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#it feels so busy but i dont have it in me to work on it any more lol
cuntinies · 2 days
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summary: korra always has her way so when reader tries to be sneaky, korra can't help but have her fun
warnings: established relationship,restraint kink, cursing, fingering (r! receiving), little slap, use of words "cunt, pussy, mound", spitting, slight degradation, praise, some after care.
a/n: im high and this is my first fic/ oneshot so expect errors. i wrote this entirely for myself so you dont have to like it, just dont be mean
"please just this once korra!" you breathlessly laugh. muffled snickers are heard above you, one hand gripping your arm, the other gripping your thigh. making your failed attempt at trying to kick away from her.
every time korra wants to play games, she has to win. if it's go fish, she has already won 3 times now. mario kart? forget it, she's yelling in your face like a prepubescent boy who is playing with his friends by saying "LET'S GOOOOOO".
korra does not let up and she makes sure you know that. though, this time you initiated it. walking out of your shared room, you see the back of korra's head sitting on the couch. the opened window causing the sun to pool inside the shared apartment, lighting up the side of her face.
''she's probably reading,' you thought to yourself as a sly smirk crept up on your face, seeing how her head was tilted downwards. you wanted to surprise her, to hear her scream like she always does to you when you have your back turned towards her, minding your sweet business. you continue to take a few steps toward her before you leap forward, tumbling and bringing the girl down with you.
“you little shit-” korra spits out, laughter hinting in her voice, immediately shifting to her knees before she flips you onto your back leading to where you are now. her book, wide open. crumpled pages right under her right knee as she fights you off.
“please! you never let me-” you get cut off as she’s already flipping you onto your tummy. strong thighs cage your own, her hands bringing your arms behind you, pining them onto your back. your left cheek smushed onto the carpet floor. the woman above breathing rapidly, staring down at your defeat.
“now, why would you think that would've worked?” she pants, tilting her head in amusement to peek at your adorable squished face. all you can do is focus on how her hips are grounded onto you. you can't help but shift your hips as if your body is reacting to this familiar feeling.
“it's my turn to win now,” you grumbled, trying to annunciate the words as your face was being mushed into the ground. korra tightens her grip on your arms, pressing her upper body down onto your back, lips going towards your right ear.
"so why aren't you trying to get me off?" she whispers so softly that your whole body shudders. she traced the shell of your ear with her lips. she couldn't help but smile as she felt your hips below hers grinding back into her hips.
"stop being dirty you-" you get those words out before you feel her body shift upwards. she uses her other arm now to pull your lower body half up, getting you in an arch and a nice view of how your shorts are scrunched up between the space where your thigh and crotch meet.
"im being dirty? you started rubbing your ass on me! did that seriously turn you on?" korra teases, playing with the elastic band on your shorts. she picks it up and snaps it back in place. "how much do you want to bet that you're wet right now?"
you aren't going to bet because you are wet. as soon as she gripped your arms in one hand behind your back, your body submitted. you groaned, trying to shuffle away from her fingers teasing you. she rubs her hand right over your left ass cheek, before pulling your shorts down. the soft material pooling at your mid-thigh, feeling the chilled air on your exposed slit. you gasp, inhaling sharply as you feel her middle and ring finger collecting the slick between your folds.
"fuck.." she says softly under her breath, rubbing the slick between her fingers. you’re just whining and squirming, trying to chase back at the feeling of her fingers on your cunt.
"korra.." a small whine escapes your now swollen lips, caused by you trying to hide your arousal as if it wasn't clear between your thighs. you hear her amused chuckle, her hand going back to dipping into your wetness. she rubs her fingers soothingly, making sure to put enough pressure when she reaches your clit.
"hmm, babe? what were you gonna say?" she asks, making eye contact with your sweet watering eyes. she can't help but flash you a little smile as she continues to rub at your clit. you on the other hand are trying to keep your eyes open, threatening to roll them back as she applies delicious pressure on your cunt.
"mm korra please.." tilting your head a bit more so you can get a good look at how sexy she looks above you. her hair that fell out of her ponytail perfectly framing her face, a flushed pink decorates her cheeks, and you see how her eyes are drooping with desire. before you can even register what's going to happen, you barely see her hand moving maybe 5 inches away from your pussy, swiftly spanking your mound. a shudder erupts from your body, causing a gasp to a moan leaving your mouth.
"use your words, tell me what you want baby." she quickly cups your cunt as a way to apologize and soothe your pussy from the previous slap. her voice is like music to your ears, a hot sensation in your tummy. your head already feeling fuzzy, trying to think of your response.
" fill me.. with mfmm.. your fingers, please korra," whining, going back to nibbling your bottom lip. korra groans, rubbing your puffy clit before she starts to fill you up with her index finger.
"goood girl. you're gonna let me fuck you, yeah?" she asks, a smile in her voice. you nod as your eyes flutter close, leaving your mouth agape so your whines and moans can be heard. korra continues to have that grip on your arms as she fucks you with her finger, going from slow to fast, to hooking and unhooking her finger to open you up for another. as she almost takes her index finger out of you, she slips her middle finger alongside her index.
"ahh! fuck yes korra," you moan out, shifting your legs as she adds a second finger into your sopping wet cunt. you can't help but get embarrassed as wet creamy sounds are filled into the living room. you hear the woman above you softly gasping as she cant rip her eyes away from your messy cunt, watching her fingers plunge in and out of you. your walls fluttering around her fingers, allowing yourself to feel complete mush. korra continues to fuck your pussy, her face coming towards your cunt. you feel a warm liquid sliding down your folds as it meets with her fingers, mixing with your arousal. you gasp as you realize what it is, immediately feeling your walls clench under korras fingers.
"fuck, are you gonna come baby? yeah? you dirty little minx, like when i spit in this pussy huh?" she says as her lips are right next to your ear. she nibbles on your lobe, smirking as she scissors her fingers inside you. you choke up. you feel the band in your stomach about to snap and you just want to feel korras lips on yours. you pry open your eyes and pout your lips, "yes korra mhm.. kiss me please im gonna cum."
korra swears under her breath, immediately connecting her lips to yours. speeding her fingers up as she feels your walls tighten around her fingers. the girl moans in your mouth with you, letting you take whatever you need as you feel your orgasm starting to wash over you. all you can do is let out these high-pitched moans, korra nodding her head, signaling that you can come. her eyebrows furrowed, her wet muscle moving against yours in your mouth. she starts feeling your body give one last shudder before collapsing, letting the orgasm wash over you. she catches your body almost immediately as she feels you letting go, taking her fingers out and rubbing quick circles onto your swollen clit. you gasp so cutely that she just watches this orgasm taking over you and your senses. lil splashes of your slick hit the soft ground as she continues to help you ride out your orgasm. your body starts to pick a regular breathing pattern. korra lets go of your arms as they drop to your sides. your body feels completely blissed out, your mind blank as all you can do is just feel the soft rug under your bare half.
"i did not know you liked me restraining you like that," she laughed softly, kissing your cheek as she slowed her pace. you groan, moving away from her fingers as you feel it getting too much.
"oh shut upppp," you grumble, can't help but smile as you feel your body floating in its post-orgasm state. korra reaches down and takes a little bite of your shoulder.
"dont be embarrassed, it's cute." she says, giving a kiss to the little bite mark on your shoulder. rubbing your back, korra lets you lay as long as you need to recover from an intense orgasm, which will always be her favorite part.
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the-s1lly-corner · 2 days
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Hi! I saw requests were open and wanted to ask for Pomni, jax, and ragatha (separate) with an s/o that is a songwriter and musician?
pomni jax and ragatha x reader who makes music
im fairly certain ive written something similar to this but honestly i dont care, i kind of just want to busy my hands and mind for a bit sooooo! notes: reader is gn, characters are separate cws: none
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pomni
sometimes she likes to listen to you sing or mess with your instruments- she wants to help you when you get frustrated about the process but she doesnt know what to say. if you offer to sing for her she tries her best to look interested- she is! and she loves that youre passionate about something! its just sometimes it looks like.. shes not... she doesnt know much about making music, but she does let you know what parts of the songs she likes! goes totally beet red if you make a song dedicated to her... she wants to do something for you in return but shes so stumped- she doesnt have many interesting skills of her own...
ragatha
loves listening to you sing and practice! if you allow her, she hangs out with you in your room while you do your thing! gets your attention if you are going through a rough creative patch and tries to convince you to take a break to let your mind cool. she finds herself humming some of your songs to herself while shes alone working on patching up her dress or doing her hair- you always take up a part of her brain even when youre not around... if you make a song for her shes very vocal about praising you, you can bet shes going to make something for you in return to even the score- you mean a lot to her too you know!
jax
hes not going to make fun of you or belittle your interest, but he does make it clear if your music isnt something that he personally would listen to. and thats okay! he still does at least give your projects a listen if you want him to, hes an asshole but hes not an uncaring jerk. gives some pointers on what he personally thinks could be better. the idea of jax giving.. decent constructive criticism feels amusing to me and makes sense- means he at least knows what hes talking about when making fun of something. not that hes going to make fun of your stuff...
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lameow-l · 5 months
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GAMING IS MY SON AND IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO HIM IM GONNA KILL EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM AND THEN MYSELF!!
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LOOK AT HIM HES SO CUTE
i still have hope in getting the other boys too
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its ok they can be a band or smth.. at least then gaming wouldn’t have to be so disappointed in people not hiring him bc he’s just having fun with his boys…
#it took me soooo long to realize his name can also be 'gaming' and idk if i should be ashamed or proud lol#his hashtag is gonna get real funny real quick#is it actually an intentional business decision made by hyv#no way this was accidental#anyway im disappointed in his hair design but i stopped feeling much since all genshin charas always have the ugliest hairstyles#also him being another bennett just not as unlucky#he works so hard and still tries to achieve his artistic dream at the same time#but people just smile and ignore him…PAY THE DUDE!!!#ALSO ALSO.. chiaki 2.0 and they better add all other ryuseitai next#i just can get over how energetic and cool genshin concept designs are when the game keeps slapping us with a downgraded version every time#not to say current designs aren’t energetic or cool.. just not as much lol (still salty about red xiao and those flying nahidas)#now i know why they still not doing an art book yet.. they’re ashamed to admit of the amounts of good designs they never use#AND I LOVE GENSHIN DESIGNS honest (otherwise why would i keep doing fanart of this game and this game only for 3 years)#sorry i dont post all of them.... i have issues#but i cant help but feel robbed when i see these designs knowing what they could’ve been#and it’s in no way hyv’s fault *glance at leakers* and the new designs are getting crazier and cooler but#please for the love of god hyv stop with the mullets PLEASE!!!#gaming#ga-ming#gaming genshin#genshin impact
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trybard · 1 year
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they’re your local morally ambiguous harpy robot
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theposhperyton · 10 days
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All evidence suggests yes
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#starting a new power scaling system for the warlords of the sea but im rating them based on whether i think theyre an ally or homophobic#kuma is an ally because photos dont lie and hes clearly wearing an ally pin#also you cant spend that much time around somebody with the title “Queen of the Queers” and somehow be homophobic afterwards#unless youre sanji but hes still on his internalized homophobia growth arc. i believe in you buddy you can beat this#crocodile is trans and baroque works is the alphabet mafia in a literal form#with that said. he has the energy of “im not homophobic yall are just annoying”#doffy has the energy of a homophobic homosexual#like hed kiss a guy and then call him a f*g and throw him out a nearby window#jimbei joins the strawhats so ofc HES an ally#blackbeard sucks but i dont think hes homophobic#hes one of those people you meet and theyre just the worst all around and youre like “man this guy has gotta be homophobic”#somebody mentions their partner and you go “oh boy here it is” but he just has no reaction whatsoever#hes such a problem but at least hes not homophobic on top of everything else#Gecko Moria is such a virgin that i dont think he knows being gay exists any more than he knows being straight does#Typa MFer who thinks “sex” is just a synonym for gender#also hed see your top scars and get excited because he thinks youre a zombie#gecko moria probably thinks LGBT is an acronym for some branch of the navy that he doesnt know (or care) about#Because Boa lives on Sapphic island i would jump the gun and immediately say she's an ally but i feel that its more complicated than that#not unlike moria. she also doesnt actually have a real strong grasp on being straight vs being queer#but thats just because shes used to everybody being whipped for her equally#somebody tries to explain it to her and shes just like “??? but theyre all obsessed with me?”#if she ever encounters a gay man it will be a reality shifting event for her#id say itd be the same if she met a sex/romance indifferent aroace but like#monkey d luffy#its already happened#mihawk is probably both an ally and queer himself but he just minds his own business so much that we may never know#one piece#seven warlords#warlords of the sea#bartholomew kuma
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sneez · 3 months
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lord general fluffy now in high definition
[id: a digital portrait of a man in profile, from the shoulders up, facing left. he has long dark hair, a small moustache and beard, and a scar across his cheek. he is wearing armour, a white falling band, and a pale blue sash. on the right is a photograph of a gold medal showing the same man in the same position which was the inspiration for the drawing. end id.]
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hyakunana · 4 months
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Better late than never, here's my #artrecap2023 ✨ testing a different design because... yeah, felt like doing something new. Hope it still works well 👀💦
Happy 2k24!!! 🌠
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starfacedstudio · 6 months
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Image ID: A detailed digital illustration of a bedroom for Ralsei from Deltarune in a watercolor style. A chandelier lights the scene from above in blue, including a covered 4-poster bed + chair with plenty of books next to it (right / center), a closet filled with clothes (left / center), a bookshelf with a ladder filled with books and crafting supplies (center), a stack of unpacked boxes (left), and a desk cluttered with craft supplies and drawn-on papers (front right). The brick walls are covered with drawings and glow in the dark stars, hearts, and moons, and paper doll garlands line the perimeter. Two tapestries on the rightmost wall frame a large stained glass window. Just middle of left, Ralsei's hat hangs on the back wall. End ID.
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Image ID: A page titled "Environment Intensive Packeting: Ralsei's Bedroom. There are 6 called out items from the previous illustration (shown at the top left), which include: 1. Window design, which features the Delta Rune motif / symbol. The bottom part of the window is colorful. 2. Banners (tapestries). They depict two different scenes from Ralsei's prophecies, one shows 3 heroes emerging from the world's edge, and the second depicts a Titan at the world's end. 3. Unused Manual pages, one contains a drawing of Ralsei with the text "Thank you! I'm looking forward to meeting you!" with a heart at the bottom. The second has text that says "Dedicated to the unending pillar of darkness that gives my body form." 4. Desk clutter: pink strings of yarn, dry macaronis, and a green crayon. 5. A string of paper dolls with varying shapes: a darkner, a lightner, a save point, and a heart. 6. Wall decor, including glow in the dark stars and drawings of other characters. End ID.
boy this was meant to be finished like 2 weeks ago but at least im in time for the anniversary babeyyyy!! happy birthday deltarune oh god you're 5 years old now
Here's a bedroom design for Ralsei that I did for class - there's certainly more details hidden in this that I didn't have time to call out, so shout out to anyone who may spot em!
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good-beanswrites · 8 months
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Hello hello! It's me again! (That one Anon who requested Lies with Kazui & Yuno, but I've set up my account now so no need to ask anonymously again lol) Thank you for satisfying my previous request, it was such a delight to read. I keep rereading it every now and then and I'm still always left in awe with it like jesus christ you didn't have to go all in on that im sobbing with the 0207 friendship dynamic.
I've also seen your latest post and drabble asks. I'd like to request from the Drabble List#1 - #5 “Idiots. They are all idiots.” with Es themselves!
Let the prisoners have fun and Es just stares at them nonchalantly, silently judging their idiocy from afar, hell, maybe even let Yuno/Mikoto convince them to join. You can do anything as long as you think it'll fit, they're all just a little silly (minus the fact they're in prison lol).
With all that said, take your time and no rush! I can always wait. Thanks a lot! ...now back to rereading my previous request for the nth time,, i love it so much,, thankyouagain
Ah thank you so much, that means so much!! I'm so glad you liked it, that one was really nice to write :'D And yesss thank you for the request -- this was such a blast to do as well! (though I also made myself emotional over Es' lost childhood, that was less fun ;___;) I debated on several activities within the prison but thought this was plausible and fun for some mid-T1 shenanigans
Es had a job to do. They had many eyes watching them. They had several lives in their hands. They had heavy responsibilities. They didn’t have time for something as silly as ‘video game night’, regardless of the laughter that bubbled up from the common room as they passed by. They were not way tempted to join, regardless of how much fun the group seemed to be having when they peered their head in.
Fuuta had whined that Es had replaced all his requests with completely outdated consoles and games, confirming they had been successful in choosing things without any access to the internet or outside world. Plus, they thought, this gave the older prisoners a fighting chance with some of the games.
Not that they cared whether or not the prisoners had a good time. That wasn’t any concern of theirs. Even in these long periods of rest between their more eventful duties, they must remain focused.
The laughter crescendoed into delighted screaming.
Es figured one more look inside wouldn’t hurt. They were supposed to be keeping an eye on everyone, after all. 
The prisoners had gathered various chairs and bedding material, creating makeshift couches. Some piled onto the new seating, some splayed out on the ground, others stood in excitement. The television was so small, the two players needed to lean all the way forward to see. 
Mahiru bounced in her seat as Yuno whipped around her remote. Fuuta was demanding Kazui play better, gesturing wildly at the screen. Shidou chucked to himself as the others grew more intense. Haruka kept asking questions about the game, receiving an answer only about half the time. 
As the match got closer, Yuno leapt to her feet. She tried to shimmy in front of Kazui and block his view. He stood to prod her out of the way. Muu called foul play, though she said it with a thrill rather than accusation. Fuuta repeated it -- with quite a lot of accusation -- and tried to push Yuno out of the way. Mikoto tried to hold him back, voicing his support of Yuno’s methods. 
The others got caught up in the yelling. Amane’s eyes were wide in anticipation. Kotoko pumped her fist as the battle got even closer. The room erupted in movement and shoving and tripping and remote pulling -- until they yanked the tiny television forward. 
The thick cord came free, and the screen went black just before a winner was announced. Ten voices chorused their outrage.
Es shook their head. “Idiots. They are all idiots.”
They turned away as the prisoners hurried to set everything up again. They were just about to turn the corner into the panopticon when Yuno’s voice called from behind.
“Hey!” She ran up, taking advantage of their brief pause. “I saw you passing by. Why don’t you come join us?”
Not for the first time, Es wished they had enough height to look down on all the prisoners. “I’m your warden. I’m not some child here to play games with you all.”
She pursed her lips. “I’m not a kid either. But I’m still down for a night to unwind.”
“You’re lucky to have the luxury to relax. I, on the other hand, am busy right now.”  
Yuno made a show of looking left, then right, across the empty hallway. “And what exactly are you doing right now?”
“I’m working.”
She frowned. “Uh-huh…”
“I am!” They fumbled for more, coming up blank. They should have known the moment she came skipping over to them that it would be impossible to fool her. There was no need for this routine check of the prison; everyone was gathered in the common room except them. Yuno had known this before uttering a single word.
Her hands fluttered in a dismissive gesture. “Too much work is never good for you. It doesn’t matter how mature you are -- if you get too caught up in your job it’ll drive you to some crazy things.” She smirked. “Just look at Shidou. Or Mikoto!”
“I could look at you…”
Though surprise flickered across her face, she kept grinning. “Exactly! So let’s get you in here.” She tugged on their arm. Prisoners couldn’t physically move Es against their will. 
They huffed as they found themselves inching closer and closer to the entryway.
“I suppose I can come and watch,” they muttered, “and still keep an eye on you all.”
“No! No more working!” She managed to get them into the room. “Here, you can take my spot in the next round.”
Kazui looked over. “Who said you were getting the next spot?”
“Oh come on, I was clearly going to win that one.”
“Clearly? I'm pretty sure was seconds away from beating you.”
“Well then, I guess Es can take your spot.”
“Es is playing?” Haruka looked up excitedly. 
“I haven’t agreed to anything yet.”
It was as if they hadn’t said anything at all. The others launched into a discussion of who would give their remote to Es? Who would they’d face off against? Were they resetting the bracket they’d begun? Which game would they return to? The ten argued in circles for a while. For a group of murderers, they were insistent on a fair tournament. After breaking up some bickering that could have become physical, Es once again wondered how they ended up watching over a mess like this. 
At length the game was chosen, and a rematch was slated for Yuno and Kazui later in the night. To save themself time and sanity, Es went ahead and picked their opponent.
“I’ll play Fuuta.” 
He had been the obvious choice: he could supply enough chatter for the both of them, so Es could remain silent. Also, he was guaranteed to win and free them from an obligation to play more than one round. They flashed a look at some of the more observant prisoners, hoping they didn’t tip them off.
However, no one was really watching them too keenly. Mahiru clapped in joy. Yuno beamed. Mikoto shoved a remote into their hands. Haruka started rapidly explaining the rules to them. Shidou directed Es to their seat in the center. Kotoko gave them an encouraging nod. As expected, Fuuta was already deep into trash talk as he sat next to them.
They really were simple-minded people, more focused on this silly game than the fact their warden had just sat amongst them. It was dangerous to let one’s guard down in a place like this, Es reminded themself. 
With a little jingle, the match began. 
Their fingers flew across the controls. Though they had a rocky start, some sort of muscle memory kicked in. Surely this game had come out before they were born, and there was no way they’d played it regularly. None of that mattered much. Their little avatar was obviously gaining the lead.
Their eyes stayed fixed on the screen as they received slaps on the back and nudges. Their guard's cap was knocked off in the shuffling, but they couldn't risk picking it up. Voices called all around them.
“Aw, don’t just let the kid win!” Mikoto said.
“I’m not!” Fuuta was desperate. “They fucking tricked me! They’re a pro!”
Es felt energy run through their entire body. Their original plan already slipping away, they wondered if they could actually beat Fuuta. It would be fun to see… They leaned forward, holding their breath. The audience continued cheering the pair on. Once again, the room was swept up in shouts.
The match ended. A little banner flashed across the screen to name Es victorious. They jumped up, a small whoop escaping them. 
They would’ve melted in shame right then and there, if the sound weren’t already drowned out by the surrounding chaos. The others laughed and shook Es in amazement. Fuuta let out a string of colorful language.
“That was incredible!”
“Holy shit!”
“How’d you do that?”
Es placed the cap back on their head, pulling it over their eyes. “I don’t know. And it doesn’t matter. I’m done for the night.” They tried to pass off the remote, but Mikoto pushed it back into their hands. 
“Nuh-uh. I want to see this for myself.” He grabbed the other one from a dejected Fuuta. “Same game. Same characters. Lemme see what you’ve got.”
Es wasn’t meant to play one round, much less get caught up in their ridiculous tournament.
Don’t be an idiot, they told themself.
“Bring it on,” they told Mikoto.
#milgram#es#yuno kashiki#fuuta kajiyama#mikoto kayano#and everyone else#i always worry it gets too busy with too many characters but i think this works 👍#thank you for all your kind words!!! i feel like a broken record but it really means so much to me --#im so happy youre enjoying these as much as i am >:3#my next one is going to be a bit more serious but it was really fun doing these lighter ones :')#they deserve a night of relaxation and fun! im absolutely obsessed with es' insistence on their duty and solemn attitude#because theyre just a kid! they need a break! theyd get excited and competitive just like anyone else! they should be allowed to!#UGH#i think es and amane are a bit too similar with their struggles with age and being controlled by adults where its harder to get along#but yuno also understands what its like to want to be seen as a responsible mature person despite a younger age#and shed know how best to say things lightly but still meaningfully <3#yeah i thought about them doing sports or cooking or karaoke but this worked the best#haruka and amane dont have much experience with video games but i think theyd catch on quick#shidou has a lot of fun but he sucks ass LMAO#mahiru also isnt great but even if she was doing good shed let everyone else win to make sure their spirits stay up#im a sucker for writing where a character says something over and over and you just know theyre trying to convince themselves 😂#someone tell me to stop rambling in the tags and just make a new post for gods sake asdfsdfds#i hope you enjoy!#im late by now but woo happy getting your account set up 👏 welcome to the hellsite...#drabbles
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robotpussy · 7 months
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hm I know this seems like I'm just whining to whine and I understand that living with your parents throughout your childhood is the norm but I'm actually so tired of people asking "where are your parents/do you live with your parents/did you come with your parents?" when I meet people like if we are at a event where ppls families are in attendance why can't you just ask if anybody came with me instead of asking about my parents like not everybody has parents or lives with them etc I know it's just a little thing and I'm coming across as bitter and annoyed but I genuinely am, and then it gets even more annoying because then when you tell people you didn't come with your parents they want to know why and in my case I hate having to explain that I was in foster care because explaining something like that isn't something that can be summed up in a sentence like OMFG and it's so fucking annoying to me like just ask if I came with anybody instead of just assuming I came with my parents 😭😭😭
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macroglossus · 4 months
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being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED
#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right?????#this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh.#when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like#two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that#time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore#is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and#when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up#and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not#that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on#listening. if that makes sense#IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive#like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!!#idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that#im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy.#epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍
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danothan · 17 days
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i had a dream that i drew a chardee fanart where they looked kinda sweet and cheerful and adorned w flowers, i think they were even in a meadow? and charlie had cut down a tree so they could use the stump as a picnic table, and he was leaning on his axe as dee was setting the food, but there were tiny inklings of wrong throughout the piece, like how charlie’s axe had blood dripping from it, and the picnic food looked a little suspiciously human. i think i just miss their cannibalism days tbh
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thebirdandhersong · 1 year
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hey will be off tumblr for the rest of the week - things are Happening again and my head feels ready to explode.........would really appreciate prayer again. I'm constantly feeling like I'm on the brink of something (I don't KNOW what) terrible and I need to figure things out without before my body really DOES decide to shut down from the stress and the strange depressive dread that has been very difficult to shake this month. I would like to not feel like crying or throwing up at certain points in the day and also would like to not be so exhausted in the heart and mind area so that I can actually deal with these things. Especially since finals are looming ahead
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orcelito · 3 months
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Opening the local bubble tea store absolutely livid and shaking in rage and upset bc my bitch ass boss is too concerned about us sitting on the job to order the tea bags I requested Two Fucking Weeks Ago (it only takes like 4 or 5 days to ship) and so we're out and I had to hand wash the 1 reusable bag to make black tea and I have to strain the free floating tea leaves from the cold brew and I just KNOWWWW he's going to have something more to bitch about because he always does
Last straw on the camel's back, etc etc, I want to put in my two weeks notice by the end of this week. That's a goal for myself.
#speculation nation#i currently dont have a job lined up but im going to start applying Today#because i cant take this anymore. i cant fucking take this anymore.#i feel like im about to shatter from the strain of hos chokehold#8 years total under his thumb and for What? he doesnt appreciate me. he doesnt value me.#he's an asshole this place sucks and it makes me so sad because i really do care about the people here#but i cant. i cant fucking do it anymore.#im really glad im alone on shift rn bc ha ha ha. ill put up the mask for customers but i am#genuinely shaking rn. im so upset.#this being after he complained Again about people sitting on the job during the meeting last night like#shut UPPPP I DONT CAAAARE#YOU TRY WORKING WITH CHRONIC PAIN AND FATIGUE AND A JOB THAT DOESNT GIVE GENUINE BREAKS#'oh if you need to take a break then do it but just dont sit down on the job“#WHEN DO YOU THINK I COULD TAKE MY BREAK? IM WORKING ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!+#and when im.not working alone im working with trainees so i still cant leave the store unattended#im sick of him.im so sick of him and im THIIIIIIIIIS close to just breaking down here and now#i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i HATE HIM#negative/#sorry for the vent i just feel like.im about to blow up and everyone's busy so ic cant. vent properly#im not even done opening bc im too busy freaking out and pacing and being angry#and hes gonna watch me sitting here thru the cameras and be like Ho Hum Look at you immediately doing what i said not to#like fucking STOP!!!! WATCHING US!!!!!!! YOU FUCKING CREEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#IM SO SICK OF HIM WATCHING US THROUGH THE CAMERAS. HE HAS NO TRUST IN ME DOING MY JOB#0 value for me as a person or employee 0 value for my to this day dedication to this company#i want to send my heel through those front windows. watch them shatter. wreck the whole place#because fuck this place and fuck him#i wontttt bc i dont wanna go to jail lol but the temptation is there. i fucking hate his guts.#im going to put in my 2 weeks by the end of this week. im going to start applying to places Today. just fucking watch me.
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milkweedman · 2 years
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Oh to have a schedule thats just 'sleep on a wool blanket... maybe sneeze a little'
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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months
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#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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