#it really resonated then (and still resonates now tbh) of just this;;;; what went wrong!!!! we did our best and are left with nothing!!!
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jtl07 fics, 2023 round up(ish)
So I do an admittedly intense EOY reflection / SOY preparation every December but I’ve never really done a review of my writing for the year. Part of it is that, after over a decade of not writing fic, I didn’t start writing fic again until 2021. Crazy enough, my output this year was more than those two years combined (almost twice over!).
Tbh part of me almost felt guilty to realize that. I mean, here I am, recovering from one of the hardest times in my life, writing fic. But then a small part of me whispered, what’s wrong with that? Just because I’m healing doesn’t mean I have to suffer.
So I’m trying to take joy in what I’ve done this year and honestly, I’m proud what I’ve written. I truly cannot pick out a favorite because all of them mean so much to me. As I mentioned in the last fic review, reading and writing fic has played a huge role in how I process things and express myself; to have had this time to relearn how to write (with all its frustration and joy), to discover new things, to explore new characters, to connect with so many folks, it’s meant a lot. It’s helped me move forward, it’s helped me hold on.
So thank you - you, reading this, y’all who’ve read anything I’ve written, who’ve liked and left kudos and comments and messages - thank you, so, so much.
[some stats and random thoughts under the cut]
Because I’m me, I went into nerd-mode and used Flamebyrd’s ao3 bookmarklet to pull my fic stats earlier this month. I drew up some tables and charts and used lots of colors (what’s a spreadsheet without conditional formatting?)
(just one of the many sheets in the workbook I drew up lol)
After looking at different interactions (hits, kudos, comments, percentages of each), I came up roughly with my “top” fics and “bottom” fics (focusing on avatrice fics because that was the bulk of my writing this year).
Top 5:
Customer feedback surveys for Bar La Vasseur
past tense, future perfect
that melts the blood inside our veins
looks for you in everything (finds you there)
propose (now am found)
I’m not surprised by the surveys fic being at the top - I still giggle at that one and it gets kudos pretty regularly. It’s easy to read with a unique premise and I’m generally happy with the execution.
I am surprised, however, that propose shot up so high so quickly - the top three had been published early in the year (Feb-Mar) but propose was posted just last month. I suppose there was something about the premise - a different take on an Avatrice proposal - that must have resonated with folks.
Bottom 5:
18. so different now from what it seemed
19. we both know how this ends
20. the long, delirious, burning blue
21. late night vigil
22. can’t go back
I’m curious about the ranking of some of these fics - for example, that melts the blood inside our veins was my first amnesia fic and is in the top 5, but my second amnesia fic, so different now from what it seemed, is in the bottom 5. Perhaps it’s the difference in premise, perhaps the execution - who knows. (I’m not mad, just “huh.”)
I’m not surprised about the others though: a video game crossover, a military propaganda movie AU, an Avatrice+Cam threesome (fun fact: the doc title was simply “ABC” for a while lol), and a moody “what if” speculation - none of them fit the mold of “popular” lol
Now that I think of it, though, I did try new things with some of these fics: the tone and action of we both know how this ends is one I don’t usually do; I rarely do a retelling of other media (I know the long, delirious, burning blue doesn’t follow the Maverick movie exactly but still), not to mention having that twist at the end; I’m still very much learning how to be comfortable writing intimacy (I still don’t know where late night vigil came from lol); and can’t go back was an exercise that stretched my brain thinking of the different ways Beatrice’s life could have changed.
Slight tangent: I am, however, surprised that pocketful was so low - it’s #17 in the rankings (it’s just shy of 900 hits as of this writing) - only because I thought it got quite the heartwarming response initially. I received some of my favorite comments on that one (though to be clear, I love all the comments I receive! Such gifts, comments) That said, I can acknowledge that the premise does sound a bit odd. I mean, cmon, a fic about pockets? What even?
That said, I can’t promise that my ideas won’t be any less weird next year lol. There are some ideas that I think will carry over but I’m certain there will be plenty of new and unusual ideas that will pop into my head in the year to come.
I also can’t promise that my output will be as high as it was this year, what with some upcoming changes to my life (new job! moving, hopefully relatively soon, to a new state!) and general life-ness. I do intend to keep writing, though, at least that’s the goal.
Anyway, I think I’ll wrap this up here - if you have any questions or comments, feel free to reply here or drop an ask or DM. In any case, thanks again for hanging out with me and I hope your holidays and new year is safe and full of light <3
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volume 12 already? damn that went fast. just yesterday we were crying about vash drinking in a church
anyway :D volume 12 thoughts time
chap 1:
-chronicaaaaaaaaa :3
-AW NO MY BABY
-these quiet panels are the fucking best/worst thing that have ever happened to me
-too many memories :c
-YES LINA IS THERE THANK GOD (at the same time this is heartbreaking as fuck)
-all the enemies after all the people he has ever loved/helped
-HIS MOM AND HIS BF
-THATS IT THATS THE ONE THATS THE PANEL OH GOD WE ARE *HERE*
-im gonna go cry now
-i wonder what "anti plant" entails...is it a special material?
-ok fine, chronica can call knives a terrorist. she gets a pass
-oh sweet geesus
-eh?
-oohhhhhh.....ok fuck
-nothing can stop the hatred of this man. kinda admirable but as the song says "your misery and hate will kill us all"
chap 2:
-"corrosive thunder", love the title
-OH SHIT DOMINA NO, pls dont let him get to you
-DOMINA NOOOOOO
-the plants kinda look in pain there....
-MY GIRLSSSSSSSSSS
-for pain purposes, i choose to believe that when they resonate they hum like vash did in stampede
-aaand shes gone
-oh god, the end of evangelion flashbacks
-OH NIGHTOW YOU SON OF A BISCUIT- THOSE EYES IN THE BACKGROUND-
-tbh everything in your ship just being consumed by someone else so quickly must be scary af. nothing belongs to them anymore and soon, chronica could even loose herself
chap 3:
-oh shit oh fuck oh shit
-oh shit not thors hammer
-omg look! the laws of physics!
-noooo :c we dont get to know domina too much but its still sad
-OH?
-MAGIC BULLETS TIME BABYYYYYYYYYYY
-ohhhhhhh okok i get it
chap 4:
-THATS MY BOIIIIIIIIIII
-AH SHIT IVE JUST NOTICED THE HAIR
-ALSO PLS DONT SMILE LIKE THAT-
-childish is a good word for it cuz knives just doesnt want to accept hes wrong and scared
-THE POWER OF LOVE AND PEACE BITCH
-is vash pausing cuz even though his plan was to kill knives hes kinda sad that knives wants to kill him? i may never know
-let him use his fucking gun ok? hes an expert. also i like to think he uses it to stay grounded. like to stay with the people hes fighting with. hes not superior or anything
-TO YOUR KNEES BITCH TO YOUR FUCKING KNEES
-THATS MY FUCKING GUNMAN THATS MY SON RIGHT THERE
chap 5:
-FLASHBACK TIME LETS GO
-omg right it hated this. hes just a baby :c
-so vash left with a stranger? i forgot about that
-honey just be glad YOU ARE ALIVE
-BECAUSE HES VASH THE STAMPEDE- i should rewatch that episode huh
-GEESUS BRO
-tbh vash, you should have. then and now
-YEAH TELL HIM VASH >:D YOU ARENT NAIVE
-tbh i would also think thats enough to break the chain. hmm
-"stay with me" vash pls i cant jump into the void rn
-GEESUS CHRIST, the cleanest cut in the west
-also you think vash made that face cuz the last time he made someone bleed was rem-
-THE CLOSEUP TO THE MOUTHS AHHHHHHHHHHH
-"we dont belong in the future of this planet" dont fucking say that
chap 6:
-actually wanting to humans to talk with plants is a great step for improving their relationship but sure knives, whatever
-THATS SO TRUE VASH LETS GO, LET THE PLANTS HAVE A SAY IN IT
-ive said this before but as someone who was mocked by wanting context before judging people, vash is so...reassuring. like it wasnt wrong of me to want to know all the sides of one story. im glad
-also i completely forgot about that town and radiation. how tf radiation happens in that planet, what am i missing
-oh nvm, thanks nightow
-HES NOT EXCUSING, HES EXPLAINING OMFG YOU IDIOT
-YEAH FUCKING TELL HIM >:D POP OFF VASH >:D
-WHY IS IT THEN? HUH KNIVES?- oh shit what
-yknow what, ill give knives the fact that humans are ignorant and we are repeating history etc etc, but im done. finish him vash
-for some reason this reminds me to that scene with the soldiers in ep 12. my man really cant catch a break
-YEAH THE GIRLSSSSSSSSSSSS :D
-"you've been abandoned" maybe by some but not by everyone. and thats the whole point
-YEAH YOU ARENT BABY ILY
-HOLD UP IS THAT HER FACE?????
-awww :c
chap 7:
-IS IT LIVIO TIME????
-YO WTF, WHO SHOT MY GIRL
-ofc the military would be like this
-i literally cant say whos bleeding
-ah fuck ok
-ugh no...pls dont tell me hes fucking bleeding through his eyes...pls dont (if i see stampede vash bleeding like that i will eat my pc piece by piece)
-chronica :c
-LIVIOOOOOOOOO :0
-OMG YES, YES, IM SO HAPPY. quoting 98 "and i know in my heart he would have done the same"
-MR. VASH, MR. LIVIO AWWW :3
-OH HES SPINNING THOSE FUCKERS :D
-oh well thats not fair, hes too cool
-wait why is knives not wanting to kill vash bad?
chap 8:
-considering the blockers chronica has, entering a fused entity must be scary but also exciting
-ngl i dont get the spikes on the screen thing
-geesus
-WTF YOU DID TO HIM???
-wait no i want to see whats happening with vash- and its livio time
-oh hes alive thank god (this is my 2nd read why am i surprised)
-OH NO ITS THAT MOMENT OH NNONONONO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME
-i hate seeing his eyes like that if im being honest, its scary
-ESO MAMONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA GET UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP
-LIVIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
-OH SHIT its my wife
-OH WAIT MY OTHER WIFE IS HERE TOO
-VASH WHY ARE YOU MAKING THAT FACE
-OH GOD NOT LEGATO AND THE RUSSIAN DOLL
-CAN SHIT STOP HAPPENING FOR A MINUTE
-THERES TOO MANY PEOPLE HERE CAN YALL CALM THE FUCK DOWN
chap 9:
-omg its the legato episode
-what is happening, what am i looking at
-oh oh shit
-RIGHT IN HIS MF EYE
-what is happening?
-ok flashback time
-yeap. its that time. shit
-geesus fucking christ. tbh ofc legato would think knives is right. there was nothing to prove him wrong
-yeap. i would do the same actually. stomp on his head
-oh honey...honey thats gay-
-is that why he has short hair...cuz knives gave him a name AND A HAIR STYLE??
-damn son
-also i may be wrong but where do people get the idea he inserted metal in his own brain to have those powers?/gen
#trimax#trigun maximum#trigunbookclub#WHY AM I ACTUALLY SHOCKED THIS IS MY 2ND READ#was i really that numb the 1st time after vol 10?
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i feel like i'm not able to enjoy bl as i did before and it makes me really sad because it was the only thing bringing a little bit of joy to my life
im really sorry to hear that, anon, and for what it's worth i've also been experiencing that for quite a few months now, so i can definitely understand how you feel. it just sucks so much because it's already hard enough to find things that can bring us joy and make life a little more bearable, and to suddenly feel like you're losing one of them can be really disheartening, and a little scary too
i don't know if im in any position to offer advice tbh, and i don't want to make things about me, but if it can be of any help i can tell you how i've been dealing with it and what is getting me through this slump and making me feel not too bad about it
personally, what helped me a lot was figuring out why exactly i was feeling like i wasn't able to enjoy BLs as much as i did before, and it took me a while to understand it but for me it mainly boils down to two things. the first one is that despite the abundance and variety of choice we can find in BLs these days, i simply had to accept the fact that none of the ones that aired in the past few months were really for me. im not saying i disliked all of them, there are some that i actually did like quite a lot and that i can recognize are very good, but they simply didn't ignite that extra spark that makes me really enjoy something and become fully engrossed in it. it wasn't easy not to feel bad about this because i saw all the people on my dash being very excited about a lot of different shows and my first instinct was to think that there must be something wrong in me for not being able to feel like that too, but the truth is that we all have different tastes and that sometimes it just happens to go through a period of time where no piece of media seems to be resonating with us just right. the other thing is that im not in a very good place in my life rn, which is negatively affecting my mental health and that does make everything way harder, even enjoying the things that i usually like
neither of these two things are easy to deal with, but acknowledging them made me realize that maybe this is just a temporary slump and that it doesn't necessarily mean i will never be able to enjoy BLs as much as i did before. with this in mind, i went back to rewatch some of the shows i love the most and then thought of the shows that are yet to come, and that helped me realize that i do have BLs that im looking forward to and that there still are BLs that make me go insane, even if they are 'old' ones that have already aired
im not sure if any of this can be applied to you, but maybe it can help you feel less alone or even find ways to deal with the sadness. i also want you to know that even if you do end up realizing that you can't enjoy BLs as you used to, there still is joy to be found in the world. maybe it doesn't feel like it rn, but i hope you will never stop looking for it, and please know that if you need it im gonna be holding your hand and walking right next to you as you try to find what can make you happy next
#idk if this can actually be helpful or if i just ended up rambling without making you feel any better#but i want you to know that im here for you anon#if you wanna vent or talk about this more or anything really#im willing to listen and offer whatever comfort i can#im sending you a big hug and hoping you can find all the joy in the world#💜💜💜#m: ask
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I know, I know, but my brain didn't connect the things 😭 it never does when it comes to bts spoiling their stuff lmao 😭
Ahh I know what you mean!! It does feel like we know him better, and I will forever be grateful that he chose to show us this side as well. I'm very curious what he'll do in the future. I think he mentioned somewhere he will make brighter songs in the future? Idk I might've just imagined it. But I'm still happy he chose to talk about these things. We already knew how much the pandemic affected him (khm mots:e khm) but I feel like we know even more about what he's been through? Especially in Alone.
Yes, the promos were so good!! I still haven't watched the beat coin ep or the radio one, I only saw clips but I'm hoping to catch up on them soon!! I can't believe it's Jimin era and I'm missing stuff 😩 the music shows were so good??? I loved every performance my god and when he went on the actual shows and we could see him get his awards 🥺🥺🥺 and hobi coming and bringing him big bouquet of purple flowers 😭😭😭 pls he deserves every win he ever got and will get. I'm telling you the year end award shows are going to be crazy, we thought last year was bad when it was bts vs jimin vs hobi vs I don't even remember who was nominated 😭 and now it will be joon vs jimin vs yoongi vs hobi vs tae & jk if they release 😭 the girlies are gonna be fighting for those awards.
I have to admit I actually hated the fancalls akdjjdkska and I hate that Yoongi will do them to. Like OKAY the thought and intention behind them ARE SWEET OKAY. But I hate that 90% of them are just literal weverse army mentality of "jimin marry me". I did see very sweet ones too!! And I'm glad people were actually talking with him and congratulating him and everything but I will hate fancalls forever I'm sorry 😭 if it was up to me I would not let them do them, like I'm sorry sweetie but save yourself from the cringe 😭 Although that person who played set me free on piano was amazing, love that for them ❤️ but I did see someone dress up in a literal wedding dress, so no ❤️
I KNOW every song he put out was literal crack. The MVs were insane. I actually haven't watched the mujin one either 😭😭 what kind of Jimin biased am I 😭😭 I hate having a life
I know what you mean 🥺 with Indigo and JITB I could very clearly choose favorites, and songs I didn't like that much (all of them are really good but sadly I have to have taste and preferences 😭) but with face I really struggled 😂 Not that I was trying to dislike any song from any album!! But I think if I had to choose one, I would choose Alone. No, I would definitely choose Alone. I fucking love that song and love the lyrics and his voice and the message and how I can relate to it and everything. I'm currently obsessing over 'Mayday, get me out of here' overlapping with the 'Day and night' line. But I can definitely say that I resonate with every song. I love his album and most importantly I love HIM and I hope nothing bad ever comes to him and fuck everyone who ever wronged him and I wish him nothing but success 💜 Idk how he can be any more successful than right now but oh well 😭 - 🦋
adding read more hehe<3
Yes he did mention that. Oh and definitely. Jimin rarely ever showed us or talked to us about what he was going through during that time except during the mots on:e endingment. God that had been a punch to the gut. But seeing the jimin of today who put all that hurt and pain so beautifully into an album that I'm sure resonates with so many people in so many different ways, I've never been prouder. Him saying that he has healed from those feelings just made me so happy, you know? 🥺 also face era kind of left me feeling empty. Not in a negative way but a 'what do I do with my life now' kinda way. Empty as in we saw soooo much of Jimin during this era that I was like "Ok what now? now that i won't get to see jimin what nowhdjhdj???" which is... kind of pathetic of me tbh but i can't help it bc theyre my constant source of happiness u know? like little breaks in my otherwise dark life rip. I'm so glad we have yoongi's promotions soon otherwise idk what I would have done 😭😭😭
I've watched half of the beat coin ep and I'm waiting on the subtitles for the radio show to watch it hehe (although i HAVE read all the live translations). AND PLEASE. The way the members support each other just makes me bawl every single time. Like even after knowing so well how much they love each other, when they do these things for each other, it just makes my heart sob. Pls when bts members get nominated for and win all those awards 😎 next bts is bts 😎
Oh ngl me too. Like yeah most of what I saw were really nice and cute and they complimented him and congratulated him but the others ... the one girl who was like oh but the name of my boyfriend is park jimin. stfu pls you got one minute to talk to him and THATS WHAT YOU SAID????? corny cringey grosssss and pls don't even get me started on the wedding dress pls i will start yelling out profanities. I really fucking hope to god no one says yoongi marry me during the calls 😭😭😭😭 but obviously i just know there will be some dumbass who will do it anyway.
And its okay you can watch the content on your own time. There was a lot so don't beat yourself up for it if you haven't had the chance to watch them yet 🤍
And yeah same. I really struggled with Face too. All the songs are my taste 😭😭😭 Alone makes me cry so much lol. Sometimes when I'm listening to Face and I'm not doing anything else while listening, I open the lyrics and read them (even though I probably know them by heart by now) and I always choke up. Same, I really hope he never has to go through these feelings ever again :((( he deserves all the happiness and all the success and even more. I'll always wish nothing but the best for him <3🥺
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yet another concert that i claim to be one of my favourites, but i truly mean it. the rose joins day6, seventeen, epik high as my top concert experiences of all time ♡
i went into the rose's concert with low expectations. i know they're talented, but i always thought that the majority of their songs fell outside of my personal taste. tbh this concert was going to be more for my best friend than for me, but the concert truly lived up to its name — healing together is what we achieved tonight.
concert-wise, the rose is also just so solid?? like weirdly enough, their studio albums do not do their music justice. they're voices are even better live and their instrumentals resonate, like i-feel-it-deep-within-my-chest-until-it-can-heal-my-heart level resonate. i always end up walking away from concerts with more favourites than when i started and tonight was definitely the case.
but there was so much that i learned tonight about the rose, and i'm so thankful for it:
woosung is (arguably) the least musically inclined — i always thought that, given his solo career, he was the most musically talented, and the other members were there to support and build upon his musicality but i was very wrong. don't get me wrong, his performance quality and voice are still unreal but all the other members can sing?? and they play multiple instruments?? they are so well-rounded, it's enough to make me fall in love with them!!
dojoon is so fucking cute i cannot deal — his english is so good and he was so cute in how he interacted and joked around with the crowd. he's such a happy soul on stage and dare i say he may be my favourite member now??
i didn't know they've been making music together for 7 years — they are such close knit friends and you can definitely tell! like yeah, bands are stationary but they moved and danced and jammed each other whenever the opportunity arose. from jaehyeong and dojoon crossing the stage to each other, to them hugging and supporting each other, to how dojoon made jaeheyong and hajoon sing, like ahhhh!! it's so refreshing to see groups actually be true friends in the korean music scene ♡
another standout moment that i will never forget for the rest of the life was "seesaw".
woosung and dojoon, who are most fluent in english, started off by explaining the meaning behind this album and how/what healing (through music) means to them. then, jaehyeong took the mic and you could tell that he was really nervous because he's likely a) not used to being in the spotlight (as the bassist) and b) his english isn't as fluent as the main vocalists.
but he started explaining how he wrote seesaw as a way for him to open up because he's not that kind of person to begin with, but he wanted to heal with his members and to share that experience with the world.
then, they showed this video (which was filmed in korean) that showcased the meaning of the song a bit more, specifically with each member talking about how they wanted to support jaehyeong.
so he starts singing, and it's magical because it's just piano and strings in the background. and the vibe just hit right, so everyone had their lights going. by the time woosung and dojoon take over the vocals, jaehyeong was just watching the crowd and i'm not joking when i say that my eyes did not leave him.
i can only imagine how surreal it was for him — to be in a foreign country, to bare your soul to faceless strangers, to have your story told in a perfect harmony of lyrics and music, to see twinkling lights make your hard work sparkle that much more, to be supported and support others at the same time.
something inside of me moved when he turned back to start crying because i just know that it was something he'll never forget. after the song ended, everyone cycled through unified, thunderous cheers of "we love you", "jaehyeong", and "괜찮아" (it's okay) for him. i'm honored to have been a part of an act of pure love, and i hope he knows that, even though we don't speak his language, we heard him.
i'm really, really glad that i went. i feel like a different person than i was this morning, and if that's not a healing, beautiful thing then i don't know what is.
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https://www.tumblr.com/psychelis-new/712302795823398912/disclaimer-readings-works-for-present-energies
This reminds me of something and thought I share my experience. If you remember, I chose my pile using a dice almost all the time. I first know about pick-a-card from Youtube in early 2019. Every time I pick a pile, it doesn't resonate with me and feel forced. This made me not trusting my intuition. Around early 2020, I made a "PAC draw box." It consists of numbers folded in papers. How it works is pretty much like a lucky draw box. There was this one pac about who is my fs. When I drew, I got pile 2. Fast forward, September 2021, I finally got my first paycheck and went to buy dice (it comes in a package of 7 types of dice: 4 sides, 6 sides, etc). So, I tried the 6-side-dice on the same video.
I got pile 2. I was stunned.
I threw the dice again after the first throw and got pile 2 again.
That means no matter what method I use, the past and the present still align (energy wise). Which also means I'm still walking the same path. That explains why I got the same result.
But let say I finally changed something in my present, and that change isn't aligned with my past anymore. My dice will roll & stop at a different number.
Can this be used as an example of "reading based on present energy" and "reading is timeless"?
-Nari 🌻
I have a bad case of not trusting my intuition 🙃
Please don't make me as I am very stubborn 😝
Okay, let's start from the first steps (IDC I'm more stubborn than you LOL):
1-the piles you took out of your intuition, didn't resonate cause they really didn't resonate (told you about stuff that isn't part of your life and you were like "uh nope, that's not me" all the time) or because they told you things you didin't want to hear/didn't align with your mind? Sometimes we get triggered, for different reasons: not just by the message itself but seen that you're not confident/trust yourself, you may only fear the message is not for you and therefore while reading, in the back of your mind, doubts keep rushing in even unconsciously and it may make you close off to the message (maybe the fact that you relied on "fate" through dices, relieved you from the stress of a choice and having to trust yourself, and made you accept the reading whatever it was about... it would be cool to check if your intuition would align with the dices, but ofc, the insecurity may pop in anyway at this point).
2-where you always grounded and stable while you where picking piles? I mean did you fear the result of the pile or you were tranquil "anyting goes, just tell me sth" -mood? I think you tend to stress a bit cause you really don't trust you first impulse, and therefore your intuition may go nuts anyway...
Tbh these things are important and to be kept in mind when evaluating if a pile is really not for us and why. It doesn't necessarily have to be your intuition wrong.
Not to mention, if you force yourself to pick a pile when there is no message to a little one for you, it's hard for your intuition to decide a pile no matter what (and it will be wrong anyway). Trust yourself if you hear a "no" or a topic/reader doesn't call you.
Now, moving onto your specific question.
All the readings are timeless because you can take them anytime in your life. They relate to how you feel, what are you working on, what you need, what you want in a specific moment of your life you happen to find them and take them (you can take now an old reading you didn't want to take a few years ago for any reason or because you found it now: it's all okay: present energy = the present moment in your life when you take a reading, today, tomorrow, in 3 years: it's always present energy for you: present today, present tomorrow, present in 3 years).
If you keep having the same goal, the same problems, or you're searching for the same things and blablabla, it's likely that the pile will generally be the same cause you are staying in the same situation (your choice). BUT let's suppose it's a pac reading about healing and you took it a couple of times in around 5 months and always got pile 2; let's also suppose that after a trigger or a breakthrough in your real life, you start working on yourself and heal something that was mentioned in that pile 2 (e.g.). Let's now suppose that after a couple of months or more of work, you end up seeing that pac reading in your dashboard so you take it again: you may pick pile 1, and have a different message cause you healed what was mentioned in pile 2 and maybe now you need to focus on something else (according on the message of that pile 1 ofc). This is what I mean by you can use pacs to see where you are with your life and how it may be going.
The reading topic in your example is fs, therefore something in your future and something that doesn't strictly depend on solely you. (This said, it was present fo ryou the early 2020, and it was present for you September 2021. It is present today if you take it today, no matter what pile you get. The pile's choice depends on your actions, choices, things inside of you and how your present energy -in 2020, 2021, today- align with the energy read by the reader when they did the reading).
If you changed something in your present life, and didn't align anymore with your future fs, you MAY get a different number, yes. BUT if you change something that has nothing to do with your future fs and how you two will get together or anything, you may even get the same number you always got anyway. Not every little change in your life will change your future that much. Plus, as said, if the reading is about your fs, it's not only on you: there's you and what you want in your person (it can change while healing/growing/after having different experiences/knowing yourself) ofc but there's also them and how they grow and change, heal, make experiences... if you two are still aligned, you may always get the same pile anyway. If you two are still aligned you may get a different pile but still recognize it's the same person cause of specific words/mentions/signs you can read in the pile. Or you can just change the type of person you want to have in your life and therefore get a different result cause of this (again, it depends on the specific topic of the reading too).
Does this help?
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wangxian fic rec list!
aka in which i read fics, write some recs down for aamna and share them!! they're all wangxian fics and uhh @yibobibo i hope you'll like them!!
modern
wolf devours playboy bunny by @greenteafiend (5K, werewolf!lwj, getting together, idk if anyone needs to know that but there's nudity just not uhh explicit)
Lan Zhan has wanted Wei Ying as long as he has known him, and the worst part is that he thinks Wei Ying could want him back.
Too bad he could never in good conscience let himself go there—Wei Ying has a debilitating fear of all things canine, and once a month, Lan Zhan is the exact, precise thing that Wei Ying’s nightmares are made of.
Aka, Lan Zhan is a werewolf.
between the lines by @jywait (19K gaming au!!!, i'm always down for a good gaming au, lwj is the best aksks he's such a good boy)
☆yilingpatriarch☆: pls...give me some face, help me fight these monsters...I'm gonna die
Bluetooth: no.
"You have died." The screen said, and Wei Wuxian threw his hands up in frustration.
resonant frequencies by chinxe (15K, college au, fake dating au, tw mention of cheating but it's brief and no one was cheated on i promise)
In which Wei Wuxian decides that the best way to deal with being in love with Lan Wangji is to pretend to date him for three weeks.
It goes about as well as can be expected.
drift compatible by windoworwhatever (5K, poetry, fluff, drunkji, getting together, college au)
"It was just a fact of life. The sky was blue, university stipends for graduate students working in TA positions barely covered rent, bisexuals cuffed their jeans, Lan Wangji had a massive crush on Wei Wuxian, and spent his time pining and writing research papers about gay subtexts in ancient poetry."
OR
Lan Wangji is in love with Wei Wuxian, and everybody knows, except Wei Wuxian.
the bunny next door by detailsinthefabric (43K, this is mostly fluff and very light angst, and they were neighbors!!!, rabbits!!, aka wangxian's bunny children, this is... so cute i just have to rec it)
Lan Wangji did not know what he was doing. He did not know what he was going to say. He was frozen in place, puzzling over the situation. Maybe he had made the man uncomfortable, which is why he wanted to leave? But his tone had still been so friendly—maybe…
“Would…” he paused, swallowed, forced the last words to come out of his suddenly parched mouth, “would you let me pet him?”
-------------------------------------
Lan Wangji, who doesn't know how to socialize and whose icy demeanor scares everyone away, lets down all his defenses when he meets the bunny next door...oh, and also its owner, Wei Wuxian.
leading tone by silencemostofall (32K, everyone is a music student? or something like that akskk, curse fic, tw panic attacks, tw child abuse, small scene of drunkji, wwx has low self esteem, bro this was so painful to read)
The first time you touch someone you're fated to love, you leave a mark on their skin. If they will love you in return, they'll mark you where you touched them. The deeper the color, the deeper the connection.
Wei Ying has no marks at all.
public places, private thoughts by leahelisabeth (for the love of camelot) ( 8K, cherry magic au, getting together with like... immediate upgrade to fiance status, the author is wrong i crave good wangxian cherry magic aus even tho i haven't even watched cherry magic)
Wei Wuxian had heard the story of course. It had made its rounds through his high school and followed him into his college days. He didn’t think there was any possibility it was true. Virginity was a social construct, invented by creepy old men to exercise dominance over women. The idea that a simple lack of sexual activity before the age of thirty could give one magical powers was absolutely ludicrous.
Wei Wuxian believed this until the morning of his thirtieth birthday.
AKA the Wangxian Cherry Magic AU that absolutely nobody asked for.
i'd be all right (if i could see you) by @thirtysixsavefiles (16K, this was nice, i read this at 6am but it was cute, (while writing this post i must admit i don't remember anything but 6am-me said it's good))
The younger Lan brother is something of an enigma on campus; while Lan Xichen can sometimes be seen in the company of other graduate students or conducting a seminar, Lan Wangji appears to spend all his time in class or in the library. He doesn’t drink. He doesn’t smoke. He doesn’t attend social events. He doesn’t do anything for fun, as far as Wei Wuxian can tell, and it’s driving Wei Wuxian just a little bit up the wall.
Or, Wei Wuxian convinces Lan Wangji to come to a house party, and then they're assigned to the same group project. Wei Wuxian tries his best, but he is not in possession of all the facts.
axe on leg by itszero (4K, i still don't get why wwx did that but it was nice seeing him jealous for once, jealous!wwx, lwj i love you....)
Wei Wuxian pressed his face into his pillow and screamed. He paused to take a few deep breaths, partially hindered by the pillow, and listened to the sounds of Nie Huaisang slurping his iced coffee, from his seat on Wei Wuxian's desk chair.
Having caught his breath, he resumed his screaming and did not stop at the sound of his dorm room door opening.
"What's wrong with him?" He heard his brother, Jiang Cheng, ask.
The slurping stopped. "He's an idiot."
"He's always been an idiot. Why is he bothered about it now?"
"He forced Lan Wangji to go on a date," Nie Huaisang replied, shaking the ice cubes in his drink.
"Okay and…?"
"With someone else." The slurping resumed.
Wei Wuxian, in all his glorious dumbassery, convinces his boyfriend to go on a date with someone else.
these two most powerful by @stiltonbasket (4K, amnesia, wangxian with children!!!, aksksk this was adorable, dadji!!)
When Lan Wangji went to bed last night, he was alone in a tiny guest room with nothing but the howling of the wind in the mountains and his own lonely thoughts for company.
But when he opened his eyes in the morning, Wei Ying was asleep beside him.
(In which Lan Wangji loses twenty years' worth of memories after a night-hunt gone wrong, and his life as a doting father and husband continues without a hitch somehow.)
good things come to those who wait [but i ain't in a patient phase] by @cerlunas (4K, getting together, pining lwj)
Lan Wangji can't take it anymore.
“I love you”, he says, and god, it feels terrifying. “I’ve been in love with you for a long time.”
“Lan Zhan…” Wei Wuxian starts, but Lan Wangji doesn’t want to hear it.
He grabs his cup and drinks everything. He doesn’t know what face Wei Wuxian is making at him right now, and it’s okay.
“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian repeats louder, but it’s too late. He is already falling asleep.
Or, even after 13 years, Lan Wangji is still in love with his best friend. Maybe it's time to open up.
wei ying, will you marry m- oh my god he swallowed the ring! by selene210 (2K, marriage proposals, crack, marriage proposals but.. they go wrong)
“A ring?”
And indeed it was. The ring Lan Wangji was going to propose to Wei Ying with. That the man had now choked on.
“You swallowed it.”
“It was in my soufflé! Why did you put a ring in my soufflé Lan Zhan- oh. oh”
of glittery valentine's cards by @soft-fics (3K, valentine's day, this was adorable aksk, a-yuan best boy!!)
Lan Zhan didn't want to know what his best friend had planned for Valentine's Day; his heart would simply not be able to handle it. When his son tells him that he made Wei Ying a Valentine's Day card, though, Lan Zhan decided to bring it over anyway.
of coffee and white tea by @soft-fics (9K, fluff, lwj doesn't like coffee, wwx buys him coffee, then they switch drinks, again and again and again, the staff ships it lmao, tbh jc shouldn't have done that like wtf)
For the fourth time this week a stranger orders him a cup of coffee. Lan Wangji wonders how exactly to tell this man to stop ordering him coffee he doesn't even like. Turns out, buying the other white tea and switching drinks is not the best way to go about it
canon setting
on the importance of restraint (or lack thereof) by nixthothou (4K, in which sizhui snaps, i love that boy, no like seriously he's the best boy)
Lan Sizhui does not usually find himself in the company of Sect Leader Jiang.
Suffice to say, Lan Sizhui's feelings toward him are conflicted.
lan wangji is wei wuxian's baby by lilycs (3K, i was craving fluff while reading this, lwj my beloved, drunk!lwj)
Lan Wangji gets drunk from barely a cup of alcohol, becoming a whiny baby and asking his husband for cuddles.
one of our own by glitteringmoonlight (8K, wei wuxian & lan sect, 5+1 things, in which they learn to love him, they're all part of the wwx protection squad lead by lwj, wangxian isn't the focus but !!! THIS)
Times change, but some people remain the same.
The Lans are nothing, if not aware of this.
For one of their own, they will stand against the world.
Or, 5 times the Lans defended Wei Wuxian, and the 1 time he was there to see it happen.
so why not crack your skull when the mind swells by @greenteafiend (13K, love curse, post cql canon, curses, getting together, fluff, so much fluff, lwj tries to talk about his emotions!, lwj pov)
Lan Wangji detects the curse trying to curl through his heart meridians like smoke. A love curse, then. It must have been cast remotely somehow to have found him in his bed in Cloud Recesses. No matter. Lan Wangji crushes it easily, enveloping it in his spiritual energy, and then squeezing. Curse averted, Lan Wangji closes his eyes and goes back to sleep. He thinks no more of it.
Two days later, Wei Wuxian arrives in Cloud Recesses.
Or, Wei Wuxian is cursed to feel terrible pain when he and Lan Wangji aren’t touching.
i started from the bottom / now i'm rich by x_los (57K, time travel, fix it, jealous lwj, crack treated serious, god this is so good tho, wwx/wrh & wwx/jgs but like as a joke and it doesn't really happen, but it has its purpose!!)
“First, you get the money. Then you get the power, respect - hos come last.”
Wen Qing traps Wei Wuxian in the Demon Slaughtering Cave, but Wei Wuxian isn’t interested in being the beneficiary of the Wen Remnants’ noble sacrifice. His efforts to free himself accidentally send him back to the beginning of the Sunshot Campaign. Coreless but armed with demonic cultivation, knowledge of the future and his wits, Wei Wuxian takes advantage of this opportunity to come out on top of both the war and its aftermath—before either has a chance to happen—by marrying and swiftly burying the cultivation world’s worst men.
Lan Wangji is confused, hurt, and uncomfortably aroused by Wei Wuxian’s improbably elaborate series of Sect-themed bridal negligees.
lead me on through by mrsronweasley (55K, they're in love your honor, arranged marriage but they don't know to whom, basically wwx & lwj want to practice kissing which then goes beyond kissing but not the whole way y'know, lxc the best wingman tho)
"Who do you think your betrothed is?" Wei Wuxian asks, sprawling out in front of Lan Zhan and enjoying the prim thinning of his lips at the question. He shouldn't be sprawling—they're in the library, for one, and Lan Zhan is studying, for another—but he can't help himself. Wei Wuxian is a sprawler.
"I do not believe this to be of importance," Lan Zhan responds, without turning his gaze away from his book.
"What!" Wei Wuxian sits up. "How can you say that? Of course it's important! This is the person you'll be with for the rest of your life, Lan Zhan."
#wei wuxian#lan wangji#the untamed#wangxian#mdzs#cql fic#mdzs fic#mo dao zu shi#lan zhan#wei ying#lan xichen#wangxian fics#wangxian fic#fic recs#mdzs fics#jiang yanli#lan sizhui#jiang cheng#lan qiren#lan sect#aamna tag#the possibility of this showing up in the tags is like 1% bcs there are so many links and y'know how that is
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I don't know, that part never seemed to be transphobic to me. They had reasons to be so, and when they made other decisions to be someone, I was glad. I don't know how you will consider it, though. Will you analyze it through and through, or will you just look at the surface? It is similar with Kanji's case. He doesn't necessarily have to be gay, but everyone always say he is, just based on his shadow, which are ridiculously exaggerated versions of the person's negative thoughts.
I couldn't reply to this before for obvious reasons, but now that I got through Naoto's dungeon: oh boy. It's pretty late here so idk how much sense this will make but here we go
The thing is, the concept of talking about the sexism in the police workforce isn't bad - it's a pretty good thing tbh, and I can see that they went further with the theme in p5 - like, yeah, address the sexism in workplaces and all that, but the problem is, they gave Naoto the trans subtext and then they ripped it off, just like they did with Kanji and his sexuality - and I think it's pretty hard to separate these two since their arcs pretty much follow the same basic, which is queer subtext > queer subtext now gone, they're back to the 'norm'
Let's go with Naoto first, because seriously, when you have a character linked to gender identity and "body alteration procedure" - come on. You know what they're referring to, and they immediately did an u-turn by having Naoto say that no, they've been a girl all along, despite all the subtext going on and uugghh. The thing about being themselves and no one else is beautiful and I love it, but taking into consideration what was said earlier, it just doesn't sit right. It's right, it's a good message but - it's not right at the same time, for the implications it seems to carry ( and you know the implications of fitting in the norm are there, because this is persona, and we can't have someone who isn't 100% straight unless it's p2 apparently.)
Same thing with Kanji - his dungeon is supposedly all about facing his inner thoughts and ideas about masculinity, but the subtext of Kanji's sexuality is literally all over the game AND it's not even subtext. He's been crushing on Naoto since he first saw the guy, when he was still presenting himself as a boy - might not make Kanji completely gay, but he's at least MLM coded, and not like. Other characters who have vague hints. This guy has been crushing over another guy for half of the game, but then oh, surprise? The guy isn't a guy. It's a girl. Technically, Kanji doesn't even have the mlm subtext anymore on paper (except he still does)
"He doesn't have to be gay, but everyone always says he is, just based on his shadow, which are ridiculously exaggerated versions of the person's negative thoughts." > yeah see, the thing is, it's not even that far off what a person might actually think while questioning themselves. Hell if I didn't think the most awful shit about myself when I was questioning my sexuality, especially when you have grown up in a society telling you that if you deviate from a certain norm you're just broken and there's something deeply wrong with you. Which is why this whole writing thing is just bugging me a lot - because the way their shadows are talking to them, it feels like they're just kids trying to figure out themselves, just to have some homophobic deus ex machina take that away from them. The way they belittle their thoughts and rip to shreds the idea of what they could be resonated with me and it's. It's hard.
Also this is p transphobic but I would honestly give it a pass if it was a "kid growing up with internalized transphobia gives himself transphobic speeches"
It's all about putting it in the right context really, and the thing is, the game throws this stuff at you, then hides the hand behind its back and pretends nothing happened
Anyway
Bi kanji and his trans bf naoto
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TABBY | SHORT STORY UPDATES #4
In Tabby, a reclusive man who’d rather exist as a phantom than a human notices the neighbours aren’t feeding their cat, and is sucked into a world that breaks the stillness of his own.
Genre: literary fiction, “soft” noir (??)
POV: 1st person present, very observational and detached for most of the narrative
Setting: late 1940s/early 1950s, unnamed US city but implied to be Los Angeles
Atmosphere: a summer that’s sickly, orange juice, the smell of paint, shaky hands, peach skies, sunflowers, blood splatter, a cats purr, the gut feeling that something is very, very wrong
Literal Logline: this cat is my friend and he doesn’t judge me over silly little things like the murder i just committed (also i think he might be god??)
Hi I wrote a story about a cat and got way too into it and accidentally made it about murder and now it might be my favourite thing I’ve written! Lets talk about it! cw for murder and blood imagery!
general taglist ; @kowlazovdi @avi-burton-writing @ryns-ramblings @melpomeny @kitblogsthings @ezrathings @aetherwrites @bookphobe @haldimilks @alicewestwater @bookpacking @shaelinwrites @writingamongthecoloredroses @harehearts @zemnian @onlyganymede @theelectricfactory @write-like-babs @oceancold @notphilosopherstudentblog @veiliza @sidhewrites @wolf-oak @feverdreamwritings @oasis-of-you
This entire story sparked from this photo, which I couldn’t find a specific source for, but is cute and a Mood nonetheless!
My thought process was essentially “man sits on bench with cat...........and also.......murder?” I don’t know why my brain is like this!!!
I imagine this story being set in the late 40s/early 50s, but haven’t pinpointed exactly, in a suburb of Los Angeles (but this also isn’t clear in the story as of now). This used to be my go to setting when I was really into noir, and it was fun to return to that in a non-noir piece! This started out as purely literary, but now I do see some noir elements here. They’re just very subtle - nor was I intentionally trying to capture any - and the story misses some of the fundamental conventions. To me it’s almost like...soft noir? Noir lite?? I feel like it’s inherently noir and inherently not noir at the same time but I love the vibes of it a lot. There’s this “glow” to the story that I can’t exactly put into words, like a very subtle golden hour that is very tranquil and strangely undisturbed by the general chaos going on in the actual story
I took this setting, the vibes, and the idea of a character with an innate connection to this cat, plus a murder chucked somewhere in the middle and ran with it.
I wrote this over the course of a couple days, and it came very naturally! The prose is a little more sparse than my usual writing which made the process much quicker, and I’m really into this style at the moment. A lot of it is also internal thought, which y’all know is right up my alley. I really, really love the voice in this. It starts very unremarkable, but there is an unsettling undercurrent that grows and grows and it’s been very fun to blend the mundane and the creepy. This story really reignited my drive for short fiction because the trend lately has been coming up with an idea I love that just doesn’t translate on paper, but this one despite needing a good deal of work was very smooth!
I’d say this is my first successful attempt at a nameless/faceless character and it’s one of the most interesting experiences of character development I’ve had in a long time?? The only other time I’ve done this is in my story Rinse Cycle, but the narrator never really felt much like a character (which is very unusual for me), whereas the narrator in Tabby feels as fleshed out and nuanced as any of my characters with names or faces. I rarely focus on appearances for short story characters anyway, but I’ve never struggled with finding a name for a character and this narrator just Does Not want to be named. But I think that really fits him! He likes to be invisible and drift through life unnoticed, where he is merely an observer rather than a participant; so when he does get chucked into the middle of a very messy, very chaotic situation he essentially shuts down. I really like the tonal shift this creates where we go from a very detached narrative to very in the moment, very vivid and intense, like we go from 0 to 100 real quick. I don’t want to share a lot of plot details (which makes writing this a little frustrating sigh), but it ends with him committing a murder that, whilst intentional in the moment, is entirely impulsive and practically out of his control. He is not a natural killer and goes from barely being an emotional participant in his life to fully immersed in the moment and absolutely terrified by that. I’m really looking forward to digging deeper into his psychological state as I work on this draft because Boy We Don’t Have Time To Unpack All This. A quick summary of him would be though
people watcher, picks up more than he realises
living in a house he inherited from his dead father
made eye contact with a stranger and it was physically painful
quietly unhinged
doesn’t feel like he’s a person
oh no, now i have to face the consequences of my actions!
I’m trying to limit the amount of excerpts I post when it comes to short stories [because I am always basing the value of my content on prose I share which is! not healthy!], so the only writing I’m going to share is this little description that’s not very plot relevant, but is a good demonstration of this narrator’s funky little voice:
Every morning, at seven sharp, I routinely sit on the swinging bench behind my house to eat over easy eggs and burnt sausages. I still don’t understand how to cook meat. Behind me, cars murmur and sputter into the city, housewives chatter from their separate square gardens and I do not exist in the same reality as them. I am boxed in by off-white picket fence. The fence dividing my neighbours and I – a saffron coloured house with sunflowers bordering the perimeter – is painted pinkish red like an infected tongue. Every morning, I routinely think, that I do not know what’s stranger: how the red jolts the sun house’s otherwise harmonious existence, or the way the job was never finished. It’s not as if the painter died, because if the painter died there would be a corpse; perhaps blood spatter would darken against red wood, perhaps paint would pool out of the dropped can and mimic the presence of an exit wound.
Y’all might be wondering, where does the cat fit in all of this? And the answer is it’s complicated! In terms of form, we bounce between observations/interactions of the cats behaviour and the “main plot” of the story - which is to do with the rather unhinged new neighbours disrupting our neighbours unremarkable life. Thematically, the cat definitely symbolises a lot of things and opens up a lot of conversations that I still haven’t polished because well, we’re on draft one and I was focused on some funky Cat Descriptions. Some fun ideas include the distinction between human and animal, how capitalism is impeding on our chances to live a fulfilled life, and the idea that all humans do is overcomplicate everything. It’s presence also acts as a grounding technique for the narrator, since he so easily detaches himself from the rest of the world. The writing started with a scene of the act killing a mouse and how clean and simple it all is that I’m lowkey obsessed with, and is definitely some non-subtle foreshadowing for what comes later.
I like to joke that the cat is God because sometimes the narrator says some weird shit like, how the Earth stops orbiting the sun when the cat goes to sleep and how the cat doesn’t need to worry about predators because it hasn’t invented any. So the cat is not officially “God” but like,...,,It Might Be
Quickly adding this to the end but! Your girl finally has a (working title) for her collection! I’m not ready to share it yet because I’m still not 100% on it, I feel it matches the stories thematically but not always tonally, however it captures the core idea that I’ve been following so it’s good enough for me. This was a really important step because as much as I tried I could Not Visualise a collection at all without a title, which is v annoying because titling a collection is the worst!!! I was fine just writing short stories and letting them exist but I really wanted to build them as a cohesive collection as I went, and now I really like where it’s going - it’s definitely got a long way to go but I feel like I’ve finally managed to take control of it and steer it into a direction that reflects what I enjoy to write. I spent a lot of months clinging onto the collection I started in late 2018 before The Great Writing Hiatus Of 2019, even though it really didn’t resonate with me anymore, so I’m very happy to feel like I’m now on the right path and I feel the collection really shows my growth as a writer this year! This is definitely not set in stone, but I have a lot of fun imagining the potential order of the stories and right now it looks like:
[Some of these are stories unfinished, and some of them are finished and I just haven’t talked about them because I am the Worst at remembering to write short story updates, but tbh I’m thinking of just talking about them all briefly in a big post about the collection when I write a proper intro for it in the future]
We love to see it! I’m hoping to put a lot of time into this collection in 2021 and get some submissions rolling too (I had the goal of submitting at least one story by the end of this year and I! Don’t know if that’ll happen but January definitely). I’m likely going to be taking most of the year out of uni due to the whole global and mental turmoil rn [also I’d have to apply for writing masters atm and that is NOT happening lmfao], so I’m v v excited to have some extra writing time and see where this all goes!
#atlastracking#am writing#short stories#writeblr#i am once again posting at an odd time when my dash is ~dead~#also playing around w how i format these posts as always
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Hi dear! I've seen you didn't talk much about Sadistic Beauty these days... What are your thoughts on ending and two side stories? Especially Wookying and Minho's one? Tbh I'm disappointed and disturbed :(
i had to step out of this story bc it was leaving me frustrated, irritated and disappointed not to mention very confused LOL.
yep, im still fairly disappointed with where the author went with this. a major conflict that should or could have been in the main story was the whole drama including wookyung fighting with doona to get minho but it was swept under the rug only to return as some after thought as a side story (probably excluding doona).
there was such a great opportunity to finish it in the main story but the author decided that minho had to suffer all of the consequences and everyone else is going scot-free LOL. truly a shame. i wasnt surprised that doona was ending up with haesol, never was into them, still not into them.
i have a certain distaste for characters like haesol, he’d be best described as a simp. and i absolutely loathe simps lol. there’s a fine line with being there for someone and being there in hopes that smth more might change, he def wants to date doona and saying that he’s okay with how things are and if they don’t date, is basically a blatant lie to himself. if that was the case, he wouldn’t let her string him along and use him for sex. the feelings he has for her will just be kept in the back, but it will most likely resurface in some way or another. in the long run, it’d hurt him and that’s just not worth the hassle. obv since the writer wanted them to happen, he’s prob gonna get what he wants lol.
i def found the whole rivalry btw donna and wookyung in order to get to minho way more fascinating, and wished it was explored more.
now, the only thing im happy with is gyerin is probably getting her happy ending with the new girl. she’s also the only one who went “fuck this” once she saw doona wasn’t going to reciprocate her feelings, and im rlly glad she did that. at first, i didnt think much of her, but now, seeing how the story went (lmao), im all for gyerin being happy.
and as for wookyung and minho, im interested in how their story will unfold. but i feel so so bad for minho, he was a jerk and an asshole i wont deny that, but he didnt deserve all of the hate and harm he got and still is receiving according to the side story preview. wookyung is still a great and fascinating character, i do like characters like him, but how he was used was just not satisfying. and it seems like there might be a case of stockholm syndrome coming up where he might fall for wookyung. i just wish doona had smth to do with it before she parted ways or she could have helped minho, but yeah. *shrugs*
this story left me confused as to what the author is doing, there is wasted potential and opportunities at every corner. the plot goes one way then goes another to end on a weird note.
i also think the whole gl, bl stuff was more of a fanservice thing and that’s probably why it’s more of a disjointed story? as in, i feel like the gl and bl stuff should either have been more of a focus and woven into the story or it should have been entirely separate so the author wouldn’t have to shove many things at once and just focus on one or two pairing.
one thing i might add for the story is that it felt as if it was trying to make us surprised, but the so called “twists” that happened just made it more confusing and those probably shouldn’t have been there as they don’t add much to the story narrative.
back to gyerin, you can see that gyerin and the new girl can have their own separate story from the start (she didn’t have much to do with the primary conflict and could easily have a flashback to doona instead of the whole fanservice lol). the same goes for wookyung and minho as well, and it’d have been perfectly fine. at the end you basically see three pairings, the m/f, the f/f and the m/m.
however, we dont even know if minho is into men? so i’m not sure how’s that gonna be considered BL? then again, every pairing could have been in the main story, but it’s not? for some reason??? it feels as if the author wanted their pairings without putting in the effort of making it into the main story, hence the side stories or they just wanted to make it separated without putting too many characters in it.
obviously, for wookyung and minho, there’s no way doona wouldn’t have done smth if it was fully explored in the main story, and it might have changed the ending too. there’s multiple ways the story could have gone, but this one was the only conflict that was much more interesting imo, but it wasnt used that much.
gyerin didn’t really have much to do there other than be lesbian fanservice for doona (and the audience, writer and maybe the artist too?), and to be some kind of support for haesol. that’s about it, so i can understand why she’d not have a full blown romance in the main story, but seeing that she keeps reappearing, she still could have her side story integrated into it. lmao i don’t even kno if doona is bi/pan lol or if she just had sex bc she was drunk then did it just for pleasure without being interested in women at all.
EDIT: iirc doona did get aroused seeing gyerin uh doing stuff, so it could be possible that she is interested in women, but maybe only sexually? although i still could be wrong lol and it could just have been a moment of “I’m straight, but horny and u’ll do for now”. she could be in the closet too, who knows.
overall, sadistic beauty had some interesting conflict, some good characters (ill never like haesol lol), good art and the storytelling by this artist is well paced, but the execution and where the story went leaves a sour taste in my mouth. would i recommend this story? absolutely not. it is so frustrating, and for what? i wish i had saved myself this headache from the very start but the art and the fact that doona was a dom was what reeled me in. i only came back to it to see if the writer redeemed their story in some ways, but... well... you saw how that went.
i would follow the artist if i could, their art is beautiful. however, i cannot say the same for the writer.
from my exp, it seems that many webtoons have good art, but the writing definitely leaves way more room for improvement.
that said, i do hope ppl will learn that in order to make a great comic/webtoon/manga and so on, it is not only about pretty drawings. the story and writing should be up to par with the art. if not, it should be at least close to it. because the art might attract people, but if the story doesn’t resonate, if it doesn’t make much sense, then ppl are bound to leave and drop it. and what is a story, but pretty pictures and nothing substantial in it? nothing, but superficial beauty.
#sadistic beauty#rant#ramble#confused as fuck#wtf#why#sadistic beauty rant#spoilers#sadistic beauty spoilers#listen the amount of times i flipped my shit on this story would fill a whole bathtub
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TOP 10 MANHWAs
if anything good came out of 2020, it’s my discovery of manhwas.
well, it’s not like i’ve never read a single manhwa in the past 15+ years but tbh, the ratio of manhwa:manga i consume on a weekly basis has jumped exponentially this year. previously it was like 1:99 and now it’s like 90:10 LMAO.
so, just to remind myself that the world is still full of good things, i had to make this list. which i will probably edit in the future, if i can be bothered to. :)
anyhow, this list was not made in any particular order, just whichever came into mind. it’s loooong so be prepared! (I’ve read way more titles than mentioned but just included the ones worth checking out)
for whoever stumbles across this list, i hope some of these resonate with you and i hope they make you as happy as they made me.
pic credits: https://geekculture.co/geeks-guide-to-transmigration-novels-avoid-death-at-all-costs/
1. Ebony
https://mangadex.org/title/41838/ebony
Bahahah omg he looks evil there! But our dearest archduke is hardly that aww. Soz, I just ripped off the covers of the manhwa cos I can’t find a panel I liked more than another. I mean, this manhwa is a GEM. I can’t even begin to describe this because everything about it blew me away. This is not something you read when you are craving for fluff, or just wanna have something brainless after a hard day at work or if you just wanna have some eye candy lol. This is something you pick up on a weekend, when you have time, because you need those hours to digest, appreciate, clutch your chest, tear a little because you find yourself falling in love with these characters. It doesn’t have any of that cliche isekai, romance, revenge themes going on. It has a solid plot, backed by incredible characters, beautifully woven by the authors and artist with incredible pacing that keeps you on your toes and keeps you looking forward to the next chapter. Maybe I would have been happier if I found it after it was completed lol. HAVE I CONVINCED YOU ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU WANNA READ IT?! like, idk, just go. JUST GO READ IT GDI.
p.s. it says there romance but naaaaaaah, dont go in with that expectation. :) this story is so much more than that.
2. Bring the love
https://mangadex.org/title/44472/bring-the-love
This...this!!! THIS MANHWA NEEDS MORE LOVE. If you need a lot of fluff, a little, ok maybe quite a bit of sadness and tragedy, sweet sweet romance, cutie pies, please, look no further!!! Again, pacing, character development are so important to me and this manhwa aces it. I love the 2 MCs very much. And the side characters too. :)
3. A Stepmother's Märchen
https://mangadex.org/title/39474/a-stepmother-s-m-rchen
When I first read this, i fucking cried. like please don’t ask me why. it’s not like its an absolute tragedy but I was just rooting for the MC so much and I really want for everything to go her way. That’s how much I adore this MC!!! I LOVE HER. I LOVE HER MORE THAN YOU DO NORA! HAHAHHA. okay soz. I need to keep this spoiler-free.
Anyhoo, there is nothing typical about this time travel plot. Sure, she goes back to try to undo the stuff that went wrong but phew, she certainly changed things so much everything that comes her way have made it so her previous experiences can hardly help aaaaaaand that’s what makes it fun! I sometimes wish the pacing could be a little more consistent, and there could be more characters I could love a little more wholeheartedly (so i wont have to be in so much despair when i read this sometimes lol) but omg the art, isn’t it pretty?! I’ve re-read this soooooo many times but the art blows me away all the time. And have I already mentioned how much I love her?! I LOVE YOU SHULI! AND I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY!
4. Lady Baby
https://mangadex.org/title/34691/lady-baby
I literally LOL-ed when I saw this cover. WHO THE HELL ARE THEY. WHAT LADY BABY?! ehehehe. okay anyway, uhm, this is already incredibly popular. im not sure if i need to elaborate but yes, it’s adorbs!!! i dont think i like the MC as much as i love her family lol. and everyone else who adores her. im looking forward to when they get older. :) actually not really. please stay cute for as long as yall can! but yeah, i do wish the plot can move a lil faster. i want to see more character development in the other kids too COME ON!
5. Death Is the Only Ending for the Villainess
https://mangadex.org/title/47754/death-is-the-only-ending-for-the-villainess
am i allowed to reveal how shallow i am rn? like the previous choices were all like ‘wow-deep-plot’, ‘wow-character-development’ and this one i just included cos of AESTHETICS ALONE?! the novel covers are breathtaking!!! the manhwa art is amazing as well. and the harem is great! LOL. as for plot... uhm... it’s alright. it’s pretty engaging and i quite like the MC, she’s smart and independent and i love how she views them all antagonistically at all times HAHAHHA. her past is kinda... weird though and i do wish they’d stop referencing it. cos... girl why do you wanna go back to reality!!! stay here! it’s way more exciting!
i love the whole isekai/reincarnate/transmigration theme and this is honestly one of the better, not-so-cliche or cheesy ones HA.
6. Beware of the Villainess!
https://mangadex.org/title/47286/beware-of-the-villainess
do you already see the whole villainess theme?! am i suppose to start feeling embarrassed about my choices?! NO! cos this one is AWESOME!
again, another wildly popular title. for good reasons. it’s hilarious, our MC is as real and candid as it gets and LOOK AT THAT BLUE HAIRED BEAUTY. DO YOU SEE HIM?! IMPLANT HIM INTO YOUR MEMORY NOW!
it’s highly entertaining and breaks all isekai-reincarnation-villainess plot stereotypes. definitely one of the titles i look forward to every week.
7. Who Made Me a Princess
https://mangadex.org/title/32506/who-made-me-a-princess
what? why did i choose this?
BECAUSE OF CLAUDE OF COURSE. ahahaha. okay aside from the amaaaaaaazing art and the beautiful people, the plot is not too bad. a little extreme at times but it’s interesting enough to keep me going. it’s currently on hiatus though and i was highly annoyed by how the first season ended. (YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? NOTHING.)
i hope the plot can move faster in the next season! and that our dearest MC athanasia can you know, finally be a little more useful... like omg just tell lucas already!!! and tbh girl, no matter which guy you choose, i approve. :D
8. The Flower That Was Bloomed by a Cloud
https://mangadex.org/title/37648/the-flower-that-was-bloomed-by-a-cloud
i featured this before, mostly out of frustration HAHAHA. do you see why i chose this cover?! yeah, i support this (unpopular) pairing okay! the other one is doomed!!! no matter what the author is trying to do now!! I DONT SUPPORT IT!!! lol.
anyway, i had to feature this cos the art is unique! and the story is great. :) and i looooooove listening to the ost while i read it. it starts out kinda slow but as the pace picks up, you won’t be able to stop. and you find yourself conflicted at various points. it did win an award for a reason.
no matter what, i still think dowun is best for her okay. it’s dowun or nothing. he’s devoted to her, we all know that! he just needs to ditch that annoying female guard!!! ok yknw what, maybe nothing is better. :/ *cries*
9. Solo Leveling
https://mangadex.org/title/31477/solo-leveling
why do i even bother? this manhwa is popular enough.
the art is great. the MC is great. i use him and his gang as my wallpaper.
im just not sure i like how this season’s plot is progressing. :/ but i guess it brings us nearer to solving the mystery in the first leg of the manhwa. i just enjoyed the whole part of him leveling up and now that he isn’t really leveling up anymore... idk. am i hoping for more plot shit like bleach (oh wow now u quincy?)... idk man. anywho, no regrets starting on this series and marathon-ing it to death.
cross fingers the plot picks up and doesnt get too complicated for its own good.
10. The Reason Why Raeliana Ended Up at the Duke's Mansion
https://mangadex.org/title/31606/the-reason-why-raeliana-ended-up-at-the-duke-s-mansion
okay, tbh, by the time i reached 10, i still have like 15 other series i was considering LMAO. i even considered lengthening this top 10 to top 15. but that would just be more of me and my nonsense. so... why did i choose this?
COS I LOVE THE 2 MCs!!! they’re adorable. the plot is again, kinda far-fetched at times (i literally laugh my head off at some parts) but it’s isekai-reincarnation okay! anything is possible in whatever magical crap country you end up in! lol. and i like how straightforward it is... in the sense there’s no 2nd lead. like okay i mean they are there but we all know they have no chance. oops. sorry!
and cos i can’t give up on the other titles i have, imma just list them down, without pictures... cos im tired. HA.
11. Doctor Elise
https://mangadex.org/title/29474/doctor-elise
Kudos to the huge improvement in art style lmao. The good... lovable MCs, engaging plot. The bad... sometimes lengthy, incredulous medical moments (i work in the medical field so i... idk. sometimes this borders on iryu LMAO and i need to remind myself this is romance) otherwise, this is a highly highly entertaining read.
12. Seduce the Villain's Father
https://mangadex.org/title/46775/seduce-the-villain-s-father
This is another of my ‘father-love’ whims. MC is adorable and ML is handsome. enough said.
13. The Villainess Lives Twice
https://mangadex.org/title/49644/the-villainess-lives-twice
This is like a lesser version of Ebony and Bring the Love combined HAHAHA. The plot and premise is great and it’s awesome to marathon! I don’t find myself loving the MC as much as I should but the ML is a darling! I just find her a little toooooooo gloomy. Like come on girl, be more spunky!
14. The Stereotypical Life of a Reincarnated Lady
https://mangadex.org/title/46790/the-stereotypical-life-of-a-reincarnated-lady
I dont know why I like this so much HAHAHAHA. It hardly has a plot. I just find the MC and ML amusing i guess lol.
15. I'm Stanning the Prince
https://mangadex.org/title/45586/i-m-stanning-the-prince
Sometimes I wonder if I should be ranking this higher but I kinda feel this manhwa is trying to achieve too much with an underpowered MC. I love her... but I just don’t like how she’s just a pawn of everyone else and I dont know how she can change this situation of hers. It’s cute though. the MC and ML. and the ML reminds me so much of american/jap Mackenyu.
16. The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass
I HAD TO. the art is so pretty! but girl, dont use the hour glass so much! you look a little too old! i would appreciate it if MC stops basing too much of her moves on the “past” tho like idk you are gonna sound unoriginal soooooon like develop your own thoughts soon okay? <3
17. Inso's Law
ANOTHER ONE. omg. im a lil on the fence regarding this but i like MC too much. and her harem LOL. i dont see where the plot is going either but i just hope for a happy end... ):
18. Why Are You Doing This, Duke?
HAHAHA. this is sooooo sooooooo cute, i would have ranked it top 15 if it wasnt licensed by tapas tho cos they are a joke. WHY NOT TAPPY GDI.
19. Miss Not-So Sidekick
Uh-oh. Is this a top-20 list now? anyway, the MC for this series is GOLD. im not liking where it’s currently heading tho thus the lower ranking.
20. IRIS - Lady with a Smartphone
omg IVE NEGLECTED THIS FOR TOO LONG. lemme go buy more chapters hahahaha. it’s a tad too lengthy... otherwise i like the MC and yummy ML!
still not enough?
Special Mentions - Okay, these will be unranked cos I don’t think these are that good but probably still worth a read.
I've Become the Villainous Empress of a Novel - this is new, im looking forward to how it progresses wheeeee.
Lady to Queen - It’s a ruthless manhwa. There was a point i started reading all sorts of sadistic content (i was running out of content i swear) and this was one of the better ones. I appreciate the MC very much. the plot now is a little weird and im a bit wary of the MC’s sister... hopefully the ML can be more useful. he’s pitiful though. but dude come on, dont rely on the wrong gal.
Goodbye, In-law - I’m not sure if i like the current progress buuuuuuut MC and ML are cute so who cares.
The Duchess' 50 Tea Recipes - plot is still engaging. MC and ML are cute. i dont know where the plot is heading towards though.
A Falling Cohabitation - this is interesting and fun but a lil lengthy.
Light and Shadow - the sequel is out!!! i highly enjoyed this entire series!!! i would have probably ranked it a lil higher if i did this post earlier but too many series have overtaken this in my heart lol.
This Girl Is a Little Wild - is the hiatus ending yet? i would add it back to top 20 if it came back LOL. it’s highly entertaining tho. ML is adorable.
The Duchess With an Empty Soul - pretty nice. MC and ML are a little boring. i think it can end soon. LMAO.
A Capable Maid - it’s amusing how she gets her powers for all sorts of situations lol. the prince is creepy tbh. and im secretly rooting for the other king hehe.
Beware of the Brothers! - it’s cute and heart-wrenching at the same time! not too sure im digging the latest plot development but okay... i’ll take it. they’re all cuties.
Living as the Tyrant's Older Sister - hehehe. it’s cute. duke is kinda silly but the latest chapter made me squeal!!!
The Evil Lady's Hero - idk where the plot is going but MC and ML are adorable!!!
The Dragon Next Door - HAHAHA. it’s hilarious.
The Youngest Princess - she’s growing uppppp noooooooooooo
Virtues of the Villainess - ginger is hilarious. i dont see where the plot is going tho... and cant say i like the ML yet. i dont even get to see him much, hello?!
The Justice of Villainous Woman - pretty wholesome... i like the MC! (the ML is fine. no one else to contend with so...) can u end already?! lol.
Amina of the Lamp - hey, what happened to this? it’s pretty inconsistent but i do like the MC and ML... and the art...
The Villain's Savior - this is some sadistic shit. i reserve it for when i feel sadistic. i pretty much wanna see MC happy but idk if she’s making the right choices. :/
I Don't Want to Be Empress! - HAHAHAHA uhm it’s getting interesting. i just want ML to step up more...
La dolce vita di Adelaide - I FINISHED THIS! and it’s wholesome, feel-good and cute. some parts felt a lil extra but ah whatever.
The Black Haired Princess - plot. move. faster!!! otherwise the MC and ML are pretty cute.
The Abandoned Empress - im a lil on the fence but i know how popular this series is. it started out HORRIBLE. i hated the ML so much. and then i found the green hair boy creepy. like MC, you need better taste in boys. it’s certainly getting more interesting now though. so please, continue to make my money’s worth!!!
Lucia - i. am. not. guilty. of. anything. *smut warning* anyway go read the novel. it’s better. hehehe.
What's Wrong with Secretary Kim - i do not need to elaborate any further.
Past loves
I created this section just to remind myself, that what i could like one day, i could hate the next LOL.
The Monster Duchess and Contract Princess - I know this is wildly popular. but i lost interest in it once she grew up. i dont think she’s particularly lovable. soz.
Survive as the Hero's Wife - another popular choice. I find the plot kinda boring now. MC and ML are cute though.
Sincerely: I Became a Duke's Maid - another popular one. again, boring plot. like cant it end yet? oh you mean we need to wait for the real female lead to show up? dont need luh.
I Am a Child of This House - wow. the plot is shit now. and i do not support the MC and her guard. soz. she’s OVERPOWERED tbh.
This Is an Obvious Fraudulent Marriage - idk what happened but my enthusiasm for this died.
Charlotte and Her 5 Disciples - i don’t get it. i dont get their obsession for her.
#manhwa#fav manhwa#ebony#bring the love#a stepmother's marchen#lady baby#death is the only ending for the villainess#beware of the villainess#who made me a princess#the flower that was bloomed by a cloud#solo leveling#the reason why raeliana ended up at the duke's mansion
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I guess last episode was the final straw for you? Was the whole past season just slowly deteriorating or was there one moment or scene or something that just ruined it? Sorry about all this, it really sucks that this show had such a chance to pull through and just didn't.
No actually. Final straw for me on a show is when I stop watching it. Sometimes those final straws have nothing to do with the show but with, say, my dish company dropping HBO (GOT) or my not being able to watch on a certain night. More often the final straw is an accumulation of issues in the narrative.
Like, when I figure out that there’s an “issue” with a show, I then keep watching it, to make sure I’m right and “find evidence” for that interpretation. I put that in scare quotes because if I’m not writing meta, the finding evidence is just seeing a scene and going, “yeah, no.”
So I guess that did happen with Madi’s story. But since it’s the last episode, I’m going to keep watching because I want to see what they’re going to try to do to pull all those dropped narrative threads together.
And I also can’t analyze the car wreck unless I see where all those wreckages land and which ones blow up and which ones make it out of the mess.
Everything was going fine until Bellamy came back.
Or, well, everything was FIXABLE until they brought Bellamy back and never attempted to bring the Bellamy, Clarke or Bellarke narrative back.
I just need to see what happens until it is no longer fixable for me. Even if they give Clarke some sort of happy ending through some cheap reversal (another reversal) I suppose it’s no longer fixable for me. They murdered Bellamy’s character with a brainwashing and gave up on him. Then they tortured Clarke’s character by sending her right back down that hell of love=death that she climbed out of in season 6.
It looks like they’re going to make it worth it for Raven and Murphy and Miller and Jackson, but they’re going to make Clarke sacrifice EVERYONE she loves and then herself.
And this is NOT the bittersweet ending we were promised. This is an outright tragedy for the hero and the secondary hero, and THAT’S who we’re supposed to identify with. But somehow, NOTHING Clarke did made anything better, NOTHING she sacrificed was worth it. She NEVER achieved her goal of being the good guy. Bellamy NEVER achieved his goal of peace or living a good life or protecting those he loved.
BUT, let me get to the end and see what they consider a “bittersweet” ending is.
I like this story, The 100. The abrupt about face from it being about Clarke, and her relationship with Bellamy, and how they save humanity in the apocalypse, to it being an ensemble show about those who used to be the secondary characters, and relegating the heroes down to just part of the ensemble, means that they stopped telling their narrative. The only one who’s had a consistent narrative is actually Murphy. Maybe Indra, although she has much more this season than usual. Raven’s story has been floundering the last couple of years. Octavia has faded as a character this season and gotten kind of blandified. Echo is just a Strong Female Character (and that is not a compliment.) Emori’s character was good though.
Except for Raven (who lost her focus before this mess,) it seems the closer the characters were to Bellamy and/or Clarke, the less their narrative was consistent.
Even so, it was enjoyable to watch the ensemble stories. Each separate episode was good. But as a whole, they didn’t have the narrative backbone.
This show was always told around the center of the duo protagonists, Clarke and Bellamy. Bellamy saved Clarke and Clarke saved humanity. The head and the heart. The leaders of The 100, doing it “together.” By removing the focus from Clarke and Bellamy, they lost the backbone of their story. Backbone. That’s JR’s word. And that’s what we saw.
TBH my first worry that they were not just wrapping up the side stories and building backstory was Bellamy’s episode on Etherea. Everyone was happy to see him, but the story was boring. It was a straight action piece and had no connection to the long term narrative or anyone else in the show. It did not convincingly show his brainwashing, but showed a vision of his mom and then expected us to think that’s all that was needed. It was a cheap reversal, not character development.
I still thought they could get things back, but they never did. And when they killed him, and had Clarke do it... for nothing... with no emotional weight to the scene and no resolution to Clarke and Bellamy’s relationship, the head and the heart, the backbone of the story except, “so much for ‘together’,” that was bad.
There were STILL possibilities to bring it back around, and I was waiting to see if they took them. Then Madi went to sacrifice herself, and yes that was in character, and Clarke lost her, and she ended up being tortured by Cadogan simply to see his daughter again and Clarke found her totally, permanently paralyzed.
I get it. We want Clarke flattened. We want everything to be taken from her and we want her to be responsible for ALL the death and ALL the trauma and ALL the destruction...
Why again? Why is she to blame for all this? When all along all these things were being forced upon her and she was trying to make the best of things andn choose the best of bad choices and keep everyone alive and she sacrificed herself again and again and to allow them all to survive? WHY? For her choices to be WRONG all this time and for her to lose everyone? Because she loved Madi too much? hmph.
Okay, let me see how it all ends up to see the “message” they are trying to send, their moral of the story, but I honestly don’t see how they can pull back from this madi storyline. the only way is another cheap reversal with a deus ex machina from some magic aliens or “and then she woke up” from some anomaly trip or fear simulation. Those are valid endings, but they are never really satisfying because it doesnt’ work the story through a deserved ending but places it on top of the story being told as a way to get out of a mess the storyteller got themselves into.
Oh also. That ‘inside man’ should have been Bellamy, not dumbass Levitt, with the fake love story. I mean rushed. Listen I HATE the “i fell in love while torturing you/being tortured by you” story. That is messed up. There is no resonance for that relationship.
Listen. I’m trying not to analyze too much because I need to know where they’re going with all this in order to analyze it, since they are no longer following the story they laid out for six seasons.
I was trusting they’d get back to the story until they brought Clarke and Bellamy back together and then they killed the heart of the story and the brain is now functioning without a working heart (coincidentally the exact state of Emori’s health right now,) and tore the backbone out of the narrative.
If there was more than one episode left I probably would be done, because I’m not into torture porn. And if there’s no transformation with the pain Clarke is going through then it’s just torture.
So now what? I don’t know. But they screwed up their story. I’ll get back to you when I process the finale.
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I never went to church cause my dad said there were “too many atheists there”. Like, he thought church-goers were faking it to get into heaven. So instead he told me when I was like 7 that Christianity was the only true religion, you gotta respect the others but they’re still going to hell, if you hate somebody then you’re just as bad as a murderer, and god hears every thought you have (which my kid brain took to mean that having bad thoughts is as bad as doing those things). Which means I get to be not-okay like all the other folks who grew up Christian but without the Sunday school or church or any clue what to do to earn god’s forgiveness if you fuck up. Plus social ostracization from my peers who were taught that anyone who didn’t go to church was evil.
Ah this point I’m convinced that if you grew up Christian and think you’re okay now, you either got very lucky or no you’re not
“Atheists are faking it to get into heaven” is the funniest concept ever? like what does he think “atheist” means...
That’s incredibly shitty, though, I’m sorry that happened to you.
I very much agree with that conclusion too, tbh. I feel like Christianity is very much steeped in toxic ideas and abusive culture on a wide scale, and like... I used to buy into the whole “oh but there’s good stuff in it, people just practice it wrong” platitude, but I really do not anymore.
I think the religion itself is fundamentally flawed. And I think a lot of people who practice it sort of pick and choose the aspects that resonate with them, and they make it work according to what they think is right; and some of those people find ways to practice Christianity in ways that are honestly, genuinely wonderful! But that’s not because the religion itself is Fundamentally Good. It’s because good people found the good in it, because that was important to them.
But otherwise... everyone I’ve met who grew up Christian carries baggage from that. And I genuinely feel for them.
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Who’s crushin on ya!? 😏🥰😍
This is a general pick a pile reading for the collective and your person. It may not resonate for all, so just take what sticks. Feel free to pick just one pile or take a look at them all. but please....be honest with your story. remember that timing is fluid and free will is something we all have. This could have already happened, your going through it, or will happen. Follow your heart always. -E 🌻💙
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PILE 1 ⭐️⭐️⭐️
So pile 1 your person is STUCK on you. This is someone from your past crushin on you. They just cant seem to get you out of their head-its literally making them sick. It’s like they have tried everything to distract themselves. But at the end of the day they are just worried sick, and have to speak whats on their mind. I see two 8s here so that number could be important to you or the connection. This person will be reaching out to you. this person lost you. You walked away from them and continued on with your life. And now that you left them, they are in a state of grief that you aren’t with them anymore. Ohhhhh, I see why you did....they were low vibes, huh? Had additions and didn’t want to come out of them either. Just stuck to their ball and chain. You gave A LOT to this connection. so much so that you were getting drained. I’m seeing a heart monitor, so it was like you were pumping love to this person on life support. And they were taking it. And it helped them, but they didn’t give it back because they didn’t have it. So-you had to leave. im getting that you had NOTHING left. Like even if you tried or wanted to give or have more for this person. they sucked you dry. And this hurt you. I am getting a betrayal energy from this person. They are stalking you too. If you moved on, they are looking at the new person around too. i heard the song “what we could have been“ by H.E.R. I see a guy driving around in his car at night listening to music smoking. So this person is dead in their feelings about you. They are reminiscing a lot about you. Don’t move too fast pile 1 because they are coming back. This person has done some work on themselves while they have been away too. They have been listening to spirit more. You were a divine light to them. you were placed in this persons path to help them with their addictions, help them be a better person. But nope they wanted to stay in the low vibes. like I always say, “and empress will never stay where she isn’t wanted. She will leave-BUT she will always be wanted back. She will always be needed. And this person, pile 1 needs you. i just heard I can’t live without you. So look out because they are coming around the mountain. Good luck. 😉
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PILE 2 🧿🧿🧿
Hi pile 2. Right off....this person wants to come back to you. But right now is a bad time. This person had a third party in the past and because of it, you cut them off. I don’t get the sense that this was a super long relationship. More of the beginning stages of developing into one. But this person was playing the field still. And you were having none of it. Youve been through enough. So you told them like it was, and if they try to come back again. You’ll tell them....again!! 😂 because you stood your ground, they view you as somebody different. I get that this person is used to getting over on people. But not with you so when you turned them away and cut them off. It forced them to make decision. and now their other options, I’m getting multiple people involved. They are done with them now. They have chosen you, and they are looking to come back. But boy oh boy they do have a ways to get there. This person could be at distance from you. I’m getting across water or state so they may travel to get there to you. but they have got to come correct because you are not playing! I get the sense of your not coming off of your throne-you just won’t do it. This group is no nonsense I mean honestly. 😩 your ready. You know your worth, and you are worthy of something good. You will not settle, nooooo not this time. Because youve already been through this. your heart can’t be played with anymore. This person is sad without you. They thought the other options would be better than you. Like oh “ill just go in my back pocket and choose from these”. But none were like you, so because of that....they feel STUPID. they feel so dumb, so sad that when they do come back. they won’t be able to even get a word in because you won’t hear them out. The “others“ are still coming for your person. Talk to them, be with them. But your person is just like no, I dont Want to be bothered, I want my bae back. But hey.....you may or may not be there when they decide to come. like they call you and if you answer then okay but if not, oh well. 😂 this person regrets what they've done. So dumb, so silly. To think....the other options were going to fulfill them. But they were sadly mistaken. pity boy, pity gal. 🥲 this person had options out the buttttt. They were playa playa from the Himalayas. this Person tried to play you, get over on you. And you found out. And said no not me, you WILL NOT do this to me. And they never had anyone do that to them. pile 2 I’m seeing you already know what it feels like to be not considered in a high regard. and You won’t do it again! Like if they want the others...go BYE! and now this person is feeling like they sabotaged this with you. They were living their ego. Somebody who has multiple options like that needs their ego to be fed. Like if the main person they want doesn’t work out or something happens they have backups. They can just go to someone else. Now this person feels like they aren’t enough for YOU! They now lack confidence, they are the jealous ones. They self-sabotaged. So yeah this person will come back with time, but your address may have changed by that time. *I just want to say I’m very proud of this group. A lot of lessons and growth!* best of luck! 😁
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PILE 3 🌸🌸🌸
alrighty pile 3, welcome! So this read will be more intuitive. Ironically enough, this group pulled three cards. So let’s get into it!.....*moment of silence because the energy is rather intense here*. I heard the song “baby come back” by player. I’m feeling this group has moved on from their person tbh. Like it’s just too little, too late for this person. This was somebody you walked away from. There was A LOTTT of love here. but also secrets and fears in this connection. With this person, your energy is coming up as “how could you do this to me-ME. Not in an egotistical way, but because you trusted and loved this person. And they loved you too. So when they did whatever they did to hurt or betray you, it was like how could you. 😩 I’m feeling like you weren’t even mad about it, more disappointed than anything. So after, you started just doing your own thing. Not really concerned with anything or anyone else. Just working on yourself. A reinvention. I’m seeing healthy eating or changing the color of your hair. Wearing sexy clothes (just for yourself) everything you started to do was about self love. And just when you started to move on or found someone new.....HERE THEY COME. like oh wait for me! i gotta be honest with y’all. I don’t feel like this person really cheated on you. I’m getting that maybe you thought they were doing you wrong but they weren’t. or a really bad agruement took place and something was said or done that was very distasteful and you felt betrayed by it. But I’m not getting strong cheating energy. You really thought it was something and it wasn’t and this person tried to explain and it went from there. (Downhill that is) there is so much sadness here. You really though this was going to work out and it didn’t. There has been some time that has passed here. This person didn’t know how to come back. no idea on what to say or do about the situation. But they daydream about it 24/7. They think about being intimate again and how it was like with you (if y’all were). this person wants to play something romantic. I’m seeing a dinner with candles a few drinks. Trying to take it back to the good times. But it took too long for this person. and now this person sees you with someone new And they can’t help but wonder...what if I would have gotten back in time. What if things would have worked out? This person does want to come back without a doubt! But will they? I’m not too sure, because it looks like you have someone else now. *PLOT TWIST*!!!! Pile 3 let me ask you this, do you love this new person like your old flame? I think NOT. You like this new person and everything, but your heart is with the person you broke up with. The new person is diggin you and likes you a lot. But there’s something thats just not hittin the same anymore. And your old person didn’t forget about you either. *i pulled extra cards for this group because I’m really feeling like this just may come back together. I’m getting that vibe heavy. For the outcome. I don’t see y’all coming back together ASAP because theres a decision that needs to be made and you don’t want to choose .your just kinda there. This connection right here is a divine pair. With the lovers and emperor here. But there’s still work that needs to be done by both parties and a conclusion by you. So you will be separated until then. I’m telling y’all...if you choose this person. Do not be surprised if this person gives you a ring. This person may right music or be into the arts. They may give you a gift that comes from their heart. a song. I heard melody. they could play an instrument or that was something you two had In common. The thought you of keeps this person sane while you aren’t with them. The thought of being with you again keeps them together. Like when they a bad day or something. Because you aren’t there physically, them daydreaming keeps them motivated. Pile 3, intuitively I gotta say it. I know y’all gotta make a decision and everything but this is going to work out. Idk when because time is fluid but it’s going to come back together. I’m telling y’all
now. its Going to take patience but in time it will. This connection is strong, y’all love each other too much. This person loves you. And they want to restore this! Like I said, this new person...your not fooling me! Yeah you like them, but that heart of yours didnt go anywhere. I’m going to say for this pile, your going to have to make the first moves because they feel like your done with them. They feel like there’s nothing they can do or say to get you back. WOW, you all have to let me know how this plays out because it will work out! I almost want to cry. can I get an invite to the wedding with a +1 please!?
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An old google doc of my first impressions of animorphs books 1-27 :)
Rating all the Animorphs books (because i am secretly the biggest loser on the planet) *
1 - 7/10 - good start, I don't remember this one honestly
2 - 5/10 - this is the one where Rachel sneaks into Chapman’s house as a cat and we get that cool Melissa Chapman moment
3 - 8/10 - Tobias grapples with losing his humanity and comes out the other end of it deciding that he is neither entirely bird or boy (made me lowkey ship tobias and rachel) good first kinda deep resonant theme in the story
4 - 6/10 - Don’t really remember this one that well but they find Ax who is super fucking rad
5 - 6/10 - Does the entire cast deal with nightmares? The Kids get dismembered and traumatized as ants in pursuit of getting a spaceship for Ax. They get captured until internal politicking between Visser 1 and 3 get them out of it. Marco discovers his mom’s Visser 1 which sets up his character development for later, which is cool
6 - 7/10 - This one’s more about Jake handling Tom’s yeerk stuff, he gets a yeerk stuck in his head which was pretty cool, really liked seeing the actual psychology of the yeerks and how the one in his head slowly lost hope (You also think wow Tom is probably really miserable in his current situation, really puts it into perspective)
7 - 5/10 - big worldbuilding stuff, but I wasn’t a huge fan of the book; the Elemist offers them the opportunity to escape to a new planet and shows them the future, Rachel’s divorced parents drama, boring
8 - 10/10 - On an Animorphs scale immaculate and perfect in every way. Due to Andalite law, Ax doesn’t share everything with the Animorphs and this causes CHARACTER CONFLICT, my favorite thing, there's also a confrontation where everyone’s like Ax you need to tell us more, you get scenes of Ax learning about the human world which I love and it’s just the best (also a cool meeting with other andalites and he tells them about Seerow’s Kindness) (There's also an emotional throughline where Ax struggles with his responsibilities to his species and coming to terms with the way his culture contributes/ed to suffering with their inaction) (so incredibly pog)
9 - 6.5/10 - Cassie kills a termite queen which gives her an identity crisis, and she and Jake talk about the circle of life and whether or not they should abide by it (For some reason I can’t remember the Cassie books that well)
10 - 9/10 - Holy shit the cover to this one is so fucking funny, And actually a really good story Erek had to kill people and live with the memory forever because he’s a robot (and Marco’s all like “I was already forgetting as I went to sleep”) (smh flexing his human short term memory) Really fucking good
11 - 3.5/10 - Garbage, my least favorite so far, this is the time traveling rain forest one (good things never happen when you invoke time travel), boring tbh {in hindsight it wasnt that bad}
12 - 4/10 - Pretty boring, Rachel just has to do stuff with that Justin Bieber guy while dealing with what's the equivalent of genetic hiccups (his name is Jeremy Jason McCole)
13 - 7/10 - Not bad at all, this is the one where they save a pair of Hork Bajir and the Elemist kinda fucks with Tobias (Tobias gets the chance to actually have a normal life and doesn’t take it) (I wonder what Marco would do?) (Also not surprising he didn’t, Tobias has a crappy homelife and for some reason is willing to sacrifice a lot)
14 - 4/10 - Now this is boring, the area 61 one, totally skippable
15 - 8/10 - Marco is really struggling with being afraid of being a shark, feels ashamed of being scared. The one with the mentally enhanced hammerheads (Really cool how he and Rachel had that moment together where she told him she saw a submarine so that he wouldn’t think his mom died) (Also why can’t people pity him?, i don’t understand) Overall pretty good (Also I think something might come up in regards to him being suceptible to his transformations, cause he seems like more so than the other animorphs)
16 - 9/10 - The first Jake book that I really liked, good character conflict between him and Cassie (she kinda a hypocrite doe for asking him to end Fenestre’s life) (Yo did Jake burn down his house?) (At what point are human lives worth less than making small amounts of progress in the war?) (they’re actually a pretty good couple) It is pretty intense to see him grapple with making the wrong choice as the leader :0
17 - 8/10 - Very insensitive to the mentally ill, like egregiously so (wtf rachel?) Rachel brushing up against always feeling like she has to be the tough one (Marco’s great for copping to the fact and proudly admitting that he’s afraid) The one with the addictive oatmeal in the Kandrona (ok kinda based lesson at the end about respecting the mentally ill and homeless but still kinda soured by the way they talk about the mentally ill) (Jake is also a hypocrite he’ll do the oatmeal things for other people but he won't do it to his brother)
18 - 9/10 - Once again incredibly pog, Ax is struggling with his identity as a friend of the humans and an Andalite. He trusts the Andalite group when he shouldn’t and his friends get mad at him for casting them out (btw this book starts with Ax raiding a Cinnabon which is just so charming) They go and do space war on the Leeran planet which sounds pretty (There is again a meetup where everyone gets mad at Ax for siding with the Andalites [ which I love btw]) More character development for Ax yay
19 - 10/10 - Best Cassie book. Holy shit, so great I loved her discussions with the yeerk and then it went in her head and all her friends mourned like holy shit this was so good. The conflict in the story was way more interesting than the Average animorph story too. (Cassie is like super wrong about whether or not she should leave the team, but like the story made me have an opinion, like what?) (Super nice part about the value of those who arent like mindlessly logical and the necessity of people who arent entirely utilitarian for creating a better world after the war is over) Like Cassie needs to continue to fight in order to maintain her morally righteous position) but there's something to be said about the loss of humanity and kindness that this war takes away from these actual children. I don’t fault Cassie at all for wanting to leave. Also the Yeerks have an ideology. Kinda? Also I love the Karen Yeerk, her redemption was actually really well paced and actually didn’t come out of nowhere (unlike other pieces of media). (Seriously amazing, this book made me like Cassie)
20-22 - 10/10 - rated individually I might give the first two books 8’s and the third a 10 but I'm doing them all together cause they're a three part series. David is such a prick oh my god. I think though the best part of the story was what happened with Rachel realizing what this war is doing to her mentally and not entirely being ok with it. And oh my god that ending, it feels like it shouldn't have to be that way (fucking hell David) but there really wasn't another way out of it, David's just too much of a liability. And Rachel STAYING AND WATCHING as his life is destroyed is honestly so dark. (Cassie has really strong emotional intelligence, I guess, to create that plan) The ending and Rachel's growth really make these books for me.
23 - 7/10 - pretty good. This is the one where Visser 3 tries to impersonate Aria and reveals Tobias’ dad to him. I guess that's why he felt connected to Elfangor. In this one Tobias is still struggling with the duality of being both human and hawk. He vows to kill and regret.
24 - 6/10 - The Helmacron one. Found it pretty boring but the Hemacrons kinda made up for it. Liked their unquenchable thirst for conquest and suicidal bravery (kinda aspirational how delusional they were) (Also kinda funny how Visser 3 was put off by being shrunk down)
25 - 7/10 -The Arctic Adventures one. Also the one where Marco gets a date. They were pretty miserable there with the constant old and endless running. They also had to eat a seal corpse. (Marco said something like he felt he deserved the scratches of the baby seals for eating their mom, really sad) Marco’s conclusion was kinda just put the traumatizing mission out of your head, and also Marian doesn’t want to date you anymore. Not the greatest book for Marco.
26 - 6/10 - The Howler-Iskoort one. Pretty good, I liked the Howlers collective consciousness and how they were all children who didn’t know about what they were doing to others. Jake has more trauma now yaaaay…. (Cassie and jake kiss in this one) (not sure how they transferred those memories but that's my fault ig)
27 - 7/10 - I am so incredibly concerned for Rachel. **
* (honestly maybe not that secretly)
**This is the one where the Drode sees Rachel’s penchant for violence and offers her the opportunity to betray Jake. She does not tell him about it. Almost attacked Cassie in squid form. Also still really reckless. Still loves fighting. Seriously, I'm concerned.
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