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#is it because of the laudanum?
tabi-wa-michizure · 10 months
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Shortly after the mysterious disappearance of the neighbourhood bookseller, an odd new clinic opens in Soho. No one can figure out why the Doctor wears a black coat instead of the traditional white, but they all agree on the fine quality of the beautiful snakeskin shoes he always wears. Several people decided to make a point of stopping in, but oddly, no one actually has.
(I don’t know, either. Look, it was midnight, and I had colouring pencils, okay?)
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kazoologist · 16 days
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congratulations to Mme. Pascale Leclerc, who has surely just experienced both the funniest and most unhinged weekend a mother could ever have. Dear fucking christ, I hope your middlest son brought you a bottle of champagne for yourself, ma'am.
#kazoo noises#charles leclerc#cl16#monaco gp 2024#zoomies posting#sports posting#like man. where to begin. one of your racecar children is back in town for the weekend. he has yet to have a truly good work#weekend it seems in town. now this year. we're feeling ourselves a bit. we're feeling optimistic even. and then ur son becomes talk of town#because he keeps doing fucking bits on twitter about adopting his coworker who is friends with your youngest son. this goes on long enough#for actual reporters to comment on it. no one is willing to blink first so by friday night we've yes-anded ourselves to a grandson#(congratulations mme leclerc)#things go well. and then at qualifying they go DAMN WELL#BETTER THAN EVER REALLY! but man. im superstitious. i dont trust shit until its over and the dust has cleared#(the adoption jokes have continued by the way) and MEANWHILE everyone is eyeing that starting grid. were humming. we're making vague hand#gestures when commenting. we're all thinking. Maybe? (the streets can hear u tho. keep it down)#race starts. lap one CHAOS. so many fucking crashes. i'd faint if i had a child even in karting honestly.#(every parent in this sport deserves a prescription for laudanum)#but he's not in it. hes at the front. and he. well. he just Stays There. Through It All. and the laps tick down. until the race is run. and#there he is. your middlest son. cross the line and into the books. first place. home town. what curse indeed. thats your boy!!!!!!!! THERE!#they play the radio of him winning and the audio is peaked because he screams out so loudly. you can hear the water in the laughter.#later theres gonna be videos and photos taken of him pushing his boss into the harbor and diving right in after the man. those photos are#gonna be fucking studied in photography classes one day. and STILL! everyone involved with that goofy joke about him adopting his coworker#(who. despite all the silliness of the race stayed second place and got a podium) is still carrying the bit like a baton relay. Do you have#him over for family dinner? might as well add a plate i guess! people are joking about your youngest son having two nephews? a dog born#maybe a month ago and a man born about... what twenty three years and about a month ago? fuck it! family dinner#sorry this bit got away from me but as someone who loves my homecity and my mom so much it might actually be like.#a visible growth inside my body if they do an autopsy on me at time of death or like. my love will eat me alive. sometimes the charratives#gets to me#anyway cheers mme leclerc i hope you party so fucking hard this week
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july-19th-club · 2 years
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ever since i learned that the guy who wrote breaking bad was raised catholic every single thing about that show has made sense. show about guys who either exercise Pride or exercise Contrition and their success doesn't exactly hinge on it but the state of their souls does . sometimes Contrition is another form of Pride though so watch out
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verdemoth · 9 months
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came back from Fruits of the Zee and made an immediate beeline for the Forgotten Quarter. Within my first set of 20 actions I pulled up the fourth eyeless skull out of the five I need for my first trip to Nadir 🎉
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noknowshame · 11 months
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last night I had a black sails dream in which Flint hired a stereotypical 1940's gangster to spy on Eleanor (in like a fedora and pinstripe suit and everything) who at every opportunity turned to the camera to explain to the audience exactly what he was doing and why, which every other character found to be extremely upsetting. and i just love that even in these ridiculous dream scenarios I still find the need to subconsciously add some The Narrative to it
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I made this for my dear snootual but I'm releasing it into the wild in hopes that it confuses the shit out of some innocent unsuspecting tumblr users.
Please if you stumble across this I am begging you to tag whatever you think the context is. For science.
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aguademelon047 · 11 months
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afieldinengland · 7 months
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#i’m starting to wonder if i hate myself for having been born a transsexual#it’s not shame— but there’s something in the way i think about myself that’s deep and bitter. i don’t know. well i’ve never enjoyed myself#in general. i’ve never been ashamed of it and i’ve never been proud of it in fact i hate talking about it entirely#and i’ve realised i don’t even like thinking about it too deeply. too knee-deep in history’s men-image#(by which he means richard ii and oscar wilde and injured knights with long hair and poets on laudanum and artists on cocaine)#i feel sick. it isn’t a sickness because i can’t be ‘cured’ and i don’t want to be and it’s intrinsic but modern vocabulary feels heavy in#my mouth and puts me in a petri dish. even ‘transsexual’ feels like uber modern parlance sometimes. i can’t do it#but that’s the word. just sometimes i think it would have all been easier if things had gone otherwise. and i know that makes me bad at thi#i have to speak to you in your language. and i don’t know what i mean by that or even where that thought comes from. it’s your language#i should be in the bronze age right now i’m sorry i got waylaid. i got lost#i can’t stop being it but if i think too much about it i start wanting to eat my own fingers and i think— and this is my hypothesis—#it’s because i’ve never enjoyed myself i’ve never been in a healthy relationship and i can’t remember the last time i had fun#but then that’s another thing i’m not made for. that’s a lie there is a desperate aesthete in here who has been so starved of hedonism for#as long as i’ve had him that he’s hoarse. i’m tired i’ve been walking for nine hundred years my feet hurt#i don’t know. why me why now et cetera. i’m just wondering if i don’t despise myself a bit for it— like it’s a trick i did in a past life#again. it’s a privilege. it’s more intrinsic to my personhood than blood type or astigmatism or that weird thing i have with my hip#and i could be proud of it if only i could work out how. i’m content— in the same way i’m content with everything— but i don’t know.#i don’t like talking about it i don’t like thinking about it because it feels like i’m losing the game i’m constantly playing against mysel#in my head. i’m my own personal spin doctor you see#whatever. sorry. in light of doing better i can get this out too. can you believe i haven’t been kissed in years
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clueless1995 · 1 year
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they should let me do as many drugs as i want because i honestly wouldn’t do that many i’m so oblivious to drug culture that i just wouldn’t think of it like. i grew up in a hippy town and was friends with the stoner kids and i still don’t know what people mean when they say they smell weed. i just want to take ambien every night and maybe some old school stuff like laudanum
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dyketrickfoot · 2 years
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this episode goes out to every "whatever happened with andy was actually a really rough moment for laudna and she's making light of it just like she always does with the horrible things she's been through" and "laudna isn't her real name" truther out there i knew we were right
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llycaons · 2 years
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I haven’t liked daniel very much until now but it was satisfying to see him encounter an obvious omission/lie from louis and go ‘um, bullshit? you literally didn’t kill him, you saved his life. what’s going on here bud’
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brassandblue · 1 year
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Having a lot of Thoughts about Arthur’s retirement from the Royal Navy not too long (roughly 10-15 years) after the conclusion of the Napoleonic Wars and how his personality/mental and emotional health did a sharp decline over the next 50 years. Like, imagine, it’s the 1820s, and you feel that politics are beginning to really hamper the thing you’ve put your heart and soul into supporting for the last 100+ years. You start to become disillusioned, recalling how one of your greatest maritime heroes had to fight the Admiralty for appropriate pay for his men and himself; you call how you’ve had to do much the same. 
It occurs to him that he has to really consider his future now, if it isn’t already too late-- he is a distinguished member of society at last, an Admiral, a Duke, and the facade of the elite is one he finally wears naturally after decades of crafting. What good can he do, out there at sea? He feels he needs to be at home, or at least out surveying the colonies, protecting Britain’s (his) interests. He’s had his royals, his government, the Admiralty, echoing the constant refrain of what is expected, what is needed of him. And what is needed is more. More money, more land, more power, more class, more knowledge, more charm, more charisma, more and more, more, more--
He thinks he’s up to the task of becoming That without losing himself and he sold his soul, debased his own principles in the attempt. In abandoning the Navy, despite it being an institution in and of itself, he cast away the virtues that he’d held while in it: Loyalty, consistency, discipline, frugality, moderation, commonality. He dove headlong into trying to meet impossible expectations and decided it was better to turn a blind eye, to enable the subjugation of others, and to profit off blood, than to be considered a failure.
#I don't envy the pressure he was under; HOWEVER...#we are all products of both our circumstances and our choices#as the knight in last crusade so eloquently put it.... He chose............p o o r l y .#.// no frigate like a book (headcanons)#.// ruled the waves (arthur)#.// hope perches in the soul (ooc)#I love the line in God of War Ragnarok where Kratos is like listen you were made to solve an impossible problem#and honestly Arthur is a drop in the bucket#if I decided to write him as fighting the Empire rather than succumbing to it the story would still end the same#he is only one single man even if he is a man connected to the people and land and culture#resting the expectations wants needs and desires of an entire empire on one person is fucked up#like honestly what did anyone think would happen?#but all that said he still made his choices and he chose money and power and influence over not being an imperialist shitbag#there's a lot of unexplored territory in the idea that the reps are COMPELLED to return to their land and Do Their Duties#Because that is just What They Are and that is In Their Nature and it is Inescapable#and I think Arthur feels that very strongly but has only found a kind of equilibrium in learning to channel that into uhhhh#not being an imperialist shitbag#and hey look at that! he ended up addicted to opium and laudanum and cocaine and a million other things by the 1860s and 1870s#in order to maintain that imperial facade and live up to what was expected of him he had to drop out of sanity#imperialism and nationalism are sicknesses and his manifested in a great poison that enabled his worst impulses for over 100 years#**only recently found that equilibrium no I am not redoing the tags
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july-19th-club · 2 years
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watching a scene in s5 where The Boys(™™™) are all at jesses house for weed and pizza and an increasingly unhinged star trek fanfiction that badger is writing out loud about Wouldn't It Be Fucked Up If They Got The Transporter Wrong And Just Beamed Your Intestines Separately and jesse is sitting there dissociating into the stratosphere out of guilt and lethargy as he realizes that he can never really be friends with his friends again because he has been through and done things that are so immensely different and worse than the things they have been through and done that there is simply no comparison and that if he doesnt die or become a different person right this instant he'll never recover
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iii-days-grace · 2 months
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I want to write intox kink, but the problem is every time I think of a possible intoxicant, I get all geeky and start researching plants and poisons and physiology shit
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So, I feel like I’m losing my mind. I keep seeing metas about how Aziraphale wants Crowley to return to Heaven and be an angel again because he wants them to be on the same side/be good/change/etc., etc., etc. but I don’t see that at all. I actually see it as the very opposite.
Aziraphale loves Crowley just as he is. But there’s something more. Something huge.
Aziraphale loves Crowley and because he is an angel who is stuck in seeing things as black and white, he constantly praises Crowley for being nice. For being good. For being kind.
Aziraphale has watched Crowley on and off for 6,000 years. He watched him thwart the plans of Heaven and Hell because it was unjust. He spared the lives of innocents. He did small things that made Aziraphale happy just because (like making Hamlet successful and saving valuable books). And because Aziraphale sees things in black and white, he sees all the things Crowley has done as nice, as good, as kind.
Crowley vehemently attests he’s not nice or good or kind.
He’s not exactly wrong nor is he lying when he says this. When Crowley spares goats during a cruel bet over a righteous man and swallowing laudanum to prevent a suicide, when he prevents Armageddon by working with Aziraphale and stopping the Anti-Christ from being the Anti-Christ, he’s not doing the nice/good/kind thing.
He’s doing the right thing.
Crowley chooses to do the right thing without hesitation. He is better than all of Heaven and Hell who have callous and dispassionate view of all existence because he questions, because he makes choices. Crowley sees the world for all its messiness and he sees himself. He sees a place where he fits in. He sees the blurred edges.
And Aziraphale sees that, even if seeing the blurred edges is hard for him.
But here’s the thing that Aziraphale can’t voice.
It’s the reason why he told Crowley about being allowed to return to Heaven and become an angel again. He doesn’t want Crowley to change. He doesn’t think Crowley is flawed. Or not enough.
It’s something that is so monumental that it cannot be put into words. Because to put it into words would be more than blasphemy. It’s down right unthinkable for anyone in Heaven, Hell, or Earth to say what Aziraphale knows deep in his soul.
God was wrong to cast out Crowley.
Aziraphale believes Crowley can/should return to Heaven because he knows that Crowley should never have fallen in the first place. He wants him to be forgiven because when Crowley fell it was unjust. Aziraphale is trying to correct a mistake. He’s trying to do the right thing.
Yes, Crowley would never accept returning to Heaven. And Aziraphale was wrong to even suggest it (although that conversation is another can of worms to unpack).
Aziraphale loves Crowley. He loves him exactly as he is. He doesn’t want him to change. Aziraphale knows that Crowley the best of all of them. He wants to change Heaven because of it. Because God was wrong and Aziraphale knows it.
Aziraphale may have difficulty seeing beyond black and white, but when it comes to Crowley he sees everything crystal clear and in vivid color.
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galaxgay · 9 months
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I have this theory that Aziraphale has always wanted to be more affectionate/physical with Crowley but hasn't because of them being "hereditary enemies" and has simply waited for Crowley to use his 'bad demon cred™' to make a move for him so he doesn't have to (the way Crowley used Laudanum as an excuse to do something good) and gets very very annoyed every single time Crowley doesn't take the hint.
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He was finally getting his moment here but no, they were interrupted. (the way his gaze lingers shut uppppp)
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You can't tell me he wasn't absolutely annoyed here.
And the thing is, if Crowley has ever picked up on it, he definitely didn't/wouldn't act on it because hes absolutely terrified of scaring Aziraphale away.
"You go too fast for me, Crowley" absolutely altered Crowley's brain chemistry and not for the better.
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