Day 31/October 31: Halloween || Death || Costumes

never forget the skeleton had hair

Atla live action 😐

*voice of exhaustion* you guys are like, so moronically white

One thing that I’ve been thinking about is a possible route(?) this story could go, and that is Spamton’s trip to the Ambyu-Lances’s office. And boy do I feel bad for the Addisons because it’s gonna be hell on earth for all of em. Spamton has the mentality of a feral cat and this feral cat is going to the vet in the first time in forever. I don’t think Spamton is a big fan of large syringes, and when you have one of those chasing you down because well, look at him. He’s a walking talking corrupted program. If masters his glitches like Survey says, I can totally see him glitching through the doctors to make his grand escape™️. I feel like all the Addisons are gonna have to be here for both moral support, as well as making sure that he doesn’t attack his doctor. (Maybe they’ll sedate him a little? I know that’s what some hospitals do with rowdy-er patients LMAO, but then the Addisons have a whole new problem on their hands because now Spamton is high as a mf kite or something 😭) the last time I was under anesthesia my doctor said I wouldn’t stop laughing until I burst out into uncontrollable sobs and then I immediately blacked out💀

god a trip to the doctors office would be hell in a handbasket for this guy ;v; because he 100% has the energy of a feral cat finally being checked out

though i think once he gets closer to the addisons he'd agree to go, just to see if he can be set back to normal (spoiler alert: he can't cuz fate has handed his ass the bad luck card from square one) but he immediately regrets it and the addisons have to calm him down

them sedating him would probably be the best course of action as to actually get ANY results (because he will bite and attack on instinct hfjkkdjfkks)

though i feel if i were to write an ambyu-lance scene in the future this is how id imagine it would go:

i think my coworkers and friends think its a little excessive that Im so militant about my sleep schedule but its hard to describe the extent to which the terrors fucking get me if my circadian rhythm is even a little fucked up

I LOVE going everywhere by bike. Don't need to wait for a bus. Don't need to cram myself into a bus with (urgh) people. Or even worse, what feels like every single student in town. I still get home in about the same amount of time. I'm so so flexible including with places. Like yeah sure, let's go there! I don't care if the next bus station is far away. Doesn't matter to me.

Stayed out late with friends recently. Two of em had to get their family to come pick them up because that's too far to walk and it was too late for buses. A different friend lives like 30 minutes away but always walks and their way goes through a small park where literally no one is at with few lanterns so it's pitch black and I could literally just walk them home and then take the bike which is faster and has its own light and feels and probably is safer than walking those dark ass streets at night alone.

Like. I can just do all that. And yeah, sometimes when I'm not doing too well I feel like collapsing afterwards and yeah, maybe my fingers feel like falling off a lot at this time of year but that's like. SO worth it. I have no idea how people can live and NOT go everywhere by bike. Like if it's more than 20-30 minutes maybe but even with hills.... I fucking love my bike.

Sometimes I think too much about how my relationship to psych medication / drugs could have been if it had been one free of coercion, force, control and unethical experimentation and way too high doses for a minor. And then I lose myself a little in that rage and despair.

I hate everything about that system, but I still like the concept of being able to say. I like the way this substance makes me feel. I feel like this positively changed my life. Give it to me legally. I want legalized drugs and I dont view my psych meds as anything other than already legalized drugs locked behind a weird system. But I have yet found a psychiatrist who actually let's me be in control. Who lets me say, I need something else, this isnt cutting it, no, not another drug from the same fucking group, something completely different. Who let's me say, I dont like these side effects no matter if they seem minor to you, let's change this. Who let's me say this is the schedule I need my meds on for them to actually have much of an impact. Who let's me say hey I had this stuff years ago and it was the only thing that really helped me, it seems aggressive but can we just fucking try it again because this is supposed to be about helping me. Who let's me say this dose is too fucking high and the negatives are taking over.

Fuck I haven't even found a psych in over 4 years who has actually given a fuck about my physical health and hasn't just taken me off meds cold turkey when discharging me or switching things around, who has actually ordered blood panels to see if the levels are okay, who ordered EKGs or whatever they need to monitor that this shit isnt negatively affecting my body. They cant even fucking do the bare minimum for safety. They dont know the common side effects to what they're prescribing. A 50 year old doctor who mainly pushes anti psychotics did not believe me that I had tardive dyskenesia as a side effect because HE DID NOT KNOW IT WAS EVEN A THING THAT COULD HAPPEN. He opened google and begrudgingly said "hm well okay. I guess that might happen". He had to google the side effects to something he had been cheerfully writing me scripts for for over a fucking year. Not even because he forgot them but because he never fucking knew in the first place.

I'm dreaming of being able to control what I get and how and when. Meanwhile reality is a living nightmare and the only way to truly escape it is to completely refuse psychiatric medication and either self medicate in one way or the other or abstain from what actually could be fucking helping me. What the fuck is wrong here

strongfat Karlach please?

i get a lot of requests for karl and unfortunately as someone doin a mostly evil run i dont really have an attachment to her! i wanna do a redeemed d*rge run at some point (partially to actually spend time w the... like four whole companions i've gotten cut off from in this run lol) so maybe then, no promises!

i have so many thoughts about gohan and goten its kind of unreal

i think something that is important to me to remember is that there are small ways i can do things to spark joy for myself and others without waiting for someone else to do it... (conjures up little sparklies from my hands) life is so whimsical!!!

Man is saying weird things to me again

I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away

:/ genloss still sucks. btw

I love you analysis I love you awareness of negative tropes I love you recognising that media isnt perfect I love you not being able to handle negativity I love you different interests I have different relationships with I love you the way that changes my perspective on criticism

every night i ask myself. do i watch a horror movie or do i play minecraft. and the decision is impossible every time

Sploon rant or whatever 🧍🏿🚶🏿

Alright anyway so the new season hasnt begun yet every pro player and their mamas are already calling half the new weapons bad, or 'idk if it would work :('. And not bc of like "idk if this weapon has synergy with the kit" or anything its just people looking at the kit and deciding its gonna suck bc it doesnt have a bomb and Kraken

Angle shooter is a good utility sub if you actually fuckin learn to use it. Ink mine is a good utility sub if you actually fuckin learn to use it. Ink vac and super chump are good if you actually fuckin learn to use them. Begging for kraken and bombs on every weapon isnt gonna make them good all of a sudden. Actually give different kits a chance instead of being thrown off that theyre not throwbacks from the previous games or whatever.

Like in a game thats all about endless possibilities the weapons can give you its just annoying seeing the same complaints about the same fuckin parts of kits that people dont even bother to try until further down the line, THEN theyre like "oh yeah nvm this isnt so bad" like ofc it isnt you just had to actually learn it first!!! That and literally anyone can find more than one weapon that fits their play style so sticking to the Tried and True meta weapons while calling everything new trash makes things pointless bc youre not even fuckin tryinggggg just give shit a chance first man