#it doesn't hurt
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I have a really nasty ear infection and I am downright miserable. I *should* work on one of my many WiP's, but I don't wanna. Unfortunately that means I have no idea what to do with my quiet time right now aside from being miserable.
#i am so bored#anyone up for random bullshitting?#can't sleep because EAR#can't focus on much of anything because EAR#it doesn't hurt#just really irritated and feeling weird atm#like it's under water or something#it's really annoying
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giving a BOMBASTIC side eye to the people who tag aromantic posts as #asexual despite not once mentioning sex or sexual attraction
#aromantic#aro#yknow what i think this should go in the ace tags as well#asexual#ace#aspec#like go ahead why don't you make it seem like the identity i feel more attached to is merely a subset of the other one i identify with#it doesn't hurt#and yes i'm kind of vaguing but i felt it needed to be said in general
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Still trying to get a handle on using a water flosser, but I am just annihilating my poor tongue.
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[Untitled Poetry 9/25/23]
I think maybe
I used to love you
In my own kind of way
And I think
As I walk these cobble stones
That you might have loved me too
In your own kind of way
Sometimes the wind chimes
The same tune as your laughter
And it still doesn’t make me cry
And the hand you held isn’t even cold
Like I thought it should be
You’re gone
And all I felt
Was my jaw unclench
And I see you smiling
With people I thought
Were also my friends
And it doesn’t hurt
And you never told me why you left
You just did
#POETRY#poems#emotions#T-T#lost friends#It doesn't hurt#Dear silver comet#I think its okay that you left#I never understood why you stayed#autumn#fall#leaves#cobblestone#bye#See I said that wasn't the last poem#I don't really know what I feel#You were my best friend#guess I wasn't really yours#you weren't mine to loose huh#9/25/23#~Izzy 🧁#you faded til I left
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Oh my god???
I just plugged my hot glue gun and the plug exploded. On my hand. And the electricity went out. What the fuck.
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Saying that Max is mentally stronger than Charles is something that (while doing the biggest mental gymnastics) I can even understand if you look at the most surface level, but saying that Lewis has a weaker mindset? Being a black man in general, but being the only black man in such an élite and white sport takes for sure a toll on you, because weakness is not allowed but also anything short than composure is not allowed. So if we have to only go from there Lewis' mental capacity is unreal. And then I think it takes more guts and strenght not to fall into the typical "strong man" stereotype and be kind, thoughtfull, enjoy things with even child-like passion all on the outside.
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Pros and cons of new piercings
Pros: Cool-looking, wanted this one since I was 11, first step to looking a little more like I want to long-term, should heal ok cause my piercer was very good about explaining shit and sending me home with way to contact someone for almost every possible issue if I could not reach her
Cons: Because of the piercing my eyebrow itches so bad and I cannot scratch it
#it doesn't hurt#and it's gonna be healing for like 12 weeks and im ok w/that#but it occasionally becomes super itchy for a few minutes and then fades away#also it's weirdly hard to not touch your eyebrows on accident#I've gotten it down to only 5 times by accident in a day#compared to my usual stims totaling up closer to like 30 times#for anyone concerned the short answer is eyebrow piercings take a long-ass time to heal so it's not abnormal for them to act up at 1st#can't wait for these heal so I can get a second set
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weird that shiki's been alive for like 22 years with a wheel stuck in his skull
#he doesn't really notice it too much#it doesn't hurt#he's got a couple of side effects from the brain damage#but nothing he can't manage#over time he's just sort of learned to live with it
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It doesn’t hurt
It doesn’t hurt me when you go
I thought I ought to let you know
It doesn’t cause me any pain
To have my calls ignored again
And when you casually neglect
And ridicule and disrespect
It doesn’t sting; it doesn’t gall
And when you set me up to fall
Or shove me hard against the wall
It doesn’t shock me or appal -
You’ve taught me not to feel at all
June 18 prompt from @nosebleedclub
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I complain about my period to my bro every time I get one lol
It's ✨bloody✨
#it doesn't hurt#most the time anyways#its hurting rn but eh#not too bad#but i also get hightened anxiety when im on my period#so that sucks
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I've discovered through a podcast the series of books The Chronicles of St Mary. I don't know how I missed this cause it seems like a big series, but anyway is it worth it, cause there's like over ten books? Did any of you guys read it? The reviews for the first book are a bit mixed and like I said, many many books.
Mind you, I've heard time travel and british humour in the same sentence so I'm kind of already sold lmao
#misc#the chronicles of st mary#also the french covers are really pretty tbh#i mean i will only buy book 1#it doesn't hurt#my bank account disagrees#but who is this guy anyway???#also i instantly knew my mom is gonna love it too#anyway if any of you read it#would like to hear your opinion on it#like i said i heard the words time travel so i sure am going to try it anyway#the only reason i haven't bought it yet#is because i don't order books online i go to the bookstore
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Me when I wake up:
1. get out of bed
2. neck right crack crack crack
3. neck left cra-crack CRACK
4. right elbow crack
5. spine to the right cra-cra-cra-crack
6. spine to the left crack cra-CRACK
7. fingers cra-cra-cra-cra-cra-crack
8. ankles cra-crack cra-crack
my body is perfectly normal
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Ugh. I feel weird.
#think that seasonal depression is kicking me in the ass#or maybe i just hate daylight savings time#idk#bambi's bleats#this might be a gross way to put it#it feels like someone took a spoon#and gently scooped my right eye out#it doesn't hurt#i just feel like#I'm floating#and the upper right part of my face is gone
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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
#writeblr#warm up#this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru#but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist#ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work#part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just#like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r#ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week#this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism#imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY#''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''
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We were so close to smoking not being cool anymore. We were so close. Then they flavored it mango and now it's taboo to criticize it anymore. People don't ask if they're allowed to vape indoors, they aren't considerate of people who may have health problems that are triggered by the chemicals or if it just bothers them, people don't care that they're supporting an industry built on corruption and greed, they can't see it draining their pockets and much less their health. We were so close to smoking not being cool anymore.
#i hate hate HATE nicotine after watching my parents smoke when i grew up#its gross and bad for your money and bad for your health#and i get it. theres SO MANY socioeconomic factors that make it a complicated issue.#you CANT blame smokers.#but it feels like people are just accepting the institution for what it is bc now it tastes good#bitch just chew gum jfc#it doesn't matter if its an industry issue. we have seen in the past that making it “uncool” hurts the industry#make nicotine uncool again PLEASE#grumbles
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My head feels 50 tons but in a tired way
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