hey don’t cry. every vampire is gay. okay?

So Lily released her video about The Mummy movies. And surprise, surprise, she mentioned nothing about the racism in all of the movies. Instead she claims the films are "fun" and basically implies if you don't like it you have a stick up your ass.

Also she complains about movies being dark and gritty, calls vampires and werewolves aristocrats and predators again, and manages to snipe a comment at Christie Golden because she's still pissy about Sylvanas.

But the issues of racism in these movies? Crickets. Even the retelling of The Mummy she presents isn't a deconstruction of the inherent imperialist themes of the film. It's just more boring toothless sapphic fluff. It's all about how hard it was to be two loving lesbians in a cruel homophobic time in ancient Egypt holy shit what the fuck.

(note for everyone: don't watch the video directly. if you want to view the video to critique on your own or know if there's anything more worth commenting, do it through this link that won't give LO any views: https://cinemaphile.com/watch?v=Vf_hUx5y0m8) on top of that, it's also gross that LO would shove a homophobic narrative on a society that, as far records show, was actually a lot more progressive that modern times were. we have records of not only transgender people living during this time period where a strict binary didn't even exist, but gay couples existing freely, living normal lives and even being buried together. if you as much just put "homosexuality in ancient egypt", this is the first result i came out with:

https://hyperallergic.com/742038/could-this-be-the-first-recorded-gay-couple-in-history/

“Niankhumn and Khnumhotep were two male lovers who were buried together in a joint tomb in Saqqara, Egypt,” Manson told Hyperallergic. “Their epigraph reads ‘Joined in life, joined in death.’ I created this piece to capture the love and intimacy the two shared, and show that Black, queer love is as old as time itself.”

Discovered by Egyptologists in 1964, murals on the tomb depict the two men in a pose traditionally reserved for husband and wife. One panel features an embrace with noses touching — a pose of marital intimacy within the lexicon of Egyptian art. Homosexuality was not uncommon in Ancient Egypt, and clearly their relationship was both approved of by the pharaoh and close enough to call for co-burial — though the exact nature of their partnership is debated by historians, who make various cases based on the imagery in the tomb.

but these are men. LO doesn't care about queer men, black or otherwise. luckily for us and anyone who does want to make a better sapphic story with an ancient egypt setting, there's also signs that sapphic women existed back then and could be treated exactly the same as any couple.

this is a thing that many people might be surprised by but homophobia is not the natural state of the world. many ancient societies did not care about such concept, just like they didn't had any interest on a strict binary or keep "traditional roles" as tighly as some people care even today. you'd hope any advocate for LGBT+ rights already knew at least a little bit of it because often LGBT+ people are forced to prove that they always existed, they were always there, and these kind of records are important to prove just that. it helps us to see that all of that (transphobia, the gender binary, homophobia, etc) were all man made and they can be desconstructed, disregarded entirely even and hold no intrinsic value. instead... LO invented homophobic ancient egyptians completely on her own and i find that so weird, because this was one of those rare ocassions in which she could freely play with the idea of a sapphic story where homophobia had no role at all and she just put homophobia anyway.

i know, this is a fantasy story... but it's supposed to be based on a real time period. the least you could do then is do the most bare of minimun research to know what you're talking about.

you clearly didn't care to bring out the overwhelming racism of the original movies (even though that was a common point of critique... in the 90s), so at least could have bothered to paint egypt on a general better light but LO couldn't be bothered to do not even that because it got on the way of her sapphic bland story. besides all of this... her pitch is just boring? there's no action, there's no big stakes, there's... nothing of what she claims she liked about the first movie. there's not even an actual antagonist, it's just a boring attempt at comedy of misunderstandings. there's an idea there but actual story wise, nothing.

Coco!! 💕 hope you had something good to eat today, friend. Okay we know your thoughts (and thots) on hot vampire ladies, but where do u stand on werewolves/lycanthropy in horror as a vehicle for coming of age and queer actualization narratives? Do u have a top 5 transformation sequences in film? Any themes u think are particularly compelling or underexplored in that specific flavor of body horror?

Hi lovely!!! <3 I had some really nice corn on the cob at dinner, and it's just the right time of year for it, thankfully! I'm admittedly not as well-versed in werewolf/lycanthropy lore (just a matter of taste), but I think they're a very potent metaphor/vehicle for a lot of different experiences. The body as undergoing monstrous transformation is a classic puberty allegory, and as a creature that does not conform to the laws of man or beast, unrestrained after repression and yet forever in-between, sometimes unwilling and other times relieved to be seen, is very resonant with LGBT+ actualization narratives, among a lot of other things. That the werewolves are often unjustly hunted rather than nurtured is particularly poignant for me. As with any monster-as-human narrative, I can't help but note that this is a double-edged sword; there is baggage inherent in these allegories due to the dehumanization/animalistic comparisons for various marginalized groups, particularly in terms of race or sexuality/gender identity, though I recognize the space for reclamation here as I do with vampires. As well, there's always that nebulousness that exists between allowing yourself to embrace the imperfection and the anger and the totality of yourself, and what I refer to as the "X-Men Conundrum": wherein the metaphorical bigotry has in-universe justification because the fantastical creature poses a legitimate threat, whereas real-life forms of oppression operate frequently through deeming a group of people a threat in order to justify violence against, and exploitation of them. (Case in point: Disney' Zootopia, where they thought it was somehow a good idea to equate herbivore animals being frightened of carnivores to real-world racism, or The Breed, which went so far as to have vampires - not vegetarian ones, mind you! - as a stand-in for Jewish people during WWII. Like. Guys, think it through.) A skilful enough writer with enough compassion or lived experience can navigate this with the sensitivity and nuance it requires, but it's forever a challenge in my mind when it comes to writing monsters as the Other. I don't know that I have a top 5 werewolf transformation sequences, but off the top of my head, I really like the ones in An American Werewolf in London, Ginger Snaps, Trick r Treat, The Company of Wolves, and...does Fright Night count? Sort of? It's unclear if that's what happened to poor Evil Ed, but a wolf is involved! (I'm cheating by shoving vampires back in here...and my Fright Night bias, to boot!) For this specific flavour of body horror, the more visceral the better if it's in a visual medium. I want to see teeth falling out and being replaced, I want to understand the agony of suddenly sprouting fur and having it burst through your skin in clumps, and I want to hear the bones cracking as a body twists and contorts, abjection of what your own form does to you, perverse pride in what you become. Thematically, too; I want a battle between horror and joy, and perhaps it's the Cenobites talking, but I wonder if there can ever be happiness found in the pain of the transformation because that pain is experience, and that pain is the act of becoming. If you wanted to be topical about it you could even connect it to the ideas of Beauty Is Pain and what we subject ourselves to to fit certain standards, only in the inverse here for the monstrous and the grotesque yet the true.

Hope this answered your questions, and thanks for stretching my mind like this!!! Have a lovely one. <3

D. What was their high school experience like? O. What motivates them?

//

D. What was their high school experience like?

In one word: dualistic. In school, he hung out with the nerds and anime fans and was out as queer and trans. He wasn't very into classes and coasted by with Cs and Bs. He was a theater kid by association, never going on stage but making their costumes.

At home? He was closeted, tried to come out, recloseted. Had a very strained relationship with his mother for a few reasons outside of that as well. It got worse as it went on.

O. What motivates them?

Due to blood bond, he wants to help his adopted sire, Constance, become Baron of Santa Barbara. That's sort of fucked his priorities, as he used to be a fairly hardline anarchist prior. His rationale is that while humans may or may not be inherently evil, that vampires are. And that Constance is the most reasonable, qualified, and honest person for the job. Reality may vary.

Outside of his bond, Ilya craves recognition and to be the best. He's egocentric. He demands his real self be not only acknowledged but be the most superior in his chosen field. The underlying truth is that he is no longer sure of who he is and hopes that this type of materially demonstrated recognition would define it for him.

Relatedly, he needs to not feel like he needs to "perform himself" anymore. He's a low to mid tier cosplay influencer, but even in outside interactions he's performing. It's part of why he calls himself a clown

Current Projects & Emoji Voting Key

Quick disclaimer: I’m a romance writer in all aspects of the term, so most of my works will contain mature content. Engage at your own risk, you know the rules, you’re responsible for curating your own experience of the internet, blah blah blah.

This post serves as a current mock up of fic ideas I’m either actively working on or considering working on next. You can drop me an ask about any of them, or just vote via the emoji combo I’ve assigned them.

Voting lets me know you’re excited about an idea and makes it more likely I’ll actually work on it. You can vote anytime, there’re no deadlines or winner announcements, just me gauging your interest by what I see in my ask box most often.

You can also ask me about the original stuff I’m working on currently. The current WIPs are Medusa centric and the emoji for them is: 🐍

Support my original work on Ko-fi and Patreon.

- Lupin: 🤑🤠💍  These are all oneshot ideas, between 5-15K each. If you want to vote for a specific idea, send me the emojis and the number of the idea.

Born from the idea that Goemon and Zenigata probably couldn’t be an item, my brain decided to come up with how I could write for them. Goemon’s teaching an ikebana class as part of his training, and Zenigata shows up as a student on forced recreational leave for his health from the ICPO. Zenigata wins the samurai’s heart through flowers. But what happens when Lupin and Jigen find out? (Only good sexy things, I promise. These beans are in a healthy polycule--be gay, do crimes) (WIP)

Jigen/Lupin, but it's Jigen deciding to seduce Lupin while wearing his own Lupin disguise. The thief is waaaaay too into it, and some artistry is taken with the sex so that they don't mess up the disguise too much during their encoutner.

Jigen/Zenigata/Lupin where Jigen has some fantasices about Zenigata, but is pretty sure they'll never happen. Tells Lupin about them. Suddenly the fantasies are coming true, in the middle of a heist, and Jigen doesn't what to do except get swept up in the moment and enjoy. Plot twist, it's Lupin dressed up as Zenigata granting all his gunman's dreams. Plot twist again, Zenigata catches them at it.

Zenigata/Lupin, where Lupin keeps doing good things in illegal ways and Pops has to find a way to punish him for it. Good thing for Pops Lupin's a masochist?

Trans!Lupin and Trans!Jigen premise: Jigen cares for Lupin after the master thief has top surgery, since Jigen has Been There and Done That. Caring, sweet, and a little sexy. Lupin is a much better patient than Jigen.

The one time Zenigata caught Lupin in an alley and kissed him and it was Jigen in disguise. Things get sexy anyway, and Zenigata has crushes on two thieves now. Lupin and Jigen "kidnap" him later for an evening of taking care of their inspector.

The background plot of Jigen's Gravestone where we see Jigen think he's done for and try to leave Lupin. Our thief has none of it, and we get to relish in the inherent eroticism of Lupin sitting in sniper fire, knowing Jigen's got his back. This is the moment I think Jigen finally believes he can be with Lupin forever.

I love the idea of something longer and more plot driven like a Lupin special where Lupin ends up in hot water and Jigen and Fujiko have to work together to save him. Jigen and Fujiko have such an interesting relationship. They're both partners of Lupin, they don't really like each other, they constantly screw the other over, but when it really matters they take care of each other. I'd like to see that highlighted a little more and also give them space to call each other out and bicker. Nothing sexy between them, but maybe a really interesting threesome with Lupin and Fujiko in a strap on once they save their boy.

- Sonic Vampire Novelist Coffee Shop AU: 📚☕💐

Shadow is an immortal vampire who has seen the world change for the worse too many times. These days it feels like he only lives for his coffee dates with Rouge, another immortal who loves each new era they encounter, warts and all. He has to admit that the book series she got him into speaks to him, at least. If someone in this era can understand him without meeting him, it can’t all be bad. But he hardly expected the goofy blue barista at the new coffee place to understand him the way those books do.

This is a novel length romcom romp with some big feelings about what it means to watch as things change, grow, and die. Expect lots of Big gothic feelings from this one, emotionally charged kissing, and overly-adoring sex. But also expect shenanigans from everyone in the coffee shop, which include Rouge, Amy, Tails, Knuckles, Cream, and more.

- Sonic Blazamy, "Like the Sun": 💖🌸💎

Amy Rose has been in love with Sonic for a while.

Or has she?

When the Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Shadow, and Silver are trapped as the fuel sources for Doctor Eggman’s newest evil scheme, Amy teams up with Blaze, Rouge, and Cream to save them. With Sonic out of the picture and Amy fulfilling his role, was she ever really in love with him? Or did she just want to be like him?

This is a novel length epic romance with lots of competent women and lots of romantic Blazamy content. Expect flowery hopes and dreams, badass self-actualization, and glancing hand touches that give way to cuddly and sweet sex.

- Persona 5: 🗡🍛☕

After bringing down the Metaverse twice, Ryuji didn’t think graduating high school and figuring out what to do with his life would be so hard. Akira’s back in town, and the gang’s more-or-less all in Tokyo, but everyone else seems to have a plan while Ryuji just floats. How’s he supposed to change the world when he’s not a phantom thief anymore?

This is a novel length fic that addresses how powerless one can feel being just one person in the face of all the corrupted systems and bigotry the world has to offer. It’s about holding on to what you believe in, working through the doubt, and fighting your way to a better tomorrow with the power you do have. The whole gang is queer, featured relationships being Mako x Ann, Ryuji x Akira, Futaba & Yusuke as platonic life partners. Akira is polyamorous and omnisexual, Futaba’s asexual and aromantic while Yusuke is demisexual and very romantic, Makoto’s a lesbian, Ann and Ryuji are bi, and Haru’s pansexual, demisexual, and aromantic. They’re one giant band of queer Phantom Thieves, and even if they’re not really doing the Metaverse thing anymore, they’re still gonna save the world!

Also, I’m gonna make Makoto not a cop. That super didn’t age well. Zenkichi and his boss can work on making them better/abolishing them for other better organizations.

- Hades Game: ❤️‍🔥💀

Oneshot. I just really need to elaborate on the threesome you can have with them in-game, okay? Healthy and canon poly relationships are so few and far between, so often I have to do a ton of groundwork to explain why it’s working in the fic, but NOT WITH THESE KIDS!

Get ready for Meg helping Zag and Than be better at expressing their feelings, lots of kissing, and probably pegging.

- Castlevania Animation Trevor/Sypha/Alucard: 🧛🏰🛌

Castlevania gave Alucard a threesome last season, and I just really need S4 to give me him being taken care of by his partners. They’re probably not going to give it to me, so I’ll need to do it myself. This is just an everybody loves Alucard oneshot, with the gang’s signature banter (to an extent), Sypha being sexy, and Trever being remarkably sincere. This fic is gonna feel like that Ann Hathaway picture with Trevor kissing Alucard and Sypha holding the end of Trevor’s whip while she leans her head on Alucard’s shoulder adoringly.

- Devil May Cry Nico/Lady/Trish: 💋✨😈

Nico’s gay, okay? Like really, really gay. And Lady’s bi and not into men who make her pay bills, but very into women who make amazing guns for her and demonesses with hearts who fight by her side. Trish is ace, but loves people and is pretty attached to Lady at this point. Plus it’s cute when Lady blushes and says nice things like they’re insults. I don’t have super solid ideas for them yet, and I envision these more like a polycule where Lady’s with Nico and with Trish but they’re not with each other more than seeing it as a threesome, but who knows what might happen. This is probably 1-2 oneshots depending on ideas, but might turn into a series of oneshots if people are interested (or I can’t control myself and inspiration strikes).

- Post FMA:B Blind Roy & No Alchemy Ed: 👀👑🙏

This is actually an old novel-length fic I wrote ages ago and didn’t post that didn’t turn out well because I was new to writing sex when I first wrote it. The plot is good, and is all about Roy learning to work with his blindness to reclaim his ambition of being Fuhrer and changing the system to something that actually cares for its people. He and Ed reconnect, fall into bed, and both set about working through their respective traumas about being “useless” having lost their sight/alchemy. They go to Xing as an ambassadorial party to offer Amestris’s collaboration on Al and May’s Alkahestry experiments--and uncover a plot that might threaten both kingdoms.

- Age of Calamity continuity Mipha x Revali: 🦚🐟💘

The first time Revali noticed Mipha, it was in the heat of battle. She stole his mark, taking them down with a flurry of quick blows from her spear. Violence rained from her like water--and then she healed him on her way to her next battle. No questions, no conditions, just pure kindness. The usual need to measure himself against those around him was quiet in her wake. And Revali couldn’t understand it. But how to get to know more about her? A fish and bird may fall in love, but where would they live?

This fic could be a oneshot or novel length depending on how far down the hole I fall. I need it to cover time, but it could be done in linked vignettes or with actually covering events in detail. I may elect to do a oneshot just to get it done and out of my system faster. So much fic to write, so little time.

Expect trans!Revali, polyamorous Zoras, scary competent Mipha, songbird Revali, love confessions that are made up entirely of berating Link for not loving Mipha the way she wants him to, and breaking these characters a little outside of their assigned roles in BotW and Age of Calamity. Background Link x Zelda, and Urbosa x Zelda’s Mom.

- Epic desert romance about Urbosa and Zelda’s mom: 🏜🏝⚡

I just think Urbosa should kiss women and Zelda’s mom should get more development and maybe a name or something. Also, lightning imagery/metaphors/play.

It also went way over my head that Riju wasn’t Urbosa’s daughter the first time I played BotW, so now I want to write about the Gerudo queen who refused to produce an heir. The Gerudo are fascinating and have a very interesting cutlure, but I think it could be examined from a nonbinary perspective that rejected pregnancy and wanting to find a husband. Not in like a hateful way, but in a way that examines if that’s really right for everyone. There’s that shop in town that sells Voe armor, after all. Maybe finding a husband and having children isn’t something you have to do if you don’t want to. And Urbosa really doesn’t want to.

The Route of Ice and Salt. By Jose Luis Zarate. Translated by David Bowles. Vancouver, BC: Innsmouth Free Press, 2021.

Rating: 2/5 stars

Genre: novella, horror

Part of a Series? No.

Summary: It’s an ordinary assignment, nothing more. The cargo? Fifty boxes filled with Transylvanian soil. The route? From Varna to Whitby. The Demeter has made many trips like this. The captain has handled dozens of crews. He dreams familiar dreams: to taste the salt on the skin of his men, to run his hands across their chests. He longs for the warmth of a lover he cannot have, fantasizes about flesh and frenzied embraces. All this he’s done before, it’s routine, a constant, like the tides. Yet there’s something different, something wrong. There are odd nightmares, unsettling omens and fear. For there is something in the air, something in the night, someone stalking the ship.

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: sexual content, dubious consent, allusions to pedophilia/child prostitution, body horror, blood, self-harm, suicide, homophobia

Overview: This novella crossed my recommendations on Tumblr and the subject matter seemed up my alley. A retelling of Dracula’s journey across the ocean from the point of view of the ship’s captain? Some nautical homoeroticism? Sign me up! Unfortunately, I didn’t enjoy this nearly as much as I hoped I would. I struggled with the first section, which felt like 22 chapters of the author trying to be philosophical or poetic while forgetting to write an actual narrative. Section 2 was better, as it had some more concrete plot details, and I was able to finish off the novella after that. So, what’s preventing me from giving this book more than 2 stars is the first section, which took up space that I felt could have been used to enhance sections 2 and 3. While the wandering, lyrical prose might enchant some, it definitely left me feeling lost.

Writing: I can’t comment on whether the lyrical prose is something inherent in the original Spanish and whether the translator is faithful to that. What I can say, however, is that I personally found the first part of this book to be difficult - not because I dislike poetry or sensuous prose, but because it felt like the author was trying too hard to be artistic, to the point where he forgot to actually tell a story. The unnamed captain - our POV character - seems to be constantly horny and his thoughts wander from place to place so much that it’s difficult to follow any given thread. The sentences themselves were also laden with figurative language, and sometimes, the choice of words made for confusing analogies and metaphors. I even had trouble trying to see the connections between thoughts and how they built upon one another. Perhaps this is the purpose; maybe we’re supposed to see the captain as this kind of detached, self-absorbed person. But personally, I found the prose to be too self-indulgent for my tastes.

Something else that bothered me was the use of archaisms throughout the book. There were many instances of “mayhap” and “naught” (to the point where they felt repetitive) and some characters use words like “thee” where others don’t. While archaic language can be used well, I ultimately felt like it was too inconsistent in this book.

Also, because this book is focused more on sensuality than plot, the pace felt a bit off, especially in part 1. I didn’t really feel a sense of dread (that one might expect in a horror), nor did the author seem to build suspense until part 2. Instead, it felt like a weird thing would happen, and instead of exploring how that thing affected the characters, the prose would veer off into more sensual and abstract language. I think I would have liked to see Zarate lean more into the horror and the suspense rather than breaking it up with the captain’s thoughts, and even if he wanted to build up the sensuality, I think he could have done a better job mixing it into the everyday occurrences on the ship.

There were some nice (and by that I mean evocative) images, however. Anything involving the rats elicited a visceral reaction from me, and there were some descriptions that felt like they were trying to make a point. I also really liked the way bodies were described and panic started to rise once crewmembers started disappearing, but I feel like it’s important to point out that most of those moments happened in parts 2 and 3 (with the exception of the rats). Thus, if you can get through part 1, you might find parts 2 and 3 to be a bit easier to understand, and the figurative language more appropriate.

Plot: The plot of this novella seems to be the captain coming to terms with his internalized homophobia while his crew is tormented by Dracula. Personally, I liked the idea of contrasting “good” desire (homoeroticism and homosexual attraction) with “bad” desire (destructiveness, possessiveness). But the fact that this was a queer novella didn’t automatically make this book click for me. I still have trouble trying to explain the events of the plot because the focus is so fixed on the captain’s thoughts.

Not trying to be mean, but the afterword of this book helped me understand the story’s themes and events more than my own academic training. The afterward is written by author Poppy Z. Brite and it clearly communicates the relationship between vampirism and queerness and eroticism while also illuminating the significance of certain images in the novella. If you’re not a stickler about spoilers, I would honestly recommend reading the afterword first, then reading the novella, so that you have something of a guide to help you through the main text.

Characters: The only character in this novella that felt developed was the captain, and ultimately, I didn’t enjoy being in his head. While I sympathize with his struggle to come to terms with his sexuality, I didn’t think it was realistic or helpful for the captain to have a boner for every man he sees. Maybe there’s some truth to that if your sexuality is repressed - I can’t speak to that, so if I’m wrong, I’d love to learn. But for me, I found the omnipresent horniness to be a bit much.

The only place where I felt more sympathetic towards him was near the end, when the captain realizes that he is not at fault for what happened to his lover. There was some beauty to that scene, though it was disturbing, and I think it definitely shows some character development, but because I didn’t quite connect with the captain or his goals at the beginning, I felt like I couldn’t get invested in his eventual end.

TL;DR: The Route of Ice and Salt is a welcome original novella by a Mexican author, exploring queer themes within the story of Dracula. However, the density of the prose in the first 22 chapters might put a lot of readers off, and the slow pace may prevent readers from fully connecting with the story.

hp update: what time is it? its VALENTIMES! thats right, i am in the midst of the new gildaroy lockhart themed valentines special event! 

its valemtimes time in the magical phone game-iverse, and lockhart is on tour with his new book voyages with vampires and as part of that tour hes coming to his former boarding school. we get a level where we all gather in the cafeteria for an assembly before he talks to us. get a cute scene with all the different house kids sitting together at their tables talking about their opinions of valentines day. i dont remember all of them but heres the ones i do:

penny: its good and i love it.

tonks: of course you love it penny.

penny: i love that you know that about me!

diego: one of my character traits is that im inherently flirty. i have both hit on the mc and a centaur before but im not dateable so dueling or whatever. 

jae: anybody want to buy some love potion? i swear im not a cop.

charlie: this holiday has no dragons in it = charlie no carey.

bill: im not here so i guess i graduated already

ismelda: i hate valentines day cause im goth

merula: i hate valentines day performatively because im merula and full of angst. 

liz: aminals 

barnaby: i get valentines sent to me in the mail all year round :) doesnt everyone? i have heard someone call me a heartthrob before :))

andre: gildaroy lockhart is a fashion icon i hope this lockhart themed event doesnt disappoint me. 

tulip: prankintines anyone?? hmm??? 

talbott: i prefer................. flying solo (looks into the middle distance as themesong plays)

we get fun valentines themed class levels after this, in potions, transfiguration, charms, and herbology. each of these classes is implied to be made up of kids from your house plus one other house, so every player will have at least one class with each of the other characters. the potions class was notable because snape had a cauldron of love potion pre-made to show us and lecture about, but hes not about to teach us how to make it. 

snape: this causes very potent infatuation only. using this potion is comparable to coercion. children conceived under its effects will be doomed to be unable to love*.

liz (!!!! who is IN THE CLASS!!): gross. why is it here?

snape: so i can teach you how to recognize and avoid it. this is the closest thing to sex ed you will ever get so pay attention. 

we then get a bit where we can say what we think it will smell like, because love potion smells like what you love. your options are merula, barnaby, and nothing here. i picked nothing here.

barnaby: but... we went to the dance together... we went on that date too... why dont you want to smell me?

because i thought that would be a really weird thing to say in front of someone... barnaby or merula....

transfig class has a lovebirds to lovenotes lab. you get to pick how much of urself you want to put into the lovenote. i chose to keep my feelings private and so my note only said “be my valentine.” lovenotes work like howlers in this world, meaning they open themselves up and read themselves out loud. this implies the existence of many more emotion-based talking mail species but that is a thought for another day. 

then we have lockharts talk. all lockhart levels so far have it so that the only thing you can click on is him and this is done intentionally. hes got some good new character specific animations. he says hes having a book signing in diagon alley and hes inviting a few randomly selected students to attend because he doesnt want the whole dang school there. seems like if this is a book tour, he should be having this signing somewhere in hogsmeade, you know the town close by. diagon alley is in london i thought and hogwarts is in scotland. granted, there are many forms of fast travel that make a move like that feasible but it just seems unorganized. i suppose the game devs cant make up a bookstore in hogsmeade that wasnt in the original text though im sure there would be one. 

the event skips over the selection process but the mc is chosen along with the 5 dateable characters: merula, penny, andre, barnaby, and talbott. mama weasley is also there just cause she likes lockhart and wanted the book and hoped one of her kids would be chosen for the trip, the statistical odds being in her favor. this is post the latest christmas special because she greets both the mc and merula. 

later lockhart names us his new valentines party planners and makes me captain, but he refuses to specify whether this party should be focused on his new book, himself, or valentines day. he then tells us to just plan it and leaves. we get down to business and decide that my captain name should be captain valentine. then we have a slow pan across all of my potential suitors faces as we ready for the next leg of the event, one-on-one levels with each of them. thats where i am now, but i just wanted to highlight andres animation in this shot. the game creators have really been killing it lately, giving some characters their own signature animations and therefore mannerisms. andre gives a nice little fingerwave here and it adds a lot of character. 

so far ive done one-on-one levels with barnaby and penny. barnabys was first and i thought it fit with the story pretty well. i meet him in the herbology classroom and hes like i have an idea for decorating! we can use the roses we grew during out valentines herbology special class (which i didnt mention earlier because nothing else happened.) 

we are given the option to say no barnaby thats stealing but im not percy so i didnt pick that. then at the end hes like

barnaby: so... remember how we went to that dance together...

mc: ye

barnaby: and then we went on both of ours first real date together...

mc: uh-huh. romantic, totally. 

barnaby: well.... i dont have a valentine yet....................

he of course doesnt come right out and make you say yes or no right there because theres 4 more suitor levels i have to do but it actually makes sense for him to beat around the bush like this if it were that i really did shake his confidence by saying that i didnt smell him in the potion before. i am gonna pick him at the end, all these other levels are just filler. i would feel bad if i didnt pick him for everything date-worthy now both because not doing so leaves him up to the mercy of ismelda and just cause im boring like that. i picked him and ill see it through to the end of the game, which likely will end with us going to different colleges and loosing touch but still. 

next level was penny. she wants my help with a charm rather than a potion this time. shes out of her depth. she comes right out and asks me to be her valentine even though ive never chosen romance options with her before at all. i was flabbergasted in a good way when it turned out that the game did in fact allow the mc to be gay by not locking any date choices by gender, but so far this was only in the mcs hands, this is the first time a character has confessed romance for the mc without the mc choosing it first. meaning, all of the datable characters could be canonically queer. i think thats pretty cool. penny is gay to me now.

the next level in my docket is with andre. lockhart has told him he wants the color scheme to be lurid pink. andre is distressed. never meet your heros kid U__U next hp update we find out why.

Silent Hill 2: As A Disabled Woman

Please be warned this piece discusses ableism and abuse, including murder, and contains a minor mention [just a passing plot-point, not elaborated upon] of childhood sexual abuse.

The Ancient Land is in its final stages- I'm finishing up the coding and there'll be a demo very very soon; so in my downtime I've been working out other concepts and brainstorming a lot of various things for what may or may not become my next project. There'll be more on those in the coming weeks, but I wanted to post something slightly different in the meantime to make up for the fact that I can't really keep posting “yep, still coding, still bad at it”.

One of the ideas I had revolves around a horror game, and in working out concepts for it I've been revisiting some of my favourite horror franchises – films, video games, and novels, to try and work out what makes me tick, what makes horror tick, and how I can make my game tick. In doing so, I replayed one of my perennial favourites in Silent Hill 2. As well as being one of my favourite games, it is widely held as one of the best horror video games to date, held up alongside Resident Evil, Clocktower and Alone in the Dark as a foundation of Survival Horror.

It had been some time since I last played it, and when I was a newly-diagnosed diabetic it resonated with me because of its portrayal of chronic illness, more specifically, that a character within the game had one. There weren't any games that dealt with that subject matter in such a visceral manner. At a young age, 11, I was processing my diagnosis and trying to understand how it would effect my whole life, a process which I am still trying to come to terms with and this was isolating to say the least. I was traversing my own fog.

Silent Hill 2 is not my favourite Silent Hill, that honour goes to 3 – teenage girls in horror!-, but it holds a special place in my heart, important during a time of my life where I was processing the lifelong grief of my new diagnoses. And, as I grew and co-morbidity –the tendency for multiple conditions to cluster around a primary condition - meant I had a great many other diagnoses, I found myself revisiting those claustrophobic streets as a source of comfort. It seems oxymoronic to play a horror game for comfort, but horror as a whole is a genre I have often retreated to during my darkest periods. There's safety in monsters too fantastical to exist. Yet, the real horror of Silent Hill 2 for me isn't in its psychological monsters but in the real fears of ableism and sickness.

I realised as I grew that Silent Hill's handling of and representation of illness was the reason for my constant revisits. It comforted, repulsed, terrified and saddened me and helped me process the guilt of being sick. As my relationship with myself and my disabilities [they're multiplying!] has evolved so has my reading and relationship with Silent Hill 2. There will be spoilers if you've not played it, so if you don't want it spoiled don't read any further.

I am in two minds about it on many fronts, mostly for how it handles and represents disability conceptually and literally. On the one hand, stories about how disabled people are burdensome and which usually end with their dying are a constant staple. We are a tragic love story, and in many ways Silent Hill 2 reinforces this- indeed, this is the crux of the story. The narrative of Silent Hill 2 is driven by its unreliable protagonist James Sunderland; his actions are frequently cast into doubt and Mary's right to live is what drives the main conflict within James' psyche, manifesting as the horrors of the game. Her slow death, James' desire to prolong and shorten her life, and how this conflicts with both of their wishes all form important narrative milestones. James and Mary both are cast in sympathetic lights, and many players come to understand through the naturally presented narrative that James was in the wrong. At least I hope so.

This journey of guilt mirrors the traumas of the cast of supporting characters, all of whom are dealing with guilt stemming from murder – Angela kills her sexually abusive father [which frankly I cannot criticise]; Eddie, bullied, snaps and kills a dog and perhaps a person although this is left ambiguous. Between Angela's self defence, Eddie's snapping and James' sympathy-killing of his wife, there are many facets and stages of guilt portrayed within this game. And in this world, moral greyness, like fog, presides. Yet I don't think I can agree with how yet again a disabled character is killed off to forward the plot of an abled protagonist and often we feel sorry and empathise with him by vice of his being the player character. We view the game through his perspective, and in controlling him the default perspective and empathy lies with him. This could be a problem if twinned with a player who's view and experience of disability is informed solely through media or second-hand experience. Being asked to sympathise with a character, especially one who killed a disabled woman, might lead to your average abled person simply thinking he is in the right because, concerningly, it is something they would consider. Within the context of real life this sad story -of a carer or lover who kills a sick partner, thinking it's the best thing for them- happens all too often. A very real horror for me.

Just a few years ago, in Japan nonetheless, an able bodied man slaughtered 16 disabled people because he felt they were better off dead. I am not inherently against assisted suicide, but this is not that. It is important to note there is a form of ableist abuse wherein abled people coerce disabled people that they're not worth anything, and would be better off dead. I want to make it clear that these two things are entirely different. This is not, explicitly, the situation in Silent Hill 2. There is an ending where Mary thanks and forgives James but it is also shown Mary does struggle with feelings of self-loathing during the course of her illness; not brought on by James in any way, at least not actively, and definitely something I as a disabled woman have dealt with, but worth considering. And, I think, abled people want to feel justified in their views on the worth of disabled lives, so perhaps the apology is there as a form of catharsis for abled people more than it is anything else. It is OK to sympathise with James, we'd all do the same in his situation, disabled people all secretly want to be put out of their misery. This is the unpleasant streak that runs through the game, the crux of where our sympathies stem from.

Having mentioned this, his actions are never actively condoned by the game. It is simply a harsh reality of ableism that often, abled people think they are putting us out of our misery or that our existence is inherently twinned with suffering. I don't think the writers of the game were aware of this when they wrote this in, they simply wanted a psychological angle to take so this accidental aesop is perhaps, a fluke. Many aspects of the game were planned and researched meticulously, but as far as I know none of the development team had any personal experience with illness, so the game comes from their wholly abled perspective.

As I have grown as a person, I have come into my own internal conflict with the themes and presentation therein of the game. When I was newly diagnosed with a condition that, at the time I was told would carve years off my life and which needed lifelong medication simply to function, I found solace in Silent Hill. James' struggle to understand and cope with the death of his wife was similar to how I was struggling to cope and fathom the life-changing diagnosis I had had. I think, perhaps, that when I ran through the streets again and again I was searching within the game, for some ways of processing the diagnoses I found myself saddled with. James mourned his wife of 3 years [3 days] dead, I mourned for a life drastically changed in a matter of days. James, struggling to understand his wifes' illness, was just like me struggling with mine. I was lost in my own fog, in the streets of my own head trying to come to terms with myself.

Bearing this in mind, as I have grown up and come to terms with my conditions my attitudes towards the narrative of Silent Hill 2 have changed. In it, illness is this fearful beast – it could be you! You could be sick!-, except I was; and I didn't want scares, nor did I find the implicit implications of illness scary in the same way an abled person might. What might be horrifying to an abled person was just a daily experience for me. I knew how scary illness could be. I wanted to feel normal.

Looking for normality in a horror game might feel extraneous except for when we take into consideration that many monsters in horror are stand-ins for minorities within society; the queers in the vampire, the proverbial “other”, the rejection of Frankenstein's Monster. Like them, the monsters in Silent Hill 2 all represent something, illness and the multiple perspectives of illness that James has, and I found it less comforting and more... melodramatic. Illness is a daily fact of life for me, and using my existence as a threat to abled people – you could be sick and burdensome just like Mary- just felt insulting. In Silent Hill, illness and sick people are as much the monster as James. Mary looms like Orlok's shadow.

As a character Mary is shown to be multi-faceted; James' manifestations of his guilt and feelings about Mary show her to be venomous, angry bitter, a monster spitting acid but her final letter to him reveals that she admits to this, but more than that: she is a guilt-ridden wife who knows her illness is effecting her spouse. It is heart-wrenching, and beautifully written, and as an ending monologue is poignant and reflected many of the feelings I have felt as a disabled woman. There have been times I have lashed out to people I love because of a particularly bad month of illness, and then the guilt comes because I am only human. Anger, pain and this endless cycle is an intrinsic part of Mary's character throughout the game, and despite it all, Mary is shown to be all that James wants. This is not a narrative fault, but a character flaw within James that he readily recognises and criticises repeatedly, and again, desire and the nature of it is wholly human.

Mary's portrayal within the game is both progressive and sympathetic, and concerningly backward. Mary is humanised in a way that very little media about sickness has ever done, and shown as a multifaceted and complex character just as James' own motivations and desires are shown to be both good, and bad. My readings of Silent Hill are in no way the only way to read it, and in no way lessen the story Silent Hill 2 is telling; it is an amazing, visceral game with a humanising and terrifying portrayal of how illness can take over lives.  

Silent Hill 2 holds a special place in my heart. At a time in my life where I was processing the first of many illnesses to grip me it allowed me to process and deconstruct my own feelings towards my mortality, dwindling health and illnesses. Experiencing and living with illnesses is isolating and lonely to say the least, not least because of how abled people treat us and I think Silent Hill almost nails that on the head accidentally.

This is not to say that people living with spouses who deal with illness should feel wrong, or guilty, for feeling bad about illness and I am not silly enough to suggest that illness does not have an effect on those around me; it does, but the way Silent Hill missteps is in showing illness as a singularly burdensome, corrupting thing, and offering justification for James' actions. It is left up to the player, ultimately, but I do worry for how abled gamers might perceive and justify James within the wider context of society.

There isn't much point to this post. Its just a ramble, and an internal struggle, I've dealt with for a little while and decided to finally try and hash out.

The Road This Far

Originally posted 1/13/2021

I think we can all agree, 2020 sucked. While individual things happened to brighten our days, as a whole, the entire year beginning in March all around was horrible.

One of the things that sucked was the sudden lack of new media content.  Movies were pushed back, television shows stopped production, Podcast formats changed a little.  2020 impacted a lot of things.  And one of those things was the final half of the final season of the 15-year long cult classic television show Supernatural.

The show, which should have ended with a bang in May of 2020, halted production with seven episodes to go.  The once all-star cast that was supposed to return for the Series Finale was scrapped due to the global pandemic and instead concessions needed to be made and the final episodes were scaled down for safety reasons.

I’ll give a brief rundown of the final two episodes.  While the final three were the ones that raised a whole heap of controversy, I’m not going to bother with episode 15x18 for the moment, because while I think it was poorly done, my reasoning is different from others and honestly, that could be a blog post all its own.

Warning:  Below this (for the 5 people on the planet who haven’t either watched it or heard about it somewhere) will be spoilers for the final two episodes.

Episodes 15x19 “Inherit the Earth” and 15x20 “Carry On” were the quintessential Series finale and epilogue a show this long running needed.

The opening of “Inherit the Earth” finds everyone on Earth Prime (inside joke) gone, disappeared.  The Rapture has come, and it seems that only Sam, Dean and Jack are the only ones alive.  And a dog named Miracle (who I feel was the shows rally cry and the one I was invested in.  I mean dammit Chuck, you Thanos-ed the world but then you took that adorable dog away from Dean.  I hope you go DOWN!)

Jack feels a presence and is led to a church.  Inside they find Michael. Archangel Michael, still in the body of Adam.  He’s hidden out from God’s wrath and wants to help the Winchesters take down God.  In the previous episode, the brothers get Death’s book, but only Death can open it.  They’re hoping that Michael can override the lock, but it doesn’t work.   Dean gets a call from Cas asking for help and to open the bunker door (obvious red flag because…Cas is gone, but okay…)  Outside is not Cas but Lucifer with a reaper.  Lucifer wants to help get rid of God.  To do that, he kills the reaper he has hostage thereby making her the next Death.  Death opens the book and begins to read.

Meanwhile, Lucifer and Michaels big show down seems to be just smack talking back and forth.  When Death comes back and begins to read the passage of the book that tells how to stop God, Lucifer stabs Death, killing her and takes the book.  Surprise, it seems he was playing for both sides of the team.  Who didn’t see that coming? Lucifer pulls a “join me” speech to Jack giving Michael the opportunity to kill Lucifer by metaphorically stabbing him in the back.

The four then make plans to stop God.  Going out to a particular spot, Sam begins to cast a spell he says he found from the book.  Chuck appears, having been warned by Michael (remember that stab to the back?).  Michael’s reward for serving his Father is death.  Chuck snaps him out of existence and then turns his sights on the Winchesters.  In true final Big Bad mode, instead of snapping them out of existence, he decides to beat them both into submission.  But the Winchesters will. Not. Stay. Down.

In the plot twist that Chuck did not write, when Death made Jack into a bomb and sent him to the Empty, the explosion had a different sort of effect.  Basically, he’s become a metaphysical power vacuum.  When Lucifer and Michael were fighting in the Bunker, Jack was absorbing their power.  Each time Chuck punched one of the Winchesters, Jack absorbed the power until finally Jack was powerful enough to confront Chuck.  With one hand to the face, the power transfer was complete and hosannah on the highest, Jack becomes God, leaving the now very much human Chuck to fend for himself.

Raised by the Winchesters and having Castiel as his surrogate father figure makes Jack the chilliest supernatural being ever.  He snaps back everyone (including Miracle) and tells the brothers that he is keeping a hands-off approach.  He’ll be there but humans are responsible for their own outcomes from now on.  He disappears and the episode ends with the Winchesters riding off into the sunset.

Episode 15x20 “Carry On” picks up five years after.  Miracle is living with the Winchesters at the Bunker and they’re just going around living their lives. Still hunting monsters, saving lives.   Dean even gets to a pie festival, a nice nod to Dean’s love of pie. Everything looks like it’s back to normal.

They come across a suspicious death and kidnapping of two children, one that Dean recognizes from their father’s journal.  They find it and discover that it’s a nest of vampires that only hunt once every couple of years, keeping their victims alive to drain them dry.

The Winchesters go to where the nest is and find the vampires and the kids.  Sam gets the kids to safety while Dean starts taking on the nest.  During the fight, already there’s hints that this is not going to be a normal battle.  The Winchesters are down more than they’re up and not fighting as a unit.  Sam is knocked down several times and while they managed to kill the nest, the final vampire grapples with Dean and slams him up against a post, where there was a piece of reverb sticking out.  Sam cuts the head off the final vampire.  That’s when he realizes Dean had been stabbed and moving him off the spike would do more damage.  Dean asks Sam to stay with him, knowing his journey is over.

With the exchange of power form Chuck to Jack, the Winchesters are no longer God’s “Chosen Ones” anymore, meaning they are just like all the other Hunters who have come before them.  Their lucky charm is gone.  In what is arguably the most emotional scene in the series, Sam stays with Dean until he dies.

Sam returns to the Bunker and gives Dean a Hunter’s funeral. He only remains at the Bunker for a bit longer until he gets called to a job and leaves (with Miracle) the bunker forever.

Dean wakes up in Heaven and has a talk with Bobby on the porch of Harvelle’s Roadhouse.  This, I think was part of the things they had to work around.  As much as I would have loved to see Ellen and Jo greet Dean (I think it would’ve been extremely emotional), I also understand why it wasn’t done.  Bobby explains Heaven.  Where it was once a line of doors where souls were destined to relive one memory over and over, it is now the Paradise it was promised to be.  The woods and open country are host to (almost)everyone Dean knows and loves; His parents, Rufus, Ellen and Jo, other Hunters who have been his “family” along the way.  It’s almost perfect.  Dean tells Bobby he’s going for a drive and climbs into Baby.  The song, poetically, on the radio is “Carry On” by Kansas and Dean drives.

The montage bounces then between Dean driving and Sam living his life.  You find he was married and became a father to a son he named Dean.  The years fly by as Dean drives and it is understood that Sam finally had the life he wanted from the start, the family, the son he plays ball with and help with homework.

The final scene is an older Sam on his deathbed His son comes to him, holds his hand, tells him he loves him and it’s okay to go. The scene changes to Dean stopping on a bridge overlooking a river.  He gets out of the car and hears a noise behind him.  It’s Sam.  The two brother’s hug and then go to stand by the railing of the bridge and look out…together.

The End.

Even knowing that this was the pandemic ending and not the ending they planned, I enjoyed these final two episodes.  Like I said, episodes 19 and 20 played like a finale and the epilogue.

The story of Supernatural has always been about the Winchester brothers.  From the beginning, during the middle and at the end, the story was always going to begin and end with Sam and Dean. Everyone else in the story were just side characters.

It was not surprising to me that the very vocal majority hated it.  I had a “been there, done that, bought the tee-shirt” moment when I began to scroll social media and watched post by post of people who shouted that they felt cheated and that this was not the ending they were promised.  Even people who never watched the show and should’ve known better where shouting for something that was, quite obviously, never going to happen.

I waited this long because, I was busy with something else and I wanted to wait until I thought through everything before I put down my thoughts.  So a month later, I watched two videos on You Tube, from Destiel shippers discussing their thoughts on the final season.  I won’t name names.

The first video was almost two hours long and was from a person who admits they left the fandom for a while.  While a lot of things I could sympathize with, they brought up the term queer bating multiple times (I am not going to get into the criticism of queer baiting because, this post is already too long, and I plan on writing a blog about that later) as well as the dangers of bringing fandom theory into creator spaces.

I am of the firm belief that fandom content should not be brought into creator spaces. Not only do most showrunners have their own ideas for the shows, but there is also the inherent risk of ego stepping which could lead to drastic changes being made to shows in ways fans weren’t expecting and don’t like (I see you Jeff Davis).  It can also lead to legal issues, especially if during one of these and idea coming from fandom space nudges it’s way into the creators’ mind and there is unintentional plagiarism.  It can happen and is a reason that most creators do not read fanfiction or discuss fan theory until after the show is over.

The other reaction video mentioned they were disappointed (and I saw this in other spaces as well) of Castiel being in Heaven but not seeing Dean.  I have a theory about that.  In Episode 19 at the end, Jack states that unlike Chuck, he has faith in the humans, and he plans on being strictly “hands off”. Our fate is in our own hands now and we can do what we want.  Where Chuck liked the accolades and often sent angels to do his dirty work on Earth, especially when the Winchesters weren’t doing what he wanted, if Jack is implementing a “Hands off” approach, this could also mean that the remainder of the angels (old and new) were given instructions to remain “Hands off” as well.  They have their side of Heaven which they are rebuilding and reorganizing, but they are to stay on their side and never the twain shall meet.  Angels were never meant to walk among the human races.  This is maintaining the status quo.  Dean knows that Castiel is in Heaven once more but is content with that knowledge.  Once Sam appears to him on the bridge, Dean has everything he wants; his brother, his family, and a quiet life in which to settle. At last, Sam and especially Dean have found their reward.

As the song goes, there is peace when they are done.

In First Become Ashes, K.M. Szpara Makes Us Wonder if Magic is Real

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K.M. Szpara‘s debut Docile was one of the most binge-able, divisive reads of 2020. A near-future drama set in a world in debt crisis (imagine that), Docile explores the violence of capitalism at the most intimate of interpersonal levels, as we follow Elisha as he sells himself to trillionaire Alex in order to pay off his family’s debts. With Docile, Szpara, a queer and trans Baltimore-based author, proved himself willing to dive into some complex, culturally loaded subjects to tell a science fiction story that reflects some central yet ignored truths about our contemporary society. For me, a White reader, the ways in which Docile works outweigh it doesn’t (one major criticism: the book’s avoidance of addressing America’s real-life history of slavery), but this will be different for every reader.

In his second book, First, Becomes Ashes (out today!), Szpara is similarly ambitious in topic and theme. Ashes is a standalone novel that takes place in the aftermath of the destruction of a maybe-magical cult, following four different characters caught up in the messy repercussions of the FBI’s raiding of the Fellowship of the Anointed. Much of the novel’s early perspective comes from Lark, an almost 25-year-old who believes wholeheartedly in the teachings of cult leader Nova, and that he has been chosen to learn magic and martial arts in order to hunt the monsters that ravage the world outside the Fellowship gates. Like Docile, it’s a startlingly unique premise. Despite having four separate POV characters, Ashes is able to maintain a mystery around some of the fundamental truths of this world, leaving the reader to wonder if magic exists in this world or not.

Den of Geek: Where did the inspiration for the book that would become First, Become Ashes begin?

K.M. Szpara: The idea hit me like a comeback three hours too late! I’ve always been interested in cults and faith and belonging. As a speculative fiction author, I had to give it a fantasy twist. Magic is something many of us have wished for since childhood. What if it was real—and then what if we were told it wasn’t?  

This book has several POV characters, but you very much begin with Lark’s POV. Can you talk about how you went about deciding who would be POV characters and how you came up with the pacing for expanding the perspective-scope of this story?

One of my favorite ways to create tension is to show how different people experience the same event(s). Ashes shows dissolution of a cult from four points of view. Two “privileged” members who are Anointed—one a believer and one a doubter. One member who is a Fellow, a regular layperson. One outsider who has dreamed of having the magic the Anointed claim. Each of these characters experienced life differently before and after the Fellowship’s dissolution and they’re all tied together in deeply personal emotional ways. The pacing really comes down to knowing how to choose each chapter’s POV. And for me, it’s which character will be most effected by an event. For example, Lark performs healing magic on himself in front of Calvin. Though Lark is the one being healed and performing magic, it’s Calvin who’s seeing magic up close for the first time. It’s Calvin who’s wanted magic his whole life and is inches from it. That’s what drives the story forward.

Something you do in both Docile and Ashes that I love is give us a POV character who is an outsider to a world the reader will most likely recognize and then offer Nacirema-esque observation from that protagonist-outsider. Is this something you do intentionally? Why are you interested in telling stories in this way?

I had not heard of Nacirema until this question, but I love this observation! For anyone else hearing this for the first time, a cursory Google tells me that the term Nacirema is “American” spelled backwards and is a term used in sociology and anthropology to show distance while studying people in the United States of America. (I’m not a social scientist—amateur Googler over here!) I use outsider characters in this way because I want readers to see how aspects of their lives mirror the characters’ lives, how our society mirrors these harmful fictional societies. It’s easy to read about a cult and think you would never be drawn in, but that happens to people like you and me—and there are aspects of the U.S. that are cultish but not named in that way. I want people to see how they have been drawn in, how hard it is to unlearn and escape that harm. Because sometimes it looks and feels like magic and that’s all you’ve ever wanted.

I love all of the fandom explanation and outsider observation in this book. Why did you want to have a fan character like Calvin as such a central part of this story, and how did you want to depict fandom more generally?

When I think about who would be deeply invested in magic being real, it’s people like me who grew up reading SFF, wishing I’d walk through a portal to another world—even though the stories that took place in them were full of danger. There was magic! I’ve joked with friends that if one of them texted to tell me a real wizard or vampire or werewolf was in their house, I would absolutely drop everything and go to them. I want to see! I want to lift the veil! That’s what Lilian does when her BFF Calvin texts that an Anointed member of the Fellowship is in their hotel room.

But that doesn’t mean Calvin’s motivations are pure and good—nor are they malicious! Like fandom, he’s imperfect. He wants magic and monsters to be real so badly that he’s sometimes willing to hurt others in pursuit of his dreams. Though Calvin doesn’t represent fandom as a whole—what one person could?—I did want to show someone who’s helpful and harmful, family-friendly and sexy, successful and unfulfilled. Complicated, like most of us and our interests are!

A central tension of Ashes is the mystery of if Lark’s magic is real, which creates this experience as a reader of not totally understanding as you’re reading what genre the book itself even is—is it speculative fiction or is it something else? It was a really unique reading experience, and led me to wonder as I was reading if and why I cared about classifying it. What a cool use of the “unreliable” narrator! Can you talk about creating and sustaining this tension/mystery and what you wanted to do with it?

It was difficult! Whether magic appears successful depends on the chapter’s POV character and its place within the arc. Sometimes a spell’s result is instant and sometimes it’s implied. Often faith is the difference. In that way we’re all unreliable narrators—everyone is only telling their own truth as they see it, as they’ve been raised and taught to see it. I wanted to keep readers wondering, not just for the thrill of “is magic real?” but why they’re asking. Who do they believe—who do they want to believe? Does it matter who’s “right”? Why? Read and answer for yourself! Ashes is a fantasy novel… if you want it to be.

Were the in-universe discussion of preferred pronouns always part of this story and the culture of the Fellowship? 

Yes. Cults don’t exist because they seem unattractive and survivors often have at least some fond memories. I wanted to create a place that felt somewhat harmonious and fruitful, which included the ability to find and be yourself with full acceptance. Something I wish existed outside of my imaginary cult, as well!

Both Ashes and Docile depict experiences and topics that are very sensitive for many readers—i.e. abuse, rape, and sadomasochism—and that therefore most “mainstream” authors either shy away from completely or depict very superficially. Why are you interested in exploring these themes in your storytelling? What conclusions, if any, are you hoping for readers to come away with in relation to these themes specifically?

Firstly, no authors are required to deal with such heavy topics. I choose to; they’re common experiences and I’m not interested in glossing over them. I want to show how rape and abuse and conditioning affect people both in the moment and long after. And the sadomasochism in Ashes is not a depiction of a healthy S&M experience, but that’s not to imply that S&M is inherently unhealthy—because it absolutely can be! And lots of real people experiment with and engage in various forms of BDSM, sometimes healthy, sometimes not. I’m not writing guidebooks or after-school specials. My goal is not to portray perfect relationships or characters taking all the right steps. It is to show emotional truths. To portray how complicated and messy people are and reality is when it comes to traumatic situations.

It’s interesting to me that you use 25 as the coming-of-age age in this story. Can you talk about why you made that decision?

Ages like eighteen and twenty-one only mean something because we have decided they do. The Fellowship doesn’t operate by our rules, so I chose twenty-five, which felt like a natural milestone as a quarter century. Additionally, I wanted those leaving the Fellowship on their quests to be young adults (not in the publishing category sense) who were old enough to consider themselves competent but not so old that they’d had a lot of time as an adult to reflect on their experiences. A lot is ingrained in children and teenagers and I personally spent a lot of my early twenties both learning more and new information about myself and the world, but also unlearning some of the harmful aspects I’d absorbed from my younger years. It’s a time when many are figuring out their place in the world as independent adults, for the first time, not unlike the Anointed going out on their quests.

Are there things you especially learned in the writing and publishing of Docile that inspired how you wrote and edited this story?

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

It was nice to edit a book having already done so once because the mystery was gone—but that didn’t make it any easier! Second books are their own brand of tricky—and I like to try new things with craft, to push myself, which is fun but also stressful. There is a feeling of both familiarity while writing a second book, and also fear that maybe you wrote that first book my accident somehow and will never be able to do it again. Luckily, I have an awesome team at Tordotcom Publishing and they saw me through it, again. 

First, Become Ashes is now available to buy wherever books are sold, including via Tor.com.

Note: First, Become Ashes contains explicit sadomasochism and sexual content, as well as abuse and consent violations, including rape.

The post In First Become Ashes, K.M. Szpara Makes Us Wonder if Magic is Real appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3dDRjqT

ANNOTATED BIBLIOGRAPHY

Cuddy, Luke. BioShock and Philosophy : Irrational Game, Rational Book. Chichester, West Sussex, Uk ; Malden, Ma, John Wiley And Sons, Inc, 2015.

This book is one of my favorites for discussing the inherent political and philosophical issues in games. The Bioshock franchise has a lot to say about rejecting control and programming, be it the programming of polite society (“would you kindly”) or the more metaphorical rejection of a tyrannical parent’s expectations (Elizabeth Comstock’s entire character arc), and these myriad messages are parsed and considered through numerous philosophical and sociological frameworks. It constantly questions the ethical and moral implications of the many decisions a player can make in these games and pushes many varying views on the arcs of the different characters. It is a fascinating look at how games can help develop a critical mind towards structures in power through consistent diegetic writing and references to prominent (and wrong, in Ayn Rand’s case) thinkers in its scant dialogue.

Dyer-Witheford, Nick, and Greig De Peuter. Games of Empire : Global Capitalism and Video Games. Minneapolis, University Of Minnesota Press, 2009.

Yet another book to feature leftist views on the history of gaming (this entry was written like third to last chronologically), this one is more concerned about how technology that was once used to code subversive counter-culture gaming experiments in the 1970’s has since been expropriated to further capitalist and neocolonial interests and goals. As visual mass media like films and video games and TV has since supplanted print media (posters and print ads), all sorts of insidious agendas and troubling trends can and have been implanted subtly into what we normally consume, such as the glorification of warmongering and conquest games that then link through to the literal army website for enlistment.

The book itself is a critique of late stage capitalism and neoliberal interests that have made up the backbone of real-life simulation games like Second Life and America’s Army, and a galling look at the slimy ways we are fed ideology through games. 

Guillaume De Laubier, and Jacques Bosser. Sacred Spaces : The Awe-Inspiring Architecture of Churches and Cathedrals. New York, Abrams, 2018.

Growing up in a majority Catholic country with a highly devout grandmother and many aunts and uncles subscribing to that grift masquerading as a religion meant getting dragged to upwards of 40 church ceremonies and a lot of subtle proselytizing and covert conversions. All it did for me was make me fall in love with the gaudy excesses of its aesthetic sensibility. This book feeds my irrepressible need to look at Gothic architecture and stained glass and informs a lot of my aesthetic choices. The photography of church interiors and descriptive passages of the historical significance of Gothic architecture in relation to churches constantly informs my many aesthetic choices as both a goth and an agnostic/Jewish designer fascinated with the aesthetics of high Catholic camp and excess.  

Hernandez, Patricia. “The Cyberpunk 2077 Crunch Backlash.” Polygon, 7 Oct. 2020, www.polygon.com/2020/10/7/21505804/cyberpunk-2077-cd-projekt-red-crunch-youtube-jason-schreier-labor-the-witcher-3.

DISCLAIMER: While I am aware of the opinions surrounding Polygon and its purported corporate agenda, I have elected to source this article regardless, as it is reporting on an important aspect of the industry and the future we as designers have to look forward to as crunch becomes more and more normalised.

This article details the ways that CDPR (CD Projekt Red) treats its designers and developers, with six day work weeks and broken promises of ending crunch. It also shines a light on how netizens and players respond to negative reporting of this trend and how worryingly apathetic and downright disdainful the responses are. Exploitation isn’t new in any industry, but it scares me that someone could die of overwork and the people they’re slaving away on a game for wouldn’t care because “that’s just the way the industry is”.

Kakutani, Michiko. The Death of Truth. London, William Collins, 2018.

This text is invaluable for anyone who cares about how biases in the media they consume changes and warps news based on what they care about, while also addressing the trend of fully fabricated news to scare less informed (and often conservative) constituents further into their holes of prejudice and uneducated opinions. As a media student it’s fascinating to consider, but as a person living in the world it’s downright necessary. The sooner a person is aware of the biases in the media they consume, the faster they can learn the importance of diversifying the voices they listen to and address the blind spots in their information pipelines, and this book is really good at diving into the kind of language and rhetoric to be on the lookout for to parse out bias, which keeps me on my toes about the media I want to put out in the world.

Löwy, Michael. “Capitalism as Religion: Walter Benjamin and Max Weber.” Historical Materialism, vol. 17, no. 1, 2009, pp. 60–73, www.urbanlab.org/articles/moneyspeak/Lowy%202009%20-%20capitalism%20as%20religion.pdf, 10.1163/156920609x399218. Accessed 28th November 2020.

This article attempts to interpret one of the socialist critic Walter Benjamin’s reflections on capitalism as a societal framework, and how it had at the time of writing (1920s) come to resemble something closer to a religious cult. The unpublished paper makes allusions to Max Weber’s book The Protestant Work Ethic and The “Spirit” of Capitalism and Ernst Bloch’s (then unpublished) Thomas Münzer as Theologian of the Revolution.

Currently I believe this critique of capitalism has only become more relevant. He couldn’t have predicted the ravenous cultlike behaviours of Apple fanatics but that’s nothing more than the end point of the behaviours he was critiquing a hundred years ago come to roost. It’s important for people involved in games to understand this and take it to heart if we don’t want the industry to be more overrun with triple A yearly sports releases and the latest instalment of “grizzled white guy with gun and traumatic backstory”.

Skal, David J. The Monster Show : A Cultural History of Horror. New York, Faber And Faber, 2001.

This work is basically a historical look at the western media’s depictions of its greatest monsters, often discussing contextually as part of the cultural zeitgeist of any given time. It’s a fascinating look at the intersection of fear and semiotics in our current cultural landscape and additionally details the creation and eventual decline of the Hayes Code and normalisation of queer-coding villains, although my personal viewpoint on the matter is that it would have benefited the text to have delved into monsters and their depictions across nonwestern cultures, because fears (outside the unknown and darkness) aren’t really universal, and it would have made an interesting contrast to see the differences between a traditional western vampire and a manananggal, but I digress.

Unrelated to its cultural discussions, it also serves as a pretty scathing report of theatre writer pettiness and old Hollywood drama.

Weber, Max, et al. The Protestant Ethic and the “Spirit” of Capitalism and Other Writings. New York, Penguin Books, 2002.

This seminal work by turn of the century German theorist Max Weber proposes that a line exists between the puritanical beliefs that heavily relied on working oneself to the bone to be considered a moral person in the eyes of the lord and the eventual rise of industry and capitalism in western Europe. He juxtaposes the Protestant beliefs in productivity for its own sake to wash oneself clean of sin with the way that work under capitalism is presented as a way to contribute to society and, in some instances, repent and atone for transgressions and wrongdoings, arguing that one indelibly led to the other.

As a socialist (and non-Christian) myself, I believe I should be able to critically analyse the ethics of working myself (and others) to the bone, and why we’re taught it’s good and moral to push ourselves to physical and mental exhaustion. I don’t want my work to be created under conditions that are both spiritually and physically crushing, and this text is paramount to the analysis of so-called worker-oriented games companies and their policies towards worker welfare.

Woodcock, Jamie. Marx at the Arcade. Haymarket Books, 2019.

As a socialist myself I found this book to be a great insight into gaming as transgression from the systems of hierarchy around us. In a world where all anyone cares about is money, capital and the almighty bottom line, the idea that taking time for yourself is a revolutionary act fighting capitalism is definitely an interesting one. Yes, there are systems to serve within the game, but it’s a fascinating look at what we can consider transgression from the oppression of real life. Gaming is, according to the writer, an inherently unproductive activity where capital is not served (unless you work for a warcraft gold farming operation), and therefore a revolutionary action where you put yourself first. It can be an outlet for passion, and in some cases a coping mechanism for mental issues. It really made me hopeful in the industry I want to work in. (Disclaimer: I realise this barely scratches the surface of the book but it’s what stood out to me the most and what resonated with me the most.)

Wright, Alexa. Monstrosity : The Human Monster in Visual Culture. London, I.B. Tauris, 2013.

Another look at monsterhood, this time analysing our fears through personhood and how we as a culture project our fears on those who are different from us. I did a lot of research on monsterhood and how we see the other as inherently frightening for my final paper for university (which I will eventually upload as a reflective post because I still stand by a lot of it), and I think it’s valuable to know why we’re afraid of things so we can begin to unlearn harmful misconceptions of people who aren’t like us. As someone who wants to work in games art (focusing mainly on character art), I personally want to challenge the fear of the other through my work, and I want to use signifiers that are traditionally thought of as fearful to create more thoughtful art and hopefully help humanise that which was once considered hateful and gross.  

✚ or ♆ or if you're feeling really creative ♕

 for a kiss on a wound (mainverse)

​    Unlike Cassidy, John did not like to get in fights. Not to say he was a coward, but he didn't seek them out. Maybe back in the day he'd have had more fun with it, but John was a middle aged man now. Bar fights were for young, angry men with fire in their bellies -- Or vaguely masochistic vampires. John didn't think he so much got off on the pain strictly, it was just another sensation that made his blood rush, little different to him than getting high or fucked. 

    Admittedly, the wankers deserved it. Bunch of rude boys had taken exception to Cass and John minding their own business, making out in the booth of a sleazy pub when conversation ran dry between them. John had been surprised that it hadn't happened sooner. In this brave new world of acceptance, there were still plenty of wankers that couldn't handle seeing two men kiss, much less devour each other as hungrily as John and Cass did. It had started with them loudly complaining about queers not staying in their own places and ended with Cassidy getting fed up with the snide comments being thrown their way and breaking the biggest bastard's jaw. To his credit, John joined the fray for the sake of solidarity. He had a decent hook and had no problem fighting dirty. In the end, they were all thrown out, and John and Cassidy fled to the underground just in case the bartender had been serious about calling the cops. 

    The train was surprisingly sparse of other patrons, a bit of a boon since they were both bruised and bloody, particularly Cassidy, who wasn't exactly careful about his body in a fight. The vampire was grinning despite his earlier indignation over their ignorant derision. In fact it was probably a good thing the damage was superficial more or less because Cassidy was keen about picking up where they'd left off before the rude interruption. John shivered and moaned against his mouth as the pressure of a kiss disturbed his split lip. He tasted copper on Cassidy's tongue, understood that he was a monster, that he should be afraid, and pulled him in closer.

for a kiss where there is a pulse (mainverse)

​    Oft times after months apart, Cassidy didn't greet him with a kiss on the mouth but one against the side of his neck. It was always right above the jugular, where his pulse would pick up speed with the touch. He would never be sure if it were the inherent danger of the gesture, in letting such a creature near the heavy, throb of life or just that he liked being touched there. 

    Cassidy would say it wasn't just about blood. He was attuned to the sound of his heartbeat and smell of his skin. He claimed John smelled like magic, whatever the hell that meant. It struck him as a very romantic thing of his rough and tumble mess of a lover to say. Oddly, John hardly minded. It was curiously fitting for their sloppy, deeply erotic affair.

for a kiss of swearing fealty (filmverse)

​    From time to time they met by instance, just like that first night. For such a large city, L.A. could feel terribly small when you had the same taste in bars. 

    This time, however, John wasn't sitting down with a lager at the table only to be soon joined by Cassidy and his bright, wicked grin. Instead they were passing each other through the front door, John going in, Cassidy leaving with a pretty girl. She was hanging all over him, and he was clearly going home with her. Their eyes met and the vampire's eyes widened while John's looked furtively away. 

    A strange feeling dropped like a stone in his stomach. He didn't like the idea of Cassidy going to have sex with someone else, which was really unreasonable. It wasn't as though they saw each other every day and judging from the man's powerhouse of a libido and sexual stamina, the handful of times they'd met up since they'd met couldn't possibly satisfy Cassidy. He was a hungry ghost of a man. All the rationalization in the world couldn't quell the odd feeling of disappointment. He'd secretly been feeling as though something special was brewing between them beyond mind shattering pleasure. It all lead back to his heady revival into eroticism. He'd been wholly unprepared for Cassidy's ability to unravel him like a cat toying with a ball of yarn, perhaps he was just as taken off guard by the feelings stirred up by carnality. It didn't help that Cassidy was so damned good at making him feel like the most important person in his world. 

    As he was sidling up to the far end of the bar, John felt a strong grip on his arm. The long fingers holding onto the limb were like iron and his heart skipped a little beat. It was Cassidy without a doubt and when he turned to look at him, John hope he didn't look as surprised as he sounded. 

    "Cass, I -- " John fell silent, not sure how he felt about acknowledging what he'd just seen. "Hey, yeh shoulda called me if yeh were gonna be free," Cassidy breathed. There was an odd edge to his tone. His eyes were still a little wider than usual, almost contrite. 

    "Sorry, I ah, guess I'm not used to having someone to call," John admitted quietly. More to the point he really didn't know the ethics of having a "fuck buddy". Could he really just call someone to have sex? Granted Cassidy didn't seem to have a problem arranging their little sex dates, but he utterly, charmingly shameless. 

    The vampire laughed and wrapped an arm around the back of John's neck to draw him down for a long, surprisingly warm kiss, no less passionate than usual, but he swore he tasted some strange sentiment on his tongue. They wouldn't talk about it, that woman and what Cassidy might have been planning to do with her, but something in that kiss soothed his previous anxieties. 

    "Well, Johnny Boy, yeh got someone now. Y'still up f'a bevvy or do yeh jus' wanna get outta here?"

Draft of Description and Rules

Why the Forum was made

Having participated in several other communities made for those with interest in consanguineous pairings or relationships, I observed that there was no place where people could come to talk exclusively about writing original fiction, in genres other than just erotica.

Focus of the Forum

The purpose of this forum is to bring together aspiring writers to discuss our characters and writing. The focus will be on those pairings that would be considered “taboo” in various parts of our world; specifically romantic/sexual relationships between siblings and/or cousins.

Who can join?

Anyone who is currently writing or is planning to write Original Fiction containing one or more consanguineous couples—preferably major characters, but minor characters as welcome too. This forum is not for fan-fiction, nor is it for fiction centered on erotica.

*You must be 18 or over to join, cause the kinds of discussion here will contain adult material.

You must be someone who is serious about writing to publish someday, either online or in print.

Current media has very mixed representations of consang couples: they are often used for shock value purposes or as side characters in a larger story. The aim of this forum is to support the creation of well-rounded characters that are more true to life, and who challenge existing stereotypes.  

This forum is not for fans. It’s only for writers. It needs to be this way so that we can build trust with each other.

Aspiring writers of all skill levels are welcome.

You are still welcome, even if:

*If you are uncomfortable with the thought of incest, but still want to explore consensual incest in your fiction. As long as you don’t condemn others for their choices in life or in fiction, you are welcome. 

*If you have very specific preferences (e.g. you like Bro/Sis but you’re not crazy about Bro/Bro, or you only do queer pairs). Just be respectful of others’ preferences. 

*If you want to explore the darker side of consanguinamory, where there is a grey area between consent and non-consent, or if you have unhappy endings planned. As long as you are not coming to the forum with a pre-conceived notion that ‘all consang relationships’ are inherently unhealthy and/or are doomed to fail, then you are welcome to explore unhealthy dynamics as well. Exploring grey areas in fiction does not mean the same thing as being ok with abuse. However, IF your pairing is fully abusive or non-consensual, this is not the forum for you. [Only requirement for grey area is please put a trigger warning tag]

*If you want to explore poly relationship dynamics instead of the usual monogamous ones. 

*If you are interested in exploring only either GSA or non-GSA. 

*If you only want to look at the romantic aspects of the relationship

How we can make use of the Forum

This forum is an experimental project. It will be slow in the beginning because community building takes time. It’s a bigger challenge since there are few writers out there who are truly dedicated to handling this subject in an honest and balanced way.

So until we begin to gain members, please be patient with the pace of things. You could also help develop the forum by bringing people here, if you know of anyone that would be a good fit.

There are various ways we can make use of this forum. Here are just some possibilities:

·         We could do bi-weekly writing exercises to practice writing scenes and dialogue, to get a good sense of how our characters would act and talk.

·         We could discuss the nature of “double love” and how the familial and the romantic intertwine in a consang relationship.

·         We can discuss stigma, its origins and how the characters deal with it in their societies.

·         We can talk about our own fears or anxieties about publishing fiction containing controversial material, how we could remain strong and dedicated despite the judgment we may face as writers and allies of such relationships.

·         We can do research together (e.g. share links to documentaries, scholarly articles, author/actor interviews, commentary, or other material on this subject) so that our writing could be better informed by facts and existing dialogues.  

·         We can help each other develop points in our fictional character & relationship arcs in a way that suits our individual visions.

·         We can provide each other with feedback on our writing styles so that we can improve the quality of our prose.

·         We can discuss fandom and ships… in connection with what we hope do with our original fiction. E.g. What are our fav ships/dynamics? What we can learn from the writers of the past? What can/should we do differently?

Privacy and Confidentiality

Please be conscious of the fact that this is the Internet. We will aim to build trust with each other, but even with the best of intentions, the mods can’t guarantee that everyone who comes here can be trusted to protect your material. For this reason, you decide how much or how little you share of your material. Try not to share too much, even things like original names… you can use ‘place holder’ generic names for your characters instead.

You can still contribute and learn something by participating in discussions.

Canon vs. Unspoken/Subtext

Although the forum is primarily for those that want to write Canon consang pairs, those relationship dynamics that fall somewhere in an ambiguous area are also welcome… e.g. pairings like Rebekah and Klause from Vampire Diaries/The Originals (it’s never really stated that these two are canon, but their dynamic seems to go beyond the bounds of regular sibling relations to a point that makes them irresistible to ship)

Basic Rules of the Forum:

#1 Golden Rule: Respect each other’s preferences; respect each other’s boundaries. 

Basic Rules all Must Follow (no exceptions):

*No hypocrisy… If you are going to write about consensual incestuous relationships, you must at least have an attitude of neutrality when it comes to ‘real life’ consang couples (siblings and cousins, for the purposes of this forum). I want to keep the forum a judgement-free, safe space for all, including those who may come to it with personal experience of consanguinamory. 

*No homophobia, transphobia, or racism (again, this must be a safe space for all)

*If you are going to write about relations that occur between people or characters who are minors, the sexual details must be limited within forum posts (obviously in the writing you ultimately publish, you go with your own rules). 

*This forum is only for fiction. If you are mixing non-fiction elements into your writing, please make sure to change names and details to respect people’s privacy. 

Exceptions:

The rules are there to ensure that the forum remains a safe space for writers of all sexual orientations, gender identities, and races. But if you have a character that is homophobic or racist or transphobic, this is fine if used as a necessary part of that particular character’s design/arc.  As long as you, the writer, treat the other writers with courtesy and respect, all’s good.