#is that i like short punchy opening sentences
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How To Write Good by Corentine
THE DRAFTING PROCESS, PART 2/2
Writing guide continued! Here's PART ONE.
STEP THREE: THE START, THE END, THE BEATS
I’m of the opinion that every story should start with a bang. You could start mid-way through a notable event, as seen in GHD:
- O L
H A -
D - V
-
The words, incomprehensible, rattle around his head like the last rumbles of a great thunderstorm. Then, much like after a storm has passed, the air suddenly feels clearer, sharper. A sludgy fog he didn’t even realise he was in clears from his mind and he blinks, confused.
The first thing he sees is his own hands.
If you want it to be especially punchy, you can start with a line of dialogue or a short sentence, like I did for T4T:
CHAPTER ONE:
It is the end.
It’s reeeally easy to lose readers at the start, so you always want to write a strong opener. Something that grabs the reader by the collar and drags them in to read the rest of the chapter.
You don’t need to have all the details, but you should have at least a vague idea of how the story ends. If you’re writing fanfic that follows along the same plot as a game or existing story, most of the legwork is done for you – so writing GHD, I planned for it to end when Alduin was killed. As I got further into the story, I came up with a more narratively satisfying ending, because it’s okay if the ending changes. As long as you have an ending in mind, you have something to work towards.
So GHD’s original, very basic plot was:
START – the Last Dragonborn wakes up with total amnesia
???
He saves Miraak
???
They kill Alduin together – END
Now you have to map out those ??? parts by deciding the major beats of the story, i.e. notable scenes. This gives you something to work towards other than the ending. I ended up with notes like these:
START – the Last Dragonborn wakes up with total amnesia
Who is he? Don’t spend too much time on this, not important, can be answered later
Goes to Solstheim, meets Miraak
Finds a way to communicate with Miraak – sneaks into Apocrypha? Shares dreams? College of Winterhold has psijiics, use telepathy?
Finds a way to save Miraak
Go to Apocrypha, confront Hermaeus Mora, save Miraak
They look for ways to kill Alduin together
Hermaeus Mora comes for them
Prolonged recovery, tells reader that even ‘redeemed’ Miraak is still scary
They kill Alduin together
What happens after Alduin?
(Redacted for spoiler purposes) – END
The story beats should ebb and flow like the tide; high-octane scenes should be followed by periods of calm. You don’t want to do this too quickly or the story will feel like whiplash; rather this is a process that happens over many chapters. Let’s look at some examples in GHD:
⇈⇈ Miraak dominates telepathy and is really scary!!
⇊⇊ Chry wanders around Skyrim doing errands and Thinking About Life…
⇈⇈ Chry breaks Miraak out of Apocrypha!!
⇊⇊ They recover from the ordeal and have a honeymoon period…
⇈⇈ They go to Blackreach and it’s visually awesome, and also Chry gets jealous!!
⇊⇊ They do misc stuff for a while…
⇈⇈ They talk to Septimus Signus, Mora shows up, nearly kills Chry!!
⇊⇊ Miraak whisks Chry away somewhere to recover in peace…
You see what I mean?
Right, you know roughly what’s going to happen. Time to turn that into words, baby!
STEP FOUR: GOTTA START WRITING
My actual writing style is its own separate topic so I’m not going to tell you how I structure a sentence or anything, just my literal writing process.
In my chapter document, I start by making a bullet-point list of everything I want to happen in the chapter. What happens can, and probably will, change as you actually get the chapter down. That’s fine, you just need a starting point.
I very rarely write individual chapters in order, as in start to finish. Rather, I tend to write the scenes I can picture clearly in my head – then by the time I’ve written those I’m in a writing groove and the gaps in the rest of the chapter will come easier. When I’m done, I’ll stitch the individual scenes together, which sometimes requires altering the scene start or end to make the whole thing more cohesive.
There are times when the writer’s block takes me, and I have like two finished scenes and just cannot summon the words for the rest of the chapter. When this happens, to be honest, the only answer I’ve found is brute force: I sit myself in front of the computer, get rid of phone/alt tabs/other distractions, and force myself to type something. Or I hold myself hostage (i.e. ‘I am not allowed to play more Baldur’s Gate 3 until I have written GHD chapter 47’) that works too, for me anyway.
Whatever it takes to get something on paper. What’s mostly important is to get something written, even if it’s not very good. You can always edit, rephrase or even rewrite sections later. Usually I’ve found once you start writing, you get into a groove and then it’s no longer a chore.
I also aim for a certain word count / chapter length while writing. I know a chapter is exactly as long as it needs to be and blah blah, but I set myself a minimum wordcount to reach. Or if I go way over the word count it’s probably because I’ve waffled too much, so I either aim to split the chapter into two, or to ruthlessly edit it back down again.
For GHD I average 7,000 - 9,000 words, but I actually think that’s a bit too long and risks losing people’s attention span, so for T4T I aim lower, about 6,000-ish. Less is perfectly fine, but if I’m reading another fic I find a chapter length of 2,000 words or lower to be disappointingly short. That’s all personal preference of course, and certain fics will lend themselves better to shorter chapters.
Although I jump around scenes within each chapter, I make a point of writing my entire chapters in chronological order. If I’m on chapter 5, and I know something awesome happens in chapter 12, it’s imperative that I do not write chapter 12 ahead of time. If I do, I’ll reeeally struggle to write chapters 6-11, because I have already rewarded my brain by writing the cool thing. If I hold off, my enthusiasm to write chapter 12 may in fact motivate me to crank out chapters 6-11 in record time.
I do have one other thing – in my Scrivener projects I always have a document called ‘Unused’. Sometimes, usually at like 2AM when sleep has failed me, I’ll get a really good idea for some dialogue or description. I scribble it down somewhere (or it will be forgotten for sure) and later I type it into my Unused document, so it’s just filled with random bits of text like this (note, everything you see here is unused, so it's not going to feature in the last chapter of GHD):
At some point in time I’ll peruse it and think ‘yes, this line!!’ and drop it into a future chapter – again though I just write bits, not entire scenes or I’ll have written all the exciting parts already. Anything I edit out of a chapter (i.e. a paragraph I liked but didn’t quite fit) gets dropped here too, in case I can reuse it later.
STEP FIVE: FINAL EDITING
I will be honest, I’m pretty impatient. Once I’ve finished a chapter, especially if it’s one I’ve been struggling with for a long time, I want to publish it now. So I’m guilty of not editing as thoroughly as I should – but this is what I usually do and it catches at least most of my mistakes:
As a first step, I copy-paste the chapter from Scrivener into google docs. Remember I said Scriv’s word processor wasn’t the best? Yeah, it’s no good at picking up on dodgy grammar, but google docs is, so I run it through there and skim-check for wiggly blue lines, then make the changes in Scriv. You may not have this issue if you’re using Word or another more comprehensive software
Once I know the grammar is mostly fixed, I go back to Scriv and re-read the entire chapter start to finish – I’m looking for whatever google didn’t catch, wonky phrasing, repetition (i.e. I used the word ‘quickly’ twice in the space of two paragraphs, that sort of thing)
I go away for a bit (anywhere from a few hours to a few days) and do another careful re-read with a fresh set of eyes. Sometimes I use a text-to-speech software to read what I’d written back to me; you'd be surprised how much you pick up this way
In my great excitement, I publish the new chapter to AO3. As I re-read the chapter over there, I see a minimum of 5 glaring errors I somehow didn’t spot in the previous steps, and hastily correct them before anyone notices.
I like to get at least the first 2-3 chapters of a brand new story written before I post anything to AO3. This is to make sure my enthusiasm doesn’t immediately wane and I actually stand a chance of finishing it. After that I’m rarely more than a chapter ahead of what’s been posted, because go figure I’ll post the newly-written chapter once the editing is done, then start on the next one.
Some people won’t even post a story at all until they have the first draft fully written. This is admirable, but not always realistic – GHD is like 375,000 words, you think I would’ve sat down and written all that before posting chapter one and even knowing if anyone would read it? Hell no.
But while you don’t need a story to be fully written, you do need it to be decently mapped-out. I used to start fics with absolutely no idea where they were going to go; I’d finish 1 or 2 chapters, get really excited at writing that much and hungry for feedback, then post something that I would inevitably lose all enthusiasm for and leave unfinished.
So, know how it starts, know how it ends, and know the story beats in between so you always have a goal to write towards. There will inevitably be fics that you never finish and that’s fine – it’s all writing practice – but readers don’t like to be left hanging, so try your best to finish! Even if it takes ahem four years or so.
⭐ ⭐ ⭐
And there you go, that’s my writing process! I’m not sure how useful that really is, but if it was I could write more guides in future? I have…
A guide to my writing style (this one might be hard to put into a guide but people like my turn of phrase so, maybe useful?)
How I write a sex scene
How I write a fight scene.
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Writing Patterns/First 10 Lines Tag Game
Ooh, this looks like fun! Thank you for the tag @beck-a-leck!
Rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there’s a pattern!
1. Solace (UTMV)
Dream shuddered, painfully suppressing a strangled cough.
2. Small Comforts and Sun Rays (UTMV)
“Absolutely not.”
3. Robin's Nest (Undertale Bittybones)
It was so dark.
4. April Showers 2023 - A collection of Drabble Prompts (Harvest Moon)
Claire was speechless.
5. Eyes Closed (Undertale)
He knew this was a bad idea.
6. Leaving a Mark (Undertale)
“Well, that was a marrow escape.”
7. Wildflower (Harvest Moon)
Her initial plan had been to hide in the barn’s hay loft for the night.
8. Innocent (Undertale AU)
Sans couldn’t tell for sure what woke him.
9. In Your Corner (Undertale AU)
“Oi, Freakshow! We’re talking to you!”
10. Noticing (UTMV)
You’d been dreading this ever since the guys had suggested it several weeks ago.
Conclusion:
Not really surprised by this, tbh, since I normally purposefully open on a hook of some kind to catch the reader's attention. Something short, punchy, and 100% designed to make you perk your ears up and go "What's going on?". It's why the first line of my fics/chapters is often a single line of dialogue or a one sentence paragraph.
No pressure tags: @sneakyfox55 @lizzie-tempest @hannahcbrown @septic-dr-schneep and anyone else that feels like jumping in and having a go 😉
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Writing patterns
Rules: List the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern! Tagged by @demonscantgothere ❤️
1. After months of searching, Wuyan had finally brought Di Feisheng a clue. [Perchance to Live, Mysterious Lotus Casebook, Li Lianhua/Di Feisheng. A descriptive opening that orients the reader as to where in canon it starts.]
2. Lan Qiren woke in the middle of the night. [The Wild Charge, The Untamed, Lan Qiren/Wen Ruohan. A short action sentence to begin an adventure.]
3. Waves lapped at his legs, stinging a little on the scrapes and cuts. [What good did it do, Mysterious Lotus Casebook, Li Lianhua/Li Xiangyi. A short descriptive sentence, orienting within a canon scene.]
4. "Unhand her." [Tomorrow Has Promise, the Untamed, Qin Su/Wen Qing. Dialog! Jumping into the middle of the action.]
5. "The Jinyuan alliance is so evil!" Xiao Zijin cried, flourishing his sword. [Moon and Wind, Mysterious Lotus Casebook, Di Feisheng/Li Lianhua. Dialog again. Setting the scene for a pre-canon conflict between the ship.]
6. "You are on edge tonight," Gu Xuanqing observed, lifting a hand and tracing Li Yunzhen's cheek, rubbing a thumb over the dark circles under her eye. [To Give Each Other the World, 长公主在上 Eldest Princess Above. Dialog. Getting to know the ship and where they stand with each other.]
7. "Maeglin!" [Another Way, the Silmarillion, Maeglin/Celebrimbor. Dialog. Tells who the fic is about right away.]
8. Wei Wuxian didn't want to be here. [Three Sighs, the Untamed, Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji/Wen Qing. A mood description.]
9. Kingsley Shacklebolt woke up early, while it was still dark. [The people in your life who want you in theirs, Harry Potter, Kingsley/Severus. A mild action sentence.]
10. Li Lianhua did not take his eyes off the sea. [A Good Scheme, Mysterious Lotus Casebook, Di Feisheng/Li Lianhua/Fang Duobing. Another line to orient on the canon beach scene, which apparently all my MLC fics have in common 😂]
Conclusion: Alternating between scene description, action, and dialog. Not much in common other than that they are all short and (I like to think) punchy.
Tagging @phantomato @mademoiselle-red @thebansacredbanned @naryrising @omgpurplefattie @perverse-idyll @maraudersaffair @jammerific @mundrakan @myfavouritelunatic and anyone who wants to do it!
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Writing patterns game
Tagged by @anyboli :)
Rules: List the first line of your last 10 posted fics and see if there’s a pattern. (i don't post them all because most are for my little pathfinder ttrpg groups. hehe. buuuut)
Rothe jumped free of his broken magitek armor, slipping up the wooded hill to put some distance between him and the damn thing before it exploded. (what it means to run - ffxiv)
Nannet’s feet kicked empty air, and the motion slid her forward. (yucky - frozen flame)
Neave should have been bleeding. (guilt trip - frozen flame)
Two days after she became khagan of the Azim Steppe, Kethry dragged a Garlean scout into the Dotharl settlement. (A Smile Better Suited - ffxiv)
The tent had been stuffy when Pakano first woke. (get woke pakano - frozen flame)
Wipa’s scream cut the night in one split, keening second. (3 act structure speedrun - frozen flame)
Kethry Ament used to have a family. (this is not warrior cats i swear - ffxiv)
Mishka loved the winter of her homeland. (ice ice baby - abomination vault)
Neave liked bees. (Enter, Pursued by Bees - frozen flame)
In Irrisen, wilderness meant silence. (swamp lore - abomination vault)
......
WHO UP OPENING THEIR FICS WITH CHARACTER NAMES. i fuckin GUESS. that's a bit embarrassing lmao. i had no idea i did this; making a note to jazz it up a little.
they also seem to be mostly short simple sentences, which is interesting because i generally tend towards somewhat... let's say meandering... sentence structures. but those dont seem as punchy to start with.
yes i do kind of just title things whatever. leave me alone.
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Writing Patterns
I was tagged by @kingsandbastardz!
Rules: List the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern!
A Master of Brush and Sword
Fang Duobing could not sleep.
The Young Master's Tutelage
Fang Duobing feels a thrill travel up his spine as he sinks back into bed with Di Feisheng’s push and Li Lianhua following not far behind.
天下無雙 No Warriors Like Us, No Love Like Ours
"It's an ambush!"
無喪無別 No Funerals, No Farewells
Blood spattered onto the table and the collection of delicate porcelain bottles that were full of Medicine Demon's curious concoctions.
同在天之下 Underneath the Same Sky
Di Feisheng’s life was upended one week ago, when the letter arrived on the shore of the Eastern Sea.
天涯海角 The Ends of the Earth
The man who once was Li Lianhua remains quiet as he's nearly bowled over by the double embrace.
For the Rest of All Time
I have reached the edge of charted space in my quest to find the ancient planet killer.
A Job Worth Doing
With Tang Fan behind the wheel, Sui Zhou tried to relax.
The Universe in Infinite Variety
The first time that Sephiroth lays eyes on a drag queen, he is seventeen years old.
Smoke and Mirrors
Cloud wrinkled his nose at the particularly pungent mix of alcohol, perfume, and cigar-smoke permeating the expansive chamber that served as the Honeybee Inn’s main lounge and theatre.
Patterns
I love a run-on sentence, but my openings tend to be very short and punchy. They tend to immediately set the scene, you get the idea of what are you about to read, and often whose point of view the story or chapter is going to be told from from the first sentence. I am almost always following a character closely, I rarely start describing a scene or image, it's almost always what a character is doing in a scene or scenario.
I tag @listening-to-thunder, and whoever else wants to do this!
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Writing Patterns
tagged by @batrachised, ty!!! :3
Rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern!
cheated slightly bc some of my last 10 fics were started like...over a decade ago (help) and my writing has changed a bit since then, so i included the most recent chapter too
how certain the journey (AOGG): "What does that mean?" Una asks. "'Wounded and missing.'" / The train rumbles steadily around them as they pass through Quebec, the sun beginning to set on this leg of the journey.
you said you like my stockings better on the floor (AOGG): It's snowing on the Island, Di had written last week, but not here in Toronto — instead it is only pouring freezing rain, threatening to storm.
the more that you say, the less i know (Uglies): David is on watch when he feels it.
there's another, not a sister (AOGG): The first dream comes the night after he sees a shell go off.
the clocks are black (Midnighters): Dess sighs, rubbing her eyes, trying to push sleep away.
leave me the way i was before (Uglies): David sees Shay again in the last place he thought he would, stumbling around the forest on the edge of the city.
think i could try this once again (Midnighters): For the first time in her life, Melissa is woken up by knocking on her bedroom door.
what they call hard feelings (Midnighters): Dess hates how normal everything becomes, afterward.
Arco Iris (AOGG): It's a full moon tonight, over Ingleside. / The clock has ticked into the morning, and Walter is still awake.
but i don't know who you are (AOGG): Walter looks fondly on Alice Parker from the moment she smiles at him instead of mocking his name.
it looks like i feel like "setting the scene" usually means either jumping in right before the action starts or laying out the scene by describing the weather (lol). also generally my opening sentences are shorter than the rest of my sentences, although they're still not super short or punchy usually.
also i guess i tend to start in the POV of the same characters (walter for aogg, dess in midnighters, and david for uglies), which i didn't notice i did so consistently! i think it's bc i mostly write romance where canonically, only one half of the pairing has feelings (una for walter, shay for david) and i like to write about the other half's perspective as they grow to return those feelings. so that's the reason for that, haha.
tagging @librarylexicon @noneedtoamputate and...i think i've seen this on all my other writing mutuals' blogs already? lmao feel free to do it/not do it if i missed you though :3
#(jess is not into dess canonically BUT does want her approval/friendship more than vice versa)#(also the fics that start in dess's perspective are romantic anyway so that still checks out)#arco iris is the oldest fic here so i've been kicking my fics off with the weather for over 10 years. amazing#meme#fic ramblings
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writing patterns
List the first and last sentence of your last 10 AO3 works.
stole this off @bbcphile just bc i wanted to do it. this goes back to like 2017 because i am not particularly prolific outside of fic meme fills.
01. everything grows stronger in the light, E, mysterious lotus casebook
first: "this is biological warfare," di feisheng says, looming large over li lianhua's tiny kitchen table.
last: he rubs his nose against di feisheng's collarbone, lulled by his partner's steady, even breathing, and drifts off.
02. darling, roll the window down, T, bad buddy fic meme dump
first: in your third year, you take the train out to the ocean.
last: you are alive and you are in love and you are here, where you belong.
03. like summer in your teeth, T, bad buddy
first: In a fit of mild insanity, or maybe mild drunkenness, Wai invites Korn out for a drink.
last: "Yeah," he says, thinking about summer at beach, sunlight through the blinds, and the sound of waves outside. "We have time."
04. boy tasting wild cherry, G, bad buddy
first: somewhere along the way it becomes a tradition: a long weekend at the beach, just the three of them.
last: it's more than enough.
05. kindling, T, bad buddy
first: joint field training, they'd said, and so far that has meant sitting in a windowless room, waiting.
last: then, "pran," he shouts, breaking into a run, and leaves both of them behind.
06. light a match, start a riot, M, bad buddy
first: "joint operation," pran says, sounding entirely too cheerful for the time of day — or, really, night — "it's undercover work so we're sending wai. which one of you wants to volunteer?"
last: korn kisses his palm. he can work with that.
07. i do not know where this love will take me, G, chihayafuru
first: on their third night of cohabitation, arata kisses taichi in the narrow corridor of space between the kitchen and the bath and says goodnight like they've been doing it for years.
last: taichi takes a breath and knocks.
08. and you're no one's but mine, T, daiya no ace
first: it's raining when youichi wakes up, the air in ryousuke's apartment close and humid.
last: ryousuke's been on his own a long time and youichi hasn't got all the answers but he wants to learn, together, what it means to build a home.
09. but remember this, T, daiya no ace
first: kazuya is roughly six years old when his mother vanishes into the balmy summer dusk.
last: he's not uncertain now, feet steady on the path and heart steady in his chest, sure of his place and his way forward.
10. the shape of you, T, daiya no ace
first: Ryousuke graduates from Seido almost exactly a month before his nineteenth birthday, cool spring sun shining down like a farewell benediction.
last: He's still like a rocket sometimes, quick to take off, but they both know where he'll land, north-star-steady, compass true.
bonus: mysterious lotus casebook wip
(current) first: in the end, what they find is a body.
(current) last: regret or love or grief or hope, di feisheng has only ever laid claim to what he can carry.
patterns: there are two sets of related stories in here (the bad buddy fic meme fill/boy tasting wild cherry and kindling/light a match, start a riot) and both of them i consciously mirrored the opening of the previous work. i will probably refrain from doing that again seeing as i've done it twice now.
i tend to start in the middle of action with openings and, if not, there's an at least somewhat atmospheric scene setting sentence because atmosphere is extremely important to me. endings tend to be short and punchy (eg, a couple of these i included the last two sentences) or contemplative. not on show here, but for "things you said" meme fills i do tend to end on dialogue since that's kind of the point.
idk man, i write on vibes and instinctive grasp of grammar, i can give no advice about craft other than "don't give up." the main advantage of being a fandom old that's still writing is that, even when i don't like my own writing, i have a level of baseline competence that comes from having continued to write.
tagging @chlorophanes, do it if you wanna!
#dumb fic woes#meme#waves hands#i'm honestly just like squints at this#if your brain is better at pattern recognition than mine feel free to tell me anything you see lol
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I really like Kemp’s actual descriptions here, but—and I am very picky about this, in my own writing even more than everybody else’s—the rhythm feels off. It’s not quite building the tension the scene feels like it should. But that’s a problem with a lot of these movie-like opening scenes SW books like to do, I think. The stakes haven’t really been set yet, the characters are only sort of introduced, so the style really has to carry it, and Zeerid’s narration is a little too punchy. It keeps shaking me out of the flow a little bit.
Sometimes I worry that I criticize these books too much when I do this (yes, except the Revan novel, which deserves every bit). Would this be a problem for me if I wasn’t distilling all my thoughts about the writing for an audience? I don’t know. It isn’t really impacting my enjoyment of the book here. It’s much better than any descriptive narration Karpyshyn has written. It just feels like it bears mentioning that the scene is workhorsing—it’s doing its job, but the “lots of short punchy single-sentence paragraphs” thing makes it harder for it to grab me.
The next bit is better, it looks like. So far, Kemp’s writing flows very well when he’s writing in longer paragraphs.
Heyyy, nice, we know how much this freighter costs! On the other hand, that doesn’t entirely feel like a Star Wars-y number for how much a freighter costs. Ships should be expensive, and harder-SF logic would say very expensive, but… that’s more in line with costs we’re given for, like, a frigate. Or he’s already gotten a lot tacked on to the debt (plausible). And/or possibly the interest is just really bad?
Also, we got his motivation for smuggling! His [daughter? partner?] is very expensively sick. I think that my personal preference would have been to learn that a little earlier (it probably could have naturally come up when he was feeling sorry for himself, and made that feel less like filler), but a lot of writers are reluctant to give out real information in the scene-setting phase. It’s not really a flaw, it’s a style thing to fade in like that, but I’m not super into that kind of fade-in and rarely use it personally.
… I think.
If I do use it all the time, you all have my full permission to yell at me about it. xD
Zeerid, hon, as bad as your name is? Z-man is worse. Stick with Zeerid.
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writing patterns tag meme!
(aka where i compile the first lines of my latest 10 fics to see if there are any patterns)
thank you @jaywalkers for the tag, and as usual most of the people i’d think to tag have been already LMAO but if you feel inclined to do this, please consider this your tag from me <3
i'd promise you anything for another shot at life
All three of them come to retrieve him from Easthaven.
leftovers
After the threesome, they both take you home.
on the cusp of getting it right
“So,” Neil begins, with a smirk that informs Aaron in the space of one syllable that his mood is about to take a running leap out the car window and splatter gorily across the interstate. “Is it true that neither of you has a license?”
next time around
It doesn’t make her feel any better in hindsight, but for the record: Renee did offer.
and when it comes to you
Kevin has been dreaming about them often enough to not know if he’s imagining it when he returns from the gym to find Aaron Minyard and Katelyn Lim on his sofa.
proof of survival
Matt doesn’t mean to see them.
just pretend
There is a metaphor in here somewhere.
breaking every finger, praying that it makes me clean
Andrew had a dream like this, once.
what if i told you none of it was accidental
“We have a crush on the stupidest man alive.”
i've known this dream for a long time
Kevin sits at the center of the fox paw on the half-court line and thinks about houses.
i think the takeaway from this is that i tend to open with a short, punchy sentence that i elaborate on in either the following sentences or the following scene, OR occasionally dialogue that jumps right into the story's conflict/main themes
my favorite is the one for "i've known this dream"! i also really like the first line from "promise you anything" but that might be recency bias? idk the implications of it (when you know the monsters are a five-person group) are fun methinks
#not including fallback bc i hate that fic and it's not on my profile anymore so it doesn't count#anyway! this was fun#i've decided i want to open with dialogue in one of my next fics#i already have the opener for my l&co wip but i think i'll try it with my kevin fest fic once i start that up#tagged in#steph writes
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@tyrannuspitch tagged me to share the opening sentences of my last ten fics and see if there are any patterns.
Let's jump right in, from newest to oldest:
It is rare that a day passes without the voice of a pal in need calling on young Bertram, without the shadow of an Aunt or some rummy circ. in need of fixing. (Jeeves and the Fox Hunt)
In the days after the cat leapt out of the bag, I found myself rather shaky. (On Touching Sunlight)
It was the end of the whole Gussie-Madeline-Angela-Tuppy tangle, and the young master was tired, half frozen through, and on the downswing from being nigh incensed. (Of Pine Trees and Earthworms)
Status? ART said in our private feed. (Redacted Parameters)
Izzy’s open eyes stared, blank and unseeing, at the blue sky above. (la vie en rose)
Izzy Hands wasn’t dead, though he wasn’t sure yet whether or not he was happy about this development. (as a crew)
Edward was dead, or as good as, but the moon was out, Zheng Yi Sao’s ship was disappearing on the midnight blue horizon, and everything, Izzy reflected, was not as utterly fucked as it might have been. (talk it through)
Outside, the rain was falling down. (and the rain came falling down)
Blackbeard, it was widely accepted, was one of the best thieves in the world. (paint your face like you're the mona lisa)
When Professor Minerva McGonagall showed up at the Grangers’ door one sunny day in the middle of July to tell Mr. and Mrs. Granger that their child was a witch, Hermione nearly cried. (Harry Potter, except everyone is trans and JK Rowling can die by my blade)
Interesting. One thing that stands out to me is that several of these are very chatty. Partially that's because I've been writing a lot of Jeeves fic recently and trying to match Wodehouse's style, but it's still interesting. I think I have a tendency to try to cram as much establishing information into a first line as quickly as possible, which is helpful for fanfic, which tends to skip over lengthy buildups and introductions (we don't need 'em) and right to the action as quickly as possible (especially important for shorter fics). It can get bloated or clunky without care, however.
The shortest sentences are from Redacted Parameters (which makes sense, since that's from Murderbot's POV and it is fairly terse and laconic) and and the rain came falling down (which is hilarious, because that's a Silmarillion fic from Finrod's perspective, and he is most certainly Not.) and the rain came falling down also makes a nice mirror with the last line, which is also the title of the piece, and I find that pleasing.
My four most recent fics have all been 1st person POV (Bertie, Jeeves, Bertie, and Murderbot in that order), though you wouldn't know it since both of Bertie's POVs open with him talking about himself in the 3rd person, haha. But I've been enjoying branching out into 1st person POV more often recently; I enjoy trying to match the voice of the original, it's a fun challenge in characterization and style.
All four of my OFMD fics start with someone's name, either Izzy's or Ed's (or both, as in mona lisa, "Blackbeard" is technically both of them)
There's also a lot of talk about someone being dead haha, though again I think that's a product of the way that OFMD s2 went.
All are past tense, which I was surprised by. A few years ago, my list would probably have included some fics in present tense as well. There's a lot of description/narration, and only one line of dialogue.
I think the sentence I'm most pleased with is from as a crew; it's short, it's punchy, it sets the scene immediately and gives a lot of information and character work in a short amount of time. (And it makes me laugh)
Overall, I think it's interesting that most of these sentences are doing a good amount of establishing work, though in slightly different ways.
Open tag! Anyone who is interested, feel free to join in! This was a lot of fun
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writing patterns tag game
Rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern!
No one has tagged me in this and I won't be tagging anyone in turn, I just thought it would be fun (and it was!) because i am incapable of writing anything short or publishing anything i don't think is perfect i don't have that many published works, and using ones i published in 2019 doesn't feel authentic to my writing style now, so a few of these are from WIPs that will likely never see the light of day.
Jason didn’t really know how it happened, but after their reunion, he and Bruce ended up spending three days straight together before saying their goodbyes. (A City of Phantoms and Fistfights)
"Hey, so I have kind of a weird ask," Barry said, his heart in his throat as he sat down across from Vic in their latest supposedly Superman-proof hideout. (The Null HypotheCis)
“You d-don’t have to do this,” Barry forced out through teeth chattering from the cold. (Can I Help You Not To Hurt Anymore?)
Sometimes, Jason caught himself thinking about Tim’s scars. (My Resentment's Getting Smaller)
The first time Roy had to lock Jason up, it went horribly. (If You Need A Friend (Then Please Just Say The Word))
Jaskier was a strange man. (Build Me Up, Buttercup)
Who have you ever loved? (You Wouldn't Even Recognize Me Anymore)
Jason had gone to ground and stayed there for weeks after the absolute clusterfuck that was the Arkham Knight’s attempted invasion of Gotham. (Unpublished, untitled JayTim enemies-to-lovers WIP)
There was something wrong with Roy. (Sober Up, unpublished JayRoy WIP)
The first time Jason talked to Roy, he knew he was making a mistake. (I Never Told You What I Do For A Living, unpublished JayRoy WIP)
i am certainly telling on myself with two different JayRoy fics that begin with "the first time x did y, z happened". Other than that, I'm seeing a theme of a long opening sentence that sets the scene or a short, punchy opening sentence that either makes a very direct statement or goes straight into dialogue which honestly feels pretty representative of me as a writer.
this was super fun! anyone who sees this and is also a writer should feel free to do it even if you don't publish :)
#sorry not sorry for not outing my 2019 criminal minds works but go nuts if you want to read those they're on my AO3 and it's your funeral#tag game#writing patterns#writing things#ao3#fanfiction#mine#bkabk says words
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First Lines Tag Game
Rules: list the first line of your last 10 posted fics and see if there’s a pattern!
tagged by @jinkieswouldyoulookatthis
When he first opened his eyes as the hunter and looked over at his assigned partner, similarly changed, he was struck with a wave of hunger from deep within his simplified human guts. - 132 - cannibals
When Sam runs he hears only the pounding of his feet on the pavement and his own heart, which is nice. - 131 - sitcom
It wasn’t until Sam was on the stand that it occurred to Dean he’d had this nightmare before. - 130 - trial
Sam is unwell, Dean decided. - 129 - freaks
It’s a perfectly reasonable question to ask. - 128 - knock
Sam’s alright. - 127 - alright
Sam (assuming he’s got his own name right) watches himself fall and the sight fills him with a dread that can only be described as existential. - 126 - suicide
Dean is fine for one mile. - 125 - nosebleed
The minute Cas disappeared, Dean turned and put his foot through a door. - 124b - worry
There are rumors, of course. - 124a - rumor
Well, obviously these are all part of the same series, so that's an obvious pattern. Looks like I enjoy opening with short, punchy sentences (though not always). I like that I have "Dean is fine for one mile," "Sam's alright," and "'Sam is unwell,' Dean decided" all practically right next to each other. Obviously, these boys are not okay. 😅 In Every First Time I rarely bother physically describing the scene since it feels unnecessary for fics that take place during episode, so I tend to start with feelings or thoughts rather than descriptions.
Uh, not tagging anyone since I feel like everyone I'd tag has already been tagged, but if you see this and want to play, feel free to tag me as if I did.
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The opening line: Foundation
There are two opening lines in Isaac Asimov's Foundation. The first is the extract from the encyclopedia Galactica (the fictional book that chronicles the universe. Asimov uses it to fill in the gaps for the reader) and then the actual first "in universe" line.
It feels a little like cheating that Asimov gets two cracks at an opening line but we have to consider that Asimov is one of the greatest science fiction story tellers of all time; he's not cheating here, he's just smarter than us.
The line.
"Hari Seldon... Born in the 11,988th year of the Galactic Era: Died 12,069."
The line gives us a name, the first word in the story is a name so, imagine how important that name must be. All that follows falls under it's shadow.
Then we have a date that is literal nonsense without any context. Then follows the context. On its own 11988 is not a date, but once we know that it's a measurement of years since the founding of the galactic empire we know that even if the empire is founded tomorrow then its 11988 years in the future, but we don't know when it's founded do we? We do know is that its WAY in the future from the readers 'now'.
I like this line, mostly because it doesn't run the risk of dating the work. I hate reading sci-fi that's set in real-life past. This is a fictional calendar that fixes its self to start after a galactic empire is founded. Even it's enjoyed in a million years time, the date will still be in the the future.
We know that Hari died. If we are good at maths we know he was 81 when he did. If were not, we see the date cross a major increment and assume he was quite old. The choice of date implies age even to someone who is bad at counting, which is considerate of Asimov.
Because the line is a different font to the rest of the page we cant help but glance down to see its an extract from 'The encyclopaedia Galactica' (look at Aimov being smarter than us, again).
We know this person Hari, whoever he was, is important enough that he is an historical figure, documented in an encyclopaedia. We assume the encyclopaedia is written years after this Hari died, as is the way of these things. History remembers his man, for some reason.
We know how time is measured. We know there is history being kept and at least one and encyclopaedia. We assume an educated refined universe.
And that's the "cheat" opening, whats he going to do with his REAL opening?
The first real line
"His name was Gaal Dornick and he was just a country boy who had never seen Trantor before."
Who is Gaal? Is Gaal as important as this Hari? Gaal is an exotic sounding name, it's soft and friendly sounding. But Dornick is punchy and sharp; does this reflect the two sides of his personality or is it just a name. Is a name ever just a name in fiction?
It says hes a country boy but this is a galactic empire, does this mean he's from a distant, less advanced planet? Or are we seeing this story on a single planet. Its unlikely that we are talking about countries, this is a galactic empire after all. Would the writer work on such a small scale once he has made such a large place to play in? Its planets were talking in for sure.
The words 'country boy' are a linguistic short cut to impart the impression desired, why use a space aged sentence when you can use a familiar phrase?
The next part is this word Trantor. Its got an upper case 'T' so it is a name, of a place we can presume. We assume a planet for the above reasons.
He has never seen Trantor. The place is new to him. He is a stranger here. We are still assuming, because of the implication of that Galactic Empire, that Trantor is a planet, and a planet of note. If it wasn't a note worthy place it woudn't be, err, noted upon. Let's assume from the very little context we have that this country boy is here in an impressive, important place because he has reason and purpose. What is he doing here?
And so...
Our subconscious is better than us at putting these things together. By the time we get to the next line we know that this is a story in the future about historically relevant people, it's starting with someone new to the events and places that we are about explore. We know teh character is ill equipped to be navigating the impressive place they have just arrived in. What mission, what purpose, what adventure awaits them?
And for this reason we keep reading.
Isaac Asimov is a master of story telling, from the first line he tells us more than most writers do in a chapter. It seems lethargic and without purpose but in fact, this opening is a sharpened well crafted razor like wielding of words in the way only Asimov can forge.
If I live to be a hundred and write as many books, I'll never be half the story teller that Asimov is. Now, go and read Foundation (and maybe skip that strange unrelated TV show of the same name.)
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first line meme
rules: list the first lines of the last ten (10) stories you published. look to see any patterns you notice yourself, and see if anyone else notices any. then tag some friends.
tagged by @charaznablescanontoyota !!
a second is a century (nico sigh's horrible very bad timeloop) // It’s the bottom of the ninth.
if you don't go outside (flowers scorekeeper + dunn keyes) // The Garden is unbearably green.
timekeeper (jaylen vaulted) // the trench is cold, and it is dark, and it is almost-but-not-quite empty.
old gemini (jess + seb) // They join the league together.
when everyone you know is gone (crabitat 10x100) // Some spaces exist on the watery border between living and dead.
there beneath (wyatt vi 12x100) // It’s easy to decide they don’t want to be Wyatt anymore.
nervous tic motion of the head (gerri/bees) // it has been three weeks and gerri cannot shake the feeling that something is going to go horribly, horribly wrong.
just like the present (jess/nagomi 12x100) // It starts like this: they narrowly miss each other in Hades, and keep missing each other to the point that it could be a joke if it were funny.
tango dancer (jaylen trench study) // In the Trench, time blurs and blurs to the point that she doesn’t know if time is passing at all, most of the time — and everything else goes with it, to the point that her body is mere memory and any sense of where and when and why she’d had before is so long gone every calendar that might’ve marked their passing has crumbled into dust — the Trench is not kind to Jaylen, Jaylen who was thrown into its clutches first, Jaylen who has been there longest and who was alone for long enough to shed parts of herself like flaking drywall — but sometimes, sometimes, there are moments she comes back to herself.
bonus: not published, still a wip, but. as-yet-untitled disco elysium pacrim au fic (bc all the rest are blaseball and i want to spice it up some) // Jean Vicquemare wakes up underwater.
tagging anyone who wants to bc i dont know who of my mutuals writes fic and has not been tagged yet. say i tagged you! go wild!
#kaylee.txt#ty for tagging me marn!!#i think the pattern here (at least among the fics written in the past year or so - everything from 'there beneath' forward)#is that i like short punchy opening sentences#except for when i dont. gestures at tango dancer
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First Lines
Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 authors!
thank you so much for the tag nessa! @vanilla-chip-101
since I only have 6 fics cause I’m only including star wars alfsjkas I’ll add some wips that’ll be released soon at the end cause I am just Like That :))) and I literally don’t know how to stop talking :D (the starred one is my favorite line!)
from wrong, wrong, wrong
“Ahsoka.”
*from Ahsoka Joins the Cuddle Pile
Ahsoka is mildly worried that there’s something actually, seriously wrong with her.
from words, how little they mean when you’re a little too late
“You know, I always imagined this being a little more dramatic,” Ahsoka gasps out.
from lightning never strikes the same place twice
Her hand was shaking as it clutched her lightsaber.
from i blame tuesdays
Ahsoka hated Tuesdays.
from i’m only me when i’m with you idiots
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
WIP TIME!
from alone together
She was wandering outside, could barely stand to be in the Temple when it was supposed to be warm and safe and home but every hallway, every inch of it was soaked in Obi-Wan’s presence, and the world was cold, silent without him.
from i almost do
Ahsoka shivered.
from i’m wide awake (but i’m still having nightmares)
Rex’s head jerked up as something shifted beside him.
from if i’m lost, then how can i find myself?
Obi-Wan blinked.
so what I’m seeing here is that I only write Ahsoka and . . . okay! might need to work on that HA
no pressure tags (sorry if you’ve already been tagged/done this): @reese-haleth (but finish your papers first lmao), @indigostars, @betweentwopines, @the13thbattalion, @giggles-and-freckles, @stolen-pen-name23, @songbird-wings
#fiona speaks#my writing#the alone together one is SO LONG omg#hello run on sentences#ALHKSJLKA CAN YOU TELL WHO MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IS#all i know how to write is ahsoka oh noooo#is that bad?#i feel like i should branch out#if i'm lost is obi-wan focused though!#a couple of these have rex or cody#ohhhh man i should use angstpril to try writing new people#anyway thank you nessa!#everyone has so many fics wow#clearly i tend to go for super short openers#i've been told my writing is 'punchy' whatever that means lolll
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Hey! So I'm in a bit of a pickle and I feel like since you're in the publishing industry (or I'm completely confusing you for someone else who's a copy-editor) you might be able to help me...?
I'm trying to put conscious effort into improving my writing and especially my style, and I feel like as of right now, I want it to feel a little haunting? Kind of like when you read something and the words feel like phantom beings around you? Like the lines have a mystical feeling to them? Idk if I'm able to explain it properly.
But the problem is, when I type into Google anything regarding "author" and "haunting writing style" to find some examples, it just gives me horror authors which is not helpful at all.
Could you please help me?
(Feel free to ignore this ask if you don't feel like answering or if it's just a really stupid question!!)
ngl i was kind of at a loss for this at first lol but actually i think i know exactly what you mean!
A novel that comes to mind is The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. He is a brilliant writer with a very fascinating (and, yes, haunting) writing style. It also helps a lot that the book is narrated by Death lol. Here's a little sample of what you'll find in the book:
The last time I saw her was red. The sky was like soup, boiling and stirring. In some places, it was burned. There were black crumbs, and pepper, streaked across the redness.
Earlier, kids had been playing hopscotch there, on the street that looked like oil-stained pages. When I arrived, I could still hear the echoes. The feet tapping the road. The children-voices laughing, and the smiles like salt, but decaying fast.
Then, bombs.
And for fanwork, I highly recommend checking out Reiaji's work on ao3! She is one of my biggest #goals writers and she has such an incredible knack for writing really beautiful prose that somehow both sinks slowly into your blood and also and slams you in the ribs like a semi truck at the same time lol. in particular i think her fics whose woods these are (i think i know.) and the last day on earth are great examples of that haunting style you're looking for. Here's the opening paragraphs of "whose woods":
The wood is full of whispering, and the forest knows his name.
immediate chills, right? omg
And one line that has always haunted me from "last day" is this one:
That’s her, falling down through the middle of time; her skin turning warm, her eyes turning clear, her clenched teeth rattling like rosary beads.
also final girl by @picayunearts is another example of excellent writing that often has similar vibes in the prose. ex:
All the way home, on the rattling, grime-slick train, Marinette stares into the darkness past the windows, Mullo cupped to her chest like a heartbeat.
one thing i've noticed about these writers is that they do a really good job of balancing the abstract with the concrete. if you're going for "mystical" and "phantom-like" and "haunting," you might be tempted to go full abstract, but you need grounding details to give the description weight and "stickiness." readers need something concrete to latch onto when they're reading, so if you strike that balance well, that's what gives the writing real staying power in their mind.
it might be helpful to pull out one or two stand-out details from the character's surroundings to create the atmosphere you want (like the black-pepper streaks in the soupy-red sky, or the grime and the rattling sound of the train). you can also pack striking imagery into your figurative language to create that vibe (like the rattling rosary beads simile). i'd also recommend playing around with sentence structure. for example, a sentence with a series of cumulative commas could build up tension/suspense, whereas a short, punchy sentence dropped at the right moment could serve as the last nail in the coffin, haha. just read and ponder and try things out and i'm sure you'll figure out how to develop the style you want!
anyway, I hope this helps :) good luck, and happy writing!
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