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#ik I haven’t been posting much

bl00dyard · 2 months

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hello to all my lovelies in here !!

and to all my anons as well. <3

#. . . yard talks. ･ﾟ✧#feel free to send anons while i’m away i’ll respond back to you <3 !!#also ik i haven’t been posting much so pardon me T^T !!

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thetonethetollandthethunder · 1 year

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Happy almost new years!!! Still a few more hours for me but let’s all hope this fandom can grow even bigger by next year!!

#the tone speaks #arc of a scythe #ik i haven’t been posting too much #health issues been holding me back #hopefully 2023 i can step it up a bit more!

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infamous-if · 2 months

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already received great feedback that im excited to implement! hopefully chapter 1 doesn’t take as long as the prologue did, which i dont think, chapter 2 is the chapter that i think will have a looot of changes!

Ive been asked about the (late) Valentine’s Day stuff, and im fixing up G’s to post on Patreon first.

I haven’t moved much with the beta testers because ive had a lot and was trying to do one at a time. But there will definitely be a post once im done with that since ik everyone is waiting.

Posting the rewritten prologue was like a weight off my shoulders but it’s definitely not polished though it will be once beta testers get their hands on them.

thanks everyone for your patience!

#mini #update

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yourpsicodelicbitch · 9 months

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Ascendants at different degrees 🦚🦢 pt 3

hii, hope you have a beautiful day✨🧚‍♀️ i don’t have an excuse for my delay post but ty so much for all the support AAAAAAAAA😭❤️

Alexandra Levasseur

Ascendant at Gemini degree (3°, 15° or 27°)

they’re hyperactive. They have so much to say bc their mind is a work of overthinking. they have A LOT of ideas that they want to put it into words but can be difficult for them. Every type of process takes them longer or feels longer than what others will express, bc while doing it they’re thinking and thinking, it’s a cycle. Their profession could be related to “communicate” if that’s too obvious HAKDBA. but in every manner, that’s their passion, their need. making songs, advising, doesn’t matter what’s the career, the meaning or the need is present. their purpose is to put those ideas into words and those meanings the words own, reach out to more people. As I said in another post, I have a friend that has Gemini degree at his ascendant and breaths music, but I haven’t mentioned other people Ik that doesn’t represent the conventional example: she is a psychologist, she attracts people when she talks and her charisma. But it’s obvious how they struggle to communicate or it’s not easy to make themselves understood. That’s why they prefer to analyze others or to speak up through a non conventional way. I’ve seen that since ever they have difficulties with educational system, they’re too bored and intelligent -hyperactive- to adapt. what others say and how they process it is interesting…

Ascendant at Libra degree (7° or 19°)

their face is symmetrical. they’re pretty good at giving advice, comes naturally to them. they look “put together”, that they have their things to do, their schedule. they’re not direct -with my friend that have libra degree at their ascendant, I have to ask them specific questions with the objective of reading their mind. For example, I ask if they like my outfit and they’re making rare expressions and saying “YeS” with a rare tone, so I ask them “you don’t like it?” and they don’t say something clear-. I have to interpretate more than listening to a clear answer. Taking care of their appearance it’s essential, if they don’t like it, they’ll change -appearance matters-. You’ll see them owning a lot of makeup products but they look or use a “natural” look/makeup -if they use it-. They don’t try to be too “unique” or attract attention in a way that could be seen as unconventional/rare, they follow tendencies that could be seen as basic but for them it’s more than enough. growing up they could have cared too much about what others think. They could have lived or are still living without questioning themselves what are they doing with their lives, not realizing they’re part of a system and that they’re an individual. in other words, they could have had ignored how they were living, they were “vibing” but have never stopped and asked themselves “what am I doing?”. And if they had, they conformed themselves bc they didn’t want a change, to be “accepted”.

Ascendant at Aquarius degree (11° or 23°)

they’re THE bitch. they know their worth. their passion or what calls their heart is to be someone in the society we live, to make a change. people will prejudge and have a wrong idea of them: they’re loners, they’re mean and they only think about themselves, they’re egoists. only bc they don’t try to be as everyone, only bc they’re not people pleasers and they’re true to themselves, doesn’t mean they’re egoists. In reality, all their thoughts end up on the same final: to help the fcking humanity. it sounds cliche, it’s too cringe for them to admit it ⛓️🖤 since their childhood, they have been exposed to information that showed problematics in the world. they process information logically bc their surroundings taught them to, suppressing their emotions. they search for solutions logically, they could suffer for explaining what are their needs without judging themselves. they could be bad at advising bc they’re struggling to even comfort themselves. trough all their life, they have doubts or not an stable self-esteem: god complex. ik its impossible to not mention this phrase for an Aquarius placement: they have had and have difficulties feeling part of a community, to not feel lonely -not alone bc it refers to be “physical by yourself”-. They could be feeling really lonely but they sabotage themselves remaining they don’t have to feel, like a robot. they’re complimented by their style💋 unique

Ascendant at Sagittarius degree (9° or 21°)

they’re chill, they take things as they come -or that’s how they appear-. they’re calm but calm that can take a joke that’s supposed to be offensive and they’re sarcastic about it. it’s like they’re mosquitos around and they have repellent -the best example 🤩-. STILL they’re pretty sensitive. I think they try to be as calm as they seem to not worry their mother/parental figure with all the struggles they’ve had. They tried to be their sunshine: they are but as time passes they converted these behavior on a mask, hiding how they feel really. They vibe. surprisingly, they’re not chaotic or histrionic, it’s like they’re good, like “meh” good BUT sure they have their moments. change my mind, they’re or “calm you should be afraid of it” or they don’t give a shit but in a “dog that needs to be taken for a walk way to waste that energy” -as a sag placement i recognize and reaffirm 🤓☝️ i need to be taken for a walk like the bitch I am, that’s an horrible jk god-. They remind me of a taurus ascendant but they actually don seek comfort and if they do, their whole life is about going out of their comfort zone bc of their drive of wanting to know more. they actually know, even though they’re not scorpios, they know shit and let things happen naturally. in other words, they have acknowledged that if they tell people what’s happening it’s not gonna hit them as how it’ll if they live it. and they’re loyal, they’ll tell their friends or loved ones but they won’t control the situation. their life is about experiencing things instead on basing themselves on other experiences, they want to know and the diversity of perspectives is a whole galaxy to explore for them. again, it’s not about professions, it’s about their passion. people would judge and say “they’re players and blabla” could be right but that’s not the point, they experience to grow and they’re not afraid of not being perfect -and if they’re they try and they’re brave-.

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•

❀ Based on my personal experience and what I’ve analyzed in my surroundings.

❀ English is not my first language.

❀ I’m not a profesional astrologer, I just love astrology and I’m willing to learn.

Thank youu. baibaiii🫣🫶🏼💋

Do not copy. Please give me credits.

#astrology #astro observations #pinterest #astro posts #astro notes #astro placements #ascendant #ascendants at different degrees #Gemini degree #sag degree #aquarius degree #libra degree #rising

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sagesolsticewrites · 3 months

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hiya! ik it might be late for v-day prompts but could i request a buck x female reader with the prompts 'boo boo kiss' and 'pet names'? where he's gone on a mission all day and she's a base nurse? maybe he comes back all scraped up and a little delulu

thanks so much! xx

not too late at all, Nonnie! Thank you so much for requesting, I’ve been having so much fun with these Masters of the Air requests! (Reminder that requests are open! Feel free to check out some of my favorite prompt lists in my pinned post, or check the tag “Sage’s Valentines” for some special Valentine’s Day prompts <3)

Obligatory disclaimer that I know absolutely nothing about head wounds nor how they were dealt with during WW2, we are running purely on vibes here 😇

Kiss It Better? 💋

Having been a base nurse at Thorpe Abbots for nearly three months now, you were no stranger to flirtatious soldiers. They would wander in between missions — usually to visit a friend on the mend in sickbay — and it became routine for them to try out one or two pickup lines on you. Sometimes they made you blush, but you knew it was all just a bit of fun for them. Had to get their entertainment somewhere, you supposed.

Major Gale Cleven, or “Buck” as everyone called him… he was different, though. The first time he’d come in to visit an injured comrade, you’d stood there frozen for at least a full ten seconds before coming back to yourself and leading him over to his friend.

It wasn’t just that he was handsome — though he absolutely was. It was the way he made real conversation with you in the rare moments where you didn’t have any pressing responsibilities, rather than a few silly lines to turn you red. He was… kind, and before too long you began to consider him a friend.

A friend you had a hopeless crush on, but a friend nonetheless.

Your fellow nurses, and even a few of the 100th Bomb Group took notice, and would quietly tease you whenever Buck came by — though he never seemed to notice how you blushed and swatted away the people who’d give you knowing smiles as they walked by.

Every time he went out on a mission, you held your breath, and thanked your lucky stars each time he wasn’t one of the soldiers being rushed to the sickbay upon their return.

Until he was.

You were in the middle of tending to poor Lt. Crosby after yet another bout of airsickness when Buck was rushed in. You froze, icy veins of fear gripping your heart, but quickly shook it off and went back to your current patient, mentally scolding yourself.

But Harry had noticed how the blood had drained from your face, and gently placed a hand over yours, stopping you.

“Go take care of him,” he smiled, nodding over to where Buck was being transferred to a bed, “I’ll be fine. Nothin’ I haven’t dealt with before.”

You eventually nodded, asking one of your fellow nurses to take over for you despite Harry’s protests that he was “perfectly fine, honest!” and made your way over to Buck’s cot in the corner of the room.

As you drew closer, you winced at the large bump that was clear on his temple, accompanied by various scrapes and bruises. According to the people that brought him in, the landing had been rougher than usual, and loose items in the plane had flown everywhere, leaving more than one soldier with bumps and bruises, but Buck seemed to have gotten the worst of it.

You attempted to remain professional, cataloging each injury and mentally checking off the supplies you’d need. Something seemed… off about Buck, though. Rather than a pained wince or even a brave attempt at his usual smile, Buck’s face transformed into a wide, uncharacteristic grin as you stood at his bedside.

“Hey,” he said in a dazed voice, your name sliding off his tongue with an ease that surprised you, given that he always called you by your last name and made sure to use the title of “Nurse” that you’d earned in wartime.

You nearly blushed at the charming, boyish expression on his face, wincing only slightly at the way the scrapes scattered across his face stretched with his smile, but remained as professional as you could, tending to his wounds with care and speed that spoke to your experience.

Buck rambled the entire time — this may have been the most you’d heard him speak since you met, and you soaked in every word. He rambled on about what happened in the air on this most recent mission, about his friends & family back home, about life in Wyoming.

“Got any pretty girls waiting for you back there?” You blurted out, fiddling with the bandages on his forehead and firmly avoiding eye contact.

“None as pretty as you, darlin’” Came his smooth reply, and good lord if hearing him call you that in that soft Southern drawl didn’t make you weak in the knees.

“Oh, hush, Major.” You bit your lip in an attempt to hide the smile fighting its way to your face, retreating back into the safety of professionalism.

“How are you feeling now? Those scrapes should heal up in no time, but you might have to hold off flying until that head wound clears up—”

“Might heal up faster if you kiss it better,” he grinned, dazed blue eyes sparkling with mischief.

Heat flooded your face, and your mind went entirely blank.

Several subtle glances around the room confirmed that your fellow nurses were focused on their own patients. Not a single eye was on you and Buck in the corner.

Taking a moment to gather your courage, you steeled yourself before pressing your lips to Buck’s temple for the merest moment. You were sure your cheeks were nearly as red as your lipstick as you pulled away, checking again to make sure no one saw— the teasing from your colleagues would surely be merciless if they knew.

“Thank you, sweetheart. I can feel myself gettin’ better already,” Buck drawled with that same boyish grin, his fingertips resting over yours at the edge of the bed.

You jerked away, suddenly even more aware of the potential eyes on you.

“You should heal up just fine, Major. The docs will just need to run a couple tests before you’re clear to fly again.” You said before excusing yourself.

If only you hadn’t been in such a rush to get away.

You would’ve remembered to wipe off the bright red lipstick mark lingering on Buck’s forehead.

(Sorry, Nonnie 😇 I saw the opportunity for a cliffhanger here and I couldn’t resist… What could possibly happen next? 👀)

Read Part 2 here!

#Sage’s Valentines #austin butler #austin butler x reader #austin butler major gale buck cleven #major gale cleven #masters of the air #masters of the air x reader #buck cleven #my writing #sage answers

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highttowers · 11 months

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heart-shaped sunglasses.

pairing(s); matthew lillard!william afton x reader

fandom; five nights at freddy’s [movie]

w/c; 592

trigger/content warnings; slightly unholy thoughts from william about you in your uniform, fem!reader, (reader wears lipstick, has boobs, is called 'girl' by william and has medium-length hair), heavy lana del rey influences (diet mountain dew), mentioned that reader smokes cigarettes, age gap (william is late 40s, reader is mid 20s), no explicit romance but it's heavily implied there's mutual pining, written from william's pov, reader knows his real name, not proof-read, NO use of y/n, lmk if i missed anything.

stella speaks! at this point someone reblogs/tags me in a shitpost about this man, i add tags while my brain is inconsolably horny, and then all of a sudden i'm writing a new draft. and yes, ik lana wasn't really a thing in 1990s, but for now let's pretend he's still a silver fox in the 2020s.

tags; @truecobblepot bc ofc🫶🏽🫶🏽

inspired by this post and the shenanigans that ensued.

“I just wanted to know how much I appreciate you staying late these past couple weeks.”

William’s voice is smooth, he’s demeanor calm, the slight tilt of his head and the casual clasp of his hands in front of him giving no hint to the turmoil in his brain.

You’re his employee. His best employee, no less. He can’t afford to lose you, to drive you away. So he’ll make sure you’re not looking him in the eye when his roam your body.

The words that come from your mouth are sincere. He knows this. He doesn’t much care in this moment however. That red vest is pulled across your breasts, and the top button of your shirt is undone, your tie looser now that the building is empty.

It’s his fault, how tight your uniform is on you. He has your size on file, but he always orders a size down, just for him. He doesn’t pay mind to the way teenage pizza boys and older brothers here with siblings watch you, because he knows he’s miles better than they are.

His eyes linger in the plastic heart-shaped sunglasses hanging from your collar, and he nods towards them. “And those? I do hope you haven’t been wearing those all day.”

It’s a gentle correction. No matter how much William favors you, he still must keep his image up. You shake your head. “No, I just got them out of my locker when I closed up with Robyn.”

“Where did you get them?” He asks, leaning forward. The movement is subtle, but he knows you catch it.

“It was a gag gift from some party,” you answer, taking them off your vest and sliding them on. William's breath barely catches in his throat. The frames are the same shade as the blood red lipstick you love wearing.

It’s your signature. It’s how he knows you’ve been in the break room, paper coffee and water cups stamped with your lips in the trash, lipstick printed cigarette buts in the back alleyway that he’s convinced himself are prettier than anyone else’s.

William's brain is rapid firing all kinds of signals, ranging from you're nearly 20 years younger than him, to why have I never felt this was about my ex-wife?

Everything about you seems to catered to William's preferences. You hold eye contact with him and customers, you're great with kids (including his!), and you actually appreciate the care he takes of his animatronics.

He chuckles as you look around his dim office with your heart-shaped sunglasses. "Well, now, look at you. Never was there ever a girl so pretty." You giggle, tugging on a strand of hair and sliding them up into your hair. "That's so sweet, Mr. Afton!" William chuckles. You're picture perfect and William is damn well aware that he's no good for you. "Please, call me William. It's only fitting that we remain on first name basis...as of your promotion to assistant manager."

Your eyes widen, and you let out a little gasp. "Do you really mean that, Mr. Af-- William?"

God, the way your lips form his name is intoxicating. He nods, his demeanor wavering slightly as you beam at him, thanking him.

It’s a power move, he knows. A selfish one, no less. But he can’t risk losing the one competent employee. And besides, the assistant manager’s uniform is closer to his, the pale purple shirt and darker tie, black slacks and black shoes (of your choosing, of course).

And who is he to deny himself that view?

#william afton x reader #william afton x you #william afton #five nights at freddy's #fnaf #five nights at freddy's movie #fnaf movie #lana del rey #diet mountain dew #heart shaped sunglasses #🖋️ — my writing #🐻 — five nights at freddy’s

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theragethatisdesire · 11 months

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dall'inizio - eren x reader, 18+!!!!

welcome back to the ti penso universe everyone!!!! this is a continuation/prequel of the little series we've followed from my first eren x reader fic. i was really interested to see how they met and ....unsurprisingly, it's a one night stand that doesn't turn out as planned. this one is also super fun because we get to hear from both eren AND reader alternatively, plus reader is a confident, bad bitch and we love that for her. this one goes out to @philliam-writes bc ik you love this eren as much as i do!!!!!! here's ur part 3 bestie >:)

if you'd like to catch up and meet our eren x reader, find them here:

(1) ti penso ogni giorno

(2) nel bene e nel male

pairing: eren x afab reader

wc: 6.7k

DISCLAIMER: this post contains MATURE CONTENT that is intended only for those over 18. if you are a minor, please do not read below the cut.

CWs: smut (duh), consensual hook-up, rough sex, biting, dirty talk, oral sex (fem!receiving), alcohol/drug use (just weed nothing crazy), cussing, penetrative vaginal sex, swearing, use of names (baby), crying, multiple orgasms, eren being a lovestruck idiot (and so are you if you're being honest)

title (as always) means "from the beginning" in italian i'm obsessed with them <3

“You look like a whore,” Ymir says bluntly, dragging her eyes over your outfit– or, lack thereof.

“It’s not that bad,” you wave her off, turning back to the mirror to tug at the hem of your little black slip. You do look like a whore, but it’s intentional. You haven’t gotten laid in three months– your friends have been calling you dramatic, but that’s a lot, okay? You’re in college, you’re supposed to sleep around, right?

On top of that, your last few situationships just haven’t quite…well, they weren’t bad, but they didn’t scratch the itch. You desperately need a fuck– not just a fuck, a good fuck, and you have a feeling tonight’s going to be the night. It’s Halloween, the international holiday for running around in basically zero clothes, and you’ve taken great care to adhere to that tradition.

“Are you a mouse?” Historia wrinkles her nose at you from her spot at the vanity in the corner. She’s in a dalmatian costume; cute, spotted ears sticking up from her blonde hair, blue collar tinkling when she cocks her head at you.

“I’m a fucking cat,” you mutter, drawing a black triangle of eyeliner on the tip of your nose, “I didn’t have time for a real costume.”

“She just wants to get laid,” Mikasa announces, pushing through the studio apartment door with a huff, arms laden with plastic bags that are making a tell-tale clinking sound, “it’s been like, two whole weeks.”

“Three months!” You correct her, defensive.

“I understand,” Ymir, appropriately dressed as Cruella de Vil, grins, “it’s been…what, Stor? Two hours?”

“Ymir!” Historia, scandalized, flushes a furious red. Both you and Mikasa are unphased; in the last four months they’ve been together, the three feet they’re sitting from one another now is the farthest apart you’ve seen them.

“I’m not a whore,” you turn around, hands on hips, “I just…it’s been awhile since I had good sex. Floch was–”

“The worst?” Mikasa finishes for you. You hate how well she knows you; even after less than two years of knowing each other, she can practically read your mind.

“Yeah, you may have mentioned that once or twice,” Historia turns back to the mirror, immediately disinterested. “Or a thousand times.”

You throw your hands up, turning back to the mirror to finish your whiskers. “So none of you can blame me.”

“While you two,” Mikasa points between Ymir and Historia accusingly, “have been screwing like rabbits, and you,” her black-painted fingernail finds its way to you, “have been trying to figure out how to sleep with half of Manhattan, I took the liberty of actually making plans for us.”

“Jean’s?” You raise a knowing eyebrow at her, grateful to put someone else in the hot seat for the night. Mikasa’s cheeks tinge pink. Busted.

“He’s throwing a party, yeah,” she answers slowly, trying to talk her way around her obvious attraction to him, “but it’s not those douchebags he usually hangs out with. My best friend from home, Eren, just got into town, and,” she looks at you pointedly, “some of his friends are actually cute.”

You’re unconvinced. “Pictures?”

“You’ll have to wait and see,” Mikasa bites her lip mischievously, “but if you take a few tequila shots with me, I might be persuaded to show you one or two.”

You’re dubious. Mikasa’s definitely shown you a photo of these guys before, and you don’t remember a standout in the lineup. This Eren character, however…Mikasa has a framed picture on her bedside nightstand of them in high school, and you remember him being sort of cute. Dark, short-cropped hair, big green eyes so wide and earnest that he almost reminded you of a movie character. That picture was three or four years old now so…who knows? Maybe he’d grown into his features.

“Eren’s a no-go, though,” Mikasa continues, knowing your exact train of thought of course, pouring out shots of lukewarm, cheap tequila. Your stomach gurgles in protest at the smell as you accept yours. “He’s a nightmare to women, trust me.”

“Who knows,” Ymir pipes up, nodding her head towards you, “she’s a nightmare to men, so.”

“I am not a nightmare,” you narrow your eyes, “I just don’t like to be tied down, that’s all.”

“You’ll have to be at some point,” Historia argues, smiling when Ymir slips a hand into hers. You wrinkle your nose, uninterested.

“It’s 2018, Stor, not very feminist of you,” you tut, throwing back your shot and practically choking it down. Ick.

“I’m a lesbian, how much more feminist can I get?”

“Touché.”

“Just promise me you won’t get wrapped up with him?” Mikasa eyes you, still not trusting the glint of curiosity in your eye.

Ymir crosses her arms over her chest. “Are you positive you like Jean and not this Eren dude?”

Mikasa makes a fake retching sound. “Eren’s practically my brother. I’ve seen his bare ass more times than I can count. Way past the attraction threshold, trust me. I just…I know him. And I know you,” she glares at you, “it’s a toss-up as to who would do more damage to the other.”

“I’ll behave,” you placate her, throwing your arms around her shoulders, “…maybe.”

Eren might puke. No, wait, he’s going to puke– oh, no, just an unbelievably loud burp. Eren smiles contentedly, feeling much better even as it stinks up the entire taxi. Connie leans over Armin, scrunches his nose and squints his eyes.

“That fucking reeks, dude!”

“Sorry,” Eren shrugs, turning his head back to the window and ignoring Armin and Connie’s complaints. They were all a few beers deep- what did they expect?

Eren’s lived a few hours outside of New York City all his life, but he’s never been, except maybe once or twice for field trips as a kid. He never remembered it looking like this, though: each little apartment twinkled like a star, giving the wall of skyscrapers the appearance of the night sky. Even as the cab screeches and jerks in the Lower West Side traffic, Eren feels like he’s in a spaceship, free and flying amongst the stars.

Maybe he could talk to Zeke, convince him to move their little operation out of their garage and into the city. There was money here, right? And plenty of musicians who weren’t quite good enough to get signed by any major labels…

“Mikasa says she and her friends will be over in five,” Armin squints at his phone screen, holding it far away from him like an old man to type a response. Eren nearly rolls his eyes.

“Would you just get some fucking glasses already?”

“Annie said they made me look nerdy,” Armin shrugs. Connie groans.

“You two broke up like, a year ago–”

“Six months,” Armin corrects him, eyes growing sadder by the second.

“Okay, six months, whatever, we’ve got to get you laid tonight, dude.”

Eren lets the two slip into an argument about the “appropriate amount of time” to wait to sleep with someone after a breakup, much preferring his unusually contemplative mood to Connie and Armin’s bickering after their four-hour train ride together. He smiled to himself; God, it would be good to see Mikasa again. He wouldn’t have admitted it at gunpoint, but she was practically his mom growing up, and she’d been gone for over a year, only visiting for Christmas. Rumor had it that she’d been spending a lot of time with Jean as of late, so he needed to see what that was all about, too.

And who had Eren been spending a lot of time with lately? No one but bar rats and slim pickings from the frat parties at Trost University near his hometown. When was the last time he’d even gotten laid? A month? Two? Her name had been Jenna…no, Jenny? Josephina? Fuck, he should remember that. Eren needs to get laid, regardless, but if he dares to step near any of Mikasa’s friends, she’ll kill him, he knows that from experience. Then again, maybe this weird-ass Jean situation would come in handy. If Mikasa ends up distracted…

“Excuse me!” Armin disturbs his thoughts once again; Eren scowls. “Excuse me, sir? I think we’re here.”

Eren pays for the cab. Armin had bought the train tickets and the chain-gang costumes they were all currently sporting, and Connie was always flat broke, insisting his music career would work out soon. That could be Eren’s fault, though: Connie was one of his and Zeke’s first “clients”. None of them even bothered keeping up with the money exchanged between each other anymore; Connie had been in their kindergarten class, Armin’s mom had changed all of their diapers, Mikasa’s parents were the “cool parents” that let them smoke weed in the backyard, Jean’s mom made the best potato salad. They were a little family, separated by life and college at the moment, but a family all the same. Eren felt a little tingle of appreciation in his stomach as they climbed the stairs to Jean’s walk-up.

“Jaeger!” Jean was dapping him up and smacking a fist against his back before Eren could even properly look around the dark apartment.

“Kirstein,” Eren returns his embrace and has to shout over the music, suddenly smacked with a wave of homesickness at the familiar smell of weed and Jean’s tacky Hugo Boss cologne.

“Make yourself at home, dude,” Jean’s nearly inaudible over the thumping house music. He’s got some stupid mummy costume on that exposes his lean stomach, basically just shirtless and wrapped in toilet paper. Eren stifles a laugh, looking around the apartment for any other familiar faces.

Reiner approaches him next, a goofy, drunken grin splitting his face wide open, tackling Eren in a bear hug. Most of the greetings go like that; I miss you! How are you? How’s the business? Are you still in Shiganshina? It makes Eren’s chest tight, makes him miss the closeness of the people he loves. He was just always fucking working, helping Zeke with paperwork, running around town talking to clients, pulling at his face late at night looking over the finances of everything. He feels wound up, ready to burst, but the blunt and beer Bertholdt just handed him should fix that, at least somewhat. He needs…fuck, he needs to get laid.

His eyes search the room, looking for the one person he’s looking most forward to seeing, but he doesn’t find Mikasa where he expects.

She’s perched on Jean’s lap, giggling over her drink as Jean waves his arms wildly, telling her a story. That bizarre sight only holds Eren’s gaze for a moment, though, because there you are beside her, grinning wickedly with one of those stupid vapes between your teeth.

Eren stops dead in his tracks, speechless. Where do they even make women like that? He goes bottom to top, letting himself be impressed with how well you’re balancing on those high heels, ravishing every naked inch of your exposed legs until he reaches the hem of– fuck, is that just lingerie? Whatever little black thing you’re wearing, it makes his heart race, makes his pants tight. It’s low-cut in the chest enough to tease, a little collar around your neck, and your face…even your face makes him hard, so beautiful in the low lighting, eyes glimmering. You look evil and fun and sexy all at once, and Eren’s sold within the first ten seconds of seeing you.

Before he can make a beeline in your direction, he realizes he’s taken his gaze off of Mikasa and Jean long enough for them to approach him, Mikasa throwing her arms around his neck.

“Eren!” She squeals in his ear, clearly already drunk. Eren chuckles, trying to rein himself in enough to hold a stable conversation. The little black dress flashes behind his eyes as he smiles down at Mikasa.

“Hey Mika,” he ruffles her hair, making Mikasa grumble and reach towards her head to right what he’s ruined. His eyes wander back to you; you’re watching him too, sizing him up. He wonders if you like what you see, pulls at the zipper of his orange jumpsuit to inch it down, reveal some of his stomach. Eren’s not conceited per se, but he spends an unhealthy amount of time in the gym, and he knows it shows. As your gaze travels down to where he holds his zipper, Eren can’t look away, knows it must be obvious that he’s distracted.

“Bro,” Jean snaps his fingers in front of Eren’s eyes, looking over his shoulder to see what Eren’s staring at. He turns back with a smirk. “Yeah?”

Fuck, now Mikasa’s looking off in the same direction, returning her eyes to him with a scowl. Drunk or not, she never fails to scare the shit out of him. “No. No fucking way, Eren.”

“What?” Eren sips his beer innocently, shrugging. He was only staring…for now.

“She’s my best friend, Eren, no,” Mikasa says, firmer this time.

“Thought I was your best friend?”

“Didn’t she just break things off with Floch like…” Jean trails off at the withering glare Mikasa shoots him, turning red.

“She’s off-limits.” Eren nods, her words going in one ear and out the other. Mikasa’s scolded him before, and she won’t stop anytime soon, so what’s one more? She can read his mind, evidently, because she reaches up and pinches his cheek, yanking him down to her level.

“Ow!”

“Off. Fucking. Limits.” Mikasa seethes. “Do you hear me?”

“Yeah, yeah I- fuck, let go! I hear you Mika,” Eren rubs his sore cheek, frowning. He can see you laughing at him, eyes barely visible over the edge of your drink. Great, Eren thinks; getting a talking-to from Mikasa like a child was not the first impression he wanted to give you.

Mikasa’s grabbing Jean’s hand and pulling him back towards the crowd, presumably to play guard dog for you, but before she can get him too far, Jean leans back towards Eren, cups a hand around his mouth.

“She’s single, bro,” Jean manages to get out before Mikasa pulls harder, “go for it!”

Eren grins. If Mikasa wanted to bite his head off for this, now he could blame it on Jean. What the hell was he supposed to say to you, though? You’re leagues above the girls he’s been pursuing. If Eren’s honest with himself, he’s intimidated by you, but his only solution is to throw some more of his beer back for liquid courage. He’s always loved a challenge.

When he pulls the cup away from his face, you’ve appeared in front of him, smiling demurely and nearly making him jump out of his skin.

“Hi.”

The second you saw him, you were hooked. He was gorgeous, dark hair pulled into a little half-bun on the back of his head, pretty eyes, and tall and broad to boot. He was almost stern-looking, dark eyebrows shielding his eyes. Dark and mean, just the way you like them.

Mikasa had given him a massive hug, interrupting the clear eye-fucking you were engaged in across the room; so that was Eren? Her long-lost best friend that was always too busy to visit? The happy kid from the picture? You watched her scold him, giggling to yourself at how childlike he became, crumbling under Mikasa’s pinch and pouting when she let him go.

You had no choice, really. Your promise to Mikasa had flown out of your mind the moment you saw those full lips pursed around the blunt, blowing out a puff of smoke, stretching into a wide, dangerous smile. You’re an only child and admittedly, a bit spoiled, so when you want something, you get it.

“Hi,” you can’t manage anything more clever, not face to face with his bare chest. Jean’s apartment is stuffy, and you catch the gleam of sweat on his chest in the LED lighting. You lick your lips.

“Hi,” Eren responds stiffly, looking as surprised as if you’d just punched him in the gut.

“You’re Eren, right? Mikasa’s friend?”

Eren hits his blunt again, nods slowly. “I don’t think we’ve met though, you’re…?”

You give him your name. He smiles and repeats it, rolling it around on his tongue and getting a taste for it. You can already see little hearts in his eyes, it makes you grin to yourself. You had expected him to put up more of a fight; there’s a dozen girls in this room alone that would fall all over themselves to get him in bed, but he’s enraptured by you, eyes never leaving your face. You’ve got him.

“A cat, huh?” Eren addresses the costume, dipping his head in the direction of the little black ears on your head. You’re suddenly embarrassed, feeling a bit silly.

“I, uh, didn’t really have time to shop,” you shrug, pulling at the hem of your dress. Eren’s mouth quirks up. “A prisoner?”

“Yeah, I didn’t get to pick. I like yours, though, it fits you.”

You cock an eyebrow at him. “A cat fits me?”

“Yeah,” Eren says, growing surer by the second, “I don’t know. Just fits. S’cute.”

You’re embarrassed by the giddy flutter in your stomach. God, he’s delicious. “You think I’m cute?”

“I think lots of things about you,” Eren replies, voice low and sultry and hardly audible over the music. His eyes widen like he hadn’t exactly meant to say that out loud, but it’s too late now. You grin, all teeth and bad intentions.

“We just met,” you point out. Eren’s confidence has returned, he boldly brings a hand to the spaghetti strap of your dress. His fingers are hot– why do men always run so hot? His touch almost burns.

“You wore this,” he rubs the fabric between his fingers, “and expect me not to have a few thoughts on it? Wasn’t that the point?”

The breath leaves your lungs. Your confidence fizzles at the same rate as your arousal grows. There are plenty of hot guys here, but you might have jumped into the deep end with this one. Something flickers in his eyes, something hungry.

“Why don’t you tell me about these thoughts of yours?”

“I will,” Eren nods, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth, “later.”

“Later?”

“We’re at a party,” Eren takes the empty cup from you, replacing it with his own, much larger hand, “shouldn’t we at least dance a little?”

Before you can argue, he’s pulling you out into the center of Jean’s obnoxiously spacious living room, into a jungle of sweaty, gyrating bodies. You’re close enough to the speakers now that the bass pounds through your body to the same rhythm as your heart thudding in your chest. The crowded, makeshift dance floor pushes you into Eren, skin against skin. You have a fleeting moment to be grateful that you’re likely now obscured from Mikasa’s view before a pair of strong hands around your hips prevent any more conscious thoughts from taking shape in your brain.

“One of my thoughts,” Eren’s right beside your ear now, voice echoing in your brain, “is that I like you. Like this body.”

“T-thank you,” you stammer out, wanting to facepalm at not only your stupidly simple response, but the weakness in your voice.

“Move it for me.”

You obey him, letting your body move with the music, trying not to get too caught up in whether or not you look ridiculous with how you’re pressing your body into his, arms thrown around his neck. Eren seems to like the way you move on him, pushing and pulling your hips in the rhythm you’ve set, looking down his nose at you with bloodshot eyes.

Your panties are growing wetter by the second; he’s intoxicating, the feel of him against you, firm and tacky with sweat. His hands are tracing up your sides, dragging slowly as if he’s memorizing the curves of your body. You haven’t known him long enough to want him the way that you do, humiliated by the carnal desire simmering in the pit of your stomach, but you’ve had enough tequila not to care. The whole thing is too similar to what you really want, and you make it through a solid seven or eight songs before you can’t take the stifling tension between the two of you any longer, thick enough to cut with a knife.

You lean up on the tips of your toes, wobbling in your heels, and grab him tight around the neck, pulling him to you. Your lips finally meet; Eren’s slow to respond as you’ve caught him off guard, but he catches on quickly, lips falling open so you can kiss him deeper. His lips are softer than you expect, supple and giving as they move with yours. You trace your tongue through his teeth, hardly suppressing a whine. He tastes good, like cheap beer and weed and lust. You drink him in, a satisfied hum buzzing in your chest.

Without warning, Eren practically rips you off of him. “Not here.”

He’s dragging you through the people around you, knocking them out of the way and not stopping to apologize when he gets offended looks. He pulls you into what you know to be Jean’s room, wastes no time in shoving you up against the door and blocking you in with his wide shoulders.

You swallow hard; you’ve underestimated him.

“Another one of my thoughts,” Eren mouths at the area beneath your ear, makes you groan, “is that you’re pretty. Like, very fucking pretty. Bet you’re twice as pretty under this dress.”

“I think you’re pretty, too,” you manage to say, forcing the words from your mouth. Eren chuckles, smiling against the shell of your ear.

“C’mere,” he tilts your chin up, kissing you again. It’s troublingly gentle, long and languid as your mouths move against one another. He kisses you like he loves you; the thought makes alarm bells ring in your head, and you nip at his bottom lip to break up the emotional momentum, sink your teeth into it. Eren pulls back, chuckling down at you. “You’re mean.”

“Only a little.”

“Is that what you like?” Eren thumbs at your mouth, slipping his finger between your lips. You suck greedily, rubbing your tongue against the roughness of his fingertip. “Like it a little mean? Between you and me, I like ‘em a little mean, too.”

You nod, gently biting on his thumb. Eren groans, a low rumble deep in his chest. “Oh, I’m going to have fun with you.”

He’s pulling your dress over your head before you can stop him, sucking in a sharp breath when he gets an eyeful of your lace-clad breasts, the tiny thong you’ve slipped over your hips. Stronger than you’d expected, Eren pulls you up to wrap your legs around his waist, slamming your back against the door with a loud thud and knocking your stupid cat ears to the floor. You can hear a few sounds of surprise from outside; surely that got a few people’s attention, but you’re lost in him, whimpering at the feel of his jumpsuit costume rubbing against your clothed center.

Eren’s sloppy, placing open-mouthed kisses down your neck, pausing to suck a bruise underneath your ear. You gasp, canting your hips into his stomach, desperate for friction. You’re normally not so uninhibited, but Eren’s doing something to your head, has your mind spinning. He’s carrying you over to the bed, dropping you down onto Jean’s sheets. Eren leans down to pull your heels off, a sweet gesture if you could find the presence of mind to acknowledge it. You feel a flicker of guilt about doing this in Jean’s bed, but when Eren starts sliding a hand up your thigh, it flickers away into nothing, swallowed by your bottomless want.

“Look at that,” Eren smirks, rubbing his fingers over your panties, “soaked. This all for me?”

“Mhm,” you whine, hips jerking up towards his touch. It is for him, it was from the moment you laid eyes on him, and you both know it. His hands are everywhere: unclasping your bra, pulling your panties down, palming at your tits. You arch your back up to him, offering him your chest; he responds by closing down on one of your nipples with his teeth.

“So pretty,” Eren’s murmuring around the mouthful of your flesh he’s got, twisting the neglected nipple of your right breast between his fingers, “so pretty.”

“Eren,” you sigh, running your fingers through his hair, pulling it out of its bun and wrapping the hair band around your wrist. His mouth is hot, scalding, even, but you pull him closer to you anyway, pressing his face into your tits. Eren doesn’t seem to mind, letting you move him this way and that, show him what you like and how to pull those pretty moans out of your mouth. Before long, he’s kissing his way down your stomach, hands gripping your hips like a lifeline.

“Want a taste,” Eren sounds more like he’s talking to himself than to you, “need to taste this pussy.”

“Eren,” you reach for his hair, trying to pull him back up to you. While you’d love to see what the mouth that had just kissed you breathless could do between your legs, the thumping music outside is an annoying but consistent reminder that there’s an entire party outside and you’re in Jean’s bedroom. The clock’s ticking. “Want to feel you, we don’t have time for–”

“Don’t have time?” Something wicked lights Eren’s face up as he shimmies your panties down your legs. “Believe me, it won’t take long.”

“Eren,” your protest is feeble but earnest, and you make another attempt to reach for him when a long, thick lick up your center renders you near-unconscious. You moan, a little louder than you would have liked to.

“See? Gonna make you feel so good, trust me,” Eren’s punctuating each word with a little kiss somewhere on your pussy: your clit, your lips, right over your fluttering entrance. You have no choice but to whimper and nod, canting your hips up towards him. You look down, immediately regretting it: Eren’s wiggled out of his costume, naked and beautiful and staring up at you from between your legs. You’re hardly able to swallow the inhuman sound that threatens to rip from your throat.

Where he’d been cool and calculated pulling you onto the dance floor, you quickly learn that Eren eats pussy like he can’t control himself, like his life depends on it. His massive hands wrap around the tops of your thighs, securing you against his face as you try to squirm away. He licks into you enthusiastically, moaning against you at the taste, sending a succession of vibrations through you that go straight to the fire in your stomach.

When his lips close around your clit and suck hard, you have to slap a hand over your mouth to stop a wail from reaching the ears right outside the door. Eren takes the opportunity to sneak a finger into you, curl it right against that gummy spot in your walls that has you seeing stars. As he works his finger in your cunt, he kisses his way back up to your mouth, greeting you with a sloppy kiss.

“Feels good, right?” Eren’s face is literally dripping with you, a sharp-toothed grin barely visible in the dim light.

“Feels good,” you whimper, daring to look down to where he’s grinding his palm against your clit. You can see the veins of his muscular arm straining as he pumps in and out of you; it’s a lewd sight, one that makes your head spin. “‘S so much Eren, I— fuck.”

“Yeah?” Eren’s smile grows darker, another finger slips into you easily. You’re practically dripping onto the sheets at this point, rolling your hips against his hand with your mouth hanging open. It’s humiliating but too gratifying to stop. “Gonna cum for me? You can do it, give it to me.”

“God– close, so c-close,” you can barely find the words to respond, the pressure in your belly swelling at an alarming speed. You’re going to squirt, you know you are, should move off of Jean’s bed or warn Eren or do something, but it’s too late.

You thrash in Eren’s grip, cumming so hard you think you can taste blood where you bite your lip. You can feel the wetness spraying from you, soaking Eren’s hand and the sheets and your inner thighs, can distantly hear your pitiful cries, but you’re powerless to do anything about it until the mind-numbing orgasm’s run its course. Eventually you do settle, babbling incoherently into Eren’s shoulder about Jean’s ruined sheets, about how you’re sorry for making a mess. Eren shuts you up with his mouth on yours; you can hear the distant rip of a condom wrapper.

“You’re so fucking perfect,” he laughs, rolling on top of you and lining himself up, “gonna have to keep you.”

Before you can even think to offer to return the favor or make a sarcastic remark about how you’d never let anyone keep you, Eren’s pressing into you, and your mind short-circuits. Shit, maybe you’d let him keep you.

You hadn’t gotten a good look at him in the darkness, but he’s big, bigger than you’ve ever had before, and big enough that you realize this when he’s not even halfway in.

“Eren…it’s so– s’big,” you hiccup into his shoulder, fingernails clawing into his biceps.

“Is it too much, baby?” You hate pet names, hate them, but from the greek god splitting you open right now, you love it, want to lick the word right out of his mouth and taste it on your own tongue. The genuine concern glittering in his eyes, the little furrow between his brows as he pauses, frowns down at you, fuck, you might be in love.

“No, not too much– feels good.”

Eren’s grin is feral. “Yeah? Tell me.”

“Feels so fucking good,” a little giggle sneaks out from your clenched jaw, Eren smiles wider and cups your face to kiss you again, far too gently to match the way he’s stretching you, bullying your cunt into the shape of him.

“Feel full?”

“Mhm,” he’s bottomed out now, impossibly deep, and you give him a little roll of your hips to show him just how okay you are, that you’re ready to see what he can really do.

“You’ve got–” Eren rolls his hips experimentally, punches a moan from your chest– “the best fucking pussy. So tight for me.”

Ordinarily, dirty talk makes you cringe, but something about the way he words things, as raw as if his inner monologue is spilling out of him, turns you on, makes your cunt clench down around him. That makes him happy, he sucks in a breath of air and starts pounding into you hard enough to make tears well in your eyes, hard enough to make you squeal in a way no one else ever has.

“Taking me so fucking well, baby,” Eren’s hands are grabbing your face, his lips pressing into your forehead, “never gonna let this pussy go.”

You grant him a long moan of agreement, so cockdrunk that for now, you’re more than happy to sign your freedom away to stay in this bed, pinned underneath him for all of eternity. He’s fucking into you so deep he’s practically in your throat; your breath comes out in short little huffs, choking on the brutal pace of his fucking. And god, he’s so big, but you’re taking him somehow, like you were made for it.

Eren moves one of his hands away from his face to swat your fingers away from where you’re digging into his arms, surely close to drawing blood.

“Fucking hurts,” he hisses, “just as mean as you are pretty, y’know that?”

He easily manhandles your arms above your head, pinning them above you by your wrists. The way he stretches his body to do so changes the angle he’s fucking into you at; now he’s hammering into the spot inside of you he’d found far too quickly with his fingers. Your eyes shoot open at the change, and Eren doesn’t miss it. He smirks.

“Right there?”

“God, yes, please– right there,” you sound pathetic, the few surviving rational brain cells you possess are laughing at you, but there’s no help for it. He’s already got you spiraling towards cumming again, the wetness from your cunt creating a sucking sound where he’s moving in and out of you.

“Fuck, m’close. Think you can cum again for me?”

“Yes,” you breathe, tilting your head up to nip at his neck, a tear or two running down into your hairline. You can do anything he asks, you think, anything in the world just for him, for how he’s making you feel. Eren practically growls, pistoning his hips faster.

“Need you to cum for me, okay beautiful? Cum right now.”

“S-so close– I– Eren, oh my god,” you’re babbling, eyes rolling back into your head. Eren smashes his lips to yours, grinding his hips into your clit and shoving you over the edge for the second time that night. You sob and convulse around him, back arching desperately and pressing your chests together. You’re seeing stars as he fucks you through it, grunting in your ear and growing sloppy as you tighten around him.

“Fuck!” Eren bites into your shoulder, hard enough to bruise, stilling his hips as deep inside you as he can manage. Your fucked-out brain wants the condom off, wants to feel the full warmth of him as he cums inside of you, grinding his hips against yours. Before he’s finished, Eren moves back to your mouth, kissing you deep and slow, a kiss that means a whole lot more than what you’ve just done together as a party rages just past the door.

As you’re panting beneath him, trying to ground yourself and come back to reality, Eren rolls off of you, whips the condom off, and to your surprise, takes you into his arms, pulls your head to his chest.

“You okay?”

You’re so blissed out right now that it’s a laughable question, and you giggle, watery and light into his chest. “More than okay.”

Eren laughs at that, a real laugh from deep in his stomach. The sound of it makes something warm and happy spark in your chest. “That good, huh?”

“You’re alright.” You’re trying to keep your eyes open, more than aware that your teeny tiny thong is on the floor and you’re naked in the arms of a stranger in Jean’s fucking bed, but Eren’s so warm, so comfortable, your eyes are fluttering despite your protests.

“Oh?” Eren’s voice raises in pitch, gets breathy. “Yes, Eren! Right there, Eren! I’m cumming, Eren!”

“Oh my god, shut up!” You smack at his chest, cheeks burning, but you make no move to roll away from him, preferring your snug little hovel against him to the loud, smoky party that awaits you should you leave.

“S’okay,” Eren presses a kiss to your hairline, “I like that you’re loud.”

“Not loud,” you grouch, resolving to let yourself enjoy just a few minutes of keeping your eyes closed before you return to the party. The last thing you remember is Eren humming, tracing circles into your shoulders with his fingers. You think you recognize the tune; it’s a love song.

–

“Jaeger!”

“Oh my god, oh my fucking god, is that Jean? What time is it? Eren!”

Eren’s first peaceful sleep in months is disturbed rather rudely, in his opinion; he shields his eyes from the brightness of the overhead light, peering through his fingers to see you, hair a rat’s nest and smudged makeup in rings around your eyes. He scowls at the warm, empty spot next to him in the bed that you’ve already leapt out of, frantic with energy even through your hangover. You’re alternating between running around the room naked, trying to find your dress, and shaking him urgently. He bites back a grin; so you are real, and just as hot as he remembered.

“Chill the fuck out, Jean!” Eren shouts, using far more energy than he can afford to expend if he’s leaving the bed anytime soon. The alarm clock on the nightstand reads 7:01am. Shit. “We’ll be out in a second!”

“Get your ass out here, Eren!” Shit. Mikasa’s here too? Oh, he’s dead the second he leaves this room. All the better to stay put, then.

“Get up,” you hiss at him, looking every bit of a pissed-off racoon as you scrounge around on the floor.

“Need my hair tie back if you want me to get up.”

“Ugh, here,” you fling it at him, hitting him squarely in the forehead. Eren chuckles, pulling his hair off of his neck and into its usual bun. He feels empty, feels alone, realizes that he wants your touch, the same body-to-body contact that he’d enjoyed last night..

“They’re fine,” Eren grumbles, hoping you can’t see the amusement written on his face, “we��ve got a few more minutes.”

He reaches sleepily for you, pulling you back into the bed with him amidst your whispered protests, pulling your lips back to his where they belong. He kisses you slowly, indulgently, convincingly. Your skin against his does wonders for the soul-crushing anxiety he’s been putting up with over the last few months. You’re like a drug to him; just one hit and he feels worlds better, feels like he can actually get through everything weighing on him for now. Jesus, even your morning breath doesn’t turn him off; his cock twitches in interest beneath the covers. Cute when you’re angry, he thinks to himself. He has a feeling you’d smack him if he said it out loud.

“We can’t,” you breathe into his mouth, pushing weakly at his chest. Eren loves the feel of your palms on his chest, necessarily resistant in the name of a one–night stand, but lacking the force to prove your point. You want him too, he realizes. The thought goes straight to his dick, and he takes a deep breath to keep his composure, to stop himself from jumping all over you with Mikasa and Jean right outside. He’s rather impressed with his efforts, rubbing small circles on your lower back instead of grabbing a handful of your ass and pulling you into his lap like he wants to.

“We can,” Eren murmurs back, already ten times happier than he was a moment ago, “just want to kiss you, that’s all.”

That makes you pull back, fix him with a stern look. “I don’t want to come off as a bitch, but I don’t really do the morning-after thing. Don’t you live, like, five hours from the city anyway?”

Eren’s not the brightest when he’s tired, and he’s even stupider around beautiful women. He cocks his head at you, smiling. “Mikasa didn’t tell you? I’m moving to the city in a few weeks.”

You eye him suspiciously. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Eren’s bullshitting, bullshitting very badly and he knows it, “just have to get some things worked out with my brother and our business. Get the operation moved here, that’s all.”

He knows your type: flighty, heavily anti-commitment, and meaner than a snake when you’re cornered. But Eren hopes, he hopes stupidly and against all reason because even if it was just a night, he meant what he said in the throes of passion. You’re funny, you’re interesting, you’re sexy, and he doesn’t want to let you go. He wants to fuck you stupid, just like he did last night, for the rest of his life.

He can’t say any of this out loud, of course, but what if he’s not bullshitting? What if he can convince Zeke to move their amateur record label into the city, where they can pick up real artists, and he can fuck you stupid whenever he feels like it? Maybe he can even learn how you like your coffee, what your bra size is, where the junk drawer in your apartment lives. Eren doesn’t know you, he knows that, but he inexplicably wants those things, wants the mundane parts of you for himself.

“Get the fuck out here, Jaeger, that’s my fucking bed!” Fists pound against the door, threatening to barge into your little sanctuary. Mikasa’s calling your name from outside too, voice harsh and angry. Eren waits for you to scold him, waits for you to shove him off of you and tell him to fuck off.

To his surprise, you make no move to get up and offer him a sheepish grin, shrugging shyly as if you’re not fully naked in his arms. “I guess I’ll see you around, then.”

Eren’s heart swells. “I’m not chancing that. Give me your number.”“You can earn my number if you buy me breakfast,” you scoff, “and help me find my dress before Mikasa kills us both.”

#eren x reader #eren jaeger x reader #eren jeager x reader #eren yeager x readaer #eren x you #eren jaeger x you #eren smut #eren jaeger smut #aot smut #attack on titan smut #aot x you #aot x reader #ti penso uni #ti penso universe #i love them this makes my heart warm!!!!!!!!!

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stars4chratt · 10 days

Text

Pins n' Needles p.2

Pairing: Chris x fem!reader

Warnings: Smuttttt / reader is a bit rough in the beginning / angst (kind of??) / piercing kink / public sex (sort of) / piercer!Chris / fem stimulation / cunnilingus / vibrating tongue piercing / nipple play / switch!Chris / switch!reader / chris gets jealous ;) / ‘sugar’, ‘ma’, ‘mama’ / Chris + vertical labret, eyebrow & tongue pierced

Summary: You have been seeing Chris for a while now. You and him have made a connection outside of his piercing shop. However, he’s taken aback by what you have underneath your clothes.

Author’s Note: Guys ik i haven’t posted anything proper in ages. I’m making it up to you today I promise. But i hope you enjoy this one bc i certainly did like writing this. From Maxine, with love ♡.

“Baby, step outside your mind. You’ve been really good, you’ve been really good. You’ve been thinking ‘bout being bad ever since I put you on.” - LIFE OF THE PARTY, THE WEEKND.

𓆩☥𓆪

A notification illuminates the dark surface area of your room from your phone. You roll over across your bed for it to be a reminder of your appointment at the piercing shop today.

The grip over your phone tightens. It had been a while since the two of you met up one on one at his workplace.

You were incredibly excited about seeing him again after what happened the last time you went for a piercing from his parlour. Your head fades into a blur for a second as you recollect everything that’s happened every single time you and your body piercer go to see each other.

Besides all the intimate times, you get along great with him. You’ve come to realise that you and him have incredibly similar interests. This has concluded to Chris latching onto you even more, although neither of you have consulted each other about taking things to the next level and trying something more serious.

Chris’ sense of style and taste in fashion has always piqued your interest ever since you first walked into his store. Ever since you first laid eyes on him you always prayed that each appointment, he’d be there working a shift. Outside of his work, you have gone over to his place from time to time. You ask him if you can borrow his clothes because you’re so obsessed with his seemingly dark yet tame aesthetic. You and him have grown to be so close.

But what you’re most fond of was the way he’d twirl and twist the metal bar clasped onto his tongue around his mouth, sliding it over the shell of his enamels, shiny from his spit.

It was your favourite piercing of his, you love it just as much as he does. You grow hot and bothered reminiscing about everything that’s happened between you and him.

You look down at the time. ‘8:30’. You rise up from your lying position and get ready for the appointment.

𓆩☥𓆪

You breathe slowly, trying to help soothe the tingling nerves jolting down the curve of your spine. Trotting down the steep stairs to the familiar sanctuary where he resides.

Again, the place was empty. A moment of confusion floats until realisation hits you.

He’s probably cleared his schedule again…

You reach over the counter to try and peak over into the back. As per usual, the room is mostly dim. The LED lights kindled a red hue along the edges of the walls.

There’s more posters propped up around the place. Chris really does like decorating the place. It’s what he does the most when he’s not busy with an appointment.

You’re trying to find any sort of silhouette of a person coming into your vision. It’s hard to see and you have to squint to view anything properly.

“Hellooo… Chris?” You ponder out. After a few seconds, you hear tussling and rushed footsteps coming your way.

Chris, your body piercer. Who you’ve been fucking every now and again ever since you got that particular piercing on that very fateful day.

His locs, which once were dishevelled and messy, are now cut short. You can actually see his eyebrow piercing as clear as day now. You grin at the thought of him pampering himself up like that. You quite like the new change in his appearance.

“Hey, sugar! I’ve missed you.” He exclaims with sheer delight in his voice. “What can I do for you today, hm?” He slouches and rests his elbows on the desk. Your arched position across him releases and you stand upright again in embarrassment.

“Hi Chris, I’m here for another piercing today.” You grip at the zip of your grey hoodie. You start to fondle at it trying to avert your eye contact from Chris.

“Is that so?” In the corner of your eye you can see Chris lick at his lip making the top ball on his labret barbell wet.

“Did you make sure I was the only appointment today again?” You giggle sarcastically. The bitter confidence in your question made him grin feverishly.

“Mhm, like always Ma.” The nickname he’s been using on you for a while now. You’re still not sure whether you’re used to it or not. You love it either way though.

Chris gathers the waiver in his grasp and hands it to you. Veins running down from his hands all the way to the end of his forearms. Sculpting around his muscles capsuled in his black graphic tee with a deer in headlights plastered on it.

He still wears the large Vivienne Westwood orb around his neck. You never noticed before, but as his finger taps to the beat of the music playing in the background, his finger has a sigil tattoo that is plastered right below his nail bed.

From what you’ve gathered from him so far, Chris doesn’t like to appear as “normal”. But he doesn’t stick out too much either. He perks out the crowd only slightly with his few piercings and a small tattoo. He doesn’t try too hard. You like that in him. Piercings and body modifications is also something he personally and genuinely enjoys. He didn’t choose this job because it was his one and only option. He loves the idea of people being creative with their own identity and partaking in helping them with that task. It’s what makes you so attracted to him. Besides the fact he’s so handsome.

“Signature here and here please, sugar.” He gestures down at the document as he mutters offering you the pen pinched between his thumb and pointer.

You snap out of your trance. You take the pen and engrave your details in. You glance up at Chris for a second to see him staring down at you. He tilts his head to the side when he notices you look up.

You immediately break eye contact and finish writing your signature and stumble back to your feet again after leaning on the desk to hand the paper back to him.

“Come head down here in the back for me, Ma.” Chris uses the middle and pointer finger to beckon you to follow him. And you do so without hesitation, just like before.

𓆩☥𓆪

You’re sitting on the stretcher waiting patiently and admiring Chris simply doing his job. Like always, Chris has his sterilised equipment and black latex gloves.

He breaks open an alcohol pad with his teeth and rubs it against your skin. He sets it down onto the steel tray with a large array of needles and jewellery.

“How’ve you been holding up, anyway?” You break the silence and Chris turns around after his focus has shifted. Your legs are rocking back and forth from the adrenaline pumping through your blood vessels in preparation for the piercing.

“I’ve been fine, mostly. I haven’t seen you in a while. Why don’t you stop by more often, sugar? You never come ‘visit unless it’s a new piercing you want.” Chris speaks as he has his back turned once again. Trying to look for the right needle gauge.

“W-well, I wouldn’t really wanna bother you at your place of work. I’m pretty sure you’re busy with other customers.” You sigh hesitantly.

“Whaaat?” Chris exaggerates his confusion. You huff out a laugh and Chris turns around again, gazing at you.

“Didn’t I tell you? You’re my favourite customer. I’d love to have you over any time, Ma.” The glint in his eye matches the shine on his piercings.

“Hmm, I’ll have a think about it.” You return slyly. Chris chuckles and moves the tray closer to you.

“Is it okay if you take your jacket off?” He asks.

You grit your teeth. You purposefully didn’t wear a bra today for the sake of the jacket being there yet you’re now starting to regret your choices.

You hesitantly pull the sleeves and drape it down and put it beside you on the stretcher.

Chris’ lively expression sank. His jaw clenched as he looked down at your shirt. The shape of two piercings on both your nipples peeking out of the fabric of your shirt ever so slightly. You look down at the floor in shame.

He scoffs bitterly because he knows, he knows that he wasn’t the one who did those piercings for you. The unpleasant surprise made his mood change almost instantaneously.

The atmosphere between you two grows thick. You try to look the other way as Chris positions the needle onto your now pink skin.

You can feel his glare on you. It’s burning deep into your skin, he refuses to look away whatsoever.

“On three. One, two, three.” Suddenly, the needle sinches your skin as the needle and jewellery goes in. The pain is harsher and more fiery. You audibly groan and sniffle, trying to stifle the tears welling up.

You’re also upset at the sudden change in mood from Chris. He was being so warm and welcoming earlier. He definitely noticed your nipple piercings.

Chris never struck you as the jealous type. You always thought he didn’t give a shit about what happens outside of meeting up to hang out or for sex. You two aren’t dating, so it’s understandable why you thought that. Chris also seems nonchalant when it comes to stuff like this. Your assumption is dead fucking wrong on your account though.

You wipe at your cheeks trying to conceal your overwhelming emotions pouring through.

Not a word came out of Chris’ mouth after the piercing. He’s gone cold all of a sudden. Not a single bit of praise, not even reassurance. He’s pissed off at something for sure.

“Chris? What’s wrong?” You ask him gently. He fails to look at you directly. He rushes to take the gloves off and throws them back into the tray carelessly.

“Nothing. Why?” He responds dryly. You’re still wondering if this is all because of what he saw beneath your shirt.

“Stop being so stale with me, Chris. I’m trying to communicate with you here.” Your tone hardens into stone. Your eyebrows furrow deeply and you grab Chris’ shoulder, swivelling him around so he’s now facing you properly.

Chris tries to dismiss you as much as he can. Even though he said nothing was wrong. You didn’t know he was this arrogant until now.

You take a step closer towards him. Your feet are almost stepping on his. Chris tries to inch away but hits the metal countertop with the tray resting on it clumsily. He swallows thickly and you can clearly see his Adam's apple bob up and down as he does so.

You can see his tough guy act go soft. He gets so nervous around you. And, fuck does it turn you on. You can hear the breaths coming out of his mouth both from how tense he is and how close you two are together.

Your tits practically grazing against his shirt. You take one step closer until your lips are almost touching.

You can feel the cold metal of his lip ring press against your skin. Sending shivers through your entire body.

Your figure is now fully pressed onto his. Chris can feel the hard bars pinched in your nipples digging through his shirt onto his skin.

He stutters as he palms the countertop behind him and grips at it. You can feel his breath turn into hard and sharp pants. You smirk, you almost laugh at yourself for being so upset about him being a dick earlier.

“What’s wrong, baby? Hm? ‘You jealous that I went to a different piercer this one time? Without telling you?” You tease him. You breathe down his ear gently while spitting these harsh rhetorics at him. His body shudders and you can feel something twitch down below.

“‘You getting hard over this? Really? How pathetic.” You utter through your teeth. Chris whimpers at your sour comment. You reach down to the bulge in his sweats and palm over the fabric.

“O-oh fuck…” he chokes up quietly. You can’t help but grin maliciously over the control you have over him at this moment in time. Him trying to act all pissed off before all this has you screaming inside with fulfilment.

You’re incredibly agitated at his stubbornness. You’re riled up especially at the fact that Chris was being so stern earlier.

He reaches down to make contact with your lips, but you refuse and glare up at him. He whines sadly with regret at your spiteful manner. He really fucking wanted to kiss you. To at least make up for his negativity towards you. Your hard stare matches his from a few moments ago. Giving him a taste of his own shitty medicine.

“P-please kiss me. I-I wanna feel your lips so bad, Mama. I’m so desperate…” He hides his lip ring in his mouth as he feeds his bottom lip inside it. His hands now clasped tightly around your waist.

“Tell me what’s wrong first, sweetheart.” You reply in his ear gently. Chris’ face fills with red as he tries to find the words to speak.

“...Y-yeah, I am jealous that you went to another piercer. Why did you do that anyway? I thought you were comfortable around me. You didn’t even tell me about it either. Kind of a dick move to be honest, Ma…”

He looks away shyly, removing his hands from your waist to rub them over his face. You sigh and wrap your arms around his neck.

“I’m sorry, baby. Honestly, I wanted it to be like a fun little surprise for when we next hooked up. I didn’t think you’d be so upset about it. I should’ve warned you beforehand.” You lean in and interlock your lips with his. The kiss is short but passionate. Chris’ hands make their way back down to your waist again.

“It’s okay, sugar. I like them a lot, actually. They’re hot as fuck.” His labret migrates slightly from the grin on his face. He cups one of your tits softly, breaking the tender moment.

He squeezes it which makes you squirm. His dick twitches harshly against you again.

“Fuck surprises. You should’ve told me you were getting these. I would’ve jerked off so much to the thought of your tits pierced.” You whimper as Chris’ hand makes its way underneath your shirt. He pulls and tugs at the piercing just enough to send a jolt down to your slick pussy.

“I-I actually might get a Christina. Do you want me to go to a different piercer or…?” You smirk up at him. He loves how fucking dirty you are. His dick is begging to be let out of his sweats. His eyebrow ring glints and he bites his bottom lip again. Fully hiding his labret.

“Fuck no, baby. I want you all to myself. Come to me when you wanna get a Christina. ‘kay, sugar?” Both of his hands are underneath your shirt, pinching and tugging at your nipples making you whine desperately, squeezing your legs shut.

Chris is so good at finding your sweet spots. You can’t say anything other than a pathetic “‘kay.” In response.

“That’s my good girl.” He whispers down your ear, still squeezing and pulling at your nipples. You whimper into his neck. You fucking loved Chris’ praise. Your puffy and red buds are fully hard and perked out now, sticking out your shirt to match with your slutty piercings alongside them.

“W-Want me to give you another blowjob? Just like the last time we were here alone.” You ask genuinely desperate for a breath. He looks back up at you after being severely distracted by your tits.

“Nevermind me, baby. I wanna make you feel so fucking good tonight. I wanna make you cum, Ma. Over and over. To make up for being such a dick earlier. Do you wanna help me change my tongue piercing? It’s for a good purpose, trust me, sugar.”

You’ve grown so impatient. You just wanted to shove him on the stretcher and fuck him senseless. But you oblige anyway.

Chris opens his mouth and sticks his tongue out. You twist the ball sitting right on top of his tongue and unscrew it carefully. You bite your lips in focus as he has his mouth agape, waiting patiently.

You successfully take the entire bar out. Leaving his tongue completely bare. He looks naked without it.

“Good girl. Now just sit down on the stretcher for me, baby.”

You sit down as Chris follows behind not long after.

He leans in slowly underneath your jaw to pepper soft kisses across your neck. You can feel the tip of his nose skim gently across your skin.

The sudden feeling of the cold shard of metal on your skin mixes with his hot breath and warm hands reaching under your shirt again.

He moves his head down teasingly to the roses of your nipples. Breathing on them slightly. That was enough for you to whine out as you start to grab onto Chris’ hands.

“You’re so sensitive, sugar…I wonder if it’s because of these slutty piercings.” He coos down into your ear connivingly. You feed your bottom lip into your mouth and bury your face into the crook of his neck.

His hands hastily tug onto the waistband of your pants. Trying to undo the button and zipper.

“Take these off, Ma… let me see that pretty pussy of yours.” As Chris pants out his words, he preps his different jewellery to put in whilst positioned in between your legs.

You sigh out a “Yes, Chris.” before twisting the button out and unzipping your pants and pulling them off completely.

You kick off your pants impatiently. You closed your legs, Chris staring down at you, completely vulnerable like this made you feel timid. What was underneath were deep, cherry red panties. Fully lace, barely hiding how fucking wet you are.

“Holy shit… you have such a perfect ass, sugar. How come you’ve never shown me this side of you before? You’re so fucking sexy.” He breathes. Worshipping the round cherries of your ass cheeks. Trying his hardest to not bite at them and leave a bruise.

“I-I like to make you feel good… because it makes me feel good.” You shiver under Chris’ touch. He rises to a full stance to lean over you, he sticks his tongue out again.

“Put the vibrator in, Ma.” With no hesitation, you screw it inside. You can already see the metal inside it start to condensate from his breathy pants. Chris pulls you into a deep kiss. The piercing feels so much more heavy. His soft and taffy tongue with the thick, steel bar in between made you so fucking turned on. You wrap your legs around Chris’ waist and he hums into your mouth in approval. Pressing his tent into your soaking wet panties.

He pulls away leaving a long and sloppy string of spit on both of your lips. He crouches down again and grips your thighs. Your hips buckle upwards in shock as he forcefully spreads your legs open.

“You’re so wet for me… such a good girl, aren’t you?” His voice echoes onto your clothed cunt. He gently rubs at your swollen clit with the pad of his finger slowly just to tease you.

He breathes on your pussy making your whole body tremble. You moan out into the air desperately wanting Chris to devour you.

He moves his head to smother gentle kisses across your thighs, his irises flushed baby pink with so much lust. He grunts into your blushing skin, glancing up at you to admire how fucking hot you look every now and again.

“Chris…”

“Yes, baby?”

“Fucking eat me out already…”

“Of course, Ma.”

He pulls your lace panties to the side slowly. Revealing your dripping wet pussy. “Fuck…” Chris moans as he drags his hand into his sweats.

“You have such a pretty wet pussy for me, Ma.” He whimpers on your clit as he touches himself underneath the stretcher. You become agitated at his slow pace and grab his hair and force his mouth onto you.

He grunts in surprise as he laps up at your juices. “Fuck yes, baby. J-just like that…” You speak into the air. You throw your head back as your back arches. Your moans and whimpers intoxicate the atmosphere and only do nothing but make Chris harder than he was before.

“You’re doing so good for me… If you keep this up I might cum soon.” You rebutt how good you feel just for Chris to hear. He moans a quick little “Mhm.” every single time you praise him. When he sucks on your clit, your legs lock and wrap around his head tightly. Keeping him in place.

He pulls away, suddenly. Your juices smothered all over his lips and chin. You raise your head to see Chris with his tongue out, turning on his vibrator piercing. As soon as he does, there’s a low hum sound.

He leans in and presses it against your hot pink clit. Your hips jolt up and your thighs shudder. “F-fuck! O-oh my god…” Your moans have become so rowdy that people from outside can hear. Like either you or Chris give a fuck.

He can’t help it. He loves it when you lose all control. He loves it when you let go. He grabs onto your thighs as an attempt to try and keep you still while he rubs the toy on your tight cunt.

“I-I’m so close..!” Chris’ tongue stays in the same motion as before. Your body still shaking and your eyes roll into the back of your skull with euphoria.

“I-I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum… C-cumming, c-cum-...” You feel your orgasm crawl up from the pits of your stomach to the furthest depths of your brain. The hold your thighs have around Chris’ head is incredibly tight, to the point where he can’t move.

Chris remains still as you ride out your high until you eventually calm down. He stands up fully and turns the vibrator off.

You gaze up at the ceiling, exhausted. Your head fuzzy and your chest rising and falling heavily from the amount of cum you released on Chris’ tongue.

The light you see is dimmed when Chris leans over you as he licks your juices off of his lips.

“How was it, Ma? ‘You enjoy it?” He beams down at you, you giggle at the way he’s talking because of the vibrator.

“You sound funny.” You sigh, he chuckles and leans down to peck a tender kiss on your forehead.

“I’ll take that as a yes then, sugar.”

“It felt so good.” You smile wholeheartedly up at him.

“I know it was, sugar. Sugar’s a fitting nickname for you, you know, your pussy tastes sweet, like sugar!”

“Oh, shut up. Otherwise I’m never coming here for that Christina.”

𓆩☥𓆪

Author’s Note no.2: YAYYY PART 2 FINALLY OUTTT. I’m so happy with this one honestly and I’m sorry it took forever to come outttt. I have another Matt one planned for y’all so stay tuned ;) I’ll see you later pookies.

༝༚༝༚, Maxine.

Taglist: @gamermattsgf @luverboychris @worldlxvlys @chrissystur @chaosisalwayscrying @bellasfavbisexual @luvmxtt @tillies33ssss @breeloveschris @mattdamunch @b2cute @stasiesturn @luvangelbreak @fmdmbaa

#christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo smut #sturniolo #smut #sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo

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femmespoiled · 1 year

Note

I have loved reading about your recent butch and femme posts so much, so I would like to start with thanking you for them. I’m a baby dyke and for the past while I’ve been a self described butch, but where I’m at atm isn’t safe for me to be out so I haven’t had much irl experience with other lesbians. I’ve never heard the difference between a feminine lesbian and a femme put before in words! I was wondering if you had any resources (books, research, pdfs) on butch experiences? Ik you might not be the best person to ask but your blog is the first place I’ve seen it talked about ever!

Many thanks and well wishes Xx I hope you have a lovely day

Hi! I'm glad you like my posts 🥰 and I'm sorry about your situation, I hope it gets better soon truly

I do have some books to recommend and I'll give their pdfs (or a way to read them) in their respective links:

The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader by Joan Nestle

Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme by Ivan Coyote and Zena Sharman

Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold: The History of a Lesbian Community by Elizabeth Lapovsky Kennedy and Madeline Davis

Butch Is a Noun by S. Bear Bergman

Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg

Tomboy Survival Guide by Ivan Coyote

My Lesbian Husband: Landscape of a Marriage by Barrie Jean Borich

Dagger: On Butch Women, edited by Lily Burana and Roxxie Linea Due.

Lesbian/Woman by Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon

I hope you have a good day too!

#bellas books #bellas butch/femme tag #ask

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thechaoticplayer · 3 months

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that anon wasn’t me but they are absolutely correct and i feel like i should give my two cents worth about all of this among the sea of hate towards the nijisanji livers. i’m not bootlicking the company, but i feel like it’s hypocritical for people to sent hate to the talents after doki said MULTIPLE times not to since she was also a victim of such behavior (and plenty of dragoons no longer even feel safe in her community because of the immense amount of people who are only there to harass and don’t even care for her) this is a rant that just shows that the issue is gray and that we’ll never really know what’s going on as outsiders

tell the remaining members to graduate because their fanbase will follow them is stupid, acting like they didn’t work their asses off to get where they are and haven’t invested so much in their current persona. ike, elira, and vox are some of the most popular talents so that it makes sense for anycolor to force them into making the stream. saying that vox doesn’t care about mental health after his charity stream and saying that it was just for show need to shut up because we’ll never how how he’s really feeling behind the avatar. elira specifically doesn’t deserve the disproportionate amount of hate and disgusting things she received from it from what was essentially revenge porn to art of her being abused, have these people not been taught that if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all? it costs NOTHING to spam hate on your private account instead.

while i agree that the 2% merch sales and 1/4 (after youtube) of the supas should be raised, that doesn’t mean that the livers aren’t making any money and are poor as several of them have mentioned being able to pay off student loans and have turned their lives around with the money. while it sucks that selen made no profit after investing 200k into projects, maria has mentioned before that covers were more of passion gifts to fans rather than something to make money off of (i DO think that they should be paid for their projects, but that’s just how it goes unfortunately). last cup of coffee was taken down because she didn’t have all of the proper permissions and rushed posting it as a sweet gift to fans, management had full intentions to put it back up.

accusing livers of being bullies based on speculations is idiotic as it just hurts innocent people in the crossfire. these may just look like anime women and men to you, but they are REAL PEOPLE and streaming for nijisanji is their main livelihood! have some empathy, it’s hurting their mental health (the mental health some “dragoons” seem to care about so much)

this goes to say, i am on doki’s side because NO ONE should have to go what she went through, but i just want to show that there are two sides to a coin. i think that nijisanji needs better management, to allow their talents more freedom and a higher percentage of merch sales/supas, and stop treating their livers like shit! stop the harassment and move on, it’s what doki has mentioned multiple times that she wanted! don’t be one of the reasons another liver may have to go what she went through because you have an irrational hate boner for the company

also stream mani / gilty x gilty by maria marionette, finana ryugu, POMU RAINPUFF, meloco kyoran, and kotoka torahime

guys this shit right here

This right here

We need to like post this everywhere bc holy shit people need to understand

You are 100% right!! I agree with everything you just said, esp the "graduate and get out of the company" because they really did bust their asses off to get where they are now and it's a childish way of thinking

#chaotic.text #nijisanji #nijisanji en #vtuber #nijien #Kurosanji #Selen tatsuki #Vox akuma #elira pendora #ike eveland #Black company

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andivmg · 2 months

Text

another feelings post

sorry in advance for how long it is

had a therapy appointment yesterday and i bawled my eyes out the entire time just feeling angry and sad and confused with myself. because of this whole conversation around abuse and toxic relationships, i’ve been feeling all kinds of weird recently and talked about it with her and i wanted to share some of the things we said in case anybody needs to hear it

so i’ve been really beating myself up over the fact that i’m still upset at things that happened over two years ago and i was feeling really confused as to why. my life has improved infinitely since then, i no longer have any of these people in my life. i am so much happier. so why am i still so angry? why can’t i seem to let go? i was feeling like a little kid, one of the things i said was quote “it’s just not fair! we were together for only a year! how is it fair that it’s taken me two years and counting to get over shit he did in half the time? why does he get to be fine while i’m still in therapy fixing what he broke? like what is wrong with me? why can’t i just let go of shit that happened so long ago? why did i even have to go through that in the first place? it’s just not fair!”

clearly, i was unwell. but yeah i was feeling really angry at myself and as we kept talking we came to the conclusion that it’s okay to be angry. because it’s true. it’s not fair. that’s what happens with abuse, it ends up falling on the person who was on the receiving end of it to pick up the pieces while the perpetrator doesn’t think they did anything wrong in the first place. that is just an unfortunate fact of life. so how do you move on knowing that? you’re just supposed to be okay with it? no. again, it’s okay to be angry and to cry and be upset about it because you’re feeling your emotions and letting it all out. it’s perfectly normal to be upset about what you went through. it does not mean you are still hung up on the person or that you haven’t moved on. it just means that person was really shitty to you and you’re angry about it. it’s okay to be upset. we are human, we are not above feeling any emotion. as long as you are not taking those feelings out on people who love and care about you and want the best for you, be upset. scream into your pillow, cry, break shit (preferably in a rage room). if it’s what you have to do to release that anger, do that. it’s okay.

now then, why do we have to go through that pain in the first place? because it’s part of being human. ik that’s not what anybody wants to hear. it sucks. what do you mean that’s just a part of being human? that’s so unfair. true. it’s not. however, it being a part of life doesn’t make it okay for the other person to have treated you like they did. that does not justify what they said and did. but, what we choose to do afterwards is what defines us, and what will become of us.

the analogy we used was this:

it’s like going to the gym. when you work out, you create microtears in your muscles, that’s why you’re so sore the next day. but when those muscles heal, they become bigger, stronger. and when you do that exercise again, it doesn’t hurt as much and you can handle more. but, if you say “fuck this i’m not going to the gym again because i’m sore the next day and it hurts” then your muscles will become weak again and you’re right back to where you started.

like i said before, it sucks that the responsibility of moving on and becoming stronger or a better person falls onto us. but you still have to face that shit. you have to truly come to terms with the fact that you were emotionally or physically abused and decide what you will do about it now. will you accept this behavior going forward from them or anyone else? how will you react if someone tries to do the same thing this person did? will you fall back into the victim pattern or will you gather your strength to never let this happen to you again?

clearly, this process takes a really long time. it could take, years, months, even decades in some cases. and it’s hard. it’s so difficult to be strong. it is an active choice we have to make every day. and it’s okay if you’re not feeling strong some days. it’s okay to have moments of weakness. but those moments of weakness cannot overshadow all the strength it has taken to come as far as you have. sometimes it will feel like you’re going backwards, but you are not. healing is not linear and that is okay.

much love to anyone who read this whole thing. if even one person reads this and feels understood, then this post has served its purpose.

#therapy thoughts

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