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uncomfortably-bowing · 1 year

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there's so much utena discourse around certain aesthetic signatures of the show (in particular, scenes and shots like the sword pulls, the transformations and outfits, etc.) and, like, surface-level discussions over whether these things are "Actually Beautiful" or "Actually Bad."

and i totally get it, especially with regards to some scenes---like the ways in which people have taken the ending scene of episode 33 and turned into weird pastel-pretty aesthetic boards lmao----but i do feel like a lot of the discussion is over-simplistic, and disconnected from the actual framing and themes of the series

utena and anthy's world is full of beauty. it is also full of horror and pain. there is often no clear delineation between the two, and we are forced (quite generously!) to recognize both sides of this.

the sword pulls oftentimes carry feelings of manipulation, hurt, subservience. anthy summoning the sword drives in the repetitive, obedient actions she is forced to repeat time and time again for others as the rose bride. in the black rose arc, they're violent and terrifying. in the third arc, they're stand-ins of the dysfunctions the characters have with the person drawing them, the ways in which their emotions are being twisted and ignored.

and yet! they're beautiful.

they're incredibly intimate moments, in which the two characters---who, generally speaking, are either emotionally or physically estranged from one another---cradle or hold one another, pull out a culmination of that person's essence, as a heavenly light frames the two of them together. the first time anthy does it to utena, it is out of genuine fear for her, her voice quivering with fear as she tries to do anything to help her! it's love! it's an act of beautiful love!

when pressed on how it felt to have their sword drawn, the duelists are flustered---they can't say it was just painful, because it was more than just painful. the screams of the black rose arc turn into something more quiet, ethereal, pretty---and yet still uneasy, unsettling.

a similar conversation can be had about utena and anthy's outfits. they're symbols of their roles as duelist and rose bride, and for anthy in particular it's an outfit emblematic of her status as a static, never-moving prize to be won. the outfits are as ugly as the entire dueling system, and yet---while recognizing this---the show doesn't stray away from associating the dress and the duels with delightful, beautiful imagery. the rose imagery in general is very beautiful and striking, even at some of the more dark moments!

there is an aesthetically pleasing contrast between anthy's dress and utena's uniform---one that goes back ages in terms of our understandings of gender and social status. why is that beauty there? well, for a lot of reasons! one is definitely making us question what we think of as beautiful, particularly in the contexts of gender roles and society (why did we have that gut impulse to see anthy in that dress as beautiful to begin with?) but, for the sake of this post, i think the most satisfying answer is because horror and beauty are usually intertwined in our actual lives.

so much of the show is dedicated to both finding beauty in horrifying situations and seeing how beautiful things are oftentimes pretty horrifying. anthy and utena's relationship is beautiful, but grows out of abuse, sexism, queerphobia, and hurt.

when utena and anthy dance in front of everyone at the ball, how do we interpret that? well, our first instinct is as a beautiful scene of budding love and care between the two of them; our second instinct (especially after watching the show) is that it's another example of the way in which they've both been boxed into these roles of prince and bride---and all as hundreds of eyes are staring at them. when does the line between gender as choice and performance begin, and when does it become oppressive gender roles? when does anthy's performance as the meek rose bride become her real self? when do the two's relationship become loving, and when do they stop hurting each other? when do the ugly things at ohtori become beautiful, and when do all of the beautiful things become ugly?

and there's not really one point, always, although sometimes there are---and sometimes there's multiple points, and sometimes there was no transformation at all, and sometimes things never stopped oscillating between good and bad, ugly and beautiful, scary and hopeful.

and like, even beyond the really radical ways this impacts the queer and feminist readings of the show, i just think that's also very nice. so much of utena is built on recognizing the beauty in the world. the main characters live in a shitty world while leading shitty lives. and they find beauty in it still.

(i will here also add here at the end that when the show wants to make a very clear definitive statement on one of its aesthetics being basically entirely bad with no beauty behind it, it's very frank in its framing. see: any shot with utena in a dress or her girl's uniform)

#rgu #revolutionary girl utena #anthy himemiya #utena tenjou #also i just want to add that like #beauty and ugliness are ultimately very broad concepts and a work can use them in different ways to different themes #ranging from literally just intending the audience to go “oh that's pretty!” to actual commentary #so i also dont think the question of “are we supposed to find the things in utena beautiful” is necessarily the most cohesive #in the first place haha

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vaguely-concerned · 7 months

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I always feel somehow insulted on the guy's behalf when people ascribe every single sign of personality g1deon ever exhibits to pyrrha peeking through. he is a fairly inscrutable character seen through harrow's eyes (she is also, understandably, distracted by the fact that he keeps trying to murder her lol), but credit him with at least a little bit of interiority and depth of character, huh. there must have been something there for pyrrha to have loved and trusted him so much. him saluting harrow for almost turning him inside out at dinner makes perfect sense seen in context with the way he hilariously and casually is like 'sorry about this whole thing btw, this wasn't my idea' the last time he tries to kill her, and it being pyrrha instead only opens questions of how augustine at least wouldn't have noticed the changing eye colour (HUGE risk for pyrrha to take for no good reason, if so). g1deon clearly has a kind of deep respect for a worthy opponent, as we also see with wake, and there are several times when the dios apate disaster trio are being. well, themselves, where it's noted that g1deon looks at harrow as if in quiet solidarity (even if it just freaks her out fhdssdfa). this poor guy has been sure he's losing his mind for ten thousand years and when he found out he'd apparently been fucking The one person he shouldn't during his blackouts he just. he just went with it? for a while??? it seems????? listen I'm saying this guy has got layers and he provably has Weird ideas about the capacity for coexistence between cameraderie, respect and attempted murder

idk. he's not the most charismatic presence in the books, I know, but I feel bad about the idea of denying him basic humanity and depth. and if nothing else will convince people, HOW could you disrespect pyrrha like this by assuming she was once upon a time ready to give her whole soul to a guy who's genuinely thoroughly boring and swagless

#a slight vagueblog but more about a sentiment I've seen in many different places than anyone in particular im not calling anyone out haha #the locked tomb #harrow the ninth #gideon the first #justice for gideon original flavour he's just as unhinged as the rest of them and deserves to be recognized for it

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silvers-starrway · 1 month

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So the wildest thing happened where @mactheactor decided to dub over (if that's even the correct terminology) the Chaos Sonic animation I made!!!!

I'm still in utter awe about this like, hands down the coolest thing ever I've been thinking about this non-stop. Hope y'all enjoy it as much as I do!!

#starrway art #sonic prime #chaos sonic #okay now that the nice text for the post is done AHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!#I've been screaming about this for the last 24 hours and the shock of it has worn down just enough for me to post this #NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED THIS WOULD HAPPEN IN A MILLION YEARS????#Sonic Prime is what got me on this long hyperfixation in the first place and I've met so many cool people in the fandom #and generally having a blast making art and it's been such a great time #so to then have Deven Mack come in and think that my stuff is awesome is such an insanely cool thing #it means a whole lot is what I'm trying to say haha #I do have to like microdose on this video because it makes me so incredibly happy that I get very overwhelmed by it #In a very good way though it makes me want to run laps outside #thanks to everyone I've met/interacted with so far being some of kindest people y'all are awesome #idk if this post is even like coherent I've been writing it in my mind for the past day because I have no idea how to even go about this #ok good night hehehe

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smoosie · 4 months

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Your 3 part series of The South Downs Cottage are incredible!! I keep coming back to look at them, and my mind keeps spinning with all possible outcomes. It would be amazing if you were planning on part 4… is there still hope somewhere?? For the part 4, for THEM??? It’s devastating and breathtaking at the same time. Gorgeous work!

There you go !

nah jk

or am I ?

#thank you ;)#good omens #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #good omens fanart #mine #fanart #ask #anonymous #part 3 was already not meant to be in the first place and I like the idea of keeping it kind of mysterious #but I like the series so mmyeah perhaps ? idk I've got a lot of other WIPs waiting for my attention D:#if there's a part 4 do not expect something mindblowing tho I'm making it up as I go haha I'm not a fic writer I'm afraid #but it would be some kind of conclusion I guess #I'm not making much sense ok thanks again good night

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salamispots · 3 months

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hi hi! :0 awwha thank you and yeah course! I'm pretty sure it's from Max Ulichney's brushes for procreate haha (I don't remember which set though unfortunately):

good luck with setting up your sketchbook and no probs/thank you! ^^

@mpreg-jesuschrist awh thANK

@ anon not at all haha thank you for the lovely message :'>

#art asks #sweet potatoes #was fun to try and draw Iris from memory/no ref haha; I left out the little mushroom pocket #and like side of the bag/strap details #-gASPS- oh my god I forgot her wrist things mdkfjghdfkgdfjg RIP #abruptly remembers why I started doing little doodles for asks in the first place hAHA aka I'm shit with words #so please enjoy this thank you doodle >:'D #also typing out the username to @ made me snort a little

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nerdinsandals · 15 hours

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People asked me to do Roy so I thought, why not try Dot too? 💙💖💜

Their designs were definitely more difficult to adapt to the OS style since they're almost 100% modern elements, but I did what I could while trying to keep them recognizable! Hope you like the result. :>

[Original Liko post]

#Pokemon Anime #Anipoke #Pokeani #Pokemon Horizons #Liko #Roy #Pokemon Roy #Dot #Pokemon Dot #pkmnart #my art #Anipoke art style swap #// I did a first pass for both of them that looked more authentic to OS but they were basically different people so I had to compromise #just to keep them recognizable haha #especially in terms of overall silhouette #Roy is the one who looks the most different but the reddish pink hair looked so out of place... ;; so I added it to the hat instead!

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charlesemersonwinchesteriii · 8 months

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Elim Garak: fucking around vs finding out

#garashir #Elim Garak #Star Trek: Deep Space 9 #my first ever DS9 gifs! please clap :')#anyways where is quote_from_man_shot.jpg #absolute BEST part of this was definitely making that last gif. I had to watch it so many times making this post and it STILL gets me.#Garak; panting; ajan soaking wet: omg what if you SHOT me wouldn't that be so crazy lol I bet you never would though... haha.... unless?#Julian: ok you little slut. bet.#Garak: YOU SHOOT ELIM???? OH! OH! OHhhh I love you so much <3 Whatever you say Agent Bashir hehe ;) can I come over to your place later ;)#I was thinking about including the next shot of his brain turning off as he decides to do a bratty sub to puppy sub speedrun #but this way felt funniest. his stupid fucking face. from O:< to D:<#I had to make this set to show it's not even subtext. it's textual. he wants Julian to shoot him from the second he shows up.#(or at least do SOMETHING disciplinary to him 0w0)#''Wait. This whole post is dom!Julian propaganda?''#Me; aiming my gun: Always has been.#Starky's Original Posts #Starky's GIFs #is that a tag. what's it matter we're a trillion tags deep here and blog tag search is broken anyways. lawless country.

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aseuki · 13 days

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Heard there was an @kirbyoctournament going on and decided to join the bandwagon like any good upstanding citizen--and also use this as an excuse to let folks be properly introduced to my little menace hahaha

He has a Reference Sheet and their own dedicated tag, but for those that want the quick rundown of his deal:

Parhelion Knight is the lone guardian of the ancient wishing star Parhelic Anima. A volatile, foul-mouthed spitfire, Stell isn't exactly the most sociable puffball in the cosmos, quicker to resort to violence and insults over diplomacy. To be fair, when the extent of one's social interactions for the past several centuries is speaking to a soulless AI, talking to oneself, and spewing death threats, it makes sense that their conversational ability vastly suffered. It certainly doesn't help that they're desperately pasting flex tape over their many, many complexes over their short stature and lack of wings. Projecting? Overcompensation? What's that?

#kirby oc #puts this out and scrumbles back into my cave #back to my 5 billion deadlines but I still wanted to punt this out at the very least!#Holds this guy. Dribbles them like the basket ball #Wholly not expecting to get very far in the tournament proper #literally here to just push the poll buttons and see what happens haha #but listen the guy is a sore loser it would be very funny no matter where he places asdkfj #Working on being more annoying about posting my ocs on here. Cringe is the mind killer #Sorry not sorry this is the OCs Fandom Blog first and foremost #fanart comes secondary #don't mind me reusing assets again there were perfectly good files lying around #aseukiart #stell #parhelion knight

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sysig · 7 months

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for requestober !! can i ask for a crossover of vargas and tsp ? something like , stanley being edgar and scriabin being the narrator:3

Day 1 - Destruction

#My art #Requestober #Vargas #Scriabin #Edgar #The Stanley Parable #Watch out - I'm doing cool stuff with transparency again #And this time it actually presents cleanly on the dash hells yeah >:3c #Quick first thing that stands out to you about style stuff!#I've been feeling gums lately teeth and gums but especially gums #They are good for big expression work and they are also weird :)#I'm not used to it yet! But I think I like it! In like a mixed way lol #Very good for expression work I just fjdksalfjd they are very strange #Anyhow!#Been a while since I dipped into the Vargas/TSP well :3c #I decided to go with one of the tag-dialogue I had set aside for myself in the original doodle post haha #It's a good bit of dialogue ♪ Definitely one of my favourites it rides around in my head rent free #Just leaving it as their void untouched with such an emphasis on how wrecked the place is tho #That wouldn't do would it ♪#What did you do Edgar?#Went and found a beasty who tore the walls apart haha #Either that or Scriabin did it and he's blaming Edgar - standard fare #It feels so odd! So strange to be drawing them digitally again!#I mean I've been drawing them traditionally all this time so that's not strange #And really it hasn't been That long since I drew them digitally it just feels like it #I'll just have to get back into the swing of it haha #A good start to the season :) Thank you! :D

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dawntainbobbynash · 10 months

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Yes we all like to make fun of Bobby for saying “this is not a family” immediately before adopting everybody, but that line genuinely haunts me now because. he’s a fourth generation firefighter who has been doing this job for his entire adult life. He knows damn well that your team is your family, but at this point he’s trying to keep the 118 at arm’s length and he’s only in LA at all because his St. Paul team has already rejected him, so he’s just in so much pain that he’s managed to convince himself that they really aren’t his family when that could not be further from the truth

#yes it’s funny to take that line and be like ‘haha he failed step one’ but.#he never should’ve believed there was a step one to fail in the first place #he knows!!! he knows they’re supposed to be his family!!!#but at this point he’s convinced himself that he can’t think like that #911hiatus2023 #911 #mine.#text #bobby

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emblazons · 10 months

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"See you later, Eren."

Attack on Titan - The Final Chapters ⤷ Special II Trailer (x)

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vaguely-concerned · 1 month

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Ever since watching The Wire for the first time, my brain has doggedly kept working away at the Especially the lies of it all, and specifically at how much the structure beneath the different stories Garak tells contributes to the overall meaning of what he’s trying to say. While the contradicting narratives of course expertly obscure the factual circumstances of his getting exiled, using them also allows him to tell aspects and facets of the emotional truth I don’t think he ever could have, if he’d simply told the actual story of what happened. (It’s very Varric-core of him honestly.)

The first story — the ‘oh, you think you know me?’ story — says I have done things that would sicken you if you knew any detail of it. It’s clearly meant to scare Bashir away so he’ll leave him to die shamefully in peace already lol. But it’s also one of his (probably much-needed lbr) little lessons to Julian that are so frequent in the beginning, given while Garak still has some hold on himself — “Don’t be so quick to forgive me if you don’t even know what I’ve done; what would you do if this really were the sum total of what I am?” (And Julian seems to surprise him by going ‘Well, exactly the same thing, because no matter who you are I am a doctor. But I sort of take your point.’)

The second story — the letting the orphans go story — says I have failed to smother my soul in its cradle when it was required of me, and I regret that more than anything I��ve done. To my ears this is the one most shot through with active self-loathing too, which is interesting. He’s officially lost the control he’s been clinging to and it’s about to get ugly. His TL;DR is ‘Sentiment is the greatest weakness of all’, even all the way back here. (Which is the one lesson Julian steadfastly refuses to learn, which I think in turn does some serious rearrangement of Garak’s soul over the course of the show haha. Get uno reversed into the process of loving and being loved without shame asshole.) This is also where he builds up to admitting to having any sort of need for companionship or closeness at all and — so much worse — that Julian’s role in his life actually has fulfilled some of that need, and he’s DRIPPING with defensive venom over it b/c well I get it Garak vulnerability is scary it can take a person like that.

(I also feel there’s something honest and forbidden in ‘Suddenly the whole exercise seemed utterly meaningless’. I suspect ‘actually… why the fuck are we even doing this???’ is not a welcome sentiment in an Obsidian Order water cooler environment, no matter what you’re saying it about lmao. The very first seeds of him deconstructing the things he’s been taught about Cardassia and his work might be hinted at here, though they of course take a looong time to come to any real fruition.)

The third story — the ‘Elim was my best friend’ story — says hey, remember that thing you said once, about how sometimes, you have to be loyal to yourself before you can be loyal to anything else? Well. guess what. I couldn’t even be that lmao. It also furthers that thread of being divided from yourself, split, that having ‘Elim’ as a separate person around in all versions of the story brings in. He’s in control of himself again, but he essentially hands his life and soul over to Julian to decide what should be done with them.

I’ve done horrible things and it finally caught up with me, I’m getting what I deserve → I let sentiment master me and the fact that I’m too weak to do what’s needed of me shames me more than the evil I’ve done → I fucked up. I betrayed myself and everything I held to, all for nothing, and I have no one to blame for it but myself. But it’s very nice that you’re here anyway, Doctor. (Wow. I didn’t realize quite how isolated and lonely that last one was before right now. The way Tain has shaped him really has just… locked him completely into himself, huh.) We can also see a movement through from a completely professional context in the first story, to an intensely interpersonal and internal context in the last one — even his fake stories spiral in towards intimacy, which I think is what he longs for here even if he can’t quite like. Touch that without the stories as a buffer yet, it’s clearly like touching a hot stove for him to interact with it too directly.

And you know what I find incredibly interesting the whole way through? Even on his deathbed, where he’s dying from the thing Tain had put in his head, he’s protecting Tain. He puts all the blame for where he is on himself (‘My future was limitless, until I threw it away’), even if he has to employ a strange twisty logic where he’s split himself into two to do it. Don’t get me wrong, Garak has done horrific things all on his own haha, but it’s notable that he almost isolates Tain from that. ‘Tain was the Obsidian Order. Not even the Central Command dared challenge him. And I was his right hand.’ Tain in Garak’s stories is this infallible implacable weirdly distant figure, even now. Indeed, as will make a lot of sense with the revelations further down the line, more than anything it seems the gaze of an abused child desperate for recognition looking up at an idealized (if not in any way nurturing) parent.‘He was retired at that point; he couldn't protect me’, Garak says, as if what he’d need protection from in the first place isn’t Tain himself lmao, as if Tain had no active part in any of this. He never lets blame touch Tain at all. At this stage he would rather consider himself a broken flawed tool than accept that the hands that have wrought and wielded him have ever had any fault in them. AND in the middle of it all, with plausible deniability, on death’s door and knocking meekly to be let in before he must finish the mortifying ordeal of being known and test the even more daunting possibility of being loved, Garak at the same time manages to drop the breadcrumb trail of clues to make it possible for Julian to find Tain if he so chooses and gets in the ‘sons of Tain’ thing too for future dramatic irony purposes. Truly he is the Michelangelo of lying. Every falsehood a multifaceted masterpiece. Elim ‘achieving a state of intertextuality in real life is possible if you work hard and believe in yourself’ Garak. I love him so much.

I think all of this is why “I forgive you. For whatever it is you did,” works so well, because it too works on a structural level. It’s such a deceptively multilayered response — it has the syntax of a joke, in a way, and it is kind of funny even under the circumstances, but delivered with such earnest warmth and fondness. It’s both recognition and acceptance (forgiveness!). It’s saying ‘I finally understand enough of what you’re trying to tell me beneath and through all that, in whatever way you’re capable of, I see you’ and ‘my answer hasn’t changed (bitch)’. The forgiveness Julian offers here is complete — on principle, and out of personal feeling and empathy (only one of which Garak deigns to respond to during the second story, where he calls it ‘smug Federation sympathy’, placing it more completely on the principle side than it probably is. ‘Dude you’re my friend please don’t just lie down and die in a completely avoidable way on me, who else is going to not only tolerate but actually gleefully enjoy me being annoying as fuck over lunch’ seems to be the subtext that’s a lot harder to acknowledge and invite in for both of them. And yet Tain seems perfectly clear on the fact that Julian is Garak’s friend, which, y’know. Must be fun living with the knowledge that Tain has eyes everywhere looming over you every day haha guess you’d just have to tune that out.)

Most of all — ’Don’t give up on me now, Doctor’... and he didn’t! He didn’t. Augh. Ow.

#garashir #elim garak #julian bashir #star trek ds9 #ds9 #star trek #ds9 meta #S2EP22 The Wire #alternate title: baby's first brush with unconditional love through unreliable narration lol #I'm not sure I got to say everything I want to in this/found the exact right words in places or hit all the nuances #but god help me I so desperately need this out of my brain to free up some disc space so go forth little meta haha be free #I'm sure I'll come back to you in time #meta #enabran tain #(derogatory)

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turtleblogatlast · 11 months

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Leo, pre Shredder: ƪ (｀∇ ╹ ) ʃ ~ ☆

Leo, post Shredder, freshly leader: ƪ ( ˘⌣˘ ) ʃ …~♪

Leo, post invasion: ƪ ( ◞‿◟ ) ʃ ……~ ♡

#non au #rottmnt #rottmnt leo #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #‘haha I’m a silly guy don’t pay me too much attention as I run circles around you because I prefer the game and shadows to the front lines #‘hehe I never wanted this responsibility in the first place and also we escaped death just two months ago I wanna be a kid and have my fun #‘hehhh well that’s that time to be calmer and take responsibility because I don’t want to risk my family for my childhood #*and also my sacrifice had no real consequences so guess that’s actually gonna be my go to from now on lol

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b00rad · 1 year

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#306

The BOY

#AGGGGHHHHHHHH #aggron #pokemon #Oh god I havent uploaded here in forever #funny thing is I dont have much to upload in the first place!#haha Im stuck in commission hell

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oceanwithouthermoon · 6 months

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very late for a halloween post but these guys are literally

in this order and yes kaido is the cupcake

perfect halloween costumes

i think some variations of this have been drawn (i know for sure i've separately seen saiki as freddy, kaido as bonnie, and nendo as freddy before) but ive never seen hairo be included..

#kaido argues for hours about this and tried to get saiki to switch with him #does he succeed ? u decide #saiki would not gaf bro he doesnt care if hes freddy or the cupcake bro didnt even wanna participate in the first place #but would nendo let the switch happen is the question #terrible pictures but theyre rhe only ones i could find with them in the same order LOLLL #they kinda have the same vibe HAHA #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo #kaido shun #nendo riki #kuboyasu aren #hairo kineshi

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m1d-45 · 1 year

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hidden blessings

summary: thoma takes you to the teahouse, but you two are interrupted. you don’t know whether it’s fortunate or not, but it will affect your trajectory within inazuma.

a/n: this one goes out to @shizunxie and @alexteea, who asked for a part two to small miracles. i now fear talking in the tags [/hj].

word count: ~2.1k

-> warnings: spoilers for inazuma archon quest, spoilers for ayato story quest, probably out of character ayato…. green tea?

-> lowercase intended!

taglist: @samarill

<< first part || < masterlist > || third part >>

komore teahouse is warm.

the moment the door opens, it’s the first thing you notice. the air smells of honey and spices, heated by some invisible fire. your hand is still in thoma’s, leading you behind him as he moves into the teahouse.

taroumaru sits up a little straighter on the counter as you two approach, but doesn’t seem on guard. strange, considering you’re not a member of the kamisatos, but since you have thoma with you…

“hey there taroumaru! is anybody here?”

the dog barks once. you don’t know what that means, but thoma seems satisfied, pulling you to one of the tea rooms.

“komore teahouse is owned and operated by the yashiro commission, so only those approved by the con can enter. whoever your hiding from-“ how did he know? “-can’t get in here, alright?”

he waves at a cushion and starts to fiddle with a tea set, lighting a small flame on the end of one of his fingers for the heating element. it’s strange to see such nonchalant usage of his vision… but wouldn’t that be normal here?

people with dendro visions selling herbs grown to order, hydro users automatically refilling their drinks, anemo wielders catching a dropped pen or paper before it hits the ground…

not for the first time, you wonder how you ended up in such a world.

“there! that should be ready soon. i’ve made you green tea, hope you don’t mind.”

you shake your head. even plain water would be fine to relieve the burn of salt on your tongue, and the fact that he went so far to make you tea when he barely knew you..

you lick your lips, “thank you.”

he waves it off with a laugh, sitting down himself. “oh, don’t worry about it. and please, save your breath, id hate for you to irritate your throat on my behalf.”

you swallow. salt stings. you’re quickly getting tired of the taste.

“that being said, i do have some questions, if you don’t mind. for starters, you are hiding from the shogunate, right?”

you pause, watching the fire flicker. yes, he’s with the yashiro commission, but he personally had to hide with yoimiya from the vision hunt decree, didn’t he?

you nod.

“thought so… well, the good news is that i can help you, but you have to tell me why they’re looking for you, alright?”

there it is. the fact that he went so long without asking why you were hiding is a testament to his character, but even he couldn’t trust fully when he’s so close to the kamisatos.

though, he did bring you into the teahouse…

“you stay here, and i’ll go get a notepad from the back room. if the tea’s done by then, feel free to pour yourself a cup!”

he stands up from his spot and exits the tearoom, hesitating for a moment in the doorway before undoing the string keeping the cover tied above the doorway. the mat rolls down smoothly, swaying, and you’re suddenly alone in the room.

though being ‘alone’ probably doesn’t apply in a tearoom belonging to the kamisato clan. you don’t remember seeing the girl at the front, nor have you heard the other two NPCs inside, but that must only mean there’s more security elsewhere.

and that the clan must have moved the prior personnel.

…like to hunt for the imposter running around teyvat.

no matter how kind they looked, they were still involved with the shogunate. there’s no way they haven’t heard of the situation, and have likely dispatched some of their best to find you.

and you’ve walked right into one of their bases.

suddenly the warmth in the room feels oppressive, the soft smell of green tea overwhelming. you shouldn’t have caved. you shouldn’t have agreed to come with thoma, shouldn’t have let his kindness pull at your bruised, beaten heart, you shouldn’t you shouldn’t you shouldn’t-

“-ot necessary, my lord, i-“

“-best for you. please, allow-“

words outside your room pull you from your thoughts, muffled by your heartbeat in your ears. it’s familiar but you don’t know why, footsteps and voices passing through the thin walls. three men are speaking, and are quickly approaching your room.

you tense, but settle for grabbing a spoon to try and soothe yourself. they won’t come in here, you tell yourself. you have to trust thoma.

the footsteps stop.

“is this the room?”

it’s not your room. it’s not. you’re safe in the teahouse. you have to be. thoma is on your side.

fingers fit between the mat and the floor, carefully curling the edge to roll it back up.

no.

three sets of shoes appear. two are dark, one dressier with a golden design on it, and the third are taller, heeled, with a buckle. the mat rolls higher, almost ridiculously slow, revealing details you struggle to place.

white pants. brown striped shorts. a black belt, a jacket lined with purple on the inside, yellow tassels and black gloves and you hate that you don’t know who it is.

the mat reaches the ceiling, hands you now recognize as thoma’s tying it back up.

to his side are two men. one is dressed simply, like the many NPCs around the city, and the other…

kamisato ayato.

his clothes are far simpler than his model, but he’s unmistakable. calculating lavender eyes, framed by deceptively soft eyeliner and baby blue bangs. the vision dangling off his hip, the set of his shoulders….

it’s only by sheer will that your terror doesn’t show on your face.

the unidentified man hums, crossing his arms, and thoma looked between the two of them with obvious unease. they must be the voices you heard.

“hello.”

ayato is the one who breaks the silence, and you almost wish he hadn’t. his presence is far more intimidating in person, very much so what you should have expected from somebody of his status. you clutch your spoon tighter.

“i don’t recognize them, my lord,” the unnamed man says, and something in ayato’s eyes shift. you can’t decide if it’s better or worse.

“so you’re the one that’s caught thoma’s eye.” ayato walks into the room, taking a seat across the table from you. “why?”

you shouldn’t be surprised he knew that. you still are, as information couldn’t possibly be passed all the way to him in time for him to arrive.

thoma walks in, taking off the pot you didn’t notice was boiling, attempting to break the tension by pouring out two cups of tea.

the pot hesitates over the third cup. “hisashi, would you like some tea?”

hisashi. why is that name familiar?

the man—hisashi—shakes his head, but does walk in to lean against the doorframe. “no.”

the teapot is set back down on the table, but ayato raises a hand as thoma steps away.

“please, stay. i have as many questions for you as i do for…?”

his eyes turn to you and you can feel the bitter taste of salt burn away any thought you have of responding. the tea looks too hot to drink, and you’re not sure if green tea would taste the same here anyway.

“ah, i never got you your notepad!”

thoma tries to leave for a second time, and ayato stops him again with a questioning look.

what had you gotten yourself into?

“they’re sick, and their voice doesn’t sound too good. i was getting them a pen and paper to ask my own questions before..”

a small smile crossed the commissioner’s face. “excellent job, thoma. you may leave; and please, take your time.”

thoma quickly bows before leaving with hurried steps.

ayato’s gaze returns to you, and he picks up his cup, swirling it twice before taking a small sip. his eyes sweep your figure, pausing momentarily on the hand with the spoon. you let it go, pulling your hand back into your lap, and he hums. after another drink, he sets down his cup.

“you should really try some,” he says, nodding at your untouched tea. “thoma always makes excellent tea.”

you don’t doubt it, but you’re not keen on drinking something still steaming. it may be wise to drink it, something something green tea has medicinal properties and the warmth will ease your throat…. you still don’t touch it.

his eyes flash, and you feel like you passed some sort of test.

“are the shogunate after you?”

you nod.

“do you know why?”

you hesitate. you technically do, as it’s likely the same reason you were chased out of liyue and everywhere prior, but you still don’t know why they’re accusing you of such things. you didn’t do anything initially, you’d barely gotten out your name before…

“interesting.” you look back from where your eyes have wandered, seeing his smile has grown. apparently your silence was answer enough. “you’re not from inazuma.”

it’s not a question, but you shake your head no anyways.

“and yet you know me.”

why wouldn’t you? he’s the head of the yashiro commission, a prominent figure in inazuman politics. even outside of inazuma, surely there’s people that know the yashiro commissioner, right? you know he stays out of the public eye most chances, and that ayaka handles that side of things, but still. it can’t be that rare.

ayato takes another drink of his tea. you wonder when thoma will come back. ayato told him to ‘take his time,’ but finding a pen and paper shouldn’t…

…oh.

kamisato ayato. what else did you expect?

“do you have any plans to stay in inazuma?”

you didnt have plans at all, really. you fully expected to die in the ocean, whether by the fall or the waves or the rocks below. perhaps even osial, if you were unlucky. all you wanted was food and maybe some clothes; you didn’t think you’d get this far.

you shrug.

“given your state, i doubt you can leave,” he points out. “do you even have any mora?”

the jab works better than you thought it would, the memory of the kind hilichurls sharing the mora from the chests they guarded for you to get things from marketplaces sparking defensiveness. of course you have mora, because you had friends.

“even if you did-“ oh, he is far too good at his job “-i don’t believe it’s enough for you to make yourself presentable enough to get a job.” he’s speaking to his teacup, watching the tea swirl. “so i offer you a deal.”

of course. of course he wants a deal.

“you tell me why the shogunate is after you, and i will protect you from them.”

what.

there’s no way he could do that. he couldn’t just go against the tenryou commission like that. there’s no way. there has to be a catch.

“i can see you’re confused.” if you weren’t certain it would hurt, you’d have said something sharp in reply. “thoma is an excellent judge of character. though he is sometimes far too kind for his own good, he still knows a criminal when he sees one. i am inclined to agree with his judgement, and this wouldn’t be the first time the tenryou commission has unwittingly accused an innocent.”

…huh?

the sudden tone shift sends your brain in a loop, repeating his words over in your mind. he was offering you an out? why was he willing to go so far from his duties for somebody he didn’t know?

ayato finishes his tea, setting down the empty cup on a platter. he seems to be waiting for your response, surprisingly, and the only problem is that you don’t know what to say.

you’re faced with the same dilemma again: trust, and get involved with people that could get you in severe trouble were you to be caught, or decline, and risk getting caught quicker by giving up that safety.

footsteps project thoma’s rearrival. he hesitated in the doorway, likely sensing the tension, but comes in anyway, placing down first a plain notepad, then a similarly simple pen on top.

“would you like anything else, my lord?”

“sit, please.”

thoma pauses again, and it’s comforting to know that not everybody here knows everything.

that point is driven further home when he chooses to sit next to you rather than ayato.

the commissioner himself seems shocked, his eyes widening slightly as he sits up straighter. beside you, thoma’s hands twist in his lap, and you wonder if even he knows why he chose what he did.

ayato clears his throat, catching your attention once more.

“do you accept?”

#hisashi is ayato’s ‘most trusted member of the shuumatsuban’ as told by himself during his story quest btw #genshin #genshin impact #genshin sagau #sagau #thoma #sagau thoma #thoma x reader #coping with the knowledge that somebody reads my shit tags #getting war flashbacks to all the rambling i’ve done below the ‘see all’ button oh no #sagau ayato #ayato #i honestly feel like this one is so much worse than the first ughhhh #do i like it? sure! is it bad? absolutely!#duality of man n all that #also never fear i am in fact doing a part 3 haha #this is just a good place to stop #editor me saying that this isn’t as bad as i thought. poggers #ehhhhh yeah this can be posted. as a treat.

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