miss having a huge crush on my close friend when I was sixteen that was so good bad good bad evil good for me

Actually Terusai has kind of a fascinating element of psychological horror that I don't think most people notice.

Think about it. In a world where psychic powers are real and can be strong enough to destroy the planet, a girl is born who has two special abilities:

(Nearly) every guy immediately falls in love with her, and

The world in general bends over backwards to her will, affecting probability, the weather, and even the physics of falling droplets.

In the face of this, even Saiki's godly set of abilities are barely enough to counter her second power. And despite how much trouble Teruhashi puts him in and will continue to put him in, and despite Teruhashi's completely superficial crush on him, Saiki feels himself starting to fall in love with her too.

Is it true love? Is it Teruhashi's power eventually working its way through his natural defenses? Is it the will of God/the mangaka forcing him to be together with Teruhashi for some reason, possibly just because she wants it, or to appease an audience he knows exists out there somewhere?

How long can Saiki fight against Teruhashi's powers and God's will? How can he ever know whether his feelings are genuine?

The only way to know 100% for sure would be if Teruhashi loses interest in him and he then finds that he's also lost interest in her. Or potentially if he significantly powers up somehow and then finds that his feelings for Teruhashi aren't as strong any more.

The same problem still applies to any Teruhashi ship, of course, except that none of them would know that their feelings could potentially have been forced onto them by supernatural power, and so would live and love in ignorant bliss. 🤔 It might be possible for wlw ships to dodge this issue, except that Aiura and Imu's strong reactions to Teruhashi at first sight imply that Teruhashi's first power extends to anyone attracted to women (which would also explain Hairo's disinterest).

And if Teruhashi herself should ever realize that she was born with these powers and that her hard work isn't the source of them (as proven by the fact that she had them as a baby and also in all apocalyptic scenarios and she's gone evil, she still is loved and worshipped), she would have SUCH a breakdown, rip...

What a way to shatter a worldview! And how could she trust that ANYONE'S feelings towards her could be legitimate if she knows she has a magic power that forces the issue?? Maybe that's what tips her over the edge into cult leader in some of those AUs tbh!

You could hypothetically argue that Aiura's soulmate readings also exert control, except that Aiura's powers are only good for getting information, she's never shown any ability to affect reality. And it seems that soulmates don't necessarily always end up together for whatever reason (like geography/being in completely different areas of the world), so if Saiki wanted to ignore that prediction, there really wouldn't be anything stopping him.

He clearly didn't fall in love with Aiura at first sight (nor she with him) and no circumstances have ever evolved to force him into close contact with Aiura. Even the time Imu shoved Saiki and Aiura into the closet was in Teruhashi's favor because hearing her admit she liked Saiki was enough to prevent Saiki from carrying on his plan with Aiura. 🤷🏾

So any feelings that develop between Aiura and Saiki would be undoubtedly natural. But any feelings Saiki develops for Teruhashi would be perpetually under question...

Hi...... If you don't mind me asking, what are your top 10 favorite books ever (fiction)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before....Thanks...

no i don’t think i have answered that before🤔 

thanks for asking! :D this is in loose most to least favorite order let's goooo

1. the lymond chronicles by dorothy dunnett. let’s get the enfant terrible out of the way. i love historical adventure stories and have a fictional crush on the mc of proportions embarrassing at my respectable old age. a gallant renaissance courtier, a cunning swashbuckler, a brilliant schemer, a queer icon, a tortured soul, a secret agent extraordinaire “whose tongue is as sharp as his rapier”, the Man, the Myth, the Legend - lymond has it all. if only i could condone the narrative tomfoolery of the last two installments, the lemon saga would’ve become my favorite series of all time. still gotta put it in the first spot bc rn i’m biased - i’m re-reading it with my bestie and hell’s own apollo is very much there, inside my mind💖

2. the secret history by donna tartt is the book that established dark academia - a lucrative subgenre of mediocre campus novels trying to imitate tsh written by authors who unfortunately don’t understand what makes it iconic. the secret special ingredient being some substance under the aesthetics and - how do i put it without sounding like a snob - literary value. this is not the main reason why i love it though, not the thing that made me binge it overnight several years ago which was how i found my way back into reading after uni drained me of any desire to do it - those were the characters. i think they’re fun and relatable in terms of qualities which i’m not necessarily proud of but which are nevertheless an integral part of my personality - such as, for example, being a snob.

3. all for the game by nora sakavic is probably the most unique book i have ever read - and that’s saying something bc i read over one hundred per year. do i dare to attempt to explain what it is about in a concise manner? no, i don’t think so. i’ll just say i love it bc it showed me what can be achieved if the author isn’t constrained by arbitrary rules of storytelling or social conventions or judgements of “good taste”, bc it inspired me to actively participate in an online fandom for the first time and to build a community of tumblr mutuals (which tbh was probably the only thing that helped me stay sane throughout 2020), bc it made so many memories and experiences click into place and made me realize i’m aroace and queer. i’m glad i discovered it at the right time in my life and i genuinely believe it’s in its rightful place next to the more “highbrow” books on this list.

4. harry potter. unlike many fans i read hp relatively late in my teens and so i don’t think i could say i’d grown up with it or that it had been an important part of my childhood. nevertheless when i read this series it captured my heart and soul and it never lost its charm on each subsequent re-read. now jkr is being rightfully condemned and the story itself viewed with increasing criticism, but still i can’t agree with people who claim it was never good in the first place. something is very special about hp, something contemporary authors apparently can’t recreate or another middle grade or ya fantasy would’ve overshadowed it by now. i used to think this special thing can’t be tainted by the discourse but to tell the truth now i’m not so certain anymore. maybe i’m just becoming more and more disillusioned with the idea of escaping from real life problems into magical fictional worlds... watch starkid’s a very potter musical on youtube if you haven’t already btw.

5. confusion by stefan zweig is a novella written in the 1920s and it follows a relationship between a young university student and his mysterious english professor who has a dark secret. this is probably (and unfortunately) the least famous book on this list and so i have made it my mission to recommend it to people as often as possible. zweig is a wonderful writer who focuses on deep dives into the characters’ psyche and interpersonal relationships that can’t be easily defined or put into boxes. i can’t really explain why this obscure short story is in my top 5 favorite books of all time without going into spoilers but i will say that i myself fully understood why it’s so important to me only after i realized i’m aroace. it doesn’t have any aroace characters - that would’ve been too galaxybrain for the time period - but the questions the protag grapples with in the story are in my opinion some quintessential aspec questions which i sadly haven’t seen explored in any aspec rep book i’ve read so far. 

6. eugene onegin by alexander pushkin. despite its immense fame and popularity in russia and all the lands it colonized, some western readers might not be familiar with this classic - i assume because it’s written in verse and so even the best translator wouldn’t be able to render this text in all its glory. i have re-read onegin countless times, far more often than any other book on this list, and each time it presented itself from a new angle: as a 12yo i thought it was a failed love story, as a 20yo i thought it was a failed friendship story and now, that i’m the same age as onegin at the end of the book, my conclusion is it’s about how some people just can’t be happy. how very byronic lol

7. a song of ice and fire by george rr martin. i used to believe this is the superior adult fantasy series bc of its complex and compelling characters - but that doesn’t seem right bc many authors offer good character work. what actually sets asoiaf apart imo is what i call “complex morality” - this is basically grey morality except as applied to the world instead of, as it commonly is, to the characters. a “morally grey character” is, especially today, a pretty uninspired narrative tool if they exist in a world where good and evil are real and absolute categories. despite the fact that many readers (but mostly, i think, the show viewers) have divided the asoiaf cast into the “good” ones, the “bad” ones and the “redeemable” ones (ugh), i believe martin succeeded in creating a world where each character will inevitably end up on the crossroads between a bad action and a worse one and their choice will be a juicy insight into the conditio humana. for some reason i like when the fiction i read for escapism reflects my cynical pessimist outlook🤷‍♂️  

8. the three musketeers by alexandre dumas. the og historical swashbuckling adventure story, the first book (series) i was ever obsessed with. can’t say much about this one bc i read it when i was 12 and haven’t re-read it since, my love for it being kept alive throughout the years by the soviet tv adaptation. i really want to re-read it soon but also i’m nervous that it won’t live up to my childhood memories. still had to put it on the list bc in many aspects it was foundational to my tastes in media and fiction.

9. the talented mr ripley by patricia highsmith. before the secret history dethroned it by offering similar themes in a more attractive package, this used to be my favorite book. no one can write a queercoded sociopath like highsmith. i remember finishing the book, then starting it again immediately bc i was just fascinated by ripley’s mind, by how subtle the writing was and how it managed to convey a sense of constant anxiety and tension. i think tom ripley is an important figure in the fictional serial killer canon and deserves more attention from fans of guys like hannibal lecter and joe goldberg. hopefully the upcoming mini-series will do him justice - as in “faithfully depict and popularize his story”. real justice being done to him is the last thing ripley wants lol 

10. a little life by hanya yanagihara. a very important novel whose broad thematic range is overshadowed by the notoriety it gets in the online book community bc of its heavy subject matter. this book wants you to witness the darkest moments of one man’s life, follow him on this tragic journey and see how the society that means to help often ends up harming further bc it fails to acknowledge many uncomfortable truths about individual mental health. honestly i could spend hours talking about all the subversive and taboo topics this book explores and why it’s important and why it’s bad that we don’t engage with them more often, but if i had to pick one it would be the idea that some of us will only get a little life to enjoy and that is okay and our experience is still worth recounting and witnessing, it’s still valuable and liberating even if it doesn’t fit into the common understanding of “happiness” which anyway is nothing but a construct that can seem misleading and oppressive depending on one’s experiences. ngl i couldn’t in good conscience “recommend” this book to anyone, as in “suggest they read it”, but i think i personally will revisit it at different stages in my life bc i’m sure it will reveal new depths. and also bc, as you should’ve gathered from this list, i like pain😅😬

other books i consider my all time favorites that didn’t make the list: the hunchback of notre dame, wuthering heights, phantom by susan kay, perfume: the story of a murderer, gentlemen and players by joanne harris, howl’s moving castle, captive prince, the grandmaster of demonic cultivation (mo dao zu shi), the history boys, crime and punishment

Hey girl hey✌🏻, Just something random have you ever noticed how certain things are more casual for girls then guys like say for instance a girl can nonchalantly kiss another girl “just for fun” or it’s one of those things where it’s like oh yeah I’ve kissed a girl before and nobody questions whether your gay because it just casually happened with no intention or anything romantic behind it, Or a girl can say “omigosh I have a total girl crush on her” and it’s normal but if a guy had to do any of those things it wouldn’t be taken seriously and no doubt people wouldn’t believe you’re straight but with good reason because guys don’t do anything of that unless they’re openly gay or still in the closet looking to keep it that way for however long🤔. Sorry I know I was rambling there and none of it probably made sense but I’ve always thought about that, I mean I’m a straight girl no doubt trust me but I have a totally casual girl crush on a fictional character (Micaela Stone on Manifest) which I give zero thought to it’s just there I know it’s casual cause I have an even bigger for real crush on Jared Vasquez (also Manifest it’s my new obsession can’t get enough).

So what do you think about that? If you can even understand my rambling lol 🙈, Do you think I can have a casual meaningless girl crush especially since she’s fictional?

YESSS! You can totally have a (either casual or hardcore) crush on a fictional girl character!

I have fictional crushes, boy and girl tbh, and they're pretty much hardcore! (i can get pretty obsessed easily) where I draw them, buy collections regarding that character! But that was when I was in highschool and college. Things have changed (~_~メ) but I still get hardcore crushes over fictional characters! 🙈 And that's totally fine!

It doesn't make you less straight, if that worries you, if you got a crush on a girl fictional character, depending on how you feel i guess. Cause as you mentioned there's this thing called "girl crush". It only becomes a different story when you begin developing crushes/feelings on this girl in real life, or have this certain feeling of daydreaming about a fictional girl crush to the point of wishing to meet someone like them irl or if they're giving you sexual dreams if you know what i mean. But it all depends actually. I still think it doesn't make you gay if this certain fictional girl only gives you sexual fantasies - not every girl you see - because I believe there are no 100% straight, I believe we all have gayness inside us. 🌈 (And same goes with boys.)

Boys and girls are just the same, whilst it's more okay/accepting with girls to kiss another without receiving cruel judgment in the society, there are boys who also kiss boys just for fun (and believe me there are even who do more than just kissing but they still label themselves as straight), especially in this generation where people are more open and understanding. And boys can have boy fictional crushes/man crushes too, even though they're straight. I remember this igstory Tim Granaderos posted, where he mentioned having a man crush over Jeremy Renner, but it doesn't make him gay. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It's all about confidence about who/what you are, regardless of what people say around about you! Though sometimes it may take a while to embrace yourself fully.

Just let yourself have crushes and don't worry much about it! It's actually good that you can admit to yourself "I have a crush on him/her" whether fictional or not, and you're sure about yourself! Crushes (especially healthy crushes) are something to enjoy! So just enjoy them! (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

I think it was pretty OOC and overall so weird of Uo to cry in front of people and claim how much she wants to see Kureno. Even if their relationship was between each other's age gap and really did make sense, it's not really like Uo to react like that over missing someone she loves. 🤔

I’d have to 100% agree with you. And it’s the WEIRDEST thing narratively because she has this little outburst in front of so many people and then alone with Tohru it doesn’t even come up. She’s like ... fine now. It’s this weird demonstration of “look, she’s still hung up on it even if she doesn’t want to admit it” (despite revealing herself in front of a ton of strangers who don’t know her business) and it does NOTHING but further Kureno’s plot along. Because if Uo never said anything, there’d be no DVD to give to Kureno and there’d be no meeting to give the DVD back to Tohru and so on. 

Tbh ??? Kureno’s arc to fall in love pretty instantaneously and spontaneously with someone that gets him to think “outside” of the curse for the first time in like .. ever and Uo’s arc to ?? idk ??? like a guy???? I guess??? Are only intertwined to involve Tohru. (And because Fruits Basket loves serendipity) Because if Uo were some other woman who we had never met before that Tohru couldn’t become emotionally invested in, what Kureno has to offer the plot and what he has to offer Tohru just wouldn’t work. At least, the way that UoKureno is written. 

Age gap aside there’s so much missed potential with that pairing. Kureno is someone who’s resigned to a sheltered life of devoted isolation where he doesn’t get to live freely despite being so. And Uo is a character who we know to have been involved in an organization that was bound tight by rules and loyalty and obligation (sound familiar??? at all??) that she wanted to leave in order to better herself and live as her own person worth a better life and she eventually fought to do so (once she found the right influence). 

SO IMAGINE 

UoKureno can still have their “meet cute” in a convenience store only the sparks aren’t instant. They meet a few times; every time he leaves the estate he sees this girl. Which, is not a lot but it’s weird that it happens as often as it does. They exchange pleasantries maybe chat here and there. But, the one time they actually get to have lunch or something they have a real conversation. Maybe Uo overshares because Kureno’s so quiet; she talks about school, she talks about her best friends she talks about her dad, how she might want to be a model. But, when she stops herself and encourages him to speak up maybe he thinks he can actually say something about himself for once and talks about how he’s a busy guy who doesn’t get out much how he’s obligated to stay where he is and he’s “content.” (Without naming names or mentioning specific places). Cue Uo being able to tell that he’s not. Only she doesn’t take it to heart that he didn’t think their meeting was “important” or “significant” because lmao it wasn’t. So his story makes her think of her own. And she talks about what she went through and being unhappy and wanting to leave. Maybe she shares some good ol classic Kyoko wisdom because Fruits Basket loves Kyoko wisdom. 

So, when summer break happens Kureno gets to think on that. His head’s stuck in a way about this girl he can’t stop thinking about and about what she said to him. Leaving Akito is hard, but in the meantime he’s got this food for thought to consider. And, maybe at this point Uo can still become the first person he’s ever loved as an actual human being. And maybe she has a crush on him. But, their narrative isn’t so much about star crossed lovers but about meeting people who can have a specific impact on you. Uo’s made some points that Kureno can’t help but consider and Kureno is someone that Uo feels is living in a similar stagnancy that she used to and she hopes that this man she doesn’t hate can figure it out for the better. 

And that's it. They meet each other (more than twice), they get to know each other a bit more, and maybe some feelings are there but they aren’t the forefront. There’s no relating Uo to why Kureno is conflicted he can’t leave, and there’s no outburst from Uo during the play. They can have their moment at the end of the series when Kureno is in the hospital because Uo is there for Tohru anyway. And !! Within this little take !! Imagine the parallels! Uo got beat to hell at like 13 years old trying to leave her life and Kureno got stabbed. It’s like this unfortunate mark of proof that they made it out or something I don’t know. BUT they don’t get together and they don’t elope they just ... keep in touch while they figure their lives out independently because Uo is a teenager who doesn’t know what she wants out of life yet and Kureno needs to figure himself out after years of pretending to live this one way for the sake of someone else. They can get together when she’s old enough for all I care. 

NOW, I’VE DOCTORED UOKURENO BUT ... IT KIND OF LEAVES SOME BLANKS AS TO HOW AND WHY TOHRU LEARNS WHAT SHE DOES ABOUT KURENO BECAUSE NOW IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH UO 

So let me say, consider this: 

Tohru wants to break the curse. Tohru wants to meddle. Kazuma doesn’t know anything, Rin’s tried and doesn’t know anything, and Rin is convinced Shigure knows nothing and Tohru is inclined to believe her. Tohru at this point in the story has spent so much time with the Sohmas who aren’t Kureno. She knows their hopes and dreams and fears and knows how the curse has hurt some of them and thinks she understands the hold that the curse has on them. Kureno is said to be the one who is closest to Akito. Tohru meets him in a way she meets none of the others: Akito introduces him. I think, it would make sense that Tohru might see Kureno as this “missing link” because he must know something. He’s the closest she can get to understanding Akito without talking to Akito herself, right? 

Tohru pursues Kureno on her own volition because she wants to learn more about the curse. Kureno is in this conflicted headspace since he met Uo, wondering if something more isn’t worthwhile. And now Tohru is pressing to meet him and talk to him (she sneaks into the estate to talk to him privately about the curse, but it’s a bad place and time and also he says he doesn't know anything but she’s not CONVINCED so she says “well, if you want to talk maybe tomorrow or the next day because you never know when you’ll change your mind” (see what I did there?). Then New Years happens. Akito is bedridden. Kureno calls Shigure’s house and wants to speak to Tohru because if he can say anything to protect Akito and get Tohru to maybe chill out a little bit before someone else gets hurt, he will. Shigure sends Tohru on her “errand” and Kureno and Tohru meet in the park. He still says everything he says to her, but because he’s been pushed to feel like he has to explain himself to this girl not because of Uo but because of Akito. (And, I still think that Gure got in his head a little bit when he asked him if he felt any pity for what he did, and if you mix that into my re-write where he’s also thinking about Tohru’s efforts and what Uo told him about leaving her past life it kind of tracks). So, we still get this emotional moment where Kureno is pouring his heart out to this girl because he’s still trapped where he is by his own devices despite his curse being broken. And, s/o to my girl @mistergrass​ whose take just hits (all of her takes just hit): 

This moment for Tohru becomes, what it should have been all along, even if Uo had to be in the equation, a moment of defeat. Because she thinks she's so close to cracking what’s behind the curse, and Kureno tells her what should fill her with so much hope, but she learns that even if she can break the curse it’s still not that easy. It doesn’t mean that they’re “free.” Because Kureno’s not. And, Tohru realizes that she doesn’t understand as much as she thought she did.