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#it's especially prevalent in tales of the abyss
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Genshin Impact: analysis of Gnostic Chorus — when metaphor overwrites truth
After particular conversation with Nahida in “Akasha Pulses, the Kalpa Flame Rises” quest, I've seen many references to Gnostic Chorus (Battle Pass cutscene) among players. All pointing out that Queen of Darkness is the same person as Abyss Twin. And, frankly, I don't agree.
A very characteristic trait of Gnostic text is that metaphor holds much more importance than accuracy. Their authors didn't necessarily care whenever description was faithful to actual events as long as they got their point. I believe it's also includes modern texts of culture inspired by Gnosticism, especially Genshin Impact.
Please, keep in mind it's a subject to change as story progresses and nothing more than my personal opinion. Let's go to the start, then.
What is “a glorious kingdom established among the heavens”?
For now, Celestia. Obviously, chorus serves as a praise — no hymn, no tale shows the mundane, rather replacing it with idyllic image of purity and days of glory. We know long before Heavenly Principles, the Moon Sisters and Seelies watched over Teyvat. Moon Sisters, known also as Aria, Sonnet and Cannon, lived in the Lunar Palace beyond the clouds, where no mortal being could reach. Most probably Lunar Palace and Celestia refer to the same place — I think when the owners had changed, so did the property's name.
About the Genesis Pearl…
I don't know who's the man on the throne, perhaps he exists solely for aesthetic purposes or is a small nod towards God's image in Christian art. What supports this claim is the triangle with three crystals referencing the Holy Trinity; decorative ornaments. For Gnosticism researchers and practitioners, however, Trinity itself is a symbol of mystery, prevalent in other beliefs, quite opposed to Catholic interpretation.
In general: while the latter sees Trinity as one person in three forms (The Father, The Son, the Holy Spirit — one God), a value of masculinity, [early] Gnostic may call it the femininity power at its core.
According to Julian of Norwich, “The Light, breathed forth in the Logos, is at one and the same time the Mother and the Daughter of the Logos” and “The deep wisdom (Sophia) of the Trinity is our Mother”.
Why I quote Julian's words? Well, the first crowned heir is female. Whenever she's one of the Moon Sisters, belongs to different discussion. What matters here is the metaphor of divine femininity.
It's a woman who seeks Genesis Pearl, not a man. It is she who goes through metamorphosis. Genesis means the origin, the beginning, while pearl is associated with knowledge. In other words — a gnosis. Yes, you heard that right. A gnosis. Not those chess pieces, mere fragments in our lovely Archons' hands, but the enlightened soul. Now guess what could happen once we reach the end of our journey.
You may wonder, if Gnostic Chorus refers to female spirituality and wisdom, why are we the witnesses of first heir's failure? What's the deal with her brother? I have a poem for you.
When I was a little child living in my father’s palace in his kingdom, happy in the glories and riches of my family that nurtured me, my parents gave me supplies and sent me out on a mission from our home in the east. From their treasure house they made up a cargo for me. It was big though light enough so I could carry it myself, holding gold from the highest houses and silver of Gazzak the Great and rubies of India and opals from the land of Kushan, and they girded me with adamant that can crush iron. They took off my bright robe of glory, which they had made for me out of love, and took away my purple toga, which was woven to fit my stature. They made a covenant with me and wrote it in my heart so I would not forget: “When you go down into Egypt and bring back the one pearl that lies in the middle of the sea and is guarded by the snorting serpent, you will again put on your robe of glory and your toga over it, and with your brother, our next in rank, you will be heir in our kingdom.”
“Dressing for the Journey” from The Gnostic Bible by W. Barnstone and M. Meyer.
See what am I getting at? We are, at the same time, the first and the second heir — therefore, both twins, Aether and Lumine, are Travelers depending on our choice. It has nothing to do with miHoYo's strategy of promoting protagonists, fandom drama or my personal bias. I'm just assuming that…
Paimon is the first heir seeking the Genesis Pearl.
I know it clashes with my previous words and sounds confusing, but as I mentioned at the very beginning of this analysis — metaphor over accuracy. Gnostic Chorus is pure symbolism.
To me, woman seen in Battle Pass cutscene slightly resembles Paimon (I mean, look at her hair), whereas Paimon herself — with knowledge I possess at the moment — either originates from Seelie race, Moon Sisters or both. If she's somehow connected to Celestia, I suspect it doesn't differ from other beings under supervision of Heavenly Principles and I'm going to leave it at that.
She took her name after Lucifer's loyalist who holds knowledge about arts, science, soul and mysteries of the world. Perfect choice for character who acts as our Teyvat guide, since Traveler is associated with light, like Lucifer before his banishment. It's only natural for Paimon to be curious and seek knowledge. Something is off about her, though. She looks, speaks and behaves like a child.
Once again, metaphors. Metaphors are everywhere and Gnosticism wouldn't exist without them. Being a child symbolizes ignorance, fear, lack of skill to understand knowledge people gain as they age. Paimon doesn't seem to be going through metamorphosis — natural part of life — just yet. She's cursed. Why, by who or what, we don't know for sure. But she is and that makes her vulnerable, depended on us.
Therefore Paimon's unable to obtain her gnosis, Genesis Pearl, and to return home, as she drowned in the Kingdom of Darkness (the Abyss), which is metaphor for no other thing than ignorance. You see, ignorance is the biggest sin a Gnostic can commit. If you're stagnant and later recessive in your doings, you don't march forward. You're hurting yourself and your soul is unable to ascend. You're a sinner. An outcast.
Perhaps Paimon's current state is a punishment for ignorance. Cruel and ironic, as it disadvantages her further, prolonging her redemption arc journey to an infinity.
I hope you understand now the reason I why said earlier we're both heirs at once. Though we go second, it's still the same path, together with the first heir, so Paimon eventually repents. We act as her salvation. Timeline of Gnostic Chorus will never be accurate with actual events because it has no relevance to the moral of the story.
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dokhyeoks · 7 years
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my fave thing abt the tales series is the ridiculously long names some characters have. for example; mazhigigika miludin do din nolurun dou/magillanica lou mayvin (for non tales fans, that's the names of the same character, yes), natalia luzu kimlasca-lanvaldear, gailardia galan gardios, mystearica aura fende, vandesdelca musto fende, estellise sidos heurassein to name a few
in comparison there's the really basic names like lloyd irving, velvet crowe, yuri lowell, etc
in tales of, characters either have a super long complicated name with a shorter alias they go by, or a really basic short name that takes minimal effort
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thatboomerkid · 3 years
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SpellJammer: Shadow of the Spider Moon (Additional Campaign Materials)
part of the Player’s Packet (ver 1.3)
for use with the First Edition Pathfinder Role-Playing Game
by Clinton J. Boomer
with special thanks to Andy Collins, Scott Schomburg, Chloe Michelle, Dennis Detwiller, David Gerrold,and George Loki Williams
additional campaign materials may be found here
All SpellJammer: Shadow of the Spider-Moon campaign materials are brought to you absolutely free to play, to test & to share, as always, now and forever, by the fine folks of my Patreon.
RELIGION ACROSS PYRESPACE
Yondalla and Her Saints: The Hin – and, by extension, all those they conquer – practice a monotheistic faith, worshiping a single bountiful earth-mother-deity, Yondalla, alongside an astonishing number of her Saints; the Church also recognizes the power of Asmodeus, King of Hell and Master of Devils, who is commanded by Yondalla to punish the wicked.
Technically, Asmodeus and his Seven Devil Princes – Dispater, the Iron King; Mammon, the Spirit in Gold; Belial, the Pale Kiss; Geryon, the Serpent; Moloch, the Ashen Bull; Baalzebul, Lord of the Flies; and Mephistopheles, the Merchant of Souls – are all Saints of the Church.
The Ordo Repentia Infernalis serves as the “secret” inquisitorial arm of the Church: dedicated to the tracking & execution of heretics, especially (but not limited to) worshippers of Dagon.
Many of the other Saints recognized by the Church of Yondalla are, in point of fact, actually deities once worshiped by various (now conquered) human cultures, deemed inoffensive enough to be folded into Mother Church as “blessed of Yondalla, beautified in her holy light”.
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Direct worship of these Saints is illegal (a form of idolatry), but observation of a Saint’s holy day — in accordance with Church Law — is encouraged. In some of the more culturally relaxed parts of Cyrrolaelee, for example, prayers to Saint Fharlanghn are as common as prayers to Yondalla.
Other Saints, such as St. Davian, are near-mythologized historical figures.
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Corellon and Lolth: To be clear, “worship” is a strong word.
That said, the elves of Perianth venerate quite deeply the honored, immortal founders of their august race, seeking the guidance and blessing – in equal measure – of their Emperor and Empress in all things.
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The Western Courts identify Corellon as a sun-deity (the Phoenix Emperor) and Lolth as a moon-goddess (the Beautiful Eclipse), while the Eastern Courts refer to Corellon as a lunar deity (the Moonlit Dragon) and Lolth as a sun-goddess (the Crimson Empress).
No matter the court, Corellon is regarded as master over the wild Seelie, while Lolth is understood to be mistress over the demonic Unseelie.
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Dagon: The single unifying, founding principle of the Ordo Repentia Infernalis is to seek-out the extermination of Dagon, the Shadow in the Sea, false god who sleeps beneath the waves, and of all who bow in fealty to him. 
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Of his horrid church, little enough needs be known: wicked dreams born of his thrashing nightmares in the black Abyss at the bottom of the world corrupt men to heresy, blasphemy, cannibalism, witchcraft, transmutation into horrid monstrosities of the deep, and human sacrifice.
The Court of Dagon
Although the vast, dark Shadow in the Sea is commonly understood to act, moment to moment, as the simplest and most ravenous of oceanic beasts -- an unthinking, thrashing monster of pure bloodthirsty instinct and hatred -- the Church of Yondalla identifies seven wicked spirits that serve him: dancing about his throne, attending to his every whim.
Shax, Demon Lord of Envy & Murder
Xoveron, Demon Lord Gluttony & Ruin
Areshkagal, Demon Lord of Greed & Riddles
Nocticula, Demon Lord of Lust & Beauty
Socothbenoth, Demon Lord of Pride & Perversity
Jubliex, Demon Lord of Sloth & Filth
Orcus, Demon Lord of Wrath & the Dead
The Inquisition makes special effort to watch the gargoyles under their care and in their service, as the race was known -- in ancient days -- to serve the demon Xoveron; many clergy members require that gargoyles under their command remain upon a strict diet, so as not to temp the spirit of gluttony.
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Vasalissa the Beautiful: So little of “original” gnomish culture survives to the modern era – in the wake of countless cataclysms – that no unifying “faith” can be said to unite the diaspora of what was once the Circle of Gold.
That said, gnomes and warforged light candles and whisper quiet prayers to Vasalissa the Beautiful: a clever, tenacious protagonist who appears again and again across the deep storytelling tradition of the gnomish people: a sprawling, multilayered weave of tales that stretch back to the time of their world’s pre-history, the memorization of which borders on the spiritual.
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Common tales in the canon – upon which every TRUE storyteller is expected to add his or her own unique twists – often deal with the trials, misadventures, and misfortunes of Vasalissa and a few other stock characters:
Mother Kindness (also called ‘Grandmother Kindness’)
The Child Dreamer
Greedy Glitterpot & Lumpy Fathead
The Hungry Baby
Elder Tree
The Honest Youth (sometimes ‘The Two Honest Youths’)
The Farmer’s Wife
Mocho & Pocho (one of whom is always hungry, and the other of which is always sleepy)
Cleverest Jack (sometimes with his twin brother, Mister Hubris)
The River Serpent
The First-Forged, and his three children: Stone, Wood, and Tin
Mean-Old-Two-Heads, the Giant
The Silent Wolf
Curiously, the natives of Fenris tell fantastic tales, in their own languages, nearly identical to the ancient legends of Vasalissa and her many adventures.
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Cult of the Dragon Moons: As far as the Chirch of Yondalla is concerned, this organization is merely a group of deluded Dagon-worshipers seduced into a bizarre heresy obsessed with returning-to-life the ancient “dragons” that are said to have once ruled Pyrespace. 
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This bizarre faith is known – and possibly native – to every world in the system, but is most prevalent in the jungles of Verdura and across the dunes of Ashen.
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Moradin: The dwarves do not speak often of their religion, but keep it close to heart: burning, eternally, in a fortress of stone buried beneath their breast.
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———
PYRESPACE TIMELINE
This timeline is based on the Yondallan calendar, which dates events to before and after the defeat of the giant Gol’Kaa by St. Davian (‘Ano Davia’ or the Year of Davian) and the subsequent rise of the Hin as the dominant form of life on Quelya.  
Although years, months and even days are difficult to translate between planetary bodies, this single system is still the most frequently used: the current official time and date are tracked at the Great Clockhouse of Lagas, maintained by the Church of Yondalla, and backed-up in the nation-city of Beshaba.
The average occupant of the system does NOT know most of these dates nor the majority of the  information presented here, with perhaps the exception of bolded items; these more-detailed notes are included simply for player reference, especially for the benefit of characters with an education in system-wide history.
—–
???? – the mysterious Precursors reign undisputed over the entirety of Pyrespace, preforming such impossible miracles as seeding humans across the system, uplifting the Crown of Sapphire to serve as a miniature star, crafting the Hole in the Infinite (a wormhole in orbit around the Crown of Sapphire), crafting the Celestial Pearl (for reasons unknown), establishing a number of now-fallen megastructures (cities, temples, and more esoteric objects) on every known world, and – according to several ancient records – the establishment of a now-vanished interplanetary “web-way”.
-1500 A.D. (approximate): The eastern and western courts of the elves unite beneath a single banner; the elven empire is established on Perianth under the immortal guidance of Corellon Larethian and his bride Lolth.
-1500 A.D. (approximate): The dwarven clans of Moradin’s Forge cease open hostilities with one another, establishing an uneasy truce in the face of heightened goblin aggression.
-1500 A.D. (approximate): On the Circle of Gold, conflicts between gnomes and ratfolk enclaves escalate into the First Rat-Slaughter; first generation warforged created; in the wake of their victory, gnomes begin experimentations in the craft of clockwork and establish significantly larger cities.
-1099 A.D.: Unexpected disaster strikes the gnome home-world, destroying much of their culture’s history and technological progress.
-807 A.D.: The five elven noble houses serving beneath House Larethian are founded in full.
-787 A.D.: Unexpected disaster strikes the gnome home-world, destroying much of the culture’s history and technological progress.
-391 A.D.: Unexpected disaster strikes the gnome home-world, destroying much of the culture’s history and technological progress.
-218 A.D.: The nation of Kozah-Talos (a human nation controlling much of what would later become Brandobaris) finish their conquest over the human nations of Malar and Umberlee (which occupied what would later become Arvoreen), uniting the majority of Quelya’s sole continent under a single war-banner: leaving only the human nation of Auril and the wild deserts surrounding the City of Beshaba outside of their control.
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-205 A.D.: A diplomatic accord is reached; the nations of Kozah-Talos and Auril unite to form the modern nation of Brandobaris; distant ports and holdings of Old Auril – including the “Cities of Sisterhood,” Shar and Selune – secede, declaring themselves independent (as the Isles of Tymora).
-197 A.D.: Arvoreen established as single nation under Brandobarin control; Arvorean land used as a “training ground” for Brandobarin officers and a proving-ground for both troops and tactics for use in wars against Cyrrollalee, Urogolan, and the Isles of Tymora.
-101 A.D.: House Larethian defeats a great enemy, further uniting the noble elven houses.
-17 A.D: The lands of Arvoreen are fully pacified under Brandobarin control.
0 A.D.: St. Davian defeats the giant Gol’Kaa, the last human king of Beshaba, in single combat; he and his armies establish the greater Church of Yondalla across the surrounding lands, extending into Arvoreen.
13 A.D.: Unexpected disaster strikes the gnome home-world, destroying much of the culture’s history and technological progress.
92 A.D.: Brandobarin aggression against Cyrrollalee abandoned.
138 A.D: Brandobarin aggression against Urogolan abandoned.
211 A.D.: The nation of Brandobaris unofficially cedes control of Arvorean land to the rule of local warlords (and to the expanding Church of Yondalla).
327 A.D.: The Church of Yondalla controls the entirety of the Rio Provendor from Beshaba all the way south to the World Ocean; the port-city of Lagas is founded at the mouth of the massive river (on Arvorean lands).
354 A.D.: The last human king of Arvoreen abdicates his throne in the face of famine, riots, and threats of civil war; the Church of Yondalla declares Lagas the new capital city of Arvoreen and rapidly puts an end to the uprising, ensuring lasting peace and Hin dominance of the nation.
371 A.D.: Unexpected disaster strikes the gnome home-world, destroying much of the culture’s history and technological progress.
459 A.D.: War breaks out along the Rio Provendor between the Hin-controlled nation of Arvoreen and human-controlled Brandobaris.
522 A.D.: Brandobaris invaded by raiders from Urogolan.
606 A.D.: The last human king of Brandobaris is executed, ceding total control of the Green Fields to Hin dominance and the oversight by the Church of Yondalla; raiders from Urogolan expelled.
616 A.D.: The Unseelie War begins; House Larethian splits, with a third of the House choosing the side of Lolth; Corellon vanishes; elves create the first SpellJamming vessels.
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651 A.D.: First Crusade of Tymora begins, as the Church pushes to claim the island chain; the famed “Cities of Sisterhood” – Shar and Selune – are renamed ‘Dallah’.
727 A.D.: Unexpected disaster strikes the gnome home-world, destroying much of the culture’s history and technological progress.
729 A.D.: Second Crusade of Tymora begins, pushing from the occupied city of Dallah.
783 A.D.: King Ulliam of Cyrrollalee is gifted the legendary blade Caladcholg, symbol of his family and of the rightful rule over the Isle.
859 A.D.: The Unseelie War ends; House Larethian retreats to Perianth; House Lolth and loyalist “drow” imprisoned upon the Spider-Moon; the elven people abandon use of SpellJamming technology.
807 A.D.: Third Crusade of Tymora begins, fighting island-by-island to Perryroyal.
921 A.D.: Port of Perryroyal fully pacified under the Church of Yondalla.
928 A.D.: Gnomes independently develop SpellJamming technology, rapidly expanding beyond the Circle of Gold to explore the other moons orbiting the Crown of Sapphire.
971 A.D.: All elves and drow born before this date have since passed on.
972 A.D.: Gnomes establish the first of several small colonies on Fenris.
988 A.D.: Trade between Xhiaae-Lan and Perryroyal established.
1001 A.D.: All contact with the gnomish colonies on Fenris is lost.
1008 A.D.: Urogalandic attacks on Hin soil spur the Church of Yondalla to war; the Siege of Mordheim begins.
1051 A.D.: Gnomes make first contact with the dwarves of Moradin’s Forge, allowing the two races to begin trade; first dwarven SpellJamming vessels are prototyped.
1069 A.D.: Unexpected disaster strikes the gnome home-world, destroying much of the culture’s history and technological progress.
1101 A.D.: First dwarven SpellJamming vessels are completed.
1118 A.D.: Perryroyal lost to attacks by cults of Dagon.
1123 A.D: Dwarves establish total control over all moons orbiting Moradin’s Forge and begin exploration of Fenris.
1221 A.D. All gnomes born before this date have since passed on.
1227 A.D.: Dallah and the island-chain of Tymora lost to attacks by cults of Dagon.
1271 A.D.: All dwarves born before this date have since passed on.
1283-1289 A.D.: City of Lagas assaulted by cults of Dagon.
1292 A.D.: Gnome explorers pass beyond the Celestial Pearl, establishing Zionil Station, and make first contact with the elves of Perianth.
1307 A.D.: Einar Jarlsenn, the last human king of Urogolan, is slain as the Siege of Mordheim finally breaks the “unconquerable” fortress.
1313 A.D.: Island-chain of Tymora retaken from cults of Dagon.
1321 A.D.: City of Dallah retaken from cults of Dagon.
1333-1370 A.D.: The Hole in the Infinite opens, releasing Hive entities onto the moons orbiting the Crown of Sapphire; elves establish a quarantine-zone at Zionil, barring all travel in-system from areas infected with the Hive contagion.
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1342 A.D.: Second-generation warforged developed by gnome engineers.
1366 A.D.: Merchant-families and moneylenders in Lagas successfully lobby for greater greater involvement in the politics of Arvoreen and Brandobaris, displacing many hereditary noble families.
1391 A.D.: Perryroyal retaken from cults of Dagon.
1408 A.D.: Inaugural temple dedicated to the Church of Yondalla established on the soil of Xhiaae-Lan.
1416 A.D.: Hive menace to gnomish space successfully contained to five moons: Flandal (Hive Colony Nehemoth), Segojan (Hive Colony Euclid), Baervan (Hive Colony Keter), Baravar (Hive Colony Thaumiel), and Urdlen (Hive Colony Apollyon)
1419 A.D.: Unexpected disaster strikes the gnome home-world, destroying a dangerously large portion of the culture’s history and technological progress; off-world gnome colonies successfully mitigate the very worst of the disaster.
1459 A.D.: First Cyrrolaelan Crusade begins.
1463 A.D.: Hive Colony Nehemoth successfully eradicated from Flandal; third generation warforged developed.
1477 A.D.: Second Cyrrolaelan Crusade begins.
1491 A.D.: Third Cyrrolaelan Crusade begins.
1492 A.D.: The Circle of Gold – the gnomish home-world – is destroyed in a horrific cataclysm, forming the Chain of Tears. Gnomish history, technology, and culture suffer incalculable loss.
1493 A.D.: Shao Liang, the last human king of Xhiaae-Lan, surrenders his lands to the Church of Yondalla; peace treaty is signed at Perryroyal.
1502 A.D.: First contact is made between Elves and Hin; Hin become a SpellJamming culture.
1507 A.D.: Dún Ailinne, former capitol city of Cyrrollalee, is utterly destroyed; the human courts of Cyrrollalee abandon their cities for the countryside, forming a government-in-exile.
1521 A.D.: All Hin born before this date have since passed on.
1536 A.D.: All half-elves born before this date have since passed on.
1551 A.D.: Eldest playable elven/drow characters born.
1582 A.D.: The last human kingdom on Quelya falls when King Fergus mac Róich of Cyrrollalee is killed by an elven military force allied with the Church of Yondalla; the ancestral blade of King Ulliam’s line is subsequently lost, and Cyrrollalee becomes a protectorate of Arvoreen. The city of Moander is built on the ruins of Dún Ailinne.
1603 A.D.: New Arvoreen established on Verdura.
1607 A.D.: Youngest playable elven/drow characters born.
1608 A.D: Armed peasant rebellion put down in Cyrrollalee.
1611 A.D.: All humans born before this date have since passed on.
1614 A.D.: The city of Salt Lake established on Ashen.
1619 A.D.: Contact lost with the city of Salt Lake; remnants never recovered.
1622 A.D.: New city of Salt Lake established on Ashen.
1627 A.D: Eldest playable gnome characters born.
1628 A.D.: Armed peasant rebellion put down in Cyrrollalee.
1630 A.D.: City of Salt Lake suffers 80% casualties after sandstorm.
1632 A.D.: City of Salt Lake rebuilt and reinforced with new colonists and heightened security.
1634 A.D.: On Ashen, work begins on the city of Core.
1636 A.D.: New Arvoreen on Verdura significantly expanded.
1639 A.D.: Eldest playable dwarf characters born.
1640 A.D.: City of Salt Lake successfully repels inclement weather, suffers 30% casualties.
1646 A.D.: City of Core declared fully operational.
1648 A.D.: Reserves from Salt Lake assist the city of Core during a mining incident.
1652 A.D.: Peasant rebellion in Cyrrollalee successfully expels Hin occupying forces, destroying several Arvorean military bases and Yondallan holy sites; using stolen ships, rebellion attacks and burns several coastal villages on Arvorean soil before retreating.
1656 A.D.: City of Salt Lake suffers 50% casualties during small seismic event.
1658 A.D.: Populations of Core, Salt Lake, local mining operations, and surrounding farms are bolstered by arriving waves of indentured settlers: human sentenced to penal transportation.
1661 A.D.: The mining-station of Chaldira in founded on Fenris.
1667 A.D.: Nation of Markovia founded on Verdua; diplomatic trade established with New Arvoreen.
1669 A.D.: City of New Arvoreen significantly expanded.
1674 A.D.: Salt Lake survives minor meteorological event; rates of the forcible immigration of incarcerated humans to Ashen doubled.
1676 A.D.: Eldest playable Hin characters born.
1677 A.D.: Youngest playable gnome characters born.
1678 A.D.: Youngest playable dwarf characters born.
1680 A.D.: Arvorean armada successfully retakes Cyrrollalee, imposes the Purge of Moander.
1683 A.D.: Eldest playable half-elf characters born.
1684 A.D.: Punishment via ‘transportation to Chaldira’ instituted by Church of Yondalla; operations on Chaldira expand significantly.
1691 A.D.: Disruptions by local wildlife impose 10% casualties on Salt Lake.
1694 A.D.: Eldest playable human characters born.
1699 A.D.: Armed peasant rebellion put down in Cyrrollalee.
1699 A.D.: Youngest playable Hin characters born.
1700 A.D.: Youngest playable half-elf characters born.
1701 A.D.: Brandobarin facility of Acheron founded on Ashen.
1702 A.D.: New Arvoreen significantly expanded; land officially cleared for Covington Farms, soon to be the largest agricultural facility in the system; rates of forcible immigration of indentured humans to New Arvoreen tripled.
1703 A.D.: City of Salt Lake establishes new oil fields under supervision of Acheron.
1705 A.D.: Youngest playable human characters born.
1708 A.D.: The Illithid first arrive at the edge of Pyrespace, immediately striking at the inhabitants of Moradin’s Forge and the Forge-moons, establishing a base of operations on the planet’s inhospitable surface.
1711 A.D.: The last holds of Clan Stonehall finally fail before the combined might of illithid forces, bolstered by a united army of goblins, hobgoblins, orcs, and ogres. No independent dwarven communities remain on the Forge (nor on the Forge-moons), and the home-world of the dwarves is effectively lost.
1715 A.D.: The Illithid release the Drow from their moon-prison, beginning the age of dark elven piracy across Pyrespace.
1719 A.D.: City of Salt Lake suffers 20% casualties in a series of minor industrial accidents.
1721 A.D. (current year): Campaign begins.
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undignifiend · 3 years
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Theme Ramblings - On Evil, Honesty, Violence, and Better Ways to Rule Number Two (Local Windbag Spends All Night Pontificating Again)
I really like Trollhunters and Tales of Arcadia. I feel like it addresses important themes that I also want to address in my own writing, and I feel like that is part of what makes it an awesome world and story to explore, through the original stories, and through fanfiction. I find exploring ideas within an already established world is very helpful and therapeutic. So here are my current thoughts on some of those themes, which have also been informed by various other stories. Narrative is one of the ways through which we process the world. And one of my goals is to learn how to do that with clarity, practicality, and compassion. So here’s a bit of what I think I’ve learned so far.
Warnings: Talking about violence, with pain and trauma. Stay safe. Also, spoilers for Tales of Arcadia - Wizards, and for the film You Were Never Really Here.
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‘Evil’ is not a word that holds a lot of weight with me, at least not the way I feel it’s commonly used, especially in stories. Some bully without any redeeming qualities beating someone up for a power trip is a common motif, but I don’t find it a compelling or useful model of how or why some people act shitty, or how to possibly fix it nonviolently. As something of a determinist, I don’t believe our decisions just pop out of a vacuum - rather, that they are informed by our experiences, which we react to in healthy or unhealthy ways depending on what we think we understand and what we want to protect.
Or at least I think that’s a nice idea, but I don’t know how practical it actually is. For instance, maybe there are actual people who are just idiots, cowards, or cruel and nothing more, and interacting with them in a good-faith manner is an entirely hopeless waste of our limited time - especially when those mofos are actively threatening people. “They’re complex people, too!” seems kind of irrelevant when they’re calling for killing those who disagree with them, for example.
Maybe I’m having trouble with this idea because I haven’t actually recognized such mind-numbing simplistic malice in anyone directly involved in my life. I’m starting to think I might be spoiled that way.
I also want to emphasize that I’m not even remotely claiming “Everyone is right in their own ways”. Some mofos out there are objectively incorrect. I’m currently convinced that we all think we’re right, but not that we all are. Or that even when we realize we’re wronging someone, we tend to spin narratives that twist the situation to make ourselves look better, or even like we’re “The Real Victims! D:” to justify and excuse something we may otherwise deem tragic.
What horrifies me (what I’ve witnessed) is when harm is done by people who think they’re doing the right thing, or that they’re justified, or that it’s normal. People who otherwise have potential to do good, making a selfish call out of fear, anger, apathy, a misplaced sense of righteousness, or even just a desperate and ill-advised attempt to feel seen or important. The ‘evil’ that scares me most is a loss of perspective that leads to (and justifies or excuses) tragedy. That loss of perspective, I also think, is a key part of what makes propaganda possible. Calling someone ‘evil’ is often intended to deface them and simplify them into a problem or obstacle to be rid of - no longer a complex individual, but a symbol of all that is wrong with the world - a bully or ‘monster’ without redeeming qualities. (Often represented as something “subhuman” that we supposedly don’t have to feel bad about killing.) An external threat to vanquish in favor of facing whatever horrible truth we’re running from, or what conditions led to people acting in these harmful, tragic ways. (And if we can understand those conditions, perhaps we can guard against them and hopefully even save some lives and change them for the better?) I think calling someone ‘evil’ is not only impractical (and useless when it comes to diagnosing why someone is behaving a certain way, or how to effectively either help them grow up or maybe at least help prevent them from causing more harm), I think it opens the door for otherwise good people to do horrific things, all the while avoiding the root of the problem, and calling themselves justified and heroic.
That’s part of why I’m so excited about Wizards. (Finally got to ToA!) I appreciated Arthur as an example of what’s familiar to me, and the kinds of thinking I want us to learn to recognize and avoid. His grief was relatable - we’ve all lost someone, and we all have people we want to protect. But it’s monumentally important that we don’t commit Arthur’s tragedy, and take our pain out on others. And it’s also important that we don’t dismiss the pain that others are struggling to cope with, as Arthur dismissed Morgana’s and the trolls’ when he called them evil. And part of why I genuinely like Arthur as a character (not just an antagonist) was that he came around and admitted that he was wrong, and wanted to repair the damage he did.
At least until his Green Knight chapter, the motivations of which I’m still unsure of. I’m not the sharpest crayon in the shed, but it seemed like a non sequitur to me... after a certain point. If you have some insight into what’s going on with him, I’m all ears. I’m a little worried I might just be projecting my issues again.
So far, here’s what I think I can glean: I relate to the lines “How can I be at peace when the world is still broken?” and “He awoke to a legacy of a violent and awful world.” I don’t want to get into the specifics of my own experiences, but I understand the horror of “waking up” to a horrifying reality, and the motivation to try to change it somehow. The all-consuming restlessness of it, and the inability to escape or reconcile it, and the constant, never-ending tension that slowly rips you apart and isolates you from everyone and poisons your faith in humanity because you’ve looked into the abyss so long you now recognize that it’s where you’ve lived all along. Because no matter what kind of new equilibrium you scramble for, the truth remains that terrible, unnecessary harm is being done, and will continue to be done (and justified and excused and even laughed at) by otherwise good people until we all die out - and that will be our legacy even as we continue to squawk empty platitudes about how intelligent and compassionate and special we are, and nothing makes any of that okay.
In my worst, most melodramatic moments, I even understand the ‘Let it all burn, if it can’t be saved’ mentality. But I don’t have a lot of patience for defeatism, so it’s not a mentality I can take seriously for long at all, and that’s where my understanding (if I may be so pretentious?) of the Green Knight stops. Because I know there are many others who have seen what I’ve seen and feel the same way I do, and believe that a better way is possible, however distant, and who have done loads more than I have to change it. And (perhaps more importantly) I know that even those who perpetuate some of the same harms I want to stop, and even crack jokes about it, are still good people who mean well, and have their own pains to cope with.
What I want is for us (and our heroes) to recognize when we are being dishonest or unfair, and to call ourselves out, even when it’s inconvenient (or when it feels impossible, like when we’re scared, angry, or hurt). I love and admire people who can face their feelings and uncertainties honestly, and I want to be like them, because I believe that’s the most important, constructive kind of courage there is, it’s part of growing into a stronger, kinder person, and this stupid world needs a lot more of that in it.
And I think the whole topic of Evil is connected to our fascination with violence, and those who are skilled at it. (Though I’m not here to say ‘Violence Bad’. I know it’s not that simple.) In some situations, no other method has a chance of saving you or those you want to protect, and if you find yourself in such a situation, it pays to be good at violence, and to have friends who are, too. The stakes are high, so it makes for great drama, and is prevalent in stories all over the world. This also makes it a rather dramatic delivery system for Justice - or the Retributive version, anyway. Retribution is visceral, and easily understood, and speaks to our instincts of promoting and preserving status (teaching others not to screw us over or They’ll Pay), and discouraging harmful behaviors by harming the perpetrators...
I consider myself a rehabilitationist. But I understand the draw of retribution. I really do. The vast majority of my intrusive thoughts revolve around it, in particularly violent manners. It’s not fun, and it doesn’t feel powerful, and it feels weird to me to see stories that portray it as powerful, rather than as a failure or a loss. I understand the emotional desire to punish someone who has hurt an innocent. But I also understand it to a degree that transcends its original feelings of righteousness, takes itself to eyebrow-raising extremes, and makes me sick. Retribution has been glorified all throughout our history, and it scratches a primal itch, and yes, sometimes it may be the only available answer in order to prevent further harm. (Rehabilitation requires far more resources than Retribution, often making it impractical or overly risky in contexts of scarcity. I think that’s a huge factor in why ideals like Law, Justice, and Decency break down in a lot of Post-Apocalyptic story environments. It’s not just that our sense of Order has collapsed, it’s that we no longer have the infrastructure to support the ideals that Order was established to protect - though I would Not say that our current “justice” system in the US is rehabilitative or even ethical, but that’s a whole other rant.) But beyond that, I don’t believe Retribution is practical or productive. I believe it’s tragically ironic, loses sight of context and systemic issues, lends false-credence to the idea that people are the way they are due to innate, immutable qualities rather than taking their environment and experiences into account, and as a result, opens the door for good people to, again, do and justify horrific things.
It’s a hard, brutal film to watch, but I recommend You Were Never Really Here. The violence in this film feels far more real than the violence I’ve seen in any other because they don’t dress it up, or make it flashy. It’s more like something you’d see in a hidden-camera documentary. And their honest treatment of it was a visceral reminder of what violence actually is.
It puts a gut-wrenching twist on the ‘revenge fantasy’ and what it actually means to watch someone suffer and die. Even someone who had it coming. There’s a painful empathy to this film in its treatment of the characters and all the rituals (harmful or not) they use to cope with the violence they in turn have suffered. And the climax of the film centers on the awful realization that, despite his efforts, the protagonist was unable to protect someone from violence, or having to inflict violence of her own - like him, she’s marked by it now, too. She absolutely did it in self-defense, but the fact that she had to do it is still tragic. She has to live and cope with it now, as he does. And in the final scene, there’s this hellish sense of separation between them as they are, and the comparatively bright, happy lives they might have lived if they had not had to go through such horrific experiences. It’s unstated, but there’s this intense feeling that they’re haunted. Like they can be near that bright, happy life, but never cross the veil to reach it, themselves. The film ends with the girl deciding to try and find some happiness anyway. (“It’s a beautiful day.”) It’s not a happy ending, but it’s a hopeful one. It’s not a Good Triumphs Over Evil story. It’s a painful confrontation with an awful reality, and the struggle to find a way to carry on somehow.
And that resonates. Because we all know to some degree or other what it’s like to confront something awful, something we can’t just deny or forget or reconcile, and to try to find some way to cope with it. That tension can be so painful that it’s understandable (but still not excusable) why people sometimes try to pin it all on a scapegoat - so they can take something insurmountable, and turn it into something they can fight and triumph over. It’s a form of processing our grief, but it’s unfair, dishonest, and harmful, and inflicts more grief on others.
Anyway, in this fanfic I’ve been puttering around on (and trying to explore these themes through), Jim tries to solve things non-violently (as he often tried to do in the show, which I really like). Someday/night, he might not have the option, or can’t see any other way out. He knows that he (or someone else) is being seen as an outlet for someone’s frustrations - they’re using him as a symbol to project their own problems and issues on - something external they can beat up and triumph over in place of something intangible.
If he’s going to fight this outlook, I think he has to understand it - on more than a theoretical level. He has to go there himself. Maybe he punches Steve after all. (Maybe in the 2nd draft - or maybe later in the current iteration.) And he hates it. He’s changed forever, but not the way he expected to be. He feels capable, and righteous, and he doesn’t regret standing up for Eli or himself, but he doesn’t feel good. Because even if it’s easier to just dismiss Steve as a bully, and even if it occurs to Jim to do that - and even if he can feel it viscerally for a moment, Jim isn’t going to lie to himself. He can still see what Steve is, past his own anger. Steve is lashing out because he feels wronged and powerless, and he’s acting like his dad because that’s who made him feel that way, and that’s who showed him how to deal with those same feelings. Steve is a kid trying to process what he’s been through. It’s easy to forget that when Steve is trying to beat Jim down - when Draal has been trying to beat him down, too - and he’s had enough of all these angry people twisting their ideas of him in their heads and taking their anger out on him. He fought back because he couldn’t see any other option for handling it, and Steve was not willing to give him one. But from this, Jim knows how it feels to be demonized (seen as a manifestation of someone’s problems, some enemy to vanquish). And it becomes monumentally important to him never to succumb to that way of thinking, himself.
He’s not a crusader. If he has to fight and hurt or kill someone, it’s not because he thinks they’re a manifestation of evil. It’s because he does not see any recourse in stopping them from hurting or killing others. To him, violence is a tragedy meant to prevent another tragedy. And whether that justifies it or not is a question he will have to carry.
A lot of the combat we see in media, I would classify as “action”, and not violence. The vast majority of the time, it’s a choreographed dance that’s fun to watch, full of cool stunts that look like they’d be fun to do. It’s more like competitive eye-candy than anything else.
It’s fun, and I like the idea of writing that, but only in the context of sparring, or play. I don’t even want to call those “fights” or make a distinction between those and a “real fight”, because fighting is violence, and I hope to write about violence as honestly as I can. That’s part of what I like and admire about a lot of Guillermo del Toro’s other works, too. It’s not a dance, and it’s not glorious*. It’s ugly, terrifying, and it hurts to watch, and it makes us worry for his characters all the more, because it forces us to acknowledge how vulnerable they really are.
*Or, glory as it’s often treated, I think. If there really is any glory to be had in real violence, I think it’s in the willingness to act in a crisis to protect others. Terror is notoriously paralyzing, so this is where the value of training comes in - as a kind of autopilot mode to fall back on, and suppress our panic in the moment. The emotional fallout and trembling will come after the crisis has passed, but in an emergency, not knowing what to do, and feeling helpless, can be one of the most devastating weapons against us.
Sparring and training can be a fun and exhilarating test of skill, where no one intends to maim or kill you. It’s completely different from fighting. In a fight, the goal is not to learn or grow or compete, the goal is to either kill someone, or hurt them so badly that they can’t try to hurt you (or anyone else) anymore (or enough to give you time to get away). It’s very stressful and often traumatizing. One wrong move will have lasting consequences, if you’re lucky enough to survive to put up with them. Even if you win, odds are, you’re going to get hurt - maybe permanently. It’s the visceral understanding that someone has decided to disassemble you, and the only way to stop them is to disassemble them first. It’s an ugly reminder of the components of our bodies, and how fragile they really are.
“There are better ways to finish a fight than punching someone in the face.”
I agree with this - there are better methods of conflict resolution, and we must use them. And I really like how Jim carried this forward in sparing Chompsky and Draal. But I also felt like Claire fundamentally failed to understand what she had witnessed (and maybe I’m the one who misunderstood). I just didn’t appreciate what I felt was a lecture from someone who didn’t get it. Not that I’d wish for her to get it - it’s a horrible position to be in. When someone is actively trying to hurt you, it’s hard as hell to remember those better ways, and there’s no guarantee that they would work - at this point, you have to get the attacker to stop quickly. Steve resisted all other attempts to defuse the situation, and I don’t think it’s fair to blame someone for fighting back.
“A hero is not he who is fearless, but he who is not stopped by it.”
But I’m also not going to put down someone who still seeks to defuse a situation, even despite the risks. That’s a huge gamble, and it requires a massive amount of courage and good faith in the other party, and it won’t always pay off. But when it works, I believe it can open up possibilities that might not otherwise exist, because to demonstrate good faith in someone is to demonstrate that you are Not The Enemy. I think Douxie demonstrated this marvelously with the Lady of the Lake in Wizards. He gave up the most powerful weapon he had - or what was left of it - to free Nimue rather than fight her when it looked like she was about to End everybody. Once he realized the truth of her situation, he took action to alleviate it - because he wasn’t going to beat up a prisoner, and he did not consider her imprisonment acceptable in the first place.
Jim is not a pacifist, in Trollhunters canon, or in the AU idea I’ve been messing with. He will fight to stop others from killing, and he might end up having to kill in the process if all other attempts fail. But (at least in this AU thing) he will see it as a tragic failure to bridge a gap. He refuses to succumb to the way of thinking that presents his opponents as evil, even if that would make it simpler for him to process their horrific actions. They’re living, complex beings, not symbols of everything wrong with the world. And often, the reason they’re trying to hurt others to begin with is because they have succumbed to that “seeing their opponents as evil” way of thinking, themselves. As Jim sees it in Building Bridges, that Lie is everyone’s greatest enemy. It’s part of what allows otherwise good people (like Arthur and Morgana) to do, justify, and condone horrific things.
He will fight if he must, but he will do his best to reach others first, to show them the truth, and try to find a way to effectively address whatever underlying pain is causing them to lash out. If Maria Edgeworth has a point about how “The human heart opens only to the heart that opens in return,” Jim will transcend “human” by taking the risk of opening his heart first (whether or not he also becomes a half-troll in this AU idea). I currently think that’s the most profound way to prove that “evil” view wrong.
This is not to say that he will do so incautiously. Jim takes his role as a protector seriously, and he will do what he must in service to that. But he sees potential in others, and values it. He’s not a saint, but he strives to be understanding and compassionate. And that’s damn hard work. It takes effort to be good, and to see the good in others, especially when you’re hurting.
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ty-talks-comics · 5 years
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Best of DC: Week of April 10th, 2019
Best of DC: Week of April 10th, 2019
Best of this Week: The Batman Who Laughs #4 - Scott Snyder, Jock, David Baron, Sal Cipriano
You will know terror.
Batman’s been infected by Joker’s heart toxin, Jim Gordon has been kidnapped and the Batman Who Laughs has been trouncing him at every turn. With no real options left and running out of time and sanity, Bruce dons the visor of The Batman Who Laughs to see things through his eyes. The only thing keeping him grounded s also the thought of seeing the world through the eyes of his kids, his Robins, especially Dick Grayson who had “circus eyes. Weightless, leaping, never falling.”
But Alfred, after seeing Bruce with the visor, takes it away and proceeds to fight him. Jock breaks my heart as Alfred fights with all that he can to keep his son from making a grave mistake and the tears falling down his cheek, with Batman’s hands around his throat, sells the desperation in both of them. The Batman Who Laughs is winning and the only way to defeat him is to think like him.
Meanwhile, The Batman Who Laughs tells the story of what made him snap and kill the Joker on his world, the Death of Jim Gordon. Heavily shadowed with an even heavier focus on his vibrant red lips, crooked/jagged teeth, with the words in their scratchy red font dripping with venom, The Batman Who Laughs weaves his tale with an almost terrifying glee. I feel the weight of his threats and I fear what he and The Grim Knight have planned for Gotham and Jim himself.
Batman, now searching the city for Dark Multiverse Metal energies, calls James Gordon Jr. hoping he’s found the waterway that TBMWL is planning to poison. James, also hoping to stop Batman from going down the path of darkness that he himself travels, asks if he has a contingency plan in case The Joker Toxin fully takes hold. We get a flashback to Batman checking Gotham’s water before being approached by the Joker and the two have a surprisingly heartfelt (ha) conversation. Joker wishes Batman good luck in taking on The Batman Who Laughs and reveals the reasons why his plans always fail.
Joker believes their eternal fight to be a game and believes that one day he’ll win, but doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want Batman to win either. He wants the game to go on and on and on. Each inset panel is absolutely creepy as Joker has one green eye and the position of it changes from panel to panel, growing or shrinking and getting brighter. Batman, asks Joker if he can pull the trigger if Batman does go over the edge, the two share a joke and fear runs down my spine.
The first time I finished reading The Killing Joke, seeing Batman laugh with the Joker during the villain’s one moment of lucidity was weird and uncomfortable. An infinite number of interpretations of what would happen afterwards or the grim implications weighed heavy on my mind and hindered my ability to sleep. This - seeing Batman shrouded in shadow, sharing a moment of madness with the Joker is even worse. There is no way this mini-series ends well with Batman coming out they same way he came in and Joker’s madness is contagious, it will leave a mark on Batman’s soul.
Batman makes his way to the Blackgate Penitentiary and meets with a guard whose history he seems to know well enough before the officer betrays him, telling the other guards that Bruce is the Batman Who Laughs. The guard then takes off his mask, revealing himself as The Batman Who Laughs and chilling my soul as we finally see his face.
This book is powerful. Jock’s art is haunting, Snyder’s writing is careful, measured, making Batman so sure of his abilities, but distressed when things go awry. Watching him slowly slip into madness is horrifying and the image of The Batman Who Laughs face is burned into my mind.
The is possibly one of the highest recommendations I can give. It is amazing, a perfect book!
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Hawkman continues to soar high as one of DCs best and most fleshed out heroes as his fight against the Deathbringers continues.
Runner Up: Hawkman #11 - Robert Venditti, Bryan Hitch, Andrew Currie, Jeremiah Skipper, Starkings and Comicraft
With his back against the wall in the last issue, Carter Hall reached deep inside himself and called all of his past selves forward so that he could have the strength to defeat the Deathbringer Armada, creating an Army of Hawkmen. In an absolutely amazing double-page spread, Hawkmen from different periods of time and erase all shot forth, hungry for battle and justice, ready to protect the world and end this invasion.
Bryan Hitch has drawn scenes like this throughout the series, but this time they're real and carry with them all of the regret, rage and strength that Carter has been carrying through his journey. Each Hawkman is distinct and this issues does a good job of showcasing Hawkman through his almost 80 years of publication. Silent Knight of Britain was epic, Catar-Ol of Krypton was as powerful and as regal as the old Kryptonians and Nighthawk of the Old West was a badass gunslinger as he took out many Deathbringers. Katar Hol, in a costume mixing the original helmet design with the uniform of a Thanagarian police officer, appeared. Freaking Prince Khufu Maat Kha-tar of Egypt, one of the first origins for Hawkman, realized his true purpose in the battle.
Not only did heroic versions show up to help in the effort, but even monsters like The Dragon of Barbatos appeared to turn the tide, mowing down waves of enemies. Seeing even this version return as a force for good shocked me because of the damage the monster almost helped to cause to the Multiverse and he just looked so threatening, imposing an cool as hell!
While all of that is going on, Carter is in the middle of battle with his former friend, Idamm, in on of the best action scenes Hitch has drawn thus far. Carter lets loose all of his regret, his shame and epically defeats Idamm, impaling him with the Deathbringer Spear. Carter’s muscles ripple, the pain in his face is prevalent and he stands tall, heroic and mournful that he had to kill his former friend. Or did he?
Idamm, having been stuck in the Abyss with their death god for god knows how long has changed, become unkillable. As the Hawkmen fall one by one and Carter himself is bested by Idamm, he remarks that this moment between them is how all of this started and is also where it should end. Idamm, instead of killing him outright, readies the Deathbringers to destroy the Earth, bringing Hawkman to the endgame.
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This issue was phenomenal. The same way that Robert Venditti helped in the later era of Green Lantern, post Geoff Johns, by revitalizing the character, he’s given new life and purpose to Hawkman. I will admit, I used to hate Hawkman for being an almost useless character overshadowed by Hawkgirl, but this series has turned all of that around. He has depth, a new and wonderful history with a better villain that those in his past. Bryan Hitch brings the pain with every panel with expressive body language, great scenery and composition along with the wonderful way that he draws each Hawkman to make them look especially unique and cool in their own right, but also being distinctly Carter Hall.
Admittedly some of the colors feel a bit flat here and there, but with the amount of detail he puts into every scene, not all of them can be perfect, but when they are, they certainly go past the mark. I can’t wait for the next issue and I really hope that it’s not the final and that Hawkman’s story continues being told and if it is the last, well what a ride it has been!
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recentanimenews · 5 years
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Get In The Robot: Neon Genesis Evangelion's Complicated Protagonist
Neon Genesis Evangelion has finally been given a license for worldwide distribution, and blazes to homes and screens via Netflix today! First debuting in 1995, this timeless classic tells the tale of a world following a mysterious cataclysm, and the young pilots sent out to fight against an oncoming invasion that threatens humanity’s existence. While it starts out as a typical chosen hero and giant mecha anime, it very quickly spirals into something far darker and more sinister than anyone could’ve expected. The tone of the show certainly gets bleaker, and this is particularly done so through the slow emotional breakdown of its main character, Shinji. 
      I didn’t quite understand Shinji when I was younger because like everyone else, I also wanted to be a hero. I had been fed a steady diet of larger than life heroes who always rise to the occasion, who are unafraid and are willing to push through whatever dangers are thrown at them. Protagonists who are traditional heroes, and strive to do the best, help their friends, save the day, save the world. They are always ready to fight what they believe in, and put their lives on the line. So when presented with Shinji Ikari, who is mostly defined by his unwillingness to step up to the plate, I ended up feeling rather confused and somewhat annoyed. Why wouldn't he get in the robot? What's not to love about fighting giant monsters? It's a fun fantasy, at least until it's framed with a sense of reality.
      Everyone wants to be a hero, everyone wants to say that they have the capability to save the world. It’s a delight to have the knowledge that you’re special, that you in some way, are more unique than everyone else. If asked whether you would save the world, most people would probably say that of course they would, without question. Still, that is just a public answer—would people answer the same if nobody was around to hear their true answer? Being a hero, shouldering the burden of having to save everyone is a massive responsibility, one that’s frightening and daunting. To be willing to die for a greater cause isn’t such an easy thing to do, especially not as easy as our beloved heroes make it look. How easy is it to stake your life for an intangible cause, for people who may or may not care about you? Not very—and this is me speaking as an adult. To ask the same and do that as a teenager, when you are perpetually confused, is even harder.
  Shinji isn’t a charismatic hero; far from it. He is fairly passive, mostly spurred into action when he has no other choice. He is largely motivated by guilt and fear, especially when facing the Angels, gargantuan monsters that defy all human logic and expectations. What Shinji wants to do most is run; run from his problems, run from responsibility. It may be a cowardly action, but in the end, he’s afraid of having this weight on his shoulders, and would rather someone, anyone, do it instead of him. Except unfortunately, that’s not possible, and Shinji is forced to do his duty, for better or for worse. The position of being forced into a role you want nothing to do with isn’t a glamorous one, and it’s not unfamiliar either. That is what a fair chunk of adult life is, and as detestable as it is, getting into the robot becomes routine. It's something that has to be done, all the time, whether we like it or not, even if we'd rather just sit back and let other people solve our problems. 
    It isn’t just his duty that causes Shinji to falter, but his slide further into depression. Everything is too overwhelming to him, from maintaining personal relationships to maintaining himself, and it isn’t an easy watch. That someone like that could be the show’s protagonist, the supposed hero, being so flawed and at the forefront seems ridiculous—at least until you realize you have mental health issues of your own. As do many of your peers, and an increasing amount of people in your generation, then the helplessness doesn't feel so foreign anymore. It’s common knowledge that Hideaki Anno, who was the major creative force behind the show, was suffering from major depression, one that only got worse as the series went on. This could not be more prevalent in the characters and how they struggle with the circumstances, but especially in Shinji. Shinji's descent into worsening depression is ugly, it's flawed, it nearly drowns him and the people he cares about many times. It's a mirror, and sometimes it shows the worst reflection there is.
  At the same time, as the surreal ending posits, not everything is hopeless. Depression isn’t an abyss that one drowns in forever; there are ways to reposition yourself. Unfortunately, that requires coming to terms with some painful truths, truths that are necessary to overcome. Nobody is going to come along and solve Shinji's problems for him, not when they have lives and issues of their own. Nobody is going to appear to save him. At the same time, that doesn't mean the world is hopeless, and that Shinji himself is either. He exists, and existing itself is a kind of force to be reckoned with, even though it isn't easy to keep living on. He has value, and that value exists within him—the world can never give him something that he has to bring out from himself. A harsh, but comforting message for those struggling in the same abyss.
    Shinji is complicated, but it doesn’t mean he’s a bad lead. His journey is one that we can all sympathize with, as ugly as it is. He may not be a hero, but he is the protagonist and the audience surrogate, one that reflects some unpleasant truths that we might not want to all face. He is the protagonist of the series, and it's through his eyes we see this disaster unfold—and he's an oddly fitting choice for that role.  
    What are your thoughts on Shinji? Do you love him, hate him, or empathize with his struggles? Let us know in the comments!
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Noelle Ogawa is a contributor to Bubbleblabber and Cup of Moe. She can be found on Twitter @noelleogawa.
  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!
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