#it also says I am my own person
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I’m still not over this “former demon” thing. I mean, what does it MEAN. Is demon a job description? Can he choose not to be a demon? What about Aziraphale? He seems to think he’s still an angel, right? Even if he doesn’t work for heaven. And Crowley still calls him angel (also for endearment purposes probably, but still).
Or does Crowley just say it for Shax’s benefit. Not a demon anymore as in holy water can’t hurt me. (“He isn’t one of us anymore”)
Crowley doesn’t want to be a demon right? He never wanted to be. Does he just choose not to be? Like the same way he chose a new name?
He isn’t one of the bad guys. He didn’t want to be before, but he had to pretend at least (“I go along with hell as far as I can”). Now he just is his own thing. Not a demon. Not an angel. Crowley.
#love that for him#gives non-binary energy#it also says I am my own person#our side#good omens#crowley#ineffable husbands#aziraphale#aziracrow
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god i’m such a slut for characters who think what they’ve done is unforgivable who are just gobsmacked when they open themselves up to someone who forgives them as easily as breathing
#THIS POST IS ABOUT ESSEK THELYSS CURRENTLY BUT ALSO ABOUT SO MANY OTHERS#BUT IM GONNA TAG IT AS#critical role#the mighty nein#c2e97#FOR MY OWN PERSONAL REFERENCE#but know that I am always so fucking into genuine regret and desire for atonement being met with mercy#what can I say it’s the catholic in me
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FAMINE: That's one deep, dark nothing you've got there, Dean.
[youtube with closed captions]
dean and his father. dean and his family. dean and how bad it is.
(via @closetoyou1970)
#spn#vid#mind the warnings on this one for real#woe! fruit of my rewatch be upon ye.#pallas calls this my 'deangirl coming out vid' which honestly. true. but those who paid attention know i've always been a deangirl.#also. after this no more deanwinchester rilo kiley amvs I Pwomise#anyway. i'm not gonna give a full commentary here but a big reason why i chose this song is that the narrator#is essentially dismissing her own problems and instead watching the problems of someone else#and i kind of wanted to play with that theme. this is the parallels show so let's do some parallels. lots of things happen to characters#that are Like Dean somehow. either in personality or circumstance. that we know or can infer happen to him. but we don't see it bc it's#not sayable. not speakable. so like for an easy one. we see meg being tortured in caged heat. she also talks about apprenticing under#alastair just like dean. so i show her being tortured [in a way that is sexualized and demon-specific] and reacting how she does#because i invite the audience to imagine or interpret that this has also happened to dean at some point. we just don't see it#so there are many dean parallels in this video. some obvious. some subtle but textual. some products of my twisted mind. but that's the way#i am using them to make my argument.#oh also: dean voice sam's eyes going black is JUST like when he used to fight with dad and wouldn't listen to me when i told him not to.#i guess also the point is that because it's unsayable. dean can't say it. dean can't even acknowledge it. and so it bleeds through#into everything in his life#that's why it's important that the song narrator doesn't take her own problems seriously. dean doesn't either.
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To me you're like if Jerma was a girl. Idk how to explain
i know you mean well but please do not say this to me lol
#i love jerma#but also come on#i am my own person and i literally always talk/joke about how much i dislike when people say i am just a female version of my peers
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Tw for weight loss mention
The whole exercise will cure your disability thing is a fucking joke. Yes exercise is beneficial for your health, but only if you aren't already on shaky foundations. You need to be on a treatment plan that WORKS before going into the maintenance phase. You wouldn't do regular maintenance on a broken item, you'd work on getting it up and running first. And maybe it would even need specialized maintenance afterwards if it's especially fragile.
I have fibromyalgia and acute degenerative disc disease. My immune system attacks my nerves and discs in my spine are slowly calcifying and causing the bones to constrict and damage my nerves (i think thats how it works). I have days where it feels like my body is on fire from nerve pain and days where it feels like my spine is about to rip from my back. And days where I have both (like today!). I get numbness in my hands and feet. I have horrible migraines. I can no longer walk unaided more than maybe 5 minutes without severe pain. I have something wrong with my knees and hips but the doctors don't know what yet.
You'd think I live an obviously seditary lifestyle correct?
Hell no.
I walk aided on average 6 miles a day over difficult terrain OUTSIDE of regular activity almost everyday. My legs are muscular and strong. I get my heart rate up and a good sweat, like all the gym rats swear on. I am often doing physical labor such as weeding, digging, sample collecting, pruning trees etc.
I'm not saying this to make other disabled people feel bad or prove that they can do anything if they just tried harder. This is an extremely painful lifestyle I've chosen that takes a lot of lifestyle management AND BOUNDARIES to keep up with the work. I also have an extremely forgiving boss who is also physically disabled and knows what I'm going through (deciding between your passion and your health and having to do so each and every day) No one should ever be expected to do what I do. I'm not even sure if I should be doing this myself.
This is to prove that exercise? Has not cured me. My muscles are strong but still hurt as if they're broken and I have to take more breaks than my coworker. I am constantly getting out of breath and I flare up regularly if I'm not careful. I am in excellent physical condition outside of my disabilities. I go to different doctors several times a month to get checked out.
I previously went through a diet program and lost a lot of weight (basically starving myself and got off my depression meds which cause weight gain but are also the only ones that work) and guess what? That didn't do shit either!!! I still felt horrible!!! I've since gained back the weight anyway after switching to focusing on adding more nutrient dense foods than taking stuff away from my diet (also muscle weighs more than fat, and fat helps cushion my aching joints and spine).
The muscle doesn't do shit for my disabilities outside of maybe some stability. Exercising everyday doesn't make the pain go away. Without my medications and aids and nutrition plans and steroid injections and spinal adjustments and physical therapy (that takes my fibro and spine into account) and alternative work methods I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO DO WHAT I DO. Exercise alone is like trying to make a car run with no oil. Yes it'll go but it'll get more and more damaged till it can't and will need its entire engine replaced!
And yet I see new doctors and they look at me and the first thing out of their mouths is do I exercise? I should try doing a little every day :) and then i fucking blow their minds when I tell them about my job. No longer can they use that fucking cop out on me. I've been through this rodeo. Ive tried their suggestions. If you are in pain and nothing is helping? Exercise ain't going to do SHIT. You need to get to a point where you can move without severe pain first (if that's even possible). Then and only then should you consider implementing regular exercise if you can. Also weight loss talk is a red flag and a cop out. They made me lose 50+ lbs before they would look into the reasons behind my pain. Weight loss did nothing for me and exacerbated my pain.
I am living proof that all that shit is a lie and a cop out. That is the point of this post. I cannot believe people with serious medical conditions are being forced to put their bodies through extreme duress just to be believed. You are not disabled because of laziness or because you sit a lot. Plenty of people live seditary lifestyles and do not live in constant excruciating pain (they may develop disabilities later in life due to this however, and should be doing preventative exercises to maintain their health)
Please, share my story with doctors. Use me as an example. I am proof that "exercise first treat later" does not work. I should not have had to wait years to have my pain validated. I'd rather hundreds of fakers get (what? A blood test? An MRI?) than one chronically ill person get told to try yoga and go away by a doctor.
#wrenfea.exe#doctors and nurses dont fucking clown on this post#anything you say needs to be backed up by sources with apa citation thrown in for good measure#this is my personal experience dont tell me im exaggerating or just havent tried hard enough#i will kick you with my horse legs and then go lie down for 4 hours#bedbound people i am sending you so much love and will probably be joining you in a few years#chronic disability#chronic pain#spoonie#fibromyalgia#disability#chronic illness#from the field#physically disabled#this also applies to neurodivergent and mentally ill people but pls don't derail#this is mainly about physical disabilities#you are welcome to make your own post and reference mine if you want @ me and ill reblog it#sometimes im like oh i cant be disabled bc i do all this stuff im a faker inflatrating the community#and then i have days like today where i cannot leave my bed#i am so pissed off that people with long covid and ME have to go through that fucking exercise rehabilitation program#that actively makes their mitochondria worse#you wouldnt start using a vase without fixing the cracks first#the water will spill out and the flower will die#degenerative disc disease
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my toxic trait is i get really annoyed when ppl make atsushi and akutagawa's relationship about dazai
#like damn let them be their own individuals#not to say we should deny dazai's influence on them especially on how akutagawa's resentment/dislike towards atsushi is stemmed from him#but like does every post about sskk have to be like “and then dazai-”#and i hate the trope that implies that dazai manipulated sskk to have romantic feelings for each other#in general i dont like how ppl sometimes make dazai all knowing other than viewing him and his plans with any nuance but ya know#i'll say “atsushi and akutagawa love each other becuz-” and someone will be like “and then dazai-” like no get him out of here#also im really into the idea of aku letting dazai go at least to some extent and i dont like when ppl like have him hold on to dazai#like they never let him move on from dazai???#like u could be like “aku stops worrying about dazai becuz he realizes he has value” and someone will be like “and thats when dazai finally#acknowledges him and the years of pent up frustration adn the abuse aku went through are finally justified <333"#to add: i dont care if you do like this becuz i dont engage with fanwork that has a differing opinion from me with malice becuz i am not a#child#im just commenting my own opinion about it becuz its something i dont like#like u know i can say i dont like kiwis but that doesnt mean u have to dislike kiwis and r a horrible person for liking them#its like a minor annoyance at best
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it stands out to me how armand frequently uses endearments for daniel ('beloved', 'my love'). it's something i can't recall him ever doing with his other lovers - typically, he expresses his affections through grand romantic speeches (which has its own appeal, to be sure). but with daniel, he's a little sappier, a little sillier. they will spend nights together people watching or putting on a movie they've seen a dozen times already. there are still grand gestures, like giving daniel night island or showering him with precious items, but daniel is also the one buying all the airline tickets for armand as he makes them fly around the world and explain things like long distance phone calls and tax brackets. the sweeping romance also exists alongside the mundane acts of existing together and indulging your loved one's weird habits and using petnames. it's very humanizing and sweet.
#devil's minion#as ever i am obligated to say i think it's an interesting difference that makes the relationship unique; not a competition they're winning#all the relationships have their own unique elements#but yeah i do think armand is free to be his goofy weird creepy self in that relationship#without it always being about sweeping the other person off their feet#he was pretty relaxed with bianca in his own way but he was also still trying to be#the venetian princeling and he knew she had her own bond with marius. she wasn't just his#so that kind of was always an element present in how he behaved#with daniel i think there was also a bit more of a give and take than maybe he'd had before#daniel taught him things - armand gave him the world on a silver platter#daniel had no control over his life but armand would do anything#i am the devil's minion and he grants my every wish of it all#iwtv#kaitlin speaks
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i think my main issue with tsats is that it doesn’t exist in a vacuum.
we know nico. he has a backstory that we have seen and character growth that has been fought for over 15 books, give or take. we’ve seen him interact with so many different characters and react to so many different situations, so we have a pretty good idea about who he is as a character.
we (kinda) know will. he wasn’t given too much screen time until toa, but from what we’ve seen, he’s a nice kid with a sassy streak and a desire to help people. literally the first substantial scene we get is him coming straight from delivering a child to running out on the battlefield. he not only stood by while octavian was blasted away, he also acknowledged that sometimes, death is necessary.
so my issues with tsats come from them warping these established traits to manufacture plot and character conflict. the “he would not fucking do that” meme has never applied to something more than tsats. sure, nico and will are kids, sure, they can make mistakes... but they are also characters in a book series, characters who have faced similar situations in the past and reacted completely differently, or characters who have shown us no reason to act the way they act in tsats.
i really didn’t want to make a tsats critical post but i felt i had to because the reason i don’t like tsats has nothing to do with the representation or ships or characters used or whatever else. it is simply because this is a bad book in a well-established series that i care about, and it disappointed me deeply because i loved nico and will and wanted their book to be amazing.
#ethan talks#ok to rb#tsats#nico di angelo#will solace#< using those tags for my own personal organization system#if you don't like this post simply dni#also i'm not saying you aren't allowed to like tsats#if you liked it more power to you! i'm glad people like it!#its a great step for representation#i am just clarifying why i myself do not like it#once again: IF YOU LIKED TSATS CONTINUE TO EXIST AND LOVE THE BOOK
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Georgia talking about staged again and now their…… flirting? Is that what you would call putting a heart on Anna and her calling Georgia a flirt?? Radio silence from the both of them and now randomly there’s this.
Hi there! Well, I'm not sure it's really random. But let's get the visual up here first, for those who haven't seen Georgia/AL's Insta stories today:
So this seemed to start with Georgia posting the story about Staged playing on BBC iPlayer after she finished watching OFMD. The second story is the one with Georgia drawing the heart around AL, followed by the story with her drawing a heart around the glass of wine Michael is holding, and then Anna shared Georgia's story and called her a flirt.
The reason I don't believe this is random is because for the last several days, all everyone has been talking about online is Ineffable Con and Rob/Gavin's comments about the kiss between Michael/Aziraphale and David/Crowley. And as we've seen before, just when the conversation gets too focused on Michael and David, Georgia and AL post a story or photo to bring the attention back to them. It's actually fairly predictable at this point, since it's happened multiple times previously (though I would say this seems a bit more blatant than other instances, given that there isn't any reason for either of them to promote Staged right now).
My thought in regard to the "flirt" comment is that I agree with you in not understanding exactly how that reads as flirting (as it didn't come across that way to me). I do wonder if this is another attempt at Georgia and AL trying to be the female analogues to David and Michael (which we've also seen before), but it again doesn't work because they don't have that same chemistry or flirty dynamic that Michael and David have. Also, if this actually was "flirting," what was the purpose in GT circling the glass of wine? Is she flirting with the wine as much as AL? Once you look past the straightforward promotional aspect of these stories, it just seems very weird.
Weirdness is apparently the theme for the day, however, as there was also this reply from AL on Twitter earlier:
If you look at the timestamps, AL replied to this tweet/Michael's tweet exactly one minute after Michael replied. Going back to the idea of predictability, there's been nonstop discussion for the past several days about Michael and David kissing, and my first thought was that she seemed to just be looking for a reply that she could jump on and insert herself, to where I would not be surprised if she has notifications set up for his tweets for just such an occasion.
Upon further consideration, I did get the feeling that her "Where can I get one?" was not at all sincere in the way that Michael's was. It came across to me as a passive-aggressive way of reasserting her position (i.e., "I'm the only one who actually gets to love Michael Sheen"). It also makes it seem like she is fighting with the fans for Michael's attention, on top of already competing with David (although let's be honest, there is no competition there). More than that, however, I also got the feeling that AL copying his comment was her way of mocking him for wanting the t-shirt at all (i.e., "Look how stupid he is for wanting this stupid shirt"). Which of course is not something she would actually say, but the copied text along with the reply coming only one minute later makes it seem a bit circumspect. And it makes me feel sad for the fan who made the original post who may not realize what is really going on.
In any case, those are my thoughts on GT and AL's social media posts today. As I've always said before, I know I could be completely wrong in my interpretations, but the timing is just too strange for me to believe it's a coincidence. I'm happy to hear others' thoughts, though...
#phantomstars24#reply post#georgia tennant#staged#or 'Brokeback Mount Him' which is what i am referring to Staged as from here on out#the more i think about it the weirder this all seems#again if this was a one time thing i wouldn't even say anything#but the fact that it keeps happening is...yeah#the whole thing just gives the vibe of keeping up appearances#but i will leave it to my followers to make up their own minds#also historically i am terrible at picking up on flirting so i know i may not be the best person to comment on this#although i think i did pick up on Neil flirting with me on Twitter one time#anna lundberg#discourse
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Yay I finally managed to make my 2023 art summary! First half of the year was a little disappointing looking back (in terms of both amount and quality). I think I managed to make more personal work this year, thankfully, which is what I wanted last year
#i think i had more examples to use this year compared which is good#esp the latter half of the year#in terms of improvement? i am starting to draw backgrounds..#i dont even think i have a 2022 art summary good lord (i think its bc i did mainly comms and barely any personal art...)#i also started making my own merch which is a step forward! ive been meaning to make them since 2021#itll arrive either tomorrow or thursday. ill share them when i get them#this year has also been less consistent in terms of art style. i wont say if thats good or bad#i had a bit of an art crisis in the middle of the year and then i had reached enlightenment in november#which is that i will stop gaf abt the amt of other people liking my art#i want to be those niche artists who stick to their own lane and post their 50 million merchs of their fav ship. that will be me!!!!!!#im having a junmui plush manu'd in jan so im excited#i also plan on making photo holders and standees and etc etc later on#art summary#munch art
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sometimes i wonder if certain...people who hate characters...spend more time thinking about them than people who like them. like, sometimes it seems very much this kate beaton comic
and you just. you know. gotta wonder what they're getting out of it
#is it fun? is it edifying?#consistently maintaining that level of anger and frustration just seems...idk corrosive#like i get it in a 'dog returning to its own vomit' kind of way but#please as a former 'reading things that caused me distress on purpose' person#if that's what's going on: please stop#for yourself and also the rest of us#lise's aggressively bitchy opinions about irrelevant and unimportant matters#i don't feel that bitchy but it's my complaining tag#i am speaking globally by the way#like certainly there are particular groups who are worse about this than others i would say#but i find that it does happen across the fandom spectrum as it were#anyway i should be trying to write instead of writing long-ass tags about this very unimportant subject
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listen. i am an avid mumbo enjoyer. i really am. but listen to me. listen.
kakashi "ethoslab" hatake did not carry the entirety of naruto on his back just to lose the sexyman tournament here
do your part. vote etho.
#mcyt#hermitcraft#mcytblr#mcyt sexyman#ethoslab#how do i tag this. i. auagh.#LISTEN every time ppl say ''etho isn't drawn like kakashi'' i lose a little bit more of my mind#he IS. the main differences are changing the outfit and giving him animal/mob traits#VISUALLY THEY'RE DRAWN SIMILARLY. i was in the naruto fandom. i know this.#and it makes sense because they're The Same Person#like. personality. behavior. all of it. The Same.#philza is cosplaying as urahara. etho is recording minecraft videos from the hidden leaf village.#canada is a lie. vote kakashi.#(also joe. slipping in my own horse here at the end. please vote joe. ethogirls please i am asking u)#hc#vwoop
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Hey, I remember you mentioning on your IG something about two types of popular artists and one being good at social media and the other being good at art or something like that (I can't really remember lol). But it got me thinking, any tips for how to be good at social media? Cuz I'm certainly not even after posting art for six years lol
Heya!
What I meant by that is that there are traits that allow you to grow on social media, and traits that determine what a highly skilled artist is, and those traits do not always necessarily overlap.
I've seen so many amazing artists that post artwork that blow my head off, and yet they don't have many likes. On the other hand, some artists at the same skill level who draw more popular things will get way more attention.
That is not to say that either is the correct way to create art, but there is definitely a formula to social media that is in play.
There are a lot of posts about how to grow a social media account, particularly on TikTok, YouTube and Instagram art spheres, and imo you really need to examine what you want from your art before jumping into social media mode
The stuff you create to pander to social media might not be art that you want to create at all - I'm lucky, because I am less artist more storyteller, and what I enjoy is telling jokes and silly stories to liven up people's moods :] this, of course, conveniently does well on social media. On a personal note, I have a history of being a recluse and not connecting well with people, and art is my way of trying to communicate my feelings, one way or another.
So of course, if you draw for any reason other than my own, my approach to art and it's relation to social media might be inappropriate for you.
All that being said, if u take a look at those "get big on social media" videos they always cite the same few points... And you can look into that, for sure, but this video sums up how I feel about all that.
I spent like 20 minutes drafting words after the above paragraph, but I really ended up regurgitating sentiments from the video... So really don't listen to me, listen to that video
EDIT:
I just realised I didnt actually answer the question with my anecdotal experience, so here's a list of things I did
1. Posted like 3 doodles a day on social media
I did this for 6 months on a side account on Twitter recently and got the account to 11k followers... And I did this for 3 months on Instagram a few years ago and I think got 3.5k followers. Of course, do not spam maliciously and make sure your art is still of good quality, but for those artworks I posted quickly, I did not colour, and mostly did clean sketches. This also trains you in the matter of line confidence haha. Again, this worked for me because of my set of circumstances (love for the media, want to tell stories, simple art style)
2. Focus on my favourite aspects of media
This helps with respect to burnout - kinda hard to burnout when you love what you're making! For me, it's character interactions and comics. I want to see my blorbos kiss and if I'm not the one drawing it who will?!
3. Interact with people
People eat up work that they can interact with. A choose your own story situation, one of those like/rt to strip a character 😭 those do numbers for a reason.
Additionally, if you post stuff people love, people will respond to it with comments, maybe their own headcanons, adding on to the work... I've gone into long looong Twitter thread conversations with people who added onto my ideas that I threw up onto the screen and I think it's also a nice thing to do to respond to positive comments haha... I'm not very good at this (read: bad at communication)
I think that's the key points... Hope this helps!
#people who are good at social media are good at marketing basically#theyre their own hype man who has something cool to show#and would like to show everyone that cool thing!#its not purely about art its also about charisma and trying to get people to be convinced that youre cool as well#thats why there are social media influencers#people who vlog and get popular because of the way they present themselves#me i am very much my own hype man#not really because im particularly good at art (im not) but because i have so many thoughts in my head that i want to share#and i need people to also be poisoned by these thoughts so i enthusiastically promote it#side eyes the blood soup comic i dedicated like 20 pages to#on my end it comes from the love of media and my desire to build upon the established canon#but i understand that not everyone is so intensely passionate about their own work... but yknow#you need to love your own art in order for it to succeed#just like you need to love yourself before you can grow as a person#its easy for me to say because i do have social media attention though#i remember so desperately chasing social media validation when i was 16#so really i cant really say much regarding that haha#but do watch the video and hopefully it helps!#i wrote so many words...#heph answered
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regarding the clone vs robot poll. everyone who voted 'clone' owes identical twins $100
#its their REASONING. having the same DNA does not make you less of a person oh my goddddddddd#'who am i do i have a purpose separate from the original' literally yes#the answer is yes#answer me do you treat twins as pairs instead of individuals#if the reason was different then fine but so many responses were this#ur not in the movie 'the island' u are clearly living ur own life as an individual#maybe ur the result of an experiment but like. evidently after it succeeded you're getting to live as a person#like what is even the issue#its like if ur bio mother participated in clinical trials while pregnant with you. it doesnt say anything about your /purpose/#and. so many of the other concerns with being a clone also applies to being a robot#but the robot has the addition of HOW???#clone is WHY#robot is WHY and HOW#current technology is much closer to creating human clones than creating a robot out of human tissue in the same configuration#so the sheer contrast in resources required for an unclear goal leans towards the robot option as being fucked up#literally it is just such a waste#if i found out i was a robot id straight up be offended#and. a clone being sentient and having personhood makes sense#WHY would you make a robot sentient. on purpose#.vxt
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.
#I think people treat others on here who share any sort of news like they’re actual professional journalists and we’re not#I genuinely don’t think a single person on here is#We’ve just taken it upon ourselves to share the news bc the actual journalists are the ones who mince words and have ulterior motives etc#But usually if someone on here makes a mistake it’s an honest one & they will rectify it if you notify them#You do not have to attack them or say they’re misleading on purpose like I think most ppl on here#Don’t have that sort of agenda. At least the ones who’re fighting for legitimate causes like Palestinian and Sudanese genocide etc etc#I just hope no one on here gets attacked in light of the Samara situation#I just think we should be more open to making mistakes instead of jumping to bad faith interpretations#News have to be accurate but mistakes r also ok and usually a simple communication resolves it#Tumblr is the bad faith interpretation website so I’m not surprised but I also think we need to be more graceful#Bc how else can anyone improve / learn more etc etc#Whenever someone on here shares an opposing opinion it’s not that I dislike that or want to intentionally suppress it#It’s usually just framed in a very inflammatory way that doesn’t even give me the opportunity to give my side and might motivate other ppl#To think I’m basically like a normal journalist who intentionally misleads 💀💀 I am An Iraqi Girl Who Is Trying To Help#At least this has taught me how to gracefully own up to mistakes and take accountability etc that’s pretty cool#Bc even w all that said I think it’s important to hold urself accountable if u do make a mistake regardless of intention.#We just shouldn’t demonize making mistakes bc how can someone grow Ok I’m done
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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