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buckttommy · 28 days

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umm. pause. guys. guys. gay tommy has been canon this entire time. what the fuck. like. oh my god. no. like. okay. okay. so. 2x9 (hen begins), sal [deluca] is talking about his girlfriend dragging him to see twilight. he makes a homophobic joke about tommy being team jacob and tommy's like "i don't even know what that means." chimney says "he's insinuating that you're gay" and tommy blows deluca a kiss. fine. whatever. but THEN you skip to 2x12 (chimney begins), and—i stg it's a blink and you miss it moment—tommy and gerrard (racist captain) are having this conversation in the background

tommy: what about that burger place? gerrard: tommy i hate that place. hey wasn't your girlfriend supposed to come and cook us dinner? tommy: uhh. next tuesday. gerrard: promise? tommy: uhh. uh. yes. yeah. i will promise.

and it's like. number one, this sounds like a conversation they've had before. something to the tune of "hey, how come you never bring your girlfriend around" which i can't help but think was intentional considering the members of the old 118 were entirely familiar with deluca's girlfriend gina. but number two, no straight man who has a girlfriend sounds that unsure that they have a fucking girlfriend. it was very much giving "ah yes. this human lady that i love that most definitely exists. absolutely. also i like breasts." and it's just like. ok. what the fuck. like. i don't know if this was the plan all along. i don't think it was. i still maintain buck/eddie were supposed to go canon after the shooting and the powers that be got in the way. but. but. the idea that this canon queer character has been hiding in plain sight (subtext) is just. wild to me. like. i've always headcanoned tommy as gay, mostly because every character he plays seems fruity as hell. but bro. i don't think it's a headcanon anymore. and i don't think it ever has been. what the fuck.

there's also the idea that. like. so i've been watching the begins episodes again trying to figure out what, exactly, tommy's crime against the members of the 118 has been. like. he worked in a -phobic/-cist environment. he was definitely complicit in making hen/chimney feel like outsiders in their workplace yes yes all these things are true. but as far as i can tell, tommy has rarely ever actively been anything except spineless. deluca makes a homophobic joke? tommy laughs. gerrard makes a bunch of sexist and racist comments? tommy looks, but doesn't say anything to encourage (or discourage him). hen gives her monologue? he looks chagrined.

and his complicity would be absolutely shitty and inexcusable if he was just a cishet white man. no questions asked. but if — if — you view his behavior through the lens of the fact that tommy is queer himself? that tommy is, and always has been, a member of a marginalized community who felt it was easier and safer to assimilate than it was to be openly queer and have a target on his back? his behavior becomes a whole hell of a lot more understandable. yes, it's still shitty, but. there's a purpose behind it. and this idea is supported by the fact that, when gerrard leaves (flashing forward to bobby begins again), even before bobby gets there (because we always credit bobby with making the 118 the family it is today), like. the atmosphere is completely different. tommy and hen? are friendly with each other. chimney and tommy? also friendly with each other. which we also know because in 2x14 broken, he calls him up for help. which lends credibility to the idea that the problems tommy had (or thought he had) with henchim were not about them as people but more about whatever manufactured conservative boys club bullshit gerrard fostered.

and it's just like. motherfucker. bitch. what the hell. like. first of all, leave it to 9-1-1 to tell a story like this in the most subtle way possible. like if that was indeed the intended implication, i'm throwing my tv off a bridge immediately. but also. second of all. what is wrong with this show. they're crazy. i want to eat it like a loaf of bread. just shovel it in my mouth because the idea that tommy has been queer all along, that he wasn't brought back just to be a stopgap on buck's queer journey to eddie, but that he's been haunting the edges of the narrative like a gay ghost is sooo like. ohhh. okay. [throws up]. like????? okay. anyway. i'm going to be thinking about this the rest of the day.

#tommy kinard #head in hands.....................HEAD IN HANDS #tv: 911 #jack.txt #There's also something to be said about the idea of FOX main characterizing Buck/Oliver #around the same time they put a stop to Buddie #Something about like. Conventionally attractive (dark hair / light eyes) white men are not allowed to be loudly quee #and like. I KNEW there was something there #I knew it. And I love Michael and David and Karen and Hen don't get me wrong #those are my emotional support gays #but I was just like ''hm. kind of funny how every queer character connected to the mains is a person of color right?''#and I never vocalized this thought to ANYONE but I always kept it in the back of my mind #even the men michael would be seen with *before* David — always black #and there's nothing wrong with it it's fine #but the idea becomes a LOT more insidious when I consider FOX's politics—when i consider that both racism and homophobia are inherent to #their brand. and then it's just like ''ohh. you guys made the black people dirty queers because white is right. okay got it''#anyways. let me stop talking. lol

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letmetellyouaboutmyfeels · 4 years

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I think that something people need to understand is that (and I’m speaking as a person with depression) when you have very low self-esteem, you don’t see things clearly.

In 3x16 we see how Buck is terrified of being abandoned and feels he’s alone and not valued by those he loves. But this is Buck’s point of view. He’s not seeing things clearly.

For example at the beginning of the episode Eddie jokingly invites Buck along to help with Christopher’s sleepover. His tone is lighthearted, but from everything we’ve seen between Buck and Eddie, I’m 100% sure it was a genuine invitation. And Eddie offers this before everyone else admits they’re busy. If Eddie had heard everyone else speak first, I bet you dollars to donuts he would have sincerely, genuinely said, “Hey, Buck, come help me with Christopher’s first sleepover, we’d love to have you.” But he was the first to speak up and leave so he didn’t realize everyone else was busy and Buck would be alone.

Buck’s issues in 3x16, as we see in his talk with Maddie, clearly stem from deeper, longer-standing issues than just a few recent outings. “You left.” Buck didn’t have great parents or a good home life, he didn’t feel loved, and the one person who did love him, his sister, left him there. Twice.

Now, as someone who is an older sibling (a much older sibling, there’s over a decade between myself and my sisters), I can attest that leaving ain’t easy and there’s more to it than that, but it doesn’t change the fact that Maddie’s leaving coupled with Buck’s crappy parents created a situation where Buck felt like he wasn’t good enough - and he’s been carrying that low self-esteem ever since.

But what do we actually see of the firefam’s behavior? A huge welcome back party for Buck. Maddie says that she and others have been trying and failing to get Buck out of bed, proving that they were all trying. We then immediately cut to Eddie succeeding in getting Buck out of bed - by giving Buck his most precious possession in the fucking world. Even before 3x15 “Eddie Begins” we know how goddamn important Christopher is to Eddie. Christopher is the light of his father’s life. And he gives full responsibility of that child to Buck, and tells Buck there’s no one in the world I trust with my son more than you.

Bobby was mistaken in how he handled Buck coming back to work. And Buck feels he’s being replaced. But that’s not actually what’s happening. Athena and Bobby even have Buck over for dinner and it’s implied this is a regular occurrence. In the grocery store Chim and Hen are angry with Buck because they miss him. Eddie’s angry BECAUSE HE MISSES HIM (and because yet another adult just skipped out on Christopher and that’s unforgivable to Eddie and frankly he’s right and Buck should’ve warned them about the lawsuit and at least talked to Christopher about it but that lawsuit storyline is so fucking stupid ANYWAY). They’re angry because Buck is claiming they don’t care when they do.

And that’s how it is sometimes when you’ve got depression, or anxiety, or low self-esteem. Or, in Buck’s case, childhood trauma about abandonment that you haven’t properly addressed. You leave before others leave you. You lash out and accuse others of hurting you because you’re terrified that’s exactly what they’re doing and it’s easier to be angry than to be vulnerable.

Bobby was wrong but he did what he did because he loves Buck and was scared for him. It was a father-son spat.

Buck is INCAPABLE at this moment of seeing how much the others love him because he doesn’t love himself. But that doesn’t mean that he’s right. The 118 loves him. They are his family, and they love him. They just don’t realize (yet) that Buck might need a little extra showcasing of that love right now, because they’re not mind readers and they can’t know what Buck’s struggling with if he doesn’t tell them. Hell Maddie didn’t understand what Buck was struggling with until he told her. And she’s the woman who grew up with him.

When you know you’re hurting, of course you think everyone should be able to see it. You can see it, can’t you? You feel like you’re being obvious. But humans are inherently self-centered. What we experience and feel is so much louder to ourselves than it is to everyone else. You need to communicate with the people you love. It can be hard to spot someone hurting, even when you love that someone. And the 118 has been there for Buck and put up with a lot from him. So in their minds, of course he knows they love him! How could he think anything else?

Just like alcoholism, or another addiction, we can’t always see it. That doesn’t mean we’re bad friends or family. It doesn’t mean we aren’t loving and supporting the person.

Basically all these takes I’m seeing about how the firefam isn’t appreciating Buck and aren’t being there for him or should be there for him are driving me nuts and so I decided to rant about it.

#mads rants #911 fox #911 meta #evan 'buck' buckley #buck meta

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normal-thoughts-official · 4 years

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Makoto plot line by Lêx?

thank you for this totally 100% spontaneous ask that you sent of your own free will, anon!

okay, so here's the thing. i dont like makoto. not really. he's annoying af and basically useless. bitch does nothing but hide behind haru cuz he's scared of everything and be blushy and soft in that spineless way, you know? like he just lets everyone push him around and treats everyone in such an unfuriatingly uniform, fake-cheery, ultra helpful way that it's his whole personality

but here's the thing! it gets sad. you know? especially considering how he, like, seems to basically live to enable haru? in all the worst ways. like it's nice of course that he helps haru with his depression but there's a point when it becomes enabling and that point is when makoto is running after haru all the time trying to solve his messes, remind him of his own damn responsibilities, and basically take care of haru's whole life so he doesn't have to. again, helping is good, but by worrying about the things haru doesn't worry about and preventing him from facing the consequences of not doing anything basically lmao he enables haru to never fucking get out of his constant stupor. also, as previously said, he's spineless, which means that he never truly goes against haru's wishes. so like. enabler. bad

which is my main beef with makoharu, which is actually the most popular ship in the fandom because ppl have no taste and also dont know how to interpret shit. tho tbh even makoharu shippers are like "i ship makoharu because makoto deserves to be happy and he wants haru!" so even they acknowledge that.... haru isn't into him lmao. but anyway

point is: they pull each other back. im not gonna say it's abusive or something cuz i don't think it is, i wouldn't even call it toxic, but it's stale in the worst kind of way. makoto enables not only haruka's depression, but also his self destructive and to some extent relationships destructive behavior, setting his growth back. and makoto lives and exists to take care of haru. he has no dreams, no goals, hell, not even INTERESTS. his whole thing is just. haru. where haru goes, he follows. and. that's it basically

which is why the fact that so many makoto stans ship makoharu is also baffling to me, because if i were a makoto fan, i'd probably hate haru, lmao. i mean, makoto is going around doing all this work for him, plus emotional labor, and haru never gives him much back really. and it's obvious that haru doesn't like makoto the same way makoto likes him, but makoto is just out there taking whatever scraps he can get, and haru just sort of. probably doesn't even notice cuz that's been their dynamic since they were kids. and makoto knows that, too. so like. if i stanned makoto. id fucking hate haru for that tbh

and honestly it's bad writing because i think the writers couldn't care less about makoto lmao and also didn't know what to do with him, which i think becomes increasingly obvious as seasons go by and he's just sort of. there. they tried to give him his own plotlines and even dreams but it never stuck. he feels like a doll most of the time. even in s1, which was widely rinharu-focused and barely had any other characters have real plotlines unless you count the one (1) episode where they try to teach rei how to swim, makoto was particularly uninteresting and underexplored and developed. like, the other characters might not have had huge importance but at least they had personalities. makoto didn't, really, unless you count "mama henning haru" and "being uwu" as a personality

but my point is: what if makoto got some real writing? what if we explored his character, and his relationship with haru, in a more critical, dimensional way?

makoto is in love with haru, i think that's indisputable. haru isn't in love with makoto, which i also think is indisputable. makoto himself knows that what haru has with rin is special and beyond what makoto and haru have, he says that, he even says that he was jealous of rin. yet he stays. even when rin comes back, and haru and rin become friends again, and it's obvious they're going to be together, makoto stays. he takes care of haru, which is some pretty damn stressful work, and does all this emotional labor for him, and haru barely gives him, like, a smile every once in a while, lmao, and again it's sad. but makoto stays. and - that's an important part to me - it doesn't seem to be because he has any hopes that haru will come around. so why

i think they're stuck in a loop, and that makoto has been in love with haru, and being not only his emotional support, but basically the one thread connecting him with the outside world (while simultaneously enabling him to continue as detached from it as he can, because he's not bringing haru out to the world, he's bringing the world to accommodate haru) for so long, he doesn't really know what else to do. also, he feels guilty about leaving haru to his own devices, even if obviously there's nothing he can do if haru won't help himself. also, he's scared of losing him, because he's been defining himself for his relationship with haru for so long, he doesn't know where else to go

i think that's supported by his relationship with other characters. like i said, makoto is annoyingly kind to everyone (if im not mistaken, the name makoto actually does mean kind) and a MASSIVE pushover. he never goes against anyone's wishes. he never really throws in what he wants. he doesn't really interfere with anyone's plans and ideas, he just sorta makes it happen. he is never annoyed, never has any quirks, is never even like, tired, you know? he lives to please other people, to the point where he has no personality, interests, or wishes beyond that

so, yeah: i think makoto is scared that, if he doesn't please other people, there's nothing else left for him. and in a way, he is right, because i don't think he would know what to do with himself if he had to look into himself and figure out what he wants out of life. so it's easier to follow others and dedicate himself to them. also, fear of loneliness is very valid, even if i dont think any of his friends would actually leave him if he weren't being their damn mom all the time. but they also let it happen, especially haru, because it's convenient, and again, homeboy barely has the energy to go to school, much less help makoto unpack all of that

but if i were writing free!, id want to explore that, because it has so much potential to be a pretty damn rich story, actually. especially as the story progresses, because one effect of rin being back and haru running the whole swimming club and trying to prepare for their race is that haru needs makoto less and less as time goes by. because he has a motivation. he cares about his grades because if he doesn't keep them up he won't be allowed to keep working in the swimming club, he cares about teaching the newbie (the rei i mentioned before) how to swim because otherwise they won't be able to run against rin in the medley race, hell, he reforms the whole entire pool that was abandoned so they have a place to train (with help, but like, he couldnt be bothered with getting up to school before). he even goes back to drawing so he can make pamphlets to attract more people to the club

and then he finds his love for swimming again, especially as a team, competitively. he finds his love for people again, for human interaction, for competition and the thrill of the sport he loves. haru finds his motivation, and he starts putting his life back on track and working towards his goals, and haru is damn capable. and that means that makoto has a lot of free time in his hands now, and haru is slipping through them, and he knows he can't really keep their relationship as he was. and he shouldn't, honestly, and i think that he's, at least, smart enough to know this

and he has a crisis, because again, he's been defining himself through haru for the longest goddamn time, im talking all the way from middle to high school here. and he doesn't know who he is. he doesn't know what he wants. he barely knows what he likes

but he's not alone either, because again, makoto is haru's best friend, and haru does like him and it's not like he's all "i found my purpose with rin now. peace out". his journey was also about finding his whole support system with his friends. through relearning how to swim in a team, he also relearned human connection and friendship. that's one of the many beauties of rinharu. they inspired each other to make their lives better, including in ways that have nothing to do with each other, and they weren't even trying to

so he has haru, but in a now radically different dynamic, and also rei and nagisa (his teammates) and gou (rin's sister and also their trainer) (rin and gou don't go to the same school for some reason). and everyone is going through a similar crisis, because it's the last year of high school. rin obviously has known that he wants to be an athlete since he was a kid, but everyone else's plans are kinda sketchy. makoto just happens to have some extra flavor in that mission - he's not just trying to figure out what he wants to do, but who he is

and fuck if i know how that would develop from there, but id really love to see makoto finding himself, honestly. i want to see his issues being addressed. the only backstory we have for him is that he's afraid of the ocean because he almost drowned at some point? i dont remember. i want to know why the fuck he's been repressing his own needs and personality so hard. i want to know what had him so scared of the world that it was easier to forget about himself and basically live through haru. i want to know what he's going to do to find himself, and the very, very painful journey of looking at himself and his own needs, and, in many ways, his own emptiness, because makoto essentially carved himself hollow. i want makoto to have dimension and depth, and be relatable and not just a dumb shell of uwuness for ppl to swoon over and want to protecc, not even because i like him, but because it could be so interesting. and relatable in so many ways. like, god damn it. if you wanna make him one of the main characters, give him a real plotline!

and i want to see him finding out that his life is better when he's a little more detached from haru and not living in an endless pursuit of a relationship, but having a network of people he loves and that has mutual support. i want to see him getting over haru, not so he can have some other romance with someone else, but so he can grow. makoto basically doesn't grow at all the whole show, and it's sad to watch, especially as everyone else grows so much

#ask #anonymous #long post #anti makoharu #anti tachibana makoto #meta #freestalgia #rinharu

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ganymedesclock · 6 years

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Your biromantic ace Lance headcanon... I just? Love it so much?? I’ve noticed people never headcanon the flirty people as ace, so I love ace!Lance.

It was honestly inspired because... watching things like Lance talking about Allura in his vlog, it betrays that there’s a pretty harsh divide between how he really experiences attraction and how he thinks he should seem attracted. Him gushing about how cool Allura is and then hastily correcting it to how he’s sure that Allura thinks he’s cool.

With that, and how much he talks about what seem to be kinda old-school action movies, I think it’s pretty clear where Lance gets this attitude of he should be the passive ladykiller who draws people to him when it’s much more Lance’s nature to just... adore someone. He’s really, at his heart, this sweet, sentimental guy and that part of his personality is really adorable when it comes out.

The idea that he’s acting about sexual attraction is, and I touched on this a bit in the post, was that s4e4 gave all of the paladins very fake, shallow reads of them that are fundamentally untrue. Shiro as a generic beauty with nothing important to say, Hunk as a bumbling buffoon, Pidge as someone just blathering off meaningless nonsense science, Allura Keith as an arrogant lone wolf who’s only isolated because he’s too cool for this teamwork thing.

The main conflict in s4e4 is this schism between the acted personas and the real people, and even before we really get into those personas, we discover something interesting about the team: all of them, including the charismatic Shiro and the stated diplomats Hunk and Allura, are positively wooden actors.

The only person who acts well, without any instruction, and consistently does the best the entire episode?

Lance.

And Lance’s persona stands out- because he’s framed as the “loverboy”, mister romance, flirtatious, and- at an incredibly superficial read, that seems like that’s true to character, in contrast to everybody else’s.

But it’s not.

Lance is not a sexual lover- and, it’s very clear that his persona is. He practically does a pole dance hanging from the Red Lion. This is- hedged in a g-rated show- blatant sex appeal.

Which sends a very interestingly complicated message. It tells us that casanova Lance isn’t real- but also, that Lance, out of the team, is the best at playing something he’s not. Allura sort of manages Keith’s role by being literally too frustrated to participate, making her seem aloof and stoic. Hunk has his role externally manipulated onto him. Shiro and Pidge are just stewing in discomfort the entire time and arguing with Worm Coran about what he’s expecting of them.

Lance is the only one who isn’t uncomfortable the entire time. And his input? Whatever he’s doing, the audience loves it. He’s basking in the approval of his fans, signing autographs, listening to the cheering.

At this point- that’s more important to Lance than the fact that he’s pretending to be something he’s not. And again, of everything they could’ve chosen to be Lance’s fake persona, they chose casanova.

So I guess the headcanon sprouted out of that: if Lance is faking his relationship with sexuality, then is it possible he actually doesn’t feel sexual attraction at all? Again, that’d be hard if his main role models he’s looking up to are old-school male action movie heroes- pretty much every macho man action hero is frequently defined by having lots and lots of sex with lots and lots of beautiful women.

Assuming Lance was exposed to this young, and going off the implication that Lance doesn’t really have a strong relationship with his own orientation as much as an expected orientation- that would do a lot of damage. It’d be fundamentally alienating. But it’s also hard to articulate an absence of that sort of thing- and I’m drawing a bit from my own experiences as an asexual person here. For the longest time, I simply assumed that sex was something I’d inevitably want once I got to the Right Place and the Right Person. Suddenly this desire would just, unfold. Clearly.

(Spoiler: it didn’t.)

The vlog also further highlights a lot of what s4e4 implies about Lance- because while Lance isn’t the only one to share things he’d rather not, Lance is the only one we see actively discussing the possibility of doctoring the footage afterwards.

Lance is very concerned about his image. How he’s seen, how he presents himself, this is not an effortless thing. Hell, Lance’s personal grooming routine, introduced as early as s1e2, even tells us that out of the team he’s the one that puts the most thought and effort into his appearance. It isn’t a joke- it’s establishing characterization.

The reason why s4e4 doesn’t have Lance struggling with being saddled with this fake extra personality is “Loverboy Lance” is a piece of baggage he’s had since the first episode.

Like- let’s go over Allura, who Lance actually does have a full-blown crush on at this point, even if I don’t think it’s reciprocated or, really going anywhere.

We see three phases of Lance meeting Allura. The first two fit very cohesively with what we know are Lance’s virtues, and who Lance is as a person. Allura startles awake, calls out for her father, and then starts collapsing.

Before anybody else processes this sudden turn of events, Lance panics- he runs over to Allura and catches her so she doesn’t hit the ground. In that instant, he has no idea who this person is and hasn’t really processed what she looks like- all he cares about is that she’s going to get hurt. It’s a very knee-jerk, heart-on-sleeve moment of compassion.

And this is who Lance is! He feels things, right there, and obviously- he’s a good guy who does good just because it’s the most natural reflexive thing to him. This is the same Lance who shoves Coran, then a relative stranger, away from a bomb, and draws Iverson’s attention and lets him say some very hurtful things to protect Pidge, who’s been mostly just rebuffing Lance’s friendship and criticizing him at that point.

He helps because it just plain doesn’t occur to him not to.

And then Allura looks up- and Lance sees her face for the first time and it strikes him he’s holding a beautiful woman in his arms.

This is not the face of a casanova. It’s, again, that kind of immediate emotions-first response; he’s sweating, his expression is nervous. This is where a crush he’s continued to harbor for four seasons now first takes root, but immediately, he doesn’t want to mess this up- and that’s when we see a very marked shift:

Loverboy appears.

In contrast to his first two reactions, this is unsympathetic, and it’s very fake. This is the facet of Lance that Allura first insults and then immediately loses patience with because he’s flirting rather than answering her questions or taking her seriously. Because as soon as Lance decides he values Allura’s opinion of him, he whips out this fake personality and puts it on.

Because for Lance’s action hero idols, this kind of smarmy attitude works without a hitch. He’s trying to be James Bond. But in the real world that isn’t pretty much an outright power fantasy, that doesn’t work- and if Lance had kept being the sincere, mildly-smitten but mostly worried person he shows time and time again when surprised, stressed, and focused on everything other than how other people see him, he’d have been fine.

This, I think, way more than Lance fearing his lack of a role, is the underlying implication behind his insecurity and his never hearing the virtues or stated “identity” of the Blue Lion.

It’s not that Lance’s role is undefined or he needs to find it. Because remember- the reason why Lance doesn’t hear Blue’s virtues is he interrupts Allura to push his own fantasy.

I can’t think he didn’t do that on purpose. All of the other paladins have their Lions described and then given to them- Hunk is clearly not expecting to be paired with Yellow after Allura describes his temperament. But Lance already knows which Lion is his- and he cuts off Allura before she tells him what the Blue Lion is like.

Which frankly? Sounds like the behavior of someone who’s scared about what he’s going to hear- rather than desperately hanging on Allura’s words to tell him who he is. Lance at the start of the show just plain doesn’t think he’s good enough. And Loverboy is just his poison of choice to defend himself- taking the superbly-confident fictional men he’s watched and making that a defensive mask he can brandish at any situation that makes him uncomfortable or insecure.

Think about Lance calling himself the “cool ninja sharpshooter” when- even establishing himself as a sniper, Lance overwhelmingly uses his scope and range on the battlefield to check on all his friends, quip and joke with them, and play support rather than stoically sneaking out and precisely headshotting the most important target. He’s a friendly mother hen with a gun. Impressive marksman? Yes. Stoic assassin as implied by “cool ninja”? Well... there’s a reason Keith thought that was a joke and it’s not because he doesn’t think Lance is good with a gun.

So the rough tenets of Loverboy is: he is very sexual, he’s always composed and cool in every situation, and everyone is supposed to like him. He’s James Bond.

But the thing about Loverboy, as spotlighted by s4e4, is it’s not real. It’s fake. And the further Lance progresses as a character the more he’s letting this mask crumble away, in huge chunks.

Lance’s moments of strength as a character- s3e1 and his connection with Keith, the instance that makes Red decide he’s worthy of connecting with, and s4e6 supporting Allura- come from a point where Lance’s reflexive compassion surges forth not only with intensity, but a sense of complete calm. It’s Lance affecting a soft, serious, benevolent demeanor.

Because the Blue Lion is the ultimate nurturer. The lover, not as smoldering libido, but that softly takes their beloved’s hands and sees all the universe in their eyes. It’s the kind of love that looks at someone and understands, and accepts their faults, and sees all of their strengths, whether that’s a friend or a crush.

Insecure, vulnerable, uncertain Lance attempts to seduce, attempts to brag, attempts to posture, and it’s a very selfish kind of love- it’s a love that attempts to make everything about him. “Uh, I mean, I’m sure Allura thinks I’m strong and cool and pretty”. And he’s not very good at it.

Confident, certain Lance, at the height of his power doing what he does best- he supports, he understands, he reads right through people and responds with compassion and empathy and a sense of surrendering to a kind of higher flow. And that’s not always serious! I would argue that the Lance we see utterly smitten in the vlog, gushing about man have you seen Allura she’s so great and wonderful and pretty- is his true self acting out. Again, it’s his nature to adore and his nature to support. There’s a reason this kid is a leg pilot through and through, and arguably moved to Red because Keith needed him there.

Since love is such a big deal to Lance, it’s thus not surprising that romance is stated to be something significant in his arc. And I think this whole thing of transcending the immature casanova archetype that he tries to hide behind- of becoming more certain in himself and embracing his true virtues- could tie very nicely to an arc with Lance beginning a relationship based on what his actual needs and wants are, rather than the expectations tied to the Loverboy persona.

Because the real relationships that Lance flourishes with are supportive ones. He heavily connects with Plaxum as an intelligent rebel and someone whose cause he supports and situation he’s concerned by before he ever finds out she’s a beautiful mermaid and thus someone he’s attracted to and might want to pull out Loverboy to deal with.

Now- reading Lance as a biromantic ace who’s been struggling with trying to live up to what can only be called a violently heterosexual ideal isn’t necessarily essential to this arc, but, I think it would fit very nicely here- especially because there’s this thing of when women have seemed totally into Lance, he never once makes any motion towards pursuing sex or even expresses interest therein. He verbally espouses a great desire for intimacy, both romantic and platonic, and I think that’s sincere, but Lance made a raunchy joke only once over the course of four seasons.

#voltron legendary defender #vld #Lance #readmore #thirty-two paragraphs later......#whoops I've got some feelings about Lance and romance #Anonymous

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buffyrants · 7 years

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The Vampire Diet

This is for @spikesjojo who commented on a reblog to this post that Angel had human blood in his fridge. That got me thinking and sent me down a rabbit hole…

We know that Vampires do not need to eat to live as they will not die of starvation. We also know that they will suffer if they don’t eat and that they get hungry. How often, then, should they drink and are there better types of blood? We’ll start with the latter.

We know that Whistler told Angel that he could buy blood from butcher shops. However, in the episode Angel, Angel had human blood in his fridge. It could be that he turned his nose up at animal blood, and changed his mind as his character matured. However, given that he’d been living of rats for over two decades, I doubt that this is true. Thus, the implication comes that, to be healthy, vampires do require certain amounts of human blood. This is supported by the fact that, to revive Angel, Wesley feeds him his own blood as only human blood would be “substantial” enough to revive him. So, how much human blood does Angel need?

Unfortunately, we don’t have enough information to be sure. We do have one tantalizing hint though in the picture of Angel’s fridge above. I’m making the assumption here that the bags are human blood and the bottles are animal. Now, blood will expire if its kept more than 42 days, but it is better if used within 5 as the platelets will not last. This means that Angel, who has four half-liter bags of human blood, would best drink it within five days. So, I’d estimate that he needs a half-liter of human blood a day. However, that seems quite excessive, especially given the effects human blood can have on vampire as seen later in the show, so let’s say platelets aren’t a concern and that Angel only needs a half-liter of human blood about every once a week or once every week and a half. We would have to assume that these small amounts of human blood imbibed to remain healthy are so minute that they wouldn’t be detected by the checks Angel has going when he takes over Wolfram and Hart.

Which leads us into how much blood, animal and human, does Angel need to drink total? Well, typically, we only see Angel drink in the mornings. He has a large glass full which amounts to a quarter of a liter. He drinks this, from what I can observe, everyday. This amounts to a total of 1.75 liters a week. So, let’s just say Angel needs two liters of blood a week. This would also answer the how much do vampires need to feed question. The average human has between 4-6 liters of blood in their body, so I’d say a vampire would need to feed once or twice a month. This also explains how it is that vampires share their food like when Angel offered to share Xander with Spike, or Darla to share Joyce with Angel. There really is plenty of blood to go around. This fact comes with the implication that 4-6 liters might be too much to drink for one vampire at a time unless they were starving or gluttonous. This means that there are three options a) share, b) hunt more often, c) keep the prey chained up. There is evidence for all of the above. We’ve seen vampires share, we’ve seen them only drink a few gulps before leaving a body behind, and we’ve seen them chain people up. Incidentally, Angel once threatened to chain someone up and feed off of them for a month. This lends credence to the idea that vampires need one body a month, (in spite of the fact that I’m sure Angel was exaggerating and trying to intimidate the man he was threatening.) So, once or twice a month it is.

However, if Angel does need human blood, and he sometimes drinks human blood to be healthy, where does the idea of going through “withdrawal symptoms” come from when weaning off human blood? Well, I found a delightful essay by Peasant entitled Vampire Feeding Habits Reconsidered which explains it quite nicely. In it, Peasant examines the vampire from the lens of a predator and his/her relationship with prey. It can be observed that predators are frequently predictable in their hunting patterns, however, when presented with many targets, like a “fox in a hen-house” they can go on a killing spree. After this killing spree is over, the predator frequently returns to the sight of the killings looking for more. Further, now that he/she has killed so frequently, being limited from that excess of hunting can lead to withdrawal-like symptoms in animals. This can be observed in Spike’s behavior in Season 7 and Angel’s when he is fed his own son’s blood everyday (rather then his usual once every 1.5 weeks for human blood). Suddenly, they both got an excess of “good” blood and were frustrated when they were denied the ability to get more, more, more. Hence, it became like an addiction. They got used to the excess and came to crave it. Suddenly, everything and everyone seems like food. (I would recommend you read the essay as Peasant explains it so much better then my brief and poor summary.)

Incidentally, I doubt all blood is equal, even if it’s human. When Darla brings Jesse to the Master, she says “his blood is pure.” This indicates that there is “impure” blood. I would imagine that drug-riddled blood isn’t so good and neither is the blood of the diseased. I would further imagine that drinking the blood of a drunk individual would lead to a drunk vampire due to the victim's high BAC. Even more intriguing is the fact that humans produce stress hormones when they’re afraid. Angelus claimed that “fear makes the blood taste sweeter.” Who knows? Maybe it does.

#Buffy the Vampire Slayer #Angel: the Series #Angel #Vampire diet #Human blood #Animal blood #predator #prey #hunting #addiction

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christaurman-blog · 5 years

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Bipolar Relarionships: How To grow stronger as a couple.

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HOME>BIPOLAR & MARRIAGE: HOW TO GROW STRONGER AS A COUPLE

Bipolar & Marriage: How to Grow Stronger as a Couple

BY bp Magazine

113 COMMENTS

26,530

VIEWS

When a mental illness suddenly appears in a partnership, it can shake the foundation of a marriage. While dealing with the erratic behavior of a spouse in mania or depression is difficult, through counseling, love and acceptance of the illness, partners can grow even stronger as a couple.

Mood changes

It’s stressful for a spouse to deal with the confusion of ever-changing moods from their partner that has bipolar. It helps for this spouse to view their continued support as an investment in something worthwhile.

Confusion and chaos

When symptoms of bipolar first begin to surface, most spouses aren’t sure what to think—they’re very confused. Amid the chaos of behaviors they fear they’ll never see the person they’d fallen in love with again.

When sympathy isn’t enough

When a spouse is first diagnosed, the initial response from their partner is usually sympathy––until anger, frustration and even hate arise down the road, according to sociology professor and author David A. Karp, Ph.D. Karp remarks that “caring for someone who has a mental illness can be more draining than caring for someone with cancer.” When a spouse with bipolar denies their diagnosis, it can cause even more frustration and anger, and make the well partner feel like ‘the enemy’ for even breaching the topic.

Reach acceptance

If a spouse can move through these times, he or she will reach a place of acceptance, says Karp. “Those difficult emotions will then be replaced with softer feelings of love and compassion.” Just because life with your spouse looks different from the one you originally imagined, it doesn’t mean you can’t still have a loving, fulfilled life.

Redefine spousal expectations

Acceptance also means redrawing the picture of what your life as a couple looks like. For some, that may mean having to rely on only one income, going without certain luxuries, or even choosing not to start a family. For others, it may mean that many of the responsibilities of daily life fall on the well partner.

Share responsibility

Couples who have the most success share the belief that the partner with bipolar and the partner without bipolar each share an equal amount of responsibility within their relationship. Bipolar is biologically based, and can be properly managed if an individual shoulders the responsibility to help themselves––unless they are extremely manic or depressed, in which cases they are temporarily unable to.

Prepare ahead

In periods of wellness, successful couples prepare for episodes that lie ahead. That may mean realigning chequing accounts or giving power of attorney as a means of limiting control to the ill spouse during manic episodes. Some couples will have a list of symptoms the bipolar spouse exhibits when on the brink of a manic or depressive episode and agree at what point to seek help, thus removing the emotions from such a decision.

Carry the burden

Following a diagnosis many spouses are left with most of the responsibilities of their life together—from caring for the children to working to pay the bills to caring for their ill partner. It’s a heavy burden for many.

Draw boundary lines

Many spouses struggle with how to help the person they love without becoming engulfed in the spouse’s misery or mania. They may even feel their own identifies are being buried, and they are losing themselves or jeopardizing their own health. Spouses must learn to draw a boundary line, or risk losing themselves, Dr. Karp says.

Mutual wellness

Many couples attribute their successful marriages to a commitment to mutual and personal wellness. This could mean daily exercise, eating well, good sleep habits or focusing on the wonderful things shared by both. If both partners wholeheartedly want their relationships to work, they will find ways to make it work.

Move forward

Dr. David A. Karp argues that sometimes the well spouse has to withdraw. It may sound harsh, but it’s for the sake of their health. He says spouses must learn to take care of themselves before they can take care of others. It’s important for the well spouse to fulfill their own goals, and continue to move forward, even when their partner is struggling.

Learn more:

9 Life Lessons We Can Learn From People With Bipolar Disorder

The Best Things You Can Do For A Friend With Bipolar Disorder

4 Caregiver Tips When Dealing With Bipolar Disorder

LOVE, MARRIAGE, RELATIONSHIPS, SPOUSE, SUPPORT

113 COMMENTS

Hannah July 14, 2019 at 9:00 pm

I am looking for support for my marriage and my husband. He was diagnosed after a breakdown and stay in the hospital. He has used drugs before we were married and a blamed the drugs assuming he had started using again but when he tested clean I felt shame for even assuming that. I want to help him but still help myself (I have mdd and very high anxiety and numerous other health issues) and keep our marriage strong.

J June 7, 2019 at 3:54 pm

My wife of 25+ years was recently diagnosed with BP 2, which isn’t as severe but can be more insidious. She was diagnosed with depression 20 years ago and has been on anti-depressants since. A few months ago, she announced she was looking for jobs in different cities to get away from her mother who had abused her as a child and to continue working in her field. I supported the move because she had been so miserable and thought I would join her (or she would return) within a year. I found out afterwards she was actually having an affair with a man she knew from high school and had moved to be with him. This was shockingly out of character for her and when confronted, she chose to return home immediately and seek treatment. I love her deeply, but I’m having trouble understanding how much of her behavior was a result of the disease and how much was genuine feelings for the other man.

Discouraged January 14, 2019 at 10:19 am

I’m struggling because I am the one with Bp II. My husband is getting very discouraged. He feels alone. I have a hard time not taking that personally. The illness is changing our marriage. I feel like I’m the one ruining it. I am gettin treatment but finding the right medicine is exhausting. I either have horrible side effects or it doesn’t work.

How do I help my husband when I can barely function myself? I constantly worry he’s just going to give up on me. He’s so down. He’s not a crier but he’s been crying often. I just hold him but I lose it too because I’m the cause of his pain. My “up” results in so much irritability and unwarranted nitpicking. I know I have a choice. I apologize when I recognize it but I know it’s not enough for someone living with someone like me.

Does anyone have any advice? I’ve only been diagnosed for around 6 months. We’ve been married for 3 years with a 1.5 year old daughter.

Maria February 14, 2019 at 11:45 pm

The best thing is to continue to work and managing the illness. Don’t stop your meds and therapy helps. For your husband, be supportive and encourage him to seek counseling, a support group and self-care. Have him involved in your therapy to work through together so he can identify triggers and know what he can do to help. You may want to check out the book “Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder” by Julie Fast. It’s a great starting point to understanding the illness along with tips on how to navigate as a couple.

Joanne March 31, 2019 at 9:29 am

Hi Maria, just read your post of when you were diagnosed. About your spouses struggling with your bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed 10 years ago. Marital struggles aren’t an easy subject. I think we are just getting used to the issues. My husband does spend a lot of time away from home, but he probably needs too.im sorry I can’t give you specific solution to the problem. Just that you are not alone in this. And apparently I’m not either. There are always situations that creep up that I didn’t expect to. But the “me time” that I have is definitely a start. Joanne

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Is It the Marriage or the Bipolar Diagnosis?

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In times of stability, it can be difficult—and painful—to determine if there are real problems with your relationship or if bipolar symptoms are the culprit; find out more: Interpreting the symptoms Even after years of stability, a stressful event or a build-up of stress can cause an onset of symptoms. These may be too subtle...

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When a spouse or partner has bipolar disorder, we may need to accept that life will be unpredictable, and then find ways to adapt. Adjusting to new realities A loved one’s diagnosis will affect the entire household. All family members will need to adjust to this new normal, a life likely full of inconsistency. Living...

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When a partner denies their bipolar disorder diagnosis, it’s easy to get frustrated. But, take a moment and view the situation from their shoes––and adjust your approach accordingly. How can I get my partner to accept their diagnosis? You can’t. It simply doesn’t work this way. Trying to get another person to do anything is...

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letmetellyouaboutmyfeels · 4 years

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ok i've been reading your shannon posts (because your opinions are so good and well-written thanks for sharing btw) and i thought you brought up some really interesting points about eddie's parents and how they might 'mean well' but were obviously pretty hurtful. if you have the time and/or are interested, would you mind elaborating a bit on that? hope you have a nice day :)

Hello dear nonny, I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to respond to this. I was taking a short break from fandom and didn’t really go on tumblr much, and I wanted to be sure to give this ask the time it deserved. Thank you for your patience and I hope this lives up to your expectations.

Now, first and foremost, I would deeply welcome any thoughts by Latinx and mixed-race Latinx people such as @extasiswings or Hispanic people such as @michaelgrantnash if they would like to add them, since Eddie’s Latinx background does play a role in his upbringing. I personally will not be talking about that, for obvious reasons. I’ll simply be addressing this from the position of someone who has experienced and is educated on abuse and unhealthy relationships.

I’m going to make some quick bullet points and then I’ll elaborate on them. Eddie’s parents are hurtful because they:

do not believe in him

belittle him

belittle Shannon, exacerbating an already tough situation between Shannon and Eddie

declare him an unfit father and try to take Christopher away from him

Obviously some of these are more glaring than others. I’ll work up to the big things. Let’s start with the belittling.

One of the best examples of this is in 3x15, when we flashback to Eddie after he’s been home for a short bit after his helicopter crash overseas. His mother criticizes how he make his son’s drink, and then mockingly refers to him as a “big war hero” - saying that he might have been all that and a bag of chips but he can’t make a drink for his son right, a supposedly small and easy thing to do.

Eddie then mentions it to Shannon a few moments later, and Shannon replies that she’s had to deal with a lot of that, too, showing us (the audience) that comments like this are a pattern with Eddie’s mother.

Small things build up. Little comments like that might not seem like a lot, but think about how the last time someone said something like that to you, it stuck with you. I know it sticks with me. But to hear something like that repeatedly from someone you care about? That has to really hurt. And Eddie and Shannon treat this as a normal, every day issue. Eddie’s probably had to deal with something like this his entire life. That wears down a person’s self-esteem and explains a) Eddie’s low self-esteem issues and b) his reluctance to open up emotionally. He’s scared he’ll be dismissed. His mother literally mocks the medal and event that have given her son trauma. That’s really not okay.

Not to mention, all of this belittling undoubtedly contributed to Shannon leaving. Shannon says that she’s raising Christopher all alone, and that is patently untrue and I will physically fight her over it but the fact is she probably didn’t feel welcomed by her husband’s family if those were the kind of comments she was used to. Eddie literally says, half joking, but really hurt, that “I can’t even give my son a drink properly,” to which Shannon replies that she knows how that feels.

This tells us that Shannon’s head to deal with this the entire time. Eddie’s parents later say that Christopher was with them nearly every day of his life since he was born. That means Shannon was with them nearly every day in some capacity until she left, so she had to deal with a lot of comments. While it doesn’t excuse her abandoning her four-year-old son (no, I’m not over it, I will never be over it), all those comments definitely built up and contributed to her feelings of abandonment and hurt.

And of course, it’s never just belittling. Abusive behavior is never just the small things (although the small things add up and they matter). It leads to bigger issues, too. And we see this spectacularly in 3x15, in the flashback after Shannon’s left.

Eddie’s parents try to take his son away from them.

Let that sink in. We have spent nearly two full seasons watching Eddie be a loving, dedicated, soft, adoring father to Christopher. We’ve seen him move heaven and earth to take care of his son - and now we see that his open affection and devotion to his child is something he obviously taught himself and worked hard on, and was not the result of a good example by his parents. Eddie builds Christopher up, tells Christopher that he can do anything, protects Christopher ferociously. Eddie’s parents, on the other hand, see their son being a single parent working three jobs and tell him it’s not good enough.

What the fuck.

They literally say, in 3x15, that Christopher should be raised by them, not Eddie. And reinforce this when they say Eddie should move back home to Texas post-Shannon’s funeral. This is actually the first time we (the audience) see them, even though this takes place post-3x15 since in that episode they’re showing up in flashbacks.

Their very first appearance and they’re telling Eddie, “You should bring Christopher back to us. He doesn’t belong here.” They’re ignoring the entire life that Eddie has built for his son here and once again implying that Eddie isn’t good enough to be a parent. Furthermore, they’re making Eddie’s move to LA all about Shannon, and how now that she’s dead they should move back to Texas, rather than realizing that while Shannon was a big part of the reason for the move, getting Christopher a better educational situation and Eddie a better job were also part of it.

All of this leads to the first bullet point: that Eddie’s parents do not believe in him. And possibly never have. We only see this in relation to his being a father and husband but I doubt it just stops there.

No wonder Eddie wanted to move to LA. It wasn’t just about Shannon. In fact it wasn’t all that much about her, seeing as he didn’t try to contact her when he got there and didn’t seem all that happy to see her when she first showed up, despite his later attempts to try and make things work. It was about his parents. Eddie’s parents tried to take his son from him, so he packed his bags and got the hell out of dodge.

Honestly, I wonder if he talked to his abuela about it. “Hey, they’re trying to take Chris from me, I need help.” Eddie’s clearly close with her, closer than he is to his parents. Just a thought.

And what about Christopher? He has to be overhearing what the adults are saying. His grandparents never hid how much they hated Shannon, so it’s likely they discussed Eddie’s supposed failures where Christopher could hear it, too. What does that do to a child? It hurts and wounds them deeply, I can tell you that.

Compare the behavior of Eddie’s parents to the 118, and specifically Buck. When Eddie was working three jobs to support his son post-military, his parents told him he wasn’t doing good enough and tried to take his child away. Buck sees Eddie struggle with a babysitter and so quietly and without judgment gets Eddie a service worker who can help Eddie go over options for his childcare. The 118 welcomes Christopher into the fire station and Bobby tells Eddie that he, and Christopher, have a safe place there.

When Eddie’s hurting post-Shannon, Bobby doesn’t tell him he made a mistake or did anything wrong. He asks if Eddie is okay. He supports Eddie and tries to get him therapy.

When Christopher’s struggling because of the skateboard incident, Carla and Buck support Eddie. They don’t tell him he’s raising his son wrong, or that it’s not okay for him to be upset.

Karen and Hen have playdates for Denny and Christopher. They talk with Eddie and build a friendship with him.

From day one, Buck has been there for Christopher, and the one time Buck fucked up (with the lawsuit), he apologized and admitted he was wrong to leave Christopher’s and Eddie’s lives without a word of warning. Buck is there for Eddie, ready to lend a helping hand, but also cheering him on.

How much must it have meant to Eddie, to have his best friend (and love interest, fight me) literally bleeding to death and not caring because he was desperate to find his son? To have that best friend devastated at the very idea of failing Christopher, and saying he would understand if Eddie didn’t trust him with his son again, because how could he? After his parents told Eddie he wasn’t good enough, to have someone so fucking dedicated to his child looking at Eddie and saying no, no you’re a great father, I’m not good enough... that must have meant more than Eddie could’ve found the words for.

Eddie telling Buck, “There’s nobody in the world I trust with my son more than you,” wasn’t just for Buck. It was for Eddie, too. Because he’s finally found someone he can trust with his child, who won’t try to take that child away from him, who won’t tell Eddie he’s not good enough. He’s found someone to help him be a father rather than steal that role from him.

Buck and the 118 have respected Eddie’s authority as a father, his love for his son, and his dedication to Christopher the entire time. And their only attempts to step in are attempts to give Eddie support since nobody can do it alone, and everyone needs help sometimes. The 118 are a better family to Eddie than his parents have been in every canonical interaction we see. They don’t tell Eddie all the ways he’s doing it wrong. They praise what he’s doing right and catch him when he stumbles.

Emotional abuse is not always big. In fact it’s often harder to catch than sexual or physical abuse. And it can be small and subtle. Eddie’s parents aren’t straight up bullying him in the way we’re raised to recognize. But they criticize him constantly. Tell him everything he’s doing wrong. And most importantly they tell him that he can’t do anything without their help, without being around them. It shows they don’t believe in him and that they want to make him dependent on them - and it means Eddie doesn’t believe in himself.

That’s not okay. I’m sure that they’re well-intentioned people who don’t realize how much they’re hurting their son. They might even be good people, by other definitions. But to paraphrase Maddie Buckley, you can be a good person, just not a good parent. And Eddie’s parents are, from what we’ve seen, not good parents. And they don’t give Eddie what he needs.

#mads answers things #eddie diaz #911 fox #911 meta #eddie diaz meta #I hope that I answered your question anon #and explained myself well #tumblr for the love of god please don't fuck up this formatting #anyway if others would like to add onto this please do #I welcome more thoughtful meta on Eddie and his family #edited to properly credit mgn's background #my deep apologies!

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