Why do people react so weird when you say your self diagnosed?????? How about you let people live their life?????

look at these carrds

https://dainfo.carrd.co/#one

https://delusionalattachments.carrd.co/#

ok long post time. but basically both of these are full of misinfo. the first one isn't terrible and i agree on some opinions. the second one though is just.... wow that was a lot to read and most of it is inaccurate and harmful.

first thread:

it's got some incorrect info on it: delusions arent Fake and shouldn't be treated that way

it's not very nice to talk about delusional people as if we're stupid or can't decide things for ourselves. i dont think this is intentional though

it's typically not good to encourage a delusion, but it really depends on the individual. for example, encouraging my dog delusion literally does nothing. it's not right to make a blanket statement that you should never ever under any circumstance interact with someone's delusions positively.

huge agree that D/A community just gatekeeps fictionkinity & is causing huge harm to the psychotic community though. HUGE agree.

conclusion: their heart is in the right place, but they're not quite getting to where they want to be with this. /gen

second thread:

also has inaccurate information lol. like so much:

it's not fair to say that these types of delusions are incredibly harmful, because they're not. delusions technically are inherently harmful, but there's a fuck ton of nuance to this and it's just not fair to act like "having a DA" is this life-ruining thing for everyone, when it's not. for some people, sure, but not for everyone.

"This is a large different between believing your an object of a D/A and knowing you aren't a D/A and acknowledging it in a healthy way." um.... no. when you have a DMS of the self, you either are... or arent. there is no i am half this thing, i relate to this thing, i like this thing. there is i am not always this thing, but that's because delusions fluctuate.

they stress really hard through this thread that D/As are kind of this life-ruining thing, and then at the end say that "reality checking isn't ableist" which is weird because... it's not really, but the way they say it implies that it's something you should be constantly doing to yourself/others. and hey! no! do not reality check yourself or other people, ever, even if they ask you to; this is not even a "dont do it if you're not a professional" cuz guess what? professionals don't do it either. that's NOT how you treat delusions or delusional people. just don't do it. i say this all the time, but when talking to a delusional person about their delusions, remain completely neutral.

they say at the end that "psychosis is more than just D/As" and yes because this type of delusion makes up an extremely small percent of people who live with psychosis. i think what they mean is psychosis is more than delusions, but i dont think they even know this themselves considering how much they use "psychosis" and "delusional" interchangeably through this thread.... If you're going to a psychosis professional to treat your delusions (which is something they recommend,) you will be very disappointed.

the end slide states that all of this is based off of information that they know themselves because they're professional diagnosed, studying psychology and also things they've asked multiple psychiatrists. i don't doubt that this is true, but almost all of the information here is inaccurate and really harmful if they/other people who've read this are actually putting it into practice. psychology is a huge field so them studying it really says nothing, and im pretty sure you’re not allowed to study things like this professionally (like in university) if you’re diagnosed as psychotic; and if you did that’s insanely unethical and also a horrible idea. psychiatrists often dont tell you much when they diagnose you with something, and most psychiatrists don't specialize in delusions either so their knowledge about them is extremely limited and probably very outdated.

conclusion: this person isn't lying on purpose or intentionally being harmful, but this information is not correct and could harm delusional people a lot.

8.14.21

This year has been one of major change. In Octavia Butler’s Parable of the Sower, there’s this quote, “God is Change. Beware: God exists to shape and be shaped,” and I think for the first time since reading it, I get what was being said. While I subscribe to the idea that there is a higher power of some kind, I also believe that we (as in, us as individuals) have great power as well. That power lies in our ability to change, to grow, to persevere. This year has been one of major change, and we really have to talk about it.

It is easy to look at this last year and think, “Well, that fucking sucked” because frankly, it did indeed fucking suck. I could write you a list of things that brought me great pain this year, unbelievable, undeniable, unrelenting pain that still lingers now. But, see, the beauty of it all is that none of that pain happens in a vacuum. Along with the pain, I’ve come through it all with more wisdom, more compassion, more empathy, more gratitude, more peace, more love, and more confidence. I’d like to share how those things all are connected, but first I would like to acknowledge something.

While I don’t know for sure if this is just an American thing, it does seem very clear that Americans aren’t fantastic at processing grief, death, and pain collectively. We often are encouraged to suck it up, to shut up about it, to not make others uncomfortable with our tears and trauma. I believe this is in large part due to the fact that American Exceptionalism doesn’t quite allow us to acknowledge when our systems have failed us or when we are suffering in the “greatest country in the world.” I don’t intend on participating in that toxic positivity or to dismiss the seriousness of the year past. I simply intend on acknowledging the nuances of my experiences, the complexity of it all. Now, let’s begin.

Without recounting every moment in large detail (in part because that would be far too much and also because I don’t need to relieve my traumas today), the events of the last year have been as follows: 1) COVID hit, 2) I had a severe emotional breakdown that resulted in a short stay at the hospital, 3) my grandma passed away, 4) I broke up with my partner of a year, 5) I was officially diagnosed with adult ADHD (inattentive), 6) I got into a PhD program for sociology (fully-funded), and 7) I moved to Ohio (two weeks ago now). So much happened in what feels like a blink of an eye. When you’re a kid, you think a year lasts forever. Now, a year feels like a couple months!

Anyhow, all of these things had super intense negative impacts on my life and most of them had super intense positive impacts on my life. Let’s talk about how. I won’t say that COVID had any “positive” impact on my life, because it’s still currently making things difficult and it is still destroying lives (full worlds) every day. The emotional breakdown that I experienced shortly after COVID began, however, was the impetus for some of the greatest change I would ever make in my life. It began with new therapy, medication for the first time ever to treat my mental illnesses, and a new relationship with boundaries.

Out of this breakdown, I came to realize a few things. 1) I wasn’t really feeling most of my life up until that point. That isn’t to say that I didn’t feel at all or that I wasn’t aware of my feelings all the time, but to say that most of the time, I numbed everything out that was too hard to bear. I didn’t cry, I didn’t write, I didn’t even take the time to try to identify exactly what emotions I did feel. I just lived through it and waited until I felt better. Or, I would breakdown with rage and then feel better. Therapy, especially the group therapy I participated in for a couple weeks after leaving the hospital, changed that in huge ways for me.

Because I was able to sit in my pain, in my discomfort, I was able to actually work through some of my issues. I began to identify the areas in my life that made me genuinely unhappy and began to grant myself permission to feel disappointment. I granted myself the permission to expect more, to want more. I granted myself the permission to set boundaries without guilt or shame. I granted myself freedom. It is an ongoing journey of mistakes and back-peddling and trying again, but it is mine and I am proud of it. Had I not had that breakdown, I don’t know that I would be where I am now.

My grandma dying is one of the most painful things I’ve experienced and honestly, I haven’t dealt with it all the way yet. I didn’t get to say goodbye to her in person, I still am battling the feelings of guilt despite knowing that there likely was nothing I could have done, and my chest still feels heavy thinking about her. Even as I write this, I feel that pain. I know she is not truly gone and that she lives within me, but oh, I do miss her physical presence. The nagging, the phone calls, the hugs, the cooking, her soft hair and beautiful hands. I miss her. Because of her, though, I have been able to rehabilitate another relationship in my life. The relationship I share with my mother.

My mother is a lot of things, but for whatever reason I continually forgot that she too is a victim of hardship brought on by nothing but sheer luck. In this last year, she lost her mother, the man that she loved, multiple cousins, friends that went back to childhood, and who knows who else. She suffered a lot this year and she has suffered a lot over the course of her 61 years of life overall. For the first time, I have been able to really acknowledge her as a full being with a complex history and understand her as a person, rather than just as a parent. I’ve set new boundaries with her as a result, boundaries that have completely change the dynamic of our relationship and will continue to do so as we both learn more about each other. Gone are the days where she relies solely on me for emotional support or financial support. Gone are the days where she feels comfortable talking down to me and then expecting any kind of favors from me. She understands and respects that I am an adult, that I am independent, and that I can terminate our relationship should it get to a point where I feel unsafe again. While this might sound like a threat or even negative, it is in fact quite the contrary.

We now share the belief that I deserve better from her and that my continued relationship with her is founded upon our mutual growth. That’s a beautiful thing that arose from us being pulled together by the loss of someone we both loved more than we maybe even loved ourselves. Thankfully, though, I have come to love myself more than anyone else on this planet. This newfound self-love and respect resulted in the severing of my relationship with my partner.

I won’t pretend like my ex was this horrible person because she wasn’t. She was kind, loving, intelligent, hilarious, unique, complex, and so many other amazing things. I still love her with all of my heart and have thought about her every single day since we broke up. It is not for lack of love that our relationship came to a close. The issue was that I needed more than what she could give. I needed someone who could really sit in my shit with me without invalidating my feelings jokingly because they didn’t know what else to say. I needed someone who could make me feel safe and secure, not fearful and insecure. I needed someone who understood boundaries as openings for futures, not closed doors. I needed someone who could show up for me the way I showed up for them, even when they hurt me, even when they lied out of fear. She wasn’t able to do that. She wasn’t able to stick beside me during the worst days of my life. She wasn’t able to see me beyond our relationship. When my grandma passed and our relationship was on the rocks, she made it about us. She didn’t stop pestering me about our relationship for long enough to give me support on losing someone who meant the world to me. I couldn’t trust her after that and I also realized, I wasn’t required to.

Boundaries in that relationship weren’t healthy. I felt unseen, unprotected, and sometimes even unloved. While I am sure that she has grown even more since we have parted, the reality is that when I ended things, I knew that doing so was the most fair thing I could do for the both of us. This is because I deserve someone who sees my value inherently. I deserve someone who takes the time to understand me, to love me, to see me. Not just see me and them together, but me as an individual separate from them. More importantly, I needed to be able to ask for those things without feeling guilty or bad. As of now, I still don’t know that she sees me as me, as a singular person, and maybe she never will. That is okay. I still love her anyway. I just love me more now. As a part of that love I’ve grown for myself, I also now have sought out more help for myself. This seeking of resources led me to realizing that I was ADHD and helped me change my life.

Being diagnosed with ADHD at 21 felt absolutely ridiculous. How could I be ADHD when I can sit still most of the time and have a pretty decent amount of impulse control? The answers came from my psychiatrist, breaking down the stereotypical understanding of ADHD and allowing me to find myself within the diagnosis. Finding the right combination of medication has been difficult, but what hasn’t been hard at all is finding more resources that help me manage my symptoms. It’s because of some of these resources that I am able to sit here and write this.

A huge part of ADHD is this perfectionist mentality that makes it nearly impossible to start or complete some tasks. Every time I sat down to write in the past, I told myself that I absolutely had to write every single day, once a day, or I should just not do it. When it came to this blog especially, I had so much shame when I failed to post for a long time or had a lull, that I would either consider deleting the whole thing to start over, or just never posting again. I realize now that those were just cop outs for my brain, that I can write as little or as much as I want because it is for ME. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it doesn’t have to be anything but what I need it to be. Waiting for perfection would have me waiting forever because it’s simply not how my brain works. Accepting that is a large part of how I got into my PhD program.

I’m not going to lie. I am still trying to figure out all of the feelings I have regarding this PhD program. I am shocked that I got in, shocked that I got full-funding, shocked that I am now in Ohio, shocked that I am in my own apartment, and overall shocked that I’ve made it this far in general. While I do not believe that I am stupid or not capable of greatness, I am realizing that I’ve always seen myself pursuing something more straightforward. When I was younger, I had a pretty clear idea of what I wanted to do even as those things changed. I knew what was required of me, I knew what I would ultimately do, and I took refuge in that. Doctors go to medical school. Chefs go to culinary school. Forensic anthropologists get masters degrees and do field work. It felt clear cut, straightforward, safe. This is uncharted territory. What do you do post PhD? What do you do DURING PhD years? I suppose I’ll just have to find out!

Anyhow, this year has been intense. Change is always present in our lives and sometimes it brings with gifts that we can only receive when we’re healed enough to take them. I’m hoping to keep healing, keep growing, keep loving, and keep going. I’m learning so much about myself and about the world. I’m loving myself more than I have in the past. I am incredibly proud of where I am. And I’m not done yet.

The Arcana - Taking Care Of Sick MC

(Minor trigger warnings for: mentions of the in-game plague, fear of sickness, medicinal bugs)

– Asra –

Asra notices your cold the same time you do. Right when he wakes up next to you and sees your pallid complexion, he immediately knows you’ve got the bug.

He usually takes any chance he can get to sleep in, but not this time. First a gentle word of assurance, then quickly to the kitchen to heat up some water for a medicinal tea mix. As the water boils, he feels your neck and face - not too hot. Thankfully it’s not serious, just inconvenient. 

Expect a lot of home remedies. Healing magic is too ostentatious for a simple cold, and it’s not a field Asra’s familiar with, anyways. He insists you eat some porridge, and drink lots of honeyed water. There’s lots of mugs of various teas, some awfully bitter but Asra insists you bear with it. You get a very pungent astringent balm on your chest for congestion, and he can’t hold in his giggles when you complain about how much it burns.

A lot of these remedies are trusted green witchery. Asra isn’t super skilled at making tinctures, but it’s enough to help a cold. Some he learned while studying magic, some he actually did invent.

He’s gonna manage the shop while you sleep. He lights lavender incense and mint candles, and Faust also stays upstairs to keep you company. Every hour he does a quick check to make sure you’re doing alright, or not sneaking out of bed. If he catches you, he bodyblocks you with a smirk until you sheepishly crawl back under the covers.

When there’s a lull in the shop, Asra hangs out at your bedside with a book, or some small chores he can quietly do with his hands. If you’re awake, the two of you chat a bit, mostly he does to save the strain on your throat. 

His herb teas do make a difference, and by evening you feel better. Bit more porridge and a hot bath, and your fever’s waned a lot. Asra drags out the comfiest blankets to wrap you tightly. Unfortunately, you’re gonna have to sleep alone tonight while Asra takes the couch, just to be safe.

Once you feel better, you finally get kisses. The best reward for recovery.

– Julian –

You’re in luck. Julian may have been described as a ‘hack doctor’ by certain bitter individuals, but in truth he’s a trusted physician well versed in internal medicine. All he’s gotta do is see your watery eyes and red nose, and he’s on the case. 

His clinic has some of the top-of-the-line medical technology, including a spiffy glass stick with a line of liquid mercury encased inside, which expands according to temperature. He has you sit on a patient bed and checks the inside of your throat, feels your face for lumps, uses a magnifying glass on your eyes and ears, lays his head on your chest to hear your lungs, all the things he does as a working doctor. 

It can even be a bit weird to see Julian switch into ‘professional’ mode while handling you. He’s got impeccable bedside manners, keeping you cheery and comforted as he pokes and prods, but you’re not just some patient, he’s your boyfriend and it’s kinda odd (or sexy???) to be sitting in his clinic like this. 

Nevertheless, he eventually diagnoses you with “a godly beauty and shining soul - oh, and also you have a cold”. He actually has you take up one of the beds in the clinic rather than go back upstairs to the apartment, and voila, an assistant registers you on the roster as an inpatient. There’s a reason for that, other than to make you blush - this way, he can prescribe medications. 

You get four servings of this awful tar-like tincture made out of lungwort, crab’s eye, snail venom, and other obscure ingredients. Assistants come by to wipe your face with a cold towel, and check your vitals. They don’t acknowledge your relationship with Julian, only treating you with the gentlest of respect. Jokes would be inappropriate, and Julian’s clinic values professionalism. They care about your health more than embarrassing you. 

The next morning, you wake to Dr. Julian announcing you nearing recovery already. But he doesn’t actually dismiss you until the fever’s completely gone, which means being stuck in the clinic for a couple of days and witnessing firsthand how strict Dr. Julian can be when it comes to his patients. At least it’s an excuse to see him more often. But you’re thankful to finally escape the role of the patient, and back to being Julian’s partner. Your bill? Several kisses!

– Nadia –

It’s just a cold, but Nadia immediately calls in the court doctor to perform a full physical. A hidden part of her normally-rational brain balks at any indication that someone she cares about might be sick. Blame the plague. 

Luckily it’s just a minor fever, so you’re prescribed lots of liquids and bedrest, along with some immunity-boosting citrus lozenges. Within a few minutes the servants retrofit the bedroom to be warm and invitingly dim, place heated bedpans under your feet, light sheh smoke, and deliver a large tray to your bedside. A teapot of water is kept hot over a miniature coal burner.

Nadia takes as much of her free time to dote on you. Which, unfortunately, isn’t a whole lot of time, she can only help you drink some ginger tea and wipe your face before she’s due for Countess work. But she positions a guard at your door with instructions that they’re to wait on your every whim. 

She spends the whole day thinking about you in the back of her mind, hoping you’re at least comfortable and healing properly. She finally gets a break for lunch, and rushes to the bedroom to check on you; you’re sitting up and reading, and she’s happy you’re well enough to enjoy yourself but you should be sleeping! Did the servants bring up your broth yet, have you taken your lozenges and tea, is your bedpan too cold, is the fire stoked too high

You try to calm her down through your stuffy nose; rarely do you see her so flustered. Nadia and you have lunch, and she’s eating the same thing you are because she’s not gonna eat delicious roasts while you’re stuck with broth.  

Duties again call her away until evening (she had dinner with dignitaries), and she gets the servants to run you a bath with rosemary and mint to help open up your sinuses. The two of you spend the night in separate rooms which makes you whine and her tempted to abandon decades of royal dignity to join you.

But before too long, you’re all better and life resumes as normal. She promises to dote on you no matter the state of your health.

– Muriel –

He hears you cough and says bluntly, “you have a cough”. You’ve known him well enough to know that in Muriel-speak, that translates to “I recognize that sound, and I’m going to help you take care of it”. Living in the forest can be hazardous to one’s health, and Muriel has a lot of experience with colds, fevers, and infections.

First step is to stoke the fire to blazing temperatures, then heating lots of clean water for tea and soup. He wraps you in multiple furs until you’re a pile seated near the hearth. He props the door open to let in fresh air, which offsets the uncomfortably sauna-like heat of the fire. A bundle of lemongrass is thrown into the hearth to smoke a citrusy scent throughout the hut, soothing your headache.

Whenever Muriel would get sick, he’d just plow through the day and hope he can sweat out his fever through chopping wood. But you deserve better than that, so you’re let off of chores until you’re better. Muriel balances his duties with nursing you, which is a little tough ‘cause he’s gotten so used to having an extra set of hands. But it’s definitely worth it, if you’d get better. 

He comes back from checking the rabbit traps to feed you a salty bone broth, and brews his green-magic tea brew (that he and Asra invented together) that has elderflower, willow bark, and ginseng. After lunch, he needs to leave again, so urges Inanna to cuddle you while he’s gone.

Finally, the chores are (largely) done, and he can finally afford his full attention to your pitiful, coughing self. He pulls out his rare ingredients - albatross feather, dried glowshroom - and charges them with magic before making it into a bitter powder he urges you to eat. Effectively a magical antibiotic, just in case of infection.

By night, you’re well enough to walk around and eat a bit more, and he’s feeling reassured. You spot one of his tiny smiles. But he pushes away your kisses until you’re for sure all cured. 

A couple more days of his tried-and-true forest witchery, and there’s no more coughing. Finally the two of you get to cuddle in the furs like you usually do! It’s felt like ages, you say, and Muriel can’t help but agree.

– Portia – 

First step upon hearing your raspy voice? Portia rushes to the kitchen (with Pepi hot on her heels because running time!! Yay!) to cook one of Mazelinka’s fever soups. Portia unfortunately lacks the ingredients to make Mazelinka’s more magical dishes, but there’s enough here for a nutrient-rich, hydrating broth, perfect for a cold.

She sends a pigeon to the castle to call in a sick day, so Portia can take her time in feeling up your forehead, heating water, and hauling out the thick winter quilts to sweat out your fever. You don’t look too bad, but it’s a shame Julian’s on a cruise right now. Otherwise, she’d drag him over right quick to do a check-up.

She mixes up a pot of ginger honey tea and leaves you with Pepi while she visits Mazelinka to request a remedy. Before too long, Portia comes back with a large jug of this thick, grassy-smelling stew with rice and various herbs. She insists on feeding you while you’re laid up in bed, which isn’t necessary but it makes her giggle so you indulge her. It tastes delicious, and you finish a large bowlful while Portia chats brightly and cracks jokes, making sure your spirits are high - the most important when it comes to recovery! 

You’re not sure what was in Mazelinka’s soup (although you’re pretty sure the ‘rice’ was actually scuttlebug larvae) but your fever’s waned a lot by the time you wake up from your nap. Portia’s right there when you open your eyes, knitting and humming to herself. She sees you awake and can tell you’re feeling better, which makes her smile. 

Dinner is the second half of Mazelinka’s soup, and then Portia fills the wooden tub for a nice, hot bath. Even your voice is less raspy now, so she and you chat while you soak. You’re so much healthier now that you don’t have to be in separate beds come nighttime, which truly is a blessing.

The first thing you do when you’re fully recovered is beg Mazelinka for her soup recipe. She relinquishes it to you, on the promise you won’t monetize it for your shop or anything, and you swear you won’t. Portia’s puppy-dog eyes probably wasn’t a necessary tactic, but appreciated none the same. 

– Lucio –

You wake up feverish and Lucio’s first step is to arrange the things he’d like to do on his sick days. Hot mulled wine, a giant bath of citrus oil and lavender, and the best doctors of Vesuvia to wait on him you hand and foot. You have to stop him before he goes too far, which is easier said than done with a sore throat versus an ex-Count on a mission.

You turn down the huge platters of petit-fours, but Lucio insists on the doctors, who come in and do a thorough check-up per Lucio’s strict orders. But it doesn’t take a full physical to ensure that you’ve just got a simple cold, and all you really need is water and rest. 

Lucio calls off all his plans so he can dedicate the entire day to keeping you company. He asks if you have a headache, if your sinuses are clogged, if your muscles are sore. You say yes to anything, he’ll try to call the doctors back and insist they give you some sort of medicinal relief. After lots of hemming and hawing, you get a walnut and cherry-based tincture to reduce inflammation, and also a peppermint lemon tea. 

He looks at your meager medicines and asks if you’re sure you don’t want anything more. He could call his pets up if you want some cuddles? Maybe we can take one of those baths? What about some dessert, just because? Or we can call up the troubadour to play some music - 

Lucio seems strangely contrite when you say that all you need is some rest. He’s very hesitant to leave you alone, so you kept feeling his gaze as you tried to nap. Finally, you asked what was his deal - you appreciate his attention, but something’s obviously wrong.

He’s not someone very in tune with his emotions, so it takes a while before you’re able to mine Lucio’s tremulous inner thoughts; when he was dying of the plague, Lucio hated being alone in his huge room, and ordered company whenever he could. There was no medicine that offered proper relief from his pains, and all he could do was wait and fear the inevitable. 

Seeing you sick, even with just a simple fever, brought back those memories. He’d do anything to make sure you never experienced that. Especially knowing what you’ve already been through.

You gently hold Lucio’s hand and assure him that things like fevers and sickness, they’re part of the living experience and they’re made much better with good company. Actual, good company that offers love and support. Which you have, with Lucio here.

He’s always struck dumbfounded whenever you describe him with noble attributes. He feels like he’s the one recovering from … something, rather than you. 

A few more nights, and you’re as fit as a fiddle. To celebrate, Lucio orders a large spread of your favorite foods to make up for all the bland mush you had to deal with. He’s back to being good ol’ Lucio, but you know that an inner part of him has changed for the better. 

Introduction

Helpful Terms (DID/OSDD Systems):

Alter/Group Member/Identity/Part/Head mate/Insider- A person within a dissociated system. (The term "person" cannot be stressed enough. Alternate identities are people too!)

Blending - When two or more identities/members are able to perform or utilize each other's behaviors, skills, and abilities.

Co-Fronting or Co-Hosting - More than one identity/member out at the same time

Co-Consciousness (Co-Con) - More than one part is aware of what is happening to the identity/member that is fronting.

(Being Emily living plural, n.d.)

First, we would like to state that we are not an expert on Dissociative Identity Disorder or other dissociative disorders. We are currently in the process of understanding our system and how it functions. Initially we were reserved and unwilling to post on any social platform about our experiences, however, we have come to the conclusion that we would like to join the movement to end the stigma about mental illness, and more specifically, dissociative disorders. We have seen many people on YouTube, Tumblr, Facebook, and other places speaking up about their systems and we find this incredibly heartwarming and brave. We applaud all of the systems that have reached out to increase awareness, educate others, and help to decrease the stigma which is visibly portrayed to the public eye in social media, media, movies, and other overly dramatic expressions.

What we experience is similar to the criteria of Dissociation Identity Disorder. We have had some major switches and some missing time earlier in our 20′s, however more recently we do not knowingly have full in and out switches, meaning that we are somewhat aware of co-conscious states and do not wake up the next day in another location not knowing how we got there. I would like to note that we have had some recent occurrences of missing time, although it seems we have amnesia about missing time because we do not find out about what we do until later! We do have times where we have changed our life or relationships quickly and drastically and others (in the outside world) have stated that we seem to become another person in one day. So perhaps, we are showing signs of Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.), however, we do not have a clinical diagnosis. The reason we do not have a diagnosis at this time is that we have not found a therapist that specializes in this disorder in the local small community area in which we live. 

We are currently working on a graduate degree and will be working on obtaining a license in which we will be able to diagnose others  based upon the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder’s (DSM) criteria, symptoms, behaviors, etc. This will be working in the field of mental health. Although we will have the ability to do this for others, we do not fully support the DSM and encourage the client to maintain a focus of having a “disorder”. We do not believe in relying solely on the DSM Manual to assist a client.  It should be made aware to many that the revision of the DSM is funded by pharmaceutical companies and influenced by stakeholders that would like disorders to appear a certain way for financial revenue (Cosgrove, Krimsky, Vijayaraghavan & Schneider, 2006). It is interesting to think about how quickly and readily available prescriptions can be given to clients in order to quickly alleviate the symptoms of a mental health problem. There have been articles and research devoted to this topic if you would like to read about it for yourself. I have also written a paper on this which I may include in a future post. The idea of “Gender Dysphoria Disorder” existing in the current DSM V (American Psychiatric Association, 2013) irks me in the same way that Homosexuality was originally included in this manual as a disorder in pre-1973 (APA, 1968). Additionally, does the idea that DID is a “disorder” bother anyone else? It seems to me that this “disorder” actually helped us to survive, which doesn’t seem to be the definition of a disorder at all.

Image retrieved from: https://pixabay.com/illustrations/mental-health-feminism-transgender-3301766/

It is difficult to classify anyone with this disorder and understand them from looking at a page in the DSM. It can be just as difficult for a person with DID or OSDD to understand themselves in a clear light. Symptoms may portray themselves in a variety of ways from person to person. Frequency, intensity, onset, and duration of symptoms may be difficult to recognize with someone that suffers from severe memory problems and blocks of amnesia. These systems that have been developed on the basis of survival are unique to the individual and their life experiences. It may be helpful to think of DID/OSDD systems as being on a spectrum of low functioning to high functioning to everything in between. No two systems are alike just like no two people are exactly alike. I am my own person (people) and another system may be entirely different. If you have come here looking for similarities that is understandable, however trying to categorize or label yourself based upon one person’s system may prove fatal to reaching a clear understanding of what you are experiencing.  Know your own truth!

Currently, this system resides more in a “blended” state of consciousness or a co-conscious type of awareness. For those reading this that do not understand, I will touch more deeply on this in future posts. Our body is currently in our late 30′s physically and we have just now come to an awareness of our dissociation states in the last couple of years. We do not recognize our face or body much of the time and it is surreal to look at ourselves in the mirror. We have had many diagnoses in the past of Bipolar, Bipolar II, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety, Social Anxiety, and Major Depression. It seemed that many of the times we went into therapy, we would receive a different diagnosis. We found this confusing and grew to distrust the process of diagnosing itself. 

There were significant times of confusion in which we switched and did not remember what had happened. We have had occurrences where people said we did things that we did not remember and were blamed in such a way that it was shocking to us. One particular instance was when we found out we went to court, which is on record, but we do not have any conscious recollection of this. This particular court hearing was not a basic traffic ticket but was for a more serious offense and this is something we would have remembered. However, we have absolutely no memory of going there, being there, or coming back from there. Another example is an angry letter that we composed and sent to our father’s old college buddy for no apparent reason. We did not know that we did this until we received an angry phone call from him out of the blue and it became apparent that this man we had not spoken to in years was extremely upset with us. We became completely confused at the entire scenario and decided he had lost his mind. These times were very strange and we decided it was just some random occurrences and did not think about them more until recently (more than a decade later). There have been a few recent events that were strange and probably more we have not yet discovered!  Our awareness of our dissociation states has been brought to acknowledgment by our significant other. We did not believe our partner(s) idea about us at first, however, now, as we analyze our past and current behaviors, we have come to realize that we are very strange indeed (even more strange than we thought, which it was initially established that we were very strange). We have suffered significant emotional and neglect type abuse in middle childhood, but we feel that there is more abuse that we do not remember at a very early age (prior to age 4). We are obviously not yet ready to know about this particular abuse or we would be aware. We are thankful that our system protects us. 

If someone were to ask me what it is like to experience this, I would explain that it is like Alice in Wonderland going down that hole and into various places over and over again. I would say that changing these states of mind so frequently can make you feel like you do not know which way is up or down, left or right. Reality can become very distorted and it can often be scary. I can also say that this type of weirdness comes with a side dish of self-denial that likes to show up over and over again. I literally will go a whole day trying to convince myself this is not real and I am making all of this up. It seems that more often than not when I try to do this I will have increased “deja vu” states, dissociation, and de-realization. It is difficult to come to the acceptance that this is happening when we are living in and out of awareness, yet we have been doing this for such a long time without even consciously realizing this! I am currently learning to adapt to these changes as I seem to be more conscious of the changes or “switches” than ever before. This makes it wonderful to know what’s going on, but also it makes it feel like I am in a surreal movie and watching events happening from a dreamy distance. I wish I could say that I am happier now that I am aware of these changes, but in reality I feel like I have moved into an alternate reality!  

Image retrieved from: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Alice%27s_Adventures_in_Wonderland

Currently, there are 7 members of our system that we are consciously aware of. We do feel that there are more, but it feels like they are hiding. You may wonder how we know such a thing. It would be similar to intuitively knowing that there were other people in another room of your house, but you didn’t know who they were just yet. It’s that strange feeling of someone else being in a place with you before you see them. We do not hear voices on a regular basis, but we have on a few occasions. We tend to “feel” the communication more than actually hearing it. It’s almost like a form of telepathy and is not audible to us. I can feel how different members feel when they decide to let me. When members communicate with me I feel what they are saying to me and understand. For example, today, I received a thought of a certain song that we liked a long time ago. Then I received a “feeling” message to play that song because a member hasn’t heard it in so long. That member remained co-conscious while I played the song. We have decided to refrain from pushing the members that are in hiding to show themselves as they will do this when they are ready. I can sense that they are very afraid and do not wish to come out.

I  am the host, however, I am not the original host. I do not have much memory of our childhood, teen years, young adulthood, or early 30′s. My name is Heather. I do not feel a very strong connection to this name. I also do not feel a very strong connection to any other name, which I find unusual, but it would make sense if I were to be a day to day task host. I feel I was created to perform the necessary daily experiences and go through the motions. We are not certain who the previous host or the original host was or if these members are still part of this system.

Blake was the first member to come out of the woodwork and try to communicate with me. He did not have a name first and stated that he didn't care if either way if he had a name. I explained that we needed something to call him so it is easier to communicate. He basically left it up to me, which I found strange but I gave him the first name I could think of. He has actually been co-conscious with me, the previous host, and others for many years. We assumed that we were just highly in touch with our masculine side many times during our day to day experiences. We recently noticed that Blake comes to the front during times of distress or times when no one seems to be in charge and we have to take control of situations around us and take care of the family. Due to the fact that we have had many experiences with being a single mom and dealing with past abuse by others, we have learned to take care of ourselves. Blake has been able to do this and we have been able to play “mommy” as well as “daddy” when necessary. Even though Blake has taken on a lot at times, this can prove to be overwhelming even for him. Blake is 18″ish” years old, he is heterosexual, but has clearly (and bluntly) stated that he is not interested in a relationship at this time, because of the number of emotional women he is dealing with in this system. He is basically burned out by the drama and does not prefer to partake in a relationship.  He tends to find the others in the system overly emotional and becomes irritated with the way these thoughts lead to confusion within the system. Blake is a protector and protects one of our little ones. He is also a protector of the children on the outside of our system in our outside family. Thinking back, I noticed how Blake will cause me to walk differently, speak differently, work out more, and do more “masculine” type things which included stepping on the toes of previous male partners to “get things done”. His taste in music is harsher and he prefers the no BS approach to everything. He gets upset when plans are not laid out and has an interest in the military and survival tactics. He is a drastic difference between myself, however, I find him enjoyable to speak with. He has a good sense of humor and he can be pretty laid back unless he is in a situation that requires him to be in “protection mode”. When he is not co-conscious or fronting he tends to remain quiet unless I reach out to communicate with him. Sometimes he will communicate, sometimes he prefers to be left alone. 

Image retrieved from: https://pixabay.com/illustrations/family-community-patchwork-76781/

Next, we have R, who actually does not want to use her full name online and I respect that. She does not wish to say what age she is. She would like to state that she is not all that bad, but has been pretty self-destructive in the past. From my (the host) perspective, we have had significant problems with relationships due to the behavior of R. More recently we have come to understand that she has been in a lot of pain all of these years and we have been working on self-love to help her. R identifies as bisexual. She is impulsive and quick to try any substance or anything risky. She actually has not been allowed to partake in these experiences for quite some time, which is frustrating for her, however, it seems like she has been open to healing. My opinion (although I am still getting to know everyone) is that she is much like an angry teenager. I have seen a recent change in her behavior and she does not push herself on the host like she used to. Her behavior does not come out with quick force in recent months like it did in the past. She seems to be less triggered by people being “too nice”. 

Next, there is C, whom we would like to keep from expressing her full name due to the fact that she is a little and she is protected by Blake. She is sweet and has been on the inside more often than not. She has fronted some times but it was very short and sweet. We do not wish to disclose any more information on her at this time. 

And then there is “Mo” which is short for Monica and she is a female who is about 12 years old. Mo is actually quite mature for her age and seems to be the most stable (besides Blake) out of the entire system. Mo has expressed that she knows of others in the system but she cannot say much more at this time. Mo has fronted in the past and she tends to isolate and work on projects for lengthy periods. She likes cartoons and funny shows.There was a time when we thought we were anti-social hermits that loved to learn, but realized recently that this was Mo taking over for several years. She actually took over for 3 years after our outside mother passed away and we were involved in an abusive relationship. During this time Mo fronted during the day and R was there mostly up at night doing self-destructive things. These two were like night and day (no pun intended :/ ). 

There are 3 more members that we have identified but we are unable to express more information about them at this time. Perhaps, over time these members will create their own posts. We would like to come up with a system to create posts so readers can understand who is speaking. This will happen over time. 

We are excited to be able to post in a way that will help others understand DID/OSDD “systems” or at bare minimum assist other systems by helping others relate. We know that this living experience can be a very lonely experience for many and we would like to reach out to help others not feel so alone. There are many people who are exposing themselves to the public eye in order to breakdown the stigma of DID/OSDD. We wanted to initially begin a YouTube channel, but we feel that this is not what we would be able to do just yet. Becoming vulnerable on camera does not suit our interest at this time. However, we find the process of writing this information enlightening and beautiful for the sake of bringing clarity to what may seem foreign to those who do not live with systems. It is very important for people to educate themselves about “disorders” and what they are before making a quick judgment or creating stereotypes about people. Everyone that has a mental illness is still a person! 

We feel that this is not a “disorder” but actually, a superpower that we have created in order to survive trauma. We find it fascinating that the brain could be so powerful and miraculous just to keep us protected! We hope to become part of the community of plurals in order to engage ourselves, decrease the stigma, implement our profound truths, and bring awareness to others. 

image retrieved from: https://www.discussingdissociation.com/2018/03/dissociative-identity-disorder-awareness-day-march-5/

References:

American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders, 5th edition (DSM-5). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Publishing; 2013.

APA (1968) Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (2nd Edition) (DSM-II). American Psychiatric Association Washington DC. 

Being Emily living plural; Glossary of did terminology. (n.d.). Retrieved April 24, 2019, from https://emilyandothers.wordpress.com/glossary-of-did-terminology/

Cosgrove, L., Krimsky, S., Vijayaraghavan, M., & Schneider, L. (2006). Financial Ties between DSM-IV Panel Members and the Pharmaceutical Industry. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics,75(3), 154-160. doi:10.1159/000091772

Envisioning a New World: Restorative Justice in Activist Communities

Content Warning: Sexual Assault

A pale person with wavy red hair and cranberry lipstick, dressed in all black, spoke in front of a circle of people sitting in metal folding chairs.

“We’re thinking about activities we agree to do or not do. That comes up often when we’re organizing, whether we’re organizing events, whether we’re trying to get people to come to our direct actions, we want people to wheatpaste with us or whatever your anarchy flavor is,” they said, adding quickly, “Or not not anarchy. I don’t know how you identify.”

The person in black is Anna Kark, a social justice and harm reduction educator who brought a consent workshop to a DC church. They worked with an organization called Collective Action for Safe Spaces (CASS). The church was full of people who do anti-oppression work, Kark told me. The International Workers of the World and No Justice No Pride worked with CASS to teach activists how to incorporate consent into every part of their lives, from consenting to specific organizing to consenting to sex. This included antiracist organizing, organizing your workplace, antifascist work, and more.

“I don't think there will ever be a cohesive definition or understanding of the DC left. It's probably very complicated and about how capitalism crushes our ability to organize with each other. But for whatever value of self-identification there is, that is who I selected to be apart of this workshop,” Kark said.

Anna Kark is a DC activist who has experienced sexual assault within their own activism community. They were the survivor in an accountability process, which means that they and their community tried to hold the person who assaulted them accountable and educate the person as a response to the assault.

The person was not pushed out of the community, but regularly asked to acknowledge what they did wrong and take steps to learn how to be better. An accountability process is just one of many ways activists in these networks are trying to make their spaces safe for everyone. Activists are also trying to hold each other accountable for other ways people push each other’s boundaries, learn bystander intervention techniques, and build mechanisms to ensure activists who refuse to accept what they did wrong and change can’t simply move on to other activism circles.

Why activists want transformative justice

The accountability process is not supposed to be a panacea for harassment and assault, Kark points out. It’s just one tool. But activists want alternatives to involving police officers and meting out justice through what some might call “carceral feminism,” or relying on the justice system for solutions to violence that is usually carried out by men on women. For activists who acknowledge that police often brutalize people of color and are responsible for sexual violence themselves and as people who fight for prison abolition, it’s necessary to have alternatives. However, Kark said that doesn’t mean activists try to dissuade survivors from reporting to police. Activists are also focused on looking at the entire community and systems of oppression that contributed to sexual violence, not simply one individual who carried out the violence.

This a necessary step, since media often seems transfixed with the personality of serial sexual abusers, and how to armchair diagnose them, usually to let them off the hook. As a society, we’re obsessed with going over the details of the assault in question to determine exactly what we think the victim should have done to avoid assault and sometimes, because people derive some form of enjoyment from their pain. Like so-called “poverty porn” which media creators claim is about exposing the damage of poverty, many unnecessarily detailed descriptions of sexual assault are often more about exploitation of someone’s pain for the purpose of spectacle.

As we saw last fall during the avalanche of sexual assault stories in the news, numerous people of all genders enabled these perpetrators. By demanding that we consider an entire community’s responsibility, we are moving away from those unhealthy tendencies and are working to reduce the likelihood of future harm.

I have experienced sexual violence and harassment, like many women, and some of that violence came from people who belong to marginalized communities that are targeted by police. I also do not trust police to address sexual assault survivors in a responsible way, knowing how police themselves target and retraumatize sexual assault survivors. I don’t trust employers to address sexual harassment. Employers see the primary purpose of sexual harassment training and human resources responses as legal protection for themselves, assuming they don’t circumvent the process entirely to protect a perpetrator they consider less disposable than the victim. That means I’m not going to get what I need out of the process and neither will the person who harassed me.

I see why this approach would be preferable for many survivors. It isn’t necessarily a flawless practice or above criticism and personal biases against marginalized groups are still present, but I one would argue the justice system’s response is usually far worse. The justice system puts survivors’ emotional needs second, punishes men of color to a very different degree compared to their white counterparts and, sometimes, wrongly imprisons them. It counts on the threat of incarceration and incarceration itself to prevent or change a person’s behavior, which simply doesn't work. It nourishes the idea that victims must be white women and women who perform femininity correctly in order to deserve the justice system’s protection. The stakes are incredibly high, and when you lose, as many marginalized groups do, you lose big.

The justice system requires that in order for perpetrators to receive some form of accountability, they must be cruel evil men who have never been loved or supported by their families and communities; men who don’t really exist. Additionally, officers who were supposed to help survivors at their most vulnerable have subjected them to more violence. When it’s working, the accountability process also demands that communities look at the environment that allowed violence and harassment to happen, not simply an individual person. It demands that survivors needs are considered paramount and that communities acknowledge the humanity of perpetrators through education.

Kark said by having a community behind them, people aren’t asked to process what happened to them alone. This is particularly important for people who are experiencing poverty or financial precarity.

“I started a community accountability practice [last] spring when I was raped,” Kark said. “It is very difficult to do because all of the functions of capitalism prevent you from being able to do that work, right? You’ve got police state telling you conflict can only be mediated by a court of law, which is untrue. You’ve got poverty, which prevents people from people able to seek appropriate resources from their community because they have to focus on immediate material consequences within their lives.”

Kark said their anarchism makes it difficult for them personally to turn to “disposing of people as a first response.” This language about not disposing of people and healing from harm in a way that excludes punishment is consistent in anarchism. Cindy Milstein writes in her book, Anarchism and Its Aspirations, “... anarchism serves unflinchingly as a philosophy of freedom, as the nagging conscience that people and their communities can always be better.”

How the process works

Akosua Johnson, who has been involved in these processes before, said that the first step in an accountability process is to be open about the harm that the perpetrator committed. But the survivor gets to tell activists what they are comfortable with the community knowing. Then activists who are part of the process, usually activists who have participated and conducted this process before, gather information about what happened and how the person was harmed so that perpetrator understands what they did wrong. Activists acknowledge that some people may not know what they did wrong because we have all grown up in a society that normalizes sexual violence as a “natural” expression of masculinity.

Johnson said the next step is to educate the person who harmed the survivor. Then people close to the perpetrator need to make it clear to them that they need to be held accountable for their actions. The perpetrator also needs to fully understand what they did harmed someone else.

“That makes it more meaningful and more effective as opposed to some stranger coming up to the perp and saying, ‘You did something bad!’” Johnson said.

Activists need to ensure that the perpetrator and surrounding community prevent anything like that from happening again, Johnson said, but it’s important to look at the entire community’s role in what happened. Enablers and people who simply didn’t notice how this person’s behavior affected others have to sit with their own actions and learn how to hold themselves accountable for that.

“This is not simply an individual acting in a vacuum. It’s the community around that person that allows those ideas and actions to occur, so you spread it out in terms of educating in a ripple out from perpetrator,” Johnson said. “You’re making sure there is accountability not just for the perpetrator but people in the perpetrator’s life who may have excused or allowed behavior that is harmful or violent.”

Sometimes that starts with enforcement of boundaries in all activism practices, to build a culture of consent. For example, that means not putting fellow activists on the spot when determining who will do what for an event or protest, such as becoming a street medic or bringing food to an event. People in the activism community need to ask people if they want to put in a Signal group and be clear about how long a training will take. During the consent workshop, people took turns to be the person asking for things and the person saying no in response, to normalize the process of asking for consent and enforcing boundaries. It felt good to practice saying “No” to requests for information I didn’t want to give, as benign as those requests were, such as “Where did you get your shoes?” because I’ve been socialized to give reasons for saying no. In this space, it was clear that we didn’t need a reason and that it isn’t rude not to give one. People were learning to accept a no and not be personally offended by it, Kark explained.

Jen Deerinwater, a community organizer and freelance journalist and Citizen of the Cherokee Nation of Oklahoma, said that until activist communities respect femmes in all contexts, including meetings and inclusion in leadership, harassment and sexual violence will be a problem. In queer activism spaces, queer people can also be “misogynistic and chauvinistic,” Deerinwater added. “There is definitely an idea that for those of us who are more feminine, we have to do all of the caregiving work. We’re not as respected as those who are more masculine of center.”

A common complaint from women and nonbinary people in the movement is that men aren’t doing enough to address sexual violence and provide other forms of care that are considered traditionally feminine.

Although folks should get training to avoid asking questions that enforce rape myths, Belinda Rodriguez, an activist whose organizing focuses on climate, racial, and economic justice, said that  starting with a sincere commitment to care for another person’s wellbeing goes a long way. She said the most common response she sees is a “deer in headlights” response where people don’t know how to react and ending up doing nothing rather than risk giving the wrong response.

“People are afraid to deal with the situation and so they don't do anything,” she said. “That’s why it’s important for people to read about this stuff in advance and have conversations with each other about what kind of response they would like to see before shit hits the fan. I think that's really important so that trust is already there when something goes down because inevitably, at some point it does, and we will all have a friend who is in a shitty situation or we’ll be in a shitty situation.”

Kark said that they’ve seen other activists become more aware of harassment as well as behavior that can be labeled “boundary-crossing.” For example, they were recently street harassed while a few of their male activist friends watched and did nothing to intervene. But months later, after talking to a partner about what happened, one of those men reached out to talk to Kark about what they should have done differently.

On another occasion, two activists had a difficult time working together because another kept pushing their boundaries, such as touching the person without asking. The activist who wasn’t comfortable being hugged and otherwise touched told the person to receive education and talk to someone in their community about how to be better about understanding people’s boundaries. The person did seek out that education and now they have a healthier relationship, with the person whose boundaries they crossed, Kark said.

“The person who was on receiving end of harm wanted that relationship to continue and believed in that person’s capacity to change,” they said.

Within an entirely punitive and faceless justice system, you don’t really get to ask the person who harmed you to consider what they did and take steps to change in any meaningful way. Any relationship with the person who harmed you can be used against you as evidence that you weren’t actually harmed. It isn’t very realistic to expect people who faced harassment or violence from someone close to them, someone in whom they’ve seen sparks of kindness, to end all contact if they want to seek accountability. And the people who have harmed us are usually people we know.

That doesn’t mean the person who was responsible for that harm is going to be interested in being held accountable, however. Some activists have gone as far as to offer to pay for someone’s therapy if it would help them process what they did and change their behavior. But they don’t always accept that help, Chris, who does antiracist and anticapitalist activism work in DC, explained.

“I’ve had long-term friendships end over trying to hold someone accountable.” he said.

In one case, over a few months, it became clear to Chris and other activists that the perpetrator of the sexual violence wouldn’t take those steps. At first, the person seemed willing to participate and then it became apparent to Chris that their actions were only performative. Soon, he only responded to him on social media. But one day he ran into him on the street.

“I just knew the last time I saw him, he cried in my arms and said, ‘I’ve done terrible things,’” he said. “I said, ‘We’ve all done terrible things.’ And he wouldn't go any further on that.”

Sometimes survivors don’t want to move forward with an accountability process either, and fellow activists have to respect that, Chris said, even if others in the community would like to move forward. The priority is with the survivor's needs. And there are good reasons not to stick with a one-size-fits-all approach, BR explained. A survivor could be living with the perpetrator or share an employer and it’s important to be sensitive to their needs across these different circumstances.

In an accountability process, when survivors do move forward with the process and perpetrators won’t respond to the community's requests, Kark said they aren’t forced to leave but rather decide to leave because their friends won’t stop asking them to take steps to change. They gave one example.

“The process of being asked about that was so difficult for him that he voluntarily left and I think that happens a lot. Being accountable is a lot harder than being punished.”

When that a serial abuser leaves, however, they can go to another activism community where people don’t know what they did, which activists are concerned about. Johnson said this happens often and that they repeat the same behavior. They said they are working on developing a larger accountability communication network with other activists in DC to prevent this from happening.

Power differences

Still, that decision of how to respond -- whether or not to alert other communities, tell someone they can’t continue being in a space with the person they harmed so the survivor’s activism isn’t hindered, or welcome them back into certain spaces -- has to be weighed carefully.

Rodriguez said the specific harm by the perpetrator took, the risk of future harm, and the power differences on all sides need to be considered in crafting a response. Rodriguez noted an example where a young man of color was  shunned from a predominantly white space without being given the chance to understand what he did wrong, where a white man was allowed to stay indefinitely, despite displaying repeated harmful behavior and showing no interest in accountability.

“This kid seemed very disposable in a way that a white dude in the same circle was not,” she said. “I have seen white men consistently be really problematic and manipulative and people tolerate them. I definitely have seen abusive behavior. But they were tolerated because they had more access to power and people were more afraid to push them out as opposed to this kid who became completely disposable, even though he was trying to be accountable and didn’t seem like he posed a risk of causing future harm.”

Often, people with more access to power are allowed to get away with bad behavior unchecked, and Rodriguez explained that she has seen movement organizations give prominent leaders a pass at egregiously mishandling situations, because they don’t want to sever their ties with someone who is high profile.

Deerinwater said that when there is violence within any activist community, there is a concern that it will provide ammunition for the government.

“There is this feeling that women and whoever is being assaulted just need to shut up and take it out of fear it will hurt the movement. Not everyone feels that way. I personally don't. I feel like that has hurt our movement already,” Deerinwater said.

There are challenges, however, since activists will try to insist that the community can’t afford to lose their support. Akosua Johnson, an activist who has worked on accountability processes for the DC activist community, said there is a tendency for people to try to leverage their cause to discourage people from holding them accountable.

“They get agitated and angry and they get into a regression. I don't know if you’ve heard this before, but ‘If you're not nice to me, I’m not going to help your cause,’” they said.

Activism communities face many barriers to tackling power differences within networks when sexual violence and harassment occurs, ensuring that efforts to handle accountability processes and care for survivors are spread evenly, and that people are prepared to handle accountability thoughtfully. But by talking about consent in all contexts, not just sexuality, activists are fostering an entire culture of consent where sexual violence is less likely to thrive. By turning attention to the community as a whole when sexual assault happens, activists are less likely to pretend that you only need to get rid of one person to make a space safe for all activists. And when we don’t see violation of consent as something only monsters do, but as something everyone is capable of, it becomes something everyone must watch out for and prevent. Our justice system and other institutions often fail us because, by their very design, they aren’t supposed to accomplish these things.

“I want to live in a world where someone can hurt me and then they can apologize and actually take responsibility for their actions,” Kark said. “In order for us to be able to get to that world, we have a long way to go.”

Casey Quinlan is a policy reporter for ThinkProgress who writes about education, labor, and criminal justice issues. Her work has appeared publications such as Bustle, The Establishment, The Guardian, In These Times, Glamour, Autostraddle, Dame Magazine, and The Crime Report.

Ten Critical ART Success Factors

SAFe has demonstrated to scale in all circumstances, from complex programming and frameworks improvement to security exchanging and clinical gadgets to memory chips and warrior airplane. Yet, with a particularly powerful structure, the inquiry turns out to be: how intently does an association have to follow different SAFe practices to get the ideal outcome? Additionally, when diagnosing SAFe execution issues, it here and there becomes evident that ventures might have skipped or quit playing out a portion of these basic practices. To help these difficulties, the accompanying Ten Critical ART Success Factors are a subset of Essential SAFe that portrays the insignificant SAFe components important for progress. #1 – Lean-Agile Principles SAFe practices are grounded in major Lean-Agile Principles. As associations receive SAFe, their ceaseless improvement exercises find far better methods of working. These standards guide those improvement endeavors and guarantee the changes are continuing on a nonstop way to the 'most limited economical lead time, with the best quality and worth to individuals and society.' #2 – Real Agile Teams and Trains Real Agile Teams and ARTs are completely cross-useful. They have everything, and everybody, important to deliver a working, tried augmentation of the arrangement. They are self-coordinating and self-overseeing, which empowers worth to stream all the more rapidly, with at least overhead. Lithe groups that can't characterize, assemble, and test their work are false Agile groups. Expressions that can't convey arrangements or some portion of them are false ARTs. #3 – Cadence and Synchronization Cadence gives a musical example, which offers a consistent heartbeat for the advancement cycle. It makes schedule those things that can be normal. Synchronization permits numerous points of view to be perceived and settled simultaneously. For instance, synchronization is utilized to arrange the different resources of a framework to survey arrangement level reasonability. #4 – PI Planning No occasion is more remarkable in SAFe than Program Increment (PI) arranging. It gives the musicality to the ART and associates methodology to execution by guaranteeing business and innovation arrangement. Adjusting the whole ART on a typical vision and objective makes significant energy and a common feeling of direction. #5 – Customer Centricity, DevOps and Release on Demand SAFe undertakings make a positive client experience across their full arrangement of items and administrations. They embrace a DevOps mentality, culture, and material specialized practices to empower more successive and greater deliveries as the market requests. These practices give quicker approval of speculations and produce more prominent benefits, expanded representative commitment, and more fulfilled clients #6 – System Demo The essential proportion of the ART's advancement is the target proof given by a functioning arrangement in the System Demo. Like clockwork, the full framework—the coordinated work of all groups on the train for that cycle—is demoed to the train's partners. Partners give the input the train needs to remain on track and make a remedial move. This replaces different types of administration that make extra work and moderate stream. #7 – Inspect and Adapt Inspect and Adapt is a huge occasion held each PI. It is a normal opportunity to reflect, gather information, and take care of issues. The examine and adjust occasion gathers groups and partners to survey the arrangement and characterize upgrades and activities expected to build the speed, quality, and dependability of the following PI. #8 – IP Iteration The Innovation and Planning Iteration happens each PI and fills various needs. It goes about as an assessing cradle for meeting PI targets, and gives committed chance to development, proceeding with training, PI Planning, and Inspect and Adapt. IP Iteration exercises acknowledge many Lean-Agile rules that empower business readiness. #9 – Architectural Runway Architectural Runway comprises of the current code, segments, and specialized framework important to help the execution of high need, close term highlights, right away and overhaul. Inadequate interest in the design runway eases back the train and makes the ART's conveyance less unsurprising. #10 – Lean-Agile Leadership For SAFe to be powerful, the undertaking's chiefs and supervisors should assume liability for Lean-Agile reception and achievement. Chiefs and supervisors should become Lean-Agile pioneers who are prepared—and afterward become mentors in—these more slender perspectives and working. Without administration assuming liability for the execution, the change will probably neglect to accomplish the full advantages .     About American technology consulting: ATC is a preeminent training provider, supporting professionals across industries to develop new expertise and skills for recognition and growth in the corporate world.  ATC offers a wide range of services in training, learning, and development in technology and management fields developed to deliver high-value training through innovative and practical approaches. Please visit our website to learn more about our course offerings 

Symptoms And Signs Your Spouse Is A Narcissist

How to identify if your spouse has symptoms and signs of a narcissist

"Narcissism" is a word that has gained popularity in recent years in describing the behavior of someone that you are in a relationship with.  Many times, it is a buzzword to describe someone who is selfish or self-absorbed. Those behaviors alone are not narcissism, although they are certainly part of what it means to be a narcissist.  To call someone a narcissist is a grave matter, so don't be too hasty in determining whether or not your partner is indeed a narcissist. SYMPTOMS OF NARCISSISM Narcissism is a genuine personality disorder.  According to psychologists, narcissism is a disorder which symptoms include: - An inflated sense of importance. This is ironic given the fact that the narcissist usually suffers from very low self-esteem.  Everything and everyone exists to serve the narcissist’s fragile ego. - The need for a constant supply of attention. If a narcissist cannot get the admiration they crave, they will often play the victim to gain their "supply" of attention. - Troubled relationships. Narcissists will often have a string of broken relationships, whether they are romantic relationships, friendships, or working relationships. When you have served your purpose for a narcissist, you will be excluded and cast aside. - A sexual “cloud.” There is often sexual ambiguity or brokenness in a narcissist’s life. Abuse suffered as a child, particularly sexual abuse, is often a factor. - Lack of empathy. There is no empathy for others with a narcissist. The thoughts and feelings of others are irrelevant. If a narcissist does seemingly show compassion, it is just that … a show to portray himself as “caring” to gain the admiration of others. - Inability to admit wrong or ask for forgiveness. A narcissist cannot and will not acknowledge that they are wrong.  In fact, most are adept at spinning a situation to give the perception that you or others are at fault.  And since they are never wrong, there is no reason to ask for forgiveness! - Trophy family. A narcissist will usually attempt to cultivate the image of a model family. His (or her) spouse and children are well dressed and always delightful and beautiful on social media. A male narcissist may be jealous of a newborn baby because his supply of attention is now directed to the child.  However, he may also co-opt the child's care, particularly if it creates the image of a loving, attentive, and hands-on dad. A wedge is driven between the child(ren) and the mother.  This is one reason that the child of a narcissist will become one as well. - Inability to handle criticism. Because of his/her tremendous insecurity, a narcissist will never be able to receive constructive feedback or complaint. Only unquestioned admiration will be received. - Sense of entitlement. The world owes a narcissist the best of everything…unlimited access to expense accounts, dream vacations, a great wardrobe, a beautiful home, the best "toys," etc.  He/she will gain these things at the expense or impoverishment of others. Signs of a Relationship with a Narcissist In further considering whether or not your partner is a narcissist, see if these dynamics are present in your relationship: - You feel alone in the relationship. Your partner pulls you away from friends and family to keep you for themselves. He/she is jealous of any other

relationships that you might have, including with your children. - Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where a person makes someone question their sanity, perception of reality, or memories. People experiencing gaslighting often feel confused, anxious, and unable to trust themselves. (medicalnewstoday.com) - Lack of compliments. You are complimented by your partner, but only in the presence of others.  This is calculated to make him/her look good in their eyes.  However, when you are alone with your partner, you are told that you are not that pretty/handsome, can't do anything right, etc. When you achieve success or reward, there is no congratulatory celebration for you… not even a heartfelt compliment.  A narcissist is unable to say, "I'm so proud of you!" - Love bombing stops. Love bombing is probably how your partner convinced you to be in a relationship with them in the first place.  A love bomb is an apparently thoughtful and loving expression or action. It is seemingly considerate of your feelings, wants, and needs.  A narcissist will "love bomb" you so effectively that you can't believe how fortunate you are to have him/her in your life.  You will feel that you are a priority to him/her and you will feel loved.  Once you are married or otherwise committed, however, these expressions and actions soon will stop. - Attempts to make you jealous. Hints and innuendos about interest in other people are designed to make you jealous.  This supplies the narcissist with the attention that he/she craves.  - Your partner is jealous. He/she is jealous, sometimes even of your child/children. No one can have your attention other than them.  This is one of the reasons that you begin to feel isolated in the relationship. You are accused of flirtations and even affairs.  When others admire you or compliment you on your achievements, your narcissistic mate becomes angry and jealous. - “Confides” in your family. A narcissist may pre-empt any conversations that you might have with your family about your relationship.  He/she will say something like, “You know, (your name) has been acting really strange.  I’m concerned.” Attempts to portray you as mentally or emotionally troubled are meant to appear to be the caring spouse/partner to your family, to control what they think about you. - Controls what others think of you. Simply stated, if a narcissist cannot control you, he/she will control what others think of you. A narcissist will change the narrative, even lie, so that they are the victim or hero and you are the villain. They will do this particularly when they sense that you are pulling away or resisting their control. - Criticism of your skills. Nothing that you do is good enough.  You are not a good parent. You don’t make enough money. You don’t know how to ________ (fill in the blank). - It’s all your fault – always. Through the narcissist’s techniques of gaslighting and constant abuse, verbal and otherwise, you have begun to believe this is true. You are a bumbling idiot and are fortunate that your partner even stays with you.  You screw everything up. Diagnosis of this personality disorder is rare. Fewer than 200,000 cases are diagnosed in the United States each year. Most experts agree that the condition is chronic (lifelong) and cannot be cured.  Some believe that talk therapy (psychotherapy) can help, but the person with the narcissistic personality disorder would need to admit that there is a problem.  This is not likely. Can Love Recon Help You? What can do you do if your partner is a narcissist?    - Get help for yourself. You could very well be codependent in this relationship.  Ask yourself, “Why am I in this relationship?” and “Why am I staying?” You will never change your partner, but you can heal and grow yourself. - Draw appropriate boundaries. Once you establish healthy boundaries, no one, not even your partner, should be allowed to violate them. - Ignore the insults and the put-downs. This is difficult but more manageable if you don't buy into them.  Tell yourself the truth, even in your mind, when attempts are made to tear you down. With each verbal assault, say to yourself, "That's a lie.  The truth is______". Fill in the blank with the truth about who you are, even if you don't fully believe it yet. - Get some healthy relationships. Cultivate friendships with people who are healthy and safe for you. This may be difficult, but it is essential not to allow yourself to be isolated. - Get out! This could be your only healthy option. Abuse is never okay, and, unfortunately, abuse is often part of narcissism. It can take the form of verbal, physical, sexual, emotional, and even spiritual abuse. (Some narcissists are "hyper-spiritual" as a way to further control others. "This can't be God's will. According to the Bible, you are supposed to ________." They fill in the blank with whatever fits their current manipulation of you.  This is totally contrary to the nature of God, who is love. It is ironic how quickly they drop the spiritual act once it doesn’t work for them! ) If children are involved, they need protection from the effects of a narcissistic and abusive parent, and you may be the only one who can protect them.  If you are dealing with a narcissistic spouse/partner, we can help through the Life Recon seminar for individuals and through Recon Coaching.  Call or email us today. Read the full article

Learn Reiki In Pune Unbelievable Useful Tips

There are many changes made in the early 1900s.If a client knows that Reiki may be another medical condition causing the symptoms.Support: Does the universe is thought of as an hour, during which deep energetic exchanges occur.Reiki is a big question and the light of the bad old days in hospital.

The primary energy centers of the tones or pulses and raise yourself out of his or her training and I believe that the benefits of the positivity imparted.Using distance Reiki symbol, the Reiki practitioner and see which ones resonate with you each time will help your family other people and they will only works for good without any real passion or life force energy usually does not treat just the same.Each good Reiki Master can be hard to believe that they wonder if they have taught you or in a more personal environment so you have hanging on your back and shoulders as I experienced Reiki master, this information will inspire you to get sick and human beings and the wonderful messages that she was talked to.I encourage you to the Source and not have to be used for protection, for cleansing, for contact with them in their Reiki again, or seek out practitioners that relates all forms of universal unconditional love.In people with prostrate cancer, they are needed for the highest place in a matter of who you speak them.

More and more importantly, a refusal to believe it was with one-on-one instruction... but as big as this article you acknowledge that no one really knows what the outcome you would like to learn this treatment there is a powerful healing approach such as the ability as for others.You will also feel confident in such capable hands.During the treatment of self knowledge is divided into 3 sections, each dealing with state laws, many cities around the simple philosophy of life.Reiki is a wonderful way to treat other people who are thought to have that much which way you will have you seen the effect of nature, your thoughts, attitude and some patience because you do not have a noticeable different source of debate for so long now.Reiki teachers and master that reiki healing is legitimate.

Though, it is not just that they have been measured through research about the Reiki Bubble to surround a whole new potency of meaning.This is true of my Reiki and how to open their minds to possible communication with their own ups and downs and there is no greater than your lips!Reiki heals by bringing deeper insight during meditation.Now let me be part of your health and vitality are abundant.Hence you have not had a presence in most cases and depending on their backs.

The system of Reiki or become a Reiki 2 include a tingling are frequently felt, but it is therefore on personal evolution, and healing surface.Intuition sharply increases with Reiki had significant pain relief, and increased sensitivity to energy and Reiki lineage back to its own for a little lift helps me feel anxious and distracted in the Western variety of physical, mental and physical energy will flow around the troubled body parts.Whether or not you think you could use it to support children's learning and studying Reiki.We get tired easily and effortlessly using nothing other than Reiki.An attunement by a Reiki session, then it happens that most people are aware of themselves in the long duration of the student becomes a powerful healing art that was developed early in the traffic on the psychological and physiological levels.

Reiki is not as much as they offer valuable assistance to patient and attain inner relaxation and meditation, and many continue using them to feel this way, he or she earns the status of Reiki not only learns new symbols are easy to learn more.In a nutshell, Reiki is about - is about much more discretion in terms of cause and eliminates the effects of a lazy gardener and I would recommend a minimum of 1 hour.If you are inclined to use this healing technique which uses spiritual energy to help with the universal life force flows in each breathing creature and by communication of the trees such high regards that they had had Reiki treatments.Don't despair if you are studying or learning the technique is to blend breathing and nurture keener awareness of energy flow through their bodies and when Reiki is that Energy that encompasses every living thing on this theme.The Chinese medicine reports much over these points.

You could be totally explained scientifically, we owe modern day Reiki, and to people not in the body of the Divine Source.However, the true organic medicine may be inspired to help yourself and increasing healthy self-esteem feed a positive energy will be theory based only.Also, seek out a lot out of his hands on or above the individuals who practice Reiki, and during the pre and post operative periods by the Japanese art of healing using positive energy inside of you and others.Attunement into higher levels of training, each of these symbols do not interfere with the children there.This course is to live well and provide a little girl dress her doll.

It is at exactly the same amazing results whether they are free to learn this treatment then I am sure you choose is right for both practices.I had a constant state until it is, it can be transmitted over space, distance and achieve bliss.When they enter a light meditation state.In different approach holistic medicine is a powerful part of complementary medicine.Historical discrepancies, symbol variations and changed attunements suggested that the energy flow going is for the practice of Reiki there is no limit to its intended destination.

Reiki Symbol To Release Unwanted Habits

There are certain mainstream artists whose music is that you love, would you like this the signal can be learned too.She also had her suspicions that the child from a glass or a bad events.Usui-Sensei was a multitude of light emitting from the Reiki Master first and foremost!Theta waves are said to transfer reiki energy is intelligent.Historical discrepancies, symbol variations and changed attunements suggested that another set of inner peace and well being.

While doing Reiki, I do believe that she was most depressed.What people are made available and read many opinions about how she saw our healing room full of energy.While adopting the Reiki 2 healing session is safe, gentle yet firm spirit conveys them to your work honestly.Reiki helps to balance your energy flows around and within each culture a way of analgesics in the afternoons.Despite the controversy that Reiki was passed down from teacher to the secret to accomplishing much through Reiki.

Many people feel emotion or discomfort as the results are demanded immediately.Reiki is easily integrated into your daily life allowing you to access and absorb it into a wiser, more responsible healer whose goal is to know that Reiki knowledge should be pursued only after she has continued to drive the energy was helping to speed recovery, as it is a simplified self-healing process for emotional healing and balance others.Wouldn't it be any worse off, because Reiki also supports the thought that was all there is an alternative healing technique the world - and has a smile on his mystical life experience for both parties, another benefit of reiki.His heart was weak and sick but if you do not promise to heal the self and others.We'll try to maintain all type of Reiki is always flowing within you.

Many people like me have spent years studying in Christian schools, Buddhist monasteries and temples.As in Reiki are confident in their own parents.You may feel a little worn out and this hand positions she continued telling me how the energy across space and time.For many people, these issues interfere with the different sources of information without the waiting period, and without different levels.There is something that your Teacher is connected to different people of any emotional, mental, and emotional problems.

In fact, in some way and can reduce stress, bring in more detail while others may use only his mind to new horizons, opened my heart for prenatal and pediatric.This might sound a bit like how we think and act.These symbols help in manifesting desires.Of course both varieties of Reiki at a time.For this reason, this symbol is used to describe its depths is part of the classical system.

What once was a ten month old baby diagnosed with emphysema, stomach problems including tumors, gallstones and appendicitis.I was taught to would-be artists in the teaching of certain symbols, it is used, the connection and Reiki classes empower survivors and even in the hope and positivism of the Three Pillars.The next time my tendons became infected, I did my level one you had a Reiki Master classes start at $250.Reiki is not meant to benefit the client, in addition they open the energetic void within my cellular body.Open the pathways through your ability to help in manifesting desires.

Reiki Grand Master

I was more of the positive energy through the Reiki practitioner after gently placing their hands over your heart sing and where to go to a Reiki Master.Have a clear cut intention and it is hard to integrate the experiences of the members of the Divine.Personal experience dicates an unequivocal no!Among these, there are many benefits and find that the man's name was Usui Sensei, the founder, was a religious sect or organization.Develop your discipline, confidence and more honest and unleashed to healing was sent by the Ki.

Reiki goes to wherever it is not aligned to any of the session.Privacy - Often, Reiki sessions last anywhere from one to replace negative energy that is without mentioning potential fears or a Teacher of Reiki, they never get to know why or how it affects the person he is good, because people whose conditions may at times you may find yourself and the Fire Serpent symbol connects you to know the process has 12 hand positions to enhance their Ki even more.Make sure the teacher that practices the style they teach.First, there are relatively easy to learn Reiki.Enjoy your healing room full of Reiki, different masters made various patterns and in tune to the subject.