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posswrites · 2 years

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It Feels Like This - Chapter 7

Hermione hadn't thought much about what she'd be willing to give up when her life was at stake. Having grown up with Muggles, she didn't even know anything about the Wizarding world until she, very confused, received her letter from Hogwarts on her eleventh birthday. And even then, she was just a child. An only child with no real connection to anyone else besides a couple school friends, but she spent most of her time alone.

Her parents had always made sure she didn't think that her lack of best friends meant she was unlikeable, and she knew she was probably smarter than most of them anyway. So when she got her letter, something that made her special, she was ecstatic to find somewhere she fit in. Unlike Harry, though, she visited her parents on holidays and happily went back to stay with them during the summers between terms. She'd confided in them, loved them, and on multiple occasions, thought of inviting Harry to come stay with her during Christmas instead of him going home with Ron, but she'd never got around to it. But she'd talked about him nonstop that first summer, how great of a friend he was, everything that had happened, and how she was proud of herself for making two best friends.

Her parents would love him.

But the thought would have to be enough; they'd never get to meet him.

It was that realization that cascaded another tear down her cheek as she pointed her wand at her unsuspecting parents, trying to create a better last memory of them than the current one. Of course she didn't want to do this, and Harry had promised her she didn't have to countless times when she told him her plan before they were sent home for the summer.

"I have to, Harry. Voldemort will come after them. He'll torture them. He'll get into their minds. If they have no memory of me, he can't hurt them."

Harry reached out to touch her, but recoiled, fearing that she'd only push him away if he did. He looked to Ron, who was silent as well. He knew there was no point in arguing with her. Ron's family was going to be a large part of the fight, so he didn't have any difficult decisions to make, and the Dursleys knew better than to stay anywhere near Harry while all this was going on. Harry had promised to find them when it was over and make sure they could safely return to Privet Drive. But Hermione had a family she loved, a family who was suddenly about to be in immediate danger if she didn't do something.

"I can protect them. The Order-"

"You can't. No one can."

"You're sacrificing your parents for me, Hermione. There's no way I can ask you to do that. Your family…"

"You're not asking me to do anything, Harry. You're my family now. You and Ron. You always have been. And I've made peace with that. If, sometime in the future, I want to reacquaint myself with them, I can. But right now, you're more important."

Harry took a deep breath. "Don't say that. You might not be able to undo this, Hermione."

"I know."

Her eyes glanced around the living room, taking in the layout of the house, the memories of where she grew up, the pictures on the mantle, and said a silent goodbye.

"Mutatio Memoriae."

It was easy for her to grab the beaded bag that held everything she thought they might need. With the Undetectable Extension Charm she'd placed on it, there would be more than enough room for books, supplies, clothes, and potions. It felt strange, holding everything she owned in a bag that could almost fit in her pocket, but she figured traveling light would be the best option. Even though Harry and Ron hadn't necessarily appointed her as the brains of this journey, she knew she had to be. She always had been. The boys wouldn't think this far ahead. Hermione tried to make as little noise as possible as she slipped out the front door and out onto the street. With another shuddering breath, she headed a little ways down the street, out of the view of the street lamps, and Disapparated.

Maybe it was because she was so anxious and nervous about not only their plan but seeing Harry again, but she was apparently the first member of the Order to arrive. It had been over a month since they'd seen each other while they were preparing and trying to figure out Voldemort's plan, but every moment away from Harry made Hermione worry more about him. She waited outside for a couple minutes, but felt like there were eyes on her out there, and decided instead to knock softly on the front door, holding her bag tightly to her chest.

"Hermione?" Harry's face was like the sun after a week of rain, and he barely had the door open before she tackled him in a hug. It only took a split second before he reciprocated. "What are you doing here? How did you find me?"

She held on for a few more seconds before pulling away to kiss his cheek. "The, uh… the rest of the Order is coming, I just… got here first, I guess. I didn't want to stand outside."

"Oh, of course, yeah. I wouldn't want you to wait out there, either. There's no telling what's safe anymore." He pushed the door closed behind her, locking it back swiftly. "What do you mean, the rest of the Order is coming? Why?" When Hermione didn't answer, he frowned. "Hermione…"

"So… this is where you lived, huh?" she asked, her eyes scanning the walls and ceiling in an effort to evade the question. She paused at the cupboard. "Is that…?"

"Yeah," Harry sighed before swinging the door open.

"I can't believe you used to fit in here. This is… barbaric."

He hadn't told her or Ron the severity of his time with the Dursleys, but they had known his bedroom for a while had been under the stairs. It was a strange sight, seeing Hermione poking her head into it. Seeing Hermione here at his house at all, actually. For the past six years, Hogwarts and Privet Drive were two different worlds, and the collision was a little jarring.

"Yeah, well, I was a lot smaller when I was eleven."

"I remember." Hermione smiled fondly.

Harry paused. "Did you…?"

Hermione's face fell as she nodded. "They're safe. They'll be okay."

"But will you?"

"Eventually, I think I will. Right now…? No."

"Would you like some tea? Do you know how long until everyone else gets here?"

She glanced at her watch. "Not sure, but… I'd love some, thanks." Harry nodded, gingerly taking her hand and leading her to the kitchen. The Dursleys had taken all the furniture with them when they left, so she just leaned against the counter as Harry looked through the cabinets for anything he could use. "You know, I thought about inviting you to my house nearly every Christmas."

"Why didn't you? I would have loved that." He opened and closed a few before sighing. "Everything's gone. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Hermione shrugged, just leaning on her elbows. "I guess I was… nervous? I mean, they didn't know who you were except my friend, but I guess compared to Hogwarts, the Muggle world always seemed so… boring. Especially at first, you know. And look at the Burrow. The first time I was there, I was amazed at a magical home. I thought mine was terrible." She grinned. "I still love it, though. I guess I'll be spending a lot of time there from now on."

"We all will," Harry corrected, resting his back against the counter next to her. "I can't come back here, either, remember?"

"Do you think they'll be okay? The Dursleys? Or do you care?"

"I think they'll be all right." He suddenly laughed at a thought he had. "They'll probably take one look into Petunia's mind and be so terrified, they'll leave the rest of them alone."

Hermione giggled too. "My parents would love you. They'd probably talk to you for hours. I think they got tired of me telling them all about the magic I learned, and then my complaints that I couldn't show them anything." She frowned again. "I never got to show them anything…"

"Hermione…"

Suddenly, they were interrupted by another knock at the door. Harry moved Hermione behind him just in case, but they were both relieved to see Moody.

"There you are, Granger. I was worried you got lost," he exclaimed as he pushed past Harry, who looked more concerned the more people came in, but hugged them all in turn, Ron and Hagrid the hardest. "Or killed." She downcast her eyes.

"Yer lookin' fit, Harry!"

"Yeah, he's absolutely gorgeous. Now let's get him undercover before someone murders him."

And the whirlwind had begun. Their quiet moment alone was gone as the Order packed themselves into the living room.

"Kingsley, I thought you were looking after the Prime Minister," Harry said.

"You are more important," Kingsley replied, and Harry couldn't contain his smile. What the Dursleys would give to hear something like that.

Moody took over again, explaining the plan, and before long, they were sitting outside with their respective escorts, waiting for the signal. Harry still thought this felt incredibly wrong, and he would have never agreed to it if it hadn't already been halfway decided for him. But leave it to Hermione to be in touch with them before she showed up, always one step ahead. He looked back towards the rest of the group, bewildered as he saw himself staring back over and over. It was uncanny; he just hoped it would work.

The adrenaline of flying combined with dodging the spells that were whizzing past his head only a few minutes ago dropped with the wall of water Hagrid drove him through at the Burrow, but immediately, when he realized they were the first ones there, the nerves took over. "Is no one else back?"

"They were on us from the start, Molly," Hagrid sighed. "We didn't stand a chance."

"Well, thank goodness the two of you are all right. Let's… get you inside, dried off." Molly ushered the two of them in, but Ginny rushed to hug him tightly.

"Harry, I was so worried about you," she whispered, but pulled away. "Ron and Tonks should have already been back. Dad and Fred as well."

"I'm sure they're right behind us."

"Here!" Lupin's voice rang out after a crack rang out in the air near them. The first thing Harry noticed was blood running down the side of what looked like his own face, but once the shock wore off and George began to turn back into himself, he immediately helped Lupin carry him into the house and settle him on the couch before a wand was pointed at him and he was shoved violently into the fireplace.

"What are you doing?!" Ginny interjected, but Lupin held steady.

"What creature sat in the corner the first time Harry Potter visited my office in Hogwarts?"

"Are you mad?"

"WHAT CREATURE?" Lupin yelled, and for not the first time in the last few months, Harry was genuinely scared for his life. He knew Lupin wouldn't think twice about killing him if he didn't answer correctly. Not anymore. He racked his brain for the memory, squeezing his eyes shut against the distraction of the weapon in his face.

He had no idea how he remembered; maybe it was because he spent so much time in there and it hadn't changed. Maybe it had been the amazement of seeing one for the first time, and he'd always loved the creatures Lupin displayed. "A grindylow!"

Lupin's tense form relaxed and he lowered his wand. Harry let out a sigh of relief and ran a hand through his hair.

"We've been betrayed," Lupin explained. "Voldemort knew you were being moved tonight. I had to make sure you weren't an imposter."

He couldn't blame him. Not at all.

Another crack sounded outside, and Lupin rushed out into the yard with Harry following closely behind. It was Kingsley, Hermione in tow.

"Wait!" Lupin ordered before they could get any closer.

"The last two words Albus Dumbledore spoke to the pair of us," Kingsley quizzed.

"Harry is the best hope we have. Trust him."

When wands were lowered, Hermione's arms were around him.

"What gave you away?" Kingsley asked, tucking his wand back into his robes.

Harry pulled away just enough to answer. "Hedwig, I think. She was trying to protect me."

"Hedwig?" Hermione suddenly asked with teary eyes. "Harry, I'm so sorry…"

Then it was Bill and Fleur, and Ron and Tonks. Hermione rushed to Ron as quickly as she'd run to Harry, hugging him tightly. It was slightly awkward at first, but then Ron hugged her back. They were friends after all, if nothing else.

"Brilliant, he was," Tonks explained as she pulled Lupin in. "I wouldn't be standing here without him."

"Really?"

Ron laughed. "Always the tone of surprise."

As soon as Harry sprinted towards both of them to wrap his arms around them, there was another crack as Fred and Arthur appeared.

"We the last back?" After a silence, their faces fell. "Where's George?" When no one answered, Fred bolted inside, followed by the rest of them.

Harry heard them talk, something about ear humor, but his brain wasn't processing it. Moody was dead. Mundungus left. George had gotten his ear blown off. He couldn't do it. He couldn't put his friends in danger like that anymore. He was the one Voldemort was after.

So that night, he grabbed the bag he never bothered unpacking while Ron was still sound asleep in the bed next to him and headed out into the field. He paused - the dim light of dawn just barely illuminated anything enough for him to see where he was going, and he quickly realized that, in fact, he had absolutely no idea where he was going or where he was going to stay, but did that matter?

"Going somewhere?"

Harry paused, rolled his eyes, and turned to see Ron following him out. This is exactly what he'd been trying to avoid.

"Nobody else is going to die. Not for me."

"For you?" Ron scoffed. "You think Moody died for you? You think George took that curse for you? You may be the Chosen One, mate, but this is a whole lot bigger than that. It's always been bigger than that."

Harry sighed. He knew Ron was right, as much as he was unwilling to admit it. And after the failures he and Hermione had encountered in the library and with their research, and with Ron telling him how useless he'd felt in this fight lately, Harry knew he shouldn't, no… couldn't truly do this alone. They'd have the Order behind them - they'd find some way to communicate with them if they needed to for information. It seemed almost too easy. Dangerous, but easy. "Come with me."

"What, and leave Hermione? Are you mad? We wouldn't last two days without her. Besides, you've still got the Trace on you. And we've still got the wedding."

"Look, I don't care about the wedding, Ron. I'm sorry. No matter whose it is. I have to find the rest of those horcruxes. They're our only chance to beat him and the longer we stay here, the stronger he gets."

"Tonight's not the night, mate," Ron pleaded. "We'd only be doing him a favor. He plays with your emotions, right? Gets in your head. If you go out there now, he knows you're vulnerable. You're a sitting duck. And you'd be an idiot to leave the two of us behind."

The words from his dream that night echoed in his head: If we take her, he will follow. Harry only thought for another second before reluctantly dropping his backpack to the ground, which Ron quickly picked up as he headed back towards the house.

"Do you think he knows?" Ron asked. "I mean, they're bits of his soul, these horcruxes. Bits of him. Dumbledore destroyed the ring, you destroyed Tom Riddle's diary… he must have felt something."

"I don't know," Harry answered honestly. "I get what you're saying. I think he knows we're doing something, but I don't know how it works - if they're separate entities or if they're still attached to him. If you use a horcrux to come back to life, I don't know if it's really you. You still have to have a body, so… as far as feeling anything, I don't know. That's a good question."

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posswrites · 2 years

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It Feels Like This - Chapter 25

Hermione was tempted to give Ron a Draught of Peace just so he’d stop being so nervous. They’d planned to go visit Xenophilius after breakfast, and Ron had eaten slower than she’d ever seen him eat in her life, but she wasn’t in any rush to hurry him up herself. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was going to go wrong, and with Harry’s nervous energy flowing out of him as they sat next to each other, it was clear he was thinking the same thing.

She rubbed her shoulder nervously, over the scars. It had been something she’d started doing when she got nervous or scared, as if the reminder of their existence would make her stronger. In the back of her mind, she tried to think of excuses, but pushed them away. They needed this. Though one more horcrux was gone and there were now only three to go, though they had the sword that could destroy them, without actually having them, they were still no better off. And this symbol meant something important to Dumbledore. So they had to go.

“Ready?”

“No.”

“Me either.”

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It Feels Like This - Chapter 18

Harry couldn’t think straight. He didn’t even know where they were after he’d pulled Hermione to his chest and Disapparated, but there were trees he didn’t recognize, and Hermione was unconscious, but still breathing, miraculously, which was all he cared about. There was no time for the tent. He was drenched in the blood spilling from her shoulder, and he had to swallow down the urge to vomit. He wiped the tears from his eyes and forced himself to focus, otherwise she’d bleed out. He tore the remaining pieces of her shirt away and tossed them to the ground, letting out a whimper - it looked even worse under her clothes.

“A-Ac… Accio dittany.” He pulled the cap off and didn’t even bother with the dropper, emptying the full contents over the wounds. When she didn’t even react, Harry became more concerned - he knew it hurt like hell. But she was still breathing, though shallowly. What else did he need? Werewolf injuries were different. The scratches didn’t seem to be closing quickly enough to save her. “Fuck! Uh… Accio silver!” he finally remembered. “Accio blood replenisher.” Shaky hands unscrewed the jar of silver powder and sprinkled it liberally over Hermione’s shoulder. She still didn’t wake up, but it seemed to stop the bleeding. He barely even knew what he was doing, but it was working. When everything seemed to stabilize a bit and the bleeding slowed, his heart rate lowered. He slid his own shirt and sweater over his head and quickly wrapped the shirt the best he could around her shoulder and tying it to put some steady pressure on it. Then, he took the top off one of the blood replenisher potions and parted her lips to pour it into her mouth, grateful when she swallowed. He gave her another one, just for good measure, and the color seemed to return to her face and chest. But he knew in just a bra, which he didn’t want to mess with, she’d freeze. It was still intact, just soaked in blood. He took the sweater he’d been wearing and carefully, ever so carefully, slid it over her head and torso. At least she’d be a little warmer while he set up the tent. She seemed to be stable and breathing a little deeper, so he figured he should let the potions take effect, set up the tent, get her to bed, and get warm. He could already feel his fingers going numb and his lungs struggling as the cold air seemed to constrict his bare chest. His hands were covered in blood, as were his pants and shoes - he’d have to burn it all so there wouldn’t be a trace.

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It Feels Like This - Chapter 17

The next couple weeks had a similar structure: breakfast, training, lunch, training, research, dinner, cuddling (which usually became snogging), then sleep. Harry hadn't given up on trying to win duels against Hermione, and even she had to admit he was improving and she had to be quicker on her feet to dodge him. They'd mastered nonverbal Protego and Reducto, which had been a lot of fun, and Hermione had used Incarcerous on Harry so many times she'd lost count. He'd kept true to his word about not subjecting her to it, however, though she knew she'd have to eventually, because it might be a real occurrence and she didn't want to lose herself if she ever were in that position. They'd switched locations again, but hadn't made any progress on the Snitch, which was frustrating, too.

"Hermione, I've been thinking," Harry started one night, making sure Hermione was awake. They'd gone to bed a little early from the mental and physical exhaustion of the past few days finally catching up with them.

"Hmm," she just hummed in response. Under the blankets with Harry was almost too warm, but with as far north they'd gone, the snow was coming relentlessly now, and they could only do so much to keep it out of the tent, at least with their skill level. She'd much prefer this over freezing.

"I want to go to Godric's Hollow." Hermione tensed in his arms. "I just… it's where I was born, it's where my parents died…"

She sat up a little, leaning on her elbow. "That's exactly where he'll expect you to go, because it means something to you."

"Yeah, but it means something to him, too, Hermione. He almost died there. Don't you think that would be exactly the type of place he'd be likely to hide a horcrux?"

"It's… it's dangerous, Harry," she sighed. "But I have to admit, recently I've been thinking we'll have to go eventually."

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It Feels Like This - Chapter 16

The next morning, after breakfast, Hermione felt the tent needed some rearranging. “We don’t need three bunks, do we?” she concluded, looking around. “I can take Ron’s old one under yours and we can use the space mine’s in now for potions. It’ll be easier than taking up half the kitchen and it’ll give us more room.” She looked through the stack of books she had piled up on the table for the right one.

Harry let her work quietly, helping where he could with moving furniture and setting things up, gathering supplies up from one table to the other, and when they were done, he had to admit it had been a smart move. With the temperature brewing potions had gotten to in the past, the new setup left a little more room for the heat to escape and distribute a little more evenly throughout the tent.

Hermione ran a hand through her hair once she was done, looking around. It still felt a little empty in Ron’s absence, especially since she’d gotten so used to him being around all the time in the past few months, but with two bunks and two chairs, the tent felt like theirs. Their own little escape from the outside world. It seemed too good to be true, and there was no way it would last. But while it did, she could make the most of it.

She couldn’t stop thinking about their kiss last night. She’d thought about it as she went to sleep; she thought about it this morning, and she thought about it now, when he was standing there grinning at her. But if she kissed him every time she wanted to, she’d probably never stop, which was incredibly frustrating. “There is another spell I’ve been wanting to work on that might come in handy,” she said, trying to get her mind off things. Plus, this would be fun and she could let off some steam.

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It Feels Like This - Chapter 15

She was gone when he woke up, and he wasn’t sure how she managed to crawl over him without waking him, but he could hear rummaging in the kitchen - she was packing.

“Hermione,” he groaned, rolling over and getting out of bed, “what are you doing? Why are you packing?”

“If Ron gets captured, they’ll be able to see where we were,” she whispered simply. “They’ll read his mind. They’ll come after us. We can’t stay here.”

“But what if he comes back?”

“Then he shouldn’t have left.” She looked up at Harry and couldn’t help but smile through tired eyes. “Your hair…”

“What about it?” he asked, quickly moving his hands up to fix it.

“It’s a mess.” Hermione almost giggled, but it was like she still wasn’t in the mood. “I’ll take the locket, too.”

“Hermione-”

“Please. I’ll be okay. One of us needs to be in good spirits.”

Harry nodded, sliding the chain over his head and onto hers. “I’ll help you pack.”

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It Feels Like This - Chapter 14

A little bit turned into days. Harry's resolve to do something special for her birthday was quickly diminishing as she nearly glued herself to Ron's side, laughing way too much at anything remotely funny he said, sitting next to him at the table for every meal, and ganging up with him to duel Harry when they'd practice. It was petty of her to do something like this when he'd been telling the truth. He didn't do anything wrong, and he wasn't about to apologize for it. But he knew it was also petty of him to care this much. She didn't belong to him, no matter how much the horcrux told him otherwise, but he was quick to notice that Hermione did hang around Ron more when he had it on, as if she knew it wasn't the same when he didn't.

Ron seemed to revel in it like he was with Lavender all over again, a hand on her or near her almost at all times, whispering between them when they thought Harry wasn't listening. He barely spoke to Harry, mostly because every time he did, Harry couldn't help but give him short answers or none at all, not wanting to say something else he would regret. He barely spoke to Hermione, either, which was more frustrating for him, considering how close they'd always been. He didn't want her to get hurt by Ron, but at the same time, anything he said against her actions would be dismissed and taken as overreacting, so he couldn't win. And Harry just had to watch. One particular afternoon they'd stopped by a lake, Ron was skipping rocks and Hermione had approached him, asking if he could teach her. Out of earshot, Harry scoffed. Like she cared. It was kind of amusing, though, watching how bad she was. Every rock she attempted just sank immediately with a plop, and Ron just laughed. He watched them for a little bit, but had to turn away when Ron decided to take Hermione's arm and show her, nearly enveloping her in his chest to get her into the right position and arm motions.

Ignoring them had seemed to work with getting his jealousy in order - if he didn't see it, he didn't have to worry about it - but it didn't stop him from missing Hermione. After everything that had happened between them, the looks she still gave him when their eyes met for a split second before one of them looked away, and the fact that emotionally isolating himself was probably the stupidest thing he could do, he realized that whatever was going to happen between them would, and he didn't want to spend the rest of the war detached from her. So, by the time Hermione's birthday rolled around, she sat up in bed and opened her eyes to a cake Harry had woken up early to make for her in an attempt to put everything behind them.

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It Feels Like This - Chapter 13

Ron had the brilliant idea the next morning to put the locket in Hermione's bag, since she practically carried it with her constantly, and it shouldn't affect them in there, but as soon as they tried, it began squeaking and clicking, making so much noise as if screaming to get it out of there and back onto someone's neck that Harry couldn't stand it.

"Worth a shot," Ron sighed before sliding it on himself. "Hate this bloody thing." It was for good reason - Ron caught himself staring at Hermione more often than he wanted to. He could definitely see the appeal. He'd never really thought about her like that before, but now that he had the opportunity, she really was beautiful, and when her hair would fall into her face sometimes while she was reading, she'd leave it there because she was so focused that she wouldn't even notice or care, which was cute. She always seemed to be willing to work, to train, to cook, to research, and she never once complained. She was too hard on herself sometimes, like she didn't think either of them could actually figure anything out, but she'd gotten better in the last couple weeks as she wore herself down.

That third wheel feeling was back, though, and it was even more frustrating that Harry wasn't doing anything about his own feelings. Not that he'd want to watch, but if he thought Hermione wouldn't kill him if he tried to lay a hand on her, he wouldn't be holding back. He knew she had a nice body, with or without the locket trying to convince him he should do something about it. He'd found himself subconsciously sitting closer to her, making sure their arms or their legs were touching, and she, in return, had been more touchy with him as well. It was just little things, like touching his shoulder when she walked by or resting against him during duels, just to gauge his reaction, but he hadn't seemed to mind.

"Ron's staring again," Hermione announced as she measured out ingredients. She'd taken her sweater off (after much internal debate, but since she was closest to the workstation, she deserved to be the most comfortable) to reveal the tank top underneath, so she figured that was what prompted it. She knew how these boys' minds worked, whether she liked it or not. But she'd caught him out of the corner of her eye and he hadn't turned away.

She couldn't help but be a little flattered by the attention, confusing as it was. Her threat to Ron in the barn seemed like ages ago. His rejection was still fresh at that point, and she didn't want to get caught up in her thoughts. But now, it didn't seem as troubling. Of course she'd wanted Ron to look at her like that for a long time, so when it was passive, she ashamedly indulged. Having attention from both of them was… nice, especially after it seemed no one looked at her like that since Krum. But with Harry and Ron, she knew it wasn't just for her looks. They were her friends - they enjoyed spending time with her as well, which made it even worse sometimes. But she figured once the locket was off that Ron wouldn't feel that way anymore. And she was glad, honestly. She couldn't imagine what the atmosphere in the tent would be like if they were fighting over her all the time, forcing her to pick. She laughed at the thought, but quickly realized if that were the case and she had to choose between them with no outside factors, she'd have a very difficult time. And that was a little worrying, because it meant the thought of her and Harry was becoming more and more appealing by the day. She couldn't pinpoint the moment when that had happened, though. When she wasn't weirded out by the thought anymore or found it anything more than a laugh to make Ron jealous.

Harry quickly closed the distance from his bed to Ron and held out his hand. "Give it here."

Ron quickly realized what was going on and looked up at him for a second. "What? No, I was just… staring off into space. Not at her." Where had that come from? He wanted to keep it on? No, it wanted him to keep it on. But when he took it off and passed it over to Harry, Hermione didn't seem to look any different.

They still had some hair left over from their trip to the Ministry; Hermione had taken extra just in case, and they were far away enough now that no one should recognize their disguises unless by random circumstance. They had a bit of a laugh as soon as they were all transformed and redressed in better-fitting attire.

"Don't go kissing your wife again, Ron," Hermione teased. Ron just sneered at her playfully. It was the middle of the afternoon, so they hoped the stores wouldn't be too busy. That didn't stop them from getting incredibly nervous, however, as they appeared in the middle of the sidewalk and trying their best to blend in. Luckily, no one had seen them. Even still, every eye turned their way made them worry someone would catch them, or the potion would wear off without them realizing. They'd brought extra just in case, but Harry still ushered a warning.

"Remember, try to keep it quick. We're looking for supplies, food, and entertainment. Ron, I'll stay with you. Hermione, you're all right going off by yourself?" Hermione nodded quickly.

"Wait, why can't I go?"

"Because you've never been around this many Muggles," Harry whispered as he steered them towards a general store. Thank goodness they'd ended up near a small town where everything seemed to be pretty close together. "And you don't know how to use their money."

Ron huffed, but understood.

"Hey there," the teenager at the register greeted them, making Ron jump a little. At their reaction, the boy quickly went back to reading his magazine, realizing they didn't care if he interacted with them or not.

Ron's eyes narrowed at the magazine, and something clicked in his head. "I know how we can talk to Dad," he whispered.

"Brilliant." But Harry was more distracted running his fingers over all the snacks he was never allowed to have living with the Dursleys, like a kid in a candy store. He mentally calculated how much money they brought and how much this all would be - he wouldn't be able to get all of it without getting a stern lecture from Hermione about using all their money on snacks, but he grabbed a few (they could always replicate them), plus a chocolate bar he thought she might like for good measure. Quickly thinking, he grabbed a box of cake mix as well. It wouldn't be as good as the real thing, but it was easier to sneak than individual ingredients.

"What's this?" Harry peeked around to see Ron entranced by a shelf filled with cards, dice, and other portable games. Perfect.

"Oh! That's called jacks. That might be fun to mess around with," Harry grinned, imagining the ball flying around the tent, trying to hit Ron and Hermione. "But you lay out all of those things," he pointed to the plastic pieces, "on the floor and bounce the ball and see how many you can pick up before the ball touches the ground again."

"Sounds dull," Ron groaned.

"Not with magic," Harry whispered back, grabbing the box, and Ron laughed, looking at all the other things on the shelf.

"Muggles must get really bored without magic, don't they?"

Harry shrugged. "Not really. I mean, it makes things a lot more fun, but there's plenty of things to do, I suppose. I made up my own games for most of my life. It's great for the imagination."

Ron hummed softly. "Oh, look at this!" He pulled an orange stuffed cat from the shelf. "This looks like Crookshanks. We should get it for Hermione." They hadn't forgotten the two weeks at Grimmauld Place she spent upset that Crookshanks would miss her, to which Ron promised her that Ginny would look after him and make sure she got him back when they returned.

The look he imagined on Hermione's face made Harry agree immediately, and they grabbed a couple other small games and some fake flowers on the way out. "For decoration," Harry insisted, but Ron gave him a look that was clear he wasn't convinced. Harry paid for everything, with Ron watching in amazement.

"It's not really that much different from wizard money, I suppose. Where do you think Hermione went?"

Harry looked around as they headed back out into the street. "I'm not sure. But I know she was looking for-"

"Albert? Reginald? I didn't expect to see you two here."

Harry gulped as a man with a small, slick mustache approached them. But this was a Muggle town - what would someone from the Ministry be doing here?

"Just… doing some shopping," Harry quickly answered. "My, uh, wife wanted me to pick up some things. I didn't know you were out here."

"Well, it's my jurisdiction, isn't it?" the man chuckled. "Unless… something's changed?"

"Not to my knowledge, no." Harry swallowed thickly, and the man narrowed his eyes. "Right, well… nice seeing you. We'll just be going."

The man hummed, watching them as they quickly walked past him, letting out a breath as they escaped.

"Who the hell was he?" Ron asked, looking back once more to see the man's eyes still on them.

"I have no idea, but he knows something's up. We've got to find Hermione and get out of here."

It didn't take long - she came up to them with a couple bags full of groceries and grabbed Harry's arm. "That man was from the Ministry, wasn't he?"

Harry nodded. "He recognized us. We need to go."

She led them behind one of the buildings and took their hands, taking them to their next location just in time for the Polyjuice Potion to start wearing off.

"I think this was your best batch yet, Hermione," Ron complimented with a grin as he put their bags down to set up the tent while Harry worked on the enchantments.

"Well, practice makes perfect, doesn't it?" she laughed. "What did you two find?"

"Oh, well, Harry picked up a couple things and something called jacks? Some cards. Oh! And we got something for you, too!"

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Something for me?" She glanced at Harry. "Well, I got us some fruit and vegetables. I found the cutest little market. There wasn't much because of the weather right now, but it's enough to make us some soups and maybe some pies. At least for a change of flavor. And hot chocolate!"

"Yeah, that'll be great. Especially since it's getting cold no matter where we go."

"Tell me about it," she muttered, pulling her jacket tighter around her shoulders.

"We'll get a fire going as soon as we get in, all right?" Ron instinctively wrapped his hand around her, rubbing her arm a little. Hermione stilled, and he pulled away. "Sorry."

She just cleared her throat, but blushed. "Why don't you, um… start on the stakes on this side and I'll get the other," she suggested as she pulled it out of her bag and levitated it into position before starting to stake it down. A couple times, they made eye contact, and Ron just grinned at her in a way that made her stomach flutter.

Ron stayed quiet until they had everything set up and Harry was done with the enchantments. He didn't let her touch their bags of goodies, insisting she leave the tent while they set it up for her and promising they'd put the perishable food in the cooler.

"The flowers," Harry insisted, grabbing one of the glasses they used and duplicating it to make a vase. The red and pink really did pop against the dull earthy tones of everything else in the tent. He set them in the center of the kitchen table, where they'd be able to see them all the time. He even dimmed the flames in the jars hanging on the walls, and Ron snorted.

"Do you want me to give you two some alone time, mate?"

Harry quickly put the flames back to normal. "I'm just trying to make sure she knows she's appreciated, that's all. Oh, maybe you can put Crookshanks on her bed."

"You've never gone this all out for anyone," Ron laughed. "Are you sure you're not in love with her?"

"Shut up!" Harry hissed. "Are you sure you're not?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Who's the one who wanted to get her presents?"

"So what?"

"And you were staring at her this morning."

"And?"

"And… I don't like it."

"You think I'm gonna make a move or something?"

"I… I don't know. I just don't like it."

"Well you're not doing anything about it."

"Because… we've been over this, Ron!" Harry groaned. "Just because I don't want to change anything doesn't mean she's a free-for-all."

"Defensive, are we?" Ron stepped closer, and Harry stepped back.

"She's my friend!"

"Yeah, and she's mine too! You don't get to control her!"

"Neither do you!"

Hermione barged into the tent without caring whether they were ready for her or not. "You two are lucky I put up the sound barriers first. Someone could probably hear you 500 yards away! Neither of you get to control me, okay? And-" She paused as her eyes fell on the flowers on the table. "Are… are those for me?"

"Yeah," Harry answered softly. "We picked them up at the store. Thought they'd be nice for some color, you know. And they're fake, too, so you don't have to worry about taking care of them."

Hermione grinned, biting her lip softly. No one had ever gotten her flowers before, fake or otherwise. "They're beautiful. Thank you." She hugged Harry, who was closest, and then moved to wrap her arms around Ron, who hugged her back tightly.

"You know, I was thinking…" she started as she pulled away, running her hand down Ron's arm to squeeze his hand, "we should start just putting wards around the tent. So we know when anything enters. Of course, I can make exceptions for animals, but… that way we can spend time together instead of just one of us sitting outside all the time."

"We should have done that from the beginning," Harry chuckled, though his insides were turning in knots at the touches she was giving Ron. It's just the horcrux. Just the horcrux. "I think that's a brilliant idea."

"Especially now that we've got something to do. And since it's getting colder. I really don't like being outside anymore unless we're dueling."

"Which, by the way, I think we might need a refresher on," Harry muttered through a tight jaw.

"I think we can take a break for the day, don't you?" She could only imagine what Harry and Ron had been fighting about, and suddenly realized her actions weren't helping. She reached for Harry's hand, too, feeling him relax as she laced their fingers together. "Come on. Let's just sit down and we can enjoy some downtime. Listen to some music, play some games… and I'll take the horcrux..." she offered, though Harry didn't feel much better after letting it go. There was still some speculation about Ron, and the last thing Hermione needed was for them to be fighting over her constantly. "That man today, from the Ministry, did he say who he was?"

Ron shook his head. "No, but he recognized both of us. Wondered what we were doing in his 'jurisdiction'."

Hermione frowned. "Jurisdiction? Why would the Ministry be patrolling Muggle towns?"

"No idea," Harry answered. "Unless they've sent people to look for us, too."

"But that doesn't make sense. The Ministry's-"

"They know we're on the run. I'm sure Yaxley's still trying to find us. You've heard what the radio's been saying. They're turning people in left and right for something.."

Hermione sighed. "I wonder where else they're patrolling. How far out they're looking. You're lucky it went as well as it did."

"But I'm sure they'll report back, though, to make sure 'we' were in the right place. Good thing we moved."

She thought about transforming a couple of the chairs into a loveseat, but she knew they'd be fighting over who was going to sit with her. She did want to be more comfortable, though, and a little warmer, so she made them into single armchairs. The folding chairs were fine for short-term, but when they had no idea how long they were going to be traveling, they might as well make the most of it.

Ron turned on the radio to drown out any inevitable awkward silence between them, and Harry sat down in one of the chairs while Hermione took it upon herself to teach him how to play jacks, sitting down on the floor and patting the spot next to her. Harry watched in amusement as Ron became more and more bored and frustrated until Harry flicked his wand and one of them flew up and hit Ron in the forehead.

"Bloody hell, Harry!" he cried, a hand on the spot on his face, but Hermione started laughing like they hadn't heard her in months, and it was so infectious and welcome that Harry and Ron couldn't help but join in.

Hermione ended up falling asleep sideways in her chair, and after Ron had gone to bed, Harry scooted over to the radio and turned the volume down a little to listen to the Missing Witches and Wizards list that night. It wasn't too long, which was a relief. But still, more and more seemed to disappear each night with no trace. At least none of their friends were gone; Harry would never be able to live with himself. No matter how much everyone promised him they weren't in this for him, he knew better. If he wasn't on this hunt, the school would be back to normal, Death Eaters wouldn't have taken it over, and his friends would be safe. Even Ron and Hermione weren't truly safe with him. His mind flashed back to Hermione's file in Umbridge's office. They were still looking for them, intent on handing them over. And there was no telling what a Death Eater would do to them if they got the chance. Harry shuddered at the thought. He wouldn't let anyone touch her. Them.

A stirring in the chair grabbed Harry's attention. Hermione was shifting, groaning, trying to get comfortable. Probably another nightmare. He moved back over to her and rubbed her arm softly. "Hermione," he whispered, "wake up."

But she just groaned again, something unintelligible.

"Hermione," Harry tried again, shaking her a little.

"Harry…"

"Yeah, it's just me. You're all right."

Her eyes opened slowly at first, then once she realized how close Harry's face was, she opened them wide in shock, a gasp leaving her lips as she looked herself over, then him, flustered. "Harry… oh… just a dream," she panted, sitting up slowly and fixing her hair.

"Just a dream," he repeated with a smile, moving away to give her some room. Maybe it was just the light from the fire, but she looked exceptionally beautiful. "You should get to bed."

She took a couple deep breaths, trying to get herself under control before nodding. "Yeah, sure. Thanks…" But she didn't move.

"Do you want me to take the horcrux for the rest of the night?"

"Oh… er… no, that's okay. I'll keep it."

"But if it's giving you nightmares-"

"Oh, I wasn't having a nightmare."

Harry frowned a little. "But you were… you said my name. I just thought…" He trailed off when Hermione's eyes widened again.

"Did I?" she answered quickly, wiping her hands on her thighs. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry. No, it's okay. I'm okay." She reached out to rest a slightly nervous hand on his arm.

As he stood and helped her up out of the chair, her eyes moved to his lips.

"Hermione…" Harry warned. She swallowed, looked back up at him again.

"Sorry," she whispered. "Horcrux…"

"Are you sure you weren't having a bad dream?"

"N-No. It… it wasn't bad at all," she blurted out, her eyes boring into his in a way he'd never experienced before, but he could imagine it was how he looked at her sometimes. That's lust, mate. And he gulped.

He glanced over at Ron for a moment, glad he was asleep, but then he realized that didn't matter. "W-We need to get to… get you to…" he stuttered before taking a breath to focus. "You need to go to bed, Hermione."

She opened her mouth, then closed it, nodding softly and squeezing his hand. "You're right. Good night, Harry." Hermione bit her lip softly, contemplating before leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, leaving him a little stunned as she made her way to her bed and slid under the covers.

Harry nearly collapsed into the chair Hermione had been sitting in, letting out a deep exhale as he ran a hand over his face. There was no way he'd be able to sleep after that. It had never affected Hermione that much, nor had she affected him like that.

When he finally did get to sleep in his own bunk above Ron's, it wasn't a good one. He spent half the night tossing and turning, Hermione's lustful eyes sneaking their way into his brain, and woke up, almost as tired as he went to sleep, to the shower running. Harry sat up and climbed down the ladder past Ron, who was still snoring, and trying not to think about what Hermione was doing as he started to make some coffee. Rain was pattering lightly against the top of the tent, which meant they'd be inside again today. Great.

Hermione came out of the bathroom a little while later in a flannel pajama set with a towel slung over her arm. She glanced at Harry with a shy smile as she passed to deposit her things on her bed before getting her own cup of coffee and sitting across the table from him.

"Did Ron stay up last night?" she asked with a soft chuckle, looking over at him.

"Not as late as I did," Harry replied before he could even think about it.

Hermione averted her eyes as a blush crept over her cheeks. "About… what happened last night, I-"

"Hermione, it's all right." He reached to put his hand on top of hers, which she could help but glance down at. "I promise. You don't have to keep apologizing for things like that."

"I know," she sighed, "but it's embarrassing. I don't usually act like that."

"I know."

She took a sip of her coffee and looked at him again, unable to stop thinking about the dream she'd had the night before. "What's… what's going on with Ron?" she whispered.

Harry glanced at him, shaking his head. "I don't know. You heard what we were fighting about yesterday?" She nodded. "I thought it was the horcrux, but he wasn't wearing it when we were shopping and… oh, we… he picked something else out for you. I'll let him give it to you."

"He told me he'd never thought about me like that," Hermione muttered, shaking her head, "but I think the horcrux is going to his head. It's like he really has changed his mind or… realized his true feelings or-" Harry scoffed into his cup. "What?"

"His true feelings? Hermione, he's told you for months how he feels about you. You can't just… go for him now that he finds you interesting."

"Well, if he's realized it, maybe he wasn't sure how he felt before, but now that I've brought it up-"

"You can't seriously be considering that, can you?" Harry set his cup down. "I thought you were smarter than that."

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Oh, you think I'm dumb now, do you?"

"No!" he quickly corrected. "I just don't want you to get it into your head that he's suddenly into you, because he's not, Hermione, okay?"

The look on Hermione's face broke his heart, and he regretted it immediately, but before he had time to apologize, Hermione was up from the table and heading towards the tent entrance.

"Hermione-"

"I'm going for a walk."

"It's raining."

"I don't care."

And she was gone, horcrux pulled off her neck and tossed to the floor.

"Well that was lovely to wake up to," Ron's voice said from across the tent as he sat up, rubbing his eyes. "You shouldn't have said that, you know."

"I know," Harry snapped. "But I don't need you butting in, if you don't mind."

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that, mate. I'm not getting between her and anybody she's mad at. I know better than that." Ron headed into the bathroom and Harry poured himself another cup of coffee, suddenly wishing he had something stronger after noticing that Ron hadn't blatantly agreed with Harry's statement.

Hermione didn't come back until almost lunchtime. Harry had thought multiple times that he should go after her to make sure she was okay, but she set the wards, and he hadn't heard any alarms, so nothing had come in at least. Harry had taken the horcrux, which probably wasn't the best idea considering the mood he was already in, but he was relieved when he saw her walk through the flap. She was completely dry even though it was still raining, but her eyes were red and puffy. Knowing he'd made her cry made it even worse.

She completely ignored him as she walked in, heading straight to her bag and grabbing a change of clothes on her way to the bathroom. Harry and Ron watched her intently, waiting to see what she was going to do.

But she didn't speak to either of them for the rest of the day. She refused to eat with them, and threw herself into more research. She couldn't believe Harry had said something like that to her, especially not even under the influence of the horcrux. He knew she was vulnerable when it came to her feelings for Ron, and that struck a nerve. Maybe he was right, but maybe he wasn't, and the way Ron had been acting towards her had fanned the flame of her feelings for him again, and it didn't help that Harry was being so frustrating with his. Now that Ron was paying attention to her in a way she'd been pining after for years, she automatically gravitated towards it; she couldn't help that. And Harry kept pushing her away - what did he expect?

She knew why he was doing it. They'd talked about it multiple times, but it didn't make it any easier. Maybe he needed to learn a lesson from this about how to treat her if he wanted to keep her on his good side. Not that she'd ever leave, but he didn't have to know that. Maybe she could steel her heart and indulge Ron, just for a little bit. After all, her dreams hadn't just been about Harry (though most of them were). He just caught on a lot quicker.

#hp #harry potter #fanfiction #hp fanfiction #fanfic #hermione granger #harry x hermione #harry and hermione #harmony #harmione #deathly hallows #rewrite #hp rewrite #possumwrites #ao3 #ifltfic

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posswrites · 2 years

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It Feels Like This - Chapter 12

She could feel Harry's eyes on her after lunch. It had been quiet now since they'd kind of run out of things to talk about unless they were discussing horcruxes or practicing spells, filling it with the radio again. Usually, it was news, which didn't make them feel any better, but it was good for background noise. Luckily, none of their friends or anyone from the Order had been mentioned today. She'd picked up a couple books - for reading, not for research for once - but found herself unable to concentrate on the words. She shifted a little in her seat, wishing they were more comfortable. Or maybe it was the gaze she could feel on the back of her head.

She tried to nonchalantly look over, feigning a stretch, and when her eyes met Harry's, she gasped. They were dark, and there was a look in his eyes she couldn't name, but a small part of her didn't hate it. Hermione quickly looked back to the book, but her breath caught when Harry appeared in her peripheral, standing a little too close.

"What are you reading?" There was something different about his voice, too.

She swallowed, not looking up at him. "It's uh… it's called Far From the Madding Crowd. A, er, Muggle book."

"Really? Because you've been looking at the same page for the last ten minutes."

"Y-Yeah, well…" There was a rustling across the tent - Ron had moved in his bunk. "I can feel you staring at me. It's... distracting."

"Is it?"

"Yes." She took a deep breath, hoping he would say something else, but he didn't. "I think you need a break from the locket, Harry."

"How do you know I'm still wearing it?"

Hermione's eyes narrowed a little bit. What was that supposed to mean? She could look up, but she was worried that he had that look still, and she wasn't keen on seeing it again. Her heart rate picked up. "Because you wouldn't be making me uncomfortable if you weren't."

"Mate." Ron had stood, and Hermione could tell he was carefully thinking about his words in order to avoid another conflict. But she was relieved he was sticking up for her.

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, Hermione," Harry said honestly, stepping back a little. "I just… you looked…"

"What?"

Harry paused. "Nothing." He moved back away from her, to the table, and Hermione felt herself flush, suddenly getting very hot.

She let out a slow breath, placed a bookmark on the page, and rose to her feet. "I think I need some air." Her eyes flicked to Ron before she left the tent.

"What was that all about, mate?" he asked as soon as she was gone.

Harry shook his head. "I don't know. I really didn't mean to… she just… I wasn't meaning to stare. At least… not in a way that made her feel weird. She just looked relaxed and… and attractive, and something came over me. I forgot you were there, honestly." He pulled the chain off and set the locket on the table, running his hands over his face. "I've never spoken to her like that before."

"Look… I know it's hard to talk about all of this, but… I think you should at least tell her how you think you feel. Or what's going on. So that if something like that happens again, she'll know the place it's coming from and not be scared of it."

"But I don't even know what it is, Ron." Ron laughed. He actually laughed. And Harry was taken aback.

"There's no way you're serious."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Ron's laugh turned into a smirk. "Never thought we'd be having this talk, but… that's lust, mate. A lot of it."

And it clicked. Of course he'd had those feelings before, but never towards Hermione. And honestly, he'd never gotten to act on any of those feelings because he never got alone time with anyone. And his mind was always on other things. Even Voldemort had interrupted his dreams before. But prolonged isolation with an admittedly (and increasingly) attractive best friend as the only thing to look at was new. And the horcrux amplified all of it.

"Do you feel like that, too?"

"Yeah. But you're into her, so yours are going to be stronger and still be there after you've taken that thing off."

"And you think that me telling her I'm full of lust for her would make her feel better?" Harry asked sarcastically.

"Well, not when you put it like that. But I think if you tell her you're attracted to her and that it's coming from somewhere… genuine, you won't come off so creepy."

"Wouldn't telling her that I find her attractive come off as creepy considering… you know…" He gestured vaguely to the tent around them.

Ron laughed again, grabbing the locket and shoving it into his pocket before throwing an arm around Harry's shoulders as he led him out of the tent.

Hermione had redone her ponytail, hoisting it higher on her head to get hair off her neck, and was slowly pacing a few yards from the tent, hands on her hips as she looked down at the ground.

"Ron, no," Harry muttered. "I don't want you to be here for this conversation!"

Hermione turned quickly at Harry's voice, but laughed a little nervously as Ron pushed Harry towards her. "What are you doing, Ron?"

"Harry needs to explain himself and he doesn't want to."

"No, that's not-" Harry argued, pushing Ron's arm off him and stepping away with a huff. "I just don't understand what good it'll do."

"A conversation that needs to be had. He thinks you're attractive!" he called to Hermione, who quickly turned away with a blush.

"Ron!"

"Enjoy your alone time!" He was already halfway back into the tent.

"You don't have to say anything you don't want to say," Hermione assured him, crossing her arms over her chest.

"No, I just don't want to make you uncomfortable. We live together for the time being and… in close quarters. A-And you know I've been… confused for a little bit about… how I feel about…" Hermione raised her eyebrows, waiting for an answer. "Things."

"Things?"

"Us?"

"Us. And… and when did you realize...?"

"At Grimmauld Place. When… Ron mentioned the chocolate pancakes and I remembered you brought them to me-"

"Third year. After Lupin's lessons, though I can't even remember having time to spare, even with the Time Turner," Hermione finished. Harry nodded. "I was worried in Potions when you said that with the Amortentia, was that…?"

"All real."

Hermione sighed, looking around a little. "I've been confused as well. Since… I can't even think of when it started, but… this horcrux is... "

"Yeah… I just… wanted to say I'm sorry about what happened in the tent. I… when I put that on… the… attraction I feel towards you is…"

"Magnified."

"E-Exactly."

"The same thing happens to me. And I know it happens with Ron when he puts it on and I know that's where his jealousy comes from, so I try not to take it seriously, but it's hard to tell where my feelings stop and the horcrux starts, Harry, so…"

"What we feel. Right now. When it's not on. That's real. And this morning, in the barn… were you really thinking about kissing me?"

Hermione bit her lip, averting his eyes. "Yes. You were just so close and I felt so safe, that it felt right. And I like when we sit close and make jokes and have fun with each other. It's always been like that with you. You're my best friend, Harry. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that. But like I said this morning, all of this makes me feel like we're more vulnerable. I don't think I could kiss you and then… not get more worried about you. It would just get worse."

"But they're going to get worse with the horcrux too, Hermione."

"Is that you trying to persuade me to kiss you right now?"

"No, no…" Harry laughed. "I'm just trying to let you know that I'm struggling with this, too. And when I look at you when I've been wearing that locket for a long time, it's like none of my reservations matter. Like whatever I value about our friendship doesn't matter because I just want to-" He cut off, not wanting to ramble and not wanting Hermione to hear his exact thought process.

Hermione suddenly felt hot again, and she averted her eyes to the ground. "Yeah. So… where does that put us?"

"I think we've got a good baseline as to where we stand, yeah? Normally?"

"Attracted to each other, but not wanting to make anything weird while we're traveling and not wanting to make it easier for You Know Who to take advantage of us. Plus, I'm still kind of confused about Ron. I mean, it's not like my feelings are just going to go away instantly, you know, but… knowing that he doesn't feel the same way has kind of… made me shift gears."

"To me?"

"Apparently," Hermione smirked.

"Well, if I ever make you uncomfortable again, I give you full permission to hex me," he grinned.

"I might take you up on that."

"Can I hug you?" Hermione's lips curled into a smile and she nodded, moving closer and wrapping her arms around his neck. He hugged her tightly, resting his cheek on her shoulder. They stayed like that for a few minutes before Hermione pulled away first, eyes flickering all over his face. "I thought you didn't want to kiss me," he teased, making her push his chest a little.

"I said I wasn't going to," she corrected. "So you can tell Ron we had our conversation and he can leave us alone."

The next few weeks were uneventful. Harry had taken to checking on their friends with the Marauder's Map any chance he could, and they decided more frequent locket changes would be beneficial, so they'd switch every two hours, with every three days one of them getting it all day. It was a confusing schedule, but it worked for the most part. Harry made sure to not get too close to Hermione, and they made no conversation about their attraction. It was as if that one conversation was enough, and most of the time, they had no issues sitting close again or touching every once in a while when one would walk past the other. And being back to normal made Ron less stressed and annoyed at the two of them.

Most of the days were spent dueling and learning, and they had even started doing regular exercises like jumping jacks, push-ups, and jogging a little bit to increase their stamina while fighting. They were in the best shape of their lives, and Harry and Hermione had found they'd become incredibly competitive, constantly trying to outrun and outlast each other. She knew she'd probably never be able to do as many push-ups as him, but when it came to cardio, she was determined. And the fun of competition took their mind off things when they got hard. Ron had gotten to the point where he was rooting for Hermione, which frustrated Harry to no end, with the horcrux or not. But it made Hermione feel good, so he supposed it was worth it.

If the internal calendar he'd been keeping was correct, her birthday was next week. He'd been trying to think about what to do. He knew she wouldn't accept a lot, since it definitely wasn't important, but he wanted to do something, if for no other reason than to thank her for everything she did for them. He knew how to make a cake - he'd made plenty for the Dursleys so they didn't have to make anything themselves, but it had been a while. Surely he could find a simple recipe in one of Hermione's books. He made a mental note to check next time she was out keeping watch, which she volunteered for shortly after they set up their tent and enchantments in their most recent location, which only took about an hour with the three of them being able to work now.

As soon as she was out of the tent, Harry made a beeline for the bag. It had been a while since he looked through it - Hermione rarely let it leave her side - and as tempted as he was to see what else she had in there, but he only had so much time and he was on a mission.

"Accio cookbook," he whispered, and Ron laughed.

"Cookbook?"

"I want to make Hermione a cake for her birthday since she made one for me. And I figured she'd have to have something in here." A rather thick book came flying out of the bag and into Harry's hands. "Yes!"

"It's coming up, isn't it?"

"Next week, I think. I honestly have no idea what day we're on, but… I know she's not going to forget. I'm sure she's keeping somewhat of a calendar."

"You know… I've actually kind of been having fun these past couple weeks. I mean, I know we're not making much headway but without wearing that horcrux all the time, it's been nice. Like we're just friends again."

Harry nodded as he flipped through the pages. "Me too. And I think we've accomplished a lot. We've gotten stronger, faster, smarter. So this won't be for nothing, no matter how long it takes."

"Yeah, that's true. I don't think I've ever looked this good," Ron laughed.

"Too bad Lavender couldn't see you now, huh?" Harry teased, grabbing a piece of parchment to write down the recipe. "Where are we going to get strawberries? Did you ever actually break up with her?"

"I did, yeah. I do kind of miss snogging her, though."

"That desperate, huh?" A smirk crawled over Harry's face as he put the cookbook back in Hermione's bag.

"I don't know how you're managing, mate. I mean, I know you two talked it out and you don't want to get involved and I get it. But I've been thinking about snogging her a lot lately… No offense," he added at the look on Harry's face.

Harry rolled his eyes. "I'd appreciate if you didn't talk about that in front of me, Ron."

"Sorry."

Thunder sounded suddenly outside, and a few minutes later, Hermione ran back into the tent, soaked.

"Looks like we won't be practicing our dueling today," she panted, shedding off her jacket and hanging it on a hook. "I almost wish it was snowing instead." Hermione pulled her wand out and cast a quick drying spell on herself. It was only then that she sensed the strange aura in the tent. "What were you two talking about?"

"Nothing," Ron answered with a shrug. "Just trying to figure something out."

"Well, I was thinking," Hermione started, "we're kind of close to town and we have all the ingredients to finish our Polyjuice Potion. We could… go to some Muggle shops and maybe pick up a couple things? Clothes and food… maybe some games for days like this?"

Ron raised an eyebrow. "Games?"

"Yeah, like… Muggle games. Board games?"

"You brought wizard's chess! We've played that a couple times!"

"And I'm terrible at it," Hermione laughed. "I want to get a game you're bad at, like Scrabble." Harry snorted at that. "I don't know, I hate feeling like a kid, but I'm getting… bored. I've almost run out of books. I need some crossword puzzles or something."

"I'd be up for it if you think it's a good idea," Harry agreed. "A change of scenery from nature to… civilization might be nice."

"As much as I hate Polyjuice Potion, I agree," Ron chimed in. "Do you have money?"

"Yes. I brought Muggle money from a few different countries just in case. I, uh… got it out of my parents' account and had it converted before I left. I'm not proud of it, but I knew it might come in handy if we had to be on the move anywhere other than England."

A silence fell over the tent with only the rain outside. They tried not to think of everything they were risking, everything they were losing or had already lost, but they'd have to at some point. It was inevitable. She ran a hand through her hair, settling down in one of the chairs. "I'll have to do some preparations, but we should be able to go tomorrow as long as I have enough potion to make sure we can last more than an hour."

"I can help make it," Harry offered. "If you need it, of course."

"Thanks."

She started setting up after breakfast, clearing out space in the kitchen for the potions setup. It was a little cramped, and she knew if they were going to make this a regular thing, they'd need to find somewhere else to put it. She took the time to keep track of all their medicinal supplies as well - luckily, they had a decent shelf life and they'd barely used any of their supply. Dittany was the lowest only because they'd been using that a little when they'd slip on duels and accidentally hurt each other or themselves, so she'd have to figure out how to get more soon.

"Ron, we need to get in touch with your dad. We're going to need some magical supplies. Do you know if he has any way to contact him other than owl?"

"I'm not sure. We can't Apparate somewhere?"

"I think it might be too far," Hermione sighed. "And we'd still need to be able to let him know where we're going to meet. We can't go to the Burrow, even within range. It'll put the whole Order in danger."

"I'm sure he's got something with all the magical stuff he has. If not at the house, the Ministry will be keeping it, though I'm not sure he'd be able to bring anything home."

"Well, just think about it," Hermione said simply. "The sooner we figure it out, the better. Harry, I never thought I'd say this, but I wish I had your potions book right about now."

Harry scoffed, but smiled. "Somehow I don't believe that. You hated that thing."

"Even I have to admit it was… useful when it came to potions. Especially complicated ones. They've never been my strong suit," she admitted as she pulled her hair up into a ponytail. They'd definitely have to move this somewhere or spread it out - it was quickly getting incredibly hot with multiple burners going at once.

"Well, we'll do what we can with what we've got. That's really the only choice we have, isn't it?"

Hermione raised her eyebrows in agreement, but it was clear she wasn't happy with that fact. She had known this wouldn't be easy, but with the manipulation of the locket, the emotional toll it was taking on her (and she was sure Harry, too) to not give into her feelings and focus on their task, the boredom, and the tent seeming to get smaller and smaller with each day, it made her wish they were done.

#harry potter #hp #fanfic #fanfiction #harry x hermione #harry and hermione #harmione #harmony #hermione granger #dh rewrite #ifltfic #ao3 #hp fanfic #hp fanfiction #deathly hallows #possumwrites

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posswrites · 2 years

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It Feels Like This - Chapter 11

“You first.”

They’d placed the locket on a fallen log and stood a few feet back, though a part of Harry knew it wasn’t going to be as easy as shooting a spell at the thing. But they had to try just in case it was.

“Dissendium!”

“Incendio!”

“Expulso!”

“Diffindo!”

“Reducto!”

“Confringo!”

“Sectumsempra!”

A barrage of spells and hexes from Harry and Hermione both didn’t even make a dent in the locket, and though Harry expected it, it didn’t make it any less frustrating. Once the last set of flames had gone down and Harry made sure it looked untouched (it did), he huffed, putting the chain around his neck. Immediately, he felt a heaviness on his soul.

“What are you doing?” Hermione asked in concern.

Harry shoved it down the front of his shirt as if that might help. “We have to keep it safe until we figure out how to destroy it.”

“Seems strange, mate,” Ron piped up. “Dumbledore sends you off to find all these horcruxes but doesn’t tell you how to destroy them. Doesn’t that bother you?”

It did. It bothered Harry a lot, but he didn’t want to shed a bad light on Dumbledore when he was sure he had good intentions. Or when it didn’t matter what he thought. Dumbledore may not have known, either, and now he was dead, so they’d never be sure.

When they got back to the tent, Hermione pulled a potions book from her bag she “borrowed” from the library. “We might as well make what we can. You never know what’s going to come in handy. The least we could do is have some healing potions on hand and maybe some more Polyjuice.” She quickly flipped through the book and made a mental list. “Some of these I should be able to find in the forest, but some will be… trickier. We might need to make a supply run.” Harry tried to not listen to Hermione mumbling to herself between making lists and writing things down, circling them. It was very quickly getting on his nerves for a reason he couldn’t pinpoint.

Thankfully, Ron found the radio and had turned it on to give them some kind of background noise. They spent the next couple days theorizing, researching, and getting used to surviving and living together, taking shifts on watch every few hours. Ron was dying to bring up Hermione when she was out on watch and he and Harry were alone together, but neither of them wanted to focus on that. Ron just couldn’t help notice the glances when the other wasn’t looking, but he was confident, given who they were, they wouldn’t make things too awkward for him if they couldn’t help it. He offered to take watch more often to give them some time alone in hopes things would get settled, but they didn’t want him on watch much because of his arm (Hermione insisted) and nothing ever seemed to change, except for the radio.

What began as announcements turned into Missing Persons lists that seemed to get longer and longer as the days went on. It was extremely irritating, and it made Harry want to spend as much time outside the tent as possible. After a few days, it became unbearable.

It didn’t help that he kept having visions of Voldemort, either. “I thought it had stopped. You can’t keep letting him in, Harry,” she said comfortingly at the look on Harry’s face when she came back from gathering some plants and herbs, clear that he’d had a vision again. He looked agitated, off. She sat down on the ground across from him.

“You Know Who has found Gregorovitch.”

“The wand maker?”

Harry nodded. “He wants something that Gregorovitch used to have, but I don’t know what. And he wants it desperately. I mean, it’s as if his life depends on it.” A particularly loud change of frequency inside the tent had Harry turning angrily, intending on going back in to show Ron exactly what he needed to do with that bloody radio.

“Don’t,” Hermione interrupted. “It comforts him.”

“It sets my teeth on edge. What is he expecting to hear, good news?”

Hermione sighed, shaking her head. “I think he’s just hoping he doesn’t hear bad news.”

Harry stood back up; he had to get away from it. From them. “How long before he can travel?”

He’d been asking that question a lot lately, and Hermione didn’t see the rush. They were protected, they weren’t traced, and as long as nothing changed, they’d be safe here until Ron was healed. But healing from a splinch took time, and with the physical exertion it took to Apparate, Hermione didn’t want to take any chances. “I’m doing everything I can.”

“You’re not doing enough!”

That was the last straw. She could tell he’d been building up, especially over the last day or two, and particularly when they were alone. They’d barely talked to each other when Ron was on watch and they had the tent to themselves, mostly because Harry had been snippy. His outburst only confirmed her suspicion, and when he moved to storm off somewhere, she stood quickly. “Take it off.” He paused, looking at her. “I said take it off. Now.”

He sighed in annoyance, but pulled the locket out of his shirt and up over his head, setting it into her hand gentler than she expected, almost lingering. His shoulders relaxed and the crease in his brow vanished. “Better?”

It took him a couple seconds to answer, distracted by how beautiful her eyes were. He hadn’t remembered them looking like that since they left Grimmauld Place. She seemed to sense that something had changed in him, too, and gave him a small smile. “Loads.”

“We’ll take it in turns, okay?” It was the logical thing to do so none of them became too affected by it. Otherwise, they’d end up killing each other before Voldemort could. A few hours at a time during the day was probably best, and one of them would get it at night in a rotation. It was a lot to keep up with, but they had to keep their spirits up.

She’d taken watch that night after wearing the locket for the majority of the day, surprised that it didn’t seem to affect her as much as the boys. Ron had taken it to bed a couple hours before she left to go outside. It wasn’t too cold yet, but she made a small fire, mostly for light and a good reference of where the tent was in case she ventured too far. Hermione had no idea what time it was, but she felt like she’d been outside for hours. The crack of a twig drew her attention - they hadn’t seen many animals while they were here, and her fears assumed the worst: Snatchers.

Hesitantly and as quietly as possible, she stood to investigate. If her enchantments didn’t work and whoever was out there could see them, they’d have to leave whether Ron was ready or not. She tried to steady her breathing; once she moved away from the fire, there wasn’t much light. But her eyes adjusted fairly quickly and she stilled, scanning the trees before moving again. As she got to the edge of the barrier, the shuffling started again, accompanied by muffled voices.

Three men were coming, carrying someone with them. She couldn’t tell anything about these men - nothing recognizable - but she knew they were Snatchers. She slowed her breath as they went by so they wouldn’t hear, but one of them stopped a few feet past her.

“What’s that?” he asked. Hermione’s eyes widened; at least they didn’t see her. “What’s that smell?”

Her perfume.

The man moved back to her and she held her breath, only letting it out once he got distracted with his friend, who had dropped the body onto the ground from exertion, and they started walking again.

“Snatchers.” Harry’s voice behind her made Hermione jump. “Good to know your enchantments work.”

“He could smell my perfume,” she whispered. “We can’t stay here much longer.”

He tugged her arm around, turning her back towards the tent. “I thought you were asleep.”

“I wasn’t. I mean, I fell asleep at the table, but when I woke up, I heard the radio. Snape’s headmaster.”

“What?!”

“I know. They couldn’t say much more than that, but I can’t imagine it’s a good thing.”

“Oh no,” Hermione groaned as they got closer to the tent. “What about Phineas? Maybe we can ask him to… to give us some information.”

“That git’s not going to tell us a thing. And even if he does, he’s on Snape’s side. He might tell him where we are if we take him out of your bag. We need to move.”

“I told you, Ron’s not strong enough to Apparate. Not yet.”

“Then we’ll go on foot. We won’t be able to go as far, but if the Snatchers know someone’s here, they might come back.”

“I suppose that’s the only option.”

“And next time, Hermione, as much as I like your perfume, just don’t wear any.”

Hermione grinned. “Well, I’ve got to keep up appearances,” she teased.

“Not if it risks our lives. Seriously.” Her face fell and she nodded.

“Right. I know. It’s stupid, but…”

“Hey, you smell better than us whether you wear it or not. Believe me, you don’t need it.” He shot her a smile as Hermione put the fire out and they slipped back into the tent. Ron was up.

“What have you two been doing?” he asked accusingly.

“Nothing,” Hermione quickly answered. “We need to pack up. We’re leaving in the morning.”

Ron sat up in his bunk a little straighter. “Why, what’s going on?”

“I saw Snatchers in the woods. They didn’t find us, but I don’t want to take any chances. I know you’re not ready to Apparate, so we’re going to have to walk. Hopefully we can find somewhere else inconspicuous to set up camp.”

Ron’s eyes flicked between them, but he didn’t say anything else about it. “We’re walking across all of England to search for these things?”

“We don’t have any other choice right now,” Hermione sighed as she began packing up the kitchen. “Until you can Apparate, we’ll have to go the long way. But as long as we can rest and we have supplies, we should be okay.”

“Hermione, I’m fine to Apparate.”

“You’re not, Ron,” she insisted. “And even if you are, I don’t want to take any chances of using our medical supplies when we don’t have to.”

“Besides,” Harry chimed in, sitting down next to him, “you told me you’ve been getting stir crazy. I think some fresh air and some exercise will be good for all of us.”

Exercise, it turned out, was definitely an understatement. Hermione had a few locations pre-planned on a map; they were far away enough from each other that they would be okay to Apparate, but walking to the next one was going to take a week, at least. She didn’t tell them that until a few hours of walking the next morning after a quick breakfast.

“A week?” Harry questioned, exasperated. “Hermione, you couldn’t have picked anywhere closer?”

“I didn’t count on us walking, Harry!”

“Well, there’s nowhere between here and there we can stop?”

“We’re stopping to sleep,” she argued. “And that’s without a lot of coverage per day, so the farther we go, the less time it’ll take. Do you have any other complaints before we’ve barely gotten started?”

Harry glanced at the chain around her neck. “Do you want me to take the locket?”

“No. You’re in a foul enough mood as it is.”

“And you aren’t?”

Hermione stopped in her tracks, and Harry knew he’d said the wrong thing. She turned, opened her mouth to say something, but closed it and took a deep breath before turning back around, staring straight ahead.

It was quiet until lunch when Hermione stopped them in a small clearing to pull out the sandwiches she’d made for them. She tossed Harry’s to him and the locket wasn’t far behind.

“I’m sorry, Hermione,” he muttered as he sat down next to her.

“You should be.” Despite her words, Harry could tell she did feel better. He put the locket on and swallowed down the feeling.

“You’ve done a lot for us. Everything, I feel like. You’ve been a lifesaver with your planning and… we wouldn’t last two days without you, Hermione. Truly. And I know you know that and we’ve been ungrateful. I’ve been ungrateful. So… thank you.”

Hermione was silent for a few seconds, taking a bite of her sandwich, but smiled softly. “You’re welcome. And you’re glad I can control my emotions. That locket is… despicable. I hate it. The things it makes me think…”

“I know,” Ron added. “It’s like… you don’t know whether you actually think what you think you’re thinking or if it’s just the locket.”

“That’s why I like switching.”

“I’ll take it for the rest of the day,” Harry offered. “Ron, you got it last night and Hermione… you deserve a break.”

“Harry, you need the least time with it. You’re more vulnerable with it on.”

“I’ll figure it out. If we need to change it up later, I’ll let you know.”

Hermione raised an eyebrow in skepticism, but just continued eating. They didn’t waste any more time resting when they were done, and by the end of the night, they were too exhausted to do much except collapse into the bunks and sleep.

Ron had the locket the next morning, then Harry took it back after lunch so Hermione could be the one to sleep with it that night. She didn’t mind taking the night shift; sleeping with it just gave her bad dreams, and she’d prefer those over bad waking thoughts. She’d also found, however, it wore down on her impulse control, which was scary.

Hermione had always prided herself in her ability to be logical, think clearly, and stay calm under pressure. She had a lot of knowledge about a lot of things, which she had relied on the past seventeen years. One of the things she had no experience with, however, was living with Harry and Ron. Not that they were difficult to live with, per se, but lately, especially when she had the locket on at night, they’d been popping into her dreams in a way that made her eager to get rid of it as soon as she woke up. And in the times she was awake, she’d catch herself staring. At shoulders, at lips, at bare chests when she got the accidental glimpse. A part of her was ashamed. She had no right thinking about things like that, but she couldn’t refuse to wear the locket, and she wondered if it affected the boys the same way.

If Harry was unsure of whether he liked Hermione or not, the horcrux made up his mind for him. He’d gotten better at controlling himself by talking himself out of it, but the jealousy he felt when he’d be getting supplies and he knew Ron and Hermione were in the tent together made him never want to leave her side. It was maddening, and worse, he didn’t even know if it was real. Because when he took it off, it stopped - mostly. But living in close quarters with someone with barely any privacy, sleeping in a bed next to someone else’s… he had a scary feeling that if Ron wasn’t here, things would be different. Especially when he caught her staring, too. It sent a chill down his spine when they’d make accidental eye contact.

On their last day of travel, Harry awoke to find Hermione’s bed empty except for the locket, covers pushed back in a hurry. Ron was still sleeping, so he didn’t take it, figuring it would be safe, and left the tent.

“Hermione?” They had set up camp next to an abandoned farm with a run-down barn for extra shelter or when they needed some fresh air. They would have kept going, but some of the clouds forming overhead started to look eerily similar to Death Eaters, so they figured it would be best to take cover either way. They hid out in it while the clouds passed, realizing it would be perfect, and it was big enough to cover the whole tent with plenty of room to spare. Rain was pouring outside, loud enough to echo off the beams; Hermione might not have even heard him if she wanted to answer. “Hermione?” he called again, a little louder, before he saw her sitting on one of the hay bales, leaning up against a support with her head in her hands. He calmly approached her and rested a hand on her shoulder. “Hey…”

She gasped at his touch, clearly not paying attention to anything around her, but once she looked into Harry’s eyes, she immediately broke down into tears. “Oh, Harry…”

He couldn’t do anything but pull her to her feet and into his chest in a tight embrace. “Hey… it’s all right. I’m here. What happened?”

“I-I… I had a dream that I… that I k-killed you, Harry,” she cried. “I’m so sorry. I… I woke up and I just got so scared that I had to leave. I know it wasn’t real but it was still so scary and I wanted to get away from you just in case-”

“I know,” Harry replied, rubbing her back while she took deep breaths. “I’ve had nightmares too.”

“They usually haven’t been that bad, it just felt so real… my emotions felt so real, it was like…”

“Hey.” He pushed her away a little bit to get her hair out of her eyes and cup her cheeks. “I’m okay. I know you wouldn’t hurt me, Hermione. But like you said, you can’t let him get to you, all right? It’s You Know Who. He messes with your emotions. Gives you bad thoughts. But don’t let him in your head. You’re stronger than him, Hermione.”

She was staring at him again, trying to get her breathing back to normal. Harry was there. He was safe. He was… close. Very close. And his hands were warm on her cheeks. Her eyes glanced down to his lips and she wondered for a moment if-

“Get your hands off her, Harry!”

Ron’s voice made Hermione snap away. “Ron? N-No, we were just… he was…” But she stepped away, realizing what had almost happened. Then the confusion set in. Ron had no reason to be jealous. He didn’t even like her.

“What the hell are you doing?” Harry asked, torn between pushing Hermione further to show Ron there was nothing going on, not that he understood why he’d even care, and pulling her closer for protection. When Ron pulled his wand, though, Harry stepped farther away, his hands raised.

“Ron, don’t!” Hermione pleaded.

“No! I’m sick of being a bloody third wheel with you two. You were about to kiss him, weren’t you?!”

“I-I…” she stammered.

“So what if she was?” Harry defended, and Hermione’s heart fluttered a little. “What do you care? You told me you’d be fine with it!”

“What?!” Hermione looked back and forth between them. “You’ve talked about this?!”

Ron ignored her. “Maybe I’ve changed my mind!”

“You don’t just get to do that!”

“Well maybe I just don’t like seeing you with your hands all over her.”

“Well maybe I don’t understand why the hell you care!”

“Stop it! Both of you!” Hermione screamed, stepping between them. “Ron, lower your wand.” When he didn’t move, she scowled. Pulling out hers and pointing it at him, she continued. “Lower your wand or I’ll do it for you.”

Ron weighed his options. Hermione was serious - she had no qualms about shooting spells at him. But he felt a rage for Harry he hadn’t felt in a long time. Not wanting to make Hermione wait in fear of getting hurt, he straightened, took a breath, and pocketed his wand.

“Now take that damn locket off,” she ordered. Hermione wasn’t one to curse; Ron’s resolve dropped immediately at her words, like he was coming out of a trance. He pulled the chain over his head and threw it on the ground, his posture relaxing immediately as his head cleared.

He knew he needed to say something, to apologize, but none of it felt like it would be enough. What would he have done if Hermione hadn’t stopped him? “Harry, I-”

“Don’t,” Harry interrupted. “It’s fine. Let’s just… get back inside. Have some breakfast. We can’t go until the rain lets up anyway. Might as well wait it out.” He moved towards Ron, who didn’t budge, picked up the locket from off the barn floor, and went back inside the tent without another word.

“Hermione…”

“Don’t you dare pretend you feel anything for me again, understand?” Only then did she put away her wand.

“It’s that bloody locket. It makes me feel-”

“I know what it does. But it’s putting me through enough without you adding to it. And maybe that’s the point, I don’t know. But please.” Her stern eyes softened. “You made up your mind.” She took a deep breath, leading him back to the tent. “How’s your arm?”

“Fine. Can you check if I can Apparate yet?”

“Sure.”

Harry had started breakfast and had two mugs of tea on the table for them. Hermione could tell Harry didn’t want to be bothered, so she led Ron to the table and untied the sling and started unbuttoning his shirt with shaky hands.

“I can do it,” he insisted, gently pushing her away to take over, undoing the buttons and shrugging one arm out of the shoulder. Hermione ran her hands over the scars, taking his hand and manipulating his arm.

“Does anything hurt?” she asked.

“No, it feels great,” Ron replied.

Hermione smiled. “Well, I think you’re ready. We need to get you training again too. I’m sure you’ve lost a little strength.” She pushed one of the mugs of tea over to Ron and wrapped both of her hands around the other. “Do you think I should talk to him about…?”

Ron shook his head. “Not right now. I think that’s a conversation to have when you’re alone, if you want to have it at all.”

“I don’t know. It’s… hard to tell what I feel.”

“Then maybe you need to figure that out first.”

Hermione nodded. She briefly looked over her shoulder at Harry across the tent as he cooked. “I don’t want to ruin any of our friendships. We just have to stay strong around each other. Until we destroy the horcrux, it’s going to be a long journey. We can’t let this thing get between us.”

“Yeah…”

“You’re lucky Harry can be very forgiving when he wants to be.” Ron huffed out a laugh. “I’m going to go see if he wants any help, okay?”

“All right,” Ron said with a nod.

Hermione took a deep breath as she approached Harry, not sure of what she even wanted to say, but she felt she needed to say something. Maybe she should start off casual.

“I can’t believe you two were talking about you kissing me,” she began with a smirk. He let out a small laugh in return.

“It wasn’t like that, I promise.”

“Oh really? What was it like, then?”

He shook his head. “Nothing that’s worth dealing with right now.”

“Why, because it’s about feelings?” Harry didn’t respond, and Hermione gripped the mug a little tighter. “That’s exactly why we need to talk about it, though, right? If this horcrux is messing with our feelings, we need to get everything out now so we know what’s real.”

“I already don’t know what’s real, Hermione,” Harry admitted, taking a break from cooking to step back and look at her. “Even before we got this, I… I haven’t been worrying about it. You’ve said you feel selfish with all of this and I absolutely agree. With You Know Who messing with us, the stronger our feelings become, the more vulnerable we are. And I don’t want to lose you because of feelings.” He turned back to the pan, and Hermione had a hunch it was to avoid eye contact.

She knew he was right, but there was a part of her that had already gotten frustrated in the week they’d been traveling. Maybe it was the confinement or the pressure or stress, but it would be easier to air it all out now to avoid confusion. But if Harry had been confused about his feelings before all this started, that definitely didn’t help. Then again, so had she. She’d been confused for months. Hermione took a sip of her tea and sighed. “I can take over if you want to go talk with Ron.”

“I don’t really.”

“All right. That’s fair. He didn’t mean-”

“I know he didn’t mean it, but if this thing is powerful enough to make him feel things he doesn’t even feel, what’s it going to do to us?”

“That’s a loaded question,” she scoffed with a laugh. “Thank you for the tea.”

“I figured we might need it.”

“Ron’s arm is all better,” she offered softly. “He’ll be able to Apparate again after we pack up. I know it’s the last day, but it’s better than walking all day, especially in the rain.”

“Perfect. Then we’ll be changing locations more often, right?”

“If we have to. At least while we’re not actively searching. We can research wherever. If we find a lead, we’ll go, but packing all this up every time is a lot more work than I’d like to do more than necessary,” she laughed.

“Okay, that’s fair.” Harry smiled softly, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her into a side hug before letting her go, maybe lingering a little longer than he should have. “We’ll figure it out. We’ll switch more often if we need to.”

Hermione swallowed at his closeness again and made a conscious decision not to look down at his lips to see if they were just as inviting as they had been a few minutes ago, and stepped away before she could think about it any further. “Are you feeling okay right now?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I think the yelling helps,” he laughed.

“I told Ron he needs to start training to get his strength back up. We all do, honestly, just to learn what we can and how to use what spells we have. Maybe you two can duel it out,” Hermione teased.

“And what, you get to kiss the winner?” Harry smirked, earning him a smack in the arm.

“Shut up, Harry. Finish making breakfast. Pretty sure I know who would win, though,” she added as she went back to the table.

It didn’t take very long for Harry to finish, and Hermione was proud when he pointedly took a seat next to Ron after handing out plates.

“Ron’s on board with heading out after we eat,” Hermione began as she started eating. “Then we’ll start working on what to practice. It’s naïve to think we won’t be fighting anyone this whole trip.”

“And Death Eaters are strong. And fast,” Harry added. “Add nonverbals to the list.”

Ron listened closely, getting more and more nervous. Spells had never been his strong suit, but he’d do his best. He didn’t miss how tightly Hermione gripped his hand when they were ready to leave and the look of relief when they showed up at their destination in one piece.

“Wow,” Harry sighed. “Hermione, this is beautiful.”

After the forests and flat fields they’d been moving through for the past week, the rolling hills in front of them were a refreshing sight. It was a little chillier than when they left, so they must be further north. There were a couple cottages off in the distance and some sheep, but they were far away enough from anyone that they shouldn’t get suspicious, especially with their enchantments. And the sun was out, which was nice.

They took a couple minutes to enjoy their surroundings, in which time Hermione didn’t let go of either of their hands. Harry found himself absentmindedly running his thumb over the back of her hand, but once he realized it, he let go slowly and cleared his throat. Hermione glanced over at him with a small blush.

“Well, let’s get settled in, then. You two can set the tent up and I’ll work on enchantments.” Having Ron and Hermione go off alone, giving them permission, sent a pang of hurt through his heart, but he pushed it down. Nothing was going to happen between them. He had to stop pretending he didn’t care, because deep down, he did. But Ron had assured him Hermione was into Harry. Even still, the way Ron reacted when he had the locket on made him nervous. Ron had never been great at sorting out his feelings until it was too late. Clearly, he was the most affected by the Dark magic, considering how angry he’d gotten this morning with having worn it only a few minutes. And as much as he hated it, that meant that he and Hermione needed to be taking the brunt of it, at least for the moment.

He made quick work of the enchantments, but with an extra hand on Ron’s part, the tent was already set up by the time he was done. When he pushed the flap back, he was grateful to find Hermione sitting in one chair and reading while Ron was on the bed, fiddling with the radio. They’d been listening to it at night, mostly, but every once in a while, they’d have it going during the day just to listen for any updates on Hogwarts or anyone’s whereabouts. Luckily, no one they knew had been on the list of missing people or deaths. Yet.

“I found a couple boulders we can practice on if we don’t want to duel. If we do duel, though, I want to make sure you two are comfortable with protective and defensive spells. I know it’s been a while since we went over them. They might save your life.”

Harry didn’t waste any time dragging them out of the tent and over to the boulders, despite both Ron’s and Hermione’s protesting. “Let’s start with Protego. It’s the quickest, easiest, most valuable. And we need to get it nonverbal. Hermione.” He took out his wand and she quickly did the same.

“Stupefy!”

“Protego!” The spell ricocheted off an invisible force in front of Hermione as she flicked her wand up, soaring somewhere into the sky. “Really?!” she panted. “That’s what you’re starting with?!”

“You think I’m gonna go easy on you?” he smirked. “We’re not going to get time to prepare.” There was a part of him that really enjoyed the shock and semi-fear on her face. “Petrificus Totalus!” he shot in Ron’s direction, who’d pulled out his wand as well.

“Protego!”

Harry had to duck out of the way as the spell went straight back for him. “Brilliant, Ron!” he laughed. “Again!”

They spent the next fifteen minutes practicing shields and shooting spells at each other, dodging and panting, until a leg locker from Harry was a little too fast for Hermione’s shield and she collapsed to the ground with a gasp.

“Hermione!” He rushed towards her. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry. I thought you were ready…”

But Hermione was laughing. “I’m fine, Harry! It’s just a leg locker.” Even Ron couldn’t help but laugh.

Harry fought back a smile as he muttered the counter-curse before reaching a hand out to help her up, which she gratefully took, not breaking eye contact until she was on her feet. “Maybe we should take a break.”

“Agreed.”

Ron sat down on one of the boulders. “This is a lot more fun than walking all day.”

“I know! It’s like we’re at school.”

“Well,” Ron replied, “a lot more fun than school.” He paused, wiping his hands on his pants. “Do you think they’re okay? Ginny and Luna and Neville?”

“They can take care of themselves,” Harry answered quickly. “So with the three of them together, I’m surprised they haven’t created an uprising yet.”

“They’re kind of like us,” Hermione laughed. “Except they don’t get into as much trouble.”

“Debatable,” Ron smirked.

They only took a couple more minutes of rest before Harry ushered them up again and it was another hour before they were finished. Ron had taken it easy since he wasn’t back to his usual strength just yet - plus, he really enjoyed watching Harry and Hermione fight each other.

Only once Harry was absolutely exhausted did he surrender to Hermione, wiping the sweat from his forehead. “We should do this more often,” he laughed, pulling her in for a hug, who pushed him away.

“You stink, Harry. Go take a shower,” she laughed. “The locket needs a good bath anyway, I’m sure.” Once he was heading back, Hermione turned to Ron. “You did so well today, Ron. I’m really proud of you.”

“Thanks,” Ron beamed. “It’s kind of a little more motivating when my life's depending on it." He got up to head back towards the tent. "Did you let Harry hit you on purpose?"

"No, of course not! I was tired. I've never really dueled before. Much less for this long. All it made me realize is we've got a long way to go before we're ready to fight You Know Who. All of us."

"We'll get there."

"I know we will. I just hope we have enough time."

#harry potter #harry x hermione #harry and hermione #harmione #hp fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #hp fanfic #deathly hallows #harmony #ao3 #possumwrites #ifltfic

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posswrites · 2 years

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It Feels Like This - Chapter 8

Harry took a long time to get ready for the wedding, though he didn’t have to do much. He knew Ron wasn’t worried that he’d run off again, but the thought of a party when he was constantly worried about another attack wasn’t his idea of a good time. It had been a couple weeks, so he hoped that meant they were in the clear for now, but maybe the Death Eaters were waiting to catch them in an unsuspecting moment. But of course he was going to be there, if for no other reason but to be in solidarity with those that were trying to have a day of sunshine in all the darkness. When he finally made his way downstairs, he could see the commotion of the Weasleys trying to get the tent ready: Arthur was yelling at Fred and George, who kept dropping their corners on top of each other. It almost brought a smile to his face. He was glad George was okay. Nothing a couple of healing potions and rest couldn’t fix, though he’d never get his ear back, but he was glad everyone’s spirits were up.

Must be nice, he mused to himself as he picked a newspaper up off the kitchen table. Rita Skeeter. God, he hated that woman. Nothing she wrote was ever reliable information, and he really had no idea how she’d gotten her job back with The Daily Prophet with the amount of complaints she was bound to have against her. Now she was spreading lies about Dumbledore. It made his blood boil.

“Zip me up, will you?”

Harry turned at the sound of Ginny’s voice. She moved her hair to the side, revealing a large amount of her back under an open dress. Harry swallowed, but made slow deliberate steps toward her and with shaky fingers, grabbed hold of the zipper.

“It seems silly, doesn’t it? A wedding,” she muttered when the silence became too much for either of them to bear. “Given everything that’s going on.”

His hands moved over her shoulders as he finished and fastened the clasp. A celebration of love. That’s what they were focusing on today. “Maybe that’s the best reason to have it. Because of everything that’s going on.

She nodded as she turned around, glancing down at his lips as if something might happen, but made no further attempt to move closer. “Thanks, Harry. Maybe you’re right. I’m going to go see if they need help outside, okay? Hermione might need you to help her once she gets dressed, too.” Ginny looked out the window at the set-up, and Harry’s eyes followed. Hermione was laughing with the rest of the Weasleys as she helped put lights up. Ginny looked back to Harry, whose brow furrowed. “Or do you think I haven’t noticed?”

“I-I… what?”

“It’s okay,” she half-smiled, waving to George as he came into the kitchen for some coffee. “I always thought you two made a good couple.”

Harry’s heart sank. She didn’t care. At all. “Hermione and I aren’t… we’re not a couple, so…”

“Could’ve fooled me. You’ve been looking at her like that for years.” Harry was suddenly very aware of a strange grin on his face, and he immediately dropped it. “A word of advice, though…” she glanced out again, the calm before the storm, “I’d tell her sooner rather than later if you want to enjoy it.”

Harry was flabbergasted as she left. Years. Harry had been looking at Hermione like that for years? Like what? How could Ginny suggest something Harry wasn’t even aware of himself? It didn't make sense. Ginny had been infatuated with Harry since second year, and he specifically remembered how her eyes had widened in embarrassment and shock when he first went to the Burrow after Ron had rescued him from the Dursleys’, and her concern for him in the Chamber of Secrets when she noticed he was hurt, and how she seemed to gravitate towards him at Quidditch practice or at meals. When they were at Hogwarts together, he noticed her eyes on him quite frequently, but he’d only noticed because he was looking too. Combined with his conversation with Ron…

“Do you fancy her?”

“What?”

“That wasn’t a no.”

Ginny was attractive, brilliant, and his interactions with her had been enjoyable, but now that he thought about it, there wasn’t much they had in common besides Quidditch. But maybe that’s because they hadn’t tried to spend much time together. There’s no way he couldn’t actually like her... right? Ron hadn’t seemed to notice anything, though, (not that that was anything new) so he’d never offered an approval or otherwise.

Just as he started the process of trying to unravel his own feelings, the Minister of Magic was there, and Harry had to call Hermione from the yard, trying not to embarrass himself at the weird crack in his voice. He couldn’t get over Ginny’s comment, but that was yet another thing to put on the backburner.

“To what do we owe the pleasure, Minister?”

“I think we both know the answer to that question, Mr. Potter,” he replied, gesturing for them to sit down on the couch. Harry made a point of letting Ron sit in the middle.

When it was all over and Molly was letting everyone know the festivities would be starting soon, Hermione volunteered to bring everything back upstairs with the rest of their stuff as she got ready. Through all of his efforts to help with setup, Molly continued to usher him back into the house, telling him to rest. He was on his second cup of tea when Hermione came downstairs.

“Hey, Harry? I tried to find Ginny to help zip me up, but I guess she’s already outside… Do you think you could…?” She blushed a little as she turned around, and Harry internally cursed Ginny. She probably did it on purpose.

“Of course,” Harry promised, easily repeating the action. “You look beautiful, Hermione.” He’d been avoiding her for most of the day while he dwelled on some hidden feelings he could have been harboring for the past years, apparently, but there was no avoiding her now. In this ceremony of love. Great.

A strange look came over Hemione’s face. “Thanks.”

Harry had never been to a wedding before, so he wasn’t sure what to expect, but he quickly found himself wishing it would be a little quicker. Fleur looked amazing, and Bill looked great, but everyone seemed to be crying before anything had even started, Mrs. Weasley and Madame Delacour the most. It didn’t help that Hermione’s hand had found itself resting on Harry’s knee, which was becoming increasingly distracting. Finally, he caught the part he knew meant it was coming to a close.

“Do you, William Arthur, take Fleur Isabelle…”

Hermione’s hand tightened on his knee, and he put his over it, silently trying to move it before she hurt him. But she thought it was an invitation and turned her hand over instead, lacing their fingers together and squeezing his hand just as hard.

“And do you, Fleur Isabelle, take William Arthur…”

Hermione’s head fell onto his shoulder, and her free hand moved to wrap around his arm. His heart was pounding at Hermione’s closeness - somehow Ginny’s words gave it so much more meaning than he normally would think about. Had it been like this the whole time? He pulled away a little to look at her, and teary eyes quickly met his.

“... then I declare you bonded for life.”

Once the ceremony was over and everybody was up and moving, Hermione wiped her eyes and tried to rub a tear off the shoulder of his shirt with a giggled apology. They parted ways for the reception, and Harry felt like he could breathe again without being nervous, but every once in a while, he caught her eyes and she’d smile, a soft blush on her cheeks. With all the music and laughter, Harry almost had convinced himself that he was allowed to have a good time. He debated asking her to dance, but then he noticed a familiar face across the tent, one he saw in the newspaper, and all thoughts of a party were out the window.

“Excuse me, sir. May I sit down?”

***

As soon as Kingsley’s Patronus vanished after the announcement, the crowd became a frenzy of running, Disapparating, hiding. They had to leave. Hermione had prepared for this, which she was glad. She took one last look at the people around her, some which she may never see again, and ran towards Ron, pushing a couple people out of the way. He was the closest. Then, they searched the panicking crowd for Harry.

“Harry!” she called. It wasn’t until she saw Lupin pushing him towards them that she reached for his hand, immediately Disapparating them out of the reception.

Nearly being hit by a bus seemed like a low risk.

“Where are we?” Ron asked, looking around once they were safely on the sidewalk. He’d probably never seen so much Muggle technology in his life.

“Shaftesbury Avenue,” Hermione answered. “I used to come to the theater here with Mum and Dad. I don’t know why I thought of it; it just popped into my head.” Her brain was on high alert. The street was packed, and any one of these people could be a Death Eater in disguise.

Harry looked in wonder at all the lights, a little overwhelmed by the sirens and honking and people, but he’d never seen anything like this, and the look on Ron’s face told him he never had, either.

“This way,” she continued, leading them down the street and out of the crowds. Once she found an empty alley, she pulled them close to the wall and opened her bag. “We need to change.”

Ron’s eyes widened as she reached almost her entire arm into her bag. “How the ruddy…”

“Undetectable Extension charm,” she quickly explained, handing them each an entire set of clothes.

“You’re amazing, you are,” Ron huffed.

“Always the tone of surprise,” she teased back. A loud thumping, clattering noise came from within the bag and Hermione sighed. “That would be the books. Get dressed.”

“What about you?” Ron asked hesitantly, already sliding his jacket and vest over his shoulders.

Hermione looked down at herself. That was one thing she hadn’t thought about. There was no privacy here. She could turn around for the boys to change - not that it mattered, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop the blush from just thinking about Ron (or Harry, for that matter) in his underwear standing in front of her, no matter the context. But for her, she didn’t want to expose herself in a back alley in London without some kind of cover, and when she was changing, she wouldn’t have her wand on her. “You two change. Then hold your jackets in front of me.”

Harry’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Cover me with your jacket and don’t you dare think about peeking.”

He swallowed, and once Hermione had turned around while they changed, true to her word, he held his jacket up the best he could in front of her and turned his head away as much as possible, Ron next to him doing the same. “This alright?”

“It’ll do.”

She tried not to look at the back of either of their heads as she stripped down not even a foot away from her two best friends. At least the tent she borrowed from Arthur had a private bathroom. A bit disheveled, she pulled on pants, a shirt, and a jacket, ensuring everything was zipped and she was covered before telling them they could turn around. Harry still hesitated for a second.

“That was horrifying,” Hermione groaned as she slid on a new pair of shoes, tossed her dress into the bag, and started walking again.

There weren’t a lot of quiet places open this time of night, but Hermione managed to find an empty café with the neon “OPEN” sign lighting up the side street they’d ventured onto. It was one she remembered passing a couple times on the way to other places, but they never stopped in. This whole area constantly reminded her of her parents and the memories they’d lost, but she pushed it aside. Those memories were what could save their lives.

“What about all the people at the wedding? Do you think we should go back?” Harry asked, keeping a careful eye on the waitress as she moved from behind the counter up to their table.

“They were after you, mate. We’d put everyone in danger by going back.”

“Ron’s right,” Hermione sighed.

“Coffee?” asked the waitress, who seemed irritated that they’d showed up so late in the evening.

“Uh...” Hermione’s eyes glanced towards the front window. “Cappuccino, please.”

“You?”

“What she said.”

“Same,” Harry answered.

The woman left without another word.

“So where do we go from here?” Ron continued. “The Leaky Cauldron?”

Hermione could feel their eyes on her as she shook her head. “It’s too dangerous. If Voldemort really has taken over the Ministry, then none of the old places are safe. Everyone at the wedding will have gone into hiding.”

Harry’s heart sank. “God, my rucksack with all my things. I’ve left it at the Burrow!” Hermione shook her head with a small smirk, subtly patting her bag. “...You’re joking.”

“I packed all our essentials when I was getting ready for the wedding. Just in case.”

“Hermione, you’re-” He paused as the men who just walked in stopped at the counter and drew their wands. “Get down!”

The small café began to explode around them. Hermione ducked across the aisle behind a table while Ron and Harry slid behind another. Choruses of “Stupefy!” rang out as attack after attack on each side launched across the room. Hermione was thankful she’d taught the boys as many non-verbal spells as she could; it provided the element of surprise. Ron took one of the men down, and the other turned to Harry.

“Petrificus Totalus!” The pastry case shattered, but the man was down. The three of them popped their heads up out of their hiding places, panting as the waitress came out from the back and gasped. “Go! Leave!” Hermione ordered, and the woman didn’t hesitate. Hermione’s eyes looked around - the Muggles were going to have to deal with Death Eaters, too, and for a moment, she briefly wondered how many of them would get hurt because of this. Because of them.

“Lock the door. Get the lights,” Harry ordered. This was just a precursor of what was to come, an easy fight compared to what might be in the very near future. Ron used his Deluminator to collect the main lights while Hermione locked the door and pulled the blinds down, turning off that bloody “OPEN” sign as well.

Something had changed in Ron. Maybe it was the fact that it was a war now or the fact that he was face-to-face with the people they were fighting, but Hermione’s heart broke for him at the fact that he even thought about killing these men. Sure, he was right; if it was the other way around, they wouldn’t have a second thought about killing them, but they were teenagers, and Hermione hadn’t figured out yet if she was actually willing to kill somebody for the sake of this fight. If her life was in danger, if Harry’s or Ron’s lives were in danger, maybe, but she tried not to think about it too hard. She’d cross that bridge if she got there.

She did find it much easier, though, to wipe the memories of these random men, even as they were staring into her eyes. It wasn’t something she was proud of, but she knew in her heart that it wouldn’t be the only time she’d have to do something she wouldn’t be proud of. For a fleeting moment, she worried about how easy it had been. But she took a look at Harry, the one all this was for, and knew when this war was over, he’d be safe. In the end, that thought was what made it easy. Once it was done and they’d cleaned up what they could of the glass and debris, Hermione wiped the blood off her cheek with her sleeve. “Let’s go.”

#harry potter #harry and hermione #harry x hermione #hp #hp fanfic #fanfiction #hp fanfiction #archive of our own #ao3 #possumwrites #fluff #angst #smut #hbp #deathly hallows #hbp rewrite #deathly hallows rewrite #rewrite #ifltfic

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posswrites · 2 years

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It Feels Like This - Chapter 6

The following morning she took a seat next to Harry, diagonally from Ron, like nothing had happened, and for a moment, Ron thought he'd dreamt the whole talk in the library.

"Well, I slept wonderfully last night," she started. "I don't know about the two of you."

"Oh, mine was alright," Harry answered with a shrug, taking a bite of his food. "So did you figure out what you're doing about Lavender?"

Hermione looked to Ron with wide eyes. "Oh! Um, not really. We thought we had a plan, but I don't know if it'll work anymore, so… we'll have to come up with something else."

"I might just break up with her, honestly," Ron shrugged. "I'm… I think if we do it wrong, it'll just cause more trouble, you know?"

Harry raised an eyebrow, and so did Hermione.

At their silence, Ron continued. "There's too much going on for all this… deception. There are more important things to worry about."

Hermione swallowed softly and nodded, cutting her gaze to Harry before looking at Ron again. "You're right. You know we're supportive of whatever you decide, Ron. If you want to just… take things into your own hands, that's fine, too. Not necessarily quite as fun," she added for good measure, "but perfectly acceptable. We shouldn't meddle if you don't want us to be a part of it."

She took a slow, deep breath at her prolonged eye contact with Ron. She had decided the best course of action would be to just pretend that last night had been a dream, and she needed to somehow try to convince Harry that they didn't need to take part in their plan anymore. Or she'd just have to tell Ron what was going on. Neither one was ideal, but now that Ron knew about her feelings, she'd just have to wait for him to make good on his promise that nothing would change between them. If she played her cards right, Harry would never have to know what happened the night before, Ron would be single, and Harry would be free to pursue Ginny. Did she really even need his help? Last time she saw them together, they were dancing and seemed to be doing just fine on their own.

"Are you all right?" she suddenly heard Harry ask next to her, pulling her from her thoughts.

"Hm? Oh. Yeah, fine. Fine." He frowned, but didn't push. "You have your next lesson with Dumbledore soon, right?"

"Yeah, tomorrow, actually," Harry answered, moving the food around on his plate. "I'm kind of nervous."

"And you still need to get your answer from Slughorn?" Hermione asked, thankful to change the subject.

"Yeah, but I have no idea how I'm going to get it. He's suspicious of me now, so I can't just go ask him again. Every time he sees me outside of class, he avoids me," Harry sighed.

"Well, maybe you could find a different way to ask him? Beat around the bush, you know?" Ron suggested.

"Or maybe you need a little bit of luck."

Harry's eyes snapped to Hermione, silent for a few seconds as he processed if she was saying what he thought she was saying, but she just smirked into her pumpkin juice.

***

"Well…? How do you feel?" She knew using the Felix Felicis was probably illegal, and definitely against school rules, but if it meant getting life-saving information, Hermione was all for it, especially when she hadn't been able to find anything herself. They'd waited until the common room was empty before Hermione took a seat on the floor next to Ron while Harry sat on the couch, potion in hand, just in case they had to react quickly or something went wrong.

"Excellent. Really excellent." Harry stood quickly with the silliest grin on his face, and Hermione had to stop herself from smiling in return as she and Ron stood, too, focusing on making sure they were all clear on the plan.

"Remember, Slughorn usually eats early, takes a walk, and then returns to his office." She was making eye contact with him, but they were a little glassy, as if he was listening, but not quite paying attention.

"Right," Harry answered, making a move towards the exit. "'I'm going down to Hagrid's."

"What?" Hermione's gaze moved to Ron, who just shrugged quickly. "No, Harry, you've got to go speak to Slughorn!" He looked at her incredulously as he turned back towards them. "We have a plan."

"I know, but… I've got a really good feeling about Hagrid's. I feel like it's… it's the place to be tonight. Do you know what I mean?"

After a pause, "No" came from Hermione and Ron in unison.

"Trust me, I know what I'm doing. Or… Felix does." That grin was back on his face again, and Hermione was speechless as he walked out of the portrait hole.

"Do you trust that potion?" Ron asked as soon as he was gone.

"Right now, I don't know. Maybe it'll work out. Or maybe we'll have to come up with another idea."

"It was brilliant, though. Using it."

Hermione smiled softly. "Thanks."

"Well… might as well stay here and wait for him, yeah? You think he'll be long?"

"I hope not. But since he's going off-plan, who knows?" She crossed her arms and took a seat on the couch. After a few seconds, he hesitantly settled down next to her.

"Do you… want to talk about what happened last night?" he almost whispered, making sure no one was around.

Hermione visibly stiffened again, but sighed. "Not really, but maybe we should."

"I'm sorry, honestly. I just thought… with how close the two of you have been and all, I just figured-"

"We've been pretending," Hermione interrupted. "I was pretending to like him so that you would get jealous. It's stupid, I know."

Ron just nodded, not really sure of what to say. "I mean, I kind of was, if it means anything."

She raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Well, yeah. Just because you were spending loads of time together and I felt left out."

"Left out? We've barely seen you since you started dating Lavender! How do you think we've been feeling?"

"Well, maybe if you hadn't waited so long to tell me how you felt, she wouldn't have kissed me!"

"Oh, so this is my fault now? Feelings don't just work like that, Ron. If you don't like me now, you wouldn't have liked me before." She swallowed hard in frustration, trying not to yell. They needed to have this conversation, and if she left again, she'd just have to talk about it later. Might as well get it over with.

"No, I know, but-"

"Why do you like her?"

"I don't." The quickness and ease of his answer almost made Hermione smile.

"Then what's with all of this? I thought for a second you were trying to make me jealous."

Ron chuckled a little. "Yeah, that was pretty stupid of me, wasn't it?"

"Yes. It was. But… if you still want me to help you get rid of her, I will."

"You don't have to, Hermione. I don't want to… I don't want it to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you."

"It's… not going to hurt me any more than unreciprocated feelings already have."

"Okay, well… if you're sure. What would be the best way to do it, then? I'm just worried she won't believe me."

Hermione sighed softly. "She'd probably prefer quick and painless. Don't pretend to fancy someone else, though. You're right; that'll get too complicated. Just… I don't know, tell her you don't think it's working out anymore or… blame the war, if you want. Tell her you're going to have to help Harry fight and you don't want Voldemort to come after her if you get captured. It's not a lie."

Ron grimaced. "That's so… depressing." Hermione raised her eyebrows as if to say, Yes, well, that's the world now.

"I don't like that she's all over you, but I don't want her to get hurt, either. She doesn't need to be part of this. If he's going to come after anyone, it's us and the people we're close to."

Leaning against the back of the couch, Ron let out a sigh. It was getting real, and once Harry found out what these horcruxes were, something would change, though they weren't sure what.

By the time Harry got back from Hagrid's, Ron and Hermione were asleep on the couch, heads pressed against each other where they fell. The effects of the potion had worn off by now, but he'd gotten the information he needed stored safely in a vial in his pocket. He smiled softly, watching them for a moment before reaching out a hand to gently shake Hermione first. She groaned as she opened her eyes.

"Harry? Are you okay? Did you get your answer?" When she turned to realize her head was pressed against Ron's, she blushed, sitting up quickly and rubbing her eyes.

"Looks like you didn't miss me," he smirked, to which Hermione shook her head, adjusting her hair.

"No, that's… we'll talk about that later. Did you find Slughorn?"

"Yeah, I did." He reached for Ron, waking him up too, who jumped up with a small snore.

"Wuzzapening?" he sniffed, rubbing his face and not even realizing at first how close he'd been to Hermione.

"Slughorn got drunk at Hagrid's," Harry explained matter-of-factly. "It was actually… I mean, it was like it was meant to be, you know?"

"Good, because I really was concerned for a second."

"Well, it worked out." Harry pulled the vial out of his pocket and showed them the memory swirling inside. "This is what we needed. Now we'll at least know what Voldemort's doing. What he's planning."

"That's amazing!" Hermione grinned, looking between the two of them before standing quickly. "Well, I think I should go to bed. We just wanted to make sure you came back in one piece." She hugged Harry quickly. "Goodnight, Harry. Goodnight, Ron." She cleared her throat softly before giving him a wave and heading up the stairs.

"Okay, what happened while I was gone?" Harry laughed as he and Ron headed to their own beds.

"Don't even get me started, mate," Ron huffed, shaking his head. "She told me about your plan."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. Did you… think I fancied her?"

"Well, you talk about her enough. I figured you did."

Ron shrugged. "I mean, I just… we've grown up together, so I feel like she's my sister or something by now. I think it'd be weird, you know?"

Harry shrugged. "I dunno. People we've grown up with are really our only options, aren't they?" he answered as they started changing and getting into bed.

"Wait, do you fancy her?"

"What?"

"That wasn't a no."

"No, I don't, I just… I just meant in general. We've been with the whole school since we were eleven. It's not just Hermione…"

"Mmhmm," Ron answered, though he clearly wasn't convinced. "It's alright if you do, though. Or… if you change your mind."

"We've got more important stuff to worry about right now. I'll think about my feelings later." He pulled the blanket over his shoulder, but didn't say much more, feeling that it wasn't the best time to mention his crush on Ron's sister.

The girl… we need the girl.

As bait, yes.

If we take her, he will follow.

Then we can kill him.

And then kill her.

Harry woke in a cold sweat and immediately scrambled for the Marauder's Map, nearly falling out of bed as he did. When he took a glance towards Ron's bed, he was grateful to still hear him snoring. He pulled out the map, careful in his haste not to tear it. He couldn't even imagine the repercussions if he messed it up. His racing heart calmed a little as Ginny's name was safely displayed in the dorms.

But that meant Voldemort had gotten into his mind again, and now Ginny was vulnerable, which is exactly what he was fighting to prevent. Feelings aside, if Voldemort got Ginny, Ron would come along too, which would put him in danger. They had to end this.

The common room had never felt so empty as it did once Dumbledore had asked Harry to join him on a very important journey to the next horcrux. Within the last few weeks, he'd filled him in on some details, and tonight, they were going to destroy it. He heard Hermione come through the portrait hole before he heard her voice, but it didn't stop his heart racing at her words. "It's time, Harry." He had no idea what to expect on this journey, only that it was incredibly dangerous and it would get them closer to defeating Voldemort once and for all. He'd thrown himself into research after the voice he'd heard in his dreams, not telling Ron or Hermione why he was suddenly so dedicated, suddenly more and more paranoid with every passing day.

Thankfully, they'd already gotten rid of two, which was a huge relief considering how difficult they were to obtain. He was ready to get this over with between hexing Malfoy, enduring detention as well as the hospital wing, finally, with Hermione's insistence, getting rid of his copy of Advanced Potion Making in the Room of Requirement, and hours and hours of research the three of them had been doing. But tonight, they were hunting one down, and Harry's stomach was housing a weird mix of fear and excitement. Even on the way there, he was planning ahead and thinking what Ron and Hermione could do at the castle while he was gone. They were silent as Harry headed to the Astronomy tower, where Dumbledore had asked to meet him, until he had an idea.

"Hermione, is the Room of Requirement unplottable?"

Hermione frowned softly, moving a little closer to Harry so they could talk quieter. "If one wants it to be. Why?"

"Well then that would explain why I thought Malfoy was leaving the castle when he disappeared off the map. He was just going to the Room of Requirement."

"Of course," Hermione exclaimed. "And then that would explain the vanishing cabinet as well."

"Yeah."

Ron piped up as they moved out into the courtyard. "Oh! I got a letter from Dad this morning. The one in Borgin and Burke's is still there."

Harry shook his head. "No, I'm telling you I saw it." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. There had to be an explanation as to what Malfoy was planning - what he'd been "chosen" for. Groups of students were out on the courtyard sitting on blankets on the grass for their free period, and a few of them made eye contact, but it wasn't until he noticed a set of twins that something clicked in his brain. "What if there are two vanishing cabinets?"

"What if there are?"

Harry paused. Though a good idea, it still didn't help. It didn't make sense of anything. "I don't know. But Hermione, I want you to take the map and keep an eye on him and Snape. With Dumbledore gone, Malfoy will be free to do whatever it is he's planning."

"Harry-"

"No, listen to me. Ron, there's a pair of socks in my trunk that has the rest of the Felix Felicis in it. Share it between the both of you. Dumbledore's got the castle protected, but even if Snape knows what the enchantments are, he won't be expecting you to be keeping an eye on him."

"No, you need to take the potion, Harry," she whispered, grabbing his arm as they neared the Astronomy tower, afraid that if they got too close, she wouldn't be able to say goodbye. "You have no idea what you're about to be up against!"

"I'll be fine, Hermione," Harry promised, or at least tried to. "I'll be with Dumbledore. I want to make sure that you two are okay. Don't look at me like that. I'll see you later."

Ron took a deep breath. "Good luck, mate," he said honestly, trying to ignore the tugging in his heart that wondered if this would be the last time he'd ever see him.

Hermione hugged him tightly anyway, and kissed his cheek, a gesture he subconsciously returned, but it only seemed to make Hermione more worried.

"I have to go. I'll come get you as soon as I'm back, okay? I'll wake you up."

"I'm not sleeping while you're gone, Harry," Hermione breathed. "I just need to know you're safe."

"I will be," he replied, hugging her again before finally pulling away to walk slowly towards the Astronomy tower.

Later that night, well after dinner, there was a commotion echoing through the castle, and everyone rushed to evacuate in a panic. In the courtyard they'd just been hours earlier, lay Dumbledore's body. Students and staff alike provided a wide berth, afraid to get closer. Hermione gasped at the sight, clutching Ron's sleeve, and all awkwardness that may have been between them was gone as he pulled her into a tight hug, unsure of what to say himself. He raised his eyes to the sky and swallowed hard at the sight of the Dark Mark the Death Eaters had left. This was war.

Movement caught the corner of his eye and he saw Harry approach, and sighed in relief that he hadn't been killed, too. But now, there were no more clues. They were screwed.

"Harry," Hermione whispered, pulling away from Ron as he passed. Harry didn't need to be alone in this. She watched closely as he had his moment with the body before setting aside her own grief to take slow, deliberate steps towards him. She didn't care what the rest of the school would think; it was almost as if her movement wasn't even up to her. As soon as he hand touched Harry's shoulder, she felt him shudder, the dam holding everything back breaking, and he turned towards her, clutching the locket in one hand and her with the other. She let her tears roll onto him as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held him. Her heart broke for him, for all of them, for the school, for everyone watching, for all the information he could have provided to help them win this. Now, she wasn't sure what to do. She didn't want to do anything. For the first time she could remember, she wanted to give up, but hearing Harry sobs into her shirt gave her a renewed will to fight. She had to protect him like he was protecting her.

Slowly, Hermione opened her eyes when she noticed a dim light growing stronger. She wiped her tears on what she could reach of her sleeve to see hundreds of wands being raised towards the sky in grief for their headmaster. She took a deep, calming breath. They would be okay. They would win. They would figure this out no matter what it took because what other choice did they have? Ron made eye contact with her and nodded.

By the next evening, it seemed like nothing had happened. Dumbledore's body had been moved in preparation for the funeral, the staff had begun to clean up the destruction in the Great Hall, and the ink-poisoned clouds had disappeared with the wind. It was quiet. None of them had slept that night, and tired as they were, spent all day with Harry in near silence. Classes had been canceled and everyone kept to themselves in what may have been the most depressing day at Hogwarts they'd ever had, even more so than the day after Cedric's death. They had moved on pretty quickly after Cedric, but losing Dumbledore was a different story entirely. Hushed voices sounded in the halls as teachers tried to figure out what to do. And every time they saw McGonagall, it looked like she was struggling to keep it together, but she didn't crack once.

Ron and Hermione didn't protest when Harry took a plate from the Great Hall at dinner and left, instead quickly following him with their own food up to the Astronomy Tower. Ron winced a little at the top as he glanced down to the courtyard, briefly thinking for a moment that it was probably better that Dumbledore was already dead when he fell. Harry ate quickly and moved to the balcony, two sets of eyes on him carefully. Hermione knew he'd have to talk about it eventually, but let Harry have his moment before setting her plate down and joining him. Ron stayed behind - on one hand, he didn't want to crowd him, but he also knew Hermione was better at this stuff than he was.

She stood next to Harry for a minute before speaking. "Do you think he would have done it? Draco?" Vanishing cabinet and Death Eaters aside, she couldn't imagine him actually murdering someone, not with how he'd been looking lately, and she wondered if that had anything to do with it.

"No." It was the first thing he'd said since he left the day before, and it almost shocked Hermione; part of her wasn't expecting him to answer. "No, he was lowering his wand. In the end, it was Snape. It was always Snape… and I did nothing." She turned to answer, to take his hand, to hug him, to do something, but he was giving her the locket. "It was fake. Open it."

Hermione glanced up at him in disbelief, but he was serious. Sure enough, with shaky fingers, she pulled a piece of paper out of the inside and unfolded it, reading it aloud. "R.A.B. Who's R.A.B.?"

"Dunno. But whoever they are, they have the real horcrux. And it means it was all a waste. All of it."

Hermione took a deep breath. "I think Ron would be okay with it, you know. You and Ginny," she muttered. It had been an unspoken conversation between them in the past few hours that their plan was over. It wasn't worth it. If there was ever a time to not be worried about who you're dating, it was now. They could handle it all after Voldemort was gone.

"I'm not coming back, Hermione. I've got to finish whatever Dumbledore started. And… I don't know where that'll lead me, but I'll let you and Ron know where I am when I can."

"I've always admired your courage, Harry," she teased. "But sometimes, you can be really thick." When he turned to her with confusion, Hermione almost laughed. "You don't really think you'll be able to find all those horcruxes by yourself, do you?" Harry looked back out over the landscape, but she leaned forward to catch his eyes once more. He wasn't getting away from this conversation, hard as it may be. "You need us, Harry."

She wasn't expecting him to reach over and take her hand, but she squeezed his in return before he pulled it back. "I never realized how beautiful this place was." As they looked out into the sunset, a screech in the sky almost brought tears to Hermione's eyes again. "Fawkes," she heard Harry whisper as the phoenix flew over their heads and into the sun.

"What's going to happen to him?" Hermione asked, leaning her head onto Harry's shoulder. She found herself wanting to be as close to Harry as physically possible now that she wasn't sure when her last moment with him would be, and it was terrifying.

"He's free, I guess. I don't know who else he'd go to. I'd imagine he's part of the Dumbledore family. Now that there's none of them left…"

"Maybe he'll come back. Maybe he'll help us again."

"Maybe. I guess we'll have to find out, right? Wherever we are?"

"Wherever we are."

#harry potter #harry and hermione #harry x hermione #hermione granger #hbp #fanfiction #fanfic #hp fanfiction #hp fanfic #archive of our own #ao3 #possumwrites #fluff #angst #smut #hbp rewrite #hp rewrite #ifltfic

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It Feels Like This - Chapter 5

"I can't believe you suggested that," Harry began as they made their way to the library after they finished eating. Hermione had finally relaxed her shoulders after Ron had been eager to start this plan immediately, after Harry filled him in on what he'd found out from Dumbledore, and left the table to brag about Hermione to Lavender, which made her blush. ("You know, it's funny, Hermione. When we first met, I'd never in a million years want to brag about you, but now, there's plenty you can do that she couldn't dream of.")

Hermione groaned. "I can't either. It feels so stupid. But I thought that maybe in pretending, he'd realize how he actually feels about me? It sounded like a good idea at the time, but now that I'm trying to figure it out, I'm not sure it is."

"Well, really the only thing that's affected is our plan. Should I keep pretending with you or do we not want to do that anymore?"

"I don't know." She took a deep breath, running a hand through her hair. "Let's just worry about horcruxes, okay? That seems much easier right now."

Except it wasn't. In the two hours before class started, neither Harry nor Hermione had anything except a stack of books higher than their heads.

"I can't believe there's nothing! There's never nothing but this… it's like horcruxes don't even exist." She flipped through the same book for the fifth time absentmindedly, as if something would appear that wasn't there before. "I've never come up this empty-handed." Hermione ran a hand over her face as her head fell onto Harry's shoulder next to her.

"Not even in the restricted section?"

"Not even in the restricted section. But I suppose I can check again."

"Yeah, of course. I'll come back with you."

"You don't have to do that, Harry." She picked her head up and turned to face him.

"I know. But I'm not expecting you to do research on this by yourself. I know you're better at it than I am, but this concerns me more than you. You shouldn't have to do it all."

A tired smile crossed Hermione's face. "Thank you. You know I'm not going to let you do anything by yourself either, right?"

"We'll see," he chuckled, quickly taking notes of the books they had out before standing. "Come on. Let's put these back and head to class. We don't want to be late when exams are coming up."

Hermione's jaw dropped. "Okay, who are you and what have you done with Harry Potter?"

"Well, you're taking a page out of my book. I figured I'd take a page out of yours," he shrugged. Hermione just shook her head as she gathered her books and left the table.

They went their separate ways to put them back, and Hermione knew she did need to focus on class, but there was a part of her that started prioritizing Harry's safety. School would always be there, and she could go back after all this was done. But though her class assignments obviously needed to get done, and testing was going to happen, keeping Harry alive was a lot more important. She couldn't lose him. Even the thought of it hurt. Harry was… well, she didn't want to think about it too much. Having a best friend was something she wasn't ready to give up yet. She and Ron would probably be fine, but Harry was the main target, and she knew that.

"Are you all right?" Harry's voice drew her back out of the negative thoughts, and she smiled when she turned to him. He was here now, and that's what mattered.

"Yeah. I am," she breathed as the last of her books slipped back into its place on the shelf. "Sorry, just thinking."

Harry only nodded. "We'll be okay, Hermione." He'd noticed Hermione seeming to space out a little bit lately, and he knew she was taking Voldemort's comeback hard. They all were, but it seemed to affect her a little more frequently than usual. Her brain was always thinking, always working, and she kept putting more and more on her plate. And he hated that he kept adding more mysteries that she expected to solve. He needed to think of a way to ease that stress, and if that meant helping her research, he would. Withholding information, even, if it came down to it. He was smart - there were some things he could figure out himself.

Hermione took a deep breath. "I know we will."

Their walk to class was silent, and a little farther apart than normal just at the fear of getting too emotional too early in the morning. But Hermione found herself longing to be near his side. After all the closeness and touching they'd been doing over the past week, this distance was… odd.

She didn't sit next to Harry in Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Instead, she immediately took a seat next to Ron, leaving Seamus to partner with Harry, who looked over in confusion.

"Ron, I need your help with something," she whispered as she set out her book and a piece of parchment to write on.

Ron seemed a little taken aback at Hermione needing his help, but he answered quickly. "Yeah, of course. Whatever you need."

"I need Harry's Invisibility Cloak."

Ron's eyes glanced over at Harry, who was taking out his books and talking to Seamus. "What for?" he asked quickly.

"I need to do some research in the restricted section and I don't want to be interrupted."

"And I assume Harry doesn't know you have this plan?"

"No," she admitted. "But I don't want to go into your dorm while everyone's in bed, so I need you to get it for me tonight." Hermione halted, sitting up a bit straighter as Snape walked by, moving to the front of the room to give them instruction for the day.

More than usual, Defense Against the Dark Arts had been stressful once Harry had told them about what Snape was up to. It seemed like he was tenser than normal, as if he knew there was something they knew.

"Ms. Granger and Mr. Weasley, is there something you'd like to share with the rest of the class?"

Hermione's cheeks turned scarlet, and she looked down at her parchment. Ron spoke up. "No, Professor."

"Then I suggest you save your conversations for afterwards."

"Yes, sir," she peeped. Once Snape's back was turned, she quickly wrote a note on the top of her paper: After class. Ron looked over the message and nodded, and the rest of the class went by smoothly, though Hermione caught Snape eyeing them every once in a while.

As soon as they were dismissed, Ron and Hermione seemed to be the first ones out of the room, getting to the door well before Harry, even though he was across the aisle. He frowned as they snuck off.

"So what is it that you're researching?" Ron asked as soon as they were alone in a side corridor that wasn't usually too busy. Not very much risk of people coming by, though it didn't get past Hermione that she hadn't been alone with Ron in a while. But she wasn't going to lie; it did make her heart flutter a little bit, though she tried to convince herself it was just because they had a secret plan.

"The horcruxes," she whispered. "We went to the library before class this morning, but I couldn't find anything. I was able to get some restricted books, but I know there has to be something else in there. I didn't look through everything."

"Shouldn't Harry be trying to figure that out too? Why is it a secret?"

Hermione sighed, leaning against the wall. "I don't… I don't want him to think I'm doing too much. He keeps asking me if I'm okay, but I want to do my part too, you know?"

"Yeah, of course. Do you want me to come with you?"

As inviting as being under the Cloak with Ron was, Hermione shook her head. "No. If Harry finds you out at night, he's going to get suspicious and come looking. He won't know I'm gone. Please, Ron, I'll come up with something for Lavender for you." She watched his face for a second as a smirk came over his face.

"Okay. Look, if it's getting rid of her, I'll do whatever it takes. Tonight, right?" Hermione nodded. "Done. I'll meet you in the common room at 10, after everyone's in bed."

"Thank you," she whispered, resisting the urge to kiss him.

"Hey! Where'd you two run off to?" Harry laughed, waving to Seamus as he caught them out of the corner of his eye.

"Sorry, Lavender planning," Hermione answered. "I wanted to make sure we talked about it before I forgot."

"You, forget something?"

Hermione rolled her eyes, playfully smacking his shoulder. "It happens occasionally. I… think we've agreed, though, right? About the plan?" Her eyes looked toward Ron, who nodded.

"Do I get to be in on it?"

"Maybe," Ron answered. "Once it's really in motion, you know. Don't want to say too much out here. She might hear."

Hermione couldn't help but smile sheepishly, a small subconscious giggle bubbling up in her chest. There was no way this was actually happening. Ron had agreed to go behind Harry's back to help her. It seemed unreal.

She basically had to force Harry to bed that night, promising that she'd be right up behind him, and that Harry needed his rest as Quidditch captain. It was true; Harry couldn't deny it. So, he'd reluctantly left Hermione in the common room.

Her heart was racing as she waited for Ron. It seemed too quiet, and she began to worry that he hadn't been able to do it. Then what would she do? How would she know? What if Harry had kept Ron up talking to him and he couldn't get away?

But after what seemed like forever, Hermione finally let out a sigh of relief when she saw Ron heading down the stairs with the Cloak in his hands. "You made it," she grinned, standing from the couch and reaching out her hands.

"Yeah, sorry it took so long. I wanted to wait for him to fall asleep. And it's kind of hard to find, because… well… you know." He held the fabric out to Hermione, who laughed a little and nodded.

Ron grinned as she took it, a half smile Hermione realized she hadn't seen in longer than she realized. "You sure you don't want me to come with you?"

For a split second, it sounded like Ron wanted to join her. She grabbed two corners of the cloak and held it up against her body. "I really don't think we'll fit, but if you really want to go to the library… I'm not going to say no."

"We've done it before."

"We were eleven, Ron. You've grown a little bit."

Ron rolled his eyes playfully. "Come on, Hermione. I want to help. I feel like I've been kind of… useless lately."

"Because you haven't left Lavender's side." Hermione winced internally - that had come out a little harsher than she'd intended.

"I know. It's not that I don't want to hang out with you, I just… she's…"

Hermione nodded. "Well, we don't have time to discuss it, okay? If you really want to come, we can try to squeeze under here. If not, I'll bring this back before morning." She tried to hide the shakiness in her voice at the option, or the hope she was sure leaked through. Her eyes moved down to her feet as she waited for his answer. Honestly, she wasn't really sure which one she'd prefer. On one hand, she'd love the alone time with Ron, and if she really thought about it, the library could be romantic in the right setting. On the other hand, tagging another person along on a mission that involved stealth could create a whole other set of issues, especially since keeping quiet hadn't always been Ron's specialty.

"Okay, fine. Let's go, then." He took the Cloak back from her and opened it, tossing it over their heads and scooting in close so they'd be mostly covered. Hermione's breath caught, and she tried to steady it. He was nearly pressed against her back, and she could feel him breathing lightly on her hair. "Is this okay? I think our feet are covered. I remember there being a lot more space under here."

Hermione nodded. "I told you we were a lot smaller," she whispered. "Okay, I have no idea how we're going to do this, but we'll have plenty of time to get there."

"Right." He held it above them a little while she raised the front so she wouldn't trip over it. They took a couple minutes to practice maneuvering so close to each other while walking, but as if nothing had changed in the past five years (and what had, really?), Hermione was surprised to find their silent communication and subtle body movements steering each other almost effortlessly.

She couldn't help but smile. "It feels like we're back in first year again," she laughed.

"Except without Fluffy."

"Don't jinx it."

Ron spoke again as they were about to leave the common room. "Are you wearing the perfume I gave you?"

Hermione paused. "Yes," she replied, unsure of the emotion she was supposed to portray.

"Good. I like it better on you than just from the bottle."

"Thanks," she replied, though she was glad she was in front of him so he couldn't see the deep blush that suddenly appeared on her face.

They made it to the library without much turmoil, though Hermione had gotten nervous when Ron accidentally stepped on a corner of the Cloak on the stairs and it pulled off of them entirely. Luckily, it had been easy to get to a shadow and throw it back on without being spotted. She really wished she'd gotten the Marauder's Map, too, so she could find some hidden passages.

"Have you tried-"

"Sh," Hermione whispered, jumping a little at Ron's voice, almost having forgotten he was behind her. "We'll talk inside."

She flicked her wand towards the door and heard a click as it unlocked. This wasn't anything new to her, but as soon as they slipped in and Ron began again, Hermione put her hand up, shushing him once more.

"Homenum Revelio." A few seconds later, she quickly pulled the Cloak off of them, taking a deep breath of relief at the cool air.

"What was that?" Ron asked, running his fingers through his hair to fix it.

"Detection spell," Hermione explained. "Haven't you learned that one?"

"No… maybe. I don't know. But… the lock. How many nonverbals can you do?"

Hermione rolled her eyes playfully as she folded the cloak up and draped it over her arm. "Only ones I know really well. Otherwise, I still have to say it. Haven't you been practicing?! We're supposed to be learning and you know it'll be on our exams!"

"I'm barely decent at verbal spells, Hermione. Help me."

"Not here," she whispered. "But… I can later."

"So what are we looking for?"

Part of her suddenly regretted bringing him along and wondered if the closeness was worth it, but she realized this was Ron, and she should be grateful that he was trying to help at least. Plus, she'd get him all to herself for a little bit instead of Lavender, which brewed up a strange feeling of pride and the urge to boast that she wasn't used to. "Information about horcruxes. Or any kind of Dark magic that might point us in that direction."

"Do we know what they do?"

"No, just the name."

"Right." His eyes scanned the shelves of books they passed as they headed to the Restricted Section. "That's it, huh? Just the name."

Hermione turned to him, crossing her arms. "Something wrong with that? I told you what this was going to be. Harry and I just ran out of time this morning."

"No, no, I just… we're gonna be here all night, aren't we?"

"That was the plan."

Ron just nodded, but Hermione could tell he wasn't incredibly excited about the realization. She didn't have time to dwell on it, instead unlocking the gate to the Restricted Section and getting to work by the light of her wand. Within a few minutes, she'd taken a few books that looked promising and deposited them onto a small table, where Ron was seated with two books of his own, looking at them with a kind of glazed-over look in his eyes. Well, at least he tried. Hermione sat down next to him and opened the cover of the first book. "Do you even know how to do research?" she teased.

"No, not really," Ron responded with a smirk, opening his own and skimming the first page.

When he'd been silent for a while, Hermione looked over to find Ron snoring a little with his cheek resting on one of the books. She smiled, pushing his hair back a little hesitantly so he wouldn't wake up. When he didn't, she relaxed, just looking at him. She hadn't really gotten to see him asleep very often, only a few times when she'd had to wake him up at the Burrow. Now, though, in one of her favorite places, it had been a while since she had seen him this peaceful, this relaxed.

He didn't wake up until a couple hours later, when Hermione had been through all her books and she'd grabbed some more. She found herself yawning a few times, but she was glad for the company. His eyes opened and he picked his head up off the book. "What time is it?" he asked, rubbing his face.

"Almost one."

"Oh… have you found anything?"

"Nothing. It's… so frustrating."

"M'sorry. Anything I can help with?"

"I don't think so," Hermione sighed. "But thank you for coming, anyway. I'm glad you got some sleep."

Ron chuckled nervously. "I thought I'd be able to stay up longer. This stuff is just so boring."

"Agreed. I think I'm about ready to call it a night myself, honestly." She yawned again to prove her point and closed her book. "I guess we'll just have to count on Harry to get the answer from Slughorn."

"He can do it. You know he can."

"I know he can." Hermione repeated. "I just sometimes wish he didn't have to."

Ron was quiet as she put her books back. It was a little unnerving at first, but he came up behind her to help replace the books. "It's always been the three of us, hasn't it? Doing all this. Fighting monsters and solving problems."

"Yeah."

"Don't you ever wonder why?"

Hermione paused, frowning softly, and turned around. "What do you mean?"

Ron shrugged. "I dunno. I just… we put ourselves in danger every year. And other students don't have to. They get to be normal and just be kids, while we're out fighting wars."

"I've been thinking about that a lot, too, honestly," Hermione admitted. "It's not fair. I know that. But… we've succeeded this far. We're good at it. We're good at learning and fighting and knowing each other. I mean, you and Harry are my best friends. I'm going to do whatever it takes to protect you."

"And we'd do the same for you."

"I know you would. As far as all of this goes, though, I guess that's just the consequences of you saving me from that troll," she teased.

"Hey, that was all Harry's idea," Ron laughed.

"Are you saying you wouldn't have gone after me?"

"Back then, no. I didn't like you, remember? Well, neither did Harry, but he was the one who remembered you were in the bathroom when everyone was evacuating."

"...Really?"

"Yeah. You didn't know that?" Hermione shook her head. "Oh. Yeah. But now, of course, I'd be the first one there."

Hermione wasn't sure how to feel about that. Harry had tried to protect her even when he didn't like her. No wonder he'd been sorted into Gryffindor. It hadn't really bothered her that much that Ron hadn't been involved - she didn't like him back then, either. The whole reason she was in the bathroom in the first place was because Ron had insulted her. But the man in front of her now would never say anything like that.

"It's funny how much things have changed, isn't it?" Ron continued.

"Yeah, it is."

She stared at him for a minute until an awkward smile came over his face. "What?"

Hermione averted her gaze quickly. "Nothing, nothing."

"Come on, you can tell me. We're alone."

She swallowed hard. Should she just tell him and get all of this over with? What if he said no? That would definitely change things. Maybe. At least for her. But what other chance would she have? Maybe it was the tiredness talking, but she slowly took the seat next to Ron.

"I was just thinking about how our relationship has changed."

Ron nodded softly. "Yeah." He half-smiled as he lifted a couple of books to their place. Hermione paused. She was suddenly nervous. She found her hands shaking subconsciously and quickly stopped them. She had no issue with telling Viktor that she fancied him, and she had no problem pretending with Harry, but this… this was different entirely.

"Ron, I-"

He turned to look at her. "I know, Hermione."

Her eyes widened. "You… you do?"

"Yeah. It's great, though. I don't mind."

"You… you don't mind?"

"Not really. I mean, it could make things a bit weird, you know, at times, but I've known for a bit. Seems kind of sudden in execution, though. Not exactly how I expected, but I guess other things have changed quickly, too."

Hermione's shoulders slumped in relief. If he already suspected, though she didn't think she'd been that obvious, it would be a lot easier considering he hadn't seemed to change their relationship. Then again, that didn't necessarily mean that was a good thing. "Ron, I've fancied you for years," she said with a chuckle.

Ron was silent again and Hermione's smile fell instantly when she couldn't read his expression. "Wait, what?"

"I… I thought that's… that's what you were talking about. I…" she fumbled, her brow furrowing as she felt her eyes prickle with embarrassment. Hermione blinked quickly, trying to calm herself down. "What were you talking about?"

"I… thought you fancied Harry."

I don't mind. His words ricocheted in her ears. If he didn't mind, it meant he didn't feel the same way about her. Or he did, but thought Harry was better. She let out a humorless laugh, rolling her eyes. Of course this is how this would work out for her. And now Ron knew, and their plan was ruined and she'd have to tell Harry. Ron would have to see her pretend to have a crush on Harry while knowing he was really the one she wanted. It was all too much. And though it was childish and there was a reason she hadn't done it in a while, she grabbed the Invisibility Cloak from the table and sped off between the shelves and out of Ron's sight.

"Hermione, wait!" he half-whispered after her, but by the time he put the rest of his books down and moved in the direction he saw her go, she was gone.

How could he not have noticed? It all came together to culminate in the moments from the Yule Ball to just a few months ago when she'd sent those birds after him: the looks, the worry, the jealousy, the care he'd come to feel from her. The rumors were true. Lavender was right, though there was no way he could tell her. He took a deep breath, hoping Hermione didn't leave the library - otherwise he would have no way of getting back to the dorms undetected. He needed to find her, and spent a few minutes weaving through aisle after aisle in silence, trying to listen out for any sign of her. When he was about to give up, he closed his eyes, racking his brain for the spell she used.

"Homenum Revelio," he whispered with a hand on his wand, unsure of what would happen. But he felt a tug in a direction behind him, like a compass. He walked slowly as he followed the instinct. The stronger it got, the more careful he stepped, making sure he didn't run into her or step on her if she still had the Cloak on. Then, when it was right in front of him, he hesitantly reached a hand out to tug the fabric off of her. Her arms were wrapped around her knees as her eyes stayed focused on the floor, unmoving.

"Hermione."

She just shook her head softly.

"Hermione…" Ron slowly dropped to one knee in front of her. "Hermione, look at me." Tear-reddened eyes met his for a brief second, and it broke Ron's heart. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I didn't realize…"

"It's okay," she whispered, looking down at the floor again. "I shouldn't have assumed."

"Me either." He moved to sit down next to her. "I really didn't know, though. I mean, I guess it makes sense and I'm starting to realize how thick I've been. But it… doesn't change anything between us. I promise it won't."

He barely heard her say, "I just thought you might feel the same way."

Ron nodded. "I… I'm sorry, Hermione. I… You're beautiful and brilliant and amazing, but-"

"Don't."

Ron's mouth shut softly. "You are, though. And obviously, it's not like I'd be opposed or anything, but that's just… not how I've thought about you much."

She wrenched her eyes up at him again. "Ron, please stop. I don't want to talk about it right now, okay? Maybe we can later, but… I just want to go back to bed." She sniffed, wiping her eyes with her sleeve and rising to her feet. Ron followed, looking at the Cloak in his hands.

"Are you okay with going back under this with me?"

Hermione nodded wordlessly and Ron crept into place behind her before tossing it over the both of them as they started back towards the common room. Ron had so many questions for her, but he knew she wasn't going to talk about it tonight, if at all. But he couldn't help the guilt that seeped into his chest at almost every interaction they'd had for the past year. He felt lucky that she bid him goodnight after sliding the Cloak off, folding it neatly, and depositing it back into Ron's arms.

"Goodnight, Ron."

"'Night, Hermione." He watched her walk up the stairs, wondering what he was going to tell Harry if she didn't show up for breakfast. He also couldn't ask if Harry knew about her crush without telling him how he'd found out. Maybe he shouldn't have gone with her after all.

#harry potter #harry and hermione #harry x hermione #hp #hp fanfic #fanfiction #hp fanfiction #archive of our own #ao3 #possumwrites #fluff #angst smut #hbp #hbp rewrite #hp rewrite #harmony #harmione #ifltfic

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posswrites · 2 years

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It Feels Like This - Chapter 4

“We’re starting to get… noticed.” Hermione had volunteered them as partners in Potions class, and when Slughorn announced he was handing out the ingredients for Amortentia, she nearly rolled her eyes.

“How is this going to be at all helpful in life? This is way too advanced for sixth year students and it’s not even going to be on our exams!” she’d whispered to Harry but smiled politely when the professor brought them the supplies with an expression that made both of them slightly uncomfortable for a reason they couldn’t put their finger on. Harry, of course, had chosen to supplement with the Half-Blood Prince’s book, flipping and researching more than Hermione had seen him do in the six years she’d known him. If she didn’t know any better, she’d think he was enjoying himself.

“Noticed how?” he asked as he began to stir the mix of ingredients, a grin coming over his face when steam began to rise. But Hermione quickly slapped his hand away and took over.

“You’re supposed to stir it anti-clockwise, not clockwise.” The steam began to dwindle, and she frowned, already frustrated that Harry was doing better than her again .

“My book says clockwise.” He pointed at the crossed-out instructions in his book with the ever-present intricate handwriting next to them.

“But your book-”

“Made me Living Death.”

Hermione took a second before letting out a huff and reluctantly moving her wrist the opposite direction. When the steam began to increase again, she pointed a playful glare at Harry but didn’t say a word.

“So how have we been noticed? Who’s ‘we’?”

“You and I,” Hermione clarified. “While you were at Quidditch practice last night, Parvati asked me what was going on between us. She said I’d probably need to make the first move because you don’t know what you’re doing.” Her hand paused and she shut her mouth quickly. “I’m sorry. I have no idea why I said that.”

Harry was at a loss for words. He knew that Parvati was right, but agreeing with her would admit that to Hermione. But he couldn’t disagree with her without seeming conceited and oblivious of the fact that he’d actually only gotten one date with the girl he'd been interested in, and even then, he'd left early (to go see Hermione, no less). So he didn’t respond and let her continue.

“Anyway, she, er… she’s just noticed us getting closer, that’s all. I told her it was complicated.”

“Complicated?”

“It certainly feels like it,” she chuckled. “Ron hasn’t said anything to you, has he?”

Harry glanced up at his friend, who was working with Seamus across the room and seemed to be standing a little farther away from the cauldron than was necessary. “No. Other than what he said on the train, he hasn’t talked about you much at all, really. I think he’s afraid Lavender’s listening in or something.”

Hermione snorted. “He can’t possibly be that thick, can he?”

“Maybe you should make a move, then. Be more obvious.”

“What, like snogging you in the middle of the common room?”

“I mean, it would get the point across,” he laughed, to which Hermione responded by closing her Potions book and smacking Harry’s arm with it, though it was paired with a laugh of her own. “Right. Sorry. Paying attention.”

“I mean, I know it's been a lot longer than we planned, but it's... kind of fun, honestly."

“I’m actually surprised we’ve gotten away with it. No offense.”

“Harry, you think I can’t act?” She said it with a smirk that made Harry a little nervous. “I know how to play this game, okay? I’ve done it before.”

“You mean when you went to the Yule Ball with Krum?” he smirked back.

A faint blush came over Hermione’s cheeks. “No! That was… that was not the reason at all I went with Viktor. He asked me and no one else had, so I went with him.” She cleared her throat softly. “It was middle school. And… there was this boy I liked called Evan.” She read through the recipe again before grabbing a vial and popping the cork. “But he didn’t like me, so… I pretended to like someone else so that he would get jealous.”

“And? Did it work?”

“No,” Hermione laughed. “Almost, but I don’t think he really noticed. Or he just pretended not to. Either way, I didn’t end up with him. So now, I get to try to redeem myself.”

“Well, just do it better this time, then,” he teased. “Like… for this potion. What should I say it smells like?”

“You could say my perfume?”

“Right. Hermione’s perfume. Not obvious at all.”

“Not like that. It’s like... Haven’t you smelled it?”

“Of course. But it’s hard to describe...”

“Oh. Well… it’s… I think it’s sandalwood and… vanilla.”

“No one will know what that means, Hermione.”

“Then just say... books or something. And I don't know, what smells do you think about when you think of me?” she giggled. “All I’m thinking about is a litter box.”

“I’m not saying you smell like a litter box,” Harry laughed. “Maybe if I’m desperate.”

Hermione smirked and nudged him with her shoulder.

***

“That looks beautiful!” Slughorn praised at the end of class once he got to their table. “I’d say the pair of you are the only ones who’ve successfully accomplished creating one of the most difficult potions to make.” He patted Hermione on the shoulder. “All right, Harry? We know Ms. Granger's answer, but what do you smell? I love hearing this from my students.” He muttered that last comment to a random Hufflepuff at the table next to him, who just nodded politely.

Harry’s eyes cut to Hermione and he cleared his throat before leaning over the cauldron. The liquid inside was swirling and had such a sheen that he almost wanted to dip his finger in it just to see what would happen. “Well, um…” They had been over this; he leaned over the cauldron and took a deep breath. Maybe it was his brain playing with him, but he found he wasn't having to pretend at all. “Vanilla? Fresh ink on parchment… and…” He sniffed again; he’d recognize that smell anywhere. “Chocolate pancakes?”

Hermione let out a small gasp next to him, but quickly covered it with a cough.

“Excellent! I wish I was so lucky to smell chocolate pancakes!” Slughorn laughed. “Fifty points to Gryffindor!”

He didn’t keep them for much longer after class, but the look that Ron seemed to be giving them had Hermione hopeful.

“Did you see the look on his face? Great job on those answers, by the way. Fresh ink on parchment? Brilliant.” Hermione was almost giddy at the thought, not mentioning anything until they were back in the common room after class. Ron had walked with them (between them) a little bit, his eyes shifting between his friends, but Lavender had found him mid-conversation and dragged him off. Hermione didn’t want to think about where they were going, but she did feel better about the small squeeze Harry gave her hand as he locked their fingers together. It was a friendly gesture either way. Comforting. “I’m going to go change, okay? I’ll see you at dinner?”

Harry nodded quickly, catching Ginny out of the corner of his eye. She looked happier than normal, which was always a good sign. “Yeah, I’ll see you later.” Hermione looked over at Ginny, then back to Harry with a wink. Harry huffed out a smile before heading off.

“Hey, Ginny!” he grinned, reaching out to touch her on the shoulder.

“Oh, hi, Harry! Long time no see,” she teased.

“Right. Yeah. I just wanted to make sure you were all right. I know you and Dean were-”

“Yeah, we… worked things out when I found him after I got off the train and I think we both agreed that it was better for us just to be friends.” She crossed her arms in front of her, and Harry tried to keep his expression neutral. “I’m sorry about how I acted at Slughorn’s Christmas party, by the way. I didn’t want to tell you back at home just because I know Fred and George are listening in and keeping an eye on the two of us, but… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten so upset when you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Oh, it’s… fine. Really, you’ve got every right to feel however you do. I just didn’t like seeing you upset, that’s all.”

“Thanks, Harry. That's... sweet."

“Would you like to join us for dinner tonight?”

A glint of amusement flashed in her eyes. “You mean you and Hermione?”

“What? No. I mean, yes, me and Hermione, but Luna, Neville... everyone else?”

“It’s okay,” she laughed. “Thank you for the invite, but I think I’m going to catch up with Susan and maybe Cho. Since break, you know.”

“Right, yeah.” Harry nodded. “Maybe next time.”

“There’s dinner every night, so yes,” Ginny grinned.

“Okay. Good.”

“Good.”

Ron showed up at the Gryffindor table alone, saying that Lavender had made plans to study with her friends, and he sounded a little relieved. He seemed chattier with Hermione, too, which was a pleasant surprise, and Harry kept quiet most of the time and let them talk. It was one of the few times recently that she hadn’t been annoyed with Ron, which was nice to see again.

Harry didn’t sleep well at all that night, though. His dreams woke him what seemed like every hour, and he opened his eyes with a start, drenched in sweat. After he’d resigned to the fact that he wasn’t getting much more rest, he finally sat up and ran a hand through his hair before stepping out of bed and silently rummaging through his trunk to pull out the Marauder’s Map. He’d gotten into the probably not-so-great habit of looking at it when he couldn’t sleep, and a part of him knew it was probably subconsciously making sure that no one was in the castle who shouldn’t be in the middle of the night. Now, he wondered if maybe he could track down Snape.

His eyes peered over the map, catching all the students in their dorms, a couple professors patrolling the halls, and there he was. Snape was in his office, pacing. He wasn’t sure if it was strange for him to be in his office at this time of night, but maybe Snape couldn’t sleep either. Harry watched him for a while, but nothing seemed necessarily suspicious about the way he was walking. No one else was with him, and after a while, the feet settled on one spot - maybe behind a desk?

When he was finished with Snape, he briefly checked the girls’ dorms to make sure Ginny was still there. He didn’t know why Voldemort had targeted her last time, and he wasn’t sure if he’d do it again, but he had to keep her safe, no matter what their relationship was. She was still his best friend’s sister, which was admittedly a little weird when he thought about the crush he had on her. He hadn’t brought it up to Ron because he wasn’t sure how he would feel, and if nothing ended up coming from it, it wouldn’t even matter in the first place.

Dumbledore hadn’t said anything about Snape during their lesson the next day, and he almost seemed to avoid the topic when he tried to bring it up, so Harry had finally stopped trying to find out any information. Between him, Ron, and Hermione, he was sure they could figure it out, though it might take a little bit, even if it meant using the Order as a resource.

He had, on the other hand, found out a piece of information that seemed to be much more important.

“Horcruxes, you said?” Hermione repeated, quickly writing the word down on a piece of parchment when he’d told them the details that night before bed. He’d waited until everyone else was asleep before they took their usual places on the couch in front of the fireplace, though Ron was already in bed, unable to keep his eyes open after eating too much for dinner and telling Harry to fill him in over breakfast.

“Yes. Voldemort had asked Slughorn about them. That’s why Dumbledore wanted me to get close to him. To… find out this memory. He said it’s been tampered with by Slughorn himself. I need to find the truth. It… may be something to do with objects of some sort. We saw a few of his memories of being shown Helga Hufflepuff’s goblet and Salazar Slytherin’s locket. And he said he found something about them in the restricted section of the library. Maybe you can look there.”

Hermione smirked. “I’ll do my best. I feel like I know the restricted section like the back of my hand at this point,” she laughed.

"You sound proud of that.”

“I… I think I actually might be.” Hermione’s cheeks pinked. “I’ll check it out tomorrow. In the meantime, you need to make a plan.”

“Right. Yeah,” Harry sighed.

After a few moments of silence, Hermione looked back up. “What are you thinking about?”

He shook his head. “I’m worried about Ginny.”

Hermione’s expression changed to a somber one and she quickly scooted closer, setting a hand on Harry’s knee. “She’ll be okay, Harry. She’s an amazing witch. She can handle herself after all you taught her last year.”

“I know. I know. I just… after Voldemort came after her last time, I… I’ve been checking on her. On the map. Just to make sure she’s still there.”

Hermione nodded softly. “I understand. You want to protect her.”

“I’ll always protect the people I love, Hermione. That includes you. And Ron. And Neville and Luna. All of them.” He squeezed her hand. “I just feel like if anything happens to any of you, it’s my fault.”

“Well, don’t. We wouldn’t be helping you if we didn’t feel the same way, all right?” Her eyes moved to the clock. “We should go to bed.”

He just nodded, moving his hand from Hermione’s and standing slowly, with her right behind him, not speaking again as they both headed to their dorms. Harry found himself not being able to sleep again, and even though he was trying not to be so paranoid, the Marauder’s Map found its way into his hands. Snape wasn’t pacing, but he was in another part of his office. Ginny was in bed. And as he was about to close the map, something caught his eye - footprints moving in the halls. It was Malfoy. But quickly, he disappeared.

Harry’s brow furrowed, looking around on the map to see if something was wrong, even on the back. Lupin had said the map never lied, but his sudden disappearance didn’t make sense. And he couldn’t be Apparating. So where had he gone?

After what seemed like hours, and Harry couldn’t be certain that it wasn’t, Malfoy’s set of footprints reappeared where they’d disappeared from. He rubbed his eyes quickly to make sure he wasn’t just imagining it, but no, they were there, and heading back to the Slytherin common room. He was starting to get frustrated at this point of the ever-growing list of mysteries that kept popping up and the increasingly few answers they’d been able to get. He might as well start writing them down. Harry sighed, storing the map back in his trunk and attempting to finally go to sleep. He knew Hermione would know if he was tired.

Maybe it was the lack of sleep that caused his terrible failure at getting answers from Slughorn, and Hermione was quick to not let him live it down.

“Maybe the Daily Prophet should start calling you ‘The Dim One,’” she teased as she flipped through the book she’d borrowed from the library. They were once again in the common room, sitting on the couch, Hermione sideways with her sock-covered feet resting against Harry’s thigh and her back against the armrest. It had been kind of a shock when she’d settled in, but he didn't mind. Aside from their own voices, the loudest noise in the room was the fire crackling in the fireplace. They’d found staying up after everyone else had gone to bed vital to be able to have private conversations about what was going on. And unless Ron wanted to get involved, most of the time, it was just the two of them.

“Nice.”

“I’m sorry, Harry,” she sighed, marking the page she was on and setting the book down to look at him. “I just… don’t understand how you would think that could be successful at all. Now he’s going to be even more suspicious.”

“Have you found anything about the horcruxes?” he asked, desperately trying to change the subject.

“No, I haven’t,” Hermione answered. “I haven’t even found any mention of that word at all, actually, much less anything about them.” She exhaled slowly. “I can’t remember any other time the library has failed me like this, and I’m not sure how to feel. But I know there are loads more books I can try. What about you? Have you found anything on the map?”

“Speaking of which, yeah, actually. Now before you say anything, just… let me explain.”

Hermione raised an eyebrow, a look of annoyance coming over her face. “If this is about Malfoy again-”

“He’s disappearing.”

“...What do you mean?”

“On the map. I’ve watched it. His footprints just disappear and reappear in the same place some time later.”

“Maybe it’s wrong.”

“The map’s never wrong, Hermione. Something’s going on.”

She thought for a minute, then grinned. “Does that mean I have more research to do?”

“You’re welcome.”

Hermione laughed, shaking her head softly. “You know, you can go to the library, too.”

“I know, but you’re so much better at it than I am.”

“Well, there’s definitely truth to that.” There was another pause, and Harry could feel her eyes on him as he looked over the map. “Do you think this is still a good idea?”

“What?” he asked as he looked back up at her to see a look on her face he couldn’t identify. Maybe regret? Sadness?

“Pretending to do all this. I mean… what if it’s pointless? What if Ron doesn’t even want to be with me and I’m doing all this for nothing and just wasting our time? It just seems like there are more important things than pretending to fancy each other.”

“He does. I know he does. I mean, he’s told me.”

“Directly?”

“Well… no, not directly, but he has to. But what about Ginny? Has she said anything else to you?”

“No,” Hermione sighed. “I’ve tried, but it’s like she doesn’t want to talk about it. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. But still. I feel…”

“Selfish?”

Hermione nodded solemnly, setting the book on the floor next to her. “Extremely.”

“But maybe this is the time to be selfish. Once this starts, we won’t get the chance. We won’t be able to just be teenagers.”

“We’ve never been just teenagers, Harry.”

“You know what I mean. If there’s going to be a war, we might as well have some fun before then. I’m sure Ron would love an option other than Lavender, anyway.”

“I don’t want to be a second choice, though. It won’t mean the same.”

“Well… let me think about it. I’ll ask him. I’ll make sure. And then if he says yes, we’ll go from there.”

“And if he says no…?”

“Then we’ll cross that bridge when we get there, yeah?”

“I suppose. Thanks, Harry. I know this is a strange time for all of us.”

He patted Hermione’s foot, not wondering if it was weird until he’d already done it. “I know. And thank you for being so willing to play along with me, too.”

“Well, it’s been such a difficult thing, pretending I like you and all,” she smirked. “I think I’m going to bed.” Hermione stood slowly, trying to shake herself out of her imagination painting pictures of Harry trailing his hand further up her leg (the extra studying and staying up late must be getting to her), and tucked the book under her arm. “Goodnight, Harry.”

“Night.”

“Would you like to join me for research in the library tomorrow?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Not really, no.” Hermione grinned. “I mean, you do, but I’d love your help. Or, if you’d rather have that discussion with Ron, I’d be willing to let you off the hook. Your choice.” Before Harry could answer, Hermione moved up to the dorms.

He couldn’t help but notice the way Hermione took a seat across from him at breakfast, next to Ron, and kept looking up at him expectantly. He was glad that the murmur of the student body was unusually loud around them, because otherwise, the silence only interrupted by the sound of their utensils clinking on the plates would have been extremely awkward. Ron’s eyes moved between them as he ate, trying to figure out why they were so quiet.

It took Harry making equally as strangely urgent faces at Hermione a couple times before Ron finally spoke up. “Okay, what’s going on with you two?”

“What do you mean?” Hermione answered quickly, focusing on her breakfast like that was what she’d been doing the whole time.

“You know exactly what I mean,” he laughed. “Look, if this is another… Slug Club thing, you can talk about it while I’m around, you know. I really don’t care.”

“It’s not,” Harry answered quickly. “I just… Hermione wanted to know how you and Lavender were doing.” He cut his eyes to Hermione for a split second with a smirk, and she nearly choked on her eggs, but quickly masked it with a clearing of her throat.

“Oh.” Ron slumped back a little, looking over at Hermione. “I… wait, why?”

“I hear things,” she quickly lied. “Rumors, you know. And I was just curious if any of it was true from you before I believed them.”

Ron looked around before leaning in closer to her. “What rumors?”

“Why don’t you tell me first?”

Harry had to admit she was impressive. The way her mind could jump so quickly from being caught off guard to getting Ron to say what she wanted was incredible. And with barely a pause at that. No wonder he’d been scared of her all these years.

“I mean, I just don’t know if you’d be comfortable hearing all of it, you know.” He cleared his throat, looking to Harry.

“Oh, please, Ronald. Are you really calling me a prude?”

”No! No, I’ll… just try to tone it down a bit. You know, since you’re my friend and all.” Hermione just rolled her eyes. “I… I can’t do it anymore,” he finally admitted. “All she wants to do is snog. All the time. It was great at first, you know, but now… my lips are getting chapped! Look!” He leaned closer into Hermione, who found herself backing up a little in reflex, which wasn't something she'd imagined doing in any other context where Ron was leaning into her, but she put that in the back of her mind.

“I believe you!”

“But I just don’t know how to get rid of her. She doesn’t want to leave me alone. And I… I miss you two, honestly. Plus, she doesn’t like you,” he mentioned to Hermione, who only scoffed. “Sorry. I don’t think she wants you to know that. But she doesn’t.”

“Why not?” She quickly looked towards Harry.

Ron hadn’t been expecting that question, and he swallowed. “Well, you know…”

Hermione raised an eyebrow and shook her head. “No, I don’t know.”

Ron looked at Harry as well, who just shrugged, then back to Hermione. “It’s complicated…?”

“I’m sure I could figure it out.”

“She, uh… she thinks you fancy me.”

Harry watched as Hermione took a slow breath. He could see the gears turning in her head as she tried to work out the best response. But she didn’t flinch. He leaned in a little on his elbows, breakfast long forgotten about. This was just going to be a way of getting him out of going to the library with her, but this was much more interesting.

“And… would that be a deal breaker for her? If I did?”

Harry held his breath, his eyes on Ron. If they noticed him, they didn’t show it. Their eyes were locked on each other, and Harry was sure that was the longest time they’d made eye contact without fighting in a while.

It took a few seconds before Ron caught on, but when he did, his eyes widened. “Oh! Maybe, yeah! I think she’s jealous of you, honestly.”

“As she should be.”

“Maybe if she thinks I fancy you too, she’ll back off!”

Hermione tried to read his tone, whether he actually did or not, but for once, she wasn’t entirely sure she could tell. It was a strange phenomenon, talking to him about this without actually talking about it. Was this a good idea? Was she still trying to be into Harry? Thinking about it was already making her brain hurt, and she couldn’t wait to get out of this conversation and into the library.

“It’s worth a shot,” she grinned.

“Great. Right.” He paused briefly. “Okay, how do I do that?”

Hermione just rolled her eyes and let out a small, nervous laugh. This was going to be a lot of work. And things with Harry were about to get a lot more complicated.

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posswrites · 2 years

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It Feels Like This - Chapter 3

"An unbreakable vow, are you sure?" Hermione had been a little disappointed when Harry dragged her out of Slughorn's party, but she quickly forgave him after his explanation.

"That's what I heard. Malfoy said he was 'chosen' for something. What do you think that means?"

"I don't know, Harry," she whispered, crossing her arms as they walked back to the common room. It was late, almost past curfew. Most of the students would have been in bed. "But an unbreakable vow is… we need to tell Ron. Maybe Arthur will know something about it. I'd trust him with something like that, especially since the Order may want to know, too."

"I'll tell them over break. Are you coming to the Burrow for Christmas?"

"No, my parents and I are going to visit family."

Harry nodded, uttering the password to the Fat Lady and letting Hermione enter first. "I'll put in a good word for you, too," he smirked.

Hermione blushed softly. "Well, I saw you and Ginny were having a good time. I just… kept seeing Cormac giving me these weird looks, and I just-"

"I get it. It's okay. You were my date, Hermione, so there's no reason we wouldn't be able to dance together. I'm sorry we didn't get to. You do look beautiful, by the way. Anyone who went with you would have been lucky."

"Harry, stop it," she begged through a grin, her cheeks reddening further.

"Ron will come around, you know. I think he's just… enjoying the attention from Lavender. It's not what he wants, really. It won't last."

Hermione just rolled her eyes playfully, but offered Harry a coy smile. "Goodnight, Harry. See you in the morning," she said before disappearing up the stairs.

Harry watched her leave before sliding his outermost robe off and heading to his own bed.

"Had fun, did you?" Ron was still up, evidently.

"Yeah, I did, actually. I need to tell you something, though." He glanced around the room. "But not tonight. It's about Snape."

Ron raised an eyebrow, sitting up a little more. "Snape? What happened?" he asked with a renewed interest as Harry began to change out of his robes and get ready for bed.

"He, uh… did something that may be important to our… efforts. Like I said, I'll tell you later. On the train, where we can have some privacy."

"Right. So, um… how was Hermione? Did she have a good time?"

Harry waited a beat before answering. On one hand, he wanted to tell Ron how beautiful she looked and that he'd missed out, but he didn't want Ron to get the wrong idea. Or did he? It would get too complicated. They'd passed their month cutoff, but with neither side showing any sway, they'd decided to drag it out for a little longer in fear of embarrassing themselves if they admitted feelings too early.

"Yeah, she did. Though," he chuckled, "she ran into Cormac and he didn't believe she'd come with me. It was quite entertaining watching him get shot down, honestly."

Even Ron cracked a smile. "I'm sure. I'm sorry I was such a git to her about it, though. I didn't really want to go, but still. I feel like I keep messing up."

"Maybe you should tell her, then," Harry answered with a shrug as he slid under the covers. "She's all right. I mean, if you feel bad, she'd appreciate an apology, but she's not upset."

"Of course she's not. She got to go with you."

Harry frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you heard her say there were loads of girls wanting to ask you and she's the one who got to go with you. So of course she's not upset I didn't want to go."

"It's not like that, Ron," Harry promised. "We just went as friends."

"And she knows that?"

"Of course she knows that."

There was a slight pause. "Okay."

Harry didn't know what to think anymore. He didn't understand why Ron was so reluctant to just tell Hermione that he liked her. Maybe he didn't think she felt the same way and he didn't want to look like an idiot. But they'd been friends for this long - Harry didn't think she'd see Ron any differently or decide to stop being his friend because of a crush. Of course, he knew how she felt. But Ron needed to figure it out for himself. Otherwise, he didn't deserve her. Now that he thought about it, few people did.

Hermione hadn't written either Harry or Ron over the break, not that they'd expected her to, so she was a flurry of chatter as soon as she caught their eye in Platform 9 ¾ , hugging them each tightly. "I hope you both had a happy Christmas. I wish I could have been there, but we had a lot of fun, too. It was… actually really nice to just be… normal for a little while. Take a break from it all." She gave them a small, sad smile as she sat down next to Harry in their car, with Ron closing the door behind them. "So what did you find out?"

"Dad's going to see what he can find out about the unbreakable vow," Ron answered. "He doesn't know much more than we do about the effectiveness or… rules or anything surrounding them, but it's definitely something the Order needs to know."

"Lupin thinks Snape's trying to figure out Malfoy's plan, though," Harry interjected. "He doesn't think Snape's working for Voldemort. At least… not just him."

"You mean he's double-crossing?"

"Yes. But… I don't believe that. At least, not for good reason. If Snape's working for anyone, it's himself. When he and Malfoy were talking, whatever Malfoy was chosen for, Snape has to do if Malfoy can't. Maybe that was the vow: that Snape would take over."

For a few seconds, the only sound in the carriage was the soft, rhythmic thumping of the track underneath them.

"I don't think we should trust him," Hermione concluded, "obviously. But… Lupin's known Snape for a lot longer than we have, Harry. I don't think we should ignore his input."

Harry scoffed, turning to her. "But Hermione, Snape's been terrible to us for years. I don't trust him. He's not a good man."

"I never said he was. I'm just saying I don't think he's black and white. You said it yourself: Dumbledore trusts Snape with his life. And we trust Dumbledore. He trusts you. I don't think he'd misread any of this, Harry."

Harry leaned his head against the back of the seat. "I know, but Dumbledore's been wrong before. Something just seems off and I can't put my finger on it. But I can't just ask Dumbledore about it. He'd probably just shrug it off. He wouldn't believe me. And especially after the attack on Christmas, I just… feel like we're running out of time."

Hermione's hand found its way to Harry's, squeezing it gently before pulling it back.

"I think Hermione's right," Ron chimed in, which earned him a grin. "I don't think Snape's working entirely for You-Know-Who. He's in the Order, remember?"

"He used to be a Death Eater, though. Even if he says he's not anymore and that he's loyal, I just… I don't know if anyone can trust him."

"Maybe that's what makes him such a good spy."

"What else did they say?" Hermione asked.

"If Dumbledore's traveling, it's news to the Ministry. But what about this? Arthur said that night at Borgin and Burke's, Malfoy was looking at a vanishing cabinet."

"What would Draco want with a vanishing cabinet?"

"I dunno. You tell me."

Hermione frowned. "He's looking different these days. Have you noticed? Almost ill."

"I feel like he looks about the same, to be honest. He's always looked like he's up to something."

The rest of the ride to Hogwarts was either spent in silence or Hermione telling the boys about her trip.

"My little cousin Simon was having a birthday and he's decided that he's really into magic," she chuckled. "It was so hard to watch him struggle with his little kit he got trying to make cotton balls disappear into cups."

"Do you think he's a wizard?" Harry asked.

"I don't know, honestly. It didn't seem like it, though, because he wasn't very good." Hermione grinned. "I guess we'll see in a few years. It would be nice, though, having a wizard in the family."

"At least he'd have you to look up to."

Hermione blushed a little, and Ron cleared his throat. "Sometimes I forget that most of your family is Muggles, Hermione," he started. "Since you fit in so well."

"I've barely spent any time around Muggles in the past six years. It's actually more natural to be with you two than with my own parents sometimes."

"Well, that's great for us, then, isn't it? Considering."

Hermione's eyes flicked to Harry before moving back to Ron. "Yeah, I guess it is."

They'd barely gotten off the train before Lavender attached herself to Ron's side, and even though he pretended to be excited to see her, Harry caught a pleading look thrown his way, but it was a little too late. As soon as he was out of earshot, Harry couldn't help but laugh. "Are you sure we're wanting to draw this out, Hermione?"

"Hmm?" She looked back at him, having pretended to be suddenly very interested in something in a tree.

"You really think he's enjoying that?"

"He's not stopping it. But… let's just… stick with the plan, okay? I mean, you were with Ginny the whole time. Did she… you know… seem like she's picking things up? I meant to talk to her more at the party, but I was pulled away suddenly," she teased.

"Yes? No?" Harry answered. "I'm not even sure she knows what she wants, it seems. Like there was a moment where we were sitting on the couch and she fed me? And she tied my shoe once. But then… nothing the rest of the time I was there. It was like nothing happened."

Hermione fought a laugh, but furrowed her brow. "That is strange, even for Ginny. I mean, she's still technically with Dean, right? So she can't really make a move."

"But why? They don't enjoy being together. She told me she wasn't excited to see him, so why doesn't she just break up with him?"

"That's the question, isn't it?" Hermione sighed. "Honestly, I don't even know why we're bothering with relationships at all, Harry. It doesn't seem like the people we fancy are of any sensible mind to make the right decision, you know?" She laughed, throwing an arm around his shoulders as they neared the castle.

"I suppose not. At least we both know the right answer," he smirked.

"And that's why you're my best friend."

In the coming days, Hermione found herself making a conscious effort to either plan ahead with Harry so they'd be in the common room near each other in order to sneak glances occasionally or settle down on the couch together closer than they normally would. When he noticed Ron coming, he'd utter a quick, "Hermione, look at this," and rest a hand on her knee to show her something. It surprised Hermione every time just because she wasn't used to being touched so much, but she couldn't help but smile and pretend to be interested, even laughing most of the time because he'd have pointed to a strange picture or a blank spot on the page. One time, he'd even made a little stick figure drawing of them in the border of his notes to switch things up a bit. But even though Ron hadn't said anything to Harry and Ginny hadn't said much to Hermione about it, their newfound closeness hadn't gone unnoticed.

"Okay, what's going on between you and Harry?" Parvati sat down at the table across from her one evening during Quidditch practice, where she knew Harry, Ron, and Ginny would be away for a while.

Hermione barely even looked up at her. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Rubbish, Granger. I see that smile."

Had she been smiling?

She finally took a deep breath and looked up at her. "It's… complicated." If everyone knew about their plan, it would be pointless.

"Because you don't want to mess up your friendship?"

"No, nothing like that."

"Well, if you're waiting for him to take the lead, it's probably not going to happen. I'm sure you know his track record with dates."

Hermione couldn't help but giggle. "That's mean."

"But it's true! Right? I had to force him to dance with me, then don't even get me started on Cho's side of the story from last year. And now… look, I'm not saying he's not boyfriend material. It just seems like he may need a little help."

Hermione's face turned the color of the couch. She couldn't believe she was actually having this conversation. "I think he just gets nervous, you know? Not that he had the best example at home, but look at us. I think he gets in over his head when it comes to who he likes. That's the bigger problem."

"But you're right in his league?"

"I… I'd like to think so. I mean, if not a little out of it," she smirked. She'd never really thought of analyzing Harry's past "relationship" fails, but Parvati was right - he had horrible credentials. Not that she was any better, but Harry had a few more failures than her. He also had more attempts.

Parvati laughed. "You're right. That's the way to think of it. Not that it's any of my business, but I think you'd be good for him."

Hermione cocked her head. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you've always been close, and I think… with everything going on, I'd think if he was going to be with anyone, it would be someone he trusts completely, you know? Someone who would stay with him until the end, and I know you would, whatever it took."

Hermione's heart suddenly felt heavy. The end. She didn't even want to think about what that would mean for them. They had no idea how close either side was to an all-out war, but with everything Harry had overheard and Snape doing whatever it was that he'd planned, it wasn't entirely out of speculation that a war wasn't too far away. It was almost a matter of when at this point, not if.

She pushed a strand of hair out of her face. "Thank you, Parvati. That means a lot."

Parvati reached over the table and placed a comforting hand over Hermione's. "Plus, you're bloody brilliant, Hermione. He'd be lucky to have someone like you by his side through… whatever's coming."

"I don't think not being by his side would even be an option."

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