#im sorry i have the vocab of a child
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documenting my asd screening so i dont forget when i have counseling next week
the assessment person and the psycologist were rlly nice. let me start from the beginning of the test tho
to start, i had blocks w different sides.. there were red and white sides and then half white & half red ones. ok. and then there was a picture that i had to replicate with my blocks, and i was timed each picture to see how long it took me to figure it out. some of them i did not figure out because HOWWW was it possible?
then i had vocab. she would tell me a word and id have to tell her what it meant. the words i remember are shirt, lamp, calendar, car, haste, mullify... there were abt 14 more words, but those are the ones i remember
next, i did another brain game. it was a pattern one... id like to say i did well on it. it was pretty easy until the last 8 (think there were 25 total)
had a short break, and then i had to explain a picture to her. there was SO MUCH going on. i would tell her, "oh, theres a person swimming" and she would ask me if i like swimming. she did that multiple times throughout, as well as saying something vague abt her. it was probably to see my conversation skills lol
theres a rlly funny part at this point. she asked me if i liked to swim in the ocean or in a pool. i told her pool, and then opened up abt my horrible fear of fish. she said "oh, im sorry to hear abt that"
on the next exercise, i had to read a book... with no words. i had to tell the story with there being no words... just pictures. IT WAS CONFUSING? but it made sense at the end. though, this is the funny part, this book had fish in it, and they looked more realistic. they were drawn smaller so i could just avoid looking at them by looking at a different part of the page, but i sped through that page.
i found it funny that the book had fish in it after i told her abt my fear of fish. i think the other book was abt a frog, though, so this one was prob the least worse of the two.
then she said "this may seem silly but pretend that this is the sink, this is ur toothbrush, and here is ur toothpaste. say i forgot how to brush my teeth, can you dememstrate how to brush ur teeth?"
and i ONLY KNEW NOT TO DO THE DAMN MOTION from a tiktok i saw. i think i did it like once but BRO? IF I HAD NOT SEEN THAT LIKE TWO DAYS AGO?????
i wouldve failed that
after that, we talked about things that made me happy, sad, afraid/anxious, mad, and relaxed and how i felt when i feel all of those emotions. we talked about my life... how i see the future, what i do now im out of school, if i had any friends.... talked a little bit abt school, too, and how i was when i was in school. oh, she also asked me if i ever feel lonely, how i cope, and how i think other people cope.
i filled out some paperwork (questionnaires, really). one was 50 questions long, nd the other was 100.
after that, i talked with the psychologist about some of the things i put down. she asked me if i was in counseling, asked abt my behaviors now, and if i remember any as a child, and how i came to seek a diagnosis
yeah, thats that.
she gave me a few questionnaires for my parents to fill out and send back to her to see me in a different perspective yk
my result appointment is in about a month
i am exhausted from this assessment
it was from 8:55a-12:15p
i am EXHAUSTED
But i got some bubble tea so im happy
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neon lights (in a world gray)
notes: tried some msby interactions but i’m bad at writing a lot of characters so they may be a little flat. some underage drinking, fwb, & drunk texting. i’m v bad at humor but i tried. song accompaniment recommendation: million days by sabai x hoang & let’s not fall in love by big bang! also posted on ao3.
summary: sunday mornings and midnight lights turn into songs that you watch me write. AU where you share extreme feelings with your soulmate. - atsumu/oc
wc: 10.7k (v sorry)
Your body is first to know your soulmate. The way your heart beats faster in exhilaration, your muscles burn in soreness, your body demands for food and sleep even though you are not doing anything in particular, hits you on more days than others. There’s always this constant feeling before a particular day, where you feel all these things plus a sense of hunger for something, anger and frustration, and accomplishment. Sometimes, these sudden days end in a panging ache in your heart, but usually, there’s always a sense of elation after these moments.
You are often left to wonder what kind of person your soulmate is. It makes your days a little more fun from the way he feels this sense of euphoria from doing such physical activities, from the soreness of your calves and the dull ache of your hand and wrists, from the sense of successfulness after, because he always feels so passionate about it. You wonder if sharing his passion for doing whatever he’s doing, for life, feeds into your thirst for adventure.
Your life is pretty boring and at an impasse, and while you don’t particularly mind it all that much since it has served you well thus far, you always want something more. You suppose this is why you’ve always liked chasing the thrill. You like feeling the adrenaline in your blood and the accelerated thumping of your heart because it makes you feel so alive. Doing things that you aren’t supposed to be doing is a sort of fun that you like to have because there’s something just so riveting, and it keeps calling you back.
You have a bucket list of things you’d like to try before you die because you want to involve yourself in things that bring you happiness, to do something that fills the hole in your heart, however temporary that may be. There are already some small things on there that are already checked off: skipping class, getting a belly button piercing behind your parents’ backs, trying a sip of alcohol. As you keep fulfilling the little things, you end up always adding more back onto the list. You like to turn these little gratifications into memories by weaving your emotions into words, words, words on paper, and before long, you have an accumulation of untold stories written in secret.
But there’s always one thing you have at the bottom of the list that you’re not sure if you could ever check off, ever write about: falling in love and being loved in return.
.✫彡.✫彡.✫彡.
You first feel a gnawing pain in your heart at the end of your third year of high school. At first, you think it is you who is experiencing this pain, but then a sense of fury settles in. Your soulmate is angry, you think as you put a hand over your heart, and you begin taking deep breaths as you lay down on the rooftop just to feel breezy spring winds in your hair and on your skin. You know your emotions are interconnected, so you suppose you are trying to help calm his tremulant heart in your own way.
Breathing in the chilling air as it blows the ends of your hair and flutters the ruffles of your skirt, you find yourself feeling more at peace before, anger diminishing. You’re not sure if it helps, but at least it makes you feel like you’re being helpful. Then, a sense of sharp betrayal and waves of sadness hits you. Your soulmate feels betrayed and hurt, and it makes you feel a sense of unsettlement in your heart. Your initial thought is that you want to help to ease his pain, but you think if he feels so intensely about it, it isn’t your place to try to override his emotions. So, you close your eyes as you lay on the rooftop, hands clasped together as if you’re holding his hand, and hope he feels your presence alongside him as a sort of moral support as he goes through whatever is happening.
Before long, his emotions leave you, and you’re glad at least he isn’t feeling as sad and betrayed when his emotions first flare in your soul. You smile, and you decide to skip class for the rest of the day, mind never too far from wandering what your soulmate is like.
.✫彡.✫彡.✫彡.
You haven’t felt much from your soulmate since then. There are days when the exhaustion in your body hits you harder than normal, but at this point, that has become a part of your daily routine. Sometimes, you feel the occasional intense, lasting embarrassment, and you end up feeling embarrassed and heat rushes to your cheeks. You think your soulmate may be an idiot at times like these, to be honest. But you become less focused on him and more focused on you and your bucket list as time goes by because his emotions just become a part of you.
You are about to start university when you first meet your roommate at a party some upperclassman invites you to. She is a mess, you think, as she stumbles in the bathroom, tears stain on her face and alcohol in her breath. You’re probably not in much better shape. Your head is a little dazed, and you feel a little extra empty on the inside right now because you feel like you have nothing. She wails loudly when she sees you, and you open your arms to hold her.
“I hate him!” she sobs and whimpers into your shoulder. “Why do I love him? Why doesn’t he love me?”
You can only rub small circles on her back and press soft kisses in her hair. “I’m sorry, honey. I don’t have how it feels because I don’t know how to love.”
You think you don’t want to love after seeing this poor girl.
“But what’s the point of love if it doesn’t consume you?” she breathes out in between sobs, the scent of alcohol hitting your nose with each breath.
You hmm in agreement because you think you’d like to lose yourself in something so passionate, so intense that it fills your soul, but you don’t say anything more.
Somehow, in between drunken conversations, you two end up becoming roommates. The two of you are more similar than you initially thought: both of you are empty on the inside, for different reasons of course, but that makes you two get along so well.
Her words still echo sometimes in your head as you two go on in your daily lives: you with your volunteering at the animal shelter to distract yourself from reality and her with her morning runs to run away from her problems.
What is the point of love if it doesn’t consume you?
.✫彡.✫彡.✫彡.
Your roommate has a bad habit of going out and home with someone whenever she feels extra hung up on her soulmate. You know this because although the two of you don’t say it outright, your habits rub off on each other. Of course, this means you two have fakes and often end up hitting up parties and clubs dressing a little extra provocative to fill up the hole inside your hearts. She just wants someone to want her, to hold her like she’s not broken, like that’s her soulmate holding her; you just want someone to bring some fun and thrill in your life.
You’re not sure how you ended up here. You remember the dim lights and the loud music; you remember dancing with your roommate and wanting someone to go home with after she leaves with some blond guy. You suppose your brain is a little buzzed from the alcohol, but you still vaguely remember feeling someone grinding against your body as you continue to dance. You turn to the stranger who moves so in tune with your stumbling beat, and you find yourself looking at blond hair and black undercut, darkened hooded eyes, and a small drunken smirk on his face.
You vaguely remember staring at his lips and slurring some flirtatious words, and before you know it, you two are out of the club, hands on each other, and lips barely apart. The soft, loving voice of your mother briefly echoes in your head - “Don’t be with someone who doesn’t love you.” But her voice drowns out the moment your desirous eyes and eager lips meet his, and you don’t think you’ll ever regret this. You love the feeling of his lips roughly on yours, like he’s hungry for something, for more. His roaming hands leave a trail of fire with each touch, and you cannot tell if your heart is beating in exhilaration because of you or your soulmate. Whatever, you think to yourself, you don’t care right now because all you can think about is how good it feels to be held by him.
Your back is pushed against the cold wall of the alleyway beside the club, and this coldness strikingly contrasts with the heated kisses and fiery touches of his hands and momentarily clears your mind.
“My apartment is close by,” you mutter in between kisses.
He nods, and you only remember the way back in glimpses between frantic kisses with your hands in his hair and his hands slipping under your short dress, hot breaths between your lips as you continuously find your way back to his, as if you need him, as if he is air.
You don’t even make it to your room before he hoists you up and your legs reactively wrap around his waist. Your hands are back in his hair before you begin raking your nails softly against his back. His hands are slightly colder from being outside but each touch sends a lingering, blazing shiver down your spine. Before you know it, your clothes are thrown off along the hallway to your room.
With half-lidded eyes, you see the blinking starlight through your window blinds, almost as if it’s twinkling in disappointment. But you don’t have the heart to care when he’s leaving trails of fire along your body and your nails are digging lines of raw pink all over his back.
You hope your soulmate somewhere out there also feels the thrills, the excitement, the passion you are feeling right now.
You feel so alive.
When you wake up the next morning, he is gone. If it isn’t for your scattered clothes along the hallway and marks all over your body, it would have been like he was never here in the first place. You are not surprised, but you are not sure if the disappointment you feel in your heart is from you or your soulmate.
.✫彡.✫彡.✫彡.
Funnily enough, you see him again at the next club party you go to. You are just dancing the night away, a little drunk on alcohol and high on emotions, when your body meets his again.
“Wanta get outta here?” he asks over the loud music as his hands are on your waist and yours are around his neck.
“Okay,” you nod and pull him out of the club, stumbling upon the same steps to your apartment, and remembering it happening in the exact same way as last time.
And exactly like last time, he is long gone by the time you wake up, leaving you to feel the same disappointment in your heart.
.✫彡.✫彡.✫彡.
It’s always a good time with him. He is fun, passionate, and it is a little thrilling that he is just some random stranger. But you’re not sure if you can still call him a stranger when this happens for the third time.
“If you just wanted to see me, you could have just called,” you laugh in his ear, hands playing with the hem of his shirt as his ghosts over your thighs.
He looks a little dumbfounded before he joins your laughter and gives you a roguish smirk. “Sorry, my phone’s broken. It didn’t have your number in it.”
You could only stare at him blankly. His sly smile falls off under your unmoving eyes, and he begins to chuckle nervously in embarrassment. You’re not sure if you’re embarrassed because that is lowkey cringe or if your soulmate out there is in another bout of doing something embarrassing, but you laugh softly.
“That was bad,” you admit in between laughs and holds your hand out for his phone, “But here. Let me fix that.”
You see the relief on his face, and the embarrassment you feel in your heart feels subside. He’s interesting, you think, because he wears his heart on his sleeve.
Whatever mood there was before is gone, but you still end up leaving with him after a quick kiss becomes two, three, numberless because it feels like you can’t ever get enough of him. The two of you make your way back to your apartment once again, much like your previous encounters.
However, when you wake up in the morning, you are surprised to find him still next to you. His eyes are closed, but you can tell he’s awake through his twitching eyelids and uneven breathing. He probably missed his chance to leave, you think, and you debated on whether you should spare him the awkwardness and pretend to continue sleeping or to wake up and continue from last night because you’re not quite ready to go back to feeling empty again. You’re a little selfish because you decide that your escape from reality is a little more important to you than his awkwardness.
“Hey,” you sit up slowly to not irritate your pounding head, blanket pooling around your legs, “Wanna join me in the shower?”
You don’t even have to look back as you hear the ruffles of the blanket and feel his arms around your waist.
You are drying your hair with a towel when your eyes trail to his form. His blond hair is still a little flat from being damp and there are still droplets of water on his body when he begins putting on his discarded clothes, and you have to remind yourself to breathe because he knocks the air out of your lungs. He is attractive, and you’re not easily impressed, but there’s just something about him that makes your heart flutter and squeeze excitingly.
But it’s also a little unsettling when you see him in your room in the daylight. Your room is a collection of books, papers and ink, and coffee mugs, and seeing him here with his blond hair, broad shoulders, and smile that’s brighter than the sun is startling because he contrasts so much from your monochrome room. This is the first time you’ve seen him when you’re both completely sober, without the haze of alcohol and the darkness of the night. It’s almost like you’re exposing a part of your life that’s previously only set to nights only. It suddenly hits you that you still don’t even know his name even though you know his body as well as your own by now.
Almost as if he feels your unsettling heart, he turns to question you, “Ya good?”
You nod only because you’re not about to open up to the guy you’ve slept with three times but still don’t know the name of. “I’m fine.”
He looks at you pointedly, but he ruffles his blond hair and doesn’t push it. “Okay, I’ll see ya later?”
You hmm in agreement and laugh, “I’m sure I’ll see you soon.”
.✫彡.✫彡.✫彡.
Contrary to your statement, you don’t see him soon. He’s not at any of the parties you subsequently go to. He never texted you after you put your number in his phone, so you figured he was just here for a good time, not a long time. Knowing this doesn’t help the tightness in your chest when you think about him.
Somehow, you think you finally understand why your roommate only has eyes for guys with long, bleached blond hair because you find that you are naturally attracted to guys who resemble him. You almost end up going home once with a different blond guy when you don’t see him, but you don’t feel the same excitement from his touch so you just left.
You begin to wonder since when did your eyes always look for signs for a tall blond with a lazy smile and addictive kisses. You wonder since when did your body only react so intensely when it comes to his touch. You wonder since when did your soul only feel so vibrant when you are with him.
You wonder if your soulmate out there feels the same too because you’re not getting such vivid liveliness from him these days. You still feel the adrenaline in your blood, the dull aches of your arms and hands, and the usual exhilaration after certain days. However, there’s a sense of lingering mundaneness too. It’s a little funny if you think about it because it’s almost like your soulmate is here with you, feeling the exact same feelings as you.
He’s the one who approaches you first when you see him again months later. It’s the same old story: you’re at the club with your roommate, though she’s coming with you less and less, and you’re just having fun on the dance floor when he appears. When his hand touches you again for the first time, you feel that same electricity, the same intensity that only he draws out.
“Hey,” he smirks, “Ya look good, as always.”
“Hey yourself,” you smile flirtatiously back at him, “You look alright too, I guess.”
His mouth drops and his eyebrows furrowed together like he’s offended at your comment, but you don’t feel that bad since his expression is rather hilarious.
“I missed ya,” he continues, ignoring your previous comment like it doesn’t hurt his ego.
“And I missed you too,” you smile a little more genuinely now.
It doesn’t take long before the two of you are touching, kissing, and leaving together again. It’s always more fun when he’s around, you think to yourself before you lose yourself in him.
For the first time, you two are talking in your bed, still naked, instead of sleeping after being too spent for another round. He’s a little closed off, you think, regarding his personal life, and he’s somewhat reserved and awkward at first. When the topic of careers comes up, his eyes light up under the dim lights and he tells you he’s a volleyball player in Osaka and he’s only in Tokyo for random occasions.
Ah, this explains the long absence.
You listen to him as he passionately talks about the sport, his Kansai accent slipping out more and more as he talks. You can just hear how much he loves it and the silent message of how little room he has in his life for anything else.
You tell him you don’t have anything you’re passionate about. He is confused by your statement like he’s surprised that there’s someone with no passions in life, like he’s almost offended that you have no passion in life. You only shrug and continue to tell him you volunteer at the animal shelter, and you write occasionally sometimes because it is your major.
“Really? Ya seem to be someone with a lot of passion for life just from the way ya kiss,” he comments offhandedly as he rolls to his side towards you and props his body up on his elbows, eyes looking into yours.
It takes you by surprise because no one has ever told you anything like that. “You think so?” you ask as your eyes meet his. You tug softly on his arm to pull him towards you, and when he lays back down and wraps an arm around you, you absentmindedly play with the ends of his hair.
He hums in agreement as he relaxes into your touch. There’s a sense of domesticity in this situation that makes you feel both scared and comfortable. You haven’t experienced this sort of intimacy with anyone else, where you are just talking about life still naked after fucking, and it’s scary because it’s so unknown. But there’s just something about being with him that feels so at home, like he’s supposed to be relaxing in your touch as you play with his hair, like he’s supposed to believe in you and inspire you to chase your passions, like he’s supposed to be here with you. Your heart flutters as the conversations continue through the night. You try not to think about it because maybe your soulmate has suspiciously crazy good timing and is the one with the pulsing heart.
The two of you fall asleep only when dawn comes and the first rays of the sunlight hit peek through the blinds. Unlike the stars that seemingly twinkle in disappointment, the soft lights look gentle, hopeful, positive, in a way you haven’t thought of in years. When you see his sleeping face, his mouth is slightly gaped open and his limbs are taking up all the bed space, you find that it’s a little endearing.
Your heart flutters again, and this time, you don’t fight the fact that you know it’s you and your dumb heart, not your soulmate’s, that’s animatedly beating like this.
.✫彡.✫彡.✫彡.
“I said sign me the fuck up, not assign me the fuck up,” you groan into your hands. The forming headache from earlier exacerbates into throbbing pains of a migraine.
Your roommate just pitifully pats your head before she just says, “Unlucky. How’s he even a fuck up? Isn’t he like, on his way to becoming a professional volleyball player?”
“Well, okay, he’s not really like a fuck up. But yeah, basically, he only cares about, like, one thing and one thing only: volleyball,” you continue to whine as you bury your face in your arms. “God, I knew blond guys with poor dye jobs were a bad idea.”
“No,” your roommate rebuttals, probably because her now not-boyfriend-but-basically-boyfriend’s black roots are showing and he definitely needs a retouch on that blond soon, “Being friends with benefits was. You’ll always end up catching feels, babe.”
Your roommate’s words from forever ago echo in your head - “What’s the point of love if it doesn’t consume you?”
“Ughhhhh,” you groan again, purposely dragging out the sound to express your exasperation. You hate that she’s right. You hate that you kind of had an idea this was going to happen. You hate that your stupid fuck buddy is so stupidly hot, and he makes you feel so alive .
“So what are you going to do now?” your roommate questions as she pulls your head out of your hands and into her lap, fingers softly playing with your hair and soothing the tension from your headache.
You pause for a moment as you move your arm to shield your eyes from the light before you answer truthfully, “I don’t know. It’s kinda… scary.”
She hmms in agreement. “It is. But isn’t it better to just fall? He doesn’t seem like the type to let you fall.”
“I don’t know,” you mutter weakly again, “I never know with him. He’s driven by things he’s passionate about, and he’s always either giving his 0% or 120% into whatever he loves, like volleyball. I’m just a booty call. I’m scared to be 0%.”
“Babe, I don’t think you’re 0% if he’s still hitting you up every single time he’s in Tokyo.”
.✫彡.✫彡.✫彡.
He texts you first. It comes at an unexpected moment for you because your soulmate is going through a series of accelerated palpitations and a sense of hesitance that makes even your palms sweat, and when it arrives, this nervous energy doesn’t leave you. You feel a little anxious, but you’re not sure if that’s because your soulmate is so jittery right now or if you are scared to open his text.
When you finally open it, you forget how to breathe for a moment. If you were confused about whose beating heart and jitteriness it was before, you were definitely unsure now. Your racing heart adds onto this tension right now, and you make sure to read it twice, thrice, before you exhale softly.
In hindsight, it’s not even a special message, but when you think about how this could complicate things, how this will change from being just whatever you guys are right now to being something more, your heart flutters a little more.
“wanna come to my volleyball game?”
You force yourself to take a deep breath, repeating the words inhale and exhale in your mind like a mantra before you respond with a simple “sure.”
The instant relief you feel in your heart comes quicker than a ray of light. Once again, you are unsure whether that relief is coming from your soulmate or you, but either way, you are just glad you can breathe again.
You try to not think about the giddiness in your heart and the matching smile on your face.
.✫彡.✫彡.✫彡.
“Bro, what the fuck do I wear to a volleyball game?” you cry out in frustration as all you look through all the clothes you dug out from your closet.
Your roommate walks through your door, “Dude, what the fuck?” She makes a disgusted face as she walks into your room, picking up pieces of clothing along the way, “You’re just going to a volleyball game, just wear something comfy and cute.”
You let out a strange noise before you plant your face into the small mountain of clothing you accumulated. Your roommate sighs before you hear some ruffling and feel a light tap on your head.
“Here, wear this,” she offers. “You’re thinking too hard about it. Just have fun!”
You take the clothes out of her hand and let out another noise. Your roommate only laughs at you before she pats your head, “Okay, go on. Don’t want you to be late for your date!”
A feral noise comes out of your mouth as you try to hide your embarrassment. “It’s not a date!”
She laughs again and before you can yell at her, your phone lights up. Your eyes naturally trail to the blue light of your phone, and you see a text message from him. You quickly open the text, and your face heats up a bit when you see a picture of him in his black jersey, flashing a peace sign with a lazy smirk. He is almost handsome enough to distract you from the cringe caption that comes along the picture.
“hope ur ready to see me smack that ball like i smack ur ass ;)”
You snicker because oh my god he’s so embarrassing . Your fingers automatically type a quick response.
“yikes. hope you smack it harder than you smack my ass bc it ain’t going over the net otherwise :p”
In milliseconds, you receive a short “what!!!! :(“ in return, and you burst out laughing.
All the worries of what to wear and the tension in your body dissipates as the sound of your laughter rings in the room. From the corner of your eye, you see the small journal you kept in high school with the list of things you’d like to accomplish in life. Remembering the last item of the list to check off, to fall in love and be loved in return, you scoff softly to yourself. There’s a sense of acceptance and sereneness as you admit that you can check off the first part now because you are undeniably falling in love with this idiot.
However, minutes later, your face heats up because you feel so embarrassed. It almost feels like your soul is leaving your body because you just wanted to be swallowed up by the earth. You could only hope your soulmate is okay.
.✫彡.✫彡.✫彡.
To be honest, you’ve never gone to a volleyball game before, but the rush of emotions and energy in the area fills you up. It brings you a sense of passion, intensity, and you take in this moment and capture it in your mind. You mentally make a note to incorporate this feeling into the new piece you’re writing.
The actual game goes by in a blur, partially because you don’t know what’s going on but also because the heat, the rush just draws you into the moment and you are hyper-aware of all the movements in the court. As Atsumu goes up to serve, you see his brown eyes scan the crowd, and when he spots you, he smirks and points a finger at you as if he’s saying this serve is for you.
The crowd goes wild by his gesture, and the teenage girls sitting in front of you, the middle-aged man sitting behind you, and the grandma next to you all squeal and argue half-heartedly who he is pointing to. You only laugh, hoping he is too far away to spot your heated cheeks, before you flash him a quick thumbs-up, hoping he’ll catch it before he focuses on the game again.
He puts too much power into his spike and misses his serve, and his face is comically dejected so you laugh quietly under your breath because he just missed the serve he dedicated for you. You see his teammates go up to him, the one with the black and white hair slapping his back with a hearty laugh and the one with orange hair bouncing to him to make a joke. Only then, you feel a pang of embarrassment in your heart, and you wonder if this is what Atsumu feels at the moment. You are beginning to craft up a ludicrous theory that he’s your soulmate because somehow, your soulmate always has impeccable timing attune to your emotions and what’s happening around you.
The rest of the game goes by in a swoosh. There is a combination of bam, whoosh, and wham, and there is a boing here and there. It becomes more BAM and sploosh after the player with the black and white hair keeps scoring points, and this seems to fire up the orange-colored hair player and Atsumu even more. The colored hair trio continues to score points, almost as if they are feeding off each other’s energy and trying to one-up one another. Though the latter is more like Atsumu trying not to be outshined by his teammates, you laugh to yourself.
They end up playing three sets and win the game. You are honestly amazed because you can barely keep up watching. Now, you have a newfound admiration for Atsumu. The cheers in the stadium are loud, deafening, but all that drowns out when you see Atsumu’s genuine smile. He looks so excited, happy, and your heart beats in exhilaration. Your eyes meet, and you flash him a bright smile because you cannot contain the energy in this arena, his happiness, and the exhilaration in your heart within you. For a moment, his smile drops and he only gawks at you before his two teammates from earlier slap his back again, causing him to bend over from the force. His eyes only leave yours then, but it seems like his two teammates are curious about what he is looking at. Following his gaze, you now find yourself looking at 2 additional pairs of eyes, and suddenly you feel a little shy. You give a small wave, and they wave back boisterously before they begin to exclaim something to Atsumu before you feel a new sense of embarrassment in your heart again.
The crowd thins out as Atsumu and his teammates make their way towards you. You suspect that this is more so because you’re next to the exit than anything, but they all stop to greet you with knowing smiles on their faces. You try to take it at face value and not think too much into the meaning behind their smiles. The two that introduce themselves as Tomas Adriah and Barnes Oriver leave after a wave. Shortly after a pleasant conversation, the ones named Meian Shuugo and Inunaki Shion follow suit. This leaves you with the colored hair trio, who is currently arguing and strangely reminds you of the three stooges, and a player with wavy black hair and two moles on the right side of his forehead. He’s beautiful even with his mask on if you’re honest, and his calmness feels like a breath of fresh air here.
You hold out a hand to introduce yourself, but before you can say anything, you see him squeeze some hand sanitizer into your palms. You blink twice before you mutter a soft thank you and rub your hands together. A little peculiar, but you appreciate the value of cleanliness. After your hands are clean, you try the introductions again. This time, he introduces himself as Sakusa Kiyoomi.
Your hands are still connected when Atsumu swings an arm around Sakusa, breaking off your handshake. You see the disgruntled look on Sakusa’s face as you catch Atsumu’s eyes fleetingly before he turns to talk to Sakusa loudly about something. Just then, you see orange hair bouncing to you, and within seconds, you find sparkling brown eyes staring at you.
“Hi!! I’m Hinata!!” He greets you eagerly.
Before you could reply, the taller player with black and white hair pushes Hinata down, his sparkling golden eyes that match Hinata’s in excitement, and he loudly introduces himself. “Hey hey hey!! I’m Bokuto!!”
You could only introduce yourself briefly before they start talking again.
“You must be the girl Tsumtsum talks about!! Did you know he tripped before the game started today, and he was soooo embarrassed??” Bokuto starts playfully as he leans closer. He is so tall and muscular, and you feel so small in comparison.
“Yeah!! You must be the reason why he tried so hard to look cool serving today!” Hinata merrily adds as he leans in closer too, laughing at the expense of Atsumu.
Atsumu’s “Hey!! Shut up!!” could be heard softly in the background as they continue. Your mouth only drops a little bit. You try to chalk your shock up to the fact that they still have so much energy despite just playing three sets of a difficult game, and not because they are telling you things you’re not sure if you’re supposed to know. After all, this gives you a sense of hope that you may not be 0%.
“Well, too bad he still missed those serves…” you inject teasingly.
At that, Hinata and Bokuto burst out laughing, and you join in their contagious laughter before Atsumu leaves Sakusa and whacks his teammates softly before the three of them begin bickering lightheartedly.
“You guys are both terrible and embarrassing. Goodbye,” Sakusa sighs as he makes his way out of the stadium.
You meet Sakusa’s eyes as he leaves, and you nod in agreement. He gives you a nod in return, and you think you discover a newfound sense of comradery with Sakusa.
The trio waves goodbye to Sakusa before going back to bickering. You can hardly keep up with the energy, but it’s so fun. You catch Hinata saying something about how Atsumu is failing at all his attempts to be cool and how Atsumu is furiously denying it because he’s naturally born cool. When you guys finally part ways, you pretend not to see Bokuto and Hinata’s attempt at wiggling their eyebrows and flashing conspicuous smiles at Atsumu.
“Ignore them” is the first thing he says after he flips them off and turns to you. You only hum in acknowledgment, laughter bubbling up.
“They’re fun,” you offer with a small laugh.
“They’re scrubs, but I guess they’re kind of okay sometimes,” he huffs.
“You guys are cute,” you coo teasingly, “Are you what they call… a tsundere?”
“Shut up,” he grumbles with flushed cheeks.
You pat his arm softly as you laugh. “You did great today, by the way. It was all bam and whoosh and wham!! I can see why you like volleyball so much now.”
His face scrunches up at your description of the match, but his brown eyes light up nevertheless. He begins to zealously talk about the game. While you are listening to him, all you can think about is how he outshines the twinkling stars and how beautiful he looks in his messy hair and sweaty jersey.
“Are you listening to me?” he pouts when he finds you not very responsive.
“I am,” you reply half-heartedly, still a little too taken with him.
“Then, what did I just say?” he questions dubiously, one eyebrow raised.
“How you missed your first serve and definitely did not smack that ball as hard as you smack my ass,” you poke fun at him.
His face falls almost comically, but you can’t help yourself from laughing because he’s just so fun to tease.
“I’ll show you how hard I can smack that ass alright,” he grins with a smug look on his face as he pretends that your last comment didn’t hurt.
You tug on the collar of his jacket before you pull him into a kiss. “I suppose I can indulge my winner tonight,” you mutter with a sly smile.
.✫彡.✫彡.✫彡.
Pillow talk becomes something that’s happening more and more often between the two of you, and you’re not sure what to make of it. He is the type of person who is independent, and you kind of get the idea that he is a little awkward around his feelings despite his front. It’s nice, you think, because he is opening up more and more to you. He is still relatively drawn back, but he is slowly letting you in, and it makes your heart flutter in hope.
Much like the nth times before, you two are talking about such mundane things that shouldn’t make your heart wild, but it does. He tells you about his twin brother and how they used to play volleyball together, how betrayed and hurt he felt at the end of high school when his twin decided to pursue a different career than volleyball. Your mind briefly wanders back to laying on the rooftop, feeling the wind in your hair, and holding your hand like you’re trying to hold your soulmate’s as he falls apart. He tells you about his previous teammates and how they still keep in touch and try to schedule yearly hangouts. He tells you about his dreams and how he will play for the Japanese national team one day.
His speech is always so animated and passionate, and you look at him with admiration in your eyes. You share bits and pieces about your life because it’s only fair he gets to know you when you know so much about him. There’s not much to say about yourself because you feel so boring, so you opt to talk about the stories inside your head.
You scrunch your eyebrows together, trying to condense the storyline to not spoil him, as you tell him about the historical fantasy piece you’re writing. You tell him about the characters, their backstories, and the worlds you’ve crafted for them, explaining each one and their feelings with wild gestures of your hands. You tell him about the short and arguably bad poems you write sometimes for a change of pace and will never show anyone because it’s so embarrassing. You tell him quietly about the unfinished story of a girl who checks things off a to-do list because she feels like she has nothing and is on a journey to find something, anything.
“How does that one end?” he asks eagerly.
When you look at him after you describe your life, your heart thumps loudly and wildly and you almost forget how to breathe because out of all the stories he takes interest in, he picks the one about you. He’s looking at you with so much curiosity and affection in his eyes. There’s something more there, but you’re scared to think it is what you think it is.
You wonder if that’s how you look at him.
“I don’t know,” you finally breathe out, “I’ll let you know one day when I know.”
He hmph softly, like a child who doesn’t get the answer he wants. “Will ya read it to me then?”
You pause because this implies that he’ll be around, he’ll be here to find out how your story unfolds. You want that so, so badly, but you settle for a quiet, “Maybe.”
He seems to be pleased enough with your answer. His hand is playing with yours, and you find that he is gradually becoming more and more touchy as time goes on. There’s a crease in his brows that makes you wonder what he’s thinking so hard about. There is an unspoken tension between the two of you, and you’re not sure if you want to break it. What you guys have right now is fragile, and you’re scared that if you say anything it will shatter. You don’t think he wants to address this either because he just doesn’t seem to have the time or will to commit to anything with you. You are okay with this, you think, because it is what you expected, but it still sends a pang to your heart.
Surprisingly, he does address this though. He always wears his emotions on his sleeve and his every reaction is always on his face, and it makes you appreciate him because he is always surprisingly honest, albeit blunt sometimes.
“I like ya, but let’s not fall in love.”
The statement comes out straightforward, and it almost catches you by surprise.
“What do you mean?” you ask softly, head tilted to the side and hand tugging slightly at his because sometimes his intentions don’t come across well with his blunt words.
He looks at you with that same something in his eyes that you’re scared to identify. His eyebrows scrunch together as if he’s trying to formulate the words to express his feelings. “The word love feels too constricting,” he eventually mutters.
“Should we stop this then?” you ask quietly, retracting your hand hesitantly.
He stares at you like he’s confused, and you find it a little difficult to look him back in the eye. Well, honesty is always the best policy, so if he’s honest with you, you might as well be honest with him.
“Because I like you,” you admit softly.
His mouth drops into a small ‘o’, and you think this is an awful moment for your soulmate to have such a rapidly beating heart because you almost think it’s your own, almost hope that it’s Atsumu and it’s his heart that’s beating like this.
“What we have now is fun, but I don’t think it’s fair if I’m the only one falling,” you add on quietly.
“I like ya,” he repeats as he grabs your hand, a glint of desperation in his eyes, “But I just can’t promise a tomorrow.”
You hum in acknowledgment before you meet his eyes again, and there are flashes of too many emotions. You pull back your hand slowly, “I understand.”
You really do because there’s something so scary about falling, about the unknown, about not knowing the ending. You know he can’t promise tomorrow because he lives for now, but when you are living in now, you can’t help but think about tomorrow. You can’t help but want him to be there for tomorrow, for the days after, for as long as you can foresee. Maybe you are also holding back to prevent yourself from falling deeper too, you think, so you just settle for leaving this in more than friends with benefits and less than lovers as it is now. Just as those words leave your mouth, his brown eyes dull in defeat and he gets up to leave.
“It was fun,” he tells you on his way out.
“It was,” you agree.
He looks back, but you’re too afraid to meet his eyes, so you settle for an awkward smile as you pull the blanket around you, desperately trying to cling onto the warmth he’s leaving behind.
You’re unsure if your heartache and tears are from your soulmate or you, but all you can do is muffle the sound of your sobs into your blanket as you breathe in the last of him.
.✫彡.✫彡.✫彡.
You end up taking up more hours at the animal shelter, and you begin writing out the thoughts inside your head. It’s kind of therapeutic because you can weave together a world, a reality that’s not yours. Sometimes, you are just staring at a blank page on the screen because you don’t have it in you to write, but you just end up trying to type out your incoherent thoughts anyways because it feels like it’s a way to get it off your chest, because it feels like you can live somewhere else as someone whose heart isn’t constantly in pain.
And, if your mind and fingers are preoccupied with creating, typing out a story then there are fewer chances that you end up thinking about brown eyes and dyed blond hair and smile brighter than the sun, fewer chances you end up texting him the thoughts inside your head and the feelings inside your heart.
It doesn’t work though because you find that all your stories have some parts of him in there. The protagonist that you unconsciously modeled after him, the love interest with his passion for life, the best friend with his embarrassing tendencies, the villain with his hunger for more, everything comes back to him.
You try not to think about the constant dull heartache and mild confusion that resides in your heart. You try to not mind the fact that there’s a constant hope somewhere in the back of your mind that whenever your phone lights up, it’s a message from him, and the tightness of your heart when it isn’t.
You wonder if he feels the same way.
It’s a Saturday night, and usually, you’d ask if your roommate wants to hit the club with you. Then you realize Atsumu just had a game in Tokyo, and you always somehow end up bumping into him at clubs. You only wrap yourself in your blanket once again as you curl up in a ball. You feel a little woozy like you’ve had too much alcohol, and your head is throbbing. Your soulmate has been drinking a lot in the past month, you think, and it’s a little crazy because this past month without Atsumu has been a little bit of a new low for you too. You almost hope that your theory about Atsumu being your soulmate is wrong because you’re a little concerned if he’s drinking so much recently.
When your phone lights up and vibrates, signaling a text message, you mindlessly grab it because you are expecting a text from your roommate.
But it is from Atsumu, and all the air in your lungs leaves you when you read his message.
“i miss u”
You’re hesitant in responding. You want it to mean something, mean he actually misses you and cares about you, but you’re scared to get your hopes up. What if it isn’t even meant for you?
You only respond with a short, “are you drunk?”
“maybr but i miss u all the samne”
You don’t know how to respond, but he continues to send you texts before you can think of a response.
“i miss sseein u in my ned and dryin u hair aftet hsowers”
“i hera ur laugh wjen i makr a joke anf ur all i think fo when i ssemll books and inkk”
“i c u efvrywhere i go”
“i thik im in luv w u”
Your heart is drumming instantaneously to an irregular rhythm, and you exhale forcibly when you read his last message. The message becomes blurry on your screen as your tears drop. Your mind is feeling a million things and your heart cannot keep up with his confessions. He’s drunk right now, you think to yourself, so don’t take this to heart. Don’t think too much into it. Don’t.
“you’re drunk tsumu”
You are about to type more when you see him send another message.
“can i cone c u”
“pls”
You see the three dots at the bottom of your screen before it stops. Shortly after, you see the three dots again and you wait in anticipation, subconsciously holding your breath as you bite your lip.
“Hello, this is Meian. Sorry about Atsumu. He’s drunk, but he is true in his feelings. I think he (and the rest of the team) would appreciate it if you could spare some time to talk to him. You don’t have to if you don’t want to or feel uncomfortable though.”
You don’t know what to think, but you are reluctant to see him. “What is the point of love if it doesn’t consume you?” echoes in your mind. You remember wanting to be absorbed in love, to find passion that makes you feel alive, and you find that in Atsumu. You realize you can’t keep holding back like this if you want to live, and you’ve always wanted an adventure and he is your greatest one. He is someone you are willing to fall for, even if you aren’t his 120%, because he makes you feel like you are 120%. You take a deep breath and begin typing.
“okay. where are you guys?”
Meian drops you a pin, and you realize it’s the park you two always pass by on the way back from the club. You fight the slight dizziness in your head as you get up to put on your black coat with gold trims that oddly reminds you of his jersey and head out. Your heart is running at a million miles per hour, but the burn in your lungs as you breathe in the cold air oddly gives you a sense of calmness and clears your head.
You are not sure what you want from this - you do, but you don’t want to say it aloud because what if you jinxed it. You are trying to calm your raging heart as you near his location. Your head is getting clearer and clearer, and you wonder if your soulmate is finally sobering up.
You arrive at a park shortly after. You see Atsumu slump on a bench, arm over his eyes as if he’s contemplating his life. You see some of his teammates around him, Meian and Bokuto sitting on either side of him, Hinata crouching in front of him, and Sakusa standing close by but not in their proximity, saying something you cannot make out. When Bokuto spots you, his golden eyes light up under the lamplight and wave you over vigorously. The rest of the team follows, but all you can focus on is Atsumu raising his arm slightly to peek at you.
Sakusa is the first to approach you, and he nods as a greeting. You nod back, and his voice is even, albeit frustrated, you think, as he says, “Please talk some sense into this idiot.”
Your throat dries, but you nod again nevertheless. “I’m not sure if anyone can talk anything into him,” you offer with a dry chuckle.
He sighs in agreement before he looks at you with something akin to sympathy in his eyes. “Good luck.”
Bokuto comes up as Sakusa leaves. His good-natured eyes and energetic smile energizes you, and it momentarily brings a small smile to your face.
“Hey!! Thank goodness you’re here! Tsumtsum’s been in a slump ever since you stopped hanging around. He’s a good guy!”
“Yeah!” Hinata’s voice chirps in, eyes bright and smile even brighter, “He’s a little troublesome, but he’s a good guy.”
The two of them look like they are about to continue saying more when Meian comes and places a hand on both of their heads and ruffles their hair a little to stop their tracks. It’s kind of sweet, and it warms your heart a little bit because it looks like a dad calming down his children.
“Good to see you here. As they said, Atsumu is a good kid, but I’m sure you already know that,” Meian says with a small knowing smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling.
“I do,” you admit softly and return his smile.
“Alright, well we were just here to make sure he got here okay. Here are our numbers if you don’t want to deal with him anymore,” Meian laughs softly.
You whisper a soft thank you before your eyes flicker to where Atsumu is sitting. He is still slumped over, though you can see the red in his cheeks and the tip of his ears. It’s kind of adorable, and it makes you smile, but your feet feel glued to the ground when you want to step forward. You know you told yourself it’s okay to embrace these feelings, to fall, but it doesn’t make you any less afraid. Your brain is prepared but your heart is still scared.
As if the trio senses your uncertainty, Hinata starts, “Tsumtsum’s an honest guy, so he wouldn’t say anything he doesn’t mean!”
Bokuto nods his head vigorously and cheers you on. “Yeah!! Go for it!!”
Meian just pats your shoulder and ushers the two with him as he walks forward. “Go.”
You inhale a deep breath and nod, feeling like they just gave you wings to move forward. “Thank you.”
They laugh it off before they walk off, and you can still make out some of their conversations - something about making Atsumu treat them some A1 wagyu steaks and “oooh, what about all you can eat BBQ!” next time.
With newfound confidence, you walk towards the bench where Atsumu is sitting. He peeks at you from under his arm again but doesn’t say anything otherwise. You take a seat next to him, leaving some space in between despite the cold weather enveloping you. The two of you sit in silence for a minute, and it’s so quiet that you feel like you can hear your pulsing heart. You stare at the evening sky and take in the stars that no longer seem like they twinkling in disappointment.
He tugs the end of your sleeve, and this pulls you out of your reverie. “I wasn’t lyin’,” he says softly. You can smell the alcohol in his breath and hear the slight slur in his voice, but he sounds genuine and exposed.
“I don’t know what you want from me,” you silently admit.
His fingers on the ends of your sleeve make their way into your cold hand, instantly starting a fire on your hands and burning into your heart. “I just want ya.”
Your head snaps to look at him, and for the first time in a month, you’re really looking at him. You see his honest and hopeful brown eyes, face red from the winds or the alcohol or from being so raw, and form tense, almost as if he’s scared to hear the answer. You miss seeing him, being next to him, being with him.
“I thought you didn’t want to fall in love,” you respond faintly, almost inaudibly because he is holding your hand and it sets your soul ablaze in a way that you only feel when you’re with him. You’ve wanted to hear those words for so long because you’re absolutely in love with him and you’re scared to get your hopes up only to have them crushed again.
“I didn’t,” he admits honestly, “But it was too late. I see traces of ya everywhere even when ya aren’t there - in the crowds, at coffee shops and bookstores, at home when I’m back after a long day. Even when I close my eyes, I can see yer dumb smile and hear yer cute laugh, and it drives me insane.”
You smile as you whack him lightly with your other hand. “My smile isn’t dumb!”
“It makes me dumb, so it’s dumb,” he argues with a pout, but his pout fades into a smile that matches your own.
“That makes no sense, dummy,” you whack him softly again. You are almost afraid to process the latter of his statements because your heart is pounding so hard you can’t focus. You don’t miss the softness in his eyes or the affectionate smile when he’s looking at you, the gentleness and warmth of his hands as he’s holding yours.
“I think I was already in love with ya,” he confesses softly and squeezes your hand.
You can only stare at him. You feel a sudden rush of heat and excitement, of longing finally answered, of magic and love that sparkles and fills your heart and down to the depths of your soul. The words you never thought you would hear from him, the feelings you never thought would be returned, is right here. He is right here. Your heart is on fire, and you’re so hot it feels like you’re melting despite the cold weather. You feel like you’re on top of the world.
“I love you,” you whisper hesitantly as you search his eyes, not wanting to scare him off. You know he is a free spirit, and he doesn’t want and shouldn’t be tied to anything he doesn’t want to. When you only find the same look he gave you in his eyes, you can now finally put a name to the emotion: love. It gives you more confidence to squeeze his hand back and continue. “I love you with all my soul, with everything I have in me, from the beginning until the end of everything.”
Your heart beats madly and irrevocably, and for a moment you’re not sure if that’s your soulmate’s heartbeat or your own. You can only disorientedly stare at him, and he takes this moment to take your shaking hand and place it on his heart. You feel the rapid pace of his heart, and your accelerated heartbeats sync together in beats. His thumb gently brushes against your knuckles, and you find that this is a reality you don’t want to escape.
“It’s the same,” he affirms, easily and unquestionably.
“It’s the same,” you repeat slowly, words breathe out airily, and you are still a little in disbelief. “Looks like I stole your heart, huh?” you laugh softly.
“It was yer’s for the taking,” he replies honestly with a grin.
The distance between the two of you is gone, and you bask in his warmth. Your heart feels absolutely at peace and in love, and you’re wondering if your soulmate is feeling the same thing.
“You know,” you start, voicing out a theory you’ve had for a while, “Sometimes I think you’re my soulmate.”
He stares at you dumbly. “Huh, ya know, I’ve been thinking the same thing for a while too. I just wanta sleep sometimes after a long day, but then I suddenly feel excited and caffeinated and then want to cry in the middle of the night. There’s no one else I know who’s like this except for ya because I know ya do this when ya write the stories inside yer head.”
You stare at him. You don’t realize that he notices these small things about you, that he watches the way your face contours into a smile or falls into tears when you invest yourself in your stories. You can only smile wholeheartedly. “No one else has so many embarrassing moments that it makes me embarrassed and want to hide in a hole.”
“What!” he exclaims and adamantly insists, “I’m always cool and suave!”
“Uh, yeah, that ain’t it chief,” you retort with a grin. “You’re kinda embarrassing.”
He puffs his cheeks and pouts. You smile as you poke his cheek. He’s so cute. When his eyes meet yours again, your world stills. He is handsome, you think, as he leans closer to you. There’s something magical about this moment, and when he finally kisses you this time, delicately and hesitantly almost like he’s afraid and uncertain to, it feels different from the lustful, passionate kisses at night. It feels softer, indulgent, and it sparks a fire in your soul, like neon lights in a world gray, like summer in December, like you’ve been consumed wholly by love. When you finally separate for air, all you can do is mutter an airy, “Again.”
He swiftly kisses you again, and you kiss once, twice, until all you can think about in this moment is him.
.✫彡.✫彡.✫彡.
You are writing your graduation project when you hear loud footsteps behind you. The scent of spices and soft cinnamon hits your nose before strong arms wrap around your torso. Blond hair tickles the side of your face as Atsumu rests his chin on your shoulders.
“Good morning,” you greet softly. It’s still early in the morning, and you’re a little surprised he is awake before his first alarm for his morning run.
“Mornin’, love. Whatcha doing?” he asks as he stifles a yawn, voice still groggy.
“Finishing a long-overdue story,” you hum out in response, your eyes never leaving your computer and fingers still on the keyboard.
You continue to work as Atsumu holds you, and for a moment, you think he must have fallen back asleep because he’s so quiet. That idea quickly disappears as he kisses your cheek, his stubble tickling your skin. When you laugh lightly and swat him away, he groans out in frustration from the lack of attention and buries his head in the crook of your neck.
You only laugh again, “I’m almost done, Tsumu.”
He whines in response before he lifts his head and settles his chin on your shoulder again. He quiets, and you can feel his eyes following the movement of your fingers as you type.
“Whatcha writing about?” he asks curiously, eyes now glancing at the words on the screen.
“The girl who felt like she had nothing,” you hum softly, a little distracted. “Then a dumb idiot came and made her realize she had everything all along.”
“Does it have a happy ending?” he asks, curiously, playfully, and almost shyly. He remembers you telling him about this story, about you from days long ago.
You stop typing momentarily and turn to meet his brown eyes and a soft smile. In moments like these, you wonder how you are so lucky. Your heartbeats sync together, and in his eyes, you find the passion you’ve always dreamed of, the 120% you’ve never thought you could be, and the love you’ve always wanted that consumes your heart and soul.
“I love you,” you breathe out.
His enthusiastic smile and loving eyes already answer you silently before he says it, but when he whispers “I love ya too”, it feels exciting yet peaceful, full of contradictions, but it feels so soft, whole, complete, and you want to live in this moment forever.
“A love like ours doesn’t have an ending, dummy.” The corners of your eyes crinkle in joy as you lean your forehead against his.
“Good,” he responds, hand tucking the loose strands of your hair from your bun behind your ear, “That means I get to keep ya forever.”
You hum in agreement. The thought of your bucket list from high school that you started to find fun briefly flashes in your mind, and you are glad to know that you don’t need things to check off to find fulfillment because you already have all that you want right here. But, you admit, you are glad you can finally cross out the final item of falling in love and being loved in return because you find that in Atsumu. He pushes you to find your passions, to fulfill your dreams, and he is your home regardless of whether you succeed or not. Whatever it is, whenever it is, you know he loves you all the same because he always looks at you like this , like he can see the stars in your eyes, like you hang the moon up every night, like you’re brighter than the sun.
“Yeah, forever sounds good.”
.✫彡.✫彡.✫彡.
stole your heart, and I got lucky. stole your heart, and it was mine in a million ways, for a million days.
end notes: pls don’t ask me how this soulmate au works. i don’t know either.
#miya atsumu#haikyuu#haikyuu x reader#miya atsumu x reader#atsumu x reader#hq!!#haikyuu!!#miya atsumu x you#haikyuu x you#sorry this got kinda long#lowkey inspired by million days by sabai and lets not fall in love by big bang#head empty miya atsumu only#sometimes i write things#idk why these keep getting longer and longer when i just wanted to write a short fic#im sorry i have the vocab of a child#dunno how to describe volleyball games so i went the Hinata route#text
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hey Lena! non-writing related question but what's your suggestions for learning a language at home. I signed up to take Spanish in school but didn't get it and so I thought I'd learn french at home instead 😅. Any tips on how to start? Where to begin? I only know basic words like colors, animals and basic sentences.
damn. my specialty.
Hi Brianna, that’s like such a good question haha! Alright so I am being taught German at school but I am learning Spanish and French on my own (although they’ve kinda taken a back seat during my a levels) Soooo there’s things i do for all three which can apply here :) p.s sorry this is so long :’)
- Okay, so first Duolingo is amazing if you don’t already have it. It’s probably more useful for beginners but i use it to go back over the basics in German too. It basically takes you through everything from the very very basics. It has you listen, speak, type and click right answers. It has short stories on there for when you hit a certain level, there’s challenges and everything. It’s really good and easy to use.
- Second, I recommend Quizlet. It can actually be used for any subject but I only use it for languages. You can search almost anything on there and it basically comes up with a flashcard pack.
- So for instance, i’m learning about the fall of the Berlin Wall. There’s a lot of vocabulary that comes with that. So i could type in “Der Wende” into Quizlet and it will come up with flashcard packs with words associated with that.
- You can flip through them, answer on one side and questions on the other, and then you can learn them. Basically it’ll ask you to click right answers, type the English, type the French etc - it’s brilliant for vocab!!!
- Another thing is listening to French music (which i do anyway because it’s so nice holy crap) So, type into Spotify (or whatever you use) French music (or soft, or pop, or rock) and find some stuff you like. Even if you don’t understand what they’re saying, you’re still being exposed to the words. And if you want, later, you can look up the lyrics and translation so that when you come back to listen, you know what’s going on. If you want, i can recommend some artists i like :)
- Watch French tv programmes. As of right now, i actually don’t know any. If you were doing Spanish or German i could give you so many but i’m sure if you searched on Netflix or Amazon Prime you can find some. Now watch them with English subtitles - i know it seems like that’s defeating the purpose, but listening to the French and seeing the English really helps with understanding and vocab. Plus, you’re hearing the words which helps with pronunciation andddd often times you’ll learn some slang.
- Watch French kids tv shows. You know how we all used to watch Dora the Explorer orrr Care Bears etc. It’s very simple language and targeted to kids who are actually beginners at their own language, just like you. It’ll be simple and easy to follow :) It may seem ridiculous to watch but it’s actually really helpful.
- Read French kids books. Even if they’re like 10 words a page and filled with pictures, it’s just getting your basic understanding. And as you progress in the language, you can get harder and harder books to read. Essentially you’re starting off the language and a child so you have to cater to that.
- Watch English programmes with French subtitles. I do this all the time. Some tv shows won’t let you but a lot will. It’s just hearing the English and seeing the French which just helps with your vocab and understanding.
- Speak to yourself in French. You know how we all talk to ourselves (don’t deny it). Do it in French. Even if you don’t know all the words in French, the ones you do know, just say them in French. Constantly speaking the language you’re wanting to learn is amazing. It means you aren’t forgetting things and constantly working on your pronunciation.
- Listen to French Podcasts. Okay don’t go looking for really long and political French podcasts that you just won’t understand. Often times there’s gonna be podcasts in French for people who are learning it. These are great to listen to in your spare time or when you’re cleaning your room or something - again don’t worry if you don’t understand it all, it’s just hearing the language and understanding what you know and learning new things.
- Watch/listen/read French news. It doesn’t have to be a 30 minute news program or a 5 page article but doing this in smaller chunks can help. I’m sure if you google, you’ll find articles/videos etc. Again, i’m repeating myself but it helps with your understanding, pronunciation, vocab... and a g a i n - don’t worry if you don’t understand it all.
- Find people who are teaching French on youtube. They’ll go through things and teach you things that may be harder for you to learn on your own. Make sure you’re finding a native French speaker though, they’ll be the best.
- Im not totally sure on french tenses and word genders but i have mine all up on my wall. German is very different but i always write tenses and genders down and stick them on my wall so i never forget. This can work for anything though, it doesn’t have to be tenses etc.
- I do this a lot - Listen to Disney songs in French. This is such a fun way to learn a language. Obviously, it won’t be a direct translation because they’ve gotta change some words to make it rhyme but it’ll be pretty close. You can also look up the direct translation of it and see how close it is to the original.
- and above all, learning a language is not a once a week thing. If you really wanna learn it, you gotta be prepared to do it everyday. I’m not saying that everything i recommended there has to be done everyday, but you gotta put in the effort. When children learn, they learn everyday :)
okay, i hope this helps. If you have any other questions, feel free to come and ask <3
#lena asks#brianna 💗#learning a language#language tips#language apps#language learning#language practice
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Nobody asked for this, here it is nonetheless.
Some fluff/angst. TW: reference to sex
English is not my first language so the grammar and vocab is far from perfect lol. im sorry tho.
They were staying at the safe-house they had in the North of Spain. It was rather small, but comfortable enough and practically isolated, which was perfect to begin with Nile's training with the sword and axe. Even if it was quite close from a big town, it was far enough to be free of walking-by locals and other people who may be surprised to find two women fighting with swords in the middle of the countryside.
The sun was setting on the horizon. Nile was having her first lesson with the axe, listening carefully to Andy's instructions on the grass field in front of the house, when Nicky and Joe walked out the front door.
“We are going to the market to buy some stuff...” Yusuf said with a smirk. “We're taking the car. See you later!”
“Wait, can I go?” the three of them turned to Nile and Andy chuckled but said nothing, waiting for the couple's reaction.
“I don't really think you would want to” Nicolo began, fidgeting nervously, followed by Yusuf “Yeah, you gotta finish with today's training. Also, is quite late already so...”
“Alright, but come back for dinner...” Andy said dismissively, laughing at Nicky's expression of sarcastic discrepancy with which he answered her.
And babbling a thousand made-up excuses, the two of them ran into the car, parked next to the house, and left before Nile could argue.
“I think I could have helped them... They don't speak contemporary Spanish, and I still remember what I learnt at high school...” she spoke, thoughtful. But before she went on, questioning herself, Andy placed a hand on her shoulder.
“You know that they are not going to the market, right?” she said. ‘How can she be so wise and innocent at the same time.’ Andy thought.
“Where are they going, then?”
“To a Motel, probably” she said with a grin.
Nile stopped a second and felt like her cheeks burned in embarrassment. “Oh.” Nile mumbled and Andy chuckled again. “Well yes, I think we gotta thank them that because the four of us sleep in the same room...”
Andromache sat down on the grass and put the axe aside. “Let's rest a bit. Turns out that being mortal is way more tiring that I expected.” Nile sat next to her, embarrassment still obvious in her face.
While Andy caught her breath, they stared up at the mountains and clouds on the horizon, still lighted by the warm colours of the setting sun, while the landscape around them darkened gradually.
"They are quite distant from each other." Nile broke the silence and Andy turned to her. "I mean, they are practically married, but despite the fact that they sleep tangled on each other, they always keep distance from each. It's not like they are supposed to display their love every second, and I understand that, through the centuries, they have learned to keep it secret to avoid getting into trouble. I don't even want to know what you all have suffered because of intolerance throughout history. But even when it is only the four of us, or Booker... when they know that they wont be judged by anyone...”
Andy smiled to herself and stared into the distance again. “Trust me, there was a time, centuries ago when there wasn't a single fucking day in which they wouldn't demonstrate their undying love for each other in front of us. You couldn't keep them away from each other, and had little problem with kissing or teasing each other around us. All over each other all the time, They were like teenagers...” a nostalgic smile was drawn on her lips, as she recalled times long way gone. “But they fit together so perfectly... it was like watching a perfect composition. It is also true that we were something similar, Quynh and I..."
“And it all changed when you lost Quynh, right?” Nile observed and Andy turned to meet her eyes 'This girl is too smart for her own good' she thought.
“Yes...” she admitted, her gaze going back to the darkening landscape “When they got me out of that damned cell and I told them what had happened... crying like I hadn’t done in millennia... they didn’t say a word and held me like the desperate child I felt I was. I had never felt as desperate, as powerless as I did in that moment. I didn’t want to eat or sleep. I just wanted to get her out of the terrible prison she was in. And while we looked for her they took care of me. When we finally had to give up and continue with our lives, returning to our missions and trying to make the world a better place, something had already changed and I hadn’t noticed until then." she sighed, thinking bitterly of those days, carved so deeply and painfully in her memory. “They didn’t seem to be so close, so clingy to each other as they used to be. The loud praising words, for everyone to hear, were replaced by subtle smiles and gazes. They would stop immediately and turn their attention to me if I happened to walk into them kissing or cuddling, which they didn’t before. And above it all, they spent as much time as they could with me. They didn’t want me to be alone and they didn’t want me to remember the time when it was the four of us against everything else. They knew that if I was left alone, my own regrets and guilt would end me, but if they acted as they had done until then, memories would drag me to an bottomless pit of grief. I was so frail then and they did exactly what they had to do to keep me right.” and then she muttered something under her breath.
‘Gods, I love them so much.’ Nile managed to understand.
Suddenly Andy stood up and took hold of the axe again. “They would leave me on my own for longer periods of time, but never over a year. When we found Booker, we were already used to that dynamic. Nowadays, as you can see, this kind of distance they keep is like a joke between us.” she looked at Nile, staring thoughtfully at her, eyes torn between pity and deep comprehension. “Don’t look at me like that, stand up and lets continue with your training.”
....
They didn’t come back until dawn, when they walked into Andy and Nile having breakfast in the kitchen.
“We brought bread.” Nicky said, placing the carton on the counter.
“And you’ve been waiting for the wheat to grow?” Andy snorted.
"Perhaps you went to buy it all the way to France." Nile commented sarcastically. Yusuf looked at her and later to Andromache ‘Honestly boss,” he said “I think that you two are spending too much time together.”
#the old guard#andromaque#nile freeman#yusuf al kaysani#nicolo di genova#immortal husbands#joe x nicky#nile is a baby#and so smart#and so strong
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i feel like a tl;dr on some of my lore is needed because i essentially built it from the ground up, and the show only gives us like 10% and i had to fill everything else in and i also rewrote a lot . this will be temporary until i get my ass together to put it all up on a google doc. hopefully i got everything, but if i missed something i will go back and add to it as i remember
first some of the vocab from the show that i use that’s probably confusing:
zweilt’s / zweilt guardians : “god’s warriors.” a group of individuals who are continuously reincarnated and gifted with different supernatural powers that aid them in fighting demons and keeping the balance of the world in order
duras : the word for “demon”
niedertracht : lowest ranking demons, normally appear in the form of animal like beings , with red glowing eyes & black crystalline skin
mid-villain : mid ranking demon, as the name suggests. appear humanoid, but closely resemble sprites or fae. they do have the ability to gain more power and rank up to opast over time
opast : the most high ranking type of demon, just below the demon king himself. known to be deceptively and strikingly beautiful, usually spotted by their tell tale fangs, claw like nails, and slitted pupils
the demon king : their ruler of hell, the highest ranking and most powerful demon
infernus : their version of hell / the underworld. the home of the demon king & all demons
the black lake : a lake that takes up a vast majority of infernus. its waters are pitch black and deep, reflecting only the starlight above. it is said that any who try to journey through it have never returned
lore changes from the show that i personally made ( if you’ve never heard of the show or read anything about it, you probably don’t need to read this part )
luze does not exist. the idea of him is stupid im so sorry
the demon king is not “lucifer,” but an entirely separate entity named alcmena
the “bloody cross” is both a branding and a contract / blood pact made between luka and alcmena. this does not make luka his servent as the show suggests, but instead makes luka unwaveringly loyal : i.e. he cannot directly harm or usurp alcmena’s throne. he can still hold distasteful feelings, and downright hate him, but he cannot commit any acts to betray him. this contract also placed luka as the leader of alcmena’s demon army, and binds him to stay in that position eternally
the zweilt’s know luka’s real name. for the love of god i don’t know why he used the codename zess, that just doesn’t happen. what a weird idea
since the zweilt’s usually retain their memories with each reincarnation, that means they KNOW luka, and he’s close with at least some of them, specifically touko and tsukumo. they consider one another family
luka is the most powerful demon to exist to date
luka has jet black angel wings, we see them in the intro and then never again. he has them. they are hidden most of the time, only visible and tangible to others when he wills it
now luka’s backstory / lore in as short as i can get it
luka is the son of alcmena, the demon king, and an angel named mora crosszeria
from his very birth alcmena was wary of the power luka could possess. the combination of the most powerful demon in existence, and an actual angel was potent, having both divine and demonic blood in his veins
mora noted this, and became afraid of what alcmena would do if left with their son, and she ran away with luka to the mortal world, where she hoped to raise him on her own.
despite this alcmena still sent demons to watch luka as he began to grow, and after noticing severe power spikes that lead him to believe luka would grow to be more powerful than him, he had mora killed and brought luka back to infernus as a young child
alcmena treated him decently, not well, but not horrible. he never acted as a father, and often passed him off onto a demon named elya to care for him. elya, secretly an old friend of mora’s, tried her best to shelter luka from alcmena while raising him. alcmena mostly just wanted to keep tabs on his growing power, and other than that left him alone
once luka became an adult, alcmena banned elya from seeing him any longer, after gathering that she had spoken ill against him and told luka to follow in his mother’s footsteps. at this point alcmena was well aware that luka had become more powerful than him, and that if he so choose it he could very well usurp the throne. he was lucky, however, because luka himself was not aware of the full extext of his power
now an adult, luka began to speak out against alcmena and defy him, often starting fights wherein his untrained powers would explode and injure alcmena. to stop this, he forced luka into a contract of loyalty. luka did not yet known the full extent of how cruel alcmena was, and did not bother reading the contract. luka was then branded with two blood red x’s on his upper forearm, and the deal was sealed with blood.
luka was now unwaveringly loyal to alcmena, and would therefore be unable to cause him any physical harm, or to start any sort of uprising against him. along with this, to keep luka busy and exhausted, he put him in sole charge of the demon army. he was to watch after, train, and lead them into battle day in and day out without rest. it was only then luka began to see the full extent of his father’s cruelty. tricked into an eternal contract, and constantly battle torn and exhausted. and because he could not strike alcmena due to the contract, any form of speaking out against him or disobeying commands would result in punishment
eventually exhausted by this ordeal, luka takes his familiar and decides to try to look for the path out of infernus. he single handedly crosses the black lake, and finds a cave that leads to the mortal world
there, he meets yuki giou. a zweilt guardian, and someone he had seen briefly on battlefields fighting against his armies.
luka and yuki begin to sneak off together to meet, with luka traversing the deadly lake in infernus to see her. eventually luka tells her of the contract binding him to alcmena, and she offers him a deal. instead, he could make a contract with her. a contract bound by heaven, and the divine, would overrule anything alcmena had done. and because of the angelic blood in luka, this contract would be especially binding. in return he would swear to protect her, and to stay by her side. luka agrees. the contract with alcmena is broken, and he never returns to infernus again
luka remains bound to yuki and the other zweilt’s, fighting against other demons to protect them. he is known as a traitor, or betrayer to his kind
npc’s of my creation
alcmena : luka’s father, the demon king
mora crosszeria : luka’s mother, an angel
elya : one of the first demons created, sister of laelia and phaedrian, represents “speak no evil.” caretaker / adoptive mother of luka. mute, speaks strictly telepathically, lives at the far edge of infernus, deep within a thick woods, exiled
laelia : one of the first demons created, sister of elya and phaedrian, represents “hear no evil” deaf, resides both in the castle and on the shores of the black lake
phaedrian : one of the first demons created, brother of elya and laelia, represents “see no evil” blind, the gatekeeper of infernus
wolf mrithun : the first of death’s reapers, often appeared around luka when he was in infernus, andreas’ love interest
andreas : a mortal prophet who foretells of luka’s eventual overthrow of alcmena
canon characters
sodom : luka’s familiar, a giant dragon that often takes the form of a large wolf. found shivering and abandoned as a baby on the shore of the black lake by luka
yuki giou : “god’s light,” the most important member of the zweilt’s, luka’s love interest and the focus of the show
touko, tsukumo, hotsuma, and shusei : the other zweilt guardians
takashiro giou : leader of the zweilt’s , immortal , in an eternal dogfight with reiga because he killed his girlfriend like 500 years ago
cadenza and elegy : two high ranking opasts that torment luka, very powerful, ranking just below luka and alcmena. cadenza took over leading the army once luka abandonded infernus
reiga : basically just the bad guy, hates takashiro which i think is understandable
#im sorry this is so long i have so much to say for no reason#❛ ⛧ 𝟎𝟎 . 𝚁𝙴𝙻𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃 𝚃𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝙼𝙾𝙾𝙽 𝙱𝚄𝚁𝙽𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙱𝙴𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙳 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙴𝚈𝙴𝚂 : meta#if u read this whole thing i give u a kiss
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new york’s very own madison ‘madi’ ko was spotted on broadway street in chanel sneakers . your resemblance to kim chungha is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-first birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being obsessive , but also ambitious . i guess being a virgo explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be glittery eyes, dangling earrings, & chanel draped in pearls. ( cisfemale & she/her) + ( kale, 20 , she/her , est. )
hi honeybuns !! im back and with child. there is a brief mention of an ed under the cut but i block it off with a tw start & end. if you’d like to plot pls leave a like and i can dm you or hit you up on discord !! my discord is kale#3079
BACKSTORY
haneul madison ko was born september 18, 1999 to two immigrant parents from S.K. her birth name is haneul, but she went by the name madison since it was easier to pronounce + madi began to almost detest her culture??
it was just that growing up she would sometimes get bullied for looking different at her school, for the way her packed lunches smelled/looked, the way people would stare if she spoke korean to her parents, how other kids would make fun of her english since she didn’t pick up on vocab/grammar as quickly since she didn’t practice at home with her parents. she just became SO insecure about it that she rejected her culture. she wouldn’t bring her mom’s food to school, if her mom ever forced her to take it she’d throw it away and choose to starve instead. she wouldn’t speak korean back to her parents in public, barely even in private (which reeaaallly upset her parents). this also REALLY destroyed her korean language skills. she can understand still, but she can barely hold a basic conversation anymore.
as she grew up, and continued this sense of distancing herself from her culture, she ultimately distanced herself from her family. which left her feeling - - alone often, even though it was all due to her own choices. in this loneliness, she found her escape in music. she would wear headphones constantly through the halls, in car rides, in her room when her parents yelled at her to turn the music down. she just loved music. she saved up the money her parents gave her whenever she worked at the nail salon (her parents owned it!!) to thrift an old keyboard. she became self-taught by trying to copy melodies of songs she’d listen to, thrifting piano lesson books, staying after school with the music teacher learning to play. sometimes she’d even skip lunch to sit in the chorus room with her choir director and play.
it’s not that she had a LACK of friends growing up, maybe just that she lacked a best friend. she had a lot of friends, but no one that she felt so connected to in the way she felt connected to music. perhaps, she was addicted to her loneliness.
she spent a lot of time playing the piano and dabbling in writing music that her grades started to fall (not that she was ever the BEST student) and her parents literally took away her piano. they said it was a waste of time because they wanted her to focus on doing well, so she could get into a good university, and then live a good life. music was just a distraction
but that didnt work
she would sneak out into the city to go to concerts and poetry readings. she’d sneak out and go to indie songwriters scenes while her parents thought she was at the library with one of her school friends
This underground scene had her full heart!! she was surrounded by likeminded people who just lived for music. she was hearing all of these incredible people who were all looking for their start. maybe not looking for anything at than just to sing their songs. tbh i think this was the point she was happiest. she was completely enveloped in music, just for the sake of music. There wasn’t any pressure, just music. Just the songs. she was wide eyed looking at this whole underground scene of artists. So maybe some plots from these underground charas?!
she’d perform some songs at karaoke nights and the indie sessions, and a producer took a keen interest in one of her songs. basically im kind of stealing halsey’s career start, but she posted a song Came in Close on SoundCloud and just blew up overnight. in the morning, she woke up to a record label asking her to fly to LA for a meeting.
and thus, Madison Ko began a career as Madi Ko where she’d release her debut album, Honey, a few months later. (DISCOGRAPHY HERE). her music is very 80s synth inspired!
new album that is most definitely CRJ’S EMOTION is coming soon...
PERSONALITY
right off the bat, madi is an absolute firecracker!! she’s loud, bursting with personality, has a lack of inhibitions that CHAOTICALLY mixes with her spontaneity
part of this is projecting her insecurities. she felt lonely as a child but doesn’t want to be seen as that to the world. it’s not so much a persona but an exaggeration of who she was.
she likes to show off her glam bc it, once again, hides her insecurities.
she just kind of is dramatic anymore
like everything about her
her persona as Madi Ko, upcoming popstar underdog, is like DUNKED in glitter, over the top stages and sets, draped in couture. basically her stages/outfits/dances/mvs are like Chungha’s but with Pale Waves and Carly Rae Jepsen VC. ex: 1, 2, 3, 4
also bc im obsessed with chungha’s famous diamond wink, IT’S GONNA BE MADI’S THING TOO. so basically madi has trended on twt a few times bc of her signature diamond wink bc she effing glues rhinestones and glitter under her eyes for performances !! she said fuck corneas !! ex: 1, 2, 3 ....god chungha is magical
so while madi is like a brand hypebeast n never shuts up, she can also get,,, easily annoyed. and heavily perceives ppl on first impressions despite that being the reason she felt misunderstood a lot growing up.
definitely argumentative!!! will blow up arguments for no reason n then later questions why she made it such a big deal but cant own up to her mistakes
when she decides she doesnt like you, SHE DOESNT LIKE YOU. it’s done. bridge is burned, she’s not keen on second chances
fame has definitely given her a bit of an ego problem --- she’s a bit more aggressive, self-obsessed while intrinsically insecure, is too busy flaunting her material possessions and trendy life that she can...lose touch of reality. basically most of her high school friends cant stand her. HC that her high school bf broke up with her bc she was no longer was the madison ko he knew!!! so if anyone wants to be that ex lmk !!! she’s written songs about them!!!
definitely the type of girl who is so hype at a party, dancing in fallen confetti, standing on the fireplace mantle, but then midway realizes she’s lonely. sad at a party.
ED TW STARTS!!!!!
....
she kind of always had body image issues growing up, but it was very off and on, but once she got signed and being by surrounded by cameras became normal she formed a full fledged ED. she’s passed out at concerts a few times bc of her ED, but they always brush it off as “not enough rest” or “she wasnt feeling well that day but pushed to perform anyway as to not disappoint the fans”
so feel free for ur muses to point it out !! she’ll get really defensive like “i eat i just work out a lot” and yeah it’s true she works out a lot but she...doesn’t really eat
it’s also one of the causes of her irritability ...
.....
END ED TW!!!!
idk why this is so long
always up for mischief!
does love a good prank. asks weird hypotheticals
is not scared of an ouija board
will get wasted off a few shots and drunk madi is UNSTOPPABLE
one time drunk madi cried bc her siamese cat (MOCHI !!!) wouldn’t ever get to go to school and would never know chemistry..... the dramatics.....
she is sensitive and despises it. she does everything she can to not come across as sensitive
however, she’s so obsessive. so deep in feeling. when she feels something she FEELS it. when she is mad it boils through her. when she is in love it is all she knows. when she is sad it covers her like sweaters and blankets on rainy days. she doesn’t know how to half-feel. everything she feels stops her in her tracks.
HOWEVER she’s the most obsessive with her own insecurities — so in relationships she’s kind of known for tapping out early. she just gets scared and the fleetingness of her career and that she’s at her very core, lonely and disappointed in herself, makes her want to run away thinking that letting down her walls and being vulnerable could only be disappointing for her SO. so maybe she ghosted ur chara or gave some lame excuse
Kind of obsessed with how she’s perceived
terrified that at any moment her career could be thrown away, her deemed irrelevant, and she goes back to being Madison Ko, daughter of nail techs in Koreatown. and then her parents would have been right all along, music was a waste of time.
she’s just my little fallen angel who flew to the sun (fame) and it constantly eats away at her girlhood, at her heart.
anyways this is all i got rn <3 come love me sorry i kind of didn’t shut up this is long
WANTED CONNECTIONS
an ex from before she was famous who broke up with her because of how she changed!! PLEASE i have ideas for this. plus,,, you get a lot of songs about ur chara!!! could be from high school, maybe someone in the music scene she frequented before she was signed, anything!!
anothr ex/fwb/undefined relationship i’d love is one when she was first famous who just introduced her to everything. something like a whirlwind that was exciting and magical. she’s written songs about this person.
exes in general.
hookups/fwb
romantic plots. pls i have songs who need meaning. friends to lovers, one sided (either way), slowburn, ANYTHING. love cruel summer plots, anything lover by tswift
PR relationships -- would LOVE one where she falls in love with the other despite how clearly defined they made their relationship
love triangles in general just get me going
best friend!!!! the one’s who know how the other feels just by looking at each other. they have countless sleepovers. tell each other everything. cry together on bathroom floors. pregame together.
ex friends. for whatever reason -- maybe madi did smth shitty, maybe they did. maybe there was backstabbing, maybe madi sacrificed friendship for a career, maybe she made moves on their romantic partner/interest despite being fully aware. idk. gimme
People she knew from the underground/indie scene before they were famous!! they’d have bonded over their love for music, little indie dreams kind of vibe. just imagine a group of dreamers !! Would love if they made some kind of pact!!!
party friends
collabs !!
pranks. mischief. gimme
enemies. gotta cook up some drama, yknow
GIRL GANG. god i just want this so bad like make a girls dream come true
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Copy pasta improvised terra-slept-with-joshua-and-ven-is-upset-about-it fic i wrote in a discord chat for any terravens willing to overlook the present tense sketch writing, i hope you enjoy the angsty comedy drama
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so by chance, vens assigned gym partner for the day is joshua~ sora is stuck with roxas in the bg which is also amusing if you wanna know the background noise to this xD ven is an utter sweetie and has no personal problem with joshua so hes happy to pick up his slack on their activities today since he understands some people just dont care for athletics, especially when they have pretty looks to preserve for rehearsal tonight^^ at the end of class joshua offers his coy appreciation to ven who was such a cute gentleman today in getting him through that~ and then he makes some remark about how he never wouldve guessed ven even was that physically inclined given what he thought terras taste in men was~ ven lowers an eyebrow and asks "huh? what does that mean? =o=" and joshua chuckles "oh it was a long time ago, nothing to wonder about now~ i will say this though, you my friend? are one very very lucky bottom ;) keep a close eye on him." and then he saunters off to his next class. ven squints =.= hes a lil grumpy now x)
come lunch time, terra and aqua have already sat down at their usual table, seniors come in first, and theyre settled in with aqua going over some extra terms with terra for their history exam. sophomores finally file in and ven marches over with the tray of food he didnt even look at when he was at the counter. terra turns with a smile to see him and plants his usual kiss hello on his cheek as ven sits down with a slight fwomp, not responding to it. terra asks "everything okay? :o" and aqua looks over to check if hes feeling alright, not spotting any signs of sickness. ven responds almost gritting his teeth "i've been better. =_ =" terra tells aqua he'll help her study in a minute, cuz obviously upset boyfriend takes priority<3 he sinks his fingers into vens hair and asks him if he wants to talk about it. and ven takes a deep breath, trying to resume his usual Good Boi Angel attitude, gently swats terras hand away and says "Maybe later, you and aqua can go ahead and study! 8) I'll even help you if you like~" terra recognizes that this is certainly not over but hes not gonna force ven to talk or anything so he kinda nervously says okay.. and then tells aqua "Wanna quiz me?" and aqua says sure, and starts reading off the list of vocab words only for ven to suddenly smack the table and turn sharply to terra and ask "WHEN WERE YOU GONNA TELL ME YOU SLEPT WITH JOSHUA????" and terra just- O//__//O oops.. and aqua looks at terra all disappointed and grossed out and groans "Oh, terra, you didn't... >~<" and terra is so embarrassed and tries to explain to ven's scowl "i-it was a long time ago! really it meant nothing! :'D... a-and besides it was even before I met you! so.. thats- alright?" and he glances over at aqua hoping for some kind of validation but she just goes "ughh..." in the most smh big sister voice xDDD
ven exhales, trying to cool off and be rational, but his usual sweet happy face just cant help being all =_ = at terra, and he says "I guess its- fine, but- gosh, really? joshua? you didnt have feelings for him, did you? er was this just a fling? how long ago was this?" and terra stumbles to answer saying "i-it was- um... back when i first came out! people were telling me i couldnt say i was bi if i'd never had sex with a guy too, so i- had to prove it! thats all, really, it was nothing meaningful to me, honest<3 :'3 I'm not like that." as he cups vens cheeks playfully, but where theres usually a smile between puffed out cheeks theres still just a >:T ven folds his arms and tries again to collect himself and says "i guess i get it.. i guess xT thats really all it was? no more secrets?" and terra swears with his hand up and his eyes closed "I swear thats all it was v_v." aqua shakes her head and tells terra "Youre gonna owe ven preeetty big after this blows over :/" but before ven can even respond terra has already jumped in to tell her "I'll do anything to make ven happy! theres absolutely nothing to worry about~ :')" and ven is still kinda pissed but he finally says "okay. i'll let it go. here aqua, i can read off the list and quiz both of you" and aqua slides ven the paper to read off while she glares at terra who glares back at her as if to say 'drop it =.='
so thats the end of it for the day, and the next day too, but then the next day is gym again, and whatever sora and roxas are struggling with in the bg is still going on xD and ven and joshua are partners again. ven is still not comfortable with the idea of his terra sleeping with joshua, the twink incubus of the school fdkjgh but hes a nice boy so hes going to continue being nice and get joshua through this "drag of an hour, and not even the fun kind" pff joshua can kinda tell ven is pretty tense today though, unusual for him since ven is always the nicest kid in the whole school next to maybe sora. so finally near the end he asks if something's on his mind and ven realizes ack, what am i doing? there is no reason for me to be such a jerk. so he tells joshua "im really sorry, I mean it, I have no business acting like this;; i just- when i found out you slept with terra i was kinda.. uncomfortable about it to say the least, but i have no reason to be, youre perfectly nice :) besides, it was before he even met me so it doubly doesnt matter~^^" but thats where joshua raises an eyebrow. "oh? i think youre a little mixed up there cutie pie~ terra and i had sex together last year. some time after you transferred. I was amazed at the offer, really, i honestly thought that once he met you, none of us other cuties had a chance. but it looks like he landed you in the end, so it is of no matter. but i do certainly hope that you and he are happy, terra is quite the catch and we'll all be quite jealous of you til the end~ catch you around ;)" and thats the end of that conversation. ven. is. livid. 8)
so ven actually skipped lunch with his friends 8) terra looks around curiously, he still isnt showing up and hes not texting him back either. aqua asks him "doesnt ven have gym today?" and terra answers like its a dumb question pff "yeah? its thursday, everybody has gym today. its gym day." and she shakes her head at him and says "I think you should give him some space. im pretty sure i know where he is. :/" terra looks uneasy tho. "do you think hes okay?" and aqua says "oh... im sure he will be." terra grips his arms and tries not to think about it 8)
senior gym class is last period and they start filing in as the juniors file out. terra fist bumps riku on his way in xD terra is practically exempt from whatever is on the activities list cuz hes.. terra and gym class is honestly childs play pff he finishes everything in 2 seconds anyway. so usually the coach just lets him bench press for a while. highschools are bullshit xD aqua has that privilege too but she considers it a warm up before her practice later and does them anyway. terra takes his time prepping the bench, saving himself the trouble of dealing with the crowd in the locker room, and once they all run out he yoinks his gym bag up to his shoulder just to be extra pff and marches on in there to change. weird that everyone is snickering at him on their way out though... he walks inside, humming mindlessly to himself cuz gym class is his chance to relax after school before his practice. and then he half screams in surprise as his gym bag falls to the floor. ven is sitting right there in front of the lockers with the angriest look on his face terra didnt even know he /could/ make jhdfgl ven "sings" out "hello, terra. >8(" and terra just- run kdjfhglhdfsg
terra runs back to the bench as if he can just- run away from reality kdjsfhgljkdfs xDDD and start bench pressing cuz he doesnt know what else to do sdklfjhglsdj im having too much fun with this i love dumb ass jocks and soft cuties xDDD ven launches himself on top of terra pushing down on the weights terra was about to pump up and yells "YOU SLEPT WITH JOSHUA WHILE YOU WERE COURTING ME?!?!?!?!!!!"
(everyone in the gym is cackling quietly to themselves at the display sdfkjgh this AMAZING xD) terra looks up at ven in fear and stutters "I-I didnt think i had a chance with you! you didnt seem interested D:!" ven yells "OF COURSE I WAS INTERESTED YOURE JUST SHIT AT FLIRTING!!!!!!!" terra tries to calm him down "youre gonna break the bench press, ven! D:" the coach comes over at all the yelling and yells at them "HEY, break it up--" only to be shut right up when ven glares at him and growls and terra looks at him utterly terrified dfkjhg and motions for him to leave them alone. the coach is both very scared of ven xD and also doesnt wanna lose his quarterback so he smiles and holds his hands up in surrender and says "hey, you know what? why dont you two work it out amongst yourselves?^^;;; maybe somewhere that isnt my expensive bench press though?" ven yells "FINE." and grabs terra by the wrist and drags him back to the locker rooms using a scary strength terra didnt know he had dkfjglh O_O;; aqua pauses her stretches and shakes her head and mumbles "it was nice knowing you, terra. :/" and then resumes her work out xD
well ven flings terra into the locker room and shuts the door with a slam and chews him out. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HUMILIATING THIS FEELS?!!! YOU SLEPT WITH THAT LITTLE HORNDOG AFTER I CAME HERE AND THEN YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT IT SO I HAD TO FIND OUT FROM THE HORNDOG HIMSELF?!!! GIMME YOUR BEST EXPLANATION FOR THAT, TERRA, JUST TRY ME!!!! >8UUUUUU" terra reaches out his trembling hands bravely to try and calm ven down, before he pulls his hair out and he cries out "I'm SORRY, i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry, okay, I didn't do it to hurt you!!!! It was just a small thing-" "AHAHAH IS THAT WHAT IT IS THEN??? WELL IF IT WAS SUCH A SMALL "tHinG" THEN WHY WOULD YOU LIE TO ME ABOUT IT, WHAT OTHER SECRETS HAVE YOU BEEN KEEPING?!!! DID YOU SLEEP WITH RIKU TOO? ANYMORE CHEERLEADERS I DONT KNOW ABOUT??? OR MAYBE JOSHUA AGAIN AT SOME POINT????!!! >8'DDDD" ven is about to lose his mind sdjfhg terra is starting to feel upset too ;~; "No, I don't have anymore secrets, after we started dating I havent even so much as THOUGHT of anyone else! I mean that! :'U" he pleas, finally managing to place loving hands on vens shoulders as he prays for forgiveness dkfjhg ven finally just cries it out letting himself sob into his palms and terra steps in closer, hating to see ven cry, and this is much worse knowing hes the cause of it ;-;
ven glances up again, terras scent hitting him and that warm chest right in front of him that he loves and he just buries his face in it not knowing what else to do dkfgh terra holds him, stroking his back, mulling over in his head how many ways he could apologize for this but then ven pushes himself away again, hes still so upset >~< and he sniffles "why. did you lie to me about it." terras face goes red and he fishes for his words "because i- i care what you think ven." ven scoffs, but his frown hardens and he wipes his eyes "you care what i think, and so you LIED to me? what am i supposed to think?" terra replies quickly "i dont know :'u i guess i just didnt want you to think..." ven holds himself and turns away. terra supposes he has to just- be honest then, its worth a try if it keeps him from losing the love of his life. "Look, I- I lied because the way you look at me matters to much. I care what you think of me more than anyone else, ven." ven sniffles, his back still turned to terra "oh yeah?" and terra glides over to turn him around and look at him, taking vens hands in his. "yes! ven youre the nicest, kindest, most pure hearted person i've ever met. i cant even imagine there being a darkness in your heart. who even says "slept with" and "courted" anymore besides a sweetheart like you? youre like an angel to me, but i- dont have the best reputation anymore. and the number of partners ive had seemed to disgust you. it broke my heart the way you looked at me the other day knowing that id slept with joshua. like you thought i was- i dunno.. im sorry i did it, i really am. i never wouldve done it if i'd known you really did want me too." ven reaches up and places a hand to terras cheek promising "Terra, I think the world of you. i wouldnt be with you if i didnt think you were a great person. the best even! you know how much i admire you. i just- was I just a fling? how do i know im not the next joshua or shiki you sl- have sex with and drop?"
and terra leans down to kiss his forehead and chuckles "because you're you, silly." that gets ven smiling again, the cornier the better with him<3 he presses his nose to terras chest and slides his arms up over his back for a tight hug and terra is so relieved they got through that dkfgjhdjl f ven tells him "I'm sorry for making you feel judged. i was way too rash about that whole thing." terra tells him its alright, imeanididlietoyouafterallahem.. ven goes = _= for just a second, cuz yeah that sure wasnt cool dfkjgh but he removes it cuz mostly hes back to smiling and he pulls himself away to look up at terra again, admitting with a blush "i guess i'm still in disbelief that youre really mine. maybe in 5 years or something i'll believe it" ven chuckles at his joke, but terra smiles down at him very sincerely and says "then i'm counting the years with you til then~" and that just tickles him and he jumps up to give terra make up smooches for a while<3 eventually they emerge from the locker room, ven clearly looking like hed been crying but smiling away again, even feeling okay enough to go to class now, cuz hes a good boy who wouldnt just ditch at that point like i would xD terra looks relieved too. aqua breaks formation when she sees them come out and runs up to ven to ask if hes okay and hug him if he needs, but ven says "everythings fine :) thanks aqua~" and aqua looks up at terra to double check that and terra nods affirmatively that yes, everything is fine. ven nudges aqua "see you at practice today~" and waves at terra too, knowing he prefers not to smooch in front of the other seniors;; but terra tells him to hang on and he runs over to give him a smooch goodbye and all is well after that<3 and axel snarks "tchh- drama queens :/"
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Hey, could you give me a few tips on writing dyslexic characters? Sorry if I’m being rude…
Oh no problem!
First things first: not everybody experiences things (like dyslexia) the same, so, there’s things about the individual that will shift how they react and adjust to their dyslexia and just how the dyslexia is itself.
I personally found a lot of ways to make my dyslexia work for me. (And mine tends to get noticeably worse when I’m stressed and/or have been doing a lot of talking.)
A: do some research about the definition of it, just, know the science of it a bit. (you don’t have to be an expert, I mean, I certainly am not, but it does help to have an idea of the various symptoms and how things are treated… and, it’s not a childhood thing, it’s a life-long thing. There’s just ways it gets better/worse in certain times) AND, it’s not always recognized/diagnosed.
B: explore many ways people react to it. I personally tend to laugh about it, but someone else could very possibly just avoid reading/writing, and another person could get frustrated every time they need to read/write/talk and it’s not working.
That said, here’s some general things I experience and others probably do too: (under the cut because I began to ramble.)
Id say the most frustrating things are writing something down, and then feeling like its wrong, but knowing it is right? I cant stop the feeling that it looks wrong. It just does. (the opposite occurs sometimes, but, usually it’s ‘that’s wrong. why is that wrong, it’s not actually wrong??’ (howeVer, usually, you just. can’t tell. it’s ‘…maybe that’s right…. ?’)
Dyslexia effects your ability to differentiate words that sound the same but look different (effect and affect being a very annoying example…. I’ve looked up the differences so often…. it’s also for things that look similar but sound different…. but that’s less common in my experience)
They’ll say words like its read pretty commonly (notably if they learned the word from reading it…which is half my vocab). …and usually not notice unless someone corrects them (which never stops getting embarrassing because “that’s the tenth time i’ve said it like that and been corrected why the frick cant I say it right, how do I keep forgetting?”)
Reading and re-reading and re-reading again. Oh my god it takes me forever to read a paragraph of any book if there’s things that my brain skips, flips or entirely jumbles. It has caused me much test anxiety. (Especially with timed tests…..god I can complain about testing and how terrible it is as a dyslexic individual for a long time)
Left or right? No clue. And the “Make an L shape with your hands and whichever looks like like an L is left” does not work because my brain doesn’t know what a L is supposed to look like. (Ive heard that so often you have no idea.) HOWEVER the thing I found does work is raising your dominant hand (mine is the right) and going “oh! This must be the right because my dominant hand is on this side!” Is so much easier. (And I almost always say the wrong direction. “I’m gonna go left” “no you need to go right” *points to the right* “yeah exactly.” “You said left!” “Oh….” Is a common conversation)
(on that note I personally feel like im always facing north??? Idk if this is a dyslexia thing or im just weird)
Google and dictionaries are both the enemy and friends when trying to spell words right. (“How am I supposed to find this word when all I know is that it either starts with either a or maybe it was e??”)
Vowels are the worst…they always switch up. (a and e are evil in particular.)
b and d being next. and s and c …and p and q (How I remember is “bed” looks like a bed….. your character may have similar processes to make sure they’re doing it right)
(idk, anywhere you can flip or duplicate or misplace letters when writing, I’ve probably done it.)
Honestly, learning any and all languages is hard. Especially things like accents and spelling.
“I said that backwards” is a pretty common statement (in my vocabulary at least). Just…accidentally switch the subjects or verbs of a sentence and just- wait what. (I’ve also HEAR things all odd sometimes… like, It takes me a second to process some sentences because they sound backward and weird to me. sometimes I just wait to answer a question as my brain catches up, but sometimes I just go ‘did you just say ‘nonsense that kinda follows the same length/key sounds as what you actually said but is still nonsense, but I didn’t catch that’)
I ended up in those remedial classes in elementary? where they pull you out of class and give you minute-tests and feed you sweets because you’re a stressed out child because you feel dumb in comparison to your peers. and that’s all I remember about it.
IDK man, elementary was pretty much a series of me taking longer than everyone else on literally everything and then worrying about it. (then I went to online school and my life was improved by 100%) ((this might just be me but I was kinda always split between trying to focus on reading and listening to people and I never actually was able to focus on either properly and so I never properly absorbed the information?…feels like a dyslexia thing now that I think about it))
Cursive and calligraphy is actually…really nice? ….Yea idk. I was obsessed with cursive when I started to learn it.
Vague directions/questions are TERRIBLE. Like, its 10 times worse when I’m nervous or embarrassed or tired, but I’ve stumbled trying to properly figure out the thing I’m missing from people’s statements that they’ve assumed was clear. (like, “Look at the red dot” “I don’t see a dot?” “uh, right there?? right in front of you?” “I wasn’t LOoooking there. I thought this was a ‘find the red dot’ thing not a ‘just look straight ahead’ thing.”)
Oh and I like puns because it’s like being dyslexic on purpose! >w
OK wow…. I hope that….kinda helped? IDK? (I probably haven’t even touched on everything, but that’s all I can think of right now.)
TDLR:
I’d say just be aware of where it COULD be a problem, but, overall, your character won’t be stumbling over words ALL DAY. They’ll have developed ways around it, even if they haven’t been diagnosed or if they never got help.
AND, there’s different forms and degrees of dyslexia…. mines pretty mild honestly, again, most of my issues are exasperated when I’m tired/nervous (and noticeable dyslexia habits kinda makes me embarrassed and nervous which kinda feeds into itself.) Some people’s dyslexia is most noticeable w/ written word, others are more auditory/vocal. It all depends. ^w^
#answered asks#dyslexia#I have no idea how much this will help#it's just kinda...me rambling about experiances#but! that's what I'd personally want if I was asking about these things tbh
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😂
🙅♀️
🎶
👀
☕️
📚
📌
THIS IS SO MUCH IM SORRY you could just answer a couple of them i dont mind !!
😂 What’s the funniest comment someone has left on a fic of yours?
Someone left a meme photo once and it made me giggle!
🙅♀️ What is one trope you refuse to ever write?
there was a secret love child trope going on in the fandom for a while and I didn't like it...will never write
🎶 What music do you listen to when you write?
whatever matches the story's vibe. I listen to a lot of Doja Cat when I write smut, period music when I write period pieces, I can match a Taylor Swift song for almost anything...
👀 Do you have any words/phrases you use habitually?
sauntered, managed, gazed... I need to expand my vocab :')
☕️ Do you drink anything when you write? Coffee, tea, alcohol, etc?
whatevers on hand at the time!
📚 What grammar mistakes do you always make?
I can't spell 'especially' right the first time :')
📌 If all your fics/WIPs fell off a ship and were drowning (go with it), and you could only save one, which would it be?
The Eternal and the Princess... best fucking thing i've ever done
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Questions Thing
My love @maroon-richie tagged me to do this so ITS HAPPENING
GENERAL
How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?
1 @suncapricorn my best friend who I LOVE
Do you want to change your name?
Oh yeah I fucking hate my name
What time did you wake up this morning?
7:05
What were you doing last night?
writing a french composition and having a dance party to 80s music
is there something you can’t wait for?
yes the end of school year bc goddamn i’m over it
what’s getting on your nerves right now?
uhhhh a select few of my irl friends
do you have a crush on someone?
bahaha no
what do you like about yourself?
my intelligence i think
WANTS
kids: ehhh maybe
marriage: ehhhh maybe
career: astrophysicist
LASTS:
Last drink: green tea
last meal: popcorn
last phone call: asking my mom to buy soup lmao
last text message: ‘if i could type the noise of contempt i just made i would’
last song i listened to: For Elise- Saint Motel
Last time you cried: stress crying over midterms last week
IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU..
made a new friend?
yes all my lovely friends on here
fallen out of love?
never been in love to fall out of
met someone who changed you?
nah i don’t think so
found out who your true friends are?
yeah, the hard way
found out someone was talking about you?
yes lol
NOW
Eating: I just made chicken pot pie soup yum-o
drinking: Green iced tea
listening: Peyton Read’s writing vlogs on youtube
I’m about to: finish a vocab test that I never made up
WHICH IS BETTER
Lips or eyes? eyes for sure
hugs or kisses? HUGS IM SUCH A HOE FOR HUGS
Neck kisses or nose kisses? Nose
shorter or taller? taller
older or younger? Older
hook up or relationship? NEITHER let me be single
HAVE YOU EVER
Kissed a stranger? I haven’t even kissed someone I know
drank liquor: Nope
lost glasses?: YES I lost a pair of glasses in my living room and legitimately never saw them again
sex on the first date?: NO IM A LITTLE CHILD
Broken someone’s heart? probably not- no wait, actually yes
been arrested? hell no
turned someone down? yes. the same guy. multiple times.
developed a crush on a friend? yea
dated someone twice? nope
been cheated on? nope
kissed someone and regretted it? no lol i’ve never kissed anyone
lost someone special? yea
been depressed? let’s just say life’s not been all sunshine and lollipops
talked to someone with the same name as you?
Yes I go to school with her and we call her Kaitlyn #2 because I was here first
DO YOU BELIEVE
In yourself? yeah sometimes
Miracles? Yeah sure
love at first sight? No but if I saw it happen then yeah sure
heaven? I don’t know, maybe
Santa: nooo i’m sorry
witchcraft: Depends like,,, wicked witch no but wicca yes
I tag @trashmouthwheelr now you’re double tagged and @letmewriteyoustuff
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🍓📕🥁🉐 ❌ 💯
🍓 - what’s a memory that reminds you of your childhood?
sometimes i’ll hear certain songs and im reminded of going to the roller rink every weekend bc they’re the songs that used to play..... or like sometimes visiting certain places in town reminds of when i used to go there as a child... idk this ones kinda hard bc ive blocked a lot of things out of my memory by choice or due to a head injury i got as a kid :)
📕 - what’s your favorite book?
this is kinda hard bc im not that much of an avid reader.. like the main ones that came to mind from my teen reading years are looking for alaska and dash & lily’s book of dares.... as for recent reads i read the first book in the caraval series which was pretty good and i also started reading the percy jackson series bc i never read them as a kid and im enjoying them...
🥁 - do you play an instrument?
i play piano.. well played... i took lessons for like 10 years and i was somewhat good but with uni it was hard to keep up with so i stopped playing.. i still have my piano but i barely touch it these days :/
🉐 - do you speak another language?
i can somewhat understand spanish.. particularly argentine spanish bc i’ve listened to my parents speak it my entire life.. and i can somewhat read and write in spanish but im not v confident w my speaking and it takes me a while to think of vocab and whatnot.. but like if im watching or listening something its okay
❌ - what’s an unpopular opinion you have?
not rly an opinion but i feel like i cant get into some of the music that people seem to like... for whatever reason.... like i’ll see people raving about songs or certain artists on my dash (not limited to kpop) and im like.. eh.. [sorry i couldnt rly think of an opinion rn bc my brain is kinda fried from working retail this week]
💯 - what’s something you are extremely proud of right now?
i drove on two main highways the other day during my lesson which was a big thing for me... i also worked on during a sale weekend and got a bit more confident w my sales technique and my till work.. so yeah its the little things..
red emoji asks
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I agree with the anon about writing fics and essays. I used to dislike writing simply because nothing I wrote ever satisfied me, except maybe for that one satirical essay because I love satire. English isn't my first language, and it is true that extensive reading makes you improve your vocab so much. I'm not sure when I started to want to try writing, but I just had this urge to write this one fic some time after I got into reading fics. It was satisfying, though ngl I don't think it's good--
-- though I still think of it as my child HAHA because that was the reason I started ~kind of~ writing. I'd get random bursts of inspiration from time to time and try to write and I have like three drafts right now (lmao which I have ignored for weeks bc school) but I just knew that I somewhat changed ?? Because when we were asked to write three essays for English I didn't dread the idea. (Two months ago I would've CRIED and drowned in self pity knowing there's no way in hell i'd be able to ---
--- write those in such a short period of time !! But wow I'm somehow Very Satisfied with essay one out of three and I'd say it's majorly because of fics lMAO. ++ about pronouncing,, I like to read chapters out loud in attempts to improve :) I think that my articulation has improved significantly doing the reading thing oH and talking to international friends on skype because that way I'm forced to speak english on the spot lol tho i havent done that in a while ?? Im sorry im just rambling haha
it’s great that it has helped you so much! ^^ though I can understand how for some people it might not work. we’re all different and stress is a huge factor that also plays an important role in deadlines tbh. I think it also would depend on the topic at hand and if it’s something we can tolerate or dread too much to even feel an ounce of motivation. one problem I’ve always dealt with is that I have a really hard time focusing on something I am not passionate about, which is a pain in the ass because we will always have to deal with boring responsibilities in life haha
and like I said before, I think writing fics being useful highly depends on how consistent you are with it and how seriously you take it - if you include actual studying in your writing process (whenever I write I tend to do extensive research on grammar, vocabulary and search for other doubts I might have) then it can definitely help in other areas of your life, like school. I agree that reading is an amazing way to improve, and it’s something we don’t even notice sometimes, not until we actually sit down and start writing :’)
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Hey there, cc fandom, lets talk about something.
Okay, so, i recently entered this fandom and heard the ship thats causing the uproar; the ship of max and david. Before you decide to scroll over this, I'd like to make a firm point.. I'm not saying I'm for or against maxvid, i honestly just came here for cool funny AU's, but calling someone a pedophile because they like maxvid is a little extreme, dont you think? At the same time, yes, i hear points of not wanting a 10 year old with a 24 year old (friendly reminder that if we saw that in public, like hell, mostly all of us would report that) but i think they're shipped together because; lets face it, Max is the most adult 10 year old ive ever seen in a cartoon, so I'll come clean about seeing him as a young adult, rather than an angry small boy. He curses, uses high end vocab, and is voice acted by what sounds like a 20 year boy. (My sister is the same age and is no where near as advanced as Max's mindset.) The thought of the angry sarcastic grump guy with the sensitive sweet optimistic guy. Cant blame people for seeing the 'opposites attract'. Would it be different insight if his canon age was 18? (And for csa survivors, this next part's a little edgy, so you can skip over the paragraph..) I going to state one opinion, yes, the one part i dont enjoy is the depicts on rape or non-consent people have told me existed amongst this ship in the form of fanfics and comics. Yes yes, they're fictional, but the idea itself, brings a disturbed feeling across me, even without reading the content myself., That's the first thing I'm guessing passes your minds too when you see the tag, anti's. Non-consentual relationships between an adult and a child, which in any real life situation, is NOT okay, even this is something everyone in this fandom, ship or not, knows. So i hope i clarified a little more, im sorry if i rambled on sentences too much, but it bothered me a lot in comment areas about people claiming other members are pedophiles, and do explicit actions to children. It's honestly a horrible and very serious thing to accuse someone of, when you realize it. So, yes, thank you for hearing my useless rant. ^^^^ we can try to make this place just the least bit more peaceful i hope.
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