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thel0v3hashira143 · 4 months

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❝ 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐀 𝐂𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐄! ❞

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ yuuji megumi gojo nanami n choso ☆ how jjk men act when they have a crush on you!

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⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ fem!reader, black coded but anyone can read

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ notes: ahhh the comeback post!! let's just say my old works were...less than coherent. but im here and ready to slay the day after 2-ish years!! take these crumbs while i try and find my footing again. stay hot lovies 🎀🎀

yuuji itadori 🌸

my babyyy (sob sob) yuuji would def try to impress you with his athleticism, bc girls like that stuff right? (gojo told him that...save him)

he frequently challenges you to friendly competitions when sparring to showing off his skills.

he def let's you get quite a few hits on him and he may even let you win from time to time (seeing your smile makes getting knocked on his ass worth it)

he might act a bit bashful, but he's straightforward. he knows he has a crush on you so why would he hide it?

expect nice gestures like him wanting to carry things for you, buying you food, watching all your fav movies, ect.

speaking of which, movie hangouts!!!

every friday usually you, megumi, nobara, and yuuji all get together and watch a movie

buuuttt if he's feeling especially brave he'll invite you to his dorm to watch the newest movie in your favorite series! (yes, he keeps track of when they come out)

he loves that it becomes y'alls thing and he loves it even more when you lay your head on his shoulder and doze off <;33

he also gives hella compliments cause something in my gut says his love language is words of affirmation.

anticipate many "isn't [name] just the coolest?" or "you look great today [name]!"

im telling you he could never run out of nice things to say to you, whether it be about your looks or personality

as soon as he realizes he likes you he takes down those pin up girl posters in his dorm

he also obviously thinks you're more beautiful than jennifer lawrence argue wit ur mama

he is also obviously a personality over looks guy so dont act surprised if you see him looking at you with a lovesick grin if he catches you doing something kind for someone

expect him to confess his feelings sooner rather than later

"yeah, why wouldn't i have a crush on [name]? shes beautiful and badass! but don't tell her, okay?"

megumi fushiguro 🌸

megumi, unlike yuuji is quite reserved, even with his friends

honestly gives no indication that he likes you at all 💀💀 he stares at you pretty intensely at first (to admire your beauty) but quickly catches on that you think its weird..

once you two get closer though, megumi would frequently express his crush through small gestures

he strikes me as a reader so i can see him recommending his favorite books to you or even lending you some of his.

you two exchange books often and he highlights quotes that remind him of you

i can also see book shop hangouts where you two sit and read together in some small bookshop he found in the city.

(he's just admiring you read)

he's not a huge compliment/affirmation guy but quality time is a big one for him

whether it be on missions, sparring, or out with the rest of the first year's, he enjoys any time he can have with you.

megumi is also very protective but like...subtly

he secretly watches out for you during missions, making sure you're safe without drawing attention to it

he'll insist you two split up but send one of his divine dogs to accompany you to wherever you go.

even when you're out and about in tokyo he always likes to stay close to you. he follows you around (not in a creepy way more like a lost puppy way)

follows you into stores you like even if he has absolutely no interest.

all in all he's just a shy guy who's whipped for you <3

"i enjoy spending time with you. a lot."

teen!satoru gojo 🌸

gojo...you bastard...(affectionate)

erm ngl i can def see him being a bully to you at first...

not like a bully bully but he def teases you a lot and it gets under your skin sometimes. (you hate him)

but in reality hes jus a spoiled litte rich boy in love.

once he realizes his feelings he still pokes fun at you sometimes, but tones it down hard and turns on his charm.

gojo's approach is confident and playful. he teases you, always with a charming grin, creating a dynamic that keeps things lighthearted and enjoyable.

he'll find excuses to spend time with you, whether it's offering to train together

unlike yuuji he doesn't care if he likes you this son of a gun will NOT let you win istg

it's like he's trying to rile you up, saying ridiculously cheesy one liners as he dodges all your attacks.

"thats the best you got? oh [name], we'll never get to be together if i keep beating you!"

one thing he does enjoy doing with you however, are snack runs.

gojo is a big back in disguise with too much money to spend so you already knows most of that goes towards food.

he has a huge sweet tooth so i can see you guys browsing multiple sweets shops in the city. if he sees you even look at something for too long he'll buy 10 of them.

every trip you guys both leave with full bellies and full hearts <3

gojo wants to be around you, and he makes sure it's fun for you both

his confession is likely to be straightforward. ccompanied by his trademark smile and his sparkling blue eyes peeking from his shades.

"you know, i've been thinking... i'm kind of into you. what do you say we make things a bit more interesting?"

teen!kento nanami 🌸

my emo boy ❤️‍🩹

nanami, with his composed demeanor, expresses his feelings (though you were unsure if he even had any) through thoughtful actions.

he remembers every. single. detail. of anything you say to him.

your favorite attist dropped an album today? he already bought you the cd/vinyl. you never got a chance to go to the store to get your favorite snack? he went 2 days ago.

he revels in the fact that he knows so much about yousnd the surprised look on your face gets him every time.

(haibara claims he's seen nanami smile at you multiple times but he vehemently denies it.)

despite his serious appearance, he'll occasionally crack dry jokes when it's just the two of you

look at that man and tell me he doesn't have a dry sense of humor 😭😭

you help him to relax and he feels he can truly be himself around you. when you two are alone its like hes showing a different side to his personality.

like megumi, i can see quality time being a big thing for him since attending jujutsu high leaves him quite busy

hes also not a huge talker so whenever you two do spend time together its probably somewhere intimate like your dorm or the library.

no words, just vibes. which he appreciates since he's around a bunch of yipper yappers all day.

nanami's confession is understated but sincere.

"i appreciate the time we spend together. it's made me realize there's something more i feel..."

choso kamo 🌸

my babyyyy no. 2 (i need him biblically)

let's get one thing straight tho. choso is a curse. in my opinion curses have no idea of love in a healthy, positive way so let's just say bb is confused.

he obviously knows what love is. he loves his brothers but he doesnt wanna kiss them...and cuddle them...

he goes to yuuji for advice (was it a bad idea? perhaps.)

"bro you totally have a crush on [name]!"

"a crush?"

after some further investigation hes pretty much got the gist of it.

one thing he becomes quite fond of doing is giving you small gifts from his missions.

these aren't typic gifts persay, like food, clothing or jewelry but more like knickknacks such as shells or rocks.

these tokens become a way for him to express what words might fail to convey.

i headcannon choso likes nature documentaries and after seeing that penguins mate for life by gifting a rock to their mate he's hooked.

idk but i also feel like he's very touchy.

he always has an eye on you in public and ik he does the thing where he guides u with his hand on the small of your back or he locks pinkies with you UGHHHH

with him being protective, he also subtly keeps an eye on you during missions.

he's not one to voice his concern directly but prefers to ensure your safety from the danger.

choso's confession might catch you off guard, but it's filled with honesty and sincerity.

"i've found myself caring about you more than I expected. it's strange..."

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⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ omg i actually really like this...(watch me hate it in a week) but reqs are open!! i have 1 or 2 more pieces planned to get me in the swing of things but take this before then. love y'all!!

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲 ♡

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𝙧𝙚𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙜 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚!

𝙘𝙤𝙥𝙮𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙡0𝙫3𝙝𝙖𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙧𝙖143 2024

#Words of the Love Hashira 💗#jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #yuuji x reader #megumi x reader #gojo x reader #nanami x reader #choso x reader #x black fem reader #black writers on tumblr

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night-dark-woods · 2 months

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ok Exordia review time (not spoiler free!) since i finished it a few days ago. this is long and rambling and unedited.

4/5 i love Seth's writing and im glad they got to play with scifi again BUT i think they needed a better editor OR to split it more cleanly into sections- in one of the interviews they said it was originally a series of novellas each from a single POV, and i think the constraint of that would have made it a much tighter story.

one of the best things about their Destiny lore is how much they do with so little- thinking of this section from the Beyond Light CE:

Disaster at the worksite. Clearly we will not be moving Clarity Control like we did the K1 artifact. It reacted violently to the attempt. I have entered 19 casualties into the log, since 19 engineers from the Hannu team were caught in its reaction...though there were many more than 19 bodies when it was finished. I have sequestered the recordings. Especially the sensorium telemetry. Quite upsetting. Yet I do not believe it was an act of hostility. Even this outburst carried themes of duplication...as if Clarity Control wanted to show it could help me.

which i was originally thinking of as a first run at Blackbird, but i think these may have been simultaneous? i'm not actually sure. i know Exordia was started after the first Baru book was published, but i'm not sure how much lead time there is for the CEs.

or the clarity of Unveiling compared to a lot of what felt like similar ideas that took much longer to get thru in Exordia. primes. pink noise. math. alright lets fucking gooo oh wait. five more pages of ethics first. okay sure i'll do that for ya Seth bc i love your prose. which also. a) conway game of life mentioned!!! b) this part from Exordia made me LOSE MY MIND:

But that was impossible. The whole universe came from the same source: the same designers. I was part of one of them. If I could only remember... We were arguing, I think. Or maybe we were the argument, because gods cannot do things, they can only be them. We were in contest over the morality of infinities: the cardinality of all possible souls measured against the mere infinity of souls to ever be born...

(this is the part from Unveiling, for the optimistically two people who will read this who haven't read Destiny lore):

Once upon a time,* a gardener and a winnower lived** together in a garden.*** * It was once before a time, because time had not yet begun. ** We did not live. We existed as principles of ontological dynamics that emerged from mathematical structures, as bodiless and inevitable as the primes. *** It was the field of possibility that prefigured existence. They existed, because they had to exist. They had no antecedent and no constituents, and there is no instrument of causality by which they could be portioned into components and assigned to some schematic of their origin. If you followed the umbilical of history in search of some ultimate atavistic embryo that became them, you would end your journey marooned here in this garden.

at the same time, idk what i would remove- at very few points was i reading something that dragged, with the exception of spending a LOT of time with Erik and Clayton in the middle (this is when i put the book down for a month and a half or so). and i know so many people were like sickos.jpg about them However their dynamic did sooo little for me and i don't think Rosamaria was given enough time on the page (and i think having her Be the ship was weird- i recognize that Blackbird needs to have a voice to make the plot go, but i don't think this was the best or neatest way to do it, and collapsed a lot of what i found fundamentally so interesting about Blackbird into something akin to a standard scifi Ship AI).

again i think the restriction of each section of the story being from a single POV might have been the restriction needed to end up with a tighter story- at no point were the multiple plot threads & POVs confusing, per say, but i'm not sure what the structure did for the story bc we could switch to whoever could tell us the most about what was happening whenever convenient, instead of having to piece things together from a limited POV. i'm thinking again of the BLCE, this time the part where Clovis is talking about Maya Sundaresh behaving erratically- i'm no Ishtar group expert but i believe we are supposed to put together that these are all different iterations of her from within the garden). oh- i also wonder if Aixue and Chaya are another run at Maya and Chioma to some degree...

anyway. i also think i am also less the target audience for this book because seth loooves their trolley problems and i simply do not have the patience for it! i loved the hard scifi and the first contact aspects and the character work (Seth's character work is, as always, spectacular. their characters always feel deeply real and flawed in very human ways, while still being exaggerated in the ways characters have to be to function as plot fulcrums), but this isnt something like Baru where i can be like yes you should read this to everyone i talk to.

I think the language in the book is DELIGHTFUL, as always, especially how Seth plays with the idea of an alien translator that sometimes can get an English equivalent to something and sometimes can't! i think that's very fun. because it's on my mind bc ive been listening to the Shelved by Genre episodes on it, it makes me think of Book of the New Sun, and how the "translator" figure of G.W. talks about picking words that are close but they aren't being used like we would use them now- e.g. "metal" in BotNS isnt the same thing we think of as metal! its used more broadly! but its close enough in purpose and point to work just fine. the destriers have horns. i need to know if Seth has read these books.

but back to Exordia. here are some specific prose parts i fucking loved.

this part of the full-page loving, detailed, and technical description of 40 alien nukes detonating in atmosphere:

In the band of thickening atmosphere twenty-five to thirty-five kilometers above the Earth, these gamma rays slam into atoms of oxygen and nitrogen, stripping their orbiting electrons. The orphaned electrons hurtle away at 90 percent of lightspeed. They want to go in a straight line, but hold on now, it's not so easy to leave home. Earth's magnetic field bends their course. They begin to spiral down. When an electron moving near lightspeed has to turn, it emits synchrotron radiation. Poison light. And beneath each bomb there are 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 electrons swerving at once. The result is a blast of electromagnetic noise. No: not noise. A coherent pulse, spiking and faling in harmony. Shiva's own beat drop on electrical civilization. An EMP.

This part. i love Anna and wish we got more of her.

He gives her back her Glock. She accepts it with resignation. "You'd better get your men ready," she says. "It's going to be bad." "Women too," he says, trying for lightness. "The pilot's a woman. We've got a female forward surgeon, a psyops lead, a linguist- she's pretty badass, ran with SEALs in Afghanistan. And Lt. Gainer, she might have some advice for-" "For what?" Anna says calmly. "Advice for what, Erik? How to get killed in a feminine way?"

Seth has such a good and specific way of writing metaphors. a little bit Douglas Adams:

The upshot is: the air around the engine exhaust beam explodes outward with a sound like a tuning fork hit by a Space Shuttle launch. Lung-jellying power. Anything in the beam path suffers the short, severe influence of a needle faster and hotter than a vajra thunderbolt. Anything around the beam eats fireball.

& this part. again. i wish more of the book was Anna and Ssrin's fucked up kismessitude. or whatever.

She slides the barrel of the weapon into the uppermost crater on Ssrin's spine. Slick pain makes Ssrin hiss in psuvoluntary fury: psuvoluntary because it is reflex subject to veto- she could quash it, but the feeling is deliciously wrong, and it is so good to bare her fangs and to unleash that ancient khai instinct of pain-as-motivation. "Questionsss," Ssrin gasps. "I want to know how this story ends." Oh serendura. You'll wish you hadn't asked. You'll wish you'd gone in with your eyes shut and your tongue in your throat so you couldn't smell the poison til it was too late.

which also!!! that's something i love about the Ssrin POV like. Seth is always good at writing aliens and slipping in details that tell us about them. "tongue in your throat" to not smell the poison bc she is a snake alien and smells with her tongue!!! that rules!!!

#bookposting #exordia #this is sooo long sorry #before i reread this i am going to reread blindsight. bc i think a lot of it in in here.#also i cant believe i hadnt even finished exordia when i was writing the gunplay fic. that passage was sitting there waiting for me.#anyway.

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girlwithfish · 1 year

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its really disheartening my therapist kind of dismissed me bringing up bpd idk. i know myself before than she does and its hard to talk about the reality of everything and maybe im not explaining it well. the only way maybe shed believe me is if i end up going to the hospital eventually when my bf calls someone on me when im threatening mylife! who knows. i do split and it is really common for ppl w this disorder bc i have read so much abt it and read ppls stories on the subreddit and their experiences to split only on their partners or very close personal friend or family member aka their fp. and the only reason i dont have unstable friendships is bc i literally do not have a single friend in my real life idk. and i dont talk to my family thst much. and idk she said bpd shows thru time but in a lot of things ive read it always says it tends to show up in early adulthood etc plus ive barely ever talked abt my childhood w my therapist or any thing abt my relationship to my parents or family and i dont have much of a relationship w family rn where id be splitting on them bc we dont talk to each other like that or argue its a more distant relationship that doesnt involve personal life if that makes sense. and a lot of ppl diagnosed bpd say they feel like they dont even have it or doubt themselves when theyre not in a relationship bc their symptoms are less severe or show up less bc a lot of bpd has to do w symptoms that show up in interpersonal dynamics. IDK. like i dont think i explain it well so she prob thinks im just fucking bullshitting when i say like yeah i relate to xyz symptom fear of abandonment etc emptiness and she doesnt even rly understand or talk much when i mention splitting but i definitely experience it and like 8 out of the 9 criteria i relate to, most pretty severely. idk i feel like no one takes me seriously lol idk its whatever and im not gonna take her word as like the highest authority bc its true she doesnt know me that well bc im very bad at giving the whole picture like yeah im not gonna tell u i literally get so unwell and paranoid i think someones going to kill me sometimes and that i have uncontrollable mental breakdowns where i honestly should have been hospitalized bc this is not fucking normal idk and the uncontrollable rage and intense emotions and i feel like i cant explain my pain well to anyone and no one takes it seriously anyway if i tried idk? maybe i should start writing down every thing that happens and be really honest when i do that and maybe itd be easier to talk abt if i write it down first idk. like the only reason she dismissed it is bc i dont have close relationships w any other person basically and ive never been in a long term relationship before my current or had a long term friendship irl it feels and its really hard to really know whats going on anymore. my sister doesnt rly understand it and her belief that i dont have bpd is bc "ive always been like this" and she thinks how i act is just like anxiety or depression but she doesnt rly understand bpd it feels cuz most ppl w bpd have depression? so saying like "xyz symptom is just depression" doesnt rly make sense. idk. its hard cuz idk whats real anymore and ok if i dont have bpd i justhave really bad anger issues and experience nearly every symptom and i understand its difficult to diagnose and comorbid w many other conditions but am i seriously supposed to just pretend im normal idk. not begging for a label but also want to know what the fuck is wrong w everything ive been going thru for nearly two yrs and a lot of things ive experienced before my relationship too but i dont think its crazy that a lot of symptoms got heightened when i got into a relationship bc a lot of ppl diagnosed w bpd also experience that yk and feel more stability when single etc. Idk idk. like i dont wanna pathologize everything but also its gotten so bad i feel like ive been dying for a year. thanks

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pinkpastels113 · 2 years

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Am I the only one surprised Brit and Tyler split? What signs were there that foreshadowed it?

okay so there is a compilation of stuff that happened throughout last year and even the year before that and it's hard to explain on paper (since it's more of a general feeling that something is very amiss) and so if anyone sees this and want to add to it feel absolutely free to:

it's truly strange that tyler makes little effort to connect himself to brittany. during his new tv promotion virtually every member of the cast was explicitly stated at "taken" except for him, and if i am not mistaken something did show up but it was much later when the initial buzz had gone down. he also posts about her few and far between on his instagram. the last time he actually posted ABOUT her (before the announcement) was last year. now, i know not everyone likes or wants or is obligated to post anything about their significant other, and frankly britt was very busy and didn't post about him much either, but hmm. added to the rest of the points that im about to make here it seems just very eyebrow raising you know.

2. brittany had a weird habit of deleting and reposting her instagram posts. i at first was not aware of this, but a few months ago and well into last year she has been deleting the posts that seemed to be particularly catered to her relationship with tyler, one time even deleting her wedding pictures. raises many eyebrows again when you "have not been on instagram much actively creating posts" but are taking the time to delete and repost your pics almost on a day to day basis. and we all know britt already has a thing with being generally uncomfortable with social media, mainly i think bc of the fandom, so.

3. tyler is kind of sketchy. while not posting about britt in a "married man" kind of way, he is seen and rumored to be with around a lot of girls, even posting some stories on his insta story where one girl was practically in his lap. he also made a comment about how this one person in his new real estate reality show tried to kiss him "after hours" but the tone that he described it with was a bit off, like he was trying too hard. there have also been rumors of him still having his dating app and profile even tho britt and him have been married for about two years but eh, we are not getting into that.

4. britt genuinely seemed to be having a bad time. she was all over the place particularly last year, finishing one shoot and then promoting september letters and then posing for a photoshoot and then conducting her own projects, almost not making it home for the holidays at all. she has also been posting a lot of mental health posts during that time that acted as a very thin layer to "relationship problems" and so added to the fact that she was on the opposite coast... yea.

5. she did not mention him in her "new year's resolution." britt made an insta post at the end of last year/beginning of this year about how she is looking forward to being a better person surrounded with love and care and all that jazz, with some photos of the bellas and herself on their trip as well as some other close friends, but i am pretty certain that tyler was not in one of them. or mentioned. isn't that strange

6. rebel's island. there was this one video where britt was talking/laughing about being an influencer and tyler made a comment that literally made her face fall. it was very heartbreaking and a lot of us were all like, wow that was a very inconsiderate and mean thing to say. i think his words were along the lines of “we are not influencing anybody” and something with the word “stupid” in it. and then he took his towel and walked away, and the video ended

7. her ring. britt has not been wearing her ring a lot recently. obviously there are and could have been very reasonable reasons why she would take off her wedding ring, such as publicity and for the sake of his reality show and whatnot, but like during the most recent appearance (disregarding the one obv about tyler, which btw, tyler just copied and pasted and added her name to the first sentence- it doesn't even look like his style of writing) she was just taking her friend-chrissie- out to see her x movie, she had little reason to not wear her ring to the viewing but still. she didn't. she had some other miscellaneous rings instead.

there are other things that pointed to their relationship being on the rocks for some time, the general feeling that brittany being unhappy being at the core of the strain. i sincerely hope some of the pp girls and her other caring and supportive friends help her through this new struggle, and her healing process is linear. once again, this is just my quick list and my best attempt at explaining, i could very well be wrong about a lot of things and i am just a fan, not someone who lives in her house, so do not trust me 100%. but yea! these are my thoughts and i hope it cleared some of your confusion :))

#anonymous #anon asks #brittany snow #tyler stanaland #they are not divorced btw- just separated #that means they are still legal on paper #she clearly stated that they are both working on their relationship and themselves and they could very well be back together #by the end of this year #wenz can talk

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honeyviscera · 1 year

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i would like to hear the rant !!

ALRIGHT so. last summer im working for a summer camp, and in the training phase us staff members are all trying to get to know each other yknow and the higher-ups leading the training seminars and stuff are asking for us to go around and share names and pronouns. and see at the beginning of the summer i was like. trying to figure out what exactly is going on with my gender like. i know something's a bit off but im not sure how i want to express that, and like im also not super ready to share that with everyone.

and just in general, im not super loud about my queerness, and it's taken me a while to become even somewhat comfortable being out as queer irl. but anyways back to the story.

so at this point im like, to myself well, im still okay with she/her, and im not super ready to add they/them or anything like that, so i'll just say im ocean, she/her. (using ocean here in place of my real name, you get it.) anyways we were asked this in the morning, and i was fine saying it then. but then every time a new presenter for a new section of the training would come in, all of us would have to go around and introduce ourselves to them again. hi, im ocean, she/her. now im becoming increasingly uncomfortable with this, because i present pretty femme, i have a high voice, tits, all that, so i just know that the box im being put in by everyone when i, afab, say my pronouns are she/her, is "cis". i am being read as cis. and i have to repeat myself maybe five times in one day. but it gets worse.

now all of this comes to a head when the whole entire staff comes into our training area and. you know the icebreaker game that's like. everyone stands in a circle and says their name and what they're bringing to our imaginary "picnic" and the next person has to say everyone before and add their own? ie:

person 1: im sally and im bringing apples! person 2: that's sally and she's bringing apples, and im joe and im bringing bread. person 3: sally brings apples, joe brings bread, and i'm lily and im bringing pie 4: sally apples joe bread lily pie and im wally and im bringing juice

and so on all around the circle. the goal of this game is to get to know everyone's names. now we were going to do this, but somebody spoke up and suggested that instead of picnic offerings, we say our pronouns.

oh.

my.

god.

so i had to listen to everyone during that game (which we played TWICE bc the group was so large so we had to split into 2 groups and then switch) look me in the eyes and say ocean, she/her. over and over again. ocean. she/her. ocean. she/her. ocean. she/her. and i had to say ocean, she/her. so. many. times. that is definitely the most times i have ever had to say my pronouns in a single day ever.

see, i usually never experience dysphoria. im very comfortable with how i look, sound, dress, act, and present. like i am very comfortable with myself. dysphoria is not a thing i normally experience. but that day for the first time, having to say my pronouns over. and over. and over again i just. i felt so so viscerally wrong. i knew everyone was reading me as cis and i didn't want that.

and it didn't stop there bc the staff had a discord server to communicate over the summer about work related stuff, and the requirement was for you to put your server nickname as [name] [set of pronouns]. a month into looking at my name with she/her attached to it i got so fucking fed up that i changed it to she/they on impulse and that's how my summer job basically forced me to out myself before i was super ready.

dear fucking god. i know that sharing your pronouns is supposed to make spaces more welcoming, but all that this fucking did was make me feel violated and dysphoric, for the first time in my fucking life. i hate that i was required to share my pronouns and there were so many better ways to go about this. one of my coworkers and i were talking about this later in the summer (they also use she/they publicly) and she agreed with me that the "pronoun game" was horrible and that she was going to make a complaint about it bc it was so unnecessary.

AUGH.

#so yeah that's the rant #what made this worse was that the big boss of these camps is a trans guy #who shared his very bad experiences coming out to his family.#so he of all people should have like. understood.#auughghghhhhhhhhhhh #ocean.mp3 #but this was in the summer and since then i've become more comfortable #saying my pronouns are she/they or whatever #so im fine now but summer me was not vibing

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clemencetaught · 1 year

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get to know the author!

name : ferre

pronouns : they/them

preference of communication : discord, but i can do tumblr ims. honestly, i’m slow on both but i’m a tad quicker to get back to ppl on discord….although again, these days i prefer to keep my discord to solely those whom i feel ooc wise comfortable around!

most active muse : this guy ( patrick ) clawed his way into single muse blog status with the number of times he gave me brainrot on my multimuse so i’d say it’s probably patrick :’D

experience / how many years : like about on-and-off for about 8 years? i did do a little bit back in 2013 in quizilla ims which was my introduction to rp before i started formally on tumblr in 2015….that being said i was on-and-off for about the first three years until in 2018 when i made calum- he was the first muse of mine that actually like, stuck :’D that being said, i did also take like a year hiatus in 2020 before coming back in 2021 so uh….eight years might not be the most accurate number jfksdljfkl

best experience : this attempt so far?? Has been so wonderful and i wouldn’t change any of what has happened for the world- my mutuals and writing partners are so skilled and friendly and patient and LITERALLY some of their muses have managed to elicit responses and character development from my muses that i would have NEVER imagined :’D but if we have to go specific….maybe it’s the hunger games au verse i dragged some ppl into?? the plotting and characters they have come up with is PHENOMENAL and wow, i’m gonna stuck to them all like super glue for 5ever <3

rp pet peeves : so many! my biggest ones, however, are self-centered and inconsiderate partners: those who disregard my rules, those who talk only about their own muses in every thread and plotting interaction, those who only seem to take interest in my blog(s) when it involves receiving writing from me. That and blogs that follow first but never make a move/any indication of interest, not even a like on my posts….no offense, but i’m not chasing after you. Other pet peeves include facechasing, trauma dumping ( ooc and ic ), and drama. oh, and partners who just don’t?? Respond to my attempts at some kind of ooc interaction- it can even be in tags, but if you’re not saying anything then that kills my enthusiasm very quickly.

fluff, angst, or smut : see, i want character development and exploration in my threads so i don’t think it’s fair to split up threads into these categories bc if done with intention, you can learn something new about your muse and your partner’s muse in any thread ( and yes, that includes the crack threads- DON’T UNDERESTIMATE ME :D ) i will say though, smut is highly unlikely here just bc patrick is demisexual + it’s gonna take like 2839402384098 years for him and hyuk to look at and act on each other in that manner :’D

plots or memes : plotting <3 but memes are good for starting off plotted dynamics tho!! most times, however, i’m not a fan of first meetings either. I like to have some kind of dynamic/backstory to go off of and would rather not overstep any boundaries so you’re not really a plotter… we might not be a good match.

long or short replies : see, patrick is a literature professor. for someone softspoken and reserved, he has a TON of thoughts and opinions so whenever i do try to keep things short and sweet, he bucks against it and will give me at least three paragraphs….over 1000 words too. we’re very ( not ) sorry :’D

time to write : depends on what’s happening at work and what my mood is. I do try to do my writing in the afternoon/morning though as most days i feel like i haven’t done anything productive/meaningful until i’ve written at least something.

are you like your muses : hahahaha, nah. I mean, we do have similar interests ( ie. literature and working in higher ed ), but personality-wise he’s much more stiff and erudite than me :’D i will say i think all characters we write do have pieces of ourselves in them, otherwise they’d never be able to grow, but for the most part, no i don’t think i’m really like patrick <3 at the very least, i'm not nearly as repressed as him fjskdlfjsl

tagged by: @wynterlanding ( thank you so much ♡ )

tagging: take it if you would like!! i'm would be curious to see how you describe your own rp style :3

#the hope in change ( about ferre. )#whelp i'm back.....#hopefully i can get another draft or two out either here or elsewhere :'D

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seroquelled · 11 months

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07/04/23

started off with us (u me aug) at a like outdoor nature camp for Adults where we split off into groups that focused on specific physical principles (tho it was a bit abstract bc .. dream.) at one point our group was following this big vine and we all started making little shop of horrors jokes bc she was huge. also was a part where the group leader gave us cans of hairspray and torches to like make fuckin fireballs with? and i accidentally sprayed hairspray all over myself and was jokin abt ligjting myself on fire

at some point during all this you guys split off to go w a different group and i started getting messages from you about something but when i went to read them it was. we were like texting thru fucking club penguin. so i could only see the message bubbles pop up for a sec and couldnt back read but you were saying something about your mom and ryan and also my mom and ryan like needing to move and there was some crazy issue? you seemed very distressed but i couldnt figure out what was Happening. so we met up again and ended up like back in some bedroom together (in hindsight think it mightve been one of my rooms as a kid) and the issue was not really clarified but we were calling my mom about it. she proceeds to yell at me about the whole situation of not talking to her and a million other things as she is Wont to do and is acting absolutely nuts and i end up yelling many things back to her that i dont remember about how shes crazy and having some sort of episode and needs to get a grip and stop harassing me until she gets her life figured out. she hangs up on me and thats that

somehow time skip to us moving but theres like a bunch of extra people there. its us and a whole other family of like three adults two babies and two more cats all crammed into a tiny car. im trying to keep the cats from escaping their carriers but im not driving the car? i have no idea who these people are. only other thing i remember is stopping at a restaurant because they decided we need to take separate cars and i was pissed because one of the parents was just letting her kid run all over the place and annoying the waitress

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icharchivist · 2 years

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hey icha! back again w/ a3 Thoughts, lol. this will be short as its just abt into the night! i was so confused at first bc i was like is this an ALL MEMBERS event but then after they split into teams i felt much more normal abt it lol... anyways the clothing store f&f. i wondered if thats supposed to be like, h&m but i was thinking like. what are the possibilities of what each f stands for... fashion fur flawless fabulous frills forever theres a whole lot of things. but i think the funniest option for me is that f&f stands for 4 and 5 and nobody knows why. im glad we got to follow the group we did but i would love to have just. seen a birds eye view of the masumi group because sakuya taichi and kazunari in one and sakuya running after him... it is funny to me. also im obsessed with yuki being part of running the punishment. sakyo you are letting this fourteen year old run WILD. anyways loved the part before they got in costume where yuki was like "ya they were gone a while ago. i didn’t say anything tho." *points affectionately at him* middle schooler. i was also pleasantly surprised the main cg was banri and yuki? like, i was totally expecting itaru to feature and perhaps get in a conflict with yuki but this was actually a really subdued event! that felt really fresh to me, that it didnt like escalate into heavy drama or anything. also the cg was soooo cute. like banri and yuki smiling!! having fun!!! i also really liked that it was banri to give yuki advice since hes not even that much older than yuki so it makes it like, More Meaningful. the way in highschool the people i was friends with who were one or two years older than me did sooooo much to help me figure out applications to university! uhhh other notes i had... the part where izumi decides the theme was 'pet shop' while staring at tsuzuru and yuki was hilarious. its like. the event itself pauses for a long enough time that i was staring at yuki and tsuzuru and it really felt like a horror movie zoom even before izumi announced the theme. again i also liked that none of the acting challenges posed a problem! like there wasnt any huge conflict going on just a bunch of little things and that was a rly cool vibe. the aaron guy who challenged them,, hes funny. he gives me "was a chuuni" vibes but then again theatre kids are just Like That so maybe he's just accurate rep yknow. also itaru's alex in wonderland outfit complements his eyes sooooo well for real. homare lending azuma marshmellows to coax hisoka for the duration of the event is so funny. them specifially worrying about a marshmellow scarcity also makes me laugh. like... im just sitting there like. do u think homare sat down and calculated like "hm... this is probably how many marshmallows they need" i want to know how this went. also while the no signal is realistic i cant beleive banri and itaru had to sit down while playing. like sorry if im built different but i always play gacha games while walking. also i do want to say at the end while they were talking abt while tenma was last i was like "bet he got scared of the forest/a ghost and ran" and then they were like shitty sense of direction but later misumi said he was scared of the forest and i felt so vindicated. anyways i liked that itaru takes them to f&f at the end! thats the power of a working adult huh... it did make me think tho like. does yuki approve of banris fashion choices. bc they are Choices.

HEYAA!! welcome back :D a pleasure to see you back again!!

Oh man i LOVE Into the Night, i'm glad you got to reach it! usually events do tend to always limit the charas to focus on, imagine having to follow all of them. I mean i kinda wish we knew what happened with everyone but…

(obvs under the cut bc the whole ask got long, and also i gushed a bit about Into the Night bc i love this event)

and omg your brain fr f&f. I'm sure Fashion is one of them for sure. THOUGH I DO LOVE THE 4 AND 5 JUST TO FUCK WITH PEOPLE LMAO.

Masumi's group does seem to have been pretty funny. Just 3 sunshine boys trying their damnest to keep the broody one in place for more than 5minutes. I imagine them always having a big smile planing their play and then suddenly being "wait where did Masumi go OH NO". Plus, cat Sakuya and cat Kazunari together.

I also ADORE Yuki being part of the running punishment, the Yakuza really just saw a middle schooler and went "wait this guy can be my assistant in punishment" and he was right. It's esp another layer of funny considering how much Sakyo is always fighting him about the budget for their costumes, so he both knows that Yuki is restless when he prepares quality stuff, and, while he's so stingy about spending money, just went "listen i'll give you any money you want for the most high quality ridiculous costumes you can put anyone in" and Yuki just couldn't let the once-in-a-lifetime situation run away from him. Those two are a deadly duo.

dFDKJFLD Yuki is SO funny i love him so much.

And yeah omg this event really was low on drama but i did love the themes it explores and the dynamic they decided to have shine. Banri and Yuki probably have one of my favorite friendship in the story because of this specific event. (and their CG is SO CUTE i’ll never be over it i love it SO much, probably one of my fav event CG of all time)

The idea of Banri, who said himself he had a hard time understanding why people were struggling with anything, who generally doesn't really plan ahead or gets excited about anything about the future…. ended up not only doing the effort to understand Yuki (and, ever since Banri has been doing theater he's much better at understanding people's struggle anyway), but also have Yuki's drive and passion inspires HIM, the guy who never had any to start with… it makes me so emo. Yuki usually keeps his worries for himself so it was so nice to see this upperclassman whom Yuki actually respects (in a way), recognizes Yuki's strength completely unprompted and tell him that he'll always be here to cheer for him, and that he was inspired to be serious about what he loves because of him… it means SO much to me.

It brings me back also to how Banri is a fashionista (i know we judge him with western standards but from what i figured doing some researches he's apparently on top of fashion regarding Japanese trends. I have a friend, who knows a lot more about Japan's day to day life, who upon hearing that people clowned Banri for his fashion, reacted to me going "i've seen so many people in Shibuya with his exact clothes what"). For a Japanese audience at least it is supposed to be implied Banri has a good eye for fashion and Yuki is responsive to it.

Anyway i also bring it up bc remember how in the Autumn Chapter when Taichi destroyed all of Yuki's costumes, Banri gets very angry not because their show was ruined, but because "how DARE they attack YUKI'S HARDWORK". He gets upset on Yuki's behalf. And at this point they didn't exactly connect or anything, Banri was just fashionista enough to recognize Yuki was fantastic.

So after this event establish how much he respects Yuki and how he decided to protect him and encourage him i'm just… soft…. i genuinely love their dynamic so much.

Forever ago i've found a fanart on twitter (which mean i LOST IT and will NEVER RECOVER IT, Twitter lack of saving feater is my curse and burden) of Yuki, as an adult, preparing his first runaway as a fashion designer and getting nervous, until Banri comes in and puts a hand on his shoulder and smiles going "see i told you you'd get here. I'm so proud of you" and i'm crying in the club.

When i first started a3 i did have a really hard time to get into Banri's chara (which is a SHOCKER now considering he's very high on my top chara now), and by the end of Autumn i was just okay he's on thin ice but i'll be willing to listen to him. But Into the Night really was the event where he totally won me over. It really showcases his sweetness and willingness to help, especially the younger people in Mankai.

And it also speaks volumes about how now that he found a passion that really set his heart ablaze, he would do ANYTHING to protect this passion in the heart of people too. It showcases so much how Banri has grown and how much just finding a way to appreciate life and passion became so precious to him.

I have so much thoughts about this event in general it makes me teary.

I've also seen so many bad faith fandom takes back where shitting on Banri was the norm on tumblr (ie the reason i don't go in the tags) about Banri being a bully and would "probably be a bully to Yuki" and stuff like that and it would always enrage me in a "oh i BET you didn't read Into the Night." rage. Imagine being so wrong. So yeah this event means a LOT to me it's just so much.

But also as you say i think it's just so lovely to have just, healthy dynamic between "senpai and kohai" in a way, to really see how just having someone a couple years older than you guide you and help you… is really nice. Tho yeah Banri is just as guided by Yuki than Yuki is guided by Banri and i find it SO soft.

Yuki and his group of older teenagers who'd fight for his hope and dreams.

THE PET SHOP PART WAS SO FUNNY YOU'RE SO RIGHT ABOUT THE HORROR MOVIE PATHING LMAO. Just Tsuzuru and Yuki slowly dying inside.

but yeah the event having such cool vibes was really soft. The "battle type" events are usually laid back that way, with a random guy NPC (though it's often Aaron) challenging to act off, bc this was the new mechanism of the gameplay itself, so it's really superfluous to the plot but still pretty funny. Aaron is definitely a bit Chuuni yes. Accurate theater nerd rep.

Itaru's costume is sOO good you're so right. Another Yuki wins in term of costume designs.

YEAH OMG THE MARSHMELLOW THING. It's so fucking funny. I can totally see Homare calculating it very carefully knowing exactly Hisoka's pace and stuff and giving just as needed and a little more. Meanwhile, Hisoka, like a cat he is, knows that without his usual owner he can pretends to be starved and never have eaten in hIS LIFE to get more. This is literally Homare getting a list of "here's what you need to feed my cat at each hours" to Azuma, while Hisoka is just "actually those doses are left to starve me by my unloving father. I am dying. I am knowing level of starvation no cats should ever go through save me". And Azuma who's just a good sports is just "aw but what's one more treats!" which makes him a very easy target to the cat starvation tactic.

This is the Homare/Hisoka/Azuma dynamic in a nutshell and this event shows it off.

Also i genuinely love in this event how Tsuzuru has to "big brother up" Hisoka, having to carry him around. this event really was "the teens are carrying the team and the adults are the most useless people you might run into". Azuma didn't even try and tbh i respect that about him so much, kings of knowing his limits.

(tbh there's something i can't mention there but there's something about Hisoka's future arc that made me return to this event and fucking yell during his bits. I will of course not say anything and it is probably vague enough. But i genuinely ended up crying rereading this event bc of that. "but Icha, you always cry when Hisoka is involved" MAYBE BUT SHUSH.)

Banri and Itaru sitting down for their games is really funny yes, tho i believe it's a mix of they've been walking all night and only have a little break so they're gonna rest as they can (esp Itaru who's not made for walking). And prob the fact they're afraid to lose their connection while walking. But else mood, playing gacha while walking ftw.

DLKFJKLDFJ THE FACT YOU NAILED DOWN WHY TENMA GOT LOST. PERFECT. I love how Misumi points it out, once again with how he's babying Tenma is just muah. Poor Tenma. It's so onbrand that it hurts.

And i LOVE that about Itaru too. I love that he felt genuinely guilty and could see how much Banri and Yuki worked for it. I think it also speaks volumes about Itaru in general becoming more and more of a team player while being a "solo player" for the longest time. Even there he realizes he dragged them down and he needs to amke it up to them.

But anyway back on your last comment, like i mentioned, Banri fits Japanese standards for the fashionista lmao, and everything else in game (from mini chat to backstage to coin talks) points to Yuki really liking Banri's style. There's one, i think Mini Chat? about how he thinks Banri always have a good eye for clothes and his advices is super valuable because of that.

So i know we all want to dunk on Banri but the friendship between Yuki and Banri is pure and sweet and Yuki genuinely thinks Banri is one of the most fashionable people in the company whom he can trust with shopping and fashion advice. We all have to live with it and if we insist on Banri's fashion sucking i'm afraid we also have to say the same of Yuki's because those two are bird of feathers.

Thank you once again for sharing your thoughts it makes me so happy <33 It's always a pleasure :3c

Hope you have a nice day <33

#ichareply #ichafantalks a3 #aranarumei

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cronaz-diary · 25 days

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Hey, coming from someone who used to be just like you, I REALLY suggest you take a step back from posting on the internet until you’re 18 at least. I acted a lot like you, worse in my earlier years, and the thought that my old posts and comments could still exist as screenshots or in archives makes me extremely nauseous. You might view your behaviour as justified now, but down the line you’re seriously going to regret it even if you continue to hold the same beliefs— ESPECIALLY since you have pictures of your face on here and post personal information. You probably won’t listen to me, I know my 16 year old self wouldn’t, so all I can do is wish you good luck.

To the adults in this kid’s inbox; you need to leave them alone. One kid’s opinion isn’t the end of the world, but the way they’re reacting to what you’re saying could end their’s.

hii im finally back from my tumblr break !! the last part PLZ THE ADULTZ HARASSING ME, A 16 YR OLD, IZ WEIRD ESP THE ONEZ THREATENING ME AND CALLING ME SLURZ also it caused me to split rlly badly and a suicide attempt so can u all plz stop:(( and yea i took a break from here bc ppl here dont know how to act, dont listen and were just bad for me and now im kinda scared of anything on here and other sitez im on but im staying here and tryna get over it bc the internet iz my only escape i have nothing irl rrlly sadly</3 and yea sum old shit (mainly the stuff i made while splitting or any other bad shit like that) i feel embarrassed abt and more bc ppl wont leave me alone abt it like plz just let me forget half the thingz i do or say while im going through episodez or anything i dont actually mean

i try rlly hard not to post personal info and gonna try harder idk wut iz too much or not so if i post sumthing thatz too over sharing plz tell me and ill take it down !! only thingz (i think) i rlly share iz my outfitz/fashion, other social mediaz and who i am ig (. > .)

im gonna stay here and on the internet but def will take more breakz tho esp bc stuff iz kinda hard rn and i hadnt been doing the best even before getting harassed bc ppl misunderstood wut i said and cant handle not creating stupid ass drama cuz yea i still feel we shouldnt let men in a sexuality that waz made to not include men coming from a lesbian and from many many other lesbianz i hear say thiz even non lesbianz:/

anywayz hiii ill be posting more and thiz will be my last post abt thiz stupid drama thing (for now i think) cuz i wanna post abt other stuff i made thiz to talk abt shit going on (without too much detail), be myself and so ppl can see my outfitz

#hi im back

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gothtopus108 · 1 month

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okay i need to rant about this stupid guy because i cant stop thinking about all of this shit

so, my boyfriend has this friend right and we have a LOT of common intrests, so we started talking about music we like ect ect, i didnt like him for a long time bc he made me anxious but i warmed up to him, eventually we got really close (at least i thought we were close) and now i've always had the problem of being way closer with people than they are with me, but I knew he pretty much had ducky, their other best friend, and pretty much no one else.

when we were talking it was a REALLY bad time in my life. Maybe one of the top worst, and I've had a lot of really shitty time. I'm bipolar, and i was balls-deep in a horrible mixed episode, i also was heavily restricting food and taking more ritalin than i am supposed to, so basically, i was in an insane hazy oblivion and basically just entierly zoned out but also really intense from the ritalin and mania. I was in the process of moving and trying to pack up all of my shit too and my parents were CONSTANTLY fighting also so badly it would wake me up from sleep when they got into it.

So we would talk for hours, texting until like 3am, mostly about will wood/other music artists we share obsessions with, but also a lot about life and our respective shitty mental health. Now, I was also convinced I was going to lose ducky, and i was going through yet another horrific mania-induced gender identity crisis. So, although he NEVER said anything about it, in retrospect I was defintly not being a normal human person in the way i was interacting with him. Its hard enough for me to interact normally, but throw in that shit-storm and I know i was being way too much for anyone to handle, let alone someone i only just started talking too

eventually, me and ducky did break up (thanks bpd)(we also got back together a few weeks later obvi) and I think the main thing i did was ranting to him, basically dumping my entiere thoughts while activly splitting on ducky. I think this was probally the final straw. The day ducky told him we broke up, he told me us talking "doesn't feel right" and he has not responed to a single text since then.

i asked him why, and nothing. it hurt almost as bad as breaking up with ducky, because at least with ducky we had talked about if for literal days before deciding to break up and we also kept talking as friends. I didnt text him for like two weeks and when I was in a much much better place mentally i reached out saying basically "hey im sorry for how i acted, i promise thats not how i normally am, you just need to be more firm with me on boundaries. also if you hate me please say that instead of just ghosting me" but nothing.

now heres the part thats fucking me up the most. I fucking TOLD him so many times how hard being ignored fucks me up. I told him that being ignored literally makes me suicicdal. I told him how i'd so much rather someone scream and yell at me, call me horrible names, even physically fucking hurt me than ignore me, yet he STILL refuses to even acknowledge me. He KNEW how i have absolutely NO friends but ducky, he KNEW i was in the worst time of my life, he KNEW all of my trauma around friendships ending, he KNEW ALL OF IT, but he still fucking ignores me. I hate it. I cant fucking stand it.

I JUST want to be his friend again so bad. I loved him he was so fun and we had so many common interests especially in things that ducky doesnt want to talk about as much with me. i just want him to tell me what i did wrong. I want him to be angry i want to hear everything i did wrong i want him to TELL me i cant stand him ignoring me it makes my skin crawl. Now ducky told me he blocked me which makes it even worse. I feel entierly out of control.

and the worst part is, ducky just says 'yeah he didn't handle it right, but your response to what he did is not his fault' when i tell him how hes making me actively suicidal. Like,, yes,, that is true,, but when i've told him how triggering it is, when i've told him about the time i attempted after someone stoped talking to me, when i text him begging him to text me back and he still wont, at what point does at least SOME blame fall on him? like if i had never told him any of that stuff and he was just oblivious to how triggering it is that would be one thing but NO, i fucking TOLD him SO many times.

im so upset and hurt and confused and angry and evberything feels so bad and i just know hes talking shit about me to ducky i know he is he thinks im a bad person and hes trying to convince ducky i am a bad person . i hat ehim somuch im so hurt and upset and i want to hurt myself i cant belive i even tried to be his friend i can ttak ethis

#bpd vent #vent #actually bpd #bpd thoughts

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khodorkovskaya · 1 year

Text

04.01.23

i spent the whole day alone today, corrected a couple of things on the website and wrote 4 important emails with my stepdad over microsoft teams. and in the meantime i listed to eileen by ottessa moshfegh and read acts of desperation in one sitting. and god did it hit hard. here's another passage that really resonated with me:

"I wished I could unburden myself but I couldn’t verbalise what was happening because doing so would bring it into existence. So far, it was all taking place in my head with no verification from an outside party, and so long as I kept it that way I could suppress it. That urge you have with an envelope of results, delaying the future in which you are unwillingly privy to terrible news.

I knew also that if I began to describe more or less anything about Ciaran and what our relationship was like I would upset my dad. The split in me was so wide that these two states could coexist:

1. I knew that my relationship was strange and uneven and not reciprocal and that speaking about its reality would confuse and upset people who loved me.

2. I didn’t feel it to be those things."

i related so much to the narrator and how she felt in her relationship. i don't know if i could've ever cheated on B if things carried on for longer and i don't have a strong desire for pain like the narrator did, but i could still relate a lot. the passage where she sleeps with reuben and "could feel the silliness of sex for the first time in forever" made me cry so much.

the narrator's diary, the fact that she's always crying, her feeling pain but not knowing the reason and being confused in her feelings, her on and off thoughts about wanting to be thin... it all hit so close to home.

the book portrayed modern womanhood in such an accurate way. like we really are raised with this idea that we have to be dedicated to men but with no moral explanation behind it. it's never explained why we have to dedicate ourselves. there's no religious explanation anymore, nothing rational about it. so we grow up with this idea that we're only gonna be complete when we're in love, not understanding and not even questioning why. and then we find ourselves cooking intricate dinners for men with no tastebuds and having to justify why we don't want to have sex because "no" isn't a sufficient answer. we have it ingrained into our minds that things have to be that way. and at an age where you have to figure yourself out first, questions like this are even harder to deal with bc you don't even have the tools yet to deal with them. anyway, i feel like what im saying doesn't really make sense. but yeah i liked the book a lot.

yesterday i rescheduled my driving exam. the first date available was the 19th of april so i took it. i have my student license until the 21st of april so im just gonna have one chance lol. and if i fail oh well, i'll have to redo theory again.

i cried for 15 minutes straight after i rescheduled the test. i felt so stupid. and my stepdad was like "you have all these opportunities, you're so spoiled. i didn't have anyone to teach me but i was so determined to learn how to drive that i taught myself. and you have everything laid out in front of you on a platter and instead of being grateful you just cry." and that made me feel even worse. bc it's true that i don't have it as hard as many people do. and another person would've loved to be in my shoes. but i can't for the love of god understand how to drive. like i think im just stupid. there is no other explanation. ive had i don't know how many hours of driving and yet i still struggle like a complete beginner and it just gets worse and worse.

but anyway, as i was in the middle of crying, the car parked in front of us started moving and the guy was struggling so hard like he couldn't exit the parking spot. and i was like huh maybe im not too bad of a driver compared to some. and then the person in another car next to us was having an even harder time. they went back and forth, nearly bumped into the car next to them many times, kept turning the wheel left and right frantically. so i was like you know what, not all hope is lost! i can even parallel park without too much difficulty on a good day so there is still hope for me! and if those two people we just saw didn't feel bad for their imperfect driving skills, neither should i!

#january

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dandizettes · 6 years

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lets go lesbians im watching the lizzie boot

- bridget is not even bothering with the accent and i think that is VALID

- the band appears to be having. a bit of trouble. following the singers

- i really like the gal playing liz so far! her voice is pretty

- ok. well i dont really think she uh. y’know BROUGHT IT for this is not love? like. the intensity just uhhhh wasn’t there. hm. her voice is lovely but just feel like she didn't hit that peak u know

- I LOVE THE ARRANGEMENT OF GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE WOW - ok liz is lookin better here! certainly more intensity

- GUYS they really FIXED gotta get out of here oh my god it sounds so much better w/o the heavy metal distortion

- but then. on the other hand. without the heavy metal distortion u really gotta RAMP IT UP vocally 2 get that same feeling and uhhhhhh i dont really feel like its there, tbh

- im not sure if its the singers or the band but SOMEONE is messing up the timing a little

- blocking is a little weird? liz keeps pacing for like no reason

- ALICE PLANT YOUR FEET PLANT YOUR FEET YOURE SHIFTING YOUR WEIGHT ALICE ITS VERY DISTRACTING

- awww no one is doing the “hhhhhh-ahhhhh” back up vocals in this version

- aw alice keeps trying to comfort her and she keeps pushing her away :(

- liz is doin a good job being super panicky though!! alice just wants to help. oh man she's trying so hard

- i think it was a little down tempo or the drums weren't loud enough or the actors weren’t keeping the intensity but something was a lil. off about the whole number

- i like alice’s costume and hate everyone else’s lmao

- i think alice’s mic is off? or no one is miked? idk but she's real quiet

- piano player is making some weird choices

- alice hon COMMIT to the head voice

- oh god here we go its soul of the white bird

- lizzies doing a good job so far

- weirddddd blocking decisions. real weird blocking decisions

- liz is weirdly far downstage? while she does the “never let the boys come” part and its. detracting from the whole experience. like she's not the focal point which makes no sense because this is an important part

- oh actually i think liz did a good job with That Part of the song. u know, with That Part being what it is

- emma is still center and lizzie is up left and its still real weird

- the band is really not bringin it

- liz has good intensity here but. theres no BUILD to the intensity so it feels jarring

- OH SHIT SHE WAS GONNA JUMP. THATS THE “lizzie don’t!” in the recording. she was going to jump off the roof

-emma babe fuckin YELL fuckin SCREAM get MAD

- literally what the fuck is the bassist doing

- emmas getting there. a little more mad now

- never mind its gone now that she's singing

- i think they're choir ppl. not theatre ppl. thats the problem

- band is doing weird tempo things again. i think it should be swung or something? idk much about music but i know this sounds off despite not REALLY being off, tempo-wise, u know

- OOOOOOH THEYRE DOING THE DRY ICE THING

- is. is bridget wearing nikes with her dress

- this whole thing seems. under-rehearsed

- not enough PAUSES everything is too FAST

- alice is doing GOOD with will you stay

- YES BABE HIT THOSE RUNS

- the piano player is BAD

- liz initiates the kiss the second time!! i think thats important

- mmmmm why are all these heads off. not nearly enough chaotic energy

- oooooh man some VOICE CRACKS. but they powered through it!! good for them

- piano man WHY

- mercury rising was underwhelming bc of bad blocking and piano man playing WAY too fast, but they HIT those harmonies

- OH SHIT THOSE ARE WEIRD CELLO NOISES AT THE BEGINNING OF SOMEBODY WILL DO SOMETHING!!!! I DIDNT KNOW THAT

- cellist killing it with those weird screeching rat sounds HELL yeah

- OH FUCK YEAH BRIDGET STEPPED IT THE HELL UP

- SOME!BODY! WILL D I E E E E !!!!!!!

- oh my god it is SO UNDER TEMPO

- ok. we need the distortion for this one folks. it sounds like Lizzie Does Indie Folk without it

- well at least the drums are finally kicking in

- BRIDGET FUCK IT UP HELL YEAH

- oh these poor girls the band is playing SO SLOW

#im splitting this into acts bc i have. many things to say #lizzie

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thatbitchsimone · 2 years

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It’s crazy how reading like just normal news articles give a really clear and damning image of Johnny Depp with amber heard as a certain victim of abuse but like all these crazy meme videos and tiktoks have wildly altered peoples perspective on the simple facts of the whole thing. It’s fkd. There was a lawyer on the news where I live last week saying yeah I can’t imagine that the jury would have come to this result if they had been sequestered, they’ve just been exposed to too many internet videos

YES EXACTLY!!! im so glad u said that bc thats literally exactly what i noticed after just looking into it for just a couple minutes. it was driving me crazy to see everyone hyper analyzing every microexpression on her face 24/7 like if she even blinked, she was guilty and a monster. u can literally see amber being so aware of this like she just sits there trying not to move a muscle in her face the whole time as if she was almost scared to change her expression for just a split second like she has that same expression i get when im trying to not break down and cry. also ppl saying she was ”obviously faking/acting/being overly dramatic” while telling the bottle story, fuck off. that shit was real. that was pretty much me retelling my sexual abuse incident in therapy like thats how i looked and sounded too. ”she was focusing too much on irrelevant details and describing every little thing in the room and paint on the walls she just kept shifting focus from the actual assault” yeah bitch thats literally what u do in therapy the therapist tells u to walk thru the trauma memory and recount as much as u can and vocalize what ur seeing every detail every smell every sound out loud she was very clearly talking about it like she does in therapy. also when in a traumatic moment like that ur mind hyperfocuses on random things in ur surroundings in order to dissociate from whats happening to u. the clearest memory i have from my abuse is the bathroom light above the mirror like i can recount every little detail about that bathroom light/lamp very clearly but the things being done to my body is a blurr and just fragments flashing by like little scattered puzzle pieces so yeah ambers retelling of it was very sincere and honest and raw and did the opposite of discrediting her

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courtney-deserved-better · 3 years

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my opinion on td finalists

spoiler alert, im not a fan of most

TDI: Owen & Gwen

uh I personally don’t like either of these guys for finalists. gwen did do a lot but there were so many times where she just acted so apathetic I was like why?? are you still here?? and as for owen... I didnt like him as a character for a Long Time and he's growing on me but he just doesnt seem like finale material

I think a duncan versus leshawna finale would've been super fun to watch. especially if they teamed up to take down heather in the semifinal. those two had such a fun dynamic, especially in the triathlon episode, that I think taking it to the finale would've been fantastic. also leshawna deserved to win that season and you cannot change my mind

TDA: Duncan & Beth

duncan, while not my first choice, I can see making it through to the finale this season. but beth?? no. im sorry but shes just too much of a side character and is canonically fake nice and annoys everyone else so it doesn’t really make sense

an interesting finale would’ve been duncan versus courtney considering how volatile their relationship was this season. however, bc courtney was kinda awful to duncan, I dont think she deserves to win this season. it would be cool if there was one ending where their votes tied and they made up and decided to split the money but that just feels too tame, both for a finale and for their dynamic

harold versus duncan could be interesting, but because duncan tends to bully harold, I dont think his win would be fair in this situation. I think lindsay versus harold would be the best, as this season is about lindsay learning to take charge and come up with strategies, and while he can be off-putting and occasionally condescending, I think harold has a lot of useful skills that could really flourish in the finale

TDWT: Heather & Alejandro

while I dont ship them at all, I truly dont think there could've been a more satisfying final two. we’ve had their rivalry build up from day one, they have a ton of good songs together, it really completes heather’s arc of antagonist to antihero to protagonist. heather winning is the best ending in my mind, but I like alejandro winning too. the only problem I have with his ending is that it only happened because heather threw in the wrong dummy-- I think it would’ve been more clever for him to have switched them or something like that

ive been thinking about some other final twos that I think would be interesting, though unable to top the canon one imo. gwen versus courtney would be really cool because of the friends turned enemies thing-- I think it would be interesting for courtney to be put in danger and gwen has a choice of saving her or going for the money and she save courtney before apologizing again (maybe dumping duncan) and the two make up and split the money.

though I don’t really enjoy either as characters mostly due to their writing, cody and sierra would be an interesting final two. maybe cody finally stands up to sierra, or sierra struggles with wanting to be the winner of total drama or helping the boy she likes win. it definitely wouldn't be as good as the canon two but there would be a lot of clashing dynamics at play that'd be fun to explore

TDROTI: Lightning & Cameron

admittedly, I don’t remember too much from this season, but it really felt like these two kind of coasted by. I never found lightning to be a particularly compelling character and thought it weird how he suddenly went from dumb jock to evil jock in the last episode or two. cameron really felt like he was just carried through the season, similarly to beth, though I dont have as much as an issue with him winning. I dont think it was a bad finale, per se, I just think if those were the final two they should've been written better from the start

seeing as how jo really played the game and went all in, I think she would’ve been a great finalist. it would’ve been interesting to see her versus (commando?) zoey though im not the biggest zoey fan. I think a jo versus lightning finale could actually work (or brick) though if there was a jo versus cameron finale, I couldn't see him logically winning bc jo would just destroy him

TDAS: Mike & Zoey

*BIG FUCKING INHALE* no. just no. im probably not gonna say anything that’s not already been said so ill keep it short. bland, mal writing bad, have someone who's been in the game for 3 previous seasons instead of 1 make it to the ALL STARS FINALE. jfc.

you know what would’ve been an interesting finale? gwen versus courtney. they both said they wanted to reach the final two with the other one, so maybe they do! maybe they start to struggle with their friendship because of courtney’s competitive streak! maybe one of their helpers is duncan and that causes strife between them! maybe they become enemies again and don’t make up until the finale! maybe they decide to split the money! idk! it would've had a hell of a lot more flavor than what we got

TDPI: Shawn & Sky

I don’t really have an issue with either of these characters making it to the finale. they’re compelling, worked hard, and have distinct goals. I would’ve liked to see jasmine in the finale but I'd be cool replacing either one with her: jasmine and shawn having to compete against one another would be an interesting relationship hurdle and sky versus jasmine would've been cool because they’re both very athletic and it would’ve been the first f vs f total drama finale (we've had m vs f and m vs m but no all-girl finales...)

TDRR: Surfer Dudes & Police Cadets

Again, I don’t really have an issue with this finale. I really like how Sanders and MacArthur both work hard in their own ways and have to learn how to work together (MacArthur breaking Sanders’ arm and realizing that she can negatively affect her partner and also that Sanders is super tough was a GREAT arc). I know there’s been some contention about the Surfer Dudes being eliminated and then coming back so late in the game, but it made sense to me. They chose to lose because they felt that they owed it to Devin and Carrie, and that choice paid off when Devin and Carrie called in a replacement team. I doubt the surfers expected that to happen, they were just trying to be fair, but that kindness was rewarded in a big way which I think was sweet, especially considering how much of a hot mess this show can be.

I gotta say, this does kinda remind me of the TDI finale, with the villain (heather/ice dancers) getting eliminated third, and their rival (gwen/police cadets) making it to the finale with the fun guy (owen/surfer dudes). The reason I like the Surfer Dudes as finalists more than Owen is that I felt they put in more effort during challenges and had more of an arc (with Josee’s mind games ending up bonding them as a team after strife, choosing to be eliminated for the sake of fairness, etc).

Speaking of Owen, it’s kind of ironic that if I had to replace a team in the finale, I would replace the surfer dudes with the reality tv pros. they’re my favorite team and I think it wouldve been great for them to really live up to their name. I think it also would've been funny for the ice dancers to be so focused on their rivalry with the cadets that the pros just completely go under their radar until its the final three and the ice dancers are like “oh crap they’re PROS why haven't we been trying to destroy them??”

I also wouldn't mind replacing the surfer dudes with the sisters. I know emma gets a lot of hate (mostly because of nemma which I only like platonically) but I actually like her as a character (when she wasn’t being obsessive) and I think she and kitty were a great team that had a good arc of learning to work together. I also think it would be really interesting because for the final three they would all have rivalries with one another: the police cadets and the ice dancers (obvious) the ice dancers and the sisters (josee messed with them in at least 2 challenges) and the sister and the police cadets (kitty and macarthur’s game/road rage was hilarious)

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dwter · 3 years

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it's not just going to the US. They're in Los Angeles one of the most densely populated cities in the country, not actually following Los Angeles County Mandates, and they're running around the city meeting as Many people as they can in a short amount of time. And they just got there so any tests they're taking are inaccurate and are wasting recourses.

And the party wasn't out of proportion lol. 50 people unmasked in one area that then all split off and went every where across the UK knowing the delta variant was strong and not affected by the vaccine very well could have started an outbreak. They're lucky it didn't

Like if you don't want to take COVID seriously that's fine but you shouldn't act like the CCs are beyond critism for their blatant disregard of the safety others. Cause tbh it's not just about them

first of all dont accuse me of not taking covid seriously bc i literally have been staying home the last week over a fucking cold missing my first week of my hardest quadmester bc i needed to get tested u fucking dumbass 😭 and on top of that i was literally known in my family for not leaving the house for genuinely weeks at a time and continue to never leave the house other than for school bc i actually take stuff seriously. do not try and insinuate shit about ME who u know nothing about during a discussion about discourse over minecraft youtubers u freak 😭 also im not acting like the ccs are above criticism, that was an unnuanced post saying i personally think ppl are being dramatic, not that the crit was unwarranted at all u weirdo. and las mandates literally just seem like masks? even less if youre fully vaxxed? regardless, that wasnt even my point, my point was saying that as long as they are being safe, i dont see the big deal in them doing what everyone else is doing. also u have to get tested before getting on a plane so they didnt “just” get tested, they had to be approved before going im almost 100% sure. and lastly, that party ended up being overdramatized for a few reasons. a) the uk restrictions were no where near the extent of most other places and they were actually well within not just government right to have a party, but socially as well it was acceptable as things over there were very lax b) everyone got tested before hand and it was a secluded event where things were as safe as they could possibly be and c) it was literally just not the big doomsday covid event with a crazy number of people that everyone thought it was. it was like a highschool classroom and a half of people. the big criticism should be to the people who were trying to act like the party had NO risk (imalexxx) and that they should stop caring in general when geenelly had done so much to go against that ideology and make things as safe as possible

#ask #next time anon dont try and speak on people u know absolutely nothing about not only do u sound stupid as fuck to me its extremely rude and #uncomfortable #this isnt even well nuanced i havent discoursed in awhile but ur annoying so ill answer #negativity tw #discourse tw #long post

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