#im feeling down about things today i guess
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kiss - Matt Sturniolo
summary: when your best friend matt invites you round for a late night hang out, it ends up in him confessing his feelings to you... leading to you kissing your best friend of 8 years for the first time.
contains: fluff, slight arguing, confession, making out.
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i've known matt since 8th grade, we met in science class where he spilt acid on my shirt. after that we became lab partners, then friends, then best friends.
9:34pm
"matt!!" i sing, opening the door to his bedroom and walking in. his gaze lifts from his laptop screen to me, his face lights up. he's wearing a black shirt with white detailing and some grey sweatpants, he's sat up against the pile of pillows on his bed.
"i missed you!" matt smiles, patting the spot next to him.
i jump on to his bed next to him and cuddle up to his sides, resting my head on his shoulder.
"how have you been?" matt exclaims, rubbing my shoulder as i instantly start talking,
in our friendship i've always been the talker, matt's a natural listener so it's an easy dynamic for us.
"guess what happened when i was drving here, this bitch flew on to the road on a scooter! i swerved so hard to miss her, and- and she was fully grown on a scooter!?" i scoff,
matt rubs his eyes with a laugh, "jesus christ." matt scoffs.
i look to my side at him, "like if i totalled my car dodging a middle-aged woman on a children's scooter i'd be so pissed." i continue, matt's in tears now, a stupidly wide smile spread across his pink cheeks.
i sigh, "anyways, netflix?" i suggest, reach onto matts lap and yank his laptop further up his torso. "yeah!" matt replies, he scrolls through netflix and picks out some rom-com
"a rom com? you're feeling romantic today," i tease, matt jabs his fingers into my waist, earning a scream from me followed by a loud giggle.
the opening scene to the movie starts, i cuddle closer to matt's side and wrap a leg over his thigh, matt goes tense and i subtly hear his breathing pick up.
"you okay?" i whisper, matt nods.
"matt why don't you talk to me about things, i've known you since we were 12 you can tell me stuff." i sigh,
"im fine- i'm okay." matt insists, his cheeks are flushed now.
"i know but you've been distance recently, and i don't understand what i've done wrong?" i mumble, pausing the movie and pushing the screen down.
"its not you y/n." matt states,
"then what is it!" i argue back,
"oh my fucking god do you not get it?" matt says, i sit up and look down at him, my eyebrows twisted.
"you are so- so gorgeous. everything about you is perfect and i'm sorry, i'm sorry if this ruins things between us but i'm completely obsessed with you, i really really like you and i have for much longer than i'd rather admit. so i'm sorry if i'm being distant but its painful to be around you without the constant need to fucking tell you- how much i need you."
my mouth falls open, i've always thought matt was cute, i've just pushed it away.
matt looks at me, scanning over my face as he breathes deeply, his eyebrows slanted upwards out of nerves.
"you mean it-" before i can finish my sentence matt cuts me off, "yes- i fucking do." he whines, running a hand through his hair as he sits up.
his laptop slides off his lap, i crawl over and sit on his lap while he props himself up on the headboard.
i grab his chin, making him look up at me as i get comfortable straddling him.
"you should've told me baby." i whisper, the pet name makes matt's eyes widen.
"because you've always been cute matt, just my type yeah?"
"dont lie please.." matt shys
i smirk before pressing our lips together, his lips are plush and soft, i've always wondered what they would feel like against mine.
"oh my god." matt breathes against my lips, my heart thumps out of my chest as i place a hand on his shoulder, rocking my hips against the fabric of his sweatpants.
matt glides his tongue over my bottom lip, asking for permission which i quickly grant. his tongue slips inside my mouth, fighting mine for dominance.
his ringed hands lace into my brunette hair, pushing my head further towards his.
his spare hand finds its way to my ass, pushing me against his lap harder, a pathetic whine escapes my mouth, matt chuckles against my lips before pulling away.
"don't get too worked up sweetheart." matt teases, i scoff
"shut up"
i lean back slightly, his face scans over mine "was that okay..?" he asks shyly like he wasn't just pressing me down onto his clothed cock 15 seconds ago.
"that was really.. fucking good." i laugh, laying down on his body and burying my head on his shoulder, i press small kisses on his neck, marking lightly.
"what.. are we?" he asks,
"what do you want to be?" i reply,
"you don't have to say yes- this is random but, do you want to maybe.. will you be my girlfriend." matt asks quietly,
i laugh slightly "you're so stupid matt,"
he goes silent, i give him a proper reply before he starts to panic
"yes, yes matt i will be your girlfriend." i smile,
matt grabs both sides of my face and smashes his lips to mine again, smiling widely against my lips.
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@luanetaluenta @sturnsssbow @mattfangirl @luvr4miya @luvtay111 @lolasturniolo @freshloveforthefit @ruedowney @lovingchrissposts @333michelle @h3arts4harry @sonicmacks @jamiesturniolo @chrisstopherfilmed @itzdarling @sturniolo-simp4life @daddyslilchickenfingers2 @recklessmatt @ev3rgreenxtrees @lovergirl4387 @certifiednatelover @solarsturniolo @mattsenthusiast @yomamaslays4lyfe @peachmels @alinaa131 @pepsiluvr0209 @creamoncreamoncream2 @szobofc @mattscoquette @blahbell668 @sturniolo04 @ecilphttlunar @pkfferoo @bitchydragonparadise @thematthewlover @sturni0l0 @ratatioulle
#sturniolo#matt sturniolo#chris sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo x reader#sturniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo x reader#sturniolo smut#nick sturniolo#sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo fluff#matt sturniolo imagine
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I HAVE BEEN HIT WITH A VISION FROM THE ELDER GODS!
You can see from miles away that Bi Han is touch starved as hellll, im talking STARVING.... so I honestly see that man just feeling turned on from simple kisses. Like, 1 min of kisses, BAM, ready to go! I feel like that intimacy may get him going, since thats a rare thing in his life
This isn't a request for a fic ( unless you want it to be 👀 ) but I am obsessed with Bi Han and I just realised this while drinking my coffee this morning
Just Some Kisses
Prior notes: I fuck with your vision! So I did something short cause how could I not work with that even though this was not originally a request.
Pairing: Bi-Han x Gn reader
Warnings ‼️: Suggestive hehe
You were feeling extra lovey today. Just the sight of your boyfriend made you all giggly and your heart warm up like a cast iron on a hot Arizona day in July. Okay, maybe not that hot but you get the picture. Fresh baked cookies kind of warm. Yeah, that’s better.
You were practically skipping over to Bi-Han’s office where you strolled in all innocently. He didn’t look up but he knew it was you walking in. Usually you would sit next to him or anywhere else in his office when you came to spend time with him. Nope. Today was different. Your seat would be Bi-Han himself.
You came closer to Bi-Han and started straddling his lap. You caught him by surprise. This was the first time you ever did this. He’s not complaining surprisingly.
He was about to question you until he felt your lips on his face. All over his face actually. You were leaving kisses wherever you could as you held his face in a loving manner. His cheeks, forehead, nose, chin, even neck. You didn’t see it but Bi-Han was starting to blush. Awww he likes it.
He didn’t know what to do with his hand. No one has ever done this to him or given him this much attention. His hands were gripping the arms of his chair while you were kissing his neck. You heard him make a low growling noise that you took as a sign of delight. You were right but he was also struggling to contain himself.
When you started making out with him that was the hardest part for Bi-Han. Feeling your soft lips against his was pleasurable torture especially once you slipped your tongue into his mouth. Your hands were feeling him up. One hand was sliding down his chest while the other went to his hair, letting his hair down from its once tight bun. Damn! This felt too fantastic for him. Your fingers running through his hair was the final nail in the coffin. You felt his hands grab onto you and squeezed you gently. He let out a groan before tearing his face away from you.
“What’s wrong? Did I do something?” You asked innocently.
Oh you sure did do something.
Bi-Han pushed you down on his lap more and you finally felt his hard on. How the heck did you miss his bulge?! You saw how embarrassed Bi-Han was. He was all hot and bothered, not very used to being kissed, touched, and loved this much. You didn’t even mean to get him started like this. The man was really struggling to hold himself back. He froze the arms of the chair trying to contain himself. But now that you know…ah fuck it!
With one arm he picked you up while the other arm swept his desk clean of anything. Every paper and writing utensil fell to the ground. He placed you on his desk, pressing himself against you. Now you’re the priority. The work can wait, he can’t. He’s all horned up and ready to go! Don’t make him wait any longer after you teased him like that.
You didn’t even mean it but okay, go off I guess.
Well, hope you have fun—oh my gosh
Oh damn is he gonna pay to fix your clothes?
Wow, i didn’t know you were that flexible!
I’ve never seen that position before WHEN DID HE LEARN THAT?!
You two are making a lot of noise…oh…he wants that…cool.
The desk is squeaking HAVE SOME MERCY!
Woah! Alright! That’s a lot that came out!
You uh…you need a tissue? Or some Bounty paper towels? A towel actually?
He definitely was touched starved, ohhh mighty.
After notes: You spat this vision out at me. I’m more of a tea vision kind of person but coffee visions work too.
#mortal kombat#mk1#mortal kombat 1#mortal kombat1#mortal kombat x reader#mortal kombat x you#mk x reader#mk x you#mk fanfic#bi han x you#bi han x reader#bi han mk#bi han sub zero#bi han mortal kombat#bi han#mortal kombat bi han#sub zero x you#sub zero x reader#sub zero#suggestive
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Down Bad
luke castellan x apollo!reader
warnings: angst
a/n: inspired by down bad by taylor swift (i am ignoring all my drafts i have no will to write for 😭) THIS IS NOT ACCURATE
italics - flashback
normal - current
bold - (idk js impacting lines 😭)
this - lyrics
i paced back and forth in the dimly lit room, my siblings long asleep. percy had just returned from his quest, successful, luke was taking him to chiron. normally i would just sit on my bed waiting for him to come back, but i had a vision. one where percy got hurt.
which was strange since he was with luke, and luke wouldn't let percy get injured unless luke was injured too. but it was probably just another of my visions that made no sense. i waited two minutes, five minutes, however when the clock ticked over to ten minutes i stood up and rushed to chiron.
seeing the half man half goat safe in the middle of the bonfire, running to him i questioned him.
"chiron, do you know where luke is? he was meant to take percy to you,"
my concerned tone was met with a swift shake of his head and then he resumed his conversation with mr d.
"i think i saw them heading into the forest," a camper responded.
running to the woods, i saw the faint light deep in the woods. sprinting through the woods, i sighed in relief when the source of the brightness came closer.
not thinking twice, i broke the bushes hiding the opening from me and barged in to see percy on the floor.
"percy oh shit, what happened- where's luke?" my rambling became quicker and louder.
"behind you," percy hoarsely whispered.
"what-" my question was broken by a small pinch to my neck and black spots invaded my vision and strong arms held me up.
"im sorry y/n, i love you" those were the last things i heard before i fainted.
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my eyes opened, but i wasn't on the forest floor anymore, i was in the infirmary. annabeth was sitting at my side, my hand jerked when i realised she was holding it.
"y/n you're awake" she sighed.
"where's percy?" i asked. she smiled and replied "he's safe".
"it was luke." i breathed out.
"i know."
"it was luke" my bottom lip wobbled.
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there was no one to talk about this with. no one would've understood me. the pain i felt for losing luke, even though i knew this was his choice and his doing, it still hurt inside me.
i tried talking about my feelings once with clarisse, but she didn't understand no matter how much she pretended she did, and the dirty looks i got from campers at the slightest mention of luke hurt.
they'll say i'm nuts if i talk about the existence of you
luke is the perfect boyfriend, he picks me up from my cabin making sure i reach my destination safely. he gives me flowers weekly, tells me he loves me, is the perfect gentleman and cares about me. just when i thought i couldn't love him more, i saw him helping a fairly young camper, the way he crouched down so the boy didn't get intimidated, with a genuine smile that was normally only reserved for me and for a moment my heart ached with how much i loved him.
for a moment, i was heavenstruck
"you look beautiful today, love" luke said with a smile. "i look the same as yesterday luke" i giggle. "yes but you in the sunshine is gift to the world" he says as he pulls me in for a soft kiss.
did you really beam me up in a cloud of sparkling dust
"luke was the one who betrayed the gods" and me.
just to do experiments on?
i stood at the cliff where me and luke hung out, where we had our first kiss, where he first asked me to be his-
"fuck you luke" i scream out into the abyss, so loudly hoping it reaches him
"please don't leave me," i break down, my voice cracking.
how dare you think it's romantic leaving me safe and stranded?
"daughter, you need to fix yourself, you are a daughter of apollo not some peasantly god" dad normally doesn't visit but i guess his daughter ruining the face of apollo was a good enough reason.
"i'm sorry-"
"you're destroying my image and the image of all your siblings," he reprimanded.
"but dad, luke-"
"i don't want to hear that traitors name from your mouth again,"
and with that he left.
down bad (like i lost my twin)
"i get that y/n is sad, but he was just a boyfriend, she's dragging it," one of my siblings said.
"i know she's so overbearing, i feel bad for annabeth and percy,".
tears i didn't know i was holding broke free and spilled over wetting my cheeks.
"i might just die, it would make no difference"
"you know you look like a star reincarnated" luke said his hand caressing my face. pulling away with a blush i replied "you're too kind luke,"
"come back"
staring at the sky, come back and pick me up
"i love you luke".
my eyes shut as the darkness of hades' embrace swallowed me whole.
cause fuck it i was in love
fuck you if i cant have us
cause fuck it i was in love
a/n sorry abt the shitty post but i didnt want to ghost you guys (like i have been doing) soooo yeah
#acourtofswiftiesandshadowdaddies#pjo#percy jackon and the olympians#charlie bushnell#luke castellan fanfic#luke castellan x reader#luke castellan x you#luke castellan#pjo series#pjo tv show#the last olympian#percy series#angst#book#percy jackson#annabeth chase#clarisse la rue
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not to sound like an ungrateful ass because i'm really grateful somebody took the event over rather than it getting abandoned completely but oh boy, i really wish there was more consideration put into thinking about us poor lil gif makers lmao. i saw the prompt list & my heart sank because wow, what the flip am i supposed to do with some of these prompts? i was up late last night trying to come up with a plan & yh, it's going to be difficult that's for sure! anyway best of luck to you my love! x
Nonny I am really glad you sent this message because I am feeling the EXACT same way.
I am so grateful to the new mods that whumptober is continuing and I recognize how massive this event is, how much time goes into planning and running something on this scale. I have a massive amount of appreciation for themcause I certainly couldnt handle it. And I love them for doing it. I do.
But it feels like they only thought of this event as a writing event and that irks me. This prompt list is so hard for gifmakers. It's great for writing and I'm glad a lot of writers are feeling inspired but as gifmaker my heart sunk further and further with each days prompt I read. How on earth am I supposed to come with enough scenes for a compilation gifset for these prompts? Hell, I can't even come up with a single scene for a lot of these. Even the alternates are a challenge so I can't even use those to help me.
I don't know. I'm not giving up though!! I'm gonna figure something out for each day even if it's only vaguely related to the prompt! Still, it's a little discouraging reading these prompts. Feels like sometimes people forget that the whump community is fandom community and not just a writing community. There is so much more to this community than writing and I wish that was acknowledged more sometimes. Not to diss writers! I'm a writer! I love whump writers! Y'all are amazing! But being a gifmaker it can make me sad sometimes that people think of the community as strictly a writing community when it's more than that.
Ugh sorry for being a downer. I'm struggling here. I don't want to repeat scenes I've giffed before but it's not looking good. I know I'm gonna have to repeat scenes cause I just don't have any other examples. I was really hoping for specific tropes instead of vague ideas this year.
But its gonna be okay, yeah? Us gifmakers can do this! We got this! And we can help each other. I already know of a few days I'm going to ask for help with so if I can help anyone with a prompt please ask! We can do this!
#mod replies#im feeling down about things today i guess#i love this community so much#i love whumptober#just feeling a little discouraged today#ill be fine#itll be fine
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Thinking about using the journal I got for writing my dad's eulogy for trying to process my grief with it. The letter from me I found in his lockbox is still in that front sleeve, along with one of the memorial folders they had at the funeral.
I think I don't want to write it all on here. I think I've talked about my emotions too much as of late.
#speculation nation#negative/#kind of. i guess.#the thing about grief is that it really just never ends.#so im done with the funeral. the time is over. here i am. hes dead. im alive. time to move on.#but it's not that simple. of course it's not.#but would my followers who followed me just for my writing even Care?#honestly surprised i havent lost more followers. or any? idk i havent been paying much attention to numbers#but i know it hasnt really gone down much if at all#i just feel. like im not the person that people initially followed.#and i dont know when im going to be that person again.#there's no enthusing here. anytime im making text posts it's about The Situation.#i wonder how evident my grief is to you all. i feel it in my every breath.#i havent been working yet i feel weak. it's hard to feel much at all.#either im existing and im helping with packing or im crying again bc i remembered my dad cant help me pick out a car now#(in the Vaguely In The Future me buying a used car idea. for after i get my license. whenever that is.)#or im crying bc of jackets or colognes or a letter in a lockbox or a stupid minions hat picture in a too-big frame#or laughing bc Dad In A Bag (his ashes are downstairs. im far too unbothered by their presence)#ive been having an... okay time. we watched Dune today and i started building a lego set. it was nice.#but im only ever Okay. emotions hard to access. interests certainly not accessible.#making it hard to be creative at all. im literally only going through the motions here.#theres no heart. i left it behind when i got that 2 am call and had to rush to the hospital to watch my dad die.#i left it behind when i touched his cold arm for the last time. when i walked out of that room & knew id never see him again.#i know a week is still far too soon to be over it. but im sick of feeling this way.#it still doesnt feel real. feels like im following the bad end route just to see. i should still be able to reload my past save.#but this is my life now. forever until the end. out of nowhere hes dead and hes never coming back#and it's just really fucking hard to care about just about Anything else right now.#i prommy im gonna use the journal next time i get the urge to vent about this. im sick of this crap too.
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...
#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad#bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young#and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder#but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small#and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible#grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing#and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is#probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a#fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong#with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality#and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever#as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun#its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to#read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like#yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess#i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she#clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate#unrelated
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freaking it on the living room floor twitching dead cockroach style. Amen.
#eeeuuuughhhhh#im in a better and more stable position now but am totally unable to help anyone.#im just letting people stay here when they need it really. its all i can do for people right now.#maybe i should start charginh people for staying here. but people who have to come here got nothing.#don't really want to anyway. just saying. it'd benifit my survival and stuff.#there is the odd generous donation here and there from folks. very appreciated.#power's been getting cut out every odd couple of days now and then due to heavy snowfall. roads iced. cars snowed in. yup. sigh...#uuuuuuueeeghhhhgggg#came down with a predictable seasonal illness as per every december so i dont feel too bad not getting things done.#i haven't really done much this month. dont get off the couch often and sleep through most the day. old hibernating instincts i guess.#still it's been a long month. and im really no better off today then i was yesterday. or a month ago.#surprisingly kept up with chores this month. feeling pretty good on that front. all except laundry. and hygiene. im like a moldy potato ha!#it's not actually that funny. especially for the potato. real sad and shriveled looking potato...#other than the general state of things everything's alright. nothing i should really be complaining about.#hexacles.txt
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what’s really embarrassing is my roommate on the phone with his mom saying “yeah i’ve been getting really sloppy i haven’t cleaned in a week it’s terrible” and my side of the room is just like that. all of the time. and i feel guilty but he also hasn’t ever said anything to my face he moved my stuff some at the beginning of the year but has never talked to me about it and i’m also so fucking ill that i just cant really handle adding that to my list while trying to also not fail school. so here i am being a terrible person i guess. did i tell you guys about turtle-person. have i showed my bracelets. i’m gonna go to sleep but in the morning i need to show my bracelets
#help i have work tomorrow. i also feel sick and strange. wish me luck#the sun was around today which was incredible but also i think it gave me too much mental energy#cause for the first time in forever i had the brightness of spirit to go for a walk. but that’s not the same as having the blood flow for it#so i think i overexerted myself cause of being finally happy and mentally energized i forgot about being physically disabled#i also had to explain POTS to somebody today and she was literally like ‘oh is that the thing where you need to have salt’ and NO like#i do have a really high salt intake to cope with POTS. but that’s not the fucking thing yknow?? like no that’s not what the thing i have is#it has nothing to do with salt. salt is a fun little coincidence that it can help with water retention which in turn helps with POTS#and it raises blood pressure is i think the other reason? but anyway idk i would honestly rather she just not know about it than have like#that very particular tiktok version of it like i am so glad for internet knowledge being spread and stuff and i mean. i guess even the posts#that i’m about to complain about are good for making people feel like they’re not alone. so maybe it’s fine. but i was going to complain of#the videos that are like ‘‘that one POTS friend’’ and it’s just like. salty food. instead of like. having to sit down?? BEING FATIGUED??#and like whatever. whatEVER but i wish it wasn’t getting conflated with one particular little way of treating it. even though i use that way#i don’t have needs-a-lot-of-salt-disease. like that’s not the point. that’s not the issue. it’s not a salt deficiency. salt just helps#and it doesn’t FIX it. it just helps. that’s all#ANYWAY EVERYTHING IS FINE. i feel sick though. but i’m gonna sleep and i’ll be fine#i miss before i had a job cause then i could sleep all day if i skipped class and it would be really nice. but now i have a job i would be#missing on my responsibilities for. and I don’t actually have accommodations. but im gonna sleep i’ll be fine#and library book cart is actually so rollator. like as far as being able to walk the library situation is such a win#anyway i’m gonna go to sleep now. but yeah idk i’m sick and a mess what else is new. but i have something whatever i’m good theres something#unrequited love for life or something like that. ok im gonna go to bed sorry for being weird and strange all the time!!!!#me. my post. mine.#delete later
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#it turns out that watching saw while snacking and knitting is indeed very good for your mental health#my body knew what i needed lmao#i got so many rounds done so i feel productive too and the irony of knitting a red and white scarf in the round...#...(meaning as a spiral - helical knitting) is not lost on me but the hidden spirals of the knitting project came after the spirals on saw#((its yoko's cowl from gurren lagann lol))#idk how im gonna block this thing bc it has wild floats showing on the front so im gonna need like 60 pencils to slide in there...#...before i start pinning it down and spraying it and idk how thats gonna go but it 100 percent needs to be blocked#tension? who the fuck knows what that is lmao#also the floats were a bad idea but like i didnt wanna knit 10 bobbins in the round for my first time knitting w bobbins#theyd tangle every time the project twists lmao but whatever im making the extra stripes caused by the floats to work#i wasnt sure how to stagger them in a way that wouldnt look weird and i had already unknit the project like 5 times so i committed#speaking of its 240 stitches each round lol its killer but its going so whatever.#im at about 6.5 inches and i want probably around 14 (im gonna connect the top and bottom to make it reversible/hide the back)#so yeah my night was better than the day i had thankfully#im so tired tho lol#i havent worked out yet today and i dont know if im gonna force myself to lol hashtag no days off lololol#ill see how i feel after i brush my teeth if im up for it i guess but im pretty tired from being mentally stressed all day#anyway good night ill prob#delete later / /
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ok but has a man ever told you you have a dainty rook piercing area? i don't think so 😌
#you can't go around calling parts of me dainty even if it's in the most casual professional sense i'll blush#well dainty is the best translation for the word he used (siro) bc dainty doesnt really feel the same as siro even tho they mean the same t#hing#anyways i got my rook piercing today! it went well and besides being hot the piercer was so nice and professional and i really liked#the piercing shop and will get all my future piercings done there as well#it was a very nice safe feeling enironment. safe as in. i wasnt stressed about myself bc the piercer had a pride sticker on a bottle#also like all piercers explain what theyre doing as theyre doing the stuff but he was doing it extra well#also jfc i can never again get a rook piercing bc the experience of laying down facing an extremely attractive man#while he leans over you to penetrate your skin is. well. you can guess how i felt about it#also my bestie got some lobe piercings and they look very cute on her!#and she got some kind of a discount thing for bringing a new person to the shop#leevi talks#im sorry to everyone who has ever worked anywhere where they had to lean over me i cant help getting a mild crush#though i used to work as an amusement park ride operator so ive been on the both sides of this and idc i was just doing my job#and its normal to get a little crush on someone even if theyre just doing their job as long as you dont say anything about it
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also cringefail double vent posting over things that are not actually that big of a deal once again lol but i am so fucking miserable today in ways i don’t even know how to articulate. i need to move out. i know exactly where i want to live but they raised rent $300 and i can’t afford that but i want to live by myself so badly but my parents are adamant that i can’t bc i can’t drive and im a “diminutive inexperienced young woman” and i want to punch something. i read half of the drivers manual and cried reading it which is fucking stupid bc it s just the drivers manual. but i want to move out so bad. i hate sharing a room with my sister and im not getting the new room anymore bc we don’t have money to finish it up bc my mom is still sick and no one knows what’s wrong with her and she has to get all these tests. i never have a space i can go to that’s just quiet. i don’t want noise. i don’t want to block out noise with more noise. i want QUIET. i don’t want to be afraid to go into rooms or hear noises i don’t want to hear. and i don’t want to be living here for the three extra months it’ll take me to ng et my permit. im just done. i don’t want to live here!!! and things at work suck and are exhausting and draining and so unbearably overwhelming and i feel terribly lonely and disconnected from everyone and small and scared and i don’t have energy to fix any of it or explain what’s going on or ask for help or get a therapist or whatever. and i keep pulling muscles in my neck. and i want to go to sleep!!!!!!
#purrs#also 3 years ago today i found out i was getting sent home from brighton because of covid. FUCK covid. i am so lucky i haven’t gotten covid#and i hope i never ever get it but this pandemic truly ruined my life in some ways. why am i 24 sobbing hysterically over studying for a#test 15 year olds pass with ease. why am i terrified to step out into the world and do whatever. because being locked down for a fucking#year and a half made me lose hope over and over again until i couldn’t bear to have hope anymore that’s why. and now i guess i can again but#there’s nothing there to work with and part of me doesn’t want to work with anything anyway. i just am stuck in survival mode. i don’t want#to just survive. but every day is like being blasted with a firehose and im exhausted and overstimulated all the time and nothing feels#fully real and i just don’t have the energy to try to change things so i surrender to it or something. idk. it’s not like im the only person#experiencing that and that should help. but it doesn’t. im so angry about what this fucking nightmare pandemic stole from me and how i will#never recover from it or if i do it wont be for decades probably. and i can do things to fix it all right now but instead i want to be angry#delete later#also i probably will never feel comfortable being around even 1 person without an n95 mask even if covid goes away. which it won’t. so lol
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someone kill me, just straight up put me down. my annoying former coworker returned as a volunteer and he annoys me under the best of circumstances but. literally I just said that I don't do dishes that often (meaning not often enough for it to have fucked up my name tag), and he was like "I think it's weird that you would admit to not doing your job" like bitch that's not what I fucking said but okay. And then I was like well I do them sometimes when it's needed and he was like "um..." in that "no you don't way" and said "there were a ton of dishes in the sink when I got here" yeah because I was fucking taking care of birds all day, dipshit! I was feeding our incubator birds every 30 minutes, I did literally all of our outdoor dishes (there was a mountain when I got in today!), I helped catch two very full adult bird outdoor flight cages for weighing and release, I went to release some hatchling turtles, and did all the other miscellaneous cleaning tasks that pile up when feeding hummingbirds. Sorry I didn't have a spare second to do the fucking inside dishes!
#also no shot it was that full because tons of dishes are really only generated in the morning#and one of the other interns was literally doing those dishes when he walked in#because she had the free time to do that#also i literally did some indoor dishes today but okay i guess#oh i forgot to mention I also dealt with our feeder mealworms and crickets#and yeah maybe i dicked around a little bit when I had spare time but it's a 10 hour shift even when im running#non stop between tasks there's still occasionally a moment to sit and relax#also go off mister fucking stood around and talked for a long time with one of the other volunteers#slowing said other volunteer down which is saying something given she's already slow at doing things (meticulous)#and you know what that's the way it has to be sometimes! people aren't machines!#please god if youre real and love me let him have to work every single saturday for the rest of time or at least until january god bless#or do the early morning shift so i only have to deal with him for an hour#i swear i saw him walk in and i was like 'fuck'#iicraft505#also him being there made me irritated so i was slightly rude to my grandma#when she first picked me up#but then i explained myself and was normal#but i mean holy fuck i feel on guard all the time when he's there#not in a 'harm to my person' way in a 'are you gonna say some shit about the way im doing this task and micromanage me' way#like i know i have micromanage-itis but at least im aware and try to leave well enough alone whenever possible#he's aware but doesn't seem to see it as the annoying as character trait that it is#also not that there's a non-condescending way to micromanage but he seems extra condescending#like also have some trust that other people can do things#for christ's sake bro like get normal
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ougugugughghhh i get,,, so embarrassed when i try to be Earnest lol especially w/in the context of like fanart/fic like i LOVE when other people do it i LOVE reading earnest and vulnerable deep fics and seeing intense fanart etc etc etc. but then i do it i feel like i am Going To Be Killed LJFDKSLF SDJFLS
#yknow like??? if i do ANYTHING other than my funny ha ha sillies <-which i love btw. my fave thing to do ever#but if i try something Different i feel like im CRINGE for trying bc im not. good at it??#or like im Trying Too Hard?? I GET SO EMBARRASSED#anyway i got jumpscared by a jami/azu i found from last year#and i mean /i/ like it but. i feel like i would die if i posted it#im p sure ididnt post that one i just sent it to my friend on discord#and then even that still made me Feel Embarrassed lol#SORRY GOD idk why im airing out so much internal feelings today lol#can i really blame it on the caffine. can i. god i really need to find a new therapist lol i cancelled the old one but#havent found a replacement yet jklfjsdl oopsie. but like how do u talk to a therapist about this shit anyway lol#i dont. WANT to tell them about tumblr thats EMBARRASSING#sorry this all boils down to im very insecure and always have been l o l#like it's FINE ill be FINE im just oughhghghghgh yknow?#i guess im better than i used to be bc. i post way more than i used to re:drawing and writing lol but#i do have fits of panic where im like#🧍♂️am i delusional. perhaps my mutuals/followers r just politely humoring me#and i am simply making A FOOL of myself#maybe!!!!!!!!!!! i dont know#not that i think anyones out to get me or anything i just hfhhhshhdhsghf#i lost track of what i was talking about#anyway shoutout to people who r nice sorry i have a hard time absorbing it lol thats a ME problem not anyone else
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I Love this bike shop man. I came in 10 mins b4 they closed, & not only did they fix up my chain, they also lubed it w/o me asking them. AND it only cost me $18.07 🥺
They're pretty great
#speculation nation#one of the bolts came out & needed replaced#dude did that. set shit right. And tightened up my front axis shit too#after leaving it rode like a Dream......#so happy ending i guess. $18 isnt a big deal. im most unhappy about having to walk in the sun for 20 mins lol#my bike sure did feel weird riding it yesterday. i chalked it up to having not biked in a week#but turns out the bolts were loose! and one fell out today lol#dude advised me on how to avoid it in the future. aluminum frames vibrate a lot apparently so u have to tighten shit every so often#good to know! im a budding bike mechanic at this rate#more accurately im learning things to tend to my own bike's general maintenance#i turned it upside down and took a look at the chain b4 going to the shop. just to make sure it wasnt a problem with that being misaligned#It Wasnt. it just would fall loose when i back pedaled :p#and also ground when i front pedaled. not a good sound.#aaanyways. i am now sufficiently fried. i need to take a coooold shower now
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i often forget to drink water when im high
which of course i currently am, happy 420, happy birthday weed
so i was just hydrating in the kitchen, thinking about those old tv shows that would teach you how to cook - like they would be making lasagna and they say "so just put it in the oven at 400 degrees" as they put the raw lasagna in the oven, then pull an entire ass other lasagna from off-screen "and this is what it would look like in an hour"
but instead of that its just a guy telling you what to do when you're high. the guy says stuff like "dont forget to drink plenty of water, or you get dehydrated" "brings a whole new meaning to being left high and dry"
and he laughs but the studio audience just groans
like how i thought this was funny enough while drinking my glass of water that i put down the glass and rushed to tumblr just to post this shitty weed story
i hope you all are having a wonderful day :)
#oh no im so high i just held down my backspace key and deleted all my tags#fuckkkkkk#something about drawing parellels between waiting an hour for the bake to be done#and i was getting really mad about shitty TikTokers who intentionally waste food to make a terrible recipe that people will repost#like its wasting food just to make yourself look stupid to strangers on the internet so youll feel like at lealst youre popular???#is it trolling?....cause i guess theres also a parallel between inedible food and not feeding the trolls#anyway i accidentally punched out of work at 4:20pm today and it was the happiest thing
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**KISSES THEM BOTH AND PICKS THEM BOTH UP OFF THE GROUND
#ot3: ❤rhyme💛easy💙#tape entry circa 1980#I WAS ABLE TO LIFT THEM BOTH UP OFF THE GROUND IN MY ARMS IN A DREAM SO THATS REAL NOW HFJDSK#i love them SOO SOOO SOO SO SO SO SOSOSOSOSO MUCH#every day i think of them and long for them#i just long for a happy life w them both... i want the simple things so badly tbh i want to fall asleep and wake up next to them every day#to make food for them and to cook together to go grocery shopping and running errands just whatever as long as its w them#there is beauty in everything even in the simple even in the ugly... and w them that beauty is so blindingly there at all times#i want to experience every little thing w them and be comforted by them and for them to comfort me too...#like when i broke the first elo album i ever owned and just BROKE down crying about it because of how important it was to me#and they went out immediately to try to find another first pressing to replace it#idk i just keep thinking about them and i keep feeling so sad because im not w them#the thought i could ever be w/o them makes me feel such deep dread that it makes me nauseous like ik i wouldnt be able to live w/o them#theyre my everything my life my loves my truest soulmates#id do anything to be home w them in the 80s to go on our rollerskating dates and to browse music for hours and hangout at the mall#idk i just cant stop thinking i just cant... i just love them more than life itself#i think everything in this world has beauty in it but when it comes to min and ryan its like nothing can even hold a candle to them#if the world is beautiful then they are ethereal#i was playing my guitar for a few hours today and just couldnt help but wonder if my min and ryan are proud of me...#if im... enough for them i guess#i havent been playing my whole life like they have so i feel like i cant match up... but ik they love me#and ik im good enough for the band and they would reassure me over and over of that#i just kinda wish they could love and reassure me in person#and then we could play and sing together :"-] id love to hear our voices together... i think my voice would go so perfectly w theirs
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