riley asking shawn, "when you looks at me, does it remind you of what you can't have?" was a crazy ass moment because yes the line was about shawns intimacy issues and his inability to commit to a longterm relationship, but holy shit if that isn't the most blatant way you could confirm that shawn was in love with cory and the existence of riley was just a constant reminder that he had missed his chance and could never be with cory. what if i went insane

🐰🩹🧸🏨

...

going through it lately. and by it? i mean absolutely nothing actually.

it is so hard for me not to post every single thought i have on here the moment i have it

.

Time to play my favorite game....

I forgot if I took my meds or not!!!

How do you play? It's easy!

As it descends later into the night, you think to yourself, "Have I already taken my meds?" this is called The Thought™, and is the official start to the game.

Directly after having The Thought™, it's decision time! Your choice affects the outcome of the game.

You either A, don't take a pill, and wait til your next dose, but you suffer the whole day, or B, take one, and possibly die!

How do you win? You win by not dying. Living outweighs the suffering, which is when you know you've won.

Thanks for playing! You're probably going to play again soon.

my mom is so nice to me these days it's crazy

thinking about how lonnie only ever cared about will when he died and that was just to profit off of his death + will giving a girl he doesn't know his toy truck just because she's crying and he thinks she needs it more even if he knows joyce can't buy him another one + one of the very first things will did upon waking up in the hospital was ask if jonathan was okay + will telling them to close the gate in season two even though he's part of the hivemind and that would've killed him, too + will breaking his own heart by confessing his feelings and giving mike the painting he's spent so long on but saying that all of it came from el thus sacrificing his own wants and self to again help others + how that same selflessness and self-sacrificing nature of his is going to undoubtedly rear its head in season five again because he's at the center of it all and it all goes back to him and vecna is a creature that feeds off of n fans the flames of pain and guilt... feelin very scared n anxious in this chili's tonight over this actually 😳

My doctor moved offices ALMOST AN HOUR AWAY AND is no longer taking phone appointments, so even tho all I need is a Rx refill for the drugs I've been on forever, I have to commute my sorry ass MILES away from home and work in the dark at night bc ofc I can't miss work for this bc I need to be paid and yeah I rlly should find a doctor closer to home but I like and trust my doctor (mostly) and at the very least she's good about my Horrible Brain Spiders and prescribes my Brain Drugs without issue and isn't one of those ppl who's like "oh ok have u considered that you should stop" BC I absolutely CANNOT go off my meds

But like. Fuck me.

...

me: sick on top of being chronically ill and in a massive flare, dizzy, bodies on fire, my bones hurt, my heart currently beating out of my chest, etc. so I feel like absolute shit and like I might pass out.

my family (who I'm currently staying with): invites other family, including a small child over

my family: makes me home our big ass dog back so she doesn't tackle said child (she's friendly, that j god, just a bit... overzealous in her affections)

my dad: looks at the multiple able bodied, not sick, not in pain, not on the verge of passing out, people, this g to find someone to help him.

my dad: "hey you, yeah you, the sick one, the one who looks dead on their legs, the one who shouldn't be interacting with family let alone the food they will be eating, come shuck corn, bring it out to the grill (it's like 90 degrees, I thought I was dying the second I opened the door), and complete this list of small house errands (including going into the luckily finished attic, basement, and out to the trash) 😃👍"

me: first off, I hope you all get this bug (besides the baby, everyone else are onlookers who could have stepped in), second off, when I pass the fuck out, it's all your problems.

(small note, I know this sucks and everything, and the nice thing to do seems like it should be comforting words and apologies, but I need dark humor and jokes right now, cause pity and kind words, while assumingly genuine, will only piss me off in my current state, cause it's all I get from my sucky family and it just triggers something deep inside me)

people won't let you complain about the pain you're in, they won't help you or comfort you. all you are is a burden and a downer. you're negative and pessimistic. ok. but let me kill myself then? no, they won't let you be free of the pain either, then you're selfish. people are only happy when you sit the fuck down and suffer in silence. you can't talk about it, you're not allowed to let it affect you, you're not allowed to end it all. the only thing people allow you is to keep being in pain and never say anything about it all. literally fuck everyone i hate everything and everyone. just let me die then if i'm such a burden!!!! what the fuck is wrong with you?

got a seasonal job as a candle seller & this was just the first day and i already wanna kms why the fuck did i decide to take a job in addition to being a full-time student w/ a bunch of deadlines quickly approaching

thought abt it too hard i want to fucking hang myself

feeling like doing smth so fucking stupid