#ik i always like feedback but i'll like it even more this time
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adore
pairing: bsf!jude x fem!reader
summary: you adored your friendship with jude, but sometimes you wished things weren't so complicated between the two of you. [wc: 3,2k]
contents: mostly angst ??? a few cute moments here and there bc i'm fluff girly thru and thru 🤞, they can't communicate to save their life, drunk jude, a random man being annoying, jude being a dumb fuck, language, did i miss anything ?
note: this wip has been rotting in my drafts for a couple of months, i hope you enjoy it because i really enjoyed writing it 🫶
now playing adore by cashmere cat & ariana grande...
"please don't leave me y/n... you don't understand, i need you here."
"jude, i'm literally going to the toilet. i'll be back in 5 minutes, now let me go."
your best friend had always been the clingy type whenever he'd reach his alcohol limit (which was usually only after a couple of drinks). but tonight he was practically glued to your side, not that you minded, you basically spent your whole life attached by the hip. but you had to admit, it hurt a bit to see the person you couldn't have, not in the way you wanted to have him, at least, act all lovey-dovey with you.
the nature of your relationship with jude was complex, to say the least. he was your best friend since you were kids and you wouldn't change that for the world. but the way he looked at you sometimes made you yearn for something more, or whenever his touches on your shoulder or your waist would linger a bit too long to be friendly. maybe it was your mind playing tricks on you, after all, the chances of jude wanting you the way you wanted him were very low, not to mention the fact you led two different lives. but it didn't matter, you could manage to live and long for him with the hope that one day you could be more than a best friend to him. and this thought was all you needed to face him and his sparkly eyes for the rest of the night.
when you got out of the bathroom, your mind was still full of thoughts of your relationship with jude running in your mind. you were so engrossed in your thoughts that you bumped into a man's chest, not really being careful about your surroundings.
"i'm sorry, i wasn't looking." you quickly apologise to him, you were already on your way to your friends before the man grabbed your wrist, quickly letting it go.
"it's okay sweetheart, can i get your name as an apology ?" you cringed at his poor attempt at flirting with you, but you weren't feeling confrontational tonight.
"i'm-"
"y/n !" jude's voice made your head turn in surprise.
"you were gone for so long i almost forgot what your beautiful face looked like." he said smashing his face on your shoulder.
"is that your boyfriend?"
"ummm, no he's my-"
"depends who's asking." jude interrupted you, side-eyeing the nameless man.
"jude. i can speak for myself." the look he gave you broke your heart a bit, his lips pouting in sadness.
"if he is not your boyfriend, i'd gladly take your number, might even take you back to my hotel room..." it was obvious to everyone around that the situation was uncomfortable for you, that familiar feeling of disgust you always got when a man was being too friendly creeping on you.
"who do you think you are?" your best friend stared at the man with a frown on his face.
"jude, let's not..." the tension between the two men was evident as people stopped to stare at whatever was happening.
"relax mate, i just wanna talk to your friend nothing more." the stranger grabbed your wrist, still looking at jude, testing him, testing how far he would go to stop this.
"let me go." you didn't have to try getting away from him because jude did it for you.
the nameless guy suddenly let you go, and seeing him hold his jaw while screaming profanities at your best friend was all you needed to understand what just happened. jude punched him, but the alcohol in his veins prevented him from dodging the punch that came straight for his eyebrow.
immediately you took jude's arm before he found another idea to mess up your night some more, and walked out of the packed club for some air. you ordered a uber for the two of you and texted your friends that you were getting home early.
even fresh air couldn't rid you of the anger that coursed through your body. of course, you were mad at the man who couldn't keep his hands to himself. but another part of you couldn't help but be pissed at jude and his impulsive behaviour. but when you looked at him and saw blood trickle down from his eyebrow, everything was suddenly forgotten and you could only worry.
"fuck you're bleeding, why didn't you tell me? fuck, fuck, fuck." you searched through your bag for a tissue, mentally cursing yourself for how messy it was, and handed one to jude.
"just didn't wanna bother you..." he mumbled, holding it to his wound.
you both waited for the uber in complete silence, you knew you needed to have a conversation with jude about what just happened but you'd do it tomorrow, when he was sober and when your judgement wouldn't be clouded by anger.
thankfully, your uber didn't take too long to arrive, you helped jude put his seatbelt on after watching him struggle with it for a good minute. the atmosphere was tense and it seemed the driver felt it so he didn't try to make conversation with any of you.
you were halfway to your destination when you felt jude's fingers brush against yours lightly. you took a glance at where your hand lay, on the middle seat, jude's hand was right next to yours and when you looked at him he was suddenly entranced by his shoes, busy pretending it never happened.
you were sick of him acting like a child, so you held his hand, since he obviously wouldn't do it himself. the rest of the drive was silent but the atmosphere was peaceful, a nice change from the club.
you let go of jude's hand once you arrived at the villa you rented with your group of friends. you immediately took jude to the bathroom to clean his cut, he looked like a child while you were gathering the material you needed, mumbling words to himself with a frown on his face.
"is it gonna hurt?"
"probably not." these were the first words you exchanged since the club, the uneasy atmosphere of the room wasn't one you were used to whenever you were with jude. he was the one person who could understand you the best in the world, but it just wasn't the case tonight.
"can you hold my hand?" it was like he turned four again. but you couldn't deny anything from him, especially not when his eyes were glassy from all the drinks he had, so you took jude's hand in yours.
you started cleaning the cut, fully focused on your task, trying your best not to be distracted by the way your faces were inches from each other's.
"you're so pretty..."
if there was one thing you knew about drunk jude, it was that had loose lips. he couldn't keep any secret from you whenever he had the right amount of alcohol in his veins, and that often worked in your favour, but right now his words were only distracting you from your job.
"don't say that..." your heart was racing both at his words and at the proximity you two shared.
"i mean it." he was tracing your jaw with his fingers. you felt your hand quiver at the unexpected contact, and afraid you might mess something up because of jude, you quickly put a bandage on top of his, now clean, cut.
you started tidying up everything you used and expected jude to go to his room but he didn't budge.
"what's wrong?" you were a bit worried his injury was more serious than you thought and his brain was just working a bit slower than usual.
"kiss it better... please?" he said pointing at his bandage with a kissy face.
you were torn between kissing or slapping some sense into the boy standing in front of you. jude bent down so your face was in front of his, you obliged because you knew hammered jude would not have let you go to bed before you kissed him better. not because you wanted to, of course.
he was still unmoved, looking deep into your eyes so you took his hand in yours and led him to his bedroom for him to get a good night of sleep.
once you got jude to his bedroom safely, which wasn't an easy task given how starstruck he was at every little everyday thing in the house, he threw himself on his bed and grumbled something about clothes, before taking off his shirt with no prior notice. you immediately looked at your feet to give him some privacy while he changed clothes. he only giggled at your action saying he knows how much you would like to watch undress. which wasn't true, of course.
you took a quick peek, to make sure he was under his sheets. handing him a glass of water once he had his sheets pulled up to his chin and a content look on his face.
"no thanks, i'm not hungry."
"this is a glass of water?" you were perplexed at jude's words. the fatigue of your body preventing you from trying to understand his nonsense.
"well, i'm not hungry for water." you sighed at his childlike behaviour and considered shoving the water down his throat at some point before retracting, not really wanting to deal with the homicide of one the most in-demand football players of the moment.
you placed the glass on his bedside table and walked towards the door, unwilling to talk to a very drunk jude when all your body asked for was a good night of sleep.
but you couldn't ignore jude calling your name in a tired voice. you turned around to listen to whatever he had to say to you, only for him to beckon you closer with his hand. you rolled your eyes but still obliged, sitting on the unoccupied side of his bed.
"i just wanted to know why you were mad at me tonight." you didn't want to have this conversation tonight, but it seemed jude had other plans.
"because even if your intention was right, i think we could've solved the issue with no fits of screaming and fighting. i know you meant right but you can't just act without thinking all the time." you weren't even sure jude was registering your words properly, his eyes moving up and down your face.
"but i was mad at him too, he kept talking to my girl as if i wasn't right there." although jude was hardly convincing by the way the words came out of his mouth all slurred, you had to admit him calling you his girl put a faint smile on your face.
you thought your best friend was done but he just kept right on.
"fuck, you don't even know how many times i wished i was your boyfriend to stop these men looking at you that way. i mean i wished i was your boyfriend all the time, but especially then and also when you show me whoever you're talking to, you really have a vile taste in men y'know."
you looked at jude in total shock, he wasn't aware of what he just said from the way his face had the same drunken expression as before.
"do you mean it?" maybe he was pulling a prank on you. the look on his face didn't seem too serious, but then again he was drunk, how could you know how serious he was?
he laughed, how could he laugh in what was a very serious situation from your point of view?
"of course i mean it, sometimes it even looks like you want me too, maybe i just thought wrong. just tell me you don't want me, i reckon i could live with the fact i'm your best friend a bit longer." jude's nonsense somehow got even more nonsensical. how could he be saying all this with a smile on his face? even worse, how could he possibly think you didn't want him to be your boyfriend? you didn't even know what to say to him. hell, was there even a right thing to say in this exact situation?
"you can't do this to me jude... you can't just say this shit to me when you're drunk out of your mind. what do you expect me to say? i don't even know if you're aware of what you're telling me right now." words finally found their way out, your voice was much less cheery and much angrier than his as you felt a sense of injustice seeping through your veins. how could he say this to you like it was the simplest thing in the world? did he only love you when he was drunk? did he actually mean that, or was he over-exaggerating things under the influence?
"i love you and i loved you for a long time, please believe me, i know you're my best friend, and i don't want to ruin things between us... but i just needed to get this off my chest." jude was truly confused as to why you were so mad at him for this sudden 'confession'. of course, you didn't have to reciprocate his feelings, but he could only think about how he ruined your friendship for good from the way you responded so vehemently.
"goodnight jude." you left his room before he could add anything, and your thoughts were already running wild. you weren't sure if you should be feeling happy that he felt for you what you felt for him, or if you should be mad at jude for dropping this bomb on you so suddenly when he could clearly not think straight, making you doubt about the whole thing.
if you were overthinking before, your brain was now about to explode from everything that just happened in the span of an hour.
once you got under your sheets, no amount of sheep counting, lofi music, or breathing methods could put you to sleep. your brain was screaming at you, urging you to freak out about what just happened. every and each of your thoughts led back to jude, your own brain was torturing you, forcing you to separate truth from fiction at 3am.
you wished jude told you the truth, you wished his drunken words were his sober thoughts. but you didn't know how you were supposed to act like this never happened if this wasn't the case. how could you possibly come back to your little role, so well perfected over the years, of jude's best friend after he gave you the smallest glimpse of hope? your friendship with jude was the most important thing for you, but you wondered if you'd be able to pretend for the rest of your life or if you would go insane before that.
when sleep finally started taking over your endless train of thought, you came to the conclusion that if he meant what he said earlier, he'd have no issues telling you once he sobered up. you comforted yourself with this idea while your eyes closed by themselves, no more energy left in them to fight for the sake of overthinking.
jude had been avoiding you all day. the only time you exchanged an eye contact was during breakfast and even then he quickly went back to his room, not speaking a word to you. you could tell he was avoiding you like the plague, if he happened to be where you were he'd immediately flee the room, suddenly mesmerized by his phone.
you wished you were mad at him for how he was treating you and how he was making you feel, but the truth is, you could only focus on your heart breaking a little more each time he'd walk past you like you were two strangers.
after dining with the rest of your friends, you decided you were sick of jude's little games. if he didn't want to talk to you, then you would confront him whether he liked it or not.
it took you all the strength of the world to knock on his door after taking a deep breath.
no answer.
there was no way he knew it was you, you were sure of it. maybe he was just avoiding everyone tonight? you quickly refuted this idea, you saw him laugh with a couple of your friends half an hour ago.
you knocked again, a bit harsher this time to make sure he'd hear it. still nothing. you were preparing yourself to knock one more time, with much less hope than the first time.
"y/n, what are you doing?" yasmeen's voice startled you, it almost felt like getting caught doing something you shouldn't be doing.
"um... just needed to talk to jude, do you know where he is?" you couldn't help but feel embarrassed at the question. you were his best friend, if anyone should know where he was, that would be you. and your friend's dumbfounded look wasn't helping the heat creeping on your face right now.
"what do you mean? he left like an hour ago, had an unexpected meeting in london or something like that... he didn't tell you?"
it had been a very long time since you felt this way, maybe since middle school when your math teacher made fun of you in front of the whole class. your mouth suddenly drying, the sensation of your heart constricting, and your eyes stinging, trying their best not to let the sadness spill. it all felt like one big joke, you hoped jude would open the door, he'd tell you he was messing with you, he'd tell you everything he said last night again.
but that moment did not come. you couldn't answer yasmeen, afraid that the truth might spill along with your tears if you uttered a word. you simply shook your head, and went to your room, trying your best not to meet her eyes. your friends weren't blind, they could tell something was wrong between jude and you today, although none of them asked you what happened, they just kept a watchful eye on you and the way you looked at jude, in hopes he'd look back.
it felt good to cry in the privacy of your own room, far from the speculative conversation others were most likely having about the whole situation.
once your eyes were short of tears, you somehow found the strength to take your phone and click on your messages with jude to type a new one.
let's just keep doing what you did all day
i'll pretend you don't exist and last night never happened
probably best for us :)
#ik i always like feedback but i'll like it even more this time#my first time writing angst that's actually angsty !!#hope you all liked it 🫶#jude bellingham one shot#jude bellingham imagine#jude bellingham blurb#jude bellingham x reader#jude bellingham#jude bellingham fanfic#jude bellingham angst#football one shot#football fanfic#football imagine#footballer imagine#football x reader#jude bellingham x y/n#jude bellingham x you#football x you#football x y/n#football angst
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When I was your man
Pairing: idol!Bang Chan × gn!Reader
Genre: angst
Warnings: alcohol consumption (nothing much tho, it's barely there)
Request: ok so as much as i hate sad fics, i have an amazing idea that is definitely going to break many hearts... when i was your man by bruno mars, as inspiration for a chan fic.
A/n: ik this is inspired by when I was your man but listen to "shot glass of tears" by jungkook and "million reasons" by lady gaga, it really adds to the experience
He could just call you. He knew you would pick up and listen to what he had to say, even though it was probably going to be nonsense. Even if all he had to say was bullshit and excuses, you would listen. You could even give him another chance. But that time, he didn't want that.
No, horrible wording, Bang Chan thought to himself. Of course he wanted another chance. He loved you so much that all he could think of, even when the alcohol was all over his brain and the members and staff were talking about the new comeback, was when he'd get another chance to see you. I'm still not over with all the work for today. Tomorrow we have rehearsals. The day after that we have recording. We probably have something to do later as well, but I can't recall what it is. I don't think I'll have the time this week.
Oh, that was one of the problems. Time. Or the lack of it for that matter. He'd always be late for dinner and would always miss breakfast. In the beginning you thought it was understandable, although you never liked it. But as time went on, you felt you were dating a ghost: the only thing that guaranteed you had a boyfriend was the same old message he would sent you before any date. "Won't be able to make it. I'm sorry. I love you." After receiving so many texts like this in the spam of the last six months, you started to doubt the last two sentences.
But he was sorry. And he loved you. He was planning on how he could show you this now. Maybe he should buy you flowers. You've always liked it, you felt as it was romantic. But there's nothing romantic in excuses that hold no regret. Your words, not his. Won't buy flowers. Yeah, he'd already tried that one before.
Maybe he should take you out. A real date. He'd show up this time, he was sure of it. But would you? He remembers the episode of last week. He showed up after what felt like an eternity without seeing you. But you stood him up. At first he thought it was a little revenge. He would've deserved that if that was the case. But you weren't playing any games. You had just given up. How can you call it a date if you don't look at my eyes throughout it, just because you're to worried a paparazzi will show up? You can't even bring yourself to hold my hand. He read the message you sent at least a hundred times, enough for him to know it by heart and for those words to follow him everywhere he goes. It was the last text you sent him.
He could've called. You would've picked up. He knew you were just looking for a reason to stay, though you had a million reasons to quit. But you still had faith. You still loved him. Right now you were probably looking at your ceiling with teary eyes, trying to make the worst seem better. He knew you that much, and he knew you well.
But he didn't know himself that well. He didn't know then that he was able to put his pride aside. He didn't know that you weren't looking for a grand gesture. He didn't know that he was enough. You just wanted him, and he wasn't able to give it to you. He should've called. But he didn't.
If he had called you, you would've heard him. You would've believed in whatever he had to say. You wouldn't be dating someone new. Someone who has time for you. Someone who gives you flowers without trying to use it as an apology. Someone who's not afraid of being seen with you and holds your hand. The things he could've been to have you by his side if he had tried a little more.
Yeah, he should've called.
Dividers by @cafekitsune
Feedback and reblogs are always appreciated!
#hehe#celi drabbles#skz angst#bang chan angst#stray kids angst#stray kids#skz#skz x reader#skz x you#stray kids x reader#bang chan stray kids#bang chan × reader#bang chan#anon - 🦦
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GUILTY CONSCIENCE | sim jaeyun
now playing ☾⋆⁺₊🎧✩°｡ guilty conscience by 070 shake
⁺ ⋆˚ genre: idol!jake x nonidol/femreader, just angst man am i sorry, established relationship
⁺ ⋆˚ warnings: lowercase intended, cursing, being drunk, infidelity, gaslighting(?), baby is used as a nickname, one suggestive text, jay is mentioned BRIEFLY
⁺ ⋆˚ word count: ~1.2k
⁺ ⋆˚ message from nic: i know i already did a piece ab cheating but all of my works are inspired by songs or i try to connect them to a song,,, i just feel it sets the tone of the story and its fun to connect a story to a song!! and since this song is one of my favs atm i HAD to write ab it. i definitely recommend u guys listen to the song while reading or even listen to it after. kinda ironic how cheating is one of my pet peeves (i fr despise it sm dont get me started) yet here i am writing ab it lmao. i promise i'll write something more lighthearted and/or anything that isn't angst soon LOL. but hope y'all enjoy and feedback is always appreciated!
"5 AM when i walked in, could not believe what i saw"
yn: JAKEY JAKE JAKEY pleaseee come tk the club rn i habent seen u since u got nack :(
jake chuckles at the message as he reads it. he glances over at the clock that reads 4:38 AM. he knows that clubs in korea don’t close until 8 but god damn how are you still partying with your friends this late? he figures that you must’ve had a little too much to drink and your party animals for friends don’t help at all.
jake: ik baby but we had schedules right when we landed and im so tired… how are u even still there rn???
yn: TOO MICJ FUN :D
yn: COME HAVE FUN WITH ME BABY ;)
jake: u make it rlly hard to say no to u
jake: ill be there soon<3
jake sighs as he rises from his bed, making sure not to wake jay who’s fast asleep. he envies how jay can be sleeping so peacefully when jake is experiencing the worst jet lag of his life. you being out at 4 in the morning and his racing mind doesn't help him try to get some shut eye either.
he dresses quickly, making sure it's quiet when he exits the dorms. it’s not his finest fashion moment but he could care less about what he looks like. he’s only going out to see you and to possibly save you from whatever crazy antics you and the girls are up to.
jake isn’t going to lie when he says he hasn’t made the best effort to see you after getting back from tour. but he also didn’t lie when he said his schedule was super jam packed these days. he should’ve immediately ran to you as soon as he landed but he just didn’t have it in him. guilt gnawed away at his heart as he hailed a cab to lead him to the club you were having the time of your life at.
jake enters the back of the club smoothly without drawing any attention. thankfully your friends secured a vip table upstairs in a secluded area, making it easy for clubgoers to not notice that an idol was going to a club at godforsaken hours.
approaching the table he sees you right away. it’s not hard to spot your beautiful red dress, hugging every curve on your body. your long hair flows as you sway your hips back and forth. jake smiles to himself. how did he manage to bag the most gorgeous girl in all of seoul, korea? it was clear you were having way too much fun, giggling and dancing with your friends and-
he quietly gasps. the scene before him makes him halt in his tracks. it was like time stopped and the flashing lights began to blind his vision. his heart rate slowed and his palms were becoming clammy.
maybe he was mistaken. there was no way you would do this to him, he thinks. but there you were cuddled up next to a man, drunk out of your mind. jake can't stand another minute watching you and the mysterious person grind up against one another.
in a blinded rage he rushes towards the guy and pushes him away from you with all of his power. “GET THE FUCK OFF MY GIRL!” you shriek and the guy stumbles backwards sending a few drinks flying off of a nearby table. “YOU MIND TO TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE YN?!”
your mouth is agape and your mind is scrambling to figure out what to say. you know you can’t explain how you were practically dry humping a stranger, too shocked and the alcohol still strong in your system. you're struggling to say something, anything to try to make things right.
“and you,” jake turns and gets too close to the man’s face. “she’s clearly too inebriated to make the right decisions. how DARE you take advantage of her like that?!” you’re confused as to why he’s flipping the script and blaming the stranger but jake rips you away from everyone too fast for you to think another second. you stumble as you’re dragged away to a dark corner.
the two of you are standing in awkward silence, no one daring to say a word. your eyes are looking everywhere but jake. you’re too afraid to see what kind of expression his face has. “jake i-” “no. you don’t get to speak right now. there’s nothing you could say to justify what i just saw.”
ragged breaths begin to come out of your mouth and your chest is tightening. “jake please baby i just- i was so drunk and these guys came up to us and…” your sentence trails off, every word you’re saying just sounds so ridiculous at the moment. he’s right. you couldn’t say anything to excuse your wrongful actions.
“and to think i came here at fuck ass o’ clock just to come and see you. i’ve barely gotten an ounce of sleep these days but i gave that up to come because you were BEGGING for me to be here.” his voice is angry and you know he has every right to be screaming at you. at this point tears are threatening to spill from both of your guys’ eyes. “jake… i know i know and i’m so sorry i swear nothing like that-”
“NO. no just no,” he pauses carefully choosing the words he’s about to say next. “you’re right. there won’t be a next time… we’re done.” the tears that brimmed your lashes are now falling. the alcohol that once ran through you is now gone. you move to grab his hand but he takes a step back. the distance between you two grows larger and he seems out of reach.
“jake please we can work this out! please don’t leave me because of this.” your pleas are ringing in his ears but he ignores them. “we can’t come back from this yn. how could you think i’d ever trust you from now on?! don’t contact me ever. have a nice life.” the loud music pounds on the walls just like your heart is in your chest. you’re left alone sobbing, wondering how you managed to fuck up the best relationship you’ve ever had.
jake stumbles out of the club, trying to clutch onto anything to help him out. the fresh breeze of the night blows onto his face and helps him regain his breath. he struggles to get his thoughts together as he walks down the sidewalk back to the dorms.
maybe he was too harsh with the way he spoke to you but he knew it had to be done. seeing you cling onto someone that wasn't him was his ticket out. he knows that you're absolutely going to be broken for awhile but you'll be okay, right? he knows that you're going to blame yourself for this for who knows how long but you're going to be fine in the end, right?
he convinces himself that it's better you than him because now,
he'll never have to admit what he was doing while he was away from you on tour.
"i caught you but you never caught me, i was sitting here waiting on karma, there goes my guilty conscience."
© fakeuwus 2023 do not repost, translate, or plagiarize
#nic's library ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚#fakeuwus#jake fic#jake enhypen#enhypen fic#enhypen angst#enhypen x reader#jake x reader#sim jaeyun x reader#sim jaeyun#enhypen au#enha#fanfic#fem reader
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my pookie mooties!!
@2minstan - where to start? one of my oldest friends, and I've literally had the most amazing times with you. i trust you with my life, and you'll prolly be the ring bearer at my wedding <3
@kailee08 - you're such a cutie and even tho you're a meanie :( you're an amazing person to talk to and you always leave amazing feedback on all my fics so yeah luv you bby <3 even if you're not writing anymore, you're so cool!!
@jinnie-ret - my first ever pookie and Im so grateful to u and kylei for introducing me to all these wonderful new people, and your fics are DELECTABLE I lub u :3
@yangbbokari - ur a swag lil kiddo but ur such a meanie LIKE IM NOT THAT OLD but I love you or whatever because you write so well and you're just a cute lil baby 💔 im gonna miss you so much, but im also so proud of you <3
@givemeabreakimbig28 - tall ass mf but <3 ur an amazing friend and proly knows a lot of my secrets but I trust you with them :)) luv u but I'll kill if u spill <3 stop looking at me like that btw, its literally scary asf man....
@hyunsvngs - mouth-watering fics and just... mwah, you're amazing and you only feed me more and more kinks to figure out. love u and the fact that your blog is a safe space <3
@beesspacedotorg - bonded over our shared husband Mr. Seungmin because y'all are both cuties are your first fic was AMAZING loved it so much bby <33
@atinyniki - NIKI I LOVE YOU like come give me a smooch alr??? you are such a sweet person and if I ever do meet u, I'm sure I'll love u as much as I alr do WE'LL PLAY VAL TGTH SOMEDAY :3
@michelle4eve - sweetest sweetie to ever sweetie, like I just saw u liking all my posts and was like ZAMN I didn't think I was that interesting but you're seemingly convinced otherwise <3 my little baby ilsym :>
@minholing - jenny ur such a sweet little thing and even though we live so far apart i love how well our talking times match up, iykwim?? but yeah, keep being the cutie you r <3 ill wait patiently for you to come back :)
@sona1800 - a new mootie of mine but so super duper fun to talk to and i really cant wait to see what you'll be writing in the future my love <3 great advice and i can talk to you almost all the time!!
honourable mentions!!
@skzoologist and @writingforstraykids - i haven't gotten to know you guys very well, and we dont talk very much, but ik you guys are lovely people and i hope to be good friends with you in the future!!
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i just wanted to send some positive words your way and let you know that i absolutely adore the way you write both dark and daisuke. it's clear you put a lot of thought and love into both of them, and your posts have always brought a smile to my face. i'll never forget the shock i felt when your blog popped up in my recommended and, i was on call with my boyfriend at the time, he hears me go 'NO WAY, ARE YOU SERIOUS?' before i slapped the follow button LOL d.n.angel holds a special part of my early teenage years and your blog brings the warmth and nostalgia i felt all those years ago. i almost feel like that 14 year old again, giddy over a silly anime and kicking my feet with excitement every time i see your posts c: thank you for being such a joyous presence on my dash
YOOOO YOU FOUND ME FROM TUMBLR RECCS???? that's so funny... i always thought that thing was useless but i've been proven so wrong LMAO. I'M REAL THOUGH. I'M SO REAL!!! *DOES A JIG* I'M SO GLAD MY BLOG CAN MAKE YOU FEEL THAT WAY TOO 😭🤧PLEASE IT MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME. dnangel is such a weird series because it feels like everyone's at least -SEEN- or heard of it at least once but then it's still weirdly niche?? like there's not really anything for it esp anymore and nobody talks about it esp now that it's finally finished (manga-wise) after 30 some years but it's still like. most popular/easily recognized niche series ik off the top of my head JJGJKFKJ TYSM FOR UR COMPLIMENTS OVER MY PORTRAYAL TOO!!!
making this blog was such a good exercise in my own growth because going back to it sugisaki had such BANGER themes that i didn't even notice or totally grasp at first when i myself was in middleschool, so i feel like i'm lowkey compensating and paying proper attention to everybody now that i have. well. better critical thinking skills and media literacy DFKJKJGKJKJ even going back i was kind of surprised how it dealt with such dark topics like grief and death and the consequences of Playing God or sins and cycles when like.......... it's also a silly little dramatic rom-com about middleschoolers and immortals but it still never leaves you feeling hopeless or lonely, which as also sugisaki's intention with the series!! it's so nice!! i really wanted to be able to emulate the overall messages of her characters and loving art esp since it ends up so meta for us writers. i'm just happy to write!! doesn't have to be perfect or even exact, since i do take a tiny bit of creative/hc liberty with my own inspos and portrayals for dai n dark! but i'm always having sm fun interacting with everybody, AND I RLLY APPRECIATE U TOO!!! 🙇🙇
i'll probably be around for a looooong time bc dai n dark r just as much treasured and influential for me (i was also one of those 14 yr olds, i have embarrassing dnangel merch on top of piles of manga laying around, im certifIED REAL FAN /J) but it makes me so happy my posts bring u joy. im glad bc i know i can post/talk ooc a lot before i get the time to actually properly sit down and Write but that's just how it is for a lot of us kjgkjgfb anyways, thank u again!! things like this rlly help my confidence since actually at the start i had no idea if i could do like... a protagonist (daisuke)/'popular' (to me. dark/dnangel is popular and legendary and overwhelming in the eyes of the tumblr populace to Me-) chara any justice, but im put at ease any time i get such warm feedback like this!!! 💐💐💐FOR YOU! u get even more flowers this time straight from me!!! go buy urself a treat for being so nice!!!
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12, 19, 21, 25, 27, 28, 29 (real curious about this one), 31, 34, 37,
OKAY fuck that's a lot of questions ik. But like if it's too much ya can answer whichever the ones ya want. Also the <<<40>>>> this question deserves a special place cause I AM FERAL AND BAT SHIT CRAZY TO ANYTHING RELATED TO LOVE-PUNCH.
12. Is there an episode above all others that inspires you just a little bit more?
I really enjoy the (singular) episode we've gotten for these two. In the context of the comics, one of my favorites is the one where Wade has to talk Peter out of going too dark-sided, which was a really fun contrast and something that Peter ended up thanking him for which is pretty rare for him.
19. Stephen King once said that his muse is a man who lives in the basement. Do you have a muse?
I'm very much my own muse, and I mean that in the vainest and most honest way possible.
21. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?
I can't even begin to count this number. It's a lot. It's like - it's a lot. I really won't post something until I can read through it and not feel the urge to adjust or change anything. I'm a picky reader, so that - is not an easy thing to accomplish. I also have a great beta who will sometimes rewrite portions, reorganize my flow, or pick specific sections that should be rewritten or re-evaluated, and so I'll send a couple of drafts over in that case so - yeah, the number is high. I take the editing stage very seriously.
25. What do you look for in a beta?
I was very lucky to have my beta @maybe-haunted ask to work with me on chapter one of my first posted work, so I've never necessarily looked for one. I've just been very fortunate to have the perfect one find me. I don't ask for creative help often, so the thing I appreciate about my beta (one of many) is that they make me feel very safe sharing something in a very raw, very imperfect state. I only publish polished works, but they've seen my writing at it's roughest and most incomprehensible, and they're always able to be very direct about what does/doesn't work while making me feel comfortable in that experience. I love knowing what's going on in the reader's mind, and they're a very good audience for getting that type of feedback. They also individually comment on all the sections/moments they like or hit really well for them, and that is just - let me tell you. The best part of the editing process is getting to read what they thought about it and getting to experience in real-time how my writing is being ingested by another person weeks before it's ever shown to my bigger audience. I really appreciate them a lot.
27. How do you feel about collaborations?
I don't enjoy them! I really like being the only guy steering the ship. I have never enjoyed collaborative projects. I have talked about writing something with @periodically-puzzled, and they're probably the only person I'd do it with. That being said, I love collaboration within idea sharing and editing, and I've taken a lot of ideas/feedback/snippets from my writing friends and beta before, and I love seeing how the hand of another person influences and changes my writing. I also enjoy seeing my hand in other people's work, but it's the difference between adding spice to the soup and making a soup with someone else. I much prefer adding spice/having spice added then having to share kitchen space.
28. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.
@periodically-puzzled: funny and immensely clever, such a clear narrative voice, and very intentional with the stories they like to tell. the first time I read their work, I felt like I had found a pearl in a sea of rocks. there's just something very individualistic about how they write. you can see the person behind the wheel and it makes it all that more interesting. also one of the few people to actually trigger me with their writing.
@primewritessmut: gnarly and so violent in a way that actually makes their writing almost bleed with it. there are writers who are like "wow I'm such a psychopath for writing this there must be something wrong with me" but they are literally babies in the face of whatever is happening inside prime's mind. her writing makes me flinch and I really enjoy that experience of not being able to look away. also just, the ability to finish so many interesting and complex stories is always something that impresses me.
@x-gon-give-it: really, immensely obsessed with their current WIP with a mercenary spider-man. the writing is just - incredible. there are passages and bits from it that cycle around my head in a loop. really just cracked peter parker on the sidewalk and made us all look at the inside of his fucked up brain. really very talented at writing violence and like, razor sharp intimacy. I take notes whenever I read one of the new chapters, honestly.
29. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?
I know you were interested in this answer specifically, but I honestly would not do write a sequel or prequel for anyone else's work. that's just not how my brain works. part of that comes from the fact that I have a complicated, often negative relationship with people creating works inspired from my own, so it's not something I would do to another writer.
31. Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?
I take liberties by claiming everything I write is inspired by canon even which it's in direct opposition of it.
34. What are your thoughts on non-con and dub-con?
I love it a lot. I read a lot of it. I write a lot of it. I think it's a safe space for people to explore something complicated and/or objectively horrible that is often inspired by real world experiences and fears. I used to say that I wouldn't write non-con, and I still stand by the fact that I probably wouldn't write sexual non-con for my own mental health, but I am exploring a technically not sexual non-con scenario in a one-shot right now.
37. Talk about your current wips.
The not sexual non-con scenario I'm working on is one where Spider-Man goes feral and Wade keeps him in a cage and starves him on purpose to see if he can get Spider-Man to cannibalize him.
40. Write an alternative ending to [insert fic title] (or just the summary of one).
I'm going to be so real, I almost didn't answer this one because I don't like to talk about my endings (even their direct opposites) before I write them, but I did end up thinking about this enough to probably warrant an answer. I think that if (redacted) didn't happen, then they would remain enemies who absolutely hate everything about each other in the way that only bitter ex's really can.
I think that they would know too much about each other and that they would intentionally make each other's lives miserable because of it. They're both very vindictive people who love to hold a grudge, and both of them would feel victimized by how (redacted) went down and would feel like the other person was their personal villain.
I think Wade wouldn't kill Spider-Man, not out of love, but because he'd enjoy hurting him too much, and I think that Spider-Man would break his no-kill rule specifically to shut Wade up sometimes. I think Wade would bring the worst out of Peter, and Peter would make Wade want to destroy the best inside himself. It would be a 24/7 divorce court, but the court is the city and neither party is happy with the verdict and keep on trying to hurt each other to make up for it. I think eventually one of them would leave the city, and they would never see each other again, but the hate would never fully go away - and if they made their way back to each other, it would burn twice as hot. It would be like a full circle moment, then ending with how they started but this time with twice the amount of knowledge and the hate would be actually personal this time. That would be the alternative ending.
#mailbox#ask game#oh the alternative ending to love-punch would be so fun to write but it would end SOOOOO poorly#it's a miracle it ends well at all. is what I'm saying#thanks for the questions some of these were hard to answer but for sure made me think#not sure if that's the alternate ending you wanted to hear about. honestly it surprised me it didn't end with wade killing peter#but like. I don't think he could. by the end. not because he's a good person but because peter wouldn't let him
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Here's a big thankyou to you firstly, for giving us so much and always so detailed and amazingly beautiful. Your readings have always been a big help and encouraging, precious one was helpful too and so is this one. And especially boosted the much needed confidence-
Here's a feedback; Recently I've been through a spiritual awakening/transformation for sure, but ik there's still much more things that need to be upgraded and transformed, I've been feeling it as well and seeing synchronicities about that so definitely it served as a confirmation itself. I'm amazed by how detailed and beautiful the reading was done, the cards were literally so preety!! *I'm in love*
The reading overall was helpful and insightful, made me realise a lot and infact made me look towards the future with confidence and dedication. I've been feeling a lot more feminine than I used to in the past so, it also resonated well. I've also been feeling a lot more empowered to grow spiritually and become the best I can. So the reading RESONATES and was really VERY HELPFUL!! It's always a pleasure to participate in your games, they are so fun and helpful. The way you attach the cards, to the details everything you do is just perfect and especially when we getting it for "free" is It self a huge deal. A big hatss off to your Hardwork and dedication. It's literally a blessing, atleast to me. I can't explain in words how greatful i feel. I really appreciate your kindness and efforts. Thankyou for everything. Sending you lots of love from my side, hope yk that it is a blessing to have people like you and the kindness you give to everyone is just something i appreciate a lot... especially the tag under the post about helping dogs!! I love that, even tho I'm not financial stable to donate but it's always been my dream to help and provide for others in need hopefully one day I'll be able to, until then thankyou to the people like you who encourage others as well and reminds them. Take care>33 🫶🏻🤍✨🧿
Hello, lovely!
I'm really glad you liked the reading. It's always nice to hear compliments and encouragement from my followers. 😘🥰😍
I wish you all the best on your spiritual journey. I'm sure it's gonna be exciting. There's nothing better than self-discovery. 😊 Feel free to hit my inbox, DM or email, anytime you need or feel like it. I'm always here for all my followers and their issues. I will help as much as I can. 😉
Help is not all about money, no matter what people try to emphasise. Help can be completely free. It requires effort, time, energy, kindness, patience... and many more. Not just finances. 😊 That's why I support and share the clicking project. It allows anyone to do their bit to help, without investing more than few seconds of their time. 😁
Thank you very much for your support, both for me and for the dogs, and be blessed! ✨
Stay healthy and happy!
Kleo 🦄
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Congrats on publishing chapter 1 of Hidden Hands! I really enjoyed reading it, though it was definitely sad. Loved so much of it, Jen being a highlight since I don't usually see her in fics, like, at all. My question is, I've been working on a fic of my own (also Henry-centric, funnily enough (but no Charlie because she simply is not born yet)) and I was wondering if you had any tips on how to outline or improve a story? Like, do you have the whole outline, or just a few chapters outlined in advance, for example. This is my first time really publishing anything on AO3 as well.
Once again, congrats on your chapter 1!!
Thank you so much 404! Glad you enjoyed the Chapter!
Heh, I'm really glad you liked HH's Jen! She's honestly really fun to write!! Wish more people used Aunt Jen more in stuff :"]
Oh, neato, Henry-centric fic!! Nice!! I can't wait to see what you make for him! Ik you'll do great :] Anyway, I'll try my best to explain my writing process (?) the best I could! Specifically for this fic! Don't worry, I'm still very new to AO3 too, but this isn't my first rodeo for fanfics/writing in general, so I'll try to help! But feel free to look around here on tumblr for writing tips, there's really good ones out here if you know where to look.
I've already had like a version of the FNAF timeline laid out for my AU since let's be real here, the canon timeline... is a mess. It's a funny mess to string together. So I essentially took care of that first so I don't rip my hair out trying to understand it all.
For outlining, I suggest trying to list scenes that you want to happen! What do you want the reader to feel? What do you want them to experience with Henry? If you have a premise for your fic, it should be a good starting point, but you can also try to build up to that very premise if you'd like! It really depends on what you intend to do with the story.
I tend to make an outline in one document about ALL the chapters as a whole (well, all the chapter ideas I could think of anyway, I can't think that far ahead yet sometimes, while having the timeline in mind still) so that the flow of the chapter progression feels natural. Then I make an outline for each chapter and list down my thoughts or ideas on what I want to happen in the chapter! Though sometimes I change a few things or change around the order of things halfway through the drafting stage, so note that these can change anytime!
For story improvements, you can always look for a beta reader to help you. (or pay them, I pay one of my beta-readers)! A beta reader is really useful since you get early feedback before you publish the story -- you can get an idea of what the reader might feel or you can ask them how you can improve certain things/ask them what they felt from your writing to see if what you intended had worked, or even ask them suggestions. I swear they're a massive game-changer!
I hope this helps! I wish you luck with writing, it isn't easy, but I believe in you! And thank you so much! :']
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do you ever feel like you're constantly fighting to help everyone around you but when you need help, no one thinks to ask if you're okay?
i've always been the "helper," the "fixer," with everyone around me. friends, family, even strangers. it's almost a compulsion. if someone has a problem or issue, i want to help. helping makes me feel good, useful. it's why i did tech support for so long before my current position; i got great enjoyment out of solving problems for people. i enjoy the end result of making them feel better or more confident with the thing they're having an issue with. it makes me feel accomplished and useful, like i did something good for someone.
but there are times when i need help. i want to talk about things that bother me. i want someone to not just listen silently or passively, but to give some kind of feedback when there's an issue that's causing me stress.
but most people don't ask. they don't ask if i'm okay. they don't want to hear about my problems, they'd rather change the subject.
to understand, i don't mean just trauma dumping on someone out of the blue. it's not trauma that i have issues with typically; i keep my trauma close to the chest and rarely speak of it to anyone. but it's normal things, things about work, my life, so and and so forth, that i wish i had more support for. normal complaints. normal bouts of depression. normal bouts of uncertainty.
i feel like i can't talk to most people about these things. 90% of my friends are introverts. by contrast, i'm an extrovert; i need regular interaction with people or i start to get depressed or anxious. i can't simply sit with my thoughts. no matter how minor the thing is that may be bothering me, sitting and contemplating it by myself is exhausting. i need feedback.
i understand the concept of introverts being unable to constantly provide social feedback, that they need time to "recharge." but functionally, it's hard for me to navigate around and apply functional understanding of the concept itself. so i take great care. i try very hard to not be overbearing. i feel like i'm walking on eggshells, that i'm bothering them when their "battery" isn't "recharged." that i'm overbearing in general. so i have to be careful so i don't cause any issues by talking to them. but at the same time, if leave them to their devices, if i say "i'll wait for them to message me," it could be days between talking to them. that might sound "clingy" to most people who use this site (i feel ike 99% of tumblr and other fandoms spaces is full of introverts) but as an extrovert, i need social interaction regularly to function.
more than that, i just want to feel like people care about me. the people in my life who i would do anything for, would they return that favor? i don't know. it sucks to have this feeling of uncertainty about the people i love. it makes me feel like a horrible person.
i feel like a burden any time i try to talk to my friends about things that aren't just video games or fandom or art things. it's like there's this expectation of myself that's been built up. i'm the one who they come to for help, so if i'm in a mental position to where i feel exhausted by my problems, i can't say "no." i don't want to say no. it's a very "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation in my internal thoughts and actions.
i understand that the "trend" for a lot of this interpersonal shit is the pseudo "self-help" rigmarole. "take care of yourself first! push people away who don't validate your feelings immediately! if they don't want to listen to your problems, they're toxic! learn to say no to everything!"
that doesn't suit me. i don't want to push people away. i don't want people to think they can't come to me for help or venting or whatever. that makes me feel useful that they'd come to me for that. and i want to help just... because they're my friends. i love them dearly. i want them to be happy and successful. i want to do what i can to help get them there, if possible.
but... it would be nice if i had more people that would stop to think if i'm okay and offer their help for a change. there's probably only one person who routinely listens to me and that's not fair to her. i end up dumping loads of my problems on this person routinely and then the guilt comes in shortly after. and it's not as though i don't listen to her when she has problems; i actively ask her if there's anything she needs to talk about. but it still feels awful when i vent. there's a moment of relief when i'm able to finally talk to someone who will listen and offer their thoughts in return, but it's quickly destroyed because of my guilt for having done it in the first place.
but again... it's one person. that's not fair to her. and such, i find myself holding back with her a lot because i know she's the only one who will listen. it's a paradox. "i need to talk about this, but i shouldn't be bitching about this to anyone. no one need this nonsense. even if they offered to listen, it's still horrible of me to take their offer. i should be able to handle this on my own. it's petty and stupid compared to other people's issues and problems."
it's created this mental trap in my mind. "you shouldn't complain about this to anyone because it's a burden. you're bothering them." but i always felt that it should be give and take, right? isn't that how it should be?
even typing all of this out, sending it into the void where no one would read it, i feel guilty. i feel like i'm whining uselessly. i'm being a big baby.
it sucks because i feel like i've become tech support for my friends. they call me, message me, when something's wrong and needs fixed. i listen, just like i would on a tech support call, then dig into the problem and offer solutions. or if solutions aren't needed, i just listen and provide my empathy. it's like being a therapist in those cases, just listening to problems, validating feelings, supporting people endlessly.
why doesn't anyone want to be "tech support" for me? well, it's because i've built up this expectation around myself of being the one who will always be there, who will always listen, no matter what.
and as i said, i don't want to stop being that support they need. i don't want people to stop coming to me for help. it makes me feel needed, sure, but the satisfaction of helping someone through something rough is what i enjoy. that they might be a little bit better because i offered that shoulder to cry on when no one else does for them.
but god, i wish that my friends would just... ask every now and then. "how's it going? are you okay? anything you want to talk about?" i don't really get that from most of them.
people might see this situation from the outside and think "well they're not really friends then, are they? cut them out!" and frankly, that nuclear option is ridiculously overkill and dramatic. it's not that simple. why would i cut out someone i care about just because they don't stop to think about the fact that i might have something on my mind? that probably sounds insane to a lot of people, but frankly i don't believe in cutting people out like that. people aren't tools you throw away when they don't work the way you want them to.
and that wraps back around to the guilt of even feeling like this. some people can't offer support, so why should i be upset about the uneven ground? i have empathy, i can understand that some people simply can't provide support. but it just... hurts sometimes. knowing that i am always there for them, no matter what, but it feels like the reverse isn't true. not as in that they don't care, but as in that my issues are often an inconvenience that they don't have the capacity to care about. sort of like "oh, that sucks, but anyway–"
it still hurts, though. it hurts to internalize my pain because it feels "lesser" than everyone else's problems. it embarrasses me when i try to get help and am met with silence or a change of subject. but how do i say that? it feels petty. if they don't want to listen, why force it on them? so i don't.
but i'll still be there, answering the phone when they call, replying to them immediately when they message me.
i just wish i was able to be selfish sometimes.
#text post#vent#delete later#don't bother reading this#it's cringe lol#i probably could have just posted this to my dw journal#but here we are
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Hiii Kit :))
What advice can you give to someone who wants to start writing? Could you share some tips
💕💕💕☮️
heyyy nonnieee :))
firstly, tysm!! i'm rly honored to know tht u approached a silly girl like me for writing advice, hehe [/genuine]
secondly, and coming to answer ur ask, hmmm... i think u got to be a teeny-tiny bit passionate abt ur writing, and a teeny-tiny bit crazy abt it too... if u deem an idea as good and if u hv the time and will to write then, js sit down and start writing!! don't think abt perfecting it in the very first go; it happens w time and practice and feedback from other ppl -> which brings me to my next point: hv good friends who r willing to give u kind but honest feedback on ur writing [I'M SERIOUSLY SO THANKFUL TO MY DEAREST MOOTIES & FOLLOWERS *mwaahh*]
also, try and keep a realistic goal for urself, like wht i do is -> if i write smthng and ik it's not too popular an idea, i'm like, "okay- if this gets so-and-so number of notes, i'll consider this as a HIT!" but if i write a more popular kind of idea, i'm like, "for this, i'll raise the target a little higher, and if it reaches it, I'M HAPPY!" — but then things don't work out always, and tht's okay. speaking from personal experience, it will not seem okay at first, but u will slowly accept it [my most fave fic is my biggest flop :))]
and last but not the least, don't write anything which does not give u happiness or if it makes u uncomfortable! THIS IS V V IMPORTANT!! write for ur fave character(s), write for ur audience, write for ur notes, BUT PLS DON'T FORGET TO WRITE FOR URSELF, BABES!! also, do not take shit from anyone. if u find anyone insulting or annoying u, js go ahead and kick them off ur friends' list!! creativity and a disturbed mind do not exist together
hope these tips help u, babes! AND WISH U ALL THE BEST FOR UR WRITING JOURNEY!! I'M SURE U WILL WRITE VERY WELL *mwah*
also, if u want any more help or advice, my inbox is always open! hv a wonderful morning/noon/evening/night ahead, sweetheart <3333
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hi! i’m really excited your free readings are open because i’ve been looking for someone skilled to analyze my chart for forever 🥰
ik this is a lot of info to take in (this is one of the more complex charts if i’m not mistaken?) so i don’t mind waiting, just an overview and maybe certain placements that stand out would be excellent! thanks again!
Hey there @tangirlisfangirl! Thank you for requesting a free reading!
Ah, I wouldn't necessarily call myself skilled as I still have so much to learn and so much experience to gain, but even so, thank you for your compliment! 💜
About your chart being complex, I didn't find it that way. In fact, I found it quite "open", if that makes any sense.
Let me mention that if something is completely inaccurate, feel free to point it out as that will help me improve my knowledge and approach. Feedback is also very much appreciated.
Without further ado, let's begin!
I'll start by talking about your 4th house and the placements there. I feel like while growing up, people expected a lot from you, receiving criticism when not meeting their expectations, especially within your home environment which influenced the way and what you value in this world. Your environment might've also gone through a lot of changes, especially if connections with other people were involved.
- moon in the 4th house indicates that you're attached to your family and home, though this attachment can waver at times, but no matter what happens, you always go back to it, for better or worse
- moon conjunct IC supports what I've mentioned above, pointing out that you may have a difficult time allowing yourself to detach from this to pursue your path. Uranus is opposing the Moon here, showing that you crave freedom, excitement, change, independence even. The lesson here would be that you can be tied to something while also being independent of it. Jupiter is in this mix too so it amplifies this entire ordeal.
Tying in with this one is Chiron in the 8th house in Capricorn. First of all, this one is retrograde meaning that you may be inclined to avoid dealing with the insecurities that it's pointing to. You're aware of it most likely, but you may lack the courage to face it. Since it's in Capricorn, it's related to your sense of responsibility. I've mentioned when talking about your 4th house that while growing up, people had high expectations for you. Those expectations could be one cause for this Chiron since when people expect things from you, you're feeling responsible in a way and if it becomes too overwhelming, feeling responsible can easily turn into feeling burdened. You may also deal with feelings of not being appreciated or your efforts not being recognized. The challenge here is to learn how to see the difference between when you are responsible and when you're not, but also how to be brave as you're the one who's in control of your stability and security. Emphasis on this being the most obvious when it comes to finances and what you share in relationships.
The next thing I want to point out is your lack of fire, together with having a mutable t-square.
- lack of fire usually indicates that you may struggle with taking the initiative and being independent. There's a tendency to avoid challenges as you might not be comfortable with them (ties in with your 4th house; the attachment I'm talking about there can also translate as you choosing your safe zone over situations that might require you to take risks). On the other hand, though, this one gives you patience.
- mutable t-square (Sun square Moon/Jupiter, square Uranus; Moon/Jupiter opposition Uranus): this one indicates that you may be someone who doesn't like planning ahead much, but enjoys learning new things as that process stimulates your mind. Sun is the focused planet here, meaning that you really put your heart into things.
Uranus conjunct MC: this one points out that you may seek some degree of freedom in your career. You may even end up doing something that people consider unusual as a career. Worth mentioning that sudden changes and success can be a thing here.
Mars conjunct Saturn: indicates that you have personal ambitions, but pursuing and making those ambitions come true can be frustrating. I believe that in the context of your chart, since you also have that Capricorn Chiron, you might already know what you want to pursue, but are either afraid to go for it or unsure about how and where to start.
Venus retrograde conjunct Ascendant: I'll say it here that I find this one beautiful because even though your chart points towards hardships and Venus is retrograde (you may struggle with showing your affection, regardless of how deeply you feel for something or someone), that you most likely are inclined to look for, and even find, beauty in everything that you learn and surrounds you.
Mercury conjunct North Node: growth may come through developing your mind, communicating your ideas, and sharing those ideas with others. This is happening in Taurus which talks about learning how to focus on yourself, recognize your worth and build your own safe zone.
I hope this will be useful to you in some way. Again, thank you for requesting a free reading! 💜
- Dee✨
#tangirlisfangirl#astrology#natal chart#natal chart reading#astrology free reading#free readings#astrology observation#astro community#astro asks#birth chart#dee:freereading
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I'm sending this here as an anon because I don't have the energy to go elsewhere. I am feeling terrible. I feel like I'm way too soft spoken and people take advantage of that. I work for people where I help them figure things out and give them info regarding whatever we are working on. I just joined this industry recently and I've never worked in a field like this before. So I must say I'm still lacking in a lot of areas. But this one client I work with directly, messaged me after work hours and asked for info that I worked on in the last minute because of personal life issues and his feedback was honest and I do accept his criticism but he was rather rude about it. He looked down on me despite knowing it and I've always been soft spoken and I have just realized how many people have just been so demeaning and rude to me just because I won't say a thing. I'm so hurt right now and I don't know who to turn to. What's the alternative? How can I bring about a balance between when I'm being nice and when I'm being stern in a nice way? But more importantly why are people so rude? Ik I must be sounding like a whiny brat right now but I am really hurt. I am also afraid I'll lose my job as I'm still interning there and will only get my permanent post after a 3 month period. What can I do?
Hi anon, I am sorry to hear what you are going through. My advice? Big change starts small (not meant to be a pun). Start by standing up for yourself in the smallest ways. Confidence is like a muscle, it needs to be developed over time. If someone is rude to you, call them out, even a simple "There is no need to disrespect me while making your point". You'd be surprised by how quickly people change their ways.
I hope others have some advice for you too.
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dating them
paring: homare x gn!reder
type: headcanons
genre: fluff
warnings: none
🖇a/n: i rlly wanna know more about her titan :)) hope you enjoy and feedback is always appreciated, have a good day <3
Head.over.heals for youuuuu
The two of you met during mudano’s training game, where you were assigned as partners. she'd misheard and assumed she was assigned to shiki and jin's group. when she was talking to shiki everything was ok, until when she said hi to jin and he didn't respond; so she started crying
while that was going down, you were looking for homare, the moment you heard crying somehow you knew it was her. once you got there all you heard was "YOU MADE HER CRY! DIE!", to which you knew belonged to shiki. so the culprit must've been jin. without any hesitation you socked him in the face, pretty hard i might add. sent him straight to the ground
he would've tried to attack you, but honestly speaking? how could he when you looked at him with that scary face. "make my partner cry again...i'll give you a wedgie so far up your ass, that they'll need tweezers to get em out", you warned. when you turned around shiki and homare looked at you like "😦" and you were like "😅". congratulations, shiki is now your best friend and homare practically adores you not that she'd ever mention that
after that incident; jin gives you death stares, in which you always return. shiki always wants to hang out with you and homare? well she avoided you at first, you assumed you had scared her away. she actually wanted to thank you, but she was too shy to make conversation so she thought she could bake some cupcakes, as a way to say thank you instead.
you definitely asked her out first, she wanted to do it first but chickened out. She kept bowing and thanking you for accepting her, until you grabbed her shoulders and made her look you dead in the eyes. “You’re my girlfriend now, that comes with many perks. but the best perk is that I'll love you with all my heart and I won't make you doubt it for a second. So stop bowing and crying already”. Good job y/n, now she’s crying even harder :/
if there's one thing you’ve noticed is that homare loves physical affection, it doesn’t matter what it is just as long as she can feel some sort of friction. although another thing you’ve realized is that she needs words of affirmation. So any chance you get you’re hyping her up, even for the smallest things. She’s throwing out the trash? “WOO, THAT'S MY GIRL. TAKING OUT THE TRASH LIKE A CHAMP”. She’s baked something new? “DAMN GIRL, YOU’VE GOT MAGIC HANDS. NOT EVEN GORDON RAMSAY COULD MAKE SOMETHING THIS GOOD”. She appreciates it, she really does but most of the time her face gets a deep red and she’s shying away from any human eyes. Even during training you're cheering her on the simplest thing. She managed to keep her titan sister in check? “HOMARE MY LOVE, YOU’VE SAVED THE HUMAN RACE”. Que jin telling you to shut up, now the both of you are brawling while shiki is recording
She likes to do your hair, whether it’s short or long, hell even if you’re bald she’ll buy you wigs to style. Homare has those cute jewelry boxes with all sorts of hair accessories she uses on you. She also made you a charm bracelet and said it was good luck.
yall go on picnic dates, walks, or the park together. she also has a sweet tooth. when you found out, every time you're in the city you'd bring her back something tasty
homare loves to bake, so in her free time she bakes all sorts of treats. anything you want? she'll make it. even if she doesn't know how, she'll figure it out
without a doubt in my mind, ik for a fact her handwriting is amazing. so i think she'd write you letters and slip them under your door instead of texting. Even then if she wants to get a hold of you, you’ll use the can + string tactic and surprisingly it works. Sometimes the both of you will stay up late talking through your ‘phones’
homare is warm, im talking portable heater warm and what does that mean? She’s the perfect cuddle buddy, yes yes. there is no denying it, she loves to be cuddled. Although she’ll never mention it to you. So the moment you’re approaching her for cuddles, get comfy cuz she won't get off any time soon.
tougen anki taglist: @silky-moon
general taglist: @megurulvr @fvcking-l0rd
#second form: scribbles#tougen anki#tougen anki x reader#tougen anki headcanons#tougen anki fluff#tougen anki homare#tougen anki byobugaura#homare byobugaura#byobugaura homare#homare headcanons#boyobugaura homare headcannons
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Omi? Still there? Have you come to check again? If yes! I'm glad but not about the fact that this mishap still has it's effect on you. I'm new to Tumblr - and I started writing because @solaceinarts told me something. Something that i didn't realize much at all; which I'll come later. But first, after reading your all those updates I thought I should drop by and say a few things :-
People have always been easy to judge,easy to be judged. I've really learnt it in hard way which in turn has made me less interactive,less communicative. I hope it doesn't come to that.
I used to write,umm, poetries ,poems that could burn your heart ,poems that could heal your bad memories like the sweet smell of morning dew. But then,i was accused of plagiarism one,two ,three - each time a fellow writer stepped up for me. Fourth one was too much. I couldn't take it even if I got a few friends who were willing to fight for me,i stopped writing. I lost my muse. I've discarded my poem dairies in rage just to get rid off the negativity.
I created Tumblr just out of whim and i met @solaceinarts . She told me "if not now, then when?" She too has gone through some shit too and man the courage she holds after all that. I totally adore her ,deep down to the bones!
She told me that one day you'll get bored of all these things. Things that you used to enjoy wouldn't make you happy anymore. You'll be busy and laugh at your childish behaviour.So, when you feel like you're ready for something, something to create, never let that urge die. That's what makes you go one step further where you were before. People? Who? Them? Did they know how much you worked on a single creative piece before posting,did they know how much you hesitated before posting? Nope they don't. They probably wouldn't, maybe never. But you?you know the hardwork behind your every post ;you'll still be blaming yourself for killing the artist in you. I thought for days and realized people will judge, even after you're gone. It's a shame how people don't understand the importance of "little things" that makes all of us happy. I don't know if I'll ever face a situation like this but if I ever do - well I've no idea how I'll react.
Leave everything if you would! But don't let it burn the artist inside you. please don't let it die :)
don't come back until you feel like. Your mental health isn't an extension of people's feedbacks of your creative workspace. I still have tons of art journals poems ,poetries , stories that i used to do only for myself after slowly getting my muse back. But I'm never gonna post them. It's a trophy that I've achieved just for myself not for those prying eyes waiting to jab at me.
I would still like to talk to you if you're willing :)
stay good and I'll try to hunt you in ao3; although I don't have acct.
I apologise if you feel triggered by reading all these. I've PTSD issues so well I'm kinda afraid of talking and what might trigger a person at any moment without your knowledge.
take your time!I'll still be here, waiting, unless some shit happens to me. You need a long break,a break that promises you no turning back but i know writers don't whither easily.
Haaaa my point is I'm here if you wanna talk. Lol i got carried away & Oops !quite long and vague.
~yours truly,
Paradis.
NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO YOU!! 🥺💕🫂😭💕 and ty 🥺💕 for still talking to me even though I suck at dming. Y’all r so cool and nice 🥺💕. I appreciate your words, and I'm thankful you took some of your time for me 🥺💕🫂.
I think I’m better now, still not going to post asks/stories as fast as before for different reasons… yeah, I got triggered by some anon (sounds dumb ik but that’s the awful part of triggers, they do whatever they want, whenever they want). My therapist taught me some exercises, not to get rid of them awful feelings xD, but to have more control over these emotions. So im good im good.🤸🏻♂️💕
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Hiiii!!! I'd like to request a regular matchup pls 😌 (idk of I can request one or two shows at at time so if it's possible can you do for both bnha & haikyuu? If not then just haikyuu is fine with me)
Appearance: I'm fem, black, 5'1, slightly athletic & curvy-ish figure (lol), short? (mid-neck) hair, straight, dark brown eyes, size 9 shoe size (idek why I'm adding this lmao)
Personality stuff: infp-t, Hufflepuff, Taurus sun, scorpio moon, sanguine, chaotic good, ambivert, a BuzzFeed quiz told me I'm a Pinto bean (do what you will with that info jdskdj)
Positive traits/qualities:
I'm super enthusiastic!! I love hyping people up and being energetic in general! I'm always down to try new things and have fun! If anyone is not feeling appreciated I'm ready to make sure they know that they're a queen/king and they're amazing!!!
I'm optimistic! I like to look at the brighter side of things and I always try my best to find a silver lining in any situation! Positive thinking helps me get through tough spots in my life because there's always hope for something better in the future!!
I'm observant!! I usually like to sit quietly and observe my surroundings. Especially in a new environment. Irl I like to read people's body language to asses their mood so ik how to approach them lol. I also do little things like remembering what they (friends/family) like to order at restaurants or something they pointed out at random that they liked. (Idk if I'm making sense lol)
Negative traits/flaws:
I'm annoying. Sometimes I just like being a little shit and cause mischief (being the youngest child does that to a person) but I think sometimes I'm too enthusiastic/energetic that it can be seen as obnoxious/annoying so I usually try and tone it down so I don't bother people...
I'm argumentative. When I have something to say I have to speak up. I try not to step on any toes but I can't help but argue with someone when our views on something clash. I like hearing different sides of debates though so I always give others a chance to talk. I don't go picking fights but if I feel like my opinion is being disregarded/not heard I will argue until it's known!!
I'm forgetful. Sure I'll remember random stuff like 'what my friend said in that one coffee shop last year' but important things like appointments? Birthdays? Assignment due dates? Idk her 😭 I try my best to write anything important down cause my memory is a selective sieve and it'll keep the most useless/random shit.
Hobbies: I love: Reading, writing, listening to music, learning languages, playing saxophone (I'm still learning tho lol), swimming, watching anime and cooking!
Music taste: any type of rock (punk rock, grunge, j-rock, metal), pop, kpop, RnB, jazz, dubstep, lofi hip hop, rap, bangers from: Elvis, the beach boys, Khalid, Ateez, Kendrick Lamar, p!atd, mcr, fallout boy, Nirvana, BTS, mxmtoon, Marianas trench, twenty one pilots, stray kids, Jay Park, crush, Dreamcatcher, Skrillex, MJ, troye sivan etc
Traits I look for: idk kind, funny/fun, loving/lovable, loyal (idk I ain't picky)
Traits I don't like: (nobody's perfect, just don't be a racist, xenophobic, sexist asshole lol)
Fun facts:
I love playing PC games! Might purchase a gaming pc in the future!
I have four piercings! Just my lobes and an industrial atm but I'm definitely gonna get more done!!
I might get some tattoos too one day :D
I wanna learn how to ride a bike (motorcycle)!!
My love language is touch! I live for hand holding, cuddling, hugging, tickle fights and more!! 🥺
I love learning new stuff and rn I'm learning how to draw, paint, play music on sax, a new language and new recipes! :3
I hope that's enough!! Tell me if you need more! Pls take ur time and stay safe!! Hope you are having an amazing day/night!!!! 💙✨
AAH I’M A SAX PLAYER TOO!!!! I love sax, I love sax, I love jazz?? I love growl notes. Sax is amazing, bless sax. Sax quartets are so fun
Also! I only accept one fandom and one type of matchup per ask, but if you want to get a bnha one as well, you can always send your description through again!! (I like doing it this way bc I feel like it’s fair for everyone?? Also if I lose my progress I don’t have as much lost)
Also WOW do you remind me of my self (we’re both Taurus suns hahahah)!! I have to note everything down in my calendar and reminders because I forget everything that’s not necessary for a grade. It’s insane!!
By the way your request was so well done?? So organized?? Wow, kudos to you bro!! I love it
I’d match you up with... GOSHIKI!!
Omg when I saw your qualities and flaws I was like I HAVE TO I HAVE TO I HAVE TOOOO
The way you fire that boy up is damn near DANGEROUS. But he loves you so much for it!! Oh my god you’re his daily dose of serotonin, oxytocin, endorphins, EVERYTHING. Goshiki can be hard on himself sometimes though, and he really needs someone who’s able to point out the good in a bad (or mediocre) situation. After a while, he’ll really try to have that kind of mindset for himself. In a way, you’re his idol. He admires you so much; you’re all he talks about, aside from his plans of becoming an ace. Also, you somehow know him better than he knows himself. You’ll point out his tiniest habits and he’s just like ??i do that?? Oh wow I DO do that—
He really really hopes you pick up the technique side of volleyball when you watch him play because he totally wants you to tell him what he can fix!! No, he’s not neglecting his coach it’s just that?? You’re there?? And he loves getting your feedback because it’s so validating. HE ALSO THINKS YOUR LOVE FOR LEARNING NEW THINGS IS SO COOL?? It rubs off on him, now he wants to know all about your hobbies and if he can like,, participate in them with you. He’s a bit competitive and as soon as you tell him you play sax he’s got his mind set on learning the saxophone solo from Money. Please help him, he’s not gonna be able to-
Overall?? You’re Goshiki’s Equal (yeah that’s how he thought of you before he realized he had a Crush), and he respects you and he loves you so much. The team tries to tease him for it but lo and behold; his eyes just light up and he could talk about you for HOURS. Tendou learned Not To Mention The One around Goshiki.
Songs!!!
- Money, Pink Floyd (Goshiki started listening to it religiously for the Solo. He didn’t even get discouraged and you’re surprised by that)
- Cradles, Sub Urban
- Burial (feat. Pusha T, Moody Good & TrollPhace), Yogi & Skrillex (buddy thinks this is the epitome of Hype)
- Blackout, David Bowie
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I don't know if you've talked about this before but how do you build your confidence with writing? Ik it's something that takes time and at the end of the day you have to enjoy what you're writing, but every time I write something, I'll post it and then later on reread it and just inwardly cringe because it seems sloppy and just overall lacking? ~taeil anon
Well you see, like you said it will definitely take time. How much time it takes depends on you and only you you know? We all have different standards and ideas on how to write, and we all like different things.
I think the reason your pieces (and I don’t mean YOU specifically I mean you as in the general person, and I’m including myself in this) seem maybe lacking here and there is because when we read our own works, we don’t read them for enjoyment we read them because we feel like we could’ve done this. We could’ve done that- things we hadn’t noticed before. And this is because with every fic and with every blurb or timestamp, we’re learning. We’re always always learning, so when we come back- whether you notice it or not we’re more knowledgeable than we were a little while ago.
Just always write and build on yourself- don’t force it, just enjoy it. When you get an idea you LOVE maybe throw together a mini blurb and literally just blah all over a draft and see what you get. Not everything will be perfect and that’s okay, bc you’re still writing and trying and improving all the time you know?
Onto the confidence side, I think the reason it takes time is bc as you write and write you begin to realise what is most comfortable for you, what your own personal style is. I mean I didn’t even know I had one until this ask got me thinking and I ended up asking Ivy- who told me I DID.
This confidence comes from posting and getting messages and notes and reblogs for FEEDBACK. Please don’t be disheartened if it doesn’t have a lot at first bc that doesn’t mean your writing is bad it just means it’s hasn’t been circulated a lot. And you will always get more over time. Some logical tips you could do is use lots of tags and ask for interaction and feedback! If you get criticism that’s fine, good even! Because now you know where to build, where you were lacking before and now you can hone in on it and fix it and see how your writing changes and becomes more confident, do you see what I mean?
If it helps you can always ask a friends opinions and ask them for ideas, for them to proof read and instill their own opinions and help you. God I really hopes this makes sense bc honestly? This is what I did. I wrote a piece, wasn’t sure about it until I sent it to someone whose writing I liked and asked her to read it. She said it was great and reblogged it, helping my fic to get to more people and receive more feedback! Over time I just continued to write and filled my masterlist and I got more of a platform and my works were seen and people liked it, and I realised wow...maybe I am good at this...right?
There’s that quote that goes something like “a good artist copies, but a great artist steals” IM NOT SAYING PLAGIARISM because that’s bad!! But look at how others write and get ideas from that. Explore, create, listen and show. I really hope this helped bc I feel like I babbled and I wanted to make sure nothing in here gave you the idea that you won’t be in enough, because honestly Anonnie? Your works? GREAT. I love them, your little blurbs are so sweet and creative and you fit the perfect amount in such a small paragraph and I really applaud that skill! Remember when I said everyone has different opinions? Maybe the fic you don’t like, is saved in someone’s favourite fic blog or someone has it screenshotted to reread over and over again.
Don’t stop writing, practice and grow- and have fun! I know you can do it 🥺☺️💕💕💗💗💗💗💗💗
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