vent

My juice for art is so low but I don't want to take a break because it's all things out of my control and honestly, that's just not fair :/

It's a culmination of many things that have made drawing feel like a punishment. I want to draw. But when I sit down I anticipate the next thing that's going to go wrong. "Why won't I be able to enjoy this this time?" 2022 was a traumatic year for reasons unrelated, that I am not going to get into. It was the worst year of my life. I'm still dealing with that. I wonder sometimes if I have PTSD because of it. I lean toward yes.

The years of being reminded of art theft. That has only gotten better because I chose to be loud on social media. I hate it. It's drama. But ignoring it was making it worse. People do not understand how much it can suck the joy out posting knowing a funhouse mirror version is going to appear down the pipeline. Why draw if I'm feeding that? I hate it especially because it leaves people with the impression that I particularly care when someone references or is inspired by my art. I don't. Just be ethical. That's all most people care about. I started blocking people for supporting us both. I don't owe anyone an explanation for that. I do not particularly enjoy drawing Herman as a dragon anymore because I had to do so much of it to stay visible. I like the dragon, but he will never resonate with me as much as the character I made for story. Consider that. I dunked months (a year?) drawing art I didn't want to because I had to be visible, because twitter was dying and I had to funnel people to other sites where I have an account, or because the art theft was so prolific I had to keep doing a circus trick. I have not been able to take a break from social media. I did not enjoy drawing most of the dragon Herman and Jacky comics. They were work. AI sucks but I accept that it exists. I hate what corporations are doing to people. I love that furries and art appreciators are still out there, relatively unchanged. NFTs were stupid. Colossally stupid. Artist hangouts shitting the floor left and right. Covid and the rapidly approaching 2024 election have shattered my perception of the human race. People are awful. I'm okay and will be okay. I just don't really know what to do with myself. I associate all the things I enjoy doing with something bad now, and I don't want to do anything else. I refuse to take meds. I have been around them my whole life. They don't make it better. Why would I do that to myself. There have been good people and amazing people, and I appreciate them. A small circle of people on discord have been keeping me sane, listening to my ramblings, helping me figure out what is worth caring about and what isn't. I hate that that's the image I project of myself in private circles anymore.

Hello!!! How did you become so dedicated to your studies? Do you have some advice?

I love your blog, btw✨️

Hi hi hi!! Thanks for the sweet message 💞💞

My BIG study tips (after 25 years of studying):

Accept your fate. This goes for anything but I used to procrastinate with studying a LOT and once you start it's actually not that bad. It's guaranteed. Automatically once you start, you have started, so you're already on your way, so it's already automatically not as bad anymore. Whining abt ur studies and avoiding them will not make them go away unfortunately. Just do it.

Make study time sacred. A few minutes of focused study is much more valuable than 5 hours spent at the library "studying" + scrolling + talking to friends + listening to music at the same time. Doing 5 hours like that is literally putting yourself thru hell because 1. you cant fully enjoy any of those non-studying activities and 2. you come out of that being like ugh I studied this page for 5 hours I'm tired of studying I need a break. Pomodoro method really changed my life pls try it out if u haven't already

That one tumblr post that says 'learning is basically being exposed to the same materials many times in multiple ways' is 100% correct. How many different ways can you expose yourself to the material. Memorizing facts- can you draw it? Can you organize the facts into lists? Can you attach a funny story to one of the facts? The more ways you interact with any material, the stronger it's saved in your memory. Find out if you're a visual learner- and then create visual tools, maybe color coding things helps you. Do a little digging and find out what works for you.

Diversify your life. Have some hobbies, spend time with friends/family, take a break. Let the computer of your brain sort out things in the background while you do other things. Once you go back to studying, you will feel refreshed (and not fatigued from 5 hrs in the library doing "studying") This also means that if you fail an exam, you won't be like 'oh no i spent my whole spring break studying for this exam and didn't even enjoy it and now I got a bad grade i must be horrible my life is nothing' and spiral. def not based on a true story :) Instead you'll be like yeah I failed but look at this scarf I crocheted look at mee i have mental health!

Sleep is magic- no matter what anyone else tries to tell you. 1. If you studied something during the day, just review those things right before bed and magically they will get set into your brain. Also 2. sleeping is when our brain sorts info so if you don't get any sleep at all it' the same as taking your study sheets and throwing them into the air, so when you ask your brain for the info during the test it's like lol it's around here somewhere. On the other hand, if you slept and gave ur brain time to sort it, when you ask for that info, it'll just open the right drawer and give u the info!

That's it for the big ones- if you want more specific advice feel free to ask! Also as a disclaimer, these 5 are all big life lessons that I had to learn thru trial and error, so consider these to be the advice I would give myself at a younger age. Pls don't be offended lol whenever I said 'you' I rlly was thinking abt myself.

me when

me when my shit post i put absolutely no effort into is getting more notes than my silly doodles in which i do put some effort

The way Luz's thank you drawing got rejected by the person it was for when she thought she finally found someone who wouldn't make fun of her for her eccentric behavior, that she is worthless..and then the drawing does get recognized, that it's beautiful and why would it get thrown away. She was finally understood (I am in shambles help-)

quick human!rusty

Poor Emmanellain sending this relatively new, silent, stoic adventurer off on a delivery only to realize its going to take twice as long as just delivering it himself.

Zenos gets to deal with both the pain of not being able use Aetherytes and being dramatically stubborn of doing a job he was given regardless of it.

VARGASTOBER - day 5 : devi d .

:) hen

hmmmm having angsty Lights Out thoughts

wip

i like that side look eye too much i need to spread this to the world

what’s your opinion on kyman? I don’t like it but it keeps popping up on my page, and I’m trying to avoid kyman artists

Swings my office chair around w my hands folded together in dramatic lighting. I have quite a bit to say about this actually

So as a huge Kyle enjoyer there's certain things about this pairing that makes me feel like it's really unfair for him and honestly just bad for his health ngl. I could go on a whole spiel but I won't, this ain't about him.... specifically lol

But on the other hand...they ARE friends. I know it's kinda hard to swallow this truth but they CAN also be calm and peaceful together it is just rare....so idk. And I guess people enjoy the way they gravitate towards each other...whether that be for better or for worse. I think for me it depends on how it's being portrayed in the fan content. I don't ever seek it out myself but sometimes I come across stuff that I find cute or whatever. It's not my cup of tea though

Anyway I don't ship it myself and if I think about it too much I get upset lmfao but otherwise it's honestly not the woooorst ship I think u have to worry more about the way a person ships it (but honestly that can apply to basically everything). I truly understand avoiding it though, I have mostly negative feelings for it myself and truthfully I personally prefer them both with other people.

To those who said "It will be different please give it a chance"

You Lied. :)

It's the same pretentious, vomit-inducing garbage like before.

Everything is the same.

What's worse? You massacred my boy. Richter is written exactly as I thought and exactly as I feared. I Hate it. I hardly use that word because it's harsh, so ever so truly I HATE it.

And it doesn't even matter if NFCV-centric fans don't like these two (woah no way!!), you didn't make them likeable in the first place. You stripped them of everything that made them good.

Just how are you so good at this??

I won't be able to feel the same way drawing Richter ever again. This isn't even about people bringing the topic of the show to me now. The information will come to me eventually. I don't want to feel like I'm combatting this literally ugly image now plastered to his name, but it can't be helped when I feel like I have to prove that he's not some stuck-up manbaby that's meant to be woobified-- like someone else I'm thoroughly sick of seeing.

That said. Thank you, so much, for the wonderful work you've put in.

Because I'm not as much in the spotlight as others I can say this: Your adaptation is bad. I hope it gets cancelled.

My progress on the fillei doodle page <3

I've seen a lot of fan artists being angry when someone reblogs their work with "I don't ship this but this is beautiful" and idk why is that considered so bad. The bad thing is when they reblog it with "I fucking hate this ship/characters but this is beautiful". Imagine how good your work is when someone who doesn't even ship it thinks it's good and shares it and how nice that person is when they admit it got their admiration even if they don't ship it.

ignore the blank space by Tic

well. i HAD another character fully done (well, technically 2 bt that doesn't matter since it was only a head of one of them) krita really hates when i insert text though. so that's all gone, but have all (-2) of the users i've designed so far i also had a little thing that related to lore but krita hated that apparently (how dari i even attempt to insert text and forget to save the drawing)

anyways, bet you didn't expect me to make KinitoPET user ocs, didja?

I'm hitting rock bottom <- dude whose belly aches so fucking much because he ate pork.