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#make nicotine uncool again PLEASE
sunfoxfic · 6 months
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We were so close to smoking not being cool anymore. We were so close. Then they flavored it mango and now it's taboo to criticize it anymore. People don't ask if they're allowed to vape indoors, they aren't considerate of people who may have health problems that are triggered by the chemicals or if it just bothers them, people don't care that they're supporting an industry built on corruption and greed, they can't see it draining their pockets and much less their health. We were so close to smoking not being cool anymore.
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Prompt My Own Damn Self # :He’s Not the Guy You Marry, But He Is The Guy You [REDACTED] in the Night Club Bathroom at Two O’Clock in the Morning, Which is Also Important
Summary: Literally what it says in the title, except we find out what [REDACTED] means, which is very fun and exciting. That’s right, everybody, we’re 👏 going 👏 there 👏
Warnings: ‼️18+‼️ Extremely Explicit Sexual Content. Do NOT be uncool and read it if you’re not of age. Otherwise, there’s alcohol involved here (wow what a surprise 🙄), like one mention of drugs, and smoking. Aside from that, it’s pretty straightforward.
Genre: Mediocre Smut
Pairing: Hatter/Fem!Reader
Notes: There are two types of people in this world: people who are very attracted to the weird sexy hat guy who started a death-game pyramid scheme, and LIARS.
Real talk, though: this is pretty explicit. More explicit than I’ve gone in a very long time, so I’m a little rusty. It veers into “hate sex” territory, which was kind of fun to write, honestly. I live for the banter. (Also, the “you” character in this is kind of great? I like her.)
HEY! Just another reminder! This is 18+ so if you’re not of legal age, do yourself a solid and ditch this little thing, okay? Okay.
💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
It starts with tequila shots.
Salt licked. From your wrist. His chest. The hollow of your throat.
Lime bitten. Held between your fingers. Between his teeth. Between your pushed-together breasts.
Music pulses. Lights flash. He’s got a hand on your ass. You’ve got your lips on his neck.
“Wanna go somewhere?”
“Yes.”
And he leads you, hand on the small of your back, away from the bar. People stare. You like it.
‘Somewhere’ is, apparently, a two-stall women’s restroom, tucked away in a narrow little hallway which runs to the left of the bar. A place for shooting up drugs. A place for scribbling on the walls with permanent marker.
A place for sex. Hot, sweaty, anonymous sex.
...Well, semi-anonymous, anyways. It’s impossible to live at the Beach and not know who the man in red is, the man who sells a shot at salvation for nothing more than a few playing cards.
You lean against the tastefully cream-colored counter which hosts, among other things: a sink stained pink with cheap soap; three forgotten tubes of lipstick; a small mirror, holding an abandoned credit card and two small lines of cocaine; a crumpled up hand towel; a half-finished bottle of Asahi beer; and what was probably once a wedding ring.
“Great ambiance,” you murmur flatly. The harsh light of fluoresent bulbs burn your eyes, diverting your gaze to the white floor, “Been ages since I got fucked in a classy place like this.”
“Ages?” Hatter flicks the lock on the door with a low thunk.
“Hours,” you answer, mournful tone betrayed by a smirk tugging at the corner of your mouth, “Had you not come along, my dry spell might’ve gone on through the morning.”
“Perish the thought.”
And he does not so much approach you as he descends upon you, mouth sucking at your collarbone and leg pushing between your thighs.
“Tell me,” he pants into you ear, breath hot and fingers deft as he unties the strings of your bikini top, “How do you want me?”
“Now,” you hiss back, “Don’t care how, just—fuck, just give it to me.”
“Then, if you would be so kind?” He holds a condom between his index and middle fingers.
In truth, you’re glad for it—you’d rather not deal with the mess after all is said and done—but there’s no way you’ll give him the satisfaction of a ‘thank you.’
“Fine,” you huff, snatching the foil square from his grasp, “Don’t suppose you have anything better to—oh!”
Hands on your hips spin you around so you’re facing the mirror. You grip the edge of the counter, knuckles straining, and watch as he reaches around to palm your breast.
“Apologies,” he makes eye contact with you in the mirror, “but I seem to have my hands full at the moment.”
And that’s when you feel fingertips slipping beneath the seam of your bikini bottoms, an insistent press against the slick of your slit.
You spit a curse and fumble with the condom, desperation setting in as his hands continued to dance across your flesh. After some moments (too many for your liking), you’re successful in your endeavor, and pass the unwrapped nuisance over your shoulder.
“Much obliged,” he thanks, removing his hands to sort himself out, “You know, I appreciate—“
“I didn’t come here to talk,” you snap. He laughs in response.
“Ooh, you’re mean!”
And he’s sliding the crotch of your swimsuit bottoms to the side, exposing only what is necessary and lining himself up—and, okay, that’s the kind of semi-impractical hotness you were looking for from this particular encounter. Your muscles clench involuntarily around nothing and you cant your hips back to get him to move it along...but nothing happens.
God, what is this guy’s problem?!
“But, I wonder,” he whispers into your ear, “are you desperate enough to say ‘please?”
Of all the guys to pull for a quick fuck, of course you get the one who’s a total tease. So smug, arrogance blooming as he presses a soft kiss to your left shoulder. There’s no way you’re giving in to this asshole, so you glare at him in the reflection of the mirror.
“Fuck you,” you spit, teeth bared and mouth formed into a malicious smile.
He shrugs his shoulders.
“Close enough.”
You both cry out when he fills you with a single, fluid thrust. And—fuck, fuck, fuck!—that is good. One of his hands curls around the jut of your hip, while the other splays across your collarbone, thumb and forefinger framing the base of your throat in a firm but gentle touch.
Otherwise, he remains still—perhaps he’s being gentlemanly and allowing you time to adjust? No, no, he’s definitely being a tease again.
Seriously, what is his goddamn deal?
Since he seems content to take his merry time, you take matters into your own hands, moving against him in a somewhat-awkward but still satisfying rhythm.
“You,” he says between heavy breaths, “seem eager.”
There’s something in his voice that seems amused, as if he finds your candor endearing. You lean forward a bit, angling your hips so his length is able to sink deeper and, oh, that’s much better.
“Want something done right,” you pant, “gotta do it yourself.”
“You don’t think I’d do it right?”
“Sweetie,” you coo with a condescending smile, “I know you wouldn’t.”
And you’re lucky that guys like him are all the same—arrogant, showy, desperate to prove their sexual prowess—because he finally (finally!) decides to get his sorry ass into gear and make something happen.
The hand that was around your neck gropes at your breasts, the cool metal of that stupid-ugly-tacky ring catching on your skin in an annoyingly tantalizing way. The other shoves its way between you and the edge of the countertop, deft fingertips circling your clitoris in a way that makes your toes curl in your sandals. You bite your lip to keep from crying out as he fucks into you, hips snapping hard but steady against the plush of your ass.
“You know, the people I fuck usually try to be nice to me,” he says, “nicer than you, anyways.”
The hand on your breast pinches your nipple, earning him a sharp gasp.
“Why be nice?” You clench around him, causing his rhythm to falter, “You’re just the means to an end.”
“And here I thought we were making love.”
Teeth scrape down the length of your neck, and fuck—you’re getting close. Your arms are shaking. Your heart is racing. You hate to admit it, but he’s good at this.
“Darling,” he growls into your ear, “I do believe you’re about to come.”
“Shut up,” you snap, trying desperately to sound cool and unaffected despite the fact that your composure is about to shatter and there is not a goddamn thing you can do about it.
“Well, go on then. After all,” he hisses, “I don’t have all night.”
What starts as anger is quickly overtaken by pleasure—white-hot and blinding, enough to make your knees shake and your eyes spring with tears. It’s exactly what you were looking for, exactly what you had been expecting from the most notorious sex fiend at this God-forsaken place.
Apparently, he must’ve come too, because he’s pulling out with a surprising tenderness—gentlemanly in one way, at least. He even makes sure to right your bikini bottoms, making sure that they’re once again covering you completely before turning his attention to himself.
“You know, I didn’t know people could glare their way through an orgasm, but you made it happen.”
“I’m a woman of many talents.”
Before you choose to look in the mirror, you fix the rest of your bathing suit with a tremble in your fingers. You can feel him watching you, and honestly, you’re not sure how you feel about that. Good, mostly, but tinged a bit orange with annoyance. You try not to think about that too much and, with a deep breath, look at your reflection.
The first thing you do to assess the damage of your little liaison is check your makeup—your eyeliner is a bit smudged, but that’s easily fixed with a few swipes of your littlest finger. Your hair, however, is another story, so you set to fixing it with a dissatisfied huff.
You hear the snick of a lighter behind you and the scent of fresh-burning nicotine hits your senses. You turn around to see him leaning against the tile wall with a cigarette between his lips and smoke curling in wisps towards the ceiling.
He raises an eyebrow when you approach him, then chuckles when you snatch the cigarette right out of his mouth and take a long, deep drag. It’s almost as good as the sex.
“You know,” he says, “I think you might be a bit in love with me after my spectacular performance.”
That makes you choke, your lungs switching from laughter to coughing and back again.
“Spectacular?” You quell your sputtering with a gulp, “You were passable. At best.”
“Careful, sweetheart. You’re getting awfully close to giving me a compliment.”
You take a step closer to him, shoulders squared, fingers ashing the cigarette onto the floor.
“Not your sweetheart,” you say, taking one last drag and blowing the smoke directly into his face. You smile when he flinches.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” you say, pressing the mostly-smoked cigarette between his lips, “I have somewhere to be.”
You turn on your heel and begin to walk away, making sure to sway your hips just so as you do. There’s no way his eyes aren’t glued to your ass, and the thought makes you smile triumphantly.
“Until next time, then,” he calls—and it’s cute that he sounds so sure that you’ll come crawling back to him.
You exit the bathroom with a self-satisfied smirk, enjoying the thought of him lighting another cigarette and trying not to chase after you.
Three days, tops. That’s how long it’ll take for him to beg.
You can’t wait.
💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
also just in case you were wondering, he DID leave the sunglasses on—BUT they were on his head kinda holding his hair back because I truly believe he would do that. also the kimono has pockets and he thinks it’s very cool to carry around all his stuff in there (for example he keeps a granola bar on his person at all times because sometimes you just get hungry yknow?)
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