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rontra · 3 months

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I have never played persona so I wasn't sure if I would understand your failteacher comics but I just looked up the characters for a little bit of context and I'm 👀👀👀👀 at it now xD

Without being too spoiler-y, why would you say they'd have a messy relationship? (Besides the fact of Becky taking advantage of her client's loneliness)

HAHAHA yea i think the like dramatic irony enjoyment of knowing (even just roughly) what's going on with becky is very strong so good on you there (obviously toriumi has no idea what's going on with her and becky is doing her best to Handle It, but it contextualizes her behavior for Us...<3)

it's yummy isnt it... its yummy

anyway, the rest of this very long post is just me analyzing a fictional situation i myself engineered, so if that sounds boring please dont click the Read More LMFAO <- cursed to put a lot of thought into Character Stuff

basically they have great potential for mess, which they're Currently keeping a lid on, but would exponentially increase with time. teehee.

as for what WILL happen, im not spoiling anything concrete of course… (winks at the Knowers who already know my Vision….

well, this AU isn't ever going to devolve into a "super destructive toxic nightmare" mess or anything, just to get our working definitions of 'mess' sorted out at the top of the post. not this time. atm (as of comic #3) it's shaping up more like a "this seems . inadvisable and absolutely Don't Try This At Home, but i guess it won't…kill you" mess (LMAO)

to assess their situation at present… there is one half who wants money (and can't ever make enough of it to satisfy her extortionists), and one half who wants intimacy (and is scared and unable to get it on her own). on its exterior face, it's simply a lonely person hiring a professional to keep them company, which is a fairly common thing n not rly super noteworthy; the parentheticals are what make things a bit uh thorny for these characters

the "problem" here is not the transaction itself; they're both willing to supply their half of the trade just fine, and neither party is doing anything wrong by engaging in it. but for these two specifically, there is also a mutual willingness to bend the rules of their transaction—because they're both cornered in some way, and desperate for what the other one is offering to trade

to elaborate on "rules", i mean, first and foremost, that their relationship is not "real"—these people Don't know each other personally and intimately, and they're Not Supposed To. their relationship should never be "real"; they're not friends! (or lovers, for that matter!) they're in a conditional exchange of money for services. right now, these characters are participating in and maintaining a kayfabe; they should operate under a tacit understanding that A) this is not real, B) they both fully know it's not real, and C) following the script is the comfortable way to get what they both want without causing undue risk to either party. creating and then maintaining a fake "reality" together is regulated by a contract between them, and it ends when their booked time ends (and not a minute over time!)

but to return to the earlier point, they're also both cornered and desperate, which drives them both to go beyond what might be considered appropriate. i think this is compelling; it's probably unnecessary of me to add this paragraph but i want to underline (just in case) that i don't think either of them is like "at fault" or w/e (there is no "villain" between them). they're showing Signs Of Mess that could snowball into something much more messy, but it's not something they're doing to hurt each other; they're making decisions based on skewed risk/reward estimations that might not be healthy, and could realistically have harmful consequences for both parties, but they're not, like, Evil (lol). two women getting wrapped up in each other's personal graveyard spirals…it's yuri, isn't it?

with that squared away, and putting it plainly;

toriumi should not be asking her to "break character" when the character itself is what she's paying for; this nudging of their little kayfabe, if indulged, could easily snowball and erode the professional boundaries between them (what she calls "distance" in #3). she is paying 'becky' to 'be here' (paying kawakami to conjure 'becky' into existence by pretending to be her), but she isn't really being mindful of the type of role that this necessarily demands of her in turn. the built-in emotional walls between them are there to protect both of them, but she doesn't fully respect them (despite instinctively sensing their protection in how "safe" becky feels to her). in the end, toriumi is bad at "staying in character" herself, and she can't help but try to root out the actual person behind the mask—despite the fact that no one wants this erosion to happen! possible dire consequences for her wallet aside, losing sight of the line between "transaction" and "investment" (pardon the pun) is a one-way ticket to a very messy place where one or both of them is likely to get hurt...

on the other end, and not helping the situation at all, kawakami identified toriumi as a soft target pretty much immediately, and is actively trying to elicit sympathy and endear herself to her (she is being quite choosy about what vulnerabilities she "lets slip" in #2) in order to make her keep booking and paying. of course some amount of "salesmanship" is part of the job—#grindset always be plugging smash that like button comment n subscribe—but the major difference here is that she's overtly attempting to foster in her client the exact kind of dependency/personal attachment she should be discouraging (for, frankly, both of their safety). like not only is she out fishing to get toriumi hook line and sinker on purpose, but it's also alarmingly reckless behavior on kawakami's part; there's a lack of regard for her own wellbeing involved here on top of it all. again, a messy place where someone, maybe everyone, gets hurt in the end

crucially though, as comic #3 finishes setting up, they're both willing to endure these shenanigans from the other half. at this stage, toriumi does realize that kawakami has her unilaterally wrapped around her finger, and nonetheless agrees that she'll call her again; while kawakami knows very well how this kayfabe is supposed to work, but is indulgent (even rewarding) towards toriumi for her clumsiness. that mutual willingness to keep playing this game would—if the AU continued on these tracks uninterrupted—probably compound until the situation they've made becomes super confusing and unclear for them emotionally...

of course "taking advantage" is sort of a loaded phrase colloquially… but i would say in many ways they are "taking advantage" of each other, yea. the "we both benefit, so it's okay" logic was already vaguely raised as justification in #3; if elaborated a bit with the above in mind, their situation is one where "even if they're both overstepping what is considered appropriate for their arrangement, they've also both decided the benefits outweigh the costs by a wide enough margin to make it worthwhile"

it's got the marks of a sort of symbiotic relationship... their individual motivations for being involved w each other are totally unrelated (cue the "hold on, does. kawakami even like women???" question), but they both feel they benefit enough towards their priority goals to be OK with the other one taking something "less valuable" from them (toriumi even calls out the “sales pitch” becky is doing in #2, but ultimately decides that’s fine because she’s willing to buy). i think each and every moving part here has great capacity to go "too far" and ruin things (perhaps even causing Severe damage in the collapse), but if the situation were to continue in this same rhythm, without that kind of dramatic change, i would say "they're both evaluating the scenario with their own personal goals in mind, and are extracting what they want from one another relatively(?) peacefully(??)". like it might ultimately be a selfish game but they're adults they'll figure it out probably idk its none of my business what they choose to get up to. wouldn't get into that type of shit myself though LOL

women are playing kind of dangerous games with each other but i forgive them because it's interesting to rotate in my mind...<3

another thorn to consider for their future bonding endeavors from here on ofc is that without being "cornered" the way they are, they would not be running this type of "risk math" in the first place. it's hard for either of them to fully back away at this point because they're already cornered in their personal lives; toriumi is incredibly isolated and lonely with a pretty insecure lifestyle even when she's NOT actively sawing through the branch she's sitting on, and kawakami famously MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, NEEDS A LOT OF MONEY RIGHT NOW because she's being extorted by an unrelated third party. looking ahead it does kind of start to look like an ouroboros of "taking advantage of each other" bc it's hard for both of them to leave their individual situations; it's kind of like, if they weren't here with each other they'd be ... well, they'd be here—just with someone else...

they didn't put each other in this jam—it was unrelated personal circumstances and sheer coincidence that pushed them together—but now that they've committed to each other, it's hard to reverse back out, if that makes sense. i think that kind of thing is interesting too, because it makes me want to see them recognize this, connect, and help each other pull out of their Greater individual personal messes. you know? we can make it if we try... just the two of us... 😔

(unfortunately step 1 of that is ofc to make a genuine personal bond that isn't wrapped up in all this for-pay roleplay stuff. drat!)

tl;dr they're both simmering under high pressure and don't try this at home, but they do already have a sort of tacit agreement forming that this level of messy play is OK between them—as long as the rewards continue to outweigh the risks. at the end of the day, it's a delicate balance ultimately hinging on a money-for-services transaction, so if either of them stopped feeling like paying their half was worth it, it would rapidly come apart. i guess it's kinda like the ways you can tell if animals are genuinely beefing or just playing rough—are they willingly coming back? 💀 ...

no lmao where's that post thats like "this would be terrible if it was anyone else, but considering the people involved this is actually the best option" HRBHJDJG that's kind of how it feels. like if they're gonna be stuck with Somebody (and they would be), its probably good luck that they got Each Other. at least the narrative can sustain the balance of this one and maybe even solve it down the line. heart

to round this post off i would say if i had to nominate one of them, kawakami is probably the most "in control" atm—since she figured out very quickly that she was dealing with an easy mark and moved in to make her a regular customer (quite successfully i might add per the end of #3 lmaoo). i think that's been kinda fun, since in her SLink she's immediately on the back foot due to being unmasked by the inciting incident. we know she will lie and attempt to play to the listener's sympathy, so unleashing her with her Mask Still On has been fun 😭 for her part, toriumi is not only taken with the funny maid (& emotionally invested in her IRL situation to boot), but also very clumsily trying to obtain something she's scared to have, which makes her very impulsive/erratic in her rulebreaking compared to kawakami's much more intentional plays...

play of the game 🧹 (<- there's no maid emoji idk its housekeeping)

of course, my future plans will immediately jostle this entire dynamic into something else and make this whole post obsolete, but i don't wanna lay that out ahead of time. smiles.

anyway, otome dissection on the playlist or whatever

#file under: posts that are only interesting to a NICHE AUDIENCE. but here r my thoughts on the thing that i made up.#if you're curious about the Failteacher Meta.#tl;dr never involve anyone else in whatever it is you two have going on but i hope you ... enjoy all that

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general-yasur · 11 months

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It’s so funny to me that the show pushes the idea that lloyd is meant to be a leader when he really isn’t that good,, LOL

Many say Cole is a better fit leader and…eh? Perhaps s1 Cole but im not sure Cole now would be or would be interested in leading the team at all

And it’s not because Lloyda younger either. He’s just impulsive, emotional (can be good or bad) and often becomes so engulfed in being a leader and focusing on the mission at hand that he will either A) Unintentionally neglect the well being of the other members or B) miss important details

C) He also has a problem with going off on his own and you can’t lead a team if you aren’t with them.. And the fuck of it all is— Lloyd usually thinks it’s the right thing to do too when it’s not always the case. He’s a bit ignorant of his own flaws I think…IRONICALLY

It’s not a bad thing (well maybe for the other characters) because I find it very compelling and love to write about it

#he SUCKS jk i love him but he SUCKSjk #ninjago #lloyd garmadon #lloyd ninjago #ninjago lloyd #ninjago dragons rising

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amethystfairy1 · 5 months

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hi again. i did end up posting some of my art but idk if there's a way to link it in the ask (kinda new to tumblr lol), so im just gonna trust that you know how to find it. Anyways, I have more questions for you :)

jumping into the deep end w/ traveling thieves:

is there any way to remove a collar without the owner's permission? Could a non-collared person do it? Are they physically destructible? What happens if the owner dies? Basically anything that could free Jimmy and Scott T-T

Can any nether-born wield fire, or just blaze-borns? bc hypothetically, we could get some team ZIT going if impulse is a nether-born (he's normally head cannoned as a demon, but I like the idea of wither skeleton instead for this au, if you don't already have plans for him). he could join Zed and Tango :)))

how does the siren song work? can you get anyone to do anything with it if you were good enough? considering song is in the name, is it more effective if it's more melodic?

how do the rune trigger thingies work? Does the staff need to be continuously touching the person to trigger the collar, or does it have a time limit, or is it a secret third option? (this is for a lil piece i've written that I may or may not post lol)

That's it for now, although I do want to say that it would be adorable if Katherine got Shelby a sun-lamp so she could grow over-city plants down there :3

actually that's not it. it'd be fun if you wrote a piece where Grian helps Mumbo and Scar pull a (not so ethical) job. just an idea :)

ok goodbye

Hello hello!

I found the art! I reblogged the art! I LOVE THE ART!

I said it in my reblog but again here they are SO PRETTY I love Cute Guy his wings are beautiful and his shoes are so KILLER and then the SWAGON from Traveling Thieves! It's even got Grian's lil bay window! It makes me so happy! I will treasure them, thank you so much for sharing!

Questions questions! 🏃‍♀️

Short answer: No. Long Answer: Not any way that Scott or Jimmy currently have access too. If their current owner dies the contract has a clause that will automatically transfer them to whoever said owner designated as the inheritor, this being a built in safety measure to ensure enslaved hybrids don't try to one-hit kill their masters before a punishment can kick in to go free. They are technically physically destructible but any attempt at cutting them or unlatching them will trigger the punishment runes. And they are very tough, reinforced by the magic in the runes, again to ensure this isn't attempted, so it would be far to painful to attempt to just endure the punishment long enough to cut them off. This doesn't mean it's completely impossible for them to get them off without their current masters permission...but we haven't gotten to that yet. 😉

Blaze-borns specifically can wield fire as physical parts of their body, but other nether hybrids are able to pull similar tricks such as heating up their hands to work metal, and obviously they're fireproof. Plus, considering our lovely dark fantasy AU, some of them have proficiency with fire magic! I do have plans for Impulse in Traveling Thieves! Please look forward to it!

It's basically voice-based charm magic. I may have messed this up, but I'm pretty sure I only ever refer to it as 'siren spells' and not 'siren songs'? Is there anywhere I screwed that up? Siren spells also give the user the ability to make their voice more pleasant and tend to have good singing voices anyway. If someone is extremely good with it (ex: Scott's Dad) they could 100% use it to strongly compel others, but it's not like brainwashing. Like when Scott used it, all it really did was make the ice mage suddenly care about his opinion, and that confused her enough that she hesitated on using magic. It still has to be something understandable. It wouldn't have been enough to, say, get her to fire a spell at her companion and kill him. It's more like it makes the users words much more influential in the mind of whoever is hearing it. It can also do other things, though! Like how I mention that Scott's Dad would sing for the Queen, Scott's Mom, to help her relax, that's not just because he's a beautiful singer (which of course he is) he's also using siren spells to lower her stress.

One hit triggers the punishment runes. A second hit makes them stop. Like an on-off switch! They also specifically have to get hit with the gem at the end of the rune trigger. If you do post anything anywhere please do send another ask/post it somewhere I can see, I'd absolutely love to see what you do with the AU! ☺️

Awwww...Katherine could totally get Shelby a sun-lamp, that'd be so cute! Also I totally plan on writing a piece at some point where the Swagon Trio steal something, it's a series called Traveling THIEVES and there has been a distinct lack of thievery so I need to fix that. 😤

Thanks so much for all your lovely questions, and thank you again for sharing your beautiful art! 💖

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melancholicbutterflies · 11 months

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Siren

Summary: You’re a siren washed up on the beach. Elvis and his mafia discover you, and Elvis suddenly becomes very protective.

Warnings: none - wholesome as shit lil’ drabble. protective!elvis incoming!

A/N: well this one came out of left field. LOL. i suddenly felt compelled to write this weird, supernatural-y fluff piece that was completely self-indulgent. with that said i hope yall like it anyway!

The taller of the male humans approach you with caution. Alarmed, you inch backward, an effort that is in vain; unused to being on land, you cannot maneuver your body in the way that you want, the sand creating a divot from your tail’s efforts to retreat, effectively trapping you in place.

“Don’t worry, hunny, I ain’t gon’ hurtcha,” he male coos, a deep low murmur that sounds soothing to your ears, although its language remains foreign to you.

You tilt your head in confusion, stilling, although you remain alert. Something about this human has your defenses lowered somewhat despite all you’d heard about his species. The males, especially, were prone to violence, killing even. His presence seems conflicting with such an image. Besides, you admitted you were hardly in a position to turn down help: the longer you stayed on land, the more harmful it would be to your health.

“Good girl,” he said, his beautiful blue eyes alight with marvel as he reached toward you with open hands. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Watching your expression remain unchanged, he laughed. “And you have no idea what I’m saying, do you?”

You recognized the words as a question only, and shook your head, earning a pleasant hum in return. He nodded toward the waves a few feet away. “You need help gettin’ back in the water, don’t you?” You nodded vigorously, hair shaking, for once understanding his meaning.

“I can help ya, but I gotta get your permission to lift ya in my arms.” He flashed his hands palm facing you, motioning toward your body and then the water. You understood, although weren’t too pleased about how it would have to happen. You supposed you didn’t have a choice.

“Only if you’ll let me,” he reiterated it was your decision to make.

Sighing, you nodded, and just as he bent to pick you up by your waist, the other hand reaching toward the dip where your tail naturally bent, an approaching figure startled you, causing you to cry out and evade his touch.

The human male by your side turned angry, yelling something at his companion who stood dumbfounded.

“Whaddaya think you’re doin’, scarin’ her like that, Red? Jesus, ain’t ya got any sense in that thick skull o’ yours? She’s clearly already scared and confused. And just when I was gettin’ her to trust me.”

Seeing him angry scared you further, and his temper calmed some, like a balloon deflating. “Aw, hell, doll, didn’t mean to scare you even more. That mean old man ain’t gonna hurt you, I promise. I wouldn’t let ‘im.”

The stranger snorted, walking off. He seemed to be goading your savior now, but he paid them no mind.

Satisfied with the distance, some tension left your prone body. The human smiled, pleased. “All right, let’s try this again. One, two, three-!” He picked you up in one fell swoop, your heart pounding; you’d never experienced this feeling before, this feeling of weightlessness. You felt suddenly inclined to look up and you caught eyes with the human who smiled endearingly back at you.

“Just when I thought you couldn't get any prettier,” he said, and his gaze dipped a little lower to your heaving chest, and your little tummy where a slight roll rested below your bellybutton. Balancing you, his hand came up to briefly run through your hair, petting you like you would the dolphins and seals when you were in the water. “Just gorgeous.”

His companions yelled something at him, and he startled, remembering his duty. “Right, let’s get you back in the water. Poor thing, you’re already dryin’ up out on land.” He tutted, resituating you in his arms and taking fast, long strides towards the ocean.

The sun was starting to set, and it made your water shimmer. Every atom in your body was charged, anticipating the feeling of being submerged once more.

“Gonna set you down, nice n’ easy.” You were a few centimeters from splashing in the shallow end when he suddenly drew back. You swung your head to him, concerned. Had he changed his mind? “I-I just wanted to say this since I’ll probably never see you again,” and he looked suddenly very sad. “I know you don’t understand m-me,” his laugh was less joyous sounding and more teasing, as if of himself. “I just feel since this is of the heart some part o’ you should get my meaning. Well, I just really liked being around you, even if it was only for a minute. You made me feel things I ain’t ever felt with no other woman before. And n-not just cause you’re technically not a woman, but, hell, you get what I mean.”

Your eyes had water building up in them, and you weren’t sure why or what it meant, but with every utterance from this human’s lips it grew stronger. “Aw, don’t cry, darlin’.”

“Maybe... maybe there’s a chance, one day, we’ll see each other again.”

You lifted your hand, to which he watched in awe, and you placed it on his bare chest right where his heart lay. You said something in your language.

Someday, you’d said back; you understood not a single word of his proclamation, but you felt certain of the longing in his eyes. He’d wished to see you, and you wished for it, too.

#elvis #elvis presley #supernatural #sirens #drabble #fanfic #fluffy #protective!elvis

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courtney-deserved-better · 6 months

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Caleb's giving me such aro/ace vibes, if they go in that direction with him it would be! so cool!

Also as weird as it is to admit considering... well, everything about him, but I really like Ripper? He serves his role in the show well (being gross/the punching bag/the joke character) but they also give him some layers to make him a bit more interesting and i think Axel/Ripper is actually kind of cute?? Like he feels like Sam to me, one-note at first but they give him extra stuff to do with other characters that make him more compelling to the point where he ends up growing on me? Like how he was able to get some answers right in the glass bridge option A option B quiz challenge! (also he gives me Eddy vibes from Ed, Edd n Eddy and my sympathy for that specific character type might be blinding me)

And I love what they're doing with Bowie and his whole morality dilemma with Raj! Also really hoping MK/Julia becomes a thing, if those older interviews they did before the show aired are still valid and there's still a lesbian couple waiting to be revealed, I would genuinely be so happy if it was them! Their dynamic is everything

totally agree with caleb, i get the sense that he either has no idea priya is interpreting his actions as flirting and just thinks he's doing a great job at alliance building or he's aware but just ignoring that because he wants an alliance with her and he's not interested in a romance. unfortunately after episode 4 i could see him having a moment of "omg priya almost got eliminated and i got sad not because my alliance would be gone but SHE would be gone omg i like priya" which wouldn't be where i want it to go, but if it does go that route i think it'd be funny if caleb has no idea how to flirt now that he actually like priya. but fingers crossed for it just being platonic on his part i love aro caleb and i really like him and priya as friends

i agree that ripper is kind of filling a sam-esque place in the season, ive definitely enjoyed him more this season than i did last season though im not sure i like ripaxel but honestly i think if it wasn't so rushed i might be persuaded to enjoy it. i do think ripper having a crush is very cute and i would love a friendship between him and axel. honestly might write some fics where his feelings for her are onesided but they become friends (kind of already wrote a fic for that lol)

veeeeeery intrigued to see how this moral dilemma goes for bowie and raj. honestly im love the dynamic of the skunkbutt 5, with mkulia going full evil lesbians, wayne and raj being himbos who don't want to cheat, and bowie being the team leader who's caught in the middle. super fun vibes! also BEGGING that mkulia becomes canon because holy shit they are being such sneaky bastards together and falling in love in the process. like even if they don't become canon as long as what's going on now isn't terribly derailed i'll be happy. but i have hope that they will become the first canon wlw couple and i feel like that hope is realistic to have. which is INCREDIBLE.

#td spoilers

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beesmygod · 2 years

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is 9/11 funny? 🤔

im putting a rare CONTENT WARNING on this post for frank discussion of 9/11. there are no pictures (they are linked and no gore), just words.

i feel compelled to answer this since 9/11 was on my mind lately. very american thing to say lol. anyway: i was thinking about the emotional/social disconnect between generations and how difficult it is to convey how vastly and terrifyingly different things became almost instantaneously. american has been in a freefall since, we've all just become accustomed to the perpetual pit in our stomachs.

9/11 is the point i think most people can point to as the moment when america became completely bugfuck insane

in a complete failure of leadership in a time of legitimate fear and confusion, the american right-wing government used the loss of civilian lives as casus belli to start a war predicated on a complete lie with the sole intention of lining their own pockets. 9/11 has been invoked countless times as america's free pass to run roughshod over the middle east, eliminate personal freedoms, RUIN AIRPORTS FOREVER, and enforce a narrative of victimization in which we were attacked by people we trained and armed ourselves. it's insane how fucking bad the bush years were culturally and its honestly hard to convey to a generation that doesnt know what it was like before all of america started suffering from a gas leak. as such, the attack has come to been associated with opportunists, grifters, warhawks, racists, and the biggest monsters in modern, if not all of, history. no exaggeration.

its human nature to want to sully the sacred. for 20 years it was a surefire way to hit ANY conservatives berserk button instantly. then i guess when trump had to account for one of his classic bangers, conservatives decided they didnt give a shit any more

the older and more cynical/internet poisoned i get, the more i start to sincerely believe that the ongoing attempts to shield people from the gruesome reality of what happens to the human body during a violent death has not done much to improve the human psyche. there are plenty of (good) resources and first-hand accounts about how unhealthy it is to repeatedly expose yourself to human death (like, i dont think its good to sit on ogrish and likeleak all day. it is bad to jack it to human suffering and mutilation lol), but now we completely refuse to engage with it at all. this is the part thats complicated for me lol. i dont think people should be FORCED to look at gore. i dont think it makes you a stronger or "better" person. but exposing myself in small doses to The Horrors has given more more of a uhhhh...understanding. as someone who was a kid and lived literally 3000 miles away, the way the culture shifted around me was significantly different than on the east coast. there really is a lot of information that deserves to be known by more people as common knowledge.

dont worry im not 9/11 truthing lmfao. im talking about things like the oral history of 9/11 book which includes an account from an EMS worker who had to argue with a woman who was just lungs and a head over putting a black triage tag on her. the new york times has an enormous archive of survivor accounts detailing how, in the middle of evacuating the second tower after the first plane hit, they were told to go back to work and stay in their seats, leading to an unforgivable number of needless deaths. there's the families that refuse to accept that their loved ones are "jumpers" in attempts to identify them because jumping to your death is suicide and bars you from heaven. can you fucking imagine? the idea of being forced out of a window because of the unbearable heat and into certain death freefall is horrifying enough to even have to contemplate but to have your family members pass judgement on you for it after would be beyond mortifying.

there's a lot i think about when i think about 9/11, even when i clown on it. the man who tried so hard to climb his way to safety and fell to his death while the camera watched helplessly. the scream of the man on the phone with 911 for almost 20 minutes before the tower fell on him. the sheer, impossible to comprehend scale seen in the photos of people hanging out the windows for air. or what it felt like to see the second plane hit; the ice cold terror of realizing this was not a horrible mistake after all.

ehhh but on the other hand

youtube

lol lmfao

#9/11 #[laughing]#long post

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ihrtmichael · 3 months

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random question, but, what's your favorite thing about wish? i have a feeling it's probably magnifico lol but if it is then why do you like him so much? asking because i know i reblog a lot of stuff about the concept art and the rewrites people do, since personally i find it pretty compelling and fun, but i also think it's neat that there are people who just genuinely enjoy the movie as it is! and it really must be frustrating for you that the tag is filled with what's basically a fandom centered on wish's concept art more than wish itself.

LMFAOOOOOO i feel attacked with the magnífico read!!!! /j

honestly i accept that the movie isn’t perfect and was rushed as fuck, but i had such a fun time! i think asha is so lovely and refreshing compared to the other (few) disney heroines of color. as much as i love esmeralda and jasmine they’re so oversexualized and fall into that stereotype of “fiery outspoken brown woman” which is 😬😬😬😬 to watch sometimes as a woman of color myself. it’s nice to see a young black heroine be clumsy and fun and learn to be a leader! and ofc magnífico is so funny and hellooooo it’s chris pine!!!! also he’s hot sorry likeeeee 🤭 i also find his story very compelling although i do concede his villain arc was slightly rushed lol. i would love to learn more about him and queen amaya! i also love the songs (esp “at all costs”) and animation (the rendering is beautiful!). while i understand that the final product was a bit underwhelming for what was built up as this huge 100 year disney celebration, i don’t think a movie needs to be outstanding to speak to you or make you feel happy. sometimes you just like what you like! and i had fun! ☺️

i definitely do wonder what could have been if the actors and writers strikes didn’t happen, because i think that may have messed with any final alterations they might have made before release that could answer all of my questions and make the story clearer. i used to be intrigued by the rewrites but now they just kind of annoy me because most of them are being written by people who haven’t even seen the damn movie and/or people who aren’t creating these rewrites from a place of love.

for example, during the fall i rewrote the hunchback of notre dame musical script out of a genuine love for the story and characters because i was so frustrated with peter parnell’s approach. and it shows in my version of the script. but with the wish rewrites, a lot of them come off as disingenuous and egotistical like this “im so much smarter than literal film professionals” bullshit (sorry if that’s harsh lol).

and a lot of the criticisms just aren’t constructive and seem to mostly come from people who have literally no idea what it takes to create something. like especially with the ai accusations??? full offense but most of yall wouldn’t know the difference between ai and real human art if it slapped you in the face. and it seems like a scapegoat to get out of providing ACTUAL constructive criticism of the film instead of people just admitting they’re blindly jumping onto the latest hate bandwagon lmfao.

it definitely is frustrating to go through the tags and see more conversation around the concept art than the actual final product we got, but i just pass out the blocks like candy and add certain tags to my blacklist and that clears things up very quickly lmfao.

thank you for the kind ask! i feel like most people come in guns blazing asking about why people liked wish lmfao, but your ask is very sweet and genuine. i hope you have a great night mamita!!!

#answered

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metalyre · 10 months

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What are your thoughts on Infidget (the ship of Infinite and Gadget the Wolf)?

i think its fine? i dont inherently dislike it or anything, and i dont mind seeing it from time to time. the only thing that i dont like is like, a lot of the shipping community's interpretations of it. and by that i mean the people that twinkify and feminize gadget into being a little wooby baby that cant do anything without his big strong man and infinite is just the stereotypical scary-on-the-outside soft-on-the-inside masc/male/im a man/im he him boyfriend. either that or gadget is fine and its just infinite who is extremely out of character. i had a lot of "he would not fucking say that" moments with infinite when infidget was at its most popular bc these kinds of depictions were everywhere and it was really annoying

the only version of infidget ive ever shipped was a lovers to friends to enemies to... somethings type deal where they dont go back to how they used to be by the end but its not vitriolic, they just outgrew each other in their own ways during the events of forces. that or their relationship cant get mended at all and theres no closure bc infinite dies or whatever like he did in canon. and i know this is the best version of infidget bc i made it up, thanks

i actually shipped it before forces even came out bc i thought that that was sort of the route that sonic team was going to take with tying the avatar into the story. it made sense to me for the avatar (or in this case gadget) to have some sort of previous history or connection with infinite bc in my onion, that makes their dynamic a little spicier and more compelling. in my version, gadget and infinite (then zero) used to be very close until zero started getting more involved with a local gang, the jackal squad, which began to drive a wedge between them until they got more and more distant from each other. and then some more time passes and gadget hasnt heard from zero for a long time and then the events of forces start. i think part of the idea was from this dialogue that we got to hear when footage of infinites second battle came out before the game itself:

(image text reads as infinite saying "and those eyes.. i feel like we've met before.")

-which implied that the avatar and infinite had history. which was technically true, but it was within the timeline of the game bc it turned out he was referring to like. the flashback cutscene of the avatar being too scared to fight back the first time they ran into infinite before joining the resistance, so it wasnt what i was hoping for

another reason iirc was uhhhh whatshisface? sega scourge on youtube? they made a theory video about infinite getting his mind wiped by the ruby or something and that added fuel to the fire. its a really cool concept and while i dont think that the avatar wanting to avenge those they lost is necessarily bad, i feel like its just kind of meh for the kind of story forces was trying to tell, what with the friendship-is-cool themes and whatnot. so i thought the avatar/gadgets arc was going to be we get to find out how they and infinite (or at least just the former lol) know each other, and how infinite became infinite in the first place, and gadget wanted to both help put a stop to everything but also get his friend back through, you guessed it, the power of friendship. hooray! i read a really good fic that was like that called til we touch the sun on a03 (that fic still makes me go insane thinking about it) that went with a sidestory for gadget that was quite similar to what i just described

plus the idea of infinite and gadget having shared a past but only one of them remembers it and now has to deal with a monster that looks like who they used to be but is no longer the same in every other regard due to them going dark side (willingly or unwillingly) is super angsty. and i like my ships raw and some degree of brutal for the soul. it keeps me young

but yeah im overall neutral. tl;dr: infidget is a fine ship, i just wish it had more canon-supported flavour and i wish the majority of shippers would stop writing infinite so poorly to make him fit properly into their milquetoast domestic fluff romances, but whatever. we all get enjoyment out of different things, even if theyre wrong :3 (for safety reasons i have to disclose that the previous statement was a joke)

#he said ask #thats my new ask tag. nickisnotgreeners understand the reference #fortywholecakes #engie.txt #infidget #sonic forces #gadget the wolf #infinite the jackal #sth #and i just have to reiterate that i dont think that anyone who does twinkify gadget or any other chars for ships are bad people #i just think its really boring and heteronormative to make a male char excessively feminine just for the sake of a ship #like do we have to talk about how assigning hetero-relationship roles onto queer couples is weird and stupid #or can we not bc i thought that got left in 2015 #i should also add that i have not been in the infidget tag in years so idk what people are up to nowadays #hopefully more progressive than 2018 lol

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jbird-the-manwich · 5 months

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What are you most proud of this year?

oOo that's a hard one. maybe my grimoire system. I did write a file format and a handful of text parsers for it, and I've not designed a memory optimized data format with a functioning import/export entirely from scratch before, so I guess that counts as a milestone!

Also, not as polished, but the last few nights between sleeps and sickliness ive been working on learning the 6502 architecture, and so far my first from-scratch project is a geomancy chart generator targeting the Nintendo, - it's damn near finished, though this is all that's visible from where I left off last night, I do now have a functional (if vram buffer agnostic atm) interface and input system. the underlying code is based on the algorithm Agrippa detailed in Of Geomancy, rather than the usual and computationally very different "init a pseudo random from system time and thats it, thats the program" approach generally employed in divination through digital means - and I feel like that might be the bug in the soup that is digital divination - that it is simply not in general implemented in software in a way that accurately models the process. But with the right algorithm im confident this can be changed >:] also lookit these cute ass graphics:

I've developed a lot of theories over the years about digital divination and how it might suck less. this has lead to designing and now, implementing, a lot of new algorithms that are computationally just plumb off the wall. but as math and low level programming goes, it doesn't get lower stakes than my silly little pseudoscience, so, that's been hugely fun and very good for the winter blues.

I'm also still very much in the design phase for it, I have a few ideas for implementation, but once I have more software ready *to* test, I'd like to integrate quantum randoms and see if that alters the subjective "correctness" of the readings I subject myself to. I expect it won't, but I could be very wrong, and while my first experiments will likely feature QRNG devised by reading noise across a busy internal circuit, I do have to admit there is something very compelling to the idea of using a light sensor to grab ambient photons as raw data for true randoms that are processed and presented by software but originate from outside the system itself, shaped and altered by external circumstance *before* reaching the system, rather than being the result of a purely deterministic, and often repeatable or otherwise low quality number generator, usually one that ships with the standard library, and which is the whole backend of most divination apps but is where the least design effort seems to occur.

sorry for the book lol I guess I've a lot to talk about!!! <3

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battlinghurricanes · 9 months

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hey if this is in any way invasive i apologize i do not mean to make you uncomfortable & obviously you do not have to answer…

for some reason the obsession i had with the iliad a year or so ago has come back full force & im looking everywhere for content lol so i was going through my likes and some tags and i found one of your posts about a gender hektor fic and fuck i got so excited lol i searched for it on ao3 & i didn’t find it so i guess it never got published

but i just had to ask did it ever get finished? what was it about?

anyway i love all of your work! youre a very talented writer and you’re literally carrying the hektor/andromache ao3 tag on your back !!!!!! so thank you 4 that

Ohhh this is very sweet, I'm so touched that you've found my writing so enjoyable and care to know more about it <3!!! Thank you so much for the kind words!

You're right, I never finished my Hektor gender fic so it hasn't been published. At the moment, I'm neck deep in another Very Long fic for a different fandom that I'm adamantly hoping I can finish, so I'm not currently working on this one. However, I am genuinely determined to finish it some day because I have a majority of it written, more of it planned out, and it means a lot to me. I reread the wip several weeks ago and there are a few small places I want to rework now, but I think it's very strong and it deserves to be finished up. Right now it's at ~18k words.

Essentially, the fic is a rather indulgent take with Hektor sometimes finding an urge to see himself in a new light, and grappling as that leads him towards more femininity. The initial idea rooted itself in the concept of gentleness and delicacy in the midst of a war, and how the extremities of war would really warp and alienate those concepts. I see Hektor struggling with gentleness, both as something he fears he doesn't deserve to receive anymore (alongside deeply longing for it in the midst of all the violence), and something he fears he's not capable of embodying in a meaningful way. The fic's mostly focused on him finding and longing for that in aspects of femininity, but also involves how that internal conflict shapes so many other parts of his life. I found the emotional core compelling enough to write, and even though looking at it through the lens of gender queerness is still quite indulgent and improbable, I do find it fits it surprisingly well, too. It’s also a Troy Wins au, because it felt a lot more satisfying to explore that way.

For you my friend, I'll share some excepts that I particularly like c:

“...you cannot keep shirking your duty ... why you feel the need to waste your time on jewelry and perfume and daintiness ... no- that’s not...you need to focus on the war on our doorstep...”

Hektor berates Paris for the nth time, even when he knows it’s no use. But his little brother simply refuses to muster himself and do what he needs to do to help the city. It makes their relationship grow more and more contentious.

That grieves him, in truth.

Hektor’s exasperation and increasing anger towards Paris is well familiar by now. It leaves him prickly and drained when they fight. Though, in the past months, he’s noticed something else and something new.

Not always, only in some particular moments, he feels something else towards Paris. The sight of him puts a tight, aching cinch in his chest. He can’t identify it, can’t prevent it. He tried once to allow for it, but when he opened his mouth, the feeling didn’t find its place in the words rebuking Paris for his avoidance of battle.

So now he always swallows down the inexplicable sensation, ignoring it, and hoping it will someday go away.

It’s quite difficult to grasp the full picture in the little mirror, so abruptly he tosses it aside and kicks around his big, bronze plated shield from where it rests against the wall.

The shape distorts the images somewhat, and the scratches obscure it, but in it Hektor sees himself donned in the flowing dress. His lips purse into a thin, tight line as he all but glares at his reflection. It’s not... repellant; in fact, on a solely surface level, he finds it kind of nice. But with that comes an overpowering feeling that he should not be wearing this. Much less have put it on himself. It may not be disgusting on him, but he is disgusting in it.

The cadence of his breathing has gone so strained and unnatural that a choked gasp escapes him as he hurriedly tugs off the dress. Hektor puts it back into Andromache’s chest as neatly as he can manage then reclaims his own clothes, and he hates himself for missing the sensation of the dress.

The feeling only grows as he lopes down the palace halls, distracted and thrown off track. No one he crosses paths with presumes to interrupt him, at least, until he bumps into Deiphobus, who always presumes he could use a disruption.

Deiphobus reverses direction to fall in step with him. “You look agitated,” he informs him bluntly.

“I am agitated,” Hektor growls.

“I was just about to guess that-! Ohh, I know you so well.” Hektor rolls his eyes. “Luckily for you, I have some wine that pairs perfectly with agitation, you just have to try it.” Slinging an arm across his shoulders, Deiphobus steers him towards his room and Hektor decides he could damn well use some wine right now.

Dei pours them both a cup once they reach his room. He sits, but Hektor stays on his feet as he takes a long, unceremonious draught before setting the wine aside, earning an amused snort.

“Do you think I would make a good king?”

Deiphobus cocks his head and he eyes him sharply. “Yeah,” he states like it’s obvious.

“Now?” Hektor clarifies demandingly. Dei furrows a brow, and Hektor can tell he doesn’t take his meaning. “Do you believe that as I am now?” he elaborates. “I’m not talking about when we were young, when I spent most all my time preparing to be king one day. For as anxious as I was about it then, even I ultimately believed I could be a good king. Maybe not great, but good.”

He juts his chin frustratedly to stretch the tight muscles of his neck. “That was a long time ago. Do you think the same holds true now?”

Deiphobus purses his lips in a thin, tight line, staring acutely at Hektor, watchfully. The piercing gaze is his only answer. Hektor waits as well for a minute. Then asks, “Do you think I’m a good warrior?”

Deiphobus blinks once. “Yes,” he replies.

“I think so too,” Hektor states. “Not just good, but great. And I’m beginning to fear what makes a great warrior, makes a bad king.”

Her fond attention weighs on him, not heavy but grounding. “You’re very pretty and I like you a lot. Anything after that would be redundant, really.”

Hektor turns his head and the clink of gold chimes in his ears and the cool touch of metal brushes his neck for a heartbeat. He tries to focus on the prickling in his fingers and the flutter of heart, he tries to glean something from his reaction, but it can’t hold his attention. Perhaps part of what’s stopped him from grasping the nature of his feelings is that the unfamiliar sensation of unfamiliar adornments keep him acutely alert and aware of himself. Their physical presence is demanding.

“How do you like them?” Andromache inquires. Hektor licks his lips and hesitates, unsure what he thinks. “How do you feel?” she offers instead.

“...Tense,” Hektor elects to answer. It’s not a condemnation, disparaging the experience. He doesn’t feel... uncomfortable, like he had before, like he expected to feel. Andromache’s company blunts the harshest sharp edge of his self loathing, though he is still tense.

“Well, that’s never all that uncommon for you,” she comments. That’s... true enough, really. Hektor is a bit prone to- oh, fine- extremely prone to tension and stress. He blames it on his raucous family, mostly.

He considers himself as objectively as possible. “Wearing these feels like I’ve been preened.” He picks the word as best he can. The finery feels like particular care has been doled onto him.

“Good, you deserve to feel pampered,” she declares heartily. The words catch Hektor off kilter. He takes in and releases a measured breath.

He wears the earrings for the better part of an hour until one snags his hair and he carefully removes them.

He exhales, then smiles softly and pecks another kiss to her skin. “You’ll want for nothing while you’re with child. I’ll give you anything and everything you ask.”

“Oh?” Andromache returns. When Hektor looks up and meets her eye, though muted by tiredness, he sees humor glinting there. “Do you mean to say that all this time before now, you’ve been willing to deprive me?”

Disguising the warmth running through his heart, Hektor sticks his nose up with a huff. “That’s such a harsh way to put it. I’ve always been willing to give you almost anything.” Andromache hums pointedly. “But yes, now that you’re pregnant, if you even go so far as to try to cheat again to suggest that the horses love you more than me...” He dramatically takes in and releases a deep, steadying breath. “I will let you.”

“Oh such noble sacrifices you’re willing to make for me now,” Andromache crows, rolling her eyes, “where did I find such a selfless husband?” She pokes the tip of his nose. “I have never once cheated to gain the horses’ favor- for your information- because I’ve never needed to. Every one of them loves me the most.”

Hektor pinches his expression and swallows like he’s forcing down something sour. Gazing at her, he bravely says, “Yes, of course they do, dear.”

Andromache snorts loudly and Hektor breaks with a wide grin. He snuggles up beside her and she drags up the blankets, shielding them from the chill. “I don’t think we can afford to stop competing over the horses. If they stop receiving their regular bribes, they’ll hate both of us.” Hektor hums in concession. “I fear that bodes ill for how spoiled our baby will be,” she muses.

Hektor tilts his head thoughtfully. “Oh, I don’t think it’s cause for worry. I think the horses turned out great, and the gods know they’re all just big babies.”

Andromache’s shoulders shake with laughter. “You’re a fool!” she informs him.

Hektor gazes at her dark eyes, his mind swimming with warm fondness. “A happy one,” he declares, and Andromache shivers then pulls him into a kiss.

He feels like there’s nothing of him left. He has no avocations. He barely has any friends, at least any that aren’t his family too. Not that they mean less to him, but his family above all he feels obliged to, always he has put them above himself. They have needed him to. He can never truly separate that from any one of them, despite- because of- his endless love for them.

Of the rest... several already died. His companionship with Polydamas started fracturing early in the war. When Podes would implore that they drink together, he had to decline so many times he eventually stopped asking. Only Eniopeus and Helen really put up with him still. (She’s technically family too.)

If he could be detached, severed from his responsibilities, his family, his home, Hektor imagines he’d simply fade away, hollow and untethered on his own. Hektor can’t define himself outside of Troy. Brother. Leader. Protector. Trojan. Troy Troy Troy.

He doesn’t feel... bitter about losing those parts of himself, after all, they’re worth nothing in the face of what he can- what he needs to do for Troy. And yet, that does little to keep him from feeling empty and pained at their absence. It leaves him wounded and wanting even as he tells himself over and over that things are better this way, that the needs of his people deserve his time and strength over his trifling wants. Every last piece.

But Hektor’s only mortal and a mortal heart is selfish and fragile.

#the iliad #hektor #hector of troy #my writing #answered ask #sorry its a touch late i was distracted this week #i have Unfinished Business with the iliad and im determined to come back to it in time #particularly for this fic and for the hektor character analysis essay i still want to write #i love these characters and i miss them wahh #ill be free once i finish my eragon fic some day 😤

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spatio-rift · 3 months

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Hello! I wanted to ask your favourite ships and the ones that you don't really like and why

Hiiii thank you for asking i love to talk about stuff like that and procrastinating on work. i think in recent years ive been enjoying comedic dynamics the most ^_^ i love to laugh and the best kind of dynamics (romantic or otherwise) to me are ones that are funny first and foremost. and theyre best when theres something compelling about it but still a lot of room to play around.

a funny thing ive noticed also is that for most of the media i really really like i care about a platonic unit including the ship/at least one character more than the ship itself? like strky > imakasa, taka (oto) > suika, $quad > kubometo.... like the shipping is funny but the platonic unit is where i get the warm feelings from.

now to actually answer the question ^_^

my favorite ships are the ones cited above as i said mainly because theyre hilarious to me. but i also like that suika dont necessarily like eachother but grow to care deeply for eachother, and the plausible possibility of a history together in oto as kids from how much they know about each other despite being so hostile in early hebi. what happened there... its funny asf but It Could Be That Deep. and also i like the idea that they still hold a massive grudge against sasuke literally 15 years after he fucked them over even though the man doesnt care and probably doesnt even remember. ive always liked the idea that they could have bonded when they reunited during the war over both being mad at him for treating them like dirt but alas kishimoto decided karin still being into sasuke and beating the shit out of suigetsu was funnier.

kubometo and imakasa have a lot less going on, mostly i just find them absolutely hilarious. imayoshi in knb is mostly presented as weird menacing and creepy from seirins pov so imakasa (and strky) is a fun way to play around with his sillier traits, because in that unit hes not a scary opponent determined to do everything in his power to win, hes not an eccentric senpai that never says what hes thinking to his teammates... around kasamatsu and other dudes his age hes just a gay little freak. its refreshing!

i will not pretend kubometo has anything like this going on. its just really funny to me! so many things in saipsi are, but this one really scratches an itch for me. i would actually say that trying to make it deeper than it is and write about it seriously makes it a lot less interesting for me. well thats just my saipsi philosophy in general ^_^ if you start thinking too hard about it it becomes less funny, which is a capital mistake when enjoying a gag manga.

Erm ! for the ships i do not like.... there are so many but out of respect for some beloved followers i wont mention the ones that i really hate just because im biased as hell and no other reason (lol). lets just talk about a few that i have actual arguments for.

for saipsi i dont mind a lot of things as long as it is made funny by people who like it (otherwise i just do not care) but when it comes to saiko and kusuo im sorry we need to stop what is happening here. Out of every possible pairing in saipsi why these two. asou made saiko because financial power was the only thing he could think of at the time that was left to be a challenge to kusuos powers, and then he never really pitted them against each other because it was (offense number 1) already done (kusuos dynamic with kokomi and her divine beauty esp in earlier saipsi revolves around the exact same thing) and (offense number 2) literally not even funny.

their main reasons for interacting are 1) one sided rivalry because of kokomis crush on kusuo, which was abandoned Very Quickly and thank god for that because it wasnt funny at all and made saiko less likeable with each panel (and it encroached on makotos reason for existing in the work as well) 2) The Purge, except saiko never ever learns who that cyborg ciderman cosplayer that humiliated him was. kusuo barely registers in saikos mind past his introduction like he really doesnt care. the ones that consistently and meaningfully interact with him are always nendou, aren and kaidou, kusuos just always around so we actually witness it. it actually matters a lot to me that saiko is one of the only characters that are in the (extended) friendgroup not because of kusuo but mainly because of first kokomi and then nendou. so why make him and kusuo a thing?? theres nothing there! (heavy breathing) sorry if you like saisai i had to get it off my chest.

i think one other ship that i really do not like now for Actual Reasons is hanaima from knb. i used to be a Huge fan but as with a lot of things in this godforsaken fandom my enjoyment of it was really soured by people who just Did Not Get It. hanaima is the ship for people who want a ~Dark and Edgy~ dynamic in a highschool basketball manga. people who like it generally dont understand hanamiya and imayoshi as characters and the actual dynamic they have, they just want to write about abuse and poor little meow meow hanamiya and yandere sadist imayoshi and stuff like that. One! hanamiya is not scared of imayoshi he just hates him for being annoying and weird and not letting him do whatever he wants which is injure people and ruin their dreams! Two! imayoshi is kind of a freak but he is kind! whatever awful thing you think imayoshi did to hanamiya in middle school that explains why hanamiya doesnt want to do anything with him now is complete bullshit! its not about imayoshi being evil or an abuser or anything like that ITS ABOUT HANAMIYAS EGO! at most imayoshi is just annoying because messing w people hes fond of is his favorite past time!

ah well there are more things that people get wrong about their characters and dynamic but lets not increase my heart rate too much i wouldnt survive it. if i had to sum it up i think ships i do not like are either just offensively unfunny or like, the idea of the ship goes against established character so forcing it to happen makes them awfully ooc to the point of being near unrecognizable. like i know anything can happen in the mind of a fan but i like these characters for a reason, you know?! Erm well i dont know how to end this rant now so ill just say thank you for asking and sorry if its a boring read, just talking about myself and all ...!

#but to be honest even with the ships i do like... i only like the way *i* do it #because nobody really gets it the way i get it <- not to say im above everyone else but just we enjoy VERY different things about it #so i could make a similar rant about all the things i do not like about how people portray suika etc etc #its kind of hard to talk about stuff i dont like! ultimately its more like 'im neutral on this but people do it badly so i dont like it'#i dont want to ruffle feathers if i get really honest about the things i actually straight up do not and never will like

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rollercoasterwords · 1 year

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i was just rereading the last chapter of the hand that feeds - as i often do when i need to feel like a knife is digging in my chest and i need to some absolutely scrumptious gut-wrenching angst - and OH MY GODDD!!! i forget how fucking good that ending is and then i reread it and im telling you - literal goosebumps!!! the first section ending with 'This is a story about war.' i literally get chills everytime i read that!!! and the final few lines:

'A butterfly lands in the palm of her hand. She watches it flap its wings once, twice—and then it flies away.

Here is a secret.

Are you listening?

This is a story, and a story is not its end.'

my god reading this part after the emotional turmoil of the previous chapters is literally an out-of-body metaphysical experience. i feel like im dying!!! i love it!!!! :)))))

anyway it just sums up the fic so well and feels like such a thematic like thesis?? it just so perfectly presents such a compelling outlook on life and what defines its meaning and true value. like what makes a tragedy isn't its violent ends or its hateful and tense moments!! its the love and the family and the joy that truly make their lives a tragedy!!! and i love how you so beautifully execute that!!

anyway im getting serious brainrot right now, so i really just had to rant!!! now i have to reread!! kicking my feet and giggling for the angst!!!! <3

AHHHHH screaming u literally Get It. like...YES the ending to thtf is truly so special to me and one of my favorite things i've ever written. gonna use ur brainrot as license to ramble lol SPOILERS obviously

ok so the thing about the ending of thtf is that it is not at all what i originally had planned! like, i don't think it was until i was maybe...halfway? or like two thirds done with the fic that i just sort of had a moment where i was like NO i cannot end it this way it doesn't feel correct...and then i had like a eureka moment where everything fell into place and that last line appeared fully formed in my mind TRULY it was spine-shattering

so like. ok. when i started writing the fic i KNEW that i was not going to do any kind of afterlife epilogue, just because...well personally i was raised to believe in heaven and hell and center my life around that, and i lost that faith as i grew older, and now the idea of an afterlife just. is not something joyful or happy to me. like i know many people believe in some form of afterlife, but personally try as i might i have never been able to, and so i have had to seek meaning in life while believing that like. death is just it. i think ur brain dies and ur done and gone like i don't believe in souls or ghosts or anything lol. but even aside from like whether or not u believe anything happens or exists after death to me personally it's just been so much more meaningful to seek meaning in life absent any conception of an afterlife.

so i knew there wasn't going to be an afterlife. but i also knew i wanted to kill both dorcas + marlene in these very tragic and abrupt ways. like i specifically did not want to give them peaceful deaths. marlene dies afraid and alone and begging a god she doesn't believe in not to kill her here and now with so many things unfinished. dorcas dies consumed by rage and revenge and violence without ever getting a chance to heal from any of it, leaving behind friends and family who love her. and i wanted that partly because i love tragedy, yes, but also because...that is so often what death is. and that is so often what is terrifying about death. like most of us don't get any control over how or when we go, and it could be today or tomorrow and it could be peaceful or violent or painful. and that's so scary!

but i didn't want to end on that note, obviously. because the point of the story i was writing was not just to go "death is terrifying and the End and we don't get to choose when or how it happens!!" what i wanted to say was--death is terrifying and lonely and we can't control it, but life is beautiful and worth living anyway, perhaps even moreso because death is so out of our control. all the painful and scary and beautiful and joyful moments we experience are life, they are living, and there's no one experience that is objectively Better or Worse. like...grief and pain and sorrow are part of the experience of human life, just as much as joy and love and happiness.

anyway, so originally i was going to end with a little epilogue chapter from mary's point of view, sort of her and emmeline after the end of the first war like reflecting a little bit on their friends' lives and moving on. but honestly...that didn't quite fit with what i was saying, because again, what i wanted to say was that life doesn't need to be like...this endless continuing thing to have meaning. like you don't need to be remembered or leave A Mark on the world in order for your life to matter. i didn't want to make it seem like marlene and dorcas's lives were meaningful because of the people who would continue to live after them (although i do think that can be meaningful!! it just. wasn't what i wanted to say).

so what the final chapter ended up becoming is really this synthesis of like. my own worldview regarding life and death--and i feel like writing this story honestly helped me to like pin down that worldview which was a little more nebulous and difficult to articulate before. but like--last chapter. i wanted to take all these moments, both good and bad, from marlene and dorcas's lives--again, to emphasize that the "good moments" are not somehow inherently more important or meaningful than the "bad," that all life is experience and humanity and just...worth it. even the painful moments have meaning. and i also wanted to chop those moments up in time, to show that--hey! time doesn't matter.

like, we're so bound to this very linear view of timelines where life is like...i dunno. a straight line or a road or something. something you start and then you follow through to its end, and it's supposed to be like...a journey with a Final Destination. and we get scared of the End of that linear journey and we try to find ways to prolong it or tell ourselves that it doesn't have to ever end, that it can just keep marching forward in time.

and i mean, i'm still young. maybe my views will change. but as much as we are bound by linear time, i don't think that we need to measure life by those standards. all the moments of your life, good and bad and beautiful, they all exist somewhere in the fabric of the universe, forever. maybe that's a little optimistic streak of the spirituality i was raised with, but...yeah. all moments in life are meaningful, and they all exist somewhere in time, and so why does it matter what the "last" moment is? maybe death will be peaceful, or maybe it won't, but it's okay, because your death isn't your life. and that's what i'm trying to get at with the very last line--literally, a story is not its end. you can go back to any moment of a story and experience it again, you can skip around and read your favorite parts, and a story wouldn't be a story without every word and page in the book, y'know? so why should we fear the very last page? and why should we despair over the conflicts and the bits of the story that make us cry? it's all part of the story! it's beautiful! i love life and i love being human! and dorcas and marlene's lives were beautiful and tragic and wonderful and that's what being human is, and they died alone but they didn't live alone, and just....yeah! this ending is so so special to me <3

#thtf #the hand that feeds spoilers #ask

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tigerclawstar-shaped-cookie · 2 months

Note

this is your permission to infodump about your rarepairs

I release you from your captivity, be free and bury us with info

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

antjay:

so this is an AU that me and @simbasomba discuss very often.

The three (jayjay, lionboi, and dovey) need a way to spy on the Dark Forest (ivy still spies lol but she makes shit up for fun) and dove and ivy get a VERY evil little idea (i think they deserve some fun times together [pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase])

ivy tells jayjay that the dark forest allows trainees to bring their mates along with them while smiling like the little fucker she is (/positive) jay asks what that has to do with anything and then lion and dove burst and and say "JAYJAY JAYJAY GUESS WHAT WE GOT YOU A DATE"

jay beats their asses

NOTE: after the whole gathering fiasco, the clans decided to break the no mates from other clans rule (the meddie one is still looked down upon, but not by much)

that's all you get to know for now teehee teehee

smoke (ruby) x lionheart

so after scourge gives ruby and socks food and were banished from bloodclan territory they stooped so low that they joined thunderclan. they arent warriors, really, they just hang around camp and help around once in a while. lion took a very quick liking to them and started hanging around them.

ruby wasnt so fond of him at first (too peppy and nice, she said) but eventually allowed him to breathe the same air she did. cats genuinely dont know HOW exactly they became mates, all they know is that they had their wedding in a shitty old McDonalds and that Ruby still sleeps out in the open instead of the VERY nice den Lionheart built for her

[they may just be the healthiest ship i've ever shipped]

onefire

my. my babies. my insane little freaks.

there so compelling because it's visible that onesie had a thing for fir for a long time and fire didnt reciprocate and also there was the divorce thing and it's funny to imagine that in a human AU onestar would probably stalk him on social media and in general a bit like how DARE HE be happy with out me ESPECIALLY with a BEAST OF A MAN (graystripe [he's actually sorta not wrong tho here graystripe is kind of an ass sometimes]) amd NOT ME

also the annnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggstttttttttttttttttt

THE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGST

rootshadow, sunshadow, rootsunshadow, blazeshadow, kiteshadow etc.

i just think shadowsight deserves the world times infinity and a good partner(s)

jayberry

Hey, jayjay, it's me, your brother, Lionblaze- say, why do you always take berrynose as your escort and not like literally any other cat like why lmfao also why do you insist moonly check-ups for him and not the rest of the clan too and last time i walked in on you two in the medicine den you 2 were kiiiiiiiiiiiinda close together, dont'cha think- dont hiss at me speak into the mic boy

that's all i got for now sob im tired

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