#im in pain and im being a baby about it
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Why Napola is good but so bad like I'm dead inside, just love my two babies.
Hey hey stop crying I found a fic where they're happy together and having a vacation in Paris and feeding stray cats. It's called breaking into heaven by griefhoney
#it's the alternate universe fix it cause normal fix it couldn't fix them lmao#im in pain and im being a baby about it#can't take their ending as canon at all#deadass considering learning german so I could read their fic more#and forget the canon ever happened haha#napola
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“Don't you hate her?”
Furina turned, eyebrows raised in confusion. “Huh?”
“Your creator. Don't you hate her?”
The girl pondered a moment, looking unsure. “I..don't know.”
“You should,” he asserted. “All this time you had to suffer alone, for what?? People who didn't even care about the real you?? People who were ungrateful and selfish and only cared about themselves, at the end of the day??”
“Not everyone is like that,” Furina protested, shaking her head slowly. “I ..did suffer, but it all worked out in the end. Besides, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her-”
“The same could be said for my mother,” Wanderer interrupted, eyes flashing. “I came into being because of her, but that doesn't make her a good person, or a good parent. She hurt me. These two facts can coexist. Focalors created you, yes, but she also subjected you to 500 years of suffering where you couldn't confide in ANYONE or risk losing everything. Wasn't that awful?? Wasn't it a horrible time? You were all alone living on a hope and a prayer, and if it went wrong, it would have been all for nothing. You were a means to an end, and what do you have to show for it? Sure, everybody was saved and all was well, but now you're just - a person, and people hate you for what you did, people hate you for what you DIDN'T do. Was it worth it?? Are you satisfied?”
“I am,” she nodded, after a beat. “Because, this is what I was created to do. And, I'm free now. I don't know what I'm going to do, but at least my life is mine. I can do whatever I want. I can live.” Wanderer's jaw clenched, and Furina frowned, nervously. “..why are you so angry?”
“Because SOMEONE has to be!” he shouted, voice cracking. “I mean- I heard about the trial, they were gonna kill you- they lured you there because you wouldn't talk, right? And then after everything, did anyone apologize to you or- praise you, for all the hell you went through? Anything??”
“.. Neuvillette is taking care of me.”
The pain on Wanderer's face was almost palpable, at that.
“..anything else?”
“.. it's fine," she tried to appease. "It's not like I serve any purpose anymore. Like I said, I did what I was created to, so I'm not of any use and-”
“Stop.”
“..what?”
“STOP- talking like that,” Wanderer snapped, eyes suspiciously glossy. She sounded so much like him, who he used to be, and it hurt so badly.
A blank sheet of paper has infinite potential, but it is nothing as long as it is empty, he'd said, a good while ago. He'd been wrong about himself, and Furina was wrong now.
“You're not just - what you were made for. You don't - what happened to you is wrong. You're not DISPOSABLE now that everything is over.”
“It- it was for everyone's sake, compared to my suffering, it's obvious what's more important! I had to save them! It’s what I was born for! It doesn't matter -”
“It DOES,” he yelled, eyes glowing an almost neon icy blue, and she startled. “Stop acting like your suffering was something that was necessary. Stop acting like it was just for the greater good. That doesn't matter! The fact of the matter is that you suffered, and you were hurt, and you're STILL hurting! And- barely anybody is there for you..your creator, she should have been there for you, she should have protected you, but she didn't. She didn't. And you - you have every right to be angry with her, for not being there for you. For you being unable to live, until now. It was wrong, even if it was, as she claimed, for the greater good. Don't defend her.”
"She loved me-"
"And she left you, so not enough."
Just like my mother ..
“...Wanderer,” Furina ventured, worry all over her face.
“What?”
“You're crying…”
..oh. He hadn't even noticed, but his cheeks WERE wet, and he put a hand to one with a start, quickly scrubbing at his face. “Ah-” and he pulled his hat over his face, to hide it.
“..it was a lot. I often wondered when everything would end. I wanted, to tell someone so badly what was going on,” Furina admitted, and Wanderer looked up, eyes red from weeping. “There were a lot of times I didn't think I was going to make it, but. But I did, and, and everything was okay.”
“But are you?”
There was a long pause, and the two of them stared at each other until Furina slowly shook her head no, hot tears streaming down her cheeks.
“See? You're - we're both so messed up, from everything, and no one was there,” Wanderer almost whispered, looking out the window. "No one was there to help. ..You're strong as hell, I'll give you that. If I was in your shoes, I don't know if I would have made it. It seems people are stronger than I've given them credit for..”
It was something that surprised him, again and again.
“I just don't understand why you care..”
“.. I don't know why I do,” he shrugged. “Maybe because you remind me of myself, and. It hurts, looking at you and feeling like I'm looking in the mirror. But someone has to be in your corner and -”
“And you want to do that?”
A pause.
“..Well, if you don't stand up for you, no telling who will.”
“You don't have to cry over me. I'm -”
“If you say you're not worth it, I am going to bodyslam you,” Wanderer growled, eyes flashing, and Furina put up her hands.
“I wasn't going to! I was going to say that I will be okay. Not now, but. Eventually. I'm healing. I promise. There's people who care, like you.”
Wanderer fell silent then, looking away, and she reached out and squeezed his hand. “Thank you. I'm still wrestling with - with what I want to do and where I'll go but. It's nice to know that I'm valued just for existing.”
“That's all you need to be valued,” he muttered, looking to the floor. “You don't have to prove the worth of your existence. It's fine to just be.”
“..are you talking to yourself, or me?”
He looked to her then, expression unreadable, and she smiled sadly, in understanding. “Both is good. It's okay to just be. We're here, and we'll be okay.”
“Yeah,” Wanderer whispered, giving a shaky breath. “..we will."
#screaming crying#i will probably go back and clean this up later but i just wanted to get it out there and start yelling#i think wanderer would be so so angry about what happened to furina and it just. weighs heavy on his heart and he's like god. GOD!!!#his heart is way squishier than he would like to admit he's ready to square up so quickly and had it not been for focalors being dead#oh BABY he'd have Some Words For Her#genshin impact#wanderer#furina#4.2 spoilers#AUGH I ALMOST FORGOT TO TAG SPOILERS SORRY SORRY#please god i am going to explode i am thinking so hard im in pain#ue ue ue ue ue#loved but left behind.....#a means to an end..you feel me...#im dyin scoob
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look at me baby, dead in my eyes
it's the end of our holiday, but it isn't goodbye
carry me with you all of the time
eat of me baby, skin to the bone
body on body, until I'm all gone
but I'm with you, inside
🎥 @theriddletrades
#sweeney todd#mrs lovett#broadwayedit#sweenett#josh groban#annaleigh ashford#this set brought to you by the way annaleigh WINCES after 'that wouldn't be too painful would it?'#babby....babbygirlm#babygrl#im having a meltdown#anyway sexxxxxxxxy ass dip thank u as always for your captures riddle xoxo#if u think about it this chronicles the rise and fall of her being able to soothe sweeney with her touch#starts out just ghosting her hands over him; filled to the brim with want but not quite able to touch him yet#slowly she coaxes him and draws him out in wait; he's FULLY reciprocal by alp#he's slipping away from her a little by bts but she's able to pull him back to her just before she loses him again.#he recoils from her in life#but in death??? we're so back baby. and this time HE'S initiating. they're meeting as equals. very sexy thank u tommy kail#in case you all were wondering i am STILL HERE !!!!!!!! :D#otp: if you only knew
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You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)
#moe talks a lot#i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry#and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds#LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO#shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds#BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER#i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up#i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong#after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before#YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain#oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older#and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds#holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang#sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat#but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like#welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant#anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain#im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake#but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry#anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering
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another headcanon that I think is basically canon is Julian will bitch and moan and complain to the high heavens over the most minor of injuries but when it comes to major injuries he'll keep on going without a word until he straight up collapses
#star trek: ds9#julian bashir#this is like. canon to me#see Julian wincing and being a baby about throwing a punch#but getting up and going back to work while actively bleeding after being fucking shot#I think under duress he just blocks out pain either until his body actually gives up on him#or until the worst of the danger has passed and he can afford to slow down#at which point he goes 'hm. I think im going to faint now' and someone has to scramble to catch him before he hits the ground#meanwhile he cuts himself with Keiko's pruning shears and you would think he's actively dying with how much he's whining about it
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ok but blatantly and inarguably a lot of "accepting" parents would rather their children be ~nonbinary~ and/or ~nontransitioning~ than binary transgender, and this doesnt devalue exorsexism (not only because it is another form of exorsexism) but because it is a fact
#when i was first talking to my mother about being transgender she struggled with it a lot#and she Asked why i couldnt just “be nonbinary” because that would be easier for *her* to 'deal with'#and my parents are currently accepting but that is still a thing transgender youth have to deal with#the fact that some binary trans people feel the need to misgender themselves in order to make cis people feel more comfortable#because *cis* people view nonbinary trans identities as 'less extreme' or 'less trans'#and that is both transphobia and exorsexism on the part of the cis person!!!#why must we blame other trans people for the situations cis people put us into#and to bring up some other bullshit i was whining about yesterday#being told that *really* got to me. because i didnt choose any of this!#if i could just not be trans and not have to deal with all of the pain i would have!#it has made my life endlessly difficult! if i did have a choice i dont see why i would have chosen to be trans#my family was desperate for a baby girl. all of my aunts and uncles wanted a girl child but they couldnt get one. until my parents#and im just throwing that all away#why would i do that on purpose. disappoint my entire family like that#anyways#got sidetracked#thats not the point#im gonna go eat breakfast ahahah
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#IM SO STRESSED IM SO STRESSED#I feel like I'm not handling ANYTHING well rn#so many people have symptoms that are WAAAAAAY fucking worse and they're like. working full time jobs and being a parent and shit and#I'm like waaah oh no I have body aches and chronic fatigue looks like I'll have to be unemployed and never do anything ever 💀#how am I gonna live?? like. my parents are taking care of me and I'm so fucking glad but#SOMEDAY THEY WONT BE AROUND and that stresses me out so bad#I'm 25 years old and I NEED my mom every day if not physically then emotionally because I'm a little bitch baby that can't do anything for#herself. im having a hard time feeding myself I'm having a hard time keeping my living space clean#I'm not taking care of anything except the dogs sometimes and my lizard and she's not getting as much attention as she used to#I need a job and I need to be able to suck it up and DO THINGS but I feel like I'm not the person u was anymore#I was strong and I could push thru things and make myself do things and now I can't???? I just lay on the fucking couch!! and feel bad abtit#is it the tism. is it the ADHD. what about the chronic depression. how bout the fibromyalgia?#and the thing is that ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE MILD#I don't have severe pain (yet).#I just can't handle it I don't WANT to handle it#so. shoutout to my mom I guess because if it wasn't for her I simply wouldn't be alive#I feel like I've never been happy!! why can't I just be content and be happy!!!!#I have no fucking reason to be unhappy!!!!!!
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i have to go to urgent care 🥲 please think of me fondly i am so so so bad at doctors
#even now im still trying to get out of it in my head#(its already scheduled)#i dont think ive ever had to go alone so im being a big giant baby about it#(on top of. yknow. the pain)#so please allow me this small complain#im going to do it im going to be brave but Oh God It Sucks#heres hoping i wont have yet another ‘no idea what’s going on here!’ ass doctor visit bc i think that might break my spirit#rowan chatter#tbd
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Made in Magnolia
this is my favorite thing ive ever made. and i hope u enjoy it <3
special thank u to Ashley ( @diamondpuddles ) for basically being my co-author
Summary: There’s that feeling again. The warmth and the electricity that travels between them which lacks nerves or pretenses or any semblance of who they have been in the past. Calum isn’t the same guy who usually gets fucked and kicked out when he gets invited to stay the night. Ashton isn’t the same guy who got married at twenty in Mississippi. They’re new when they’re together.
Word Count: 220,470
Pairing: Calum Hood/Ashton Irwin
Rating: E
Content Warning: religious trauma & homophobia
Read on AO3
#so ok#i started this fic in uhhhh i dont remember#sometime last year#and im about 70k into it rn#she's a thickie.#the outline is entirely finished#im finishing this fic. there's not even a remote fear of that#but that being said im not posting it on a schedule#im posting this first chapter as like a little teaser#and then when i finish this chapter im currently working on and the next#i'll start doing my lil weekly posts#but... you guys just cant imagine the pain of sitting on 70k yknow#it's driving me insane#i *have* to post some of it#i just have to or i'll explode#so.#ur getting a bit of it#<3#bc i have no self restraint#ive just missed writing LONG fics so much and this baby is a THICKIE!!! she's going to be longer than scene 14 <3#so im just soo#yeah#really happy to be writing it#really happy to be sharing any of it#lapis#eek ok#:)#i mean the poll said post the first chapter and who am i to deny the poll#thank u for indulging me poll takers
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TW: Angus Cloud's Death
Lisa, Angus's mom, as well as Sam Levinson and Zendaya were interviewed by a reporter at People and the article is intense but honestly enlightening and also heartbreaking at the same time.
I felt my heart break into many pieces while reading it (sobbing more like it), hearing his mother talk about her son, and also address some things face on rather than brushing them under the rug.
I am so grateful his mother did this article and allowed us the chance to enter into her own grieving process, give us answers straight on (even though she did NOT have to), and also just help us understand and become empathetic to those struggling. Especially those who turn to drugs for pain relief.
#angus cloud#i full blown sobbed after finishing#this was an awful read but enlightening#im grateful his mom did this and she did not have to at all#but god the sentence about him being the love of her life#like he was her only son the one who made her a mother#and all the baby/kid pics of him#there was so much love in that family#may angus rest and no longer be in any pain and may the cloud family have love and support for this
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Ah lads here we go again. Chat, who's going to tell them
#dungeon meshi spoilers#<- for the beloveds#head in hands#when characters are written well (complex) but ppl Neeeed to be able to 'they're a bad person' bc they did a bad thing#failing to realize that literally EVERYONE has done bad things---#the characters have depth! thats whats compelling!!!#yes this is bc the anime reached toshiro and we are once again seeing the waves of 'i hate shuro he's an awful person' raghhhhhhh#i fucking love laios he's an incredible character but raghhhh#chat they (fandom) don't know about the microaggressions#grahhh cultural differences and arguably clashes of nd bc i can see toshiro also being nd but even if not raghhh#yes toshiro should have handled things better but also laios should have and its wrong to baby either of them raghhh#also toshiro hasnt eaten or slept in days and is all over the place at this point and Laios Even Acknowledges It raghhhhhhhhhhh#raghhhhhhhhhhhh#ghhhhhhh knows that the later scenes will probably hopefully make some ppl better understand but its going to ten ten trillion years to get#there and raghhhhhhh#oh boy i cant wait to see th fucking. racisms.#ghhhhhhhhhh#me when idrc ab toshiro but the sheer scale of hate directed towards him makes me want to blorbo him out of spite rahhhhh#<- me when i have been in situations where im both laios and toshiro and it sucks from both sides#and thats! the! point!!!!!!!!!!!!#you can hurt ppl you care ab!!!!!!!!#grahhhhhhhh#the cultural part is one that just. grah.#ryoko kui does such an incredible job establishing and showing that different cultures exists and just the fandom ignoring that gh.#also stop calling him shuro raghhh <- thats a pet peeve one but god as someone who's irl name has been made fun of#So many times bc it's not 'local'.#ghhhhh laios ily but the panel where you were going 'HUH? SHURO? NICE TO MEET YOU EVERYONE THIS IS SHURO :D'. pain and agony#ryoko kui has absolutely been there before as most asian ppl when white person#<- this was me just having a moment bc goes into tag and sighs.#toshiro you're an asian side character standing in the way of the blorbo mc and blorbo yuri you never stood a chance.....
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apparently being hungover feels a lot like having a migraine which is very funny to me bcuz now i know if i ever drink and then get hungover im gonna feel 100% completely normal and be like wtf this is what you guys were complaining about?? U cant be serious. all this drama for nothing
#migraines do suck dont get me wrong but im used to them. assuming that hangovers arent like the most severe migraines u can get bcuz#then nobody would drink alcohol ever again#then again i always feel like people without chronic pain/disability/etc are kind of being babies about normal everyday pain#which ig is their right but its kinda funny to me. I feel worse physically on an average day than you will in your entire lifetime#and we're supposed to be operating on the same level here?? makes no sense#<- not referring just to migraines but thats a part of it#txt
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I hate that lately my body's response to its chronic pain is "time to become super nauseous for hours, especially when moving!"
stupid body, what is your problem! you should be used to this by now and ignore it, not try to make it worse! you only had chronic pain issues for 3/4 of your existence. it should be nothing at this point. stop being a useless baby and throwing a fit and adding new things on top of it!!!!! 🫠😤
#chronic pain#lee rambles#why am i so baby about pain and cant just always ignore it and keep working. why am i instead suoer exhausted snd nauseous#the only choice is ignore it. pain meds do fuck all and i have to mop all this snow and salt mess at work#its 1am and im suppsed to leave by midnight and i have mopped half a room and cant keep taking breaks. i hate this useless body#im also sorta dizzy and lightheaded from my asthma not being gone yet from being sick so that doesnt help either
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Playing Sonic Battle hurts 190% when you have a relative you love that happens to be a baby
#ouuugggh my heart hurts so much#the way everyone calls emerl ''sonic's baby''#the way emerl treats cream like a child would treat another#the way emerl literally has the soul of a loving child who wanted nothing more but to care for the world#and both of them were too good for it#the way sonic talks like a worried parent when he's about to send emerl to fight eggman#the way emerl loves everyone around him down to the people that didn't treat him the best (shadow and rouge)#the way he always shouted for sonic's name when he was sad#the way sonic battle was the one game sonic was able to feel visible emotional pain towards someone's death and cry#the way emerl was a child too good and was taken from this world#do you think sonic looks at gemerl and thinks#about how despite gemerl being made to be emerl#they couldn't feel more different? how emerl was cocky and childish yet gemerl is polite and (fittingly) robotic?#about how emerl treated fights like playing while gemerl treats them like they are just that? fights?#about how if sonic didn't allow emerl to go fight eggman with him#his baby would still be alive?#GODAMNIT IM CRYING AGAIN#sth#sonic battle#sonic the hedgehog#emerl the gizoid#text post
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hi it’s my birthday tomorrow
#had to redo this since someone left a comment that bummed me out a lot#well… didn’t HAVE to but I didn’t like seeing the notification#guess I could have just deleted their comment… shit… didn’t think about that#hey uhhhh please don’t be mean to me about my birthday. I’m just a sad lil guy 🥺#I already dislike my birthday. I hate feeling older. like I’m wasting my life.#it’s already usually an afterthought since it’s Christmas Eve#but with my mom’s surgery it’s even more of an afterthought and I’m so stressed and I have to take care of my bros and I’m just not great 😬#like… what do I even want to do tomorrow?#I’d love to just sleep in and eat junk and maybe go see a movie#but I have to go drive 40 minutes to see my mom and if I try to cut the visit short I’ll just feel guilty#so… I guess I’m spending my birthday watching my mom shake and cry in pain 🤷🏻♂️#which can be okay! I mean not okay but I can 100%… well… 85% live with that. it’s okay. it’s just a day.#but fuck does it hurt when people just ignore it or downplay it or make jokes about my birthday this year#people don’t have to care about my birthday. strangers online don’t have to care. it’s whatever.#and I’m not even mad at anyone in particular. I just… yeah.. I just can’t take negative jokes about it right now.#I’m trying not to be specific! I don’t want to be mean! nobody is being mean to me! it’s okay!#im just a sensitive baby that just wants people to be nice to him for the next 24 hours#…. I’m sad!#I think I’ll just be mean to everyone tomorrow#…. lol like I could do that. pfffttt I’ll bend over backwards for my family and I’ll be glad to do it. mostly.#it’ll be okay#days are 24 hours. I’m sure I can squeeze some good stuff in between the bad. that’s life babyyyy#and I love you and I appreciate you to no one in particular and I’m sorry I’m so sensitive#my mutuals are great#you’re all great. unless you aren’t. but we won’t talk about that.#ok you can ignore this#text
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thinking about the spare springlock suit that michael gets trapped in in sl. what do you guys think it was :)
#worst options are some sort of spring bonnie or fredbear prototype. of course#like there definitely could've been more but ?? there's not really any hints as to what it was so i'm just inclined towards pain as well as#The Themes And Motifs Of It All you know DFJHDSFK#yes it was most likely just some random suit but to me that's just free real estate#spring bonnie 'they thought i was you' sins of the father following his call being doomed to never escape#OR fredbear and the GUILT of it all the inverse where he is now trapped and terrified evan Haunting The Narrative (the plush and cameras in#the private room!) as well as night 4 also being heavy on the michael and circus baby dynamic!#how could i possibly choose you know#just thinking about him escaping and seeing what it was. im normal#⁂ ･ﾟ: i was looking for a job‚ and then i found a job‚ and heaven knows i’m miserable now ➛ ooc
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