#im doing better just sleepy now
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having one of those stay-up-ridiculously-late-to-make-sure-we're-not-dying type of nights
#my mug i drank like 2 sips out of smelled like mildew#so i think there mightve been mold growing inside of it 😬#nothing appeared wrong on the outside but I'm wondering if it has holes in it that cant really be seen and water got trapped inside of it#anyway theres really no logical way for me to have consumed a harmful amount of mold#like. at all.#i took 2 sips before realizing something was off. my tea tasted fine. it was the mug that smelled bad#and yet here we are at 4 am#one panic attack later#'if i survive 3 hours without anything happening then im fine' type logic#ocd 😀#i guess i can blame my ocd for this idk#whatever who cares#im doing better just sleepy now#// unsanitary#is that how you tag triggers#idk#just felt like i needed to add that#because personally reading this kind of thing is enough to make me freak out/extremely uncomfortable#off topic (but not really) but damn i wish i properly knew what having ocd and anxiety meant when i was 10.#i wish little kid me had the words for how she was feeling#i wish i was diagnosed with ocd much earlier in life#but i couldnt have known any better#mine
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stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!
wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end
#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh#some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2#recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person#and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety#like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that#my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms#UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child#so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had#a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time#which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem!#its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it#and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome'#instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems!#anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now!#house md#hilson#greg house#james wilson#stacy warner
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startin the year off sick :| not like i had a cold two weeks ago,,,
#im very annoyed#i planned to go hang with my bf and friend today and now i cant because i feel too crummy and i dont want to get them sick#:(#planned to do work but idk why this cold hit harder than the last#i think im just gonna sit in bed and try to read#even tho it makes me sleepy#better than not doin anything honestly
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motivation where have you gone :(
#i ah#i have no motivation to do any studying despite not studying for the past like two days askldjfalkh#ive been too sleep deprived the last two days to focus so i just figured its better to sleep/rest instead#but now that its a full day im like :I hmmm this doesnt seem like fun#which is silly because i actually really like respiratory lmao#i dont mind doing questions for resp because its not too bad#but my problem is the energy it takes to take notes is whats making it Tiring#if i could id just skim instead and then move on but if i do that i wouldnt remember anything alksjdfha#maybe i should make a list of things i could do with my breaks#ill try to also do the timer thingy too#im just :( can i go play my viddygames instead why is studying so hard and such a long process aslkdjhfal#im at least in a better mood though!! im happy at least with that but also i am very sleepy bzzztbzzt#snow speaks
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Bad news gamers (ITNL readers) I ate dinner and now I'm so Very sleepy
I dont think that the update will be tonight after all 😔
Tomorrow. Tomorrow for sure.
#speculation nation#itnl shit#i really wanted to do it today#but im so Very sleepy...#so... better to just... get some rest#so that ill actually be Productive with editing#maybe in the morning. if not then the evening almost definitely#unless things go Very Wrong with work tomorrow. but hopefully it wont.#for now. i honk shoo
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i'm so proud of myself wow okay gn <3
#ori.#im doing better... normally i just do like 200 words and close it#neri/rolan really got me feeling some type of way rn#anyways gn im sleepy so i will work on it more tomorrow...#i have so much to do tomorrow so might as well sleep now
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man I quit vaping and I feel so much better physically. it's got me in heavy debates to quit drinking every night as well
#i usually have 2 or 3 a night depending on how im feeling#but like man how do i get better even more#but i will say it helped me get sleepy so now im resorting back go edibles even tho im not huge on edibles for sleep#just cuz sometimes i get a hangover or im super groggy the next day#but ill be ight#baby steps babie#m.
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guy is noticing his depression coming back, but will not do anything about it.
#idk ive been diagnosed with dysthymia which was sold to me as mild but longlasting depression etc.#as i was in the process of leaving my psychiatrist she told me it was at that moment in recession =w=b#but one main thing im seeing now is that im skipping school again. (+ the horrors but we dont talk about those)#skipping school isnt BAD and all. and i do genuinely think its for the better but. that might just be the depression voice talking =3=#anyway i know itll get better again. hopefully soon.#augh also one thing i noticed is. the sleepy. getting back.#its been a while since ive had afternoon naps but now..... they sure are happening.#and these suck a bit more bc often i get home at 4pm which is in my mind too late to have a comfy nap.#yesterday and also a couple days ago i napped from like 8pm-9pm. which isnt really helping my sleep :)#but its not like i could STAY AWAKE or something. i HAD to sleep.#:/#anyway its not like i can actually do something big about it...#maybe i should take a walk more. hm.#but my knees.... and the tired.... and things i actually have to do.....#sillyposting#yaknow.#=w=b
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i need to work on the bios soon buuuuuut
margaret is trans ( trans woman )
benson is trans ( trans man )
em is trans ( trans man )
fanny is trans ( trans woman )
penny is nonbinary ( genderfluid )
neu is nonbinary ( unlabeled )
rigby is trans ( trans man )
and pops' gender is ?????
#🐦 margaret // about / i'm not seeing anyone right now ; guys are jerks#📋 benson // about / no ; i can only write the truth and the truth is i don't appreciate you#🐾 em // about / but it's really quite alarming 'cause i'm such an awful fuck#🍽️fanny // about / let me wrap my teeth around the world#🦠penny // about / blood on her skin ; dripping with sin ; do it again#❄️ neu // about / dominated by all you hated ; this will make you ultranumb#🦝 rigby // about / my pepperonis are roasting up here#🍭 pops // about / surely i'm invited to my own birthday party#long post /#someone in the past thought it wld be appropriate to dm me just to tell me they didnt like when ppl headcanoned most / all of the cast of a#-show being trans. so now most of my characters are trans <3#tbf most of them were trans anyways#dean is a demiboy but im not sure if that counts? im not demi myself so#of course anyone is free to label themselves whatever a label is just a label -- smth that you can use to help things make sense but isnt-#-necessary. i like labels bc it helps me to explain things better#this got long and rambley im sorry#im sleepy from work but
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This Too, Is Yuri
#i stole this from my private twitter#i spent an hour and a half rambling about deltarune theories and like a breakdown of ralseis character#but like in a mentally ill and deranged way#i know none of these words mean anything at all when strung together without context but im too tired to post the entire essay tweet for tw#anyways i mostly wanted to post this just for the this too is yuri joke#i was gonna post it on my main twitter account but i can explain myself in tumblr notes better than i can on twitter#also because it's funnier here#do i throw this in the main deltarune tag#i could#but then id have to deal with The Horrors#(being perceived)#also because Again there is absolutely no context provided for this and there's Needs to be context#hmmmmmmm#fuck it imma throw it in the main tag and deal with The Consequences tomorrow#deltarune#anyways im talkative when im sleepy as you can tell#it's five in the morning i should probably sleep now i have work tomorrow#also if you find this in the main tag and want context then i Might give it#later#when im awake#and it's not five in the morning
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...
#woof. if all goes to plan Tomorrow is the last day i have to take measurements forever. if all goes to plan. if all goes to plan. but im#not holding my breath bc thats asking for chaos. i think this week ive done a good job of not pushing it#in terms of not torturing myself and making myself insane. which is good bc its exhausting taking measurements with the ambient stress of#apartment hunting from across the country. ive toured 2 places from afar and applied to them. and im meeting with someone to talk abt#potentially being roommates tomorrow. which is terrifying bc i really just wanna beg them like pls pls like me so i can stop looking pls#like i have to rely on my charisma i guess when im a bit asocial and odd. not unlikable but idk maybe they want someone more normie idk#its exhausting. ive sent so many emails and so many places r like no u gotta physically visit. ugh#and i have to clean my whole apartment by Tuesday for my landlord to inspect bc i had to give them a 30 day notice or else they wouldn't#release my info for like referal on background checks. there should b flexibility in when i can leave tho. its just stressful#at least im doing this when im pretty stable and i stop taking measurements tomorrow but i haven't taken a break since last Saturday#and haven't really had time to properly draw which annoys me and apparently i wont get a break this weekend with all the cleaning i gotta do#but oh well. at least im better off than the other person i kno who is moving Tuesday across the country and currently doesnt have a place#to stay. so i guess theyre gonna b living out of their car for a while. im stressed enough a month out from leaving#sigh. im just v tired and my heart is beating too fast and i wanna start cleaning now but im sleepy#whenever we go sampling we joke that we have to make sacrifices to the weather gods for good conditions. i guess i gotta make sacrifices#to the housing gods 🙏 ugh. pls. i dont wanna still b doing this for another week when i wont have time bc ill actually have to focus on#things. ugh. cant wait to b in the future where i dont have to deal with this#unrelated
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SNORK FUCKING MIMIMI
#my day started at 11AM. ELEVEN. AM. let that sink in. and has just now ended at 3am. (three in the morning. am. 3am. three am.)#i am SLEEPY i cant feel MY LEGS#like we all got ready at 11am. we went to spoons breakfast. we pre'd until like 2/3#AND THEN WE WENT TO THE HORSE RACES! BC THERE WAS A STUDENT DAY THING! IT WAS SO FUN! MUCH BETTER THAN LAST TIME!#and we were there until like? 9? i think?#and then we come home to get our shit together. had a chinese. drank some more. and then we went to the club#and we stayed until close bc when i TELL YOU the dj did not play a single skip song#it was just banger after banger i think ive lost my voice#but oh my god my POOR LITTLE LEGS#I WAS IN HEELS THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS AT THE RACES#6/7 HOURS IN HEELS JUST TO TAKE THEM OFF TO GO CLUBBING??? OW#IM GOD'S STRONGEST SOLDIER TBFH#ALL THAT WAITRESSING DID ME GOOD APPARENTLY MY FEET ARE STRONGER THAN SISYPHUS ON THEIR OWN#FUCK THAT ROCK BOY#ow. ow ow ow. but it was such a good day so idc. i met a guyyyyy <3#i also fucking body checked this one girl and i feel a bit bad bc she was so clearly having her teen coming of age moment in the club#like white girl dancing hands over her head twirling etc. unfortunately for her AND ME that involved bumping into me repeatedly#and like? she kept turning to us to try make us dance with her but me and my mates were having a lot of fun in our little trio so we didn't#which yeah maybe that was mean but tbh if someone did that to me id take no for an answer the first time instead of repeatedly doing it#like she was acting like she was empowering us and freeing us from the shackles of insecurity when rlly we were just like girl no#and she WOULD NOT GET THE FUCK OFF ME like zero spacial awareness to her#the irony of clubs is like yeah obvs ur surrounded by people but it's also looked down upon if ur seriously in someone's space#so i just wasn't having it and in the end i just fully fucking SHOVED her off lmfaoooo. sorry girlie <3#like i felt embarassed for her bc of it like she was so in her own little world and i absolutely ruined it but idc#be aware of other people and their comfort bitch!#anyway yeah it was very fun all in all <3#hella goes to uni
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i love occasionally having a useful skill...
i cut both my and 🌸’s hair regularly during Lockdown Etc and then once we started confronting the public world again a year+ ago they went back to getting it done at a barber to which i was like “sure whatever” and just assumed they, reasonably, prefer a professional cut
then the other day they were making unhappy needing-a-haircut noises and i was like “well, i would happily cut it, but it seems like you’d rather book at the barbershop?” and they were like “yeah i guess” and basically to make conversation i was like “i mean i’m happy to do it in a pinch though, are there things they do that i could replicate” and they were sort of like “eh”
and i said, “hey, this is going to sound weird, but is it possible that you actually prefer it when i cut your hair, at home, for free, and you have nonetheless been paying someone for the service because you’re somehow worried that you’re inconveniencing me by asking for a one-hour once-a-month favor even though we live together and i keep offering?”
and GUESS WHAT
anyway their hair is cut now and it looks cute and was convenient.
#i was honestly quietly puzzled when they switched back because they spent like all of college irritable about not getting appropriately gend#ered cuts and seemed genuinely pleased with my attempts at the rendition#but like. for one thing im sure a professional cut grows out way better than mine bc i don't know anything about how that works#but no. they DO prefer my haircuts. they're just INSANE#i'm kind of this way but they are like the most this way any human has ever been#box opener#girlfriend tag#i am good at cutting hair though. i did a fast version just now because it was late and we were sleepy but it honestly looks so cute#i benefit from the fact that they have extraordinarily beautiful brown-black hair of exquisite softness and thickness#making it easier. but still. cute haircut.
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staying up until almost 3 am on a school day just. listening to music with friends oh my god
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#IM GROWINF SLEEPY BUT THIS IS. amazing#just dance fiehdidhkd 2010s GOD I FEEL OLD#kids these days dont grow up listening to the same songs anymore man :'(#its sad tbh bcs a lot of kids . like yeah i grew up with a computer and on the internet a lot but i played outside!#pandemic ruined shit fr :( and tech improving is so good esp bcs i love that stuff but its. also sad#bcs my younger cousins grow up with like. ipads and phones and YEAH i kinda did too but ig i'm happy that. yeah?#hm. word is so interesting#DIGEIFJE MY THOUGHTS ARE A MESS BUT IN A BETTER WAY?#ill have to organize them tmrw! >__< and do more tasks and all aghhhhhhh#good night in advance ^_^ idk what time ill be sleeping now but im always willing to make an exception for friends esp bcs not that often
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Dropped my gorgeous girl (my bike) off at the shop to get her basket installed & fix the pedals. Apparently it just needs a part replacement, so I should have her back in a few days hopefully
Stopped by the shop I wanted to go to yesterday since it wasn't far out of my way & picked up a new deck of tarot cards. As much as I love my first deck, it's a very average starter deck, & I wanted smth more personalized. So now I have one. Gonna have to break out those puppies sometime soon
#speculation nation#i also got a box for it. bc i wanted one and it wasnt that expensive.#maybe if i keep it within easy reach i'll use them more than i have been my first deck lol#now im home. sitting. contemplating doing dishes. i really do need to.#and. of course. listening to trigun ost. rn it's playing 'july city' which is one of my favorite tracks in general#knives' piano. vash's theme. Worm Attack. the sand gang track. and july city. those are my favorite tracks from the ost#oh and Luida's decision. i love that one too.#i love a lot of them tbh. hard to choose.#i.. am so very tired. i got maybe 4 hours of sleep & it was completely my fault.#spent the day dancing and reading things not suited for work. and now i am home. and i just wanna sleep lol#in a Much better state of mind than i was last monday tho i will tell U that. jesus fuckin christ lmfao#just happy sleepy rn. much better than the vibrations under my skin urging me to do bad things#stress. all stress. supposedly.#i dont rly wanna do my dishes but i really really need to. ive been putting this off for weeks now. it's not getting any easier.#but... after i sit for a bit maybe...
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HIIIII guys!!! i hope you've all been doing well!!!
#going to answer some asks now and try to write some astro posts!!#i finally caught covid 😭#luckily am vaccinated!! as of now it's mostly just rly bad headaches and im very sleepy and muscles kinda hurt#my bf got it way worse he literally slept for almost 24hours and had such a high fever#oh also shortness of breath for me#im feeling way better than before but like holy#i would literally bend over to pet our dogs#and then stand back up and id be out of breath as if i ran a marathon???????#ANYWAY#time to actually really do some astro content at least until the brain fog/headaches come back#really trying to set up doing readings again!! and i also want to start posting free weekly ~predictions~/horoscopes as well#im not sure if ppl are into those but it could be fun to write anyway!#luna.txt
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