting food products into his mouth that spaghetti and saucy pizza aren't spicy foods

#his amazement at our daughter eating spaghetti willingly #when apparently he's been suffering in silence over there his whole life #and i'm like ????#and he's like ''you didn't make this spicy?''#NO #NO I DID NOT #and he just blue screens for a minute #and i'm like YOU THINK SPAGHETTI IS SPICY???#and he's all ''yeah that's why i prefer we don't have it very often''#the absolute SHOCK i tell you #turns out he hates ketchup because it's spicy and he never understood why people wanted to dip fries in spicy sauce #i was like ''DUDE ketchup is supposed to be sweet and maybe a touch tangy but also cool and refreshing''#and he's like ''SWEET?????''#so uh yeah turns out dude's allergic to tomatoes and he just assumed everyone had a way higher spice tolerance than him #cuz he can find ''non spicy'' food too hot #and it's just all tomato based stuff and we never thought to connect the dots #mild salsa? too spicy. IT'S THE TOMATOES.#tacos? too spicy even at baby heat levels. IT'S THE TOMATOES.#prefers alfredo to marinara despite alfredo having objectively more pepper in it than marinara #he thought his spice tolerance was just so wimpy that my 'normal' was too spicy for him #so he's just been dealing with 1-3 meals a week being spicy to him our entire marriage WITHOUT SAYING A WORD #because he didn't want to offend me with his wimpy palate #IT'S THE TOMATOES #it's always been the gosh darn tomatoes

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aunmenosheteroenespanol · 23 days

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2.12 Chimney Begins - 2.09 Hen Begins - 2.16 Bobby Begins Again - 7.04 Buck, Bothered and Bewildered

Tommy's family arc

#911 #911edit #911 abc #911 show #911 spoilers #911 season 7 #tommy kinard #evan buckley #evan 'buck' buckley #kinley #bucktommy #kinkley #tevan #pick a ship name you guys and thanks for picking tevan the most correct name #anyway analysis time!#looking back with Modern Knowledge tm about why tommy acts the way he does in the past... babygirl you were so closeted I'm so proud #babygirl was back there getting into narnia #he was so resistant to letting go of the pseudo-family he'd found at the 118 in chimney begins #even tho it was a good old boys club that he knew he really didn't fit into he was making himself fit because at least it was something #but then he let chimney in and then hen came around and he saw a very queer person being openly queer and not giving a fuck what they think #and I think his behavior in that episode was trying to support hen as much as he could without outing himself #because like. how do you give up years of relative safety with people who do care about you they just won't like you anymore if you're *you #then he meets buck in s7 which is like 10-20 years later timeline is fake and he's like oh. this is what unconditional family is #and he's like oh. maybe I can come back. maybe I can be part of this again somehow. maybe we've both grown enough #or at the very least he'll be close to something he never believed would really happen for him #rant over tevan my beloved tim minear pillow cold both sides god bless #my edits

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hailsatanacab · 6 months

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A Persuasive Argument - dpxdc

"Great!" Danny says, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. The dinner table falls silent as everyone looks towards him. It's a full house today and, honestly, Danny's a little nervous. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."

"It's dinnertime. In our house." Duke mutters, while doing a very bad job of concealing his yawn. He holds his fork poised over the braised beef, but, just like everyone else, still looks towards Danny before tucking in. It's intriguing enough to wait.

"Yeah, no one misses Alfie's dinner." Dick says, with a brilliant smile that Danny can't help but return.

"Precisely! What better time to talk to you all than when you're all actually here!"

"Wait, I thought you came round to work on our English essays?" Tim asks, blinking owlishly.

"I'm afraid I've lured you here under false pretences, Tim."

"This is where I live."

"I would still really appreciate help on that essay though, I mean, what the hell is Hamlet even about? I just don't get that old time-y language, like 'Hark! A ghost hath killed me!' - absolute rubbish, what does that even mean?"

"The ghost never kills anyone in Hamlet, he's there to tell Hamlet that he was murdered. Have you actually read it?"

"No, but it sounds like you have. Tim, I want this guy to help me with my essay instead. I know for a fact that you haven't read Hamlet, either."

"So? We don't need Jason, I've read the Sparknotes."

"Hi Jason, I'm Danny, pleasure to meet you, summarise Hamlet in three sentences or less."

"Am I auditioning to help you write your essays? I can't believe you’ve gone through your whole school life without reading it, it’s good!"

"Hamlet, along with a number of other classics, was banned in our house because it portrayed ghosts as intelligent and sympathetic beings rather than evil, animalistic beasts. I didn’t even get to see The Muppet's Christmas Carol until last year with Tim! It was surprisingly good, and I hate Christmas because everyone always argued and it sucked. But we're getting off topic. I—"

"No, no, please go back to that, because what the fu—"

"Boys, please." Bruce interrupts, looking to the world as if he wants to hang his head in his hands. "Danny, you were about to say something?"

"Oh, yeah, Mr. Wayne! Thanks!"

"Please, call me Bruce."

"Well, that very succinctly brings me to my point, because I'd actually really like to call you dad."

Nobody says a word. Nobody even blinks, all as shocked as the other, watching open-mouthed as Danny pulls his laptop out from beside his chair. Bruce can definitely feel a headache coming on.

"Before you say anything, I've prepared a 69 slide PowerPoint presentation on why you, Bruce Wayne, should adopt me, Danny Last-Name-Pending. Please save your questions, comments, and verdict until the end, thank you."

#dpxdc #batpham #i forget - can we tag the parent fandoms? w/e #immediately alfred's like: while i do appreciate your initiative may i suggest it wait until after dinner?#and danny - who has barely eaten proper homecooked food ever - takes one bite and then absolutely wolfs down the whole lot #after he's finished he's like 'bear with - I've got to add that to the 'Reasons I Would Like to Live Here' section'#danny's powerpoint has tailored sections for each batfam member with lists of reasons why they'd get along #my au thoughts on this is that the fentons disowned danny when he told them he was phantom #and that this is after the ultimate enemy - wherein which he allied himself with the JL to fight against dan #(which didnt really work at all - BUT he knows some of their identities now INCLUDING batman's)#so one of the main reasons why he'd be a great fit is that he knows their vigilante status anyway so they don’t need to worry about secrets #dick just turns to tim like 'he’s your friend. he learnt this from you.'#tim: 'i didn't tell him our identities!! i would never!!'#dick: 'no i know that. it's the stalker tendancies. it's baby tim all over again'#tim: scandalised gasp #they all eat dinner in silence just super subdued and in shock and sending glances to bruce and danny #duke like: 'so i know I'm the last one in the family but like... this isn't how it normally happens right? did any of you make powerpoints?#tim gets all shifty because he absolutely did make a powerpoint he just never actually showed it to anyone #everyone stares at tim because they all know. it was in one of bab's blackmail files she has on him #damian's slide has danny offering to throw down at any time. 'tim says you like to prove yourself with your skills?#how about a real challenge? if i beat you then you have to vote yes to adopting me!'#damian is in two minds about accepting because... 1) look at him damian could take danny in his sleep! but #2) on the off chance that he does win... damian does not want any more brothers #(he takes the bet and its a suprisingly fun fight - and while he'll never say this... he would vote yes even without the wager)#on one of danny's slides there's a picture of ellie: you'll also get my clone sister! two children for the price of one!!#uhhh.... thats it now - I've been having fun with this haha #spent all day with the 'ive lured you here under false pretences' 'danny i live here' line in my head haha #anyway enjoy!!!!!! this was fun #i wanna make these slides so bad

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egophiliac · 5 days

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innocently logging in to look at the Twst schedule for May like

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 part 8 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 part 8 spoilers #tsumsted wonderland #i-is that enough spoiler tags #anyway twst just absolutely obliterating me with the schedule again #i saw the story completion campaign ended in june and was like 'oh okay that'll be when we get the next part' NOPE HA HA #oh my god rook. oh my god savana rook is real.#w...why is this a story card. hey twst wHY IS THIS A STORY CARD --#is rook dreaming of still being a rowdy boy or #and why is he...(squints) why is he in a pomefiore bedroom #never mind i'm actually terrified of this card now #god. the STETSON. i'm crying.#he really is just applejack huh #also vil i don't know what your problem was this man's mane is LUSCIOUS #and what's this? it's twst following up that first punch with the right hook of EVEN MORE of the best and silliest event #malleus is going to be in the middle of an angsty flashback while dangling us over a pit of spikes or something #and then we're going to cut directly to him having a charming little tea party with a small plush version of himself #oh twst your sense of pacing remains exquisitely incomprehensible #(no i love this though)

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love-letters-i-never-sent · 1 year

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#heartbreak #i'm sad #i miss u #sadgirl #sad thinking #3 am thoughts #missing you quotes #i miss you #why do i do this to myself #the last of us #it's over #i miss him #ghost of you #moving on #sad thoughts #this hits different #3 am feelings #you broke my heart #excerpt from a book i'll never write

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maegalkarven · 7 months

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We know what it wasn't a big secret to the cult of Bhaal what their Chosen (Durge) is a lil (a lot) obsessed with the Chosen of Bane.

Orin def told everyone who would listen about it, as Balthazar's note on "Prayer for Forgiveness" might imply.

But have we thought about the other side of this?

How many of Bane's servants present at Gortash's coronation saw Durge and went "Ugh, not them again. ANYONE but them. Dark Lord Bane, we serve you well and do not deserve this".

How many of banites had to watch their Chosen act like a lovesick fool at his own coronation and tried very hard not to cringe?

Like bhaalists were not pleased with their Chosen's affections, but I bet Gortash was INSUFFERABLE with Durge by his side.

#dark urge #dark urge x gortash #enver gortash #bg3 spoilers #random banist: didn't they die. i heard they died #other banist: ugh i hoped they did. unfortunately they're back. now our lord gortash is going to be insufferable #a new banist: what...is he doing? why is he looking at this stranger like that?#an experienced banist: my dear naive child. you're about to expirience the horrors what are being around when lord gortash loses his mind #over some murder hobo at that #young banist: I've never seen him make such an expression before #older banist: and i hoped i never would have again. who's guarding lord's personal chambers tonight?#older banist: because it definetely won't be me #nwm baneit sounds much better than banist but I'm not retyping all these tags

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camellcat · 2 months

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just recently rewatched the end of time specials, and I can't stop thinking about the way the master caught the doctor only to let him drop anyway. hey guys. what the fuck? I like had a visceral reaction to that and I don't even know why. that's. what. why'd he do that. do it again

#also just got through spyfall and I gotta say #have they always been able to do telepathy like that?#was saxon smashing their foreheads together completely and utterly unnecessary?#did he just... decide to do that? after catching the doctor and then still letting him flop to the ground?#I need. like. a five page analysis on that moment #I need. I need. I #I care less about the forehead smash and more about the catching/dropping thing this is haunting me #that. idk. foreheads was crazy but why does no one talk about the other thing #cause I'm still losing my mind over it #I'm not even sure I've ever talked about these two before without shoving rose tyler in the middle #that's how much that scene has affected me #idk anything about these two I've never cared about thoschei before this but I don't think I can ever come back from this #I think I've finally been sucked in #thoschei #tensimm #tenth doctor #the master #simm master #doctor who

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jeysuso · 6 months

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#personally i think roman really likes la knight

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skylarbee · 6 months

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miles watching 505... and putting on a brave face

(via kkmeeluqq's IG story, 17.10.2023)

#he looks so fucking sad I'm devastated #night absolutely ruined I'm off to cry myself to sleep #there is not one good reason why he's not up there #not one #why is he not up there I'm never getting over this #and i just know that some time later some prick on a radio will ask him why tf he didn't play with them #and he'll mumble something about time or some technical bullshit and will barely be able to get his words out and #he will become tongue-tied as per usual when asked anything concerning alex #this is horrible goodbye #LOOK AT HIM #i want to scoop him up in my arms and hold him for HOURS #miles kane #alex turner #milex #arctic monkeys #the car tour

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feluka · 18 days

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i hateeee jokes about arab parents only wanting sons and not wanting daughters because 1- when it's like that, that's an awful thing and not something to be joked about and 2- it spits on the face of every arab parent who consistently has to put their middle finger up to the world and say fuck you my daughter is my greatest treasure and i'd rather have her than a thousand sons and i won't hear a word against her!! because in my experience these are the most loving parents to be found in the whole wide world

#like. for all my parents' faults and the ways they screwed up as parents #they DID pick a fight with a nurse over this!!#the nurse was like 'i'm so so sorry :/ but it's a girl :/' when my mother was pregnant with me #and they yelled at him 'why are you sorry??? DON'T BE SORRY FOR A BLESSING!'#also my extended family is. uh. very old school. so my parents straight up passive aggressively announced #'if anybody implies that this is bad news they're dead to us thanks <33'#like there's this genre of arab parents who are 100% aware of the society that they're bringing their daughter into and the problems in it #and they KNOW their daughter will have to put up with so much crap. so they try to compensate by openly loving her so strongly #and always boasting about her and telling everyone they're proud of her #so she never ever feels less than anybody else #it's very heartwarming when it happens and it's a direct resistance against the misogyny in our culture #and i hate that these jokes kind of spit on that effort #AND makes light of something so awful too

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flyingcakeee · 9 days

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Can't even be on TikTok..

Again, let's look at the full picture of how it was a chain reaction that was bound to happen when everyone bunches up like that when you should've taken the corner as you previously did under the safety car so Lance has some fault but it's literally not entirely his and yeah..

Also, Lance locked up because he desperately tried to brake so he did use his brake ^^ His tyres weren't allowing him to brake because of the lockup ^^

#I'm so tired guys.#you can literally see on Lance's onboard that someone ahead locked up (Fernando) and that before that they started to accelerate a little #they could've taken the corner at that speed and they speed they slowed to was extremely slow even for that hairpin #oh yeah did you also know that Lance was mad at whoever caused the chain reaction and not Daniel? and that's why he was upset over the pen?#also reportedly Laurent Mekies told Daniel that Lance was blaming him when Lance never mentioned his name #and it is super fucking easy to imply that Lance was upset over who caused the mass brake check #and Daniel almost couldn't stop himself and rear ended Piastri #please I fucking beg that you all pay attention to the entire picture and not just the big incident because you get so much more info 🤗#lance stroll #f1 #formula 1

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d1sc01nf3rn0 · 26 days

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I'm seeing a lot of people with neurodivergency, specially under the autism spectrum say that "Laios is annoying, never shuts up, is insensitive, and I can't stand him"; and the irony is not lost on me lmao.

#like im sorry dude did you think all autism is “anime obsessed dude”?#how did you think neurodivergent people behaved on old times?#also like #being unintentionally insensitive is almost a telltale sign of autism cause you struggle with social cues #if anything i think a lot of you are finally habing to face your own internalized predjudices #“he is annoying” yes that's how ableist neurotypical people talk about us all the time tell me something i haven't heard already #like how do i explain to you that a lot of neurotypical people tal the exact same eay youre talkbing about laios #and is annoying when they go “but im neurodivergent! i can be biased agaisnt neurodivergent people”#yes you can because being neurodivergent is not a monolith and you are mistifying being neurodivergent #by implying theres some sort of virtue in being under the spectrum when youre as capable of being a dick just as everyone else #like you think you have autism but suddenly wanting to taste things youre not supposed to eat and not remembering peoples names is too much?#some of yall never experienced beinf a “weird kid” at a young age and it shows #and im not talking the “geek bullied” weird kid kinda way #im talking “the adults think I'm weird amd don't know how to deal with me”#WHICH FITS LAIOS PERFECTLY BECAUSE WE ACTUALLY HAVE A SCENE OF HIS DAD SHOWING HIM FALLIN AS A BABY #AND NOT UNDERSTANDING WHY IS THERE NO EXPECTED REACTION FROM LAIOS #anyways im making this rant because is unreal how many posts of this exist #you think Laios is annoying cause he wont shut up?#congratulations thats how most people see us #now get over it or watch other series if you hate it that much #dunmeshi hell thoughts #weird rant i suppose #dungeon meshi #laios touden

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kenobion · 1 year

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Andrew Garfield at the Critics Choice Awards

#I cannot stop looking at him he's so stunning it's unreal #andrew garfield #my gifs #thank you to this maximo thing for the footage but why did you have to watermark it So Much #I seriously cannot stop looking at him #I could spend a lifetime gazing at his face and never get tired of it #and I can't stop smiling foolishly over him #and I don't want to stop #I'm just wild about him #I've never been like this about anybody ever #until him #tw: flashing #flashing gif

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moongothic · 2 months

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...I... I do not know what on earth compelled me to make this nor why, but I will not be taking criticism at this time

#Moon posting #Break Week is rough y'all #Please I just needed to shitpost a little let me have this #OP Meta #I know this chart is incomprehensible you just have to accept it for what it is #No I was kind of thinking to myself it was kind of funny how of the OG Shichibukai half of them are either dads or borderline dads #And I was like. Can I make a chart of this. Can I make a Dad Chart of the Warlords.#I don't know why I made this nor what to do with this information but. Sure. Let me yeet this out.#Kuma is the Dadliest Dad to Ever Dad in One Piece. Moria canonically adopted Perona when she was little. We love the OG Goth Dad #Crocodad is real TO ME but if nothing else he does have the energy 100%. It's just short of Canon Confirmation at this point #Mihawk is a weird uncle to me. He has no dad energy. This man does not fuck. But he'll look after some kids (Zoro & Perona). Sure.#Blackbeard is like the opposite of Mihawk. He has never looked after a child but I'm sure he has spawned a bastard or two or three #(He may be a father but he is not a Dad) (But canonically as far as we know BB has no kids yet so I'm putting him in Not A Dad)#Jinbei is the new Token Father of the Strawhats according to Oda and so I'm putting him where he is based on that. Also vibes #Law's where he is kind of for similar reasons as Jinbei. This boy is too young to be a dad but dealing with Luffy gave him a few grey hairs #Doflamingo did arguably watch over Buffalo and Baby 5 as those two grew up so he's The Most Qualified in that square #Weevil is baby #Hancock could have Dad Energy in the right circumstances. Like she has THE POTENTIAL #Buggy does not fuck #...Thinking about it I probably should've switched Hancock and Buggy's placements on the chart but whatever it doesn't matter

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willowser · 8 months

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omg yes !!!! 🥺🩷✨️ like i love to think that at first, they're both a little 🤨🤨 about you....coming around a lot and hearing touya bring you up all the time in conversation. they sit outside his bedroom door when they hear he's on the phone with you. they peek out the windows when he walks you to your car at night. very curious !!! 🤨🤨

and they get passed back and forth between touya and their mom consistently, so they just find it nice, eventually, to have you and touya together in the household 🥺 at dad's 🥺 someone to watch movies with and someone his daughter can talk to that isn't her mom 🥺 maybe his son develops a teeny crush on you 🥺 and they really start to enjoy having you around !!

and — who knows what it is, whatever leads you to get into the kind of fight that has you not talking for a few days. and they come home from school or band practice or whatever, and see him just sitting at the tiny dinner table 🥺 eating alone 🥺 and his daughter already ate with a friend so she just awkwardly goes to her room, and his son sits down across him and they're mostly just. in silence 🥺

and finally his son asks if you're coming over and you're not, so he asks when you are coming over next, which just prompts touya to drop his utensils and rubs his fingers into his eyes and say—

"i dunno, dude. maybe not for—i dunno."

and then the minute his son can get away without being suspicious HE'S RACING TO HIS SISTER'S ROOM AND TELLING HER THE NEWS AND then they're sitting in the bathroom with the water running, calling you on her little cellphone LOL

#HOW CUTE I LOVE IT 🥺🥺🥺#they're like HEY WHAT HAPPENED WHY ARENT YOU COMING OVER #AWWW THEY LIKE YOU 🥺🥺🥺#and then the next morning before they go to school his daughter tells him #'if you dont fix this i'm never talking to you again' AND HE'S SO !!! 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 LOL #cw children #✿ ask willow #✿ thoughts: dabi/touya #✿ theme: dad dabi/touya

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tricoufamily · 4 months

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watch them while i go smoke

#i'm so out of practice making sims these just don't look like my sim style at all.....#but whatever we ride #shigaraki is fine but i think the problem w dabi is the only scar cc there is for him is not my style #he looks really good without it actually dskfldsflds it is just a tad too cartoony for me #ummmmmm anyway the superior dabi ship #h*wks has never done anything for me as a character i don't know why people go nuts over him he's so boring to me #ts4 #ts4 edit #ts4 cas #the sims 4

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