Jude: i hate you
Cardan: *in his head* enemies to lovers, slow burn, angst with happy ending, 300k+ words
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Cardan, stroking Jude's hair : You're so cute and pretty.
Jude, sleepily : I could beat the shit out of you.
Cardan, lovingly : I know.
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Cardan: Marry me, *wait, she needs a good reason to do this* become the Queen of Elfhame.
Jude: *wtf* What?
Cardan: It's cool, think of it as a political arrangement.
Jude: ...
Cardan: *Holly shit, she might make me beg for her hand* just until you want me to abdicate. It's cool.
Jude: so I free you from the servitude vow and you marry me never?
Cardan: no, I'll marry you right now *lest you convince yourself I'm plotting something and cut my throat*
Jude: Fine, it's cool. How do we get this over with?
Cardan: Cool, cool. We just exchange vows. Unless you imagined something more romantic...
Jude: no, it's cool.
Cardan: *ffs, I already started redecorating the room with flowers* cool, cool
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Jude: who else here thought Cardan was my boyfriend?
Jude: Cardan put your hand down
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Taryn: Jude, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power!
Jude: Well of course I have.
Jude: Have you ever tried going mad without power?
Cardan: It's boring.
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Jude: Locke died?
Taryn: Yeah.
Jude: He’d do anything for attention.
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Cardan: I always smile or sneer when I'm nervous
Jude: You're always smiling or sneering when you're with me
Cardan: Don't think about that too hard
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the Bomb: I can't believe you and Jude broke the bed last night.
the Roach: Yeah, what were you even doing?
Cardan: um....
*last night*
Jude: Bet you can't jump high enough to touch the ceiling.
Cardan: Try me
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cardan seems like the kinda guy to boop jude on the nose and jude seems like the kinda girl to swat his hand away irritatedly but secretly smile to herself cos she thinks it's actually kinda cute
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Cardan, if he lived in mortal world:
Google, please stop showing me sex ads. I know there are desperate sluts in my area, I have a mirror.
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Cardan, after trying to drown Jude: 🎀🙄💅🏼✨🤟🤪🤪🤪🎶Im a BaD GiRL, I DiD SoMe bAd tHiNgS🎶🤪🤟✨💅🏼🙄🎀🎀
Jude:.......
*Years after they're married*
Jude, grinning: Hey, remember when-
Cardan: No.
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jude, drunk: don't tell cardan, but i have a crush on him.
cardan, grinning: i definitely won't.
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cardan at the coronation because even though it's a massacre, his crush is there:
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