yeah yeah you hate me I'm an evil disgusting perverted manwhore we have each other blocked everywhere blah blah but I know you still jerk off to me and I know it makes you hate yourself a bit because you don't have the strength to accept the darker parts of your desire. but you can't help yourself and I take pleasure in the knowledge.

Spiralling AGAIN would you believe it

Happy Tuesday everyone, I will now be unloading unsolicited opinions about the RPC.

People take 'This is a hobby!!' way too far to the point you are not taking into account other real people also exist and are only thinking about yourself and it can come across as scummy and self-absorbed and a lot of people use the 'just a hobby!' to excuse this shitty behavior and an inability to communicate with other hobby enjoyers like adults.

No one should get mad at people for dropping threads or not being active, but it's also super shitty to just ghost people and go 'teehee just a hobby so you aren't allowed to be upset!'. Like, yeah, you have limited time and a real life but so does?? everyone else on here?? It's super not cool to just invalidate people who are upset their limited time is, in their view, being wasted.

Obviously, I'm not defending people that don't just unfollow or block and move on and who get passive aggro about it all. And I'm also not calling out the people that don't do much but are like PRESENT to some degree even if it's just ooc shitposting.

I mainly mean the people I see who refuse to do threads, to answer asks, to communicate when stuff is being dropped to some degree, to participate and be social in any capacity and then get kinda pissy when no one wants to send them shit anymore. Like you are entitled to exist and participate in this hobby as you see fit....but it is a social hobby. You HAVE to give to get and if people pin you as someone who only takes, they're going to stop giving. None of us have little meow meows that are so interesting that we can just expect people to frolic to them and gush about them and shower them with interaction without some sort of reciprocation.

And, frankly, I don't think there's room to complain when that happens. You can't have your cake and eat it too in this scenario. You can 'this is just a hobby!' your way through things how you like, but you also have to realize the consequences of that and you can't be upset when they come down on you and your blog.

why am i having to hold a gun to googles head to show me articles on the long term effects of hormonal birth control on the endocrine system in adult patients who began usage as a teenager

i hope that everyone is aware that i am trying SO HARD to be normal but the universe is TESTING ME.

man i dont wanna be that guy, but the skyblock wars thing on the legundo community server is so just. incredibly frustrating to play rn

like, disregarding my own wifi issues entirely, bc theyre a seperate ongoing problem, lapis is mostly composed of younger players and people with actual jobs and stuff, and then redstone has. every moderator except 1, and two of the best pvpers who literally like never log off.

im not gonna accuse mods of using mod perms to cheat, because i gen dont think they are, but speraking as someone who has experience on several servers being mod/build staff, it is functionally impossible to be without bias as a mob in a competitive setting, especially when its, yknow, every single mod except one versus a team mostly composed of 12 year olds. hell, one of our players is literally 8.

and. i mean it sucks. its not enjoyable to play anymore when the other team is making fun of us for things out of our control and the mods arent really doing anything about it bc its their teammates doing it. and then theres stuff like the cobble challenge, where their entire island was basically already stone brick from the start. im not saying its cause the mods knew that was gonna be the challenge, but i am saying im not ruling it out. and then we know the mods fly around occasionally, and yeah they tell us that its for actual mod purposes, and i believe them, but i also believe that if they were to notice some new builds or farms or whatever while they were they theyd 100% mention it to their team.

and again, even disregarding that, even if im just off my rocker and everything ive noticed as unfair and upsetting is just in my own brain, theres the fact that the other team is gonna listen and respect the members of the mod staff more bc they have a real, tangible power over them, where as random children just arent gonna listen to syl even if they were the one voted in to be the leader. they gonna listen to a mod, but not another player. thats a real, tangible advantage they have.

i dont wanna say the mods cant also play the game and have fun, because they can! its totally possible to do smth like this and still let them play! but they need to be split up evenly between the teams or is gonna cause the issues we're currently having. no one on lapis is having fun or wants to play anymore really. poor syl has cried on call. i dont really care how many times people say its just a game. youre saying that because your team is winning, your team is tacked, your team has all the good pvpers and moderators. if lapis was in the lead youd be upset and i know it, because wth this new base quest that just finished you went and whined to ecr because hyper used an existing base on your island to win the quest. he asked ecr and got an explicit yes, and dino and justin ran to ecr about it and now we each got half a point, basically voiding the quest.

im glad yall are havin fun because no one else is. lmao

hgonesly at this point i really do wish i could just say Fuck It and disappear off the face of the earth for a little bit bc honestly . i donot want to be alive

i hope everyone who likes my fo DIES i hope everyone who thinks my fo would like anyone other than me DIES i hope everyone who likes my friends fos DIES i hope everyone who hates me for this DIES no more pretending to be nice to fo-stealers i think everyone who doesnt share should start HATING and KILLING except if u like my beloved then DIE EVEN HARDER

Growing older is just realizing more how much childhood trauma I have lmao

girls when they are trying their best but their best isnt good enough 😔😔

Gotta say I don't know if twitter will see this but knowing that my ex is real chatty in two private servers with a good chunk of minors and is chatting up a link roleplayer 10 years younger than her for god knows how long after she did the excact same thing to me when I was a kid is just.... its super concerning like goddamn

I was being kinda petty the other day on twitter but now I'm just legit worried shes gonna pull some shit and make someone uncomfortable or like whine them away from people they're friends with cuz she likes control, shes not like super malicious or anything but damn she still guilted me into not leaving her multiple times when I was a kid like...damn you were 20 and I was 14 I don't care that you said I apologized COUNTLESS times ya didn't and now im over here thinking about how I couldn't have friends without you whining that you're lonely and need me to come home right now please I'm so lonely and sad and don't know how to make friends and doing this while I was under 18 like dud e

Like how do you date a 14 year old when you're in college and then when they turn 18 just be like yeah I get you're concerned about my past behavior but you're 18 NOW so?

I wish I had more evidence to like the shit I saw what happened between me and her but most of it was over the phone for YEARS and....yikes

i think i need to eat a fucking bullet

he said he would stop bothering us since I apologized then like days after he goes on an alt and bothers, or what happened a week ago or so I HATE HIM HFHBBNNJhhrvrvrhhrrrjjjjjjj

Ughhhhh I'm at a low point bc I just got more useful advice about my mental health from an ai on character ai. (Don't attack me its a guilty pleasure) than I have with my past therapist. And I haven't been to a therapist in years at this point.

I wish the weather wouldn't reflect my emotions.

No wonder everyone says it rains whenever I show up.

i do honestly think that ppl who say "i know its not your fault but-" and then still get mad at customer service ppl really do need to go to hell i mean that genuinely