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notdiabolika · 2 days

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Sakamakis Defend Their S/O From Bullying.

Whatever may have happened, they're here for you. Kind of.

[Português]

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“Oi, chichinashi, where ya think you're going?”

He’s probably the one who started it, being someone who likes to make fun of others. But he realizes it went too far when others joined and you left the room without saying anything. He'd try to go after you and say sorry.

“Y’know, if it bothers you that much I won't do it again. Only if you're asking for it. I'll take care of whoever tries to go too far with you...”

"I'll take care" translates to "nose punching".

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“Nfu, you make such a kawaii face when you're upset.”

He's taking advantage of the fact you're vulnerable to slide his arms around you, mess with your hair and tease, most likely trying to distract and make you pay attention to >him<. The only difference from Laito’s usual behavior is that, actually, he takes this more seriously than he's letting on.

Out of nowhere, it appears that one of the people who made fun of you all of a sudden had a super dirty secret released to the public!

“Eh? I wonder who did that… ♪”

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“…”

Oh. These people don't know who they're messing with. They can feel Kanato’s stare piercing through their souls, but most likely will only whisper something about him being weird. Once given the chance, he'll pull you closer and suck your blood pretty aggressively – he’s incredibly upset.

“How dare they talk like this?! You're my doll. Can't they see it?”

He'll need a lot to calm down. If something like that happens again, you can expect him throwing around your bully’s stuff and screaming a lot.

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“Haa… have you all ran out of better things to do?”

He's usually so quiet, so when he suddenly opens his eyes and starts defending you, it isn't a surprise to find out everyone goes silent. He wouldn't bring up the subject again, but if you did talk to him about it, he’d smile a bit teasingly.

“What? I simply decided to respond since you weren't doing anything. Don't mistake it for kindness. I'm a vampire after all. If you want to pay me back, maybe give me a sip of your blood.”

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“... Shut up!”

A straight punch to their face and Subaru is now in detention and/or receiving a scolding from Reiji. He didn't think nor hesitate as soon as everyone started laughing and you were left keeping your head down. Of course, he'll still blatantly deny that he cares about you, but it’s getting clearer.

“Don’t get the wrong idea! They were asking for a punch on their face anyway. I-it’s not about you, so don’t be so damn selfish!”

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“I believe some students are in need of serious reprimand.”

Normally, he wouldn't care much about bullying, but he will intervene if it's getting more common and out of hand. Reiji has a lot of influence in Ryoutei Academy. He builds his image around being proactive and serious, so if he tells something should stop, it will stop. A lot of people respect or fear him by his attitude alone.

“Don't worry, it won't happen again. But I suppose that if such a pattern repeats itself, we might have some students expelled very soon.”

(shameless redesign from my Instagram not_so_diabolik_lovers)

#diabolik lovers #diabolik lovers fandom #diaboliklovers #sakamaki brothers #diabolik lovers headcanon #ayato sakamaki #ayatosakamaki #laito sakamaki #laitosakamaki #kanato sakamaki #shu sakamaki #shusakamaki #reiji sakamaki #reijisakamaki

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daydreamalley · 1 day

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A Ramble about Phase 19 of the Fifteen Manga Ft. Storm Bringer spoilers

Just absolutely cannot get over the 15 manga. I love the light novel so much, but this manga adaptation is so ridiculously amazing. Dazai and Chuuya’s proximity/touching has been amazing of course. I adore the way Hoshikawa draws Dazai and Chuuya as well (my baby boys, especially Chuuya). But these last two chapters with Rimbaud and Verlaine. Like, fuck. The whole “At least, one of them felt that way,” part just hits so much harder in the manga for me, with the art and page placement. And this whole most recent chapter. Like firstly, you don’t have to end every chapter with like Chuuya getting stabbed okay, help me out here.

Comparing the last page of phase 18 with Verlaine and the first page of phase 19 with Chuuya makes it so obvious that Rimbaud is seeing the similarities between them with just that parallel, which is confirmed later with Rimbaud quite literally seeing Verlaine standing behind Chuuya.

Not to mention in phase 18 the “That’s right Paul, I remember you,” in conjunction with him seeing Verlaine in Chuuya.

Then that flashback with Verlaine carrying Chuuya and Chuuya’s just so small I could cry.

Like, I knew he was small, but he's just so young, I can't. People were experimenting on him. Like, how??

The way Rimbaud wants to ask Chuuya something and Chuuya crouches down to him. Which leads to Rimbaud putting a hand around Chuuya as he tells him to live. How close and personal they are when Rimbaud says all of this just make it feel so much more impactful for Chuuya. Kinda love too that Chuuya isn't just standing over Rimbaud. He's making it obvious he's open to listening.

Rimbaud says a lot of shitty things to Chuuya up to this point, even complaining that he has to kill a kid while only referring to Dazai, completely not acknowledging Chuuya as anything more than Arahabaki. But once he fully remembers what happened with Verlaine, I feel like that’s when Rimbaud remembers what he truly believed about Verlaine and his humanity and how that extends to Chuuya’s humanity. Because Rimbaud’s whole final speech is most definitely things he’d also thought of or told Verlaine before (as I think is confirmed in SB). I think those are Rimbaud’s true thoughts and beliefs on the matter, it just took that long for him to remember the full story and how he felt about it all. Rimbaud saw Verlaine’s struggles with humanity, and now he also remembers why Verlaine betrayed him. And so he tells Chuuya to live, just as Verlaine wanted him to back then, live without the burden of worrying about your humanity or where you came from, because “you are you.” It doesn’t matter if Chuuya (and Verlaine) “are but a pattern etched on the surface of raw power.” In Rimbaud’s mind, and honestly where we eventually end up at the end of SB, is that it really doesn’t matter what your origins are, whether someone is an artificial personality (aka pattern) etched onto raw power, because really everything is some version of a pattern upon the world. And in a word with abilities, a lot of people are a pattern connected to a power. Just as in SB Chuuya decides that even though Adam isn’t human and he knows it, it doesn’t take away from Adam’s actions, his sacrifices, or his dreams. Same goes for Chuuya and Verlaine. Their origins don't affect how human they truly are. Their humanity is significant no matter what. It just took a bit more convincing for Chuuya to get there, a little more than what Rimbaud could offer on his (almost) deathbed.

Anyway, Chuuya holding Rimbaud’s hand as he dies just does things to me. Like, the book described that “Both Chuuya and Dazai quietly listened as if there was something in what Randou (Rimbaud) was saying that they couldn’t allow themselves to miss… Some things, however, would not return to normal: the body of a man who no longer felt the cold, and the hearts of two boys who stood rooted to the spot, staring at him. A gust of wind peered through their souls as it passed them by.”

This page just so well depicts that last line. It truly feels these boys have heard something so monumental, that they won’t ever forget. Standing in the aftermath of their first fight together, hearing these words about humanity that both mean so much to both of them. Dazai’s expressions really convey this to me in the manga, and convey it just so beautifully. And Chuuya being so close to Rimbaud when he speak those words just makes it feel like those words truly are so monumental for him. And also this means that Chuuya fought to kill a man, that to be entirely fair and clear was trying to kill him first, and then held to his hand as he dies, and there’s just something about this added detail that’s so significant to me in portraying the weight of it on Chuuya. Chuuya's connection to Rimbaud is a complicated but important one. But really these words are important for both boys, because let’s not forget that Dazai also struggles with his humanity. Even if he doesn’t have a physical reason to doubt his humanity, like Chuuya, there are many other reasons that he does doubt it. So hearing that all people and all of humanity are really just patterns within the physical world, human or not that’s true of everyone and everything, and that’s important for Dazai to hear too. I think both boys think back to Rimbaud’s final speech quite a bit, if I’m being honest or did for a while.

I am NOT getting over the detail that someone (Chuuya??) put Rimbaud’s scarf on his grave. I just… it does something to me and I love that detail so much. And cutting back to that “You are you” line while Chuuya’s talking to the grave is just so perfect in my opinion, and again just shows the significance of it so, so well. It’s like, he's talking to Rimbaud, complaining about his actions really, and then it cuts to that “you are you” and it just shows almost the contrast I guess between Chuuya feeling unrest at not finding stuff about his past that Rimbaud could’ve given him, but maybe wouldn’t have anyway, and Rimbaud’s statement that those things don’t matter because Chuuya is who he is beyond all that. Also the little dandelion blowing into the wind, to me also signifying a wish being spread.

Anyway, entirely unnecessary to end the chapter with a big knife in Chuuya’s back, thanks. Especially after Chuuya mentions how he’s still exhausted from everything. Like let’s just, stop, please.

He's just a boy, leave him alone for the sake of all things good.

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awingedinsect · 3 days

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-Flood me like Atlantic-

Chapter 11

Full series

Word count: 2.2k

Warnings: TRAUMA. Processing grief. De@th and loss of loved ones. Descriptions of g0re. This one was a bit difficult to write but it’s an important addition, and something you’ve all been waiting for MIGHT just be at the end! enjoy :)

He remembers that moment.

The way the beach got suddenly so quiet.

How when he looked up from his notebook, he couldn’t see a little head playing in the shallow waves.

He remembers how he ran. The way the wet sand churned under his feet as he called her name, running down the shore.

How the dark waves felt enveloping him, fighting his body off, like it wasn’t welcome in the water; trying to break his bones as his voice got hoarse from screaming.

He couldn’t believe it, he couldn’t believe it…

“I don’t believe it.” II Whispers, eyes dilated and hollow. He sits on the end of his bed, not even looking up at Vessel in the doorway.

“I don’t believe it…”

“II? Can I come in?” Vessel speaks softly, though his lanky frame is a bit stiff. His hands fidget in the front of his hoodie.

II’s wet eyes flick up at him, red lips parting in a tragic shape. He nods.

Vessel steps quietly inside, closing the door till it’s open just a sliver like he found it.

II’s room is plain. Mainly a grey palette, with a few posters and cassette tapes littered around. Clothes are piled up on top of the dresser and the bed is unmade.

He’s been locked up in here, since last night when he saw the news. III and IV had both initially followed him in, trying to console him behind the closed door as Vessel stood outside, helpless.

II was crying.

And he knew he wasn’t supposed to help.

Now, Vessel settles down on the bed next to him, not saying a word. His head is bowed, eyes staring into space for a few beats before nervously flitting over at the drummer.

“…How you holding up?”

II sniffles, wiping his face. He sighs. “I dunno, Vess. I’m fine. I just can’t…” he looks up at him now, those big red eyes almost pleading. “Did you see what he looked like?”

Vessel did.

How could he forget? The image is now burned into his head as permanently as the symbol behind his bangs. Matt’s body, stretched out on the rotten floor of the house. The candles surrounding him, melted into puddles that seeped up around his blue skin and mingled with the blood dripping from the marks on his chest.

Patterns that lace Vessel’s own body.

Venus is dead.

He had to tell himself that over and over again, all night and all morning. She’s dead.

…isn’t she?

Vessel’s hand slips out of his pocket, tentatively moving to II’s knee.

“I know what you’re going through.” He says. “…grief is the toughest pill there is, I think. I wish I could fix it, II.” There’s a desperation in his voice, a little crack that he tries to hide. “…You don’t deserve it.”

“Who could’ve done that to him?” II’s voice is choked again. “Fuckin carved him like an animal.” His eyes meet Vessel’s, and go hollow. “…Did someone try to do that to you?”

Vessel swallows.

He still hasn’t told any of them the story. About Venus, about what happened that night. But he knows they’ve all been thinking about it since the photograph flashed on the tv.

It’s about time he told someone.

“…I dunno if it’s connected.” His voice is low, threatening to get bumpy. “But… you remember that girl who walked up at the bar? At the Blacklit room?”

II nods, confusion in his face. But he lets him continue. “Well, she texted me, about a week after the accident. Had me meet her at the sight. And she… well, she drugged me.”

II’s eyes go wide. “You telling me she did all that to you?” II looks horrified.

“…when I woke up she and her friends had me tied down.” Vessel’s lashes flutter, blinking away a bit of dew that’s gathering. “And then she… got on me. Told me I was some kind of offering, then got her knife out.”

II is silent. They both are for some time.

“…I think she’s dead, II.” Vessel says. “I dunno all that happened, I blacked out again. But she was gone and I… could just feel it.”

He wasn’t about to launch into the whole story. To be honest, he’d kick him out of the house too if he brought up Sleep. Though maybe one day they’ll be able to understand.

“I could be wrong.” He says. “She might still be out there. But no matter what, we’ll get justice for Matthew… I promise.”

Vessel almost thinks he hears the floorboards creak outside the door. He turns his head only for a moment, but II stays still. The drummer bows his head.

“…I loved him, I think.” He whispers. So quiet that it’s barely heard. So soft that Vessel knows it’s only halfway meant to be said; a confession for himself.

“Did you?”

“…maybe. I don’t know. I’ve known him since we were kids, on and off… never was able to shake the feeling that maybe I wanted him more than I had him. But it doesn’t matter now, does it? He’s fuckin dead.”

The words drill straight into Vessel’s chest like a knife. Oh, II…

The water choked him, salt burning his eyes as he swam out into the deep. He couldn’t see anything. Couldn’t hear anything but the water. It dragged on his clothes, trying to swallow him just so it could spit him out.

Vessel’s eyes glaze over, wondering off to a different plane. “…I had a sister, once.”

II looks up at him, blinking. “…not anymore?”

The words come out of his mouth like breathing. Like breathing with lungs full of water and a head full of so many memories it’s about to overflow.

“…I was sixteen.” He continues. “Wasn't supposed to happen, you know?” His voice breaks on the last word, and his throat ties in a knot. He hasn’t talked about it in years. “Just one day and… I lost her. I was supposed to watch her, to make sure she stayed close. I looked away for only a minute.”

II’s face is even paler as he listens, hands knotted in his lap. His eyes are wide as saucers and more intense than Vessel has ever seen them, though he barely dares to take his own off the opposite wall.

He clears his throat, swiping his cheek with a sigh. “…the point is, she gave me a keyboard for my birthday. That same day. She got to hear me play it, said she loved it… she always loved to listen. I was just teaching her how to play the piano that month… She was a natural.” His eyes are full now, lips quivering. But there’s a point to all of this, and he’s gotta see it through.

“Matt was a drummer, yeah?”

II nods, scrunching his hands in his jeans.

“Means he’s not all gone. He’ll be with you now, when you play. In the music and the sound. Just like she’s in the keyboard, and in every the piano. We keep playing for them.”

His hand climbs to II’s shoulder, squeezing softly. “To keep their sound alive.”

II sniffles, nodding. “…thank you.” he says, hunching into Vessel. He wraps his arms around his waist, disappearing into his side like a little shadow. Vessel isn’t sure what to do at first, wet eyes blinking away the fog now that he’s being held. His arms wrap slowly around his friend, hugging him like he hasn’t hugged anyone in awhile.

They sit like that for a few minutes. Neither of them say a word, and neither of them cry anymore. It’s a sacred moment suspended in time and memory that Vessel makes sure to lock away and not forget.

After awhile they part, and Vessel leaves for the door.

“Vess?” II’s voice follows after him. He turns, raising his brows.

“What ever happened to your keyboard?”

The drummer asks. “You still got it somewhere, right?”

Vessel shuffles his feet, fingers gripping the brass doorknob.

“…It was in the motel I was staying in before everything.” He says, swallowing hard. “Probably confiscated, by now. But it’s alright. Maybe it’ll turn up in a pawnshop one of these days, huh?” He tries to smile, for II’s sake. But they both know it’s forced.

II nods, knotting his hand in the bedspread. “Yeah, probably, mate.”

As Vessel walks out, his head turns down the hallway just in time to see III’s door close softly shut.

He hadn’t even heard him.

•••

The house is quiet.

More quiet than usual.

Vessel stands in the kitchen, hand splayed on the counter as he downs a glass of water. His eyes are unfocused, flitting lazily out the window at the pitch darkness and the kitchen reflected in it, trying to gather his thoughts.

Where had he gone?

IV and II are both in their rooms still, having gone to bed hours ago. The sun will be up in an hour or two. But Vessel only managed to grab a bit of sleep before getting up to pace the night away, mind turning sluggishly over the events of the past few days and how they might correlate to III’s sudden disappearance.

“Does he do this often?” He had asked IV as the sun was setting and the bassist was still nowhere to be seen. He hadn’t said he was going anywhere, or even that he had something he needed to do. IV shrugged. “Sometimes… not a lot. But don’t sweat it, I’m sure he’s fine. If he’s not here for breakfast I’ll try calling him again.”

Vessel rubs his eyes, blinking hard. His head still hurts from that bit of an emotional display with II earlier since, honestly, he hasn’t cried in a good long while. And even then, it was hardly a sob fest.

But it certainly could have been.

”If you’ve gotta be sad, why don’t you write about it?” He can hear her say. “Make a song about being sad. That way, when people hear it, maybe it’ll make them happy they’re not alone!”

He closes his eyes, dropping his head back as his fingers tap slowly over the edge of the cold counter. Back and forth… Hands arched… If he listens carefully, he can hear the notes.

A tear slides down his cheek.

Suddenly he hears something down the hall. His eyes flick open, turning around as his fingers go still.

He sets his glass down.

“II?” He whispers, passing by the drummer's door and going straight to the sliver of light pouring out of III’s. He doesn’t remember it being open.

Reaching for the knob, he pushes it quietly and peers inside.

III’s not here.

Nothing is out of the ordinary, the stained glass lamp casting a soft glow over the aesthetically pleasing mess. And yet his heart drops to the floor the second his eyes land on the middle of the bed.

There’s no fucking way. That’s not possible, is it?

An unmanageable frown starts growing on his mouth as he steps inside, hands reaching shakily for the familiar row of pearly white keys. They’re a little scratched, the black surface aged and feeling oddly bare of a white bow.

But it’s perfect.

He presses down a single note, the delicate sound settling into his bones.

“-it’s tuned.”

He turns around, eyes blinking hazily at III in the doorway.

“What?” His voice is half stolen. “How did you- where did you…”

III steps inside, doc martins and a long suit jacket not detracting from the bags under his eyes. He looks exhausted. He wanders closer to Vessel, looking down into his eyes and not stopping, finally. Those long lashes flutter as he looks over him, casting shadows down his cheeks.

His lips part. “…It’s tuned.”

Vessel’s arms are around him before he can stop himself, and III returns the gesture like it’s the simplest thing in the world. Like holding him was something he was always meant to do, and that all he needed was the proper time.

“Thank you.” Vessel chokes into his shoulder, hands clawing up the back of the jacket. “T-thank you.”

III’s hands spreads in the back of the singer's hair, holding him tight enough to suffocate him and not showing any sign of letting go.

“I’m sorry.” He breathes.

And that’s it.

…And that’s more than Vessel ever needed to hear from him.

He was spat out. Left on the shore, rejected by the sea and all that it contained. He was desperate. Alone. Made to wander and wonder why he wasn't fit for the same tomb as her, after all.

He waited on the beach, praying to the water. Spreading his hands in the foam and asking it, simply, why.

But it had no answer, and neither did anything else. Not his mother, not one of the flyers in the waiting room a month later. Not a god.

Though he had this insatiable desire; To claw down his mothers heaven, and make sure that the girl was in there. If there was ever a reason for heaven to be real, it was so that she’d be put in it and sheltered forever. Whether or not it was best. Whether or not he’d ever be able to reach her, in the end.

“Let the tide carry you…” his hands draw the sounds out of the freshly tuned keyboard, nodding his head slowly to the music. It’s alive again.

“…back to me.”

Tags: @thevenomousseprent @moonlit-valkyrie @mmendez0124 @yourviscera @rain-down-on-me @xzero01

#vessel #vessel sleep token #sleep token fanfiction #sleep token iii #sleep token #sleep token ii #sleep token iv #iii sleep token #jennifers body #jennifer’s body au #sleep token vessel

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kit-screams-into-the-abyss · 2 years

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turts in skirts :}

#rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise donnie #rise leo #rise raph #rise mikey #not enough turts in skirts art on the internet. i am being the change i wish to see in the world #using my artist powers for good #i don't know much about fashion i just drew fits that Vibed #figuring out donnie and mikey's getup was so easy #raph's was a bit more difficult but also easy #and then leo's was ??? i have no idea why this guy gave me so much trouble??#redrew his dress like 6 times and recolored him an equal amount of times #it worked out in the end. happy with the result :)#especially mikey's!! with the patterns and colors and stuff #don't question how the clothes fit on with the shells and all. don't do it #edit: i can't believe i wrote my own username wrong. eh it's close enough #kit does an art

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countess-of-edessa · 5 months

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the thing about taking advice from anyone on tiktok or instagram including catholic and christian type influencers, parenting advice, relationship advice, etc, or internalizing any stories of horrible relationships and betrayal people tell on those platforms, or reading about all the ways interpersonal relationships can end horribly and be cycled through extremely quickly on those platforms is that you are necessarily then consuming the thoughts and experiences of someone who is willing to put their face and name on a public social media platform to talk at you. and like 1% of those people have a good reason for doing so and the other 99% are completely unhinged. so everything you’re consuming has first gone through the filter of "is this person weird and insane enough to make Instagram reels of themselves crying?" and if the answer is yes maybe their advice doesn’t apply to your life because you’re a normal person who would not do that.

#i don’t know if this makes sense but it’s something i was thinking about today #not that i really live my life according to Instagram reel advice but as a human being when i see something stated as fact i naturally seek #out the parts of it I believe or compare it to my current worldview #and when that person seems to have a lot of “clout” for discussing spiritual things….idk sometimes I’m like wait is this true? should i #believe this? and other times I’m like well is this a real pattern of behavior that can be observed in many people from different walks of #life including my own? this thing that all men do or all women do or the way all couples will eventually behave #this makes it sound like i am constantly on social media consuming hours of content which im really not #I’ll be on a train and scroll a little bit and something gets stuck in my craw #but with me I’m always like am i rationalizing this away because i don’t want it to resonate?#and I think in the case of anything on social media the answer can almost always be no #because im like wait. why would i take advice from someone who has a public Instagram account #im not saying a stopped clock isn’t right twice a day but really how much of my perspective and life experiences can they share in #when we have this totally totally mismatched worldview #(i mean this also applies to basically anyone offering any type of life advice who isn’t catholic about that)#(but when they are Catholics doing this that gives me slightly more pause for obvious reasons I’m like we are on the same team though?)#(and we are but only kind of and i do not have to listen to you because being an Instagram influencer is still cringe in 99% of cases.)

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sakhafa · 4 months

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something I’m realizing is I’m struggling with setting real proper intentions for whatever I’m doing…it’s definitely something I’ve been trying to work on but especially now as the new year is upon us it’s making me think

#like I’ve known for a hot min that I gotta b intentional ab things but like…hm what does that mean #gonna explore that concept a bit more & work on that #& also like. fixing my intentions #like I’ll do something and be like yea I gotta do this bc it’s what I believe in & what I need to do etc etc #& then my mind wanders off and is like ‘oh ur also gonna meet the loyl hère’ ‘oh ppl will think so highly of u when u do this’#& like I hate that I have these thought patterns and idk how to stop!!!!! but I need to fr lol #I just keep thinking ab the ‘actions are only by their intentions’ hadith….it guides me a lot but I think I need to do some more work here

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outer-edges · 4 months

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just discovered cockney rhyming slang and i am SO obsessed with this i wish it didn't sound absolutely ridiculous in american english because it is right up my alley i LOVE doings that make my speech borderline incomprehensible

#me shortening the acronym “tbh” to teebs 💙#god do i just turn a bit cockney because that would be hilarious #still hands down the worst sentence i've ever uttered in my life has to be “B-to the-R-to the-B ive got to go to the bat-tuh-tuh-troom”#translated: ill be right back im going to the bathroom #like the BRB part is understandable obviously but bat-tuh-tuh-troom is next level butchering of the english language #u know that experiment or whatever where they wouldnt speak to kids because they thought theyd learn how to speak enochian #the language of god or whatever #well i fully believe that if i didnt speak to anyone for the next year i would have formed a completely different dialect #i already have such a strange way of speaking #i know it doesn't come across on here because i dont use the affected vocal patterns when i write #but i regularly say things like “cellular technology”#“lavatory facilities”#TBH #BRB #holy cannoli #jeez louise #compound words i sometimes just say the first word and the first letter of the second word #ex. door-d #(doordash)#i unnecessarily add “sh” to the beginning of words #also the suffix a-rooney #that gets added to a lot of things #phrase that regularly leaves my mouth #ooo is there a little dub-a-rooney action going on in here?”#(translation: ooo are you playing fortnite?")#can't forget all of the shortening i do to words #BASICALLY I DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH

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myrfing · 1 year

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you ever give someones video essay you sort of disagree with a shot and then You still disagree with them. Thats crazy

#she said Us was a movie about middle class fears of the envy of the working class. which yes. but no. but that like.#it cant be about the working class because of its depiction of them as growling horror villains #which. also removing the aspect of. the tenderness and understanding in the film between the protagonist and the supposed antagonist #and the narrative weirdness that makes you question who is who and who was there first being a thing #to feed into the argument that contempt is the sublimation of envy and Explains a lot about society.com #anyway this is just one part of the video and other bits actively spun the is this ME question i kept afloat while watching it #but is it the truth that envy drives moralistic thinking just because it sounds more self aware and enlightened 6_9 #after all even before religion and before masters and slaves people did have a sense of good or bad #based more around pain pleasure and functionality right #and can envy explain the contempt of people who dont want what they contempt.#i think its easy for some people in some positions to say like oh well they’re just envious and lying to themselves to feel better about it #and it’s hard for these same people to imagine i guess the depth of a contempt without desire. they must not truly hate me #they only want what I have and bemoan their lack of it.#but does everyone want the same thing. i.e. if you are disgusted by extravagance consumption opulence whatever is it always just envy #if you believe wealth and excess power robs everyone within it of something you actually desire #or is that just envious self-delusion. who knows #in this way of thinking some things are never possible or mutable because once the tables are turned and the envious desire is fulfilled #then people only will ever become corrupt because the substance of it always mattered less than emotional gratification #which maybe has been the pattern but is that it is that just ze human condition forever #?_?. i get the video wants to focus so it discards a lot of these things but i just dont think they can be extricable #also she said flaunting wealth is an american phenomenon LMAO. I was chinese once #also that black swan was about the sublimation of envy into artistic perfection (yes) but also not about the humanity it robs #in the proccess.

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taardisblue · 1 year

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#i should have gone into fucking acting bc apparently I’m goddamn Oscar level #just got told I would be given additional responsibilities on the pilot perimeter #bc ‘clearly you’re having a blast with it’#which is just. mhhm. mhhm.#unless ‘having a blast with it’ means ‘hating it so much it occasionally makes me want to die’#then I must be doing one hell of a fucking job on my poker face during our briefings for him to think that #i did freeze up a bit when he said it as evidenced by the slightly awkward silence that followed but well #i didn’t break into hysterical sobbing/laughter when he said it which is already impressive and like #I haven’t actually done theatre in years so yk I can cut myself some slack on that #but yeah. the one perimeter I actually did vaguely enjoy working on (by which I mean it doesn’t make me want to stab a pen through my eye)#is getting cut #and the one that actively Does make me revert to thought patterns I worked very hard to leave behind #is getting multiplied and actively delegated entirely To Me #good times. love living and being alive and getting up in the morning.#.txt #next challenge: two day business trip where I will have to continue conning everyone on my team into believing #that I somehow Am the competent and well adjusted person (they think) they’ve been working on #it’s a relatively easy image to maintain when it’s all teams calls and strategically switched off cameras #it’s going to be trickier in person from 8 am to 10 pm for two days nonstop #ah well. in the meantime. back to it I suppose #don’t mind the morning angsting on your dash I just need to put this somewhere #it’s part of the ‘not breaking into vaguely concerning hysteria during meetings’ process #working with* not on

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neverendingford · 24 days

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Re tag talk - How do you practice reducing your startle response? I have a really bad startle response that I want to change but I have no idea where to even start

oooh hi how's it going? this is a fun topic because it relates to a few things so I'm gonna toss a read-more and then just kinda talk through what I know and have practiced.

basic context: everything said here is my opinion based on stuff I've learned and personal experience which is largely trauma-based so take it with a grain of salt. I'm no expert but I do know some stuff about psychology and shit and specifically childhood reflexes (introductory reading here) and a lot of that is vaguely relevant since trauma creates a sort of fixed mindstate (hence flashbacks and inability to grow past specific things from that trauma-point) seen in children who experience trauma by things like prolonged bed-wetting and thumb sucking, as well as emotional areas such as disordered attachment styles.

the startle we're talking about though (later on reflex not the baby moro reflex) is connected to your fear response and kind of kicks off your fight or flight response (there's more than just fight or flight, personally I freeze instead but most people know fight or flight) and in my experience it's really connected to tension. Hyper-vigilance leads to being always on edge, tensed up waiting for something bad to happen. The first step to changing anything is noticing it. paying attention to it. pay attention to where you hold tension in your body, notice which muscles tense up, which direction you jump, do your hands clench? do they push away? how long does it take you to relax again afterwards, can you relax at all? basic mindfulness meditation shit like that.

personally the place I first saw and addressed that tension was when being tickled. I'm massively ticklish and so ofc I got tickled a lot as a kid. I noticed that I'm more susceptible when I tense up. the energy catches inside, builds the tension, and you can only suppress the pressure for so long before it cracks you open and you laugh. deliberately relaxing allows the energy to flow through you instead of building up inside.

now, I'm not a big religion person, not into natural healing, not into energy and auras or any of that shit, so I think about zuko from atla learning to lightningbend instead; allowing the energy to enter and redirecting it out another way.

I've got a meditation practice I do to work on drawing out tension like that when I'm too stressed out. I find any comfortable position, you can do the traditional cross-legged sit, lean against a wall, lie down on the floor, whatever works. then I just start at my toes and work on gathering up all the tension and slowly moving upward collecting tension as I go. I collect it at my chest since that's where my tension typically rests, and then I pull it from my fingers and arms, finally externalizing it by breathing it out through my mouth.

for actual practicing of relaxing through the startle process, I started working on not startling at loud sounds. I'm a big social anxiety haver and loud sounds are my most common thing I flinch at so that was an easy way to work on it. notice when you flinch, practice relaxing after you tense.

important thing to remember: you're not killing the startle. you're not tensing up and powering through it. you're relaxing and allowing the tension to flow through you. tensing up makes you brittle, fragile. instead you need to learn to relax, to bend, to allow the energy to flow out of you instead of trapping it inside a fragile glass prism. you can't always fix the fear or nervousness or whatever, but you can change how you respond to it, and that can improve even just a small but consistent piece of your life.

you will still startle especially at first, but practice regaining your balance faster. you will still flinch but work on relaxing your muscles more quickly afterwards. you might not entirely eliminate the behavior but if you can learn to regain your equilibrium sooner and sooner after you can start catching it before it happens instead of after.

your body is beauty and soul but it's also a machine made up of a thousand million moving parts and if you can get an idea of how they work, then even just by paying attention to the things your mind does you can start affecting how it behaves. It's not about rigid self control, it's about learning how to guide your body in the ways you need it to go.

#color says shit #text post #self care #trauma #fight or flight #feel free to ask about anything specific if i didn't touch on it enough #or also feel free to let me know however you feel comfortable if I my info didn't really apply to you.#I maybe assumed a bit when talking about trauma at the beginning but you didn't specify so I kept it vague.#I believe in you. it fucking sucks when your body does things against your will and you feel out of control over it.#sucks when the world drives you and pushes you and you feel like you can't control how you respond to it.#and it's hard. it sucks. but by slowing down. calming down. breathing deeply. noticing your body. notice your pulse. your breath.#by paying attention to your body you can start to recognize the patterns and you can start getting ahead of them.#It took me a very long time to learn how to anticipate situations where my stutter would be an issue but I finally did.#and so I'm able to know ahead of time when a situation will be rough.#and similarly. you start to be able to anticipate the startle..#also I recommend basic things like if there's someone in your life who likes to scare you you can tell them to fucking stop it please.#because people who care about you shouldn't derive pleasure from your fear and anxiety.#but it if's situations where you jump at stuff. that has much more potential for you to be able to anticipate it.

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readymades2002 · 1 month

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it is very frustrating because my mom does not know What The Deal Is but she certainly Suspects (for good reason. to be fair to her.) and she has Insinuated and she has Implied but she has not asked anything specifically. and its...not unreasonable for her to do this i guess because the last relationship i was in i didn't tell her for a year and a half. because the relationship BEFORE that was my first and it was with a girl and i asked her EXPLICITLY AND URGENTLY to not tell my dad about it because he was a massive homophobe and i knew this and saw this where she did not and she told him anyway and i have not trusted her since though, having few other options, i have continued to confide in her things that i should not confide in her that have then mysteriously made their way through all our shared coworkers back to me. and its.....its so. i don't know what to do about it. she..."stalked" is the wrong word but she followed my blog against my wishes and knowledge as a child and the more i lost trust in her and stopped talking to her the more she pried into my private life. i know my sister had similar experiences with her. and it has created this cycle where i keep trying to keep her out for my own privacy and dignity and safety and she just gets even more desperate and pathetic trying to get in after breaking my trust over and over and OVER again but i live with her and depend on her for far too many things and so it just. is this. awesomesauce

#have talked about it a bit with a few people and its...difficult?#i have always felt like i was the person standing between my parents when my dad was at his worst #and as kind of like. someone who failed to protect my family from him #and the last few months ive started recognizing patterns where 1) when my parents were united #was when there was a common threat and that common threat was ALWAYS me and my insanity. which feels. bad #and 2) my mother had no one to talk to about the horrific shit he said and so often ended up relaying #some of the worst things youve ever heard to me and my sister very conversationally #every thing he said about me that haunts me i heard when she told me and then went 'ha! isnt that so stupid he would say that?'#like. i guess its. she was a...i hate using it here but a Victim in thatsituation but im also starting to learn #that she was also a collaborator. and that she failed to protect us or take care of us often because she was scared of him #or sometimes because she agreed with him or hated/resented us or whatever. its. um #it is difficult. and every time i try to change and talk openly around her instead of being passive aggressive as i learned from her #she responds in the same guilt trippy icy way and says i am pissy or i think too black and white or do i think shes a bad person #and so i cannot...i cannot grow with her because it HURTS. every time. and ive just kind of...found it harder and harder to talk to her #at all. and her pain fills the apartment because she sees it happening. and it makes coming back here every day #even more unbearable even more crushing and i don't know what to do about it #it has been so weird. ive been trying to...change and grow. to be Real. to be truthful and to communicate well #for my friends and coworkers and family and i feel i've come so far sometimes #and then when it comes to her i just don't know how to do it because i don't trust her.#and when i try it only hurts both of us and i can't explain that to her because she WILL take it personally and she #she...everyone is capable of change. i believe that. to be alive is constant changing. but she refuses.#when she asked me if i thought she was a bad person she answered her own question going 'i dont think so.#i think you see things so much more black and white than i do and you're so easily offended and sensitive. i think im a good person'#not in a...not in a combative way but in a sincere way. and its like. i dont think i even responded i was fucking flabbergasted #where do you even GO from a statement like that lmao!!! god. its so frustrating. it is so so so fucking frustrating

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quietwingsinthesky · 2 months

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I think the nature of Clara haterism on Tumblr can’t be fully understood without the historical context of 2013. Namely that by the time of DW season 7b Moffat was widely hailed as The Bogeyman Of All Misogyny Ever. Clara was considered THE prototypical Shallow Moffat Girl, and she became a sort of figurehead for everything wrong with the show. (Bc everyone was maybe 14 and Smith was too beloved to insult.) Consequently, she evokes a kneejerk bad faith reading response in many users even today.

yeah, alright, i can see that. i am surprised that, at least as far as i’ve seen, amy & river don’t get the same treatment? or if they did, it hasn’t persisted half as long as opinions on clara have. Because having now seen how all three of them were written, amy got treated. so much worse with The Misogyny™️, and River bounces between ‘actually a fascinating character’ and ‘moffat wrote a sexy girlboss who wants to fuck the doctor’ so hard it gives me whiplash. (and i say this as a River enjoyer, I love her and she deserves so much better lmao.)

Of the three of them, I think Clara actually comes out a lot better written overall? She’s allowed more space to be a character rather than be a woman, if that makes sense. Sure, bit of a rocky start in s7, and I can certainly see why the Impossible Girl thing could be aggravating to some people. (I think it was. Fine. fantastic episode conceptually that sort of fell apart when it came to actually doing anything.) but Clara in s8 (and the start of s9) is fantastic. Her relationship with Danny and the Doctor is messy and deceptive and so understandable. “Listen” as an episode almost felt like ‘hey what if the clara putting herself in the doctor’s past was actually interesting and impacted him’. Her becoming more like the Doctor, especially after losing Danny, both as an effort to hold on tight to the only person she perceives as keeping her moving forward and giving her a purpose AND because to her, the Doctor is able to lose so much and not be destroyed by it and she wants that (without really understanding just how much this life is fucking him up, too.), is just. fantastic.

where was i going with this. i have no idea. my point, i think, is: i guess i can see how initial reactions to clara might color a less than flattering picture of the rest of her, but :( consider: i love her so so much and everyone should be niceys to her.

#i was sort of neutral on clara for most of s7 i think #she had great moments but i think a lot of what was holding her back was the same thing holding most of eleven’s seasons back as a whole #which to me was. what the fuck are they doing with that guy. does anyone know. did anyone have a thesis in mind for this man.#which makes it hard to build a companion around him as a foil because what are you foiling.#amy & rory didn’t have this problem as much because they were a set do not separate and thus could play off each other as well #(river. is another story.)#and because 11’s relationship with the ponds was maybe the one thing the show kept on track the whole time and understood what it was doing #with them. clara’s is. a lot messier. it’s both building to a twist with the impossible girl thing that’s. a bit lackluster.#and then 11 without the ponds is. kind of a mess. like. character-wise. even more so than before. as far as i perceived it anyway.#but 12 does not have that problem! 12 starts off with a bang knowing exactly where he’s going as the doctor and what question he’s answering #about himself. and that gives clara so much more room to grow herself as she patterns herself after him both to feel important and to escape #the horrifyingly mundane trauma of her boyfriend. dying. in a normal way. that was also her own fault. (not really but i believe she thinks #it is.)#you know. if s8 12 is asking ‘is the doctor a good man?’ and answering ‘no. he’s just a man. he’s just there and he makes the decisions #and he doesn’t even know if they’re the right ones.’#then s8-s9 clara is responding with ‘well. if the doctor isn’t a hero. then what happens when someone tries to emulate him that sees him as #one. or worse: as someone who ought to be one.’#and the answer seems to be ‘bad idea. very very bad idea. this is fucking her up so bad and she doesn’t even realize it.’#granted im not at the end of this plotline but so far: ITS GOOD!!!! clara is great!!!!#anyway. thats my clara thoughts. actually i have more about ehy the moon abortion episode (bad) was ooc for the doctor but! very good #character moment for clara in reacting to what he put her through and how that’s foundational to how she’s rebuilding herself in his image.#but ill leave off here.#clara oswald #dw lb #ask

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hecksupremechips · 3 months

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Shinjiro Aragaki 🤝 Rebecca Gales

Mom friends who constantly try telling others how they should live their lives and believe they know what’s best for everyone else who would explode and die if anyone did the same to them

#the klock keeps ticking #theres always a damn pattern with my faves somewhere AAGHHHH #theyre just like me and i hate it #that was another thing i really liked about the shinji social episodes in reload was that bit where hes telling minato to always keep his #promises and minato is like ‘but you arent keeping your own promises???’ its like lol get his ass #and yeah just rebecca and shinji are characters who i firmly believe to have ocd and its my hill to die on #like with rebecca shes just very obsessive over her relationships like particularly with ashton she clings to a version of him she built in #her head and she gets very angry and depressed when he doesnt fit that mold and she just tries to organize her life around her obsession #and shinji i love to imagine castor being like a metaphor for intrusive thoughts like shinji is terrified of losing control #and terrified that he is dangerous and that hes capable of seriously hurting the people he loves #so much so that he isolates himself from everyone as a way of protecting them and he takes suppression drugs to kill the intrusive thoughts #but much like what happens when you try to repress intrusive thoughts this doesnt go well and it harms him even further #but he believes its the right thing to do because at least he wont be dangerous anymore and its what he deserves #and you know isolation and desperately trying to drown away your intrusive thoughts only leads to worse obsession #im so normal about him and his relationship with his persona #this man has so much ocd my god and so does rebecca and im not TRYING TO PROJECT OKAY IT JUST KEEPS HAPPENING #theyre my faves for a reason 😩#anyways i think these two would be iconic besties and also possibly horrible together cuz theyd both be trying to tell the other how to fix #themselves and neither of them would listen but i mean theyd bond over cooking rebecca could infodump and shinji would listen #rebecca would see how shinji lives and shed be like ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT and insist on getting him in a safe environment #which who knows whod win shinji is awfully stubborn but rebecca is very scary and will whack a bitch with a book #shinji would see her thing with ashton and be like giving her some wise but harsh reality check which is really funny to imagine #like rebecca just gets this life lesson from some emo 18 year old shed be like ‘what do you know’ and then cry in the bathroom #i think theyd have such a big soft spot for each other though and they would be very powerful together and kick many asses

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pinkplatiploo · 7 months

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I am planning out my next 2 days and oh boy they’re going to feel so humiliating for no reason lol

#actually there is a reason it’s called doing stuff the last minute #but believe me it’s not because I wanted to. no I had time during the week but also I kinda didn’t because that’s sleepy time #you cannot negotiate sleepy time so the less sleepy time you sacrifice the better #anyways I have an essay on a journal article due tomorrow and a discussion board for that class due tomorrow #so going to try to get at least half of that essay done tonight #then I have pattern samples due Monday at noon #but we also have to print them out #and there’s a nice fancy printer at school I have free access to except the optimal time to print would’ve been before Friday #and I only had 2/16 done #now I have like. 4 or 5?#but anyways I could come extra early on Monday but I don’t want to risk the crowd of people all printing 16 pages #(especially because the printer will likely run out after a couple of people if only one person tbh)#and I know there’s more paper and a way to refill it. but idk how #so I’ve opted to going to staples at 8:30ish to pay (what will probably be) too much money to print them out #I do have other things I want to print as well there so that’s also a reason to go but still lol #THEN #after that #I’m going to drive to a little area to take photos I think #Idk I’m hoping I’ll have enough time to go home and relax a bit before I have to drive to school but I’m going to prepare myself to not be #able to #pinks college diary

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sunlightfeeling · 8 months

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writing about hot man doing not-that-hot things :) so so sorry

honestly…y’all are lucky cuz I’m the one that has to “see” them..but I mean..they are there lmfao

I’ve done a bit of reflection tho (cuz…im me and i am the over-thinker…also it happened again )… I think I’m unconsciously focusing on his OOC/ out of place moments. but since these are basically routine…it’s like this:

SI + HF + super-sonic observation especially for obscure/“out of place” things + ACTUAL pattern detected WITH SI/HF = brain going 100 mph into a wall whenever the pattern expands or is validated

…💀

okay also my brain is actually tracking this info like ????

soooo because she being like this and keeping useless information stored…

let me ruin some things for ya real quick 😘

long vacation is the earliest instance…but that’s probably known considering you can hear this one (and because of that im assuming that this one is legitamately obvious but if its not…sorry)

change has the most..again, so far (but I can’t imagine anything else beating it… sometimes I forget what I’m talking about and then re-remember and go 🫠)…don’t ask me for a number please, she will actually run to the back and check, please don’t make her work she’s v tired

he has during variety shows…ganbarimasu (yes, I have only seen 2009 so far and yes he does…sorry)…dramas…kimura-saaan (even that promo thing he did for Masquerade Hotel..Night..Night?…) …basically no discrimination when it comes to him lmao

oh also his radio show? like the filmed segments….only like a handful of you know what I’m talking about… (yes, I’m talking about that garter belts clip and he absolutely does a few times, I am so so sorry for ruining that but he’s a dick what can ya do?)

lmao…i don’t want to delete that ^^^…she stays, that’s the real me lmao omg that was so mean…sorry bro…

surprisingly not smasma tho…yet

as mentioned i have no concept of if anyone else watching these things sees them but i have a hunch that some of the cameramen do…been at least two or three instances where the camera cuts to him or zooms in (omfg actually hysterical ffs whyyyy do they do that leave him aloneee 😭) right when he

omfg I could actually keep going…

wtf…

idk for sure if I’ll make more of these…but I probably will…sorry

is this considered infodumping?

#its the pattern for me #i know no one cares (like I GET IT GENUINELY…believe me…)#buttt I basically have to exorcise this shit…like I have ALL this useless garbage in my head that needs expression…to an audience :D …sorry #also it’s not lost on me that me referring to my brain as a separate entity of ‘my self’ is a bit ‘….u gud bro?’#but she really have a mind of her own #like i don’t KNOW her but i have to LIVE with her #(considering he’s a SI he already gets more attention and care than he deserves so this gets that amount PLUS MORE)#…like I’m very well-aware this isn’t something people can control but it IS a bit absurd how often it is #on the other hand…#really can’t be easy having to mask them or go into some evasive maneuver to cover it up (which he has done…i always go ‘aw pobrecito 🥺’)#(but it is also entertaining to watch…i have to admit…)#trying to keep this pretty vague which is why I don’t say it directly…idk this is me just casting into the void so context isn’t necessary #if you actually don’t know what I’m on about 1) that’s actually probably for the best lmao #and 2) I made a post calling him out more clearly…somewhere…so if you find that 😌

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