#it's like a gone girl monologue every week | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wexhappyxfew · 6 days

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oh goodness, what about soft john and annie with "it’s okay, you can touch me. i won't break." ?

AH HELLO!!!!! first of all; a massive thank you for sending this prompt in and for stopping by the askbox!!! it is so greatly appreciated in my lil corner of the world. and second - SOFT JOHN AND ANNIE!!!! coming *right* up! this was such a good prompt for them and i immediately saw it and was like - i need to do this Right. Now. and here we are! sincerest thank you's for this! please enjoy! <3

cold hands

(a/n): annie x brady girlies i am in shambles over this please know. a whole lot of annie's internal monologue and how greatly she is affected by her traumatizing youth - and her struggle to break free from that. and brady is a part of that healing process <3 annie bradshaw you will always be famous girl - never change! :D

Seeing him sat there, head bowed, body completely frozen had to be one of the worst feelings she had experienced in a long time.

And she'd grown up with a mother who hardly had wanted a thing to do with her, much less take care of the children that were in her care.

A part of Annie saw him as a little boy for the first time, in a way. Knowing that behind this strong facade of an Air Force Captain, who had flown B-17s all over Europe, over Germany, down to Africa, training his heart out, there was still that little boy who lived inside of him.

Annie stood in the doorway of the empty bunk room, entirely unsure of her next moves.

She was her own command pilot, a Lieutenant!

She'd gone through hell and back in her youth, gone through training where she was viewed as nothing more than the bottom of the barrel, fighting her way to both be respected and viewed as a pilot in the Air Force, and equally gone through constant doubt, grief and dismissal because of the fact she was a woman. She'd gone through multiple ranges of situations she'd been lost and confused in; but she'd found a way. She had commanded Silver Bullets on nearly 20 missions, risking her life day in and day out, she'd shown herself in every possible light and proven herself time and time again.

Yet, in this moment, she had no idea what to do.

She was usually great at this; dealing with her little siblings, answering their questions as to why Mommy was in bed again, or where Dad was, or why they didn't have anything for breakfast - yeah, that'd been easy, she'd gotten good at it.

Enough to convince herself that it almost wasn't true (even though it was).

This though? She couldn't stop standing there and looking at him and seeing nothing but that young boy.

Annie took a tentative step forward and it didn't take him even less than a second to look up from the ground and towards her, his hardened gaze immediately growing gentle at the sight of her there in the threshold, his white knuckles releasing the built-up tension that had been there previously.

She didn't miss the reddening hand-mark on his cheek or the bruising underneath his eye - something Bucky had warned her about before going in - she did miss him though.

Even if he was right there in front of her, she'd miss him. Those weeks apart, knowing he was here and she was back in Thorpe Abbotts - that had been enough for her heart to pull into two.

"Hey," she said, her voice quiet, immediately splitting the silence in the room into two, as a small smile darted onto her face, "was looking for you." Brady watched her, his eyes, which had turned soft and delicate like they always did when watching her, darted across her face, as if searching for a hidden wound he couldn't uncover. The corners of his lips rose upwards the slightest bit, the smile tight of his face as he sat up a bit straighter. He was always sitting up straighter, putting on the brave face, trying to do things for her instead of himself.

"Everyone's outside." she said when he didn't say anything - which, admittedly, had made her heart hurt a bit, "The sun came out. It may be gone before you know it." Annie watched Brady's face; she was getting to the point of noticing even the most minute of details about his facial expressions, down to the shifting of his eyes, the way his eyebrow would twitch, even when the corner of his mouth darted upwards or downwards depending on the mood.

She remembered when she was younger and her parents would get into a fight - Annie, at the peak age of 13 - would be shuffling her siblings off to bed, her older brother, Roy, still at work, playing peacemaker with fire and water. She could get to the point when she knew a fight would start - her mother's lip twitch, the blank look in her eye that slowly shifted to despair and guilt. Her father half alive on his feet, yelling about the bills and the house and that damn leaky faucet. She could picture those faces in her mind. Even sensing the slightest change in someone's face made her go into fight-or-flight; she was trying to get better at it.

"Annie." She blinked. Shifting her gaze towards Brady, he was slowly standing to his feet from the bunk, his tall frame coming towards her as he gently placed his hands on her arms, getting a good look at her face as if she was under a light.

"You okay?" he asked her, that worrying look immediately crossing his face like it always did. Annie looked up at him and nodded quickly.

"I should be asking you that," she said softly back to him, the corner of her lip perking upwards again in an attempt at a smile, "are you okay?" Brady watched her and nodded.

"Yeah," he said quietly, "just needed a minute to sit, ya know?" She watched him. "Keep my mind thinking, things like that." Annie quirked out a grin at him.

"Whatcha thinking about?" she asked him, her voice lighthearted as she gazed up at him with that softened gaze even she knew she used on him when it was just them, alone. That got Brady grinning wide, his usual smile a natural comfort to her at this point.

"C'mon, you can tell me," Annie said softly, leaning towards him, tilting her chin upwards with a smile, "I'm being serious."

"Just….things," he said, incredibly nonchalantly and off-handedly, catching her gaze and grinning slightly, "why are you still giving me that look?" Annie smiled at him, relishing the closeness of him, the feel of his hands on her arms, that look in his eyes, him simply there, staring right back at her.

Moments like this she reveled in and drank up. Because in her life, no one had ever taken the time to care for someone like her in a situation like this. She had always worried about the kids, her parents (despite their blunders) and especially Roy who had worked himself nearly to death for the Bradshaws. Now, someone was stood here, caring for her.

She couldn't help but wonder what went on in their brain.

"How'd you get that?" Annie asked him quietly, nodding to his slightly bruising cheek, the faint redness following. She watched him expectantly and held his gaze as he watched her back.

"I talked back. To the Germans, I don't know....I shouldn't have." Brady said quietly, "I hear the way they talk sometimes, Annie. Just….couldn't keep it in this go-round." Annie watched him, before slowly bringing her hand towards his cheek before hesitating. Brady smiled shakily.

"It's okay," he said with a hint of a smile, "you can touch me." He grinned wider, more genuinely. "I won't break." Annie softly encapsulated his bruising cheek in her hand, her thumb brushing against the fragile reddening skin on his cheek and met his gaze again.

"I could try and get you some ice," Annie said quietly, her mind spinning to get an idea going in her head, "or….I don't know, freeze water or something. It's cold as hell here anyway." Brady chuckled at her words and melted a bit more into her touch.

"I'd be fine just like this," he told her with another smile, "are your hands always this cold?" Annie let out a small laugh at his words and brought her other hand up to hold his other cheek, her thumbs brushing against his slightly stubbled cheeks, her touch evidently one of comfort for the both of them.

This.

Whatever this was between them. Holding each other like this, looking at each other like this, being this close without any sort of expectation or explanation.

"Considering how cold it has been outside," Annie started softly, "I wouldn't be too surprised. I did grow up where we were constantly snowed-in in the winter."

"That doesn't mean you need to have cold hands," Brady said softly, bringing his own hands up from her arms and layering his own hands over her own, grasping gently around her wrists and dancing his fingers over her exposed skin, peaking out past the cuffs on her coat, "this'll heal up in no time." Annie gave him a look.

"I'm getting you ice still," Annie said quietly, tilting her head to the side, the feel of his, admittedly, very warm hands, over her own, making her body ache for every part of him in more ways than one - along with the need to take care of him, "no ifs, ands, or buts about it, got it?" She caught that look on his face that told her that he was about to brush himself off again.

"I see that look."

"What?" Brady said with a small smile, as she tapped her thumbs lightly against his cheeks again, "You're reminding me a lot of my mom right now, Annie." Annie watched him, with a smile that warmed up her entire being.

"I had enough little siblings to take care of," Annie said, watching him with an almost more sorrowful look in her eyes than intended, "I guess taking care of others is what I do best." Brady's smile fell the slightest bit, and the room seem to turn into both a stale-air and stilled environment.

"You're the best at a lot of things you do, An, you know that." Brady said - his questioning sounding more like an adamant statement.

And this is why John Brady meant more to her than most - he seemed to notice those moments that she fell back on herself or undermined whatever accomplishments or bettering for herself that she might get.

He always reminded her of who she was.

"A damn good pilot, you could give me a run for my money any day," Brady said with a small, light-hearted chuckle, his fingers still dancing over her exposed wrists, over the few scars that were still there and scabbing, "and you know how to make the perfect cup of coffee." Annie let out a laugh she couldn't hold back. "It's true!"

"You just want a good cup of coffee, huh?"

"Annie." Brady said, almost adoringly as he watched her, his hands still on her wrists and cold hands, "I'll take the ice."

"Good!" Annie exclaimed with an uncontrollable grin on her cheeks, before standing to her tiptoes and bringing Brady's head to her lips, a soft kiss pressed to his forehead, something so damn maternal that she wasn't sure if she was even in her right mind, "I'll go get one of those metal tins. Fill it up." She looked at him with a smile. "And we'll get you healing up with that ice pack." Brady watched her with a slightly halted and dazed look in his eyes, gazing at her like she was a shining light.

"You're amazing, you know that?"

"You don't have to butter up to me, John," Annie said, brushing her thumbs across his cheeks again in a soothing manner, "I'd do it either way." She grinned. Brady watched her and grasped her hands tighter this time; firmer, more confidently.

"Really though, An," he said softly, "you're really amazing." Annie watched him for a moment, her eyes searching his, trying to figure out a way to respond to his words without sounding like a complete, wordless idiot.

Because standing there, she wanted to tell him the same thing right back.

Even more so.

He was beyond amazing - if there was even a word to describe someone like him that was beyond words a dictionary could provide.

"You're pretty amazing yourself, John," she whispered back, a tiny voice in her head telling her to accept his words, "thank you." He smiled at her. Beyond amazing, she thought in her head, way beyond anything her mind could conjure.

#soft annie x brady coming right up #with a side of a sucker punch to the heart #annie u deserve only the best things im crying for you!!!!#ANNIE (insert sobbing emoji)#alexa play loml by taylor swift (was listening to this as i wrote bc her family is in fact the loss of annie's life - but that's for anothe #time) gahhhhhh :'(#really loved digging into the annie bradshaw mentality here bc there's so much to uncover #and more importantly WHY brady is so important for her character development #ANYWAY!! (thanks for coming to my tedtalk)#annie bradshaw #john brady #annie x brady #masters of the air #mota #mota writings #silver bullets #soft!john brady is the death of me: confirmed #john brady and the need to care for others instead of himself #annie bradshaw and the need to care for others instead of herself #her and brady together: intense caring for each other (distant screaming!)#THANK YOU LOVELY!!!! <333333 #annie and her perpetual cold hands

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lixzey · 8 months

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i really like young timmy, can you make an imagine with him? something fluff, the reader could be in the audience watching him do his monologue for the young arts.. feel free do write whatever you'd like 🩷🩷

I really like that video of him on Young Arts, I watch it almost once a week 😶

https://youtu.be/cGh7BG242io?si=MQsKbFZmRa27QCms

A/N: I changed the scene a bit, I hope that's alright.

Rising Stars

I sat in the front row of the auditorium. Today was the Rising Stars talent show. I was in Drama, but I didn't audition for the talent show.

The lights finally dimmed and the show started. I smiled as I saw my best friend, Kate, perform first. The show went on, every one of them showcased excellent talent.

I was getting a little bored. I stood up getting ready to leave, when a lively beat started to play.

“Timmy! Timmy! Timmy! Timmy! Timmy!”

A boy from the classroom next to mine started to rap. He was wearing a pink shirt, white pants, and a black backpack. He had back up dancers.

“It's Timmy Tim, Lil' Timmy Tim, jump! !” I chuckled at his little stage name. He was good, damn. Suddenly, he looked at me. He sent a smile at me, I felt my cheeks burn.

Then, the music slowed. He danced slowly as he took off his pink shirt, a white top underneath and 'Txt Me' painted in front of it in red and a picture of Nicki Minaj in the back. He smirked at me before continuing his performance. His two back up dancers were wearing purple wigs, then he put on a pink wig which made me laugh.

“Say rah, rah, like a dungeon dragon! Say rah, rah like a dungeon dragon! Is this the thanks that I get for puttin' you bitches on? Is it my fault that all of you bitches gone?” Everyone in the audience was cheering for him as he performed Roman's Revenge.

“I-I-I hear them mumblin', I hear them caklin' I got 'em scared, shook, panickin'. Overseas, church, Vatican. You at a stand, still, mannequin. You wanna sleep on me? Overnight? I'm the motherfuckin' boss, overwrite. And when I pull up, vroom, motorbike. Now all my boys gettin' bucked, overbite. I see them dusty-ass Filas, Levi's Raggedsy-ass, holes in your knee-highs. I call the play, now do you see why? These ladies callin' me Manning Eli.” I giggled as he sang using the curse words instead of using 'friendlier' terms. There were parents watching, so it was funnier.

“Rah, rah, like a dungeon dragon! Rah, rah, like a dungeon dragon! Rah, rah, like a dungeon dragon! Like a dungeon dragon, like a dungeon dragon.” He ended the song. I could see the beads of sweat on his forehead. He looked at me and smiled, before taking off his pink wig and dancing to Party Rock Anthem.

I cheered loudly, clapping as hard as I could. He smiled at the crowd before bowing and walking off the stage.

A while later, I went to find Kate, since we live next door to each other.

“Hey, you're the girl in front, right?” A voice called out from behind me. When I looked back, my eyes met his. It was Lil Timmy Tim, or whatever his real name is.

“Uh, yeah.” I chuckled nervously.

“I'm Timothée, or well, Lil Timmy Tim.” He chuckled, reaching a hand out for me.

“I'm Y/n.” I smiled and shook his hand.

“You were cheering loudly, are you a fan?” Timothée joked.

“You were amazing, the best out of everyone who performed.” I smiled, “Such a rising star.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it.” He chuckled. Then there was an awkward silence between us.

“Wanna get a drink? Coffee, maybe? My treat.” He asked, hopefully.

“Sure,” I giggled, “I'll just tell my friend and then we can go.”

“Take your time, angel.” Timothée smiled. I felt butterflies in my stomach, my cheeks felt like burning. I smiled back at him, before walking away to find my friend.

A while later, I saw him by the school entrance, “You ready, angel?”

I smiled, “Ready.”

We walked to a nearby café, talking and laughing. I never knew being a girl in the crowd could lead to the start of something new.

#timothée chalamet #timmy #timmy chalamet #timothee chalamet #timothee #lil timmy tim #timothée chalamet imagine #timothée chalamalabingbong #timothee x reader #timothée chalamet x reader #timothee chalamet fanfiction #timothee fanfic #timothée x reader #timothée #reader insert #timothée x you #timothee x y/n #timothee chalamet x reader #timothee x you

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bitchysoulwasteland · 6 months

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Doctor Stephen Strange x Reader

Warnings; slight angst, alcohol abuse.

Summary: you and Stephen had been together before the crash. He then went to the Karmar Taj, leaving you behind. You moved on. Or did you?

You and Stephen had been married for a few years when the ‘accident’ happened. Then, he pretty much disappeared for best part of a year after several arguments over things that neither of you could actually remember, and he was gone, like a feather on the wind.

Did he regret it? Of course he did. He’d left the love of his life behind because he was too damn egotistical to ask for help.

Did you regret it? Yes. You regretted every argument you both had and every word you didn’t say to him and every bad word you did.

But, you couldn’t dwell on the disappearance of your husband. Instead, you went back to England, got a flat and tried to disassociate yourself with America in general. You continued your career as an actress and began working for the BBC, doing some shows for ITV and a film for Paramount.

You had been back in England for four years when you landed the role of The Doctor on Doctor Who, a favourite show of yours growing up. You were absolutely ecstatic and filming had been completed for the first series with you in it within six months.

But now, you had to say goodbye to the role as you had just filmed the regeneration scene. Little did you know that this would be Stephen’s motivation to find you.

Since you had left without any note whatsoever, Stephen had assumed that you had died or never wanted to see him again, but that all changed when he saw that episode…

Peter sat in the Avengers common room in the tower watching Doctor Who on BBC America. It was the airing of the final episode of the season and the regeneration of The Doctor. It was the end of the episode and The Doctor (you) was in the middle of a monologue when Stephen walked into the room, seeing you on the screen and hearing your voice for the first time in years.

“Time’s up for me, isn’t it, girl?” You said to the TARDIS. “We’ve had fun, huh? Cybermen, Daleks… Just promise me one thing. Whoever the next Doctor is, keep ‘em in check, don’t let the next one do anything stupid… And one last, very important thing…” the doctor turned to the camera, “run fast, have fun, be brave enough to make a change and…” she looked directly into the camera, “Don’t forget about me.”

You gave a sad smile before regeneration began, lasted a few moments, and ended, the next doctor now onscreen.

Peter and the other Avengers were holding back tears as the credits rolled.

“I don’t want another Doctor.” Peter muttered as Stephen left the room, tears falling.

That’s when Stephen began searching. He googled your name before realising that you were still using ‘Strange’ as your last name. He called anyone he could think of, and when he was ready to give up, he phoned your sister, who gave him your address.

Eventually, he found you. He created a portal and appeared in front of the beach house you were living in on the shoreline of Lincolnshire. He walked up to the front door and knocked, half waiting for a maid or a butler to answer.

Inside the house, you sat, a wine glass in hand, the bottle nearly empty, silence filling the room. You had found that the only way you could take your mind off of Stephen was with immeasurable amounts of red wine and vodka. The house was an absolute state, since you hadn’t bothered to hoover in the last three weeks, you hadn’t polished the wooden drawers or the tv unit and about the only thing you had done was the washing up, but even that had to get to the point where you had nothing clean to eat or drink from. Shoes littered the hallway, everything from stilettos to your favourite white converse.

“Two minutes!” You yelled.

Begrudgingly, you stood up and began quickly throwing your shoes in your bedroom and putting the wine bottle and glass in the kitchen. You made yourself look vaguely presentable before you answered the door.

Your eyes widened when you saw Stephen standing in front of you, a cape on his shoulders. It took everything you had not to slam the door and start crying. Instead, you steeled your nerves and squared your shoulders. “Stephen, what’re you doing here?” Your resolve broke nearly as quickly as you had created it. You leaned against the wall and looked at him with tired eyes.

“I saw your show. Doctor Who, the last episode…”

“Did you like it?”

“Yeah, I did...”

“You didn’t answer my question, Stephen.” You said, letting him in before you both went into the kitchen.

“Honestly? I thought you wanted nothing to do with me after what happened. I thought you’d just… cast me aside. I mean, come on, what self respecting twenty four year old would want to be with someone who’s both fifteen years older than them and was utterly useless?”

You put your hands on his chest before sliding one up into his hair. “Me. That’s who. You shouldn’t have assumed that, Stephen. When I married you, I said I’d be here for you whatever happened. So, guess what?”

“What?” Stephen smirked, knowing exactly where this was going.

“You’re stuck with me, whether you like it or not.”

“You really mean that, don’t you?”

“Yeah. And besides I think I may have an alcohol problem.” You say, not meeting his eyes for the last part of it.

From then, you and Stephen were together again and were both hell bent on making up for lost time.

#doctor stephen strange x reader #stephen strange #stephen strange x reader #avengers #doctor who #x reader

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fexalted · 5 months

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watching tos for the first time since like, roughly 2012/13-ish? i don't remember what year it was, or why i only got thru most of season 1 before stopping

it's been fun to refresh my swiss cheesed memory with this tho so here's a semi-liveblog of the first 10 eps that i watched over the past couple weeks

1x01 - the man trap

things i remembered beforehand:

salt monster

"plum" uwu

that gay little run and crawl jim does when he's taking cover (it fills me with such delight)

things i did not remember:

how many people died, good god man it's only the first episode

1x02 - charlie x

things i remembered:

jim's bright red exercise pants

that stupid fucking face charlie makes when he uses his powers

not liking this ep at all when i first watched it, possibly due to me being around the same age as charlie at the time

additional thoughts: i enjoyed it more this time and felt more sympathetic for charlie. poor kid needed some parents, and also, like, a hug

1x03 - where no man has gone before

things i remembered:

bones isn't in it :'( (bored) (sad) (missing my bestie)

"James R Kirk"

that post i saw on here recently about how their contacts were made of glass

the only thing i could think about while watching:

their contacts

were made

of GLASS

(yes i understand this was how contacts were made back then. still freaked out by the concept of people putting glass in their eyes on purpose)

1x04 - the naked time

things i remembered:

sweat disease

sulu fencing

oh kathleen

"ONE-MORE-TIME!!"

"love mankind"

spock breakdown (extremely uncomfortable to watch)

bones casually ripping jim's shirt sleeve to jab him in the arm (extremely hilarious every time i think about it)

did not remember:

anything about them almost crashing into a planet lol

jim's little monologue when he gets infected (lmao)

time warp???

additional thoughts: hey remember when they reused this plot in tng and tasha and data fucked (<- literally the only thing i can remember about it) ((edit from future fex: i rewatched that ep. it was wild. tos did it better tho))

1x05 - the enemy within

things i remembered:

unicorn dog :)

evil kirk and poor little meow meow kirk

"I'M CAPTAIN KIRK!!!"

things not remembered:

dog dies :(

evil kirk's killer eyeliner

additional thoughts: say what you will about shatner / his acting but this ep is Peak shatner performance and a lot of fun to watch. he put his whole pussy into it, as the kids say these days

1x06 - mudd's women

things remembered:

could not forget harry mudd if i tried

the women are color coded like the powerpuff girls lol

they're also like, on some kind of drug that keeps them looking young or something

cool costumes tho

i don't have much to say about this one lol, harry's a fun character but the rest of the ep wasn't super interesting to me. did finally learn how to pronounce "ophiuchus" tho so i'll thank it for that

1x07 - what are little girls made of

things remembered:

is this the penis rock episode (it is)

uhhh i think kirk gets put into some kind of spinny machine that makes androids (he does)

more cool costumes (debatable)

things i find funny:

the number of planets we've encountered so far that are populated by like. 2-4 people

the way ruk (the big guy) just picks up and throws kirk like he weighs nothing

so much buildup with kirk and the penis rock and he doesn't even get to hit ruk over the head with it smh

also not a funny moment but i liked the way kirk was able to get a message to spock thru the android kirk, v clever

wait i just realized bones wasn't in this ep either. deducting 1/4 of a star from my mental rating bc i missed him (but apparently not that much)

1x08 - miri

remembered:

planet of children (bc everyone else died of terminal puberty)

"no blah blah blah!"

bones tests his newly discovered, untested cure on himself, in true mad scientist fashion (also spones moment <3)

saw this ep on a "what's your fave 'bad' episode" poll here recently and i can't remember if i thought it was good or bad when i first watched it lol

forgot:

another earth?? there's just a second, identical earth floating around out there?? and (of course) they don't mention it at all for the rest of the episode

300 year old children

oh these kids are so much more annoying than i remembered, however i may just be biased bc i don't like kids shfkshfk

1x09 - dagger of the mind

remember:

absolutely nothing! oh boy!

thoughts:

wow this ep is fucked up!

okay actually i don't think i've seen this one at all before?

usually there'll be moments that jog my memory but the only thing even slightly familiar to me was kirk going "helen don't go!" while in the neutralizer chair, but i could've just seen a clip/gif of it before

i remember skipping episodes in season 1 (i was impatient and wanted to get to city on the edge of forever) but i thought i'd at least made it to halfway thru the season before skipping any

anyway did i mention this ep is fucked up? (star trek really does love to drop an absolutely haunting 50 minutes of television on you and then never address it again, i understand this now. roll credits!)

1x10 - the corbomite maneuver

remember:

uhh

there's a thing out there

it's in the way

preventing them from boldly going, even

looks like an old windows screensaver

i might've skipped this ep too now that i think about it

thoughts:

cute mckirk moment in sickbay :3

i love that this cube has its own theme music whenever its on screen

oh shit it's the sequel to cube: orb

jesus christ that's a big orb

man they really said "okay we've got 3 music tracks and we're gonna get our money's worth out of them"

i gotta say this ep slaps tbh—WAIT HE'S A BABY???

LITTLE BABY MAN

LMAOOOOO

honestly great episode tho i'll stand by that

#fex text #i'm having fun :3

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blazehedgehog · 1 year

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Thoughts on South Park?

It's weird to think that South Park has been going for so long that I was in Elementary School (in Colorado!) when it premiered. I remember standing out in the snow waiting for the teacher to open the class room in 4th grade, complaining about how my nose was so cold it had gone numb, in between kids quoting Cartman and screaming "THEY KILLED KENNY!!"

That was probably something like 25 years ago. My Mom told me I was too young to watch it at the time, and I was. But you can't help it when the kids with looser parents are constantly telling you about it on the playground.

South Park has had lots of ups and downs over that time period. I never really got in to the show. Every time I tried, its humor was too abrasive and edgy to be anything that really hooked me over a long-term period. As it turns out, "Everything sucks and we hate everybody equally" isn't actually very funny, at least not to me.

And it's created a particular breed of Joker who embraces the show's ideals. People can say that Eric Cartman was always supposed to be the ultimate angry loser, but he's also been the one on the most merchandise and is generally the one under the spotlight the most often. There are a lot of people out there who think he's actually supposed to be cool and is just "telling it like it is," even when the show intentionally makes him toxic, or racist, or a bigot. It's seen as a form of empowerment. That's not great!

So much of that show has made so many people on this earth miserable. It has spearheaded campaigns of real hatred in this nation and gets to hide behind the excuse of cynical comedy when clearly some people see it less as a joke and more as a rallying cry for their destructive views. South Park didn't invent hate speech, but it definitely created a path to push for hate speech acceptance.

Nowadays, whenever I happen to see a clip of South Park, its brand of cynicism seems so sad. The show probably costs pennies to make -- there's a whole documentary about how they manage to turn an episode around in under a week, and there have even been instances where they have done episodes in just a day or two. Which is probably the reason its still on the air. There's a group of people who have been watching this show every week for most of their adult lives and its just a habit for them, and the costs are low enough that they'll keep making it forever.

But, like, there was a thing trending on twitter last week, because I guess there was an episode where Cartman had to use the restroom at school, but something was wrong with the boys room, so he threw on a cute bow and claimed to be transgender so he could use the girls bathroom.

And it felt so lame and boilerplate. It reminds me of that Eric Andre monologue where he makes fun of edgy 90's comedy. Every time I see earnestly edgy commentary like that I think about the smash zoom on Eric's face where he rips the parental advisory sticker off his mouth and goes "OH I'M SAYIN' IT." It makes me laugh to think there are people for whom this is their actual personality.

I suppose the real truth is I grew up in the world South Park said exists and it did not turn me in to a bitter, cynical monster who only wants to laugh at how much the world is burning.

#questions #Anonymous #south park #goin down to south west gonna go my bus #cartman

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myckicade · 1 year

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Mayans M.C. - 05x04

Good grief. Let's roll around in some of this for a minute.

THE ACTUAL HELL IS EZ DOING TO THIS CLUB. Not only to the Mayans, to Santa Padre, but now he's getting the Broken Saints involved in it? Nothing good can come from this. Nothing. I swear, if we end up seeing more dead animals (fake, yes, but still deeply unsettling) because of this motherfucker... I've never watched Survivor, but isn't this grounds enough to vote him off the fucking island?!

Anyhow, to balance my bitching with a positive...

How fucking cute was Bishop's little smile, "It's early for us?" ^_^. That made me SO happy, and I don't quite know why.

I was hoping it would take longer for EZ to be identified as the rat. That could have been a fun little thing to watch for another week or two, watching Kody/Katie put things together, a bit at a time. While I realize this is all happening on a one-season deadline... Y'know. I was just hoping the pacing would be a little more exciting.

On that note, that's something else I feel that I am missing with these last few seasons is that feeling of excitement that a really excellent story offers up. It's a pacing thing, and a writing thing, so caught up in this sad little monologues from various characters, we lose out on plot.

Eh. Anyway.

GILLY. That was one of the other highlights of the episode for me. Whether or not there's actually a relationship there, at the given moment, that little moment of domesticity was just beautiful. I want that for him, which probably means that he won't get it in the end. -_-. Motherfucker. Anyhow.

I found the scene with Lobo disturbing. Not in a manner that left me wanting to hide my eyes. A dude wants to take a taste of pure, cooking-phase heroin ingredients, hey, that's just Natural Selection, right there. But, the fact that a group of his brothers stood around and watched him die? I dunno'. Something about that felt so cold and disconnected. Legalities of their activities aside, it's just the feeling that this Reign of Ezekiel is bringing with it, I guess. No real love, or loyalty, just fear, and the half-silent struggle of making it to the next day. Scarcity. This season makes me think of the Four Horsemen, that they've all somehow ridden into Santo Padre, and this is it.

I mean, sure, it is, but. Y'know.

Anyway. I'll unpack that Four Horsemen thing a bit later. It gives me an idea.

All the same, I was on Sofia's side on this one, despite the forced plot device. (Again, you'd think a full patch would fucking know better?!). Sure, there may not have been time to save the guy, and, yeah, there was the cook house to consider, amongst other things, but it had to have been pretty damned upsetting to watch no one give a fucking damn. I'm really stuck on that. It just doesn't arrange well in my head.

Postive: STEPHANIE!!!! I was very happy to see her, and that she was doing so well! Smiling! That poor girl. Seriously. I'm still crossing my fingers for her to get a Happily Ever After with Hank. <3 .

Negative: FUCK, do I miss Taza. While I'm glad that his being long gone means that I (probably) won't have to watch him die, it's just not the same without him around.

SAMDINO hit Yuma. Okay. Isaac has an interesting tactic. Makes perfect sense, but, again, it could have been presented with a bit more oomph. Every time someone gets nailed, it comes across as a, "Oh, shit... Ah, well." C'mon, now. If you're at war, be at fucking war. While the pipeline is important to their survival, so is, y'know, fucking surviving.

Sorry. People are dropping like flies around EZ, and he has tunnel vision on taking out the fucking Cartel. "Undermanned, with a half-assed plan." (Thank you, Dutch).

So, I think that that about sums up my major thoughts. Now, for some random things.

The List of Shit I No Longer Care About

Emily Galindo. That's it. I don't give a damn whether she makes it out, or doesn't. I'm just tired of seeing the inside of that fucking store, man.

The Angel/Adelita relationship. It's bound to go to shit (again), and it's not even all Angel's fault, this time!

The fucking pipeline. This one may be less about not caring, and more about not being particular on how it comes out. It will make for a better ending, I think, if they fuck it all up. But.

The entire Soledad vengeance thing. I need to re-watch a few parts, but that's where I typically tune out.

Sofia's ex? I hope that doesn't become A Thing.

Proper Fucking Grammar. This post is such a mess, and y'all, I am SO SORRY for it.

The List of Shit I Care Deeply About

I want the kids - ALL of the kids - to make it out of this okay. That includes Letty. Some real Sins of the Father shit she has going on there.

I know I already said it, but please, NO MORE DEAD ANIMALS. Thank you.

Bottles. Dude reminds me of my husband, especially when he talked about what he went through as a child. I wanted to give him a big ol' hug, just because.

ALSO. His friendship with Elio? LOVING IT!! That's about as deep a friendship as I've felt in this show, all season, and I am here for it!! P.S. I'm also pissed that they've been split up. >:(. >:C. I'm so upset, now!!!!

The Angel/Miguel scene teased for 05x05. *le sighs* I am sold-and-a-half on the Family Trauma Storyline, so this should be magical.

My work, which I should be doing right now, but hey. It's a slow day.

Catch y'all next week!

- Mycki

#Mayans MC #Mayans M.C.#Mayans MC Spoilers #Mayans M.C. Spoilers #Mayans #Mayans Spoilers

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hldailyupdate · 2 years

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With less than a week’s notice, Louis Tomlinson announced two special shows, one in NYC and one in London, to celebrate the release of his sophomore album, Faith In The Future. To ensure no scalpers got tickets, fans had to go through an application process on Ticketmaster to verify they were going to be the ones using the tickets to the show. Tickets were requested on Monday, and by Thursday, fans knew whether or not they were selected for their purchase to go through.

The anticipation to see the One Direction-member-turned-BritPop sensation was high, especially because the NYC show was at Irving Plaza, a venue that holds about 1,000 people, and getting to see Tomlinson in such an intimate venue is a treat for his fans. The opportunity to feel up close and personal with the singer was something fans didn’t want to miss out on. The night before the gig, a line had already formed outside of Irving Plaza. Fans huddled together on blankets and shared snacks, and one girl was even sleeping on a full-size air mattress outside the iconic venue.

With 20 minutes until show time, the line to get into the venue still snaked around the block, but any signs of camping out the night before were long gone. Tomlinson and his band took the stage about half an hour later than expected so that all the fans could get into the venue. He looked like a well-dressed skater boy in a plaid collared sweater, what looks to be track pants and his signature just-rolled-out-of-bed hairstyle and started the set with "The Greatest," the first song off his new album. The excitement from the crowd was palpable, but rather than losing their minds in the pit, it was a sea of cellphones shoved toward Tomlinson trying to capture every moment of the live debut of his second record.

The set didn't just feature songs from Faith In The Future, though. Along with cuts from his debut, Walls, fans got to hear his unreleased song "Copy of a Copy of a Copy," and of course, he wouldn’t deny them his BritPop rendition of One Direction’s "Night Changes," a staple moment in a Tomlinson set. During his performance, the crowd seemed too mesmerized by being in his presence to really lose themselves in the music.

LGBTQIA+ fans have found a comfortable home supporting Tomlinson, and this support can be seen by a fair amount of rainbow flags waving in the crowd. His first single off Faith In The Future, "Bigger Than Me," became a defacto anthem, taking on a special meaning to fans that can be felt in their response to it being performed.

Throughout the set, there was minimal fan engagement — other than Tomlinson flipping off a few fans who are being cheeky in the front few rows. Every time he tried to address the crowd, his clearly thought-out monologues get interrupted by fans trying to get one of his signature sassy responses out of him. When he does manage to be raw with the audience, he’s sentimental and seems almost surprised by how passionate his fans are about his music. He addressed the crowd with a moving speech about how he wouldn’t have his career without them, saying, “I would not be able to make this record without all of your support. I stand upon this stage and think of what’s to come and feel really fucking confident and really fucking proud, and that’s all thanks to you.”

While it’s expected for Tomlinson to feel like a seasoned performer given his time in the world-renowned boy band One Direction, his comfort level in his solo music shows a different side to the singer. This music feels more organic to Tomlinson, after all. His lyricism and vocal abilities were always destined for BritPop, and getting to see him become the rock star he was always destined to be is a treat for new and old fans alike.

-Alt Press on Louis Tomlinson's release show for Faith In The Future. (16 November 2022)

#louis tomlinson #louis update #alt press #article #november 2022

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finchers-ipad · 7 months

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Okay so i watched ‘The Killer’ for a second time and think my brain has stopped melting out of my ears enough to form some coherent thoughts about it (spoiler free for the most part but if i do put one i’ll put a warning before that :D)

My favourite scenes:

Firstly the opening like 30mins which i’m counting as a scenes and if not it’s my favourite sequence. I love that we are introduced to this move called ‘The Killer’ which it’s opening titles show different ways of killing people etc so as an audience we expect to be thrust into a violent environment. But Fincher subverts those expectations by having us watch a guy wait around for 30mins.

(SPOILER) I LOVEEE the use of handheld in this movie and this scene/sequence has my favourite use of it in the film. When The Killer messes up his job, the camera immediately switches from a steady cam to handheld, to me this represents how unstable and panicked he feels in the moment. He has to go against his mantra and improvise and the handheld really heightens the tension.

Again, i know this happens throughout the film but the SOUND DESIGN IS SO INCREDIBLE OMG. I love how it is used to align us with Fassbenders charecter (eg if we are seeing from his POV we hear ‘How soon is Now?’ at full volume, however if we see a shot of him we hear the muffled sounds of his headphones playing the song). I also love the song choice for this scene. The sound design is like it’s own character in this film and is up there with ‘The Social Network’ in terms of its use in Fincher’s films.

I also love how this whole scene is basically an homage to Hitchcock’s ‘Rear Window’, i just love that film. (also this isn’t really related but Fincher also added a little homage to ‘Rear Window’ in ‘Panic Room’ where Andrew Kevin walker makes a cameo)

Another one of my favourite scenes is the fight scene in Florida (KIND OF SPOILER):

THIS FIGHT SCENE IS SO FUCKING EPIC!! the low light which allows things like them being illuminated by the tv and bathroom light look so cool, the controlled chaotic carmera movement, the use of props and set in the fight

yeah i honestly cant pinpoint necessarily what i love about this scene but it’s just so cool to watch!

Random thoughts/opinions:

Tilda Swinton competes with Fassbender for my favourite performance in this film. The monologue about the hunter and the bear she gives is so captivating and she has me hanging on her every word. Also i don’t know if this monologue is in the novel because i haven’t read it but either way, it is the most Andrew Kevin Walker dialogue in the film and reminds me a lot of ‘Se7en’

I think this film contains the most handheld shots in all of Fincher’s filmography

The films this is most similar too is ‘The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo’ and ‘Gone Girl’ but kind of if you replaced Amy and Lisbeth with a guy who listens to The Smiths.

Ah i really didn’t like the opening credits they SCREAMED Netflix original, like what was with those Adobe-Premiere-Pro-ass transitions 💀. but honestly nothing can top ‘The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo’s opening credits so i shouldn’t get my hopes up lmao.

If i were to rank this film in Fincher’s filmography i think it would be pretty low-ish. That’s not to say this is a bad or even average film in any shape or form i just like a lot of his other films more than this one :) i am going to be really awkward with my rating and give it a 6.75/10 but i do feel like i need to watch it again lmao.

i am SO SO SO happy that i got to watch this in the cinema. it was over two weeks ago now and im still thrilled.

Ty for reading rambles! If anyone has any thoughts about ‘The Killer’ please share them with me!! :D

#the killer #the killer 2023 #the killer movie #david fincher #andrew kevin walker

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seasurfacefullofclouds1 · 2 years

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I love this!

(Photo credits to Joshua Halling)

#alt press #irving plaza #louis tomlinson #fitf live in concert nyc

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calliethetrekkie · 7 months

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Triumvirate Prompts: Day 20

#20. Favorite Kirk Moment?

As I did last time, I'll do five that I thought up. Somehow picking for Kirk was a lot harder than I thought. But here they are

1. Gangster Kirk

They let Shatner have waaay too much fun in A Piece of the Action. That's not a complaint, either. It's a planet that decided to follow a book on gangsters as a way of government, you may as well go all in. The minute that Kirk gets the upper hand, he goes full-on mob boss, and I love every second of it. You can tell that he is getting so into it and having the time of his life, and it lets what could have been a weird episode be an absolute joy. He may be too good at it haha. Also, we learn that Kirk is a terrible driver, which is also an amazing moment... maybe not for Spock though XD

2. Everything in The Trouble With Tribbles

Kirk hates everything and it is amazing. Usually save for certain occasions, Kirk is able to keep composed and professional. He doesn't even attempt to try here. The Tribbles overtaking everything and annoying bureaucracy people have Kirk utterly salty, and him getting dog-piled by all the tribbles (that keep falling onto his head) is the cherry on top of it all. The look of pure venom he gives Bones when he tells him to find out why the Tribbles are dying, and he's about to make a quip as usual is just perfection. He only likes the furballs when he finds out that they hate Klingons XD It is just amazing to see how Kirk hates everything in this episode. Sorry Kirk, but you're at your most fun when you've lost your cool~

3. The Monologue in Return to Tomorrow

KIRK: They used to say if man could fly, he'd have wings. But he did fly. He discovered he had to. Do you wish that the first Apollo mission hadn't reached the moon, or that we hadn't gone on to Mars and then to the nearest star? That's like saying you wish that you still operated with scalpels and sewed your patients up with catgut like your great-great-great-great-grandfather used to. I'm in command. I could order this. But I'm not because, Doctor McCoy is right in pointing out the enormous danger potential in any contact with life and intelligence as fantastically advanced as this. But I must point out that the possibilities, the potential for knowledge and advancement is equally great. Risk. Risk is our business. That's what the starship is all about. That's why we're aboard her. You may dissent without prejudice.

This is simultaneously one of Kirk's best moments... and one of his stupidest. Only because of everything going wrong after this, but still. So we have Kirk gathering the landing party and Scotty to vote on him, Spock, and Girl of the Week letting God-like beings use their bodies until they get android bodies made. This is dangerous because... well, do I need to explain why?! However Kirk makes his argument, and my own thoughts aside, it does show that Kirk isn't stupid. He is fully aware that this is a risky, very dangerous maneuver and that people like Scotty and McCoy have every right to be concerned. It's why he will only allow a unanimous vote, to make sure that everyone is okay with this and have all concerns addressed. As much as we like to joke about Kirk being reckless, this shows that he isn't... well, most of the time.

I think it also reflects what Star Trek is truly about. It's about the evolution of mankind. To explore the unknown and encounter these other cultures and worlds. To learn and grow, and thus allow civilization to grow. If this goes well with Sargon, they could learn a great deal from these beings. Kirk has always been passionate about his mission. It's what he signed up for. The speech he gives in order to address McCoy's worries just reflects that so much. Sure it's a risk, and if anyone has seen the episodes we know how it all goes horribly wrong. But there's always a risk to discovery and exploration. You have to take it in order to grow and evolve. As he says, risk is their business. It's an excellent moment that shows us who Kirk is and why he's willing to do certain crazy things. I don't see it get talked about much, but if you want a scene that describes who James T Kirk is, this is the one.

4. "What if I'm wrong?"

If there is one thing that Kirk feels that he can't allow, it's vulnerability. As the captain, he cannot afford to show weakness. He must remain a strong, in-control figure at all times. Otherwise, if he slips, he risks losing his crew's faith and their trust in his command. This gets brought up in several episodes. He'll express it to McCoy. He'll sometimes allow Spock to see it. He may slip for a second in front of others, but that's it. But like anyone else, he has fears, doubts, and a lot of pressure placed on himself by himself and those around him. He's responsible for the lives and safety of over 400 individuals... and it's never easy.

This moment in Balance of Terror is so, SO good. The Enterprise is in a very perilous situation. Kirk has had to remain in Captain Mode at all times, not allowing for any hesitation or doubt. He can't allow it, not against an enemy that he knows barely anything about. It's kill or be killed. But when he is finally given a moment, the mask remains on when Rand comes to see if he needs anything. It only falls when McCoy, the one person he is allowed to be vulnerable around, enters the room. When Rand goes, Kirk is finally able to vent:

KIRK: I wish I were on a long sea voyage somewhere. Not too much deck tennis, no frantic dancing, and no responsibility. Why me? I look around that Bridge, and I see the men waiting for me to make the next move. And Bones, what if I'm wrong?

I love this because it allows us to see this side of Kirk. While we as the audience get to see Kirk's vulnerability more than almost anyone in-show does, he still barely allows himself to show it. It's the one time in the episode that he's able to let it out. He's not expecting an answer, but McCoy gives him one, and that's enough for Kirk to have the assurance that he needs to continue forward. It's both a great moment showing off Kirk and Bones' relationship, and a moment in an otherwise intense episode where we can breathe and let Kirk have this one moment before returning to the fray.

5. Sacrificing the Enterprise

Being a Starship Captain means everything to Kirk. It is who he is. It is what he always wanted to be. It is what he lived and breathed for all of his adult life. Nothing symbolizes that more than The Enterprise. That ship, as various episodes had demonstrated, meant everything to Kirk. It was the ship that he got as a Captain. One that he spent many years on. Even when he became an admiral, he fought tooth and nail to get to command it again because he missed it so much. He missed being a captain so much. His career means everything to him...

And in one fatal move, he gives it up.

The Search For Spock really makes life Hell for Kirk. He's grieving his best friend, his other best friend is going insane, he finds out that Spock isn't quite dead, breaks out McCoy, and steals the Enterprise. He knew that by doing this, he was sacrificing his career. The career that defined his very being. But to make it worst, he then watches his own son that he only just now got to know and now he risks losing everyone else. So he makes the choice to abandon ship and take the Klingons out by self-destructing it.

I cannot stress how major this is. Sure it's just a ship, but again this ship symbolizes everything that Kirk worked for. That ship was his life. All the hard-work and sacrifices that he made to captain that ship. He already threw his career away, losing the ship was just the icing on the cake. But it's also important to remember why: to save Spock, McCoy, and his crew. He just watched his son die. He just lost Spock once. He's likely going to not only lose him again, but also lose Bones if he hadn't acted as he did. He's dragged his senior staff into it, allowing them to throw their careers aside just to help him.

He couldn't stand aside and lose anyone else. He had to do this. Because sure, his career meant everything. But Spock? Bones? His crew? They mean so much more. They're the closest thing to a family that he has. They've been with him through everything since he got the Enterprise. Here, he chooses them over himself. It hurts, but after so many episodes that made it clear how much being a Captain meant to Kirk? After all of his accomplishments? All the sacrifices? He threw it all away for the ones that he loves, and that is powerful.

#tos #star trek tos #james t kirk #terms of service-tober

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filminah · 1 year

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coming of age movies (because i'm 17)

Saturday 29th April 2023 - 12:17pm we're back at it again with another movie list! given the title of this post i should've posted it about two weeks ago but lifes gone down so i just haven't had the time. so without further ado... the way way back (comedy-drama, 2013) directed by Nat Faxon and Jim Rash - Duncan, with his mother, her boyfriend, and his daughter take a vacation at his potential step-dads beachhouse. Annoyed, he wanders off and meets Owen who offers him a job at Water Wizz and opens up his world. one of my favourite movies of all time, it's so so so underrated, it's one of those movies where it feels like a sneak peak into someone's life, it doesn't have that distinct movie separated-from-reality feeling to it. this movie introduced me to the phenomenal Sam Rockwell (who, by the way, is also my favourite actor ever!) and urged me to watch many movies he has appeared in. this film is close to my heart and out of all the ones on this list, i sincerely encourage you to watch The Way Way Back the most.

me, earl and the dying girl (comedy-drama, 2015) directed by Alfonso Gomez-Rejon - in which Greg Gaines, a socially awkward teenage boy, along with his "co-worker" Earl (who he makes short, parody films with) become friends with Rachel, a dying girl with cancer. Greg spends more and more time with Rachel and neglects school, all the while making a film just for her. despite being a little bit cliche, the film holds up rather well. although i wasn't the biggest fan of the original book (written by Jesse Andrews and of the same name). Greg is so relatable as a person, though his internal monologue isn't as true to the source material it still translates quite well from written word to film portrayal. *minor spoilers* if i had to pick a part, i love the ending of the movie where it shows Greg and Earls film, i love the scene as Rachel tells a silent story set in the walls of her room and her wishes for Greg. i think i could recite every word and direction of the script for that scene word for word the black phone (supernatural-horror, 2021) directed by Scott Derrickson - Set in the 1970s, 13 year old Finney Blake, a shy but clever boy is kidnapped by "The Grabber" a serial child abductor who keeps him held in the basement of his home, an almost completely empty room with the exception of an old black phone on the wall with it's wires cut. when Finney begins to lose hope of escape, the phone rings. when the first teaser came out for this movie back in 2020 i was so so so stoked for its release. this movie isn't gory or anything, but there is a fair bit of blood and violence involving children. it's not coming-of-age as you'd typically see it which i quite like. it gave me slight IT vibes and nostalgia from the IT era of 2017. I love how Finney develops through the story, that it's not completely ***MAJOR SPOILERS*** up to the ghosts to help him and that he does have to figure things out on his own, i like how he gives up and Robin is the last one there, i wish some more depth was added as to the background of The Grabber and the story of the phone. **END** however if you're going to watch The Black Phone, i heavily recommend NOT watching the main trailers as they essentially give the entire plot away.

i hope you liked this post! i might make this into a series as coming-of-age movies are my favourite genre that's all for now!

Amina

#the black phone #me earl and the dying girl #the way way back #coming of age #movies #teen movies #finney blake #sam rockwell

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evelyne-am · 1 year

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April 4, 2023

day 22.

Remember when I said that Sir didn’t say a single word after our run through. Even though it was real shit, he just told us to have a good weekend. But I knew in my heart as everyone else did, that there was more to that, and that we found out as soon as we entered in our fourth week. Sir has been in a horrible mood because he hais revealed that that Run broke his heart and now he wants to change everything again. This will be the 5th change, and the third draft. I don’t know who read this but our first draft was so different with multiple first persons, I second draft was one first person and three third person is describing it. Second draft also included switching the protagonist from different ages so somebody would play the young age and somebody would play older. in the third version I did have a small speaking role, the smallest one but I was playing it for the purpose of rehearsal for the past two weeks. But today it is announced that the Messyness of multiple roles and multiple dialogues is getting too much he is cutting it out to be simpler and and the multiple actors for one role is possibly going to be cut. Before the acting and casting things happen, though, Sir changes the entire choreography that we have been working all over the last couple of weeks but actually we were almost getting down. Remember the Burpee‘s thing that’s already gone don’t know if that’s good or bad I was kind of getting fond of it. But God damn do I love it when he changes things. I get to see how his mind works when he adds suctracts and move things around. The intro is now absolutely stunning and lovely and subtle and beautiful. Spoiler alert, the first person you will see on stage is me. As we are doing the entering sequence The director is reminding me without saying anything that there were issues raised when I opted in for the play. Two things were mentioned about me being able to be in the cast; number one my posture, I have absolutely horrible posture something that I’m so ashamed of. 2 number is my pronunciation because Bangla is not my first language, but having said that I have been singing this language my whole life, even though I don’t read and write so fluently I do know how to pronounce words on stage and so I think that part is not the issue. But Sir asked me if I am to be the first person the audience sees walking onto that stage if I can retain my straight posture for the duration of the entire opening sequence which is very long. I of course say yes, and I take it as a challenge to myself to make sure that every moment of the opening sequence anyone stares at me. In fact every moment of that play anyone stares at me they will not know that I am actually hunched in person. I am painfully aware that the new changes means that many of us will be cut from our speaking scenes. The two young girls who are playing the young girl roles are not doing very well today, one of them burst of tears when Sir was point-blank asking her to commit. The other one passed into tears when she was unable to do something that he was repeatedly asking her to do. The problem with that is that Tears are a very natural reaction to biologically female beings however in a work situation it really is not acceptable. So the director was not being able to accept it, but these young girls for the lack of a better world I think this generation, is an able to take Harher commands. What happened was due to the two of them messing up, sir I got angry and said the play will be done by one person per character only. That kind of implies that my small part is also given to the protagonist who will do the play like a monologue. But truthfully as sad as I was to have that in the inevitable reality, watching him change the play so absolutely beautifully is even more thrilling than being sad about me not making a big theatrical debut.

Despite my wondrous ways of looking at this production, some of the girls were feeling very disheartened because the director was really unhappy with the way things are fairing so vibe at rehearsal is very tense right now. A part of me realises that because I have a small role I don’t have a lot of feedback, so maybe I don’t understand what they are going through, but another part of me thinks that This is what I do best, not take work things personally not take fame and fortune personally but value the art value the talent value the creation and value the absolute magic of being able to do something like this. And I feel really blessed, maybe it is because I have achieved other things that another’s eyes have deemed successful, but I don’t feel anything I’ve done is achievement worthy yet I am yet to set my actual stage. I’m still learning. And I think that’s why I can enjoy this life in this career because I know that I’m not at my peak. Wrote my first poem since I started and shared it with M, she seems to really like her. There we are so different we do share that similar passion to give up everything for work. And so we are becoming closer.

Ps this is my front door now.

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alwaystheclown · 6 months

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I am on a flight across the North Atlantic back home. The border guard asked me what I had bought while in Ireland and I felt strangely compelled to tell him a lie. Instead, I said I had only spent money on clothes and it was not a lot. Three hours into the flight and I sit completely afraid every bodily ache is a sign of impending doom. All the things I am, to add being half a hypochondriac to the list makes a varied mix. Since I learned how the author of “Goodnight Moon” died kicking her leg up as a sign of good health to her nurse, you can’t be too careful. I said all my tacky goodbyes to the people in my apartment, promised to talk, said the time I spent with them was nice. None of them believed me probably. I have a compulsive need to convey my true feelings and they’re all not idiots. Everything got so spoiled in record time. I was going back to look at pictures from when I arrived. In just a few months, an opinion can be formed so solidly. And I think we all had such unmoving thoughts two to three weeks in. My roommate made me promise her several times that hang out with her in the future. It’s an absolute miracle who you’d hug if that’s what the social convention calls for. I hugged my least favorite roommate goodbye though he never cleaned and only produced miraculous mess after mess, and of all things slept with the one girl I liked. Also fought with me frequently after the first month of arriving to our apartment. Everyone looked at me to hug him so I relented.

The sick feeling in my stomach during the last few days of getting my things together has finally stopped for the most part. It was no definitive transition. It was there and the next second I thought about it, gone. Probably went somewhere with the Dublin train. On the train I finished reading “Stoner” by John Williams and cried very quietly making my face all sticky the way tears do. Particularly it was the last twenty or so pages that got me in William Stoner’s story. He was a character that longed for a passion he didn’t possess himself and never got quite a hold of in his life. This made his death rattle in the final pages a painful one. Although he seemed to extract joy from teaching, it was never with a memorable fire to me. The book is exactly what my parents always accuse me of indulging in too much. Bubbling misery in every movie, book and song. I did like the book, but I think it’s funny it ever reared its head out of its fifty-something year old obscurity.

Now I won’t be confusing this alleviation of semester stress for a tranquility in my personal life. Most of those details mustn’t be thought of for pure continuity’s sake. Plus I have a nightmarish paper to be completed in the next 12 hours on whether or not Greek figured pottery can offer any information on the Athenian economy. It can’t, I’ve beat the horse in 150 ways and have about 1/4 of the paper to go. I downloaded the 2011 version of Twin Fantasy which I think I’ve only listened to briefly before. I was watching the version of “Sober To Death” Will Toledo does on Tiny Desk and it’s fantastic, completely love it. Looking through the comments someone says a bit about how they preferred before his changes made in the re-record. Since I’m an all-out media purist I had to listen. I think I should do some drawings just on the parts he cut out in all the songs. I’m such a sucker for long drawling speaking parts. It’s completely different but it reminds me of the song “Waking of The Witch” by Kate Bush. Absolutely nothing alike other than a song with no singing involved, incantations, monologues and exclamations instead of singing.

I can’t wait to get coffee in a vat. A comically large, pissing your pants type of size they have in the states. Being handed that will have me singing God Bless America backwards or break into cartwheels of patriotism. I’m hoping to avoid any serious thought over the course of the next few weeks and using my time to just draw like a maniac and read twelve books and absorb the contents of this lovely, terrible app. I have to complete a commission of many different dogs which I’ve been putting off. The woman who’s paying me will totally give me a lot more money the work’s worth so I’m nervous about delivering something a good quality. I’ll need to draw more dogs.

I’ve also got some zine ideas in my head which’ll be great for a punk art event thing I’ve been invited to in February. One zine’s already done, it’s just a matter of printing.

I’m so paranoid about getting a blood clot that I have this image in my head of touching the ground and bursting like a ballon. If you’re reading this, that did not happen 🫡

(An aside, glanced at the woman reading right next to me and a line from her book said “I can live with her being happy, even if it’s a fucking dickhead causing it.” A beautiful example of 21st century prose lol)

#writing #text #diary

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thegirlwhoblooms · 1 year

Text

19.4.23 preserve(d) - The End of An Era

The End of An Era

It’s the end of an era now. It’s a sunny day, which is kind fitting. Right now, I’m studying vectors for my maths exam in two weeks. I’m listening to the ‘Your Name’ soundtrack whilst studying, or at least trying to. By Friday you’ll have completed it. What does it feel like? I want to know. Surprisingly, I’m not as jealous as I thought I would be. I still feel a sting of envy but it doesn’t linger for long. I feel a strange sense of fulfilment. It’s like, although things didn't turn out the way I’d hoped they would, I still think of myself as one of the ‘lucky ones.’

The people I surround myself with are amazing; they’re kind and warm-hearted and I wouldn’t trade the world for them. To quote Fruits Basket: ‘They’re the kind of people who deserve the moon but would never ask for it.’

Things can’t go back; they can’t change, no matter how much I want them to, but these days I start thinking I wouldn’t change a thing, which is kind of funny. It doesn’t always feel like this but while it still does, I’ll relish in that.

Today is Wednesday the 19th of April 2023. I wrote the paragraph(s) above yesterday. I found out last week from Kelsie that Ed—the boy I was in love with since I was eleven—is now doing drugs and smoking. He dyed his hair from a pretty blonde to a mud-coloured brown. I hate it. He’s changed so much from that nerdy boy who talked about playing card games to some weird chad. I miss the person I fell in love with. Besides, the brunette look he’s going for is not for him. I used to write his name with chalk on my friend's backyard. I used to love everything about him, every small, intricate detail. Now I don't know where the boy I fell in love with has gone.

When I left, I played Way To Break My Heart by Ed Sheeran in the car (because, of course), I swore I could never fall out of love with him. I hardly recognise him now.

These days, I play the song ‘Breathe’ thinking that maybe I’ll become like the girl in the song.

I've watched those eyes light up with a smile

River in the not good times

Oh, you taught me all that I know

I've seen your soul grow just like a rose

Made it through all of those thorns

Girl into the woman I know

I want to grow from that shy, scared little girl into a mature woman who doesn’t carry fear wherever she goes. I want the people who love me to see me grow and be proud to stand beside me and call me a friend.

I’ll face life head-on now, no matter what. Even though I have regrets and heavy burdens, even still to me, those aren’t good enough reasons to stop moving forward. Not now. Not ever.

It took me a while to understand that time doesn’t stand still, it doesn’t for anyone. No matter how much it feels like it does, sometimes.

It’s scary, isn’t it? Not knowing what comes next.

The uncertainty of it all, the countless options that make you narrow it down, that’s where most of the fear stems from, I think.

But the truth is…

‘I Like Me Better’ when I’m with you.

It made me happy, getting to know all of you. The moments we shared, I’ll treasure them, always.

Maybe I’m taking things way out of proportion and the short time we spent together wasn’t as meaningful to you as it was to me and maybe I’m too sentimental for my own good but still, I can’t thank you enough for the kindness you showed me.

Conclusion of today’s inner monologue: Lauv’s music is superior.

Dedicated to Jaimee, David, MJ (and Yakub, respectively) for teaching me what friendship is.

Point period blank.

#friendship #friendship is endless #dont worry thats not their real names #kelsie and ed i mean the others names are real #am i too sentimental #maybe #please dont h8 me

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dilfartist · 2 years

Text

If I were a zombie

Tw: death mentioned, non-con touching, harassment mention, stalking, non-con kissing.

“The young soul, Higashikata Josuke, has died due to a fatal car crash.”

the room erupts with students gasping in unison. Grief was present both in the principal’s expression and tone. As your principal began a long monologue for his lost student, the room barely paid him any mind. Josuke was a beloved part of Morioh, so naturally, the news was hard for everyone. Josuke's close friends Okuyasu and Koichi were the most heartbroken from the news; for evident reasons.

Half of the students in the room were crying, the other half had an expression of sorrow. You on the other hand had a poker face.

What was your take on the boy's death? Well, you did feel sorrow for him, but other than that, you couldn't bring yourself to care. While that seemed like a heartless thing to say, you had reasonable justifications for your emotions. Josuke harrassed you due to his crush on you.

You were new to the school, a foreign exchange student. Being a new student, Josuke decided he'd be the one to show you around. After the tour, he never left you alone. He followed you around everywhere like a puppy. Josuke never did understand what a boundary was.

Even if you explained how uncomfortable you were with how he touched you, he'd laugh in exchange. And the notes. Man, did you hate those notes! Josuke left plenty of gifts and letters as a token of his love, no matter the number of times you rejected him. The reaction from others didn't help, most of the girls would give you envious glares, and if you refused him, everyone gave you dirty looks. To them, you were just a bitch. You couldn't help but feel relieved the harassment was over.

For the first time Morioh the sky was a dull grey. Everyone was miserable, except you. As you passed through the school halls, you noticed there were already sticky notes on Josuke's locker. "I miss you." "rest well." "gone too soon."

the days went by, things started to go back to normal. Morioh sky turned back to its abnormal color yellow. But, something felt off, for you, it felt as if you were being watched 24/7. Or maybe you were just being paranoid. Until one night you decide to eat out at a restaurant. You had just finished studying at the public library and while walking home you passed by a McDonald's. You weren't fond of microwaved leftovers so you ordered something small but filling.

You ate quietly while staring out the window. You finished your meal stood to pay, but your wallet slipped out of your grasp. It hid far between the table legs, making you bend down to reach it. When the wallet was back into your hands you stood back up. You screamed at the top of your lungs and fell back into the wall behind you, a man was looking at you from the window, oddly their silhouette was familiar.

Of course, bystanders were concerned about your panic. An employee walked you home since you had been frightened to walk home. From that day on you carried around protection. Something was off though, the man’s silhouette was so familiar, it had to be the hair.

Bizarrely, Okuyasu and Koichi's behaviors flipped. For the past four weeks, they had been doing nothing but sulk sadly, which was understandable, But the next day they were so giddy and upbeat.

They started to leave school during lunch hours. There was nothing wrong with it, of course: perhaps they wanted to eat out like they used to with Josuke. You wanted to get something to eat for lunch as well and saw Okuyasu and Koichi, the strange part was instead of heading in the direction of a restaurant they went in an ally way. Strange.

Matter of fact, bizarre occurrences had been happening recently. Your window was kept shut, yet every morning you'd wake up and see it cracked open, personal belongings went missing, small gifts were hidden around your room.

You weren't dumb, someone was stalking you. Unfortunately, the police force is useless. They told you, you had no actual evidence of a person stalking you. Even when you showed them the gifts. You had to take care of this problem yourself.

The next day you stole a baseball bat from the gymnasium. You hid the bat underneath your bed, so you'd be ready to attack your stalker. Not only did you have a weapon to defend yourself, but you had a camera hidden between your bookcase.

You’d be ready.

You jumped up from the sound of a cacophony of dogs barking in unison. You weren't completely awake yet, you still felt weary. Your surroundings were unclear, it was possibly caused by the fuzzy feeling in your head. You felt yourself falling back to sleep, but you halted your actions when you saw something climbing into your window.

Your eyesight was still limited, yet it didn't stop you from jumping out of your bed and snatching the bat out of its place. You ran towards your stalker and striked them with all of your might. You managed to whack them in their side, which stunned them, but only for a minute because they caught the bat when you attempted to attack them again.

The stalker held you tightly with an unforgivable strength. You thrashed around to escape their grasp on your body. But the more you struggled the more breathing became a difficult task.

You only had one more trick you could try. You screamed powerfully, “Help!Hel-!”, a hand covers your mouth.

“Stop screaming babe.”

You stop moving around when you recognize their voice. You leisurely look up towards the person who has a tight grip on your body. Their eye’s were the only thing you could make out. Their eyes reminded you of the color of a dark blue Dimond. Only person, you knew had those eyes.

“Josuke..?” you questioned in disbelief.

“That's right!” you could tell a grin formed on his features. You pushed away from him and fell onto your mattress, now you had better access to his appearance.

Josuke stood in front of you, his skin pale with patches of blue and purple. A sight a Coroner sees when running an autopsy. Speaking of, how could you not notice the nascent smell of rotting flesh. You press a hand to your nose in an attempt to block out the unpleasant smell. Josuke’s hair was still perfect, it seemed untouched; while Josuke’s uniform had several rips and cuts.

“Man, I've been waiting to talk to you again! It's been forever.” Josuke exclaims as he throws himself onto your computer chair. You fall out of your trance, “Josuke, you're supposed to be dead! How-.” Josuke cuts you off, “well it's a long story, but I guess I'll tell you.”

“Yes I did get into a car crash but I crashed for a reason, I was chasing someone. Before I could die in the crash, Crazy Diamond came to the rescue.” Crazy Diamond? Like the song? Josuke must have noticed the look of confusion because he was quick to explain. “You might not believe me but, I and many others in Morioh have an ability. They are manifestations of life energy and only certain people can obtain them.”

You found it hard to believe, but then again wasn't this a rotten corpse talking to you?

“Can you show it?” you asked curiously. He gave an apologetic look, “well only stand users can see their forms but I can show you in a way.” he motions over to a glass cup on your computer desk. It begins to float in the air, With josuke a couple of inches away, meaning he wasn't playing with you. The glass falls onto the floor and breaks into a thousand small shards, causing you to flinch and let out a small shriek. “Here comes the cool part!” Josuke snaps his fingers and the glass returns to its original shape.

While you are still in astonishment, Josuke continues with the story. “Anyways, C.D managed to save me just when I was about to die. That's why I'm basically a zombie.” you didn't know what to say. This was all just insane. This had to be a dream.

Josuke had forgotten about the conversation in a flash, instead, he was focused on you. “So.” he draws out the word, “did you enjoy the gifts? They were hard to get, Okuyasu and Koichi had to get them for me.”

You remembered the whole reason he was in your room, he was a fucking stalker. “Hell no!” you yelled, Josuke lunges back at your abrupt attitude. “Are you fucking crazy! You stalked me, why would I enjoy these gifts if I also had the awareness you have been invading my house?”

“Get the fuck out of my house, Higashikata!” The atmosphere becomes heavy when that sentence leave your mouth. Something felt sinister about Josuke, it could be his body language or the fact he gave you a deadpan expression.

“No.”

“No?!”

Josuke smirks, “I’m not going anywhere. Finally, I'll be able to be with you. I've always dreamed of being in a relationship with you y/n, but you constantly made it hard for me. Before my “death”, I planned to just kidnap you, but luckily everyone believes I'm deceased. If you were to contact the police they’d never believe you, no, not for a second.”

What was he planning to do now? Your body trembled slightly at his threats, “I-have evidence!”

Josuke let out a small, short-lived, boisterous laugh. He quickly got on his feet and walked towards your bookshelf. He grabbed the camera and smashed the thing against the ground, you weren't going to be able to fix it.

“Not anymore.” He turns towards you, he moves with rapid speed. He traps you into a corner, his lips are only a couple inches away from your ear: “you’ll stay in this house with me, you’ll occasionally leave only for groceries. Don’t think you can escape me either, Okuyasu and Koichi are my eyes and ears.”

He presses a small kiss to your cheek. You cringe at the feeling of icy flesh pressing against your skin. “Don’t you worry, I’ll take care of us both.”

#jjba x reader #jojo x reader #yandere jojo's bizarre adventure #yandere jjba #jojo’s bizzare adventure x reader #yandere jojo #yandere josuke #josuke headcanons #josuke x reader #koichi hirose #jjba part 4 #yandere

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